#... And it STILL hits. Like... God damn...!
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gg buddy am I right (ethubs doodle that I don't know what to do with)
#ethubs#Ive wanted to draw ethubs angst for so many days but art block is still hitting hard and this thing has been sitting around for awhile#hey ethubers how did you. survive#last life ethubs upsets me so much make it end#The way after Bdubs dies Etho is trying to justify to himself not having given him a life to begin with rather than#telling him to prove himself#its like he expects the others who are with him to comment on it but they dont. Etho's all "I couldn't have just given it to him you know..#without them asking about it or anything. And Etho just keeps going. god damn it Etho I feel so bad for them#dont even get me started on what Bdubs said to G about Etho grrrr GRRRR I saw that for the first time not long ago GRRRRRR#I still wanna draw proper ethubs though. someday#also the damage to Bdubs' face is supposed to be from the rocket Lizzie shot#does it make sense? No probably not but its an excuse to make him look more dead#tubby art
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You talk a lot about Donnie's triggers when it comes to Raph and Leo, but what about Mikey? Is there anything specifically related to him that would freak Donnie out?
mikey gets brought up the least because he's the least physically imposing, and he very rarely got violent. his abuse was almost solely psychological, at least in the beginning, whereas raph was mostly verbal and leo was a mix of,, uh. everything lol (note that even before he smacked him, even before the closet, he was mentioned to be throwing things at him). most of mikey's abuse was caused by leo except for that one incident in the kitchen, so donnie tends to see leo as more of a threat than he does mikey when he's in a bad headspace. when mikey's alone, he doesn't think he's going to be hurt UNLESS he seriously seems to upset or anger him. (i think if donnie ever hurts mikey during an episode, he's going to take it a lot worse than if it were raph and leo. partially because he's smaller and younger, but also because of. right after the closet. yeah)
i actually think most of the things specifically about mikey were addressed in cw, though, because they were more emotional things-- the fear of being talked about when he wasn't around, for example. all of the food insecurity stems from him, too. leo was a nasty evil gaslighter but mikey was the one that just outright lied constantly, mostly in an effort to "protect donnie's feelings" (or at least to look like he was) and that's a big reason he finds that so uncomfortable. of course he's going to correlate hiding things to actually protect his feelings with talking behind his back.
#ask#canary continuity#cw abuse#mikey is actually so awful about the lying in cl im surprised it isnt brought up much here#i think the faux-empathy is nastier than if he'd just been outright cruel#he'd laugh along when leo bullied him and acted awful and then turn around and hide the depths of how involved he actually was#constantly told donnie it was okay. even hugged him pretty soon before the closet. lead him along and then crushed him#and i do think its fascinating because you gotta wonder about how much of that was like .... actually him#mikey was kind of at war with himself. with raph he fell so easily into it because it twisted a pre-existing mindset#he'd fight against it but only when it veered into territory that was too cruel for him to justify to himself#but with mikey i think he knew better than anyone else that something was WRONG#hell. after donnie pushed him and lashed out i do think he WAS actually upset. four days and he still didnt expect him to be mad#''it was just three hours'' was a lie because he was trying to save his own skin. because there WAS a small part of him that hated the idea#-of donnie being upset with him#it's unseen but i think them going on and on about donnie ''hitting'' mikey was a big reason he shifted from then on#every moment of clarity he had was just smothered by leo and raph feeding into the curse and telling him he had the right to be mad#idk inevitably mikey's greatest downfall is that he was careless and unfocused and a little selfish#he cared about what was *fun.* and when reality hit him that he might be acting bad he wanted nothing more than to be reassured#that he wasnt. he might have come to that conclusion on his own but raph and leo definitely made it worse#god damn donnie trying to be reassuring and considerate actually fucked him up so bad with mikey that's messed up :(#mikey didnt think donnie was capable of fighting back and that's why he turned so quickly when he actually did. Yikes#because like if he wasn't fighting back then surely it wasnt THAT bad... it was just play....
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been thinking about Botborne Crossover Au again (Transformers x Bloodborne) for the past few days and like- ik I already set Prowl as Maria but like it would've been pretty funny if Prowl were Darkbeast Paarl
Solely for the reason that I think it'd be funny if Prowl's name was butchered into "Poowl"
atm Paarl is set as Ravage,, bc lore reasons and bc I think drawing Ravage as a giant lightning infused darkbeast would be sick as hell
#god ive been thinking of drawing Laurence Shockwave for daysssss- Every time I listen to Laurence's track#it's so good... ig im kinda getting off track but every time the choir hits the final portion of the song at “Esti omnes cavete” MMMMMM#ik the latin in the song is grammatically incorrect but like- still such an underrated BB track imo#even more off topic- Paarl and Fortissax from ER have the same issue for me where they're so damn sick design wise but#functionally in game they're so weak.. They deserved a much more difficult battle me thinks....
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GOT TICKETS FOR SPARKS IN LONDON AND BERLIN!!!!!!!!!
#god this shit was so stressful. never again#first it didn't say anything about there being a presale for london on the venue's website so i was like damn#guess i'll have to wait until tomorrow. oh and also it wouldn't let me in on firefox so i had to switch to edge#then the hour hit so i go to the berlin presale and oh god oh noooo it's all seated and with different ticket prices and all so what do i d#i choose the seats and they sold out already of course. i refresh the site. i try to find ANY seats that don't say that they're locked#and can't find any so i'm like ??? and then i have the eureka moment that they're locked behind a code because that's how the presale works#and i have the code so USE THE DAMN CODE!!! i choose seats and buy the tickets it's fine#i go back to the london sale and see that wow nevermind there ARE tickets available today. there are standing tickets!!! i grab the tickets#i try to pay but oops hit the daily limit on my card. i change the limit in rising panic. it still doesn't go through#i switch the payment option and retry over and over again like 6 times it still doesn't go through. what the fuck.#THEN i realize that i changed the limit for card payments not INTERNET payments. i change that limit. i buy the tickets successfully#scariest 20 minutes of my life but i did it i'm in. i'm gonna see sparks 3 TIMES!!!!!#it's over it's back to normal life now i can be calm and free again. it's all fine i did it YAYYYYY. MAD! SUMMER HERE I COME#goosepost
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I'm such a dumbass, there's some channel playing all the SW movies in order, and I was like "Wow! Cool! But I wonder why!!" As if I haven't referenced that it's May the Fourth multiple times today already
Great too that I tuned in specifically to the last 20 mins of ROTS, yknow which I still haven't emotionally recovered from since seeing ROTS not even a week ago 😭😭
#tuned in specifically to the part on Mustafar RIGHT before the high ground scene#WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#oh boy let me sit down all cozy and watch the most devastating moments in all of star wars 😭😭#it gets lighter at the very end but god this last act is so god damn painful :((((#they really hit you with it all#every god damn scene is like a punch to the heart MAN.#i will say though. man this film is truly best enjoyed on the big screen#its still good but like. seeing it in theaters genuinely felt life changing#i felt more emotionally connected to it than ever#well hey at least ANH is on after this....#catie.rambling.txt
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the final tf2 comic lowkey got me emotional it was everything dude i love it so much
#tf2#tf2 comic#i dont have words rn to describe it even though i read it hours ago#im still thinking about it#could of had medic and heavy doing it sloppy but thats for after screen credits /j#THE FUCKING TRIBUTE TO RICK MAY AT THE BEGINNING#THE BEGINNING IN GENERAL OH MY GOD#FUCKING fdesfred ???? it just hits so hard#just helen there with her dead parents switching through scenes because she doesnt even remember#and miss pauling realising what shes been up too and like doesnt give her the australium#miss pauling im so sorry you had to see and go through that#i love you girl#OH AND THAT SCOUT CAME TO TERMS THAT HE WASNT GONNA BE WITH HER#AND HIM ENDING UP HAVING MULTIPLE KIDS AND HAVING DEADBEAT WIVES#LIKE HIS MA HAD WITH HER HUSBANDS OH MY GOD#and spy fucking taking off his mask but still not saying he's their grandpa but just jeremy's co worker#like theres so much dude idfk like damn#merry christmas
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i am a firm believer in that akasha is marius' mother figure and their relationship is intentionally meant to parallel him and his human mother
#imho its not a long shot to consider akasharius/marikasha (idk) psuedoincest either#i should probably write an analysis longpost about it but still the signs are there in canon. marius was groomed to be the god of the grove#whos alternatively called “the lover of the [great] mother” as well. a little bit of a given that their relationship is blurry to#the human (our) eyes even if its simply because they are vampires and fundamentally are not restrained by our own ideas and labels to thing#but marius really did love akasha as a mother (or perhaps his concept of one) as a goddess/deity and as an object/project of his#as for akasha well. cant say im an expert on our (former) queen of the damned but in-turn she loved marius as a servant. never a son as he#mightve wished for her to. this is to say that while akasha didnt see marius as her son she definitely hit the spot on his mommy issues™#obv she didnt love marius enough to Not leave him immediately for lestat lol but emphasis on the “servant” part of “loved him as a servant”#this is demonstrated by the fact eudoxia enthusiastically offers to replace marius as twmbks keeper but akasha is like lmfao hell no#and makes the choice to retain marius instead. because tbh he IS the ideal... (trying to find synonyms for servant) ... lackey??? for twmbk#dare i say marius saying that he used to lay against akashas breast to “listen to her heart” and “try fathoming her thoughts” reminds me of#skin-to-skin (head-to-chest) contact between a parent and their child (baby) so theres that too#anyway this has more text than the og post alone so ill shut up for now... do we see the vision???#ive slept like 2 hours be kind if my english isnt the best rn#xndead rambles#xndead father of lies#marius de romanus#akasha#the vampire chronicles#tvc#cw incest
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ARCANE DAY
Episode 4 and 5 in the tags and:
SALO BEING A VIKTOS FOLLOWER??? CRAZY. ALSO BOTH VIKTOR MISSING JAYCE AJDHSKSJ also cait has kinda calmed down... and I am sure she misses vi so I KNOW this is going to happen to her soon.... we aren't getting much of her feelings yet... she's still too onto Jinx to catch up on where ambessa is going...
DID JAYCE JUST KILL SALO??? WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE
Also vander not recognizing vi at first until she gives up fighting.... incredible ALSO vander and silco being miners and vi wearing her gauntlets that were initially thought out for miners.... damn
This is my favourite episode so far....
Episode 6 here:
Sky really being there..... of course she is....
Ambessa training caitlyn.... of course thats her new daughter akdjskms Tunnels in your eyes.... GIRL!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T NEED RIGHT NOW also the guy outside is a mage... ambessa is such a hypocrite
Vi and Jinx vs ambessa and cait.... this was always about class war don't get it twisted SINGED!!! TRAITOR!!!!
ARE THEY GOING TO SEE VIKTOR???? I looove how viktors touch on their faces leave "scars" so recognizable
Did isha just take the gem from vi's gauntlets??? Omg I wasn't expecting viktor to build a hippie commune to be honest omg he looks so good.... with the blonde underhairs.... and I do believe that's the same blanket....
And of course viktor knows who vander is.... nvm he diesnt know omg viktor asking for Powder.....
We are getting viktor horsegirl montage.... omg the vander momtage I can't..... omg they wanna stay.... singed is gonna fuck all this up NOOOOO 😭😭😭 they are already there I am going to kms
CAITLYN STOP THIS MADESSS!!! ✋️ CAITLYN!!!!! VI KILL THIS MAN!!! OMG CAITLYN...... mongoose... yeah.... and fuck you too.... CUPCAKE!!!! ABOUT TIME!!!! CAITLYN I SAID STOP THIS MADNESS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! And jayce too 😭😭😭 we're never making it out of the fissures
It's such a shame the spit on here won't work like on challengers.... one can only pray I guess
Jinx experiencing the "there's nothing more undoing as a daughter" moment.... incredible
"Your absence provided a vacuum I was able to fill" TO VI???? I KNEW THAT HAND HOLDING IN THE COMMANDER SCENE WAS SUS AKDHKASJ maddie exists and ambessa knows that and still.... it was not filling her mother's void...
YES CAITLYN!!! YES!!!!! VI is so hot I am distracted... ambessa was right.... now what the fuck will jayce fuck up??? Thats the question... NOT ANOTHER CHILD!!! jayce is a menace... the guys smiling at jayce are viktor... maybe the child even....
JINX KILL THAT MAN!!! NVM VANDER KILL THAT MAN!!! JAYCE YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!! JAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEN I GET YOU JAAAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Isha what are you going to do omg 😭😭 did she kill vander... another powder... my god another week...
That was such a good fucking episode too.... and caitlyn didn't go insane when finding Jinx that is a step forwards but viktor can't be dead... no fucking way... he was giving himself away for the people and he was going to finally die by saving vander and look at what we got... no wonder viktor hates his guts. Jayce you were so good in act one.... what happened..... alright. Christ.... another week....
#FUCKING MADDIE?????????????? NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYYYYY#fucking maddie??? yes she is fucking her. christ. jinx was right vi should have hit before all of that.... maddie bet her to it 😭😭😭#i have tears in my eyes aldjaodjsk no fucking way what the heeeeeeell ooooh my goooood nowaaayyaaayyyaaaayyyy#and cait looks so pretty....... she is still focused on jinx.....#omg isha..... jinx gave up jinx??? what...... ambessa is making hextech... so jayce is still missing.... well she is trying#and mel is still missing too.... christ and ekkos friend is sympathetic to jinx... mmhmhmmmmm also ambessa clocks everything aldjakaj#cait has calmed down.... what is happening... she is now only violent towards jinx i guess. ambessa is opening that wound over and over oof#THE MIDDLE FINGER AKDBAKSBKANSKA sevika is unifying the underground i knew it!!! yes!!!! jinx show up!!!!#cait paying homage to her mother while rictus beats up some guy.... her suffering meking her an enabler to those actions... yeah#oh no..... they know.... isha lighting the fire like jinx did.... sevika getting her arm cut... ISHA BEAT HIM UUUP!!! JINX!!!! omg singed..#enforcer vi becoming part of her hallucinations... its so over... also silco... jinx kill this man. not ambessa... omg jinx run....#she likes iiiit yeeeeahhhh.... ekkos friend... . and THE BROTHEL LADY... SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!! SHE IS SO GLAD!!! WARWICK!! FUCK SHIT UP!!#OMG HE RECOGNIZES HER!!!!! HE SPEAKS!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING MASSACRE OUTSIDE BUT HE DOES RECOGNIZE HER!!!!#CALL VIIIII THROW A PARTY WE ARE A FOUR PEOPLE HOUSEHOLD NOW!!! FIVE WITH SEVIKA!!! COME ON AT LEAST TRY!!!#his eyes changing color... singed you are nothing compared to a fathers love... jinx complaining about not really having killed powder....#she didnt and vander recognises that.... amazing omg........#THE CAIT IN BED HALLUCINATION AND JINX THERE!!!! its so weird seeing them both like this.... jinx wanting to help him.... ofc...#THEY GOT VANDER???? also you know whats funny... the cape makes cait look like silco... it looks red even#why is singed based.... OMG MEL!!! HER BROTHER!!!!! OH MY GOD VIIII LOOKS SO GOOOD!!!! HER GAUNTLETS ARE PAINTED BLACK TOO AKDBAKS#bitch mittens (not even diy) damn vi she got you hard THE BITCH SLAP omg vi... your big sister duties...#singed actually venering vander.... do not help the opressor singed!! i just said you were based!!! IS MEL PREGNANT?!?!??!#she does enjoy her puzzles..... oh of course he is an hallucination.... the first time he appeared behind her....#silco and vanders old hq..... omg MORE DOOMED YAOI...... vander apologised but silco didn't read the letter 😭😭 as vi reaches for jinx omg#vi wearing her enforcer plaque without the plaque.... slay but why. no vander no loke he is a dog akdhaksj IS VANDER THEIR ACTUAL FATHER#NO FUCKING WAY A LOVE TRIANGLE AND EACH ONE GETS OME DAUGHTER AIDHOQSJOSAKL i need a fucking moment....#well its not vanders.... BUT THE SAME CUP AND STRAW FOR POWDER OMG!!! THE FATHERS THAT STEPPED UP!!!CONNEL GET RECKT!!!!#bedrock and blisters my fucking god. vander and silco wanting to build a better zaun for her daughters... AND JINX AND VI ARE GONNA MAKE IT#vander looking at the woman she likes whos hair is purple: ive always liked the name violet. im going to be sick!!!! my god!!!#MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!! VANDER HUGGING VI!!! THE SHOT OF HER OFFERING JINX TO JOIN WILL END MEE!!!!#watching arcane
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when the blind reactors you watch are starting to get into the Nitty Gritty of plot and you are going to have to be Very Careful in your meta ramble comments from now on so as to not accidentally sway their thinking or Give Anything Away
#SoEverdream on patreon just finished s3#and got to the 'rose shattered pink diamond' (*major irony Air Quotes*) ''reveal''#we really in it now boys#jen rambles#man tho it's so funny at the end of s3 he was musing on if the reveal of what rose ''did'' would at all change steven's willingness to be#more offensive on the field in a situation of need and he was like... 'man part of me... actually really wants that and a part of me#Does Not because steven is a literal child and at the end of the day i want him to stay innocent'#and meanwhile in the back of my head i'm just#war flashbacks to 16 yr old steven Going On the Offensive and uh#it not ending well :')#which i still think... narratively- how it's presented- was kinda genius on a meta level#they play up that fight the whole episode... building up towards it with a whole anime-esque training montage#playing it up like some fuckin shounen shenanigans#for Many audience members i think they were like 'holy shit lets GOOOOOO fight fight fight'#but then like#WHAM. consequences hit#and it's not a fun little shounen fight scene anymore#and you realize that this is the worst possible thing that could've ever happened to steven- truly giving himself over to the offensive#like god damn holy SHIT i cannot wait for this reactor to eventually get there#bc his reaction to steven having to stab a sword clear through bismuth was VISCERAL#and i just KNOW it'll be the same at That Moment#and i CRAVE it#but i need to be patient ahahah#all in good time :)
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do you ever just try to seek out advice for something you struggle with, find something that comes with glowing recommendations that Changed Everything(tm) for the people reccing it, and then when you read it it's so bad that it gives you a better idea of what your actual problem is just by dint of articulating why it sucks
#whosebaby talks#ttrpg tag#me trying to find advice for doing better improv in ttrpgs; and All of It either completely misses the point#goes 'don't work the way your brain works lol'#or gives you advice that's a helpful leg up; but can only go so far if you're not actually getting at the fundamental issue: Why#like i still don't entirely know *how* to solve the issues i've been putting my finger on! but god damn i'm finally at least doing that much#i think it doesn't help that the 'just don't think this way lol' this advice always aims at#hits on ableist bullshit i've gotten shamed and dismissed for Constantly in the past#to the point where i just stopped trying to engage with things or problem-solve at all To My Extreme Detriment Ever Since lol#'don't approach this game in a way informed by your neural wiring' means people will not approach your game!#ugh. anyway this instance of it sucked Bad even worse than usual and i am annoyed#the salt files
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Absolutely wrecked by dandadan episode 7. I haven't cried that hard for fiction since I read trimax volume 10
#speculation nation#i was fucking CHOKING on those sobs. hands clasped together the whole time.#literally biting at my own fingers (still clasped together) at the most devastating moments#i cried for the whole last 10 mins of that episode and for another 5 minutes after. god fucking damn#it's. so fucking good. but holy fuck. i wasnt expecting my heart to be wrenched out of my chest quite this badly at 3 pm on a friday#i need time to like. recover. had to take my glasses off after. had to sit with it and process it.#parts of it struck a core in Me. personally relevant. which i think is maybe part of why it hit me so hard.#but even beyond that. truly devastating. wasnt expecting a random demon's backstory to wreck me like that hfkahfks#but this show truly is SO fucking good. i am Definitely gonna rewatch it all in one go whenever it finishes airing.
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i swear there was a post that was like what's your favorite line from hallelujah and i swear i reblogged it with mine in the tags but i can't find it on my blog so i'm posting it again. mine is "remember when i moved in you and the holy ghost was moving too and every breath we drew was hallelujah"
#hallelujah#leonard cohen#tag urs if u want idk#that whole verse hits hard. we used to talk you used to tell me what was happening and now you never show it to me do you.#also i have to say the rufus wainwright version still hits and its not just bc of shrek#but ofc the original cohen one with the chorus GOD goes hard#i like that line because idk if it was supposed to be but its just the most beautiful image of how sex can be holy#i ALSO love 'even though it all went wrong i'll stand before the lord of song with nothing on my tongue but hallelujah'#GOD#what a god damn beautiful song#and one of my favorite things to play on the piano#music
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yes i want ford to be happy and finally move on
but also yes i wanna see his horror at learning that bill's obsession has shifted to become unadulterated hatred of stan/finding out that stan is his reincarnation/seeing even a glimpse of stan's many many issues
#ford going 'finally living my best life with my brother!!! :D' while stan hits the horrors™️ away with a broom#ford reacting to all the tests on stan's mind with a simple 'he still has his bad jokes' still makes me unhinged af#cos just a few weeks later we got the website hammering it in how bad stan's mental state must've been#we're gonna be left with just this for the foreseeable future im chewing on my walls#....unless alex decides to upload the stan nightmare story soon cos then i will lose it#'no one has ever been nice to me in my entire life' kills me inside every time i remember it#i can imagine them being >:\\\\ cos they were expecting the dangers of the sea and cold and like.#not. existential horrors. and that annoying guy who's basically a stalker at this point.#but also the annoying guy was him once! god damn that sucks!
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anyway i hope everyone in the yucatan peninsula is okay rn since that’s where milton is currently a cat 5 hurricane but nobody seems to be talking about it?????
#like my heart goes out to people in florida rn like god damn back to back????#but like. this bitch it currently touching mexico#milton is projected to be cat 3 by the time it hits tampa. which is bad still#but again like. are the people in yucatan okay
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... To say nothing of my ire whenever I stumble on the "Ansbach is biased" takes. 😭
#{{outofbloodboon}}#In regards to that last reblog. BUT GOD DAMN.#Ansbach really WAS something special. At least for me he was.#And like... I understand how some people might be a bit pissed that their perception of a character might have gotten flipped.#Like I'm still disappointed in the direction they took Miquella in.#But... Mmm... MMM...#I don't even know HOW to describe it. 😒😔#I just hold a certain appreciation toward Ansbach's whole thing.#So it DOES hit a certain button whenever I stumble on posts sort of dissing him because he was loyal to Mohg.#And it's like...#Dammit Mohg deserved compassion too! From the start!
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i started all of these games at wildly different times, took varying levels of breaks partway through each of them, and then finished all of their achievements in the same two days
i don't know what to do with myself now
#buenos dias short people#tunic was like. i played to maybe halfway. took a months long break#when i picked it back up i didnt remember what i was doing so i started a new file and played like a third#months long break. but this time i resumed the second file and played through to the end#the game is very cryptic but starting over gave me a handle on the mechanics and what was important#outer wilds took like four tries even though i knew it would be good i just wasnt hooked#the game is about knowledge even more than tunic like knowledge is the whole deal and it comes slowly at first#but when it hit it really hit. god damn#please play outer wilds#spyro? um. it was good#i don't know that i took any big breaks from it? there were some but a couple weeks at most#spyro levels are not particularly complex. or content rich. and i really felt that 60 hours#playing the whole trilogy all back to back can really burn you out#its a collectathon you're bound to spend a good while just wandering around to find that one last thing you missed#and i didn't know i could left stick for sparx to point out the nearest gems until like halfway through 2 so that was a time waster#im not saying it wasn't a good game but spyros moveset is like. glide fire charge and you do this for three games#until they throw in random nonspyro playable characters in 3 and they all control really bad and weird. but its still mostly spyro#i could have taken big breaks between each game and it would've been better probably but its a collection im gonna roll to the next one
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