#8x24 Unleashed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ncislaficexchange · 7 years

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Postmortem

AN: Post-ep for Unleashed (8x24). Deeks and Kensi visit Sam and Kamran.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kensi rang the doorbell, the diamonds of her engagement ring sparkling in the midafternoon sun. Sam knew they were coming, but Kensi would have been only mildly surprised if he didn’t answer. According to Callen, his partner hadn’t taken up any of his numerous offers to visit.

It had been nearly three weeks since she and Deeks last saw Sam and the kids. They’d hugged goodbye on the day of Michelle’s funeral and promised to be available anytime, for anything. They’d meant it, but assumed that their teammate wouldn’t reach out to them.

Taking matters into her own hands, Kensi left Sam a voice mail earlier in the week reminding him that she had experienced the loss of a parent in her adolescence and reiterating her offer to talk with Aiden and Kamran. Sam texted back that he thought Kam could use her support, and they agreed on today.

“What if he doesn’t open the door?” Deeks asked, his thoughts obviously running along the same path as hers.

“Pick the lock? When the alarm sounds, he’ll come out.” She was only half-joking. Deeks thought they should have waited a little longer before reaching out to the Hannas, but Kensi was adamant that too much time not pass.

When the door finally opened, Kensi and Deeks both did their best to hide their shock at Sam’s appearance. Whether they’d been successful they would never know, as Sam barely looked at them.

The former Navy SEAL, one of the most squared away men Kensi knew, looked like hell. His face and head were still clean shaven, but that was probably the only thing that reminded her of “their” Sam.

He’d lost weight, so his shirt was roomier than they were used to seeing. His eyes were bloodshot and the bags beneath them could carry all of Kamran’s clothes to Keating next month. The skin of his face appeared dull, as if he’d recently been ill. Sam’s normally military bearing was replaced by slightly slumped shoulders and eyes that dragged the floor rather than meeting theirs. He looked like he was about to fall asleep standing up.

“Sam,” Kensi said on an exhale, wanting nothing more than to wrap her arms around the man. She fought the impulse because she thought it would make her cry, and she and Deeks were here to support the Hannas, not the other way around.

Sam was mute as he opened the door fully and stepped back to allow them entrance. When Kensi and Deeks remained silent as well, preferring to take their lead from Sam, he finally spoke. “Thanks for coming. Kam’s in her room, Kensi. You remember where that is?”

“Yes.” It was clear Sam was not in the mood to talk. Kensi felt bad for Deeks, about to be left here with their teammate, but figured if anyone could occupy both sides of a conversation, it was her fiancé. Giving Deeks a reassuring look, she said, “I’ll head on up then.”

Watching her go, Deeks thought about a course of action. He didn’t know what he expected to find today, but it wasn’t this. Sam seemed so preoccupied Deeks wondered if he would just leave the room and forget someone else was even in the house. “Mind if I get some water?” Deeks asked, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.

“No, go ahead. I’m going to the garage,” Sam said before he left.

Walking toward the kitchen, Deeks scanned the rooms he passed along the way. He was relieved that place was as clean and organized as ever. Pulling a couple of bottles of water from the fridge, Deeks made his way to the garage, unsure of his welcome.

Sam was at a workbench, cleaning a gun. There was a collection of firearms displayed in a cabinet on the wall. Deeks put a water on the table and used the other to point to the small armory, “Need a hand?”

Sam stopped what he was doing and looked briefly at Deeks, and the detective was almost sure his teammate was on the verge of asking where Deeks had come from. Sam didn’t speak, but pulled a gun from the case and placed it in front of him. He then pulled open a drawer and Deeks helped himself to the supplies he would need to clean the weapon.

They worked, the room quiet but for the sounds of them brushing and rubbing metal, for several minutes before Deeks settled on what he hoped was a safe topic of conversation. “Aiden doing okay? I mean, as okay as he can be?”

Sam didn’t answer for long enough that Deeks was about to give up hope he would respond at all. When he did, his voice was low. “Aiden would have been here; I wanted him to have the chance to talk to Kensi too, but he has to find volunteer work ASAP.”

“What is that for, some sort of honor society?” Deeks observed.

Sam shook his head. “He had a summer internship lined up at Joint Base Lewis-McChord in Washington State, but with Michelle’s death the commandant at Keating arranged for Aiden to intern part-time at LA AFB instead so he could be at home. He needs to make up the rest of the time with community service hours.” Deeks was glad to notice Sam’s voice becoming more powerful with use.

“How about at a soup kitchen?”

When Sam looked at him this time, his eyes were clearer and focused on him. Deeks was relieved to see it. “That could work.”

“Kensi and I volunteer at one downtown a couple of times a year, and usually at Christmas. Earnestine Lewis runs it; she’s a great lady and I’m sure Aiden would be a big help. She’ll have him doing everything from mashing potatoes to scrubbing pots to picking up donations. When he’s impressed her with that, Earnestine will let him show off his manners on the food line. They’ll love Aiden, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he loves it too and we end up seeing him there sometime during Christmas this year. You want me to reach out to her?”

At Sam’s nod, Deeks pulled out his phone and hit a few buttons. “Hey Ernie, it’s Marty Deeks, how are you, sweetheart?” He smiled as he listened to the woman on the other end. “No, not right now, but I have someone better who can easily do what Kensi and I can get done. His name is Aiden Hanna, and he attends military school during the year, but for the summer he’s looking to do some community service while he’s not interning at Los Angeles Air Force Base…Yeah, he’s a great kid, very responsible, smart, respectful, and able and willing to do anything you need…Does he have a driver’s license?”

Deeks looked at Sam, who nodded in the affirmative. “He sure does. He’s actually out right now looking for a place to volunteer, so I’ll text him and see if he can meet you this afternoon.” Deeks raised his eyebrows at Sam, who took his own phone out and began typing. “So how’s Colton doing?” Deeks walked away from the workbench as he listened to Earnestine catch him up on her husband’s welfare. “Kensi’s great, thanks for asking. All healed from her accident and back to work full time, so she’s happy as a clam at high tide.” Deeks sneaked a peek at Sam before answering the woman’s next question carefully, “Uh, yeah. Yeah, there might definitely be something there next time we see you.”

Sam said, “Aiden can be downtown in an hour.”

“Hey, great news, Aiden can be there in about an hour, ready to interview…Let me just send him the address and hopefully the two of you can work something out…You got it, Earnestine, same to Colton…I will, you too. Bye.” Deeks took Sam’s phone and typed in the soup kitchen’s location before handing it back to him.

“Thanks for that, man. I really appreciate it. Aiden does too,” Sam showed Deeks his phone, complete with his son’s message of thanks to the detective.

“No problem. At least it’s something I can actually do.” Deeks glanced quickly at his teammate and continued, “I wish there was some way we could help you though this, Sam.”

“Really nothing you can do,” Sam assured him.

“That’s what Kensi said, some things you just can’t make better for someone else. I’ll take her word for it since she’s had a loss like the kids. But if there’s anything, even the smallest thing that you guys need, you’ll let one of us know?”

“Sure,” Sam said.

Deeks didn’t think he would, but he sounded more sincere than he had weeks ago at the luncheon. “Is it okay if Kens or I reach out to you periodically, just in case you think of something but don’t want to ask? I mean, hell, Kensi can come by and mess up the place a little – okay, who am I kidding, a lot – give you more cleaning to do, for when you’re done with the guns.”

Sam almost chuckled, “Doesn’t mean I’ll pick up the phone or answer the text, but yeah. And if I forget later, will you make sure to thank Kensi for talking to Kam? This has been so hard on her. I really hope Kensi can give her a little perspective.”

Deeks agreed and the pair was quiet again as they returned to the care of the guns. Deeks broke the silence a while later with a whispered question, “If you knew then how things would end, would you change the life you lived with Michelle? Your careers, kids, any of it?”

His response was an immediate, “No.” After a few seconds, Sam continued, “Knowing what I know now, I would have killed Tahir Khaled last year at Keating, or any time before that when I had the opportunity.” His voice gained strength as he said, “I’m grateful for every second with Michelle and our children.” Sam paused and looked at Deeks suspiciously, “Why? Are you having second thoughts about proposing to Kensi?”

Deeks grinned, “That ship’s already sailed, brother. She popped the question and I said yes.”

The smile on Sam’s face, while small, was the best gift Deeks could have received just then, and he welcomed the handshake and brief hug his friend offered. “She got tired of waiting for your grand scheme to come together, huh?”

“Something like that,” Deeks hedged.

“Well I’m glad for you both, however it happened. You guys deserve all the happiness you can grab, for as long as you’re fortunate to have it. Don’t let what happened to Michelle scare you off marriage and kids. Let it remind you to make the most of every day.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The door to Kamran’s room was closed, but Kensi could hear the beeps and chirps of what sounded like a video game. When she knocked, the noises went silent and seconds later, Kamran said, “Come in.”

When Kensi did, she found Sam’s daughter sitting cross-legged on the floor, her back against the bed. Her phone was face-down on the carpet beside her, and Kensi assumed that was what she’d been playing with.

“Hey, Kam,” Kensi said.

“Hi Kensi.” Kamran’s voice was unsurprisingly sad.

“Can I sit?” When she nodded, Kensi sat down next to her and mirrored her position. Kensi said quietly, “I’m not going to ask you how you are, because it’s a stupid question.” That got the girl’s attention. “But I will ask what kind of day you’re having. An okay day, a bad one, even horrible? It’s way too soon for a good day, so don’t even think about saying that.”

Kamran shrugged. “A bad day, I guess. Pretty much like all of them.”

“Yeah,” Kensi commiserated. “Listen Kam, I just want to let you know that I get it.” When the tween looked up questioningly, Kensi continued, “My dad died when I was fifteen. He was murdered too.”

“I’m sorry,” Kamran said with sincerity for Kensi’s loss. “But it’s not really the same thing. This was my mom.”

“No, it’s not the same thing. I don’t think any two people’s grief ever is. But I was a real tom-boy when I was a kid, and I was much closer to my dad than my mom growing up. He was my best friend.”

“What happened to the person who killed him?”

“It took me a very long time to find him. But I did, and he’s dead now.”

“Did you kill him?”

“No, but I wanted to.”

“My dad said the same thing. And that what’s important is that he can’t hurt us anymore.”

“But that’s not exactly true, is it? He took your mom away from you, and that will hurt forever.”

“Does it ever get better?”

“It does, eventually. For me, the first two years were the hardest, because everything reminded me of my dad, and sometimes just thinking about him was like a punch to the gut. I can’t tell you how many times I thought, I have to remember to tell Dad that, only to have it hit me that he was gone.”

The tears started down Kamran’s cheeks, “I go to look for my mom or text her about ten times a day! And I get so mad, because it’s like, how could I forget that she’s dead, you know? But it’s not that I forget, it’s just not right in the front of my head for a second or two, and then when it comes back it hurts all over again.”

“I know, sweetie, and I’m so sorry,” Kensi pulled Kamran into her arms, and the girl came willingly. She cried freely, while Kensi held her and rubbed her back.

When Kamran’s tears started to ease, Kensi said, “One day it didn’t hurt as much to think about him. I like talking about my dad now, sharing happy memories of him. But to this day, almost twenty years later, sometimes I still miss him so much I want to cry.”

“Like when?” Kamran asked as she pulled out of Kensi’s embrace and wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeves.

“Mostly the big events in my life. When I joined NCIS I desperately wanted to be able to tell him and see the look on his face, to know that he was proud of me. My biggest regret right now is that he never got to meet Deeks.” She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, “Your dad may or may not know this by now, but Deeks and I got engaged a little while ago. That night in the shower, I blubbered like a baby because I couldn’t tell my father. When we get married, I know it’ll be impossible to think of him and not cry. When we have a baby of our own, I’ll be sad that he’s not there to meet his grandchild.” Kensi’s eyes were watering now too. “It gets easier, but I’m not sure it ever goes away. And honestly, I wouldn’t want it to.”

Kamran nodded. They sat quietly for a minute or two, each lost in her own thoughts. Kensi finally asked, “What things do you admire most about your mother, Kam?”

The girl’s face lit up in a smile even as the tears began again, “She was the best mom, and she always helped me with my homework until she knew I could do it by myself. She was beautiful. And so smart and brave, and she gave the best hugs and cuddles.”

“Those are the things you’re going to remember forever, and they’ll always make you happy to think about. I don’t know what kind of hugs and cuddle she gave, but I can believe that she was an incredible mother for those reasons and a million others. And I agree, she was beautiful, smart, and brave.” Kensi paused. Looking at the sad young lady, she decided Kamran probably needed to hear this right now, more than much else Kensi could tell her. “You take after her, you know. You’re beautiful, smart, and brave too.”

Kamran looked down, embarrassed by the compliment, or perhaps surprised by the comparison to her mother. “Mom always told me how smart I am, but I don’t know about beautiful, and I’m not brave at all!”

“Well I’m not going to try to convince you that you’re beautiful, since it won’t work anyway. But I will tell you to think about your mother, father, and brother, objectively if you can. They are some fine-looking people, and if you ever tell your dad I said that, he’ll never let me live it down,” Kensi chuckled. “And then think about how unlikely it is that you’re not just as beautiful too.”

The shy smile on Kamran’s face was enough to convince Kensi she’d said the right thing, but would leave it at that. “And as for brave, I know you are, and I know that because your mom told me.”

“Really?” Kamran’s voice and face were full of wonder now.

“Remember that Christmas Deeks and I were here with our moms? Your mom and I spent some time chatting, and she told me that you had just announced an interest in attending Keating. She was so proud of you and awed by how much courage it took for a young girl to even think about leaving home to go to a military academy.”

“She said she was impressed with me,” Kamran whispered.

“She really was, honey. I’m sure there are plenty of people who can tell you what your mom thought or felt about you, and anything else you want to know.” Kensi tapped Kam’s hand with a finger. “That always made me feel good: hearing about my dad from other people who knew him.” Kensi stopped again, debating if she should say what had just popped into her mind. “Would you like me to tell you the story of how your mother saved my life?”

“She saved your life? My dad says you can kick anyone’s ass –“ Kamran stopped abruptly, realizing she just cursed to an adult.

Kensi laughed lightly, “Don’t worry about it. I won’t tell your dad about that lapse in language if you won’t tell him about mine. Your mom kicked some serious ass herself. And on that particular day, she saved her own life and mine…” Kensi shared a less dramatic version of how Michelle Hanna pulled herself up from dangling thirty floors above the ground and then took out the Barbie who was about to grab the gun she and Kensi were both scrambling for. “Your mother was an amazing woman, Kam, and you should always remember and be proud of that.”

“I will,” Kamran said, still somewhat amazed by what she’d just heard.

“Good,” Kensi took the pre-teen’s hand in her own. “I need to tell you one more thing and then I’ll leave you alone if you want.”

“Do you have to go?”

“Not if you don’t want me to, no. We can keep talking about your mom, or about anything but your mom, or nothing at all, but I’ll give you the choice, okay?”

Kamran nodded and Kensi blew out a quick breath. “You and I are members of a club no one wants to be in. We know what it’s like to lose a parent at a young age. But you were right before when you said that it was different because it was your mom. Even though I was closer to my father than my mother, there’s still something about a mother-daughter relationship that’s special, isn’t there?”

“Yeah, Mom and I fangirled over some of the same cute actors. Can’t do that with my father. Or Aiden,” she wrinkled her nose at the thought.

“That would just be weird,” Kensi agreed. “My parents divorced the year before I lost my father, and I chose to live with my dad. But after he died I refused to live with my mother, even though she was all I had left.”

“Who did you stay with?”

“How about if we save that story for another time?” Kensi suggested. “But let’s just say that when my father died, I basically lost both of my parents. And even though I was a tomboy who idolized my father, by the time I was older and dating, or falling in love for the first time, and things like that, I really wished I had my mom around to talk to.”

“I was thinking about that the other day,” Kamran’s voice cracked as she held back tears.

“Your father, and I’m sure your brother, are willing to do anything and answer any question for you, and you may have to rely on them for some of the things that you would have done with your mom. Like buying a dress for the winter formal or teaching you how to drive.”

Kamran rolled her eyes, “Dad had no patience teaching Aiden to drive. I’ll probably ask Aiden or Uncle Callen.”

Kensi smiled, knowing Sam would never allow her to teach his daughter that particular skill. “But there may be some things that they can’t do because you’re a twelve-year-old young woman and they’re guys who just don’t get it or really won’t know. I know you have an aunt in San Francisco and your grandmothers, and I’m sure they’ve already offered this as well. But I’m closer than they are when you’re at home, and if you need help with something that you’re not comfortable going to your dad with, and the women in your family are too far away, I want you to know that you can come to me, okay?”

Kamran was happily surprised. “Thanks, Kensi.”

“I mean it, Kam. Any time, day or night. Deeks and I are used to being woken up at all sorts of crazy hours, so don’t ever worry about that.”

“Okay, I promise.” This time it was Kamran who initiated the hug. Kensi could feel the girl’s hold tighten just as Kamran blurted, “Wait a minute, did you say you and Deeks are engaged?”

At Kamran’s suggestion, they spent a while talking about the proposal – Kensi not mentioning exactly where and when she asked Deeks to marry her – and ideas for the wedding. Hoping Sam wouldn’t mind, Kensi finished their conversation by asking Kamran to be her junior bridesmaid, a decision made on impulse, but one she guessed was right judging by the excitement on the pre-teen’s face.

“You can go if you need to,” Kamran offered soon after the wedding talk wound down.

“You’re sure?” Kensi asked. There was plenty more she wanted to share with the girl. Words of experience, if not wisdom, about it being okay to cry and not be embarrassed, or laugh and not feel guilty. But they’d just spent an emotionally charged hour or so together, and Kensi didn’t want to overdo it. She would just have to make sure to do this again a few more times over the summer if Kamran was open to it.

“Yeah. I’ll text you if I need anything,” she said.

“Maybe we can make plans to grab ice cream some night next week, or lunch over the weekend if you want. Do you like to bike or surf? We can do that too if you’d rather. We could talk about your mom and how things are going, or not. Whichever you’re in the mood for.”

“I’d like that,” Kamran said.

Kensi smiled. “Me too. Is it okay if I check in with you a couple of times a week, ask what kind of day you’re having?”

“Okay, bad, or horrible?”

“Yeah.”

Kamran nodded in agreement then asked in a small, unsure voice, “When will they start to get good again, Kensi?”

Kensi let out a sad sigh, “I wish I knew, honey. But that’s different for everybody. What I can tell you is that you’ve got a lot of people who love you and want those good days for you. They’ll help you get them back. And I know your mom would want not only plenty of good days, but lots of great and incredible days for you too.”

“Dad says she’ll be watching over us, so maybe she’ll send some of those days our way.”

Kensi smiled, “I bet she will.”

~~~~~~~~~~

As they pulled away from the curb in front of the Hanna house, Kensi asked, “So how was it with Sam?”

“He wasn’t very talkative, and I didn’t push. But we cleaned every gun in his arsenal. And I hooked Aiden up with Earnestine, so now he’s got a place to do his required community service for the summer.”

“That’s a match made in heaven.”

“I thought so. How’s Kam?”

“Hurting. Missing her mom. Pretty much what you’d expect. But she seemed receptive to me, and I’ll be checking in on her periodically to see how she’s coming along. I think I’ll try to take her out somewhere once a week if I can. She was really excited about the wedding. Oh, and she’s going to be our junior bridesmaid.”

“Great. Except I didn’t know we were having one.”

“Well, we are now.”

Deeks took Kensi’s hand and kissed it. “That’s awesome, then. It sounds like you two really connected. I wish I could say the same for me and Sam”

“Kids tend to be more open in general, I think. And except with Callen, Sam’s never been a Chatty Cathy, so you had the tougher job of the two of us by far. I was really worried about him when we first got there.”

“Me too.”

“Do we still have reason to be?”

Deeks let out a long sigh. “I think so, yeah. The only thing that got any real response from him was when I asked about the kids. Honestly, I don’t know how he’s going to handle it once they’re both at Keating.”

“Coming back to work will be a good distraction after Aiden and Kam leave,” Kensi assured him.

“He’s plenty distracted now, Kens. After today I’m wondering if he’ll even want to come back,” Deeks admitted.

Kensi shrugged, “Maybe he needs to find something else to do, then. He left the SEALs to join NCIS. He might decide he wants to be out of the field altogether, especially after Michelle.”

Deeks looked at her, unconvinced. “To do what, clean his weapon collection all day long?”

“He’s all Aiden and Kamran have left, Deeks. Maybe Sam’s should focus on staying alive long enough to watch Aiden and Kamran get married and have kids of their own one day. We’re planning to find another line of work when we have children, it’s really no different.”

“Except that we’ll be leaving to move onto another chapter in our lives. I’m afraid that if Sam does it, he’d be closing the book entirely. I don’t know if it’s because they’re more resilient or because they have each other and Sam to lean on, but the kids seem to be doing much better than their father right now, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon unless something’s done about it.”

“If that’s the case, I think you should tell Callen about today, let him know what’s going on. If Sam will respond to anyone, it’ll be him.”

“I hope you’re right,” Deeks said.

“They’re partners. And about as close as two people in our line of work can be without being married,” Kensi stated with confidence.

“Callen’s going to have his work cut out for him. Maybe Nate can drop into the country for a visit.”

“That’s a good idea. But it won’t just be Callen and Nate, babe. You understand what Sam’s going through. Maybe not to the same degree, but you’re the only other person on the team who’s experienced anything close to losing a wife. Nate and Callen can’t say that. I think in the end we’ll all have a role to play in Sam’s healing.”

Deeks nodded. “You’re right. We’re family. This is what we do.”

by - @psyched1328

#2k17 ncisla fic exchange

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