#3am light discourse i guess

[arcadianico]

sorry i promise i’m normal about this poll (i’m not) but i do think it’s interesting 👀 that all but one of the last four ships are one hispanic person and one native english speaker. 3/4. on the hispanic mcyt ship poll. even the ships with non hispanic latinos (spiderbit, 4max etc) have been voted out in favour of ships whose members have not interacted on stream since the day the brazilians arrived at most recent

[thestarryskiesofpalaven]

its late and ive been thinking too much about those fake rumors of a tellius remake a few weeks back

1. pros of a theoretical tellius remake:

- shiny hd i guess?

- best fe story in general gets more spotlight

- radiant dawn gets proper supports??? maybe?????? spare character interaction ma’am?????????

2. cons of a theoretical tellius remake:

- 3h fans get their hands on tellius and start discoursing about obvious shit like there’s no tomorrow oh god oh fuck

- ike and soren get no homo’d

- character/portrait design in general would probably be redrawn to match 3h’s which is awful considering how good the originals are

- which also means someone would inevitably be given the green light to make the women’s designs horny

- heather probably gets no homo’d by nephenee a la ingrid's disgusted ‘back off’ to dorothea

- heather in general lmao ur telling me they’d let a woman go “men? ew. girls? YEAH!!!” like heather does and let her live in peace without doing some fuckshittery about it? just look at soleil lol

- devdan gets more racist treatment

- oh god oliver i don’t wanna think abt oliver

- voice acting in the few cutscenes was so bland in the originals but full voiceovers would b either a hit or a miss no in-between!! tellius’s pacing and emotional impact aren’t something you can half-ass with stuff like 3h’s seconds-long pauses between dialogues or voice actors who aren’t given proper emotional direction re: their lines

- oh god oh fuck micaiah would get butchered by both intsys and 3h fans

- oh god they’d go all-in on sothe/micaiah despite her literally raising him

- they went full persona dating sim w 3h and ppl lapped it up that is not what tellius is and never will be and if they tried it then hooooo boi

- fuck it was so much easier to list what isn’t a con lol

- fuck im ending this here before i type all night its almost 3am

[skeletxnqueen]

flower crown fairy lights daisies 1975 matte black nail polish pantone moodboard stars plants converse lace handwriting cactus sunrise oil paints overalls combat boots winged eyeliner pastel tattoos piercings bands messy bun cry baby grunge space white bed sheets old books beaches eyes 11:11 painting lightning thunder storms love clouds coffee marble

T H E N E V E R E N D I N G A S K (I wasn’t ignoring you, I’m gonna be honest, I forgot this was sitting in my drafts waiting to be completed aaaaa)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? - A few minutes ago. I left my iPod in my co-worker’s car so I kinda have nothing better to do. All my favorite apps are on there.

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? - Are alternate universes real and is there one where I am content and happy? (sorry to get depressing there bud but life just ain’t what I want it to be rn)

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? - I haven’t experienced enough things to  really say I’ve accomplished anything. I guess getting a job and keeping it for as long as I have? Six months and counting.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? - Seeing a gif of a kitten walking over to a camera man and then proceeding to nap on him and walk all over his shoulders and sit on his head while he had to hold almost completely still.

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? - This question as me depressed and low key anxious I don’t think I can answer it without crying sorry

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? - Not really. I try to avoid really confronting my own mortality. Thinking about dying both scares and tempts me and it’s really weird and terrifying and no bueno. Gosh my answers seem so depressing I’m sorry bab aaAAAA

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. - I’m too lazy to describe anyone again but um my brother c’: Again. Heckie

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? - I suppose. I mean it definitely could have been better, but it’s not really on “tragic backstory” level so I guess yeah. I dunno how to answer this, in all honesty.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? - Earlier tonight

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. - My friend Antonio. He’s weird but he loves space and it’s nice to hear how excited he gets talking about the stars and planets because he’s super passionate about it. I just like when my friends are happy ya know? So I know stargazing with my space buddy would be fun.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? - Honestly I have before. I don’t mean for it to, but sometimes the conversations just take that direction. I’m a big oversharer.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? - fam I’m always up at 3am wym I stay talkin to ppl at 3am (for the record it’s usually my mom and/or brother)

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? - Again, I can’t answer this without crying I’m sorry.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? - I have them and I love them why is this up for discussion why is this a question is there brown eye discourse???

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. - “I don’t care what you think, as long as it’s about me.” …….. I really like attention. More seriously though, I like knowing that I’m real to other people. I know it sounds weird but sometimes I just like being reminded that I actually exist in other people’s lives and that I’m a real person???? Idk how to describe it but yeah. That line makes me think about that aspect of myself a lot.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? - “Still Figuring It Out”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? - cry because I can finally get my family out of our rough situation, spoil my mom and brother rotten, buy lots of pretty makeup, travel the world, and still have enough left over to live comfortably for the rest of my life without ever having to work again unless I want to to have something to do.

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? - I am. Sometimes too much for my own good. Sometimes I like it just cause it can help settle conflicts quicker and sometimes I don’t because not only do I let toxic people back into my life but it causes me to miss them and desperately want them back because I convince myself “it’s in the past, it wasn’t that bad, and they’ve probably changed so I should let it go”.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. - Dear Mikii,

First of all what a weird nick-name you dork. I’m Gabby. I’m still just as much of a dork so don’t feel bad. You’re going through a weird phase in your life right now. You’re confused and probably questioning who you are. That’s not really going to stop, but it gets better. It gets easier to deal with. Eventually you’ll work for your favorite pizza place and, while it’s stressful, you’ll make cool friends and you’ll make money, and nobody will be able to tell you what you can and can’t buy. It’ll be awesome. You got this

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? - I guess I lean closer to the punk side. It’s kind of funny because I have the soft cute personality that you’d think would fit on a pastel type person and honestly that’s my aesthetic but style wise, I usually go for darker colors and stuff. My brother is the polar opposite. Punk personality and pastel style.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. - Yes. Body art is yes. I love it and I want it. If you have tattoos and/or piercings I am 75% more likely to get some kind of crush on you.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? - yes, because I like it and it’s pretty.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. - I dunno if this counts much, I had to think long and hard on this one, but Crossfire by Stephen makes me think a lot about current events and police brutality and the bombings in other countries and just a bunch of sad stuff that’s going on now which I know is the point but it makes me really think about the privilege I do have compared to those who face discrimination and oppression far more harshly than I ever will and I just heckin

heck

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. - “Prince didn’t die for this.”

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. - I’ve only ever been to one and it was a local band so

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? - Idk man probably my dad. Not gonna go in depth but I’ll say this. I’d want a large sum of money included and a 5 page long apology letter.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? - nope nothing is organized and I dont have a workspace

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? - stay up til I physically cannot hold my eyes open anymore then fall asleep

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? - that I’m not Christian and that I have a um…. device. Of some sort.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? - Keep it red / make it redder, probably some kind of undercut or side shave

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? - 1. Alin2. Mikey3. Kaylee4. Dom5. Rose

I’d take these nerds with me as I travel the globe and try new experiences, shop cool unique things, and just live my dream life with. I’d go to the ends of the earth with these precious babies.

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. - (1) Wealth. I want to pay off my mother’s college debt, buy her a nice place to stay as well as somewhere for myself, buy my brother anything his little heart desires, donate to fundraisers and charities, live my dream life, etc. (2) Clear skin. I’m pretty confident in my body shape and all, but I can’t stand my skin. Especially everywhere that isn’t my face. My shoulders have it the worst. (3) Someone willing to date me who doesn’t live thousands of miles away would be lovely. I mean I can do long distance but I just crave physical affection ya know? I dunno man I’m just lonely.

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. - Well, last year I was a dead cowgirl. I used my day of the dead makeup and wore a flannel, jeans, boots, and a cowboy hat that I got from party city. Relatively simple, but it was still fun to see little kids’ reactions and everything at work.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? - this implies I’ve gotten drunk or high before (I’ve been kind of tipsy before but otherwise I’m fucking lame and I don’t do that stuff)

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? - kill somebody (there are a few exceptions but in general ya know?)

storms: you can only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? - both of these would drive me literally insane let’s not and say we did

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love. - I think I have. I don't know. To me it's realizing the things I'd be willing to do for that person. Just wanting to make them happy. Wanting to spoil them, see them smile, hear their stupid jokes even if they aren't funny, see all the ugly or silly faces they make, and just loving everything about them. Overcoming my biggest insecurities and discomforts for them. Realizing that there are certain things I can only see myself doing with them. When I read those couple posts I think of them, even though it's been over a year since we've been together. Hearing a certain song or artist is tainted by thoughts of them, when nothing would come to mind before I got to know them. Filling spots in my mind and heart that for years had been left vacant. Realizing that despite how much they've hurt me, I'd gladly take them back if they asked. Feeling like it was the right love at the wrong time, even though it probably wasn't the right love at all. Falling in love to me is having them lurking around every corner of my mind, the darkest shadows, the deepest trenches, even when I'm not thinking of them, they're always there. Even when I'm not thinking about them, I somehow am. I don't know if this is love or obsession, admittedly. Maybe I just need help lol

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? - I’d rock both and look sexy while doing it

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? - I don’t go to starbucks enough to really say

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? - my family and getting us out of the tough situation we’re in right now

[gaydatingstoriesnewyorkcity]

Entry One: Of Men and Religion

It wasn’t so much a date as much a Grindr hook up I didn’t really want to be on. This gentleman, who I didn’t know his name until I entered his one bedroom, one bathroom apartment, was someone I had been fading and avoiding for a couple of weeks. Online, he gave me a “fuck me” vibe, in person, a bit repressed and overzealous. 

Entering his complex, the dingy walls, which were fairly common in the neighborhood, gave me a signal I wasn’t going to be interested. I sauntered up the stairs, which was a sizable number of flights up, because someone was in front of the elevator and my own social anxiety caused me to opt for physical activity. 

Floor Eight. The door’s dichotomy in decor caught my eye, both an Apple sticker and one denoting in Spanish that this was a Catholic home. A rang the door bell. No answer. I checked my phone, no text. I waited a minute or so. 

Should I leave at this point? I always suck at these situations. My stomach churned at the thought that “Discreet Guy” from Grindr would give me a fake address and I would be greeted by some lovely Latina mother cooking dinner wondering why some white boy was knocking on her door. 

He eventually answered. He was nice enough, ushered me in, gave me a light tour offered me water and then told me his name. So we talk for a bit on his couch. He was an interested guy with a lucrative legal career. I mentioned the front door decor, in particular the sticker because it caught my eye. This was a mistake. 

We started talking about religion. For the record, I’m an atheist, but live your life, believe what you want. That said, we had a twenty minute engagement where he was stalwart in his position that I was not an atheist because I believed in something. Even other people. I just sat and listened, and ended each piece of discourse with, “okay, but I don’t believe in God, so...” He didn’t catch the hint. 

Eventually we end up in the bedroom. There were some more awkward conversational exchanges, but there was clearly no spark there. Eventually we kissed. It was... alright? He opened his mouth widely and he hadn’t brushed his teeth, I think. I wasn’t really interested or into him, at this point. I had to excuse myself. I left, offering to be friends and hang out another time. I feel awful, but once I departed from his home, I waited thirty minutes and blocked him. I just wasn’t feeling any type of meaningful engagement. 

But I guess that’s why I’m on apps at 3am, single and half loving it, half looking for something more.