#...I really hope other people are going nuts over the Listener vibes of this series

[redwinterroses]

I so badly need Jimmy to win this Life series specifically.

[roach-works]

I saw your mention of T.Kingfisher in the 2022 book post, and I've been eyeing a few of their books to read, is there one you'd recommend? I'm also psyched to hear you enjoyed the third Scholomance book, I'm listening to book 2 right now and loving the series so far. I'd honestly love to hear any book recommendations you'd be willing to share!

I would suggest starting with Swordheart! it's a lovely fantasy road trip romance, between two older heroes, one of whom is an ancient war spirit bound to eternal servitude of whoever draws his sword. and the other who is a fat thirty-something spinster on the run from her extremely horrible aunt. i reread it yearly!

The Paladin series are also great, and scratch the discworld itch for funny, clever fantasy that also gets real dark real fast but never loses its heart. GREAT romances, several m/f and one m/m, great sex scenes, great action scenes, great monsters. if you're at all iffy about m/f romances, go study how kingfisher does it.

IF YOU LIKE HORROR (i don't and i liked these!) the three horror novels out so far have somewhat different vibes. none of them have romance in them, which is actually really nice! they all have pretty kickass explorations of friendship and family.

the twisted ones is a methodical and very tired woman trying to survive a somewhat non-haunted house in the middle of a very fucking haunted woods; unfortunately my personal choice of home decor is 'animal skulls, interesting sticks, and wasp nests' so finding out that the creepy monsters are fucked up bone and wasp poppets just made me really jealous.

the hollow places was much scarier to me and made me cry a few times. it goes hard on the tragedy of horror, the helplessness innocent people feel in the face of a sort of cosmic injustice. somewhere besides this reality is a place that got taken over by very, very bad invasive species, and there's not much anyone can do but try to get back home. but at the same time, the love of home is what gives people the heart and the strength to get there. just a great fucking story! the fucked up schoolbus continues to haunt me.

what moves the dead is very effective body horror, and also very fun gender shenanigans. i do not like fungal infections as much as i like bones and wasps. the protagonist is also male gendered by deliberate choice: in his homeland, only men can be soldiers, so women can declare themselves male and join the army. it's a retelling of the fall of the house of usher, but unlike poe's version, this one slaps ass. excellent plot, very twisty, very gruesome, very tragic. i liked all of it and even the ending, though it did leave me sad.

THE THIRD SCHOLOMANCE BOOK PUNCHED ME IN THE NUTS OF MY HEART and if i was to go on about it we'd be here all day. i adore novik's work with nearly religious devotion and one day i hope she will sign my thigh.

[burnedbyshoto]

anon: The artist @franeridart answers all of their asks in one mass post with a read more link so maybe you could try that as well. That way you could answer everyones ask but not spam anyones dash with all of your replys

you genius anon, and you genius artist! I just feel like as of late I have been getting a lot more things in my askbox, and I dont want to overwhelm anyone with spam. so, I will be creating these! unless it’s for y’all thirsty hoes asking for extra parts or whatever from very recent posts, expect this to happen every so often! the rest will be below cut. also first time using photoshop? how’d I do yall??? and also like.... let me know if you like this idea??? if not i’ll just resort to spam :)

@your-parental-figure : IK BUT DETECTIVE GUY CONSIDERED BOTH TOKOYAMI AND KIRI TO BE ALL MIGJTS SUCCESSOR DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MENT??? THAT MOMENT WATERED MY CROPS, CLEARED MY SKIN AND SOLVED WORLD HUNGER

oh season four episode one, you may have been a filler, but you made me so happy to watch. honestly ngl, I was pretty surprised when he said kiri, not because he has no potential, but because it seemed like the top 4 from the sports festival, bUT FUCK YEAH KIRI AND TOKOYAMI!!!!! IN A DIFFERENT WORLD IT COULDVE BEEN THEM!!!!!

anon: Makeup smut for villain Deku should be good. 100% tender, no chicken

honestly, my favorite thing at this point is seeing you all crumble in fear if i’ll even give you a happy ending, and tbh idk if it will be for villain!deku >:)

@ohmycolie: So it’s Saturday night and I’m just sitting at home 🤦🏼‍♀️ could you maybe do a scenario where Bakubaby and Kiri decide to bring Kami into their sexcapades and after their little adventure Kiri is like “can we keep him?” 🤤💕

hi bby, while I can imagine something of this sort I am only a “x reader” blog :( so while its good thirst, I won’t be writing anything about it, sorry :( ily tho!

@michealsheep: Honestly is shiggy ended me after an intense nut like that I’d just thank him

honestly, I want shiggy just to end me??? whatta way to go. death by fucking nut.

bigdickkiri: I don’t get ship wars. Why do people wanna be so mean? It’s so easy to not be a part of any a that.if everyone appropriately tagged their posts, blacklisted rags they don’t like and didn’t act bitchy then they wouldn’t be an issue. - bigdickkiri

neither do I honestly. they’re just people looking for drama at this point, and it’s like... come on... you’re 25... stop

bigdickkiri: What a fantastic evening to tell my favourite writers that I adore them and that they're amazing! Look after yourself and have a gorgeous day! ❤️💙❤️💙 - bigdickkiri

I’m literally the worst. but um, I adore you so much, and I think you’re amazing!!!!! its 2am rn, but I can’t sleep anyways

🍒💥anon: Girl, your blog is having a glo up!!! I love it!! So pretty 👌 How are you doing today? Are you taking care of yourself? *sending good vibes and virtual hugs your way* -🍒💥

teehee, thank you for noticing!!!!!! i’m not 100% happy with it rn, but I haven’t had the time to get it perfect!!! wait a few more weeks and when I have actual down time, im fixing it >:) also, I am doing well, a lot of caretaking today! I never take care of myseld! *accepts the good vibes and virtual hugs because I am touch starved*

anon: I'm part of the protect uraraka squad!!! ♡

me too boo! you wanna fight me on my mochi loving girl meet me on the corner of my fists and in your faCE!!!!! (is this considered cyberbullying?)

anon: WTF @ THAT ANGST I M SAD NOW

this was in regard to my fic “because of you” which I posted because I was in a crying mood. HAHAHAHAHA YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAD I WINNNNNNNN

@joyfullydawn: I just wanted to say you're heccin' amazing??? The fact you named that roommate one "And they were roommates" I just--yes. This is more than ok. This is excellent. Please keep being awesome aaaa

and they were roommates was the first series I had, and the thing I did in celebration for 100 followers.... jesus that feels so long ago and not in fact less than two months ago!!!!!!!!!!! maybe I should reblog my old works so you newer lovely followers can read them!!!!!

anon: would u ever do a part 2 to under the mistletoe with aizawa? its so sad and i just want them to be HAPPY

I am planning on doing it!!!!! it’s in my requests, so no worriesssss ;)

hermana anon: hermana that todo angst 🥺🥺you’re literally the best angst writer jdjdbd

okay but for real do I write actually good angst??? asking for a friend..... and HGAIGHJIAORGHUOG THAKN YOU FOR THAT COMPLIMENT!!!! PLEASE RECOMMEND ME ANGST FICS BECAUSE I LOVE CRYINGGGG

🍒✨ anon: this has literally nothing to do with anything that’s on your account right now but do you think that dabi sends shoto happy birthday messages? i like to think he does because even if he’s a villain, he still lowkey care about his siblings - 🍒✨

this was from a very long ass time ago, and im sorry I never responded to you sparkle cherry anon, but I definitely do believe that he sends birthday cards. with his baby bro’s increase in his fangirl club, he now is unafraid to send shouto a card. its always the only one that catches shouto’s attention when he goes through them because they’re weirdly personal. shouto, being a smart yet dense idiot, believes its someone in the class pranking him.

~ I won’t be posting these messages, but they were from awhile ago when I was hitting a rough patch with my insecurity as a writer and my ability to give my all to you. there are many of you, 19 messages in total, where you told me why you loved my writing. I never responded to them because they make me cry even now looking back at them. to each and every anon, I thank you for saying those kind words. to @saladsharkz, @thecryingsombra, @olivenight17, @shutupwylow, @expressyourstarstruckrebel, and @awkward-theaterkid thank you as well. there is another non anon, but they asked not to be revealed. thank you so sososo much.

~ I will not be posting these as well, because again, drama from awhile ago. but this was in regard to the anon who did not like the kinklist I had created for kinktober. while now I think I am doing a pretty damn good job, and no one has said otherwise, to the 2 anons, @connors-my-boy, and bigdickkiri, thank you for fighting an anon that was never your responsibility to take <3

@w0w-s0-3dgy: u make me uwu so much🥺❤️ I LOVE YOUR PAGE BABE I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL!

BBY I LOVE YOU AND I AM DOING WELL NOW!!!!! THANK YOU FOR LOVING MY PAGE LITERALLY WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU?!?!??!!

anon: You followed me and idk if it was just to be nice or if you want to be friends or what hdhakanskenebdhsiq

im starting to follow back people that make me happy. it’s been awhile since ive been on a followspree, but I follow you back when i see kind messages from you, when I see that you’ve liked so many of my horrible posts, when you reblog my things with the most amazing tags. I follow you because I want to be your friend, you’re always welcomed to be my friend!!! hell you can literally be like “bitch listen to this” and never once having spoken to me I will respond with “give me the fucking chisme my queen”

anon: *gives u an encouraging and comforting yeehaw*

now.... now I can conquer the world, thank you

anon: Hi! I love the way you're writing things for kinktober, and I'd personally love if you could reblog what you're writing multiple times because I'm at uni most of the day so I miss out on a lot. Pd. I absolutely adore your writing! Please keep up ❤

I AM TRYING TO REBLOG MY STORIES NOW BUT OMGNGSOUHFIPA YOU LIKE HOW I WRITE?!?!?!??!?!?!

heathers anon: Its the anon who sent the Dabi heather au. I send it because i know your popular and a lot of popular blogs check your blogs. And I honestly struggle with other blogs because they ignored most of my asks.

teehee, I appreciate you thinking im a popular blog and that other popular blogs check mine, but thats not true!!! sorry for never responding back, but i’m sure they’re not meaning to ignore you on purpose. there’s just so much happening things get buried!

@sinnaminsvga : we're both alyssa so it's really interesting to see the nicknames u use bc i see you use lyssa and i got the nickname ari and i think that's pretty neat how we both have the same name but wildly different nicknames

it don’t matter, we be alyssa twinsies!!!!!!!!!!

anon: I was just going through your master list, cause I’m in a stunning mood and why not make a good mood better? and I saw bakugous “sickness and that word I can’t spell” got hella happy for a sec CAUSE YES THAT WAS SO ADORABLE AND I LOVED IT. Then I remembered the heart shattering angst that came with Todos side. So like. Ily but you a meanie.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA WE LOVE SUFFERING!!!!!! I just... really have a thing for angst it seems... don’t tell my followers though, im in denial over it...

[babyybitchhh]

Okay ... episode 82 really fucked me up there at the beginning and I kind of figured it would. I’m really glad I didn’t watch this last night. The emotional whiplash between Asuma dying, Naruto doing his stupid, inconsequential clown act and then Shikamaru struggling to process what happened would have pissed me off ten times more if I hadn’t spaced these episodes out. I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to squeeze Naruto’s godforsaken training right into the middle of this heavy, emotional shit but I hope he got fired.

The guy who directed “Team 10” though? Fuck. I’d kiss him right now if I could. And I’m not just saying that because I’m rabid over Shikamaru. This episode was a full on experience, especially the first half. The directorial choices were just consistently on point; the lighting, the camera angles, the pacing. This is the first time throughout the entirety of Naruto that I’ve watched so far where the mood was unhindered, uninterrupted, unburdened by whatever stupid shit is going on with team 7. It felt decidedly raw and the emotion throughout was palpable. This episode was a directorial masterpiece as far as I’m concerned and I will revisit it again at some point, without a doubt.

I’m sitting here trying to figure out which part was my favorite and I just can’t come up with an answer. Everything leading up to the break was simply fantastic. The opening scene with Shikamaru and Kurenai? The abrupt reminder that Konohamaru has now lost his uncle in addition to his grandfather? Shikamaru just coming right out and telling the bbq lady that Asuma is dead, like he wasn’t silently suffering under that cool facade? The shogi scene??? Fuck. That was intense. Watching Shikamaru gradually become more and more restless and irritated while his father talked was moving - at least for me, because I’ve definitely been there. Struggling to keep your feelings in check, trying desperately not to let the dam break when you’re so dangerously close to reaching critical mass, and the inevitable explosion. The way he really stepped up to Shikaku like he was going to do something. Just looking for that fight because it’s the only safety net you’ve got to fall back on when you’re literally incapable of comprehending your own heartache.

And then the cathartic numbness that comes after you scream and cry and allow yourself to actually feel the helpless anguish you don’t know what to do with. When you’re lying there, weak and spent and gross with dried tears on your face and aching puffy eyes, and you finally just stop feeling. It’s a blissful moment of internal quiet and you could see the moment where Shikamaru started to mentally pick himself up, trying to put the broken pieces of his psyche back together again while running completely on autopilot, and the accompanying symbolism of him picking up the shogi pieces was just ... nut. Like, it was real shit. I felt that entire scene deep in my bones tbh.

Actually this episode made me feel a LOT of things and I’d absolutely label it the best the series has to offer at this point. And what’s funny is you can tell it still didn’t have a very big budget but the director skillfully made due with what he had to really convey a very poignant and, imo, heartfelt message about the profoundly personal experience of loss. It was very human in a way that Naruto as a series has up until now failed to deliver on and, honestly, my love for Shikamaru has only grown because of it. I’m honestly weak right now. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually.

I would die for Shikamaru and that’s not an exaggeration. Lol

But also can I mention how much I love Shikaku. He doesn’t get to show up very often but it seems like every time he does, he leaves an impression. I get this vibe from him that hes just slightly more empathetic than his son but he sort of coats it in a tough, hardass, masculine way that makes him come off as very blunt and almost cold. Which is exactly where Shikamaru got it from but (imo) his virtue as a Virgo sort of softens the bite. Whereas with Shikaku it feels borderline antagonistic, almost like he’s being purposely mean, but if you listen to what he’s saying he’s actually telling you exactly what you need to hear. It might not be what you want to hear but it will help you in the long run. This is not the first time he’s served up some cold hard truths and, in all honesty, it seems like every time he does make an appearance it’s specifically to kick Shikamaru’s butt into gear. I know I’ve seen people say that he didn’t really seem that bothered about his dad dying (which I take offense to, I haven’t even gotten to that part and I know that’s wrong) but I think we have to acknowledge the inherent difference in his relationship with Asuma and his relationship with his dad.

They BOTH played a huge role in shaping Shikamaru into the person he is but in completely different ways, drastically different roles. Asuma was almost like the cool, rough and tumble older brother he never had and Shikaku was the immovable rock supporting him throughout everything he did in life. This is why I so badly wanted the other characters to be satisfactorily fleshed out and explored because, based on what little tidbits of detail we’ve gotten about Shikamaru’s home life, it seems that even though he comes off as almost stern Shikaku never actually pushed him in any one direction. Nudges sure, I have no doubt. But even when his son was putting in the absolute bare minimum with no real goals or drive, he let him be. Like, I have this nagging thought in the back of my head that Shikaku knew Shikamaru would find his own way in life without his intervention, because he both loves and trusts his son, so he simply watched over him instead of trying to force something out of the boy. Protective and supportive, but at a healthy distance, yknow? Which is another thing ... I’ve also seen people say that Shikamaru was spoiled growing up and honestly? That’s not wrong. I don’t think he ever experienced real hardship until Asuma died and the growth we’re seeing in him as a person is just ... ugh.

Anyway, I word vomited all that just so I could say: my heart broke when Shikaku started talking about how he’s proud to be Shikamaru’s father and that he knows he’s not stupid enough to run off and get himself killed. I know what he was doing. Indirectly saying he loved him and would support whatever choice he made at this crucial junction. He let Shikamaru make his own decision and he was clearly proud of the path his son ended up choosing. But fuck, if the morbid irony didn’t pull at my heart strings. 😭 Knowing what’s coming at some point in the future, I look at scenes like that and I just ... it makes me real fucking sad, fam.

I’m just so weak for father figures anyway, even if they’re not good fathers. But when it involves a character I’m emotionally soft for AND he’s got a good dad .... god. Imma need a box of tissues here in a second. I wish Shikaku was my dad. 🤧 And I mean, I’m just saying, but I have this very distinct feeling that the Nara men - both Shikaku and Shikamaru - would treat a girl child different from a boy so honestly Shikadai is real fucking lucky he didn’t get that sister Shikamaru was talking about during the Chunin exam because he’d be all up in his feelings about it. He’s probably got it bad enough with Mirai tbh. But also how absolutely beautiful would Shikamaru’s hypothetical daughter be, hnnng.

Y’all thought my mans was spoiled, wait until you see what daddy Shikaku’s got to say about me.

💅

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 17

(To listen, click here) - 12:42

Mariana thinks the best thing she can do is get her and Francesca outside, and give Levi some space.  Especially after Pearl and Jesus get back, too.  Francesca doesn’t need to wake up to this kind of chaos.

The sooner they can get out of here the better.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Mariana pokes Francesca awake gently.  “You wanna go outside with me and read or something?”

Francesca grumbles and burrows deeper into her sleeping bag.  “Too cold…  And everybody’s loud…  Tell them to stop slamming doors…”

“There’s donuts…” Mariana bribes.  “I think I saw one with chocolate frosting.  It’s possible to get it if we go right now, while everybody’s distracted…” Mariana feels a little bad using Levi’s obvious distress as a way for her and her sis to lay claim to the best donuts.  But if it gets Francesca up and moving, it’s worth it.

Just like that, Francesca throws back her sleeping bag and sits up.  “How do we get to it without them knowing?” she asks, whispering. Excited at the prospect of a game this early in the morning.

“Okay.  It’s not really fun right now?” she tries.  

“There’s no donut?” Francesca gasps, indignant.

“No, there is.  But listen.  Levi’s here.  He’s upset.  Something’s wrong. So the best thing we can do is take our donut outside...or maybe next door...read some Harry Potter?”

“Let’s go on that big back step thing,” Francesca decides.  “Can we have hot chocolate?  And just talk?”

“I’ll see if Jesus can bring it out for us.  You grab a blanket if you need.  Close the door behind you.”

Mariana makes sure she can see Francesca in her teal PJs clearly the whole time she makes them instant hot chocolate.

Pearl and Jesus are still in the kitchen, whispering, but Mariana catches Jesus’s eye and nods to him.  

“Can you bring this out to Frankie and me when it beeps?” she asks.  “You don’t have to.  It’s just...hot and…”

“No problem.” Jesus says.  “I’ll zap the other one when that one’s done.  You guys get some donuts?”

“Did you?” Mariana presses.  “‘Cause if this turns out to be a thing?  With Levi?  You’re gonna wanna make sure you’re on schedule.  So you can stay stable or whatever.”

“Right,” Jesus nods.

Jesus brings out the box of donuts first, so that Francesca can call dibs on the chocolate frosted one, and Mariana can have the cinnamon sugar one.  Then, Jesus drops the box off inside and comes back again with the hot chocolates.

“Thank you,” Mariana and Francesca chorus.

Once they’re alone, they sit quietly, sipping their drinks and eating their donuts.

“I miss having sister time with you,” Francesca allows.

“You do?”

“Yeah.  It’s different than Avoidance or any of the other stuff we do with the group.  We’re the only two who know what it’s like to be at home with Moms like this…”

“Mm-hmm,” she nods.

“Will you leave me there?” Francesca asks.

“What?”

“When you’re better, or whatever.  When you can go back to college.  When you can move away.  Will you leave me?”

“I don’t want to…” Mariana manages.  “I want us to stay together.  To be there for you.”

“But seven years is a long time,” Francesca ventures.

“It is.  How about this?  If I go, I’ll give you plenty of a heads up to get used to the idea.  And we’ll have lots of Avoidance meetings about how to go forward and make sure you’re as okay as possible.”

“What’s wrong with Levi,” Francesca asks, casting a glance over her shoulder.

“I’m not sure. But let’s not bug him about whatever it is, okay?  Sometimes, when things are hard, we don’t want to talk about it with everybody, even if they’re our friends…”

“Yeah, like when I got scared about going next door...I was glad you and Jesus didn’t try to talk to me about that right then.”

“Because we respect you.  We get that sometimes, Dominique is the safe person you choose.  And sometimes, it’s Jesus.”

“And sometimes, it’s you…” Francesca confesses, shy.

“Really?” Mariana’s surprised.

“Yeah.  You know what my life is like more than Jesus does, even.  So, we’re lucky.  It’s sad, you know?”

“What is?”

“That some people have nobody who knows what it feels like to be them.”

“Well, you’ve got me,” Mariana says, putting an arm around Francesca and pulling her close.

“And you got me,” Francesca says, mirroring her.

--

“Seriously, where is Levi?  Is he okay?  What’s going on?  I need you to tell me.”

The panic on Levi’s face when he hears Pearl’s voice is enough to send Dominique down the stairs to intercept her.  She swings by Jesus in the kitchen eating a donut, and asks if he would mind going to sit with Levi upstairs in the loft.

He agrees, no problem.

Now, Dominique just has to manage Pearl and her intense anxiety.

Dominique leads Pearl and Cleo to the room Dominique shares with Mariana.  Closes the door.  

“Listen to me.  Levi is fine.”

“Is he here?” Pearl insists.

“Yes, he’s here.”

“If he’s fine, I should be able to see him,” Pearl counters.

“He’s a bit shaken up.  He’s embarrassed.  Something happened, but he hasn’t said what.  He doesn’t wanna talk about it.”

Dominique slides the lie in seamlessly.  Couched in so many truths, it doesn’t stand out.  It doesn’t draw Pearl’s attention.

“Well, that’s too bad.  If something happened to him, I need to know.  I’m his sister.  I’m his family.”

“He is seventeen.  He doesn’t owe anyone an explanation he doesn’t want to give,” Dominique maintains.

“Dominique,” Pearl says plainly.  “Please.  You know as well as I do that being seventeen doesn’t mean a person’s grown.”

“Do you respect your brother?” Dominique asks, crossing her arms.  

“Of course.”

“If that’s true, please don’t push him on this.  I understand you don’t like me.  But please, believe me.  Levi needs you to give him space.  Be there if he wants to come to you.  Listen if he wants to talk.  But do not push him on this.”

“Okay…” Pearl shakes her head, as if she’s trying to clear it.  “He just...left  the door wide open.  It scared me.”

“Yeah, that would do it…”  Dominique breathes.  “He is okay.  Relatively speaking.  He needs you to be calm right now.  And if you can’t be, the best thing you can do is stay clear of him.”

“You guys talk,” Pearl says.

“We have, yes.” Dominique confirms.

“He trusts you?” Pearl tries again.

“Seems to, yes.”

“Then, I’m glad…  I’m glad he has you.” Pearl nods, petting Cleo.

--

“Hey,” Jesus says, climbing the stairs to the second floor of the cabin.  It looks the same here.  An alcove with a bookshelf.  Some board games.  A chair.  (Levi’s in  it, sitting forward, arms wrapped around his head.)  A footstool.  Jesus pulls up the footstool.  “Dominique said you could use some company.”

Levi glances up.  He looks wrecked.  Destroyed.

“Where’s Pearl?” he asks.

“Dominique’s talking to her in one of the bedrooms.  Mariana and Francesca are outside.”  Jesus hopes Levi’s getting the vibe Jesus is trying to convey.  That Levi’s got privacy here.  Now.

There’s a long silence.  Then:  “How long have you had trauma stuff?” Levi asks.

“All my life.  But especially for about four years starting when I was 9,” Jesus shares carefully.

“Oh.  Does it count if it’s just one thing?  For just a few minutes?”

“Trauma’s trauma.  It can be quick or drawn out.  The question is, did it traumatize you?  If the answer is yes, that means it’s trauma.”

“I think it did.  ‘Cause I just had this intense overreaction to the most minor thing…” Levi breathes.

“Can I tell you something?”  Jesus asks.

Levi nods.  He’s finally stopped covering his head.  Is sitting up.

“If your reaction was intense?  It wasn’t a minor thing.  It was major.  You don’t have to tell me details if you don’t want to.  But I’m here to listen if you do.”

“You’re Pearl’s friend,” Levi says, and Jesus can’t read his tone of voice.

Jesus waits.

“So you’ll tell her…” Levi sighs.  It’s not an accusation.  He’s defeated.

“Not your stuff.  I don’t share other people’s stuff they tell me in confidence.  That’s not saying you have to tell me, either.  But you can.  If you want…”

“Did anybody ever…” Levi’s voice breaks.  He shakes his head.  His arms are back over his head.

“People have hurt me,” Jesus volunteers quietly, figuring this much has to be true.

Levi nods.  He’s gasping like he can’t catch his breath.  Tears are falling.  Jesus is torn about what to do.  But in the end Dudley nudges him toward the most obvious first.  He knows most people would do it opposite, but Jesus thinks that maybe if he addresses one thing, both might resolve.

“Hug?” he asks gently.  

Levi nods.  Stands.  Jesus does, too.  Embraces Levi.  Holds on.

“I know it sucks.  I know,” Jesus says quietly.  “But I’m here, and Dominique’s here.  You can trust us.  We have your back,” Jesus murmurs, letting Levi hang on tight.  Fall apart.

Just like he thought, getting his hug helps Levi’s breathing eventually even out.

“I’m not dressed,” Levi manages, pulling away.

“Give me a sec,” Jesus says and goes down the stairs.  

It helps to have Dudley with him.  To remind him not to go tearing through the house to find his yellow suitcase.  He finds it, open, in the living room, where he’s left it.  Digs inside until he pulls out a blue sweatshirt.  Brings it upstairs.

He’s about to toss it when Levi flinches back.

“Dude.  It’s a sweatshirt.  More layers.  They help.  With trauma.” Jesus tries to explain.  He holds it out.

Levi watches.

Then, eventually, warily, takes it from Jesus.  He turns his back and pulls it over his tee shirt.  It’s too big, but that’s what Jesus had been hoping, honestly.  When nothing else helped, sometimes, being covered did.

“Dudley, stay,” Jesus tells his dog, as he goes back downstairs for the box of donuts.  And to make another cup of hot chocolate.

In minutes, he brings it all up to Levi.  Dudley’s got his massive head in Levi’s lap and Levi’s scratching him behind the ears.  

“Here,” Jesus offers the box of donuts.  Dudley sniffs it.  “Not for you,” he tells Dudley gently.

Levi blinks slowly.  Finally picking out the maple nut bar and taking a bite.  Eventually he eats it all.  Then, he starts on the hot chocolate.

“Sugar helps, too.  I don’t know why,” Jesus shrugs.  

“Thank you.”

For a long time, they say nothing.  But it’s comfortable.  Jesus is glad that Dominique’s distracting Pearl.  Glad he can count on Mariana to take care of Francesca.  So that he can be here.

Jesus spots an old plaid pair of Grandpa’s slippers in the corner of the alcove.  He scoots them over to Levi with a foot, nudging them until they bump Levi’s own bare feet.

Slowly, Levi slides his feet in.  Jesus watches his tense body relax the slightest bit.

“This one time - the last time we were here - I got triggered.  It was pretty bad.  By the time I was back with it?  Mari had all these blankets on me.  And this one really ugly hat of my Grandpa’s…”

“Did it match these slippers?” Levi asks, a hint of a smile spreading.

“It actually did.  It was warm though,” Jesus remembers.

“How long?” Levi asks, the question seeming  to stall halfway out of his mouth.

Jesus waits.

“Until trauma’s not a thing?  You guys are older, right?  You and Mariana?”

“Almost 23,” Jesus confirms.  “And, as far as I know?  Trauma is always a thing,” he says apologetically.  “Something that helps, though, is knowing how to manage it.  Being around people who can support you.”

“What if the only person around you has their own trauma?” Levi’s gaze flickers to Jesus.

“I’ve found that’s usually how it works…” Jesus ventures.  “Other people try and get it.  But in my experience?  The best supporter usually has firsthand experience with it.”

“But I can’t tell Pearl…” Levi begs.

“It doesn’t have to be Pearl, Levi.” Jesus insists.

“I would tell you, it’s just...personal…” Levi manages.

“Trust me, I understand wanting your privacy.”

“I don’t know if I can do this…  Stay here…  I moved out of my mom’s house...and came here...but I may have to find somewhere else…  This is just too…  Without my dad it’s like...I literally don’t belong anywhere.”

“You belong with us,” Jesus insists quietly, putting an arm around Levi again.  

Two hugs in just minutes would definitely be too many for Jesus, but Levi leans into the contact.  Seems to need it, like he needs to breathe.

So Jesus stays.

[sylvesterbarzey]

5 Zombie Books For Walking Dead Fans

Okay, I know I've been behind on my Headshot blog and I swear it will be back and will be more weekly than before but until then I thought I would give you Walking Dead nuts a few books to feed your undead needs until the show comes back for Season 9 (Which may or may not be its last season, I'm just saying it's not looking good) So lets just jump into it shall we?

RISE OF THE DEAD (ROTD BOOK1) BY JEREMY DYSON

“Best New Zombie Books of 2016

Blake was never one for taking chances. He lived in a world of formulas and equations. A statistician in a controlled society where everything had become predictably mundane. That world disappeared the day the dead got up and began attacking the living. Now, the end is here. Blake finds himself fighting for his life in a world that is rapidly spiraling out of control. He struggles to keep himself alive and must risk everything to find his family. Along the way, Blake finds himself thrust among other unlikely survivors. Together they must adapt to the realities of the undead world, or join the legion of zombies. The characters must overcome their conditioned human apathy and come together if they have any chance of survival. Rise of the Dead chronicles the first moments of the zombie apocalypse. While the story is a fast-paced thrill ride through an ever-growing zombie horde, the novel aims to draw upon familiar themes as those found in the Romero classic films.

My Thoughts: When I first heard about this book I pictured David Krumholtz's character Charlie from that show "Numbers" Maybe that's just me, but I think Charlie would be awesome in the zombie apocalypse. Much like Rick Grimms and any real zompoc story, we have Blake fighting to survive in this new world and find his family. In fact, Blake is already better than Rick because he has a dog, who unlike that poor horse isn't future zombie food. I plan on checking out this full series when I get some time from writing, but since you're not writing a zombie novel, you have all the time to sit down and dive into Dyson's world.

ON AMAZON

THE DARKEST DAYS (DEATH & DECAY BOOK 1) 

BY R.L BLALOCK

To protect and serve. The motto that every officer is taught from their first day in the academy. On a humid June day in St. Louis, it is a motto that could get Officer Wyatt Ward killed. Desperate citizens flock to the station as the officers of the Cottleville Police Department struggle to handle the chaos that is enveloping a city already shaken by rioting. But as darkness descends something much worse is rising. The deranged. Brutal, unforgiving, single-minded monsters that were once the citizens Wyatt was sworn to protect. Now, they attack. They bite. They infect. As fear takes hold… As the city begins to eat itself… As the world crumbles… What is a man who is sworn to protect to do as the world dies? The Darkest Days is the first book in R. L. Blalock's Death & Decay series. For readers who love a gory, action-packed, zombie-infested stories. Start the series for free today!  

My Thoughts: One let me just say R.L. Blalock is an amazing person and author. I just got done with her interview on The Reanimated Writers Podcast the amount of work she puts into her books and her self-publishing business is amazing. Family, Full Time Job, Group Leader and Writer. Don't ever think you can't do it all, you just have to be willing to work for it. Now you have nothing to lose with this book because:

A) It's an awesome series to start

B) It's free!

Trust me, people, you can't beat this kind of deal. So go get you some undead horror today!

FREE ON AMAZON

BROKEN WORLD: A POST-APOCALYPTIC ZOMBIE NOVEL BY KATE L. MARY

Follow a group of survivors on a journey that spans eleven books and twenty years as they search for safety in a world overrun by the dead... When a deadly virus sweeps the country, Vivian sets out for California in hopes of seeing the daughter she gave up for adoption. Then her car breaks down and she’s faced with a choice: give up or accept a ride from redneck brothers, Angus and Axl. Vivian knows getting in the car with strangers is a risk, but with time running out, she’s willing to do whatever it takes to reach her daughter. The virus is spreading, and by the time the group makes it to California, most of the population has already been wiped out. When the dead start coming back, Vivian and the others realize that no electricity or running water is the least of their concerns. Now Vivian must learn how to be a mom under the most frightening circumstances, cope with Angus's aggressive mood swings, and sort out her growing attraction to his brooding younger brother, Axl. While searching for a safe place to go, the group meets a pompous billionaire who may be the answer to all their problems. Trusting him means going into the middle of the Mojave Desert and possibly risking their lives, but with the streets overrun and nowhere else to turn, he might be their only chance for survival...

ON AMAZON

My Thoughts: Anyone that knows me, knows I love a good Final Girl story! Women in horror are epic and this character-driven story of a mother stepping up to save her kid from a Broken World is such a good take on the Zombie Genre. Rick finding his family with the group of survivors he saved was awesome, now add a cross-country road trip to that and you have a massive formula for some apocalyptic awesomeness. Book one is free and it's also in audio for you book listeners (like me!)

A PLACE OUTSIDE THE WILD (Z-DAY BOOK 1) 

BY DANIEL HUMPHREYS

2017 DRAGON AWARD FINALIST - BEST APOCALYPTIC NOVEL

Eight years after Z-Day, the surviving remnants of mankind face the unknown. The fences and walls kept the ravenous undead at bay until they wasted away. A once overwhelming foe has turned feeble and weak, and a world gone wild seems ripe for reclamation. The scars of the long war run deep. And hope is a dangerous thing when the real enemy might just be the survivors themselves.

My Thoughts: I haven't read this series yet but I know two things, One I've been in love with this cover since I saw it last year and two It was in the running for a Dragon Con award! Being from GA and gearing up for Dragon Con this year, you know I'm hyped to read this one. While the concept feels more like Z-Nation because of the time Gap, the vibe of the story is real and dirty, much like the world of the walking dead. If anyone has read this one then please let me know what you think in the comments below.

ON AMAZON

UNDEAD ON ARRIVAL BY JUSTIN ROBINSON

Today is the last day of Glen Novak’s life. Five years after the end of the world, the few remaining humans are barricaded in a small vacation town on the California coast, beset by hordes of the undead. A single bite turns a man into a walking corpse. There’s no cure and no hope. Someone made sure Novak was bitten and now he has one day to put things in order, protect his people and, most importantly, exact revenge.

My Thoughts: So I'm currently reading this one and I love the opening. I really just get your heart going and puts the tension in the story right from the start. I'm not surprised that I would enjoy this book because it's written by Justin Robinson the winner of The Reanimated Writers Rumble. While I was knocked out in the first round (I think people don't like my R-rated dialogue or I just suck) Justin went all the way and he took on some tricky topics. If you haven't checked out his work, then head over to Amazon and pick this book up now!

ON AMAZON

WELL, THAT'S IT! FIVE AWESOME INDEPENDENT NOVELS FOR YOU WALKING DEAD FANS! I'M A Z-NATION BOY MYSELF BUT TO EACH THEIR OWN. I HOPE YOU TAKE THE TIME TO CHECK OUT THESE GREAT WRITERS AND IF YOU'RE LIKE ME AND WANT SOME LAUGHS WITH YOUR GORE THEN CHECK OUT MY CURRENT SERIES PLANET DEAD!

[theworstbob]

the thing journal: 16 july 2017 - 22 july 2017

capsulre reviews of what all pop culture things i took in last week. in this post: from the outside, fall for you, baby driver, adornment, jhud, need to feel your love, and the good place (s1)

1) From the Outside, by Hey Violet: So as far as Albums By Very Young Bands Fronted By Women Bob Enjoys Way More Than He Should go, this isn't as complete as Against the Current's In Our Bones from last year (which honestly still rules). There's a lot more modern pop influence on this record, and while anyone who reads YAS knows my relationship with modern pop is rather fraught, I do find certain EDM tolerable, and I am more than OK with a pop/punk band taking on some of those electronic influences, especially if they're gonna use them to make songs like "Break My Heart." Honestly, listening to this album, I kinda feel like Hey Violet could save pop music. Their music is unapologetically young and dumb, all these songs about hoodies and fuckboys and other early 20s things, but at no point does it get as dour as anything on the pop charts. There's probably little chance this band blows up ("Guys My Age" was a poor choice for a lead single, given how good the rest of the songs are), but man, if anything needed to be infused with bratty pop/punk energy, it's the world.

2) Fall for You, by Leela James: This is a really good soul album. Fun fact about me, one thing I'm trying to do is, after listening to an album, writing down a few things about how I felt so that, when the time comes to write these posts, I'm not apologizing for failing to remember anything about it. For this album, I apparently only wrote "solid, solid soul." Oops! We're learning. But while that summary is over-simplistic, it's not inaccurate; this is really solid work, just ten songs worth of impressive vocal work on well-built soul tracks. I could see this album being something like, let's see, what sort of analogy can I come up with, this album is gonna be like sweet potato fries for me. I never think about sweet potato fries or go out of my way to find sweet potato fries, but if I'm out at a restaurant, and I see sweet potato fries are on offer, I might just say, "Yo! Let me get those sweet potato fries!" and I'm gonna love those sweet potato fries. It's gonna happen where I'm scrolling through my library, get to the Fs, see this album, and have another great 40 minutes. I would like to thank TTJ for allowing me to clarify my relationship with sweet potato fries.

3) Baby Driver, dir. Edgar Wright: This film is a technical marvel. The shootout that is synced to "Tequila" is a miracle, something I can't believe anyone had the mind to imagine and the ability to execute, this film is maybe the greatest feat of editing I've seen since Mad Max: Fury Road. From a story standpoint, it's almost a zero, which is disappointing from an Edgar Wright joint. I never got the sense that the characters were supposed to be anything other than "cool," and none of them felt like they could have existed outside of this movie. It's absolutely nuts to watch these action sequences, this is a movie that was made for a bygone era where people would buy DVD copies of movies to watch making-of featurettes like absolutely don't get me wrong this film is worth seeing, I just wish the people had been more fleshed out, that this film could have hit the "this film means a lot to me" level most of Edgar Wright's films have hit and not just the "this was an incredible cinematic feat" level.

4) Adornment, by Grayscale: The Punk Goes Pop series of compilations from Hopeless Records is often embarrassing, but every year at least one band does something really cool with their cover. I usually encounter one really dope band with each edition; Go Radio on vol4, Set it Off on vol6 (real quick? their cover of “Problem” is still fucking beautiful), and now these cats. Their cover of "Love Yourself" is as good an ad for this album as anything; it doesn't paint too far outside the lines, but it does deliver something solid and entertaining within its boundaries. I wanna real quick shout out "Atlantic;" I can see this band's from Philly, and it's kind of clear this band takes a lot of inspiration from bands like The Wonder Years, because while this song doesn't have the beauty of specificity like "Passing Through a Screen Door," Grayscale seems very young and isn't quite so mature, you can hear a similar sense of ennui and yearning for escape, and I really hope they continue chasing that arrow. I'm eager to watch this band.

5) JHUD, by Jennifer Hudson: So, this was a crummy week for me and new things; I went out and did things with people, spent more of my free time consuming content than experiencing art, and I at least hit the goal of seven, but it kinda shouldn't count, because one of them was this thing I was barely paying attention to? But I'm not sure this was worth paying attention to. It's an OK pop/R&B album, everything sounded clean, but man, I really don't want to hear Jennifer Hudson singing mediocre pop songs with R. Kelly and Iggy Azalea features. Like, the bare minimum I require from an album is that, when the bus route goes through those patches where my cell's connection tanks, I'm willing to go back and resume listening should Amazon Music cut out. It happened to this album, and I said, nah. Nah, I think I've extracted all the value I can from this one. Maybe if I spent last week in a better mood, I might've at least finished it? But I highly doubt the last two songs were gonna change my mind about this album's underwhelmingness.

6) Need to Feel Your Love, by Sheer Mag: Every band from Philadelphia I encounter makes incredible music and if I wasn't so sure living in Philadelphia would be hella expensive I'd be on the next train there. I was in love with this album from the very first riff. Like, legit, I turned this on at the bus stop, heard the first notes of music, and mouthed the words 'hell yeah.' This is a band making music for Baby Driver 2. They have this classic rock vibe that fucking owns and never feels like a retread; more importantly, the novelty of a band making '70s punk music never wears off, they find enough variety from song to song while still maintaining a consistent clear vision of their Baby Driver rock, and the album always feels fresh, I was increasingly excited to hear what trick the band had up their sleeve for the next song.

7) The Good Place, cr. Michael Schur (s1): OK. OK, THIS is what I've been waiting for from Mike Schur. It's nice that Brooklyn Nine-Nine was fun, but Schur always made comedy with higher purpose than just jokes, and my stars, does The Good Place ever fit that bill. It's this really deep and meaningful look into the question of what makes a good person and whether it's possible for anyone to find redemption, and it's also a show where a dude from Florida impersonating a Buddhist monk marries a helpful robot. Oh man, Jane. Guys? Guys? Real quick? Janet. Greatest character. Greatest performance. How come D'Arcy Carden hasn't been in more things or isn't nominated for sixteen Emmys. I love Janet. Janet is so good. I can't believe the show has room for both the deep philosophical quandaries it poses and a character as silly as Janet.