#-reality kicks in and his beliefs of being “untouchable” are threatened

[y-rhywbeth2]

'Astarion outliving his friends and possibly SO' is angsty and good for those who like exploring the themes of bereavement and all, and it is a possible outcome (he's not helpless), but it is my firm opinion that there is still a damn good chance that guy is gonna die first and be outlived by them.

[bbbrats]

Am I forgiven? (J.JK 21+)

Warnings: intense smut, graphic descriptions of smut, angst, heartbreak, explicit sex, happy ending, pure filth.

Jeon Jungkook was your bestfriend, 6 years to be exact. Jeon Jungkook from BTS? Yeah. In other words, you and Jungkook were closer than the boys themselves, but he loved you all equally. Only problem was, you loved him in a different type of way. In terms of your significant other. He didn't know of course, and that's how it lead up to this.. Him sitting on the couch with his new girlfriend, Jennie, mouth-to-mouth and rubbing up against each other. And there, third wheeling, you were. Sitting on the couch, trying to watch a fucking movie in peace. It hurt a lot, even if he didn't know how much it hurt, he could've had the decency to do all of this in private, away from you. He doesn't hear your annoyed throat-clearing, your way-too-loud sighs, or even you walk out. The door slamming closed falls on deaf ears as you start walking home in the freezing rain, cursing Jeon and his girlfriend, bitterness tugging at your aching heart. Back at his apartment, Jungkook notices the quiet room, aside from Jennie's whines and whimpers, there's nothing. He pulls away, and his head snaps over to your side of the couch, only to find you gone. He doesn't even get the chance to check his phone or ask where you went before Jennie is pulling him to the bedroom, eagerly. Little does he know, this would be one of the worst mistakes he's ever made. 4 months later You enter the coffee shop Jungkook wanted to meet you at. After almost four months without seeing him or even being able to get a text back, you now you had to sit down and swallow your hurt, anger, and betrayal in a bitter, swirling gulp, and have a civilized conversation that you wanted to opt out of so bad. You were beyond hurt, and so close to pissed. Entering the diner on shaky legs, you stand in the doorway, looking around, secretly hoping you were late. Until you heard him call your name, and you looked in his direction. Biggest fucking mistake ever. You should've turned on your heels and ran when you had the fucking chance. Long and fucking behold, it's him, his pregnant as fuck girlfriend, and Yoongi. You quietly and quickly step over to them , and take a seat next to Yoongi, barely acknowledging them. Yoongi glances at you through his peripheral and his lips twitch into a frown. You were so visibly upset, almost trembling in anger and heartbreak. He reaches under the table and grabs your hand, trying to prepare you for what's to come. Jennie clears her throat and opens her mouth. "Y/n, Jungkook and I are-" Until she cut off by a annoyed Jungkook. "I told you that I'd be the one to tell her. She's my best friend." Sure doesn't fucking feel like it. Jennie rolls her eyes and looks away, leaving Jungkook to scoff silently and turn back to me. Jungkook: "Y/n.." He sighs, "Jennie and I are.. Getting married. Next week." Yoongi feels your hand go limp, and anyone who was paying attention could see your entire physique slump down in defeat. You've lost him. A stupid little grin spreads on his face, and your heart shatters again at it. "Do you want to come, maybe? And support me?" His eyes are so bright and happy, filled with joy, adoration and happiness. But it wasn't for you. It never was. You don't smile back, not because you don't want to pretend that you're okay, but because you can't. You can't hear anything, you can't feel anything. You feel so numb and gone. Glancing at you, Yoongi removes his hand, and squeezes your thigh, trying to snap you back to reality. You look over to Yoongi, your brows furrowing as he sees your eyes watering, and your nose sniffling. 'Y/n..' Jungkook looks between you and Yoongi, eyes taking in your distraught face. Your head turned to him, hurt and pain reflecting into his confused ones. He reached across to touch your face, maybe brush the tears away, and you flinched away from him "Don't. Touch. Me." You whispered. He looked confused for a second followed by a slight pang of anger. "Are you fucking kidding me, Y/n? What's your problem? I don't see you in months and I tell you I'm getting married and you cry? Maybe you shouldn't come, if you'll act like this." He whisper-yelled, anger flashing through his face. Thinking it was impossible for your heart to break anymore was a stupid thought, because it just shattered all over again. Sobbing softly, you pulled out a picture and handed it to him. He took it, and his eyes softened. You and him at a arcade, while he's holding your waist and trying to show you how to shoot the basketballs. He looks up at you as you stand up, and he grasps your wrist, pushing something into your hand. An invitation to the wedding. Shaking your head, you give it back, and turn on your heel, head lowered and walked out of the diner. You faintly heard Jungkook call your name, but you didn't turn around. He wanted to be happy, and the only way he could do that, was if you left and let him be. It was time to say goodbye. 2 years later Jungkook's twenty-second birthday has passed. Another birthday without you. You you try not to pay attention to it now. About 5 months after you left, you heard that Jungkook and Jennie got divorced. The child wasn't Jungkook's and she only wanted his money. Which she didn't get. Everyday, you thought about Jungkook. Sometimes, wondering if it was mutual. ~ You were sitting at your favorite park, on the swings, reading a book. Someone sat beside you, but you really paid no attention. No one would kidnap you in broad daylight. Well you hoped not. You continued reading even though you felt them staring. You sighed and flipped the page. "Yes? You've been staring at me for like 5 minutes. Can I help you?" The person fidgeted slightly, and looked away. "I'm sorry your just so beautiful." You recognized the voice, and stood up, walking away. It was Jungkook. "Y/n..", He called softly, making you stop. You felt him walk up behind you, and wrap his arms around your waist, awaking feelings that you thought were dead forever. "Y/n..." He called out again, this time brushing his lips against you ear. You were intoxicated. His smell blocked out your senses, while his voice sent shivers down your spine. You missed him. His closeness. "Y/n.. I fucking missed you. Your voice, your smell, your face, your eyes, your nose, your lips, your body pressed against mines... Us." He sighed, inhaling your scent. You wanted to make him suffer, but you couldn't. Turning in his arms to face him, eyes watering. "I missed you to Kookie. I loved you. But-" "Loved" he questioned. "Past tense?" You shook your head. "I still do but you can't just leave me like that. It fucking hurt." You whimpered, tears threatening to fall for the first time in two years. Jungkook noticed and tightened his grip on your waist, digging his nails into your hips making you gasp. He slammed his lips to yours. Too rough to be gentle, but too gentle to actually hurt. You tugged at his hair as he shoved his tongue into your mouth, making the seem like he wanted you to swallow it. He gripped at your hips tighter, digging his nails so deep that it broke skin, leaving you to cry out in his mouth as he kissed you relentlessly. Your lungs started to burn with lack of air as he pressed on, swallowing your protests of him deliciously suffocating you. Tugging sharply at his hair to unattach your lips, you whined, feeling your lips bruise. He yanked away letting you inhale deeply, while a string of saliva connected from your lips to his. He groaned, and kissed it away with a light peck. You had forgot you where in a park, as you looked down and saw his cock pressing against his tight leather pants. You could see it visibly throbbing. No doubt in your mind that you were soaked beyond belief. He noticed your stare and looked down, starting to feel it as he groaned loudly, grabbing your wrist and taking you to his car. The drive was far more than frustrating as you rubbed your legs together for some friction while you ghosted your hand over his cock. Jungkook couldn't focus enough on the road, hand gripping the steering wheel. He sped up, almost swerving between cars. Pulling into his drive way, we both rushed out of the car and to the front door, his frustration showing as he growled and the inability to properly unlock his door. Once he did, there was no turning back, he yanked you inside He slammed me against the front door, pressing his erection against my lower belly, and grinded up into me. He whimpered loudly as he pressed himself into my core. I let out a low moan and he got the message. Taking us both up the stairs, he kicked his bedroom door open, and pulled us both through it. He threw me on the bed as he undressed. My eyes landed on his cock, that was straining through his boxers, and he saw my gaze. He smirked and palmed himself through his boxers, and moaned out. He threw his head back and looked at me. Over his nose and gulped as his throat was on display. "Kook.." I rasped out. He took the hint and dove at me, and pulled my panties to the side. "Kook, condoms?" I said, tugging at his hair. "Don't worry about it." He whispered, guiding his cock to my entrance. "Jungkook, I could get pregnant-J-Jungkook.",You whined as he pushes into you. He growled at you. "Princess, for once, just shut up and take me." A burn was felt in his back as your nails sunk into his soft skin, leaving a trail of blazing fire in your wake. His pace was slow, but each thrust, he drove as deep as he could, making you take every inch that could fit, emotions overflowing from you both. He stopped, pulling your thighs over his forearms, exposing you to himself. This new angle allowed him to reach new depths, that were formerly untouched, as he bottomed out into you with every thrust, feeling as though he would rip you apart with every thrust. Fucking into you was an understatement, as numerous years fell out of your eyes, the pain and pleasure mixing into an ultimate cocktail of euphoria that threatened to send you into oblivion. A tingling in your lower belly is what brought you to push your hands through his hair once again, orgasm threatening to rip your sanity from you, leaving your body with nothing but a ledge to leap off of, and surely Jungkook would be the once to push you off it. He kept crashing his hips into yours; Once. Twice.. And the intense feeling of elation flooded through your mind and body into the utter turmoil of orgasm, eyes slamming shut with a white light teasing you towards blindness. Hanging on a thin line between exhilaration and obscurity, your mind came back enough to realize Jungkook was still going, ears deaf to your whimpers of oversensitivity, his hips threatening to shatter your pelvis with the jaw-dropping force he was slamming into you with. Little to no energy left in your body, you welcomed the tiredness. That was of course until you felt a firm thumb pressing against your clit, sending shockwaves of unhandling pleasure into your senses, and you knew that you would be a goner. Not much longer of the assault on your sensitive little nub, another leg shaking orgasm shattered you again, muscles going slack and bones turning to jelly as Jungkook once again tossed you into limbo, mind turning from pleasure to anonymity. It didn't take long for Jungkook's own pleasure to mount, his cock being so beautifully graced by your velvety walls, the perfect combination of pressure, heat, and wetness throwing him into his own stage of bliss. His consummation rocked through him, chest stuttering with the effort it took as he emptied into you, muscles spasming and he collapsed on top of you, mind fading into nothing as well. ~~ Well after the prodigious sex you two had, you laid on his chest, tracing over his pectoral muscles and down to his abs and back again. You could feel the stutter in his abdomen every time you did it, bodies still trembling from the stupendous climaxed you both received. He kissed the crown of your head, murmuring into your hair a question you never thought you'd hear. "Will you marry me?" You looked up into his eyes and you knew, you couldn't trade him for anyone. The only man that could make your heart tremble from happiness was Jeon Jeongguk. You nodded your reply and kissed his lips. "Am I forgiven?" "I said yes didn't I? Dork" He rolled on top of you, body pressing between your legs. "Round two?" ~ A/N: If anyone gives me shit for this, I swear to god I'll lose my entire mind. I was up at 5am editing and planning, I'm running on three hours of sleep, okay?  *words: 2308*

[perspectives-otherwise]

A Skeptic’s Certainty: How is He Certain of His Beliefs?

The first time I witnessed my father cry, he was standing at death’s door.

I have been raised on the bread and butter of a political household. For the many years that I sat in front of the television, forced to flip to the news channel, dear, my father has appeared behind the tempered glass screen more times than I could count as my age today. Not once did he ever waver in his conviction, nor his voice. His chocolate brown eyes held a steadfast – our family would call it hard – look that could shoot an eagle dead; once his eyes became glazed over in that way, all of us knew there could be no persuasion and negotiation entertained.

I inherited this very look from my father. Eyes that, at first glance, are colored a boring dark chocolate brown, but then one notices them to be a clear, soft almond as the light hits my face at the right angle. When defiant, I could bore holes into another’s pair of eyes. Most of the time, my parents were on the receiving end of it. Though I had never actually went out of my way to stand in theirs.

Everyone at school knew me as ‘the kid with a scary but famous dad’. This was, admittedly, an extremely helpful deterrent for those who loved picking on the timid, puny ones along the corridor – not that I was a shrimp, but small nonetheless. Acquaintances greeted me by my family name, but close friends call me Jo. My real name is Jean, but who likes to be named after an item of clothing?

The memory of books crowds my mind whenever I reminisced about childhood. The four walls of my father’s study room were lined with heavy bookshelves made of oak: each lacquered slab of wood that groaned under the weight of hardbound, leather-bound books had handwritten labels stuck on carefully with tape. Most of the spaces on the shelves had been filled even before I was born, but when I turned 7 and read as much as I breathed, my father called me into his room one day and faced me to the shelf closest to the French windows. He looked at me and said:

“This belongs to you now. Fill it with the knowledge you truly wish to have.”

Together, we began removing the books long untouched by human hands, and the air soon became choked with dust.

As a child, I devoured fairy tales and fictional stories. As a middle and high school student, my teachers unearthed and enthusiastically cultivated in me the love of nature and science. This naturally led me on to pursue environmental studies later in university, which also spelt disaster for the relationship between my father and me. In the years leading up to the falling out, however, I relished the joy in collecting books on geography and philosophy, amongst various classic literature novels that only encouraged my idealism and naivety.

~

“Excuse me, Ms. Brooks, I think the textbook is wrong…and I don’t understand this paragraph.”

It was in the middle of my favorite 6th grade lesson when I pointed out an error in our still crisp, plastic-wrapped textbooks.[i] At home, I had read a little about climate change – something about rising sea levels and melting glaciers – that these were the effects of human activities, such as industrialization and carbon emissions. However, the school textbook printed vague, ambiguous statements that eventually led to the conclusion that climate change is natural, and not at all caused by mankind.

Being the nitpicky student that I am, my hand shot up in the air during quiet reading time.

“Nonsense, Jean, the textbook is never wrong! Just follow the arguments and you’ll understand.”

Being the determined individual that I am, I went home and consulted my father on the matter.

“Jean…your teacher is right. Do as she says and you’ll do well in school. Anyway, you should stop reading whatever it is that is getting you all confused. Trust me, it will bring you no good – because they are WRONG. For every day that I am at the office and campaigns, all I hear about is the same damn thing: that climate change is truly happening and that we are the cause of it, blah blah blah. My colleagues and I are up to our eyeballs in work trying to rebuke these claims and keep the higher-ups happy, so the money continues rolling in for us. Please don’t be an additional worry on my mind, girl!”

I left the room in much greater confusion.

~

Politics never used to interest me at all. Since the textbook incident, however, I began paying more attention to environmental campaigns broadcasted on the news and searched the web for old speeches by my father. Amidst the name-calling and dramatic pauses, I realized the shocking mindsets many politicians had towards climate change, and how deeply rooted their beliefs are.

To them, climate change is a lie.

Besides accusing the activists of hurting the economy in their efforts to reduce carbon emissions, the ‘conservative’ politicians refused to make any further comment or argument by concluding that “I’m not a scientist”, and this statement effectively renders them immune to any scientific discussion or opinion requested.[ii] On the surface level, they claim to have no scientific and thus, expert knowledge on the issue of climate change, but in reality, they simply wish to avoid getting their hands dirty and putting America’s economy on hold. Evidently, they are much more concerned with earning profit than saving the Earth, though they would rather die than admit so.

As an amateur holding a Bachelor’s degree in environmental studies, I could still understand and empathize with some of the senior politicians and the general public; the phenomenon of climate change can be bizarre and its technicalities difficult to grasp, such that even the world’s leading experts are still racking their brains over finding a solution.[iii] If even the scientists are uncertain about the whole issue, then perhaps the average individual should be allowed to entertain a little skepticism!

Total skepticism is pushing it a little too far, however. The research I did online was baffling: one in four Americans were completely skeptical of climate change, and they believed that it is a natural process that humans had nothing to do with.[iv] Most of the time, the skeptical politicians had monetary backing from corporations vested in economic interest, such as the fossil fuel and oil industries. With a cap on carbon emissions, these corporations would face much loss in business and thus, revenue; with profit as the ultimate goal, these companies were little inclined to agree to such restrictions.[v]

Following the campaigns sickened me to the stomach, but I continued to do so in order to be updated on the progress of climate change mitigation. Little was achieved.

~

“You have no right as a daughter to lecture me!”

2009. That year, my father and I contested against each other at the 15th Conference of the Parties. At that point in time, I was considered one of the most established experts on the field of environmental science, global warming in particular. To everyone, I was greeted as Dr. Ernie, and my name was well-respected worldwide, but spat on by climate change skeptics.

My father was one of them.

Our relationship had steadily soured ever since I decided to throw his advice out the window and follow my instincts. Rationality kicked in as I dug deeper into the underworld of politics and environmental science, and I forced myself to stay level-headed whenever my father’s face drifted to mind, his threatening voice commanding me to leave the entire matter alone. Counter-intuitively, as I grew knowledgeable of the subject, his inability to understand my most beloved passion only encouraged my inability to understand the inner workings of his mind.

I worked through years with a single motivation: to persuade my father that climate change is, and has been ongoing for decades. Personal scientific reports were painstakingly simplified and rewritten countless times, complicated models reduced to layman diagrams drawn by hand in order to illustrate the very reality of it all.[vi] Every single time I handed him the papers, he tore them up into shreds before chucking them at my feet.

We had just returned home from the conference before I walked out of his house for the last time. He had ripped every single beloved book of mine from the shelves and set them on fire in the backyard.

~

2015.

I was about to leave my home for a jog when the telephone shrilled through my briefcase. A frantic female voice asked for my name, and I answered yes, speaking. It turned out to be my mother.

She told me that my father was dying.

~

“Hi, Dad.”

The house had remained its exact, spotless appearance. The midday sun illuminated his bedroom, washing it down with clean and golden-yellow warmth.

Blanketed and cushioned by stark white, sterile cotton sheets and pillows on his bed, he wheezed heavily and paused often to catch big gulps of air. My father beckoned me feebly nearer to his side.

Some formal exchanges on how are you, what have you been doing, before we lapsed into an awkward contest of staring each other down. Then he spoke.

My father lamented on the years wasted on preserving his own pride and self-image, instead of embracing new knowledge and making up for his lack of education. Something about cognitive dissonance theory, he waved his hand impatiently. To put it simply, denying climate change completely was the easier choice compared to conceding that his commitment in opinion is flawed; with scientific authorities directly challenging his belief system, the unconscious psychological inclination was to react negatively towards the rejected option, or reduce its initial appeal. In this case, my father was faced with the dilemma between altering his entire belief system on climate change to allow the appropriate decisions in mitigation, or to condemn the scientific consensus as a pack of lies and continue his anti-campaigns.[vii] Also, there was growing economic pressure from the corporations to deliver results and ensure that carbon emissions levels are not restricted.

As an uneducated and conservative man, he could only invest faith in human innovation and technological advancements to reduce the effects of climate change, rather than swallow the overwhelming scientific evidence that condemned everything he supported. Naturally, he sought discord with the latter and picked at any uncertainty that the scientists reluctantly revealed; this he did so especially with climate modeling, which are far from accurate and complete in their analysis and prediction of our climate.[viii]

“I’ve watched the world gradually progress into the technological age, a complete makeover that occurred over a few mere decades. There is so much more potential for the future, and I so believed in humans to conquer anything that stood in our way.[ix] Climate change, to many of us, was just another trivial matter that the government and certain goody-two shoes fussed over in order to gain more funding and support from policy makers. We didn’t want to relinquish any monetary control to them…[x]

Your growing passion in environmental science did nothing to persuade me in changing my mind. I had secretly admired your fierce determination in not letting the matter rest, but this old man of yours was never going to admit to his daughter that he is wrong about something he had devoted his life to fighting against. And I wish to apologize for that now.”

Never once did he let go of my right hand – clasped tightly in his icy cold own, I could only interpret this long abandoned gesture as his final way of expressing affection and regret, perhaps mingled with a little pride. There was no hardness this time, only a single tear clinging on desperately to the corner of his right eye.

 Endnotes

[i] See Singer, Merrill. "Anthropology and Climate Change." AnthropologyNews.

[ii] Atkin, Emily. "‘I’m Not A Scientist': A Complete Guide To Politicians Who Plead Ignorance On Climate Change." ThinkProgress RSS. October 3, 2014. Accessed March 8, 2015.

[iii] Dunlap, R. E. "Climate Change Skepticism and Denial: An Introduction." American Behavioral Scientist 56, no. 6 (2013): 691-98. 691.

[iv] Saad, Lydia. "One in Four in U.S. Are Solidly Skeptical of Global Warming." One in Four in U.S. Are Solidly Skeptical of Global Warming. April 22, 2014. Accessed March 8, 2015.

[v] Dunlap. “Climate Change Skepticism and Denial: An Introduction”, 692-694.

[vi] Dunlap. “Climate Change Skepticism and Denial: An Introduction”, 691. Refer also to Atkin, Paragraph 3.

[vii] Gelfert, Axel, “Climate Scepticism, Epistemic Dissonance, and the Ethics of Uncertainty,” Philosophy and Public Issues (New Series), Vol. 3, No. 1 (2013), 167-208, edited by S. Maffettone, G. Pellegrino and M. Bocchiola. 189-194.

[viii] Gelfert. “Climate Scepticism, Epistemic Dissonance, and the Ethics of Uncertainty,” 179-181.

[ix] Gelfert. “Climate Scepticism, Epistemic Dissonance, and the Ethics of Uncertainty,” 183-184.

[x] Dunlap. “Climate Change Skepticism and Denial: An Introduction”, 694.