#Aimi Komori | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kuromochimi · 3 years ago

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For as long as my heart beats, I will.

Sakusa x f!reader one shot

♡ It was beyond agonizing having to grow up caged in the hospital’s four walls. The smell of antiseptic, the occasional cries from other patients’ bereaved loved ones, the endless pills and constant painful treatments... but the most painful of them all is the uncertainty of living another day. What a joy would it be to find something to look forward to everyday.

word count: 11, 832

Content & Warnings: fluff to angst, talks of sickness (cancer and treatments related to it), kissing, mentions of blood, injections, major character death, let me know if I missed any

- I did as much research as I could about the medical terms and info here. Please do politely point it out if I made any mistakes and let me correct them! <3

“You should definitely contact ‘make a wish”. At least get your last hurrah before we both can’t function anymore”

Last. It bothered you. The word suggested endings and you sure as hell would do anything to avoid meeting yours. Not just yet. But you knew that reality was much more different than you’d like and your friend, aimi, another cancer patient who grew up in the same ward as yours, was right. You were bound to die anyway, might as well do what you wanted to.

“Aimi stop saying that stuff. Come on, lighten up a little! Your favorite handsome doctor won’t like it if you two were to leave me behind, you know?”

“You’re one to speak, toya. You’re healthy as a horse”

One of your doctors, komori motoya, who was interning, was one of your closest friends along with aimi. He has been on your case for roughly two years at the moment and being in the same age bracket, you all got along quite well. Safe to say, he was the breath of fresh air and life amongst the three of you.

“Would you two shut up, you’re making my head pound” it wasn’t an overstatement. Your head really was hurting. Severely. It’s been… a year since you’ve been diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia. Though, you’ve been in and out (mostly in) of the hospital since you were five years old. You’re 25 now. Treatments and medicine were helping with the symptoms but it’s probably only a matter of time before it gets worse for you. As a child, you had constant illnesses. Constant difficulty breathing, weak limbs, inability to digest food at times, and now this. The hospital was more or less your home.

“Oh yn, aimi, I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you two later when I go on rounds”

“Have fun with the surgery” you reply

“All I’m supposed to do is stand and watch though”

“Well yeah I wouldn’t trust you with a scalpel just yet” aimi teased

Komori snickered before running off to prepare to view another surgery.

“Must be nice” aimi sighed

“What is?”

“To be like toya. You know, he’s constantly thinking about his future as a surgeon. All I do is think if I’d still wake up when I take naps”

“Hm. Well what’s your dream anyway? If you know, if we weren’t sick”

“Find a good looking man and ask him to rail me”

“AIMI? There are children here!”

“Ease up yn. Jesus, you’re such a prude”

“L/N, Y/N? Miss L/N, please proceed to the chemo therapy ward” a nurse called

“Alright, I’m going, see you later, mimi”

“Get well soon sweetie” aimi replied.

It had been a tradition for you to see each other off that way. Maybe the small sense of hope of getting better slightly made things a little brighter.

As usual, you greeted the nurses and doctors there. The other patients as well. There was a new doctor though. A good looking one at that. Maybe aimi could shoot her shot with him, you thought.

Without much to do while receiving treatment, you watched the new doctor work. With the little bear pinned on his white coat and lollipops sticking out of his pockets, he looks to be a pediatrician. He crouched down to be eye level with one of the kids. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop but the close proximity made sure that you could hear their conversation nevertheless.

“How’s our brave mio doing? Does it hurt anywhere?” He smiled while asking the kid

“Mhm. It hurts here, and here, and here. But mama said if I’m brave today, you’d give me a lollipop!”

“Is that so?” He smiled again while giving the kid’s shoulder a light squeeze before continuing. “Well your mama’s right. So be brave again today, okay?”

The child smiled so brightly as if the pain he talked about moments ago was suddenly non existent.

Lost in the moment, you didn’t notice how the doctor found you staring at their exchange.

“Miss? Something wrong?”

“O- oh! No no, nothing’s wrong. Just spaced out you know, all the meds and stuff” was the best excuse you could come up with

“Oh? Hold on a second. You shouldn’t be experiencing those symptoms even with all the medicine. Are you sure you’re fine? Who’s your doctor?”

“I’m fine, really. Just my emotions, you know?”

He simply nodded. He then reached down to his pockets, pulled out a lollipop, then gave it to you.

“Here,” he said “good job for being brave today too” he mused before turning away to come back to the kid he was originally talking to.

It was a simple act, to say the least. But with everyone close to you being so used to your illness, it had been a while since anyone had ever uttered those words to you. The words cheered you up a little .

Despite you being transferred out of the pediatric ward years ago, the fact that you spent most of your life there made it so that you were fairly close to the staff there, as well as some patients. Up ‘til now, when aimi wasn’t able to be with you due to her health related endeavors, you went to the pedia ward. Usually just to sit there and enjoy the company since both your parents had to work to be able to pay your bills and you were an only child too.

Your new hobby at the moment? Crochet. While sitting at one of the benches there, you started crocheting a little bumble bee patterned plush. You almost looked like a relative waiting for her family member to be discharged. If not for the huge stand you had to wheel around to take your IV bag with you.

“You again? How are your emotions, Ms. patient” the pedia doctor who gave you a lollipop approached you

“May I?” He asked, gesturing to the seat beside you

“Sure”

He took a seat.

“My emotions are fine, by the way. They’re all going into this bee plushie I’m making”

“That so?”

“Mhm. By the way, doc, are you new here? I don’t think I’ve seen you around before”

“How long have you been here for you to be able to tell who’s new and who isn’t” he asked

“Hmm I’d say technically since I was five. I mean I was in and out before but two years ago, I was admitted and I haven’t left since”

“What are you in for?”

“Stop making it sound like I was arrested” you laughed while saying

“I just wanted to lighten the mood”

“I have leukemia”

“Well, you look pretty not pale”

“You think so?” The compliment, while bizarre to many, meant a lot to you. Doc seems to be good at flattery and words. And the fact that he didn’t immediately pity you made the conversation all the better. Maybe it was because he was used to such news.

“Yeah, you look healthy enough to sprint out the hospital”

He wasn’t wrong. You were a tad skinny but you somehow still maintained a rather rosy-pale complexion despite your illness. As long as you didn’t run or over exert yourself, you could walk around on your own.

“I would if I could, you know? Don’t tempt me” you joked

“What would you do outside anyway?”

“I would… buy books! Lots of them. And crepes! I love those”

“Why don’t you? You seem healthy enough to ask for a permit for that”

“Nah. My parents are both busy and tired all the time. My other patient friend isn’t allowed to go out anymore. My doctor is almost always on call so he can’t go with me”

“I’ll go with you” he said

“You could be a murderer though”

“I’m literally obviously a doctor”

“We just met too. I don’t wanna be a bother. It’s okay, doc! That was just wishful thinking”

He only nodded in response.

“Dr. Sakusa! Mio’s parents are here now” the nurse called, he immediately complied without saying a word.

Nearly a week has passed since your encounter with “Dr. Sakusa”. A week you spent talking with aimi and komori, crocheting, catching up on the latest celeb gossip and nurse gossip even, since your room is right across the nurses’s station. Your parents also took turns visiting you outside work hours.

“Bitch!” Aimi barged into the door of your room

“Aimi, your voice” you asked her politely to lower her voice. Loud noises made your head pound.

“I’m sorry” she said, hugging you immediately.

“So? What’s got you barging in here?”

“One of the kids told me she saw you talking to a handsome doctor last week! Who?”

“The dude never even removed his mask. What if he’s not handsome without the mask” you joked

“Selfish, come on, who was it?”

“I think his name’s sakusa? He never really told me but I heard the nurse call him”

“He sounds familiar”

“Really?”

“Yeah but I can’t remember. So where is this doctor?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since”

“Oh look, I think toya’s headed here. Toya and… who’s that other guy?”

As the two entered your room, you recognized him immediately.

“Sakusa?”

“How are you today, Ms. patient? Are your emotions doing well?” You found it funny how your little excuse seems to have made its mark with him, enough to earn you a little inside joke as such.

“This is the guy?” Aimi whispered to you to which you nodded

“What are you doing here, doc? And why are you with toya?”

“Motoya is my cousin and I’m here because of this” he handed you a paper bag.

“What’s this?”

“Crepes”

Without a word, your face lit up but before you unboxed the contents of the paper bag, you looked at komori for approval first. He nodded.

“You should have told me you wanted those! I wouldn’t mind going out to get you some, yn. Had my cousin not told me about meeting a girl who was crocheting in front of the pedia ward, I wouldn’t know” komori said

“It’s not like I can’t live without it, toya. But.. thank you so much Dr. Sakusa” you smiled at him

“Kiyoomi” he said very softly

“Huh?”

“You can call me kiyoomi”

“Does that apply to me too?” Aimi asked jokingly

“ ‘course it does! Kiyoomi even bought enough crepes for the both of you” Komori spoke for sakusa

“Thank you kiyoomi!” You and aimi said in unision before digging into the box of sweets.

“I’ll get going now. My patients are waiting for me” sakusa excused himself, leaving you, aimi, and komori.

“Damn toya your cousin looks a little intimidating” aimi stated

“He does look like it. But he’s really nice you know? I mean he’s a pediatrician after all”

“Given that he even bought crepes for me and yn, I’m already approving of him joining our little squad”

“You better not use him for food”

“I won’t!” You all laughed

It made your heart swell. Moments like these, it’s almost as if it was a normal day, living a normal life. A taste of how things might have been, maybe?

Your life proceeded as a routine after. After all, living at a hospital didn’t provide much entertainment. You weren’t mad at your situation. Things happen and people get sick. No one was to blame and being frustrated about it would only add to your stress. Your parents and you yourself have already accepted your condition, as per your request. You agreed to receive treatment but you talked to them, told them you were alright and that you’d do your best to get better but once it becomes too much, you wanted to have the choice of letting go. Fortunately, there was no need to make that choice right now.

“Knock knock” sakusa’s head peeked into your room

“Come in”

“I got you some books. Look, these are the ones you wanted to read”

“Seriously?! Thank you! You have no idea how much I wanted these. Wait how much are they? I have to pay you back”

“No need. These are mine. I read them before already”

“Why are you nice to me?” You suddenly asked which you thought you shouldn’t have after seeing sakusa’s confused and shocked face.

“I don’t mean that in a suspicious way, just… even before you knew I was toya’s friend, you were already nice”

“I’m a doctor. I’m supposed to be nice to patients”

“Okay okay, no need to be defensive” you laughed

“Im not!”

“Okay, doc”

“Oh hey, the weather is nice today” he said, which confused you

“Okay and? Are we that awkward that you had to bring up the weather just to extend the conversation?”

“No I mean, do you want to go out? Just the rooftop or the garden”

“Can I?”

“I’ll ask motoya to ask your attending first”

“Okay but aren’t you busy?”

“No. I get free time because I performed best this week” he spoke while sending a text to komori to ask for permission for you to be able to go out.

“You’re bragging”

“No I’m not- ah here. Motoya replied, you’re allowed to go out. Just for an hour. Let me fix the permit first. Wanna ask aimi to come with us?”

“Not today, I think. She’s… being monitored”

The sudden drop of your mood didn’t escape sakusa. Aimi’s cancer was of the bone. Osteosarcoma. She was supposedly healing but sudden complications came and the past few days have been a little down hill for her. Komori wanted to comfort you but he didn’t know how as he was much closer with aimi and even he was having a hard time taking the situation. He asked his cousin to stop by your room to check on you after his shift.

“Come on, can you walk?”

“‘Course I can”

Sakusa helped you wheel your IV stand as you walked to the elevator.

“Where are we going?”

“Rooftop”

You didn’t know whether your rather fast friendship with the doctor was because of the fact that he was one of the only people you had access to or because he made you feel easy. God knows it took komori a good few months before he got to your good side.

“We’re here” he assisted you out of the elevator

“Oh, I thought we were going to the helipad” you pouted

“You’re not allowed there, plus, it’s nice here, there are lots of plants and fresh air”

You both started walking around the rooftop garden

“Kiyoomi?”

“Hm?”

“Toya… he won’t listen to me when I talk to him about this. He’s not even supposed to be this attached to me. I’m his patient after all”

“What is it about?” Sakusa halted his walking and motioned for you to take a seat with him on a nearby bench

“When I go.. I want to leave some things to someone. You know, letters, memorabilia or something for my family and friends. I know it’s too much and we just met but can I leave them with you?”

“Yn, you’re not dying. Your cancer hasn’t progressed to acute leukemia, we can work something out.”

“You and I both know how untrue that is”

It surprised him. How there was no bitterness in your voice when you said those words. Words describing an inevitable end and yet, only the most genuine tone could be heard. Not a trace of anger. It’s not the sound of someone who has given up either.

“Okay”

“Okay? You’ll do it? Don’t worry, I’ll definitely have a letter and a gift for you!”

“No? I don’t want a letter, say it in person. I’m always here anyway” he joked

“Okay, then come visit me everyday. And bring more crepes! And books”

“Okay, I will. I’m in charge of checking up on your emotions after all”

“As you should, Dr. Kiyoomi”

You shared a heartfelt laugh. You were beyond grateful to have someone so understanding of a dying person like yourself. He talked to you without bias for the most part. He was kind but his kindness was different from that of his cousin’s. While komori cushioned all the blows, Kiyoomi didn’t sugarcoat the words you needed to hear. He was honest but he understands.

The wind blew, the night sky fast approaching, you failed to notice the supposedly beautiful sunset view seen from where you sat. Perhaps having someone who understood your troubles and listened to your thoughts was much more beautiful than any sunset could ever be.

“Hey it’s getting cold. Let’s head back, or else motoya’s going to get an earful”

You nodded and let him guide you back into the elevator. The way back was pretty quiet. Not awkward but rather, an eased quiet. He helped you situate yourself back on the bed, fluffed your pillow, pulled your blanket up.

“Good job for being brave again today” he said before turning towards the door to return to his duties.

Being physically sick, it wasn’t everyday that someone checked on your emotions. After all, emotions won’t exist if you had no physical body to feel it with.

“How’s aimi?” You asked Komori who was having his lunch in your room

“She’s being treated”

“That’s not helpful at all. Come on tell me the truth, toya”

“She’s conscious but she’s intubated so she can’t talk right now”

“Oh” the obvious frown made its way to your face

“No no, you’re not letting your mood drop today. Your emotional support doctor can’t cheer you up today so you can’t be sad”

“My emotional supp- oh kiyoomi? How do you even know about that?” You asked, a little shyly

“He told me how you used your emotions as an excuse for staring at him the first time you guys met”

“I was not staring at him! I was listening to his conversation with the kid!”

“Okay! Calm down”

“Toya”

“What?”

“My next scan is in a few hours”

“You’ll be okay. I know it. You’re healthy as fuck.” It was more of a reassurance for himself at this point.

“I don’t need you being all emotional over me. They’re going to pull you from my case if they notice, you know?”

“I know. Just… please be okay”

Just then, his beeper went off.

“Oh looks like your schedule moved up.

“Komori, I’ll take over from here, you take over my rounds for now” Dr. Sato, the attending in charge of you said as he entered the room.

“Got it, doc. See you later, yn!” he gave your shoulder a tight squeeze before leaving

“You ready?”

“Aren’t I always?”

The tests weren’t time consuming. AS usual, blood was drawn, physical tests, MRI and CAT scans.

You were now back in your room with your mom. The results were going to be relayed to you tomorrow.

“yn, how have you been lately? I’m sorry mom hasn’t been around much, there’s so much work nowadays” she smiled at you

“I’m okay mom. I actually met this really nice doctor. He brings me books and crepes a lot”

“Is that so?”

“mhm, he’s toya’s cousin!”

“Their kindness must run in the blood then”

You looked at your mother. Her bags were heavier than before, she had lost weight, she looked pale. She looked tired. It’s times like these when you feel bad for not being able to support yourself. Then again, how would you even do that when all you could do at most was walk around on your own. Any more than that and you’d end up tired and sicker than you already were.

“Sweetie? What’s wrong?” she must have noticed your sad stare

“Nothing mom, I’m just a little tired” you smiled at her

“Oh then get some rest now. I’ll be here tomorrow for your results, okay? Or maybe dad will”

“Thank you mom”

24 hours passed by in a blink of an eye. Dr. Sato would come by anytime now but neither your mother not father was around. You were a tad scared of what you were about to hear. Your phone buzzed, signaling a text message. It was from your mom. It was of her saying she couldn’t make it. You understood. They both had to work double time just to be able to pay for your bills and you would never hold it against them.

“How’s Ms. Patient doing?” The sudden voice pulled you out of your thoughts

“Kiyoomi, hi”

“You seem down. Did I, your emotional support doctor, not do my job well?” He was obviously trying to lighten your mood

“no no, I’m- just my results are going to be out now”

“you alone?” he asked while tinkering with the small decorations which adorned your bedside table.

“mhm, my parents are busy. Having a daughter in constant need of expensive medical care isn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world you know”

“well if that daughter is as nice as you then I’m sure all that is more than worth it”

“You flatter me”

“Want me to stay with you?”

“Are you allowed to do that?”

“I am allowed. I’m not your doctor so there’s no issue there as long as you consent to it”

Just then, Dr. Sato entered the room.

“Yn? You ready? Where’s Mrs. l/n?”

“She’s busy today but kiyoomi will keep me company”

“Dr. Sakusa? Since when do you two know each other?”

“He’s in charge of my emotions” you jokingly told Dr. Sato

Sakusa was obviously slightly embarrassed but he laughed a little too.

“okay now, let’s all take a seat and talk about yesterday’s test, okay?”

“okay”

“So, yn. It looks like the treatment we’re trying now is working a little better than the last one we tried. However, this.. how do I say this”

“it’s okay doc, just tell me”

“Well you see, it seems to be progressing faster than we projected. It progresses slower with younger patients but you’re an adult now and it seems to be affecting more and more of your body. the cancer.. has progressed into acute leukemia. The treatment you’re receiving now is definitely slowing the growth but it’s also affecting your healthy cells.”

“so... does this mean the results will be the same whether I get treatment or not?”

“more or less”

You unconsciously grabbed sakusa’s hand. He didn’t pull it back, instead, he squeezed you hand to reassure you that he was there.

“What do you suggest we do, doc?”

“I suggest we try to halt the treatment as it might be doing more harm than good. Let’s stick to oral medication for now, to control the symptoms”

“Okay, doc”

“Don’t we need to hear from your parents too?”

“No, they’re letting me decide these things for myself anyway”

“Okay well if you have any more questions then feel free to ask them or if you want me to step out, I’d leave you for now”

“How long?” Both Dr. Sato and Sakusa knew what you were talking about.

“I can’t say but with cases like yours… it would be around 2 years at most. I’m sorry”

“Oh don’t apologize now, Dr. Sato. You’ve kept me alive for 20 years. That’s more than enough for me to thank you. I literally owe you my life” you said with the widest smile you could muster

“I swear, that attitude of yours is what keeps you going” Dr. Sato mused before he excused himself to visit another patient

In all honesty, you were feeling weaker by the day. The usual walk around the floor becoming more taxing than it used to. You often dropped the things you were holding, your body aches were worstening too. Though luckily, unless someone saw your charts, you could make them believe that you were still fairly healthy. You didn’t notice how despite Dr.Sato being gone for more than a few minutes now and you’ve been lost in thought for a while, you were still holding sakusa’s hands.

“Oh my god kiyoomi I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was still holding onto you”

“It’s okay. So anyway? What do you want to do today? Garden? Want me to get you more pastries? Read a new book maybe? Or play with the kids at the pedia ward?”

“Thank you” was all you could say.

“I’m always here to guard your emotions. It’s my job” he chuckled softly. It was a small inside joke but he was right. Ever since you met him, he has always made you feel more at ease and despite the heavy news dropped on you only moments ago, you already feel a little alleviated that sakusa was able to lighten up the mood as he always does.

“Take me to the rooftop again, kiyoomi. I think I need some fresh air.”

No words were spoken as helped you prepare to head to the said destination. the way there was quiet. He wanted to console you but he didn't know how nor was he sure if you needed to be consoled at all. He guided you out of the elevator and followed you as you walked towards the part of the rooftop where the view of the city was clear as day. You propped your arms against the railing and situated your head on them. Kiyoomi standing beside you with his hands in his pockets, quietly waiting for you to say something.

"I wonder" you said, finally breaking the silence.

"Hm?"

"What I'd be doing now if I wasn't so sick all the time"

"What did you want to be?"

"I wanted to be a doctor actually. I told myself when I was a kid that once I got better, I'd be a doctor so I could treat people who are sick like me"

Sakusa chose not to speak. He wanted to listen more to what you wanted to say. To your dreams, to what you wanted to do.

"I never got better though so here I am" a bitter laugh escaped your lips. The first time Sakusa ever saw and heard you get frustrated because of your condition.

"Spent my whole life here. Never even had a boyfriend. Never even snuck out of the house or gone to late night trips with friends. It sucks."

Sakusa finally turned his head towards you. He saw your eyes, glassy, tears threatening to fall, the warm glow of the sun about to set, reflected against your tear filled irises.

"Ever had a first kiss, Ms. Patient?" Huis question took you by surprise.

"No. Why? Would you give it to me?" It was a joke. Or at least most of it was.

"If I say yes, would you let me?"

One look and he knew it was a yes. Gently, slowly, but with no hesitation, he leaned towards you with eyes closed. You did the same.

And for a second time since you met him, you had missed the view of a beautiful sunset; because the person standing next to you was much more beautiful than any sunset could ever be.

Being a doctor, Sakusa couldn't always be around but he came by to hang out with you every chance he got. He barely even got to go to the on call rooms because when he needed rest, he would come to your room. Neither of you established your relationship despite the kiss but safe to say that he snuck in kisses whenever he'd pass by your room. The nurses even started teasing you about your relationship with the handsome, new doctor. Frankly, you had kept what happened a secret from Komori and Aimi. You weren't allowed to visit aimi yet since only family members were allowed to but komori had access to her so he went there regularly to come talk to her and fill her up on stories and entertain her. You were pretty sure though that he had some sort of idea that something was going on between you and his cousin.

"If you're dating my cousin, just say that"

"And where would we be going on dates? In my room? On the way to get a CAT scan?"

"No but maybe the rooftop?"

Your cheeks turned red at the thought of Komori knowing what had happened.

"Look at this 25 year old fully grown, adult woman blushing at the memory of a kiss"

"How did you know?!"

"Squeezed it out of Kiyoomi. Don't you think I see you two going out every time he had a second to spare? He even started asking for permission from Dr. Sato himself to hide it from me."

"I really didn't mean to, you know?"

"What's wrong with dating him? Why do you sound so guilty?"

"Well for starters, I have a fucking timer on my head"

"Stop it with the death timer. You can never be sure about that"

"Toya, I have two years at most. I really don't wanna be dragging kiyoomi into my life like that"

You found it ironic that Komori, being the doctor, was the one so reluctant to talk about your condition outside his work hours. He was the one most aware of it aside from Dr. Sato but he never talked about it with you if he didn't have to. It's a surprise he's still allowed to be on your case at this point as doctors weren't advised to treat patients whom they are emotionally attached to.

"Don't want to drag me into what?"

You failed to see Sakusa enter the room as Komori was blocking your view of the door

"Your girlfriend doesn't want you to date her because she thinks she's on a timer"

"I really don't care. I just want to do my best to keep her emotions in check" He made his way to you and kissed your forehead before sitting on the end of your bed, lifting your feet, putting them on his lap and giving you a foot massage.

"God, you're in the honeymoon phase. It's always the virgins who're so touchy too" Komori joked, returning to his original, light hearted demeanor "I'm leaving you two now, goodbye". He stormed off.

"No way in hell you're a virgin, Kiyoomi? With that face??? And that brain??"

He blushed immensely.

"Wait... are you actually?"

"Yes" He whispered

"FOR REAL?"

“Stop looking so amused about it”

“Okay okay, I’m sorry” you said with a soft chuckle

You ended up staring at Sakusa’s face, caressing his cheek before he dipped his head to give you a chaste kiss on the lips. A kiss that was cut short because of the door slamming open to reveal a shocked Komori,.

“Seriously?? I leave for five minutes and you’re already making out?”

“It was just a kiss!” you retort

“Whatever you say. Anyway, Kiyoomi, sorry to ruin your fun but Dr. Sato is calling for you. We have a new patient. Six Years old, we need a pedia on board the case”

“Alright. yn, I’ll come by whenever I can, okay?”

You nodded, watching the two leave your room to attend to another patient. And just as they both disappeared from your sight, you felt a sharp pain in your head. The surroundings started to look distorted, a warm sensation making its way through your sinuses, droplets of blood dripping onto your lap from your nose. The last thing you remembered was pressing the nurse call button before everything turned pitch black.

Bright. It was bright and you couldn’t open your eyes because of it. You started moving your limbs, trying to sit up but you felt too weak to do so. Once your vision adjusted to the lighting, you were met with your mother, with her head on your bedside, sleeping, holding your hand. She must have left work seeing as she was still wearing her corporate attire.

“Yn, sweetie, are you up? How are you feeling? Are you alright? I’m sorry I wasn’t around much lately. I’m sorry, I’m here now”

“mom,. what happened?”

“you passed out this afternoon. They had to give you a blood transfusion but now it’s fine, you’re okay now baby”

Still being a little dizzy and all, you chose to let your head rest easy on the pillow and return to sleep. You had such a good sleep that you didn’t even get to bid your mom farewell when she left. She felt bad about waking you so she simply placed a kiss on your forehead and left quietly.

The next time you opened your eyes, you saw Kiyoomi standing by the door frame.

“You up?” he asked

“mhm, how long have you been there?”

“Just a little while” he talked while walking towards you, giving you a hug before removing his white coat and taking a seat on the couch placed beside your bed.

“Don’t you have work, omi?”

“omi? you got me a little nickname?” his words accompanied by a smirk

“I- if you don’t like it, I can stop”

“no no, it’s cute, call me omi from now on. So? How are your emotions today?”

“I’m... okay. I’m just physically tired”

“Then I’ll let you get more rest, sleep well, alright?” he stood up to leave

“no omi, stay. If you’re not busy, stay here”

“okay”

he walked back to you, making himself fit as best he could in the space beside you on the hospital bed. He wrapped you in his embrace, your face buried into his chest.

“Hey omi”

“What?”

“Remember when we went to the rooftop and you promised you’d be the one to hand out my letters and all that?”

“Yes. Why?”

“If anything happens to me, all the letters are in a box under my bed”

“Then tell me now?”

“huh? tell you what?”

“didn’t you promise that you’d tell me your message in person?”

Instead of speaking words, you hugged him even tighter, nudging your face closer to his chest, taking in his scent, the feel of his arms wrapped around you, enveloping your fragile body. You refused to speak. For the first time, refused to acknowledge the fact that you were on the brink of dying. You had always accepted that it wasn’t going to be long ‘til you finally disappeared from this world. It was bittersweet to you. As much as you loved living, the constant physical, emotional, and mental pain from your situation was something you’d gladly let go of and just hope that you’d be good and healthy in the next life.

But now you’d whole heartedly take every needle, swallow every pill, endure each and every one of the aches in your body if that meant you could be with Kiyoomi longer. Someone who let himself love you despite knowing that there would be no happy ending to this story.

“I love you kiyoomi”

It was the only message he needed.

“Kiyoomi, are you really not going?”

“No, I.. I’m staying here”

“Okay”

“Motoya” sakusa called before komori could leave the room

“Here” he handed him four envelopes, each with a handwritten name assigned. Mom . Dad . Toya . Aimi

“What’s this?”

“They’re letters. From yn.” Komori’s eyes started getting teary but he held it in, took the envelopes, gave his cousin a hug before finally taking his leave.

He couldn’t believe how only a little over a year has passed since he met you.

Sakusa refused to attend your funeral. He couldn’t watch you being lowered into the ground, he couldn’t look at you, lifeless. Minutes of just sitting on what used to be your bed, sakusa rummaged more into the box you had left. He couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh at what he had found. The paper bag of the crepe he brought for you.. The Lollipop he gave you when you saw him for the first time. And an enevelope with his name on it?

“ To my dearest, omi. My emotional Support Doctor! :) I know you said no letters but I’m really not brave enough to tell you these words face to face. When I promised to tell you everything in person, I didn’t know that I would end up loving you as much as I did in this life time. Heck, you even made me want to live more. You made me want to get better everyday. Thank you for buying me crepes and bringing me books. Thank you for the lollipop. Thank you for giving me my first kiss and for being my first and only love.

Know that I will always love you, more than you’ll ever know. I’m sorry I was selfish. I knew how this would end and yet I let myself love you without a care in the world. But more than guilt, I feel gratitude. Because you let me love you and because you did the same. I’m not sorry that it couldn’t be us in the end. My life was always going to lead to this and you somehow managed to make yourself the highlight of it. My story ends with you and me. But don’t let yourself end up there too. Find a new love that can last you a lifetime. You’ve given me so much happiness and support and I want you to be happy too. You deserve to love and be loved again.

Thank you for guarding my emotions all the while. Thank you for being brave again today too, my love.

- y/n”

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