#Android dateteen

[howlingday]

Cinder: (Clears her throat) I won't lie to you tonight, but this is the first time I've been on a date after sleeping with them.

Jaune: (Nervously chuckles) Yeah, well, the last time I went on a date, I, uh, definitely got fucked later.

Cinder: Sore spot?

Jaune: It's life. Good and bad. I'm just glad I'm with you tonight. See, I kind of had this place reserved for being my second date for... Well, a while.

Cinder: It seems fitting for someone with a more... unique palate. Three Lien signs on reviews?

Jaune: Four, actually, and I have a budget planned for the menu! I have enough money for two drinks, two entrees, and an appetizer, or a dessert!

Cinder: I wouldn't worry about your Lien. I'm from a rather prestigious upbringing.

Jaune: Really?

Cinder: (Laughs) No! When I last saw my mother, she was- (Clears her throat) I'd rather not discuss it.

Jaune: I'm... I'm sorry to hear that. That must have been so horrible.

Cinder: I wouldn't worry. It's like you said; it's life. Good and bad. Good being that, despite the bad, I got to meet you. Well, that, and also have the power to literally cook anything I want.

Waiter: Good evening. My name is Maxim Eff, and I will be your waiter tonight. Here is your drink menu, and allow me to start you off with some water. (Ogles Cinder) Sparkling or still?

Cinder: I'll have sparkling.

Jaune: Ooh, sparkling! I'll have the-

Waiter: Excellent choice! Please, have a look at the appetizers while I grab your water. Might I suggest the clams? They go down smooth~. (Walks away)

Jaune: Weird. But if you want clams, you can have mine.

Cinder: Ah, I knew you weren't a shellfish person.

Jaune: ...Was that a pun?

Cinder: I'm sorry, but it looked like you needed so kelp.

Jaune: (Laughing) Stop it!

Cinder: Fine, I'll stop.

Jaune: I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting you to have this kind of humor.

Cinder: Why? Because I'm a villain?

Jaune: Not really, but you are a total witch!

Cinder: (Cackles) Damn!

Jaune: I mean, so far you have been pretty magical.

Cinder: Mhm, well, how about tonight, you help stir my cauldron~?

Jaune: (Blushing) That is, uh, actually a good line.

Cinder: I thought about "adding you as an ingredient," but-

Jaune: Yeah, I get it.

Cinder: Yeah...

Waiter: Hey, there! Have you decided on your menu?

Jaune: Actually, I was thinking of doing dessert instead of an appetizer. I mean, some of this looks too good to pass up. Like this white chocolate mousse. (Looks at the menu, Rambles)

Waiter: You know, miss, we have a special tonight. Fried artichoke in a glazed honey sauce, (Pulls out a card) and my number.

Jaune: -Besides, isn't white chocolate just vanilla... Uh, is everything alright, Cin-

Cinder: One second. (Looks to the waiter) You. Are you serious?

Waiter: Dead serious. I get off at ten, and I can get you off at ten-thirty.

Jaune: What are-

Cinder: Okay, let's get a few things straight. (Stands up) One, you wouldn't make it to ten-oh-five. Two, you wouldn't live to see ten-oh-seven. And last, we still haven't been served our sparkling water. So I suggest if you value your job or life, (Summons a knife) then you take this knife, cut the bullshit, and get us our fucking drinking water!

Jaune: Holy-

Waiter: (Pushed away) Fuck! Fine! (Walks away) Don't have to be a monster bitch about it.

Jaune: Excuse you?! (Stands up) I'm going to give you to the count of five to apologize! One!

Waiter: Or what, twig?

Jaune: Two!

Waiter: You don't expect me to be intimidated by-

Jaune: (Smashes the table) Three!

Waiter: (Cowers) I'm sorry! Don't hurt me!

Jaune: (Walks up to him, Hands him Lien) Uh, here, for the table. (Walks out)

Cinder: (Walks past, Holds her extended middle finger to his face) And here's your twenty percent. (Ignites her finger) Asshole.

Waiter: ...That's a fire hazard.

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Jaune: I'm so sorry for that.

Cinder: (Laughs) Don't apologize for him. Or at all. You were amazing.

Jaune: R-Really? Even though I ruined our date?

Cinder: Date isn't over yet, Jaune. I'm sure there's another place open.

Jaune: I mean, there's a Schneeburger close by, but-

Cinder: Mmmm, fuck me, I would literally murder for a burger right now. Let's do it.

Jaune: Uh, well, I would, but I kinda spent all my money on the table.

Cinder: Don't worry. My treat.

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Jaune: (Eating his burger) Wait, can't you keep yourself alive with just magic?

Cinder: (Swallows her bite) I mean, yes, but would you really call it living if you couldn't eat burgers?

Jaune: No, Ms. Unicorn, I would not.

Cinder: ...How did you know about the Glass Unicorn?

Jaune: Oh, didn't I tell you about the time I punched Private Ironwood?

Cinder: You mean General Ironwood?

Jaune: Well, yeah, but- Okay, so I traveled back in time and I ran into this lady who only called herself "The Madame".

Cinder: (Rolls her eyes) Of course she did. Anyways, go on...