#Ah perro

[gael-garcia]

"Lo madreador no te quita lo pendejo"

Gael García Bernal as Octavio in Amores perros (2000, Alejandro González Iñarritu)

[seddenostalgia]

estoy flasheando o el protagonista de la película del perro messi es como ver a River Phoenix si estuviera vivo hoy todo así canoso pero con cara de pibito...

[pupuseriazag]

Ah si destruir baldosas hidraulicas que fueron comisionadas a un artista en italia HACE MAS DE CIEN AÑOS y que estaban PROTEGIDAS (junto con todo el palacio nacional) como patrimonio nacional y es ilegal hacer cualquier tipo de demolicion o restauracion sin ayuda de un experto es TOTALMENTE lo que necesitamos los Salvadoreños ahorita, simon maje.

Que sigue? Que re-escriban un articulo de la constitucion sobre como se deben hacer cambios a esa constitucion para permitir que aprueben cualquier pendejada que les convenga? Ah si cierto, lo aprobaron hace una semana eso.

Ah pero que chivo que haya toda una seccion de manga en la biblioteca nacional y que las cuentas oficiales del gobierno subieran fotos editando las naves de star wars en varios sitios turisticos del pais 🥰 nombre si eso significa que somos primer mundo 😍😍 se pueden ir mucho a la mierda gobierno mas hijoeputa ojala me alcance la vida para ver a todo ese vergasal de ladrones en la carcel o muertos

[noisuwa]

privado con @charvlotte

Cookie sabía hacia dónde le llevaban. ¡Le hacía quedar mal frente a una chica linda, tirando de su correa y casi haciéndole tropezar, qué mal le había entrenado! Suspiró y le soltó apenas llegaron a la arena, dejándole correr y mojarse, mientras Noi se quedaba atrás junto a Lottie. Ahora que había liberado su mano podía buscar tomar la contraria. Le sonrió al hacerlo, como si fuese algo natural para ella, como si no lo hubiese estado considerando— A ambos nos gusta mucho la playa. Aunque yo no voy a tirar de ti hasta el mar, al menos no con el lindo atuendo que traes —Charlotte podría haber tenido puesto cualquier cosa, honestamente, pues estaba segura de que lo encontraría bonito en ella—. Me alegra que nos acompañes hoy. Digo, Cookie está muy agradecido, le encanta pasar tiempo contigo.

[idk-imrambling-idk]

I got my ass super humbled down when I went to tumblr rtc’s tag for the first time and read people saying stuff like “Mischa’s cheap poor ass was stunned by having a civic when those cars are super cheap, and are not like, a big deal but he’s got a car and that’s too much for him”, and uhmmm, in my country civics are cars middle-upper and upper class buy 💀

So, ig, same Mischa, same

[belyakovs]

🍸 + ¿le gusta ser parte de lasombra?

"No tiene que gustarme o disgustarme, porque no existe otra opción. Hay cosas que no se pueden cambiar, y una de ellas es ser un Lasombra. Esta es mi gente ahora, y mientras sea vástago, así se mantendrá."

[xadeone]

???????? I didn't think it would make it to even top 10 in here if I'm being honest...

What a surprise!!

[lukavs]

¿a quiénes consideras tus amigos?

( ✉️ ) @𝐥𝐮𝐤𝐚𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐧 respondió:

bueno, aprecio a mis compañeros de equipo así qué... podría decir que considero a algunos mis amigos. además, hay personas de otros equipos que comienzan a caerme muy bien.

[miguelhugger2099]

Puppy Love

Summary: Gabriella wants a puppy! Miguel doesn’t. You convince him. Kinda. Not really. Art: Spinkee on Deviantart (quality is booty but i couldn't find another miguel with a dog hah)

Miguel x Reader, Pure Fluff that’s it.

“No. No, no, no, ningún perro.” Miguel shakes his head at Gabriella, his eyes glued to the TV screen.

His daughter is on her knees on the floor, looking up at her father on the couch with her hands clasped together. She falls on her back dramatically.

“Pero porque nooooo?!” She whines and Miguel sighs, rubbing his temples with one hand and dragging it down his face. He watches Gabriella complain and pound her fists and feet on the floor.

“Ah-ah-ah! Nada de eso.” He says sternly and Gabriella huffs, sitting back up with her legs crossed. She pouts angrily at him to show her fury but all Miguel sees is his baby girl throwing a tantrum.

“Gabi, mija, you’re not even gonna take care of it. Who’s gonna clean up the poop and pee, huh? It’s gonna be me.”

“Papi, I’ll take good care of it! I promise! Pinky promise!” She whimpers, scooting closer and tugging on his pant leg.

“Dije que no, Gabriella. Deja de chillar.” Miguel doesn’t even look down at her, his stress levels heightened after Gabriella had been asking for a pet dog for weeks now.

Gabriella’s face scrunches up, her tiny features contorting unpleasantly as tears well up in her eyes. “MAMI!” She cries, getting up and stomping away from Miguel in the living room to barge in your room where you were folding her clothes.

Gabriella faceplants in the bed, screams muffled as she flails her limbs wildly in frustration.

You pick up one of her clean shirts and fold it neatly in a growing pile. “What happened this time?” You ask her, taking a quick glance up to see Gabriella had moved her face to the side, cheeks flushed red with anger.

“Papi won’t let us have a puppy.”

“Gabi, my love, a puppy is a big responsibility.” Your daughter groans and flips on her back, watching you do her laundry.

“But, Mami, I'm not a baby anymore! I’m ten years old! Ten! I’ll be so responsible! Tell Papi that he won’t need to do anything!”

Once you’re finished folding, you place a hand on your hip and raise your eyebrow down at her. “Papi said no so we’re not getting a puppy, Gabi. Not now.”

“Mami, please!”

“Take these to your room, my love.” You hand the folded pile to her and she begrudgingly takes it. She hops off the bed and goes into her room where she shuts herself in for the rest of the day.

You meet Miguel in the living room, TV volume lowered of a faint cheer of futbol fans during a game. Curling up on his side, he welcomed you with his arm around you, tucking you closer and getting more comfortable with a heavy sigh.

“Maybe we should get a puppy.” You say, breaking the comfortable silence.

Miguel groans, his head rolling back and you look up at him with amusement. “Not you too.”

“We have the funds! I don’t see why we can’t have a little pet around here to keep Gabi occupied.” You place your hand on his chest, rubbing in little circles.

Miguel’s head tilts towards you. “It’s not the funds I’m worried about. I know as soon as that dog comes in, all Gabi’s gonna do is play with it and I’m stuck cleaning it’s shit.”

“Aw, c’mon, baby. It’s our baby girl we’re talking about. Our princess.” You coax him but he’s firm on his stance.

“No. Dogs and all those animals belong outside. So they’ll stay outside and never in my damn house.” He trains his eyes back on the screen.

“You’re so stingy.” You pout and cuddle up to him, head resting on his shoulder.

“She can get a dog when she moves out which is never.” Miguel grumbles, lips pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

“Remember: Don’t tell Papi how much we spent.” You remind Gabriella, giving her a pointed look with your index finger over your lips. 

Gabriella beams with happiness, nodding vigorously as she holds a brand new puppy in her arms. A little black pitbull sniffing the air and wagging its tail from left to right, matching the girl’s excitement.

You open the door and Gabriella places the dog down gently. The puppy sniffs the floor and huffs through its nose, getting familiar with its new home. It quickly sneezes and sniffs through everything, half of its body being swung around with its tail. It gives a small yip and its jumps around, wanting to play.

Gabriella is ecstatic! She chases the puppy around, taking toys from a bag and throwing it. “C’mere Princess!”

You slump on the couch, peering in the bag of pet supplies for a baby dog that Miguel would definitely not be happy about.

Gabriella runs around with the puppy for hours before passing out after a day of play. While placing pee pads in the corner of the living room, You hear the door unlock.

Your lovely and blissfully unaware husband hangs his keys in the hook, shrugging off his coat. “Hola, mi amor.” He greets you. 

You welcome him with a hug and a kiss, one he hums in delight. His arms go around your waist and he bends down for another kiss. “How was your day?” You ask him, lips brushing against his.

Miguel sighs. “Fine. Could be…better…” He trails off after hearing unfamiliar footsteps and a bark.

Miguel turns his head to the side to see a little pitbull running up to him and barking, thinking he’s an intruder! Princess circles around him, sniffing and sneezing with her snout, darting this way and that way before looking up at him with a ‘smile’. All she’s really doing is baring her teeth.

Miguel stares blankly at the dog. “You didn’t.”

You grin up at him, wincing. “I did.” You stop him when he groans your name, a lecture on the tip of his tongue. “Princess is already here and Gabi is just so happy.”

“You named it already?” He rolls his head back, hand coming up to cover his eyes in disbelief. He pulls away from you, a pout on his lips. “I’m not taking care of it. You keep that thing away from me.”

“Miguel, now you’re just being dramatic.” You place your hands on your hips. Princess continues to sniff at Miguel’s legs and he shoos her away.

“Mama, listen. I'm not walking or feeding or playing or cleaning it’s shit. That’s for Gabi to do. Whatever it needs, it’s not my problem.”

Miguel kept most of his promise. That was until you went weekly grocery shopping with him on the weekend. While you were finding the meats, you told Miguel to grab the seedless green grapes that Gabriella wanted.

He came back with the grapes and a dogs chew toy. It was a plain bone with ridges around the middle. He tosses it in the cart and hangs by your side. You glance at the toy and then Miguel.

“Why?” You ask. Miguel takes a grape from the box and eats it. Mid-chew, he answers you.

“For the dog. She’s chewing on my shoes.” 

“Uh-huh…” You nod, unconvincingly. Miguel ignores the way you don’t believe him, his hands grabbing the handle of the cart and moving without you. 

The next time is when Miguel comes home from work, dropping his work bag to the floor and tossing his coat on the arm of the couch. He sits with a loud groan, flipping his shoes off. 

The scratches of Princess’s nails scurry down the stairs and rushes towards Miguel, pawing at his pants. 

Miguel leans down and rubs her back a bit before patting her. Princess tumbles to the ground and rolls on her back, huffing while her tongue slips off to the side. “Hey, Princess.” He mutters, patting her over and over again. Princess tries to gnaw on his hand, still growing out her sore canines and Miguel tsks slipping his hand off her. “Okay, okay, ya, ya!” 

Princess rolls back on her stomach, unphased by Miguel’s snapping. She then sits up and jumps so her front paws are on the couch seat and Miguel shoves her paws off. 

“No! Not on the couch! You have a bed!” 

You approach with Miguel’s dinner, him taking the plate from you appreciatively. You then stare down at Princess, her beady black eyes looking between you and the food on Miguel’s plate.

“You just ate, Princess. Go. Bed.” You command and she walks off to her little round fuzzy bed, collapsing on it and rests her head on her paws. She looks between you and Miguel again, her eyes become more and more cute in hopes of some extra food.

“You taught her stuff?” Miguel asks after taking giant bites of your cooking. You sit on a chair by the couch, resting your feet on the coffee table in the middle.

“Me and Gabi.” You hum and turn on the TV to a novela that you and Miguel both liked. 

Miguel grunts. “Quick learner.” He mutters. 

The other time is when you woke up and couldn’t find Princess. You knew Miguel was on his run so she couldn’t have escaped so she must’ve been hiding. But where?

You searched high and low before Gabriella woke up in the morning for playtime. A deep pit of worry in your stomach began to brew, the thought that Princess might’ve escaped somehow. 

While making your own breakfast, you hear the front door open and a loud bark, followed by loud panting. You leave your breakfast, moving over to peek at the front door to see Miguel huffing and puffing and Princess on the ground equally exhausted but her leash around her body. 

“You took Princess?” You ask, placing a hand on your chest in relief. You wouldn’t face a ten year olds tantrum today. 

“I thought Princesa could use an actual workout instead of twenty minute playtime with Gabi and—“ Miguel sighs again, wiping sweat off his forehead and fanning himself with the front of his loose white tank top. “Jesus, she has energy.”

“Princesa?” You ask with a raised brow.

“What?” He sniffs. “It’s still Princess. Don’t be weird.” You put your hands up in defense but he quickly surrounds his sweaty arms around you.

“Ew! No!” You laugh and try to leave him embrace. Miguel pressed a loud obnoxious kiss to your temple. The sound of the kiss making Princess jump up and start barking. She lunges at you both, using her force to push you enough to take a step back. 

She continues to bark and whine, nudging herself between you and Miguel’s legs. Miguel lets go of you which makes Princess jump up as high as possible to Miguel. He leans down and pats her body all around. 

“Alright, alright! I’m gonna shower.” He laughs and leaves another pat to her head before giving you a proper soft kiss to your forehead. 

But what really solidified Princess as an O’Hara was when Gabriella had a mini talent show in front of Miguel.

With one hand she held a treat. Her other hand did commands for the tutu wearing dog.

“Sit!” Gabriella said. Princess followed.

“Spin!” Princess spun.

“Roll over!” Princess stood still.

“Roll over!” Gabriella tried again. Princess tilted her head. Gabriella faces her father. “That one is still a little new.” She frowns but Miguel chuckles. He pats the seat beside him and Gabriella giggles, jumping into his arms.

Princess barks, feeling left out and tries to jump in as well. 

“No, no, no! Bed!” Miguel shakes his head, commanding her while trying to push her off and Gabriella helps her up. 

“Papi! Just let her do this one time!” Princess whines when Gabriella tugs on her front limbs.

“Gabi, no! The couch is gonna smell like dog!” 

Princess lands on the couch, her body having grown a little bit bigger after these few weeks. She places all her weight down on Miguel’s lap, tumbling down to lay down on top of Miguel and Gabriella’s lap. Gabriella tries to move but can’t so she laughs.

“She’s getting heavier!” 

Miguel groans. “Oh, Jesus Christ.” 

Princess tilts her head up, her tongue coming out to lick his neck and face. Miguel stops her. “Eww!” And Gabriella breaks into laughter.

After a while, Miguel stays up watching TV, Gabriella and Princess both asleep in his lap, Gabis arm around Princess. 

You come from outside your shared bedroom and yawn. With your slippers you shuffle into the living room and see all three of them huddled up together. 

“You’re still here?” You ask, another yawn escaping you. 

Miguel looks at you and then his two girls in his arms. “They were so tired.” He mumbles softly.

You sigh and shake your head. He could be soft about his daughter and dog another day. Not in the middle of the night. “No. C’mon. Take Gabriella to bed.”

A/N: Heavily inspired by my own parents teehee

[floatingaimlessly333]

>:)

Teen!Simon getting teased teen!Roba + gang at his new school and Johnny stands up for him, shouting at Roba in Gaelic

It was always the same shit. Didn't matter where, didn't matter when, didn't matter who. It was always the same shit.

Simon Riley was destined to be ridiculed and tormented wherever he went, so it was damn stupid of him to think switching schools would change that. It was only a week into the new term, and he had already become the target of another group of arseholes who thought they were better than him. The boys at the group home, his shitty excuse for a father, and now his newest torturer, Manuel Roba; it was like each of them could sense that he was weak, that he was lesser.

Simon had been trying so fucking hard to just ignore Roba and his lackeys. He's sure Nik and Price would be pissed if he got into a fight before they even hit the two week mark, but he couldn't stand it anymore. Every single second he wasn't in a classroom, he had to face jeers and insults and grabs for his mask. He was constantly on the edge of snapping, and he felt powerless to stop what seemed so inevitable at this point.

His only saving grace was Johnny.

Whenever he was able to find a moment of peace amidst all of the chaos, Johnny was right there beside him. But today, he was nowhere in sight. Simon had even gone so far as to actively search for the older boy, but he wasn't in his usual spots. The only thing his hunt did was land him right in the middle of Roba's warpath.

"Where have you been, English? It's almost like you've been avoiding me. Why would you do that, perro cachorro?" Simon could barely suppress a growl at hearing the other boy's taunts. He knew that would just bring on more dog comparisons.

"Roba-"

"Ah, ah, ah. I didn't say speak. Did you forget your commands already? Don't worry, perrito, I'm a very patient trainer."

This is exactly what Simon had been trying to avoid. He knew lashing out wouldn't do him any good, in the long run. It wouldn't stop the bullying. And then all his new teachers would know just how much trouble he was. But he couldn't fucking take it anymore.

He was preparing himself to throw the first punch when he heard footsteps hurrying towards them down the hallway.

"Och, ye fuckin' bawbags! Leave 'im the fuck alone!!" The accent alone clued Simon into the identity of his savior, and he looked up to see his knight in shining footie gear. Honestly, Johnny looked sort of like an angry porcupine at the moment, with sweat making his mohawk look even wilder than usual.

"This isn't your fight, Mactavish. Leave English and I to our little chat."

"Chattin' ma arse. Piss. Off."

Simon had been so busy watching Johnny that he hadn't noticed Roba steadily getting closer until the shorter boy grabbed him by the collar of his hoodie.

"We were just teasing him, hombre. You were having fun, weren't you, English?" Roba gave Simon a firm shake, causing him to hit the set of lockers behind him.

Once again, Simon didn't have time to speak before Johnny was jumping in to save his arse. The angry Scott rammed full speed into Roba, spending the bully careening backwards into his little gang of dickheads.

"Ah said FUCK OFF, YE SACK OF DICKS!!! Na bean ris a-rithist!!! No gearraidh mi dhiot do làmhan! And then I'll shove them up yer flabby arse!!"

Even as Roba and his crew made their slow retreat down the hall, Johnny continued shouting at them in a language Simon couldn't understand. He didn't stop until the other boys were fully out of sight, and even then he let loose a few more words that Si was sure must've been curses.

"If ah dinnae have a football game on Friday, ah would've kicked his arse for ye." He spun around to give Simon a once-over, making sure he wasn't hurt. Satisfied that the other boy was as okay as he could be, he extended his hand towards him. "Well, ahm bloody starving. Wannae go get lunch?"

Speechless, and with a raging blush creeping across his face, Simon took Johnny's hand. And suddenly, all thoughts of Roba and his goons left his mind. He had much better things to focus on at the moment.

Uh oh, this once again came out way longer than expected. >:)

Warning, I speak neither Spanish nor Gaelic, so these translations might not be accurate.

Spanish: perro cachorro=puppy dog; perrito=puppy

Gaelic: Na bean ris a-rithist=Do not touch him again; No gearraidh mi dhiot do làmhan= Or I will cut your hands off

[unmotivated-student]

[*Camera shutter sound*]

Mariana: [*looks around*] who took a photo of me, dude?

[*Quackity arrives*]

Quackity: hey, hey, Mariana come with me, come with me... come with me... let's make-...

Mariana reading Pepito's sign: apa i'm lost

Mariana: me too

Quackity: No, no, come with me, we're going to make indecent proposals... [*walks towards Fit*] Fit!

Fit: Yeah, yeah?

Quackity: We are looking for fornicating partners...

Mariana: Yeah...

Quackity: ...for the lonely night times

Fit: Oh [*laughs*]

Mariana: Conjugal visit

Fit: I'm taken, i´m sorry Quackity, i'm taken, i'm taken, but thank you...

Quackity: by who? by who? Who is- who?

[*Pac makes a quiet "ooo" noise in the background*]

Fit: By- by Pac...

[*Mariana, overlapping makes a loud high-pitched "ooo" sound*]

Fit: by Pac...

Quackity: Ahhhhh

Mariana, overlapping: "I'm taken", "I'm taken"...

Quackity: Perrillou, perrillou!** ["Perrillo" in a funny pronunciation xd*]

Mariana: You fuck every day, right? You fuck every day...

Fit: [*laughs*]

Mariana: ...you have so much testosterone.

Quackity: [*laughs*]

Fit, overlapping: Yeah, it's- it's a lot. It's a lot, man, it's a lot...

Quackity: [*laughs*] Ultrafucker, ultrafucker...

Fit + Mariana: [*laughing*] Yeah.

Mariana: What the fuck?

Pac: ultrafucker? wait, wait, wait, wait...

Quackity: and who-... and who-... and who-... who, man-...? [?]

Pepito's sign: "TIO FIT IS GOING TO GET MARRIED"

Mariana to Fit: [*after seeing pepito's sign*] Oh- oh, you will- you will get married, man? You- you will marry?

Fit: Whoa, whoa, that's a- I- that's a big step, that's a big step, you know?-

Mariana: Oh, okay okay.

Quackity, overlapping in the background: Badboyhalo, Badboyhalo, Badboyhalo!

Fit: ...that's, that's a lot of commitments... a lot of commitments...

Mariana: Oh, okay okay.

Pac, overlapping in the background: [*reading pepito's sign*] Tio Fit, ya se va a casar?

Pac: Mm... maybe one day? Who knows-

Quackity to Badboyhalo in the background: me and Mariana are looking for fornicating partners...

There were so many things happening in the same clip 😵‍💫

**"Perrillo" in México could be used to denote amazement or "respect" towards a person, it's like a variation of the expression "ah perro", of course this is a not at all formal expression, it's street language so to speak, the type of expression you would use more specifically with your friends 👍

Thank you so much for your help @tinkatonic, it was a pleasure collaborating with you for this transcription 🤝 u are the best🫵 ^^♡♡

[atthebell]

Roier: Hey, you told me when I arrived in Brazil, 'After your 10-hour trip, I'll give you an ass massage,' and I didn't see any ass massage.

Cellbit: [silent for a long moment before Roier punches him in-game] This type of thing you don't talk about live

[Roier bursts into laughter]

Cellbit: What is this? Hey! I didn't do that, I didn't do that, but, I did sing you "Welcome to the Mato" in the airport.

Full transcript (in Spanish/Portunhol & English) under the cut:

Spanish/Portuguese/Portunhol transcript:

Cellbit: Sí, sí

Roier: Por que mierda no funciona? Hola?

Cellbit: No sé, está bugeado?

Roier: Ya no soy parte de QSMP porque no voy a Las Vegas

Cellbit: Hey, tienes que tentar, hey-- Viene en mi maletín!

Roier: En tu maletín? Ay, me hago chiquito, me hago chiquito.

Cellbit: Tu puedo, tu puedo-- Você-- Te bota na mochila.

Roier: No mames. Mira, es que tiene ser una mochila muy grande.

Cellbit: A botar suas nalgas, si?

Roier: Oh, Cellbit, vas a volar como 13 horas

Cellbit: Tô acostumado

Roier: Ahh, acostumbrado, ay perdón

Cellbit: No tô acostumado, no tô acostumado, mas eu tô acostumado com aviões, mas, eu já viajei, eu só viajei internacionalmente umas quatro vezes hoje.

Roier: Ah, perro. Ya no mas he viajado dos veces así, y termino con el culo roto.

Cellbit: Ah, sim. Mas faz muito tempo que estive em um avião.

Roier: Oye, tu me dijiste cuando llegues a Brasil, 'Después de tu viaje de 10 horas, te hago masaje en el culo,' y yo no vi ningún masaje en mi culo.

Cellbit: [largo silencio] Esse tipo de coisa não se fala em live

[Roier se ríe]

Cellbit: Que isso? [Cellbit se ríe] Hey! No diciste, no diciste, pero, yo te canté "Welcome to the Mato" en el aeropuerto.

Roier: Sí. Pero fue-- sí, sí, está bien.

Cellbit: O qué querías? Querías un show? Canté "Welcome to the Mato" [letras confusas] y te de un abrazo.

Roier: Yo le dije a todos, Cellbit sí me canto, pero, la realidad fue, que me digo, [letras confusas y rápidas para mostrar lo rápido y silencioso que la cantaba Cellbit], asi.

Cellbit: [se ríe] Sí, porque, qué querías? Querías un show? Querías um show ao vivo? Cumplí la promesa. Não estava en karaoke, estava en el aeropuerto, tenía otras personas conmigo. [diafonía] Não farei um performance

Roier: Eramos como tres personas ahí, no mas. Culero.

Cellbit: Nah nah nah nah nah nah. La performance es como en el karaoke.

Roier: Ah, bueno. En el karaoke, sí.

Cellbit: No fue así un show.

English transcript:

Cellbit: Yes, yes.

Roier: Why the fuck isn't it working? Hello?

Cellbit: I don't know, is it bugged?

Roier: I'm not part of the QSMP because I'm not going to Las Vegas

Cellbit: Hey, you have to try, hey-- Come in my bag!

Roier: In your bag? Ah I'm getting smaller, I'm getting smaller.

Cellbit: You can, you can-- You can put it in your backpack.

Roier: No way. Look, it would have to be a really big backpack.

Cellbit: To fit your ass, right?

Roier: Oh, Cellbit, you'll have to fly for like 13 hours

Cellbit: I'm used to it

Roier: Ohhh, used to it, well pardon me

Cellbit: I'm not used to it, I'm not used to it, but I'm used to planes, but, I've traveled, I've only traveled internationally about four times before now.

Roier: Ah, very cool. I've only traveled twice before [internationally], and I ended up with a broken ass.

Cellbit: Ah, yeah. But it's been a long time since I've been on a plane.

Roier: Hey, you told me when I arrived in Brazil, 'After your 10-hour trip, I'll give you an ass massage,' and I didn't see any ass massage.

Cellbit: [silent for a long moment before Roier punches him in-game] This type of thing you don't talk about live

[Roier bursts into laughter]

Cellbit: What is this? Hey! I didn't do that, I didn't do that [going to assume this is what he meant to say], but, I did sing you "Welcome to the Mato" in the airport.

Roier: Yes, yes. But it was-- yes, yes, it's fine.

Cellbit: What did you want? You wanted a show? I sang "Welcome to the Mato" [garbled lyrics] and gave you a hug.

Roier: I told everyone this, Cellbit did sing to me, but, the reality is that he said [garbled quick lyrics to show how fast and quiet Cellbit was singing it], like this.

Cellbit: [laughs] Yes, because what did you want? Did you want a show? You wanted a live show? I kept my promise. I wasn't at karaoke, I was in the airport, there were other people there with me. [crosstalk] I wasn't going to do a performance.

Roier: There were like three people there with us, no more. Asshole.

Cellbit: Nah nah nah nah nah nah. The performance was for the karaoke.

Roier: Ah, good. At the karaoke, yes.

Cellbit: It wasn't going to be like a show.

[elbiotipo]

Viajaste de 2023 al Buenos Aires Biopunk de 2143? Uy, que garrón. Dejá que yo te guío, no te preocupes.

Esa cosa que ves en todos los souvenirs? Es la Torre del Tricentenario. Es como una torre de biocristal en forma de hebra de ADN montada en el Río de La Plata, un kilómetro de alto tiene. La más alta de Sudamérica. Bueno, aparte del ascensor espacial de los brasileros.

Toda esa gente rara? No seas malo. Ah, vos decís las escamas, las plumas, las colas? Sí, ponele que es medio como los tatuajes en tu época. Es la moda. Bueno, vas a ver más que nada a la gente vieja que quedó del biopunk original, y algunos pibes de ahora con eso, a mucha gente no le gusta joder con esas cosas ahora. Que es biopunk? A ver, como te explico...

Sí, casi todo el centro es peatonal. No hay tantos autos. Ah, esos coatíes? Las cotorras y los carayá? Son personas, moreaus, animales con inteligencia por modificación genética. No les vayas a decir animales. Son ciudadanos de la Confederación, chamigo. Sí, el delfín también.

Confederación? La Confederación Argentina, obvio? Ah, a ver, como te explico. Bueno, por allá por los 80, cuando reprimieron la comuna porteña, el Buenos Aires carmesí, la gobernadora Alegre... che, estás escuchando?

Obvio que se vende Guaraná Antártica por todos lados. La Coca Cola? No la hacen más desde el Ecocidio. Creo que hay una fábrica que quedó en Córdoba, pero no sé si es el mismo gusto...

DESPUÉS TE EXPLICO LO QUE ES EL ECOCIDIO CHE UN PASO AL VEZ

No, no es gendarme, es GENEdarme, porque están con todo el tema de la genética viste. No les digas Robocop. Son los del SENA. Servicio Ecológico Nacional Argentino. No, a los perros no les gusta que les acaricien, te lo van a decir. Sí, también son ciudadanos. Sí, son bien yuta.

Esas lianas y los árboles están para decoración y para las cotorras, sí, pero también limpian el aire de patógenos. Tranqui, vos estás en área segura. Buenos Aires es una de las ciudades más seguras del planeta.

Igual, por las dudas, comprate un barbijo. Tomá, 20 australes te deben alcanzar, no?

La UBA? Que, un vino? Ah, la UNBA. Sí, mirá, en los 80,

Esos bichos son las langostas del SENA. Y son como mitad helicóptero, mitad bicho. Claro, claro, algo así como los del Half Life! Juegazo. Salió la parte 5 hace poco, sabías?

Era todo avenida esto, podés creer? Mirá lo que es el Parque 9 de Julio ahora. Acá están todos los biopunks, bueno, para los turistas. Uy, mirá, mirá, los coatíes están haciendo una coreo! Dejales un par de australes.

Había un McDonalds en el Obelisco? Ah, como en las pelis viejas? No, no existe más eso.

El grafiti? Sí, son Evita y CFK. Las otras dos? La Dra. Alegre, obvio, y la del casco es Valeria Martínez, primer argentina en el espacio. El Dibu? Ah, me parece que es la nieta che.

La bandera esa es del Tawantinsuyu. Unión Andina, si no te sale el nombre. No, no son los incas, bueno, tienen esa onda... a ver, antes eran Perú y Bolivia. Son de izquierda, me parece. Sí, los equipos de fútbol siguen existiendo.

Independiente no gana nada desde el siglo pasado, pero creen que esta vez sí. Cuantas copas tenemos? A ver, si contamos el mundial de Cataluña, s-MIRÁ EL YACARÉ, siempre quise tener uno de mascota!

No, no podemos ir a Boulogne. No existe más.

No me importa si tu casa estaba ahí. Mirá, ya sé que lo de las "áreas restrictas" parece de película, pero en serio, no vayas.

Ah, no, está bien si le decís Capital, muchos se confunden. La nueva está en el sur. Sí, antes era Viedma, como sabías? Manejas toda la data vos, eh?

De que laburo? Ah, yo hago hormonas para mantener el sistema de lianas municipal. Sí, está bueno. Mi novia estudia astrobiología. A ver, si te digo que encontramos aliens te vas a desmayar también? Jajaja. No, es joda, joda. Pero sí. Los encontramos. No, están, como a 1000 años luz, no te preocupes. Bueno, dicen que en Titán...

Bueno che, te dejo que descanses acá. Este es uno de los mejores árboles de la ciudad, ombú bien pampeano y seguro, vos tranquilo. Lo atiende un par de cotorras super buena onda. Deciles que te canten algo de tu época, tipo los Wachiturros, por ahí te agarra la nostalgia.

[noisuwa]

@stevvvies ha dicho ' ¿trajiste a tu mascota? '

— ¡Así es! —respondió con una sonrisa, dejando celular en su bolso—. Es un Jack Russell llamado Cookie, pero ahora está en la sala de mascotas, ya que parece que le encanta. ¿Trajiste a la tuya?

[luuknowsbetter]

𝗠𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗞𝗼𝗺𝗯𝗮𝘁 𝟭 𝗕𝗼𝘆𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗚𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘀 (𝗔𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗮 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀) 𝗽𝘁.𝟮

Helloo againn, ah jaksja se hacía la gringa vist¿

buee, acá vamo con la parte doss,porque why not? btw if you wanna read this TRANSLATE IT okk?

────────────────────────────────────────

Kenshi Takahashi 

・hace chistes de ciegos SI.

・se sienta a ver la tele

・si te cruzas con él te dice "uy disculpa loco, no te vi"

・es hincha de independiente

・escucha Tan Bionica PERO LO VA A NEGAR A MUERTE

・trabajaba en el chino con Kung Lao hasta que bue...pasaron cosas

・se hizo amigo de Johnny en el super,al principio se odiaban pero kenshi trabajaba en la caja todo el dia entonce se veían todos los dias

・en navidad/año nuevo lleva el pan dulce, pero el de chocolate pq el otro dice que no le gusta

・"feliz año,por fin terminó este año de mierda" todos los años dice lo mismo

・es chino y se vino para Argentina esperando tener mas oportunidades (terminó trabajando en un chino)

・se pone a hablar con tus tios de anecdotas re interesantes

・él pensó que se trataba de cieguitos

Mileena

・es re turra

・seguro escucha la Joaqui o los wachiturros, una onda asi

・turra orgullosa

・fan de la Joaqui y de la chabona

・si te la cruzas en la calle de noche mejor cruzate de vereda

・vió el video de Maria becerra depilandose con la gillette seguro

・en las juntadas es la primera en ponerse en pedo

・vive en un barrio medio peligroso, pero porq ella es la peligrosa

・siempre la vas a ver tomando algo, birra,fernet,hasta sidra

Kitana

・es re milipili

・usa crocs rosa con plataforma

・escucha Tini, emilia,y marama

・tiene una re pileta en la casa y seguro te invita en verano porque ella es un amor, aunque medio densa

・en verano se va de vacaciones con las amigas a Carlos Paz

・"ay boluda" "amiga" "gorda" "re yo"

・un amor es

・aunque siempre fue re cheta iba a colegio publico

・solo toma vodka o semejantes a bebidas chetas

・vive comprando cosas con la tarjeta del papi (aprovechando que está re muerto-

・alguna vez habrá dicho algo muy cancelable seguro

・ni en pedo te sube a un colectivo

・dice blda cada dos segundos (era yo hajsjas)

・fan del k-pop. seguro te intenta enseñar todas las coreos

・ve series coreanas de Netflix

・en las juntadas lleva hamburguesas pq no le gusta el asado

・tiene un perro comprado

Raiden

・hace un re quilombo con Kung Lao siempre que puede

・"PARATE DE MANOS GIL"

・de nuevo, re denso con el fifa junto con Kung Lao y no se banca perder

・en las jodas baila toda la noche obvio

・en año nuevo se re emociona jaksjak mivi

・en navidad ayuda a poner la mesa y a lavar los platos

・also, es el que se lleva a los nenes afuera para que no vean que ponen los regalos

・cuando va a conocr a tus viejos por primera vez está mas nervioso quel pingo pobrecito

・encima tu viejo dice que es medio boludo kasjka pero le cae bien

・ganó el bingo pero en el truco siempre le rompen el orto

・lleva las papas fritas en las juntadas

・seguro escucha Árbol o cruzando el charco, una banda asi bien verga pero él es el unico q escucha eso (eso si, laberguiso ni en pedo te escucha, escucha musica de mierd pero no es pelotudo)

・siempre lo ponen de niñero por algun motivo

・es re tierno pero es medio boludo, igual es un amor el pibe

Sindel

・fan de karina la princesita

・es una emperatriz asi que obvio que es re cheta

・siempre está trabajando y no le da bola a las hijas, pero igual es buena madre

・se va de vacaciones a mar del plata o un lugar por el estilo

・se deja las canas pero le quedan re bien,,

・en navidad es la típica tia que jode a todos para q bailen con ella (medio chupada ta)

・los amigos de las hijas le dicen milf

・ella no sabe que carajos es eso

・toma vino. pero vino solo, ni en pedo lo corta con nada, y encima lo toma en copa o en un vaso re cheto

・pregunta como se pone netflix en el tele siendo que el control tiene el botón de acceso directo jaksjaks que reina

・como que intenta adaptarse a la onda de ahora, tipo tini, emilia, etc. pero le sale mal y termina siendo como marge en ese capitulo de los simpsons

・igual ella acepta su edad, no como los pelotudos que son pendeviejos, hijos de put-

—————————————————————————

buenasss, jaksj espero q les haya gustado

voten y comenten si less gustó <3

also, una fotito de enzo porque soy simp por este Uruguayo lindo

[nekirorgen]

Tenía las manos bañadas en sangre. Temblaba, estaba muerta de miedo. Mi corazón agitado parecía detenerse. Y ahí, tirada en el suelo estaba ella, esa mujer, esa mujer que yo tanto odiaba, esa mujer que tanto yo envidiaba. El cuarto estaba oscuro, la luz de la luna era la que iluminaba el rostro inerte de esa persona. Todo era blanco, paredes, colchas, ventanas, techo... Hasta el perro pequeño que temblaba debajo de la cama era blanco con una que otra peca marrón. La había matado, la había desaparecido finalmente de mi camino. ¡Ah cuántas veces había soñado con ese momento! Pero, ¿es que acaso eso había sido un sueño? No. No lo fue. Y yo me preguntaba cómo es que había llegado hasta ese sitio, no lo sabía, de pronto ya estaba ahí con la sangre de esa pobre mujer cubriendo la piel que llevaba desnuda. Juro que yo no soy asesina. Juro que no soy una mala persona. Juro que había evitado a toda costa llegar hasta ese punto. Pero ya había cometido el homicidio. Y dentro, muy en el fondo mío, una carcajada de libertad se escuchaba. Me había liberado de esa sombra, había suprimido lo indeseable. Con ella muerta ese pasado se había borrado, ya no tendría por qué volver a escuchar su ridículo nombre, ni tendría que ver su molesta cara, esa cara llena de arrugas que en algún momento —sino es que en todos— llenó de filtros para parecer joven y hermosa. ¡Ja! Mujer tan horrenda. Ah, pero ahí estaba, ya muerta. Ya sólo era un deshecho sin latido. Brotaba del corazón la escasa sangre que le quedaba. Y yo, poco a poco fui despertando del trance mas no de la realidad, porque aquella escena era tan real como ese perro que me observaba, o como el viento que recorría mi cuerpo, o como esa única testigo: la luna. "Me descubrirán, debo irme", pensé. Pero no podía moverme. No podía mover mis pies, estaba pesada, muy pesada, tan densa como la alegría que embriagaba a todo mi ser.

Dos almas.

Pensaba en dos almas.

Un alma caótica, turbia, confusa...

Un alma pacífica, en armonía, en equilibrio...

Todos teníamos dos almas adentro. Reflexionaba en tanto limpiaba la sangre en las ropas que llevaba puestas.

Esta alma, ésta que se había atrevido a clavar ese puñal en la carne, en los músculos, en los órganos de esa mujer, sin miedo a nada, siguiendo sólo su instinto de placer, esa alma era el caos que habitaba en mí. ¿Y la otra? ¿Dónde había quedado la otra? No estaba aquí... No estaba aquí.

Y una pregunta aparecía como una luz intermitente frente a mí: ¿Cuál es tu fantasía jamás dicha?

Esa, esa era y la acababa de cumplir. Y es que, ¿no les ha pasado que a veces quisieran borrar el pasado de ustedes, o el pasado de otros que son importantes para ustedes? ¿No les ha pasado que quisieran matar ese pasado que lleva un nombre? ¿Desaparecerlo y... poder así tener un camino limpio en el presente, sin ningún rostro o apellido que haga mella en sus vidas? Sí, esa era mi fantasía y se había vuelto tan fuerte que separó mi paraíso de mi infierno y me llevó ahí, justamente ahí, a la posibilidad de tomar un borrador y desperdigar el pasado, soplarle y desvanecerlo en un latido muerto. "Qué distinta será mi vida sin ella interponiéndose en mi camino. Qué diferente será todo, porque esto, esto que está aquí, estos muebles, este cuarto, estas ventanas, ese televisor y todo lo que afuera de este cuarto se encuentra, será mío, tan mío como él... Tan mío como..."

"No... Esperen... Ese perro no es mío... Lo lamento, tú tampoco puedes estar aquí..."

Caminé hacia él... Tomé el cuchillo que yacía tirado cerca de mi pie derecho... Con mucho esfuerzo pude moverme. "Le haré un favor a él si desaparezco a esta bola de pelos...", pensaba. Entonces alguien abrió la puerta...

Alguien entró al cuarto...

Y tuve que despertar...

Tuve que abrir los ojos.

"¡Mamá!", escuché ese grito. El temblor volvió a mí. Me habían descubierto. ¿O no? No... No había sido así porque yo estaba de pie frente a ese sujeto que desgarraba su garganta y no podía verme. Nadie podía verme, sólo la luna y ese perro que tanto odiaba ya.

El alma tiene dos brazos y ese día el brazo que se alzó fue aquél que le dió luz verde a mi perversidad. Pero ahí seguía, de pie... Mirando a aquél que lloraba, y esa noche ya no sería tan sólo a la mujer y al perro a quienes mi fantasía quitaría la vida, sino también a ese pobre infeliz que trataba de revivir lo imposible.

—Nékir.