#ALSO YA HEAR THERES GONNA BE NEW EPS

[trashiny-draws]

gOD I LOVE THIS (EVOL) ÑERD

[badbitchwhomeditates]

Who the fuck is this bitch?!

Read that again. 

The answer is complex, not simple, which is what complex means you dumb fuck ( beep language kiddo). Ok, lets try that again...

Bad Bitch Who Meditates, a 23 year old singer with dreams bigger than the world itself, which is both a good and a bad thing, we will get to the importance of duality later. Either way she´s been struck by lightning and pushed into a corner loads of times in an industry where you have to fight to be heard and seen through the smallest of cracks. And yes I might also speak about myself in third person a lot, simply because I'm practicing being the main character from all perspectives, telling my story but also making everyday feel like an adventurous movie ( therefore the narrator vibes help).

Complaining, complaning, victim mindset bla bla bla you might think, im not gonna bore you, you know that things can be quite shit and you’ve probably heard about the `struggling artist” and all of that before. 

 Lets spread some more negativity shall we ey? 

Maybe not that either, im just welcoming you in to my brain and my stream of consciousness on the journey of becoming or remaining? we shall see.

Im not gonna be here being all fairy lights and glitter in my eyes either, I am tho some days, but lately I’ve been bad, not a bitch cause I would never, slightly a bitch towards myself and I haven’t really done my meditation, its like the second I put down ” bad bitch who meditates, thats my slogan” in a song, I was like, cool its in a tune now so I’ve done the work I can relax. 

Nope, it doesn’t stop. 

Consistency in self care, healthy habits and your mental diet, the way you speak to yourself, it doesn’t stop. And its fkn annoying sometimes, especially when your chemical imbalance is so imbalanced that you don’t wanna get out of bed. Ive probably dealed with anxiety and depression since my debut on X-factor, oh yeah shit sorry, I have a name too, Im Awa and I won X-factor Sweden at 15 years old, completely changed my life like a marriage, for better or for worse. In that marriage I found myself, lost myself and now im kind of finding myself again...

Ok this is the part below where you get to knoooow me or something...

 I guess why I wanted to start blogging again is A) I need to hold myself accountable to remain consistent with my glow up, cause I can proudly say I’ve really done some amazing progress and inner work B) I need to continue doing that and find my healthy balance and not put too much pressure on myself, ya get me? C) maybe help take away the stigma regarding mental health, and I wanna focus on the solutions, thats my whole new life concept 10 % problems, 90 % solutions, like if we are discussing something thats the ratio. Cause how can we ever see a solution if we go slow dancing w the problem for ages? 

 I know it can feel fkn amazing and cozy, like when you’ve been in bed w someone thats clearly not good for your heartstrings but you stay there anyway because for right now it feels all warm and fuzzy. 

Oh silly girl, I mean forgiveness, forgiving other people and forgiving myself that is def something we are going to have to discuss as well, its one of the things I’ve tried to commit to this year. Ive come to the conclusion that its harder forgiving yourself after being too nice, theres only so much space on the scale for resentment, but you go to bed with you all the time and you beat yourself up on why you allowed that to happen? (Did that make any sense??) 

Again, another lesson, feedback that we can grow from. Mind management, one of my fav terms, mind over matter. Damn sure that can feel extremely provocative said in the wrong situation. Im gonna be honest on here, ill make an oath or whatever its called ( oh yeah im also Swedish so we will have communication problems here and there, but whatever, I call that acceptance) ill be honest, personal but not private cause I need to protect my energy. 

I would declare myself a self care queen but babe writing this, I just had a massive argument w my friend, that made me sad ( oh im a cry baby too, thats even the title of my EP lol), I hate conflict but im really trying so hard to stand up for myself and understand that my feelings are valid too and that uncomfortable situations are growing pains for our souls. I had my first panic attack in ages because this year is just shit and things that I’ve worked on for so long just crumbled down in front of me and I just felt like I was again taking two steps forward and one step back but at least we are moving. 

Im not all sad, I’ve rightfully so have had a few bad 72 hours I would say, I don’t like this time of the year that much.  But I know why, because I've been slacking w my routines, the ones we´ve carefully selected through trial and error inna real life and w my therapist ( she's real too but you get what im sayin) , it's ok not to be ok either but we have to put some kind of time limit on it so we don't sink into that deep hole again, i don't wanna go back there and I know what keeps me with my head above water and sometimes even frkn flying. We wanna stay consistent w the flying, that feels good, that's a goal now ok? Cause I used to fall into that trap of the deep hole until the pain of the known got far greater than the fear of the unknown. 

Im happy we are here today, because as I said 10/90, nothing last forever, good or bad, which is comforting. Things will get better and we hold so much more power in our minds and souls than we realize that ultimately will mirror how we experience life. So im going to be on here, at least once a week, my therapist tells me not to set up crazy goals that I know I might not do because then it will make me feel shit etc so once a week feels reasonable.

 Im open to suggestions about what we can chat about, ill share my 10/90, I want my clever friends to maybe drop a quote or blog here and there, Im good on camera, like vlogs or some shit. I probably wont bring you around all the time cause I don’t have the technological brain cells for that to be very honest with you. Maybe ill just come up with cute formats to the camera, thats a word you are going to hear a lot, ”format”, I have a concierge business w my friend Amy on the side of my music career called ” Pure Intuition”, basically we create events, formats and campaigns for brands and make them come true with the right profile etc and we create FORMATS, but if you missed it or if I was unclear Im a super cool singer signed to Columbia UK which was my childhood dream, so we are going to make Columbia our BITCH in 2021 hihi <3 <3. I studied economic entrepreneurship in college and im very business savvy, I love creating formats lol. Im slowly but surely building my fempire. What else, boys, I like boys, men, cute ” god spent some extra time on you”- looking boys, I mean men. I guess we will touch on that in the most anonymous manner, maybe ill just share some past flings cause you know, they’re in the past, passé. So yeah who the fuck is this bitch? you will find out alongside me, myself and I

get ready for the ride

love and light,

badbitchwhomeditates 

[absolutelybifurious]

i have to write out my thoughts for this post mortem bc WOW WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE

buzzfeed unsolved social media coordinator is a hot mess

i hate watching shit on fb but OH WELL

i immediately love the eps where you can tell shane is going to be a complete shit THE ENTIRE TIME when he starts with things like ‘what a whopper’ literally who talks like that???

shane sounds hoarse and ngl the way he said “he has been vanquished” did something for me

shane's slight smile at ryan when ryans doing the “lot of wives” bit is v cute

also the bit itself was really cute i love ryan bergara

RYAN STOP SAYING HE KNEW WHAT WAS COMING

FUCK OFF. HE THOUGHT HE WAS IMMORTAL HES MAD THAT HE DIED OKAY RYAN. STOP.

I SAID STOP IT.

RIGHT NOW

ryan ofc its more satisfying that doesnt make you sadistic what a dork

“ultimately cut it out of the episode” not only are you saying it here and ruining it but you actually did kinda say something along those lines minus the facts IN THE EPISODE

ffs ryan

“thats how you laugh” shut up shane you know ryans real laugh is a gift from the gods and quite frankly how dare you even joke

shane pls stop doing the horse bits i die inside

pLEASE

heres shane trying to find out more about ryan and ryan immediately resorting to hating on the hotdaga (hard same ryan proud of you son)

THERES RYANS REAL LAUGH I LOVE HIM

i hate that they cant keep it all in ryan was saying “no no no” about shane being the new mickey i nEED THE FULL CUT

“U FUKKIN TIP IT BRO” shane is too confident about this i’m unnerved

“nah but i had some broccoli” this fucking.

SHANE IS SO EXCITED ABOUT DOING THE SNAP TO SHIRTS AGAIN

ryan is too cute looking back at shane saying “ya know y’know” its destroying me END MY LIFE RYAN BERGARA

shanes so engaged in this ep!!! my son!!!! keeping ryan on track!

OH 1046 IS MY FAVE

catch shane alexander madej calling ryan all the way out “you can leave if you want”

ryan: literally fucking sits there with a cheeky ass smile on his face literally doesn’t even PRETEND hes leaving fucking got u bby u love this

IOAFAFAFAWF

THE ARM

ON THE SHOULDER

THE SH O U LDE R

I CANNOT SPEAK OVER THE ALARM BELLS IN MY BRAI NO H M YGOD SHANES SO PLEASED 

he like breaks into a smile as he realizes ryans hasnt even attempted to move,,, his voice even pitches up its so sweet, and then hes like 

i know what im gonna do im gonna ruin every single fucking fans life right now to mAKE SURE THEY DONT HEAR A GODDAMN WORD OF THE THIS SHIT IM ABOUT TO SPEW

ryan tries to get out of that in the weakest way

i mean? is that fair? he does a full dance number to escape but like??? its so gentle and hes so smiley THIS IS THE BEST MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE

and shane does not give up easily

that is just??? the sweetest most delightful moment? im??? just???

ryans smile after it is even ugh, god, tis ??!?!?!Q

andi  appreciate ryan defending star trek sTOP RIPPING OFF STAR TREK SHANE

HOW DARE YOU

im ryan wandering around in the background reading a fucking book

ryans cute lil smile “that was pretty funny”

not even slightly but ok

HEY WHOEVER DECIDED ITS OKAY TO CUT OFF MY SON AT THE END OF EPISODES CAN MEET ME IN THE FUCKING PIT

anyway great ep 10/10 

[tabulae]

pt 2, the tt anthology

HIHI MISS YUKI I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT I GOT A 98 ON THAT 15PG LAB REPORT AHHHHH ((,: it was v difficult churning That Much microbiology but i’m vvv happy to be on my last week of the sem! i’m gonna finally start reading all the mangas i’ve been interested in (csm, aot, spy x family, horimiya, blue period) and just have time to RELAX ;; BUT ALSO AGAIN CONGRATS ON YOUR ADMISSION IM SO PROUD ((,: here is a celebratory cat video hehe

speaking of jjk. what da HELL was ch147 like???? WHAT WAS THE REASONNNN😭 istg akutami just pulls names out of a hat & is just like “them. that is who will die next” 😭😭 but GOD WHEN THE HIDDEN INVENTORY ARC GETS ADAPTED IM GONNA LOSEEEE MY MIND like is it so hard for there to be happiness in the jjk world💔 i just wanted SSS to be happy 😞

AND AHHHHHH THE KNY MOVIE!!! update i actually saw it again in theaters and man ;-; i cried more than the first time ;-; i literally wish i could talk about everything i loved in the movie but i don’t wanna spoil anyone sodnkd maybe i’ll send in another ask separately lol but THE SOUND DESIGN WAS SOOOOO GOOD i got such intense chills listening to the soundtrack! and AKAZAAAAAA AND RENGOKU💔 please i was on the edge of my seat for the last 30mins… and the flashback with his mom 😭 it was one of the pivotal moments to rengoku’s character & it was done sosoos beautifully in the movie. i literally could just gush about this movie! BUT DID YOU ALSO READ TANJIRO’S STATUS REPORT?? IM JUST CRYING SO MUCH RN LMAO -TT

tt !!! A 98 OMG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! CONGRATS!!!! you absolutely deserve the break, please read manga to your heart’s content :”> (BLUE PERIOD IS SO GOOD. SO GOOD. GOD I CRIED AT THE FIRST CHAPTER AND IT TOOK MONTHS TO PICK IT UP AFTER BC IM SO FRAGILE BUT I FINISHED IT) and thank you!!! the cat video is so cute OTL i really want a cat :((((

147 . (and well, 148 now too) is just . i want all the establishment people gone (higher ups, old zenin men + naoya) dfjkvhsdf i apologize for the person i will be when hidden inventory gets animated dsfjk

FR YOU SAID IT??? THERES SO MUCH TO UNPACK WITH THAT MOVIE BUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING WAS STELLAR SKJDVHGSD and yes i read it like . a couple of months ago i think? i cant remember when but i still remember the content JKSDHCS THEYRE SO CUTE OTL

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hihi yuki i literally have nothing important to say besides the fact that i just got my atsumu nendoroid and my Serotonin Levels rn...... 📈📈📈 IS GOING THRU THE ROOF RNNNN HES SO CUTE <//3333 n e ways i hope you are doing well my love, pls take care of urself !!! 

OOOOO YOUR NENDO OMG THATS SO CUTE . atsumu’s so cute . :((( i think at this point of sending (iirc) i was . kinda okay JKDCHS so thank you!! thankfully time off tumblr = more time being productive w other things n i think i already finished 2 books at this point in time

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HIHI YUKI IM FINALLY DONE WITH MY LAST FINAL AND HW ASSIGNMENT ((((,,,: I AM FREEEE!!! (that is until i take my physics 2 class) BUT AHHHHH IM SO HAPPYYYY i hope things are going well for you rn! i miss seeing you on my dashboard! take care my dear💖

HI HI CONGRATS TT !!! you absolutely deserve to rest :”D

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hihi yuki so glad to see that you’ll be posting again soon! i hope things are going well for you~ mini update: i just finished reading horimiya & will be starting csm v soon! kinda scared but i’m hoping for the best 🧍🏻‍♀️ i also picked up some new books including pachinko! i typically read YA so i’m excited to venture out! i remember you recommending the alchemist to me so i would like to read that during my summer break too! i also get my wisdom teeth removed this friday and uh i’m not too excited about that …… at least i’ll have a lot of downtime during my healing process lol & i’m dying to know where you are at violet evergarden lolodjdkdj take your time though!! can’t wait to hear from you soon!!! 💖🥰

thank you! it’s nice to be back, but idt i’ll be as active for my own sanity too KSDJCH my screen time restrictions are all in place to keep me from spiraling and i’m trying (earnestly this time) to build healthier habits for tumblr :”> OOOOOO CSM OMG I WISH YOU LUCK IM STILL SO FRAGILE ABOUT IT . literally binged the whole thing and may need to reread to really ✨feel it✨ but itS SO GOOD

and omg we share the same braincell bc pachinko is on my to-read list dslkfjvhsdf it’s already added to cart n the only reason i havent bought it is bc i ran out of money buying other books SDKJHSD ,, and hhhhh i hope it won’t hurt a whole much :((( manifesting a speedy recovery for you!!!

i’m . slow as can be SDKJCSD i’m at the ep of them w the comet!! there are like 1-2 familiar seiyuu each ep i’m so happy for it HAHA