#6 HOURS AGO THAT WOULDVE BEEN LOVELY AND IT WOULDVE BEEN VERY POSSIBLE BUT NO

[dylanmunson]

Eddie Munson / First time

18+

masterlist | wattpad | requests are open | eddie fic

i cant remember the last time i wrote smut? but i hope this is alright lol, and i picked eddie, cause although i dont mind writing fiction for joe this felt more right as an eddie fic. 

word count :2.5k 

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Eddie and I had just returned after our little date night, i say date night but it was really just a trip to the movies with steve and his 6 nuggets. Not that i minded, it was cute. I enjoyed our time together. Eddie opens the door to the trailer letting me walk in first, i sigh and sit on the sofa kicking my sofas off as eddie walks into the kitchen area. 

"whats up doll?" he says "huh?" "youve had this look on your face" he chuckles coming around the corner with a glass of water in his hand. "whatcha mean eds" i mumble. He smiles softly sitting next to me, hand on thigh moving my body to face his. "this look sweetness" he grins running his thumb along my jaw. "like concentrating but not" he says raising a brow "whats on your mind my love?" he mumbles kissing the back of my hand. 

I sigh and shrug "eds" i mumble he hums looking up at me "we've been together now for what like 3-4months?" i ask, he nods and kisses my hand again, pulling me into his lap. "the best 4 months of my life sweetness" he chuckles against my shoulder. "then why havent we had sex" i sigh covering my face. My cheeks going red, i pull away but eddie pulls me closer chuckling. "oh love" he grins kissing my forehead, then my hands which still cover my face. "sweetheart look at me" he grins, i peek through my fingers and the curly haired boy in front of me. 

Him pulling my body closer, so im now straddling his lap. "we, we havent had sex yet because" he smiles moving my hands away from my face, and intertwining our hands "cause i know its your very, very first time and i want you to be ready" he mumbles softly, kissing my nose. "i mean im not like a complete virgin" i mumble looking at where our clothed bodies meet. "i didnt wanna rush into anything sweetheart" he smiles, i sigh looking at the doe eyed boy. 

"and trust me, i wouldve bedded you long ago" he chuckles, i groan rolling my eyes "edward!" he chuckles "just wanted you to be ready" "well i am ready" i mumble, he smirks "yeah?" he mumbles moving his face closer to mine, i nod my head as our foreheads touch. "i need you to use your words love" he says "please eddie, want you so bad" i sigh, he grins putting his hand on the back of my neck and pulling me into for a kiss. 

Its hot and heavy, but still got some sweetness to it. He grins biting my bottom lip as i whimper, "sweetheart" he chuckles "please" i mumble, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him back in for a kiss. Running my hands through his curls, letting out a little moan, grinding down on him slightly. He grunts into the kiss moving his hands to my sides, then my bum giving it a little squeeze. When theres a banging at the door. "ignore it" i mumble, moving to kiss his neck lightly. But it carries on.

Sighing i get up and let eddie go get the door "what the hell you doing here henderson?" he sighs. 

Safe to say we did not get any further that night. 

///////

It was now the following friday, and the whole gang had made plans to go to dustins to play dnd. Eddie had said he could be dm for the next campaign and little henderson was over the moon. I groan rolling out of bed, and walking over to the phone, debating on cancelling the evening, not wanting to be sitting in anyones basement but rather curled up in bed with my boyfriend watching shitty films. and possibly more. 

I sigh and ring eddies home phone, twirling the phone cord inbetween my fingers as it rings. But theres no answer, i try a few more times and nothing. So i ring dustins home phone, knowing my nerdy other half is probably over there helping the young dm make sure everything is perfect for their game in a few hours. 

"hey whats up?" he says, grinning, i cant see him but i know hes grinning. "oh uh hey dusty" i sigh "hey you ok?" he says, his voice turning softer. "uh is eddie there?" "oh shit yeah of course. EDDIE!" he shouts. Theres fumbling of the phone and shouting before eddie picks up "hello eddie the banished speaking how can i help?" he chuckles. "eds" i mumble "baby whats wrong?" he stops, his tone dropping "i just.. i miss you" i shrug, he chuckles "baby your seeing me in like an hour" "i dont wanna" i mumble, sighing "not feeling good" i sigh closing my eyes. Squeezing my thighs together, i felt fine, i was just really fucking needy for my boyfriend. "oh my baby, whats wrong?" he sighs, i hear movement on the other line and i rub a hand over my forehead. "just achy" i shrug. "o-ok, two minutes alright?" he says, before hanging up, i groan and put the phone down. "fuck you then munson" I sigh and lay down on the bed again. 

Images of Eddie laying above me, kissing my neck and softly massaging my boobs run through my mind, i bite my lip and move my hand down to my clothed heat, rubbing myself a tiny bit. "fuck" i huff out "y/n are you ok hun?" my mum says knocking at the door. "umm yeah im fine" i say back, making myself decent as she walks in. "right well we're off out for the evening, see you later" she smiles, i nod waving good bye before i hear the door close and car drive away. 

//

"hey princess" i hear as i enter the hallway, snacks in hand. "eddie!" i grin running and jumping up into his arms, he chuckles wrapping his arms below my bum, "thought you werent feeling well huh?" he chuckles, i groan hiding in the crook of his neck "shhh" he chuckles kissing my head "missed yooouu" i say moving my face to his and kiss him. "missed you too baby" he mumbles, moving us to the living area laying me on the sofa. 

"is this what you wanted huh?" he grins, i nod pulling him down to kiss me again. Its hot and heavy and so god damn needy. "eddie, i- i need you" i say as he kisses my neck, "you sure?" i nod "please" i sigh, he nods "ok" he grins grabbing my hand and leading us upstairs. 

I jump on the bed pulling eddie close as i do, his jacket now long gone. He begins placing kisses on my cheeks and neck as i tug at the hem of his shirt. "off.. please" i sigh, he chuckles pulling it off in one swift movement, i grin biting my lip running my hands down his chest. Sure i'd seen him topless countless times but hes so god damn gorgeous. 

He comes back down to kiss me again, running a hand through his hair, trying to be as close as possible. Moaning into the kiss i buck my hips against his, making him grind against me "fuck" "so good sweetheart" he mumbles, moving to kiss at my neck again, biting a little but not enough to leave marks. 

I tugging at his belt, and he just chuckles "sweet" he grins unbuckling it and sliding them down his legs "now this isnt fair is it" he chuckles, i smile softly, now sitting on my knees facing the boy "i want you eddie munson" i sigh putting my arms around his neck "take me. have me. im yours" i sigh, he nods pulling me into for another kiss, his hands roaming down my body finding just above my underwear to rest. 

He pulls away and looks at me, i nod and grin "i trust you munson" i mumble kissing him again, he wastes no time in pulling them down and throwing them with the rest of the clothes, he moans against the kiss as he runs a finger between my folds, i moan quietly into the kiss as he does, making him chuckle. 

"You alright sweet pea" he grins pulling away and looking down at what he's doing, nodding my head i throw my head back as he adds another finger, collecting my juices before slowly rubbing at my clit. "use your words love" he says moving down the bed so his head is rested on my thigh, i moan running a hand through his hair as he does, his lips ghosting over my right thigh as he adds more pressure while rubbing my clit. "eddie please" i moan pulling on his hair softly, he chuckles "please what baby" he mumbles kissing my thigh, moving his fingers lower, pushing one into me "oh fuck" i sigh closing my eyes. 

He chuckles thrusting it slowly, "you like that?" he mumbles moving up and kissing below my ear, before adding another finger and kissing on my pubic bone, before licking from my entrance to my clit "fucking hell! yes eddie fuck" he chuckles against my clit, sucking on it while thrusting two fingers in and out slowly. The vibration from his laugh sending me over the edge "eds imma" i moan hums against my clit, his other hand moving to my thigh to give it a squeeze. "cum for honey" he says before going back to eating me out. "oh fuck" i sob, grabbing his hand and interlocking our fingers as i reach my high. 

Head thrown back, thighs squeezing the poor boys head, loud moaning escaping my mouth, he grins looking up at me, dribble down his chin, he quickly wipes it away with his arm, "so so good sweetheart" he grins "so proud of you" he mumbles, coming up to place soft kisses over my face. "ready for more?" he sighs taking my ear lobe inbetween his teeth. "please" i sigh, reaching down taking his cock in my hand and pumping it, he sighs leaning his head against my shoulder "oh baby" he grunts before moving my hand away. He chuckles shaking his head "all about you right now ok" he smiles, kissing my nose. "buuuut" he leans back on his feet and points a finger at me grinning. 

"now now" he chuckles, pumping his leaky cock a few times "you let me know if its to much alright?" he says i nod "words sweetheart, use your words" "yeah, please eddie, need you" i moan softly making grabby hands at the boy in front of me, he smirks before lining himself up at my entrance. "might hurt a little" he mumbles, pushing in slowly "ah" he nods placing his forehead on my shoulder, kissing the skin there, moving ever so slowly. "fuck" i moan as he begins filling me up, "wh-do-do you want me to stop?" he says looking at me with a hint of worry in his eyes. 

I shake my head "no, no just move" i smile putting my hand on the side of his face, "please, need you so bad" i grin, he nods pushing the last little bit of his thick cock into me, holding on to my right thigh and kissing me roughly. I buck my hips up to try get him to move, but he stops me placing his hands on my hips "whoa sweet pea" he chuckles. 

"ed, move" i grin at the boy "i dont wanna hurt you" he mumbles kissing my neck again "edddie please" i moan, grinding against his cock, biting his shoulder. "eddie please, fuck me" i sigh leaving a mark on his shoulder while grinding on him, the pleasure taking over "oh" i moan. 

He looks down at me, before kissing the middle of my neck, picking up my right right and lifting it slightly before slowly thrusting. "fuck eddie shit" i moan, putting my hands on his chest, he nods biting his lip looking down at where our bodys join concentrating. He moves my thighs so the back of them are touching his chest, before leaning down and kissing me roughly again, "sh-fuc-ah" i gasp, the tip of his cock reaching further than a second ago. "shiii" he grunts into the kiss. 

It full of heat, teeth and tongue. 

He places a hand on the headboard and the other on my hip, letting my thighs drop to wrap around his waist. "gonna cum for me sweetheart" he moans, dropping his forehead to mine, i nod "use yours words sweetheart" he groans, moving his hand that was on my hip to my clit to rub circles. "fucking shit ed" i moan, he chuckles "harder" i mumble, he nods thrusting harder a tad bit faster. "fuck fuc" i moan, head thrown back eyes closed as i hit my high, legs tightening around the boy as he fucks me into next week. Eddie following soon after, him falling ontop of me soon after, our bodies still connected, but not bothered. 

His limp cock still in me, stopping all the thick cum from dripping from my fucked cunt. 

He places his head on my chest, running his fingers up and down my arm, i grin kissing his head "shit eds" i giggle, he chuckles looking up at me "what?" he grins "that was fucking hot, can i ride you next time" I feel his cock move in side of him, "oh" i grin down at him, he grins his cheeks turning red. "i love you eddie munson" i mumble kissing his forehead, he nods slowly moving out of me "ah" i sigh at the lose of body contact, as he gets up grabbing a towel and cleaning us up, "and i love you" he mumbles kissing my hips as he finishes cleaning up the mess we made. "mhmm" i sigh as he blows cool air on my abused cunt. "sensitive sweetheart"  he smirks before laying beside me, pulling me into his side. "i love you y/n /yl/n" he nods. "should pretend to be sick more often" he chuckles "oh shit, you had" he grins kissing me. 

"so fucking worth it" he chuckles "would miss dnd with those losers any night for this" he chuckles, "im so in love with you eddie munson" i sigh "and i you" he grins kissing my nose.

[wearethewinx]

fate episode 6 spoilers below

admittedly that opening shot slaps. like that immediately makes me curious

bloom why are you looking. everywhere but at the glowing pillar in front of you

LOL WHOOPS

AISHA ARE U FOR FUCKING REAL. WRITERS ARE U FOR FUCKING REAL. THIS IS NOT MY GIRL

lol dowling thats what happens when u liiieeeeee

jfdlsfjlds terras dad being so stumped by her completely correct rebuttal that he just says 'you need to cool down'

'sorry you have to be visible to have a point of view' that line really made it into the script huh

theyre REALLY gonna make aishas first and only autonomous act in this entire show be to snitch on her friends

oh so there are witches huh. is that how were doing this huh. oh my god this is so unnecessarily complicated and confusing? this is. ridiculous? why wouldnt anyone else know about the witches? how does them being witches give rosalind the right to murder them all? HOW IS BLOOM OK WITH THIS LADY JUST SAYING 'yeah i lied and killed them all because only fairies are allowed to do magic' HWAT THE FUCK

*sky voice* i am literally so fucking stupid and boring its unreal

lol even sam is like 'terra shut up'

see i dont wanna be so mean to terra but shes explicitly written to be as annoying as humanly possible? people keep telling her theyre not interested and she just mows right over them completely not caring EVERY time

oh bloom is growing a braincell now huh

'only vanessa and michael could give you love' YOU CALL THAT LOVE? YOU CALL THAT SHIT LOVE? WHERE ARE THE WRITERS ILL FUCKING KILL THEM

me, every time: weve gotta be getting close to the end now right weve been here at least forty minutes

the timestamp, every time: 21:30

HOW is it possible for a show to drag this much? six hours feels like 18

nobody told the caption writer that rivens name is riven not 'riv'

stella being like 'WE shouldve never gotten back together WE are codependent and toxic' gurl,,,,,,,, You

rly have to stress that bloom listened to rosalind talk and was like 'oh genocide? well thats totally understandable, i trust you implicitly. here i was thinking you were just a regular mass murderer!'

WHY ARE THERE NO MAGIC PAINKILLERS. WHY IS THE ONLY WAY TO EASE SOMEONES PAIN FOR MUSA SPECIFICALLY TO TAKE IT ON

ALSO TERRA FUCK. YOU. FOR EVEN THINKING THAT, MUCH LESS SAYING IT OUT LOUD

how does the solarian royal family have a magic teleportation ring but they cant move troops across their country in less than 2 days

*bloom voice* come on sluts im gonna put you all in danger

PLEASE let sky miserably wail 'YOU KILLED MY FATHER' please god let it happen PLEASE

damn ok i actually REALLY like skys reaction here. unironically well written, very believable. even a stopped brain has good ideas twice an episode i suppose

love that musa only gets dignified with the slightest sliver of backstory in this, the final episode

STILL only HALFWAY THROUGH THE EPISODE. THIS IS SICK TIME DILATION FUCKERY

flora isnt supposed to be the loose canon of the winx for fucks sake

ok but WHAT ARE THE BURNED ONES. WHERE ARE THEY FROM. WHY DO THEY CARE ABOUT BLOOM. EVEN SHE HASNT ASKED YET! ARENT YOU CURIOUS ISNT ANYBODY CURIOUS

bloom: yeah rosalind unleashed the burned ones to attack us all but i totally trust that she told me the truth about how to stop them

blooms wings look FUCKING STUPID those arent even wings theyre just random red blobs with a mesh pattern

i guess im glad we actually GOT wings but my god is this a disappointment as wings go

also @ everyone in the tag calling this a 'transformation': are we watching the same fucking show lol. having fire swirl around you isnt a transformation. TRANSFORMING. is what makes it a transformation. absolutely nothing changes about her except having a couple blowtorches on her back

CANT STRESS ENOUGH THAT BLOOM KEEPS HEARING PEOPLE ADMIT TO MURDER AND RESPONDING WITH 'OH it was just MURDER lol thank god'

'bloom transformed' nO SHE DIDNT THAT WASNT A TRANSFORMATION OH MY GOD

ok but why WOULDNT rosalind reveal exculpatory information when it benefited her lol. why are you idiots believing her. why are you accepting that as a justification

'ive been a brat' OH SO YOU ADMIT IT

'can we hug' very normal request bloom especially considering the circumstances /s

my mom would flip her lid if i invited four friends over w/o asking in advance and then put her on the spot abt whether they can stay the night, and thats WITHOUT the added context that BLOOMS MOM THINKS THESE ARE HER SCHOOL FRIENDS FROM S W I T Z E R L A N D AND THAT THEY WOULDVE HAD TO FLY ACROSS THE OCEAN TO GET THERE

this bloom family montage is 1: unearned (i remember the door, assholes) and 2: TOO long and cheesy

i love that stellas mom still hasnt admitted shes missing or come looking for her lol. the HEIR to the THRONE has been MISSING for WEEKS and thats just Okay

lmao what the fuck. how is andreas wearing the same clothes as 16 years ago. anybody care to explain what the goddamn hell is going on here

dragonflame namedrop huh? interesting

LOL EVERYONES JUST ACCEPTING ROSALIND BACK WITHOUT QUESTION? SHE DISAPPEARED AND WAS PRESUMED DEAD FOR 16 YEARS

HOW STUPID ARE THE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD

THE KING OF ERAKLYON. ABANDONED HIS SON. TO RAISE BEATRIX

WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HELL

omg she just fucking killed her

absolutely metal

ah HERE are the hideous outfits from the promo image. hate

final thoughts: this show is dumb

[destielthedeathofme]

Chilly

Prompt: @becky-winchester-on-crack sent me this. You're an actual prompt goddess 💖.

Author: @destielthedeathofme

Pairing: DeanxCas

Tags/Genre: Idek, bar?, flirt Cas, clueless Dean, AU, Destiel, Fluff, oneshot.

Summary: too fucking pissed at life for a summary rn

~♡~

Dean loosened his tie and sighed, today was not his day. From an abundance of paperwork to spilling coffee on himself, he was a mess today. Ever since Sam moved out a few weeks ago, Dean felt lonelier than ever, and he couldn't even properly sleep, hating the fact that his brother wasn't in the room next to his. That's how he kept Sam safe and under his wings. But Sam wanted to move in with Jess and Dean really couldn't say no to that. They were so in love, he couldn't discuss the anxiety he had from Sam living an hour away from him. He wouldn't. Because Sam would throw away his life to come live with Dean. He couldn't do that to Sam.

As for after Sam moving, his boss, had him working way too much and Dean was utterly tired of it. It was as if Crowley fed off his tiredness. Or enjoyed it. Possibly both. The staff often suspected if he was even human sometimes. But Dean didn't believe in that nonsense. After all, there were no such things as monsters.

Although today, Charlie insisted that Dean leave because it was a Friday night and he shouldn't be cooped up in a cubicle. As much as he wouldve liked to protest, she locked him out of his own office leaving him no choice but to leave. She could be a pain sometimes but Charlie meant well. She was the only other person to know about his keeping-Sam-safe anxiety. She was his best friend if he thought of it.

Today, he was going to get a drink, to prove Charlie wrong and more importantly to dull the feeling in his gut.

Bars weren't really Dean's preferred environment but desperate times call for desperate measures. He needed a drink. Something that would take away the boredom and stress of his life. If he told anyone, they would laugh at him, because no one would believe that the uptight Dean Winchester could ever need anything stronger than a glass of wine. Frankly, he couldn't either.

Dean called a cab and told the driver to take him anywhere that he could get a drink. Dean preferred walking, so he never found the need for a car, but there were no bars within walking distance so a cab seemed like his best option. He debated inviting any friends, but his friends list was exclusively limited to Charlie, Benny, Gabriel, Sam and Jo. He really didn't want to see any of them right now. Dean wasn't sure he'd be able to take the teasing.

Dean stared out the window of the cab, feeling just a hollow pit in his stomach. Was he really that boring? He had absolutely nothing to do on a Friday night, perhaps he was. Even in highschool, Dean wasn't very outgoing he preferred to stay home and focus on his studies. His father tried to get Dean into hunting and all that stuff that Dean did not care for. His father always told him that hunting was an important part of life but Dean didn't understand how deer season could possibly have any import in the real world. His father was a weird man to say the least.

The cab ride took far too little time, Dean tapped his feet nervously after the driver pulled up to a bar or club based on the music. He eyed the neon sign, cheap, the place looked cheap. What could possibly go wrong with a 26 year old going into a bar after nearly 6 years? But as fate would have it, things don't go as expected,naturally.

Dean stepped into the bar, wondering why there were people winking at him? Was this what flirting was? Oh.

The bar had dim lit red lights causing everyone's faces to have a rosy glow. But they all looked a bit hazy from the drinks anyway, droopy eyes and lazy grins adorned nearly every face. There were the flirty women with a tendency to lean over ever so often, trying for their conquest of the night. The heartbroken men and women alike, drowning their sorrows in alcohol. The regulars who seemed much to familiar with the setting and sat in the corner of the bar, not minding what was around them. The enthustiac under age and just of age teenagers and adults, who were very eager to simply "party". Meaning grinding on each other until exhaustion hit. But Dean couldn't identify anyone like him, anyone who didn't really want to be here. There were people who had a stressful day at work, however, the loose ties and abondned suits proof. Dean himself had loosened his tie and swung his jacket over his shoulder, not giving any fucks anymore. He needed alcohol in his system. Now.

He slid into the bar stool, after watching other people doing it casually. Unfortunately Dean didn't do it as easily and bumped into a man seated next to him.

"Watch it.", growled a deep voice.

Blue eyes flashed to him and Dean was taken aback by the contrast in the man's bright blue eyes, which could be seen as clear as day, even with the red lighting. His hair looked messy, crowned over his head sticking up in just the right places. He wore a dark black jacket with what looked like flannel. Dark blue, to make his eyes stand out even more.

The guy visibly eyed Dean up and down, smirking at him as Dean flushed. He didn't mean to hit the guy. He really didn't.

"Sorry-I-"

"No problem good-looking."

Dean flushed even darker, he may not be good with flirting but he could sure tell by the way the man acted and practically undressed Dean with his eyes that he was flirting. A foreign concept really.

What really sucked was the way his heart kind of just exploded into tiny pieces, although he wasn't a fan of flirting, partly because he didn't understand it. This guy was HOT. It didn't take a Casanova to figure that out. But Dean had given up on feelings in middle school after not even knowing how to feel. He liked girls, sure but he also liked guys. And truthfully, he didn't have time for feelings, school occupied most of his time. People did express interest him, after all Dean Winchester was anything but average looking, but he didn't know how to reciprocate those feelings. Basically Dean sucked at flirting.

The man turned in his stool so that he faced Dean completely and tilted his head curiously, "Never seen you here before."

"I've never been here before." Dean admitted, not being able to look away from the man's eyes.

The man hummed a bit while he held out his hand and as he finished his drink said,"Castiel."

Dean hesistantly shook Castiel's hand.

"Dean."

Castiel screamed self confidence, in the way he sat, the way he spoke, hell in the way he drank. Everything Dean wasn't really.

But Castiel looked so familiar like Dean's seen him somewhere. Work maybe? Although Castiel didn't look like someone who would work in an office. He had more of a rock god vibe going on. Dean liked that vibe.

He totally could dig that vibe.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Oh sure." Dean shuffled awkwardly, even though he was in a chair, he somehow managed to awkwardly shuffle.

Castiel shouted something to the bar tender who winked at him, Castiel winked back much to Dean's dismay. He wasn't sure why that bothered him yet.

Dean nursed his drink, still getting used to the burning of the drink while it made it's way down Dean's throat. But it didn't make him feel that way he wanted to. Which in fact was something, he just wanted to feel something for once in his life. Castiel must've thought that Dean was a lightweight but he really wasn't, he just didn't find the need for anything stronger till the 26 years of exhaustion known as his life finally caught up on him.

But honestly, the drink was useless but Castiel. Castiel was making hin feel things.

Weird things.

Good things.

And if Castiel was what he needed tonight, Dean wouldn't leave his side.

~time skip~

It was painful.

Extremely painful to watch Castiel flirt with nearly every girl at the bar. Occasionally a few men too. It was even more painful when Castiel punched a guy who made fun of the bees sewn on to the leather jacket he wore. Not that Castiel looked hurt, he looked fine. The man, not so much.

But Dean trained his eyes on Castiel and would not look away. When Castiel almost toppled over, Dean was the one who caught him. When Castiel tried to start another fight, Dean pulled him away. It was almost as if Dean was his guardian angel.

For the night.

He promised himself.

Only for the night.

Castiel did take an interest in him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Cause you're hot Dean." Sighed Castiel, he'd been flirting all night for gods-sake. But Dean didn't notice, naturally.

Oh what an eventful night this would be.

"Actually it's quite chilly in here."

[bestmovies0]

6 Terrible Stereotypes (That Came From Positive Things)

You probably expressed the view that every slur and negative stereotype jump from the minds of history’s most bigoted people, like that time Sir Misogynist fabricated sexism whole cloth in 1204. But history is more nuanced than that. Sometimes inventions, positive trends, and good aims end up harming the exact people they were supposed to help. Take how …

6

Every Witch Stereotype Comes From Women Working A Cool Job

Picture your favorite witch. Unless you moved with ‘9 0s Sabrina, you’re likely picturing an old woman wearing all black, with a pointy hat, a broom, and maybe hovering over a black kettle. You might have a felines in the mingle as well. Everything you portrait was a relic of a kind of cool minute in history when women could earn a living doing a very concrete task: brewing beer.

Medieval people who didn’t know jack about how the Universe operated, how to read, or why someone should fabricate toilet paper as soon as possible understood at least one thing us sophisticated modern characters can agree with: Their clean drinking water was garbage. Which was why some of them skipped water wholly and booze brew instead. In a world in which hunting, warring, whoring, and maybe cobbling (?) took up most of the day, boys didn’t have time to wait near a kettle to make their own beer. So the brewers were usually( pause for dramatic impact) … females . i>

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You could find them if you knew the right signs. Typically she’d be near a big black kettle. And she’d have a cat to retain all the barley-eating vermin at bay. She’d likewise have an ale stake, which they were required by law to display. What’s an ale bet? A long wooden pole with a bunch of branches at the end, like a broom. And if you were out and about at the market, you could look for the big black pointy hat they wore to stand out while selling their brewskies at marketplace. Sound familiar yet?

David Loggan The green skin thing may have been from a hangover.

But everything started to change for lady brewers in the 1300 s. Men suddenly decided that they craved in on the rising booze market, which entailed girls had to move their ass out of the behavior. And when they refused? Well, there was a certain medieval saying about smart, strong-headed females: witch! She’s a witch! Burn the witch!

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Suddenly , now that it suited the men, the tall hat became the witch’s evil uniform, and the barley-protecting feline a “familiar” given to her by Satan. And the broomstick? She plainly rode it to go to her secret devil sessions. And that simmering brew wasn’t beer anymore, but some sort of evil beverage that would induce you go all weird — you know, unlike brew. By the 14 th century, people had been poisoned( ironically) against the idea of female homebrewers, right in time for large-scale breweries to take over. And so today, super vexing guys will make sure you know all about their latest microbrew , not realizing their shitty hobby get girls burned at the stake.

5

“Dumb Blondes” Was Accidentally Birthed By The Suffrage Movement

Once upon a time, a troupe of blonde performing women arrived in New York from Great Britain. They set up shop doing a burlesque performance and constructed indecent sums of money. The purpose. Except that the particular day this story was in was 1868, so a lot of sexist bullshit then occurred.

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When we say these blonde wives performed burlesque, it wasn’t burlesque as we think of it today, which is basically stripping with better music and nipple tassels. No, this was the extremely-risque-for-its-time burlesque, wherein women put on a play-act while presenting their legs ! Legs covered in thick tights, like they’re some kind of comfortably warm prostitutes. Some of them even dressed like boys. The nerve! Being a living, breathing girl would have been enough for most misogynists at the time, but add in the sexy prancing, the cross-dressing, and the fact that these British immigrants were taking indecent American occupations, and you have massive outrage on your hands.

Via Musicals1 01. com “Is that a dog garmented as a lamb ?! Will these loose wives stop at nothing ?! “

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So far, so depressingly normal, right? Nonetheless, at the same time, these UK gals were drawing the ire of American suffragettes. These proto-feminists had a difficult tightrope to stroll. On the one hand, the burlesque musicians were owning their sexuality and succeeding at a task in public. On the other, they were openly mocking the suffragist movement — among many other things, like Shakespeare, way, and marriage. In the end, many decided to speak out against the blonde British beauties, enabling another stereotype: that of the sour-faced suffragette who can’t take a bloody joke.

One in particular, Olive Logan, simply couldn’t let it go, even denouncing the women in front of Susan B. Anthony, who had most significant shit to deal with than throwing tint. Logan talked at length about how these blondes were a detriment to the gender, as they had nothing to give intellectually or talent-wise, and people simply went to see them for their bodies. Soon the latter are being put down with the insult “British Blondes, ” which we’re sure we’ve understood printed on a Maxim cover somewhere.

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Eventually, this jargon wasn’t used to refer to simply the burlesque dancers anymore, but to any woman who was famous for her appears, the so-called “professional beauties.” “British Blondes” transformed into “dizzy blondes, ” which is an old-timey term for hella dumb, and so we arrived here the quaint insult still used to this day. It certainly is tragic that Susan B. Anthony, who fought her entire life for equality, could have nipped one of the most damaging female stereotypes in the bud by telling her friend to chill for a second.

4

Cops Eating Donuts Came From Long, Terrible Hours

During the daytime, you can stop in for little bit anywhere, but in the old days, if you were working the night shift and craved something to feed, your options were limited. Sure, you try to find an all-night diner or pack a big lunchbox and thermos, but for cops on the job, one of those is very impractical and the other constructs your collaborator call you a big ol’ nerd.

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But after World War II, a new food fad made the entirety of the U.S .: donut shops. And because donut shops basically operate like bakeries, they open crazy early. Abruptly cops had a one-stop shop to grab food and coffee on the go, keeping them fed and alert as they roved the street. And “its been” cheap too, so even when other options becomes available, they bided loyal to the hole.

Of course, donut stores enjoyed the fact that policemen would hang out at their venues — especially before dawn, when the drug fiends are at their most feral. Dunkin’ Donuts founder William Rosenberg claimed in his autobiography that he actively induced his stores the kind of places policemen wanted to hang out for a while.

3

The Idea That “Lesbians Drive Subarus” Saved The Company

Here’s one you might not “ve heard quite a bit about” “unless youre” homosexual: All lesbians drive Subarus. Weirdly specific, sure, but the stereotype has been hardwired into gay culture. Why? Because of a logical fallacy. Not all lesbians drive Subarus. But for a period, all Subarus were driven by lesbians.

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It all started when Subaru was completely bombing as a company. In the 1990 s, big flashy autoes were coming into manner, and the company’s modest, compact brand wasn’t cutting it anymore. Simply one part of their line was selling well: the four-wheel-drive vehicles. However, the company couldn’t figure why. Then, one executive had a mind-opening converses with a homosexual friend and realise the reason: lesbians.

Lesbians loved everything about the outdoorsy Subarus. They were small, dependable, and cute in an off-road culture that leaned more toward dick-swinging big rigs. This revelation did pose a problem, as Subaru couldn’t openly advertise to lesbians, because this was the ‘9 0s and even Friends was making a million gay gags. Alienating their heterosexual customers, nonetheless few there were, “wouldve been” corporate suicide. They had to stay in the wardrobe, advertising-wise, and had to be subtle. Their new ad bureau created a series of publish ads showing Subaru vehicles from behind, all of them with sapphic-signaling license plates. One plate said “Camp Out, ” and the other said “Xena Lvr, ” after lesbian icon Xena: Warrior Princess .

Subaru Since then, their ads have gotten a bit more direct.

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The final one said “P-towny, ” which supposedly stood for “Provincetown” and not the other favorite p-word.

By 2000, when we all started to loosen a bit more, Subaru decided to go all in, gay-wise. They hired ex-tennis-player and famous lesbian Martina Navratilova as their spokesperson. As dog whistles run, it perked all the ears in the country. And it worked! 12 months ago, and Subaru had its best-ever sales time. The lesbian gamble had paid for by in spades.( Lesbians like gardening, right ?)

2

Hollywood Made The Festive Latina Stereotype To Sell Movies To Latinos

During WWII, Hollywood had a problem. Europe was being overrun by Nazis, which means they weren’t buying American movies!( Likewise demise and demolition, etc. etc .) So the studios necessity a new foreign market to compensate for the loss in revenue. Fortunately, there used to be plenty of movie fans waiting for them south of the border. Simply one problem: They were the same people Hollywood had been racist to since day one.

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Previously, South Americans and Mexicans had been negatively typecast as the bad dudes in movie — bandits tying females to qualifies and things. But with this new upsurge of Latin-oriented movies, they had to become good guys. However, Hollywood kind of … overcompensated. Needing a new Hispanic stereotype, Hollywood looked to Brazilian Carmen Miranda.

20 th Century Fox

She was the fruit-wearing, banjo-strumming, happy-go-lucky Latina who managed to get people crazy about bananas. And despite her best intents, a new Hispanic stereotype was born, one of the constantly happy, guitar-playing, sing, samba-dancing dummy.

According to one novelist for The Washington Post in 1942, the new movies constructed it seem like it was always Carnival and everyone “re dressed like” Carmen Miranda with skimpy clothings and fruit on their heads. You can see why this didn’t go over so well with people who lived there, those hard workers who were mostly non-fruit-covered.

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Miranda’s influence can still be felt today, when you ascertain person like Sophia Vergara. Now the highest-paid wife on television, her “act” is the happy Latina — she even dyed her blonde whisker brown to conform to the dark and somewhat stereotype. A stereotype that trumps other stereotypes. Ay, caramba . i>

1

Most Racist Job Stereotypes Come From Success Stories

This might shock you, but Americans used to be rather shitty to immigrants. Hard to believe, we know. Not content to simply impair them economically, socially, and culturally, people had to start calling them names as well. But despite those severe limitations, many immigrants rose to the occasion, creating empires out of the scraps that had been left for them.

Which simply devoted people further ways of being racist.

While now a lighthouse of progressiveness and decent coffee, 1800 s San Francisco had a serious racism difficulty, what with the many immigrants “re coming out” over the Pacific. Most San Franciscans discovered them far too … what’s the word … not-white for their inclination, and refused to work with them. Eventually, the only two areas these Chinese immigrants observed openings were in the restaurant business and taking in laundry. The pioneer of laundry was Wah Lee, who called himself “King Lee”( awesome) and set up a laundry business in Chinatown around 1855. As his business thrived, his Chinese employees were inspired by his success and started setting up their own laundry enterprises. Soon there were dozens, then hundreds, and by the 1880 s, over 7,500 all across California. So naturally, as a reward for their ingenuity and drive, 150 year later, Chinese immigrants are still linked to the idea they are the absolute best at getting stains out.

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The exact same has come to Vietnamese. During the Vietnam War, Hollywood royalty Tippi Hedren( of The Birds fame) noticed two phenomena: 1) Many Vietnamese women fleeing their homeland were stuck in refugee camps with no way to earn money, and 2) Get your fingernails done cost a lot of fund. Hedren decided to kill two issues with one stone and fly in her own manicurist to teach Vietnamese the trade and give the free market of nails a shot in the arm. Soon, business was booming. These days, 51 percentage of all manicurists (8 0 percent in California) come from Vietnamese backgrounds. But while Hedren is celebrated as both a great actress and the godmother of the fingernail industry, Vietnamese females only get stereotyped to hell.

Via BBC Hedren in back row, middle.( We guess. All white people seem the same to us .)

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Of course, America didn’t invent occupational racism. For that, you have to look to the treatment of Jews in medieval Europe. They were are prohibited from doing or owning almost anything, but one field that was open to them was banking. Christians were are prohibited from accusing concern because of something Jesus had once said in the Bible, so they weren’t that keen on the whole banking nonsense. Nonetheless, Jews had no such restrictions, so European commonwealths utilized this religion loophole to get their financial infrastructures off the ground. Eventually, Jews had a decent job prospect, and all that was asked for in return was for them to live in ghettos and wear a badge or hat so that you are able tell who they were at first glance — a bargain that really didn’t work up in their favor.

Unfortunately, like bankers today, Jews didn’t build themselves popular by charging people interest, and soon the stereotype leapt up that Jews were greedy and money-hungry. So you force outsiders into a profession and then dislike them for doing that profession correctly? Stop being such a Christian stereotype.

Screw it, be a witch. Brew some brew at home. Here’s a good read on how to get started . i > b>

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from https://bestmovies.fun/2018/01/22/6-terrible-stereotypes-that-came-from-positive-things/

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i thought to myself, “i dont want to be in love with someone who doesn’t want a future.”

and maybe some years ago i wouldve taken this thought as an action - i might’ve tried to create a rift in the relationship or seek things out to confirm suspicions (which has already been close to happening anyways) so i would have a reason to not be in love with them - so i could make them the enemy; a person doing something “bad”. 

but i guess i’m old enough now to understand this statement. it’s not an action; it’s a thought and it can be taken point blank. i dont _want_ to be in love with someone. because that’s painful and useless and so, so sad. 

he said, “we’ve been hanging out a lot. maybe we can hang out tomorrow.” 

i’ve gotten this before. and it’s a bit ironic, i knew i wouldn’t really see him today because we had an event to go to. and i was okay with that - i guess romanticizing this glamorous idea that we’re somebodies - we’re “something” going out and we kiss and go home. 

but i really dislike having no control over things at all. and it’s not that i want to “control” anybody or anything - i just feel like his availability to me is very circumstantial and is one of the worst processes in the relationship. it continually adds to my anxiety and maybe even my insecurities. 

i know i have issues with perceived abandonment. which is completely and totally fair to my life situation - i no longer see it as a true flaw to my being but as a statement of my life. why wouldnt i? a person would develop such feelings over time if they had my experiences as well. is it an issue? issues can be fixed. so is it an anxiety or an insecurity? maybe it’s just both. 

i want to be able to be like hey, i’m coming over, see you soon. just one time be able to do that. and after nine months and developing the relationship we have, i feel like i should be able to. but anytime i’ve tried, i’ve been deterred. why cant it be like, i’ll see you tomorrow at 6? or around 8? like it always feels like when we say goodbye, there’s a possibility i wont see him again. not like hes going to die, but that he could just get up and walk away. just wake up tomorrow and decide this isn’t what he wants. does my presence even make a difference in that kind of decision? probably not - but i have this fear because he speaks openly about everything, including his desire to move away and take trips and just generally not care that i’m someone who he’s developed a close relationship with. 

not that i’m saying he should _not_ do these things either. he should; but the way he speaks about them it just sounds like he could become a new person in a new life tomorrow. and maybe he could. i also don’t believe he doesn’t actually care at all about me. but his caring increasingly feels obvious at arm’s length and frequently one sided towards him. 

it could be worth talking about. which is so scary and real because i’ve never really ever in my life put myself out there like that. i’ve done desperate and dumb things, but they were more in jest that turned out embarassing later because it was just like.. not the right time or place or frame of mind. but he also doesnt like talking about relationship things. it’s easier for him to think this isn’t a relationship that requires talking about in such ways. but we’ve talked about things before - we’re so close because of our ability to communicate with each other and neither of us has ever gotten along with someone on these level. 

but to bring up the fact that i have this ever lingering feeling of something not being right within myself - i dont know. like i believe he can live his life. just do whatever the fuck he wants to do. and in return i also have that same freedom and that’s great. we live individual lives and get to be individual people and it’s kind of new to both of us because we’ve siphoned our identities alot from our partners at the time. so to get to truly be ourselves in the most pure ways is great. 

truly though, i just want to be with someone. i dont want to sit alone in an apartment. its literally my least favourite thing and i do it _all the fucking time_. i could solve these problems by going out but at the en of the day you still return to sit in an empty apartment. 

it sounds kind of basic though doesnt it? maybe kind of whiny - “i just want to be with someone”. i’m not alone now. i guess? maybe this truly is not highschool anymore. maybe it’s not about “having” someone. i dont need to have this “boyfriend” in my life. this person i see on a semi regular basis to hang out and have sex with. i need to build a family. like - i did it professionally. and i’ve grown through it as well and like i’m not saying i want to have children (at all) tomorrow or get married but i want to be apart of someones life. i want to see the people they care about. i hope to have the ability to care about them too. i want to make decisions together and bare the weight of those decisions together. i want to feel a responsibility to their well being and feel the necessity in creating an easement to achieve whatever it is they want to do or be. i want to feel a stronger obligation to be better to myself to be able to fulfill my own goals and contribute to theirs more positively. 

in my romantic world - we’d move in together next week and create this fantastic little life and i’d just be better in some way. i don’t know. but in reality my anxiety about wanting to be able to say ‘see you tomorrow around 6′ just one time translate to a bigger issue of wanting to be able ot say, hey in 6 months do you thik we could think about living together? do you think we could start building _something_ instead of just spinning our wheels? 

which i know is something he already is dealing with in his personality to begin with - he’s spinning his tires completely and i’m in the back seat smoking weed and eating cookies, occassionally getting out to stretch my legs or being forced to walk to get gas. 

he’s said we’re walking our individual paths and if those paths happen to cross, then great - if not, it’s okay. he did this skit that i’ve been thinking about a lot. and maybe he didn’t think about it when he wrote it, or maybe it’s about something else compltely but one quote always comes to mind, “she guided us here. she knew the way.” maybe in some subconcious connection it’s like i took him down this path. maybe i’m forcing him down it - or maybe he feels like i am. 

he told me he loved me, that he was in love with me, within two months of us being together. which he himself knew was weird and maybe inappropriate to say. is it wrong now to ask at nine months what we’re doing? 

it’s not really about seeing him tomorrow. or the day after. or next week. it’s about how long in the future will i see him and to what proximity can we work towards that being. i want to try and see a future. maybe thats a positive thing even. maybe thats why its pressing on me as much as it has been. i want to see a future. i want to see what will happen in six months. i want to be here in six months; not “here” but like, existing on the planet. and i want to plan in some way for that. i’m feeling like change needs to happen. i’m also spinning my tires, if i’m being honest about myself.  i’ve been picking at smal things - cleaning out closets & organizing things that are meaningless, cutting my hair & just being hyper detail oriented because i want change. i’ve even come so far to accept giving up my cats. i’ll keep them for as long as possible but i think i’ll live if i have to do something about owning them. i’ve cleared out a lot of things i own because theyre not useful or old or broken and it’s left me with the necessities and a few other things. i feel like i could let go of more and live fine. i’d almost like to live in a room again. but maybe it’s just feeling the big emptiness of this apartment. 

within a thin veil of positivity though is still a deep depression. i do feel like its a daily battle to do even the bare minimum. i have a really long way to go and i know that and the support i’ve been given has been top notch. i couldnt really ask for better from someone who doesnt really have that much of a connection to me outside of the one weve recently built. hes been a truly amzing human being. he has really not asked for anything in return either, but i dont think ive given him a reason to. 

i managed to help organize a show & make a book cover for a published book this year amidst the worst depression and health issues of my life because i’m still trying. i’m still fucking here. i truly did not want to be and i’m a little hesistant now but i’m still here. and i’ll be here tomorrow. i guess in some ways i feel like .. imagine what i could do with a little hope? beyond support now; what about hope? just something that could make me believe that what i want is in my future and if its not then let me move on. let me grieve and move on. i fear loss in my life and i think those who know me fear loss in my life for me as well - like it’ll have to be a life long bond now that we’re friends. and maybe sometimes i’d even like it to be, but i know friends come and go. 

on a personal level i feel like he’s kind of my best friend and someone whos one of a kind to my life not becuse he’s so unique but because hes so similar. he’s truly normalized alot for me and allowed me to feel like an actual human and not some demented version of one. i will honestly cherish knowing that. so i have no problem hanging out with him regularly. i truthfully see him about 4 hours a day, where he may also be playing video games for atleast half or more of those hours. which is fine, but i wish he’d recognize that despite me being there, its nothing really special. 

i know he loves me. and i guess hes so good in so many other ways that it’s even hard to point out these things because i dont even want to paint the picture that this is some lazy uncaring jerk. he works all the time and gives alot of his free time to me when he could be alone or with others. and i appreciate and respect that but i feel even after nine months i’m intruding. i want to feel comfortable. i want to know i have a place with him in his life. but right now i’m just.. there. just this little shadow that he sometimes has. 

professionally i know if i shake my haze and harness the lessons ive learned and shed my own perceptions, i’ll build to something worthy. maybe financially viable. i dont know if itll be stable, i dont know if itll be a lot but i know i can do something. ive truly created something people believe to have a competitive edge and ive realized that knowledge i have is beyond the general public. i can do something very real and very serious and i believe even the people around me know i have the power to do that but i’m fucked up just enough to linger in the background; always lingering in the background.

can i sell a hypothetical? can i use it as a standing point - that i “know” somewhere in the future, i’ll be something more than this. i’ll have success in something, somewhere. you just have to trust and believe in me. which is just an odd statement to make and a really shaky ground to stand on. 

i need to quietly refocus - regardless. and i say that hesistantly; “regardless” means nothing has changed or i’m just left with nothing on this end of the spectrum. i was already looking forward to doing work tomorrow and i want to / am trying to build the energy & desire to really go through with a fine tooth to step it up that much more. but this has a cloud over it as well. i could wake up and decide its all not worth it because theres no hope. i cannot fully achieve what i want to be and do alone.i am prepared to always trade myself and my variety of skills for non-monetary gains in my life to live with the success that i want. 

my father told me that in order to succeed in school, you had to play their game. and thats applicable to much of life - life is a long drawn out very complicated with questionable rules game. maybe with some pieces missing as well. and if you figure out a way to play the game, you’ll survive. you might win, but most will just make it to the end. some get taken out too. some just dont figure out how to play the game. have i? i dont know. but i’m putting faith in my method because i entered the game slightly too late and dont have time or resources to catch up. i guess unfortunately part of the plan is convincing someone else to invest their time and resources into my plan. 

am i talking about business or romance now? i cant even remember.