#... anyway this is exactly the kind of thing that gives me hangups about drawing I feel like I SHOULD be doing that other stuff

[blujayonthewing]

me: [has a hundred other drawings I want to do or sketches I want to finish]

me: hmm time to draw my bard being aggressively flirty with an npc who's never shown any particular interest in her or in anything at all other than being a big nerd

[darkcircles4lyfe]

retrospective & predictions

Since we're on a hiatus week (between 320 and 321) I feel like waxing poetic about the depth and growth of bkdk for a bit. Especially because it seems like we’re right on the edge of their biggest development yet, I’m getting the urge to lay all my perspectives and insights I’ve picked up from others out on the table. This is ultimately only my subjective interpretation of subtextual material in canon, though. If you’ve never quite understood what people see in their dynamic and you’re actually open to hearing me out, maybe from this you can at least see where we’re coming from. And if you don’t like my takes after all, well, we’ll see who’s right in the coming chapters, won’t we? What I have to say can be taken platonically or romantically; I appreciate both. 

putting it under the cut, since it’ll be long:

At the risk of projecting, I want to start by examining a couple things based partly on personal experience.

From many different directions, I often hear people expressing that Deku’s persistent attachment and admiration for Bakugou is baffling at best. Despite the bullying, despite Bakugou’s loud, rude, and uncompromising personality, he still puts effort into their relationship and frequently describes him as amazing. It seems like Deku himself is aware of this as he’s said things along the lines of how he’s difficult, BUT... etc. Although I don’t think it’s exactly that Deku finds Bakugou’s personality hard to be around, but that he’s deliberately expressing patience for Bakugou’s emotional turmoil. 

I have to say I know what this sort of patience is like, as I went through it with someone I love. I only chose to put up with their behavior because I decided the possibility of what our relationship could be was worth it. I wasn’t blind or submissive to how they treated me, and I wasn’t coerced. I simply expressed myself and established my boundaries while still allowing them the opportunity to join me in my world once they got over their own hangups. And guess what? It worked out in the end. That doesn’t mean there aren’t circumstances where it’s better to cut ties, but I want to stress that true reconciliation is possible sometimes. I used to worry that other people around me thought I was delusional for seeking it, but what really helped was my therapist reminding me that I’m smart and strong. So I think Deku deserves to feel the same. In a way this is his whole mission in life, his approach to being a hero as well as his personal relationships.

Let me also be clear though that I don’t mean Deku is only tolerating Bakugou’s personality, his mannerisms, the parts of him that will likely never change. I’m drawing a line between those things and his emotional state (they so rarely align anyway, but I’ll get to that later). In fact, I think Bakugou’s general attitude is part of what Deku admires. This is gonna be hard to explain without inserting personal experience too, sorry. As a writer myself I’ve noticed I’m drawn to writing characters that are brazen and bold and don't mind telling people off. Really it’s because I operate in the world in the polar opposite way. I try not to draw attention to myself, I’m quiet, and I’m a people-pleaser. People who project confidence, especially in an impolite sort of way, fascinate me. It’s good to take cultural context into account, too: I've heard people who’d know better than me that part of the reason Bakugou is the most popular character in the Japanese fandom is likely because he contradicts a lot of their social norms. His disregard is refreshing and cathartic. I can speculate that Deku has a similar point of view based on what he thinks but does not admit about Bakugou being his image of victory and how this sometimes makes him mimic Bakugou’s speech and mannerisms: 

There’s also the bit in this fight where Deku realizes he's the only one able to receive Bakugou’s emotions. This is because he’s the most intimately familiar with him and his situation, but I think there’s another layer. Deku, as we know, has a self-sacrificing tendency, and in the current chapters we’re seeing the worst side of that. But let’s also not forget that to an extent, it can be a positive trait: resilience. When it comes to Bakugou, he has an almost comical ability to dodge the potential fallout of his outbursts. The example we all jump to (and fight about..) is how in ch1, apart from the initial shock of Bakugou suggesting he jump off the roof, the most he reacts is to criticize him for saying such a ridiculous thing. However, I think their interaction post- sludge villain is a lot more interesting:

Note two things: 1, in his head, Deku is practically making fun of how Bakugou’s acting as he stomps away without waiting for a reply. It doesn’t faze him. 2, Deku thinks, optimistically, that he can now focus on a different career choice. This is astonishing really. Up to this point, none of Bakugou’s attempts to put him down have worked; he just kept pursuing his dream. The only reason Deku concedes in this moment it because for the first time, he has been shown that he really couldn't do anything in a fight against a villain. All Might told him he couldn't be a hero (although he’s literally about to take that back in the next few pages lol) and the other heroes at the scene gave him a lecture about it too. It was those experiences, and not Bakugou’s words, that truly affected him. And when All Might tells Deku he can be a hero after all, it’s not thinking of Bakugou’s bullying that makes him sob and fall to his knees, it’s the memory of his own mom never telling him those words he so desperately needed to hear. Having spent most of their lives together, Deku must have been aware all this time that Baukgou was influenced by larger societal forces rather than a core judgement, so he didn’t take it personally. He separated the person from the action, and because he’s resilient and patient, he is thus equipped to handle Bakugou’s emotions. It’s a testament to his maturity and emotional intelligence, really. 

But I can almost hear some of you saying, “that doesn’t mean Deku should have to be the bigger person here!” Correct! Just because Deku is perfectly alright bearing all of that, doesn’t mean atonement-era Bakugou sees it this way. We can track his awareness of Deku’s care and selflessness as follows-

The bridge scene, when they’re little kids: Bakugou conflates Deku’s heroism with pity, and subsequently thinks Deku is looking down on him because Bakugou’s own insecurity makes him defensive.

The Sludge Villain, and also Deku vs. Kacchan Part 1: Bakugou witnesses first-hand how easily Deku jumps to risk his own life, but still thinks he’s being looked down on. 

The Sports Festival: Bakugou fights Uraraka and recognizes her endurance strategy and refusal to give up as very Deku-like. He’s half right. He thinks Deku advised her in the fight, when in reality she just mimicked Deku because she admired him. I want to draw attention to his very sober comment about her not being frail. It’s a great endearment of Uraraka’s character and Bakugou’s respect for her when others didn’t take “fighting a girl” seriously, but it also reflects on his opinion of Deku. Deku isn’t weak either. He never was.

Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2: Deku finally corrects him about the whole looking-down-on-him thing, and Bakugou is informed that Deku’s selflessness is in fact the reason All Might chose him. Since Bakugou had been in search of what he himself was “doing wrong” for All Might to favor Deku over him, he now has to reconcile the fact that selflessness is a heroic trait, and moreover something he lacks. This is also possibly the first time Bakugou is able to see his past actions toward Deku as bullying since he previously thought it was more mutual. Additionally, Bakugou can now link Deku’s selfless behavior to what he perceived as pity/contempt, and realize that Deku has been giving him A LOT of grace. Maybe too much. Maybe more than Bakugou deserves, and definitely more than Deku should have to. Holy heck- now Bakugou has to figure out how to live up to all the faith that’s been placed in him. 

Subtextually, we can see Bakugou’s feelings about atonement reflected in the Todoroki family:

1, Shouto is another example of Deku growing a friendship using his selflessness (since their fight in the sports festival) and their relationship is being acknowledged here where it hasn’t been in Bakugou’s situation. Perhaps Bakugou is wishing it could be so simple for him, to be able to thank him for being his friend like that. Deku saying the pleasure is all his also probably calls to mind how a mere apology from Bakugou would probably be dismissed because that’s just the kind of accommodating person Deku is. Bakugou has to operate more quietly in order to actually make up for their past. I personally don’t interpret this scene as Bakugou being jealous of Deku and Shouto’s friendship, exactly, just the lack of emotional baggage. Side note, Deku and Fuyumi are kinda similar in their desire to repair relationships. I like that she’s the one to give him some credit. 

2, With the common terminology, this can be interpreted as Bakugou receiving a model for atonement, one that is about action, and nothing to do with receiving favor or forgiveness. It’s a sense of duty. 

Many of the above sentiments are repeated in the flashback conversation between All Might and Bakugou right before Bakugou’s sacrifice. 

Bakugou acknowledges his bullying and that it happened because of his own insecurities, but aside from that, it’s interesting he neither confirms nor denies All Might’s suggestion that he’s trying to atone, or that Deku doesn’t see it that way. All Might is a bit of an unreliable mentor sometimes, but I don’t think he’s misreading here. Rather, Bakugou is displaying his tendency to hold back when talking about things that would make him really emotional. Besides, admitting to what he’s doing kind of defeats the purpose. He isn’t seeking acknowledgement. All Might has gotten to the crux of the issue here when pointing out that Deku doesn’t recognize the atonement, likely because Deku doesn't think Bakugou even needs to atone. Am I reading into it too much to say Bakugou looks wistful at this? It’s kinda frustrating sometimes trying to interpret Bakugou’s actions because he’s so paradoxical. Loud and in your face, but also extremely reserved. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping at thin air, but hey, being hard to figure out is part of his intrigue as a character. The simplest way to look at him is to assume that unless he’s really showing vulnerability, he’s probably deflecting and hiding something.

Speaking of Bakugou’s tendency to to hold back emotional stuff, there’s his apparent lack of issue with Deku calling him Kacchan. Maybe to begin with, in his warped perception of things where he thought they hated each other, Bakugou saw it as Deku’s way of getting back at him for calling him “useless,” and didn't dare give any indication that it actually bothered him. However... consider how betrayed Bakugou has appeared when he was noticeably thinking Deku was looking down on him- the bridge scene, and the beginning of their first year at UA when he thought Deku was hiding a quirk all along. He looks shocked and hurt. That kind of emotion couldn’t be invoked by someone Bakugou didn’t actually care about his relationship with. “Kacchan” comes from a long time ago, before their relationship was strained, so it’s connotations are pure. Maybe somewhere deep down, Bakugou has always been hoping that Deku’s continued use of the nickname was not simply a matter of habit or teasing, but a vestige of friendship they’re both clinging to, and Bakugou himself was too afraid to admit to himself that he felt this way about it, so he mostly ignored it. (These are not original thoughts I am having here lol, this is a common interpretation. I’m just laying everything out like I said.) 

And now we turn to the current situation. Personally, I’ve been looking frantically back and forth between them wondering who’s going to break down first (Deku vs. Kacchan Part 3, this time it’s just a fight to get the other person to cry? ha.) Both have looked like they’re approaching a breaking point for some time. Also, I’ve addressed this before, but I think it’s significant that Bakugou is no longer wearing his mask with his hero costume, in contrast to Deku recently donning his own. It feels symbolic of Bakugou about to be upfront about how he feels.

The question is, what is it going to take to get Deku to accept help? If you ask me, Deku has dug himself so deeply into the I’m-doing-this-for-everyone-else’s-safety-and-smiles hole, no common sense argument can possibly reach him. By the end of 320, Deku’s mask is off, and we can see how desperate he truly is. But he has not cried, yet. I predict we’re going to see a bit more of his defiance, this time on full display on his face as the remaining class members and his other friends take their turns. But then I think Bakugou has to be the one to break down so Deku can witness his actions having the opposite effect he intended. People have been pointing out that Deku is currently ignoring Bakugou, and oof, that’s gotta be intentional. Regardless of what Bakugou says, it’s going to be wrapped up not only in his understanding of Deku’s self-sacrifice, but also the betrayal Bakugou feels at being ignored/left behind that ironically echoes his previous perception of being looked down on, as well as a need to express how much he cares about Deku before it’s too late. He must show that the two of them are inseparable because they both act to save each other without thinking, and both feel like losing the other would be like dying themselves. All Might may have been right when he told them they could learn from each other after Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2, but he didn’t fully realize that idea by making sure they stuck by each other for support and balance. 

I can’t wait to see what it’ll be like when they do finally get to that point, totally in synch and in tune with each other. They’ll be a powerful force no one is quite prepared for. Who knows when that will be, or even which chapter will be their big showdown, but I know the day is coming.

To speculate even further, I think the 2nd user is going to be really important really soon. And no I don’t mean to suggest that the 2nd user is Bakugou. But I do think their resemblance is key. Okay this is gonna be convoluted...

See how 2nd is the only one still standing? I think that’s symbolic of him withholding his quirk. Deku may not even know what it is at this point, let alone have unlocked it. Given that 2nd approves of Deku’s strategy at this point, it seems odd for him to withhold his quirk based on lack of faith. I think if his quirk was something that would help Deku in combat, he would have shown it to him already like the others did. So what if those gauntlets of his are support items that are meant to make up for his lack of a combat-oriented quirk, rather than to augment it? Mind you, I still have no idea what his mysterious power might be, but I’m dead set on it not being explosion-y. Regardless, I think 2nd looking like Bakugou is more about aiding some grand visual parallel, so! You know how 2nd and 3rd were probably intending to do away with Yoichi but 2nd changed his mind as soon as they made eye contact? This is really a long shot, but I wonder if 2nd’s quirk has something to do with that exchange. Maybe it’s something psychological, or some 6th sense about people he meets. So... in that way 2nd’s quirk could play a role in bkdk reaching a deeper understanding? Idk! But it could be significant at least that 2nd left Yoichi’s question about why he reached out to him unanswered. 

One more thing- while I was gathering screenshots I found this. I think “you’re the last one I’m telling” might be foreshadowing for Bakugou revealing his hero name to Deku and it being a Big Deal:

As for other lingering threads in the overall plot right now, such as the UA traitor, Stain, whatever Tsuyu is apparently about to do, All Might’s car maybe in the background of the last page of 320... man I have no idea. All I know is there’s literally 320 chapters’ worth of build-up to this confrontation that can’t be interrupted. 

See you next week <3

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[autumnblogs]

Day 44: Preoccupied about the same things as Trolls, revisited

Welcome back y’all! Before we get into this, I want to talk about the Condesce/Meenah as a parallel character to Mom Lalonde/Roxy. You can read a bit about @mmmmalo​‘s takes on Openbound, and why they think that Meenah is symbolically Roxy’s Doppelganger here.

I want to call attention to some specific similarities between them, and while I think it’s a bit of a stretch, Homestuck draws parallels between characters all the time.

Both the Condesce and Mom Lalonde are matriarch figures estranged from their potential offspring by dire circumstances and servitude to a patriarchal authority and his time-spanning plan - for the Condesce, that’s English obviously, but for Mom Lalonde, that’s Grandpa Harley - servitude to his design renders her a wreck of an alcoholic forced to endure the end of days with no means to stop them from happening, living with a daughter who wants nothing to do her.

Both Meenah and Roxy are rebels against a repressive order, inclined to shirk their assigned Role in service to someone else’s master plan, but ultimately, through some roundabout means or another, give service to it anyway (for Meenah, scratching the game, and ultimately ending up English’s glorified slave for eons in the end; for Roxy, at first refusing to play Sburb in hopes of spiting the Batterwitch, but ultimately ending up playing into her schemes anyway).

They are both rebellious spirits who are repeatedly forced to participate in Paradox Space’s Alpha Timeline all but against their will by hegemonic forces, slaves to a system that they exist in perpetual rebellion against, and by the end of the comic, they both get to help strike a decisive blow against the ultimate foe. Unfortunately, unlike Roxy, Meenah is ultimately the kind of person who chooses at practically every occasion to continue cycles of abuse instead of breaking them. There is ultimately no possibility of reconciliation between these estranged sisters.

So, I see a lot of the Alpha Kids in the four Alpha Trolls who appear in this flash. As the Faux Heroic Himbo, the parallel between Rufioh and Jake is obvious. I don’t think that it’s fair to characterize Jake’s relationship with Dirk as being “cheating on Jane,” though that’s probably how Jane feels about the whole situation; I’ve always gotten the impression she feels entitled to him.

More after the break.

The imagery here is an obvious parallel between Jake and Dirk’s big damn kiss, and Rufioh and Horuss’s - but between Rufioh’s bravado and general obliviousness, and Horuss’s clear triangular parallel with Dirk and Equius, we should expect that the situation is switched here - Dirk = Horuss, Rufioh = Jake.

While it could easily just be a bit of extraneous characterization, I’m inclined to regard Rufioh’s characterization of the women in his life as “Dolls” especially because of his symbolic proximity to Lord English. (He is at best one degree of separation from him, as Jake English’s Alpha Troll Doppelganger) - and the fact that Puppets and Dolls are pretty much synonymous with each other in terms of the way that English interacts with them.

More extremely obvious parallels.

Both of the Zahhaks have hangups about dating down the Hemospectrum, and as long as we’re examining Dirk through the lens of the Zahhaks, allow me to speculate; I think that part of the reason Dirk chooses not to directly identify with the label of gay is less aloofly progressive futurism, and more that he is uncomfortable with his own sexuality.

As a guy who repeatedly appeals to reactionary ideals and rhetorical devices like “Western Civilization,” “Reason,” “Logic,” maybe there is a degree to which we can read Horuss and Equius’ self-repression through the haemospectrum into Dirk suffering from internalized Homophobia.

This is a real long shot, but I’ve always gotten the impression that Dirk is a bit of a bottom. Maybe his desire in building up Jake into a powerful counterpart, like English’s desire to transform Jake into a powerful rival, is built out of a desire to be Oedipally usurped by a former pupil - to have his Eromenos turn the tables, and become the Erastes in turn, in power-dynamic terms.

In Classical Civilization, homosexual relations weren’t unheard of, and were pretty reasonably common, but it was seen as shameful to bottom, especially for someone of a lower social standing than you were (Julius Caesar was mocked as the Queen of Bithynia when it was rumored that he bottomed for Nicomedes IV, which was a serious attack on his political career).

Wild speculative tangent over.

Now this is interesting; Meenah is unwittingly drawing a parralel between Damara and Vriska. The main commonality between them is that, like Vriska (and also like Rose, and also like Jane - who is the fourth and final character in this particular set) her spite and resentment is used as the vector for English’s manipulation of their setting.

Like Vriska, Damara deliberately sabotages the ability of her session members to win, helping to create a powerful foe who forces a session to be scratched.

Like Rose, Damara descends into nihilistic substance abuse to cope with feelings of emptiness.

Like Jane, Damara’s actual feelings of emptiness come about as a result of feelings of rejection in relation to betrayal from within her close friendship circle.

Ironically, while Damara’s reaction is far worse than Jane’s, her anger is actually probably far more understandable - Jane is not entitled to Jake.

The situation between Horuss and Rufioh is also similar to what will resolve between Jake and Dirk shortly - they are just basically incompatible, or at least they will be until both parties do some work on themselves, but a combination of an oblivious party who can’t stop talking about himself, and social timidity on the part of the other prevents the situation from resolving amicably.

“As Long As I Know That I Am Free”

Sometimes, encountering our ancestors doesn’t have to be a source of tension, anxiety, expectation, and fear. Porrim models parental love for Kanaya in a way that, unusually for ancestors in Homestuck, is purely beneficial for her younger counterpart.

It’s okay to identify with roles and identities that have been corrupted or hegemonized by our culture. There’s nothing intrinsically bad about being a man, or about being a woman, as long as our embodiment of those roles is emancipatory to us.

Kanaya can still be a Mom, if that’s what she wants to be. Violence and money aren’t the only form that power can take.

Sometimes, learning the right lessons is just a matter of pausing for a second and being critical of all narratives; deciding for ourselves what we want to be. It’s the lesson that Porrim has to teach Kanaya.

This is just objectively true.

Aranea positions Rufioh as both a foil to Cronus, and to herself, further strengthening the Jake as Rufioh parallels.

What I think is really interesting about all this, is if we want to read the other three trolls as Jake, Dirk, and Jane, that makes Meenah the Roxy of this group! And while Roxy has never been vicious or deliberately cruel, there’s a certain resonance between her persistent hassling of Jane, her meddling in the Jake English Sweepstakes, and the disaster that it provokes, and Meenah’s bullying - I even early on in my first readthrough took a disliking to Roxy because of what I viewed as exactly that - bullying her counterparts, assertively trying to get them to behave the way she wanted.

https://homestuck.com/story/5401

Oh man, where to even begin with Karkat riding off into the Penis Sunset. Like, the Sun in relation to Dave is persistently an icon of Bro’s surveillance of him, and then there’s his burgeoning affection for Karkat (he mentions story time with Karkat in the third Openbound suggesting that he actually took Karkat up on his offer to read through trashy Troll Romance).

Like, there’s probably something in Dave’s troubled psyche that’s on display here but damn if I know what it is. Maybe he’s ruminating on the fact that Bro would probably not be too accepting of his relationship with Karkat, hence the juxtaposition of the symbol of Bro’s hostility with the imagery of Karkat riding a dick?

https://homestuck.com/story/5404

I don’t really need to explicate much on what Rose is trying to say, I think but just in case, here’s a little rundown of what she’s trying to explain.

The apple is a symbol of an irreducible idea. Many ideas are reducible - as molecules are reducible to atoms, and atoms are reducible to quarks and stuff, so are ideas reducible to increasingly more abstracted and basic units.

The closer to notionally irreducible a thing becomes, the more difficult it becomes to express an idea, until at last, that which is truly irreducible resolves, and reveals to us the true, intrinsic nature of reality. For every complex idea, we can refer to more fundamental ideas, until at last, we arrive at an idea, which when probed, responds back simply, “It just does that.”

This, I think, is that to which we ought to give the name of God; that force so fundamental that it truly does just do that.

In the world of Homestuck, Symbols, and with them, Rituals - stories! Are manifestations of the primeval and irreducible ideas. Everything else is a universe in orbit around the Divine - the Aspects themselves, perhaps, or something more fundamental than the Aspects even.

What makes reducing these stories to the irreducible principles that they allude to so difficult is that you’re effectively trying to explain the electromagnetic force by comparing it to rubber bands, when in fact, the electromagnetic force is what makes the rubber bands behave that way in the first place.

As a Ritual, Rose’s drinking is pretty similar to John’s Dad roleplaying - an attempt at unity with Her Mom. Another empty signifier.

https://homestuck.com/story/5405

Dave is already really embracing his new role as the actually most sincere and straightforward member of the party. Lovin’ it.

It’s kind of nice that Aradia and Vriska are getting along now. That’s gratifying for personal reasons.

Ah yeah, I forgot that was ever addressed officially.

https://homestuck.com/story/5435

The man

HASS the ring.

https://homestuck.com/story/5440

And with the depressingly empty Void session established via a single flash, we shall conclude for the evening.

Tomorrow, we’ll get to know our little villain.

For now, it’s Cam signing off, Alive, and a little Annoyed that I wasted a couple hours playing the Outriders Demo this afternoon. Seriously, what an aesthetically bleak and kind of mediocre-looking class-based cover shooter.

[manawhaat]

Welcome to Womanhood

Title: Welcome to Womanhood

Characters: Steve x Reader, Tony, Sam, Wanda, Natasha, Bruce, Pepper. 

Summary: When you’re faced with seeing a gynecologist, Steve and Tony don’t understand your hangups.

Prompt: No One Believes Them - for @star-spangled-bingo

Warnings: Angst, feelings of panic/fear/anger, brief mentions of past mental trauma, doctor’s offices, gynecologists/ gynecological descriptions, tmi, slight fluff, slight sexy vibes? 

Word Count: 6k

A/N: Written for Star Spangled Bingo. This fic stems directly from personal history and experiences and it’s an overshare and super specific but writing it has helped me so fuck it. FYI, any dramatization or exaggeration of time in this fic are based on the exact wait times of my own gyno visit last month. Thank you @thelittleredwhocould for the beta and thank you to anyone who reads this 👍

“Ms. Y/l/n, Mr. Stark has an appointment for you today.”

“Does he, now? Cause I don’t remember having Dr. Stark and Banner in my calendar, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

“This appointment was scheduled today.”

“Well how ever am I supposed to know if I have time for an appointment if it’s scheduled at the last minute?” you tease, voice all sing-song and high pitched. Steve and Sam smirk at your back and forth from the kitchen island.

Before the program can respond Tony rounds the corner with Wanda and Nat on his tail, knocking on the counter top to get your attention.

“Speak of the devil.” Sam winks in your direction and your mouth draws into smile.

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that,” Tony snarks at Sam. “Anyway, I’m gonna need to steal you away for a bit, Y/n. Doc’s waiting.”

“What kind of doctor am I seeing today, Anthony? I thought you and Bruce were gonna do all of our check ups, and last time I checked, you were done with me.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think Cap, here, would want me or Banner up close and personal with your fun bits, even with all of my-” he clears his throat and paints on a cocky grin- “experience in the field. So I’ve brought in one of the best. Pepper’s doctor already did those two-” he waves a finger at Nat and Wanda at the other side of the island with Steve and Sam- “so we’re just waiting on you.”

A pit forms in your stomach and a lump fills your throat. “A- a gynecologist?”

“Yeah, last stop on the Health Express. Now, all aboard,” Tony jokes, completely amused by himself as he fake toots a train horn, oblivious to the panic in your eyes.

“No.”

Steve’s eyes lift from his notebook at your answer. The moment he takes in your stance, defensive and scared, he knows something is wrong.   

“Oh, come on. You’ve sat there for every test we’ve done. Don’t get doctor shy on me, now. He’s great, right girls?” He claps his hands and opens them to the women behind Sam.

Wanda nods. “Very gentle.”

“Probably the best I’ve ever seen,” Natasha agrees.

“See? He’s stellar, so let’s go and we’ll get it over with and have you back here in a jiffy.”

Your head shakes back and forth in disbelief. “This can’t be happening.” It’s a whisper that no one hears and when Tony reaches for your wrist you snap and lose any semblance of cool you’d been holding onto. “Don’t fucking touch me!” The tone of your voice and fire in your eyes is enough for the guys to stand from their chairs as the girls look on with concerned eyes.

“Easy, tiger,” Tony coos, hands up in surrender.

“How dare you, Tony?”

Tired of your ‘outburst’, he deadpans, “It’s just a check up, Y/n.”

“How could you just decide this for me? Without even asking me or giving me time to-”

“Y/n, sweetheart,” Steve coos, walking around the island to de-escalate the situation.

“This is my body. Not yours. Goddammit! You have absolutely no right to grant anyone access to my body, to something so intimate,” you rage, torn apart with anger that Tony could make you feel so violated.

“Y/n, hey, look at me.”

When Steve is shoulder to shoulder with Tony, you freeze. As comforting as your boyfriend usually is, he’s too big and he’s caging you in, only adding to the fear filling you to the brim. It’s a defense mechanism, but your fists curl at your sides as he slowly approaches.

“Stop,” you plead, eyes dangerously close to spilling tears.  

He does, and before anyone can blink a red hue fills their eyes. The posture they’d adopted to make themselves look smaller fades away and they turn to walk out of the room. Eyes darting from person to person, you find Wanda with energy flowing from her fingertips, mercifully removing them from the situation long enough for you to dart out of the room with Sam on your heels.

Sam calls after you, a gentle hand wrapping around your upper arm. “Hey, hey, hold up. Are you okay?”

“I- fuck!”

His hands wrap around your shoulders, his soft, concerned eyes anchoring you as he takes a breath that you mimic. “It’s okay. It’s just me. Do you want me to take you somewhere for a while?” he asks, knowing you need something but not quite knowing what exactly that is.

“Sam, I know you wanna help, but I can’t, okay. Maybe later, but for now, please just let me go,” you ask, shaking in his hold. He instantly takes a step back and raises his hands for you to leave, shooting you a small nod at the silent ‘thank you’ in your eyes.

Wanda and Natasha find you on the rooftop, face buried in your knees where you sit curled up in one of the plush deck chairs set out for sunbathing. The two take seats on either side of you, offering comfort that only another woman can provide.

Nat breaks the silence. “You okay?”

A wave of uneasiness fills you but slowly subsides into a feeling closer to guilt. “Uhm, I don’t know. But I’m sorry for all of that. And thank you for what you did, Wanda.”

“I saw what they couldn’t, so I’m happy I did the right thing.”

“When did Tony tell you guys about this?”

“About a week ago?” Wanda nods in agreement with Nat.

“We thought you knew about the exam today but apparently you didn’t. It took you by surprise and you showed that but you don’t need to apologize for that feeling,” Wanda explains.

Head falling, your eyes scrunch closed. “I know, I just, I feel like I freaked them out.”

“To be fair, Tony freaked you out first. Sooo….” Natasha smiles a little when you accept her words. “So, do you wanna talk about it?”

A heavy sigh leaves you and you sit up straight between them, fingers fiddling in your lap.

“I know that it’s just part of my health, but having someone down there-” you shudder- “inside of me, when they aren’t there for consensual romantic reasons….I  just- it’s a hurdle I can’t get over. My body, my sexuality, it's always been something I was raised to keep hidden. I get that my parents were trying to protect me, but they drilled it into me so deep in such an unhealthy way. ‘No boys, no romance, don’t even talk to boys. No sex until you’re married. Your body is yours and is NEVER to be shared with another person unless you’re married.’ And then one day my childhood doctor physically unbuttoned and unzipped my pants while I was laying there on his exam table. I freaked out.”

“Naturally,” Nat chimes.

“Naturally. I didn't let him do the exam so we left and my mom yelled at me the whole way home for not letting him look. Like, how the fuck can you tell someone their entire life not to share their body and then one day just say 'open your legs and let him see.’ and expect them to be okay? It’s so- I don’t know- personal? But it’s not personal the way it is with me and Steve, and that’s the only way my brain can process anyone down there. So the only thing left for me to label it as is invasive. No matter how much time I have I can never fully prepare for it, and the thought of Tony overseeing something so….so wrong,” you squeak, “God, it makes me want to vomit.”

“Hey.” Natasha’s voice has you lifting your chin to meet her eyes. “It’s not wrong. There’s nothing wrong with gynecologists. Tony is, well, Tony- and it was kind of a dick move of him to thrust that on you. But you do need to see someone.”

Eyes narrowing in her direction, even she can see you starting to crack. “Why are you always fucking right?”

“Me? Right? Is that even possible?” she grins sarcastically.  

“So you’ll see someone?” Wanda asks.

A grimace paints your face, but you nod. “Yeah. I know I have to, and at least if I set it up myself then I can be in control of it.”

“Good. And we’ll be here as long as you need us,” Nat smiles, wrapping her arm around you as Wanda hugs you from the other side.

Sandwiched between them, you sniff and let out a laugh. “Thank you.”

An hour later the three of you are just getting up to go back downstairs, find some ice cream, and watch chick flicks when a tall figure looms into view. Your back straightens, but the look in his eyes allows you to deflate.

Flashing a smile to Nat, she and Wanda leave you alone with Steve.

“Hey.”

You step into his space, reaching out for his hand. “Hey,” you sigh, playing with his fingers.

“I- I’m sorry for making things worse. Tony asked me this morning if you were available today and I told him you were. I figured he or Bruce or F.R.I.D.A.Y. would fill you in on the appointment.”

Dropping his hand, you take a step back. “You knew?” Venom laces into your voice and he stands straight. “You knew and you just volunteered me for that?”

“I’m sorry, Y/n.”

“You and Tony ambushed me, Steve. What the fuck!”

Pushing past him, he groans and follows you. “I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

“Yeah, you sure as hell didn’t think, Steve.”

“Hey.” His voice is firm and all too Captain Rogers, but you stop anyway, turning on your heels to glare up at him. Broad shoulders are set high and those blue eyes are piercing.

“It’s just another doctor’s appointment. Ever since Pepper started riding Tony about his health we’ve all been going through it. I don’t understand what the issue is, Y/n.”

“Of course you fucking don’t,” you puff, completely defeated and unable to believe that this is your Steve standing in front of you. “A complete stranger opening me up and prodding around inside of me-” you shove at his chest- “physically feeling the most intimate part of me while I’m laying there on a cold, hard table, forced to just sit there and let it happen for the sake of my health….” Tears finally spill from your eyes and your voice wavers as you continue. “That is not ‘just another doctor’s appointment’, Steve. It feels like molestation, and I can’t believe you would knowingly volunteer me for that.”

Broken voice, spirit, and heart, you walk away before he can say another word. You thank high heaven when he doesn’t chase after you, and you find Natasha and Wanda again, bunking down in Nat’s room for the night.

Things between you and Steve are awkward and tense for the first time in years. You’re both at odds and as much as it hurts to not be with him like normal, it hurts more knowing that he was part of what caused it.

Natasha is kind enough to share her room with you for a few days and when you start to overstay your welcome your room feels like a prison cell. The bed you share is too small, but Steve mercifully keeps his distance. It’s a rough couple of weeks before you find a doctor that you can talk to over the phone and after discussing your concerns and listening with an open heart she sets you up with an appointment.  

When you tell Steve it settles some of the tension between you. He just wants you healthy and your hang ups aren’t something he can understand or relate to -even when you open up to him and tell him everything. He’s usually so empathetic and understanding, but for some reason there’s just a disconnect that he can’t bridge. He wants to understand. He wants to believe you, but he just can’t help but feel like you’re being dramatic and overly sensitive to it, so he keeps his distance on the subject. As long as you’re taking care of yourself he won’t push it.  

Between missions popping up and your irregular periods reigning down endless sabotage you end up scheduling and cancelling four different appointments. The waiting game is inconvenient, stressful, and has more and more anxiety settling in your gut. It’s a shift in you that Steve easily notices and is a little surprised by, but your fifth attempt appointment date finally arrives without a hitch.

The two of you leave Stark Tower with dark shades and hats on, just in case. The subway is dark and all too bright at the same time, everything about the strangers caging you in as you reach your final destination making you almost nauseated with worry. The office is nice but still smells like old paper and hand sanitizer, and Steve sits with you as you fill out the forms that seem to never end.

“I didn’t think there would be so many questions,” he says, flipping the already filled out pages through his fingers. “You’ve been here for almost an hour just filling out forms… do they really need to know all of this if they’re looking at just one part of you.”

“Welcome to Womanhood, Captain.” The sarcasm doesn’t erase your distress, it barely hides it.

When you’re finally called back by the nurse Steve follows behind you. She puts up a feeble hand before her eyes scan his face. Pink crawls over her cheeks as she steps aside, giddy and half-focused as she takes your height and weight.

Steve stands there with your purse and shoes in his hand, a polite smile on his face as she composes herself and leads you both to the examination room.

Her words are simple. “The provider will be in soon.” And when the door shuts behind her, silence fills the already uncomfortable room.

Ten minutes pass before a different nurse comes in to take your vitals and ask a series of questions that weren’t on any of the forms you’d filled out. She seems to be completely oblivious to who you and Steve are and explains what they’ll be doing during this visit before setting out the instruments needed on a sterile cloth on the counter top.

“Go ahead and undress completely. This is the top, to be worn like a vest, and this is a sheet for the bottom,” she explains, holding the flimsy items up for display. “The provider will be in as soon as she can.” The door clicks behind her and you let out a huff.

“Why do they keep calling the doctor ‘the provider’?” Steve asks as you start undressing and handing him each item of clothing to fold into his lap.

“It’s supposed to be more removed and less personal than ‘doctor’ so you don’t feel like you’re being touched intimately, I guess.”

“I get the idea, but ‘provider’ sounds worse. Like you’re being probed.”

“Welcome to Womanhood, Captain,” you sneer with a fake salute that has Steve stiffening in his seat.

The sound of crinkly paper fills the room as you wrap the gown pieces across your body and try to find a way to secure them so you don’t have to actively hold them shut.

Steve smirks. “Nice outfit.”

You do a few model poses and spin around for him. “Oh, thanks. Wanna try it on?” The fake smile on your face turns to a real one at the way he chuckles.

Minutes that seem like hours pass at an agonizing pace, the build up and anticipation only making you more of a nervous wreck. The exam table beneath you is too firm and uncomfortable, so with a huff you jump off and Steve moves your clothes and purse to the counter so you can sit in the chair beside him.

The room is cold and quiet aside from your deep breaths and the hum of the fluorescent lights. Steve is at a loss for words, but he tries to comfort you. It doesn’t work. Every shift you make is loud, and soon the temperature of the room clings to your skin and worms past the paper dress you’re in. His arm wraps around you in an attempt to keep you warm, but it rips the fabric along your shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he spits out the second he realizes what’s happened.

A long sigh turns into grumbling as you get up and start digging through the drawer the nurse had opened earlier. He wants to help, to comfort you, but he can’t. Steve isn’t used to feeling helpless, so he stands and paces back and forth when you take your seat on the exam table, again.

A knock on the door has you perking up, and the nurse from before enters the room. “So, the provider is going to need a urine sample,” she says, holding up the plastic cup and alcohol wipe. “You can get dressed and use the restroom two doors down, and when you come back in I’ll have you get undressed and into a new gown.”

Your eyes roll but Steve jumps in, polite as ever as the nurse turns to leave the room. “Thank you.”

He hands you your clothes and when you come back from the restroom, pee cup in tow, the room is even colder than it was before.

“Jesus Christ, it’s freezing in here,” you shiver.

“I actually asked a nurse about it while you were gone. She said she’d try to fix it. I’d try to keep you warm, but-”

“Yeah, apparently Cap beats Paper,” you smirk, the mood light for a moment while you undress and re-robe.

Time passes like molasses. You’re looking at the purple hue under your fingernails when you finally ask, “What time is it?”

His brows knit together as he looks at his watch. “Holy shit. It’s almost three.”

“Language, Captain,” you smirk, all too unamused with this entire ordeal.

“We’ve been here for almost three hours. Why does this take so long?” he asks, voice quiet but appalled as he examines the tools set out on the counter.

“Gotta set the mood,” you laugh humorlessly, flopping back onto the table, not even caring about modesty or comfort anymore. Before you can speak, Steve takes the words right out of your mouth.

“This is exhausting.”

A breathy laugh leaves your mouth and another half hour passes before a knock on the door has you sitting up with a groan.

“Hello, Y/n,” the doctor smiles and extends her hand. “I’m Dr. Nakalah.”

Shaking her hand, you nod. “Nice to meet you. And thank you for speaking with me over the phone. Like I said, this is-” the words sit heavy on your tongue and your eyes begin to glass.

“It’s alright. Women’s health is a very personal thing and I want you to feel as comfortable as possible.” Her kindness and honesty warms your heart and she gives you a moment while she turns to Steve.

He stands and offers his hand, voice deep and soothing. It’s for you, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. “Steve Rogers- Y/n’s boyfriend.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Steve. Thank you for coming with Y/n today. These things can feel invasive and be a bit overwhelming, so it’s always nice to see partners supporting each other.”

Pepper’s doctor might be one of the best but you’re happy you went with Dr. Nakalah. She’s human.

“So, Y/n, we’re going to do a Well Woman Exam today. That includes a breast exam, pap smear, and pelvic exam. In a minute I’ll have my medical assistants step in to help me with the exam and record the data.”

Her eyes flit to Steve and you clear your throat. “Um, can he stay in during the exam?”

“We don’t usually allow anyone else in the room, but with what we discussed, if you would feel more comfortable with him here, then yes, he can stay. If not, there’s a separate waiting room just around the corner.”

Steve hides his smile when you say, “I’ll have him stay.”

Two gentle knocks on the door prompt Dr. Nakalah to stand, the two nurses from before entering the room with polite smiles. The one with the laptop stands by the door as the other goes to the counter, ready to help the doctor with the exam.

“Ready?” Dr. Nakalah asks.

Your brows scrunch together and you half laugh out the words, “Hell no.” Steve goes rigid, but your smile breaks the tension and has all of the women in the room chuckling. A begrudging groan fills the room and you nod to the doctor, her voice calm as she begins.

“Like we talked about on the phone, I’ll talk you through everything we’re doing. Go ahead and lay back, then lift your arm over your head.” Nodding, you do as she says. The paper crinkles as you move it aside and her hands are gentle as she starts applying pressure to your breast. “We’re gonna feel around for any lumps or differences in breast tissue. You can do this at home routinely, and if you notice anything contact us and schedule and exam immediately.”

Your head turns and you catch Steve’s eyes. They’re filled with concern, but this isn’t the part you have any trouble with. ‘I’m good’ you mouth, and his shoulders lower a little.

She examines each breast and nods down at you. “Ok, everything felt normal. We’re going to go into the pap, now. Please put your feet into the stirrups and scoot to the edge of the table. Your butt should be almost off the edge of it.”

A hard lump forms in your throat but you do as she asks. Your thighs are still shut tight and the thought of having to expose yourself so fully has you sucking in a ragged breath. The doctor waits patiently, giving you the time to do it yourself. At the edge of the table, you mentally prepare yourself and let your knees fall open a bit, your neck straining a bit to look at the doctor.

“Is that far enough?” you ask.

“Just a little more,” she instructs, asking you to scoot closer and open your legs more. “Ok, good.”

When you look again, Steve has stood and is off to the side of the doctor, wanting to watch the process that plagues you so painfully. The line of his jaw is set tight and his eyes are laser focused when the assistant behind her clicks open the cap and lubes the speculum, handing it to your doctor and grabbing the swabs.

“Alright, I’m going to insert the speculum and open it up, then we’ll get a swab of your cervix. Try to relax and take deep breaths for me.”

As she moves the tool toward you, you decide you can’t watch. Your head thunks against the padded table as you heave in a breath, trying to control it as the speculum tip is pressed against your lips. There’s a little bit of resistance, and you open your legs further before it starts sliding in. Wrenching your eyes closed and curling your fists into the thin paper, the plastic stops, caught on your labia.

“Just gonna push this in a little more,” she says, and then there’s a bit of weight behind her hand where it is pushed in as far as it needs to be.  

“I’m gonna open this up and do a couple of swabs. You’ll feel some little pressure, here, Y/n,” she warns.” The speculum opens, and the pressure isn’t too bad. It’s definitely not comfortable, but you aren’t in pain, so you risk a glance.

The look on Steve’s face is one you’ve never seen before. It’s a mixture of shock, mortification, guilt, worry, and fear.

Dr. Nakalah takes the swabs from her assistant and meets your eyes, shooting you an encouraging and comforting nod. The discomfort is temporary and before you have time to overthink and panic, she’s speaking again. “Done with that, just going to remove this.”

It’s an odd feeling that sends a shiver crawling up your spine and fluttering in your gut as the plastic slips out of you. As exposed as you still are, it’s much better than the vulnerability of being splayed open in front of everyone.

“Alright. Doing great. For the pelvic exam I’m going to place a finger inside and press down on your lower abdomen and pelvic area to feel for any irregularities and check your ovaries. Keep breathing, nice and even, okay?”

“Okay,” you nod, watching as she stands from her stool. The assistant places lube on Dr. Nakalah’s gloved finger and then she’s standing between your legs. One hand placed atop your pelvis, her finger pushes into you, the hand on your pelvis applying pressure as she feels for any abnormalities. “Alright, and we’re done,” she says, easing her finger out of you and stepping back.  

Steve comes to your side, left a little dazed by what he saw, but he helps you to sit up as your feet drop slowly out of the stirrups. His hands are warm on your back and you pull the sheet back over your lap while the nurses and doctor collect the samples and remove their gloves. “Okay, Y/n, you can get dressed and one of the nurses will be back in a few minutes to schedule your follow up. We’ll give you a call when your results are back, and if you have any questions or would like to talk about the visit today please feel free to call any time.”

“Thank you so much.”

She shakes your hand again, eyes kind and warm, then shakes Steve’s hand and leaves. When it’s just the two of you in the room again, Steve’s deep voice is in your hairline. “You did great, sweetheart.”

Eyes shut, you’re able to let out the shudder that had sunk into your bones, a noise coming from your mouth as you let it go and shake your hands and head to get it out. Your posture deflates while you simply sit for a second and calm your racing heart. When you shift to stand, the excess lube slips through your labia and you wince, turning to your boyfriend.

“Can you, um, can you turn around for a minute?” He seems a little puzzled, but complies with your request.

Hopping off the table, you use the sheet you were wrapped in to wipe between your legs, then crinkle it up into a ball. There’s still lube down there, so you find the tissues on the counter and use a few to wipe away and scoop out what’s left from the exam. Steve is still facing the wall and when you pull the tissue away there’s a mixture of lube and blood. A flicker of fear ignites in your chest and you wipe a couple more times until the blood and lube are gone.

Tossing the paper and pulling on your clothes warmth seeps back into your skin and you let out a small, happy sigh when you’re fully dressed again.

“Ok, you can turn around, now.” He does, and you smile at him from the sink. “Thank you.”

You can’t wash your hands fast enough and you don’t even bother to dry them before crashing yourself into his chest. A hum vibrates against your cheek and his thick arms wrap around you, holding you tight.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t believe you. I didn’t think this was a big deal and I hate that I hurt you. I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like to be on your side of that, but I have a better understanding of what this means to you, now, and I’m so proud of you for staying as calm as you did while you went through that.”

Tears cloud your eyes and you simply bury yourself deeper in his chest, happy that you have your Steve back. He exudes tranquility and you bask in it, evening your breathing to match his beating heart, not pulling away from his hold until the nurse is knocking on the door again. She sets a follow up for you and asks if you have any questions.

“Um, yeah. Uhh, when I cleaned up the lube there was-” you clear your throat- “I was bleeding…”

Steve’s eyes shoot open wide as the nurse nods. “Some bleeding or spotting and cramping can be normal after a pap. If it’s excessive then you’ll need to come back in or go to an emergency room, but it’s usually just the day of or the day after,” she explains, and your unease is sated.

You nod and smile. “Oh, ok, perfect. It freaked me out and I just wanted to check.”

“Yeah, it should be fine. Just monitor it. And here’s your next appointment for follow up.” She hands you an appointment card. “Dr. Nakalah’s number is on there, as well, so you can call the office or call her directly if you need to cancel, reschedule, or have any more questions. Thank you, and have a great rest of your day.”

“Thank you,” you and Steve chime in unison, smiles on all of your faces as she leaves.

When the two of you exit the building, the sky outside is gold and orange and pink with blue bits starting to fade in. The air is a little cooler on your skin and your hand finds Steve’s out of instinct. He sighs- full chested, tongue swiping quickly over his lips with squinted eyes.

When he looks down at you a residual shiver runs up your spine and he pulls you into his side. Breathing him in, his scent and warmth soothe you. With your feet moving together, slowly, but in sync, he hums, voice a little more timid than before.

“I’m sorry, again, Y/n. For all of it.”

“Thank you for coming with me; for seeing for yourself.”

Steve stops you, those oceanic eyes making you melt into him. He drops his mouth, lets the space between you linger. Then, he closes in with a weight behind his actions, fingertips slipping up into your hairline as he holds you there to make sure he’s getting it all right.

It’s the first time you’ve kissed in almost a month. It’s filled with apologies and love, one kiss to make up for all the time he didn’t spend kissing you. The sounds of the street fade away and in the middle of a busy world it’s just the you and your Steve- mouth to mouth, heart to heart.

The rest of the way home you keep yourself pressed up against his side, shuddering at random until you’re in the safety of your room again. Undressing each other slowly and kissing with no destination in mind, Steve leaves your needy lips to run a bath and when the water’s warm and the enormous tub is full, he pulls you into it, your chest pressed against his as he hums an old song into your hair.

“Ya know, if anything can make me forgive Tony, it’s this bathtub.”

Laughter echoes off the bathroom walls and Steve nods down at you, asking, “Will you talk to him?”

There’s an attempt to mask your pain, but he sees past it. You shrug. “Probably not.”

Steve lets out a sigh and you know he’s a little disappointed with that answer.

Knocking on the bathroom door has you both at attention and Steve going to get up from the tub when Tony’s voice filters in from the other side. “Y/n, you in there?”

Steve’s voice is teeming with intrigue and his eyebrow quirks up when he sinks back down into the hot water. “Speak of the devil.”

“Yeah, Tony. What’s up?” Your eyes roll and Steve shoots you a look that says, ‘give him a chance’, so you pull a face but listen when Tony starts talking.

“Ah, yeah, so I just wanted to say sorry for the whole, well, you know. And, uhh, I’m sorry if you felt like- ow.” Tony stops and the two of you look at each other, puzzled for a moment before the muttering on the other side of the door and an audible smack reach your ears.

“Start over right now, Tony,” Pepper demands in a harsh whisper.

Ear-to-ear smiles bloom on your faces when you and Steve lock eyes and Tony starts over again. “I’m sorry for not realizing that surprising you with a gynecologist isn’t a good surprise.”

“Jesus Christ,” Pepper hisses, making you and Steve suppress your laughter.

“And it was wrong of me to assume that would be okay?” He stops for a beat and you can practically see him on the other side of the door looking at Pepper to see if his words are the ones she wants him to say. “Yes. I shouldn’t have done that to you, aaaand-”

“It won’t happen again.” Pepper whispers.

“It won’t happen again.” Tony declares.

Silence fills the room and when nothing else comes from his end, Steve wraps his hand around yours. “Well?”

“With an apology like that?”

Steve shrugs and you half laugh, half sigh before calling out, “Thank you, Pepper.”

“Excuse me?!”

“You’re welcome, Y/n,” she replies.

“Um, no, sorry, Pepper isn’t here right now.”

“We left a few gifts on the bed for you. And sorry again, sweetheart,” she says through the door. Tony keeps rambling but the sound soon fades as she drags him out of your room.

Steve chuckles deep and pulls you back to his chest, strong arms wrapping around you so he can whisper in your ear. “Better?”

Steve won’t doubt you again, and even with Pepper coaching Tony through his apology, you can tell that he knows he was wrong. The two of them can’t erase what they did, but it sure as hell won’t happen again.

“Y/n?” Steve asks, blue eyes looking at you like you’re all that’s good in the world.

Warmth fills your heart and you nod your head. “Better.”

When the water is only mildly warm and your fingers are pruney Steve pulls you out of the tub and wraps you in a plush, warm towel. True to Pepper’s words, a spread of gifts is laid out at the foot of your bed.

“Champagne, chocolate, flowers?” Steve turns to you with a sly grin. “Looks like Tony’s done his fair share of apologizing to women.”

You laugh and Steve plucks a note from the flowers, handing it to you while he clears the bed.

‘I messed up and you deserved better than what I gave you. Sorry, Kid.’

It’s somehow exactly what you need to hear from him.

A pop startles you but you smile when Steve offers you a glass of champagne and puts on some music. Champagne kisses are shared while the two of you sway to the music in just your towels and when your glasses are empty you get comfy for bed.

When Steve’s blue crystals turn into bedroom eyes you crawl up the bed and into his open arms. Fitting yourself perfectly in his hold, he wraps you up in a powerful kiss that makes you forgive and forget all the hell he’d put you through.

He has just one thing on his mind, and he’s only just getting started making it up to you.

Tags for my marvel list and for everyone who said they’d be interested in reading this. Thanks guys :)

@sebbytrash @becs-bunker @curlyblondexoxo @ellen-reincarnated1967 @plaidstiel-wormstache @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @the-nonsenseblog @ilovefanfic86 @missnighttigress @feelmyroarrrr @abeautifulandterriblemind @thelilbutifulthings @gryffindorable713 @shannon124 @disney-fire-fox 

[fallen029]

I say chapter 2 for the Miraxus Vampire AU!! Your imaginations are just the best ^^

Part I

It was a rough adjustment to say the least, going from the freedom of a young man in his twenties with no attachment other than his homegrown business, to the chains of being the only normal person in a household full of abnormality.

Which was putting it lightly.

He was the only one who wasn’t a vampire, like the Strauss siblings, a slave to said vampires, like poor Evergreen and Freed, or a complete and utter moron who Laxus was pretty sure had no hangups over all had gone on, like stupid Bickslow. No, Bickslow was riding high as the house ‘jester’ and kitten father and it was all just so aggravating that sometimes Laxus thought about it.

He could do it.

Kill them.

Really, the only one he wanted to take out with the main one. Mirajane. The Mistress. She was the one that caused all of this. He wondered too if maybe vampires were, like, ants or bees. If he killed their queen, would all the others die? Is that how it worked? Sure, it would be horrible to recognize his own dealings in the death of his two friends, Freed and Ever, but at the same time…

Those…things weren’t Evergreen and Freed any longer. He had to keep reminding himself of this fact. It was the truth. Their bodies were just vessels and what happened to them from this point out had no bearing on the souls that had long since departed.

It would be retribution, if anything. Justice. An end to any suffering they might still be facing, trapped within themselves. How could he just sit there and do nothing? Huh? When he was the only one with the opportunity to bring it all to an end?

And yet, as dawn rose each morning, dragging the sun willingly along the sky, he found himself not focusing on how to distract Freed long enough to sneak down into the cellar, where he’d find them all, slumbering the day away, where he could easily drive stakes through each of their hearts.

It would be a blessing, even, he was pretty sure, to the three of them. Was it not a curse? Their immortality? That’s what she told him, once, when this all first began. That he was lucky to bear the brunt of mortality.

Then why not just end things?

He figured this had to do with the whole damnation aspect. If that was an aspect. Bickslow insisted it was. But even still, Laxus would find hellfire far more preferable to feasting on the blood of the innocent. Still, he couldn’t imagine that Bickslow was enjoying himself as much as he let on either. They were all just surviving with what they’d been giving. Selfishly, sure, fine, but each day (or night) that they continued to draw breath was a win, no matter how dirty the tactics.

Where did that leave him, anyways? Laxus saw himself as an unwilling participant in all of this, but he never left. Or when he did, it was merely to do what had to be done. Gather supplies, assure the locals. That sort of things. He always came back. He wasn’t charmed or imprinted on or any of that weird stuff a vampire might do to have a hold over someone. No. He was just…

Going along with all of it.

Fear at first, maybe, had a play in everything, but now he felt little of it. Or at least it wasn’t overpowering his senses. Mirajane had been right. Repulsion fled with repetition and he found himself falling into the daily schedule of the Strauss mansion with little hesitance. In a certain kind of way, it wasn’t so different from his daily life before that. Manual labor, renovating a decaying mansion in the hot summer.

What a long one of those it would be.

.

“Oi, boss, I think one of my little kittens here is sick. Peppe. Look at ‘im. Does this look like a normal kitten to you?”

“Bickslow,” the man growled as he stood out in the yard, cutting at the shrubbery, “I’m busy.”

“Just look at ‘im, boss. He looks pale.”

“It’s a white fucking cat, Bickslow.”

“Kitten.”

“Bick-”

“Go on then, you bastard,” the acrobat was growling suddenly and when Laxus glanced over his shoulder, he saw the man nursing a bleeding thumb. The kitten apparently didn’t like being swung around for the blond to see and had either bit or scratched the other man. Tossing him to the ground, Bickslow glared after the feline before looking to Laxus once more. “Kids are so ungrateful. Say, that’s actually what I was wondering about.”

“I don’t give a shit about your cats, man.”

“Kittens.” Still, Bickslow was quick to follow as Laxus, finished with the bush before him, was stalking off across the yard to the other. “To bad for your woman, you know. Is she still a woman? Your vampire then, eh? Can’t see ya all hot and bothered like this. Shirtless. Working hard under the sweltering sun.”

“If you’re coming on to me, I’m not interested.”

“Nah, not me. No way. I’m a single father now, man. That’s a lot of work.”

“I thought you and Lisanna were taking care of the kittens together?”

“The woman only comes around at night! All day, I toil over my precious babies and she just-”

“You know, man, I’m really fucking busy right now, so-”

“I have a question,” Bickslow insisted as they came to a stop before another overgrown shrub. “Okay, look, listen to this. I’ve been wondering ‘cause it keeps me up at night, yeah? Well, among other things-”

“Bickslow-”

“Can vampires reproduce?”

“What? Why are you ask-”

“And if they can, does it gotta be with something else undead? Or can you and the, uh, Mrs. Boss, uh… I’s talkin’ to Freed about it and we were very concerned. Well, I was concerned. He just sorta sat there and went on and on about all his chores he had to do, but… How can something undead give life to something not? And man, it would suck for you, ya know? Is it your kid or one of the thousand of other guys, she, uh, gets favors from, right? I mean-”

“Would you shut up?” And he dropped the clippers then, Laxus did, as he turned on the man with blazing eyes and Bickslow threw up his hands in defense, nearly falling back over his own feet as he tried to scramble away. “I’m fucking working you absolute-”

“So I’m a prisoner here and I ain’t even got free speech?” Bickslow was running across the yard then, away from him. “Well, prisoner in name only. But I got rights, boss! You’ll see! I’ll bring this up to the kid tonight. You just wait!”

But Laxus didn’t think of the man again that night. Or anything, really, as he found yard work to not even be a good distraction from his roaring thoughts.

.

They seemed to have some sort of internal clocks that told them when to rise from their shadowy depths, the Strauss siblings did. As sundown changed just slightly with each passing day, he wondered how exactly their bodies knew so well. Perhaps they were just that in tune with the earth?

Regardless, he typically found himself waiting for the Mistress on the couch in her bedroom, where Freed would follow her after the pair made sure her brother was alright and her sister was content, to pour her wine and listen to any daily chores she had until the next sundown.

Laxus would only sit there patiently, usually, for this to occur as he looked everywhere other than his former friend. To see the man now, mindless and void, really gave the blond an ache deep in his heart.

One night after Freed had pour her a glass of wine and bowed his way out of the room, Mirajane only went to look longingly out the window as Laxus couldn’t do anything other than stare at her deeply.

“I’m not in the mood tonight, my love,” she offered simply, mistaking the gaze for hunger. “For anything.”

“I just have a, uh, question.” Laxus had never stuttered, really, before he came to the mansion, but he found his words falling over themselves frequently around the woman. Coughing slightly into his hand, he added, “That’s all.”

“Ask until you are content.” She didn’t even glance over at him as he rose to his feet. Instead, eyes falling down into her glass, she whispered, “I will answer to the best of my ability.”

Nodding, he took a step closer before, with hesitation, finding his feet firmly planted where they were currently. “I was just curious… How is it that…”

“I said you can ask, Laxus.” She still wouldn’t look at him. She seemed distracted, honestly. Worried. “Not stammer at me.”

“Right. I just… You can’t get, like, pregnant or some shit like that, can you?”

“What?” That did get her gaze, but the look was one of displeasure. Rolling her eyes so deeply he thought perhaps she’d gone into a trance, the woman finally retorted, “What an idiotic question. Of course not. Who would think such a thing?”

Bickslow.

Still, the man merely said, “I was just making sure, is all. Contraception is kind of a normal thing now. I figure it wasn’t back when you were…when…well-”

“You are beginning to bore me, Laxus.” Her gaze was out the window again. “Please try and avoid such an occurrence.”

Frozen for a moment, he shook his head some as he felt his feet get life again. Advancing on the woman, he stared out the window as well. In the pale moonlight, he saw just as she did, Bickslow doing twirls and jumps for a not visible Lisanna.

“They both enjoy one another,” she offered softly, “at least. It’s been a long time since Lisanna has had someone to play with. He’s a bit…off, but I am pleased with the jester’s dedication.”

“Yeah,” Laxus whispered as she turned then, from the window and him, walking across the room to refill her glass, “dedication.”

.

“You’re always the one that gets to go away somewhere fun,” Lisanna griped to her sister early one evening as the Mistress had them all gather in the living area. Even Evergreen and the brother, Elfman, were there. One a brute of a man, the still quite muscular man merely sat where he’d been helped, on the couch, not able to raise his eyes as his sister’s bickered. “You don’t trust us to do anything anymore. I wasn’t the one that got hurt. Elf was-”

“Silence.” She never raised her voice, Mirajane did, but she had a way of getting the attention of others regardless. As Freed stood at her side and the others sat around on the furniture, Mirajane only addressed them all with a dark gaze. “I have important business to attend to. I except there to be no problems, here at home, while I am gone. You stay out of the sight of the villagers, Lisanna, Elfman, and you both keep up appearances, Freed, Laxus. When I return-”

“Laxus?” Lisanna frowned over at him and even stuck her tongue out. “How come he’s staying? Take him with you. I hate when he just looms around the house all day.”

“You,” the man complained with a glare right back (though he was apprehensive over the brother and downright terrified of Mirajane, Lisanna felt more like the petulant children he dealt with down at the group home), “sleep all day. I sleep at night. Why is that a problem?’

“It’s annoying.” She could only shrug. “Doesn’t feel natural.”

“You know-”

“You all behave like children.” With a roll of her eyes, Mirajane looked to Freed. “I expect you to keep things in order while I am away. I will return before the end of the week. Should anything occur, you know how to get in contact with me, yes?”

“I,” Lisanna complained again, “know what to do if anything goes wrong, Mira. Me. Not them. I’m the whole reason any of them are here!”

“Will you be gone that long?” Elfman finally spoke, voice soft as he raised his eyes some. “Big sis?”

It was with a soft sigh that she went to push her brother’s white locks away from his eyes, staring down at him as Evergreen sat beside, looking void and disinterested.

“Never,” Mirajane assured her younger brother.

.

Laxus didn’t understand why he got left behind, but decided to make the most of it. Working all day, sleeping all night. Like he used to. Rather than sleeping in shifts between doing the housework, going to town, and dealing with the Strauss siblings in the evening.

He had his own room, separate from Mirajane’s, which he was free to use when she wasn’t up to bother with him. Or when she wished to be alone, as she did, some nights. The bed wasn’t as comfortable and the room was much smaller, barren, but it suited him and his attitude towards his situation.

One night, sleep was a bit difficult because he could hear Elfman wailing, loudly, in his downstairs quarters, over something or other, and Bickslow was jumping all about the house with his cats. And Freed seemed to have been instructed to wander about, between Mira’s siblings, checking up on them. Laxus could hear his slow, methodical steps as he went up and down the stairs periodically, doing as he’d been told.

Sleep was just hard to come by.

Laxus laid with his headphones in, listening to music, and kind of just wished Mirajane would return soon. She seemed to bring balance to the house. Without the Mistress around, everything felt disconnected. No one was really the head of the house and they were all just miserable people, trapped in a mansion together, bringing the misery onto one another.

Just what, the golden haired man found himself fearing frequently, could Mirajane be dealing with anyways? She seemed rather worried over something. Did it have to do with him? And Bickslow? Or maybe Elfman’s…accident? Something like that?

Who was she even going to speak with?

And how many others were there? Like them? Int he world? Were the Strauss siblings oddities or a shadowy norm?

Maybe there was a council, he worried then, of vampires. A hierarchy? Just where did the woman fall on that? She seemed rather high and mighty, towards her siblings, who fell in line under her, but did that have to do with birth order? Or some sort of chain of command?

Why did it bother him so much? The idea that the woman, Mirajane, his…Mistress wasn’t at the top? Because it did. The idea that there were more powerful, more commanding vampires out there than her really bothered him. And not just because the implication of darkness and evil that had towards the world at large.

.

It didn’t make much sense to the man at first. What was happening. He’d drifted off some uncomfortably and was a bit dazed as he heard the soft footsteps that certainly weren’t the pensive, watchful Freed or the excitable Bickslow. No. They were different.

“Lisanna?” he whispered softly as she slipped into his room. Frowning as he rubbed at his eyes, he asked, “Is everything alright? Is someone here? I’ll go take care of-”

“No one’s here.” She shut the door softly behind her, coming forwards. “It’s my home, is it not? Can I not choose where to be inside of it?”

“What?” She was being too confusing for him to be so groggy. “Did you need something or not?”

Btu she was staring at him as the moonlight wafted through his room and it was so bizarre because part of him knew exactly why she’d come, but another part of him refused to acknowledge it.

“Lisanna? Hey, kid, I think I lost one of the kittens again and I’m really worried about him. Have I mentioned to you that he don’t look too good? Lisanna?”

She made a face, over her shoulder, before looking at Laxus again and oh shit, he was so fucked.

But not that night, as she slipped back out of the room to go deal with her personal jester. Laxus just sat up in bed for a full minute, shocked, dazed, and filled with dread.

What was he supposed to do now?

.

The height of summer was upon them and it was a scorcher out. Laxus decided, without Mirajane there to dictate just what he did with his days, that he would go into town. Not the dumb village though. A real town. To get away from the mansion for a bit.

Maybe…maybe even write his grandfather?

But he couldn’t. He thought about it, honest, he did, and even located the location to do so, but he just…

What could he say? After so long? The last his grandfather had heard from him was when he first started renting out that little shopfront, hopeful for the future. He’d always meant to write the man again. To go back again, honestly. With extra cash. To see who was still around and who’d gotten homes. Maybe even offer a job to some of them. Maybe. The kids. The ones that were grown by that point.

It just never came together.

Laxus had found a new family there, for a bit, in his little team. Evergreen and Bickslow could get on his nerves like no other, but they reminded him a lot of the kids in that way. And Freed, well, he could be a bit of a hassle as well, what with his near constant insistence of doing the right thing and being an upstanding citizen and all that. He was a lot like his grandfather.

But now that family was shattered and factored and it would never come all together again. It couldn’t. The Strauss siblings made certain of that.

There was a slight fear, as well, or at least a consideration he’d kind of pushed away before, but…

The Mistress had made it quite common knowledge between the two of them that all things come to an end. Though she implied he would age, she didn’t necessarily indicate that this would lead to a natural end in their relationship. The opposite, even. She told him that she would be the one to end him.

When the time came.

Now with Lisanna clearly wanting…from him, well, he had a bad feeling that things were going to go south much faster than Mirajane had anticipated.

Laxus caught a drink alone at a bar and plotted this all out in his head.

Lisanna hadn’t been too coy, sneaking into his room so late at night, and that meant that she wanted… But Laxus didn’t want…well… It was weird. Wtiht he Mistress. He felt such a strong, undeniable attraction for her. Was it the power? The fact that she could completely fuck his entire shit up with a snap of his fingers?

Or just her in general?

Then there was her younger sister. Lisanna. There was nothing wrong with her. At all. She was just…not Mirajane. Yes. And Mira had told him, even, that she had no interest in men. That she was keeping Bickslow more as a pet than anything else. And that seemed to hold up as true, over a month out. Bickslow was entertaining to her and nothing more.

He’d thought this meant that Mira was right. That Lisanna just wasn’t looking for the same thing that she was. But apparently not.

It didn’t matter how many beers Laxus downed. He couldn’t wash away the feeling that this was going to end poorly for him. Imagine it. Having a super hot girlfriend who goes away for the week and then bam! Her sister is throwing herself at you. You know if you go for it, your girlfriend will eventually find out about it, and ‘end’ you, like she threatened, but if you don’t…

Well…

Then you’ll get your blood sucked out in a violent manner by her equally as scary and powerful little sister.

Imagine it.

Laxus could.

It’s why he decided not to go home that night.

.

“Where were ya last night, boss?” Bickslow yawned to the man in the middle of the afternoon when Laxus arrived back at the place. He hesitated some, when he found the guy waiting for him on the front porch, but Bickslow had something else on his mind than true worry over his friend. “My kitty ain’t well! It’s-”

“Shut the fuck up, Bickslow. Moron.”

Freed seemed interested in Laxus absence, but made little mention in it other than informing him he should not be gone, at night, when the Mistress is about.

“Well, she ain’t, is she, Freed?” he grumbled some to the mostly vacant stare of the man he once considered his best friend.

Still, he took heed of this and decided to be around that night, just in case the woman showed back up.

He didn’t sleep in his room though. No. He slept in Mirajane’s, with the door locked, completely sealed off from the others. He was answering no knocks or inquiries. Just going to put his headphones in and zone out from the entire world. If this bothered Mira, should she arrive home that night, so be it.

It wasn’t like she’d kill him over it.

But she might if she found him in bed with her sister.

No. Things were just best if Laxus kept to himself and avoided Lisanna all together until Mira got back and then…then…

Well, he wasn’t sure then what. A few days removed, he wasn’t even certain he’d read Lisanna’s intentions correctly. It was late and he was tired and maybe…maybe his ego was just getting in the way of logical thought. Yes. Maybe. Possibly.

Lisanna was just messing around. Or did want something. Probably to find Bickslow. Yeah. She was looking for him and then there he was and that was that.

Right?

Right.

Obviously.

The sleep was still uncomfortable, but he found it much preferable to the worried one he’d had the previous two nights.

.

There was a certain sense you got, unilaterally, when you felt someone’s eyes upon you. It wasn’t even supernatural. Just a sense people got, a feeling. It had nothing to do with the powers that the Strauss siblings possessed.

And yet, it felt enhanced, somehow, when it came to them. His blood would run cold, if he was walking around the property at the exact post-dusk moment they came out of their cellar. Could literally feel the Mistress’ eyes across the sprawling property. Knew when they were on him. When they spied him, out late at night, in a storm, trying to track down damn kittens as she watched from her window.

He found Lisanna had the same power.

His snores turned to slight, chilly shakes as he peeked his eyes open and found her there, in the bedroom with him. He was confused for a moment and then only glared.

“How did you get in?” he griped, softly, whispered, really. He didn’t want Freed or Bickslow poking around. None of this could get back to Mirajane. Not an ounce of it.

Lisanna was standing there, at the foot of the bed, just staring. She didn’t do pensive or alluring as well as her sister, but still, as she nodded over to the forever open window, Laxus wanted to ram a palm into his face.

Of course.

Fucking vampires.

That explained his cold, anyways, as he shivered some in the night air that was being let in.

“You should never lock her door, anyways,” Lisanna told him before her eyes and gaze turned to something more…devious. “Unless, of course, you plan to put it to good use.”

She literally jumped into bed with him and Laxus didn’t know what to do. At all. He’d never had a problem such as this (as he fell more into the Strauss web, he found that was true of most things) and wasn’t sure what to do as the woman literally moved to grab his face and fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Lisanna.” He turned his head when she tried to kiss him. “Kid. What are you doing? Me and your sister-”

“Mira can’t have everything. And I’m not a kid.”

“Okay, okay, you’re not a kid, but fuck, we can’t-”

“Why not? Huh?” She was still holding onto his face and Laxus didn’t know how petrified his face looked in that moment, but all of him was feeling it. Lisanna had clearly lost it and either she was going to fucking have her way with him (super nope) or she was going to fucking kill him, he just knew it. All that month of figuring things out with Mirajane had just be some sort of cosmic gift. Here, you can dabble in your darkest of fantasies before they’re ripped from you. Just like your jugular will be, in your bitter final moments.

It felt fitting, to have that happen. You fuck a vampire, you get fucked up by a vampire.

Yeah, it was hard not to find justice in this outcome.

“It’s because of her isn’t it. My sister. You’re in love with my sister, aren’t you?”

“W-Well, I don’t use labels and-”

She growled some, Lisanna did, and her nails felt like claws as, in the moonlight, he was forced to stare into her eyes.

“Mirajane treats me like a fucking child and I’m not. I can do whatever I want.”

“Look, I fullheartedly support you in this endeavor and all, but I’m not just whatever, okay? Now would you please-”

“You’re going to do as I want, Laxus. I’m just as strong as her. What? You think just because I didn’t turn Bickslow, I can’t turn anyone? I can. I will. If I want you, I’ll have you.”

“Your sister-”

“Isn’t here.”

“Yeah, but… You’re not a kid, Lisanna, fine, yeah, you’re what? A billion years old?” He felt more panic for some reason, in this moment, than he had when he was chained to the chair, all those weeks back. “But to someone like me, you’re still-”

“I was twenty-two when I died. That is not a kid.”

“Yeah, but still. I’m, uh, into, you know, a different kind of-”

“I don’t care what you’re into.” And besides, she seemed to already be over the whole sleeping together thing. No. Now her eyes fell only to his neck. “I’m going to turn you into my slave. My servant. That’ll teach her. I’ll make her favorite little plaything mine and then she’ll know. She’ll- Ow!”

She nails left long, bleeding scratches on his face when Laxus finally found it within himself to shove her away. He could somehow reconcile all the other stuff, but turning him would mean effectively ending his life. Remove any chance at battling back. No.

He would never allow that to happen. Not even through the Mistress.

“Lisanna?” Someone was trying the door then. Freed. “I must gain entry to assure you safety. Please, if you can-”

“Fuck off, Freed,” Laxus growled as he’d merely tossed Lisanna to the side, on the bed. She was hardly hurt, honestly, more surprised, and as that faded from her gaze, he knew he was about to be in for a battle. “Don’t ya gotta follow my command too?”

Nope.

“I will locate a key.”

Shit.

Jumping out of bed as Lisanna tried to pounce on him again, Laxus bashful, at first, to be in only his boxers around what was kind of, fine, okay, his girlfriend’s little sister, but then he remembered why this was the case and, well, embarrassment went out that perpetually open window a long time ago.

“You’ll pay for that.” Lisanna’s voice was low and Laxus considered then that this could have been all over a long time ago if Lisanna would just charm him. She clearly had no interest in the will of him, the flesh, like Mira had proclaimed to, so it made little sense for her not to just go that route.

Unless…

“You’re not as strong as your sister.”

“What are you talking about? Of course I am. I-”

“You don’t possess the same powers as her, do you?” He was standing there, defensively, one hand held out in front of him, as if to stop her should she advance further. He wasn’t so certain she couldn’t immediately overpower him though (Bickslow insisted vampires had immense strength) and did this more out of a reflex. A false sense of control. As Lisanna glared from the bed, he almost felt like he had the upper hand. “Mira’s, like, what? You and your brother’s commander? Or something? Is that it? I’ve never even seen the two of you hunt on your own. Mira goes out and hunts for herself and then brings the two of you back small animals to feast on. I’ve seen it. I’ve helped Freed clear the animal traps. You and your brother aren’t powerful and don’t need real, human, blood. Or at least as much blood as she does. Is that it? Or does she keep you powerless that way?”

“You have no idea,” Lisanna told him darkly, “what you’re talking about.”

Well, honestly, she was right. But still, he held fast.

“You can’t do all she can and make you so jealous, doesn’t it?” He felt embolden by distance. “I get it, okay? But fucking me…or eating me…or anything dealing with me, won’t make her take you seriously. It’ll just get me kicked out of her. Or worse. So rebel some other way, alright? That doesn’t involve-”

The sound of a key in the ancient lock stopped them and Laxus glared over at it. Freed though, who merely blinked at them, was not even close to the worst thing behind it though.

“Boss, you fucking snake!”

Bickslow tackled him, full on, to the ground and you know what? Laxus had had a lot of rage recently, since the whole thing began, and yeah, as they began to fight, he let some of it go. He was more powerful than the other man and was beating him handily as Lisanna only sat by yelling at them and Freed seemed uncertain of what directive he should take next.

There was no end in sight, honestly, and Laxus might have killed Bickslow that night, he was so charged up from his nearly two month long ordeal at that part, and you know what? Yeah, Bickslow did share some blame in the whole thing. Yes, he was essentially doing as Laxus, just going along to get along, but fuck if it didn’t feel much more like the other guy was betraying him. Them. The whole human race, honestly.

Being around the darkness for so long had muddled Laxus’ sense of right from wrong and whatever happened that night, he;d more than convinced himself wasn’t his fault. Anything that happened from that point forth wasn’t his fault. He was a pawn filled with freewill, but uncertain how to wield it any longer, and this was just the inevitable outcome.

.

She entered through her window, transforming ins uch a blink of an eye that it would have appeared, were anyone watching something other than Laxus’ pounding his close friend into the ground, as if she came from thin air.

“What,” stopped all motion in the room as she merely stood there, blue eyes not so bright in that moment, “is going on?”

Bickslow was bruised and bloodied, but as Laxus found no words before the woman, the jester did.

“Laxus tried to sleep with Lisanna!”

“The fuck I did.” He got off Bickslow then, eyes dark as he glared over at the youngest Strauss. “She tried to…have her way with me! And then these two burst in-”

“They’re mortals!” Lisanna fell onto the defensive easily. “I can do whatever I wish with them. You don’t get dibs, Mira, on someone you won’t even turn. You-”

“Out.” She really just hit an ungodly octave, the woman did. Breathing harshly through her nose, her eyes fell to Laxus. “Except you.”

Freed had to assist Bickslow in even getting up and he was upset, the other man was, about…about…fuck if Laxus knew, but as Lisanna only sent him a dirty look for some reason, he decided he didn’t care. About any of them.

“Mira,” he tried, but she huffed as the others left, moving passed him and over to her dresser instead. Waiting there was a bottle of her specified brand and, as always, a clean wineglass.

“The only good thing out of the lot of you,” she complained as she poured it for herself, “is Freed.”

“She came onto me. I-”

“If you cannot control them, Laxus, then why should I leave you in charge?”

“Control- She’s a fucking vampire! You’re all fucking vampires! God, why are you all just acting like this is normal shenanigans? It ain’t! Your fucking sister just tried to…to…rape me, fuck, I guess, and then kill me when I didn’t comply. But you’re mad at me?”

She had her back to him and merely took a long sip from her glass before replying, “I’m not mad at anyone. I’m annoyed.”

“I’d really appreciate it, Mira, if you were at least a bit mad at your sister over all this.”

“Lisanna is acting out. Lashing out. It’s normal.”

“Stop calling all of this normal. That’s literally what I just said. Are you not listening to me?”

“I expect,” was all he got back in response, “you to handle yourself while I am gone. I do not want to arrive home to messes.”

“I didn’t try and fuck your sister, Mira. She wanted to fuck me. Are you not the least bit concerned about that? You know, I’ve had to adjust a lot, a whole fucking lot, for your family, and you’re yelling at me because no one said that I would have to be fucking both of you. Is that the game now? I have to fuck your sister too? If that’s what you want, Mira, then-”

“Stop yelling.”

“Is no one going to fucking acknowledge how hard I’m working? Constantly? To figure this shit out? Then your sister just throws herself at me, your brother has been sobbing for days, you’ve been gone, Freed is fucking weird, I don’t even get to see Ever, and Bickslow, fucking Bickslow, won’t shut up about his cats and then comes in here and attacks me for what? Huh? For possibly sleeping with someone who he’s not? What kind of sense does that make? And, by the way, your sister clawed the fuck out of my face. Thanks for asking.”

Mira turned to face him then, fully, lowering her drink down to her side. “My sister doesn’t…want you, Laxus. This will pass. She’s just jealous and threatened. She’s putting you in your place. You denied her. It’s done.”

“I don’t feel like it-”

“Hush.”

“She’s fucking-”

“Hush.”

His lips shut and his jaw felt locked as the woman only went to the bedroom door. Calling for Freed once it was opened, she requested a wet rag and stood there until it was presented to her. Laxus was confused, but she merely locked the door once more before coming over to him.

“Wash yourself. You are covered in both your and his blood,” she said, handing it off to the man who accepted it numbly. “And do not come into my chambers again, if I am not present. And do not look so betrayed. I will speak with Lisanna as well.”

The house met with an uneasy silence then and, as he ran the rag over himself, Laxus was aware of the distraction in the woman. It was written all over her face.

“Why did you go away?”

“A meeting.”

“With…what? Like a meeting between…vampires?” His fears (or was it more of a desire) were coming true. “You all get together and what? Discuss your favorite blood type?”

“I see you’re coming off your anger well.”

“Your sister tried to-”

“But she did not.” She brought the cup to her lips once more after adding, “Get in bed, my love.”

He didn’t want to, not really, but had already pressed his luck with one of the siblings that day. There was a serious doubt it would hold true twice.

When he wasn’t joined, Laxus only snorted, staring over at her. “You must have something major going on, in your little abomination world, huh?”

That did it.

Softly, into her cup, the woman giggled, airy and light.

“You,” she informed him simply, “have no idea.”

.

Needless to say, the next morning was awkward for Laxus and Bickslow. The acrobats face was all black and blue and his lip was split and oh, wow, there was something a lot more pressing going on.

After avoiding one another for most of the day (if they were honest with themselves, they both mostly slept til noon anyways), it was nearing the time for the siblings to come out of their cellar when it happened. Bickslow found Laxus sitting under a tree outside, listening to his music. In his arms, once more, he clutched one of his little kittens.

“He’s,” the seith told him and he looked more distraught then he did when he thought the boss was bonin’ Lisanna, “sick.”

Laxus could tell. Part of him felt bad for the little guy, who was breathing shallowly and was probably infected with who knew what, considering the conditions under which he was living. This presented another huge problem, of course, that wouldn’t be addressed in that very moment, but as Laxus tried to figure out how he’d delicately break it to Bickslow that, considering the rinky dink village had no vet, they’d probably have to break the kitten’s neck out of pity, he also realized the other kittens were no doubt infected with the illness as well.

“What’s wrong?”

Lisanna was the first into the house, finding the two men sitting down on the entryway floor, the little kitten laid on a towel there as Bickslow gently stroked at his tummy, hoping to soothe any of his pains.

“We’re, uh, wain’ for ya, is all, I guess,” he whispered softly. “Boss is gonna have to…well… You gotta say goodbye to ‘im, kid.”

Her eyes widened, Lisanna did, and she looked tearful as her brother only came to stare down as well. Laxus didn’t feel too comfortable around the other guy yet and thought about ditching out then, giving Lisanna and Bickslow a moment alone with their kitten (and psyching himself up to, you know, kill a defenseless creature; tall talk from a vampire fucker, but that was different), but just as he was rising to his feet, the muscular man was bending down.

“What- Elfman!” Lisanna hit him as he moved to grab the tiny cat in his massive hands. “What are you- No! Mira! Stop him!”

She was the last in the house, Freed faithfully by her side, and frowned at the scene before her. But it was too late for the cat as her brother was already bringing his fangs down into the beast. Bickslow couldn’t help it. He’d been the best sorta prisioner, sort of hire entertainment possible, but this was just too dark for him.

“What the fuck, bro?” he yelled, but Elfman only stood to his feet after retracting his fangs from the neck of the feline.

In all the commotion of the room, they heard a faint, “Meow.”

“I turned him.” Elfman sniffled some as he moved to set the kitten down. “He’ll, uh, never grow up. He’ll be a baby forever. But he won’t die now, Lisanna.”

She was sill down on her knees, wiping at her eyes, but did blink some.

“Why didn’t I think of that?” she whispered softly to herself as the kitten ran off, no doubt to find it’s siblings. “I’m so stupid.”

“You are not.” Mira was walking on then, Freed following. ‘But we are going to have a conversation. Now.”

“Hey, man, with the kid busy,” Bickslow began as Lisanna groaned some, but followed faithfully after her sister, “Elfman, buddy, pal, you think you could, uh, you know…turn all my other kittens?”

“They’d never grow up,” the other man pointed out. “And they would have to come down to the cellar each morning, with us. And they will only drink-”

“Hey, man, as a single father, I’d love to get rid of them for twelve hours a day.”

With the evening’s big hullabaloo already solved, Laxus felt a bit lost in the shuffle. Instead of seeking out Evergreen in Elfman’s absence (who he imagined would be much like Freed; a useless shell that merely made him sad), he went back outside, to the tree he’d sat beneath before, and put his headphones back in.

But he felt it, all the same, when the evening wind picked up, and Laxus didn’t have to stare up at the specific window to know she was there, watching him, glass in hand. Waiting. Thinking. Lurking.

As he leaned back into the tree, ignoring the urge to to her, up in her room, to be with her, he merely shut his eyes and tried to drift away. Pretend he was back home. In his tiny apartment he and Freed shared, just listening to music and thinking about this strange dream he’d been having lately.

A nightmare, really, it was.

[uncheckedtomfoolery]

Thoughts on Letty? I feel that she's a bit underrated, considering we only fight her at her weakest and never talk about her again...

Oof, this is a tough one. Not a whole lot to go on for Letty. Still, now that I have a day off… rather fittingly, preparing for winter, it’s about time I answered it. Sorry this took so long!

Though, before we start, I’d dispute the ‘weakest’ part. You can argue about how hard she was trying, but I don’t think a winter youkai is at her worst during an unnaturally long and severe winter, exactly (mid-post edit: Apparently this is according to ZUN, but it doesn’t actually make sense to me). Anyway, the rest is below the usual cutoff line.

Let’s start with what we know: Letty is a yuki-onna/embodiment of winter (these are two entirely separate things), she’s apparently a Pretty Big Deal according to ZUN, and she’s yet more proof that ZUN is a huge Agatha Christie fan.

She also has an approximation of the alchemical symbol for silver on her dress, from which we can deduce that she’s a huge nerd (or lost a bet with Patchouli). 

That’s, er, that’s about it. There’s not a whole lot to her! You know what that means: Strap yourselves in, because it’s time for increasingly tenuous conjecture.

First off, here’s the Yuki-Onna legend. Legends, really, with all the regional variations you get. Chances are, she’s made of snow, or a ghost, or whatever. as the origin. Or the usual youkai route of ‘she exists because people are scared of winter, and like to put a face to everything’. Good news, you can draw on the obscure variant that claims she came from the moon, if you desperately want to. I don’t, particularly, but it’s a funny idea.

What a Yuki-Onna isn’t, as I mentioned earlier, is some kind of avatar of winter itself. This means Letty is juggling two natures/identities. The reason might be as simple as ‘humans are prone to mixing things up and fudging details’, or anything else you can come up with. I think it’s interesting though, and unusual too, considering the seasonally associated characters we have thus far - or embodiments of nature in general, ignoring some readings of Yuuka - are fairies or deities. Where you take this is your call, but it’s one thing about her that’s interesting enough to take note of, I think?

From the Yuki-Onna half, we can take a couple things. In most stories, they like, and are generally fairly well-disposed towards children. They also do the usual youkai thing, where they adhere to a selection of weird behavioural rules, and the difference between vast supernatural rewards or a horrible death when meeting one is basically a matter of how much you have obsessed over the Youkai Strategy Guide (seriously, Japanese folklore reads like an instruction manual half the time). Another possible reading is that she is, in a sense, nice but not good: That is to say, she has a habit of giving people either what they want or the illusion of what they need, but it’s decidedly not what they want. Whether she saves people from snowstorms, leads them in, or just stands by going “well, since you’re here anyway, here are some lovely hallucinations for you while you freeze to death” is a matter of the tone you want for her.

I would, in keeping with the tone of folkloric youkai (and to a degree, fairies of British Isles folklore), also suggest giving her a lot of weird hangups over behaviour, courtesy, and so on. Manners among supernatural creatures are, in most stories around the world, as important as they are entirely baroque and nonsensical to humans. This isn’t me being clever by any means: In the absence of a whole lot of material, I am leaning on the fact that ‘she’s a youkai, and youkai are weird’ provides an enormous wealth of material on its own.

Now, the winter half. This, we can achieve with taking a bunch of traits, obvious and not, from the winters of rural Japan. Hey, good news, I live there. I would say her immediate surroundings are characterised by being - apart from the obvious cold - bright, and extremely quiet. Late winter out here, when you have a lot of snow, is a special kind of time. You can get outright glare in the middle of the night, you can actually tan/burn easily from minimal sunshine, but the snow muffles everything. It’s dead quiet out there, no matter what’s happening. 

Cold also has a numbing effect, and famously, people who are freezing to death usually feel warm, if anything. This can be taken literally (it actually feels less cold around her regardless of temperature), or metaphorically (she has a habit of keeping bad news to herself even if you desperately need to know it, and tends to sugarcoat things). While we’re at it, her card ‘flower wither away’ gave me another idea: Larger life around her (say, animals of various sorts, trees) will slow down around her a bit, regardless of season. Tiny things like bugs and of course flowers, on the other hand, will just outright start dying. She’s an embodiment of the three months of the year where stuff just dies (or sleeps), so it seems fitting.

Now, seasons. It’s commonly held that she vanishes outside of winter, just gone entirely… which HM rather disproves, if you take background characters as canon. If you don’t want to, the whole line of questioning ends here, and that’s okay. The other reading is that she just spends the intervening months hiding somewhere relatively cold, being grumpy about the seasons and staying out of trouble. Either way though, as much as she resents the changing seasons, she never fights it: She’s a part of nature in the end, and she accepts that some things have to be this way.

Finally, on the question of Letty being allegedly oh so powerful: I invite you to consider that power and significance takes many forms, as touched on in my Aki sisters post. “You guys like food, right?” is a big deal but won’t win you a fistfight. Letty is both tied to a particular season and capable of amplifying it. The latter can do some really nasty things (see: PCB, but it’s actually her fault this time). It does not, however, necessarily have to mean she can beat up Reimu with one hand tied behind her back or whatever. It can, if you really want, but it doesn’t have to.

Anyway, Letty Whiterock, huge alchemy nerd. Pass it on.