#At the thought of her shrine being threatened. Being very defensive of special places and getting more upset than would be warranted over

[gensokyogarden]

I found this Twitter thread discussing Reimu and Autistic traits quite interesting. As someone both with Autism and in the process of getting my master's degree in clinical psych, I both found it relatable and think the OP made a lot of good points in their analysis (though I will note that you can't really diagnosis a fictional character but it's all for fun). So I thought I'd share it.

[cutesuki--bakugou]

Ancient Soul

Time Travel, Quirkless, Feudal Japan AU

“Your soul does not belong here.” Those were words you never thought that you would hear. Now, thrown into the past in feudal Japan, you must find a way to survive, all while struggling to avoid the growing feelings for one hot-headed war general. War, romance, death and love drive you forward, to find the place where your soul truly belongs.

Bakugou Katsuki x Fem!Reader

Want to start from be beginning? Check the Ancient Soul tag. New chapters released every Wednesday as long as schedule permits.

Genre: Romance / Angst Story Rating: Explicit | Adult Themes, Sex, Death, Depictions of Violence, Alcohol

Chapter 7: A Cell

Chapter Rating: Teen | Cursing Words:  2986

The number of stairs that you had to climb to reach Lord Yagi’s chambers was more than you had ever climbed in your entire life. You lost count of how many flights you took, but your freshly cleaned body once again felt sticky with sweat and your legs felt like they would give out on you at any moment. You were so tired, but you barely had time to get dressed in clean clothing before Bakugou was trying to pull you away to meet the Lord of this castle. You hadn’t expected to get any rest first, but you so wished for it, especially by the time you reached the level of the castle that was your destination. 

“You do not speak unless you are spoken to,” Bakugou growled at you, looking you over as if to judge your appearance. “You will answer every question with truth. More than that, you will not gawk at the physical state of my Lord, or I will have you punished. Understand?” 

Although you were confused at what he meant, you nodded, nervously fiddling with the sleeve of your fresh kimono. With that, Bakugou gestured for the guard to open the door, which he did without another moment's hesitation. You followed Bakugou inside, and though you tried to keep your head down, you couldn’t help but look around at the exquisite decor and architecture. It was so beautiful that you barely heard the slightly weary and gentle voice speaking with Bakugou, though your attention was finally pulled to them with Bakugou’s harsh response. 

“I’m here to address our Lord, not you, Deku!” 

“Kacchan, please--” A man that was obviously level with Bakugou in status held up his hands in defense, though his expression was stern on his freckled face. With wild green hair, he hardly seemed like the warrior type, especially with how timidly he talked. “-- You know that you have to go through me first. No matter what you think, I am the Chief now--” 

“I don’t care. You hold no say in what I’ve come to talk about, so talking to you is pointless!” 

“I think talking to me about this prisoner isn’t pointless--” 

“I said let me through-!” 

“That’s enough!” 

A deep but weak voice boomed through the room, making you flinch and cower down into yourself a bit. Both men were silenced as well, quickly turning their heads to look further into the room. You hadn’t even noticed the frail-looking man that sat at a large throne-like seat, his clothing nearly swallowing him. Now that you gazed upon the sunken-in eyes and hollow cheeks, you understood what Bakugou had meant about Lord Yagi’s physical appearance. He was a mess of a man, seemingly on the verge of death at any moment. His yellow hair was unkempt, but you assumed that was just from lack of health and not from personal preference. Still, it was made clear to you that both younger men respected him greatly, as they followed his command for silence without even a huff of annoyance. 

“Young Bakugou, what is it that you wanted to discuss with me?” The harsh authority in Lord Yagi’s voice was no longer present, and he instead sounded like a kind and gentle man. Giving this ‘Deku’ one last glare, Bakugou approached the end of the stairs that led up to the throne, instantly getting down onto both knees to bow deeply to the floor. 

“My Lord, I have brought this woman to present to you. I believe she could be of great benefit to us.” 

“How so?” Lord Yagi’s gaze moved to you, instantly making your stomach bubble nervously. Quickly as to not make eye contact that could be considered disrespectful, you kept your head bowed and awaited instruction. “She seems like an ordinary woman to me. What is so special about her?” 

Bakugou rose to his feet, giving a sharp motion with his hand for you to approach. Timidly, you came up to stand beside him, keeping your eyes locked on the brilliant red cloth beneath your feet that covered the cold wooden floor. “We found her during our return, out by Shōshitsu Shrine.” You were surprised to hear Bakugou call it by the name you knew it in the modern world, and you assumed it had been known for its oddities for centuries. “I believe that she has special abilities that could help us.” 

“Abilities? Young Bakugou,” Lord Yagi’s voice seemed weary, as if he were unsure of what to do with this prospect. “Such things are dangerous.” 

“It’s nothing physical. She can accurately predict the future. I saw it happen, as did everyone in my party.” 

Silence fell over the room, and you couldn’t help but bite down on the inside of your cheek. It sounded absolutely ridiculous, but that must have been how he saw what you had done. Technically, it was true. You knew what was going to happen, for the most part, and could give your input to the best of your ability. The whole thing still just seemed like a mess, and the sigh that escaped Lord Yagi’s lips only confirmed to you that he thought the same.

The sickly man shifted a bit in his seat, though you still didn’t have the confidence to look up at him. “And how did she do this?” 

“She told us that there would be an ambush at Silver River, and there was. She also predicted our victory.” 

“Young Bakugou, for someone so intelligent, it seems odd to me that you would fall for such a farce.” 

“Huh?” Bakugou’s voice wavered a bit in confusion, and you could physically feel his confidence dwindling. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s obvious that she already knew it was going to happen because she knew about it. That’s the only logical explanation.” Lord Yagi stood, prompting you to glance up for just a moment to see him make his way down the stairs. You were surprised to see that he moved with a decent amount of ease, though that didn’t stop you from being anxious about his approach. “And she only guessed that you would win. It was just a way to keep herself inconspicuous.”  

Bakugou gave a small cough to clear his throat. “It didn’t seem like that to any of us on the road, My Lord. She is constantly talking about odd things, and she was dressed in these.. rags that I had never seen before. Myself and the others who were with me all believe she has powers of some sort.” 

“It’s impossible for me to believe that without seeing proof of it myself.” Coming to a stop in front of you, Lord Yagi finally addressed you directly. “What is your name, miss?” 

“U-Uhm… it’s [F/n] [L/n], Lord Yagi.” You bowed deeply at the waist, trying to control the trembling of your body. With a gesture of his hand, you stood back up straight, though you didn’t look up at him just yet. “It’s an honor to be in your presence.” 

“How polite. You don’t seem… dangerous or threatening in any way. It truly is a surprise that you have been able to trick my General.” 

“I assure you, I haven’t tricked anyone. I… I am no spy or enemy.” 

“I’ll have to beg your forgiveness on the fact that I cannot believe you. Many women these days know how to act innocent and foolish when they have ulterior motives.” Lord Yagi turned his attention back to Bakugou, who was waiting silently to be spoken to. “Young Bakugou, this isn’t safe. I cannot trust her without proof.” 

“But My Lord, I’ve seen it--” 

“And you, along with Young Midoriya, are someone I trust beyond all others. But this is dangerous. She could be in league with the enemy.” 

“I do not think so, I truly think we could use her!” 

“Fine.” Lord Yagi sighed, obviously too exhausted to spend too much energy on such an argument. “If you wish for her to be here, then she will be under your charge until she can be trusted. I will allow that. But… I find this whole situation to be in very poor taste, Young Bakugou. A very unwise decision…” With that, he began walking towards the green-haired man, whom you assumed to be the person he called Midoriya. “We have to look over some charts now. I expect a report of your battle within the week. For now, I leave you to deal with your prisoner.” 

As Lord Yagi and Midoriya vanished through a sliding door into a different room, you were left alone with Bakugou. His stiffness and silence worried you, so finding your strength, you turned your gaze up to look at him. A chill ran down your spine at the intensity of his glare that was locked onto you, the fire that normally adorned his gaze now turned to ice. You knew why. He had just humiliated himself, all because of you and your ‘powers’. He had wanted so badly to be looked upon by his Lord with respect and praise, but he got the opposite. 

“You made me look a fool.” 

“M-me?” You brought a hand up to your chest, glowering up at him. “How did I do that? I was barely even talked to, how is it my fault?” 

“Shut up, you Demon wench.” 

“I am not a demon! You don’t think that humiliated me, too? I don’t deserve to be treated like I’m some- some damn filthy prisoner! You trusted me enough to keep me unbound, even in front of your Lord, so what’s your deal?!” Your exhaustion had your patience dwindled to nothing, and the fact that he was blaming his failure on you had you at wit’s end. There was nothing you had done that warranted being treated like the enemy or with suspicion, and after all this time, you had expected more trust. “If you don’t want me, then give me a horse, and I’ll go try to find my way home!” 

“No! You’re staying here under my charge!” 

“To do what? Sit around until I wither away or until you think you can use me? I’m not an item, I’m a person!” 

“I don’t give a shit what you are,” Bakugou growled at you, making your confidence shrink down into nothing. You were intimidated by him, and although you knew you were in the right, his stature and power over your life made you quickly realize that it would be best to keep your mouth shut. “You are going to live in this palace, watched every moment and if you even think about stepping one foot out of the gates I will have you locked away.” He pointed a finger towards the entrance, to which you silently followed command and made your way in that direction. 

Frustrated, your eyes were burning with tears, yet you couldn’t find it within yourself to say or do anything about it. You had no means of escape or help, so you knew that all you could do was roll with it all and see what happens. Perhaps, there would be a chance for you to prove your ‘powers’ to Lord Yagi, which would probably increase your status or at least give you more leniency. The first chance I get, I’m going to do a prediction. I can’t let it slip past me, but I have a feeling that Bakugou won’t be coming to me for anything… I’ll have to catch them when they’re having a conversation. Just like before. 

Lost in your thoughts about what to do with yourself, you didn’t notice Tsuyu until you nearly rammed into her. Jerking yourself to a stop, you stuttered an apology, though it was quickly smothered by Bakugou’s voice as he addressed his subordinate. 

“As discussed, you will watch her. Let me know immediately of anything suspicious.” His voice almost sounded… strained, as if he were trying to hold back whatever emotion he was struggling with. You felt both angered by his attitude and sorry for him, as he had gone through a very rough couple of days. Though, the little voice in the back of your mind told you that, just maybe, he deserved it for how awful he had been to you. That little voice brought a strong sense of guilt to your stomach, however, knowing that it hadn’t been all bad. You knew that there must be a good man beneath the wall of shit he had built around himself. If there were others following him, with so much respect and obedience, then there must be more than ranking influencing them. You could see it on Tsuyu’s face, a slight furrow of her brow preceding a deep bow. 

“As you wish. I will keep you informed daily.” 

Without another word, Bakugou left you both, vanishing behind the building before you could even look back at him again. Finally out of his presence, you gave a heavy sigh, looking at Tsuyu as she stood up straight. “He’s really pissed at me…” 

Tsuyu nodded, beginning to lead you forward. “I assume it did not go as expected with Lord Yagi. He is a very… educated man, not to say Bakugou isn’t, but there is a difference there. It’s more of a… level-headedness, one which Bakugou lacks. It can cause him to be quite frustrated when he is corrected or when he realizes that he was wrong. He will calm down.” 

“So… you think he doesn’t believe I can predict the future anymore?” 

“Oh no, I don’t mean that at all. There is something odd about you for sure, Miss. And what you did at Silver River was astonishing. You have something uncanny about you, but only time will tell what it truly is.” 

“I think… Lord Yagi made him feel like it was a mistake to bring me. Like his ambitions about whatever he wanted to do were wrong.” 

“Perhaps.” Tsuyu stopped, carefully sliding open a wall panel. “I cannot say for sure since I wasn’t there. I will say this, though. You should keep all that happens to you and your thoughts to yourself. I may not be the only one listening.” 

Frown crossing your lips, you nodded, glancing into the dimly lit room. “I’m sorry, you’re just so easy to talk to.” 

Tsuyu nodded, a small smile of her own crossing her lips. “I suppose that’s what can make me so dangerous. I make you feel a little too comfortable.” Although it didn’t seem like her words were meant to be menacing, it still reminded you that she was some type of assassin, and probably had a blade that the ready beneath her kimono sleeve. “I had fresh clothing brought for you for in the morning and we will have a servant come to take your dirty clothes to wash them daily. This will be your quarters until it is seen fit to move you to a more spacious area.” 

“Ah, I like the small size…” You walked into the room after leaving your sandals at the entrance. The tatami flooring creaked a bit under your feet, and you felt relieved to be back in some sort of civilization. “I lived in a very small room before. I wouldn’t know what to do with more space. Though this is more…” Your voice trailed off a bit at the negative thoughts, your eyes moving to the traditional futon bed that rested near the middle of the room. 

“Don’t think of it as a cell, Miss.” Tsuyu finished your thought for you, surprising you a bit at how well she could assume your thoughts. “This is your home now, and you can travel the palace as you wish with me as your guide. It will take some time for you to be happy here and gain the trust of others, but I believe that you’ll find a way.” 

Feeling the burning tears return to your eyes, you sniffled a bit, reaching up to wipe your eyes with the back of our sleeve. “Thank you, Tsuyu…” 

“Please, call me Tsu.” With a gentle smile, Tsuyu took hold of the door again, preparing to shut it. “Goodnight, Miss. I will be here in the morning.” 

“You’re not gonna camp out all night?” 

“Oh, no. I have to sleep too!” Tsuyu gave a soft laugh, nodding towards her left. “No, there will be guards here. You’re safe. Now, get some sleep.” The doors slid closed with a soft tick, leaving you alone in silence and dim light. 

Taking a deep, trembling breath, you took a moment to remove all your clothing except for the white robe that was your final layer. Keeping it tied, you knelt beside the futon, pulling back the thick blanket that covered it and adjusting the tiny head pillow. Although it wasn’t what you were used to, it was heaven compared to the hard and bumpy ground outside, and you felt a huge sense of relaxation when you finally laid down. Though, now that you were finally alone for the first time since this horrible catastrophe, you began to feel a wave of emotion crash over you. 

At this rate, you would never see anyone you loved ever again. Your parents, family, friends or even your beloved cat. They were surely grieving heavily for you by now, searching everywhere in the woods around that horrible shrine. You could only hope that no one would come across the same fox that had cursed you, so that they wouldn’t suffer the same or even a worse fate. You were now just a memory to them, as they were to you, and that ripped at your already wounded heart. 

Turning over on your side, you hid your face into the pillow as you sobbed, pulling the blanket up to completely cover your head. 

And this night, too, would become nothing but a memory.

[lolocepu-jajacepu]

Slow to Get Up

It had been about eight bells after the fight that Cepu lost horribly, ending up at the bottom of a waterfall, yet he is not where he passed out. He is slow to wake, his entire body ached. He didn’t even try to move. At first, he accepted whatever his fate would be in that moment, surely at the hands of the mafia? No, he was laying under a grassy green rock laying on a thin sleeping bag, his sides were the same. There was no light coming through as it was now evening, and the entrance is covered in grass and thick bushes, but there is an oil lamp going that illuminates the little cave. Waking up to the leafy smell was different. It was obvious that this is someone's hiding spot it seemed. 

He inspects himself with as little body movement as possible aside from his neck up. He had no clothes on, none, just a towel covering his bits. He didn’t notice any bleeding, just some bruises, and some physical exhaustion. Someone either did something weird with him, or he got healed. He turns his head to see his clothes lying neatly off to the side. His gloves were there as well. He very slowly gets up, letting out a yelp of pain, very much so aching as if the fight just ended. He mustered enough strength to get himself into his clothes. As he slipped on his gloves, the branches ruffled violently. Someone was coming. He quickly got into a defensive position, but it was just some Hyur lady. Average height, average build from what he could tell, though she wore a long white coat with a hood on, white boots and black pants. There is a staff on her back. Though Cepu is standing there like an injured animal trying to defend itself, she still freaked out, shaking her head and waving her hands.

“No please don’t I’m the one that healed you I’m a nice conjurer that was walking by and saw you lying on the floor and i wanted to help so I carried you here to the Black Shrine!” She spoke in a high pitched voice, and speaking very quickly. He put his fist down quickly and let out an exhaust. His body couldn’t handle another fight, he didn’t even summon any aether as there was only enough to keep him upright. The girl relaxed as well. She takes her hood off to show her face clearly. She was on the paler side, with some of her hair in a bun, but the rest was fizzy and loose going to her shoulders, and in a large amount. She has glasses and freckles, and looks rather innocent.

“Who are you?” Cepu asked, taking a seat where he was just laying.

“I am Godelina Cantrell, local conjurer, plant enthusiast, very not threatening.” She still speaks fast, and with some shakiness in her voice.

“Alright relax. M’in no position t’hurt ye anyway.” Cepu replies. She closes her eyes and takes some deep breaths, then opens her eyes again. She has a gentle look about her.

“Alright, out with t’story.” Cepu ask, looking down at his gloves. They seemed fine for the most part.

“Well, I was strolling along on my chocobo. I had just found a special plant that only grows in Thanalan and wanted to collect research. On the way back, I saw you fall from the waterfall and pass out next to the water after swimming out. On a quick decision I ran to you, straddled you to my bird and took off before people came. I took you here, one of my many temporary sleeping places throughout the Shrine when I cannot return home for whatever reason. I proceeded to heal you and give you some aether, both of which you needed duly. You stayed asleep for a long time so I left you here as I went to town to get medicines for you.” She smiles gently at him, going for her rucksack to pull out potions and food, sitting in front of Cepu and handing him an ether.

“I can feel your aether, which is barely.” She states. Cepu just looks at her. He truly didn’t sense any malicious intent from her. “Please, I truly want to help. Here, proof.” She takes the same bottle and drinks some of the ether and waits for a moment, showing no effect to her. Cepu is convinced, taking the bottle and downing it with an exhaust at the end. He could already feel his aether flowing quickly and revitalizing him. He then takes the food, some fresh fruit, and eat it. Godelina eats with him in silence.

“So..what’s yer thing here?” Cepu finally ask after swallowing some of his food.

“Well, I’m a conjurer, and a botanist researcher. I collect data on certain plants, their role in our ecosystem, and study for any medicinal value before handing it over to an alchemist. I also heal weary adventurers, you being one.” She says, a brighter smile than before. She was obviously proud of herself. Cepu shakes his head.

“Don’t go ‘round savin’ people y’don’t know. Might end up in a bad way.” He warns. She pouts visibly.

“I’m a grown woman, I can take care of myself. Besides, I haven’t picked up anyone bad so far, and you fell off a waterfall, clumsy.” She snickers, though she stops herself. Cepu almost told her the truth but decided it was better if she was ignorant to the situation.

“Yeah, whoops.” He says with a fake smile. He finishes eating and stands up, some energy in him, doing some basic stretches.

“Glad to see you heal fast.” She says happily. Cepu throws some quick punches. He’s not quite there but he is well on his way. He sits back down and looks at Godelina. “Well, thanks. I’d prolly be dead without you havin’ helped me.”

“It’s my pleasure! If I may ask though, why were you up there?”

“Sightseeing.” He fires out. “Seems the rocks were a bit slippery, aye?” He adds a light chuckle. She chuckles in response.

“Please next time be much more careful. There are already many dangerous things in the world, waterfalls don’t really count.” She jokes. “If I may ask, what is it that you do?”

“I work for my brother. He creates toys and sells em, mostly for kids in Ul’dah.” He states.

“Aww! How cute and noble of him. Just from that he sounds wonderful, and you sound wonderful for helping your brother.”

Cepu shakes his head. “I’m just the bodyguard is all. He needed my help with talking but he’s gotten down how to talk and barter now.”

“What brought on toys?” She ask.

“He wants to make every kid in Ul’dah smile in times like this.”

“By the gods, he sounds wonderful. Mayhaps one day i will meet him. You both seems sweet.”

Cepu knows that’s a lie. He doesn’t deserve the same praise as his brother, he thought. His head begins to fill with negative thoughts about how his life is so much lower than his families, and how he almost died. He just lays back on the sleeping bag.

“Mind if I stay the night?” He ask.

“Oh! Of course! I will be leaving soon so make yourself comfortable, even though there isn’t much. I will leave the potions here, and my linkpearl. I’m usually near Gridania, so if you ever hurt yourself again I’ll heal you up.” She smiles at Cepu.

“Oh, what’s your name?” She ask.

“Cepu.” He responds. “Now go on, I need s’more rest.” She just nods, slowly. She wasn’t going to ask any questions, understanding he was in pain.

“Sleep well.” She says before leaving. The rustling sounds of the bushes became faint as she walked off. Cepu lays there and immediately begins to cry. That was the closest he ever came to death and he hated it. He starts wailing, tears going down his face and hitting against the floor. His head was filled with failure and hopelessness. He cried for a full bell before crying himself to sleep.

In the morning he raises, taking the potion and eating some leftover fruit. The oil had run out in the middle of the night but now the sun was shining through the bushes. He could hear chirping birds and other animals. His body felt much better. He looks at the linkpearl and hesitantly takes it. He didn’t want to get her involved with something she doesn’t even know, but for emergency reasons, he’ll take it. It’s not like he’d need her any time soon, knowing he’d need to hide the armor he was wearing, and probably not wear his gloves. Luckily they didn’t see his face, but he hopes his hair doesn’t give him away.  

“I’ll dress plainly and blend in with everyone, and bring no attention to myself.” He thinks to himself. He nods and teleports back home to his apartment, where another wave of crying, depression, or drinking likely awaited him.

[dacotose-blog]

How To Date/Marry A Widow or Widower

If you are dating or planning to marry a widow or widower, here are some suggestions and thoughts to consider. LEARN ALL ABOUT GRIEF Do some research about grief, read books and talk to others in similar situations. Know what to expect on anniversaries, birthdays and other days that were special to your new partner and his/her late spouse. Being aware and understanding about another person's feelings allows you to be gracious and sensitive to your new partner. TALKING ABOUT A LATE SPOUSE: SHOULD YOU ASK QUESTIONS? Allow a widow/er to talk about his/her spouse. If a couple were married at a young age, married a long time, or have children/grandchildren, it is going to be very difficult to talk about his/her life without mentioning a late spouse. This can only be threatening to you, if you allow it to be. Always remember that the late spouse is dead. He Behance.net or she is not coming back, so you are not going to lose your new mate to him or her. There is no competition! In general, when you get to know someone you want to share your past with him or her. It is the same for a widowed person. This time it just happens to include a person that is no longer alive. Simply ask your questions respectfully, so it is not regarded as prying but as a genuine interest in the deceased spouse and their relationship. If you pay close attention, you actually may learn many interesting things about your new partner, for example: how he/she views the world; how he/she treats a partner; likes and dislikes, etc. A late spouse was most probably a very big part of your new partner's life and to get upset every time his/her name is mentioned makes for a very uncomfortable situation - for both of you. It is important, especially at the beginning of a relationship, to allow the widow/er to talk freely about his or her late spouse. If this ends in a non-stop crying jag each time the name is mentioned, this will also be a good tip-off that your new partner is really not ready to recouple. If there is only some lingering grief, try to figure out together how to move forward - how to create new memories so the old ones can be tucked away and only revisited when fondly remembering a late spouse on a birthday or another special moment or day. Keep in mind that the heart is a very accommodating organ. It can expand to let new people in without kicking out the old residents. Take pause and ask yourself if you would rather your new partner didn't care about his/her late spouse. You might consider the fact that the better the relationship a new partner had in a past relationship, the more he/she knows about how to make unions work. That is very good news for you and your new relationship! PICTURES OF A LATE SPOUSE Perhaps when you first start dating, there are many pictures of a late spouse around your new partner's home. It is so natural for him/her because that is where they have always been. It has not even dawned on him/her that another person might find the pictures intimidating. You can gently drop some hints about the pictures, especially if they are on the bed stand table. If there are children and some of the pictures are family pictures, it is probably unrealistic to think that every picture will be put away. Perhaps you could suggest moving them to a child's rooms or at least off the wall in the living room. Another alternative, of which I learned from a woman who was dating a widower is that she intended to have two walls of pictures in their new home. One would include those of her intended and his late spouse, and the next wall would be a continuation of pictures of the life they were leading. She did not feel threatened by these pictures, but instead thanked the late spouse for helping to make her fiancé into the wonderful man with whom she gets to spend the rest of her life. Rather than demanding that all the pictures be put away, you might want to have a heart-to-heart discussion about how they make you feel. Without being put on the defensive, your new partner, wanting to please you, will probably try to be accommodating. WHERE SHOULD YOU LIVE? MOVING INTO A HOME SHARED WITH A LATE SPOUSE If there are no financial concerns and this situation can be avoided, it would probably be best to move to a new home - one where you can both make a fresh start and it can be yours together. If circumstances require that you move into the home shared with a late spouse, it would be beneficial to have a frank discussion about what can be changed to make you feel as https://www.ashleymadison.com/ if it is your home too. It is at this time that you can negotiate about the items he/she would like to keep around. The house should not remain a shrine to the late spouse, but there may be some special keepsakes that hold sentimental value or children may want something of their mother or father to remain in the home. Try to be cognizant of these facts and not insist that everything that belonged to the late spouse be disposed of. As much as you may want it to, throwing away items will not erase the memories of a former spouse. Instead, it might cause resentment to rise up in your new partner and/or his/her children. DEALING WITH THE FAMILY OF THE LATE SPOUSE Be sensitive to the late spouse's extended family and recognize their great loss too. Parents of the deceased may be very concerned that when a new marriage takes place that their child will be forgotten. They also may be concerned that they might have less access to their grandchildren. Reassurance goes a long way to settle their concerns. DEALING WITH CHILDREN OF A NEW PARTNER This is probably one of the toughest issues to overcome. Daughters tend to cling to Dad and sons are big on being the man around the house for their moms. Actually, it is up to the parent to help his/her child remain a child and not think he/she needs to step into the dead parent's role. If this is done successfully, this issue becomes less of a problem. Try not to be step into or be cast into the role of the wicked stepparent. It takes time for children to work through being loyal to the deceased parent and to still be able to like you without feeling guilty about it. Afford them ample time to accomplish this monumental task. Patience is the watchword. Do not force your affections on a child. Step back, be kind, be loving, be a role model, be helpful, be respectful of their time with your partner and their feelings for their dead parent and just BE THERE. Then - simply wait. They will eventually, little by little, start turning to you and a relationship can be forged. MAKING NEW MEMORIES Make memories that are special and unique to you and your new partner. Travel to places where he/she and the late spouse never visited. Eat in new restaurants. Stay in different hotels. You can redecorate the house (within reason) and slowly make it more your own. Always remember that you are the one that gets to spend your life with your new partner. Rather than worrying about the past impinging on the present and future, live each day to the fullest. Make your life together a celebration of being together. Your new partner will be thankful that you have brought fresh breath into his/her life and made him or her be able to feel love again. There was probably a time after the death that he/she thought life would forever be bereft of any sort of feeling, let alone new love. So, if you catch your new partner taking a moment to remember his/her late spouse, do not go off the deep end. All it means is that some memory was stirred up and it brought back a feeling. Again, this does not impinge on the new relationship between the two of you. Ask yourself if a few moments taken to remember are worth your jealousy and anger? I think not, and your new partner will not think so either. CONCLUSION In conclusion, although you may be daunted by the fact that your new partner has been touched by the death of a spouse, changing your perspective may provide you with the opportunity of a lifetime. Anyone who has lost a spouse, especially at a young age, knows about the preciousness of each moment we are given. This person is not going to waste another minute and brings with him/ her a renewed zest for living. Be the beneficiary of all the life lessons this person has learned in coping with grief and relish having a partner who had the strength and fortitude to reignite his/her own spark of life. This article is an excerpt from Ellen Gerst's book, "Dating After 35 Plus: How To Move Forward After The Loss of a Partner From Death, Divorce or Break-up," which is available as a downloadable e-book for $2.99 via her website. Author's Bio:  Ellen Gerst is a grief and relationship coach and workshop leader. Her other book titles include, Suddenly Single, A Guide Through Grief to Renewal; Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story; If You Want To Be Terrific, You Need To Be Specific; Figuring Out Life and Death: Thoughts on Coping with Suicide; Thin Threads of Grief and Renewal (co-editor); Understanding Grief From A to Z; Understanding Dating & Relationships From A to Z; and Understanding Spirituality From A to Z. Books are available via her website at http://www.LNGerst.com/Library.html. Connect with her via Facebook to receive dating/relationships tips; coping with grief tips; and thoughts on the power of positivity. Ellen also offers a social connectivity tool at http://www.LightenUpAndSmile.blogspot.com. Watch the video and find out how this tool, cleverly disguised as a hair accessory, can help you recapture your smile after loss! http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/how-to-datemarry-a-widow-or-widower