#And to be honest? I don't want them. They seem... dangerous and addictive and scary.

[iero]

It's so stupid to be happy about this, but I finally made the call to make a doctor's appointment to finally talk to them about getting put on a new anxiety medication.

[suneslvr]

Hello, good afternoon? (I'm using the translator) Sorry for the inconvenience but I would like to place an order. Dazai and chuuya (aside) with a Fem!reader who can't sleep without them, waits until late at night for them to come home from work because he can't sleep without them because he watches horror videos and because of anxiety. Thank you very much for reading me! I hope it was understood.

sleepless nights...

warnings: anxiety, mentions of a panic attack, obsidian: (dazai x f!reader), (chuuya x f!reader) :: reader stays up all night watching horror movies and now they can't go to sleep without their boyfriend <33 notes. not proofread (lol). sfw + this is a really cute request!!

% - DAZAI

_______ He has a pretty dangerous job even though he makes it seem like it's a basic office job, so when you tell him about your fears, he simply shrugs it off and changes the subject. Even when he has to leave in the morning, you can't help but think that something terrible is going to happen to him and at any moment you'll get a call saying he won't be coming back home. Well one day during work, one of your younger coworkers showed you this youtube channel with scary "true" stories and to be honest, it's quite addictive. So now you're at home at 12.00am waiting for Dazai, while 80 different things are going through your mind. Your so freaked out that you text dazai to come home and that it's urgent, and when he does and finds out it was because stupid youtube videos. He'll never let you live it down, of course he'll comfort you, but not without slipping some jokes in here and there. He'll even go through the videos and point out everything fake in it (he actually thinks this helps but he's kinda just forcing you to rewatch them). He'll also keep note on how scared you are when he isn't home and will try to come home a little earlier but theres no way he'll tell you that.

% - CHUUYA

_____________ due to his job, it's hard not to worry about his safety during the day, and especially at night. He knows this and has tried to reassure you by reminding you about his ability, but it never works. It makes it even worse that he comes home at the unholiest of times, and one day while you were attempting to stay up for him, you decide to put on a movie called "resident massacre" In your defense, you didn't realize it was a horror movie (you were half asleep and drunk on energy drinks). But once the movie starts to play, you realized that this was not a normal movie, and you wouldn't say you can be easily freaked out. But the way your home alone, your neighbors hate you, and your pretty sure they've been plotting on you since the beginning isn't exactly helping. Well, on the good side, at least you know you won't be going to sleep anytime soon. But on the other hand, you still haven't fixed your back doors lock. In the midst of your panic attack, you can hear your front door creak open. you arm yourself with a pillow and walk carefully to the front door. When the door opens fully, and reveals your tired out boyfriend, you drop the pillow and immediately fall into his arms. He seems happy for the attention although slightly confused on why your still awake and almost beat him with one your decorations. you're holding on to him so tightly, he doesn't even want to ask. Instead, he just looks at the mess of your living room filled with energy drinks and half eaten granola bars. "Baby, I know you were worried for me, but you really don't have to do... this." He looks back down at you with worried eyes just to be met with your sleeping face.

send me requests <33

[overandundertarot]

PAC; How can you heal your financial trauma?

Pick a pile (1-5)

*Sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors.

PILE ONE

Cards; 9 of wands reversed, The Devil. Pile one you are worn out. You're tired and exhausted and have been working on something for a while but it's draining you. The situation was not even clear, you were just keeping at it because you didn't know what else to do. "I've always done it this way so I should continue, people have always done it this way so it should work for me too." You've been turned this way and that way and you're mentally exhausted too. This is your trauma. The society you grew up in and the people in your family. There's the energy of always having to work hard to earn money. Struggling for money. You can't allow yourself to rest, and when you break down from the pressure and burden of it all you berate yourself for that too. Advice for you is to give into temptation, allow yourself to be seduced by your inner desires; get to know them, get to understand them and get to know what it feels like to loose yourself to the sensations and not think about anything else at all. If it feels not only exciting and new, but dangerous and downright scary because it's something you've never done before, It's the right thing to break you out of this shell. You need to get to know yourself and who you are instead of the worker bee you've been made to live as. Also something sexual related is coming through, work on your dark feminine, seductive energy. If you are interested in human design you may be a generator or manifesting generator. Inner change and alchemisation. Find out what you like by trial and error; obviously don't do anything too rash/dangerous that you would never be able to recover from. This trauma may also be affecting your relationships(you may have relationship issues) There's such a strong and intense energy(I feel like I cant even breathe) in this pile, I think if you find a away to channel your energy into whatever it is you really want to do, you could be unstopable. Symbolism : Webs; spiderwebs, preying mantis, carnivourous plants, birds, aries, mars, pentagram, occultism, galaxy.

PILE TWO

Cards; The Devil, Knight of Swords. Pile two you often get lost in your head. You find yourself indulging in fantasies and creating this safety net of illusion and comfort meanwhile you're not taking any action. I feel like you may accumulate and hoard business ideas that you see on tiktok/youtube/social media or tell yourself that you can do this and that but never take any tangible action. Gambling addictions and small expenditures that add up, you're not being honest with yourself about your financial situation and money is controlling you so much more that you would think. That's your truama, that money is such a big influence in your world and you don't even know it. You're being hypnotised and controlled by money, its sneakily around the corner influencing your decisions and you don't even know it. Worst of all is that its causing you so much anxiety and you've learnt to just live with it. I'm sorry if I'm being too harsh, but the words have to come out. It's not completely your fault, it only becomes your fault if you're aware of the pattern and choose to ignore it. I'm not getting too much about the source of this trauma but it seems it doesn't even have one exact source. It's more a product of living in the world we are in right now, maybe social media. Do some research about consumerism. Minimalism might also be beneficial for you. Try to discern if you trully want something or you've just been influenced. The way to heal this trauma is to cut through the haze with clarity. It's time to make plans, write down your goals and cut through the illusions to the core of yourself and what really matters to you. It's a time to be logical .There are actions that you have to take that you've been putting off. There's a deep fear inside you of not living up to your dreams/expectations. Take it slowly and start wih small steps. It's like wading through murky muddy water and then suddenly breaking through the water into crisp and cool air. Try to do a cleanse of the uneccessary things that you have let accumulate in your mind or even just clean your home. If you have a goal that feels too big and scary break it down into small steps. You can do so much more than you think you can, and make a bigger impact in your own life than you would ever believe. But you have to start somehwere. Symbolism; clear waters, rivers, lakes, sunflowers, light blue.

PILE THREE

Cards; 10 of cups reversed, 6 of wands. Pile three you have a dream. Something that you've always secretely desired but it just never felt like you could get it. It could be a happy family of your own, innocence in life etc. It feels like you've been the mature one from a young age, someone who had to grow up too fast. You may be an orphan/ lost a parent at a young age or you could have simply had a desire for a family from a young age. A desire for strong emotional connections with people. Your trauma with money is not so much connected with money but other people/ the world in general. You understand that money is a tool that can be used to put you in the right situations to get what you want. You view money as a safety net and may get panicky/ stressed/ emotional when you think you are running out out of it. You may be a man and believe that you cannot find love if you are not financially stable.(specific message). To heal this you have to believe that you can get what you desire even without money. You are someone who is charismatic, energetic, level headed and you have leadership qualities overall. You have to be optimistic in your outlook. You need to shift your perspective to heal your financial trauma. You have to believe that no matter what your financial status, you are deserving of love and affection. Of true connection and whatever it is you may desire. You could have imposter syndrome and over criticise yourself. You need to look in the mirror and have appreciation for who you are , what you have, and what you've made of yourself till now. Symbolism; moustaches(?) , fast paced cities, mountains, cancer(the sign), scorpio, capricorn, clover.

PILE FOUR

Cards; 6 of wands, The Fool reversed. Pile four you may be too arrogant when it comes to money. You may love to overspend and show off to your friends because this pumps up your ego. You feel you deserve nice things and may actually have the background to support your spending habits but this attitude won't help you forever and this is kind of your trauma. How other people perceive you based on your money. You are scared of being taken advantage of based on your money or people misunderstanding you and assuming things about you. You're always aware, always on the lookout. Despite being emotionally secure, other people's opinions and actions still impact your emotions greatly. To be honest, you need to be careful and start managing your finances and planning for your future. It may not always be so assured and abundant for you. To heal this trauma you need to put measures in place. Cultivate a feeling of safety as well as educate yourself in terms of financial matters so you are prepared incase of any windfall. You should also get to know yourself so that you may regulate and curb on your reckless spending habits and also avoid situations that money may not be able to get you out of. You may also be craving true and sincere friendship, and this will come to you as you work on yourself more and go down a path of self development. It may be beneficial to you to get a mentor/someone you can learn from. Symbolism; Gold, glasses, braces, spiders, knifes, eyes, peacocks, green.

PILE FIVE

Cards; Death reversed, 7 of Cups. Pile five you have a tendency to hoard money. Money has become a self fulfilling need for you and it's difficult for you to spend money or exchange it because it only registers as a depletion. As a loss. This is how your trauma shows up for you. It may go so far as you not even spending money on yourself because you feel it's unecessary. For example on something like a parfume or deodorant, or a type of food. Only eating the cheapest foods, wearing your clothes until they're falling apart because you just can't bear the thought of spending money on new ones. What you dont realise is that you are putting money above yourself. Money is more important than you so you would rather deny yourself for the sake of money. To preserve and uphold it. This is an issue with self worth and can permeate more areas of your life than you may think. Are you the type to brush away your problems? "It's not that bad so I can live with it." What you dont realise is that you are making life harder for you, accumulating stress and hardships that are completely unecessary. To heal this trauma you have to acknowledge that you have needs. Your quality of life can improve so much by making small changes; buying clothes that make you feel confident, eating food that delights your senses, using products that make you feel beautiful, fixing something around your house that could make your life so much easier. You dont always have to do things that hard way or deny yourself pleasure just to save some money. Allow yourself to have wants, to express your needs and use money as a tool to enrich your life. Symbolism; Glass bottles, slippers, sunsets, fish.

That's it! Thanks for participating in this pick a card reading. If anything resonated, please dont hesitate to give feedabck it's always so lovely to hear and motivates me quite a lot to continue posting. :)

*The pictures are not mine, I found them on pinterest.

[valeskakingdom]

Second time is the charm (part46)

"You know what I've always affected about you, doll?" Jerome smirked at Scarlet while playing with his knife a little. Since Scarlet wasn't the same anymore, he treated her like one of his victims shortly before he killed them. He wouldn't kill her, of course, but let's say he wanted to have some hella fun with her before he was trying to get the actual Scarlet back "You never bored me. Your mastermind when making plans impressed me. I gave you ideas and you created a perfect plan for it"

Scarlet said nothing, she just stared at him for a while. All the things he was talking about, she didn't remember at all. Did she create plans to kill people? Did she kill them even afterward? What was the inspiration to kill people even? Killing people was cruel, it was a horrible crime! What would have led her to kill someone?

"You were a bitch sometimes, especially in bed.  You had the urge to tease me all the time, I'm honest with you, I sometimes wished to ram a knife through your heart. But," Jerome chuckled "You had the talent to turn my head that something in me tells me, living without you won't be the same"

"That's uhm...very charming, I guess," Scarlet gulped and dared to look at Jerome for a moment "I seemed to...uh...impress you with my behavior" Clearly, you could see, she was still scared to talk to him. Even though he oddly made her compliments and didn't give her a feeling of being in danger - but his general behavior remained strange. He was so aggressive but at the same time so soft. It was like he couldn't decide how to behave correctly toward her. There were moments where he treated her like his next victim, and other moments he treated her like his girlfriend.

"It was not only your behavior, but doll" Jerome also faced her and stopped playing with his knife "It was your whole appearance. You stood in front of me like a true queen. This pride, this...narcissistic attitude towards others, it was impressing me, no even challenging me"

"Challenging?" Scarlet frowned in confusion "I-I don't understand. Uhm...why did you uh...date me when I was the challenge you wanted to uh...uhm...beat?"

"Aw, ya know, an authority like you sometimes makes a man question who's the rooster in the yard - I surely needed to prove that wrong." Jerome smirked "But I also knew I could make use of you. You were perfect as my doll, my right hand when making plans and spreading chaos over the whole city"

"So... you never loved the 'old' me" Scarlet figured out. She wasn't sad about it since she didn't remember a thing of her oh-so-violent past. She wouldn't be sorry for losing Jerome either. He was scary and odd. His behavior was just weird. And she was happy with him? No way! What has changed her so much? As far as she could remember, she's been always a decent, shy, and calm girl. What would she want with a ruffian like him?

"Darling, what I've felt for you was way beyond love, hate, and affection," Jerome told her "What we had was unique. Our bond was stronger than gravity, it was practically infrangible. You could compare us with 2 cerebral hemispheres: one couldn't work out without the other. We were a team like Bonnie and Clyde - my addiction to you resembled an incurable drug addiction. Being apart from you didn't feel right, even death without you felt wrong." Jerome sighed "You messed with my head a lot"

"That's what love sounds like, actually," Scarlet dared to say but she muted immediately when she just saw Jerome's crazy look at her. You could read his thoughts through his facial expression: love? She thought he was in love with her? Pfft! Love was something he could never express! He lost this function a long time ago - if he ever had this function.

"I don't feel something like love, desire," Jerome bent down to her "I don't feel attraction either, it's just you that drives me crazy - well the old you. The current you is...nah, it doesn't fit with you." This sentence scared Scarlet a lot. As she knew from every horror this meant nothing good, most of the time it meant the criminal would kill the victim sooner or later.

"O-oh, I-I see..." Scarlet stammered, her breathing became faster when she saw Jerome walking around her with his knife. He held it as if he was about to stab her, his gaze wandering down her body as if he was searching for the perfect point to stab. It went shivers down her when she saw this pierced gaze on her face first, which then slowly wandered down her breasts down to her stomach. The whole the scene resembled a satanic sacrifice. Jerome was the satanic psycho and Scarlet was the victim. It was just a matter of time until he made the final stab.

"Usually, I would simply kill you. I would enjoy your screams and cries when I stab you with my knife, I would laugh at every moment you'd try to make to escape this living hell - but you know, I can't kill you," Jerome leaned his face close to hers "I can't kill you because I can't do this to you. There's a barrier in my head that won't let me. But seeing you in her body - it's freaking me out! This is not you! This is not the person that belongs to this body!" He was talking himself into a rage. He became louder and more aggressive, he fidgeted with his knife as if he was about to stab someone.

Scarlet said nothing to this, she knew whatever she said would be wrong and eventually she'd end up dead. One wrong word and Jerome would explode, he wouldn't be able to control the aggression and anger he currently felt for this situation, and he wouldn't be able to control his actions either. He would be like a thunderstorm, causing havoc, no one could stop him, and no one could calm him down. He would destroy, he would kill, and he would cause chaos.

"I mean," Jerome gave her one of his dark grins "I could form you back to the old Scarlet. I could force you to kill people, I could try to make you aggressive over and over again, I could make you hate everyone - even me! I could erase every single feeling in your body up to the point where your body just functions and nothing else," He chuckled "But don't worry Scarlet, this would be too exhausting for me. But I know something better," He walked up to this certain device that even made all that mess "You see this, darling? This will bring the actual Scarlet back to me"

Scarlet's breathing hitched instantly, she knew this device: it was used for electronic therapy, for people with psychoses and heavy depression - or when they were called 'crazy'. By hearsay, people commented using this device on them was contingent upon an indescribable pain you didn't want to feel. This pain made you wish to die. This pain made you feel numb and knocked you out completely. This pain was stronger than everything, you couldn't control your body anymore - the pain and the electroshocks did. They made you cramp, they made every muscle twitch, and you could barely breathe. Through cramps and pain you congealed into a living statue. You couldn't move, your barely breathing were enough to survive, you couldn't talk, you couldn't do anything - and this would be a perfect moment for people like Jerome to use you, abuse you, or even kill you.

"Don't be scared, lil one," Jerome chuckled darkly and grabbed the electrodes, placing them on her head "It will just hurt a little" And when he put the device on, Scarlet started to scream.

Her thoughts were predicted. She felt this unbearable pain that she screamed so loud her voice almost disappeared, her body was uncontrollably trembling and twitching through all the electroshocks. She wanted to cry but she couldn't somehow. There was this pressured feeling in her chest wandering up to her head that made her feel numb. She couldn't move, normal breathing was torture for her, her lungs already started to hurt and burn because it was like she was about to suffocate - within minutes her lungs would collapse, that was for sure.

For Jerome, this scene was filled with pleasure, lust, joy, and excitement. He didn't even think about the eventual consequences that his precious Scarlet wouldn't wake up - oh no - he was assured that this attempt would work to get the old Scarlet back he wanted. He was so sure his plan would work, he knew nothing could stop him, and he apparently knew what to do.

"That's good my dear," Jerome chuckled "Scream and cry, that's what I love to see most on my victims," He put the electrodes away from her head when he noticed she felt unconscious "And now it's time for you to come back don't you think? C'mon doll, show me a smile"

But nothing happened.

He was back at the beginning, on level 0. Scarlet wasn't moving, she was barely breathing, and she was barely alive! There was no eyelid moving, no finger, no nose wrinkling - nothing. She was a living corpse, like a coma patient. Eventually, she would realize what was going on, and eventually, she would hear what Jerome would tell her if he spoke to her -but how high was the chance she'd ever come back to him? She indeed came back to him but it was the false version of Scarlet. Jerome didn't want a shy and innocent girl that would resemble every one of his female victims when they were standing beside him. He needed someone with power and ambition, without remorse or any feelings. He needed a killer machine, someone who would do several criminal actions without overthinking. He needed someone who was as special as him: equal cleverness, craziness, strength, creativity, this person should be capable of making master plans, they should react perfectly to every situation whether it was critical, risky, or else - and this perfect person was his old precious Scarlet, but she was gone thanks to him. Jerome was furious, nothing was working right, and everything was against him.

"Damnit!" Jerome yelled, slamming his fists on the table "I'm not done with you, yet, doll, because I will bring you back, even if it takes me the whole day!" He grumbled in anger "I will bring you back, you hear me? I won't give up on you so easily, you won't leave me here alone. At least, we need to make things up since you know, I've been dead" And again he brought the electrodes on her head and turned the device on.

And again, her extremities were cramping, her muscles were twitching, but this time there was no screaming and crying, no begging and whining - Scarlet remained quiet. She didn't move, she didn't breathe, there was nothing. It was like Jerome missed his chance with her. He missed his new chance with living with her, making plans with her, scaring people together, killing them even, and having a glorious time with her when they both see Gotham would end up in chaos. He missed his chance with her to be king and queen of Gotham's underworld.

"For fucks sake wake up!" Jerome almost screamed as he slapped her through the face with all his strength. The sound of his slap on her face expressed all his fury, despair and maybe even sadness in this situation. He wanted her to wake up, what was so hard on it? She just needed to give him a sign like a moving finger or a little breath!

"You challenge me, doll, don't you?" Jerome climbed on the table once and his face hovered right above hers "You exactly know how to drive me nuts, don't you? You love to see me being desperate and not knowing what to do. You just enjoy the fact that I don't have a solution for everything, right? I know you're awake, I know you hear me," He leaned closer to her face, squishing her face "You're just playing with me. You did it all the time. Being the shy anxious girl...that was no fault of mine, it was one of your tricks! You wanted to test me! You wanted to see how I react! Right?!"

He waited a few seconds for an eventual respond - but again there was nothing. No sound, no humming, no breathing.

"Fuck!" Jerome screamed slamming his fists on the table angrily "You really wanna know it, don't you?! You just wanna see what I'm capable of without you! You probably think I'm nothing! You think I'm weak! But you know what," Jerome climbed down, walking back to the device "You're wrong, I'm not weak, " he grabbed the electrodes one last time "You forgot who I am. I am Jerome. I am more powerful than all of the people you know together. A silly girl like you won't make me smile in the face of diversity"

For one last time, the electroshocks wandered through her body, for one last time her body cramped, her muscles twitched, her extremities moved in every direction. The electroshock's power was so enormous that even the lights started to flicker. For Jerome though, it was nothing to enjoy. He almost gave up on the fact to bring Scarlet back to life - but he wanted it so badly. He knew he could do it. He could bring her to life. He was Jerome at least. He could do anything. He was powerful, he had a mastermind. He had done so many things, so much chaos - of course, he would find a solution to this problem, wouldn't he?

"And now, doll," Jerome put the electrodes away, cupping her face when he leaned down to her "It's showtime! Awake! Speak to me!" But again nothing happened "I said speak to me bitch!" And again he slapped her across the face - and as if it was a wonder, she started breathing.

"Hmm," She gave from her, over and over again as if she was about to wake up from a deep slumber. She was moving her head slightly from one side to another. She tried to move her extremities but since they were tied up, she couldn't.

"Yes!" Jerome cheered "HAHA! I knew it! You aren't dead!" He cupped her face one more time "Now come on, open your pretty eyes for me" And she did. Now they both were just staring at each other for a while, saying nothing. Jerome could barely believe it. She was alive, really alive! Now she just needed to be the good old Scarlet and everything was perfect! They would be reunited! They could do all the good old things again they did in the past!

"You're so quiet," Jerome wiped some strains from her face "You have nothing to say, doll? Not a hello, or wha-..."

"I just wonder where I am and why I'm lying on a table, being tied up by you Jerome," Scarlet kept staring at him. She remembered him too well. He was her partner, others would call him her boyfriend but their bond was way stronger than that. They were something indescribable, something only Jerome and her knew what they were "Usually I'm the one who ties my victims up when I wanna kill them, remember? Didn't know you're in charge this time" And this was the moment when Jerome knew he got his precious doll back. Finally!

"Oh, I know," Jerome smirked "But you know, I'm a fan of caveats when trying to revive you. It would have been a shame if you fell down the table, wouldn't it? We don't want you to get hurt, right?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Scarlet frowned in confusion, she couldn't remember a thing of what happened. Reviving? Her? Was she dead? Was this what dead feels like? Emptiness? Cold? Emotionlessness? “And now fucking untie me! I don't wanna feel like one of your victims!”

“Right, doll,” Jerome started to untie her immediately “You probably don't remember a thing because you were dead. Your head might be a little fuzzy now but soon this feeling will vanish, I promise,” Jerome chuckled “Yeah, Lil Andy was a better gunman than we both thought, but more: he had the guts to shoot at you! I was surprised, shocked even! You told me he was a coward when you provoked him to shoot at you... It was exciting to watch! But it all brings its good and bad sides. We killed Andy but you were dying, too, so I had to revive you”

“Andy,” Scarlet rubbed her wrists when she was finally untied and started thinking. She heard of that guy. She knew the name. But who was he? And why did she provoke him to kill her? Was she mad at him? Or did she just play with him? “Who was that again?”

“He was your little fuck toy during the time I was dead, remember?” Jerome grinned devilishly with a pinch of jealousy and anger when he thought back about all the things they'd eventually done together “You seemed to have a lot of fun with him after all”

“Okay,” Scarlet scratched her head thinking as she sat up “I just remember walking in the dark and hearing some gunshots...and then everything went black. I don't remember anything else... what happened to him?”

“Oh, you know, after we found him, you made fun of him he wouldn't dare to kill you - well, you were wrong, he dared. That's why you now have a little stitched wound on your stomach,” That was the moment when Scarlet pulled her shirt up, seeing the mess of a stitched wound Jerome had made. It looked horrible: so irregular, partly premature, it looked like some idiot tried to let it all out on her “I know it's not my best work, but at least you're alive!” Jerome chuckled “That's what I can't say about Andy. You shot him, too, right in the nuts! Hehe, and I did the rest. I shot him in the face a few times. His face was hella deformed!”

“I see,” Scarlet nodded, trying to get off the table but suddenly a sharp pain went through her stomach that she couldn't move. She cramped instantly, this pain was unbearable. It was like thousands of knives were stabbed into her stomach over and over again “Fuck! Didn't expect it would hurt that much”

“Slow down, doll, otherwise the threads wrench, ”Jerome placed his hands on her shoulders so that she wouldn't keep trying to get up “But don't worry, I'll make sure you recover fast because I already have some plans for how we could restart as king and queen of Gotham City and believe me it'll be worth it”