#Any attempts to better themselves or move on from the mindset is squashed by this the hand fate dealt

[qtubbo]

Okay but I really hate this idea that going against the leader or having discussion and arguments with them makes the team bad. Always listening to the leader and never going against them isn’t a team, its a cult, cults do not have good leadership.

[alternislatronemhq]

Congrats, BEE, you have been accepted to AL for the role of DOLORES UMBRIDGE (FC:Olivia Taylor Dudley). OH MY GOODNESS, BEE! Your portrayal of Dolores was just stunning. I found myself laughing in places and gasping in others. You’ve really gotten into the head of a character that is just awful and played that out in a way that’s captivating. I can’t wait to see what chaos she brings to the dash! Please send in your blog (no sideblogs for first characters, please) in the next 24 hours and be sure to take a look at our new player checklist. Welcome home (once again), we’re so excited to have you join the family!

OOC

name — Bee age — 29 pronouns — She/her timezone — MST activity level — I have quite a bit of free time at the moment! I can usually manage being on for at least a little while every day and I’ll average a handful of replies a week at a minimum. any questions? —No questions per se, just a small disclaimer to let anyone reading know that I am a tolerant and open-minded individual, so while I’m excited for the creative challenge and entertainment of potentially writing an absolutely loathsome person like Ms. Dolores Jane Umbridge, anything offensive that she says or thinks or does IC does not reflect my own personal views!

IC Overview

name — Dolores Jane Umbridge—but my friends call me Lo, at least they would if I had any FRIENDS. -hold for laughter- Yeah, eat your fucking hearts out all you moronic lowlife swine. Hem hem. faceclaim — Olivia Taylor Dudley, Jenna Coleman, Mae Whitman age — 32 gender — Cis-female, and uncomfortably cutesy girly-girl for a woman over thirty. Hyperfemme caricature with BDE. Never met a shade of pink she didn’t just love.

sexuality — Outwardly, all Dolores cares about is locating the picture-perfect partner for the type of life she wants to be seen as having and lock them down, and in her mind that person is a man. She wants a husband with money and looks and brains and power, but not so much of any one that it would outshine her; she craves to be in the power seat of a power couple, and to get the attention she feels she’s always been unjustly robbed of. She’s got no interest whatsoever in romance and finds the whole concept a laughable waste of time. But for all she projects to the world, Dolores in reality harbors a deep, deep, DEEPDEEPDEEP same-sex attraction. She has thoroughly locked herself in that closet and a Norwegian Ridgeback swallowed the key.

patronus —Persian cat. This animal has all the appearance of being sweet and cuddly, but rub her the wrong way and those barely-retracted claws are coming out in an instant. Vain, independent, calculating, haughty, and very, very well-groomed at all times.

boggart —Stemming from her Napoleon Complex, Dolores’ boggart takes the form of herself shrunken down like Alice in Wonderland after sipping the drink me potion; her voice squeaks higher and higher into an undetectable range no matter how loud she yells and she can just barely avoid getting squashed beneath someone else’s disgusting, dirty shoes. Dolores as a person demands attention to function and she simply will not tolerate being made to feel literally small.

IC In Depth

personality traits —

tidy - Dolores is obsessed with beauty and perfection and symmetry in all things and nothing makes her skin crawl more than disorder—to the extent that after her mother and father split and she lived full-time with her father, Dolores developed OCD (though it hasn’t been properly diagnosed as such, and Dolores would immediately write off anyone who attempted to call it that to her face). In her mind she is simply particular; she has very high standards and she expects the world to rise to them, or else she’ll root out the filth around her weed by weed. She cut off the heads of her stuffies who stepped out of line at her toddler-age tea parties you’d better believe she’d do the same to you and care less about it.

passive aggressive - Dolores is well-known for her disconcerting calm in face of disagreements, her calculated cute-sweet demeanor and high-pitched voice. But make no mistake; Dolores is sugar laced with arsenic. In all likelihood she hates your guts and has already cooked up an in-depth five-year plan to chip away at you piece by painstaking piece. It’s a mystery how she manages to keep all that highly-pressurized rage simmering beneath the surface the way she’s somehow perfected, because she’s wound up so tight that it’s a wonder her eyes don’t pop out of her damn head and she’s about twenty-five seconds away from a full-blown psychotic break on a good day.

jealous - Dolores wants what she feels she’s due, plain and simple. When she sees others gain the things she wants while she gets overlooked, it stokes that ever-burning vindictive flame inside of her. It started in early childhood when her father gave attention to anyone or anything that wasn’t her, and it’s only gotten worse every day since.

intolerant - At this point in her life, her infamous intolerance is still in its earliest seed stages, but the seed is planted. One of the most interesting things for me about writing a character like Dolores at this age is to see how and why this mentality grows out of experiences she encounters in these formative years.

character biography —

Born ten pounds of spunk in a four pound, five ounce package, Dolores Jane Umbridge came into this world pink and perfect.

Perfect. Perfect. Perfectperfectperfect.

Even from a young age it was all Dolores cared about. Her father Orford Umbridge would whisper to Dolores what a beautiful perfect princess she was and Dolores believed it with every fibre of her being. Beautiful. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

Then her mother Ellen gave birth to a younger brother who showed not the faintest trace of magic, and that was not perfect. The rift between parents and siblings grew into a cavern as Orford’s whispering words turned against Ellen; her fault. Worthless. Vile. Mudblood. Filthy Squib. Repulsive. Disgraceful. Wrong.

It wasn’t long before the couple split up, with Ellen and her son being banished to the Muggle world, and then it was just Orford and Dolores, together in their once-more perfect world.

And would that it could have stayed that way forever. Orford had always had wandering eyes and Dolores, desperate always to be the only girl in her father’s life, grew jealous and suspicious and hateful (and nonononono NOT anything else nope) for the beautiful vapid creatures that drew his gaze, threatening to upend what was hers.

Knowing nothing beyond her childhood of constant praise and adoration, Dolores went to Hogwarts expecting the world to cater to her every whim. So when people didn’t immediately kiss the ground she walked on, it made her angry. When all the girls and boys didn’t fall all over themselves to try and woo her, it made her furious. When the professors and adults didn’t sing her vast praises on high, it made her outraged.

How was everyone on earth too fucking useless to see how perfect she was?!

Dolores was a bundle of dynamite wrapped up in a pretty pink bow, just waiting to blow.

She went to the Ministry with adjusted expectations on being outright offered what she knew she deserved, and was proven right when she was overlooked by grotesquely unqualified superiors in favor of the sniveling ingrates all around her. But Dolores was prepared to play the long game and bide her time, just waiting for that one weak crack in the system where she could dig in her knuckle and crumble an empire with a smile on her face.

And she thought she’d found that perfect crack when she went to the Dark Lord. Surely he would see Dolores for all she was worth, surely he would bestow upon her all that power, finally, finally, finally. He was only a silly man, after all.

But the foul, imperfect world let Dolores down again. The Dark Lord gave his preference to some other detestable twots just like Dolores always feared Orford would, and then he paid the price for his idiocy when he fell from power (serves him right the arrogant swine), and Dolores returned to her long game at the Ministry with a newfound fervor to crush all who dared try to overlook her beneath her pink kitten heels.

Waiting for the next perfect move to present itself. And when it does, she’ll be ready.

plot ideas —

Girlsgirlsgirls. I would love an opportunity to unpack some of Dolores’ deeply rooted internalized homophobia. Maybe it’s an openly gay and proud woman who drives Dolores up the wall, maybe it’s a beautiful lady who despite all of Dolores’ efforts starts to get beneath her skin, someone she can’t seem to shake… This could go in so many directions and I’m here for them all!

Ministry Spats. Anyone she might have dustups with on her Ministry stomping grounds—Arthur Weasley, Alastor Moody, etc. Also anyone with pro-creature leanings and/or sentiments at this stage could greatly inform her later mindset and I would love to have them interact.

extra —

Headcanon: Dolores hates children; she thinks they’re disgusting tiny wastes of breath and absolutely looks down on anyone who has chosen the family plan for their life.

[stitches-for-solo]

I Dunno About This One...

Sorry for the wall of text. This is why I need to figure out how to put in a “Keep Reading” cut.

I feel like I slept all day. Probably because essentially, I did. I’m sliding further and further back down the hole I threw myself into a long time ago, and am watching the progress I’ve made since the almost dying incident vanish before my eyes. I know fucking well enough that I’m responsible for my own actions, but little things here and there only give me a tiny bump of positivity, motivation, and energy, if anything at all. (I keep thinking of the minute payback of doing something small, like getting dressed, like taking a little bump of coke off a key, which, to be clear, I’ve never done.) To be frank, considering my mindset and the effort little things can take when you aren’t well, some days, it’s not worth it. Almost instantly, my dysfunctional brain gobbles it all up as fast as it can. Like... [insert creative comparison here, akin to a starved man who’s just been served a 5-course meal, but, y’know, creative]. In theory, if I could take all the little bits of brightness I can manage to churn out and hoard them all in one big pile, ingesting them at the appropriate time, satiating my chemical receptors, and then letting them rest, regulating the process, I would. (Depression for Dummies?) Just like my problems with alcohol and drugs, my brain is a fiend for serotonin, that instant gratification, and there’s nothing I can do about it, or any deficiencies of other neurotransmitters (dopamine, norepinephrine) I probably have. (And man is it sloppy up there in my head, which is appropriate, since I’m the epitome of messy. Unorganized. Shit is everywhere, yet I know where everything is. Yeah, I’m one of those... but it’s not dirty — don’t ever call me dirty. It’s simply a disaster to the untrained eye. I’ve actually read articles linking neglecting to clean with depression, but I’m not sure where or how credible any of the research was. It makes no difference — either way, I’m not the best at keeping areas tidy. I keep going off topic...)

Anyway, I’m really in no condition to do anything drastic that would potentially yield a more substantial “reward”. Everyone tells me to just try. Try the little things, and you’ll adjust, and before you know it, you’ll be ready for more significant things. But good things are just that — good. They aren’t fixes and they aren’t cures. And I’m not using the previous sentence as an excuse to lay down and give up. I’m just being realistic. I know too much about my own problems, thanks to my higher education. I know too much and my peers/family know too little. There’s gotta be a balance between the right actions/effort and the right medication(s), and none of that is happening for me. There’s not a whole lot I can do about my medications, besides take them. It’s apathy that’s the fucking bitch. Why did I sleep till 3pm and not get out of bed until 5pm? Because I didn’t care, you can’t make me care, and I certainly can’t make myself care. (Also, I stayed up all night and it was really cold in my house so I didn’t want to get out from under the blankets...)

Now consider this — it would be one thing if that’s all that I was dealing with. But that’s just a portion of it, and I don’t even know what is wrong with me anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just weak and make bad decisions, then blame said bad decisions on my weak resolve to even try to do the right thing. Maybe I’m just overly sensitive and I am content with wallowing in my own self-inflicted misery. After all, I get to be the laziest, most spoiled bitch I know, sometimes. Big emphasis on sometimes. But then something inevitably happens, and that sick fantasy is shattered over and over again and I have to face facts — it’s not just my personality. I think it’s normal for me to sorta gravitate towards strange things and (trying to choose my words wisely here) unique people. But unless everyone I know is hiding things from me, I sure do feel like a dysfunctional fool a lot of the time when I try to explain certain thoughts or feelings or physical responses that I have to various stimuli. I don’t mind being different. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being drawn to the macabre and unusual things. I enjoy horror movies/books and crime shows, and like researching things like diseases, old torture practices, serial killers, and the crazy shit you can supposedly find on the dark web. And yeah, I’ll cheer for the bad guy. (Kylo 🖤) None of that makes me disturbed or ill. I like normal things, too, like cats, space, sports, game shows, and the Food Network. And music is sometimes my salvation. It’s my thoughts & actions that bother me. I was driving last night and I had a pretty pathetic thought: I don’t have a mental illness; I’m mentally ill. 😶

It probably sounds ridiculous and that I’m dramatic, lazy, not trying, overreacting, making excuses, annoying or even infuriating, but I don’t share everything that goes on upstairs with just anyone. I’ve been places, and I do not want to go back. I will not go back. So I keep my mouth shut. It tends to get me no where good or anywhere fast. Which is fine; I think it’s throwing a wrench in my doctor’s attempt to properly treat me, but if I was completely open and honest, I don’t really know what would transpire and where I’d end up. And in terms of friends/family, I firmly believe it drives people away. I see it. I’m not stupid. People abandon me. They tell me I deserve better, but they don’t give me better. Maybe they just want someone else to do it. They want to know it’s happening, but don’t want to/ can’t put the effort in themselves. I know I’m not verbally or emotionally abused or mistreated, and I think I tend to treat people as they do me. I don’t yell at people unprovoked. (There are exceptions, one of which I have written about above.) I don’t attack my friends and then try to make them feel guilty about it. Sometimes I get frustrated when I get sent pictures of someone’s (boyfriend’s) brand new house for the 6th time and I have to be all excited for them, meanwhile I’m living in my little sister’s old room. Yep, I had to move back in with my parents because I got too sick to be alone and had no where else to go. My mother wouldn’t even give me my old room back. And equally as frustrating is when I have to hear for the 15th time “I put my hand in the cage, and it bit me again. This time I’m bleeding. I know something isn’t right and it has to change..” But then, it’s right back to the same. And I get it. I’ve been there. My ex ripped my heart to shreads, and not just once. And I just kept letting him hurt me, because I believed that somehow, if I just kept trying, if I just kept changing, if I just let all the shitty parts run their course(s), in the end, it would be worth it. Was it? Of course not!

It’s fucking frustrating when someone you care about is being mistreated. In fact, it blows my mind what some people will put up with, but again, I understand, because I did it, too. I think it’s a lesson everyone has to learn for themselves at their own pace and on their own time. These things aren’t teachable. And I know it’s selfish, but sometimes I get a little irritated that I end up so far down on a friend’s list of priorities when I’m only trying to help, and I feel like I could use some help, too. There’s other contributing factors and every situation is unique, of course. But when I’m just trying to be genuine and caring, even if it does come off as harsh, that sucks. But it’s life. It just makes me feel like I’m believing a heaping pile of bs, which does upset me. I’m not egotistical. I don’t need to be #1. But there’s a big difference between not being #1 and being put off to the side so the friend in question can go spend time with the someone else who treats them like absolute shit. (I need to expand on this, because it’s misleading, and I don’t believe an explanation will fit in this post. I’ve also moved things around so much, I feel like it’s not flowing properly, so I’ll be making an additional entry — in a little while. So wait before you judge or assume anything.) But I’m also not stupid. I say that a lot, but my actions must betray my words. Somehow I must be giving off the vibe that I’m an idiot. It’s painful, especially when I want to give more of myself to someone.. invest more time, energy, support, all those things, into the friendship, but the feeling isn’t mutual. I wonder what people think of me. “I don’t want anything to do with her, but she’s fucking insane so I’m afraid she might come after me or hurt herself...” I mean, I am crazy, am I not? So why wouldn’t someone think that? Especially when I’ve heard the same words come out of their mouth before, but about someone else. And I’m not just talking about one or two people here. This seems to be an ongoing theme, and the common factor is me. When I was going through rough times with my ex, I think that’s when the alienation from some of my friends started. I guess they could only take so much, and everyone has a limit, but I also think the person being hurt sees things very differently than those on the outside. I can’t do much, y’know? So I try to give advice or help, but I think I need to learn to back off. I’m scared I’m destroying the relationships with the few people I have left in my life. Sometimes I already feel a shift. Hell, I know things are different. I don’t want to lose everything I have left with my handful of friends, but I am not the type of person who can take unhappiness and paranoia and anything else negative and just squash it and keep quiet. I have to let things out, or they grow until they reach monstrous proportions and I completely lose control. As annoying as it is, I have to ask family and friends “is everything okay?” “Did I do something wrong?” “Are you mad at me?” and eventually it escalates to “What the hell did I do?” “Why are you ignoring me?” etc.. Christ, I must be fun to know.

I was kind of writing before about things that make me feel happy. Having friends made me happy, and I try, but it seems that beyond talking online, no one wants to take me up on any offers anymore. I think I burned all my bridges and trying to start all over is challenging at my age when most people have careers and families. I don’t fit in anymore, and honestly, I have a suspicion that potential dating partners my age are still single because they’re not interested in settling down. I feel like I’m going to end up alone. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. Life was supposed to be so much more fulfilling and just a pleasure to live. I know everyone goes through rough patches, and I absolutely hate talking like this, but I know I was expected to be so much more than this. It wasn’t me who was pegged as the one who would make such a fucking mess out of everything. I’m in a position where putting myself out there for rejection is a bad, very bad idea. It’s damaging. But so is being alone/surrounded by people who you don’t get along with. I’m stuck; I don’t know what to do, where to turn, and who really cares. One more note about friends.. Or who I refer to as my friends. I write about them in here, and they don’t even know this blog exists. No one really checks up on me, and I know that could be for lots of reasons. I don’t tend to reach out anymore either, but it’s because I don’t really have anything to offer. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was to accept that my old best friend didn’t consider me his best friend anymore. I guess it’s been a while now, and I’m okay with just calling him a “friend” or by his name. But it was tough. I was so broken down about my breakup that I completely fell apart, and he really just abandoned me. I’d see all the pictures he would post on Facebook.. out hanging out with his “BFF”, all smiles and having fun while I’d stayed in bed and cried all day with no one left to go to for comfort or company. I felt so disgusting, needy, weak, insignificant, hopeless.. all this after I let him borrow a substantial amount of money because he had moved 1500 miles away and needed financial help getting home because he had decided he didn’t want to be there anymore. I was so desperate and distraught that I let him borrow.. a lot of money. And that was what I was met with when he got back. I was still alone, he never wanted to hang out because I was always so down, and I haven’t seen a dime of my money. I could go on... but I won’t. Lesson learned.

I think there’s some parts here that don’t make sense. I was copying and pasting and moving stuff around and adding/deleting things, and it’s almost 7am. I might work on this later after I get some sleep. Or I might decide it’s a waste of time cause no one reads my rants anyway. Obviously I didn’t mean to offend anyone, and I mean no ill will towards anyone I know. Like I said, there are some things I just have to get off my chest.

[kevuvu]

The April Fool is my writing

HEY SO that Dragon AU I had? This is the drabble I wrote for it! Near the end you’ll see uh.. where I lost motivation ... there’s some notes and shit.. i don’t plan on continuing it! :’) anyways uhh

Royai, 1974 words, babies first attempt at a fic... enjoy

--------------------

On the rare occasion, Roy Mustang could be quite a fool.

It was a strange happenstance for sure, as most have reason to believe otherwise. At a young age stupidity was wrung out of him as if he were a towel, anyone who knew Madam Christmas considered it inevitable. Under her guidance he learned typical boyish things like reading body language and how to swindle somebody. Instead of befriending kids his age he talked to wise customers, instead of playing with sticks he played with minds. Roy took to the life like breathing, it was natural for him. To be a fool was unheard of, but alas Roy was still human. Try as Madam might there was only so much she could do to wisen up the boy, and the most human part of him was what she lacked the heart to squash out - something his new tutor encouraged in fact. General Grumman, a frequent at the tavern and the boy’s new teacher - loved Roy’s youthful idealism, and consistently sent him on errands to challenge that faith. What Grumman intended was to temper his ideology, to strengthen it into a powerful mindset that could confront the world.

Instead, he created a travelling heart throb, a very very lost travelling heart throb.

It was safe to say he was in a bind. Roy was used to old ladies fawning over him - cooing something about grandsons and youth - but today it was particularly bad. It seemed that word spread of a young man with a passion to learn - with the money to afford it! and it was as if the entire village had a particular infatuation with the idea. Who knew a coast town could be known for its gold mine? It was in a desperate attempt for some peace of mind he declined his escort to the next town, choosing to rely on flimsy directions down a long and confusing road into the thick forest, to reach a secluded farming town before nightfall. It certainly wasn’t his brightest choice, and it was as he was kicking himself for the blunder when he noticed something odd.

Blood interrupted his path, creating a trail deeper into the woods. The sight encouraged Roy to be careful, taking note of his surroundings as he followed it. If getting lost made him a fool, then he had no idea what this was. It was eerily quiet, and he suspected it was due to the gashes in the trees. Strange, contorted claw marks that seethed with power, the sight had him ghosting the dagger at his side. Something in the area was dangerous, whatever caused the damage could spell out their anger in just a swipe alone. He had a faint suspicion his foster mother’s cat wasn’t the cause. No animal came to mind except one, but he squashed the theory in favour of being pragmatic. Burn marks? Broken trees? Roy tried to justify the charred earth he found, making up an excuse about the summer heat and fire. It was playing dumb and he knew it, but he refused to believe in his boyish dreams until he thought of everything. In the corner of his eye he spotted a body, heaving an unfitting sigh as he walked over to the logical explanation. Whether it was a sigh of relief or disappointment he wouldn’t say, but when he spotted something golden in the clearing Roy’s breathing stopped. He was now staring at a dream, and there was no one around to pinch him.

You see, Roy Mustang found a dragon. While it was half dead, caught in a steel net, and the reason for the bodies, the fabled beast looked as stunning as the legends told. Finding a rare creature would make anyone happy, but to Roy it was exceptional. In the time he learned about the world, he found himself drawn to the legends, listening to tales whenever he had the chance. Now he was seeing a tale with his own two eyes. The creature looked more akin to a bird, but there was no question about its blood. If not for the whipping tail or the menacing talons, it was for the fire that burned in its eyes. Eyes currently staring at him, eyes that told him he would be a 4th body if they weren't already compromised.

This was the reason Roy was uncharacteristically a fool - it wasn’t getting lost, it wasn’t following blood into the dark woods, but it was finding an angry dragon and vowing to help. General Grumman sent him on these errands to test his ideology, and there was no better exam than this. Roy Mustang was an idealistic moron, but a damn good one at that, and he knew he had to play his cards right if he was going to help them.

"Hey there," he whispered, crouching low as he approached the beast. He was met with a hiss in response, a sign he knew all too well that meant he was overstepping boundaries. It was a shame Roy didn’t have a knack for animals, though it was rather unfair to compare the two. A dragon’s intelligence was presumed equal to that of a human's - something that created heavy controversy over history. He held on to the theory of intelligence, continuing forward with a goal to prove his innocence. Maybe if he was careful enough the dragon would forego the prejudice for just this moment, and allow him to help. Though, with the beasts huffing, his chances were looking a little grim. "Easy now, I got some bandages in my bag, I’m gonna patch you up alright?" It did not need to speak, the unwavering glare was clear with the death threats. Instincts were screaming at him to run, but he persevered knowing the situation was too grave to back down from. The boy knew better, and he paused to shuffle off his bag and search for his medkit.

After gently rifling through his items, Roy continued to crawl over to the dragon with his medkit in tow. He hoped to be as clear with his intentions as possible, but the dragon still bristled at his advancements. A flame was spit out in defense - if you could call it a flame that is. It looked more like lit sludge and hot tar than a flame, with a smell so foul that Roy could only credit it to be blood. Roy winced, partially due to his hastiness, and paused for a moment to reassure them. "It’s okay, I want to help you.” He tried to sound as sincere as possible, holding out the bandages to prove it was all he was holding. "Will you let me?” The creature continued to stare, and Roy took a moment to wonder if they could even understand him.

What a stubborn creature, knowing full well what they are and reminding him of their two different worlds.

Determination is what kept Roy’s frustration in check. Stubbornness to a dragon was like fish to water, he was banking on logic to win out. The beast’s wound wouldn’t clot in time without his assistance, and if they truly were smarter than the average bear then it should have realized this by now.

As if on cue, Roy heard a huff of indignation. The dragon rolled onto their side and exposed the most serious wound to him, a lengthy gash on the wing, wrapping around the side of its body. Inappropriately Roy was reveling in this moment, being quick to remove the net before the dragon changed its mind. His skills in first aid were minimal, but he attempted to clean the wound to the best of his knowledge. Applying antiseptic, Roy looked at the dragon for any sign of irritation - knowing one wrong move could cost a hand. The dragon appeared calm, but the long tail that extruded from its lower back gave away its irritation. Not unlike a cat, it was thumping against the earth - flame on the end roaring with the rush of air. It was fairly amusing, but it sometimes came a little too close to his hair. He suspects it does that on purpose. Roy diligently applied the bandages for the next few minutes, recalling the process vaguely out loud as a confidence boost and as a one sided conversation to ease the tension.

The student, as amateur as he was, finished the last bandage with pride. “It’s not perfect but it works - maybe I should take up Dragon Medical Care as a side study?” Roy continued to talk, noting the the beast was significantly more calm. His plan to ease tension seemed to work, now the dragon stared at him with calculating eyes instead of eyes of fury. He also noticed the dragon was surprisingly good humoured, allowing themselves to be layered in bandages that were more of a nuisance than help. Maybe his charm really does work on more than old ladies.

Roy stood up and stretched, taking a look at the sky to judge the time. The real problem was what to do now. The dragon needed rest to heal, but people were likely going to look for the poachers. They needed to move somewhere out of sight, but there was no guarantee that the dragon wouldn't scamper off the moment it could. It wasn’t like he could stop it either. Roy wasn’t an optimist, but he hoped it could rely on him until it was healed. He pondered on his choices, but it wasn’t until he exchanged eye contact with the beast that he decided on the next course of action.

“I’m going to go look for a safe place to make a camp, I’ll come back to get you alright?”

If the dragon took the risk to trust him, he should trust the dragon in turn, and as the dragon stared at his eyes he took in the sight of the myth in front of him - just incase it was his last time.

---

Was Roy ever not a fool? Was he blind to this all along, and only now became aware of it? He was having an identity crisis while attempting his last chore for the day - starting a fire. Simple enough he thought, he managed to convince a dragon to follow him to a new location, to fall asleep while he set up a camp, and even caught a fish to eat! how hard was a measly fire? very hard apparently.

without any matches roy pulled up his sleeves, grabbing some rocks he Thought were flint and started wacking for a spark.

WOOPS I STOPPED WRITING! :(

Time skip to him at the camp

Uhhh more later im toired

Paragraphs I took out to add in later - but never did bc I stopped! enjoy the uh... nonsense bc i haven’t proofed em

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a dragon willingly showed weakness to him. Whether it was because they had run out of options did not matter, the creature chose to risk death by his hand over their pride. He wasn’t arrogant as to assume it was out of trust. No amount of effort could ever hope to persuade the mind against history. The dragon must have a strong reason to live, something far stronger than dying to an underhanded trick. Roy wanted to honour their choice, approaching the wound with this in mind.

---

Roy tried his best not to stare at the peak of red markings exposed under the feathers. If memory serves right, it was the very reason its kind was hunted. Intricate script that was theorized to be magic embodiment, as the winding text described the source of their power. Staring at it would be suicidal, they would rightfully assume ill intentions. Still, his insatiable urge to learn was nagging him in his mind.

Even if he were to succumb to the desire, it was a fruitless ambition. Roy could never hope to understand the language, the language itself would have to accept him.

---

THAT’S IT!!

[muzaffar1969]

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Not many kids have the kind of problems that Richard Turere, a young boy in Kenya had growing up. In the Maasai community where he lived, the lions posed a big threat to their cattle. At age six, he was curious: how can I protect my family’s cows from these lions? He tried to scare the lions away with fire, even scarecrows, but nothing worked. After several experiments, he had an epiphany: lions are afraid of moving light! And he cooked up a brilliant solution using car batteries and solar panels — just from things lying around his house — that scared the lions away every night. He kept working the details until it worked. It worked so well that his neighbors quickly adopted it, and eventually it became the de facto solution across Kenya to protect cattle from predators like lions, leopards, and everything else. Here’s an inspiring TED talk from Richard describing his story.

To me, Richard’s story is a metaphor for something bigger — something that works as much in corporate life as it does when we are kids.

Success at most things requires being curious and delving deep into things, not just staying at a surface level of understanding. And not just things that are directly “our job”. In fact, sometimes it’s important to step back, “unlearn”, and start from scratch to understand things far from our immediate comfort zone

As kids, we look at everything around us with wonder, we question everything we’re told, and we try to make sense of things in new and innovative ways. We go deep. But as we grow up, we build up a cloud filled with knowledge, experience and wisdom. This supposed body of “learning” creates perspectives and opinions that can sometimes blind us to the need to be constantly curious and learn new things. And we keep relying on our “knowledge” to get us through situations because we convince ourselves that “we already know the answer” when in fact what’s really going on is that we have lost our sense of wonder, curiosity and the intensity needed to learn new things.

Let’s get specific.

A new associate I knew during my McKinsey days was assigned to a lean process improvement project at the Emergency Department at a hospital in Virginia. He knew nothing about hospitals or EDs the Friday he was assigned — yet, when he showed up at the client on Monday morning he knew a ton about triage, stat, hospitalist processes, boarding, the whole nine yards of how an ED worked. Apparently on Saturday morning, his 2 year old woke with a fever and he had to take her to the ED — so he decided that he would visit 3 different EDs to understand how the process worked, how long he had to wait to be seen, what the steps seemed to be — and that was the basis of his new found enlightenment. I am not sure that his wife would have been excited to know that their baby daughter had been inflicted with 3 separate ED visits in the same day, but he clearly had the passion to learn. He went on to a successful career as a partner at McKinsey, a senior executive at a global electronics firm, and is now a managing partner at a private equity firm.

It works in every field. If you’re into product management or product design, curiosity is your secret weapon too. It’s the only way to delve deep into problems and behaviors and develop inspiring world views, visions, and roadmaps. Good PMs start from the user and problem — they are curious to understand why users have a problem, what their alternatives are, and what a good solution should look like. They use that knowledge to frame a solution that resonates with users. They are also curious about the tools, technologies and skills available to their engineering team to pull together the best solution for the problem. A lot of product management is in fact experimentation — you start with a thesis, and continuously validate it with as little effort as possible. Having curiosity is key to selecting the right experiments and iterating quickly.

If you’re a sales leader, yes you are trained to build relationships and understand customer needs. It’s great if you can be the elder statesman in the room. That’s not enough. In today’s world that’s just table-stakes — you have to do better. You have to be curious about the in-s and out-s of your customer’s specific issues, and equally, if not more importantly be able to relate the details of the product you are selling at a very specific level. Only then do you stand the chance of convincing the savvy buyer that of all their options your solution is the best. In fact the best salespeople end up being decent product managers — they not only help customers understand their product and be successful, they help the product team understand customer pain points at a reasonably detailed level. They are always curious to understand how things work end to end and over time develop a good sense for how things should work — both from their customer’s perspective and their own solution or product.

Curiosity is life blood for engineers. No amount of training or practice can make you a better engineer. The only way to become good at what you do is to be curious enough to understand how things work. By browsing code, by debugging, by testing, by tinkering, by just breaking things and fixing them. Without the curiosity to understand how things work, you cannot grow as an engineer. The best engineers don’t limit themselves to coding, they make an effort to understand the product, the market, and the end to end customer flow. They’re curious to know how customers discover the product, why they use it, where they spend time on, and why they stay. They look at the big picture.

If you are a data scientist, the more curious you are about the problems your company solves, the real issues facing your users, the market you are playing in, the more likely you are to use your skills at developing scripts and solutions that matter. The more curious you are about what the rest of your team does — how PMs work and what they do, how your script will be wrapped in code for users to use, how it will be experienced in the design framework your team has put together, the more likely you will be able to solve problems in ways that work.

In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck explains two mindsets — the “fixed” mindset and the “growth” mindset — that widely exist in people. A fixed mindset is based on knowledge and belief from your past learning and restricts your thinking. A growth mindset is based on curiosity and learning and expands your thinking.

“People with a fixed mindset think they know what they’re good at and what they’re not, and are afraid to get out of their comfort zone. People with a growth mindset look at everything they know and have as an asset, and look for ways to build upon their knowledge with experimentation and new learning. What sets them apart is a belief that they can develop any skill with effort, and every failure is merely a data point to learn and grow from.” — Carol Dweck

Here’s how I identify intelligent people: Not by their IQ on a test. Not by their ability to solve complex abstract problems. I believe that intelligence is the ability to understand new concepts and situations quickly and go into some degree of depth. Being able to do so comes from curiosity. You can identify intelligent people simply by discussing a concept or situation they’ve never been exposed to and see what kind of questions they ask. I find intelligent people engage and quickly ask the right questions. They’re curious to get to the gist of things. A ten minute conversation with them will leave you deep in thought — often with questions you may not have thought before. You walk away enlightened and energized — not because you got answers, but because you got some good questions to think about.

So no matter what your role is, be curious. Think about how and why things work the way they work, and try to get to the bottom of things — build out the jigsaw puzzle in your head and get facile enough to know how things relate to each other. Toyota’s 5 Why’s framework is a good way to structure it — it’s a simple framework that helps you get to the bottom of problems. Start by asking why, and answer it with a grounded fact. Then, ask why recursively until you’ve asked 5 why’s. That will help you separate symptoms and problems. Don’t attempt to solve problems until you’ve fully understood what exactly the problems are. In many cases, you’re likely solving symptoms and not problems.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day.” — Albert Einstein

If we approach the world with preconceived notions and theories and rely on your fixed body of knowledge as the lens to view it from, we often end up solving the wrong problems and with the wrong solutions. Worse we can come across like empty suits. Approach the world with childlike curiosity. Like the 6th grader approaching a fun new problem. Like Richard Turere.

Sanjeev Agrawal is president and chief marketing officer of LeanTaaS iQueue. Sanjeev was Google’s first head of product marketing. Since then, he has had leadership roles at three successful startups: CEO of Aloqa, a mobile push platform (acquired by Motorola); VP Product and Marketing at Tellme Networks (acquired by Microsoft); and as the founding CEO of Collegefeed (acquired by AfterCollege). Sanjeev graduated Phi Beta Kappa with an EECS degree from MIT and along the way spent time at McKinsey & Co. and Cisco Systems. He is an avid squash player and has been named by Becker’s Hospital Review as one of the top entrepreneurs innovating in Healthcare.

Lack of Curiosity Killed The Cat was originally published in The Startup on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

April 16, 2017 at 10:15AM http://ift.tt/2pEBwgW from Sanjeev Agrawal http://ift.tt/2pEBwgW