#AubrysStory happyliviin

[happyliviin-blog]

I told myself so

I saw you at softball practice while you were at track. You ran and ran and would say hi to me between laps even though we never talked. I remembered you as the tall and very dark dude who was kinda weird. You'd come to my table at lunch and touch my hair and said you like it. Id even catch you staring at me in the cafe. I didn't ever say anything to you, but i told my friend about you. The weird dude. You got my snapchat and thats how it started. I was determined to be just friends, thats it. I told myself I would not get attached. I knew you lived in a different country and that you had a child, maybe even a girlfriend still. But look at me now. All those little conversations in the cafe, snap chatting all the time, seeing you at practicing, going into town just us and saying its not a date and “carrying” you to Walmart because you don't have a car here, it all added up. I caught feelings. 

[happyliviin-blog]

There it was

A good week ago i finished my first year of college and i loved it. Every minute, i did not regret it, even if i would of done anything to not go to practice. I miss every minute of it already. As J left, water welted in my eyes. As I left my Bahama “friend” without a kiss and just a friendly bye, i felt pain. Pain i wasn't going to show him, but just played it off. I was NOT suppose to be getting attached and that why he didn't kiss me. So i had to show him i didn't care. I simply left. I hit and miss his snaps too, but as I'm face timing him now...i just get this feeling. I put his hoodie on the other day bc i was freezing and that was the only thing i had and as i smelled it, i remembered him exactly. His nappy hair, goofy smile, always dancing, high pitched singing, and even sleeping with him naked. I miss it all, but its so easy to see that it can't last. I even find myself saying you aren't my type. But why is it hard? Bc i gave you my all? Bc I'm not trying to separate myself that much? But yes, college is over. I miss my friends and my own lifestyle. There was freshmen year. There it was.

[happyliviin-blog]

Bettering Yourself

I hate New Years resolutions because no one ever sticks with them, but I'm going to list some things I want to try or keep/start doing to better myself. Maybe this will help you too.

1. Read a book a month

2. Walk my dog whenever I can (no excuses)

3. Drink plenty of water

4. GO TO THE GYM AT LEAST X3 A WEEK

5. Get a massage

6. Roadtrip/ hotel party (close)

7. Sneak out

8. Try a yoga/cycling class etc

9. Take and print more pictures

10. Go camping

11. Go on vacation (far)

12. Strive for your dream. NO MATTER WHAT.

13. Be so incredibly nice to everyone. Even those who get under your skin.

14. Go out of the way to say hi or make someones day

15. Skydive

16. Get yet another tattoo

17. Watch the sunrise

18. Learn to longboard

19. Care for someone with so much love and getting it in return

20. BE HAPPY AND POSITIVE

[happyliviin-blog]

Lost

Im home for Christmas break and sadness/relief takes over me. Lately I've been feeling lost and being down on myself at school. I thought about the old me in high school and how put together I was. I did all my homework and got decent grades. Its not that i have bad grades in college, but my decisions are a bit wild sometimes. Partying, smoking, staying up late, sleeping whenever i can, bad eating habits and talking to the wrong people. Yes, I'm having fun and like this new me, but something i do just aren't me and aren't right. Over break I'm determined to eat healthier and workout because i have softball workouts. Ill be working a lot (causing me to go to bed at a reasonable time) and saving money to pay for college. Ill be away from toxic people and with family who care about me. Old friends will bring the old good me out. This month away from school will be me focusing on myself.

[happyliviin-blog]

College in a Nutshell

Well college has really fucked me up and the easiest way to tell you how is:

1. I shaved my eyebrow off

2. I now have blue hair

[happyliviin-blog]

Goodbye and Goodbye?

This is an update on my boy life because everything else about my life is boring right now. Im getting into the normal grooves of life and they're just normal days. So you guys know i was talking to Marcell last and i wasn't sure about what i wanted...well i made up my mind lie last week. He wouldn't even come in my dorm when his friends were over so i stood on the balcony talking to him about how i felt. I told him i didn't have those kind of feelings for him, but he's a nice guy so i want to stay friends and for him to come over whenever. He said he couldn't do that and he couldn't do being friends with me and told me to have a nice school year...lol i was upset by this because he didn't even date and we only talked for a week.

Now that its over with him, his best friend Tony and other friend Eddie have came over. They are funny. I kinda had/have a thing for Eddie. He's so cute and sexy and funny. He actually stayed the night last week and it was so nice, but we really haven't hung out other than that and he isn't even sure if he likes me like that.....which makes me sad because i like him way more than i ever liked Marcell. I bet this is how Marcell felt and now i feel bad. Its like karma now.

[happyliviin-blog]

Kiss and Tell

My college is very weird and close and friendly. This explains how the story starts. One night I was in the front room when i heard a bunch of guys talking. I looked out the window, the one we all people watch from, and see a group of boys staring back at me and waving. A few minutes later a dark muscular man asked if i waved them to come to the door which i didn't so they then left. The next day after class to of the boys asked if they could come over and of course i said yes because there is nothing to here. So they came late that night and there ended up being like 6 football boys. It was chill and everyone got to know each other. When they were all leaving, one guy asked to talk to my for a second. And thats how a guy named Marcell got my number. We've been hanging out and one of the first times we hang out alone...he kisses me. Knowing me and making things complicating. I don't know if i want a relationship with him or am just scared to get into one? Lord help me.

love y'all