#Back and forth between my register and dairy to get this lady the right eggs for WIC

[jheselbraum]

It was just so fucking wild to me, the concept of being nice to someone influencing their shopping decisions like that, particularly in my country where generally if you don't suck the customer off then you're getting fired, but for some reason if that customer uses EBT then it's okay to be fucking rude to them???

[isotuan]

Nutrition (Yoongi x Reader Fluff/Crack)

Genre: Fluff/Crack

Word: 1,634

Summary: Are you a fruit? ‘Cause honeydew you know how fine you look right now?

Note: This is set in Stupid!universe where Y/N and Yoongi are best friends that annoy the fuck out of each other. It was mentioned in the fic how Yoongi had to drag her to the grocery store at some point, and I got INSPIRED. Also, I’m not that witty, these pick up lines and jokes are from the internet, with a bit of iteration to fit the story line. Other than that, I really like this one. Maybe it’s bc I’m equally of a lazyass as Y/N? The banter is really my style... SO GET READY FOR SOME HELLA CRINGE LMAO.

CHECK OUT STUPID (YOONGI X READER FLUFF) HERE

“Can I ride the cart at least?”

“Jesus fuck. For the third time, Y/N.—

—No.”

Y/N grumbled loudly, kicking at the tiny rocks under her her shoes. Yoongi pulled a large cart out of the store’s several rows, figuring that this grocery run would turn out to be quite a big one. 

After countless attempts of convincing Y/N that PostMates and UberEats of grease-drenched Chinese food were not exactly the healthiest option, he had finally dragged her to the local supermarket. That was, after telling her that they were going for frozen yogurt and had ‘accidentally’ made a wrong turn to the store, “so we might as well, right?”

“This is no fun,” Y/N bemoaned as they made their way through the second set of sliding doors.

“When was the last time you’ve step foot in a grocery store?” 

Y/N shrugged, “Last year maybe?”

“Jesus,” he huffed. “I should’ve guessed by that leftover salad rotting in your fridge.”

“It was a good salad, I was saving it for later.”

Yoongi tilted his head, “For six months?”

Y/N puffed out her cheeks and shifted from one foot to the other, avoiding the question. Yoongi knew that Y/N knew herself how bad her eating habit was. She was just too stubborn to admit it, Yoongi would know after all these years. And of course, he was very much expert now at dealing with her stubborn ass. He snorted, “Just stay by the cart, I’ll do the shopping.”

They made their way over to the produce section, but not after Y/N insisting that they should make a pit stop at the snack aisle first. To which Yoongi quickly denied and pulled her away with a tug of her wrist.

Yoongi began strolling around the section. The vibrant colors made each fruit look as if they were little gems and each vegetable look as delectable as ever, Yoongi grabbed a strip of plastic bags and began shopping.

“No, no, no. Not tomatoes!” Y/N ran up behind Yoongi as picked up the bright red fruit. “I hate tomatoes.”

“Well that’s too bad,” Yoongi placed it into a bag along with another. 

“Dickhead,” she hissed.

In defeat, Y/N groaned and dragged her feet off to somewhere else. Yoongi watched her and made sure he could still see her out of his peripheral vision before returning to picking out more fresh produce.  

She likes avocados, he thought to himself. But not too ripe. He took his time picking out the perfect avocado out of the large pile.  

She can’t have mushrooms. Once he ordered had ordered her a stuffed Portabello at dinner which resulted in a night beside the toilet bowl. So he passed them without hesitation.

He gathered stuff he knew well Y/N could eat and stuff he thought she’d be able to tolerate. The produce in the cart quickly piled up with much consideration for each item and researches of recipes Yoongi could (with his utmost culinary skills of boiling an egg) attempt in order to have Y/N at least try something new. He made himself two mental notes: one, when he makes these, have 911 on speed dial (just in case), and two, to search up how the fuck to pronounce “açaí?”

Yoongi was choosing a bunch of spinach with ease when suddenly something popped up in front of him. And just a couple of inches away from hIs nose was a—

A pineapple?

“Hey, baby. Are you a pineapple? ‘Cause you’re one fine-apple.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

Y/N stood next to Yoongi and, still, with a pineapple held to his face, she answered, “I’m picking you up, gorgeous.” 

Yoongi rolled his eyes and swatted the yellow fruit away, “Fuck off.”

“Come on,” Y/N followed Yoongi as he stuffed the bag with spinach and made way back to the cart. “They might be corny, but I think they’re a-maize-ing!”

“I said fuck off,” Yoongi spoke. He pushed the cart over to the dairy section, where he grabbed a carton of milk and scanned the variety of cheese for a possibly healthy option—

“Hey, I know I may be cheesy. But I know you’d want a pizza this,” she gestured to herself. “Or do you prefer the whole pie?”

“Oh, fuck you for that,” Yoongi’s face twisted with distaste before pushing the cart away fast, letting Y/N shuffling behind him to catch up.

“Hey, at least take me on a date first,” Y/N pointed at the shelve of raisins and— Dammit. “But don’t worry I’ll go out with a cute-cumber like you.”

“I hate you,” he grumbled a tried focusing on the recipe he had pulled up on his phone, even he wasn’t processing a single word in front of him. 

“Oh, donut be like that,” she nudged his side. “Anyone would be glazed to hear these.”

“Look, if you want to eat decent food for once,” He turned to face Y/N who trailed behind him. “I have to follow this recipe, so shut—”

“Oh, what’s on the menu, sweetheart?” Y/N tilted her head and pointed back and forth between her and Yoongi. “Is it me-n-u?”

“For fuck’s sake,” he groaned.  

“Because I’ll have whatever you’re having if it means getting those sweet buns of yours.”

Giving up entirely, Yoongi rushed out of the aisle with a hurry, plus, the old couple beside them weren’t giving the two the kindest of looks. He sped towards an open checkout and began loading the conveyor belt Even if he hadn’t gotten all of the things he intended to buy, this was good enough if it meant leaving this shitshow of a stand-up. 

“Can we go to McDonald's after this?” Y/N came up beside Yoongi.

“No—”

“Oh, nevermind. I forgot I already have a McGorgeous right here,” and she poked his side, making him bend the slightest bit. Fuck being ticklish.  

“Yah—”

From the other side of the register, the cashier chuckled and Yoongi snapped his head over to the young lady saying, “You guys are a really cute couple.”

Yoongi’s jaw dropped and he could feel the warmth creeping up at his cheeks, but before he could deny her—

Yoongi felt arms wrap around his torso while he stood frozen with kale in one hand and a bag of oranges in another. Y/N spoke as she hugged Yoongi with a wide grin, “Thank you, at least someone appreciates my jokes.”

She looked up at Yoongi with a snarl. 

Yoongi wondered if she saw his face turn a blush color in the split of a second he took to pry off her embrace with much embarrassment. He also wondered if she heard how fast his heart pounded when she had her face that close to her head. 

He hoped her stupid ass didn’t. 

God, he hoped.

“Why the hell did you do that?” 

“Do what?”

“Run off your smart ass mouth,” Yoongi continued his path towards his car still keeping the space between himself and—

“Oh, I know you were McLovin’ it.”

“Shut up, you fucker.”

After they loaded his trunk, the two got into the car without a second loss of Yoongi's continuous nagging of how publically humiliating the grocery trip that was. 

“I’m never taking you anywhere ever again, you know that right?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Y/N drummed her finger against the dashboard with a lack of interest in what Yoongi had to say. “It’s not like I go out much often anyway.”

It was silent for a while, Yoongi thought about what Y/N had just said and, hell, it was true. You could practically mistake her for a hermit crab. She wouldn’t get out of the house, that was if it wasn’t for Yoongi and school. And he would try his best to visit her often, being the wonderful best friend he was.

“You have to get out more,” Yoongi spoke. 

“I don't see why when I can just sit in the comfort of my bed and watch ‘How I Met Your Mother’ for the fourth time.”  

“That’s not even that great of a TV show.”

“You’re point?” 

“My point is...” Yoongi turned on to the main street. The car came to a stop at a red light, the engine hummed lowly and the radio tunes sounded gently in the background. The sun was about to set and he watched its final golden rays bounce off the hood of his car. The weather was cooling and he could feel the soft breeze entering the car with the windows rolled down. Yoongi glanced over at Y/N in the passenger seat with her legs tucked against her chest, how she always sat. She was busy giggling at whatever was on her phone screen that she hadn't noticed the way the corners of Yoongi lips curved up just the slightest bit. But, that was how it had always been. 

And Yoongi hoped it would stay that way. 

"My point is," Yoongi finally continued, eyes returning back to the road. "Instead of making shitty puns. Don't you want to, I don't know, explore the world or something?"

That same way.

“Do you want to see a picture of the world?”

“What—” Yoongi turned once more although what greeted him was not Y/N but Y/N's phone. The screen illuminated brightly, it was on selfie mode and it was a display of—

“Get it?—"

—’Cause you’re my world?”

That same old stupid, stupid way.