#2023-06-28

[fernand0]

Novedades coloridas. 

Uno va al vivero pensando: vamos solo a mirar. Uno además, piensa: solo plantas sencillas, que luego son agradables y agradecidas. Pero un día, ve una planta llamativa y no es capaz de resistir la tentación. Empezó flojeando un poco, probablemente por exceso de sol, pero ya parece adaptada y está…

[patheticallyhonest]

Why do I always feel like it would be burdensome to let my friends or my family know the truth about what I'm feeling, how I'm doing? Like, for instance, in my friend group of mentally ill Discord trannies there's this one girl who has BPD and like clockwork there'll be some sort of friction, like for example we'll do a groupwatch of something without her because we pinged her and waited for like an hour for her to show up and she doesn't show because this broad has no consistent sleep schedule, and it's not fair to everyone else who was looking forward to our groupwatch to suddenly cancel it just because one of us didn't show, and then she'll get either all angry or sad or both that she ended up missing out and she'll like, start going on about how we all only tolerate her presence and don't actually like her and sometimes she'll even just up and quit the server, only to return maybe the next day, or a few days later depending on like, how long the server owner decides to let her cool down for before sending her another invite. It's exhausting to deal with.

The thing is, I don't hate her. Nor do I hold a grudge against her for being mentally ill; who among us and all that shit, right? She a pretty fun person to be around actually. Her jokes aren't all that funny, but not everyone has to be the comedian of the group, right? I like being around her when she's not having a meltdown. Or clinging to a really annoying bit for dear life. But that's besides the point. I'm willing to take the good with the bad when it comes to her. That's the point of a friendship, right? There's a phrase for a so-called friend who doesn't stick around for your time of need. A fair-weather friend. But here's the thing. I know my shit's all fucked up. I'm kind of really good at not letting it show through, but a lot of days (especially since I broke up with my long-term partner) I feel like I'm barely holding it together. It feels like a monumental effort to exist and do the things that I need to do to keep a roof over my head. I just got a new job and I'm three days in and I've cried from just the stress of learning these new things on pretty much each of those days. Every day I've gotten out of bed for this new job I've had to sort of patronizingly pat myself on the back and tell myself "I'm literally being so brave right now."

But my mental health issues don't manifest in the same way as that friend of mine. I don't start spiraling and demanding validation from my friends while simultaneously shooting down any attempts at providing said validation from my friends. If I were to express how I feel, I know that I'd be a whole lot less tedious to deal with than my friend when she's having one of her patented meltdowns. So then, back to my initial question: why, knowing this, do I still decide that I should just keep my issues to myself, be self-reliant, not trouble any others with my shit? As trite as it is, is this some toxic masculinity bullshit that's managed to stick with me even as I've been living as an openly trans woman for years? Is it an impenetrable emotional barrier I've built up around myself for my own survival as a trans woman who lives in the country? Fucked if I know. I prioritize the mental health of my friends before my own. That much I know. Maybe it's because of how it feels like I'm barely holding myself together. I project that onto my friends. Maybe it's selfishness; I don't go to others with my problems because when others come to me with their problems, it often drains me beyond my capacity to deal with that kind of stuff, because so much of my energy is already spent on keeping a lid on my own shit. That's not to say that if a friend comes to me and is like "hey I'm having a real shitty day" I send them away because I don't want them to harsh my vibe. I'll be a friend, I'll console them. Because again, isn't that what friends are for in the first fucking place?

I think you should be able to lean on me from time to time. I would much rather that my friends be able to work through their shit with me than I never have to deal with the emotional exhaustion that comes with it. Fuck, prior to me getting this new job, when I was still relishing in my glorious NEET lifestyle, I spent basically 3-4 whole days on voice call with my friend who was quitting nicotine and was going through the nastiest parts of withdrawal. She was such a bitch during that time, understandably so, but I put up with it. Because good friends don't run away when times get tough. But I keep my own emotions, my own problems under such close guard that it's often detrimental in any deeper interpersonal relationships such as romance or with family. Maybe it's because growing up I had like, -1 friends? Am I just so grateful (is that even the right word?) to have friends that I'll bend over backwards to avoid doing literally anything that might drive them away? I'm not as insecure as my aforementioned friend, I won't think a friend hates me if they so much as decline to hang out with me, but man, when I do something to upset someone I regard as a friend, it's the fucking worst. So then, it doesn't even matter that friends are all like, "oh you can talk to me." Not if part of me is still convinced that if I bum them out with my problems, they'll stop wanting to hang out with me.

Just... fuck, I dunno, man. I have got to figure out how to allow myself to be even just a little bit more open and vulnerable. I would benefit greatly from it, as would my hypothetical future partners.

I'd also like to add that I don't think that I'm the only one in the world who feels like this. I'm sure there are thousands. Probably millions, actually. Hell, maybe even billions. Maybe most of everyone on this spinning blue space marble feels the same. I am not unique, nor am I special, at the very least not in this regard. I guess if any of my 0 followers see this and feel similarly or have felt similarly in the past, I'd be happy to commiserate together, or perhaps more productively, hear your advice for how to stop being so guarded all the time, if you have any wisdom to share when it comes to this.

The best solution I've come up with so far is to start up this blog and just pour my thoughts out onto the keyboard stream of consciousness style. This way if anyone chooses to follow me—and the point of this blog is certainly not to get followers—they've basically consented to being exposed to my bitching and moaning.

My friend wants to hang out now, so I guess this is the end of the post. Maybe I'll vent again, maybe I'll forget this blog exists and never touch it again. Who knows?

[vhscorp]

Dans ce monde du paraître, on attache beaucoup trop d’importance aux vêtements ; moi, ce qui m’intéresse, ce ne sont pas les fringues mais ce qu’il y a dedans…

V. H. SCORP

[elicatkin]

[khakilike]

Don Larsen. David Wells. David Cone. Domingo Germán. If you're a Yankees pitcher and your name starts with D, you have a chance to throw a perfect game. #Statistics

[dopingconsomme]

ロシア軍がワグネル部隊を攻撃 創設者が報復宣言

,ロシア軍がワグネル部隊を「攻撃」 創設者が報復宣言 ロシア国旗を手にする民間軍事会社ワグネルの創設者、エフゲニー・プリゴジン氏（中央）。ウクライナ・バフムートで。ワグネルの関連会社コンコルドがテレグラムに投稿した動画より（2023年5月20日公開）。(c)AFP PHOTO / Telegram channel of Concord group 【6月24日 AFP】（更新）ロシアの民間軍事会社ワグネル（Wagn...,https://b.hatena.ne.jp/dopingconsomme/20230624#bookmark-4738359331652704677 https://www.afpbb.com/articles/-/3469584

[rosehillcountryday]

𝚁𝙾𝚂𝙴𝙷𝙸𝙻𝙻𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙽𝚃𝚁𝚈𝙳𝙰𝚈.𝚃𝚄𝙼𝙱𝙻𝚁.𝙲𝙾𝙼     ...     a  reese  production.      very  sporadic  activity  multimuse  containing  muses  from  the  2022  netflix  film  DO  REVENGE   —   (  dir.  jennifer kaytin robinson  )     ...     crossover  and  oc  friendly.      [   twenty - six.   they / she.   est.   ]       minors  &  personal  blogs  dni.     *    sideblog!!   follows  back  from badbandits!

affiliated  with   :       withbags  /  rewhy

*   all  muses  are  18+,   often  played  between  -5 / +5  of  the  faceclaim,   but  there  are  exceptions  for  verses,   etc.

main  muses

carissa  jones    [  19 - 32  ] :   semi - canon  divergent / headcanon  based,   lesbian  —   fc.   ava  capri   /   clea  duval   [  fc  for  yellowjackets  au  ]     ...     primary.

eleanor  cutler  levetan    [  18 - 29  ] :   semi - canon  divergent / headcanon  based,   lesbian  —   fc.   maya  hawke   /   uma  thurman   [  fc  for  yellowjackets  au  ]     ...     secondary.

drea  torres    [  18 - 32  ] :   semi - canon  divergent,   questioning / unlabled  —   fc.   camila  mendes     ...     secondary.

montana  ruiz    [  18 - 28  ] :   semi - canon  divergent,   bisexual  —   fc.   maia  reficco     ...     tertiary.

russ  lee    [  18 - 32  ] :   semi - canon  divergent / headcanon  based,   pansexual  —   fc.   rish  shah     ...     tertiary.

upon  request

allegra    [  18+  ] :   canon  compliant  —   fc.   rachel  matthews

elliot  tanners    [  18+  ] :   canon  compliant  —   fc.   jonathan daviss

erica  norman    [  18+  ] :   canon  compliant  —   fc.   sophie  turner

max  broussard    [  18+  ] :   canon  compliant  —   fc.   austin  abrams

meghan  perez    [  18+  ] :   canon  compliant  —   fc.   paris  berelc

tara  scott    [  18+  ] :   canon  compliant  —   fc.   alisha  boe

the  headmaster    [  46  ] :   canon  compliant  —   fc.   sarah  michelle  gellar

basic  guidelines  &  rp  ettiqute  apply   ..     see  below  for  more  indepth  rules.

interactions   ..    open  starters  are  for  ANYONE   ( unless  otherwise  stated )   who  wants  to  write  a  character  that  fits  gender  of  character  is  open  to  replies  from  and  fit  within  my  rules.    please  only  submit  meme  prompts  if  we  are  mutuals.   i'll  write  with  anyone  18+.   don't  be  afraid  of  following  me  if  you're  interested  in  writing  with  me,    i'm  often  very  receptive  to  anyone  who  wants  to  write  with  me.   THERE  WILL  BE  CONTENT  NOT  SUITABLE  FOR  MINORS  ON  THIS  BLOG.

shipping   ..    always  down  for  a  ship  but  i  will  never  force  a  ship.   i'm  cool  with  assuming  pre-established  connections,  but  if  it  doesn't  vibe  right  away,   we'll  try  plotting.   even  if  a  ship  doesn't  work,   i  will  always  be  down  to  continue  writing  with  you!   just  need  to  try  other  connections!   i  would  prefer  writing  ships  with  anyone  20  and  above,   I  WILL  NOT  WRITE  SMUT  WITH  ANYONE  UNDER  THE  AGE  OF  21.

triggers   ..    triggering  content  will  be  on  this  blog,   but  i  will  always  be  mindful  to  tag  anything  that  i  could  think  may  be  triggering  to others  ( or  if  i  follow  someone  who  has  it  listed  as a  trigger ).   i  write  trigger  warnings  as   " trigger tw ".   as  for  myself,   i  don't  really  have  any triggers,   besides  very  graphic  descriptions  of  eye  trauma,   fingernail / toenail  and  teeth  trauma  also  get  to  me  but  are  not  nearly  as  distressing,   but  a  heads  up  would  be  so  greatly  appreciated.   i  like  to  discuss  with  my  writing  partner  if  something  comes  up  that  feels  uncomfortable,   hope  you  will  as  well.

reply  style   ..    i  do  not  regularly  use  icons  or  gifs  or  graphics  in  my  replies.   however,   it  is  so  fine  if  you  do.   i  make  text  smaller  to  look  more  uniform.   i  do  use  icons  for  starters,   sometimes.   i  am  more  likely  to  use  icons  or  gifs  in  replies  if  there  are  resources  for  said  faceclaim.

simple  little  dni   ..    do  not  interact  if  you  are  a  single  muse  blog  portraying  a  real  person,   you're  under  the  age  of  18  or  a  personal  account.

disclaimer   ..    i  am  not  in  any  way  affiliated  with  do  revenge,   netllix  or  any  of  the  faceclaims  that  may  be  present  on  this  blog.   this  blog  is  for  the  fun  of  writing  and  roleplay  and  in  no way is  being  used  to  impersonate  anybody.

credits  &  such

the  psd  used  on  this  blog  and  graphics  is  vol.  39  by  manguitogay.    meanwhile  all  graphics  unless  stated  otherwise  for  this  blog  have  been  created  by  my  dear  friend  foster  💌

[laulappa]

[alpha-mag-media]

10 Timeless Items French Women Have in Their Capsule Wardrobes | 6011ZO4 | 2023-12-28 06:08:01 | December 28, 2023 at 07:08AM

10 Timeless Items French Women Have in Their Capsule Wardrobes | 6011ZO4 | 2023-12-28 06:08:01 Read More … Check full articles at Source: ALPHA MAG

[parisandroma]

Louis Tomlinson X 28 official programme

[theconnollygroup]

Minelli – Shurakato

from MUZICA GRATIS https://bit.ly/3OwIx1K Download Minelli – Shurakato gratuit de pe MuzicaGratis.net . Minelli – Shurakato

[fernand0]

Bienvenidos.

(2023-06-24) (2023-06-24) (2023-06-24) (2023-06-24) (2023-06-25) (2023-06-25) (2023-06-25) (2023-06-25) (2023-08-28) (2023-08-28) (2023-08-28)

[weather-log]

Sunny

📈最高気温: 34度 📉最低気温: 25度 💦湿度: 81% 💥UV指数: 0 😷花粉: 💨風速: Southwest 3 Kph 🌅日出: July 28, 2023 at 04:46AM 🌇日入: July 28, 2023 at 06:49PM 📅July 28, 2023 at 06:03AM

[jius-sims]

Children's shoes collection 04

[Jius] Ankle Boots 01 ( Toddler&Child )

25 swatches

3k+ Polygons

---------------------------------

[Jius] Mary Jane Flats 01 ( Toddler&Child )

30 swatches

7k+ Polygons

---------------------------------

[Jius] Touch-Strap Sandals 01 ( Toddler&Child )

25 swatches

9k+ Polygons

----------------------------------

[Jius] Low Top Sneakers 11 ( Toddler&Child )

25 swatches

5k+ Polygons

---------------------------------

[Jius] Platform Sandals 14 ( Toddler&Child )

28 swatches

7k+ Polygons

----------------------------------

[Jius] House Slippers 06 ( Toddler&Child )

1 swatches

2k+ Polygons

HQ✔️ Custom thumbnail✔️ All lods✔️

 Patreon ( Early access )

❤️Public release on 30 November, 2023 ❤️

[angrygoodnoodle]

I’m gonna do this on my laptop in a little bit

[mcmemories]