#AYYYYYY WE R SO BACK

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

the amount of times i Do This must be a joke at this point but here i am. doing it once more. izaya's highschool videogame SCREAMS "i just found out i have aspd and i am NOT taking it well." and i shall explain how

a preface: wrt "how did he know in high school, don't you have to be 18?" you do.... with the dsm guidelines. japan, iirc, uses a conbination of the dsm and icd to diagnose mental illnesses, and the age stipulation isn't in the icd. also, shinra could have told him, and lbr shinra wouldnt care about strictly adhering to the age thing

anyway i went thru and highlighted different parts of the videogame's text, so i can easier explain which part means what. i'll primarily be focusing on the chronic boredom associated with aspd- since izaya's game deals with patience, most musings in it will be related to that boredom. but the boredom, especially izaya's, IS important, as its the boredom that drives him to do what he does. to be what he is.

(shoutout to miyukiwinter for the scan)

so... the red bit. this relates to izaya's worldview of the need to keep evolving to escape the mundane, and it not mattering if you aim high or low. now at this point, izaya was solidly in some shady shit and clearly on the path of the low aim. but the thing is, about aspd... the boredom is all consuming. you'll do ANYTHING to not be bored. i've seen people say they developed substance abuse problems to escape the boredom, and i confess... i've done it too. it truly is THAT bad

i say all this because... izaya will never be able to stop going lower, and lower, and lower. he's fated to fall forever. maybe he wouldve been able to brush his behavior off as teenage craziness, but with a diagnosis like aspd it becomes increadingly obvious that there is no "oh, i'll mellow out once i reach my 20s." it's not going to happen, at least, not without great effort. and lets be real, nobody has any faith in aspd's recovery rates, less so in the early 2010s, so izaya upon diagnosis would see NO FUTURE for himself. no escape from the cycle. he's trapped.

the blue bits are a bit more vauge, but the undertainty turning to loss evokes the next stage after the initial shock of diagnosis: grief. and make no mistake, there IS a grieving process with mental health diagnoses. you go from being shocked and scared, to being depressed and numb.

but there's... another layer to this, with aspd. you see it with cluster b disorders in general, but aspd is HUGE in the pop culture zeitgeist

the layer is, the idea that People Like That don't feel emotions. that any emotional display is false and an explicit ploy to mainpulate someone

and when this inevitably ends up untrue, you might start to feel... odd... about feeling those emotions people say you can't feel. and one of the biggest emotions aspd gets that with, is fear and by extension, anxiety.

some aspd people genuinely do feel reduced fear! but it's far from being a diagnostic criteria, and aspd can actually be comorbid with anxiety disorders. but scientific facts and wider culture rarely match up, so the idea persists

so izaya might have started to think.... was he ever truly anxious? or worried? was he really more rotten than people thought; was he just mainpulating people the whole time? does he really not feel anxiety? was his nervousness over things like shinra leaving him or hell, this diagnosis, rendered null and void?

and then we reach the teal portion.... despair

(just a sidenote, tumblr has no teal color option so it'll just be blue)

in this sense, "the hole" refers to the endless downward spiral, and his diagnosis- but not just having it. no, "the hole" most likely refers to the moment izaya developed it in the first place.

who are you, if you thought you were in control your whole life, but you found out that the reason you do the things you do were because of foeces beyond your control? who are you now, having a label you know will cause everyone to see you as nothing but a stereotype?

why was he still alive, suffering like this? what point is it to be alive, controlled by something you can't fight, forced to make your life worse and worse and worse, until you die young?

so now what? who did this to him?

in the game, the hatred is towards "the player." and honestly this could have multiple different meanings when applied to izaya's own life

does he hate god? was he raised religious, his father being a christian, and was this what made him lose faith? what loving god would condemn someone to suffer like this?

does he hate his parents? after all, it was their genetics that passed this down, their upbringing that nurtured it, their neglect that made him the way he was. is it their fault?

or... does he hate himself, for being the way that he is? for having it in the first place, for not being able to overcome it, for having such a bad reaction to it?

for being too cowardly to kill himself?

which brings us to the final segment. awareness.

he says outright, the game is depicting the player's life. in the game itself, this ties into his mockery of players, but in a meta sense, it could be a hidden admission that it's depicting his life

especially the talk of meaningless games- fooling around with nakura creating small gangs, betting pools, and his eventual adult pastimes of messing with people. is his life enriched? no, it's merely occupied, and he knows it. he might have repressed it as an adult, but here, in high school, at this moment, he knows.

and if he can never truly alleviate his boredom, never truly be fufilled, then he can act like he's in control all he wants, but he's no better than a man falling in a hole.

[miraculouscontent]

Ask Explosion #9:

Asks answering previous posts:

Sabrina, I have one word of advice for you...

R U N

“Chat, please stop talking.”

“But that’s my thing!”

“YOU JINX EVERYTHING!!”

Ayyyyyy~

Well, it’s something, I suppose?

Answered this here.

It absolutely did. Bless you, kind and hilarious citizien. ;P

I’m torn because... on one hand, I want to give proper mythology and such for like--anything that’d be put into the show, but on the other, I liked the idea that Alix’s brother was just sort of a conspiracy who thought of stupid stuff (which is why I kept the concept for MC Jalil Kubdel).

Zoe did it really well in Scarlet Lady where Alix knew the actual mythology and started blurting it out whenever Jalil got it wrong.

New Asks:

Considering “Ikari Gozen,” I imagine Alya and Kagami don’t get along as well. I agree with basically everyone that Marinette and Kagami not getting along is bad, but Alya and Kagami not really getting along makes more sense and is more tolerable.

Since Alya is Marinette’s “““BFF”““ (supposedly), I could see her kind of being like, “You’re competing with my girl over the same guy,” and keeping Kagami at arm’s length, worried that keeping Kagami close will allow Kagami to be closer to Adrien since Adrien is an extension of their friend group (kinda, sorta, not really, but Marinette calling him a friend so technically--)

You know, Alya trying to be a good friend and help Marinette with Adrien in more subtle ways. It’s the wrong way to go about it but she’s trying.

LUKANETTE IS AMAZING IN TERMS OF PROGRESSION KDJNGJDFG, I ADORE IT. Every episode they share together, we either learn something new about them or see more details on their relationship.

I think I was already all-in before “Silencer,” but man, that episode just sealed it even more. I was like well dang, why does the love square even EXIST???

jfdngjkfdjgfdg

Incredible. Only problem is that the creator doesn’t know how to use it properly.

You mean fourteen year olds aren’t perfect human beings???? :o

(no, but really, that’s me all the time; like, she’s barely a teen!)

He’ll believe it if it’s Chat Noir who’s doing it. If Marinette ever does it though, he’ll be sure to shut it down. ;P

Ugggggh, the worst part is that I have the same exact fear that they really are going to be like yeah Ladybug you silly fool Chat Noir has been with you since the beginning!

I mean, we’re already basically getting that with the New York special; Chat was supposed to protect Paris and then didn’t tell Ladybug that he “had to” leave for New York (and the New York thing is inadvertently Marinette’s fault and parts of the fandom actually did blame her for it even though it was Chat’s choice not to say anything), then Ladybug gets upset with him when she discovers it mid-battle, which leads to Chat being distracted and Cataclysming someone (another thing that Ladybug can be “inadvertently” blamed for), then Chat gives up his miraculous so Ladybug isn’t even allowed to be angry and cue the later line of “I can’t imagine being Ladybug without... him.”

So clearly that’s saying something. Adrien doesn’t get anything close to that level and Marinette is chewed out for not asking him to stay when Nino had already asked him too.

It’s like--Marinette chooses to go after Adrien and then gets either nothing in return, or humiliated by the narrative, and then in the New York special, she decides to do nothing and everything still goes wrong while Alya yells at her for it. The “damned if she does, damned if she don’t,” on display is stunning. The girl tries to confess and it’s like, “no, not allowed, but Chat is allowed to confess.”

I still don’t understand this logic of his overarching plot but also “there’s not much of a timeline.” I think the only solid thing we’ve ever gotten was something about all the episodes in one season coming after all the episodes in a previous one, but there are still things that don’t add up? The only thing the season 3 production order will give is making sure the hero debuts work out (so no Viperion or Pegase before “Party Crasher,” for example).

It’s not really reliable. I mean, like--I’ve been experimenting with timelines for a while, and stuff like “Miraculer” baffles me. It’s basically non-canon with no value whatsoever. All it does is make “Heart Hunter” look even more confusing and treats Marinette even more horribly for not picking Chloe when she explicitly told Chloe that she wasn’t getting it back.

I’m not familiar with that one! Is it any good?

(Okay, I actually was too curious and ended up looking it up; fancy! I couldn’t have guessed that it was a webtoon! I started reading the 1st issue and before I knew it, I was on the 6th! Oops~)

Lila is totally Rashta, 100% agree. The fact that the comments have a nickname of “Trashta” for her, equivalent to Liar Rossi, says as much ;P

Because lessons that involve telling someone that they’re valid and allowed to feel a certain way don’t apply to Marinette. Isn’t it nice? :3

Not that I know of? Though I also don’t look for that kind of thing, so it’s possible that it exists and I just don’t know about it.

Even if it did exist thought, I don’t see a problem with you doing your own regardless. Good luck if you do!

No. No I do not. ;P

GREETINGS FELLOW INTJ!

And yeah, I’m not really capable of not analyzing shows. There are some small exceptions, but they’re usually not full shows in the normal sense. If there’s an ongoing plot, my mind tends to be working at all times.

In terms of Miraculous, Season 1 was harmless enough where I was bothered but pretty quiet about it, but then it just got progressively worse. It really feels like one of those things you can’t unsee when it finally hits you, y’know?

I’m glad I was able to help you get that satisfaction you need (and appreciate Lukanette, of course ;3)!

Non-Miraculous Asks:

(some heavy Puella Magi Madoka Magica salt below)

Wow, this is a really dedicated ask! Nice!

Gonna go point by point here:

1 - Yeah, the whole thing with Homura not “being able” to save everyone... kinda questionable, and I didn’t really buy the arguments they used to explain it away. I think there was this one PSP game or something with Madoka Magica where you could kind of choose what happened (like, there were bad ends where Sayaka didn’t get her soul gem back in time and her body was partially decayed; ick) and I think there’s a good end where Homura saves everyone but--yeah, not canon.

I just don’t care for twisted stories like that unless there is actually a good end on the horizon (and I mean like “Everyone Lives and is Happy” good end). Angst is just so exhausting so the second I saw Mami’s head being bitten I was just like, “Ah, okay, so we’re doing this then.”

2 - Eugh, the sexism thing. It’s so... yeah, and especially this because the whole “girls are emotional” thing, I don’t really care whether or not the show is trying to “subvert” or “explain” anything, it just feels like poor taste and I don’t like it. (I also didn’t know about that Death Note thing because I didn’t watch it, but geez.)

3 - Wow, I’ve been away from the show for so long that I forgot what Mami’s wish was; I thought it was to “not be alone” or something (or maybe not die alone?? I really don’t remember), but either way, the fact that it follows some sort of genie wish logic is just--*sigh*--they’re teenage girls, come on (plus, the “genie wish logic” is really overdone to me anyway).

4 - The other thing about Sayaka is that it’s really predictable that she’d “die so quickly.” Basically everything was pointing to her just being annihilated at some point, and being Madoka’s best friend, it was pretty inevitable that she’d go.

((semi-unrelated, but someone also asked me which character’s name was lied about before episode 3 hit and they wondered if it was Sayaka’s; it was Kyubey’s))

Yikes. Sorry you had to experience that.

Anyway, I guess I’m not experienced enough in multiple fandoms to say for sure? If I was ever in a fandom, I would just blacklist the people/stuff I didn’t like, so I didn’t get to see a tong of “bad things” going on.

+ I try really hard not to generalize fandoms into one thing.

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓝𝓸𝓻𝓶𝓼 𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝓢𝓽𝓾𝓹𝓲𝓭 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓼 𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝓐𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓛𝓲𝓴𝓮 “𝓖𝓲𝓻𝓵𝔂” 𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼

Oof, uhhh, shows, huh? That’s tough.

I think the main ship from Given (Mafuyu and Ritsuka) is really adorable (you might’ve seen the amusing video of their love being mutual before), and while I would’ve said the same thing for the kinda-sorta side ship, it gets--uh... really bad during the movie/rest of the manga, I’ll just say that much.

Mafuyu and Ritsuka though, totally adorable.

Inuyasha kinda? Though Inuyasha and Kagome are definitely not the kind of romantic chemistry that I lean towards (I find “the bickering couple” to be rather exhausting). Plus, Cardcaptor Sakura did the “male tsundere” better than Inuyasha did (though the Clear Card Arc was terrible, at least it’s not canon kinda-sorta? idk it seems like a mix of the anime and manga so...).

After that there’s...

uh

...

hm.

I mean, there’s probably a couple more examples somewhere, but--yeah, I’ve got nothing. Maybe if I thought back to all the generic children shows I watched when I was little (like those old Disney live-action shows; I had no taste when I was younger), there might’ve been something that satisfied kid me but idk.

I don’t remember what post inspired this, but I have no problem answering regardless, ahaha~

My main issue is Aang’s attitude about the whole thing. I’m not saying it was right of Katara to go out and get “revenge via murder” exactly, but I also think that Zuko had the right idea with allowing her to go and face the man who killed her mother so she could get some form of closure (also note that Zuko doesn’t express any sort of opinion when Katara decides not to kill him; he just wanted her to have whatever she thought she needed to heal).

It’s also the episode where Zuko directly confronts Aang on his “violence isn’t the answer” rhetoric which then goes completely ignored as Aang lionturtles his way out of the conflict. Aang is also not confronted on his point of “forgiveness is the first step to healing” (when Katara has a right not to forgive and Aang isn’t challenged outside of Katara commenting on it) and was permitted to ride his high horse when Katara “steals” Appa like, “It's okay, because I forgive you... that give you any ideas?” which is just--

reaaaaaally "holier than thou”-esque when Aang is like, ten, and Katara is a sort of motherly figure to him. The episode even has Sokka praise Aang for how “wise” he is and I groaned through the entire thing.

Another smaller thing is that it sort of makes the air kingdom look way too “perfect” by having Aang be the “source of wisedom,” especially when it’s like “violence isn’t the answer” while all the other airbenders are dead.

[coffeenovels]

I was tagged by @maythewolvesforgetyourname to do this, thank you so much! 💖

A // age — 22, yikes

B // birthplace — I was born in the north of North Rhine-Westphalia and I now live about 250 km away in Cologne (y'all can guess though, my birthplace is a big city beginning with the letter M)

C // current time — Almost 9 pm

D // drink you last had — Some good old H2O (also fun fact: I love sparkling water and regular water is gross af)

E // easiest person to talk to — Probably either my mom or my best friend

F // favorite songs (currently) — I love listening to the new album by Marina, especially the song Life is Strange. I missed her so much

G // grossest memory — Can’t remember right now, but there must’ve been a lot of gross memories

H // horror yes or no — A big yes! I love horror/scary movies

I // in love — Nah mate, I’m not messing with that right now

J // jealous of people — I try not to be, but honestly sometimes I can’t help it (I can control it though)

K // kids — I’m not interested in having kids, however that could still change with the right partner, but for now I really don’t want to have kids

L // love at first sight or walk by again — I don’t really believe in love at first sight, so I guess walk by again

M // middle name — I do have a middle name, but that one will stay hidden forever (or until I get rid of it)

N // number of siblings — None, I’m an only child

O // one wish — Mental stability would be great right now

P // person you last called — My mom, I asked her if I should get her some food from the grocery store (I always do this when I go grocery shopping alone)

Q // questions you always get asked — I always get asked how old I am, because I don’t look my age and because I am really short

R // random fact about you — I’m a leftie and yes, there is a slight “discrimination” going on against left-handed people because society still thinks that being right-handed is the default so we have to adapt a lot (e.g. in sports like ice hockey or American football) and that can actually cause a lot of headaches and other illnesses, welcome to my TED talk

S // song you last sang — Girls Like Girls by Hayley “Lesbian Jesus” Kiyoko

T // time you woke up — 6:00 on a Saturday and I’ve been suffering from menstrual cramps ever since (ayyyyyy)

U // underwear color — Black, I think I only own black or grey underwear in general

V // vacation destination — I mean my last vacation destination was Hannover, but my dream vacation destination would be Iceland right now, also I really wanna visit England again (and just never come back)

W // worst habit — I can’t eat food in public when I’m alone or in a big group (restaurant is fine though), but for example when I’m at the train station waiting and I’m alone, I just can’t eat anything

X // x-ray — I only had to get an x-ray in order to determine wether I needed to get braces or not (and I did get braces for 1 1/2 years and they were the worst)

Y // your favorite food — I’m a slut for anything that involves pasta or ramen

Z // zodiac sign — Libra sun (with a Pisces moon and Leo rising)

I tag @wonderinghobbit @owlglas @ifellgayintoyourarms @rickielamberts @ihthr @ckmblt @tendertragedies

[fluffyllamas-23]

VOMIT WARNING (I know some people don't like that, so just a warning)

Because I'm spiraling into a Voltron writing obsession, here's another college AU, based loosely on my own experiences ayyyyyy *finger guns*

(Also you should definitely send me some prompts because I want to write more Voltron but don't know what else to write)

"So I was thinking we could-" Keith started, but was once again, for what must have been the hundredth time today, cut off by Lance.

"-Hey, have you guys seen that video?"

Keith and Hunk groaned in frustration.

Shiro sighed. "You did it again, Lance."

Keith let out an exasperated sigh. "Lance! You can't keep-Lance! I'm talking to you. Will you pay attention for like, FIVE minutes? Or even TWO?"

Lance snapped his attention back to Keith. "Hmm?"

Keith clenched his jaw, frustration bubbling in his chest. Lance was completely unable to focus. On ANYTHING. He had been distracted and disruptive all day, bouncing off the walls and going off on tangents that were completely unrelated to what anybody was talking about.

Keith was exhausted just trying to keep up with him. Even Shiro, ever patient Shiro, was growing frustrated with him.

"What's WITH you today?"

"I...uh...too much coffee, I guess." Lance said, glancing around uncomfortably before hopping out of his seat and grabbing all his stuff.

"Lance, what's going o-"

"-I have to go do homework!"

Keith, Shiro and Hunk watched as Lance hurried off.

"What...was that?" Hunk asked. "I mean he's always been...crazy but not like THIS."

"Uh...coffee, apparently." Shiro frowned.

Lance burst into his room, his heart pounding in his chest. He was just annoying everyone, but he couldn't help it. He tried, he tried SO hard, but he was completely and totally unable to focus.

He had completely forgotten to take his medication this morning, and he didn't realize it until nearly five PM, and by that time it was too late. If he took it now, he wouldn't sleep that night, and he needed to sleep.

He knew it was a lost cause, but he was going to try and get some studying done.

Instead of studying, he found himself spinning in his desk chair, staring up at the ceiling to count the tiles.

While he was spinning, some Velcro from one of his projects caught his eye, and before he knew it, he was taping half of it to the wall, and half to his hands.

Keith walked in right as he was about to launch himself off the bed and onto the wall.

"Lance!"

"Yes, roomie?" Lance asked, bouncing up and down on the bed lightly.

"What the hell are you doing? Get down!"

"I wanted to be SpiderMan."

"You wanted to be spider-get down!" He cried, throwing his hands in the air. "I thought you were studying."

"I was going to...but then I got sidetracked." He said, slowly coming to a standstill.

"Okay, this," Keith said, gesturing from the wall to Lance, "is NOT a good idea. Seriously."

Lance sighed. "Yeah I guess you're right - hey have you seen that video?"

Keith pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't...you need to be a bit more specific. What video are you talking about?"

"The...uh...guy who ate weed brownies and thought he was dead. Ooh! There's this really good show on Netflix. The Flash, have you heard of it?Season one isn’t great, but it gets better. Have you watched it?"

Keith blinked. "No, I haven't. Lance, are you alright?"

"Peachy. Why?"

"You're all over the place, man."

Lance's face hardened, and he got off the bed and went to sit at his desk. "I told you. I had too much coffee."

"Um...okay."

Keith sat on his bed, facing Lance. 

He watched as Lance struggled to calm himself enough to focus. 

He watched as Lance tapped his pencil on the desk incessantly and rolled back and forth in his chair while he stared at his laptop. He must have gotten up fifteen times to go walk to their mini fridge and walk back to his seat.

Then, Lance straightened in his chair and pressed a hand to his stomach. A grimace crossed his face and he stood up.

"Lance? Are you okay?"

"Stomachache." He bit out, gritting his teeth as he climbed into bed.

Keith frowned. "Are you going to be sick?"

"I don't...maybe." He groaned.

"What happened? You were fine literally a minute ago."

"I'm fine. Leave me alone." He groaned, curling into himself as tightly as possible.

"Lance-"

"-I'm FINE. This happens a lot. Leave me alone."

"What do you mean?" He demanded. "Do you need to see a doctor?"

Lance let out a heavy sigh. "I have...nnngh...I have ADHD."

"That...what does that have to do with your stomach?"

"I forgot to take my meds. This is a side effect."

"Oh shit." Keith said, his eyebrows shooting up. "Do you need anything?"

"I just need to...r-ride it out." He groaned, gripping the blankets and writhing in pain. Sharp, stabbing, cramping pains were shooting across his abdomen in waves.

"Are you sure?"

Lance just groaned in pain, pressing his face into the pillow.

"Okay, I'm calling Shiro."

"No-"

"-it's not up for discussion, Lance." He said firmly.

Lance whimpered in pain, squeezing his eyes shut.

Keith dialed Shiro's number, keeping his eyes on Lance.

"Hey, Keith."

"Shiro, we need you over here."

"What's the matter?"

"It's Lance."

"What happened with Lance?"

"He has a really bad stomachache...he's writhing in pain in bed and I don't know what to do."

"Does he have a fever?"

"I don't-Lance, do you have a fever?"

"No, idiot. I don't have a fever." Lance spat. "I'm not SICK, you don't need to call Sh-Shiro...I'm f-ngggh."

Keith rolled his eyes. "He doesn't have a fever."

"Give him something for the pain, I'll be there soon."

A wave of nausea rolled over him, and he got out of bed and made a b-line for the bathroom.

Lance slammed the door shut, and leaned over the toilet to empty his stomach. When he emerged from the bathroom, pale and shaky, Shiro was there.

"Are you alright?" He asked, pressing his hand to Lance's cheek.

Lance batted his hand away. "I'm fine."

Throwing up almost always brought relief when this happened. He felt mostly better, his stomach still hurt but it was nowhere as bad as before.

"You're not fine." Shiro said, shaking his head. Lance groaned, thoroughly irritated at all the attention he was getting.

Keith pursed his lips. "He says it's a side effect from not taking his medication."

Shiro frowned. "What? What medication?"

Lance clenched his jaw. "I have ADHD. I forgot to take my medication and that's why I was so unbearable today.”

“Lance, you weren’t-”

“I annoyed you…I know I was.  I knew when I kept cutting you off.  I know how annoying I get when I don’t take them…I tried really hard to stop…to be normal, but I couldn’t.  I’m sorry.” Lance said, his eyes filling with tears. 

“Look,” Shiro started.  “I’ll admit…I was getting frustrated.”

“Me too, but dude, it wasn’t just that you were annoying.  We knew something was up, you’re not usually this…uh…”

“All over the place.” Shiro supplied. 

“Yeah, that.  You’re not usually all over the place like this.”

“We were just worried.” 

Lance looked at them.  “You were?”

Both Shiro and Keith nodded.  “Yeah.”

Lance sighed.  “I don't really tell people,..ever.”

“Why wouldn't you tell us?" Shiro asked. "We're your friends. Did you think we'd judge you?"

"Well...yeah...kind of." Lance muttered, bringing his eyes to the floor.

Keith shook his head. "Why would we judge you for that? So what? What...uh...is ADHD?"

Lance rubbed his forehead. "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I can't focus, basically. Look, as much as I'd love to continue this...health lesson...I'm exhausted."

Shiro nodded. "Yeah...thank you though, for telling us. We don't think any less of you, you know."

Lance hung his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "I appreciate that, thanks."

"Get some sleep, feel better." Shiro said, clapping him on the back. "Call me if you need anything else."

Keith walked him to the door as Lance got back into bed. "Thanks, Shiro."

“Anytime.”

[captainpettie]

I was tagged by @kiti-the-warrior-poet​ who’s the best go follow her.

A - Age: 21

B - Biggest fear: Moving back in with my parents. Idk why, but the idea fills me with anxiety.

C - Current time: 8:43pm.

D - Drink you had last: Water.

E - Every day starts with: Opening my phone and scrolling through my social media.

F - Favorite song: It changes alt the time, but today, it’s “Lifted” by CJ.

G - Ghosts, are they real: I’m gonna go with no, personally. I’m personally of the opinion that we just die and that’s the end.

H - Hometown: Midland, Michigan.

I - In love with: Dylan O’Brien, tbh.

J - Jealous of: People who can socialize without working themselves up to it. I always have to prep for it and I can only do it for so long before I just burn myself out.

K - Killed someone: Um no?

L - Last time you cried: When I watched “Wonder Woman” actually. Just, experiencing that movie was such a gift.

M - Middle name: Marie.

N - Number of siblings: Two. Both of my brothers are older than me.

O - One wish: I wish I had someone in my life who wasn’t blood related to me but still like genuinely loved me? Not even romantically tho. I feel like most of my friends right now are people who would walk away when things got tough.

P - Person you last called/texted: My brothers.

Q - Question you’re always asked: Why can’t you do x? I have scoliosis, so that limits me physically a lot and no one seems to get that.

R - Reason to smile: I’m watching 30 Rock now and that’s pretty funny.

S - Song last sang: “Spring Day” by BTS on my drive home yesterday.

T - Time you woke up: 8:00am.

U - Underwear color: Black and white polka dots ayyyyyy

V - Vacation destination: Well if you’re gonna make me pick one, I’m gonna say Scotland.

W - Worst habit: Procrastinating. I had a paper due at 11:30pm tonight and I just started it at 3pm today.

X - Xrays you’ve had: So many haha. I broke my collar bone when I was kid, plus I’ve dozens upon dozens of x-rays of my spine done, cause you know, scoliosis.

Y - Your favorite food: I love anything sweet, and I love carbs. Baked potatoes are a top pick for me.

Z - Zodiac sign: Cancer.

Okay, I tag my lovely friends @only1sterek, @derekhles, @shelton-devers, @sora-kokoro, @paradoxicalbullshit, @tanktopsandplaidboxers, @thealphaownsme, and I know you’ve already been tagged, but also @bankroll1001. And anyone else who wants to do it! Just go for it!

[making-paper-stars]

9 Favourite Albums Tag!

I was tagged by @shaddyhatter , thanks bud! :)

1) The Party Scene, All Time Low

I can’t make a list of my favourite albums and not put The Party Scene in there. That album is just raw energy and voice and so packed full of meaning. This is one of those albums I can’t choose a favourite because I love them all so much, but Hometown Heroes, National Nobodies is a great one; We Say Summer, Running From Lions and ofc Lullabies have special significance to me. And let’s not forget about Sticks, Stones and Techno. Let’s not let ATL forget it either

2) Selfish Machines, Pierce the Veil

AHHHHH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH because it opens with Besitos and you have ‘a diamond bullet from a gun made of gold she was covered in blood last seen in San FRANCISCO’ I mean, I die every time. And it finishes with The Sky Under The Sea which is like, the best. And there’s just so many bangers on this album, including The Boy Who Could Fly which is one of my favourite songs ever oml

3) White Noise (Deluxe), PVRIS

Okay the reason I’ve put White Noise Deluxe and not just White Noise is because of Empty, I gotta say the first time I heard that song I felt the most fundamentally human, raw connection with it and it was just beautiful. Ofc there are so many good songs on this one too, Holy and White Noise are two of my favs :3

4) So Wrong, It’s Right, All Time Low

Yeah okay I put two ATL albums in this list I am t r a s h leave me alone :) God I just love this so much, I especially love in Let It Roll when it goes ‘take a breath, we’ve got all the time in the world to get a grip on the fact that we don’t last, but right now I wanna watch the tide roll in with my best friends’ AHHHHHH yass and also, Vegas is on that album, and Stay Awake, and I actually want some of these lyrics tattooed on me one day because Stay Awake means a lot to me <3

5) California 37, Train

Haha, not many of you (if any) know this but I used to be a huge Train fan. They took a hiatus and I’m not really into them any more, but this album still bangs. We Were Made For This is probably my fav from it, or perhaps Feels Good At First. It brings back 2012 vibes for me, serves as a nice bit of nostalgia <3

6) Gravity (EP), Against the Current

This was the first EP by ATC that I listened to, and it was like a week before ATL last year and I fell in love with it. Gravity in particular means a lot, because it reminds me of the people who mean Gravity to me; who keep me safe and grounded.

7) Summer (EP), Cassadee Pope

k, one word: ALIEN, oml that song is my j a m, I relate to it so much. Cass’s voice on anything is just incredible and she always shows such an emotional connection to the lyrics. I was tempted to put Frame by Frame on here, but it had to be Summer. I feel like her style really took a jump from Frame by Frame to Summer and it’s just so impressively wonderful.

8) Collide With the Sky, Pierce the Veil

Yep I put PTV in here twice too. This whole album has significance for me. A lot of it I associate with hard times, but in a good way. These songs made me feel so much less alone, particularly songs like Props and Mayhem, Bulls in the Bronx, Hold on ’Till May. Yeah, they mean a lot. This album is full of bangers too ofc

9) okay., As It Is

This album just dropped in January and I love it so much! It’ s so brilliantly honest, and the glo up from Never Happy, Ever After is insaaane. I especially love Soap, as well as The Coast is Where Home Is, because I live on the coast so I’m like ayyyyyy :3  also I really relate to okay, which is about the hard shit Patty went through, saw a therapist, etc. so I connect with that a lot. And Hey Rachel is such a tune oml

I know this is long but I have an irrational need to overshare :) soooo imma tag @matcha-merlion , @lunavos , @fried-demon-potato , @saltie1-8 , @jackbarakitty , @edgeofbarakat (even tho ye aren’t really on tumblr anymore) and @xxgeorgiehamxx . And anyone who wants to do it just say I tagged you lol :)

[shadowlink720]

FE: Birthright Randomised Chapters 12 and 13

(aka ‘Felicia is far too powerful. Also I broke the game again.’)

Let’s head off to Cyrkensia, shall we?

oh, but before I forget I should promote Kaden-

oohhh but to whaaaattt .... ah let’s go with Strategist

ayyyyyy >:3c and now he can use tomes!

righty hoo let’s get right into Chapter 12 and see who Kaden is!

Corrin did it ever occur to you to possibly look at a map at ANY point in your journey so far? :’D

It’s Shu r a-- Kaden is Shura ok;;

ya know what I’ll let him have this

‘actually we have two Wolfskin and I’m a dragon, and so is my son, soooo’

‘I mean most of us are, but Kagero and I sure aren’t lmao’

well he’s very good at hiding any Kitsune features-

look at how much this doesn’t fit Shura ahahahahh;;;;

yeah that means you’re lost, Shura

ya know what I realised? we literally never see Layla other than this one chapter She’s nowhere to be seen in Conquest or Revelation- unless she shows up somewhere else really obscure or smth and I’m an idiot-

yikes

You know what that means? We need disguises.

Perfect!

poor Shura

aaand there’s Elise w/ Garon

time for a cutsceeeeene

busted o<o

yeah I shouldn’t have been surprised the first time I saw this hahah

uh yeah about that Felicia you won’t get the chance

yup, he ded

ooooook let’s have a look at Shura, shall we? :o

(I accidentally deleted the first screenshot, but he hasn’t levelled up or anything since then, he just didn’t have that Hammer) huh he has capped strength ooh he also has Competitive! As well as Trample and Armour Shield! ........... he’s gonna be great as a Great Knight >:3ccccccc he has pretty bad defence though... hm. (Growths: HP - 35, Str - 25, Mag - 50, Skill - 10, Spd - 35, Lck - 50, Def - 45, Res - 40) (Heart Seal: Oni Savage and Sky Knight)

But nevertheless! Let’s get going!

..... I’m gonna get that chest-

ayyy I got a Hammer against that Great Knight :y

oooh that chest had a Dracoshield! that’s gonna be useful-

o h there’s Xander, Peri and Inigo Laslow o<o;;;;;; I’msorryInigo

oh yeah Xander still refuses to see what’s right in front of him adafghadfuhj I hate how dumb he is in the story;;;;;;;

but anyway, return of the offended scoffs from Hinata-

ok so since I can’t be assed with this chapter I’m just gonna make a beeline for the escape now that I have the chest lol

hah, that Outlaw heading over to Felicia thinking their hot shit but it’s like

mmmmbYE BITCH

oh Goddesses damn it, Xander

yeah, well ya sure live up to your morals, don’t ya

Come at me, bro well isn’t this standoff familiar

time to make like a tree I guess

hah ‘It is your destiny to face me’ yeah uhh about that you’re easier to fight than Ryoma, jsyk

oh yeah now we get some plot about the song :V

I can’t believe Kagero is freaking Dead

anyway that’s the end of Chapter 12 :o rlly short one that one, but that’s because I can’t be assed with the thin walkways and all that in that map haha

welp, let’s not waste any time getting right into chapter 13 then!

and we can also finally get Azura and whoever Scarlet is >:3ccc

the No Chill Squad will be reunited lmao

oh here comes Camilla I’m sorry, Camilla but my 3ds’ firmware doesn’t let cfw on the system so I can’t randomise Revelation until I either downgrade the system or someone finds a way past it oAo

Corrin’s little jump was pretty funny tho

same, but there’s nothing I can do about the firmware, buddy

oh it’s this shitface

that voiceline of ‘I love you too much to let you go on’ never fails to give me a chill, ngl

........... oh the memories I have in this map when I played Conquest ..... Beruka was the only one to just survive  it :’’’’’’’D

right uhh let’s go!

awww yeah and her weapon level went up, too! c:

yaaas free Heart Seal from one of the houseeeees

OH SHIT CAMILLA USED THE DRAGON VEIN- I wasn’t paying attention ;;;;;;; oh goodness, thank the sages Kagero dodged that Cavalier-

SOME KIDS GON’ DIE TONIGHT

it’s actually kinda ridiculous that a tree branch has such a high crit rate

aww I missed a crit from Hinata

time to ruin this guy’s day

it’s too bad he isn’t dead yet-

ooooh Setsuna’s leve 20! I’ll need to promote her after this chapter >:3c

auhdiauisd none of the armoured units by the bridge are moving and I don’t want to enter Camilla’s range just yet-

ok so I can get this guy, and then use Rinkah to change Felicia’s weapon order so she can retaliate against Camilla-

oh wait Beruka came along instead- oh well, her personal isn’t coming into play so that’s good-

oh goddesses damn it- at least Felicia has insane res

rest in pieces, Beruka I’msorryIcouldn’trandomiseRevelation

Felicia is too powerful

right, let’s deal with the rest of the enemies

I’m sorry, Severa oAo good thing I have big shield

.... I think Kaden’s exp is broken, he’s getting like, no xp from any of these enemies- I’ll have to look at his internal level :V (nah there’s nothing wrong with it, we’re probably just not supposed to have promoted these ppl so early-) (and then mess around with supports for Shura and Izana b/c they’re Corrin-sexual, so if I want any chance to get the paralogues for ‘Asugi’ and ‘Selkie’ they’re gonna have to marry themselves like Ike did that one time)

SHE CANNOT BE S T O P P E D

how could I forget someone like you, Severa, honestly (fun fact I wasn’t all too keen on Severa at first hahah;;;)

messing up knights with a freaking tree branch, nbd

aaaaand that’s that

yeah again, sorry for pretty much murdering you with Felicia there-

oh wait here comes leo ..... please don’t freeze the game again like you did in chapter 9, u little shit

ok good

Look who it iiiiiiis >:3cccc

ok but you just heard Azura’s little giggle coming from that huge suit of armour it was actually really funny-

.... ah

this time it was ‘Scarlet’ to freeze the game :V aww that means we’re gonna have to miss like, the whole cutscene of whoever she randomised into’s introduction oAo

//sigh i’ll be right back, and we’ll see if I can actually recruit Azura and whoever Scarlet is

right time to see if I actually got Azura and whoever Scarlet randomised into, and not Ryoma and another Scarlet;;;;

heck Goddesses damned class specific AI

...... I wonder if I can edit the save

ok so it.... seems to have worked o<o;;;; tho I had to look at the output file to get them, as well as make Ryoma absent from the party so we’ll see if that fucks me over later hahah

alll riiight let’s look at Azura first

ooooh, she has Reciprocity! :o (of course, her other skills aren’t randomised because I had to edit an imported Azura from my not randomised file and the output file doesn’t show what skills they’ll have ahahahhah;;;;)

but woah she’s an absolute monster :V Of course, I’ll have to see if there’s any way she can wield the Raijinto o<o;;;; (Growths: HP - 40, Str - 40, Mag - 25, Skill - 45, Spd - 35, Lck - 55, Def - 50, Res - 0) (Heart Seal: Knight and Mercenary ...... Yeah I’m gonna make her a Hero and d e s t r o y)

Right, let’s take a look at ‘Scarlet’ shall we?

Yep, Sakura now leads the Chevois resistance against Nohr :’’’D I may or may not have caught a glimpse of her name when going around the houses in Chapter 13;;;; also I forgot to raise her rank in tomes but hey I guess that’s karma for giving her a Lightning tome haha- (also her skills aren’t randomised either for the same reason as Azura) but hey! She has Bloodthirst as a personal! That couldn’t be more ooc! :’’’’’D (Growths: HP - 25, Str - 45, Mag - 15, Skill - 40, Spd - 40, Lck - 30, Def - 55, Res - 20) (Heart Seal: Archer and Oni Savage)

ok so I will Heart Seal Azura into a Hero, but I think I’m gonna at least get Seal Defence before that-

BUT! Something that I’ll do before I stop will be to promote Setsunaaa

awww yeah

so uhh, yeah o<o I’m gonna see if I can mess around a bit more with supports to get ‘Asugi’s’ paralogue because ‘Selkie’s’.... somehow worked, I think-

[sqig]

Some real creepy questions, get your fix. DO IT

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Yes

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? Nah

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? Today

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? Yes, I do it often

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? YES

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes, praise joji praise rich chigga bless up

7. What exactly are you wearing right now? hot pink shirt, baggy sweats

8. How often do you listen to music? everyday, at least for an hour or so

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? tights

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013? its 2017, but my life did change dramatically in 2013, probably the most dramatic year of my life.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? I am in the middle, I/ENFP

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? Yup, we dated for 3 years too lol

13. What about ‘R’? uhhhhhhhhhhhh no

14. Can you drive a stick shift? IM LEARNING

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? Yes, too much

16. Are you going out of town soon? HELL NAH GIRL GOTTA MAKE SOME BANK FIRST

17. When was the last time you cried? 2 months ago, got dumped

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? Yes

19. If you could change your eye color, would you? Yes, icy blue

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes to a fault

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. I want to do 20 things at once, and I just end up doing nothing

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? YES IT IS MY FAV

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? Me and Shaynrawr are tag-team champs ok

24. What are you sitting on right now? A green leather couch

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? As of recent yes heuheuheuheuheuheuhe

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? It was like that for 2 years, not anymore though

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? Shaynrawr ayyyyyy

28. Do you get a lot of colds? I used to, but now its usually once a year KNOCK ON WOOD

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? Italy

30. Does anyone hate you? Yeah

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? Nope

32. Do you like watching scary movies? Yes, but rarely are they any good

33. Do you want your tongue pierced? Nah

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 2015 was shitty but everything is expereince

35. Did you have a dream last night? I cant remember

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Two days ago

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Unlikely, but lowkey hopeful lol

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Yes

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe

40. Did you have a good day yesterday? It was ok memes

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? LOL yes, how weird things change so rapidly.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? Hell yeah Shaynrawr is gonna be coaching me at pool TAGTEAM CHAMPS

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? I dont think so

44. What’s the best part about school? Making frends

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Yeah no shit

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? Hell yeah I did

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? All the fucking time

48. Were you single over the last summer? Yes

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? Some things oddly line up, but my perspective has altered

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Drawing, studying, working on my portfolio, finding my passion again..

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? Nah I love the shithead

52. Are you nice to everyone? Pretty much

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Of course. I date for long term

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Absolutely not

56. Do you think you like someone? Definitely

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? I dont think so

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? An equal mix

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? I think like all of them have lol

60. Do you hate anyone? Nope

61. How’s your heart? I should cut out the crap so it doesnt get clogged, but for now it ok

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yes

63. Have you ever cried over a guy? LOL when dont I

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? Idk some cunt

65. Are your toenails painted pink? Negative

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? Nope

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? I love when they can express themselves, whether they cry or not

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? Nope, just skirt updraft memes

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? My Mom

70. How do you look right now? HOT MESS

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? I have a few people like that, but I think Chumes is who I feel most comfortable around being 100% myself

72. Can you commit to one person? Always

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Yes

74. Have you ever felt replaced? Yes

75. Did you wake up cranky? Sometimes

76. Are you a jealous person? Yes

77. Are relationships ever worth it? Yes

78. Anyone you’re giving up on? Not really

79. Currently wanting to see anyone? Yes

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Play pool, hangout with dork

81. Last person you cried in front of? My roommate or Shaynrawr

82. Is there someone you will never forget? Yes

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? Yes he protec he attac 

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Watching him play smite lmfao

85. Are you over your past? Usually not, but my past is my future now?

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Yes

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Yes, Shaynrawr and Chumes

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? Yeah it would be okay

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Always

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? YES LOL GG NO RE

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? Lets not jinx it now

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? Yes

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? No

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? It was really great while it lasted. But I dont think I truly loved him. I loved the idea of us, and the stability of a future

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? Yes, except for the ghosting and difficulty talking about issues.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Shes an absolute babe

97. Who do you have texts from? Close friend group

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Lol enjoy your shitty blowjobs 

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? It me

101. Ever kissed under fireworks? Yes

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Yes, all the time