#BWAAAAAAAAH THIS TOOK A HOT MINUTE BUT IT WAS A LABOR OF LOVE

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

May I please request 🫀,🏉,💥, 👓, 💍, 🏛, 🧭, 🚓, 🧬, 📖, 🤱, ⏰, 🚌, 🥀, 👊, 🩹, 🌊, 🏭, ⚰️, 🦁, 🔒, ⛓ for Peter? I love the short king. He and his troupe deserve the world.

whewww this was a long one but I love it!

our babiesssssss ToT

headcanon memes inspired by things i like, part 3

[ 🫀 ] does your muse make decisions with their head or their heart? perhaps a bit of both?

Heart, full stop. While he’s definitely capable of thinking critically, he tends not to unless it’s a really heavy decision. He does overthink big decisions, so much so that his mind and feelings get too laden down. Most decisions, however, he often just reacts without using his head too much. He likes to think he’s not an emotional person; he very much is, it’s just that he conflates ‘emotional’ with ‘weepy’. His heart almost completely rules over his actions even if he doesn’t think it does.

[ 🏉 ] would you say your muse lives up to their potential? are they trying to, or could they care less?

In all reality, he probably doesn’t, and the reason is simple. Because he can’t. He’s never been given the chance to live up to the potential he has. He’s been on the streets most of his life, mistreated and misled, made fun of, lied and made to do other people’s dirty work. It’s made him stop believing he even has any potential within him, so he gave up on trying a long time ago. It’s not that he doesn’t care about his potential; it’s that the world has fed him the lie that he doesn’t have any. He’s not good for anything, so why even try? Deep inside him there’s a loyal, passionate man who could set the world in fire in the best way, but… he never had the opportunities, and he’s lost the motivation to be anything other than someone’s angry puppet.

[ 💥 ] is your muse protective of those they care for? if so, how do they show it?

Peter is insanely protective of the people he cares about. Mostly his family, also his S/O and when/if he has children. If someone fucks with the people he cares about, that person better pray God strikes them down before Peter gets his hands on them. His preferred method of keeping his precious people safe is to get physical, probably because it’s really the only way he knows to keep them safe. It’s as if his size stops mattering, and he gets easily just as vicious as any bigger man. He shoves, punches, kicks, yells, in order to get any threat away from his family. There’s almost nothing he won’t do to protect the people he loves… which is perhaps his best quality and fatal flaw all in one.

[ 👓 ] does your muse tend to judge others, or are they more open-minded?

He does his best not to judge people, for the simple fact that neither he nor his family would have suffered if other people hadn’t judged them. Who is he to look at someone else and assume he knows anything about them? Even if someone looks or seems strange to him, at most he’ll make what he thinks is a casual comment. Otherwise, who cares? Except… he doesn’t trust. His biggest thing is assuming that everyone else is out to get him and his family, everyone looking out for themselves, and whether he thinks it does or not, that judgment absolutely colors his opinions of and behavior toward other people.

[ 💍 ] does your muse have trouble committing to others? are they comfortable being this way, or would they prefer to be different?

Commitment issues is one way to put it, certainly. Whether it’s committing to friends or lovers, he struggles to form long-term relationships. Sometimes people are insulting and degrading or think he’s ‘too close’ with Wendy, so he has reason to push them away. But sometimes it’s his own mind telling him to run, so it’s… difficult not to listen, when his life has been so challenging thus far. He knows it hurts people, and more importantly it hurts people who he might care about. So it’s not as if he likes being this way. It’s the way he’s lived so far, so it’s not that it isn’t comfortable; it fits him the way a broken-in, falling-apart pair of shoes fits. He knows it isn’t a good way to live, he just… doesn’t know how to go about things any other way.

[ 🏛 ] does your muse have any strange interests? do they keep these interests to themselves, or are they comfortable sharing them with others?

In the quest to keep things for as long as possible before buying anything entirely new, Peter’s actually become quite good at sewing. There’s no spare money for a machine, obviously, so he does it by hand, and that’s how he prefers it. For whatever reason, he finds sewing to be relaxing, the repetitive motions letting his body almost go on autopilot. Even though it’s technically more work after a long day, he enjoys sewing and mending things. However, he’s also a bit insecure about it, thinking that people already don’t look at him as a ‘real man’, so he doesn’t want anything adding fuel to that fire. That is, unfortunately, a byproduct of the time with people considering sewing ‘women’s work’. (He’s a little like Charles Grey in this respect, not wanting to be viewed as feminine.) So except for his sister and possibly his S/O, he keeps this hobby to himself. Funnily enough, if something needs mending, Wendy takes it, and everyone is convinced that she’s the one doing the sewing, when in reality Peter refuses to let her touch anything that needs mending. He’s not about to have to redo all her sloppy stitches so they actually hold worth a damn!!

[ 🧭 ] does your muse consider themselves a good person? why or why not?

Absolutely not. Much as he wants to be, he truly doesn’t think that he’s anything other than bad. And there are a million reasons why. The most obvious is that he and his family follow the Baron’s orders, which are incredibly unsavory ― putting other people, children, in what is undeniably danger, for the selfish hope that the rest of their own family will be saved? He thinks that’s monstrous and he hates himself for it, and he knows the others do too. The other big reason is his temper. Someone who’s constantly angry, walking around the world and snapping biting remarks at people who might not always deserve it, doesn’t sound like a good person to him. He’s almost stopped thinking of himself as a person in general at this point. His self-image is that of a horrible, miserable, bitter little creature who’s simply waiting to die.

[ 🚓 ] has your muse ever been arrested? if so, what for?

If not outright arrested, he’s done “a night in the cells” many times whilst on the streets. Not so much nowadays in the circus, but in his youth? He could easily spend a night in a prison cell once every couple of weeks, sitting there overnight and released in the morning. Three guesses as to what he was put in for. The local law enforcement knew him by name, especially before he and Wendy met up with the rest of the troupe. Peter would get into a fight with another man, be rounded up for (depending on the officer) “public nuisance/disturbing the peace” or “bodily harm to another individual”, and stew in his anger overnight. Then, Wendy would come collect her brother in the morning and he’d apologize to the officers. … And so went the vicious cycle until the group he’d come to call family banded together. (Of course, even after that, he would still get thrown in a jail cell overnight, but much less frequently.)

[ 🧬 ] how important is family to your muse?

It’s the most important thing. Not even a question, his family is above literally everything else and he doesn’t know how anyone couldn’t feel that way. He’d include his S/O in his family as well, for the fact that he defines family as the people he has who stick with him, who don’t just care about themselves. Save Wendy, the other troupe members aren’t related to him by blood, and he still thinks of them as family. He would do anything for his family, any terrible act he had to commit (with a couple of exceptions), any sacrifice he had to make, he’d do it. You threaten his family? Give your heart to God, because your ass is Peter’s, and he will kick it thoroughly. He would go so far as to die for his family, and he’s consistently shocked that not everyone feels that way.

[ 📖 ] does your muse keep a diary or journal? what do they, or would they, write in a journal?

He doesn’t. The most glaring reason why, aside from it being a waste of money to buy a bunch of paper, is that he can’t really read or write. He knows just enough to be able to read and write his name and Wendy’s, and possibly the other first-stringers’. He can speak beautifully (if with an accent that some find ‘unintelligent and uncouth’), but the written word almost completely escapes him. He can’t form letters and string them together to create words and sentences, so there’s no point in him trying to keep a journal. If he could read and write better, he probably still wouldn’t write in one. He views his life as a rut, so he thinks his journal would be a lot of the same or similar entries. Why bother writing that shit down? It happens every day, and it would be boring to read, and it would just make him angry to look at.

[ 🤱 ] does your muse want to have children? why or why not?

He… does, and doesn’t. To him it’s the same as a dream of becoming a retainer for the Queen ― that is, probably technically possible, except that it’s so unlikely to happen, one is better off keeping it in a fantasy. It’s a far-off dream that he doesn’t think it’s ever going to happen. If he met someone, and he suddenly had the means to take care of children… God, he would without a doubt want that. His biggest fear is that whatever condition he happens to have, any child he would father would inherit it. And while he knows there’s nothing wrong with him in the sense that he deserves to exist just as he is, he’s suffered. He wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world, who’s just like him, who would suffer the same ways he has. What would be the point, bringing a life into the world just to hurt? Some part of him still clings to that dream, though, still wants it, because… well… he is obviously very capable of love. He knows he could love a child, he can see himself raising a little one, and as long as he could be sure he’d be able to provide for them, he’d do anything for them.

[ ⏰ ] does your muse tend to cling to the past, dream about the future, or look to the present?

Most of the time, he tends to just focus on the present. While he does have moments where the demons of the past haunt him, or he gets caught up in dreams of a future, he stays quite grounded, surprisingly. To him, the past has already happened, so there’s no changing it, which means he shouldn’t dwell on it too much. And the future doesn’t even exist yet, so all he can do is plan for it, not let worry sink its teeth into him about things that haven’t come to pass. He’s oddly reasonable about this part of life. What would it help, obsessing over the past or tying his mind into knots about the future? If he concentrates on what’s going on here and now, he thinks he’ll do fine.

[ 🚌 ] what haunts your muse? is there any event in your muse’s past that they can’t move past?

Speaking of the past not haunting him too much, there are only a few things that crop up and torment him. They’re not even specific events as much as they are general things, like the way the rest of society has treated him and his family. He can’t seem to move past it, and is stuck thinking that everyone looks at him the way people looked at him and his family while they were on the streets. There are times that he’s internalized it all so much, the memories grab him by the throat and won’t let go. Although it doesn’t happen often, when it does… it’s not pretty.

[ 🥀 ] what are your muse’s standards for a romantic partner? are they realistic? why do they have these standards?

Honestly, he likes to think he has pretty low fucking standards. Just be a kind, decent person with some semblance of a spine, and he won’t have a problem being in a relationship with someone like that. He has a few boundaries, a few behaviors that rub him the wrong way which are deal-breakers, but overall his standard is Don’t be an arse, don’t be a doormat. Any romantic partner he has also can’t poke too many jokes at his size. A couple, once in a while, perhaps a small string of them to tease occasionally? Fine. He makes jokes at his own expense too sometimes. Every day, and/or keep coming back to it as if it’s the only thing that’s funny? Nope, they need to have a talk. His reasons are pretty simple; he can’t deal with people who just roll over and let people walk on them, because that’s a good indicator that they won’t stand up when it counts. However, people who are too abrasive and not kind grate on his nerves, because he’s lived through too much of that crap already. As far as the short jokes go, he’s heard them all a million times, so he can laugh at one or two on occasion… too many, all the time, reminds him of being on the streets, and it makes him feel like he’s just there for his partner to make fun of. He’s actually pretty reasonable with his standards for a romance.

[ 👊 ] does your muse favour nonviolence? will they be violent if needed? do they revel in violence?

Hahahahaha… ah, well, no. Peter isn’t a pacifist by any means of the word. He isn’t necessarily trying to avoid violence in general, although he won’t get violent if he doesn’t think the situation calls for it. He also gives quite a few warning signs of anger before he starts to get violent, sort of like the way a cat will hiss at you to back off several times and only scratching or biting if you don’t. He will for sure be violent if he needs to be, because it apparently comes easier to him than to some of the rest of his family. He doesn’t exactly revel in violence… it’s not as if he feels like he’s only alive while fighting or that his sole purpose is to throw punches. It does feel like a good stress reliever if he reaches the point where it needs doing, so unless he hurts someone he cares about, he usually won’t feel any kind of guilt toward getting a bit violent.

[ 🩹 ] does your muse prefer to keep the peace or rock the boat? are they a mediator, or do they tend to make others upset?

Ahhhh… he doesn’t really keep the peace very well, though it isn’t as if he’s trying to rock the boat. He prefers it when things are as quiet and drama-free as possible ― it just hasn’t been his experience that such a thing is the norm. So he’s always got his hackles raised, ready for things to turn sour in an instant. It seems like just his mere presence can make others upset sometimes… mainly because the man doesn’t know when to shut his damn mouth if a comment isn’t necessary or kind, even if it happens to be true. He doesn’t typically mean to upset people, it just sort of happens as a natural consequence of him having no fucks left to give. He probably couldn’t mediate a conflict to save his life.

[ 🌊 ] does your muse have any specific fears? is there a reason why they fear these things?

Cynophobia ― fear of dogs. In general, this only applies to large and/or aggressive dogs, although sometimes it hits him even with small and/or friendly dogs. When he and Wendy were on the streets and younger, before they met the rest of the troupe, someone coming out of a shoppe had a dog with them. The dog decided that Wendy was in its way, for some reason, and barked at her over and over and over. Because they were so small and the dog was rather big, both siblings were afraid that they were going to be hurt. (The dog may not have been aggressive, but it was reactive, and a dog barking incessantly that’s bigger than a person is usually going to be scary.) Peter ran in front of Wendy to protect her, which resulted in the dog barking in his face instead. And the dog’s owner just laughed, before finally walking off with their dog. Although Peter can be relaxed around many dogs now, as long as they don’t bark or growl a lot, there are definitely times this fear gets the better of him. He’s just fine around other animals, it’s dogs specifically which hit his brain’s panic button.

[ 🏭 ] is your muse happy with their job or career path? why or why not?

Depends. Is he happy with his job/career dancing to the Baron’s puppet strings? Fuck no. He’d rather be doing anything else. Is he happy being a trapeze artist and performing for an audience? … Actually, he’d be perfectly content if he got to do just that and it would be his full job. He and Wendy are a great team; the trapeze is quite a nice act; the circus isn’t actually a terrible place to work. He puts as much work as he possibly can into performances, and moving on the trapeze doing various gymnastic stunts is something he genuinely enjoys. It really does feel like flying, like all the cares he has can’t even touch him. No one can say he isn’t dedicated, and it seems like the audiences actually like watching him. Best of all, he gets to perform with Wendy. If he could do the trapeze performances for the rest of his life, if they could drop their connections with the Baron yesterday, Peter would probably be just fine with that.

[ ⚰️ ] does your muse believe in an afterlife? if so, what do they believe the afterlife would look like?

He does, as do most people in Victorian England, believe in heaven and hell. (And possibly a purgatory/limbo.) As far as he thinks, heaven is paradise and hell is… well… hell. Heaven is white clouds and angels and everything being wonderful. Hell is dark fire and devils and everything being terrible. Heaven is where people should want to go, and hell is where people shouldn’t want to end up. Peter is convinced he’s going to hell when he dies, although he definitely would be relieved (if confused) should he wind up in heaven.

[ 🦁 ] is your muse cowardly, or courageous? what would it take for them to act heroically or selflessly?

Cowardly in the sense that he feels like he doesn’t have choices or options, so he goes along with what seems to be the easiest one that will allow him and his family to be taken care of. Notably he doesn’t fight back against what the Baron wants, because the Baron is making sure Peter and his family are taken care of, promising them things that are in their best interest. Even though he knows it isn’t right, this is what he needs to do to preserve his family. So he does it instead of, say, punching “Father’s” lights out like Peter knows the bastard deserves. He feels like he’s selfish and a coward for always taking the easy way and doing things which are in his and his family’s best interest rather than caring about anyone else. It would take his family (S/O included) being threatened for him to show what he thinks of as any kind of real courage. If the Baron was about to hurt or, God forbid, kill one of his family, that’s what snaps Peter out of his cowardice and would be the catalyst for him rallying for what’s right for once in his fucking life.

[ 🔒 ] what are your muse’s most negative traits? how do these traits influence their lives? (ex. if a muse is aggressive, they may have trouble forming lasting friendships.)

His worst trait is his temper, his anger. It seems like he’s angry all the time, because he’s using his anger to cover up all the pain he’s ever felt. He’s in pain constantly, whether that means physical pain or emotional/mental pain from the miserable life he’s been put through so far. His temper is something he tries to rein in; he lets people push his buttons three or four times before he explodes on them, in an effort to control himself. However, when he does finally explode, it’s disproportionate to whatever upset him, as if he’s starting with a higher base level of anger than everyone else. Which is probably the truth. He’s quick to react when he’s already stressed, and that means he has trouble keeping relationships. Nobody wants to be friends with a man who snaps at them over seemingly nothing, and nobody wants to be a long-term lover with a man who’s come close to shoving or hitting his family if they manage to hit a particularly sensitive button of his. That anger broiling inside him is also eating him away, too, becoming his most definable trait. He finds it harder and harder to be happy, harder and harder not to explode the first time his buttons are pressed. It’s as if his rage is slowly replacing his whole being, and unless he does something to deal with it, eventually there will be no Peter left — just the anger where a man once was.

[ ⛓ ] has your muse ever felt trapped? by what?

He’s always felt trapped, by one thing or another. Trapped by the circumstances that left him and Wendy orphans. Trapped by the lack of money and opportunities that bound them to the streets. Trapped by the Baron and his sinister intentions, which have led him into a life he never wanted. They’re all trapped, aren’t they? Him and his entire family, they’ve always been. There was never any getting out of their situations unless someone helped them. No one did. They’ve all tried so hard to be good and it’s all for nothing. His entire life, his work and the routine and everything he does, it just one big rut that he’s never going to get out of. No matter which way he goes, it’s all the same. No doors to a better life, no spots of hope, nothing except more of the same. All he really wants some days is to be free of the invisible shackles he walks around with, but he knows it’s never going to happen. He’s going to be trapped until he dies, and things don’t look good even for his ghost.