#....maybe it's too late at night to try and spin character analysis

[chaos-has-theories]

Yesterday my roommate said that Arthur talks like he's constantly picking the wrong option in a dating sim

and I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about that

[monotonous-minutia]

It’s here! The ridiculously long (about 9 pages on Word) and totally unnecessary literary analysis of the absolute gayness of one of my favorite operas!

you guessed it: Les contes d’Hoffmann. I spent way too many hours over the past months writing this thing.

I just think of all of this altogether too much so I decided to just write it all down in one place like the lit crit nerd I am.

As I’ve mentioned before, there is a LOT of evidence in Les contes d’Hoffmann that the two main characters (the titular Hoffmann and his friend Nicklausse, aka the Muse) are absolutely an item. To the point where I honestly can’t understand how a director can look at this opera and think “oh that’s not gay” and proceed to stage it as if it’s not. It is SO GAY. I can only imagine that directors who stage this differently are deliberately trying to specifically remove the gay content (e.g., taking out the Violin Aria, messing with edits, doing weird things with the productions that I won’t get into lest I fall into a rant and forget what I’m here to talk about).

For some, the only way to acknowledge that Nicklausse and Hoffmann are an item is it ignore the Nicklausse part and have the Muse be a girl for the entire opera. Because, well, we can maybe admit to the romance, but at least it’s not gay, right?

Well, no.

Often, we get a strange dynamic where productions can’t seem to decide how to mitigate the gayness. Is Nicklausse a girl so there’s no gay with Hoffmann? But what about when he’s flirting with Giulietta (and come on, it’s really hard to stage the Barcarolle, which is basically a love song, without Nicklausse at least vaguely flirting with Giulietta and vice versa, because they’re singing it together). How is that not gay if you insist Nicklausse is a girl? There’s no way to get around it.

No matter how you spin it, it’s gonna be gay. And like I said, if a production tries to insist otherwise, it’s specifically to push back against The Gay. That usually fails miserably for two reasons. One, those productions are garbage, I don’t care who the director is and how fabulous the rest of their work might be. And two, by trying their hardest to get rid of the gay, they are flat-out admitting that it is there. If it wasn’t so blatantly obviously gay, people wouldn’t try so hard to prove that it isn’t.

On another note, it’s pretty obvious that the character of Nicklausse/the Muse is genderfluid. The Muse introduces herself in feminine terms in the Prologue (and Muses are typically associated with femininity), but navigates the majority of the opera identifying as Nicklausse, who’s a man. Ironically productions that try to lessen The Gay get stuck on this because if Nicklausse is definitively a feminine Muse, she’s gonna be gay with Giulietta, in which case the only way to avoid that is to say that isn’t gay because Nicklausse is a man, and, well, whoops, you just admitted the character is genderfluid.

Like I said, there’s no way around it.

I feel like even this super-vague analysis should be enough to convince people. But, because it’s not lit crit if we don’t get all in-depth and nerdy, and because it’s really fun, I’m going to plumb the depths of my research and analysis and share with you this 4,000-word essay proving that yes, indeed, Nicklausse is genderfluid; and yes, indeed, he and Hoffmann are a couple, and a very gay one at that.

Let’s begin.

(Note: the following contains a lot of references to outside sources and I’m just too lazy to properly cite them especially because I just spent the last three years of my life doing that for all my research papers and it sucks. But if anyone is curious and wants to know where specific pieces of information come from, let me know.)

Nicklausse is genderfluid.

This honestly seems like a no-brainer. The dictionary definition of genderfluid is “of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity is not fixed,” so the fact that the character spends part of the opera in a feminine form (the Muse) and part of the opera in a masculine form (Nicklausse) is pretty much the definition of gender-fluid since the character’s gender identity is not fixed. Yeah, maybe the Muse is just in drag for the night, but either way, they’re obviously extremely comfortable in the masculine form so it seems more than likely it’s something they’ve done many times before and are not only okay with but very used to. There’s debate as to how much time, exactly, the Muse spends with Hoffmann as Nicklausse, or even whether Nicklausse is a real person or has been the Muse all along. The solution to this could affect the way the character is or is not defined as genderfluid, but the fact that there is no way to tell what the answer is—because the authors deliberately left that ambiguous—renders it a moot point. We could argue back and forth about that all day and never come to a conclusion because there isn’t one. At the end of the day all we can agree on is that the Muse is acting as Nicklausse the night Hoffmann tells the stories, and likely has done so before.

There is other, non-textual evidence that backs up the concept of Nicklausse as genderfluid. The biggest one is that Barbier and Carré were not strangers to the idea of gender fluidity in their work. About 14 years before Hoffmann premiered, another work from these two hit the stage: Ambroise Thomas’s opera Mignon. The titular character is, for all intents and purposes, genderfluid, presenting as both male and female throughout the course of the opera and seeming comfortable in both roles. Even earlier than that, the two of them translated da Ponte’s libretto for Le nozze di Figaro into French for the Paris Théâtre Lyrique. Anyone who knows this opera knows the multiple levels of gender-bending that occur here and the extremely meta exploration of gender primarily through the portrayal of Cherubino, a boy, who is played by a woman and frequently dresses up as a girl. You can hardly talk about Nozze without acknowledging the genderfluidity it contains. So, before writing the libretto for Hoffmann, Barbier and Carré had worked with at least two other stories dealing with canonical genderfluidity. It’s not much of a stretch, then, to say that they were deliberate in their portrayal of the Muse/Nicklausse as a genderfluid being.

That being settled, on to the next point:

Hoffmann and Nicklausse are a couple.

You wouldn’t think so watching the way most Hoffmanns treat Nicklausse onstage, but there’s a lot of textual evidence that supports this claim. There are multiple facets of Hoffmann and Nicklausse’s relationship that indicate they are, at least in some sense, an item, even if Hoffmann doesn’t always acknowledge it.

We still don’t know if the Nicklausse we see in the tavern has been Nicklausse all along, or if he’s taking on the position of someone who’s actually been hanging out with Hoffmann all this time. That doesn’t necessarily mess up the analysis, though, because: if the Muse has been Nicklausse all along, then all of the evidence in Hoffmann’s stories is true (as “true” as they can be, being a result of Hoffmann’s drunken storytelling) of the person who is sitting next to him in the tavern right now. If, however, the real Nicklausse is absent, Hoffmann is still admitting the extent of the relationship to the Muse/Nicklausse who’s in the tavern tonight. We know this because Hoffmann is presumably making these stories up since it’s revealed at the end all these “loves” are manifestations of the real-life Stella. In which case, it is Hoffmann who is describing all of these things about Nicklausse that indicate they are in a relationship, consciously or unconsciously admitting that they are an item. Since the Nicklausse who is sitting with him during the storytelling is also the Muse, it’s not really a stretch to assume Hoffmann is talking about them during the telling, even if there is a “real” Nicklausse who’s absent tonight, because Hoffmann is taking details from things in the immediate vicinity to tell these stories tonight.

Now on to some more specific details:

They are a packaged deal. Before Hoffmann enters the tavern, Luther announces his arrival, adding that Nicklausse is with him (“Messieurs, il ouvre la porte,/Et Niklausse est avec lui!”). No one questions this or asks who Nicklausse is. They are all used to the idea of Nicklausse coming along with Hoffmann, so it clearly happens on a regular basis.

It’s also clear that Hoffmann is much closer to Nicklausse than he is to anyone else in the tavern. And that’s probably saying something, as it’s clear the friends at the tavern know a lot about him: they are familiar with his many different stories; they look forward to seeing him and hearing his tales; they know he enjoys singing, and convince him to do so to cheer him up; they tease him; they ask him personal questions; and they know his schedule well enough to notice when he’s late coming to the tavern. So, Hoffmann clearly has a lot of people here who know and care about him—but none nearly to the extent that Nicklausse does, as we will see. That indicates his relationship with Nicklausse is much more intimate.

Here are some examples:

When Hoffmann and Lindorf are facing off in their insult duet, before they can get too far, Nicklausse intervenes with a metaphor about shepherds and their girlfriends, distracting them before they come to blows. The others in the tavern join in, but no one else was motivated to stop the fight. Nicklausse was the only one who cared enough to break it up.

When describing his role in the stories that are to come, Hoffmann says Nicklausse takes the prize for common sense; he thinks highly of Nicklausse’s perceptions and opinions, even if he doesn’t always show it.

HOFFMANN Tu m'auras sans doute compris, O toi qui dans ce drame où mon cœur se consume Du bon sens emportas le prix!

At the beginning of Act I (Olympia), Nicklausse makes several statements that indicate he knows Hoffmann extremely well. Upon his entry, he exclaims “J'étais bien sûr de te trouver ici!” (“I knew I would find you here!”) He is familiar with Hoffmann’s usual haunts and knows exactly where to look for him. Further, he already knows about Olympia; when Hoffmann shushes him after his entrance, Nicklausse asks, “C'est là que respire la belle Olympia?” (“Is there where the beautiful Olympia is?”) He teases Hoffmann about being in love with her, so Hoffmann has obviously told Nicklausse all about her. Given no one else in the tavern knew anything about Hoffmann’s love life, we can assume he only talks about things like this to people he’s particularly close to.

Further, when Nicklausse is trying to get Hoffmann to reach out to Olympia before proclaiming his undying love, we have this exchange:

NICKLAUSSE Alors, chante, morbleu! pour sortir d'un tel pas! (Then sing to her, for heaven’s sake, if there is no alternative!) HOFFMANN Monsieur Spalanzani n'aime pas la musique. (Mr. Spalanzani doesn’t like music.) NICKLAUSSE Oui, je sais! Tout pour la physique! ... (Yes, I know! Science is everything!)

So not only had Hoffmann told Nicklausse about Olympia, he has also told him about Spalanzani’s obsession with science and aversion to music. Which means Hoffmann very likely talks to Nicklausse a lot about his studies and his intention to pursue a science education.

Out of all the names and titles Hoffmann is given in the tavern—poet, writer, artist, drunk—no one mentions the fact that he is a student. It might be because the group consists almost entirely of students, so it’s a given; but it might also be that, in addition to not discussing his love life with his friends, he also does not talk to them about his studies. Once again, this indicates that he is much closer to Nicklausse than anyone else in the tavern.

Nicklausse also knows the best ways to interact with Hoffmann. After Nicklausse sings his song and Hoffmann brushes him off, Coppélius enters and tries to get Hoffmann’s attention. However, Hoffmann does not respond, to which Nicklausse replies “Voilà le seul moyen d'être entendu!” (“There is only one way to be heard/get his attention”). Then we get the stage direction “il frappe doucement, puis plus fort sur l'épaule d'Hoffmann” (“he hits softly, then harder on Hoffmann's shoulder”). It works; Hoffmann turns and asks him what he needs. This is a very particular way to get someone’s attention. The fact that Nicklausse knows it means he gets Hoffmann’s attention a lot, and knows him well enough to understand the ways in which Hoffmann needs people to interact with him. This once again indicates a more intimate relationship, as no one else in the opera expresses having this kind of knowledge.

In less specific examples, Nicklausse spends a great deal of this act teasing Hoffmann about his love for Olympia. However, Hoffmann doesn’t seem annoyed or put off by his behavior. He goes to Nicklausse repeatedly to make sure he stays involved in the action. He’s used to Nicklausse’s banter, but it doesn’t annoy him enough to keep him away. He’s too attached to him to let the teasing get to his head.

Though Nicklausse does leave with the other guests so Hoffmann can be alone with Olympia, he returns much sooner than any of the others, looking for Hoffmann and asking “Veux-tu qu'on se grise sans toi?” (“Do you want us to get drunk without you?”) Apparently the party isn’t nearly as fun as it would be if Hoffmann were there with him. He misses Hoffmann and wants him to come join him. Then, he tries to warn Hoffmann that Olympia isn’t what she seems, and that he should be careful. When Hoffmann doesn’t respond to that, Nicklausse suggests he come to the ball and dance with Olympia—anything to get him to come to the party.

When Hoffmann does begin to dance with Olympia, she goes out of control. Nicklausse intervenes, afraid for Hoffmann’s life; in the process he gets knocked over himself, but continues to focus on Hoffmann’s well-being (while no one bothers to check in with Nicklausse). (This is rarely staged but it’s in every version of the libretto I’ve read.)

Finally, when everyone else is laughing at Hoffmann for falling in love with a robot, Nicklausse goes to him and tries to comfort him among the madness.

In Act II (Antonia), we obviously get the Violin Aria, which I wrote a really long thing about earlier. In short, it is clearly a love song, and since he’s singing it to Hoffmann, what’s really left to be said? That alone should be enough to convince folks that there are romantic implications (to say the least) between Nicklausse and Hoffmann. I’m at a loss as to how anyone could come up with any other reason Nicklausse would sing that song. “Love victorious”? “Poet, give your heart”? What else could he possibly be talking about?

Unlike almost every other number in the opera, the Violin Aria has no precedent in the play. It’s only here now because we have the Muse doubling as Nicklausse, singing a love song to Hoffmann. Though he spends a great deal of the opera discouraging Hoffmann from pursuing the objects of his affections, he’s not against the idea of Hoffmann being in love. He’s against the idea of Hoffmann being in love with anyone who isn’t him.

Of course, this song is sometimes (often) cut. There’s more evidence that it’s supposed to be there than evidence against, though (according to a bunch of people’s research), so edits that exclude it are probably trying to lessen The Gay as much as they can. I don’t see any other reason for taking it out.

In addition to that, though, in the dialogue version of the libretto, Nicklausse gets a paragraph or so describing just how long (six months) and hard they have been looking for Antonia. You’d have to be pretty devoted to someone to follow them around for six months helping them look for the supposed love of their life. And on Hoffmann’s end, you’d have to like someone quite a bit to have them around you nonstop for six months, and feel extremely close to them to be able to expect that kind of devotion from them.

In addition, Nicklausse once again risks his own safety in order to save Hoffmann (though this is also rarely staged). When Crespel goes after Hoffmann with a knife at the end of this act, Nicklausse literally throws himself between Hoffmann and the knife. Y’all, if that’s not devotion, I don’t know what is.

Act III (Giulietta) is much more complicated because there are just so many versions of it. Of course there’s Kaye’s edit which is heralded by many is definitive and I’ll admit his research seems pretty sound so I’ll allow that to stand (because obviously I have the authority to have any kind of say in the matter). However there are several things from previous edits that Kaye takes out that also contribute to this discussion, so I’ll be referring to them as well.

First off, we get this line here which I’ve seen exactly once out of (n) productions:

GIULIETTA (se tournant vers Nicklausse) Et son ami! Pardon, Pylade or Pollux?

Giulietta is introducing Hoffmann to her company, and of course wherever Hoffmann goes, Nicklausse is as well, and since they’re a packaged deal, Giulietta introduces him as well, immediately after. And not only that, it’s precisely what she calls him that really drives the point home.

“Forgive me, was it Pylades or Pollux?”

I wrote a thing about this too. Here I’ll say:

Pollux refers to Castor and Pollux, who are typically used as a symbol of platonic affection between men, since they’re half-brothers. However, Pylades and Orestes are a different story. As I mentioned in the other post, if you’re familiar with Greek mythology discourse, you’ll know that most people agree there’s more to the relationship between Orestes and Pylades than a little bromance. So Giulietta is clearly suggesting something here when she refers to Nicklausse in these terms. It’s almost like she’s asking the question: “Are you two bros or are you romantically involved?” The fact that neither Hoffmann nor Nicklausse attempt to address that point seems significant to me. Nicklausse simply introduces himself, neither confirming nor denying the implications Giulietta is making about his relationship with Hoffmann. Nor does Hoffmann make a comment. If they didn’t want people thinking of them as a couple, one of them would have probably spoken up, but neither do.

In some Oeser-based edits we get an extended gambling scene, during which Giulietta serenades the guests, Hoffmann is distracted by her, Dapertutto gets some side dialogue, Schlémil acts shady, Pitichinaccio has some fun, the chorus gets philosophical, and Nicklausse tries to convince Hoffmann not to gamble away all their money. (Even if the extended scene isn’t included, Nicklausse gets a line to this effect in many versions of the libretto.)

Their money. Throughout, Nicklausse isn’t just worried about Hoffmann throwing away his own life savings. He’s worried because, despite the fact that he himself is not involved in the game (until Hoffmann makes him take his cards so he can go be with Giulietta), Nicklausse’s funds are at stake here too. I don’t know all the historical intricacies of finance at the time, but it sounds to me like the equivalent of these two having a joint bank account. You don’t share a joint bank account with just anyone. If Nicklausse and Hoffmann’s funds are collective to the point that Hoffmann losing money means Nicklausse is losing money too, the two of them are clearly financially dependent on each other, and if that doesn’t scream domesticity, I don’t know what does. I almost feel like the entire argument could ride on this alone.

The rest of the act is all over the place in terms of the order of events and even if some or others happen at all. The one most of us are probably used to honestly doesn’t have much Nicklausse material after the Barcarolle and his spat with Hoffmann, but others have more—like the conversation with Giulietta and the gambling scene described above. One of the most significant, which is based on a similar scene from the original play, concerns Nicklausse trying to get Hoffmann to leave with him, begging him to leave Giulietta behind, telling him this place is sketchy AF and they should leave before someone tries to steal their souls (which, incidentally, is pretty much exactly what happens). Eventually he gives up and goes to find a means of transportation (usually horses) and someone to help him physically remove Hoffmann so they can finally get out of there. After that, we only see him when he returns after Hoffmann gets his reflection taken; sometimes he doesn’t say much, sometimes he laments their fate, sometimes he finally does get around to dragging Hoffmann away once Hoffmann finally gives up, rescuing him yet again as they escape just before the police come looking for Schlémil’s murderer.

An interesting side note: In one performance I saw, Nicklausse tries to go after Hoffmann when Hoffmann goes with Giulietta, but is held back by Pitichinaccio (who then attempts to give him a poisoned drink, similar to an event in the original play). I also found a libretto and an album where a similar event occurs, except it’s Dapertutto who pulls Nicklausse away and makes him go back to the room where everyone else is still playing cards. In both cases he was able to return to Hoffmann right after Giulietta steals Hoffmann’s reflection. This bit isn’t included in any of the critical editions as far as I can tell, but it’s an interesting event, Nicklausse trying to go after Hoffmann to protect him (yet again) but being prevented by one of the villains. And, because Nicklausse isn’t there to help him, Hoffmann does get hurt this time (Giulietta steals his reflection). The one time Nicklausse is prevented from helping Hoffmann, Hoffmann winds up in a whole lot of trouble.

The epilogue is pretty self-explanatory, I feel.  Nicklausse doesn’t get too many lines, but his altercation with Hoffmann is pretty significant. Nicklausse makes the connection between the three ladies in his stories and the real-life Stella, joking that they should make a toast to the lady. Hoffmann yells at him, basically telling him “shut up or I’ll slap you” (and in some productions I’ve seen, he actually does get slapped). Nicklausse is definitely offended by this.

NICKLAUSSE se levant Ah! je comprends! trois drames dans un drame Olympia ... Antonia ... Giulietta ... Ne sont qu'une même femme: La Stella! LE CHŒUR La Stella! NICKLAUSSE Buvons à cette honnête dame! HOFFMANN furieux, brisant son verre Un mot de plus et sur mon âme Je te brise comme ceci! ...

NICKLAUSSE Moi, ton mentor? Merci! ...

This isn’t the kind of fight you have with an acquaintance. Banter like this, that borders on threats and insults, typically happen between people who are very close and have a lot of history. Nicklausse is trying to draw attention to Hoffmann’s failed loves, comparing them to Stella, to point out how futile it is for him to continue to pursue this siren. It’s about time Hoffmann notices him. Hoffmann, on the other hand, is furious at Nicklausse for revealing the fallacy in his tales. Saying “I’ll break you” is a pretty savage way to respond; Hoffmann feels betrayed by Nicklausse. He’s also pretty drunk. Either way, it’s clear his reaction stems from the closeness he feels with Nicklausse; upset that his “mentor” and confidante would reveal him like that.

After this, Nicklausse usually ducks away, though some edits give him the line “Il faut se décider!” (“You need to decide!”) as Stella enters. He’s giving Hoffmann the final choice, the one he delineated in the Prologue:

Il faut en cette heure fatale qu'il choisisse entre nos amours, qu'il appartienne à ma rivale ou qu'il soit à moi pour toujours!

(In this fatal hour he must choose between our loves; he will belong to my rival or be mine forever!)

Hoffmann is too drunk to recognize Stella, and she leaves him to go with Lindorf. The students leave as well, and Hoffmann is alone—until Nicklausse returns (or maybe he never left, depending on how it’s staged), revealing their identity as the Muse. Again, it’s unclear if they were Nicklausse all along, or just borrowing the identity for the night. Either way, the character that we’ve spent the last two and a half hours with (or longer depending on the edit)—the one who, as the last six pages will attest, is almost definitely Hoffmann’s boyfriend—is here declaring their love for Hoffmann. In some versions they literally say “I love you!”

Je t'aime, Hoffmann: confie-toi à moi! fie-toi à moi!

(Interestingly, when this line is included, it is spoken under the name “Nicklausse,” before their transformation back into the Muse. To me, that’s a decent indicator that Nicklausse has been the Muse all along, even before the events of tonight.)

We don’t know exactly what’s going to happen next, and what precisely we assume will happen once again depends on the Muse’s status as the actual Nicklausse in Hoffmann’s life or imagining. I haven’t seen any two productions (save revivals of the same production) that stage the ending in the exact same way. There’s a lot of ways to interpret it.

But after all this, I’d venture it’s pretty safe to say the ones where Hoffmann and the Muse get together at the end are accurate.

[chooseyouovereveryone]

Brittana Analysis Part 2: Musical Choices (Smaller Parts in Songs)

Continuing on the Brittana Music Analysis. Part 1 focuses on all of their main songs, but thought it would be good to also mention some of the smaller ones too, their parts in group numbers etc.

So here goes:

Do You Wanna Touch and Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me refers to their sexual relationship, back in the days when Santana would only label it as so, and no feelings were allowed.

My Cup, the whole damn song. No explanation needed.

Light Up The World is one of the most meaningful smaller parts for me, because the lyrics are just perfect for them. Santana singing "you and me keep on dancing in the dark, it's been tearing me apart, never knowing what we are etc." is absolutely the Brittana relationship at that point in the series from her perspective. Then we have Brittany singing all about "throw your doubts away", while Artie takes the other line, showing the love triangle dynamic between the three of them. Since this is an original song, I head canon that Santana wrote this part of the song.

Run The World (Girls) is mainly a Brittany solo in line with her presidential campaign, but it's interesting to me that they have Santana sing the "you'll do anything for me" line. Since this song is about Brittany, it's likely Santana is meaning that about her, in that she's acknowledging Brittany will do anything for her. A nice touch because I already touched on in the previous post how Songbird shows Santana implying she'd give Brittany the world. It seems they are both mutual in that aspect.

Rumour Has It/Someone Like You sang in the aftermath of Santana finding out she's been outed, with Brittany and Santana both sharing such a powerful moment together in this song. The transition from Santana singing about finding a girl to her spinning around to look at this girl she's found is such a pivotal moment for them and really well done imo. You can clearly see Santana's fear during this performance, Brittany's too (she too is about to be consequentially outed but I feel her fear is more for Santana than for her own sake), but that moment they share is almost like Santana draws the strength from Brittany. The world is about to find out her secret, but in the same breath her "dreams came true" (as it says in the lyrics) and she's happy with Brittany, so maybe (just maybe) it will all be okay in the end. And guess what Santana? It was.

Constant Craving is mainly about Santana's journey to acceptance, but notice how Santana looks at Brittany when she sings "even through the darkest phase, be it thick or thin, always someone marches brave, here beneath my skin", as if Brittany's own bravery during those hard times gave Santana strength and courage. It's also plausible to say that Brittany was a "constant craving" for Santana.

The First Time implies that Santana felt deeper feelings from the first time she hooked up with Brittany, even though she couldn't accept that at the time. This is later backed up when she admits in 4x04 that she had feelings in Sophomore Year so right back in S1 when they potentially started sleeping together (if not before). While it's obvious what Santana is reflecting on since she sings about "the first time ever I lay with you", it's uncertain whether the flashback scene is from the first time they met or their first hook up, but regardless we see that instant attraction and spark between them from both the scene and the lyrics.

Take My Breath Away and Love You Like A Love Song; the prom songs. Take My Breath Away is pretty self explanatory because the whole song is a love song, and Santana makes sure to sing part of this to Brittany and they share a moment together. Love You Like A Love Song is even more poignant because it's a Santana solo, so it's likely she picked the song. She picked a song all about her girlfriend, but she made sure to pick a current song. That way, in true private Santana fashion, she could pass it off as it just being a crowd pleasing song that everyone loves at the moment. But she does make sure to turn to Brittany and sing to her "constantly, girl you play through my mind like a symphony". Hello lyric change from boy to girl as well, which Brittana always do in their songs with/about each other.

So Emotional while being a duet that symbolises the Pezberry friendship, both Santana and Rachel are singing to their respective partners. They both run over to them for the "I get so emotional baby" part, and although they turn to point at each other for the "every time I think of you" bit, I feel this was just for performance purposes. It's more realistic for Santana to be singing that about Britt, and likewise Rachel with Finn. Santana also points at Brittany for the "I keep your photograph beside my bed" and although we don't know if Santana actually does have a photo of Britt beside her bed, we know that Brittany definitely has one of Santana.

You Get What You Give is naturally an emotional number for them since Santana is having to leave Brittany behind when she should have been graduating with her. Santana runs over to Brittany for the "don't let go" part which could relate to their relationship and not letting go of that despite the obstacles and distance they are ultimately about to face. The "one dance left" part is also significant.

The Scientist has two meanings for me when it comes to Santana's lines when she's singing "Nobody said it was easy etc." in that nobody said that long distance relationships were easy, as well as nobody said that breaking up with Brittany was the easiest choice either. The mature choice, but not the easy one.

There Are Worse Things I Could Do is something Santana merely has to sing in character as Rizzo, but it's clear that she is thinking about Brittany when she sings "but to cry in front of you, that's the worst thing I could do". This off the back of Brittany telling Santana to think of something really emotional to get in character aka. them not being together anymore. It references how Santana could be the one putting on a tough front (Brittany being the one to be more expressive with her feelings in telling Santana how much she misses her and how she wants them to get back together), but deep down her feelings are evident. She clearly misses and loves Brittany, she's just trying her hardest not to show it, because once she gives in that to vulnerability she knows there's no way back.

Toxic the unholy trinity version was rehashed since it was a past performance of theirs, but contextually I do think about the fact they picked that particular number since it was a group song rather than them redoing a performance that just the three of them did. Since Santana is most probably the one who picks the song with it being her idea, it's telling to me that she picks to do a sexually charged routine with the lyrics "I'm addicted to you" etc. It's almost like she wanted to do this sort of routine with Brittany, but uses the guise of Quinn to make it more subtle. As it's also a song about falling for someone dangerously and "it's getting late to give you up", it foreshadows the temptation Santana encounters later when Brittany kisses her and lays everything on the line, even though Santana has a girlfriend. We later see she chooses Brittany, so this could link to the song.

Problem, well the "every time you touch me, and say you love me" line that they sing to each other is pretty self explanatory, but Brittany also sings "cause even though I shouldn't want it, I gotta have it, I want you" which could relate back to their earlier days when Brittany was the one chasing Santana, but could also have a double meaning of Brittany referring to Santana being the one who used to tell her she shouldn't want it, and almost teasing her with that. The playful manner in which they dance to this line, and the wink from Brittany, could be them showing us how far they've come in that the fear of "I shouldn't want it" was very much real for them both at one point, and now no longer is.

Home I think is really poignant for them because that whole performance takes them back to the beginning in their relationship in terms of Santana being homecoming royalty with Puck, and having to revisit all of that. I talk more about it here and how all their S6 scenes paralleled earlier scenes. In this song they sing "man oh man you're my best friend", which links to that whole "going back to the start thing" in showing how it all began, since best friends is how they started out. It's also how they've always remained throughout their relationship and even during their break up, and something they've always said to each other first and foremost, and I believe at times they said this when they weren't brave enough to say I love you (Santana in 2x22) or when they were restricted in saying it (4x13 when they clearly still loved each other but Brittany was with Sam).

You Learn/You've Got A Friend is actually one of my fav Glee performances, and I think the Brittana moment in this is super sweet and underrated. I always love how as soon as Santana walks in, Brittany gets straight up to join her and stand by her side. She can't get to her fast enough. Lyrically, their lines fit this because Santana sings "close your eyes and think of me, and soon I will be there" on her own, and it's almost as if Brittany was sitting and thinking about her since they are apart, but as she thought of her, Santana appeared. They then begin singing together about brightening up even the darkest nights for each other, something that I'm sure they've both done a lot of. The way they sing that line when they are reunited (not that I think they were apart for very long haha) is almost as if being around each other brightens up everything. The whole song is obviously about living, loving and learning, something they've definitely had experience of all 3 of, and they make reference to that in their gestures throughout the song.

At Last is one that I'm going to talk about since they picked it as their wedding song. It's also one that doesn't need much analysis. It was a very fitting song for them, because even though they got married young, their relationship was still very "at last", this is where we are. It took them so long to get there. Santana's denial, the love triangle with Artie, the grey area of not labelling things even though they were already acting like they were dating, the pain of Santana's outing, the long-distance, the break up, Sam, MIT, Dani, Santana being scared to get back with Brittany at first. But it's kinda like what Brittany says in their vows, she would have suffered it all just for the tiny chance of marrying Santana, and undoubtedly Santana would "1000 times yes" do the same. "At last the lonely days were gone", and they got their happy ending. I also really like the lyric "And life is like a song" because it could relate back to Songbird "and the songbirds are singing like they know the score". This on makes my heart happy, it was the perfect choice for them ❤️

Hey Ya! & last but not least I couldn't not talk about their other wedding song choice, Hey Ya! This is a pretty typical song to play at weddings, gets everyone up dancing, it's feel good etc. That's probably the reason that Brittany and Santana picked it (also fitting with what I said about them keeping private mushy moments to themselves and picking a more up beat first dance song that everyone can join in for the actual wedding). But the writers obviously picked it as a nod to Heather and Naya with it being their final episode, and to humour the Heya fandom.

& that's a wrap :) Might have missed some, but off the top of my head this is what I've got!

[nazariolahela]

Best Beloved: Chapter 4

A/N: Hey y'all! This is a PM AU I’ve been working on. It’s a bit different than my previous fic series and I’m really excited to try something new. I hope y’all enjoy it. This story is told in dual first-person narrative, from Kaia (F!MC) and Damien’s POV. The first half of this story takes place during Kaia’s freshman year and Damien’s senior year of college. The second half is two years after Kaia graduates. There will be sprinklings of canon in this fic, but we’ll try to step out of the box for the most part. Thanks for reading, and please leave feedback, and/or if you would like to be tagged.

Catch up here

Series Tags: @burnsoslow​ @lady-calypso​ @irishwhiskys-blog​

Synopsis: What happens when you find yourself crushing on your best friend? For years, Damien and Kaia have been best friends, while secretly harboring feelings for one another. Everything changes one night after a little too much alcohol and years of pent up feelings. Can they control their emotions and salvage their friendship, or will the feelings they hold for one another destroy everything they have?

All characters are the property of Pixelberry Studios. Thanks for allowing me to borrow them.

Chapter Summary: Damien struggles with the state of his relationship and Kaia meets Hayden.

Damien

I sat at my cubicle on a Thursday afternoon, putting the finishing touches on the report I needed to write up for my internship. I had landed a Securities and Intelligence Analysis Internship with a local security agency. My duties included collecting, processing, and analyzing, intelligence, and providing assistance to the senior analysts within the agency. If everything went well, they mentioned offering me the opportunity to join the agency full-time. To be honest, though, I had bigger dreams.

I was proofreading my report when my phone went off. I looked at the screen and saw Alana’s name flash across it. I sighed and dragged my hand down my face. She had been blowing up my phone all day with text messages. After the frat party last weekend, we got into an argument about how I “disappeared on her” after our makeout session in the bathroom. I didn’t intend to, but when she stormed off and I lost her in the crowd, I didn’t make much of an effort to go look for her.

I felt like our relationship was going in a different direction than I was hoping. You could blame it on our busy schedules, and her turning down my proposal left a sour taste in my mouth. But as much as I wanted to deny it, I felt like Kaia coming back into my life had a lot to do with it. Feelings I didn’t know I had crept up on me every time she was around. Her touch, the sound of her laugh, and the sweet smell of her shampoo stirred up all these emotions in me. I needed to get them in check before I did something I’d regret.

My phone buzzed again and I groaned and dropped my head to my desk. I should have called her back and smooth things over, but I had to get this report done before I left today. I picked up the phone, and stared at it for a moment, then clicked the lock button and slipped in in my pocket.

A moment later, the research analyst I was paired up with rounded the corner of the cube farm and called out as he approached me. “Nazario. Do you have that research portfolio on current conflicts and security threats?”

I reached into my desk drawer and pulled out the manila envelope, handing it to him. He took the files and peered over my shoulder at my laptop.

“Thanks, man. Looks good so far. When you’re done with this, can you compile the materials from the counterterrorism report?”

“Sure thing, Agent McDaniels. I’ll have that to you shortly.”

He nodded and clapped me on the shoulder before walking off. I signed off on my report and hit “send” then leaned back in my chair with a smile on my face. This internship was easier than I thought it would be.

My phone buzzed in my pocket again. I groaned and pulled it out to see another missed call from Alana. I locked my computer and got up from my desk then made my way into the break room. Tapping my phone against my palm, I took a deep breath and dialed her number. She answered on the first ring.

“What?” she snapped.

“Baby, come on-”

“Don’t ‘baby, come on’ me, Damien. I’ve been trying to reach you all day! I’m sick of you always bailing on me all the damn time. First, you ditch me to go meet with your advisor. Then, you disappear during the frat party last week. And yesterday you fucking bailed on our date to go visit your mom. I know you have shit going on, but so do I. And I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a little reliability from my boyfriend.”

I groaned. We had planned to spend the afternoon together after classes, but Mom called yesterday morning, asking if I was able to come home and help her with something. And like the good son I am, I emailed my professors that I’d be absent, hopped in my car, and made the hour drive home. Now, I had to face the consequences. As much as I hated to admit it, I’d been kind of a lousy boyfriend lately. I wasn’t doing it on purpose, but with everything going on this year, I had to prioritize.  “I know, Alana. I’m sorry.”

“Are you fucking someone else?” she accused.

“What?”

“You heard me. What about that freshman you’ve been hanging around the last few weeks?” she spit out, the venom in her voice leaking through the phone.

Was she serious? I never told her about me and Kaia, so I don’t know where she even got the idea from. Just because Kaia and I had history, didn’t mean that I wanted to sleep with her. Okay, maybe I did, but I sure as shit didn’t act like it around my girlfriend. I dragged my hand down my face, sighing deeply. “Who? Kaia? She’s an old friend from home. I don’t even like her like that.” Lie. “Why would you think that?”

“It would make sense. Look, I know our relationship isn’t perfect, but if you have feelings for someone else, the least you could do is let me know so I’m not wasting my time.”

I yanked the phone away from my ear and mouthed several curse words. After all that we had been through, she had the audacity to say that to me? I pressed the phone back to my ear.  “Excuse me? Did you forget that I fucking PROPOSED to you? And you have the nerve to say I’m wasting your time! What the fuck, Alana?” I growled.

She went quiet on the other end and I had to check to see if she had hung up on me. After several beats, she spoke up. “It’s just...fuck, Damien. I feel like you never want to be around me anymore. Especially since you started hanging around with that Kaia girl. Plus, we're both always so busy, it’s like our relationship got put on the backburner.”

“Alana. If I didn’t want to be with you anymore, I wouldn’t be with you. I get why you’re upset. I do, but you have to understand that I have a life outside of this relationship. This internship is important to me. And my mom’s been having a hard time since my dad passed. I’m sorry for bailing on you, but you can’t go around accusing me of cheating on you every time. This relationship is never going to work if you do.”

“Well, what do you expect me to think, Damien? This new girl pops up out of nowhere, and all of a sudden you’re spending all this time with her,” she huffed.

“We have one class together, Alana. That’s it. We don’t go out to eat or spend time together on the weekends. Other than the frat party, the only time I’ve hung out with her was during our study groups. I’ve had female friends for almost our entire relationship and you’ve never batted an eye over it. Why is this one any different just because I’ve known her since we were kids?”

She sighed. “I really don’t want to talk about this over the phone.”

“I’m at work right now, but I can come over later if you want me to,” I said, tugging at the knot of my tie.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea, Damien. I just need time to myself right now. I feel like you’ve been smothering me lately, and I can’t deal with this.”

Jesus, this woman was making my head spin. “I don’t understand. First, you say I’m neglecting you, and now you say I’m smothering you. Which is it?”

“It’s...it’s complicated, Damien. I just don’t know if this relationship is worth it anymore.”

“Babe, what are you saying? Are you saying you want to take a break from us?” My chest tightened as I struggled to say the words.

She paused for what felt like an eternity before answering. “I don’t know, Damien. I’ll call you in a few days,” she said, before hanging up the phone.

I stared at the screen, anger coursing through my veins. I fell back against the refrigerator, digging the heels of my hands into my eyes. My department supervisor entered the break room and saw me leaning against the fridge.

“Hey! Everything alright in here?” she asked, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“Yeah, just dealing with some personal stuff. It’s taken care of though,” I replied. I slipped the phone in my pocket and made my way back to my desk. I sat down in my chair, powered up my laptop and opened my school email. I noticed two new emails: one from my advisor and another from Kaia. Jesus, talk about shit timing.

I sighed and opened the one from my professor. It was an outline of the things I needed to do to complete the first half of my internship. I skimmed through it, taking note of all the important parts, then replied that I would have it to her by midterms.

I closed out the email from my professor and hovered the mouse over the one from Kaia. I wasn’t sure if opening it was such a good idea, but a voice told me to do it anyway. I opened up the email and started reading.

Hey Dames!

Here are the notes from yesterday’s lecture. I highlighted everything Prof. Ross said would be on the test. Let me know if you need anything else. :)

- K.

P.S. Hope your mom is doing okay. Tell her hi for me next time you talk to her! 

Of course. I had texted her on the way to Mom’s asking her to take notes for me in class. Sure, I could have asked anyone else in that class, but let’s be real. I wasn’t going to. Any excuse to talk to her, I snatched it up like a dog with a bone. Her email was innocent enough, but just seeing her name pop up on the screen made my heart beat faster. I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed out the email. That must be why Alana was so upset. I sighed deeply and got to work on my next task. After about thirty minutes of struggling to stay focused, I powered down my laptop and walked over to my supervisor’s office.

“Hey! I have an assignment due tomorrow that I need to finish up. Do you mind if I take off?”

She looked up from her computer and nodded. “Sure thing. Just let me sign off on your timesheet and you can be on your way.” I handed her the sheet required for my internship credit hours and she initialed the document, then handed it back to me. “We’ll see you next week,” she replied, then went back to her computer.

I walked back to my desk, packed up my things and headed out. When I got to my car, I dumped my bag in the backseat, then climbed in the driver’s side. Pulling out my phone, I contemplated texting Alana. But after the conversation we had earlier, I decided to let her have her space. She would reach out to me when she was ready to talk. Until then, I had to be patient. Against my better judgment, I texted Kaia.

My breath caught in my throat. Yep, she was definitely flirting with me. Good lords, this girl was going to be the death of me. I’d been fighting feelings for her since my sophomore year of high school. It was easier back then because she was so young, but now that she was older, I was having a hard time keeping my emotions and my dick in check. If I didn’t get this sorted out soon, I was going to completely fuck up both of my relationships. I shook my head, put the car in drive, and headed back to the dorms.

***

Kaia

Sloane, Nadia and I sat in the library Monday afternoon, studying for our Comp class exam. Even though we were only a couple of weeks into the semester, our professor decided this morning that we needed to have a pop quiz on Wednesday and told us to be prepared.

“Ugh, this stuff is so confusing and not at all pertinent to my degree. What is an independent clause anyway?” Nadia whined, holding her phone in one hand.

Sloane leaned over and tapped Nadia’s note sheet. “It’s a clause that has a subject and a verb and can stand alone. Didn’t you learn this stuff in high school?”

“Psh probably. What does that even mean?”

I sighed. “It’s a complete sentence. You’d know that if you were actually reviewing your notes and not texting Steve.”

Nadia rolled her eyes and went back to her phone. “I wish we all had this class together so I could just cheat off your papers.”

Sloane snorted and I rolled my eyes, throwing a ball of wadded up paper at her. “Shut up and study.”

Nadia laughed and grabbed her highlighter, highlighting some sentences on her study guide. “Prepositional phrases are going to be the death of me.”

Ugh, this was so reminiscent of high school. I love my cousin, but she can be a bit flighty. “I’m going to be the death of you if you don’t study your notes, Miss Art Major. Just because this class isn’t,” I held up my index and middle fingers, making air quotes “pertinent to your degree, doesn’t mean you can slack off and not study. What’s going to happen when Steve gets drafted to the NFL and he dumps you for someone smart?”

“Steve would never do that. I’m too cute,” she gasped. Sloane chuckled and went back to her notes.

Ten minutes later, Nadia looked up from her study guide. “So, you guys going to Homecoming?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” I sighed, not looking up as I turned a page in my book.

“I don’t know, it might be kind of fun,” Sloane said, looking up from her study guide.

A grin spread across Nadia’s face. “I agree, Sloane. Plus, there’s so much to do! There’s the parade, the game, the dance. And Delta Sigma Phi is having another party!”

“They have parties every weekend.”

“Not like this,” Nadia retorted. “This one is supposed to be huge.”

I shook my head and went back to studying my notes. The idea of homecoming made me cringe. I only had bad memories of going. Most recently, my junior year. The game was a total blowout (the other team kicked our asses 55-0) and my boyfriend ditched me at the dance for the Homecoming Queen. I didn’t even bother going my senior year because I knew it was going to be a suckfest.

An hour and several chapters into our composition textbooks, Nadia groaned and smacked her head on the table. “I’m hungry, you guys. I say we take a break. My brain hurts.”

I pressed my forefingers to my temple and sighed. Sloane dropped her pencil on the table and removed her glasses, rubbing her eyes. “For once, I agree with Nadia. We could use a coffee break. I’m kind of going cross-eyed over here from reading and re-reading these notes.”

“Fine. I’ll go grab coffee. Who wants what?”

“Ooh. Get me a Strawberry Passion Fruit Boba Tea, please!” Nadia said. “And a banana muffin.”

“I’ll take the caramel almond latte,” Sloane replied.  I nodded and grabbed my purse, making my way to the campus coffee shop. Whoever designed this college to put a coffee shop in the library is a motherloving genius. When I arrived, there was only one person in line in front of me. I perused the menu, trying to decide which caffeinated beverage would give me the boost I needed to power through the last leg of our study session.

When it was my turn, I approached the counter and put in Sloane and Nadia’s orders. The barista asked me if that would be all, and I replied there would be one more drink, but that I was still deciding.

“You should try the Cinnamon Roll mocha. It’s indescribable,” a deep voice behind me suggested. I whipped around and came face-to-face with a tall man with warm brown eyes and jet black hair. His soft pink lips were curled into a friendly smile. It was crazy how suspiciously attractive he was. Was every guy at this school an undercover model or something? He looked familiar and I studied his face, trying to figure out where I knew him from.

“How do you know I’ll like it?” I asked him.

“You seem like the type of girl that likes sweet things,” he winked.

I blushed then turned back to the barista. “I’ll take that.” She nodded and got to work making my drinks. I turned back to the mysterious stranger. “If I don’t like this drink, you have to buy me a new one.”

“That won’t be necessary, because you’ll like it,” he laughed.

I moved over to wait for my drinks as he ordered his. I smirked when I heard him also order the Cinnamon Roll mocha. Okay, guy. I see what you’re up to. As we waited for our drinks, he moved over and grabbed a stirring straw, sticking one end in his mouth. My eyes were automatically drawn to the movement as his tongue swirled around the tip of the straw. He noticed me watching and winked. 

I cleared my throat. “So...um. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look really familiar.”

“I should. We’re in the same College Algebra class.”

I paused, cocking an eyebrow at him. “Oh?”

“Yeah, you sit in the second row. Let’s just say, I may have checked you out once or twice. No big deal. And since I helped you out with your drink order, you can help me out by telling me your name.”  

I laughed. “It’s Kaia. I knew you looked familiar. And thanks for the suggestion, I guess. We’ll see how you did here in a minute.” He extended his hand and I took it, feeling his warm hand squeeze mine.

“Hi, Kaia. I’m Hayden. And trust me on this. You’re going to be so blown away by this drink, you’ll offer up your firstborn for another one.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed a stack of napkins as the barista called my name and slid the tray with my drinks across the counter. I moved to collect them along with Nadia’s muffin. Hayden watched me intently as I picked up the cup marked “CR” and took a tentative sip. When the coffee hit my tongue, my tastebuds were transformed to a new world. He must have seen it by the look on my face because a huge grin spread across his.

“What did I tell you? You love it, don’t you?”

“Okay, okay. You were right on that one. Any more life-changing advice you want to give me?”

“You got something… right…” He reached over and wiped a dribble of the coffee from my chin with his thumb, then brought it to his mouth, sucking the liquid off. My breath caught in my throat at the contact. I quickly composed myself and grabbed my items. As I juggled the drink tray with shaking hands, Hayden swooped in and took it from me.

“Need a little help with that?” he asked.

“Thanks. We’re just sitting over here,” I replied, guiding him over to where Sloane and Nadia were chatting. Nadia’s eyes lit up when she saw us approaching.

“Ooh! Coffee and eye candy,” she squealed, leaping from her seat to take the tray from his hand. “Who is this tall drink of water, Kaia?”

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” I eyed her incredulously.

She sat down and handed Slone her drink before taking a sip of her own. “Hey! You can look at the menu as long as you don’t order anything from it. I’m Nadia. And you are?”

I shot her a glare. “Nadia, this is Hayden. He's in my algebra class. Hayden, this is my cousin Nadia and my friend Sloane.” He leaned over the table and shook each of their hands.

“You’re in my American Government class. Do you want to sit with us?” Sloane asked, taking a sip from her coffee.

Hayden looked around the library, like he was waiting for someone, then back to me. “Oh, I don’t want to impose. Looks like you ladies have your own study group going on.”

“Nonsense. Come, have a seat next to my extremely beautiful and extremely single cousin,” Nadia insisted, motioning for Hayden to take the chair next to mine.

“Nadia!” I snapped.

He grinned and sat down, raking his eyes over my body. I blushed as I took the seat next to him. He tugged his backpack from his shoulders and dug around, pulling out a spiral notebook. He then leaned over to see what we were studying. “Well, I don’t have Comp homework, but I guess I can work on my algebra homework.”

I glanced at his notebook and nodded. “I can help you with that when we’re done here.”

He smiled, sending the butterflies in my stomach into overdrive. He had a nice smile. Sloane looked up from her notes and addressed Hayden. “So, what are you majoring in?”

He paused and took a sip of his coffee, eyeing the three of us, then swallowed. “I’m actually majoring in photography.”

“Wow! A fellow art major! How exciting,” Nadia said, extending her hand for a high-five. Hayden laughed and slapped his palm against hers.

“Photography, huh? That sounds exciting! How’d you get into that field?” I asked.

“I joined Yearbook my sophomore year of high school and took pictures for the club, and I just kind of fell in love with it. I started taking pictures for fun and ended placing second in my state’s high school photography competition.”

I placed my elbows on the table and rested my chin in my hands. Listening to him talk about his love for photography made me smile. I wish I was half as passionate about anything as he was about photography.

The four of us settled into a comfortable conversation, neglecting our studying. We talked about our favorite (and not so favorite) professors, which classes we were looking forward to taking the next four years, and which spot in the student union was best for people-watching. We learned that Nadia and Hayden also shared two classes and the same advisor. Another hour had passed when my stomach growled and I looked at my phone to see the time was 5:30 p.m.

“Holy shit, it’s dinner time. You guys wanna go grab a bite?”

“I can’t. Steve gets done with football practice soon, so we’re going out after,” Nadia said.

“I’d love to, but I have a ton of homework I need to get done for my Spanish comp class. Maybe another time.” Sloane said.

I debated texting Damien to ask if he was free, but he sounded really weird when I spoke to him a few days ago, so I let it go. I shrugged and started gathering up my books. Nadia left first, with Sloane taking off shortly after, leaving Hayden and me by ourselves. He shoved the last of his things in his backpack and slung it over his shoulder, then followed me out of the library. We walked through the courtyard toward the dorms, surveying the sun as it slowly set behind the horizon. He stopped walking then turned to me.

“I hope you don’t think I’m being too forward, but would you want to go get a bite to eat sometime?”

I stared down at my shoes, kicking a stray pebble on the pavement. He seemed nice enough. But why was I so hesitant to say yes? I shifted on my feet and looked up at him. “Oh...um...I don’t know.”

He frowned. “Hey, no big deal. I get it. Just thought I’d shoot my shot.”

“No. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that I’m not ready to date yet. I guess I’m still adjusting to the new school year. But if you’re ever up for another study group, let me know.”

He smiled, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, sure. Do you want me to walk you to your dorm?”

“Nah. I think I’m okay. I’ll see you in class.”

“You too,” he replied and winked as he made his way to the dorms. I watched him walk away as I stood in the middle of the courtyard. What was wrong with me? This extremely good-looking and nice guy just asked me out, and I shot him down. It’s not like I already had a boyfriend, so why was I acting like a scared little bitch? I briefly considered chasing him down and saying, ‘lol j/k let’s go out sometime,’ but something held me in place. I just couldn’t figure out what it was.

[missolitude]

1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 13, 23, 24, 26, 28, 30, 38, 40, 43, 46, 48. Hope these aren't too many questions ;)

1. Animated character that was your gay awakening? Lady Tremaine maybe? Cinderella x Lady Tremaine was the first pairing that I shipped. My first gay awakening was my kindergarden teacher however. Well, two to be exact. One has dissolved into my memories and the second, I have admired until well past my adult years.

2. What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? Let’s Plays, documentaries, analysis videos... Last night I was watching documentaries about ghost ships and haunted places in Western Australia. I have it on in the background but I pay good attention and whenever something catches my attention I rewind. But I suppose I don’t really have a pattern, I just want to be stimulated, the topic doesn’t really matter to me.

4. Your go-to bar order, if you drink?

Red wine or vodka. Depends on what kind of night it is. Red wine is for enjoyment and intellectual conversation and romance and vokda is I wanna get drunk quick and have some fun.

6. Top three cuisines?

Italian, French, Thai

7. What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)?

I doubt my parents were around for my first words but I remember my mom saying I called roosters “golgogl” (german pronounciation) for the sounds that they made. Pretty sure she just found it funny.

13.  Brunch or midnight snacks?

Neither at most times but a late dinner is always appreciated.

23. Have you ever been to jail?

I’ve never been arrested but I’ve watched plenty of jail documentaries. It’s an interesting place to analyze people at.

24. What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)?

Lovely, enriching, family. I love sharing food with those that I love.

26. You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it?

If you don’t want the kinky response, it’s orange juice :p

28. What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now?

Self-love is always an ongoing process. Being patient with those around me but also being more forceful and direct when the situation demands it. And balance, always balance.

30. Where could someone find you in a museum?

Somewhere far apart, probably analyzing people more than the art itself.

38. Favorite mid-2000s song

Since it’s my birthday today, two of my fave songs.But honestly I couldn’t decide if I wanted, this is my music era and my fave list is as long as my crush list, meaning endless.

Mary J. Blige - Family Affair

Owl City - Fireflies

40. Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)?

At my desk. I rarely use my sofas, I know it’s weird. I either chill in bed or I sit at my desk.

43. Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie

The Aristocats

46. What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store?

Glutenfree bread.

48. Do you like Jello? Not really no. Perhaps if it was sour?

ask meme (x)

[ikesenlemonadestandstories]

Level 6

Happy New Year! Wohoo! Welcome to 2020 HoneyBees! I hope this year treats you with wonder :) <3

Tagging: @loudartanimeeclipse​

Master List here or check the tag Ikesen AFK

Warnings: None

Happy Reading T~

Level 6

You had stayed up way too late last night playing with everyone, and one look at Rose’s face as the two of you trudged through the lab said she was feeling the same way you were. Unfortunately, it was Friday, which meant the sample load would go one of two ways, and it did not look like the gods were smiling on you today. 

You were halfway through the day, and you’d already managed to knock your 10,000 step goal out of the park. Running back and forth between the A and R buildings was not your cup of tea, but there were timed samples, and you didn’t trust the couriers. So what else were you gonna do? 

The walk from your lab to the in-patient unit where your samples were waiting was nearly half a mile, and the added five flights of stairs had you out of breath by the fourth sample retrieval. 

“Here.” You nearly jumped out of your shoes as a water bottle came flying at you from across the hallway. “Take it, I’d prefer if you didn’t topple from dehydration the next time you make your rounds.”

“Thanks, Dr. Tokugawa!” You called behind you, waving as you continued your walk back to the lab. You must really look disheveled if he was throwing water bottles at you. 

“I told you I would fill up your water.” Rose scowled at you placing your own, now full, bottle down by your computer. “You didn’t have to buy one.”

“I didn’t.” You paused in gulping the rest of the water down. “Dr. Tokugawa threw it at me.”

“Dr. Tokugawa?” Rose quirked an eyebrow at you. “As in, cute, single, just got hired on as a resident Dr. Tokugawa?”

“The very same.” You snickered, chucking the empty bottle into the recycling bin before picking up your reusable one. 

“Lucky, I wish a man like that would throw water at me.” She complained openly as she plopped down in her seat. “Instead, I’ve just got Yuki throwing lettuce.”

“Could be worse, he could be throwing something that stains.” You shrugged, sitting in your seat and checking your email while you waited for the samples in the centrifuge to stop spinning. 

“Valid. So, how’d you do it?” Rose asked, rolling her chair closer to yours.

“Do what?” You answered her question with a question.

“Get him to acknowledge your presence!” She all but screamed, earning a dirty stare from a few of your lab mates.

“I’ve honestly got no idea what you’re talking about. I just looked rugged as hell and out of breath running back and forth between here and the unit.” You shrugged. “He probably didn’t want me dying when he was on service.”

“Fair. That would be a hassle.” Rose spun in her chair, turning her attention to the analysis program that had finally loaded on her computer. 

“Exactly.” You cracked a smile. “If I die, they’d have to use the courier, and we all know how much the floor wants to do that.”

“We would literally never see another sample on time.” Rose burst into laughter before the office fell quiet, and your timer went off. I guess it was back to work. 

Fortunately, the packed day meant it went by quickly. With a deep sigh, you stood at the crosswalk waiting for the light to change and enjoying the breeze. You weren’t sure what you wanted to do when you got home, but sleep and buffalo chicken came to mind, so that’s where you were going to start. 

Happily wrapped in an afghan, buffalo chicken plated with a loaded baked potato and celery, you curled up in the corner of your couch and watched reruns of the Halloween baking challenge wishing you were that creative with your desserts. You burned your fingers just thinking about pulling sugar like some of these people. 

With your show ending, the dishes done, and your tummy too full to even think about trying to sleep, you reached for your controller and logged yourself into Endless Isle, hoping to find something quick to distract yourself before bed. 

The server wasn’t too busy, and the market was clearly more empty than usual. Without any new quests dropping through the channel, the only people you really saw wandering around were single players or people focusing on the story mode aspect of the game. Maybe you’d give that a shot tonight since it didn’t seem like any of your team was online. You were still really curious about what the opening cutscene was about after all. 

Nearly four hours had passed, and you were almost two months into the game's timeline. This was so enthralling. You showed your CPU team around one of the more straightforward battle maps trying to grind out the playable characters to match your own, exponentially higher, level. The last thing you wanted to do was to get into a paralogue that required a unit which was terribly under-leveled, defensive tactics were fun but not that fun. Dying in a side story specifically set up for rare items didn’t sound like a good way to go out. 

That’s what started your single-player spree, anytime your team was unable to participate in battles meant you had the day to yourself to hammer out a good portion of the story. Now fully invested in the fantasy arc, you awaited the highly anticipated mid-game climax and the crazy looking completion badge and weapon you got at the end of the story. 

It was nearly three weeks later, after another long day at work that you came home to get some of the story arc finished. You weren’t doing anything too important when you started to feel yourself drift.  Finishing the in-game cooking challenge you had started you head towards a save point to back yourself to the main menu when you saw an advertisement for the single-player battle arena happening at the end of the month. Prize $500. Sold. Without a second thought, you threw your hat in the ring and entered the tournament. Now it was really time to grind.

[hot-tae-with-suga]

This Looks Bad || 3

Summary:  Taehyung and I were just horsing around, but someone took a picture, and now everyone thinks I’m cheating on my boyfriend Namjoon with one of his best friends. Which I’m not, because I don’t (let myself) think of Tae that way. And neither does Namjoon. Right?

Reader (1st person unnamed femme OC)/Namjoon/Taehyung

Idol AU

36.2K total || Rated M || Part 1 | Part 2 | AO3 || Masterlist

Genre: fluff / smut / angst with happy ending || Warnings: Misunderstandings, Failure to Communicate, Bisexual characters, Threesome, Smut 

Originally Posted 2019-03-29 

Thank you so so so much to my editor S, and my wonderful betas from the JAG discord (L, V, and D)

45 Days P.I. (10 days after deciding to give it a chance)

By the next Wednesday, I was a nervous wreck again. This time over my thesis defense, rather than the relationship issues that had been plaguing me for weeks.

I had prepared as much as I could, spending hours memorizing the smallest details of my results and analysis, and practicing answering potential panel questions with Namjoon on the phone. I knew I was as ready as I could be, but I was still pacing outside the door to the conference room when Joon and Tae arrived.

They each had hats, sunglasses, and masks on, which wasn't an unusual look for students, but they both had that confident air about them that drew onlookers’ eyes. Thankfully the mathematics building wasn't a particularly popular destination, so they were unlikely to be noticed.

Namjoon pulled down his mask and gave me a quick kiss, and Tae hugged me with a tight squeeze.

"We're not too late, are we? You haven't gone in already?" Namjoon asked, noting the empty seats that had been set up outside the conference room for participants to wait.

I shook my head. "No, you're just in time. The last student ran a little late and just got their verdict, so my panel just got inside to settle in. They should be calling me in-" I was interrupted by the conference room door opening and my advisor beckoning me inside.

"Are you ready?" she asked as I got closer, and I nodded. "And these two are with you?" Her eyebrows shot up when she realized who I had brought with me. She'd known I was dating Namjoon, but it had never really come up between us, as he hadn't had any reason to visit me on campus before.

The four of us walked into the room and Namjoon squeezed my hand tight before releasing it to take a seat with Taehyung at the far end of the long table, while my advisor and I went to the other end, where a podium had been set up. The panel for my thesis, 4 tenured professors from my and other local universities, plus my advisor, ignored the audience and turned to me, asking if I was ready.

The next hour and a half was a haze in my memory; I only knew it was tough but my nearly obsessive preparation had paid off. I was able to mostly answer every question, and my advisor smiled proudly by the time I was wrapping up.

Once my defense was concluded, I stepped outside with Namjoon and Taehyung so the panel could deliberate and make their decision. I was warned it might take as long as half an hour, or even more, so I returned to pacing the hall.

"Babe, don't worry! You did amazing in there," Namjoon assured me, grabbing me by both hands in an attempt to make me stop walking and start to calm down.

"Yah, noona, you sounded so smart. The guys in there looked super impressed," Tae added. "I didn't really understand what you were talking about, to be fair, but math has never been my strong suit."

"Statistics, Tae-ah," I corrected. "Not math. Well, kind of math, but also sometimes not really?" Between the two of them they pulled me over to the uncomfortable chairs and sat me down with one of them on each side, physically restraining me from getting back up or even from anxiously bouncing my leg.

The panel only deliberated for twenty minutes in the end, and we were all invited back in. We resumed the positions we'd occupied before we'd left, with them seated at the end of the table and me behind the podium.

As soon as I heard the words, "We have determined that you have passed this defense and you will be awarded your doctorate in statistical mathematics," the rest of what the panel chair was saying faded into static. I could see Joon's giant grin and my advisor's proud smile, so I knew he was complimenting me, but I couldn't hear it over the rushing in my ears.

I shook each of the panelists’ hands and thanked them for their time and effort. The last one in the line, Dr. Jeong, a man in his 40's who I had only met once when he was introduced as a member of my panel, stopped me as I moved toward the door. "Don't tell me you'll sneak out before introducing your guests, miss?" he said slyly, and I knew he must have recognized my boyfriends. They'd removed their disguises, since sitting in a stuffy room for an hour and a half was torture enough. Plus, it had made it easier for me to see their encouraging faces as I answered the panel's questions.

I bowed and made introductions, the eldest panelist in the room obviously unaware of exactly who Namjoon and Taehyung were to their endless amusement. My advisor quietly asked them for their autographs, which they added to the page she'd been using for notes during my questioning, a fact that I found strangely amusing.

"You must be very proud," Dr. Jeong said to Namjoon, nodding in my direction. "She's a compliment to your own impressive intellect. I was quite a fan of yours when you appeared on Problematic Man, you know."

The way he said it struck me as strange, and it must have done to Namjoon as well, as he replied with, "She’s smart enough for both of us. I might be able to solve a few problems on a silly game show, but her mind blows me away every single day." He spoke to the professor, but his eyes were on me. "I'm so proud and amazed by what she's accomplished, and most of the time I count my lucky stars that she's with a dummy like me." I smiled at his compliment, and we bid the panel goodbye and took our leave.

As soon as we were out of the hallway and headed for the main staircase, Namjoon started muttering as he put his mask back on. "Can you believe that guy? I was ready to punch him!"

I was shocked to hear him speak that way, as was Taehyung, both of us looking to Namjoon for further explanation. "What do you mean? Which guy? One of the panelists?"

"Dr. Jeong," Namjoon bit out. "I'm pretty sure he was trying to insinuate that I helped you with your thesis or something."

“Yeah, that guy was weird,” Taehyung agreed. “You’ve been working on the background for your thesis project since before you even met Joon-hyung.” He grabbed my hand and quickly kissed the back of it while we were still alone, giving me a proud smile.

I reviewed the conversation in my memory, shaking my head. "I'm sure he wasn't," I tried to placate them. "I think he was just trying to impress you by showing that he knew more about you than just your name, or something."

Namjoon put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer as we approached the doors out of the building. "If you say so, babe. Just, I dunno, don't take a position in his department, if he offers?" I rolled my eyes at his overprotective nature but nodded. "In any case, he continued, "we should celebrate. What do you say we all go out to dinner tomorrow night?"

Taehyung nodded eagerly, bouncing around us as we walked across the thankfully empty quad. "Yeah, let's go out! Maybe we can even go dancing after? We haven't been out in ages."

I rolled my eyes at his exuberance, but nodded. "Sure, if you guys are free."

47 Days P.I. (2 days after thesis defense)

The boys had an event scheduled the day after my defense, but they were able to clear time to take me out on Friday. I hadn't realized that Namjoon and Taehyung had intended to invite all the members of Bangtan, but I was delighted to celebrate with them all the same.

Having the whole group with us meant more security, but also more privacy since Joon had rented out the entire restaurant. Tae pestered all of us through the whole meal, trying to convince us to go out dancing once we were finished. Jimin and Hoseok both joined in his efforts, though Yoongi and Jungkook bowed out, claiming work and rest were more important.

The club we'd chosen for the night was getting crowded by the time we got there, so we mostly stuck to the VIP section we'd been given tables in rather than risking it in the writhing mass on the main floor. The six of us remaining ordered several rounds of drinks, and I lost count of the number of times we raised our glasses to cheer my success.

My head was spinning a bit, both due to the alcohol in my system and the way Namjoon and Taehyung were looking at me, making me squirm with anticipation. They both became bolder when we started dancing near the table, stepping closer to me and to each other, hands lingering on hips and shoulders, and heated glances all around. I was sure one of the members would say something, but when I looked they had all wandered down to the main floor and found dance partners of their own.

We danced and continued drinking for almost two more hours before I finally started whining about my shoes getting uncomfortable, and Namjoon gathered everyone to start heading home for the night. I was all set to grab a taxi back to my place, but Tae and Joon insisted I come back to the dorm with them, and I was too tipsy to disagree. We'd all switched to water before we'd left the club, but the heady floating feeling of the alcohol still ran through my veins. Tae was the closest to sober of any of us, his intense dislike of the taste of booze meant he went hard and fast at the beginning of the night but had stuck to soft drinks and water for the remainder of the evening.

"I'm kind of really looking forward to getting to sleep next to you again," I whispered in Taehyung's ear, the confession making me giggle. I was pressed between my two...suitors? Lovers didn't feel right when we’d hardly touched since our aborted surprise threesome, and while boyfriend was more accurate, it felt like it was too soon.

Tae turned his head and shot me a wicked smile, slowly easing his large hand onto my thigh and squeezing, slow enough to (hopefully) go undetected. I knew Joon had noticed when he mirrored Tae's actions, as well as leaning in to press an open mouthed kiss to my neck. It was all a bit overwhelming and made my head spin more than any amount of booze.

We finally reached the dorm building, and everyone piled out and shuffled upstairs. Hoseok reminded everyone to drink some more water before turning as we all said our good nights and made for whichever bed we were sleeping in.

As soon as the door to their bedroom closed behind us, both boys had their hands all over me. Namjoon reached for the zipper of my dress, but Taehyung pulled me against him before the clothing could slide off. His mouth slanted over mine, tongue demanding entrance as he kissed me so hard I nearly forgot to breathe.

"I've been dying to do that since last week," Tae confessed when he finally pulled away. "You have no idea how hard it is to know you want to kiss me but not be able to do it."

"Mmm," I hummed against his lips. "But it was certainly worth the wait."

Namjoon looked surprised. "You guys didn't even kiss after you talked? Taehyungie was looking so pleased with himself once we got back that I figured he'd at least made it to second base." I turned to swat at him playfully.

"Excuse me, weren't you the one who asked us to hold off because you wanted to be there?" I reminded him.

"Yeah, for the first time you fucked," he clarified, putting up his arms in self defense. "I didn't mean to put a hold on everything, I'm not the sex police."

I pouted. "Maybe it's for the best, I'm not sure I would have been able to stop myself once we got going."

"Mmm, me neither,” Tae admitted, looking a little guilty. He shook his head, as if to clear it. “We’re kinda drunk now, though…”

"I'm not that drunk," Namjoon insisted.

Tae rolled his eyes. "We’re all that drunk, Joon-hyung." I whined in protest; as much as the logical side of my brain agreed with his assessment, I had spent the entire night being intentionally seduced by these two men, and I was ready to pop.

Namjoon also made a noise of protest, his hands returning to the back of my dress and completely lowering the zipper before sliding his hands back up and pushing the straps off my shoulders. "Are you sure about that, Taetae?" he taunted his dongsaeng. "I think our girl needs a proper fucking." His hand followed the fabric of my dress as it slid down, past my bra and over my soft abdomen before resting over my panties. "She's so hot for us, so wet she's practically soaked through her panties."

I moaned, nodding my agreement with the direction Namjoon was trying to lure Taehyung. I reached up to tease my fingers over my own nipples, which were hard and pressing against the thin fabric of my undergarment. "A proper fucking is exactly what I need," I added. Tae groaned, balling his hands into fists and biting one to stifle the sound.

"I want to, you know how much I want to," Taehyung muttered. "So, so badly." He leaned forward to kiss me again, then pulled away and turned slightly to Namjoon, kissing him over my shoulder. I couldn't help the whimper I let out, I was too lost in my arousal to control it.

It was Namjoon's turn to groan in frustration. "Babe, those noises are just making it harder for me," he warned. I grinned and swiveled my hips back into him, feeling evidence of exactly how hard I was making it.

"Noona, pretty noona," Tae's words were sweet but his voice took a harder edge, beginning to sound a bit desperate. "I wouldn't do that, if I were you."

I looked up at the two of them, tall golden god-like mean who both looked back down at me with eyes darkened by lust. I wasn't sure if I should feel threatened or just aroused, but I licked my bottom lip deliberately before rolling my hips between them again.

Taehyung's hands gripped my hips and pulled me along with him as he walked backwards across the room, making me stumble as my foot caught on my dress, which had gathered around my ankles. I felt Namjoon reach down to disentangle me before following behind.

"I'm feeling a little underdressed here, guys," I commented, realizing I was down to my underwear while they were both still fully dressed. Once Tae reached the bed he'd been aiming for, he spun me around and used the momentum to push me down onto it. I didn't care which bed it was we'd landed on, only about the man crawling on top of me and laying a kiss onto my collarbone.

Namjoon hummed his approval of the younger man's move and pulled himself up onto the bed next to me. "I dunno, I'm a big fan of this look," he assured me, trailing fingers up and down my arm, leaving a path of goosebumps. I turned my head toward him and stared into his eyes until he got the hint and leaned forward to kiss me.

"Now," Tae said carefully, pushing himself up so that he could look at both Namjoon and I. "We’re all on the same page here, right? No one’s worried they’re being set up?"

I slapped at him lightly. "Ugh, don’t bring that up any more," I griped. "That has to be the least sexy threesome proposal ever."

Taehyung raised an eyebrow at me. "Hey, last time we were in this position you freaked out because our intentions were unclear. Just covering all my bases here."

"He has a point," Namjoon agreed, and earned another smack from me. "Hey, what's with all the violence tonight? You were never this prone to hitting me before."

"One annoying boyfriend, I could handle," I argued. "Two of them just makes me want to hit things."

Taehyung cleared his throat. "So, uh, is everybody on board? Do we need to grab some condoms or anything, or are we all clean?"

I shot him a look. "What happened to ‘we’re too drunk’, hmm?” I teased. He opened his mouth to answer, but I cut him off. "In any case, I'd really like to get off at some point tonight, and I think you and Joonie would too." I accompanied my bold words with caresses on their still clothed erections, Tae's with my knee and Namjoon's by twisting my torso to reach my hand to his. Both boys gasped at the touches, and Namjoon chuckled.

"That's my girl, straight to the point," ha laughed, giving me a quick kiss to the temple.

"Our girl," Taehyung corrected quickly.

I rolled my hips and arched my back, desperate to remind them of what we were supposed to be doing together on this bed. "Yes, well, your girl has one of the world's hottest men between her legs and another at her side, and she'd really like to suck one of their dicks, if they're interested," I whined.

True to their natures, Taehyung froze in place at my invitation and Namjoon sprang into action, undoing his belt and divesting himself of his clothing as quickly as possible.

"Yeah, babe, how do you want me?" he asked. I sat up, shifting so I didn't push Taehyung off of me entirely, and looked around. There was enough room at the far side of the bed for one of my favourite positions.

"Off the side?" I proposed, scooting myself across the bed until my head was hanging off the side, upside down. Namjoon scrambled to meet me, spreading his feet wide to as to line his cock up with my waiting mouth.

He lost his balance and fell forward a little, his impressive erection sliding across my face as his aim was slightly off. I looked to see what had distracted him and saw Taehyung undressing as well, peeling his designer clothes off carefully and laying them on the other bed for safekeeping. Once he was down to his black boxer briefs, he returned to us, smirking to see us watching his every move. It was like watching one of the large cat species, or a master at work, he knew just how to move, to angle himself, to maximize the impact he had. It was almost unfair (and would have been completely unfair if I hadn't known that body would be on top of mine again momentarily).

Tae looked me over, telling me, "Now you're the one who's overdressed," as he crawled back onto the bed and trailed those long fingers down my sternum, dancing around my belly button before teasing at the waistband of my silky panties. I was glad I'd made the effort to wear a cute matching set of underwear, even though I'd told myself I wasn't going to go home with them. Funny how a few drinks and heated looks will change a girl's mind.

Namjoon "helped" by trying to dig his hands under me and unhook my bra, until I reached up and arched my back in order to do it myself. He did peel it off of me once it was loose, while I was busy lifting my hips to wiggle my underwear down over them, so that Taehyung could slide them down my legs and toss them aside with far less care than he had for his own clothes.

My attention was drawn back to Namjoon, who was kneading my breasts excitedly, as he did any time they became bare in his presence. Exuberant massaging quickly became softer caresses, though, as he knew what I liked in order to turn me on even further. I moaned as he stroked his thumbs over both my nipples simultaneously, letting my head drop back down off the edge of the mattress, and once again faced his weeping cock.

There were several reasons I was particularly fond of this position, one of the biggest being that it softened my gag reflex enough for me to take Namjoon's entire cock down my throat. It was one of the reasons he was also a big fan, despite the awkward splits he had to do to get level with me; that, and the fact that he was able to play with my breasts while I sucked him off. It also left my hands free to play with myself, but this time there would be someone else available to take care of me.

"You have no idea how hot this looks," I heard Taehyung mutter as I reached over my head to pull Namjoon's hips closer, shifting to line him up with my mouth and finally slide his hardness past my lips. I moaned at the feeling, which I knew would make Namjoon thrust deeper and draw a grunt of some kind from him throat as well.

I did my best to concentrate on the task in front of me, but Tae's nimble fingers dipped between my legs, sliding easily due to the arousal slicking my thighs. "She's so wet, hyung," Tae commented. "And sensitive," he added when I twitched at the quick brush of his thumb over the hood of my clit.

Namjoon made a noise of agreement. "I think, between the dancing at the club, and feeling her up in the car, we worked her up real good." He was starting to build a steady rhythm of fucking into my throat, making him catch his breath every few words and reminding me that I needed to sync my breathing with his thrusts, though that was getting more difficult to do when Taehyung's ministrations between my legs had me gasping.

I was aching for those long fingers of his to make their way inside me, but Taehyung was taking his time teasing me, drawing figure-eights over my clit and trailing from there down to my perineum, even ghosting over my asshole a couple of times. It was so hard to keep still as I was twitching every time he hit a particularly sensitive spot, which was more frequently than I'd expected.

Perhaps it was due to the heightened emotions I’d experienced over the past few weeks, or even the alcohol still in my system, but I was beginning to think I'd been missing out during all those years of monogamy. Having two men, two wonderful and generous and talented lovers, concentrating all their efforts on me was nearly overwhelming. Feeling the stimulation to my aching pussy while Namjoon fucked my throat and continued to caress my breasts was driving me to my peak faster than I ever remember.

Taehyung's free hand slid over my collarbone and trailed over my neck, where I knew the bulge of Joon's cock was visibly distorting my throat. “That is so hot," Tae growled, his voice low and husky with need. "How is that so hot?"

"She takes my dick like a champ," Namjoon bragged, starting to pant and sweat from exertion. "Don't you, babe?" I couldn't move my head to nod so I moaned my agreement, which set off a chain of sounds from Namjoon and then Taehyung when he saw how his hyung reacted to the vibrations.

I arched my back and rocked my hips against Tae's hand, trying to encourage him. The hand between my legs, which had paused while he examined my throat, resumed it tortuous path through my arousal slickened folds. This time, however, instead of teasing around the edges, Taehyung finally slid one of his fingers inside me, making me moan again.

"So tight," he commented. "Fuck, you feel like heaven, noona. I can't wait to fuck you, I'm gonna fill you up so good, gonna make you come on my cock." I rocked my hips up against him again, trying to fuck myself on his hand. He took the hint and pumped into me a little faster, but not before adding a second finger and adjusting his angle so that his thumb was able to circle my clit while he moved.

I had lost control of the noises that tried to escape my throat, only to be muffled by Namjoon's cock still fucking it. His rhythm was beginning to falter and I used one hand to caress his balls, which I knew would bring him closer to the edge. "Fuck, babe, fuck- I'm gonna come. Where- Where do you want me?" he asked, as though I'd be able to answer him.

In reply, I used both hands to grab him by the ass and pull him closer to me once more, burying him as deep down as I could, my throat contracting around him in protest. He didn't come in that instant, but he was nearly there, and got the idea that I wanted to swallow all of him down.

He grabbed my upper arms and used the leverage for one, two, three, four more hard thrusts before I felt more than tasted his release. The loud groan he let out was also a good clue.

I started to be able to breathe through my nose as Namjoon's cock softened and I cleaned it off as best I could. I couldn't even properly catch my breath as Taehyung assaulted my pussy and my ears with the most delicious pleasure.

"Yeah, you did so well, noona, you look so beautiful taking his cock like that." The praise falling from Tae’s mouth filled me with pride as I shifted myself to the side a bit, in order to give my neck some support. He moved with me, never taking his hands off of me, still fucking me with his fingers and teasing my clit. He curled his two fingers up inside of me and hit that spongy spot that made me see stars. "You gonna come for me, pretty noona? Gonna come on my fingers and soak the bed, aren't you? I can't wait to be inside you, noona, I wanna be in you while Joon-hyung fucks your throat. Or maybe we should share this perfect little pussy, leave you wrecked after taking the both of us, you won't be able to walk the next day..." The patter of dirty talk continued, Taehyung describing everything he'd ever dreamed of doing to me while dragging me closer to ecstasy.

Namjoon returned, holding a shirt he'd pulled from the laundry basket and used it to wipe himself off, and I realized I'd never registered him stepping away. He nonchalantly reached over with his free hand to pinch one of my nipples and that pushed me over the edge.

My vision went white as a wave of pleasure originating at my core spread through my body in an instant, rushing down each limb and leaving a tingling sensation in my extremities. A wordless cry escaped my already abused throat.

I was able to bask in the sensation for a few seconds before the continued stimulation from Tae started making me twitch painfully. "Enough, please," I begged hoarsely. Taehyung smiled wickedly at me and redoubled his efforts, but Namjoon pushed his hand back.

"Overstimulation isn't her thing," he explained to his disappointed looking dongsaeng, who nodded and leaned back. Namjoon handed Tae the shirt he had used to clean up and Tae wiped his hand clear of my mess before pulling my thighs apart to give him more room to gently run the cloth over my sticky body.

I lay back and let him care for me, until I shifted my leg and brushed up against Tae's stiff cock, still trapped in his underwear. I sat up slowly, leaning forward until I was pressed up against him, running my hand over the hardness that was leaking a wet spot onto his black boxer briefs. "I think I owe you an orgasm," I said huskily. I wrapped my hand around the impressive girth and squeezed, making him shiver against me.

I moved to kiss him, but Namjoon leaned in to stop me. "I think you've each had a turn to get someone off tonight," he commented. "My turn now."

I gasped as Namjoon manhandled Tae away from me, laying him on his back and roughly pulling off his underwear. My eyes widened when I finally saw the cock I'd been squeezing. "You weren't kidding" I breathed, and both men turned confused looks at me. "That's a dick too good to waste," I supplied, making Taehyung roll his eyes and Namjoon only look more confused.

"Ignore her, I think you were saying something about making me come?" Tae encouraged his boyfriend.

I had to stop myself from squealing a little, realizing that Namjoon was also Taehyung's boyfriend, as well as my own. They were both my boyfriends and they were also each other's boyfriends. Which meant they were going to do boyfriend things together. Boyfriend things like give each other blow jobs, and it was totally okay if I watched and even got off on it, since they were my boyfriends.

None of the fantasies I'd ever had involving Namjoon's mouth (of which there were many) were anywhere near as hot as seeing it actually wrapped around Tae's cock. I laid back to get a better angle, unable to look away from the way Joon's soft lips stretched around it, how his tongue escaped from his bottom lip as he came back off of it, the string of saliva hanging from his mouth as be gulped down a breath.

Namjoon's hand continued to pump up and down Tae's erection, spreading the mix of pre-cum and spit over the entire length. "Talk about wet, baby," he teased. "You keep leaking like this, I don't even need any extra lube."

I wasn't able to deep throat Namjoon all the way unless I was in a position like I'd been in earlier to dampen my own gag reflex, and Taehyung was even bigger than Namjoon, so it was not surprising to see Joon use his hand to stroke the base of Tae's cock where his mouth couldn't reach. He was still trying to get as much of it as he could, though, backing off a couple of times until he gagged so hard he started coughing.

"Hyung," Taehyung cautioned, sitting up a bit and using one hand to push Namjoon's head up higher so he could look in his eyes. "Don't hurt yourself, okay?"

Namjoon allowed Tae to push him up, but kept one hand wrapped around Tae's dick, slowly stroking it. He rocked forward, pressing up against Tae's body until he had him pinned to the mattress, and kissed him deeply.

I don't think I will ever get tired of sights like that, of seeing them so intimate with each other, not only physically but emotionally, the warmth in their gazes as they pulled apart striking something inside me. Sure, it made my lady parts tingle, but it also did the same to my heart.

"I think I'm the luckiest woman in the world right now." I didn't realize I'd said the words aloud until they both turned to smile at me fondly.

As Namjoon resumed his position between Taehyung's legs, the younger man said, "Here I was thinking the same thing."

I quirked my head. "You think I'm the luckiest woman in the world, too?"

His sigh turned into a gasp as Joon took him in his mouth again. "You know what I mean," he whined at me. He cried out again at something Namjoon was doing with his tongue, reaching to fist his hand in the other man's hair while beckoning me closer with his chin. "Come here, I want to kiss you some more."

Kissing Tae severely hindered my view of him getting sucked off, but I was able to sneak a glance every time he broke away to praise or plead with Namjoon. It wasn't long before he was grunting at Joon that he was close.

"Hyung," he begged, tugging at Namjoon's hair. "Hyung, I'm gonna- Hyung, please I wanna come-" Tae cried out as he came, hips arching off the bed. Namjoon swallowed once, thickly, and again before allowing Tae's cock to slip from his mouth.

"Easier clean up," he reminded Taehyung. "You know I don't mind."

Tae grunted, sitting up and grabbing the soiled shirt to wipe himself off. "One of these days, I'm going to come all over your face before you expect it, hyung. And I'm going to take a picture. And frame it and hang it on my wall." Namjoon rolled his eyes, apparently accustomed to this point of contention between them.

"Whatever, you can dream about covering me in come some other time. Let's just get some sleep, we've done enough celebrating tonight." Namjoon stood, gave us each a kiss laced with the taste of Tae's cum, and walked to the other bed. He picked up the clothes Taehyung had left there and tossed them back towards us. I scrambled to join him on the clean dry bed, and Tae piled in after me (after making sure that his clothes didn't land on any of the wet spots).

I ended up in between them again, facing Joon with Tae clinging to me from behind. In contrast to the last time we'd been in this position, though, this time my heart felt settled and content, like things were finally where they were supposed to be.

48 Days P.I. (The next morning)

As I regained consciousness, I was significantly less comfortable than I had been going to sleep in the early morning hours. When we'd climbed into bed, I'd been warm, slightly tipsy, and basking in the glow of both physical and emotional satisfaction. Upon waking, I was faced with a pounding headache, gross sticky patches on my skin from the hasty clean up, and one boyfriend sprawled over half the bed, snoring loudly, while the other was trying to suffocate me with his body heat while grinding his morning wood against my ass.

"Ugh," I groaned, trying to extract myself from Tae's clutches and the mess of blankets tangled around us. Finally free, I stumbled around, pulling on a pair of soft sleep pants I kept in one of Namjoon's drawers and a clean(-ish) shirt from the floor.

I padded down to the kitchen, heading straight for the cabinet where I knew they kept a large bottle of painkillers, and was confused when I didn't see it in it's usual spot. I heard a rattle behind me and turned to find Jimin and Jungkook looking words for wear, shaking the bottle I'd been in search of. I hadn't noticed them when I walked in, too hungover to look away from my target, but they seemed to be after the same thing I was.

I accepted the bottle Jimin passed me with a nod of thanks and poured a handful of the little round pills into my hand. Grabbing a big glass and filling it with water, I took a couple of the painkillers and slid the rest into my pocket, to take back for Namjoon and Taehyung.

"I know why you're feeling it this morning," I nodded at Jimin, who looked cranky but adorably rumpled with his over-treated hair sticking out at all angles. "But what has you looking so haggard, Kookie? I thought you stayed home to get some rest." Jungkook's brown hair looked like he'd been running his hands through it all night and the bags under his eyes were shockingly purple.

The maknae grunted, running his hands through his hair again. "I haven't even been to bed yet," he admitted. "I didn't realize what time it was until Jimin-hyung got up." I nodded in sympathy.

"I'm surprised you're walking straight, noona," Jimin finally chimed in, a cheeky grin making his eyes disappear.

I tried not to let my shock show on my face, and tried to think of an innocent reason why I'd be walking funny. "What do you mean? My shoes weren't that bad, I just wanted to come home because I was getting tired."

Both boys laughed. "You know Taehyungie is, like, the loudest person in the world, right?" Jimin reminded me. "And, uh, neither you nor hyung were especially quiet either. These walls are pretty thin.”

I felt my entire face heat up at the implication. "Oh," was all I could think to say.

"Don't worry, noona," Jungkook tried to reassure me. "They told us that the three of you are dating or whatever." I wasn't sure how it was possible, but my cheeks started burning even hotter.

"Yah, you think Jin-hyung or Hobi-hyung wouldn't have teased you, the way you were dancing all over each other?" Jimin added.

I dropped into a crouch, covering my face, I was so embarrassed. I had assumed they'd all been too distracted to notice us dancing, but knowing that not only had they noticed, they'd known exactly what was going on, made me want to disappear.

"Hey, have you guys seen noona?" I heard Taehyung ask from the hallway. No one said anything, but they must have pointed to where I was because Taehyung's bare feet appeared in my field of view. "Noona, are you okay? Did you drop something?"

"No," I said, my voice muffled by my arms wrapped around my head. "I'm just trying to melt into the floor, leave me here to die in peace."

There was a moment of confused silence before Jungkook supplied, "She didn't realize that you'd told us about the three of you."

"Or quite how loud you all were last night," Jimin added.

I felt arms slide around me as Taehyung crouched next to me. "I'm sorry, noona," he apologized softly. "We should have told you that we told the members. We needed to do it before they found out on their own. I promise, we haven't told anybody else." I twisted to hug him back, and he pulled me up to my feet. "Imagine what you would have had to say about last night if they didn't know? You're not that good a liar." I let our a reluctant laugh and nodded into his chest. He hadn't bothered to put a shirt on, so my nose rubbed directly against his soft, honey coloured skin. I liked the sensation, so I nuzzled into him again.

Once I calmed down enough that I felt my face no longer resembled a tomato, I turned away from him and looked at the other boys. "You guys are okay with this? I mean, you don't think two of your members dating each other is going to affect the dynamics or anything?"

Jimin and Jungkook both shook their heads, looking amused. "Of course not. I mean, they've had their thing together for years, and it hasn't affected us. And, I mean, if you think those two are the only ones who've ever fucked-"

"That's enough!" Tae cut Jimin off with a shout, taking me by the arm and dragging me out of the room

"What? We've lived together for more than a decade, with little to no chance of having normal dating lives. We're all young, healthy, attractive men-" The words followed us as I was marched back toward the bedroom.

Tae turned to look at me as we reached the door, noting the dreamy look in my eyes. "Oh no you don't," he practically growled at me. "I know exactly what you're thinking, and I'd like to remind you that you already have two boyfriends to satisfy your every fantasy. Stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking."

***

The three of us went back to my place after we'd all woken up and grabbed showers, since apparently there was even less privacy at the dorm than I'd realized. We still needed to have a serious discussion about the burgeoning relationship between the three of us. We had probably crossed a line the night before, anyway, so the talk was long overdue.

Even though we'd all slept hard, I was exhausted, so I collapsed onto the couch as soon as we all filed inside. Taehyung thought this was a fine idea, so he fell on top of me, effectively pinning me in place. "Mmm, this couch is so comfy," he commended, wiggling and making me gasp in pain as all his sharp points managed to dig into my in the process.

"Let her breathe, please," Namjoon requested, settling into the armchair to watch Tae and I flail around until we were more comfortably seated.

I looked between their faces, my head on a swivel since I managed to take the seat between them. "So, who wants to go first?" I asked nervously.

"Um, do we need to take turns?" Namjoon seemed a bit confused.

I shrugged. "I don't know, I've never done this before. You guys sound like you know what you're doing, at least."

Tae chuckled. "That is...a gross over exaggeration of our competence in this area. I just know that from everything I've read about polyamorous relationships, communication and boundaries are very important, so we should start there."

Namjoon nodded, adding, "Yeah, and since not communicating has already gotten me in trouble, I want to make sure we're all on the same page."

"Well," I said thoughtfully. "We agree on the basics, I think. We're all equal partners in this, right? No primary or secondary partners?" They both nodded. "And both of you are my boyfriends, and you are each other's boyfriend and I am your girlfriend." More nods. "Okay, but what about publicly? We've been lucky that Namjoon and I are public, but I honestly think ARMY would riot if I was dating two of you."

"Yeah," Namjoon agreed. "I don't even know if we can let the managers know. The members do, of course-"

"Yeah, thanks for telling me that, by the way," I interrupted.

"Sorry, babe!" he apologized quickly before continuing. "We thought it best to tell them, in case they caught us or something. So they wouldn't think anybody was getting cheated on."

"No no, I get why," I replied. "I was just a bit embarrassed, especially when I realized they, uh, could hear us last night."

"Yeah, sound carries pretty well in there," Tae said with a shrug. "We're used to it though, we mostly don't mention anything we hear and the others do the same."

"Babe?" Namjoon asked suddenly. "When's your graduation?"

I was a little surprised by his abrupt question, but answered, "Early next month. Why, do you want to introduce Tae to my parents? They'll be coming for the ceremony, but I'm not sure they're ready for their daughter to be dating another idol..."

He shook his head. "Not that. There were just some other things we were gonna talk about after you graduated."

Tae looked confused when I gave Namjoon a sharp look. "Oh? Sexy things?"

I shook my head at the same time Joon said, "Very sexy things, at least I think they are."

"Namjoon," I whined. "Not the time."

Ignoring my objections, Namjoon told Taehyung, "She made me promise to wait until after she graduated to talk about her moving in to my apartment. And to talk about when we can start a family."

I watched Tae's eyes widen and said, "See, Joonie, it's too soon! We should at least wait until we have this whole new relationship thing figured out before we start talking about babies."

Namjoon smiled when Taehyung started shaking his head. "No no, please let's talk about babies," the younger man encouraged. "I'm thinking four or five. Probably an even number so we can each be bio-dads to the same number, so four or six then. Ooh! Can we name one Chi?" My shoulders dropped and I shook my head.

"Never count on Tae to be on the anti-baby side of an argument," Namjoon reminded me in a stage whisper. "He's been wanting kids since before he could grow facial hair."

I looked back up at them and smiled at the joke, but I wasn't ready to let the argument go just yet. "Guys, I haven't even graduated yet, I don't have a job lined up. I didn't go to school for so long to earn a doctorate just to quit and be your...baby factory. I'm not stay-at-home-mom material, or kept woman material for that matter."

Tae wrapped one arm around my shoulders and squeezed me close. "No, noona, I wouldn't want that for you. I just can't help but get excited about the idea of our future together."

"Moving in to my place isn't about you being a kept woman," Namjoon argued. "My place is closer to our dorms, in a better neighbourhood, and has better security. It's more for my peace of mind than anything else." He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his lap, wrapping his strong arms around me. "And we don't have to start a family right away, I just want to be able to talk about it. You didn't want to discuss it when I first brought it up because you were so focused on school, but now I want to be able to start planning."

After a moment of silence, Tae asked, "So, you guys were talking about talking about having kids...were you talking about getting married, too?" The look on his face worried me, so I moved off of Namjoon's lap and cuddled back up to Tae.

"No, Taetae, we talked about it ages ago and neither of us have ever felt the need to actually get married just to prove we're committed to each other," I said with a smile at Joon. "We're both people of our words. And it feels unfair that we'd be able to do something that is denied to so many other couples in the country, just because we happened to fall in love with someone of the opposite gender." When Taehyung's expression didn't change, I climbed into his lap and beckoned Namjoon to join us on the couch. "Besides, at this point I don't think either if us would get married without you being part of it."

"Right," Namjoon confirmed, sliding his arm behind Tae and hugging him. "Especially now, I wouldn't want to get married unless it was to both of my partners."

"I don't want you to deny me," Tae said quietly, pivoting back to the earlier focus of our conversation. "We don't have to tell anybody that we're all together, that's none of their business. But I don't think I'd be able to stand it if I read somewhere that you said you're not dating me."

Namjoon and I exchanged a look, but he was the first to speak. "Sure, we can find something to say if we get asked. Like, 'we are in a happy and healthy relationship', or like, 'we have a great relationship with Taehyung' or something. Something true, even if it doesn't tell the whole story."

Tae seemed to brighten at the thought. "Yeah, that would be better than flat out lying, at least." He sighed again. "I just...I don't want to feel like I'm the third wheel in your relationship. You guys have been together for years now, talked about having kids and how you don't want to get married, and now I'm just- Our relationship is so much newer, and we aren't really ready to be talking about those kind of things yet."

Both Namjoon and I hugged him tight, squishing him between us. "The romantic side of our relationship might be new, but it's not like we haven't had any relationship up until now," I pointed out. "You've probably been my best friend for these years I've been with Namjoon, and I mean, you guys have been together for ages, longer than I've been around." I swallowed, ready to admit my insecurity. "I mean, how am I supposed to compete, physically, when you two literally live in the same room and can be with each other all the time?"

Namjoon spread his arms further to envelop me in the hug along with Tae. "Don't worry about that, babe," he assured me. "If we're too tired or busy to come visit you, we're too tired or busy to do anything with each other."

Taehyung nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and we can, like, call you or something if we do," he offered. "Just, like, so you know it's happening?"

I chuckled at that idea. "I don't want to police your sex life, either," I said. "You shouldn't have to ask permission to be intimate with your partner. I just...if I start feeling like you're not sexing me up because you're already getting enough from each other, I'll say something."

"Promise?" Joon prompted.

I nodded. "I promise. And Tae-ah, you promise to let us know if you're feeling like a third wheel?" He nodded his agreement.

"And I promise to let you know if I start feeling like an old toy you're both done playing with now that you have each other," Namjoon added. I saw the shy sincerity in his eyes. "That's my current biggest relationship-based fear."

I hugged both men close, giving an extra hard squeeze before releasing them and relaxing into the arm of the couch behind me.

"So, just so we're all on the same page, sex doesn't have to be reserved for when all three of us are present, right?" Tae clarified. Both Namjoon and I nodded. "I figure unless someone starts feeling left out, we can just go with the flow."

I added, "I do want to make sure to have time alone with each of you, though. I love all of us together, but we had one-on-one time before, and I don't want to lose that."

"You won't feel left out because Tae and I get a lot more time together?" Namjoon asked softly.

I shook my head. "I think its a bit different with the two of you, since you've lived and worked together for so long," I admitted. "Oh, but the tour is going to be pure torture for me. You two will have each other, and I'll be back here by myself."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Joon promised.

Taehyung looked curious. "Well, what did you do before, other than the sappy love letters? Lots of phone calls and FaceTime and sexting?" His face lit up with a new idea. "We haven't even talked about kinks! What are the two of you into? Do you have any hard stops? I mean, I'm willing to try pretty much anything once-"

Tae was cut off as both his and Namjoon's phones rang almost simultaneously. They each scrambled to answer, Tae informing the person on the other like that Namjoon was talking to Sejin and they could all talk on speaker.

"Okay, have you guys checked your SNS yet today?" Sejin asked once he confirmed both of them were on the line. Both Namjoon and Taehyung confirmed that they hadn't been online yet. Sejin sighed. "Alright, you guys have managed to create the same scandal twice. Someone had a camera at the club last night, which you didn't tell me about going to but we'll get to that later. Anyway, there's another picture of Taehyung and your little girlfriend grinding on each other, Namjoon-ah. We're doing our best to kill the story, but..."

Sejin went into the details of the lengths they were going to and the money they'd have to spend to cover up this new picture, but I tuned him out and went searching for myself. It wasn't hard to find, the picture was all over Twitter, but something about it looked off to me.

"...I don’t think you'll be able to just brush it off this time, you're going to have to break up with her and make a public statement-" Sejin was saying when I cut him off.

"Sejin-ssi? Look for the whole picture," I advised. The man on the line sputtered a bit, apparently unaware that I had been listening as well. "Yeah, whatever, hi. I don't think you'll have to bury this one, jut change the angle. Find the whole picture, cause the one being spread is obviously cropped to cut out Namjoon, who was dancing right behind me. The three of us were dancing all night, there's nothing noteworthy about me and my boyfriend dancing with a friend, is there?"

Namjoon grinned, the darkness and worry that had threatened his expression melting away. "See, Sejin, I told you it's better to keep her around. I guess the three of us are just going to have to go out together a lot, and remind the public what good friends we are."

He squeezed my hand and I squeezed Taehyung's. We'd done this once before, we could do it again.

[Several months later]

I rushed to pack up my computer and shove it into my bag as I wrapped up class. "Remember," I spoke loudly. "No office hours on Thursday, I've got some personal business to take care of."

A few students nodded in my direction, but most of them were already filing out of the lecture hall. I'd have to send an email reminder, though even with that I was sure I'd get at least one annoyed message asking where I was. Teaching first year stats was a thankless job, but I was paying my dues as the newest member of the faculty, only hoping that someone else would be hired next year and it would be their turn.

One of the more engaged students, fresh out of high school with the glimmer of hope still shining in his eyes, approached my desk. "You haven't missed office hours all year, Professor," he said respectfully. "I hope it's nothing serious."

I smiled as I wound the cord of my charger around the power brick. "Honestly, it's not. Its just that my partners' coming home from a long overseas trip and I want to spend some time with them." Thankfully none of my students has yet to connect the dots between their nerdy professor and the woman who was dating Kim Namjoon, leader of the biggest boy band in the world. I could only hope they never did. I waved goodbye to the young man, who looked a little disappointed in my answer, and rushed toward the office I shared with two other younger faculty members.

Once I finally made it back home, I nervously started checking everything I'd set up before I left for campus that morning. I changed from my more formal teaching wear (intentionally chosen to make me look as little like an idol's girlfriend as possible) into a pretty sundress since it was still warm enough to get away with, and even prettier underwear. I knew it wasn't likely to stay on long, but I wanted my boys to know how excited I was to see them.

The apartment Namjoon owned was much bigger than my student housing had been, which meant we had space for a giant oversized bed in the master and a cozy office/library/mini studio in the second bedroom. I'd moved in not long after graduation, finally agreeing that all of their arguments had merit. I did pay rent, probably nowhere near as much as the place was worth, but while I was technically the only person who called it home, the boys were constantly staying over unless schedules interfered.

I had worried, at the beginning, about how Taehyung would adjust to spending so much time away from the other members, knowing how much he loved and depended on their constant company, but he claimed he got enough of that while they worked, and he almost always had Namjoon around when he was staying over with me, so I stopped asking. Admittedly, it gave me hope that at some point, they would actually move out of the dorms and we could live together for real.

They were headed home from almost two months away, though, so I wasn't thinking about moving in together, I just wanted to see them again. Eight weeks was a long time to wait, and it had taken both of them to convince me not to join the throngs of fans who greeted them at the airport. The claimed it would be a recipe for public indecency, so I awaited their arrival at home.

A burst of noise at the front door had me scrambling out of the office where I'd been grading some tests, and running toward them. I threw myself at the first one in, which happened to be Taehyung, and jumped into his arms. He laughed and spun me around, kissing me senseless before releasing me so Namjoon could give me similar treatment.

"What took you so long?" I asked as soon as my mouth was free again. "Your flight landed ages ago."

"Had to drop off our stuff at the dorm, and then Manager-nim was there so we couldn't immediately run off," Taehyung explained. I nodded, knowing that while the managers wouldn't bat an eye at Namjoon rushing off to see me as soon as he landed, it would raise eyebrows if Taehyung went with him. There were already enough rumours about the three of us that the managers had been watching very closely for any hint of truth to them. The other members had been invaluable in helping to throw them off the scent.

Taehyung grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of the bedroom, dragging Namjoon along since he was holding my other hand. "How was your trip, are you tired?" I asked in a rush. I was so ecstatic to be with them again; it was the longest the both of them had been away from me since we all started dating, and I was feeling a bit needy, unable to let go of their hands.

"I slept on the flight," Tae assured me, waggling his eyebrows. I checked behind to make sure Namjoon was also feeling rested, and he just smiled. "I don't need any more rest, I need my noona."

My heart and my worry melted, making way for the deep feeling of want that had been bubbling under the surface to come to the forefront of my mind. Being away from them for so long had begun to affect my sanity, so I made no move to protest when Tae collapsed onto the bed and pulled me with him, causing me to let go of Joon's hand.

A moment's kissing quickly turned hot, and soon my mouth was parting from his to follow a trail down his neck and across the sharp points of his clavicle, left exposed by the deep v neck of his shirt. I began fumbling at the buttons, trying to expose more of his skin to my touch.

Taehyung's deep chuckle shook the chest I was pressed against. "Feeling desperate, noona?" he teased. "Did you miss us that much? We sent you lots of pictures to keep you company."

At the mention of the pictures they'd sent, I moaned and changed my focus. Leaving his shirt as it was, rumpled and half undone, I instead backed off the bed and began working at undoing his pants.

I glanced back to check on Namjoon, who had followed us into the bedroom and taken what had become a familiar stance, seated on the cushioned seat of the big bay window. Rather than the jealousy he had feared he'd experience at seeing Taehyung and I together, he'd instead discovered a rather powerful voyeur kink that we had learned to exploit to the fullest. I had found it incredibly convenient that the quickest way to turn on one of my boyfriends was to seduce the other; it made requesting threesomes very efficient. Namjoon gave me a knowing smile with our eyes met, raising an eyebrow as though challenging me to get on with it.

Get on with it, I did, quickly loosening and removing Tae's pants, followed by his black boxer briefs, finally releasing one of the dicks I'd been missing so badly the past eight weeks. "You guys were so mean to me," I complained, leaning over him and running my hands over the tops of his thighs, his hips, everywhere around the base of his cock without actually touching it. "That last video you sent, the one of Joon blowing you? I haven't been able to think of anything else since."

"Noona, that was like, four days ago," Tae moaned. He ran his own hands over his chest and torso when he finished taking off his shirt on his own. When I didn't reply, He angled his head up and looked at me, "Well, now's your chance then. Didn't you want to get a taste yourself?"

I glared at him, but finally wrapped my hand over his erection and stroked it a few times, the precum already leaking out of the tip easing the friction. "Don't get cocky," I warned before licking up the length and sliding my mouth around the tip.

Taehyung's moans and the slick sounds of my mouth were the only noise in the room for several minutes. He wound one hand into my hair, setting a pace he liked and encouraging me to take him deeper with each subsequent thrust. It was a trick he'd picked up from Namjoon, who delighted in sharing all the little things he'd discovered that turned me on, from subtle acts of control like the hand in the hair to the best places to kiss me get get me wet in an instant. In turn, Tae had pushed my boundaries even further than Namjoon had ever dared, striking our own power balance between us.

It hadn't been all sunshine and roses, of course, once we'd officially become a poly triad. Negotiating the new dynamics had taken time, communication, and a lot of patience. We were desperate for each other after the long separation, but I knew that it was likely to bring up old issues, and new ones, between us. That, however, was a problem for the future. I had my boys back with me, and dammit I was going to get thoroughly fucked.

Tae's hand pushed me down far enough to make me gag, and I made a choking noise as tears sprang into the corners of my eyes.

"Careful with our girl, Taehyungie," Namjoon warned, and I could tell he'd moved from the window by the direction of his voice. "Don't want to hurt her on our first day home."

I backed off of Tae's cock long enough so say, "It's okay, I'm all good," before returning to the task at hand. Namjoon's large palm rubbed my back as I bent over Taehyung, but it soon descended over the curve of my hips and tugged my skirt up enough to slip between my thighs.

Joon hissed when he felt the dampness of my panties. "Babe, is this because you missed us? Or because you love sucking his cock that much?" I moaned a response, not really an answer, but that's because I didn't know which it was myself, only that I was absolutely dripping and desperate to get fucked.

Thankfully, Namjoon seemed to be on board with my unspoken idea, pushing my skirt up above my waist where it wouldn't impede his view and ran his hands over my pink lace covered ass. "So fucking gorgeous," he murmured before sliding the panties down just far enough for gravity to pull them down to my ankles where I had to blindly step out of them if I wanted to spread my legs any further. Namjoon's attention was back between my legs, his fingers now covered in my slick arousal and teasing at the sensitive flesh there.

"I can't wait to be inside you, babe," he admitted. "I haven't fucked anything other than a hand or a mouth in way too long, I need to be inside your tight pussy." Dirty talk was something he'd picked up from Tae, and I can't say I minded. Hearing their deep voices telling me exactly what they wanted to do to me only served to turn me on further every time.

He wasn't exaggerating about his need to be inside of me though, as I felt the blunt tip of his cock pressing into my entrance moments after his fingers moved away. Settling his hands on my hips to steady them, he began fucking into me with a slow deliberate rhythm.

The pace Namjoon was setting was still slow enough to be able to continue blowing Taehyung, but the drag of his cock over my g-spot was making me cry out each time. I pulled off of Tae, breathing hard and grunting with every thrust Joon made.

"Damn, hyung," Tae cursed. "How is it that I am getting sucked off my the most wonderful girlfriend in the world, but I am still jealous of our boyfriend?"

I could head the satisfied grin in Namjoon's voice as he replied, "Yeah? Here, I have an idea." He pulled out of me, and a whimpered at the empty feeling.

I stood up straight, waiting to hear what Namjoon's idea was. In addition to his voyeuristic tendencies, sharing the bedroom had revealed a different facet of Joon's desire for control. He was the one who suggested activities and specific positions, which Tae and I were usually eager to comply with. He wasn't forceful in the way Taehyung could be with me, but he always exuded this aura of power that was hard to ignore (and amazing to follow).

"Babe, you lay down like Tae was," Namjoon indicated, and I moved to do so, squeaking when he stopped me to pull my dress off entirely. He had me lay down on the bed one way, then changed his mind and moved me so that my head was on the pillows at the head of the bed. He grabbed a couple extra pillows and put them under my hips, and I started to get the idea of what was coming. Taehyung was directed to join me, and he braced himself on his knees to line up with the angle Joon had put me at.

Namjoon took in our positions, then said, "Okay, Taetae, now fuck her like you mean it." Tae smiled down at me and did just that, filling me with his generous length and making me moan in appreciation.

Joon grabbed a bottle of lube from the dresser and tossed it on the bed before climbing up behind Taehyung. At the first touch of Namjoon's slicked finger against his hole, Tae paused his thrusts until encouraged to continue.

"Fuck Tae, did you prep?" Namjoon moaned, finding Tae already slicked and loose.

"What else was I supposed to do while we waited for Manager-nim to leave?" Tae teased in return, winking at me. The sloppy sounds of Namjoon adding extra lubrication joined the slap of Tae's body against mine, Tae alternating between telling me how good if felt to be inside me and begging Namjoon to just fuck him already.

"Hyung, please, it's been so long," he pleaded. "Two months, hyung, because we promised we wouldn't but please don't tease me any more I need to feel your cock inside me." The way he whined only went to demonstrate how much they'd missed this part of their relationship.

It had been one of the rules, while they were on tour, that they could get each other off, but only with hands and mouths. I hadn't been the one to suggest it, but they felt so guilty about being away from me together for so long that they'd placed their own restriction. Anal may have not been a huge part of their relationship in the past, but once they'd started to explore it within our triad where they had more time and space to enjoy it, they'd both confessed that it was one of their favourite things to do together. Tae was more likely to be the one begging to get fucked, but Joon still couldn't resist the allure of having Tae's giant cock inside him occasionally.

I was certainly reaping the benefits of having Tae inside me, with each stroke glancing against that special spot and making me see stars. I was barreling toward my peak and Joon hadn't even started fucking Tae yet.

"You just gonna play with his ass all night?" I demanded, not wanting to come too early and risk over stimulation if Taehyung wasn't finished yet.

Namjoon chuckled as he finally got into position, using one hand to bend the younger man forward so that Tae's chest was pressed to mine and the other to guide his cock into Taehyung's eager little hole. His hands now gripped Tae's narrower hips and it was Tae who had to find the rhythm between the to partners he was pleasuring.

It was almost like a collapse and expansion, Namjoon's thrust cascading into Tae's which only pushed him into me with more force, and then the slow retraction of them both. This position did not lend itself well to fast frantic fucking, but the power behind it more than made up for the slower pace. It was fascinating, watching Taehyung fall apart between us, each thrust making him shudder and moan. I saw the signs of his impending orgasm, and stopped trying to hold off my own, concentrating on letting the feeling build with in me.

I was nearly there, the edge of pleasure in sight when Tae grunted that he was close. "Inside me," I begged him. "We're safe, please I want to feel you come inside."

I was on birth control, and had no plans of stopping any time soon. The two of them had bugged me repeatedly about when we would start trying, or at least stop preventing, but I'd shot them down. Once I explained that I didn't want to risk having a baby when the two of them were only a year apart and the chances of them being enlisted at the same time were actually fairly high, they stopped asking. I knew it was still something they each thought about, especially any time we were out together and saw a baby or a small child; Namjoon had even bought a pair of ridiculously expensive baby shoes as "decoration" for his studio. But we were still young, we had plenty of time for those things down the road.

Luckily I was able to come just before Taehyung did, or maybe the feeling of me coming around him is what finally pushed him over the edge. Namjoon continued fucking Tae, who actually enjoyed the over stimulation, holding him up when he nearly collapsed on top of me. Joon had always said that seeing and hearing us come, knowing we were experiencing pleasure, was one of the things that got him off, and sure enough he followed soon after we did.

Namjoon stepped away to grab a couple washcloths and returned to find Taehyung still smothering me. Joon cleaned up Tae's backside before helping me to roll him off and wiped down his front, murmuring praises and words of affection as he did so. Once I felt like I wouldn't make a mess, I pulled on a robe and grabbed some water from the kitchen. Upon my return, I saw the two of them already cuddled together, their eyes closed despite their assurances earlier that they were well rested.

"Welcome home, my loves."

Previous (Part 2)

[moondancewrites]

S.O.S. - Chapter 4

Pairing: Lance Tucker x Evelyn Burns (OC)

Warnings: None.  Just some flirting.

Summary: Evelyn Burns’ life is turned upside down when her sister and brother-in-law are killed in a car crash and she becomes the legal guardian of her 13 year-old niece Hannah.  The one thing that will get Hannah through is continuing her work as a gymnast, so Evelyn takes it upon herself to find her the best coach in town.  Enter Lance Tucker, a scandal-ridden scoundrel yet brilliant coach who has been laying low in Florida where he owns his own gym.  He’s everything Evelyn hates about men and she is the polar opposite of what he looks for in a good lay, but when they’re forced to spend time together they realize that maybe they are just what the other needs.

The time Evelyn had been dreading was upon her: the holidays.  Rachel had always loved the holidays.  She’d gone out of her way to make sure everyone was well fed, entertained, happy.  At least that’s what Evelyn remembered; she hadn’t come to a gathering the last few years Rachel was alive.

She was so nervous about Hannah.  Would she even want to celebrate?  She seemed to be doing well, but Thanksgiving was her first big holiday without her parents.  Should Evelyn do something, she wondered?  She wasn’t much of a cook, but she could try.  Or should she just let it be?  Would it be a comfort to Hannah to celebrate or would it stir up old feelings?  What if it made her break down?  Evelyn hadn’t seen her break down yet - not fully.  There were a few nights in the beginning, late at night, when she heard whimpers from her room but she was too chicken shit to go in and comfort her; she didn’t know what to say.

It was the Saturday before Thanksgiving when Evelyn blurted out on the way to practice, “Do you want a Thanksgiving?”  Hannah’s head turned up from her phone and Evelyn panicked.  “I mean like Turkey and stuff.  I’ve never really done it, but if you want-”

“You don’t have to,” Hannah said with a sigh.  

“I know I don’t have to, but I was just thinking ...  it might be nice.  I don’t know.  Your mom always used to-”

“Really, it’s okay.  I shouldn’t eat that stuff anyway.”

“Is that what coach Tucker is telling you?” Evelyn fumed.  “Because he shouldn’t be.  You’re a growing girl.  You’re active.  You look great, too.  You should be able to have some damn cranberry sauce and sweet potatoes if you want to!”

“Whoa, auntie.  Calm down,” Hannah said with a laugh.  “If you want to do Thanksgiving, then you can do it.”

“Oh ….” Evelyn loosened her vice grip on the steering wheel.  “Okay, then.”

“Is Ben going to come?”

“I don’t think so.  He’s out of town on business.”

“Surprise, surprise,” Hannah said with an eyeroll.  

“Hey, he works hard, you know.  He’s doing all he can to provide for us.”

“Auntie,” Hannah shot her a look.  “You and I both know that you work hard enough to provide for both of us times three.  And you don’t even need to, considering the inheritance grandmama and grandpapa left you.”

“How do you -” Evelyn’s mouth was agape.

“Mom told me.  She said I should be grateful to them for helping pay for all of my lessons after dad lost his job.”

“Oh ….”

“Yeah.  So I know you don’t really need to work if you don’t want to.”

“Well,” Evelyn shifted in her seat after they pulled into the parking lot at the gym.  “Just because we have that money doesn’t mean that Ben doesn’t need to work hard.  His work is like gymnastics to you.  He doesn’t need it to survive, but he’s good at it and he enjoys it and it makes him happy.  Just like my work.”

“I still don’t get what you do,” Hannah said with a little chuckle.

“I’m the VP of strategic analysis-”

“For global planning and acquisition,” Hannah said with her in unison in the same tone as Evelyn, as if she’d heard it a few times.  Maybe she had....  “I know… but I still don’t get it.”

“It’s complicated,” Evelyn said plainly.

“Are you staying for practice today?” Hannah said with a hopeful smile.  Evelyn had been making an effort to stay a bit longer each week - kind of easing herself into it.  She knew that she’d lose Hannah if she didn’t at least try to show an interest in her favorite thing.  

It wasn’t easy, especially with those moms.  All they did was gossip about stuff around town and stare at Lance Tucker’s ass.  Evelyn did her best to ignore them, often bringing some weekend work or a book to distract her, but it wasn’t easy; especially when Lance would come and talk to her.  He would always have something to say, even if it was really nothing.  It was as if he enjoyed seeing Evelyn get worked up by his ridiculousness.  And she could feel the impaling glares from the moms, like arrows in her back.  

For Hannah, Evelyn would chant to herself.  For Hannah.

“Yes, I think I’ll stay.”

“Awesome! Because I want to show you my new trick Lance taught me this week.  It’s really cool!  He said I’m the youngest student he’s ever seen do it!”

“A trick, huh?  What kind of trick?”

“You’ll see,” Hannah beamed.

It was in the middle of rehearsal that Lance knocked on the glass to get Evelyn’s attention.  She was sitting in the corner working on a spreadsheet and didn’t notice him until he knocked again.  “YO.  Evelyn!”  Her head shot up.  “Watch this, okay?”  Evelyn looked around sheepishly; all the moms had taken notice.  She nodded and Lance turned around.  “Okay, Hannah.  Show time.”

Hannah got up on the uneven bars and did twists and turns and flips like Evelyn had never seen.  It was so effortless for her, but it almost made Evelyn dizzy watching her.  But it was awe-inspiring, that was for sure.  When Hannah stuck the landing, Lance ran up to her and gave her a big hug, spinning her around.  “That’s how it’s done!” He gave her a double high five and turned to Evelyn.  “Did you see that?”  Evelyn nodded, beaming at her niece.  

After practice, Hannah approached her aunt with caution as if she had a question she was scared to hear the answer to.  “What is it?” she asked.

“I was just wondering.  I was talking to Coach Tucker about Thanksgiving and-”

“Did he say you can’t have any turkey?  I’m going to sock him in that stupid hard stomach of his,” Evelyn said, stepping in Lance’s direction.  

“No, no.  It’s not that.  I was just telling him about it.  And telling him about how we used to have all these people over and it was a big thing and that this year it was just going to be us probably.  And he said that he wasn’t doing anything but he was happy we were.”  He was happy, huh?  “And then I said … well, I kind of invited him.”

“You did what?” Evelyn’s eyes widened and Hannah frowned.

“Please, auntie?   He’s all alone down here.”

“Doesn’t he have Yasmine?  Or Gigi or Bianca or whoever his flavor or the week is?” You’d tried not to take notice of the women you saw him joining up with after practice on some nights, but they were just so … obvious.  

“C’mon, auntie.  He’s lonely.  And he’s like … my uncle.”  What about Ben? Evelyn thought.  In the last four months that Hannah had been living with them, they’d probably spent about a month of that in Ben’s company.  She spent way more time with Lance.  But her uncle?  Really?  Evelyn shook her head.  Hannah’s hopeful face seared her heart.  How could she refuse?

“As long as he doesn’t make any remarks on how fatty the food is,” Evelyn said.  Hannah jumped on her, giving her a hug.

“Coach Tucker!” Hannah called.  “She said it’s okay!  See you thursday?”

Evelyn heard some of the moms whispering as Lance approached them with a smile that was very out of character for him - it was sheepish.  Wonderful.  Now everyone knew who was coming to dinner.  

“Hannah, I told you not to bother,” Lance said, shaking his head at her.

“But it’s cool, isn’t it, aunt Evelyn?”

“Yeah.  I mean, one turkey is a lot for two people to eat,” she answered.

“What about the fiance?” Lance asked.

“I told you, coach … he’s away on business,” Hannah said.

“Right, right,” Lance said, nodding.  “Alright then.  What time should I come and what should I bring?”

“You don’t have to bring anything,” Evelyn said, almost taken aback by the kind gesture.

“Well, I know I don’t have to.  But I want to.  It’s what guests do.  How about dessert?  I make some delicious lemon bars.”

“Let me guess - low fat?” Evelyn quipped.

“No, they’re dripping in fat,” Lance said to her; a snarky tone in his voice.  “I’m not a food Nazi, you know.”  Evelyn rolled her eyes.

“Fine.  Bring your bars.  Dinner with be at 3.”

“Perfect.  See you then, Hannah.”

As they were leaving, Jeanie’s friend, whom Evelyn learned was called Tracy a few weeks back, came up to her.  “How did you get coach Tucker to come to dinner at your place?  We’ve all been trying at every holiday and no luck.”  Evelyn just shrugged and said she didn’t know before getting out of there as fast as possible.

This stirred up curiousity in Evelyn.  Why did he say yes?  And why hadn’t he said yes to these women before?  It’s not like he didn’t love being gawked at.  And, Evelyn learned, a few of them were single and definitely on the prowl.  But yet he said no.  So why now was he saying yes?  Maybe he was doing it for Hannah.  Maybe he saw how hard this was going to be on her and he thought a familiar, friendly face would help.  Or maybe he knew it would put Evelyn on edge.  Maybe he was doing it to see just how far he could push her buttons before she finally blew up at him.  Maybe he was doing it because he liked watching her squirm.  Evelyn pushed down those notions and decided that supporting Hannah was his main reason.  She’d have to go with that, or else she’d cancel the whole thing.  

The day had come.  Evelyn had gone into high-power planning mode the last few days and now everything was set.  The table looked perfect, the turkey smelled amazing, the potatoes were nearly done.  Hannah had been such a great help, too.  The two of them truly felt like … family.

“You look nice, auntie,” Hannah told her as she came back into the kitchen after getting ready.  Hannah sounded disappointed.  She had wanted her to wear the pretty forest green dress that she’d found in her closet the other day when she was helping her plan her outfit, even though Evelyn insisted she didn’t need to.  She’d already decided to wear her black dress with the high neckline.  It was kind of plain, but it was comfortable and it went nicely with her pearls.  Honestly, if her hair had been straight she’d look like it was just another day at the office.  But Evelyn decided that since Ben wasn’t going to be there, she didn’t need to put in the extra effort to straighten her hair.  So she left it curly, pinning one side back.

“Thanks,” she told her.

“Black … again.”

“Yeah, well … I like this dress.”

“I know, auntie, but that other dress makes your eyes look so pretty and-”

“I’m not trying to look pretty,” Evelyn retorted.  Hannah’s gaze moved to the floor.  “You look nice, too,” she told her.  Hannah was wearing a pretty floral dress and a cardigan.  She looked like a young lady.

Ding dong.

“Coach Tucker is here!” Hannah jumped off the couch, running to the door.  Evelyn busied herself in the kitchen, putting an apron on over her dress before she went to baste the turkey one last time.  After closing the oven and turning around, she was met by her niece and Lance, who was wearing dark blue slacks and a baby blue sweater that looked way too soft.  The shades were gone, as was a good amount of the hair gel.  He’d only used enough to keep it in place.  He looked, regrettably, incredibly handsome.

“Happy turkey day, Mrs. Cleaver,” he said with a gigantic grin.

“Mrs. Cleaver?”

“Yeah, you know.  From Leave it to Beaver?”

“Yes … I know who she is,” Evelyn replied.

“Yeah, well …” he started.   Evelyn just stared at him.  “The pearls.  The apron.  The cooking.  Come on …” He looked at Hannah.  “She looks like Mrs. Cleaver.”

“No idea who you’re talking about,” Hannah said, walking over to get a cup of water with a little bounce in her step.

“What I - what I meant to say was … You look ….”

“Like a stereotype,” Evelyn quipped, flattening her palms over her apron.  Same old Lance, she thought.  She knew this was a bad idea.

“No … you lo- ...you looked nice,” he choked out.  “I have the bars.”  He held out a foil-covered glass dish to her.

“Thanks,” she said plainly, taking them and placing them on the counter with a thunk.  She could feel Lance beside her - he was too close.  She could smell his cologne.  She hated how good it smelled.  

“I’m sorry.  Sometimes my filter … I’m sorry, okay?”  He lowered his head so he could look up at her, trying to catch her gaze.  He made a puppy dog face and Evelyn nibbled on her bottom lip to keep from smiling.  He noticed, and he smiled at her.  “C’mon, Evelyn … I’m sorry.  You look great.”

“It’s fine,” she said, flashing her eyes towards his only for a moment.  “I’ve got to get this turkey out.  Hannah, can you get the wine out that I told you about?”  Hannah’s eyes lit up.  “And the sparkling cider for you?”  Her eyes dimmed.

“Yes, auntie,” she said with a pout.

“While we’re alone,” Lance said softly.  Evelyn’s breath caught in her throat.  “I wanted to run something by you.”

“Wha-what’s that?” she asked, trying to focus on getting the potatoes into the serving dish.

“I was wondering if you’d be interested in chaperoning a trip after the new year.  There’s a competition up in Orlando and I need a few parents … or guardians … with me to watch the kids.”

“Oh, I don’t think I could take the time off work,” Evelyn said.  

“Couldn’t you?” he asked, leaning in again.  The seemingly soft fabric was of sweater was, indeed, incredibly soft as it brushed against her arm.  “When was the last time you took a vacation?”

Honestly, Evelyn couldn’t remember.  It was probably right after she started dating Ben, and that was years ago.  

“I have my honeymoon coming up in May …”  Even though it was going to be short, and Ben would technically be at a conference half the time.  

“Oh.”  Lance stepped back.  “Right.  But … this would be with Hannah.  I think it would be a good bonding trip for you guys.  And it’s in Disney World.”  He took a bean from the plate and popped it in his mouth, smiling at her.  “The most magical place on earth.  Mmm.  Good beans.”

“Disney World?”  She’d avoided that place for as long as she’d lived in Florida.  She’d never gone and she had no desire to.  The crowds, the kids, the long lines, the heat, the kids … She really didn’t want to be around that many kids.  Hannah was all she could handle, and she was a teenager, not a screaming baby.  

“Yeah, you know…. Mickey, Splash Mountain, fireworks … “ he was leaning in again.  “It’s fun.  You’d love it.”

“If you think that, then you must not know me very well,” she said, looking up at him.  He looked utterly bummed.  “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“It’d mean a lot to Hannah.”

“You haven’t mentioned this to her, have you?” she said in a loud whisper, pointing a potato covered ladle at him.  He chuckled, shaking his head and holding his hands up in surrender.

“No.  That’s why I’m asking you while she’s not here.  Where did she go, anyway?”

“The wine cellar.”

“You have a wine cellar?”  Lance’s eyes got wide.  “Of course you do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Evelyn popped her hip.  Lance noticed.

“Look, I just ...I think it would be good for you and Hannah.  She’s gotten better since you started coming to practices.  The fact that you’re embracing her passion … it’s making her better.  If you came, she’d do better.  She’d do amazing.  And it would be fun.”  Evelyn looked up at him.  “You know… fun?”  She glared.  “Come with me.”  He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck.  “I mean, us.  Come with us.  We need you.”  Evelyn sighed.  “Honestly, I just need one mom … guardian … there that doesn’t act like I’m a piece of meat.”  Evelyn blinked at his honesty.  Lance made a face, almost as if he were ashamed.  “Please come?”

“I’ll see if I can get time off work.”  He beamed at her.  That smile, she thought.  He could make a lot of people do a lot of things with that smile.  

“Excellent.”  He clapped his hands together loudly.  “Now!  Anything I can do to help?” He asked, turning so his back was against the counter. He crossed his arms over his chest and even though the sweater wasn’t nearly as tight as the shirts he’d usually wear, his muscles still bulged beneath the soft blue fabric.  Evelyn had to will herself not to look, but she couldn’t help but glance.  Lance smirked at her.  “Hmm?” he hummed.  

“Actually …” Evelyn looked up at him with a hopeful smile.  “I’m not really good at the whole carving bit.”

“I can do that,” he told her.  “Got an extra apron?”  Evelyn shook her head.  “Do you mind if I borrow yours, then?”  She shook her head again.  Lance moved behind her, working on the knot at her back.  He was dangerously closer to her ass, and it made Evelyn’s body heat go up a bit.

“I can do that, you know,” she told him.  She felt his breathy laugh on the back of her neck and it gave her a shiver.  

“I’ve got it,” he told her.  He moved to stand in front of her, lifting the apron over her head.  She felt his fingers brush against her curls.  He smiled, dawning the apron.  “How do I look?”

“Just like June Cleaver,” she quipped.  Lance’s jaw dropped in jest.  “Your turkey awaits.”  She motioned to the turkey.

“Alright, baby.  Time to get carved,” he said to the turkey, licking his lips while the scraped the fork against the knife as if he were sharpening the blade.  Evelyn couldn’t help but laugh at him.  And once he started, she couldn’t help but laugh at the terrible job he was doing; he wasn’t good at everything after all.  

“Oh my God, Lance.  What are you doing?”

“What?” he chuckled, slicing a huge piece of meat off the turkey leg.

“You don’t slice the leg!” Evelyn laughed.

“Maybe I do,” he said.  “Now shh, let me work.”  His tongue moved over his top lip; his brow furrowed in concentration.  Evelyn leaned against the counter now, her hand covering her mouth as she stifled a laugh.  “Stop laughing,” he said, pointing the knife at her.

“Watch where you point that thing!” she said with a laugh.  He sheepishly pulled it back.  “Here, give it to me.”  She grabbed for them, but Lance pulled out of her reach.

“Uh-uh.  This is my job.  I’ve been given this task and I will execute it with perfection.”

“I think you’ve strayed far away from that,” Evelyn teased.  Lance glared at her, his blue eyes staring into her green ones.  “C’mon.  Let me show you.”  Evelyn held out her hand.

“Didn’t you just say you weren’t good at this?” he said to her.  She just stared at him.  “Fine,” he groaned, handing her the knife and fork.

“Step aside,” she told him, shooing him with the knife.  He did so, but he was still very close.  “You’ve got to dig dip in there,” she said, going at the turkey.  Lance covered his mouth this time.  “Get your head out of the gutter.”

“Easier said than done,” he quipped.  “Go on, Evelyn.  Get in there.  Nice and deep.”  She knew he was teasing, but his tone was overtly sexual and it made Evelyn’s entire body get suddenly very warm.  Again.  He really needed to stop doing that.  “That’s it,” he teased.  “Show that turkey who’s-” Some juice from the turkey squirted right onto Evelyn’s dress.  “Oh shit.”

“My dress!”  Evelyn dropped the knife and fork.  She glared at Lance.  “You’re still wearing my apron.”  Lance shrugged, biting his lower lip.

“Sorry.  Do you have any baking soda?”

“What?” Evelyn asked, trying to find a cloth to dab at the stain.

“Baking soda.  It will help.  Trust me.”  Evelyn motioned to the cabinet and Lance got it out, opening it and sprinkling it on Evelyn’s stain, taking a cloth and dabbing it.  It didn’t seem to cross his mind that the stain was right on her left breast.  

“Whoa, whoa.”  Evelyn pushed him back, grabbing the cloth.  “I’ve got it.”

“Sorry.”  Lance shook his head, as if he were disappointed in himself.  And his cheeks looked red.  Did Lance Tucker even know how to blush?  Apparently so.  “Where’s Hannah?”

“Is this the right wine, auntie?” Hannah called from the doorway.  “Oh no!  Your dress!”

“It’s fine,” Evelyn said.

“Wait … Coach Tucker, why are you wearing the apron?”

“I was carving … badly, it would seem,” the rolled on the balls of his foot, pushing his hands into the pockets of the apron.  “Your aunt tried to teach me, but then the turkey got angry and attacked.”

“Ew …” Hannah grimaced.  

“I’m going to finish carving, since I’m already a mess-”

“No, I’ve got it,” Lance told her.  “You can go change.  If you want to.  I mean, you don’t have to.”

“No, I will,” Evelyn replied.  She walked upstairs and into her walk-in closet.  The green dress was there, practically shouting at her to put it on.  Since she didn’t really have any other dressed picked out, she went with that one.  The neck was a little lower than she was used to.  The very tip of her cleavage showed, and she had ample cleavage.  But it was tasteful.  The skirt was a bit more flowy than she was used to, like it was meant for dancing.  It came to right above her knee.  After she put it on, she looked at herself in the mirror.  Hannah was right, it did make her eyes pop.  

“Who’s hungry?” she said as she descended the staircase.  She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Ben standing at the bottom, briefcase in hand.  “Ben, what are you-”  

“Whose car is that out in the driveway?” Ben asked, his voice strained.

“It’s …”  Before she could answer, Ben walked towards the kitchen.  Shit.  Shit shit shit!  Evelyn had neglected to mention that Lance was coming over.  She thought it didn’t matter since he wasn’t going to be here.  If she were being honest with herself, though, she didn’t mention it because she knew Ben would have refused and that would have broken Hannah’s heart.  

Evelyn raced into the dining room after Ben.  “I don’t believe we’ve been introduced,” Ben said to Lance, who stood up.

“No.  You must be Ben.  I’ve heard a lot about you.  I’m Lance.”  Lance held his hand out to him.

“Lance …”

“Coach Tucker.”  He was still holding his hand out, waiting for Ben to take it.

“Oh.  Right.  Well, I wasn’t aware the girls were having company over for dinner.”  Ben shot Evelyn a look.  She’d hear about that later.  “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“We’re surprised, alright,” Hannah said, taking a sip of her cider.

“Why don’t you go freshen up, dear?  I’ll make a setting for you.”  Evelyn rubbed Ben’s shoulder, trying to calm him.  Hell, she was trying to calm herself.  She was suddenly a bundle of nerves.  This dinner was turning out to be a disaster.

“Thank you, darling,” he said to her, pushing his cheek towards her like he did when he expected a kiss.  She obliged him, but in the corner of her eye she saw Lance mouth, ‘darling?’ to Hannah and  stick his tongue out.  Hannah laughed.  Ben looked at her and she stopped.  “I’ll be down in a moment.  Please, go ahead without me …”

“Oh, no, man.  We can wait,” Lance said.

“How kind,” Ben replied before disappearing upstairs.

“So … that’s Ben, huh?”

“Yes.  That’s Ben.  Why do you say it like that?” Evelyn inquired.

“Like what?  I’m just saying … I never thought I’d meet the guy.”

“Well, you just did.”

“Auntie, you’re wearing the pretty dress.  Isn’t it pretty, coach?”  She could feel Lance’s eyes on her and she didn’t dare look up at him.

“Very,” he replied, as if it were totally normal to compliment one of your student’s parents like that.  

“Thanks,” Evelyn said, looking up at him only for a moment.  His eyes looked darker than they did earlier.  It must have been the lighting.

To say that dinner was awkward was the understatement of the century.  Ben was cordial, but Evelyn knew him well enough to know that he was a little more than upset that they had a guest he’d never met.  A very charming, very handsome guest that was alone with his fiance and his ward, as he called Hannah.

When Ben asked Lance about himself, Evelyn held her breath.  She knew enough to know that this could go badly, but she hoped that Lance wouldn’t say anything unsavory in front of Hannah.

“Not too much to tell, I guess.”

“I’m sure there is.  You’re an ex gymnast, right?”

“Yeah,” Lance said after swallowing a bite of turkey.

“And I think Hannah told me that you’ve won a couple of medals, am I right?”

“A few.  Two golds and two silvers.”

“So why did you stop?” Ben asked.  “Too old to do those little flips?”  

“I suppose,” Lance replied cooley.  “My hamstrings and I got into too many disagreements.  So, I decided to pursue coaching.  I have a lifetime of knowledge to pass down to kids like Hannah, here.”  He motioned to Hannah and she beamed at him.  She really did think the world of him, Evelyn thought.  She prayed that Hannah never found out about his past … if she didn’t already know.  Olivia had probably heard it from her mom and she was sure Olivia had passed it on.  Or maybe she hadn’t.  She really hoped not.  

“Well, that’s noble of you.  I guess it’s true what they say, huh?”  Lance shot him a questioning look.  “Those who can’t do, teach.”  Evelyn tensed, expecting Lance to reply with something colorful or even blow up at him.

“I guess so,” Lance replied. After a moment of struggling to catch his gaze, Evelyn found it.  She tried to say sorry without words, and Lance nodded at her, giving her a small smile.  Ben was being such an asshole and she felt terrible about it.  Lance was taking it in stride, though.  That surprised her.  “This turkey is really amazing, Evelyn.”

“Thank you,” she replied.  “Ben, do you like it?”

“A little too moist for my taste,” Ben said.  Evelyn heard Lance bite back a laugh.  She nudged him with her foot under the table.  Leave it to Tucker to be totally calm and cool when someone was insulting him, but lose it when somebody made an unintentional sexual innuendo.  Lance nudged her back and she glared at him.  He gave her a little wink and she held her breath, praying that Ben didn’t notice.

“I think it’s great, auntie,” Hannah said.  Ben looked at Hannah.  “I mean, aunt Evelyn.”  Ben thought the word ‘auntie’ was too childish for a teenager to use.  And unladylike.  

“What is it that you do, Ben?” Lance asked.  Oh great … here we go, Evelyn thought.  Ben went on for ten minutes about his job, using unnecessarily big words to try to confuse Lance.  But Lance didn’t falter.  He listened intently, or at least he feigned interest.  Either way, he shocked her.  

When Hannah and Lance talked excitedly about her progress, Evelyn sat and listened while Ben went to his phone.  “Ben, come on… it’s Thanksgiving.”

“I know.  I’m here, aren’t I?  I just have to answer this email.”

“Fine,” she said defeatedly.  “I’m going to go get the dessert.  Lance, will you help me?”

“All you need to do is-” he stopped when he saw the look in her eyes.  “Yeah.  Coming.”  He got up and followed her into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, Lance.  I had no idea he was coming.”

“What?  It’s fine.”  Lance shrugged his shoulders.  “You’ve got a real winner, there.”

“He’s just … on edge.  He wasn’t expecting you.  And for you to be …” Evelyn motioned to Lance.  “You.”

“What do you mean for me to be me?” Lance asked, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.  He stepped closer to Evelyn, reaching for the tinfoil of the dish.

“I just mean that if you came home to your fiance having dinner with a man that you’d never met and that man looked like you, wouldn’t you feel a bit insecure?”

“A man that looks like me …” the smile widened.

“Oh, cut the crap, Lance,” Evelyn groaned, ripping the tin foil.  “You’re fully aware of how you look.”

“I am.”  He took one step closer, his gaze searing into Evelyn from above her.  “I just wasn’t aware that you were … aware.”

“Well,”  Evelyn pulled back and started putting the lemon bars on a serving plate.  “That’s because you’re not my type.”

“No?” he asked.  

“Definitely not.”

“I guess that’s not surprising, seeing as you’re engaged to Mr. Roboto out there.”  Her brow furrowed.  “You know, you’re going to go blind from glaring at me so much.”

“Well, maybe if you’d stop saying things that piss me off we wouldn’t have a problem!”  She took a lemon square and bit into it.  Suddenly, the anger she had subsided as she was whisked away onto a perfect cloud of lemony goodness.  She closed her eyes, humming.  

“Good, huh?” he asked.  She opened her eyes to find him smiling at her.  “Told you they were delicious.”  He popped one in his mouth, humming in response.  Her body felt hot again, but she was sure it was the anger this time.  That’s all it was.

“They’re okay.”

“Ha!  Liar … you love them.”  

“I don’t.”

“You do,” he teased, stepping closer to her again.  “Admit it.  You love my bars.”  She blinked at him.  “C’mon …”  he motioned with his hand.  “Admit it.”

“They’re … fine.”  

“Fine?  No.  My chocolate chip cookies are fine.  My lemon bars are divine.”  

“Fine …. They’re really good.”  Lance made a triumphant gesture with his fist.  “Okay?  Happy?”

“Very.  Now, let’s see if these will make Ben smile.”

Spoiler alert.  They didn’t.  But, dessert meant the night was almost over and that made everyone happy.  After dessert, Lance made an excuse that he had to be up early tomorrow for practice.  When Hannah said she thought the gym was closed, he let out a nervous laugh and said he was going because the gym was being cleaned and he had to  be there.  Quick thinking, Evelyn thought.  She knew it was a lie, but she didn’t blame him.  She wanted out, too.

She thanked him for coming.  Hannah gave him a hug.  Ben gave him a sturdy handshake.  And then he was gone.

“Well, that was … interesting,” Hannah said.  “I’m going to bed.”

“It’s 4:30,” Evelyn replied.

“What I meant was, I’m going to my room.  They’re having a marathon of all the Friends Thanksgiving episodes.”

“You know the role, Hannah.  Only one hour of TV a night,” Ben told her.

“C’mon, Ben.  It’s a holiday.”  Evelyn pleaded with him with her eyes.

“Fine.  But after the last episode, no more.”

“Yes, sir.”

Evelyn braced herself for a tirade.  But Ben was unexpectedly calm.  In fact, he was too calm.  And too quiet.  He barely said a word to her before he excused himself to go to bed, saying his jetlag was catching up with him.  Once he was gone, Evelyn went upstairs to ask Hannah to come down and join her for the Friends marathon.

“You okay, aunt Evelyn?” she asked after a while.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, Ben didn’t know about coach Tucker …”

“No.”

“He seemed pretty pissed about it.  Did he yell at you?”

“No.  Why would you-”

“It’s just that sometimes I can hear him yell at you,” Hannah said softly.  “And I hear you yell back.”

“Hannah …”  Evelyn had no idea that Hannah heard them.  Were they that loud?  And did they fight that much?  She felt awful.

“I’m sorry.  I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”  She got up.  “I can go back upstairs now.”

“No, please stay,” Evelyn pleaded, patting the couch.  “It’s Thanksgiving … we should be with family.”

“Okay,” Hannah said with a small smile, sitting beside her.  “I liked having coach Tucker over.  Even if it was kind of a disaster.”

“Me, too.”

[killushawn]

Killlua, Eren, and L... Fuck one, marry one, kill one...... GO.

Do you ever do something, and think to yourself, ‘Wow. Out of everything I’d imagined in my head, this is the worst possible scenario I could have possibly ended up with’? No? Just me?

Well…that whole ‘worst case scenario’ thing happened to me.

My name is Shawn. I’m currently in my early twenties, just living life and trying to get by, and work towards a better future. What we’re all doing, you know? Anyway, moving on.

It’s a typical Friday night. Nothing crazy. I’m out with friends at a local bar. Everyone’s drinking, and we’re having a great time. Nothing out of the ordinary happening.

…Until suddenly it is. The last thing I remember is a flash, a bang…and then black. All black.

I wake up a while later. Whether it’s been a few hours or a few days, I have no idea. I feel super groggy. You know when you fall asleep in the afternoon, and when you fall asleep it feels great, but once you wake back up, it’s a really shitty feeling? Yeah. It’s like that.

Anyway, I wake up, and once I’m able to get my bearings, I realize I’m strapped into a chair. Not a comfy one, either. One of those metal chairs you see in interrogation rooms. And hey, that makes sense, because guess where I am? An interrogation room. Ten points for you.

The room is very plain. Grey walls, a small table and two chairs, a light coming down from the ceiling, and a window (that I can only assume was a one-way mirror), next to a large, gray door.

I try really hard to think back to something I might have done. Something, anything that might land me in police custody. I’ve done some stupid stuff in my life…but nothing that warranted this.

I feel myself getting tired again. The room is the perfect temperature for sleeping. The silence was both terrifying and peaceful. And I find myself too tired to care. I’m in custody, after all.

Just as I start dozing off, the door to my left crashes open. A short, round man in a brown striped suit walks in. I can tell instantly that he meant business. The head of the mafia kind of dude, you know? The type that you’d expect to actually kill his daughter’s prom date. And wouldn’t you know it? His two henchmen waltz in after him. Even they fit the picture of ‘mafia boss’s henchmen’ to the T. Grey suits, glasses, identical looking faces, and looks that feigned an indifference that could kill.

The only difference in the two is the briefcase the one on the right is holding. It’s grey, and it’s handcuffed to his arm. I’m sure it’s filled with happiness and joy. Nothing horrible, right? Right?

So the main dude walks in. And he doesn’t just sit in the chair. He turns the fucker around, and sits in it so he’s facing me, sitting the opposite way the chair is supposed to go. I can tell it’s an intimidation tactic…and it definitely works. I’m terrified.

We sit in silence for a little bit. I feel the sweat dripping, pouring down my face.

More silence.

I get a nervous twitch in my leg that I can’t seem to quell.

More silence.

I feel my breathing getting heavier. I am too used to this feeling to not know the signs of a panic attack. Something needs to happen soon or I’m in huge trouble.

And then the man speaks.

“Mr. Hodson.” The voice is deep. It’s so deep. It’s not of this world deep.

“Y-yeah?” I manage to choke out. My voice sounds weak, pathetic in comparison.

“We’ve been watching you for some time. You caught our eye a while back, and now that we feel confident in who you are, all you’ve accomplished, and all you plan to do, we’ve chosen to act.”

“Watching me for some time? What I plan to do? Who the fuck-“

“And” the man continues, as if reading my thoughts, “Who we are is of little to no concern of yours. You might say we’re just interested in…having a little fun.”

“Having a little fun”…Thoughts are spinning around in my head. What did he mean by fun? Was this not the police? Who had this kind of power?

“O-Okay…” I say, my voice catching again. “What…what kind of fun are you referring to?”

If I wasn’t so tired, maybe I’d have more fight in me. More of my usual sarcastic sass.

“Be quiet. If I choose to tell you, I will do so when I deem fit.” His face is expressionless. A void.

A pause, and then, “I mean, if you’re referring to…that kind of fun… I’m probably too expensive for you.”

There it is.

He looks at me, and without so much as batting an eyebrow, pulls a gun out of his pocket.

And suddenly, I don’t feel so sassy anymore. Silence did always seem like more fun for me.

“My…team…and I have finally finished our little project. And you are who we’ve chosen to take part in our…experimentation.” At this, Mr. Smith with the handcuffed briefcase sets said object down in front of me, types in a code, and cracks the lid. I find myself a little disappointed, there isn’t even a hint of smoke when it opens.

He pulls out some wires with suction cups on the end, and places them on different parts of my arm. See what I mean? Happiness and joy. What else could they be?

He then takes out a helmet, which is quickly slipped on my head. What do you expect me to do? I can’t struggle, yell or fight back. I’m practically eye-fucking the barrel of a sleek, sexy black pistol. One that probably won’t return my calls after two or three dates. 

Anyway, Red Shirt #2 then presses a button inside the briefcase. Nothing noticeable happens to me physically, but I hear a strange sound in my ears. Like that high-pitched sound that only some people can hear. But now it’s everywhere.

“Now.” Mafia leader begins, “What I’m about to ask is very important. Fail to do so, and we…will find another test subject.” He waves his gun at me intimidatingly.

I’m practically shitting my pants at this point. It’s obvious to me by now that these are no police officers.

He continues. “Mr. Hodson. Like I said, we’ve been monitoring you a long time. We know what you like, what you hate, who you look up to, and who looks up to you. We know everything there is to know publicly about you. But this needs to come directly from you. Listen carefully.”

It’s almost as though when he speaks, I forget where I am. His voice is too deep…too…mesmerizing.

“I need you to think of your three favorite anime characters in existence.”

…What?

…Like…what the actual fuck?

“What the actual fuck?” I ask. I must have misheard him.

“You heard me.”

I guess I heard him.

“Why do you-“ He clicks back the hammer, cocking the gun. The question dies in my throat.

“Just answer the question. In your head. I won’t be saying another word from this point out. She’ll take over.”

“In my head? She? What the fuck is wrong with this guy. Anime? Anime?! I mean…I don’t want to die so…Here goes? If this is all I have to do… I guess…Killua from Hutner x Hunter…L Lawliet from Death note…and Eren Jaeger from Attack on Titan.”

The briefcase makes a whirring sound, and suddenly a female voice speaks.

“Cognitive recognition software is complete. Analyzing. Killua Zoldyck, Hunter Hunter. L Lawliet, Death Note. Eren Jaeger, Attack on Titan. Analysis complete. Please select a scenario from each of the following options with the characters you have selected: Fuck, Marry, and Kill. Please think your responses, voice recognition will not be necessary.”

“Fuck, Marry and- Are you fucking kidding me?”

The gun taps on the table, ever so slowly, and the man looks into my eyes, not saying a word.

‘What the actual fuck?!” I must be dreaming. There’s no other way to describe what is happening right now.

I can see the man growing more and more impatient, so I force myself to focus.

“Well…if I had to choose…”

The woman speaks up again. “Analyzing. L Lawliet: Kill. Eren Jaeger: Fuck. Killua Zoldyck: Marry. Analysis complete.”

Suddenly, my world turns black. Thousands of images start spilling into my head, and nausea threatens to take over. My whole world is turned upside down, and just when I think I’m going to pass out from the whirring of images, I find myself on a rooftop, late at night, in the pouring rain.

I try to move. I cannot.

It’s as though I’m watching a movie from behind a characters eyes. I am moving, but I am not dictating the movement.

I’m wearing a hood that does a poor job of protection from the rain. In my hands, I’m holding a long, sleek black sniper.

I raise it, slowly, and stare down the barrel. And there he is.

“L?!”

Suddenly, it becomes all too clear what’s about to happen. “No, no no no no! NO!” I scream in my head, but it does nothing. A harsh sound rips through the night. A gunshot.

L collapses. All around, people are screaming, running, and all the while, a pool of blood starts spreading around the corpse of the man I’d looked up to for so long.

Inside, I am broken. I am numb, shocked, and don’t know what to do.

Then, the images start flooding back into me, but this time, I understand them. News headlines reading ‘Kira is unstoppable!’, and ‘World’s greatest detective nowhere to be found!’, and other such articles zip around my head in a frenzied state. The pain inside is too much. Too much. Too much! TOO M-

Suddenly, I’m in a hotel. The emotions have been completely drained from me. It’s as though the last few fucked up minutes of my life have been torn away, leaving me as a slightly more broken clean slate.

The bathroom door opens…and there he is…I try to move, but again, I’m watching a movie, merely along for the ride and feeling every single emotion.

“Hey, are you ready?” Eren Jaeger says, and the words fall lovingly on my ears. They’re full of joy, passion, and above all, lust.

“No, but I don’t think I ever will be. Let’s do this.” I hear myself say, the words sounding more confident than I ever would be in a situation like this.

But hey, this one isn’t so bad. I find myself almost forgetting how crazy my day has been. And of course, the nauseating feeling starts back up, and suddenly I’m seeing flashes of it. It’s passionate, loving, caring, rough, and steamy. The disorienting feeling takes over, however, and again, just as I’m about to pass out, I find myself sitting in a room, alone. It’s a warm sunny day, and the room is completely silent.

I look down, and take a deep breath. I know what this is. My heart skips a beat.

I’m wearing a suit. I feel nothing but a deep, radiating joy. Today is finally the day. After everything, I finally get to marry him.

I stand up, and make my way out the door.

I can’t help but feel an extreme excitement at what’s about to happen. I’m walking towards a pair of double doors, and I know full well what’s on the other side. Music starts up, and all of the noise on the other side of the entrance stops.

This is it.

I push the doors open, and-

The nausea starts up again, this time worse than before. I can tell instantly that something is wrong. Suddenly, I’m back in the room with the three men, and I feel myself shaking, convulsing. The two henchmen are holding me down, while the main guy has his hands in the briefcase, fiddling with different knobs. He looks up, a look of panic in his face, and we lock eyes.

Suddenly, I’m holding a sniper, and killing Killua. My vision blurs, and L is on top of me, a look of deep passion and lust in his eyes. Eren is now standing next to me, holding out his hand, asking me to be his forever. The images continue, each one blurring into something more and more crazy, until…

Black. Nothing but black.

/Fin