#127 has a solid sound that i very much enjoy and i think i always will tbh

[maximura]

Favourite KPOP Songs of 2023

So I am 3 days late posting this but I wanted to do it to keep up the tradition. It's fun looking back at old lists. My criteria isn't so much based on technical merit but rather the songs that I wanted to listen to over and over again for whatever reason.

Cupid by Fifty Fifty. No doubt, this is social media's song of the year. I have never seen a song that is actually good become so organically viral, only to be reduced to absolutely nothing because of abysmal management. Not even New Jeans was this widespread this year (to me). Cupid was playing at my local supermarket and even people who know nothing about kpop loved this song. It ranks low for me because I'm definitely sick of hearing it by now. Regardless, it is still a very well written pop song.

Ayo by NCT 127. Okay, hear me out: NCT is like durian. You either completely understand why it is called the King of Fruits or you think I should be put in jail for saying that. If you are a brave connoisseur who refuses to be confined by societal pressure, then know what it's like to open your third eye and consume NCT for what they are: completely weird but never boring. It's an experience. If you don't get it, I don't know what to tell you.

Tinnitus by TXT. Temptation is my least favourite TXT album from the last 3 years but I think that is mostly due to how much I hated Sugar Rush Ride. I've been re-listening to a lot of their material again and okay, I'll give this one a pass: it's a mood. Thanks Kang Taehyun. I don't know if it was very intentional but his voice is all I hear on the final version. Man, that dude's voice always gets me somehow, I don't know how he does it.

Rover by Kai. It's not even that good of a song and yet, it was everywhere and I was gaslit into liking it. The viral dance made it the hit it became but to be fair, much of this was really down to his star power and ability to make really good choices that suit his strengths (dance first, vocals second). This is EXO Kai we are talking about after all; when he delivers, he really delivers. New Gen boys can take some notes.

Drama by Aespa. This is like Asian Junk Food. It's objectively so terrible, full of empty calories, no nutritional value but they took the Terrible and sprinkled MSG on it, so now it's TastyTerrible. As someone who wants to learn film editing, the MV is excellent and an example of top tier editing without choppy cuts. I have not noticed editing this neat and time consuming since Seventeen's 'HOT'.

Back To Me by The Rose. A group with solid talent and well written songs. I wish every success for them to be honest. I am posting the live video because they are one of those groups who are better live and won't give you The Fear watching it. I wish I could've seen them because I genuinely just love their voices and sound. They've filled the void left behind by Day 6.

Hard by Shinee. It's just your typical weird and perfect Shinee pop song but with a distinctly 90s flavour in my opinion. They are just all so talented that it's virtually impossible to ignore them. SM production is always so slick but with Shinee it is something to gild the lily rather than hard carry the entire song and group. Onew vocals never takes a day off, he was flawless even in the raw recordings.

Kitsch by IVE. It's just so cute and comforting in the way a harmless little pop song can be. It's like a fresh breeze. There's no pressure to do anything but enjoy it. In the absence of Blackpink, they are definitely my favourite girl group at the moment.

This World by Ateez. I do actually prefer it to Bouncy because it has that dystopian and almost gothic feel to it. I don't think it would've made a good title track because it's not as explosive as Bouncy but it 100% would fit into a movie or montage sequence. It absolutely goes so hard in the car, especially at night.

Flower by Jisoo. I think this was just a very smart choice for her and her team. It did not have anything too complex or overly dramatic. It suits her elegance and brand perfectly. It was also very pleasant and kinda of prettily boring? The dance was very popular and cute without being obnoxious. She is very much a Great Gowns Beautiful Gowns and "Go on girl, give us nothing!" idol but I have a soft spot for her. I can't believe we live in a world where Jisoo has the best Blackpink solo song.

3D (Alternate Version) by Jungkook. I did not like it when it was released (with that awful rap feature) but the purely Jungkook and performance versions of it really improved everything. I am really happy that Golden is as good as it is, because I think most Jungkook stans from 2013 lived in fear he would only release Mid Tier pop songs. I think most features on the album are unnecessary. Jungkook has presence and star power on his own. Everything else diluted what we all came for.

Blue Blood by IVE. It's an unexpectedly more mature sound from them and I loved it. I think the driving backing track makes this one of the best driving songs. It has this dark eloquence to it, which I always vibe with. One of their best B sides for sure.

Off The Record by IVE. This was the best track off their album this year. That title track was heinous. OTR was so calm and comforting and there is something about it that reminded me of Gfriend and OhMyGirl where it's just a good song with any histrionics. I do not think IVE suit that bad girl crush concept at all. They always had this expensive High Teen aura and it really took at hit with Baddie imo.

Ring (Unplugged/Acoustic Version) by TXT. This isn't cheating, they released this one on a July 2023 album. Even if it was cheating, I would've still put it on here. It's well written, well produced, well paced and suits everyone in the group. But personally, I always saw this as a Kang Taehyun song (even though he didn't even write it). His aura is all over it. Controversial opinion but I think this has one of Yeonjun's best rap verses because the slower tempo works so much better for his voice and flow.

Crazy Form by Ateez. Ah the Male version of Junk Food with MSG. I don't think it's anywhere near their best song but it's a good fun time and after the tough year(s) we have all had, it's nice to jam to something silly. It's very SKZ adjacent but in my opinion, with much better production and editing because the team behind Ateez are better at it. I'm also including this because it made me really see Jeong Yunho. If you know you know.

Roll With Me by Hyungwon/Shownu. Technically The H/S version of Wildfire is my favourite from them this year but since it wasn't official, I'll go with my second favourite release. It once again proves that Hyungwon is my favourite man (musically) in Monsta X. I like his style, tastes and instincts. It's true that he is my overall favourite in MX but I'm mature now! It's not just the visuals, I truly put his musical output as the number 1 reason I like him.

Standing Next To You by Jungkook. Listen, listen, listen.....I have been following this dude since 2013. I always KNEW he could give more and be more. Even though SNTY isn't even 100% of what I think he can do, it was enough for me to feel all these 10 years were not wasted lol. This deserved this stop purely for the instrumentation and production value alone. Granted, it is very westernised but good music is good music. This is the only time where a feature (remix) actually added something.

Silver Light by Ateez. The sister to Cyberpunk. It is really like its title: a sparkling God Ray of light that cuts through the darkness. It's mysterious but also so hopeful and comforting. They just scraped in with this at the last minute but it is already one of my absolutely favourite Ateez songs. Instant love from 1st listen. The type of song I wish I was more conscious and present for so I could go back to experience it again for the first time. Park Seonghwa supremacy because this is now a song I associate with him. He's not even my Ateez bias but he is my favourite and the most important Ateez member to me. How that works, I do not know.

My favourite song of 2023:

Chasing That Feeling by TXT. They achieved the trifecta in 2023 for me: favourite song, favourite lyric, favourite choreography. I'm not even going to link to the official MV because the choreography needs to be seen unobstructed and undiluted. This is the type of song that I barely have any critiques on (and if I did, they would all be minor). The type of song that I would put as my bio. The type of song I want my best friend to play at my funeral. This era was also the one that pushed Choi Soobin into my life when he knew damm well that my heart has been closed for business for the last 12 months. The power this song had on me was all consuming and cannot be overstated, ok?

[neonun-au]

I'm curious to listen to your opinion on the sticker album 👀

i like it on the whole !! i genuinely really enjoy sticker haha its a fun, interesting experimental bop and i totally get why some people hate it but also as a person who willing listens to noise music (actual noise music like the genre not what kpoppies call noise music), i think its super cool

i dont think the album is nearly as strong as neo zone (honestly what could be?), but there are a lot of songs on it i really love so lemme give it a lil ranking hehe

the rainy night

focus

promise you

sticker

breakfast (it loses me a lil bit in the transition to the chorus which is the only reason its a bit lower)

far

bring the noize

dreamer

lemonade (its splitting hairs up until here tbh the difference between lemonade and the rest of the songs ranked above is so slim like i love all of them a lot)

magic carpet ride

road trip (the only one i actively do not like tbh i like the chorus but something about marks rap ruins it for me idk its just....something off)

the only question i have really about this album is: where are the interludes??? why did they ditch the interludes???i fucking love the interludes and the outros and the intros. they round out the albums and they just make them feel like a cohesive project album vs like....a random collection of songs. it was one thing that made nct albums so special to me but ????? where are they?????

[babylion]

What are your thoughts on the other nct men (aka not mark n haechan bc obviously they’re incredible) just that I strongly agree with you about Johnny and im curious

aw damn u got me good 😭 taking away my best character trait (complimenting mahae) but oo if we're talking about the other neos on tracks

taeil; he's so cool im still not over purple?? i think he's got what it takes for any genre he's rly 127's pride for good reason

taeyong; p sure his soundcloud speaks for itself he can make do without sm for sure and put out quality music ahh also him harmonizing with anyone in vocal line instant serotonin! tldr one of the neos i wish had it better

yuta; his voice rly suits certain songs like i rly felt him back there with back2u and more recently favorite,, hes a sub vocalist im chill with

kun; can i just say i dont see the appeal of his vocal colour? but thats ON ME ok sorry

doyoung; ohhhhh one of my favourite vocalists hes so generous with his covers im happy he got so many opportunities outside of nct like for osts and duets (star blossom is one of my favourite station songs) his voice is perfect for layering and hes so emo chanel like half the time hes singing

ten; huge huge asset to the nct brand its great sm saw that and let him shine with bds and all his station songs. hes an artist through and through

jaehyun; to be very specific i dont like his "rap" moment in earthquake it sounded weak to me but overall he has a lot to offer as a baritone too bad most sm songs belong in the high range

winwin; he has bare lines in 127 n i dont listen to wayv but from memory i dont think im missing out he kind of sounds like the way he talks but idk maybe the lines he was given suck

jungwoo; imo he's mediocre but i like the way he ends his lines if that makes any sense

xiaojun; i nvr have to doubt his abilities he's just great at what he does hes kind of like a respectable long-distance relative i dont actively try to pick his voice out from the rest

hendery; so if i were arguing w someone n they pulled out wukong i'd off myself right there n then

renjun; HEEEEEEEEE i get that hes not the most stable but he has such a pretty voice i can look away if he needs me to

jeno; i dont enjoy his tone or flow but there are moments im not. bothered by it (more so w the recent album)

jaemin; him making me go from 😣😙 to 🤨 on many occasions .first of all why did do dear dream like that n maybe being a vocalist is asking for too much.. tho i do prefer his vocals more than jenos... i think .pls dont quote me on that

yangyang; hm not familiar w him but based on what i do hear why does he sound so... tense like hes clenching so hard?what for?? bc then i feel uneasy as a listener 😭 its prob just me tho

shotaro; interesting timbre for sureeeeeeee definitely always intrigued to see where they use his voice

sungchan; i dig his work, he sounded experienced from the get-go also i always knew he had pipes so good for him

chenle; very stable since birth lol, he stood out to me the most in dream's 1st album but also im not in love with his voice or anything its just solid and i cant complain

jisung; i think hes on his way 2 becoming a threat (in a good way) with how he's improving his vocals, also iirc he was chill since the beginning

[oneletterelliot]

NCT Dream’s We Young - liveblog reaction

Disclaimer: Once again, I am familiar with the Chinese version of “We Young” (and will be skipping it in this liveblog) but otherwise every song is new on this mini album.

We Young - I like the marimba-y synth chords in the beginning of this. “We just wanna have fun / Because we hot and we young” is actually the funniest lyric ever.  There’s a lot of nice harmony in this song. I take it back; “So what? We hot. We young” is the actual funniest lyric. No, this is a fun song. Very youthful and summery, which tracks for NCT Dream. Is this Jaemin at 2:04? I rather like it. (Edit: Wow, I totally forgot that Jaemin was on hiatus for this song lmao. It’s Jisung.) Mark always sounds so good, in every song, really. Is 2:59 Chenle? He sounds nice. (Edit: it’s Renjun!) Haechan’s background ad libs right before the end are quite lovely.

La La Love - Ooh a funky vibe. This sits at the same table as “Irresistible.” (I don’t like it as much though.) I was NOT READY for the background spoken woman’s voice that begins at 0:58 omg. Very silly. I enjoy the instrumental a lot. Was this bridge (if it was the bridge lol) Renjun then Chenle? I’m not sure, but that was my knee-jerk reaction. (Edit: the whole thing was Chenle.) The part after Mark’s rap where the instrumental kind of disappears and there’s some acapella is really nice actually. Helps shake the song up a little bit. Oh, this very ending instrumental sounds familiar.

Walk You Home - Oh, this very opening instrumental sounds familiar too. I don’t think I’ve heard it before. I think it just reminds me of an NCT 127 song. Something about this guitar and percussion combination feels very, like, 2008 indie music to me? I don’t know why. Maybe earlier than 2008. I really like Renjun’s 1:09 part into Mark’s 1:14 “yeah yeah yeah” thing. It has a great flow. This song makes me want to rumba, I will admit. Is this Jeno at 1:53? Or at 1:58? (I can’t tell if it’s the same person or if the rap passes.) Whoever it is sounds so good! (Edit: it was Jeno at 1:53 and Jisung at 1:58.) Chenle’s lower register at 2:22! Love it!

My Page - I’m digging this opening. Funky lil synth line. “Na na na na na na.” This is fun. I thought the person singing at 0:06 was Renjun, but now I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if it’s Chenle. Sounds really good, whoever it is. (Edit: my first thought was right, it WAS Renjun.) I’m liking this. Something about it makes me think of, like, hanging out at an arcade. Haechan’s sounding good. This whole rap section in the second half isn’t all Mark, is it? (Edit: oh, I guess it is.) My ability to discern voices in this mini album isn’t so good haha. I like this instrumental a lot!

Trigger the Fever - I’ve heard of this song. A lot of people like it, I think? This opening instrumental sounds like a coming of age movie soundtrack. I was expecting a samba beat from this title. This is very different. Oh interesting more techno-y instrumental coming in on the chorus. Still really sounds like a soundtrack for a coming of age movie. This is a fine song, but not my favorite. I do rather like the way Chenle, I think it is, sings “trigger the fever” at 1:29. (Edit: no, it was Renjun.) I hear those high notes, wow. Okay, I think this song could grow on me. I’m enjoying the harmonies. Oh, this section starting at 2:34 is interesting. Makes the whole song more interesting in a way, the way it changes.

Final thoughts: This will never be my favorite NCT Dream release, but it’s solid.

[thisiswherewestart]

I Remember (1/?)

Today had started out like any other Tuesday. I had woken up, logged in to work remotely for a few hours and then moved to a café for a change of scenery and to grab some lunch.

I usually frequented cafés close by my apartment, but my friend had highly recommended this quaint, newly opened one with an extensive pasta menu that was a half-hour train ride away. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a sucker for good pasta, and her rave review of their squid ink spaghetti had haunted me for the past week.

And so there I was on a Tuesday afternoon, after checking that they welcomed lingering customers. My laptop sat open across from me so I could monitor my inbox and I surveyed the simple decorations that created a homely ambiance. The fact that I was the only customer helped complete the serene scene. If this café were within walking distance, I would come again just for the atmosphere.

Ten minutes after giving my order to the waiter, my food finally arrived. The dark sauce coated the noodles beautifully, the seafood peeking out between the long strands making my mouth salivate in anticipation. As I picked up my fork, a tinkle of a bell sounded from the café entrance.

"Hello," a soft but confident voice greeted the approaching waiter. "One salmon aglio olio to go please. Thanks."

My fork stopped halfway to my mouth. My back was to the entrance but I would recognise that voice even in a noisy room.

"Tasha?"

And that confirmed it. It was him.

"Dongyoung," I greeted, standing and turning around to face the man. "It's been a while."

"When did you come back to Korea?" His tone was accusing now.

"How are you? How's Taeyong? How are the kids?" I shot out question after question, hoping he would forget the one he had asked.

"We're all fine. When did you come back?"

So much for that.

"Oppa…"

"Don't you 'oppa' me. We're basically the same age."

I sighed, dropping onto my seat and turning away from him. "I've been back for a year now."

He took the seat opposite me. Uninvited, but not unexpected.

"One year." The hurt in his voice made me wince. "A whole year and you didn't bother to call."

"Dongyoung, please."

His laugh was void of mirth. "So we're back to this, huh? The last time I saw you, you exclusively called me Doie."

I looked up at him.

"I guess that's what four years of silence does between friends."

*~*

"Five, six, seven, eight…"

The 7th Sense NCT U unit was made up of my favourite fellow trainees. 

Mark, who was the same age as my little brother whom I dearly missed. His naive sense of humour and bright eyed wonder had me growing fond of him in no time at all. Our shared love of story writing also brought us closer, as we encouraged each other to keep up with writing even as we were busy with idol training. He was my happy pill during our years as trainees together.

Ten, my fellow international school kid. We were different in that he came from money while I was the daughter of a diplomat. PSA: not all diplomats are wealthy! They are still government officers and don't earn nearly as much as you think they do. One of the perks was getting subsidised education, which made it possible for my siblings and I to attend international schools in non-English speaking countries we lived in. Ten and I hadn't known each other prior to becoming trainees, but he and I found that we just clicked. We even found several mutual friends in our international school networks.

Jaehyun and I took a little longer to warm up to each other. I was a fairly quiet person, only talkative around people I was comfortable with, so I was never one to initiate conversation. Jaehyun never approached me to start talking either, so a few months after we first met, our relationship had not progressed beyond a polite greeting when we bumped into each other. It took Taeyong to help us break the ice, but once we got to talking we found that our interests overlapped and they were the foundation to our pretty solid friendship.

Taeyong is the one trainee to whom I’m most grateful. I entered the company shortly after he did, and he seemed to decide to take me under his wing upon our first meeting. It didn’t matter that our training schedules didn’t overlap; he would always check in on me and help me when I struggled with getting dance moves memorised. In time, as Taeyong started writing and producing more songs, he would include me in his process and get me to record demos with him and Dongyoung.

Dongyoung was an enigma to me. I knew he had a kind heart because he would do things like invite foreign trainees home during holidays so they would have somewhere to go. I could see the warmth in his interactions with other trainees but he was only ever cordial to me, so I always thought he did not like me very much. It was, once again, thanks to Taeyong that we got closer. Dongyoung and I were both vocalists, but I dabbled in some rapping and Taeyong seemed to enjoy writing songs that featured the three of us. Studio sessions with the two of them became some of my favourite memories of my time as a trainee.

I was looking through the lyrics of the latest song Taeyong had written when the group finished their practice run and paused for a water break.

“Tash,” Taeyong greeted as he flopped down next to me, leaning his back on the cool mirror.

“You guys are looking really good,” I praised, handing him a water bottle. “The modifications you guys made last week improved the overall performance a lot.”

“Right? I’m so glad the choreographer let us do that.”

Dongyoung approached us, sitting on my other side. I passed him the last of my stock of water bottles. “Hey.”

“I’m beat,” he sighed. “But we look good right?”

“Yeah I was just saying that.”

The three of us sat in amicable silence for a few moments, the two of them gulping down the cool water as I finished perusing Taeyong’s lyrics. I shut my eyes as my thoughts turned to my own debut, or lack thereof, and my family’s increasing worries. 

“Hey, you okay?” I opened my eyes to find Dongyoung peering at me in concern.

I gave him a half smile. “I guess.”

“You’ll debut soon,” Taeyong assured me, guessing the subject of my thoughts correctly. I appreciated his vote of confidence, but we all knew that was a lie, at least if I stayed at SM. Having debuted Red Velvet two years ago, it was highly improbable that they would debut another girl group so soon. And besides, they were all tied up in NCT’s official debut, with two U units, 127 and Dream all training hard to perfect their debut performances.

“We should probably get back to training,” Taeyong said apologetically. His eyes were kind as he briefly grasped my shoulder with a comforting hand before standing up. “Tell me what you think of that song later,” he nodded at the printed lyrics in my hand. “I want your verse by the end of the week!”

Dongyoung sat studying my expression for a bit longer.

“I’m fine, Doie. Really.” I pushed his shoulder gently. “Go. They’re waiting for you.”

“We’ll go out to eat after this, okay?” he offered, standing. “We can get pasta. My treat.”

“Man after my own heart,” I proclaimed, clutching my chest in jest.

He grinned as he walked to his starting position. 

I watched as Taeyong counted the boys into yet another rehearsal. Meeting Dongyoung's eyes in the practice room mirror, I could see the nerves he increasingly felt but rarely showed for their debut performance, only seven days from now. I smiled as brightly as I could, hoping he couldn't tell my heart was breaking knowing I would be leaving in five.

*~*

The Doyoung that sat before me today was a fully fledged kpop star, hair perfectly coiffed and clothes fitting his comfortable but stylish lookbook. He had truly grown into his looks, and seeing him was making my heart ache. With pride? With longing? I didn't even know myself. I had just started developing maybe-more-than-friends feelings towards him when I had found myself back with my family.

"You look good. Healthy."

"Where have you been for the last four years, Natasha?"

His use of my entire first name hurt more than I expected. Was this how he felt when I called him Dongyoung?

"I went back home."

"As in back to your home country?" he asked, incredulous.

"Yes."

"Why? And don't tell me it's because you didn't debut with Red Velvet."

"You're kidding, right?" It was my turn to laugh humourlessly. "Has SM debuted another girl group since then?"

"Well no, but-"

"Don't say they might have added me to the group like they did Yeri. When I left, it had been one year since that happened and two years since they debuted!"

"But why did you have to leave?" Doyoung's voice was rising. "You could have moved to another company. You know you had the skills to debut."

"I just… had to, okay?" 

I guess he heard the pleading in my voice because he switched to another line of questioning after studying me for a minute.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” His voice was quiet. “Taeyong and me, especially,” he sighed. “We missed you. We still miss you.”

“I’m sorry. I know it was shitty of me but I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of me leaving.” I did not want to give you guys the chance to persuade me to stay.

There was a pause. “Did you miss us?”

Tears I thought had dried up years ago threatened to fall. “You have no idea how much,” I whispered, willing myself not to cry.

“Oh I think I do-”

“At least you guys had each other,” I blurted. 

“Excuse me?” Doyoung narrowed his eyes at me. “We were not the ones who stopped talking to you! I called until your number went out of service! And then we looked for you online but there was absolutely nothing. Why did you fall off the grid completely?”

I opened my mouth to respond but was interrupted by the waiter bringing Doyoung his food. Doyoung thanked him and handed him a card. “I’ll take care of her bill as well.”

“Don’t,” I protested. We were in the middle of an argument and he still wanted to take care of me. “Just charge him for his food, please,” I asked the waiter.

“I’ll pay for her,” Doyoung insisted. “Thank you.”

The waiter left, an awkward smile on his face as he retreated.

“I have to go now, so we’ll put a pin in this conversation.” Doyoung stared hard at me until I nodded my assent. "Does anyone know you're back?"

I shook my head. "I work in software now. I don't run in the same circles anymore."

"You know we have these things called phones, right?" He gestured at his Samsung with exaggerated motions. "They're amazing. You can connect with anyone, anywhere. Even if they're in a different country." He looked at me pointedly.

"I'm sorry, okay? I know I could have, should have, kept in touch but I just… I couldn't."

"Why?"

A million reasons. "I don't want to get into it right now."

"Fine. But you know I'll keep asking until I get answers."

I smiled, thinking about his habit of persistently badgering us until he got what he wanted. "I know."

"In fact," he grabbed my phone, which had been lying next to my rapidly cooling plate of pasta. "I'm going to call myself so I have your number."

Before I could protest, he had held my phone up to unlock it with my face and was dialling.

"Wait, I-"

He clicked the dial button and automatically put the phone up to his ear, before slowly lowering it again, staring at the screen in disbelief.

"So you kept my number. This whole time. And you still never called."

I didn’t know what to say to that. All I could do was apologise again. “I-”

“Just save it, Tash.” He put my phone back on the table. “I’m going now. Pick up when I call, okay?”

“I don’t like talking on the phone. Can you text me instead?” I joked, trying to keep my tone light.

“Do not test me,” Doyoung glowered. “Answer when I call.”

“Okay,” I murmured, but he was already walking to the counter to pick up his card.

He left without looking back.

[theotherboywhonevergrewup]

My Top Songs of 2019

It’s that time of the year again when I take a look back at all the great music that was released throughout the year and choose my top 10.  Quick disclaimer as usual: These are not what I think are the best songs of the year.  They’re not even my favorite songs of the year.  They’re simply the top 10 songs that have defined my year.  (See the end if you’re interested in the rules of the selection of this top 10; also, most of this was written in 2019 but some was written in 2020).

10. “Think About Us” - Little Mix featuring Ty Dolla $ign

“When you're dancin' in the club And the nights are getting hard Do you think about us?”

Everyone knows that I have a weakness for girl groups.  UK’s Little Mix isn’t exactly my favorite, but admire how strongly they’ve stuck together as a group.  Their chemistry is undeniable, both as people and as vocalists.  To me, “Think About Us” was the standout track from last year’s LM5, and the addition of Ty Dolla $ign was the little shove it needed to be great.  The girls shine with their vocal prowess both on their solos and together on the chorus, and Ty$’s verse splits the track nicely.  The accompanying video is mesmerizing.  Each of the girls look absolutely stunning, and they have individual sets representing the different parts of a relationship, with Perrie as the butterflies-in-my-stomach beginning and Jade as the icy, cold end.  The lyrics are quite vague, but I think that’s the intention.  It’s applicable to any stage of a relationship; it could be a love song or a break-up song.  With it’s fun beat, it’s hard to pick if you want to dance to it, belt it out, or try to do both, but it’s definitely been an infectious part of 2019!

9. “Lonely for You” - Armin van Buuren featuring Bonnie McKee

“No, you're never gonna see me cry I already got a brand new life Don't you know I'm moving on And everyday I'm stronger? I don't even know you're gone”

The Netherlands’ Armin van Buuren has a recipe to get trance music to pull at your heart, and one piece that makes this apparent is “Lonely for You.”  With the assist from US’s pop hit writer Bonnie McKee, this track is different yet familiar, a haunting disconnect to match the mixed feelings of the lyrics.  From light synths to disco-esque drums to pure piano, Van Buuren’s track pushes and pulls the same way the tumultuous narrator’s lyrics go back and forth, with McKee’s vocals surfing on the top.  The music video has a couple choreography emphasizing the push-and-pull theme, and McKee looks fantastic as usual.  Van Buuren’s Balance is full of more emotionally-rich tracks for both happy and sad times, many of which utilize beautiful piano to highlight amazing vocals.  “Lonely for You” is an altogether addictive track that was perfect for all the lonely nights of 2019.

8. “Antidote” - Mr Hudson

“You of all people After all we've been through Started out an angel And now you get away with murder”

As a huge fan of the UK’s Mr Hudson, I waited basically a decade for his sophomore album, and it did not disappoint.  While When the Machine Stops features several tearjerking songs, “Antidote” is on the next level.  The song takes the subject of betrayal and perfectly captures how trust can die.  The genius is in its simplicity.  Not a single instrument starts until the entire first verse is complete, letting the lyrics speak for themselves.  Even when the instruments do come in, it’s just soft percussion and synths.  As much as I love vocal runs and ad-libs galore, the straightforward melody had me humming this song for much of 2019.

7. “Me & You” - EXID

“Oh 야야야 더 이상 우리라는 말 하지 마마마 안 봐도 뻔하잖아 야임 마마마 지금 날 어디서 속이려 들어 그건 네 엄마마마 한테나 가서해 baby I don't care”

As I mentioned in last year’s post, 2018 was the year I fell in love with K-Pop, mostly due to Blackpink at the time.  As much as I love Blackpink (and got to see them live this year!), their limited discography didn’t leave much to be loved.  Enter EXID.  This group is stacked: arguably South Korea’s best female rapper in the game LE, one of the best vocalists Solji, and the girl who is absolutely beautiful, sexy, cute, and smart all at the same time Hani (who may or may not be my ultimate bias, sorry Rosé).  Their previous single “I Love You” missed my 2018 list because it was released so late in the year, but it turned out to be my most played song on Spotify this year.  In fact, several of their songs were on that list.  Like many of their previous singles, “Me & You” is an infectious dance track utilizing each member where they excel: Hani with her soft, sultry vocals, a splash of LE’s sick flows to split up the song, Hyelin’s powerhouse vocals to bring up the first chorus, Solji’s even more powerful vocals to take the song to its climax, and Jeonghwa on the dance break (low key kinda sounds like she’s singing “Baby Shark” but that’s a jam too I guess).  The duality of the track is what makes it stand out, with the pretty vocals and simple verses largely contrasting from the deep and dirtier synths of the dance break.  The video plays with this duality by featuring EXID as brides in white versus clubbing in neon.  The rest of the WE mini album isn’t quite as dance-y but is fun to vibe to nonetheless.  The group unfortunately may be over, since Hani and Jeonghwa are leaving their record label, but they’re at least sticking together for their activities in Japan for now.  So many more K-Pop hits were released this year, some of my favorites being Mamamoo’s “Gogobebe,” SEVENTEEN’s “HIT,” Super Junior D&E’s “Danger,” Park Bom’s “Spring,” KARD’s “Dumb Litty,” NCT 127′s “Highway to Heaven”, NCT Dream’s “Boom”, Ong Seongwu’s “Heart Sign,” and another release to be mentioned later on this list.

6. “Heartbreak” - Hunter Hayes

“Another, ‘Almost perfect’ Didn't work, but totally worth it Better to have loved and lost my mind Than lose the nerve to even try”

I remember watching the 2013 Grammy’s and watching Hunter Hayes lose all three of his nominations, at that point becoming the “Leonardo DiCaprio never wins an Oscar” meme to me and my friends.  He went on to lose two more nominations, but honestly, I always liked his music (and Grammy nominations are no small feat in the first place!).  While 2017 was technically the year I had my first date and 2018 was the year I had my first girlfriend, 2019 was the year that I really put myself out there and dated the most.  And yes, there was a lot of awkwardness and stupidity and mostly me messing up, but that’s just a part of life.  And “Heartbreak” perfectly captures all those feelings.  From the guitar to the bit of twang to the drums, this song is unabashedly fun country, and the optimistic lyrics always made me feel better.  It’s like a c’est la vie Rascal Flatts’ “Bless the Broken Road” before he found the girl. The accompanying video is also fun with a groundhog day theme as he tries to win over a girl.  The album as a whole is a fun listen, with “Dear God” being the other Wild Blue (Part I) standout to me.  Here’s hoping Part II comes out with some vibes in 2020!

5. “Tempo” - Lizzo featuring Missy Elliott

“He look like he could gain a little weight Lick the icing off, put the rest in your face”

Lizzo exploded this year, and I’m not mad about it.  She has confidence and charisma galore, and her resulting music is mad bouncy, earning her several Grammy nominations for next year, including Best New Artist.  Her songs like most of Cuz I Love You can be quite loud and in-your-face, which is fine, just not exactly my style.  However, get her on this more subdued R&B beat and throw in a Missy Elliott feature, I’m in.  This will make any upbeat R&B lover dance, and the music video is the kind of hot and fun you would expect (with a cowboy hat you may not expect).  Missy also made an imprint this year with Iconology which is her first group release since 2005′s The Cookbook.  I’ve always been a fan of her work, and this is a perfect feature for her.

4. “NONE of this has been about you” - Spencer Sutherland

“I'm afraid that you would hate me if you knew, That I've become insensitive, It's true, But even if you do”

Spencer Sutherland’s “NONE of this has been about you” off his debut EP of the same name has a lot of elements about it that I would personally want in a song of my own.  It starts off with a very simple piano and vocals with a tinge of soul.  As he continues to sing, he puts more soul and emotion into his voice, and splashes of harmonies start to come in.  A couple short riffs later and just a second before the drop.  Although, it’s not a dance drop.  A choir drops in for the chorus with some drums to announce that, in fact, none of this has been about you.  The song eventually escalates to Sutherland’s soaring ad-libs over the choir.  Beyond the musical stylings, I enjoy the message of this song.  Sure, the narrator is telling someone, possibly his lover, that his struggles are personal and not something she or he should worry about, but I also like to take it as a reminder not to always worry about others or what they are thinking.  For example, 2019 was the first full year I had an ex, and a lot of that time, I was worried about posting on social media because maybe she’ll think this or that is about her.  Honestly, I don’t recall ever “subtweeting” about her.  We’re good.  Any breakup song or black and white photo I post has nothing to do with her.  So this song is a nice reminder to keep it pushing and stay in your own lanes.  The remaining songs on Sutherland’s EP were all also on repeat throughout the year.  The man’s just got a solid voice, and I’m glad he’s continuing a soulful pop sound that is rarer than before.

3. “Beautiful goodbye” - Chen

“다시 시간을 되돌려 처음 만난다면 가로등 옆에 서 있지 말아요 미소 짓지도 왼손으로 머릴 넘기지 마요 그래야 내가 그대를 지나칠 테니까”

Now, when it comes to a piano and vocals, nothing dominated my year more than Chen, especially his debut solo single “Beautiful goodbye.”  I won’t repeat all the reasons why I love his voice so much (see last year’s post), but long story short, he’s my favorite male vocalist right now.  Don’t get me wrong, I love EXO and the energy they bring to their songs, but a full EP of just Chen really lets the listener feel his artistry, pulling on heartstrings every which way.  In this song, the narrator is recognizing that his relationship is dead but proposing that they can hold onto it just for a bit longer until they peacefully part in spring.  There’s a respect to their relationship and what it has done for them that they can take with them as separate people before they part ways.  Chen’s voice takes the listener on an adventure, starting soft and simple then escalating and crescendoing to unveil the hardened pain in his voice.  It’s not a sudden angry breakup, it’s more subtle and more somber.  In the end, his soft vibrato and the final notes of the piano leave the listener in just as an uncertain position as the narrator; is it better to hope it stays winter forever or hope for spring to come?  While I also wanted some upbeat songs from Chen, his April, and a flower EP followed by Dear my dear is chockfull of beautiful and emotional ballads.

2. “Never-ending Summer” - Cyn

“What if we don't ever have to say goodbye? I wanna keep living like we'll never die If you're mad then I'm mad too You're crying, I'm sad too I'll watch your back for you, watch mine”

Newcomer Cyn’s “Never-ending Summer” is, to me, an experience.  It took me a while to appreciate its simplicity, but then it became so addictive that it itself became never-ending.  The guitar or synth (or whatever that instrument is) plays on loop to emphasize the never-ending nature of the song and gives a dreamy vibe that’s somehow both modern and reminiscent of the 70s.  Cyn’s simple vocals evoke a carefree feeling reminiscent of running on the beach and all the accompanying imagery with her photoshoot and lyric video.  It makes sense that Cyn is part of Katy Perry’s record label Unsub Records, as this song feels somewhat like Perry’s hits off of Teenage Dream including “California Gurls” and the title track, albeit much more in Cyn’s own understated style.  This summer, I learned how to surf and have fallen deeper in love with the beach (even though a stingray stung me my last time there), and this song would keep the surfing mentality continuing throughout the year, even when it gets too cold for it to be summer (or, even if my foot is bleeding to death).  Doesn’t hurt that Cyn is unbelievably cute too.

1. “Lovebird” - Far East Movement featuring Lay

“I can sleep here alone, but you know it's better with you You could be by yourself, but you know it's better with two”

As I grow as a person and become more proud of who I am, I think it makes sense for me to become more proud of my Asian heritage as well as support Asians and Asian-Americans out there, especially in the music industry as music means a great deal to me.  That said, it’s important to me that I don’t support people just because they’re Asian as if it’s some kind of nepotism.  That kind of segregating mentality can also be unhealthy.  Far East Movement are technically a one hit wonder; they have yet to outdo their 2010 hit “Like a G6.”  However, this year I found out about their record label Transparent Music that has been around since 2016 with a goal of unifying eastern and western music.  Their previous album aptly named Identity features a ton of artists from both sides of the word, from Hyolyn and Loco to Macy Gray and Soulja Boy (shoutout to my favorite song on that album, “Freal Luv” featuring Tinashe and yet another EXO member, Chanyeol).  To me, music is about unification.  It is about bringing a deeper understanding through melody and rhythm.  Those are the simplest terms I can put it.  I hope this is evident through this list that I appreciate people and music from all kinds of backgrounds.  Even if my tastes lean one way or another from year to year, I hope my lists maintain diversity and well-roundedness.  Somehow, Far East Movement has managed to capture this sense of unification in “Lovebird,” featuring Chen’s EXO bandmate from China, Lay.  It’s not the most complex song; in fact, like many songs on this list, it’s quite simple.  The synth bends in a carefree way that celebrates togetherness along with the lyrics, and I find that beautiful.  2019 was a year of growth and life, and “Lovebird” was the perfect song to accompany it.

*To qualify for this list, the song must have been released this year.  An artist can only have one song on this list, excluding features.

[betterthinkaboutittwice]

Andrew’s Top 10 Kpop Title Tracks of 2018

Hello again, it’s me. Yes, I’m still trying to make this a thing. Nobody cared in 2015, then my 2016 list got a decent amount of notes, then that dropped off by a lot for my 2017 list, so we’ll see what happens this time. I hope there’s even a couple folks out there that enjoy reading this, but even if there’s not, I still enjoy putting it together and writing it, so here we are. Quick refresher on how this works, I limit myself to title tracks (and/or songs that have a MV and were promoted), link their MVs, and then give a quick write-up of why I picked them, all listed in descending order from 10 to 1. I’ve changed the name from “Top 10 Songs” to “Top 10 Title Tracks” because I’m thinking of doing a separate list for b-sides or non-Korean releases. On that note, let’s get it; list under the break~

10. KHAN - I’m Your Girl?

The tenth spot on my list is always a dogfight, and my honorable mentions list is always long. This year, the debut song for KHAN (composed of former The Ark members Jeon Minju and Euna Kim) won the fight, and I’m not gonna lie, a solid part of why is based in the gay undertones of this song and MV (and honestly, they’re really not undertones, the lyrics are pretty frank about it). Honestly, though, I just really adore the chemistry Euna and Minju have always had together, and I’m so happy they’re back making music together. I’m Your Girl isn’t the fanciest song out there, but it is a bop and a half and will definitely be one of the songs I think of in future when I remember 2018.

9. gugudan - Not That Type

At spot nine, there was another fight, but it was between songs by the same group. The loser of that song will appear in my honorable mentions later. As for the winner, Not That Type was something I’d been hoping gugudan would do ever since they debuted. Their Produce 101 trio (Sejeong, Mina, Nayoung) have always had a certain sass and badassery about them, and even in previous comebacks you could see the other members had it in them, too. This is the song they needed to let it out, and boy did they. This track and MV had an attitude we don’t see much as of late, and the song managed to have that attitude without seeming try-hard or having an overplayed sound. One particular thing it did that I really liked was how it never entered the chorus the same way or on the same beat, keeping the listener on their toes. All in all, a breakout song for gugudan that had to make my list.

8. IZ*ONE - La Vie en Rose

This song, at number eight on my list, took some growing on me. When it came out, I never pictured it being on my Top 10 of the year. In fact, I didn’t even think I’d listen to it much at all. However, there’s just something about it, something about the chorus, that made it unforgettable to me. It worked its way into my brain and wouldn’t leave. Still to this day it won’t leave. It’s quickly become one of my most-played songs of the year. I followed Produce 48 all the way through, and while I wasn’t entirely satisfied with the final lineup, I must say they’ve really grown on me. Whoever produced this song did a brilliant job, because each member has a part that fits them like a glove, and no one really feels either over or under-exposed (though I could certainly ask for a couple more lines for Nako). Just a very solid song from a dynamic group that deserved to make my list.

7. Sunmi - Siren

Dropping in at spot number seven for the second year in a row is everyone’s favorite lesbian and best follow on twitter, Sunmi. Does she release anything other than bops? I think not. She revealed recently that this song was actually originally a Wonder Girls production, and released a quick snippet of the original recording from WG as a band in 2016. While I most definitely wish we could’ve heard the full group’s take on Siren, I’m glad Sunmi revisited the track and made it her own, ‘cause it’s really a stroke of catchy genius. Get away outta my face! More like get away outta my head. I just could not justify keeping this song off my list, not with how often I find myself subconsciously singing or whistling it.

6. WJSN - Save Me, Save You

Another artist that released multiple jams this year, WJSN comes in at number six. While I loved Dreams Come True, there was just something very special about Save Me, Save You. It felt like they finally nailed their sound again. The last time they truly hit it on the head was with Secret, and it feels like they’ve been trying to get back there ever since. Well, they did it here. This track has exactly that dreamlike quality to it, that beautiful cosmic sound that their name would lead you to expect. Add in nearly properly balanced line distribution (except for Dawon, #JusticeForDawon), and a particularly interesting choreography, and you’ve got a recipe for one of the best songs of the year. With their next comeback on the horizon, I’m hoping they can continue the trend.

5. (G)I-DLE - Hann

IDLE really leapt onto the scene in 2018 with their debut, but it’s their followup effort that makes my list at spot number five. The main thing I can say about IDLE is that, as rookies, they have no business being this good. They’re all incredibly talented, their stage presence is off the charts, and both of their title tracks thus far are certified bops. Rookies don’t do that! Yet, here they are. The chorus of Hann is simply unforgettable, both musically and visually. Vocals, raps, visuals, choreo, this song has everything you could ever want and it has them in spades, which is why it leads off the top half of this list.

4. GFriend - Time for the Moon Night

It wouldn’t be a kpop Top 10 without GFriend on it, and here they are at number four. If you’ll recall, I was probably the world’s biggest fan of their first “different” release, Fingertip, naming it my Song of the Year in 2017. TFTMN arrived as their second effort at a more mature concept, and I think they really killed it here. Not only is this track a more mature GFriend, but it is also still very distinctly GFriend. For their entire career, these girls have had a sound all their own, and TFTMN proved unequivocally that they can maintain their signature sound while striding into new conceptual territories, and for that alone it would make my Top 10 of 2018. It certainly isn’t hurt by the fact that the chorus is incredibly memorable, the melancholy-yet-upbeat tone is right up my alley, and the choreo is dope as hell.

3. fromis_9 - Love Bomb

The song that made me fall all the way in love with what is now essentially my second bias group comes in at number three. Honestly, I was actually expecting this to be my Song of the Year for 2018, but a couple other songs reminded me who’s boss. That’s to say nothing against Love Bomb, of course. I mean, imagine a single song making you fall head-over-heels in love with a group whose names you didn’t even know! Going into this release, I legitimately only knew Gyuri (from Produce 48) and Jiwon (way back from SIXTEEN). Now, a couple months later, I know them all better than I ever thought I would. As for the song, this is honestly one of the happiest songs that came out this year. By that I mean that it never fails to put me in a good mood. There’s just something truly special about this song. Moreso even than the song, it’s the girls’ singing; they have a way about them, where they always seem to put feeling into how they deliver lines. I can feel this song, and it wouldn’t change that even if there were no instrumental included; their singing is so incredibly emotional, it’s just special.

2. Chungha - Roller Coaster

The earliest release to make it on my list this year, coming in at number two is one of the bops of a great month of January, Roller Coaster by Chungha. I’ll be honest, this song really had a good argument for being #1 on the list. If producers went into the studio and said “we need to make the perfect song for Andrew,” this is what would’ve come from it. It’s funny, actually, because if you go back to when this was first released, I was lukewarm on it, but now it’s one of my most-listened to songs. The song has nearly every musical element that I love; it’s got that retro sound, those good synths, a gorgeous voice, upbeat, catchy, great choreo. I couldn’t ask for any more, other than to have her do more songs in this style because she absolutely kills it.

1. Red Velvet - Bad Boy

January was truly a great month for kpop songs, and Red Velvet’s Bad Boy has stood the test of time, making it all the way from January to year-end to claim the title of my Song of the Year for 2018. As I said when Bad Boy dropped, “Well fuck. Good luck, literally everyone else. I don’t see this being passed up as my song of the year for 2018.” Here we now stand, and that holds true. I said that Roller Coaster is the perfect “me” song, and it is. Bad Boy, though, is the perfect “me” song for my other main love in kpop; laid-back R&B. Everyone always seems to love the Red side of their music more, but I’ve always been about the Velvet side, and Bad Boy really gave me the perfect Velvet song. It’s everything I ever wanted from Red Velvet, and I’m not sure they’ll ever pass it up for me.

We’re at the end! As always, if you’ve read to this point, I love you, I thank you, and bless you. I’m not a professional writer or music critic, but I love putting together this list every year, and even if only one person reads it and finds it truly interesting, then it was worthwhile. I’m very proud of this list and the work I put into it, and I just hope y’all enjoy it. I began this list on January 1st, but it is now the 2nd (this seems to be a theme for me with this). That said, I wish you all a happy new year, and here’s to another great year of kpop!

Honorable Mentions

MOMOLAND - Bboom Bboom, gugudan - The Boots, CLC - Black Dress, Jeon Soyeon - Idle Song, J-Hope - Daydream, NCT 127 - Touch, DAY6 - Shoot Me, TWICE - Dance the Night Away, SNSD-Oh!GG - Lil’ Touch, Oh My Girl - Remember Me, TWICE - Yes or Yes, Yubin - Thank U Soooo Much, MAMAMOO - Wind Flower

[eljokerbabey]

3, 10, 12-15, 17, 19-26, 28-30, 33-37, 39, 41-47, 49-52, 54-59, 65, 67-75, 77-82, 86-88, 91-97, 100-102, 104-107, 109, 111-113, 115-120, 123-128, 130-133, 135-136, 141-142, 144, 147-150.

 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?Tom Holland onscreen as Peter Parker in Infinity War. But also my friends who are going with me to infinity war.10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?Probably Nick12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Boy Pablo - EverytimeGinger Root - Call It HomeWild Child - Crazy BirdBusty and The Bass - Melodies and MemoriesAlice Francis - Shoot Him Down 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Yes, its really soothing. I mean, ask first, but yeah generally it kinda instantly puts me in a good mood. 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?I guess I believe in luck kinda, I mean, I definitely know some people who seem luckier than others.15. What good thing happened this summer?It’s not yet summer so I guess it means last summer, which is lots, went swimming, made new friends, had fun. 17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Yeah, whether its intelligent hasn’t been determined but life definitely exists on other planets. Plus, the universe is too big for intelligent life to not exist somewhere so I think it probably does.19. Do you like bubble baths?Yeah, I can’t remember the last time I had one though. ;-;20. Do you like your neighbors?not really to the one on our left, but the one on our right is a cool guy, he drives a santa truck. The one across the street seems like a good guy.21. What are your bad habits?Second guessing myself, not paying attention, not showing up to stuff22. Where would you like to travel?Japan and Europe, also Canada23. Do you have trust issues?yeah24. Favorite part of your daily routine?petting the cats25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?I guess my stomach26. What do you do when you wake up?Lie in bed for a while28. Who are you most comfortable around?My parents, some of my friends (nick, enrique, emily, david and robin all come to mind) 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Nah, I lost contact with one of them, and then I’m just bad at keeping in touch when it comes with others. I kinda wish I didn’t lose contact with a lot of people, not just exes, I’m kinda unintentionally bridge burn-y 30. Do you ever want to get married?fufufufu is this a proposal?!~ So forward, my my. I’ll consider it! ohohohohoho!33. Spell your name with your chin.daNIKEWLK ;L;LDE ;LASN GBEDLKIKNA34. Do you play sports? What sports?sport sport sport sport sport35. Would you rather live without TV or music?TV, I don’t really watch it anyway36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Yes, many times! Often!37. What do you say during awkward silences?I dunno, I don’t really mind silences, I guess sometimes I’ll make a funny noise or clicky my tongue, very rarely I enjoy trying to make them purposefully awkward, but I have to be in a shenanigans mood for that. 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?I like stores that have neat stuff, like antique stores or thrift stores.41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?More or less42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?Usually I’ve got something on my mind, but sometimes I just don’t have energy. Also sometimes it means I wish someone where talking to me. Sometimes in relation to me having something on my mind I wanna talk about.43. Do you smile at strangers?Sometimes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Space I guess45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?I dont know if I have an answer for that right now46. What are you paranoid about?I dunno, strangers, I just always have an eye out, I got mugged one time and now my brain won’t let me not hyperfocus on what strangers around me are doing.47. Have you ever been high?A couple times 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?I dunno probably50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Purple I think51. Ever wished you were someone else?Yeah kinda, I guess I’ve mostly just wished I was me in someone elses situation or something52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?Things about my appearance, I’m working on it. 54. Favourite store?I don’t know55. Favourite blog?Mine56. Favourite colour?Somewhere in the realm of blue57. Favourite food? I’m not really hungry right now so its hard for me to have an answer for. Uhh, probably sushi though. 58. Last thing you ate?I had some burger king 59. First thing you ate this morning?probably the aforementioned burger king65. Are you hungry right now?no67. Facebook or Twitter?I guess I use facebook more68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr probably69. Are you watching tv right now?nope70. Names of your bestfriends? Michael, Emily, Nick, Enrique, Ally, come to mind71. Craving something? What?human intimacy or something72. What colour are your towels?There’s purple ones and green ones and a couple of blue ones72. How many pillows do you sleep with?3 exactly73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?I do not

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?I dunno, probably a couple, somewhere around here

75. Favourite animal?Cat77. Chocolate or Vanilla?chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Cookie Dough or something79. What colour shirt are you wearing?Blue

80. What colour pants?Black81. Favourite tv show?I dunno I have lots, My Hero Academia, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Doctor Who, etc82. Favourite movie?This is also hard, I still really liked spiderman homecoming, most of the marvel movies really, uhh, Kung Fu Hustle, Baby Driver, Scott Pilgrim, etc86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?I dunno, Crush?87. First person you talked to today?Nick I think, hard not to when he lives in the same room as me88. Last person you talked to today?Either my dad or nick, I can’t remember if I said anything to nick when I entered the room a second ago91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Sure92. In a fight with someone?Kinda, I’m not on the best terms with a couple people93. How many sweatpants do you have?2 pairs probably? 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Unsure, several95. Last movie you watched?I just watched Baby Driver and Thor Ragnarok with my family96. Favourite actress?I don’t knooooooowwwwwww, favorites are haaaaaaaard. 97. Favourite actor?haaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.100. How are you feeling?

I’m feeling ok

101. Do you type fast?very

102. Do you regret anything from your past?yeah kinda, I have made mistakes that I probably would change if I could, at the very least I wish I could make them right. I do think they attribute to where I am and that changing any of them would mean changing my whole life so I don’t know that I regret them104. Do you miss anyone from your past?Yeah, there’s a few people that I don’t talk to anymore (rather, they don’t uh, talk to me anymore) because I was… I dunno, kinda crazy. I really wish I could’ve had the foresight to keep those people in my life somehow.105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Kinda? I mean, sure, I guess so106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Yeah, I’d probably change that too. I dunno, I at least hope the people I’ve hurt know I’m sorry.107. Have you ever been on a horse?a what109. Is something irritating you right now?Not right this second but I do have things that are problems on a general scale, I’m just not currently upset about them111. Do you have trust issues?again, yeah112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?I don’t remember, I don’t remember the last time I really cried113. What was your childhood nickname?Pooh, like Winnie-The, its because my middle name is Oso, which is spanish for bear, so I got called Pooh-Bear a lot, and often it was just shortened to Pooh.115. Do you play the Wii?This is a very old person sounding question. “Hey sonny, do you like the eck bawk?” yeah I guess I’ve played the wii, I think Nick has one116. Are you listening to music right now?Not right this second but I can hear the background music from a game nick is playing, which would be this song117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Sure118. Do you like Chinese food?Yeah hella119. Favourite book?favourites are haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard. I like The Dresden Files a lot, the Haruhi Suzumiya books are really good, Scott Pilgrim is fantastic, Interview With A Vampire is pretty solid120. Are you afraid of the dark?Not like, exceptionally, i mean, sometimes?123. Can you keep white shoes clean?I mean, sure, I don’t really own a pair of white shoes but I’m sure I could do it if I wanted to124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Kinda, I mean, I believe that you can get a crush on someone based on observation of appearance125. Do you believe in true love?uhhh, as much as experience tells me I shouldn’t, I guess so, I mean, I think its about dedication on both sides, love is partially a choice, or rather, a dedication126. Are you currently bored?yeah I mean, kinda, generally, but answering questions is entertaining.127. What makes you happy?Doing fun stuff with people I enjoy128. Would you change your name?In some situations sure.130. Do you like subway?yeah its good131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?I’d probably give it a try, one date/hangout with a romantic connotation just to see couldn’t hurt probably? I dunno, I think about things in a pretty exploratory manner, so I tend to be open to experiences to see whether or not something works.132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Probably Nick? 133. Favourite lyrics right now?I already did this in a previous one so I’ll go for some different ones this time “I was a green eyed monsterCould you tell I was afraid?I sat myself down and shot my fear in the face”Garbage - Man On A Wire I just really like the delivery in that song, and I’ve been listening to it lately  135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I try not to just lie about stuff now but when I was a little kid I had some pretty good ones, I once convinced a friend that by law they had to have a black guy in every commercial. I also convinced him that japanese or something was just english backwards.136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?uh, closed, given that the door to this room goes to the outside141. Night or Day?normally I’d say night but I’ve found myself getting depressed with nightfall lately142. Favourite month?December144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?milk 147. Mars or Snickers?Mars148. What’s your favourite quote?  “The power of one man doesn’t amount to much. But, with whatever little strength I’m capable of… I’ll do everything humanly possible to protect the people I love, and in turn they’ll protect the ones they love. It seems like the least we tiny humans can do for each other.“  - Roy Mustang, Fullmetal Alchemist“We evolve, beyond the person that we were a minute before. Little by little, we advance with each turn. That’s how a drill works!” - Simon, Gurren Lagann149. Do you believe in ghosts?I don’t know what I believe right now150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? How could things                                                    Have                                                    gone                                                       so                                                    wrong?Thanks for the ask! Lemme know if I missed anything

[segadores-y-soldados]

SEP: Sunsets

I wrote this based on the comic “SEP Days” that my friend @vapewraith drew - I love silly SEP and Crisis interactions between Gabriel and Jack so I loved this comic and really wanted to show how much Vape’s art and colors inspire me.

Thank you again, Vapewraith - thank you for nearly nine months of your wonderful Overwatch art!  ❤️  ❤️  ❤️ ---------

“Soldiers, line up here.”

There are tart groans and muttered whines as the SEP candidates shuffle to a stop and the group practically collapses against the walls and waist-high concrete barriers.  The exhaustion and aches are practically tangible in the air as the supersoldiers-in-training ease themselves into sitting or leaning or even lying positions - Number: 37 practically throws herself on the group even though it’s as miserably comfortable as sleeping on broken groundstone.  Number: 123 next to Gabriel rolls his shoulders, hissing every time the right one moves back too far, exactly where one of the rubber bullets had hit him earlier.  Number: 88 on the other side of Jack seats herself and then curls up into a ball, pulling the drawstrings on her hood to shut the world into what Jack assumes is blissful darkness.

They’re in one of the halls of the SEP facility - tucked away into a deep mountainside “somewhere out west,” the building is hard angles and brutal concrete and cut-steel, as soft as titanium and as gentle as the injections they get every morning and evening.  Yet even here, in “wherever’s-range,” there is still beauty: the massive windows, normally just cold, crystalline glass, are open to the sunset, bleeding colors across the land and sky, dripping into the hallway with the vibrancy of oil paints.  Reds smoke into bright, endless pinks, golds melt into bold, sunshine yellows, oranges shift into liquid amber, and at the edges of the atmosphere, velvet purples sigh into silky blues, tinting the more vivid colors and steeped clouds with the dusk of night and the emerging stars.

It’s a sight neither Gabriel nor Jack will ever get tired of -

No matter how exhausted they are.

“The doctors will see you shortly -” the SEP instructor starts to say, reappearing at the far end of the hallway, before he looks up from the papers on his clipboard and scowls at the group of crumbling supersoldiers, snapping, “Is that what you call ‘lining up?’”

“Maybe if y’all didn’t work us so damn hard,” Number: 141 growls, his voice climbing into a hoarse yell, “We’d still have the energy to fucking stand!” 

(The rest is under the cut!)

There are shouts of agreement and calls of “Yeah that!” and quiet mumbles of assent.  Gabriel huffs to himself, sliding himself onto the concrete barrier and trying his hardest not to wince as his muscles settle into a sitting position.  He’s used to hard work and even harder workouts, but today had been...brutal.  3 am running through the facility and into the mountains and back, to 10 am sparring and boxing and hand-to-hand combat, to 1 pm “simulation training” where they ran teams in rubber-bullet fire-fights, to 4 pm regulated work outs of push ups and squats and curls, to now - 8 pm - where they fall to their pieces in concrete hallways, waiting for doctors to take their biodata and continue churning them into statistics for the U.S. government before jamming more needles in their arms and sending them to brutal, uncomfortable cots in the dorms.

Jack slides himself up next to Gabriel, sighing just loud enough for his best friend to hear, “Today...was pretty bad.”

“Would’ve been easier on you if you hadn’t burned yourself out on those push ups,” Gabriel grunts back, pulling a pack of cigarettes from a pant pocket.  He taps one out, muttering with some confusion, “Why were you doing all those one-armed push ups?”

To try and impress you, Jack thinks in bittersweet, bright shades as he leans against the wall.  The haze of the brilliant colors coating the room and the world beyond is beautiful, better than the sunsets he used to see out in Indiana, and although Jack always listens to Gabriel’s complaints of “LA has better sunsets, amigo,” Jack knows Gabriel has slowly been won over by the rough, raw beauty of the SEP facility, “edgy” and hard and rough-cut like sawed-off shotguns, but watercolor-painted in the sunrises and oil-drenched in the sunsets.

And even though the barrier he’s sitting on is edgy and hard and rough-cut 

There’s something warm and smoky-sweet about this small moment of reprieve

As soft as the sunset clouds and as comfortable as Gabriel’s charming, vivid voice

Breathing colors and light into Jack’s drifting mind.

“Someone has to be the cool badass around here, Gabe,” Jack chuckles dryly, sliding his eyes shut as Gabriel teases back, “Pretty sure that’s not you, boy scout.  How are you gonna look badass if one arm is more swole than the other?”

“That’s when...I know it’s time to switch to the other arm,” Jack murmurs to the sweet sunset of Gabriel’s words, his head dipping slightly -

“I’m also pretty sure that’s not how it works,” Gabriel grins, reaching for the lighter in his other pocket as he glances at the line to his side.  It’s moving slow - the doctors are clearly taking their time with this one, but the supersoldiers aren’t...helping, per se.  No one is quick to stand back up and Gabriel is pretty certain that at least two-thirds of them are already passed out.

“I warned them to pace themselves,” he mutters, flicking the lighter before lifting the small flame to the end of the cigarette.  Gabriel clicks it back off, stuffing it into his pocket, saying quietly, “And you, Juan - you shouldn’t push yourself so hard either - you’re just gonna hurt yourself -”

He feels something solid and strong, yet warm and surprisingly comfortable slug against his back.

...The fuck? Gabriel thinks as the lump shifts slightly against him, scowling as he feels the body breath in-out, in-out, steady-steady, a rhythm like the tide and the roll of lazy summer storms, and there’s a whisper of that inhale-exhale of life against his hood -

Gabriel twists a little, turning that scowl towards Jack, as the blonde, in his haze of exhausted, drifting sleep, rests further on the warm, comfortable friend he’s fallen against -

“...Jack, c’mon,” Gabriel mutters sourly, but...not as sourly as he should, shit, he should feel more frustrated by this, he should be pushing Jack away, but the line isn’t moving very fast and Jack looks fucking worn, his friend has looked so tired the last few days, a little sleep couldn’t hurt, Jack needs to sleep more -

“Jack, man, you gotta get up,” Gabriel says, but he’s not sure if he actually wants Jack to get up, there’s something real nice about how Jack is leaning on him, about how comfortable his body is against Gabriel’s back, about how smoky-sweet the moment is - 

About how the dying sunlight catches in Jack’s hair -

About how the color graces the high cut of Jack’s cheekbone -

Nope, Gabriel thinks fiercely, taking a long pull from his cigarette as he tries to refocus on the line in front of them - why is it moving so damn slow - and nope, nope, not doing this today, c’mon, Reyes, pull your shit together -

Number: 123 looks at the two of them skeptically as Jack continues to lean further into Gabriel’s back, and Gabriel grumbles, “Don’t judge me.”

“...It’s kinda hard not to,” Number: 123 chuckles, “You’re such a sucker for him -”

“Listen, he had a rough day, okay?” Gabriel mutters, but it sounds weak and defensive, even to his own ears and Number: 123 shrugs sarcastically, replying coyly, “We all had a rough day, 127 - but he’s the only one you’ll give special treatment to.”

“...I’d let you lean on me…?” Gabriel says back, but it’s half a question too, and Number: 123 cracks up slightly, chuckling, “Sure you would, 127 - I’m gonna take you up on that offer someday, just you watch -”

Somewhere in the haze of his shifting sleep, Jack feels the rumble of a warm, strong back, smoky-sweet, steeped in sunset colors, and a voice whose laughter sings colors into his heart and -

He pulls closer.

He’d hold that voice - smoky-sweet and colorful - forever in this moment, if he could.

“Alright, asshole, look -” Gabriel starts to retort when he jolts slightly, his eyes going wide as -

An arm snakes around his waist.

Number: 123 snorts and Number: 37 on his other side even turns to look, smirking devilishly as Gabriel feels a second arm wrap around him and shit shit shit shit -

“Didn’t know you were part octopus, Jack,” Gabriel whispers rather loudly, rather sarcastically, causing several of the other supersoldiers around them to snicker and snort, but Gabriel feels Jack nuzzle his head against his back and shit -

Shit, Reyes, c’mon - don’t think about your best friend like that, don’t think about your best friend like that, Gabriel reminds himself, trying to let the cigarette calm him down, trying to ignore how Jack’s arms fit perfectly around him, trying to deny how he’s surprisingly comfortable with how Jack presses into his back and -

It’s just a silly crush, it doesn’t mean anything, you’re tired, you’re thinking too much -

“Dammit, Morrison,” Gabriel huffs, “God dammit.  Don’t do this to me, dude -” as the other supersoldiers snap a few pictures, one of them even giggling, “Jack’s gonna get a kick out of this.”

“Don’t you dare show him this,” Gabriel warns them, but they refuse to listen.

“Just lie down and let him cuddle you, 127,” Number: 123 teases him, as Number: 37 grins, “Enjoying his sweet embrace there?”

“Okay, no, now it’s starting to get kinda awkward,” Gabriel admits as Jack continues to lean into him, sleeping heavily, sleeping comfortably as -

Jack’s fingers dig into Gabriel’s side -

“Oh God,” Gabriel half-shouts, half-squirms as several of the awake supersoldiers laugh and wheeze, and the joke’s on them, because Gabriel would never admit aloud that the way Jack clings, the way his fingers tug at Gabriel’s shirt is by far

One of the best things Gabriel has ever felt.

BAIL, every alarm bells screams into his head, Dude, you’re not emotionally equipped to deal with this moment right now, bail, bail!  Get to the chopper!

Gabriel stubs out the only half-smoked cigarette and struggles to shift against the pull of Jack’s arms, the grip of his fingers, shrugging and wiggling and writhing.  But with every twist, Jack just seems to pull harder, cling more, his hands grabbing at Gabriel’s shirt, the slight slip of his skin -

Fuuuuuuuck me, fuck you, Jack, fuck everything, Gabriel groans to himself, dying slightly inside, finally feeling an opportunity as Jack grabs at the hem of his sweatshirt instead, managing to twist out of his grip, but Jack pulls harder on the cloth.  Gabriel feels the sweatshirt slip, and he -

He gives up.

You gotta lose something in the Great Octopus War, Gabriel tells himself, pulling one arm through the sleeve as he turns around, crawling off the concrete barrier, yanking the second arm through but - 

He freezes

As Jack curls tighter around his sweatshirt.

“You managed to escape!” Number: 123 chuckles, turning back to his phone and Number: 37 smirks, “Good job on getting out of that training simulation, 127!”  

But Gabriel isn’t listening to them

Because -

In the sweeping clouds of semi-slumber, Jack frowns a little to himself - that rumbling, warm strength is gone, where did it go, he wants it to come back, he wants to hold it forever, he wants to feel it laugh again, it was the most comfortable thing he’s felt but -

But there’s something soft and smoky-sweet in his arms now, with a lingering sunset warmth and the scent of something bittersweet but so nice, so nice and -

He thinks he sees Gabriel.

He thinks he sees Gabriel in bright, vivid sunset oils, reds and pinks, golds and yellows, oranges and ambers. 

He thinks he sees Gabriel give him that bright, vivid sunset smile - a grin charming and bold, happy and smoky-sweet.

Jack pulls the softness closer to him, murmuring to the dream in his mind:

“...Gabe.”

Gabriel is not listening to the supersoldiers around them

Because as Jack snuggles deeper into his sweatshirt, tinted gold in the dying sunlight, a faint smile flittering on Jack’s face, broad arms cradling hoodie and head

Gabriel knows

Gabriel knows

That he hears Jack whisper, warmly, fondly, with a bright happiness:

“...Gabe.”

Gabriel cannot deny how his heart skips a beat at that.

...Why, Gabriel thinks slowly, as slowly as the line moves, as slowly as time drifts, as slowly as Jack’s head dips further into the folds of his sweatshirt.  Why do you have to say my name like that.  Why do you have to look so content.  Why do you have to look so good like that.

His hand is in his pocket, wrapped around his phone, before he realizes it. 

...Don’t, a part of his mind cautions him sarcastically as he pulls the phone out, Don’t do this.  Be smarter than this, Gabriel.  You’re going to get in too deep.  You’re going to get your precious feelings hurt.

But another part of him -

He thinks it might be his heart -

Says back, with surprising earnestness:

This moment is yours.

In a building of edgy, hard, rough-cut walls, made of stone-cold concrete, brutal and dry -

In a program of daily runs through hallways and mountains, endless sparring and simulations, long hours of fake-fighting and sometimes real fighting and painful, bitter injections -

In a group of people being slowly, slowly - as slowly as this line moves, as slowly as time drifts, as slowly as the sun slips low - transformed into something more, something super-human, something beyond human -

In all of this -

There are still moments where Jack smiles

While saying his name

While cuddling his sweatshirt

While looking more than perfect.

Why, Gabriel thinks slowly, so slowly, yet he fears if he doesn’t take this, if he doesn’t do this now, he’ll lose this moment forever.  Why do you do this to me.  Why do you make me feel this way.

Gabriel snaps a quick picture of Jack’s sleepy, roguish grin, pressed sideways into the grey cloth of his sweatshirt.

Because being in love -

Stupid, sexy Morrison.

Is just as beautiful as the smoky-sweet sunset

And, Gabriel knows -

Often just as hard as the brutal, angular concrete.

Gabriel slots himself by the floor, at the base of the concrete barrier, as Number: 123 slides over slightly, grinning, “I can’t believe you got out of that trap.”

“You and me both,” Gabriel mutters, but there’s a wistful edge to his tone because...he’s not entirely sure he wanted to leave Jack’s arms.  He taps at the picture, setting it to the wallpaper, glancing back at his friend, still snuggling into his sweatshirt, before scowling and looking back.

Now fully prone, Jack feels something shift in his mind, and he flutters an eye open, colors swimming back into view and the light chatter of the waiting supersoldiers filling his ears.  There’s soft fabric pressed into the side of his head, and it feels so warm, so comfortable, lingering with a gentle strongness that Jack barely remembers -

Gabe.

The thought stirs in his mind and he tilts his head slightly, looking for his friend and -

Oh.

Gabriel is slumped against the floor, tapping through some pictures on his phone - images of the supersoldiers, a shot of a pier in LA, a picture from his sister showing off some drink, the usual.

But

Gabriel is not wearing his standard hoodie.

He’s muttering something to Number: 123, who’s laughing lightly at whatever he’s saying and oh lordy -

Jack grins sleepily, lazily, coyly.

The sight of Gabriel in just a tank top - broad shoulders and gilded-rich skin and the swell of the strength in his back -

Is a sight Jack will never get tired of.

Jack buries his head a little deeper in the grey fabric, nuzzling into the remaining warmth of Gabriel there, thinking smugly, Objective captured.

---------

I cannot wait for part 2!!  I’m so excited to see where this comic goes and how Jack reacts to everything.

[fortey]

Traumatized by Horror

Maybe this will be fun for someone.  This is my draft of an article I wrote recently.  This is pre-editing, as I submitted it.  You can find the published version right here.  Just an interesting contrast between what I write and what gets published.  Sometimes you get edited a lot, sometimes you get edited a little.  But if you’re interested in the creative process at all and how publishing works sometimes, it’s a nice comparison.  

There’s probably all kinds of psychology behind why people enjoy watching horror movies that range from things like the adrenaline rush you get from being scared to the fact that the Leprechaun is clearly awesome.  That’s all fine and dandy like sour candy except for when horror goes a little beyond the usual thrill and maybe wonks your brain six ways from Sunday. Because those kind of shenanigans actually happen now and then - sometimes people get so traumatized by horror they have to get medical professionals involved.

127 Hours Grossed Out Audiences En Masse

Some might argue that 127 Hours isn’t a horror movie at all, but it does star James Franco and you can’t spell “James Franco is terrifying” without James Franco, so let’s not speak of it again.  In the movie 127 Hours, there’s an extremely disturbing scene in which Franco, realizing Seth Rogen is nowhere to be seen, has to take matters into his own hands and save himself by performing an impromptu field amputation of his own arm with a Swiss Army knife.  This scene was at least as disturbing as Franco’s entire performance in Why Him?

The cutting scene lasts for about 3 minutes but it’s a bloody, intense, Francoscream-filled endurance test for the audience and some audience members were not able to withstand it. In fact, there’s a remarkable list of audiences who suffered a number of side effects which in some cases may have been hammed up a little since they couldn’t be confirmed, but others were making the whole ordeal sound like 127 Hours was used to punish people Clockwork Orange style.

A reviewer who saw the film at the Toronto International Film Festival mentions 3 people passed out and one had a seizure during the movie and goes out of their way to express they didn’t think it was a PR stunt as some people suggested - the audience was genuinely grossed out by the scene and had maybe never seen movies before.  Weird one to pick for their first try.

History repeated itself when the director of Toy Story 3 had a private screening of the movie and two more people passed out.  Did Buzz and Woody steal their wallets and take compromising photos while they were out?  We can only assume.

The editor of Vanity Fair held a screening with Franco and the director on hand.  People reportedly wept during at that one and, yeah, another dude went face down, ass up over it.

Movieline actually put together an entire timeline of people losing their shit over the movie. Some are given the side-eye treatment, suggesting maybe a few of these were played up to hype the movie given all the other stories of people passing out, but enough of them were legit that it’s safe to assume if you want the family to leave the house quick after Thanksgiving this year while still being able to pretend you weren’t doing it on purpose, this is the movie you want to put on.

Freaks Was Accused of Causing a Miscarriage

Have you ever seen the movie Freaks from 1932? It’s one of the earliest most controversial horror films and is famous for this completely baffling scene;

To this day, I won’t agree to anything during a work meeting without chanting “I accept it! I accept it! Gooble gobble! Gooble gobble!”  That went over like gangbusters when I was asked to start wearing pants again.

Back in 1932, a movie about murderous circus people was pretty cutting edge and, if we’re being honest, it still is.  No one would make this movie today because those actors all were actual circus performers and modern audiences tend to frown on exploiting people by calling them freaks. To fully appreciate just how well this movie went over when it premiered though, you just need to dig into the lore around it.  While it seems to have ruined the career of the director, it had much more harrowing repercussions in the real world where one woman claimed to have had a miscarriage while watching a test screening. She threatened to sue the studio and their response was to recut the movie to make it less horrifying. Try to imagine that working today.

The newer version of the film had fewer murderous scenes and also got rid of a castration because that was a thing that someone thought was necessary to film in the first place.  Word is those scenes are lost for all time, so if you ever wanted to see a circus strongman get his dong cut off, you’re going to have to wait for that episode of Big Bang Theory like the rest of us.

The Exorcist Straight Up Ruined People

If you haven’t seen the Exorcist then your mother and I are extremely disappointed in you.  Please go watch it immediately. It came out in 1973 and it still holds up as an amazing and effective horror movie and the reason so many of us masturbate with crucifixes.  The story and the acting really produce an undeniable sense of dread and terror that forces you to make sure the blanket covers your feet at night because the monsters can’t touch your ankles if they’re covered, and that’s a rule. It also seriously fucked up a whole bunch of people.

Any time a movie causes someone’s heart to malfunction, and not in that “three sizes bigger” Grinch way, it’s pretty noteworthy. A New York Times article from January 1974 recounts people standing in massive lines to get into the theater to see the film, with scalpers selling tickets for upwards of $50 which is ironically what it costs to get a drink, popcorn and a movie ticket for IMAX today.  It also mentions the number of people who vomited while watching the movie, and some who walked out, or fainted.  And then, apparently, several people had heart attacks.

Is it possible the stories of heart attacks is just someone blowing pea soup up our asses? Maybe.  In the pre-internet world all kinds of shit happened without people idly filming it on their phones in the hopes the suffering of a stranger would make them go viral. But the influence of The Exorcist does go beyond the mass pukings and odd heart attack.

If you’ve never heard the term cinematic neurosis then welcome to your crash course.  It’s what a psychologist might call the phenomenon of a patient developing anxiety, dissociation and potentially psychotic symptoms because of a movie, requiring the intervention of a mental health professional to overcome.  There’s a study that mentions a case caused by Jaws, one by Invasion of the Body Snatchers and 5 separate incidents caused by The Exorcist because a pre-teen girl whose head spins is always slightly more disturbing than pod people and Richard Dreyfuss.

Patients affected by The Exorcist suffered insomnia, panic attacks, PTSD and more. One had dreams about the Devil with a dick in his mouth.  And sure, we all have dreams about the Devil or Elmer Fudd or whomever with a dick in their mouth sometimes, but this was to the point that the person needed psychotherapy to deal with it, so you can assume that was a hell of a devil dick.

Dracula and Eyes without a Face Caused Mass Faintings

To the best of my knowledge I have never fainted. Once I drank so much at a party in college that I woke up in the parking lot of a bagel deli next to an exceptionally large pool of drool, but I don’t think that’s the same thing. I can say for certain no horror movie has ever made me faint though, because of my robust constitution.  And maybe that’s a product of the times because back in the day, people were dropping like flies watching movies like Eyes Without a Face and Dracula.  

In 1928, Dracula starring Bela Lugosi was like if Hereditary and The Exorcist humped and had a baby with a remarkably distinct hairline. That shit scared the bejeezus out of people and in 1928, it was very hard to replace bejeezus. The San Francisco Chronicle talked about a nurse on hand with smelling salts to help handle an average of 14 faintings per night.  Now the movie-makers of 1928 weren’t above maybe hiring some people to engage in a little bullshittery to help hype a movie but there’s not any indication that these faintings were not legit either. In fact. Lugosi played Dracula on stage before playing the role on film, and 110 faintings were reported in the first week of the theater production.  His accent was that good.

In 1960, the French film Eyes Without a Face busted out a repeat performance of the Dracula phenomenon by making audience members buckle like belts thanks to one particular scene involving a face transplant which was a little much for 1960s sensibilities. It’s about 6 solid minutes of screentime featuring a doctor just cutting a face off and peeling it away like a goddamn banana.  You’d probably snicker at the effects today but back in 1960 people were all made of cotton candy and golly gosh so this probably hit people like a bag of grapefruits to the groin. Seven audience members fainted during the film’s showing at the Edinburgh Film Festival, and those were Scots, for God’s sake.  They eat haggis on purpose there.  

It’s worth noting that faintings not strictly limited to impressionable audiences of yesteryear, either.  Four audience members fainted during a showing of Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist in 2009, possible because they saw Willem Dafoe’s dong.  In 2016, EMS had to be called to a Toronto showing of Raw when a person fainted, because some people still aren’t down with cannibalism.

Ghostwatch Was the Worst Idea the BBC Ever Had

There’s a good chance you’ve never heard of Ghostwatch as it originally aired on the BBC in 1992 and 1992 British TV was the entertainment equivalent of a bag of scones to the jimmies. All you need to know about the show is that it aired at 9 PM, it featured recognizable TV personalities (if you’re British) and it was filmed like a typical live broadcast investigative TV show.  If you’ve ever watched Live PD, the format would be very familiar - in studio host talking to people out on the scene.  The on-scene hosts were at a particular home alleged to be haunted, investigating the claims and more or less mocking the idea.  Or so it seemed!  

The show was presented as a real documentary like so many current ghost hunting shows are, but this was well before that era.  This was new, and early enough in the evening that families were watching it with the kids.  And remember, it was 1992 in Britain so you probably could either watch this or some guy painting cricket balls on TV that night.

As the show progressed, the tenor went from goofy “this is a bullshit waste of time” to something more menacing.  Calls from viewers, which were actually fake but no one knew that at the time, began to incorporate elements from the “real” haunting that was being presented on the show. People professed to have had similar experiences with a ghost knocking on their pipes and shit started going down on camera until the studio went full apocalyptic ghostsplosion.  One of the hosts gets dragged off and presumably ghost murdered and the studio lights explode as the main host gets possessed on camera and threatens to rain holy hell down on the viewing audience before the how cuts out.  Sounds kind of cool, right?  Well, the 30,000 people who called the BBC within an hour didn’t think so.  And that was the least of their problems.

11 million people watched Ghostwatch and it fucked them up royally.  It went from silly  to disturbing very quickly, however, when an 18-year old boy with some learning difficulties who watched the broadcast committed suicide days later.  His parents said he had been obsessed with the broadcast and believed the same ghost haunted their house.  He left a note saying that if ghosts are real, then he’ll be with them “always as a ghost.”

[oneletterelliot]

The Only (The Boyz) - liveblog reaction

Disclaimer: I know (and really like) “No Air,” but all other songs are new.

Breath to Breath - Promising start. Ohhhh this is the instrumental intro. Honestly, I didn’t realize it at first because my music streaming platform didn’t label at as “Explicit” unlike the previous TBZ mini-albums lol.

No Air - I think this song is a lot of fun! I’m always a sucker for a samba beat. I’m teaching myself the choreography in the most haphazard way possible. Voice at 0:47 is quite nice. (Edit: Hyunjae.) Actually, it’s hard for me to commentate much on this song because listening to it just makes me think of the choreography and how my learning of it is going (very quickly on the chorus, very slowly for the verses). I love the 2:26 mark in how the music kicks up a gear (and also the dance break). “I just wanna talk to you, girl.” I wish this line wasn’t in the song lol. 2:45 voice is nice. (Edit: It’s Hak Nyeon. I don’t think I’ve ever called out his voice before; at least, I don’t remember his name, and I’ve been learning The Boyz’ names through these reactions and lyric lookups haha.) I like the rap at 3:04; I think the delivery and the way builds is really niiiiice. (Edit: Sunwoo.) “All I want is you-you. It’s true-true.” I like the backing vocal high notes in this final breakdown of the chorus and post-chorus. Final line voice is so strong and clear. (Edit: Hyunjae again.)

Only ONE - I’m sensing a slow song. Yeah, it has that kind of cheesy boy band slow song vibe. Very earnest. 0:41 delivery is fun. (Edit: Eric.) I continue to enjoy TBZ instrumentals immensely. I think I can mostly tell the two rappers’ voices apart now. Whoever opens the pre-chorus at 1:45 has a nice voice. (Edit: Kevin.) Well, I’m calling it the pre-chorus, but maybe it’s part of the chorus proper. I’m kinda impressed by whoever is doing the high voice closing out the choruses; I think it’s the same person both times. (Edit: It is, and it’s New.) 2:54 voice really really nice. (Edit: Sangyeon.) I like whoever is delivering the “only one” s about midway through the chorus. I think Eric? (Edit: Nope, it’s Sunwoo! So much for my “I think I can tell their voices apart now” lol.)

Lucid Dream - “My baby. Please wait in my dreams.” Noo this is silly. Opening line (after the spoken bit) voice is really smooth. (Edit: Kevin.) God, the next voice is smooth too. (Edit: Hyunjae.) Wow, digging the harmony at 0:31. (Edit: Young Hoon is leading it, but WHO is harmonizing with him?) REALLY digging the harmony. I wish there was a little more bass in this song. The high tone throughout this chorus is quite impressive. Rapper at 1:34, you have my attention. (Edit: Hwall.) 1:44, YOU have my attention too! (Edit: Kevin.) I like the synth in this. 2:11 voice has a really appealing tone. (Edit: Kevin, again. I’ve definitely reacted to his voice the most in this song.) I think song does a really nice job of blending percussive rap with high, light vocals. (Similar to NCT 127’s “Punch,” which is otherwise a very intensely different song lol.)

Melting Heart - Lovely little backing piano. Oh, this percussion was unexpected. The vocals are solid, though nothing is particularly standing out to me. I think this instrumental is really enjoyable. Ooh, the piano under this rap is so jazzy. Okay, whoever sang “my heart” at 2:45, I am LISTENING to you. (Edit: Hyunjae.) Okay! 2:57, your voice is very nice. (Edit: Sangyeon, who I must confess as I learn names from lyric videos, I still don’t know if his name is spelled Sangyeon or Sang Yeon. Also interesting to note that this lyric video gives the song title as “36.5° (Melting Heart)” though my music streaming platform just calls it “Melting Heart.”) This definitely feels like the showing off our vocal skills song on the mini-album. Sadly, I think it’s also the most boring song so far.

4Ever - I really like these sound effects that are reminiscent of bird song and nature. Voice at 0:14, I like you. (Edit: Kevin.) Something about this song feels very 2015 to me, though I’m not sure I could say why. I like the instrumental! So far, this sounds like a good song for closing out the release. The structure of this mini-album feels similar to The Start in terms of: (1) instrumental opener, (2) title track, (3-5) songs that are fine but increasingly less interesting to me, before (6) the song I like second most after the title track to close it out. 3:06 voice made me sit up and listen. (Edit: Kevin again!) Whoever has the “just say ‘forever-ever-ever’ baby” at 3:16, I like your voice too! (Edit: LMAO Kevin again again! He’s definitely been the standout voice to me for this entire mini-album, huh?)

Final thoughts: TBZ’s instrumentals continue to wow me. Despite my adoration of “No Air,” I think I prefer The Start as a whole over this mini-album. Apparently I REALLY like Kevin’s voice.