#-5/10. the only thing thats worse to use is leaves.

[sasswonfp]

Truly u can never feel more disgusting than when u have to use random paper esque shit for tissue bc u dont have any/cant get any when u need too. Use a post it note to blow ur nose even once and you will understand what it is like to be in the 9th circle of hell

[wishful-seeker]

Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist

1. When a disabled person says they cannot do something, and you wish to offer solutions, do not make a solution that involves them powering through pain, or something thats not accessible to the disabled.

Example:

Disabled person: "washing dishes hurts too much and i cannot do it."

Abled person: "what if you did one dish at a time throughout the day?"

This statement is not respecting that this disabled person just said they "can't". Always respect that. No matter how simple the task would be for you.

Disabled person:" i think ill use plastic silverware so i don't make dishes."

Abled person: "plastic is bad for the environment!"

This statement shuts down the most accessible and disabled friendly option that this disabled person can actually do because of the abled persons personal beliefs. This is not helpful, and ableist.

Better yet, instead of offering solutions, ask them directly "is there anything you need that you do not have that would help you do this?" This allows the disabled person to think about what would work, and they will always have a better idea of what would work than you do.

To add on to this, when we say we have no more energy to solve a problem or do a task, or change our lifestyle, we mean it.

2. If you feel discomfort when a disabled person is talking about their health, good and bad, that is ableist. Your discomfort is coming from a place that deams disabled peoples very existence as a bad thing and you need to fix that.

For example:

Disabled person:" this week has been rough pain wise, ive been through a lot, felt like my body was on fire. Lucky i got new meds though and i think they're helping!"

Abled person: "can we talk about something else, this is a bummer."

Disabled people should be able to exist freely without worrying about your personal comfort. Do you really think its appropriate to tell someone in constant pain that their life is making YOU uncomfortable?

3. Do not treat disabled people as tragedies, do not romanticize their old life or put their current one down.

For example:

Disabled person: "yeah my life is pretty difficult sometimes, ive lost a lot but i still have happy moments."

Abled person: "it makes me so sad to see what disabled people go through :(. You used to love rock climbing and running, i would love to see you move around more again."

This statement is putting more value on the disabled persons abled past, and ignoring their life as a whole.

4. Do not avoid speaking to disabled people because it hurts to see your loved one disabled.

For example: my grandmother avoids conversations with me because it hurts her to see me in pain. While she has good intentions it leaves me being unable to be close to her. This is very isolating to the disabled.

5. Do not stop inviting your disabled friend/loved one out even if they are never well enough to attend. Unless we specifically ask you to stop asking if we can go out, good chances are we want to know you still care because again, disability is very isolating.

6. When a disabled person says certain things in their health have gotten better or worse, do not challenge this because you don't see a difference.

For example:

Disabled person: "yeah things are getting a little better"

Abled person sees disabled person using their wheelchair like usual: "i thought you said you were getting better?"

Better and worse are usually small changes only the disabled experience, its not like abled people healing from a broken arm. Better to a disabled person could mean they can stand for 10 more minutes.

7. Do not expect disabled people to ever be abled again, and again, do not put more value on an abled life.

For example:

Disabled person:"I have been using a wheelchair for 2 years."

Abled person: "oh you're young, im sure you'll be walking around in no time!"

This statement invalidates and ignores the disabled persons current life by hoping they get a more abled bodied life. Its fine to hope disabled people get better, but you don't get to decide what better looks like.

Hope this helps, stay punk.

[theoneofwhomisblue]

Maybe following 3,000 people isn't great

Because I fucking hate scrolling through this fucking site now

I'm not even joking, I fucking hate this shit

This site sucks ass

Also if this post has less than 10 notes in 3 hours I'm deleting it

I know this is completely my fault. I also don't give a fuck

I'm too tired to curate my page to be decent for me

I'm so fucking tired

This site sucks ass

Reddit sucks ass

Tumblr sucks ass

The Internet fucking sucks

Google is constantly bitching at me to pay for more space in my account cause I habitually download every Tumblr and reddit image resulting in 13 gigabytes of bullshit

I fucking hate this

Anyway

I'll find better stuff to post tomorrow

Or not

I don't know

I'm so fucking tired

Kill myself

What the fuck do I do with my time now? Is there another site or app worth my time?

Tumblr's ass, I'll still use it but it's dogshit

I'm too tired to even do reddit anymore

Twitter is fucking disgusting and gets worse by the day because of dipshit mcmusk

And that's all that comes to mind

YouTube is constant background noise, but the algorithm there is fucked up too

I hate every video thats recommended to me

I'm not doing fucking tiktok

I don't care about my standards anywhere else, but no fucking tiktok

What else is there now?

Oh yeah, I can't comment on webtoon because I accidentally said fuck in a comment, so all the fun community stuff there is gone now too

All the webtoons suck ass anyway

The only fucking app that hasn't disappointed me is cookie clicker

Been playing it for like 400 days

I make continual progress

I just check in every two days to pop the wrinklers

Then after a month or two on a run I check in after a week

Until my legacy points start to plateau, then I reset

And get all the upgrades I can afford

Buy 5 grandmas, then 90 more, then as many more as I can afford that'd a multiple of 100

I do the same on everything else

Except the fractile engines, which I buy as many as possible, no matter the multiple

And buy all the items

Then at that point I start the research facilities, then start one, and check back in 30 minutes until I've researched them all

Then I top off the fractile engines and leave for a day

Then check every day, popping the wrinklers until a week in, then every 2 days. Then after a few months once every week

Then I do it all again

And spend all the legacy points on the upgrades I can afford

It's rewarding you know

Consistent anyway

Unlike reddit and Tumblr and Twitter and YouTube and everything else, it doesn't fuck me over on the algorithm whatever the fuck

Reddits decent for the porn, that's all

You know, I used to use a lot of sites for porn

Dozens and dozens of sites bookmarked

Then at some point I started to only use r34 reddit nhentai, and occasionally the good ol hub

I didn't use to have accounts, I'd depend on my memory for different images and accounts and artists and comics and shit

Then I made accounts on r34 phub reddit e6 gelb nhentai and half a dozen others

And started saving things

It used to be a fun game to try to remember

Now it's gone

But I'm too tired to continue that anyway

Anyway, same shit everything else as with the porn at this point

No variety

Nothing fun

It's all annoying bullshit

With the Advent of machine learning chat bot whatever the fucks, there's a little bit new

But aside from that, it's just the same thing every day

I'm so fucking tired of living like this duxe

The fucking internet used to mean something

Now it's just the boring status quo bullshit

And I know that it's because of me

But still

It fucking sucks

I don't want to do this shit

And I spend like 10 hours a day on the Internet too

More than ever

But I'm not happy

Barely entertained

But it kills time

If I need information, porn, music, videos, whatever elze

Entertainment

I get it

But I'm not happy about it

It's shitty

I feel like shit

Like, my life outside the internet is decent. But the Internet consumes so much of it, and I don't even like it anymore

I don't know if there's a fix

Or if I should just stop being so online and shit

I'm too tired to do anything anyway

I don't know

I take pride in what I achieve for some reason

But as soon as I get the imaginary goal point, I don't give a shit

Over a year I got a shit ton of reddit karma on a new accoutn

A specific number, that I won't say to keep myself from seeming like I'm trying to brag

But once I got it, I no longer cared to comment or post

Over 2 or 3 months, I don't remember, whenever 196 shut down, I got a relative shit ton of followers

Again, a specific number, but I won't say

I'll keep that number secret, cause I can

But once I got this imaginary amount that I thought I'd never reach, I didn't care anymore

I still posted as much as I did before

But I got no joy out of it

I just post, wait a few hours, then check to see how many notes

If it's an amount equal to what I think is average for the amount of followers I have, I feel kinda good, then post again

But that's it

I don't scroll anymore, except occasionally on my followers profiles when I accidentally click on them while looking through my new notes

And I enjoy that

But other than those fleeting moments, and the small satisfaction I get from high note counts I don't care

I don't care for Tumblr or anything else on this shit

I don't know man, is this how other people do stuff on the Internet?

I don't think so, people always have strong emotions on the Internet

I emulate my internet behavior to match, which makes me think that maybe more people do the same as me

But I have no evidence

I don't know, I'm too fucking tired of this shit

I just got an apathy about the Internet at this point

Apps, sites, everything

I just don't care

But I'm always on it

It makes no sense

I should probably proofread this post as I go

This is just a stream of consciousness at this point

I won't check it as I go

Maybe I'll make this a thing

Just typing my unfiltered thoughts for like 30 minutes then posting

Depends on the notes I get

If the notes are bad I'll just delete it and forget about it

Who knows

I guess I keep trying to do that

I'll do something new on Tumblr like this

And think "oh, maybe this'll be a new thing I do" then it dies

At first it was my consistent posting of reddit shit for like a year ago

Then I stopped posting that consistently

Then it was random screenshots of mine

I even made a tag for that one

Then it died

I keep thinking of myself as someone important because of my follower count

Which doesn't make sense as it's not even a lot

But still

I don't know

My delusions of microcelebrity status are the only thing keeping me on this site/app at this point

If I didn't have that, and the fuel for the delusion that is notes I'd be gone

I did already fuck my recommended tab

And following tab

And tag tab

It's already all bullshit

I guess I can keep my narcissism about my status in this site because of the top post by notes tab on a blog

I just click into someones

And 9 times out of ten, they don't have top note counts even comparable to time

Which fuels the delusion

It's the same thing I'd do on reddit

"oh this person only has [x] karma, when they've been on reddit for 3 years. And I have triple that, and I've had this account for 6 months. I'm better"

Shit like this is what makes the internet garbage

I don't let it bleed into the theme of my posts and comments tho

I let it make me feel superior than everyone else

But if I made that obvious in any post it'd be for naught

For that reason I'm considering not posting this anymore

Whatever, this post is already super long rambling bullshit

If it gets good notes a single anecdote in it won't matter

And if it doesn't get good notes I'll delete it

Then there's no harm

I just thought of that reasoning now to keep doing this post

Cause I got sunk cost fallacy on this at this point

It was a vent thing at the start

Now it's just me trying to think mildly interesting shit to add

I guess I can use that other reasoning to post anything

If it goes bad, delete it, and no one would have saw it, and no one will, so I matters naught

And if it goes good, who gives a shit

Nothing I post would be bad, maybe cringe, maybe rambling bullshit, as this js

But not bad, so it'd be fine

I lost my train of thought

I think I was gonna say something else about what I'm posting, and how it would be fine

That's gone now

Poof, into the abyss that is lost thoughts

This does kill time tho

It's been like 40 minutes since I started this

This is basically what I do in my mind if I just let my mind run, uninterrupted

But here it's written down, with line breaks, and exact words rather than a mix of words and images and concepts

So it's more digestible

I suppose it's not completely true to say this is my pure train of thought, not just because of the exclusion of images and concepts

But also because I'm listening to music

Just enough to mild my mind so to speak

My mind is always going man, and if I don't have something to dampen it

Like music, or weird fidgety things I do with my hands (I don't know the word), or exact things to focus on, I think way too much

And spiral and shit in stress

But then my thoughts are too frantic and fast to write down before they disappear, so in a way this is as pure a log of thoughts as anything could be

You can tell the theme of how I sound now, vs at the beginning

If you don't want to scroll up you can just look at the tags

I typed them near the beginning

And haven't added to them

Nor deleted them

So you can just look slightly down to see the notes

It's not even the right topic anymore. It's still on reddit

And Tumblr and internet shit

Oh yeah, speaking of

I've just said my Tumblr scrolling is bad without specifying

But to specify now, it's like scrolling through Twitter

Weird serious discourses

Arguments

Peculiar topics

Shit like that

You know, not the Tumblr I had before

And if I don't like scrolling through Twitter, why would I be here? And that's the bind I'm in now

I only stick around anymore because of the notes, as I said

I'm back to using punctuation occasionally

Not too much, but at least some commas

No periods though, they seem too intense for a stream of consciousness thinf

Question marks too, but that's about all

Oh yeah, stuff I was talking about before

Webtoon

I shit talked webtoon

It's not too bad

I just fucking hate slice of life shit, dumb "funny" shit, and worst of all romance

I fucking hate romance webtoons

I can't stomach them

And webtoon is constantly shoving exactly those down your throat

And when my tolerance is low to begin with, and I enter webtoon, and it throws a fucking popup in my face for a dogshit new romance thing, I damn near snap my phone in half

But it's not too bad

I just read the fantasy/action/thriller/horror/drama (ones without romance shit) ones

But I can't navigate the canvas section decent at all

By design obviously, canvas doesn't make webtoon money, the originals do

But I'm too tired to work against them

So I only read originals

But at least they post regularly

I read around 70 webtoons now

Which is to say, I read the new episodes of them when they come out

With such a large selection, I have like 4 webtoons minimum updating every day at 7:00 pm

8:00 when there's time change

But 7:00 most of the timr

It notifies you at 7:30 but they update at 7:00

Except for the goblin one, which updates at like 7:20 for some reason

And the daily pass ones, those update at 8:00 for some reason

But they notify you directly at 8:00 for those if I remember correctly

Even still

I remember roughly which days are best

Tuesdays have the most, like 15 updated at once

And ones I really like too

Fridays have a handful, and the one daily pass that I read as they come out week by week

Saturdays have like 4 I really care about, then like 5 I think are mediocre, but they kill time so Saturdays are good

Mondays are ok, but that's about it

Wednesdays are kinda ass, but they're decent

Thursdays used to be amazing, but after like 3 I really care about went on hiatus, Thursdays don't matter anymore

But having like 60 (because 5-10 are on hiatus at a time) new episodes a week, divied up across the week pretty well

Is nice

Now, I did accidentally say fuck in a comment, because there was a guy shipping children and saying sexual stuff about it, then there was a reply on it from another guy defending it. So I got mad, and typed a paragraph saying why that was fucked up

But I said fuck

So I can't comment anymore

I don't know, webtoons ok tho

I was just pissed off earlier

What else was there

Oh yeah reddit

I've actually been temp banned from Reddit (like my entire account) twice for using up too much server space on bullshit

There's this thing where you type u/profanitycounter [self] and it tells you how many times youve said certain swears in like the past 500 comments

So, for a joke, twice I've copy pasted "cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum...", The max amount of times you can in one comment (a few thousand, I can't remember), then do that in a comment chain with myself for like 150 comments in a row

And it takes me several hours, but it's funnt

But it resulted in a temp ban for 2 days

Then like 4 months later, a temp ban for a week

Cause I used too much space, or bandwidth or whatever the fuck doing that

Also I got banned from r/Barry for saying the last season was ass

And I got banned from r/notinteresting for a reason I don't fucking know

But aside from that, my accounts clean

With a shit ton of karma too

Oh yeah, I use the same username (or a derivative of it) for every porn site account I make.

If you can find it out somehow I'll give you the passwords to the accounts

I doubt anyone could, it's a different username than I use for anything else

But there's hints

If anyone cares I'll even give you a few more hints directly in a DM if you ask

Though I will be vague as fuck

Been doing this for over an hour now

I wasn't paying enough attention to when I started

I'm pretty sure I heard someone say that Tumblr has no character cap

Let's hope so

I'm too tired to continue this shit

I guess this ends it

Let me know if y'all want more bullshit like this

I, personally, always like an unfiltered look at someone mind

But that's me personally

Maybe my mind is bland and uninteresting

Who knows

I'll stick with what I said at the beginning tho

Less than 10 notes in 3 hours and this post going bye bye

I got a headache from this shit

I thought way more than I usually do

Now that I'm more chill, I don't hate tumblr

I fucked it up for me

But y'all are good

Tumblr's good

[cosmical-flowers]

Danganronpa: Violent Voices AU

Journal Entry 5 + 6

Taglist: @luvizna, @hypn0sssss, @mutsuowo, @yumetomiko, @dexterityz (If you would like to be added, send an ask!)

A/N: YIPPEE PROLOUGE COMPLETE!!! Journal 6 is meant to be chapter 1 as well! There should be ~5-10 journals per chapter. Anyways VOTE WHO YOU THINK SHOULD GET FREE TIME EVENTS TEE HEE. Half of the cast is available now and the other half will be after the free time event! Enjoy!

Journal Entry 5

XX - XX - XXXX

Theres only 4 people left. I guess they didn’t fit into any category I had already made. All of the entries are done now! Yet even though they are done, we don’t know whats next.

013 - WATARU HIBIKI

     Ultimate Thespian

     Birthday - 2/21

     Height - 180cm

     Weight - 63kg

     Likes - His mask collection

     Dislikes - ???

     Status - Alive

014 - HINATA AOI

     Ultimate Gardener

     Birthday - 3/5

     Height - 170cm

     Weight - 54kg

     Likes - Headphones, Sunflowers

     Dislikes - Spicy food

     Status - Alive

015 - SOUMA KANZAKI

     Ultimate Samurai

     Birthday - 4/20

     Height - 174cm

     Weight - 55kg

     Likes - Lush green places

     Dislikes - Liars

     Status - Alive

016 - IBARA SAEGUSA

     Ultimate Strategist

     Birthday - 11/14

     Height - 172cm

     Weight - 60kg

     Likes - Things he has stored up (?????)

     Dislikes - Incompetence

     Status - Alive

I have a feeling something bad is going to happen. Like someone gets injured, or worse. Everyone seems to get along well though. Subaru seems to be messing around with the camera settings and taking pictures of the gym / auditorium. Theres a raised stage and a basketball court. It’s really nice here. Let’s just hope nothing goes wrong.

Journal Entry 6

XX - XX - XXXX

A death game. Thats why we’re here.

When Subaru decided to take a picture of the stage, a small creature-robot-thingy decided to announce himself. It couldn’t have been taller than 3 feet. It also looked liked a cat? A robot cat?? Weird, but thats far from the oddest thing found out today. Monoshoji (Robot-cat-things name) announced that for our safety, we would be held inside Yumenosaki Academy. He mentioned that there are many facilities here for us to have happy lives, we could even go outside to the courtyard. We just couldn’t leave at all. Many people seem to make a fuss. Especially Leo, mentioning he had family and a younger sister as well. He didn’t like the robot at all, he almost fought it. But Monoshoji assured him that they would be safe inside Yumenosaki.

He then mentioned a way to get out. To kill someone. We all seemed shocked by this. Like, who would even kill!? Monoshoji then mentioned that was the only option for us to escape. Nothing else. He then gave us our room keys and a map so we could navigate around Yumenosaki easily. He wished us well and then he left.

SO WERE JUST MEANT TO KILL SOMEONE IF WE WANT TO LEAVE?!?!

WHAT THE HELL????

Hell no, im not gonna kill someone. There *has* to be a different way for us to escape. Seems Subaru thought the same thing as me because after the announcement he talked with me about how he doesn’t want to kill as well. I agreed with him, and he mentioned that he’s scared that someone is desperate enough to escape. I assured him that nothing would happen at all. But a part of me is still unsure of that. We then made a pact that we would help each other leave. Tomorrow, we decided we would go check for any areas that could be affected, like a trap door or something. But what should I do for now?

. . .

. .

.

[m1-ya]

Reconnection. Keefe Sencen x Reader!

(This has been in my drafts for like almost a year n im too lazy to finish it, so take what i have to give fellow keefe simps <3)

Everyone stood huddled around the table, all staring begrudgingly at an unrolled scroll. Complete silence as they all attempted to read whatever the stupid thing said. The scroll had been one of many that Tam and Sophie had stolen from the warehouse before they burned it. Neither Grady or Edline had been able to decipher what it said and gave it back to Sophie. Thinking perhaps one of her friends would decode it. So far no one has been able to understand anything besides a few symbols here and there. Keefe grew tireless of the silence and was the first to break the noiseless atmosphere, “I think we’ve spent enough time looking at these Flareadon scratches on paper Foster.” Keefe said, “maybe we should take a break.”

“No, I think I’m finally understanding some of this,” Sophie said while leaning closer into the scroll, she and the rest of the group had been staring at it since everyone had gotten to Heaven Field, “I just need a few more minutes.” 

“Sophie, we've been here for 10 minutes already,” Dex informed her, “I’m pretty sure I saw Fitz go cross-eyed twice.”

“Maybe my eyes have gone crossed but you gave up after the first 5 minutes,” Fitz countered. 

Tensions between everyone in the group had begun after Fitz and Sophie broke up. It got significantly worse after Keefe had run from the lost cities and Sophie burned down the Neverseen’s warehouse. But now Keefe was back and they were trying to focus on the more important things. Like staring at paper. 

“Yeah, because we clearly haven't gotten anywhere,” Dex stated while moving away from the scroll and towards Fitz, “We all saw you looking at Sophie and then turning away to feel sorry for yourself.”

“Proving my point aren’t you?” Fitz spat, “ Why were you wasting time staring at me instead of-”

“OKAY OKAY THATS ENOUGH,” Sophie shouted. A headache had formed after having to stare at lines and marks on a scroll for what was almost 2 hours. She was already sitting at the table sifting through a huge pile of scrolls with Grady and Edaline before Wyile and Linh showed up to help. 

They had told the rest to meet at Haven Field to help after Wylie realized they were not getting anywhere with only 3 tired teens. Sophie sighed, “Dex is right, we really aren’t getting anywhere just sitting here and starting screaming matches. Let’s all just take a break and clear our minds.” 

“Perfect! I'm gonna go outside and play with Glitter Butt,” Keefe said while making his way towards the door, “if you need me send a message!” 

“No, you are not!” Ro grinned while picking Keefe up, “after that stunt you pulled, I will be SEVERELY restricting your freedom pretty boy.”

“Awh please?” Keefe pleaded to Ro, “It’s not like Glitter Butt will listen to me if I ask her to teleport away with me.”

“Nope! You're staying right here with me.”

“Fine..”

Keefe slumped down on his seat and pouted. Sophie was actually somewhat relieved that Ro hadn’t let him go. A huge part of her was terrified that he’d just up and leave again. 

Everyone had returned to being silent. Sophie wished that they could all go back to how close they used to be. Back when everything was simpler, and her only worry was having to dance in a stupid school show.

But she couldn’t waste her time reminiscing on stuff like that. There were more urgent things at hand, like figuring out what that stupid scroll meant. She was really hoping she was right about it meaning something important. If she was wrong, they would’ve already wasted 3+ hours on a dead end. 

“Biana,” Fitz started, breaking the silence “do you remember Y/n? The girl we hung out with a lot when we were younger?”

“Oh yeah!” Biana beamed, “the one with the gorgeous hair right?”

“Uh sure, do you think she’d understand what some of the scroll says?” 

Sophie raised an eyebrow. There was no way anyone would be able to make sense of that scroll. Just as Keefe had pointed out, it looked exactly like Flareadon scratches. Sophie was sure she could recreate it if she took a blade and went rouge on a piece of paper. Biana placed a finger on her bottom lip. “Mmm, maybe. She did have that phase where she was obsessed with those hieroglyphics from the Forbidden Cities."

"Ohh yeah Y/n!" Keefe chimed, "I remember her. She forced all of us to learn those stupid symbols that summer, I hated it."

Biana sent a glare towards Keefe, "Are you serious?" She scoffed, "you were totally in love with her during the entirety of our childhood! Right Fitz?"

“Right, you did absolutely anything to spend time with her” Fitz agreed, “including, learning ancient hieroglyphics. You’d stare at her for hours while she read and drew them in her notebook.”

“Woahh! Whats this? An unrequited love?” Ro teased, “perhaps we should write a ballad about it, call it ‘The balled of Y/n and Keefe’ yeah?” 

Keefe scowled at his bodyguard, "shut up” he said while rolling his eyes. 

“Anyway, as I was saying” Biana continued, turning to face Sophie. “She had this phase with ciphers and hieroglyphics one summer and she got really good at reading them, she could definitely lend us a hand with…well all of these.” Biana said motioning towards the huge pile of scrolls sprawled out on the table. 

"But the problem is," Fitz sighed while running a hand through his hair, “We haven't spoken with her in almost 5 years,” he explained, “and don't you think it'd be a bit rude to suddenly show up to her home asking for help to read some very suspicious scrolls?”

“True,” Dex agreed, “I’d be pretty freaked out if a group of people showed up in my house after not talking to me for like 5 years just to go ‘Hey! Wanna help me understand what all these lines and squiggles mean! You know, just for old times' sake? Also, I can't at all explain to you why we need to know what these scrolls say or where they came from. Sorry!” 

The group of teens all unanimously heaved out a sigh, another possible solution slipping away.

“Alright...well what if we send just one of you three over?” Sophie suggested, “She’s more likely to help one of you rather than a 7 of us strangers right?”

“Oh perfect! I’ll light leap home to get changed and then come back to pick up the scrolls, it shouldnt take more than 15 minutes.” Biana said while standing up.

“Don't you think we should send Keefe?” Ro asked, “that way if she says no, he and her can just have a smooch fest to make up for the lost time?” Ro said while wrapping her arms around herself and making kissing sounds at Keefe. Him shoving her face away from his with a firm push.

“No way, Y/n is too mature to deal with either Keefe or Biana's childish behavior. In all honesty, I'm our best bet at getting her to help us.” Fitz said confidently, trying to hide his smug look.

Biana gasped, "What?! Me and Y/n were like best friends, she's more likely to trust me than either of you shady boys. Also-"

"Key word," Fitz interrupted, "were like best friends."

[vashsscoreboardofpain]

WELCOME BACK SPORTS FANS ;D

Today we start the amazing journey that will be next sports season. Trimax Vash, our dear contestant, is ready to go right into the action!

Let's start with volume 1 of Trigun

Chap 1:

-1 "bad event" point for getting shot at while eating

-1 "bad event" point for being threaten by the town people he just saved

yes, dear audience, things can go that bad that quickly and the contestant is here to exploit that fact

Chap 2:

-1 "bad event" point for still being chased and shot at

-1 "bad event" point for getting cornered the moment he thought he was safe

-1 "yikes statement" point for saying that he cannot stop until he finds someone. He would give up his life otherwise.

the contestant is starting slow but it is only the second chapter and he has plenty of time to catch up

Chap 3:

-1 "bad event" point while being attacked while saving people

-1 "action" point for risking his life trying to protect people he doesn't know

-1 "action" point for not defending himself from all the insults nebraska is throwing at him

What a nice way to close that small arc! Points were gathered and now the contestant has to travel with the insurance girls.

Chap 4:

-1 "action" point without saying goodbye to the children of the town before leaving

-1 "action' point for pretending to be asleep to not be honest, which comes with an additional point

-1 "yikes statement" point for saying "that was more than I deserved." Its only chapter 4 and the contestant will not give himself a break. Fascinating

-1 "bad event" point for getting hit right in the eyes (ouch)

-1 "action" point for just....slamming his own head to get the kid

The action is starting again folks. The contestant is out to get those points in the sandsteamer way earlier than his counterparts

Chap 5:

-AND JUST LIKE THAT, 1 "bad event" point for getting drugged. Things may not look good for the contestant but they sure look good for his score board

-1 "bad event" point for his dream of....rem falling into the earth....this is fine

-1 "bad event" point for his sad dream overall, we are getting momentum people!

Chap 6:

-1 "bad event" point for getting shot at while saving the kid

-1 "action" point for risking his safety by jumping out the window

-1 "yikes statement" point for the contestant saying "why do death and destruction always follow right behind me" because if the dear audience thinks about it, thats a really sad statement considering his age.

Chap 7:

-1 "bad event" point for getting shot at after he was so ready to start his plan, damn

-1 "action" point for fighting while injured

-1 "bad event" point for bleeding from that injured, this guy I swear-

-1 "bad event" point for getting hit with a sad (but beautiful) flashback

-1 "action" point for calling himself pathetic. ok I think we are going a bit too far on this chapter-

-1 "bad event" point for still getting shot at

-1 "bad event" point for getting cornered. Seems like the plan went south for the contestant, and yet he keeps going!

Chap 8:

-1 "bad event" point for getting shot at, even if they failed

-1 "bad event" point for getting shot at while the sandsteamer is about to crash, which means rocks and bullets are falling onto the contestant

-1 "bad event" point because his wound got worse mid fight

Chap 9:

-1 "bad event" point for getting shot at as a threat. The contestant just wanted to say thank you but that's not allowed. He needs to get shot every chapter, otherwise the tally would break.

Chap 10:

-1 "bad event" point for being used as a shield by old people. They chose wisely but that is not the point

-1 "bad event" point for getting attacked from behind by meryl and millie. The girls are finally here trying to get the contestant some points.

Chap 11:

The contestant didnt hit any points in this chapter! He just wasnt there! The contestant decided to stay back on this one. But do not fret, dear audience, we have so much manga ahead of us.

Chap 12:

-1 "bad event" point for being ignored for the rest of the chapter after helping meryl!

This was sure a start for the contestant! The contestant stands proudly in front of the audience, even if he didn't hit a lot of points in his debut.

And the tally starts. Trimax Vash starts with 33 points!

For the hardcore sports fans, this means we can finally measure the stats between the competitors! Stampede Vash had the strongest debut with 9 points, while Trimax Vash had the lowest with 2 points (in the 1st chapter ever). 98 Vash stays comfortably in the middle with 8 points.

This is gonna be a long (and probably sad) sports season, please dont miss it!

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

life's been okay. nothing special. days just keep on going. ive had a job for bout 2 weeks. ig thats not really an achievement tbh.

before this, that work from home place i was barely working, prolly 5-10 hours a week. and i'd slither out of those where possible anyway. this one week i worked a whopping 2 hours within 2 weeks. I was planning on killing myself and occasionally tried to all throughout having those jobs so i wasn't really worried about the consequences

before that the only other in person job i had was for my ex best friend. she worked there so i applied and got a job o work with her. only for her to quit 2 weeks after i got in whiich lead me to quit prolly a week n a half later cause i finally got fed up with the manager.

so now, even tho it ain't the longest ive held down a place, its the first that i really cared to put in effort to hold a job.

im semi celebrating but im honestly miserable. my feet hurt so fucking bad so it literally doesnt matter how good my hours are i never want to leave my bed. the people up there are so cliquey and on my 2nd day out of training one of my coworkers went off on me for going too slow and "not putting in my part". theyre starting to give me longer and longer shifts. i went from working 3-4 8 hour shifts per week to working 3 doubles just like that. they sooo generously give an hour and a half break in between the 6:30-3 and 4:30-8 shift but.. who in their right mind is even leaving atp? i live too far for that. i'd be home for at most an hour. waste of gas.

and to me what's worse, this whole situation is exactly what i've been avoiding. i knew it'd come down to this someday. but what alternative do i have?

HA. you know as a kid, i never understood addiction. I never thought I'd have to deal with it. By the time I was 8 I knew I'd kill myself someday. if i ever felt bad, that'd be what i'd do. no need to force myself to do something i didnt really wanna do. but now it seems so easy. i don't know what i wanna do from here. i hate my job. i hate my home life. i dont like to talk to my friends anymore. im bored of games. im bored of music. bored of tv.

whisking the days away doing what i have to would be a lot easier if i didnt have to be fully present for all of this. just something to pass the time until i have a better handle on what's the next move. right now, the only thing i can do is save up money. i have shit to pay off if i wanna keep a good credit score and i have things i need to buy. what's me hating every second gonna change?

though i know it's a slippery slope. abusing shit aint gon work out as smooth as I wish it would. I'll get addicted and then I'll get used to feeling that way so it'll take more for me not to get annoyed. then it'll turn back to me immediately running back to it for every minor situation. and honestly with the job i got i'd just have to hope i would be able to push through it without it being noticeable

i'm not happy i stopped. i feel like had i still been on dph i would've known for a fact how to make myself look normal. i could be gone out my mind but long as i get the shit right i could just daze through the days. but ya know. now. i ratted myself out

and now im stuck.

nothing more for me to do. nothing else i could be doing. nothing else i should be worried about other than making money

I never understood why adults always told me i'd miss being a kid since i was always struggling so bad. all they ever said is that my problems then were gonna feel like nothing once i was an adult. but they were wrong. i guess for now. but all i wish now is that i used all that freetime back when nooo one woulda suspected anything if i was away for a lil while. back when i wasnt ful grown and it'd prolly take a whooole lot less to finish the job

but here we are. forced to keep going and doing what i can to suppress what i really wanna do

ah speaking of which... i got pissed the other day and i tossed one of my drawers and broke it. then broke my bottle for my vitamins by throwing it to the ground. then i accidentally knocked over this container of beads and instead of just sweeping it back into the thing and reducing the mess, i just kicked it as hard as i could and tore the container apart. there's still beads everywhere

that is something i can't force myself to contain anymore. everything else i've been dealing with fine but when im pissed im pissed. i gotta get that under control too

[ironshoe-industries]

Alright kiddies it's time for Tech Tree Talk! After catching up with a certain @artyrambles I was inspired to talk about the American TD Line First! As a reminder I will only be giving my thoughts on Tiers 6 through Teir 10, lets get started!

The line itself splits at the Tier 5 TD Wolverine and starts converting into turreted and non-turreted TD lines (which isn't seen until the Tier 7s) boasting a powerful 155mm gun at the end of the lines.

TIER 6

M36 Jackson: A nice all-round TD, good armor, great gun, decent mobility and flexibility though be aware that your Turret Traverse speed will leave you wanting if you're not turning the tank as well. Don't side scrape in this thing, especially against tanks that you know have the same or larger calibers than you.

M18 Hellcat: You know what's better than a TD with a great gun? A TD with a great gun that makes some of the fastest Light tanks look slow. don't try to take sharp turns in it or try to brawl in this tank. sniping and guerilla fighting are this things forte.

TIER 7

T25 AT: Now its been a hot minute since I've played this tank and from what I remember it was fine TD. Good 105mm top gun, nice top speed and decent armor that could bounce if you used the 10 degrees of gun depression.

T25/2: I skipped this one because to me it was a bigger Jackson with better mobility and a better gun but worse armor. now if this thing actually got a 105mm gun like the AT things would be different. meh.

TIER 8

T28: The beginning of the THICC a glorious 254mm frontal armor and great 120mm gun making it a bane of the free to plays and gold spammers unless they go for the cupolas and even then, they'll be hard pressed to actually damage it frontally without trying to flank it. though have fun getting anywhere without a turbo charger.

T28 Prot.: I was very disappointed in this tank when I got it. 203mm of turret and frontal hull armor sounds great until you realize that its at a fuckin 85 degree A N G L E and the turret doesn't go 360... pos.

TIER 9

T95: The Doom Turtle a whopping 305mm frontal armor practically unpennable unless hitting weak points with gold and the earth shaking 155mm gun. slow AF have fun trying to get into the action unless you have a turbo. great fun pub stomper if top tier. the nerfs this and the E3 took did little to stop it being a fun tank.

T30: Use to be a heavy tank back in the day along with the T34 being a non prem... god I'm old... anyway. A better improvement over the prot. much better turret with a very very small spot on the top that can be overmatched with high calibers. 360-degree turret is always a plus especially when using the 155mm.

TIER 10

T110E3: the GOAT of the American TD line Armor? whack. Gun? whack. cupola weakpoint? Nah fam. faster than the T95 to boot and funny enough you can bait shots into your Lower plate if people are firing non-gold at you! though if you see one doing a dance i.e. going back and forth you can get a pen on the roof if you're fast enough and have a high enough caliber.

T110E4: an absolute joke. Trash turret Trash weak points T R A S H I CAN SHIT ON THIS THING FRONTALLY WITH A T8 LIGHT TANK FROM A FAR!!! The only thing this has over the E3 is the fact that its faster and can shoot around corners with out have to turn the entire tank with its ew 180-degree turret. pos

and thats that! if yall have any questions/want me to go over something particular hmu the ask box is always open!

I'll see you on the battlefield.

[gayspock]

hhhhhhhhgh

i jsut feel like shit and so overwhelmed with work and overwhlemed with everythingand just like god fuck my fuckign life because again idont know what the fucking point is i dont want to fucking do it i dont wantto be here what am i gettingout of anyhting with being fucing alive SORRYit wouldbe onefucking thing if there WAS ANYTHING ^_^ ATALL^_^ TO LIVEFOR^_^ SORRYYYYi go to work i fucking pray for it to be over im not at worki pray to be back at work so im not alone spiralling nothingever gets done i cant ufcking bring nmyself to manage anything its all fucking pilijngup im meant to fucking sodlierthrough it thats the love you get jsut fuckign keepgoing for no fuckingreason i cantufcking survive i cantfuckking stay afloat i dontknow somehting somehting itstheclassic i fucking hate evry fucking cunt whos fucking toldme to shut up andufkcing lvie with it it'll getbetter you cant be that bad you cant be that alone youcnat be this that ans i dont know i feel like im crazy like im so much fucking more of a failure so much morefucking alone so mcuh fucking worse off imgoing nuts i dot know a tleaast when i was miserable and isolated wheni was younger i could delude myself it coudl getbetter maybe theyreright. DUDE it never will dude please end it please fucking end it, everyone leaves, everything youre scared of isnt only true but its so much fucking worse than you'd ever fucking hope. for youre nevergoing to be a part of anytihing, every time youre scared no one likesyou youre right, everytime you feel inadequate youre RIGHT , youre as bad at everything as you think you are youre as annoying as you think you are they dont care about you as you know theydont stop fucking trying stop praying thatsomehow its going to changeplease likem please like me please make this work out BULLSHIT HO MY GODDD YOURE NOT FUCKING CRAZY! THIS IS THE ONLY FUCKING THING THATS THE TRUTH! SO HELP ME GOD! SO HELP ME GOD! I odnt care i dont careeeeeeeeeee i wanna fucking end it i dont want to do it any more why i dont fucking care what is there to fucking live for what is there to fucking go home to what is there towait for i fucking fell like every time i nearly findsomething im jsut left miserable and sad at the end and theres no love does anyone ever feelcrazy you have to fucking bear it i bear it every time theresnever anything on the other side no one cares i hate being so fucking childish but idont know itsnever fucking fair when eveyrone elsehas someone to talk to someone who looks out for them something togoback to tyou get the just fucking get on with it just fucking shut up im a joke to everyone i dothnk about that im never going to be more than a fucking thing to laugh at a thing to sneer at fucking... likebwahh fuck them they cant ufcking handle it they keep whining they keep breaking downover ntohin. i think about the little fucking pieces of methat exist outsidr this fucking miserable fucking shit existence ihave and how its nothing good if im ever evenin peoples heads . and its never going to even matter substantially why am i alive why am i doing this i fee l like theresstill some pathetic fucking needfor some fucking approval like it matter s like anyones going to ever see and t canhrut so fucking bad and its jsut going to be funny or annoying and its likei dont know why iusedto care i dont know why i used to try rso hard i wish i never did i wish i didntkeep getting invested intryingto be anyhting its jsut embarrassing im just humiliated END IT BROOOO IVE HAD LIKE 5 TEAMS MESSAGES IN THE BPAST 10 MINUTES I NEED TO UQIT I NEED TO GO DIE IN A FUCKING DITCH I HATE EVERYTHING I HATE EVERYTHUING I DO AND EVERY FUCKING SECOND AND IVE HATED IT FOR AS LONG AS I REMEMBER I AHATE LIVING IN THIS DESPERATEUFCKING HOEP THAT IT MIGHT BEFUCKING BEARABLEONE DAY WHEN EVEN THATIS SO SO FUCKING FAR FROM EVER HAPPENING WHEN EVEN THEN IN THAT INSANE FUCKING POSSIBILITY IM STILL FUCKING ALONE IM STILL FUCKING USELESS IM STILL SO FUCKING SAD DEEPDOWN INSDIE I CANT UFCKING HANDLE ANYTHING BUT AT LEAST IM QIUIET I FUCKING GUESSS HELP ME ^_^ LOL

[ljbrary]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @anxiety-banana HEY AB ILY I'M SORRY I KNOW YOU TAGGED ME IN THIS A MONTH AGO SO THIS IS SO LATE BUT STILL

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

101,550

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now ive been writing for the last of us but most of my fics are star wars (specifically most of them are the clone wars) and i have one six of crows fic

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

all of them are star wars fics

lean on me (but let me laugh, first)

don't fix it if it's not broken (but broken's only a point of view)

fill the hollow space with silence (and other words of comfort that aren't so comforting)

it's a process (you wouldn't understand)

it's not good grief (but it's better)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i think i get to most of them and i seriously try my best to but like i struggle with replying to even my texts irl and i have no concept of time at all (the adhd is adhd-ing unfortunately) but every single one literally makes my life

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i think either the love only lasts so long (the grief lasts longer, the guilt never leaves) or this silence hurts worse than the truth (if only you would tell it) which are quite literally the same exact situation just from different povs because i have never had an original thought in my life. it's post-mortis arc in the clone wars with anakin and ahsoka and the transparently trauma-shaped elephant in the room between them.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i honestly have no idea? so im just going to say my tlou fic statistically significant because although its bittersweet it ends with joel and ellie together and thats literally all i need to be happy at this point in my life.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, but i probably should.

(that was a joke. but like if i did its fine bc i have 3 brothers who've already found my ao3 and bullied me for it so the hater would prob need to get real creative after all that lmao.)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

no

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no i dont have the executive functioning skills necessary to plan one of those out but they sound interesting.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

guys my fics aren't that good. if someone stole it they'd just return it no worries.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no i haven't but that would be sick.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

like ab said in her post, ab, ash, and i tried but it just never came to fruition but it was a fun attempt

also my older brother and i when we were younger tried to write a percy jackson fic together.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i like found family more than romantic stuff, but if i have to choose definitely percabeth because they are the reason i have unrealistic expectations in life.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

ALL OF THEM IM SO BAD AT FINISHING THEM

16. What are your writing strengths?

thats so funny lmfao

okay but self deprecation aside idk maybe like imagery or metaphors sometimes? also apparently writing emotion ig? my english teacher in high school told me i was good at the psychological aspect of understanding a character and their actions/emotions but i don't know man

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

for starters, starting. im supremely bad at starting things. i always struggle with intros/the beginning of writing pieces. and i struggle with plotting/planning things. i also am incapable of writing genuine dialogue, every conversation i write sounds so disjointed and awkward. i also tend to focus too much on the introspective aspect of characters and forget about that irrelevant little thing called a "plot."

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i made up my own language for a few star wars fics and it was so atrocious that i can't even bring myself to reread them again so i think i'll be staying away from that one for a little while.

however if i was smart or savvy enough to pull it off i would totally do it that would be sick.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson when i was 10 years old on wattpad. my older brother and i co-wrote the fic and then i made my friend at school edit it on the computers in the library. still have yet to live that one down.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

weighted words hurt more than loaded fists (if you know how to use them) i have a soft spot for it even though it's one of my least popular fics in terms of like hits and kudos. its just a found family (shocker, i know) modern/foster care au with rex and ahsoka. i like the imagery, metaphors, and just the vibes overall.

okay leaving this open to anyone who wants to do it!!

[lildepressmews]

I went somewhere with my children and partner, we went away giving them memories i cant remember, as we pulled in it crushed my soul, my daughter yelling mummy dont leave me made it a million times worse, i smoked a cigarette looking out at murky uk seas replaying everything. i try my best every single day so my children dont see me vulnerable about places and phases, we got them dressed and into the pool, crushing me in memories i didnt ask for, id forgotten. My nonverbal son started to shout his dad, my daughter smiling, i looked back i rewrote the past. I replaced all my birthmothers shit with love for the tiny humans i made, the tiny humans i love endlessly and i cant ever imagine leaving them, i dont know what hurts the most, the fact i had PTSD taking my children or knowing the love of having children and you didn’t give a shit enough to love me how i love them. I think about being a mother to my sister taking the abuse of your partner only for her to do it to her when she was older anyway, its bad that as siblings when i had a mental break down we bonded over trauma caused by you. I thought i failed my children, i thought they hated me, they dont its just me i hate you i cant rewrite the hate, the scars the sickening feeling when i find out your close, close enough you could run into us and look at what you dont deserve to see, you emotionally blackmailed me when i was pregnant with her, stalking behaviour your new partner getting a job where i worked, i warned her to protect her children from you because you’ll get bored she tutted and walked away, shes not laughing anymore because its 6 kids youve now walked away from. I walk with my head high hiding all the hurt, the ptsd when people remember childhood memories when mine are all nightmares until i was 14, i felt so bad none knew until i was 21 when someone told me i thought i was better than anyone else, no i was guarded none could know my weakness i fucking broke, you fucking broke me, every birthday for my child every event, every single fucking thing i will be there because ill never be you. I have paranoia of failing, i have fear of never being good enough then my 3 year old nonverbal autistic child hugs me out of the blue, my 5 year old tells me mummy ive had the best day ever, thats what being a mother is. YOU DONT ABANDON YOUR KIDS!!!

You do not let someone kill them internally

You do not blackmail your children

You do not leave them to fend for themsleves at 10

You do not state sexuality and invite me to a club

You do not make me a mother at 11 so when i meet my partner his ex girlfriend tells him what a fucking weirdo i was and i have to explain the heartbreaking reality that i was being a fucking mother instead of concentrating on myself and my looks, he had to put her right about the abuse and trauma i was going through at that time

You do not get the right to tell me you deserve to be part of their lives when all you did was fuck mine.

Im 28 now, im still healing, dont you realise your toxic you still invade and rule my life so i dont become you

[wishful-seeker]

Hi! Really like you "Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist" post but is it possible to make plain text version?

Am not sure what the color text says

(Plain text just means regular size + no color text + not cap lock)

Of course! Here ya go:

Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist:

1. When a disabled person says they cannot do something, and you wish to offer solutions, do not make a solution that involves them powering through pain, or something thats not accessible to the disabled.

Example:

Disabled person: "washing dishes hurts too much and i cannot do it."

Abled person: "what if you did one dish at a time throughout the day?"

This statement is not respecting that this disabled person just said they "can't". Always respect that. No matter how simple the task would be for you.

Example:

Disabled person:" i think ill use plastic silverware so i don't make dishes."

Abled person: "plastic is bad for the environment!"

This statement shuts down the most accessible and disabled friendly option that this disabled person can actually do because of the abled persons personal beliefs. This is not helpful, and ableist.

Better yet, instead of offering solutions, ask them directly "is there anything you need that you do not have that would help you do this?" This allows the disabled person to think about what would work, and they will always have a better idea of what would work than you do.

To add on to this, when we say we have no more energy to solve a problem or do a task, or change our lifestyle, we mean it.

2. If you feel discomfort when a disabled person is talking about their health, good and bad, that is ableist. Your discomfort is coming from a place that deams disabled peoples very existence as a bad thing and you need to fix that.

Example:

Disabled person:" this week has been rough pain wise, ive been through a lot, felt like my body was on fire. Lucky i got new meds though and i think they're helping!"

Abled person: "can we talk about something else, this is a bummer."

Disabled people should be able to exist freely without worrying about your personal comfort. Do you really think its appropriate to tell someone in constant pain that their life is making you uncomfortable?

3. Do not treat disabled people as tragedies, do not romanticize their old life or put their current one down.

Example:

Disabled person: "yeah my life is pretty difficult sometimes, ive lost a lot but i still have happy moments."

Abled person: "it makes me so sad to see what disabled people go through :(. You used to love rock climbing and running, i would love to see you move around more again."

This statement is putting more value on the disabled persons abled past, and ignoring their life as a whole.

4. Do not avoid speaking to disabled people because it hurts to see your loved one disabled.

For example: my grandmother avoids conversations with me because it hurts her to see me in pain. While she has good intentions it leaves me being unable to be close to her. This is very isolating to the disabled.

5. Do not stop inviting your disabled friend/loved one out even if they are never well enough to attend. Unless we specifically ask you to stop asking if we can go out, good chances are we want to know you still care because again, disability is very isolating.

6. When a disabled person says certain things in their health have gotten better or worse, do not challenge this because you don't see a difference.

Example:

Disabled person: "yeah things are getting a little better"

Abled person sees disabled person using their wheelchair like usual: "i thought you said you were getting better?"

Better and worse are usually small changes only the disabled experience, its not like abled people healing from a broken arm. Better to a disabled person could mean they can stand for 10 more minutes.

7. Do not expect disabled people to ever be abled again, and again, do not put more value on an abled life.

Example:

Disabled person:"I have been using a wheelchair for 2 years."

Abled person: "oh you're young, im sure you'll be walking around in no time!"

This statement invalidates and ignores the disabled persons current life by hoping they get a more abled bodied life. Its fine to hope disabled people get better, but you don't get to decide what better looks like.

Hope this helps, stay punk.

Is this okay?

[keefwho]

January 21 - 2023

8:12 AM

I’m afraid I will easily be left behind by anyone that finds anything better. I’m afraid that if any of my friends get out more, they’ll abandon me. I can’t compete with anything they’d find in person. 

11:02 AM

Leave it to a children’s show to remind me it’s okay to miss out and I can have my own fun. 

12:37 PM

I’m trying very hard to ignore how empty I feel and do something. Anything. 

4:12 PM

I guess it’s a good thing that I can focus on new problems now that I’ve made tremendous progress with my anxiety. Since that’s so much less of a problem, I can start figuring out who I am which I know has been an issue for a long time. I feel meaningless way too often for it to be normal. 

5:48 PM

Why can’t I JUST feel better. I’m sad at imaginary things. It shouldn’t be so hard to relax and enjoy myself. 

9:52 PM

I don’t know what to do. I’m coming under the belief that I’m not worthy of anyone’s love or attention yet. I fear I have so much work to do before I even deserve friends. I really thought I’d be able to avoid being this depressed this weekend. Fuck it, I’ll just stay sad for now. Unfortunately I can’t just change how I feel. I wish I could. I wish I could avoid pain. 

10:09 PM

I feel like I’m in a horribly delicate position. I spend way more time alone than I used to because I can’t find people that wanna hang out that I also get along with. I keep getting stuck in my own head about different things. I don’t even know what to rant about. I just feel so unsure, sad, and alone. I feel scared. I’m scared of being in really dark places. I’m scared that I won’t pull myself together. I’m scared I’ll end up all alone. 

How do I just stop. I want to just stop. How do I even make progress? I know I could read my book for some direction but at this moment, I am in no mind to make an effort. I’m tired. Maybe when I start to feel better I can try to plan out what I should do to help myself. 

Some part of me believes I’m not destined to be happy. But I know thats me seeing myself as a character. All my life I’ve internally viewed myself as lesser than everyone else. It’s really hard to not feel this way at this point. But it means I keep setting myself up for failure. I keep proving to myself that I am nothing. 

I want to scream, or cry, or something. But I can’t get anything out. 

I have some inability to see past what I have so far. I always think “this is it, this is all I got” and slowly limit myself even more over time. I can’t imagine growth in any way. I can’t imagine new friends, or becoming a better artist, or changing myself for the better. I feel like I’m stuck and I can’t only lose things. 

I feel angry at myself for being this fucking terrible. 

I hate to keep isolating myself but what am I supposed to do? I’m just a drag to everyone. And being around people who are having fun just makes me feel worse that I can’t right now. No one cares anyways. It’s so hard to ignore things like Discord but I feel like I have to. 

1:37 AM

I’m up WAY fucking late because a round of Hell Let Loose went on much longer than expected. But I got a fun squad and performed very well so I guess thats good to end a night on. Someone even recognized me as Shmendrick. 

[theelf-online]

I posted 8,105 times in 2022

That's 5,307 more posts than 2021!

13 posts created (0%)

8,092 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-not-witch-time-forgot

@catgirldick

@malewifeandgirlboss

@ranboocore

@myaphelion

I tagged 882 of my posts in 2022

#blockmen - 462 posts

#osha violation - 93 posts

#homestuck (/neg) - 11 posts

#actually blockwomen - 10 posts

#me - 8 posts

#original post - 7 posts

#ok to reblog - 5 posts

#minecraft - 5 posts

#minecraft texture pack - 4 posts

#for -c - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#also its proven sex education helps prevent csa because it gives people the knowledge to recognize it and i think thats extremely important

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

0 notes - Posted February 16, 2022

#4

Hi! I’m @cosmic0artist and you wrote sweet tags on my miraculous ladybug redesign of Adrien that made me very happy so thank you haha! I never post here anymore but your lil comment means a lot :3

Aww this is so sweet! Absolutely made my day, thank you.

1 note - Posted July 20, 2022

#3

Shitty Rice Pudding

I want to have a place to send people when they ask about how I make the shitty rice pudding. Literally the only reason, I am not a chef clearly. It tastes like horchata so that's a bonus too. If you leave out the cornstarch it's still very good but it's basically rice in hot milk so... cereal?

Old Rice from the fridge (a bowlful, the measurements are very unspecific), Milk, usually enough to cover most of the rice but not completely, if you have it Heavy Whipping Cream, some Honey depending on how sweet you want it, Vanilla Extract, a bit of Cinnamon, and a very small spoonful of Cornstarch.

Add the rice and honey and if there's cream the cream to it, if not, just a bit of the milk and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds to melt the honey if it's solid and also warm the rice up to de-clump it.

After that just declump, the back of a spoon works great. Mix it together, add cinnamon, vanilla extract, and the rest of the milk, toss it back in the microwave for like a minute (both the times might depend on your microwave, make sure you watch it so the milk doesn't like, bubble over and make a mess)

Add cornstarch, mix very well, you don't want clumps lol, then put it back in for 30 seconds (again, watch to make sure it doesn't bubble over)

After you take it out mix again and let it cool to an edible temperature, it'll probably be too hot when it first comes out, it'll solidify a bit as it cools.

Enjoy.

7 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

#2

Ya boi finally got a cane! Finally got around to going to the medical supply store and it was way easier than I was expecting. My anxiety was definitely making it seem worse than it was, it was literally just in and out. Other than being new to using it and uncoordinated, it made a huge difference on the way back home.

[Image ID in Alt Text]

10 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Tired of the antisemitic caricatures in Minecraft?

It's well known the villagers, illagers, and witches in Minecraft are stuck with an incredibly antisemitic design that despite hope, will probably never be changed. I've looked for a resource pack that only changed those elements (keeping the base game look), and was non-optifine friendly, but found none, so I made my own.

So I introduce Antisemitism Begone!

(Version 1.19 but should work for all versions that include the redesigned villagers) It's far from a perfect solution, but it satisfies my main personal annoyances (I am Jewish myself), and I'm certainly open to any improvements that can be made.

Unfortunately, there's many things I wish I could change but am unsure how (such as re-naming the golems to constructs, or changing how the Ominous Banner looks), but my knowledge only goes so far, and I'm pretty clueless when it comes to these things. So for now it's only visual elements that are changed. If I figure out how to do these things in the future I will certainly update it.

(Edit as of 10/9/22) I have figured out how to change the name from Golems to Constructs. Currently supported languages are English (US/UK), Spanish (Spain/Mexico) and German.

Below the Read More are Images of changes (ID in alt text) and a list of changes made.

See the full post

4,402 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[olyia-stories]

I posted 554 times in 2022

That's 431 more posts than 2021!

53 posts created (10%)

501 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@granny-griffin

@siriusfan13

@so-scarlet-it-was-maroon

@criticalsorcery

@buggachat

I tagged 468 of my posts in 2022

Only 16% of my posts had no tags

#olyia watches things - 41 posts

#critical role - 39 posts

#bnha - 26 posts

#i collect the arts like art gremlin - 20 posts

#dracula daily - 20 posts

#saving this for later - 19 posts

#batfam - 19 posts

#atla - 16 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 15 posts

#the golden enclaves - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 110 characters

#ok but jonathan looks slightly like david tenent in this pic so now thats all i want from a dracula adaptation

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

'the milk that is spilt cries not out afterwards,'

In other words, don't cry over spilled milk translated by Dr Van Helsing

27 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

#4

I just really like the scene of Yor's coworker figuring out the recipe of her mother's stew. It's just filled with human connection

55 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

#3

How did I only just realise that Taliesin is giving us a character with chronic pain? In C3E35 Ashton is confirmed to be in constant pain made worse with movement. And yet, they are the party barbarian. The bro literally fights and moves so much! And Ashton does all of that in pain!

I love that Taliesin is committed to representing people through his characters

83 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#2

Little tiny lamps

History fact flashlights were patented by English inventor, David Misel, in 1899

Dracula was published in 1897

Science fiction anyone?

254 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

From the comment section of EXU Calamity:

I think the nature of the prequel meant we never thought about the people that survived we were so focused on the ones that died. We didn't even consider that survival wasn't a given.

Image description under the cut:

ID: a screenshot of a YouTube comment from Mazie that says [We came in from the last three episodes thinking "the calamity killed 2/3 of Exandria. What did these people do that led to the death of 2/3 of Exandria." And we leave realizing that what they actually did led to the survival of the remaining 1/3.]

1,452 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[abcitycake]

This is something I’d like to share when it comes to ableism. I was diagnosed with autism in my sopmore year. They had to accommodate me in order to graduate, I had difficulty paying attention and understanding my work in classes. Thankfully I was able to leave school. Skip to university, my passion was wanting to learn Japanese, and a dream to get a degree and move to Japan to teach English. But instead my only options there was “office skills” I got it done but didnt use anything with it. That was in 2010-2011. For the next 10 years, I didnt know what to do. My only chance in getting to learn what I wanted was out the window. My dad made me promise if I could handle regular classes without as much accommodations, I could go to the school to learn Japanese. But unfortunately I did fail. The subjects and classes weren’t difficult to understand, it was the homework that needed to be done online, and it was very confusing, so I failed. I am forever disappointed that my passions were disregarded, and forced to do something i wasn’t comfortable with. For the next 5 years- my parents toxicity towards me became worse. I ran away a couple of times in 2017 just to get away from them. I went to a women’s shelter for a week. Risked homelessness just to get away from them. But I finally got my own place, and have been here ever since. I have been here for nearly 5 years this October. I did work. But around 2018, I noticed my energy would slow down and I couldn’t stand on my feet for more than 3 hours. I been working with my dads business since 15, so about a decade. I think this was my first experience with “burnout”. I was luckily given smaller hours and not do tasks such as taking customer orders. I have a processing issue, I either dont understand something right away, or i processed it too quick. In May of 2019, I quit my job of 13 years.

My dad and his coworker that he treated like as a “teacher’s pet” began to micromanage me. That time was when summer vacation was fast approaching, and it would get hot around 9 to 10 am. I WAS GOOD at my cleaning job for the outside, and i was trying to do it as fast and best I could. But they brought me back out, and said I didnt sweep the flower petals right, (We had a tree that would drop flowers in the spring and summer) and my dad took the blower with this tone I always hated; and I started to cry right there. They left, I go back in the bathroom to cry and decided: I’m DONE. I finished washing the dishes for the last time and try to slip away without the coworker knowing, I was going to tell her when I got home. But she caught me, and was FURIOUS.

She said the most vile horrible things- such as along the lines of; “Be lazy, have no job then” “Text your dad that you’re quitting your job, and your name is Tammy, THATS your new name, now!”

She meant, and compared me to my MENTALLY ILL AUNT. Who can’t work because of mental illness. I refuse to associate with her ever since. She of course, pretended nothing happened when i would stop by there- and ofc seems to have forgotten. But I, never will.

Skipping to this past January, 2022. My mom and I were on the way to visit my sister, and celebrate my 30th birthday. She brings up I should “go back to work”. Just her saying that made my blood boil.

“You’re still so young, you should be working”

“Go to (mentions this store) for work”

“You dont have to go back to a restaurant place”

Even when I said I quit working at the job I went to after my dad’s business, because of TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT, SHE BRUSHED IT OFF.

One of my only explanations to why she wanted me to work again is simply because “you need a social standing” “you’re young” “Your sisters work, so you can too”

Made me so fucking angry. This woman is AWARE, of my disabilities, or doesn’t seem to know I HAVE LIMITED Time standing around before I shut down after 3-4 hours on a job, and I was treated HORRIBLY, for the last 3 years of my time working.

Oh, and it doesn’t stop there. To hammer the final rusty nail on the coffin, this happens:

On the way home after having my birthday, my mom asks about my niece and if was nice seeing her; and I said

“Yeah just don’t Iike the screaming she does (keep in mind she’s not 2 years old yet)”

I have sensitive hearing, and I cant be around kids often due to that,

SHE RESPONDS AN SAYS “Well you were like that too at that age, and it hurt our ears”

This fucking bitch GASLIGHTS ME FR THINGS I DID AS A CHILD IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, BC IF YOU CONSIDER THAT TIME I WAS AUTISTIC BEFORE GETTING DIAGNOSED, I would only scream and cry to communicate.

SHE CONTINUES TO BERATE ME FOR CALING HER TOXIC IN THE PAST AND AT THAT POINT I PUT ON MY HEADPHONES TO BLOCK OUT HER HURTFUL BULLSHIT.

That’s probably going to the the last time in a long, long time, I will ever go with my family to celebrate my birthday. As of now, I have my YouTube channel. It’s been rough the past few months and I lost my monetization, but when I get it back I’ll plan my own goddamn trips by myself, or in the future with my beloved, sweet girlfriend.