#Because I think it handles serious topics well and in a fun eerie way but it's so not scary

[spidernerdsblog]

I Forgot That You Existed : Chapter Five

A/N: Chapter five is here. The pent up tension between our ex-lovers is getting too much for them to handle. As things get heated up they give in to their feelings momentarily. Are they gonna regret it? Or will this reignite their love giving a new dynamic to their relationship? Y/N has been hiding a secret will she reveal it? What implication will its revelation bring in their lives? I hope you like this chapter. Feedbacks and suggestions are always welcome. Let me know what do you think Y/N has been hiding.

Pairing : Tom Holland × Singer reader 

Summary : It's been more than five years since you and Tom have gone their own ways after a heartbreaking breakup which had left both of you shattered. Both of you thought that you were finally over with each other and were happy in your respective lives until you meet again at a reunion trip planned by your best friend and you realize you are still not done with each other.

Warnings : fluff, making out.

Mini Playlist : Bad Blood by Taylor Swift, Cheap Thrills by Sia, Break My Heart by Dua Lipa

Tom and El breathing heavily. Tom rolled over to the side placing his hands below his head staring at the ceiling. El scooched into him, placing her hand on his bare chest.

“That was amazing.” El said, letting out a deep breath.

“Hmmm” Tom hummed.

Loud laughter and giggles were heard from your room. As you and Z were literally screaming at the top of your voice singing.

'Cause, baby, now we've got bad blood You know it used to be mad love So take a look what you've done 'Cause, baby, now we've got bad blood, hey! Now we've got problems And I don't think we can solve 'em You made a really deep cut And, baby, now we've got bad blood, hey!

“They are really close aren't they?”

“Yeah they are soul sisters." he chuckled. "Surprisingly Y/N has been with us since childhood but Z seems to know her more than any of us in such a short time.”

“Because we girls understand each other very well mister. There are some things guys will never understand”

“So you are trying to tell me that I don’t understand you”

“I didn’t say that dummy” El laughed lightly slapping on his chest

Tom and El were startled by a loud thud as if someone fell on the floor as they heard you groaning loudly

"Owww!!! My ass!!" you groaned going into fits of laughter. You and Zendaya were pillow fighting as you lost balance and fell.

“You deserve that bitch” Zendaya giggled.

El smiled listening to your banters “Someone is way too excited and happy” she chuckled.

“You know I think they are perfect” looking up to Tom

“Who?”

“Steve and Y/N, they make a perfect couple. She should consider this relationship.”

“I think it's too early to comprehend darling as much as I know her Steve isn’t her type”

“Why not? I mean their personalities complement each other so well; it will in a way benefit both of them professionally too. She is a world class singer and he is such a skilful event manager if they work it out and get married in future you know what I mean.

“Maybe”

Tom turned to his side, his back facing El. He frowned at the thought of seeing you with someone else. But then El's words struck him, he thought what if that guy was trying to befriend you just for his professional gains. He felt he needed to protect you from another heartbreak. He decided in his mind to talk to you about this tomorrow.

You were all having breakfast. Steve had called you saying he will come to pick you at 9. You chose to wear a cute top with your shorts.

“You look cute in that top Y/N” El complimented

“Thanks El”

“Any special reason?” El danced her eyebrows

“Oh nothing” you shrugged.

“I know, Stevey boy is coming to pick her up” Chloe chirped

“Oh shut up” you blushed.

You went to put your plate in the kitchen sink. Tom was already in there. He thought this is the right time to talk to you.

“Umm Y/N I need to talk to you about something”

“Yeah what is it?”

“I think you should keep your distance from that guy. I mean Steve”

“Umm okay I'll give it a thought. But any reason why should I be away?”

“Because I said so.”

“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?” You smirked, raising an eyebrow. Tom scoffed

“Listen Y/N I’m serious. I..I’m just trying to protect you okay”

“I’m not a baby Tom. I can take care of myself but thanks for your concern”

“Look who is here Mr. Johnson” you heard Ed and ran out to meet Steve.

“ Heyyy you.. you look ...pretty” Steve fumbled

“Thanks. You blushed tucking your hair behind your ear. “let's go then”

“Yeah, after you.”

You buckled the extra helmet Steve brought for you and sat down behind him on the bike. He started his bike and pulled the clutch to shift the gear you jolted into him clutching his broad shoulders tightly.

“You did that intentionally didn't you?” narrowing your eyes.

“You weren’t holding on to me tightly darling” Steve gave you a cheesy smile. You rolled your eyes.

You reached the spot in around 20 minutes. Steve led you to the stage.

“Okay so this is your stage rockstar. Whatever you require just tell me I’ll arrange everything”

You slipped your guitar strap around your shoulder as you started rehearsing the chords.

“You know you should start with look what you made me do. That's really a badass song and maybe finish with something soft and romantic. It will be even better if you give a sneak peek of your upcoming album by performing a new song.” Steve suggested

“That’s actually a great idea Steve! Thanks” You continued rehearsing and completely lost track of time. Suddenly you felt a pair of hands around your hips. You smiled. Steve placed his chin on the crook of your neck.

“Hey beautiful! Are you hungry?”

“Yeah a little” you nodded

“Let’s go and grab some lunch then”

“So should I take this as a simple lunch or an official date?” you smirked

“A lunch date maybe” he shrugged with a toothy grin

Back at the house everybody was having lunch.

“Excuse me guys” El ran to the bathroom feeling nauseous and she threw up. Tom ran to her aid. He came out with her carrying her to their room. Everybody was worried.

You were seated at a nearby restaurant. You both were having a good time eating and chatting; your phone dinged the screen flashed Zendaya’s name.

Come back immediately. It’s urgent

“I’m sorry I gotta go something urgent has come up” you got up from your seat apologizing to Steve

“That’s fine love. I’ll drop you” Steve got up too as he took you home.

You reached home around noon. Zendaya had texted you about what had happened. Everyone was sitting in the living room as you entered.

“How is she?” you asked

“She's fine.. taking rest” Sam stated

“So is she pregnant or something?”

“Y/N?!’’ Zendaya elbowed you looking at you with wide eyes.

“What?! I'm serious; the symptoms you told are either indigestion or pregnancy. And please don't tell me that they aren't sexually active because we got the sneak peek yesterday itself."

 “This isn't a joke Y/N” Tom said sternly

 “I'm not joking Tom I will never joke on such a serious topic because I'm very well aware of the implications it brings to a person's life.”

 Zendaya grabbed your hand and shook her head violently, panic in her eyes to stop you from talking further. You understood what she was trying to say and tried to cover up

 “And.. anyways you two are getting married it’s nothing to freak out. I would still recommend her to take the test.”

 “It's okay Y/N. I had my period plus I’m on pills so nothing to worry. It was actually indigestion. Sea food really does not suit me. But I don't think I will be able to go to the beach carnival with you guys, still feeling a little unwell.” El said as she came down the stairs.

 “It's okay babe you take rest I'll stay with you” Tom went up to her as he ran his hand on her back in a soothing way.

 “No Tom, you should go, why miss out on the fun for me.”

 “It's okay El nothing is more important than you in my life.” Tom held her hands placing light kisses on them.

 “I know bubs and your happiness is my first priority, so go and enjoy for my sake.” Tom didn’t extend the conversation any further and agreed to her.

Now you felt nauseous looking at their cliche tooth rotting romance. You blew out your cheeks and turned towards Steve who was standing at your back.

“Okay then see tomorrow” you hugged each other.

“Yeah bye darling” Steve left

Everyone went to their rooms to get ready for the carnival. Tom was dressing up as suddenly your words reverberated in his mind. He couldn't make any sense out of your words. What did you mean by the implication of pregnancy in a person's life and why did Z abruptly shut you up. He felt as if you both were hiding something.

 “Seriously Y/N were you out of your mind?! You were just going to spill everything out.” Zendaya lashed out.

 “I know I'm sorry. I just don't know what came over me.” you sat on the bed covering your face with your hands.

 “I know babe but you gotta be careful. It's a secret you chose to hatch it down in the darkest corner of your heart, can't let it spill unless you want it otherwise ."

 You went and hugged her tightly tears rolling down your eyes

 "What would I do without you" you sobbed

 "You'll always have me by your side darling, okay now cheer up and let's get ready.”

............................

You all came out of the house. Two cars were already parked outside. You immediately ran towards Harrison's car.

“I'm taking the front seat"You opened the door and sat.

Harrison, Zendaya, Harry and Paddy sat on the back seats

“Who's gonna drive?” you asked confused

Then you saw Tom with the car keys as he opened the door and you both momentarily glanced at each other as he sat on the driver's seat.

You divert your attention outside the window as you feel a tension arise between you two.

 As Tom drove the car an eerie silence prevailed. It started to get kinda boring so to lighten up the mood you turned on the car's stereo and connected your phone.

 Cheap thrill starts playing

 (Come on, come on, turn the radio on

It's Friday night and I won't be long Gotta do my hair, put my make up on It's Friday night and I won't be long)

 Everyone cheered and started grooving to the music.

 ('Til I hit the dance floor

Hit the dance floor I got all I need No, I ain't got cash I ain't got cash But I got you, baby)

 Turning a little to your side you took out your phone and started recording everyone singing and grooving. Tom occasionally glanced at you.

 (Baby, I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight

(I love cheap thrills) Baby, I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight (I love cheap thrills) But I don't need no money As long as I can feel the beat I don't need no money As long as I keep dancing)

 Unbuckling your seat belt so you got up and kneeled on your seat facing backwards. As you all continued lip syncing loudly and vibing in the car. Tom kept his straight face all the time.

 (Come on, come on, turn the radio on

It's Saturday and I won't be long Gotta paint my nails, put my high heels on It's Saturday and I won't be long)

'Til I hit the dance floor Hit the dance floor I got all I need No, I ain't got cash

I ain't got cash But I got you, baby)

 A sharp turn came as you all jolted to the right side. You almost lost balance, one hand holding tightly on the head rest of your seat and another grasping on Tom's shoulder. He held your hand tightly to prevent you from losing balance, giving you a stern look. You knew that look very well, he used to give you that look when you were being a brat. You felt a little intimidated and straightened yourself and sat properly again.

 (Baby, I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight

(I love cheap thrills) Baby, I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight (I love cheap thrills) But I don't need no money As long as I can feel the beat I don't need no money As long as I keep dancing

I don't need no money As long as I…….. Song continues

 Reaching the carnival you were overcome with nostalgia so many sweet memories you had of this place. Everyone got out of the cars and went in different directions. Out of habit you waited for Tom to park the car and then go inside. When you both entered the carnival ground none of your friends could be seen.

 “Guess what our friends ditched us” you pressed your lips together frowning

“I guess so." Tom twisted his lips looking around then turning back to you

"Okay, stay right here I’ll be back in a minute”

“But.. but why? Where are you going now?” you asked confused, tom trailed off in the crowd.

“Huh!” you scowled “am I so bad that he hates to spend a little time with me” you thought. You looked around and thought going into the stalls checking out the stuff. You eventually went when a sparkly pair of earrings caught your eyes. Taking it in your hands you placed them in front of your ears checking in the mirror if they look nice or not.

“I told you to stay right?” you heard Tom say from the back.

“I'm literally near the spot you left me.” You tried to reason.

“Okay here take this.” He handed you a grilled corn. Your face instantly lit up  

“Hey thanks.”  You cheerfully bite into the corn.

 Tom hadn't noticed earlier but now when he saw you carefully your necklace caught his eye it's the same black dahlia necklace he gifted you after filming far from home. A smile crept on his face at the fact that after so many years you had kept it.

You looked up to find him smiling at you “What?” You asked

“Nothing” he shook his head.

It didn't escape Tom's eyes the way you were staring at those sparkly earrings and he instantly knew you wanted them but you were confused if it would be worth buying.

 "You like them?"

 “Huh? Oh no just looking" you shrugged off

 “Oh don't lie to me I know how much of a fetish you have for earrings"

 He immediately asked the seller to pack those for you as he took out his wallet to pay.

 “You know I can pay for myself” you commented

 He grinned "Oh don't worry you can pay me back later by cash or you know by the kindness of your pretty little"

 “You finish that line and I’m gonna kick you in your balls Thomas” you were so done with his snarky comments; you were fuming as you stomped away from him.

 "Hey Y/N! Wait for me!" You picked up your pace. Tom ran to catch up with you. He stood in front of you blocking your way.

 “Here you go" he handed you the small gift bag.

“In no circumstance I'm taking that" crossing your hands and turning your face away annoyed  

“Hey, hey listen” he tried to hold your hands stepping closer.

“Don't touch me” you swatted him away

“Okay feisty pants, calm down” he stepped back raising his hand in the air in defeat.

"Oh come on Y/N I was just joking I'm sorry. Here take this. Pleaaase" he pouted.

"Go and give that to El I’m sure she will pay you back nicely like she did last night." You taunted.

"I don’t switch gifts meant for someone else moreover El isn't much of a fan of my gifts she says my taste is like an old man. She would totally figure out I did’t choose these."

“That’s true you are an old man.” corner of your mouth quirked up. Tom stretched his hand to give you the bag you took it lazily.

“Are we cool now?”

“Yeah sort of.” You gave a half shrug.

“Let's do something like old times then shall we?” Tom proposed

“Yeah fine by me anyways our best friends have ditched us so we are stuck with each other.”

You both went to try out different rides in the carnival. You enjoyed the roller coaster the most. After the ride you both sat down on a nearby bench to rest. Meanwhile you were deciding what to do next.

 “Wanna have some ice cream?” Tom offered

“Have you ever heard me saying no to ice cream?”you smirked

“Okay wait and don't go anywhere this time.” He disappeared in the crowd. You sat on the bench scrolling through your phone.

“Boo!!” Tom grabbed your shoulders from the back. You were startled, almost dropping your phone .

“God! You scared me” you gasped

He chuckled “here you go darling" he handed you your ice cream. Your heart swelled up by the fact that he still remembered your favorite flavour combo by heart one scoop of chocolate and cookies & cream with lots of extra choco chips.

You both started walking, licking on to your ice creams, your bodies brushed against each other occasionally as you both glanced into the stalls. Tom carefully watched you, the way you licked the ice cream made his mind wander to inappropriate places making him smile internally. You both were passing in front of a gaming stall.

 "Wanna win something for your girl?" the owner of the stall threw the question towards Tom.

 “Oh no he has a very bad aim” you tried to get away from there as you always thought these games are just a waste of money.

 “What! I can aim." Tom retorted widening his eyes.

 “No you can't" you argued "And these games are rigged you know that very well Tom" you muttered in his ears.

 "What do you want babe?”

“Babe?? " you gave him a puzzled look.

“Just tell me.”

“Okay that big bunny which you always failed to get to me.” You challenged him.

Tom paid the money he had three chances to throw the ring on the small replica of bunny.

“After you lose don’t tell me I didn’t warn you” you quipped

“Yeah, yeah will see that. And if I win, what is my reward?”

“Of course the big bunny that’s what you paid for, idiot” you grinned.

In the first throw he completely missed it.

"See! I told you it was a waste of money" you complained

"Oh! Y/N just let me concentrate" he huffed

The second throw was almost close, you both groaned frustrated. The third throw was a kind of prestige fight for Tom because he knew you were gonna mock him all his life if he loses. You on the other hand were tense crossing your fingers you wished he would win. Tom threw the ring and it went in the exact spot you both cheered, throwing your hands up in the air and hugged each other tightly. Pulling away soon but you felt a slight pull as you noticed the chain of your necklace had tangled with his spider man necklace. Tom struggled to untangle it, you swatted his hand.

"Stop pulling it dumbo, you are going to break the necklace" you grumbled

Tom felt warmth filling his heart seeing you so possessive about the necklace.You stepped closer and slowly tried untying the knot. Both of your breath hitched. After a few seconds you untangled your chains. The seller handed Tom the stuffed bunny.

“Here you go princess” Tom handed it over to you.

“Thanks.” You took it hugging it tightly. You were now more comfortable with each other giggling and laughing in each other's company. Anybody could mistake you both as a lovely couple. Unknowingly you were now holding hands and walking across the carnival.

“Picture for the beautiful couple?" a photographer from a photo studio chirped around from the corner.

“Oh no no we are not..” Tom cut you off

“Yeah sure why not”

“But tom..”

“Come on Y/N it will be fun”

You reluctantly went inside the studio and tried different costumes. You both posed and clicked some silly photos of yourselves.

Finally you caught sight of the rest of your gang, both of you rushed to them still holding hands.

“Hey where were you guys?” you asked

“Hey aah..” Zendaya stopped halfway to look at you, your hand hooked on to Tom’s arm furrowing, her eyes all skeptical.

You both followed her gaze as you realised, you leave each other's hands feeling awkward looking away.

“So what's with the bunny?”

“Oh it's for El Tom won it as a souvenir for her as she couldn't make it.” You lied.

“You guys wanna go on the Ferris wheel? it will be fun to watch the fireworks from up there”

“Nah we are good down here plus we are hungry.”

“Okay then we are going for the Ferris wheel. Will meet you at the parking lot after that.”

You queued up and waited for your turn to buy the tickets. You turned back a little girl caught your attention, she was glancing at you both mostly Tom curiously with her doe eyes. You thought she must have recognised Tom. Tom looked back too. He waved his hand towards her with a smile.

She tugged on her mother’s dress and whispered.

“Mommy, look spider-man” her mother turned her gaze towards you and gave out a light shriek

“Oh my god! Tom Holland and Y/N Y/L/N!! I’m a huge fan of both of you”

You both smiled.

"I'm Claudia nice to meet you"

“Hello.. nice to meet you too” you both greeted the lady

“Where’s MJ? Are you spider-man’s new girlfriend?” the little girl chirped. You and Tom looked at each other chuckling.

“Ssshh!! Don’t tell MJ” you joked. The little girl frowned. You crouched in front of her as you caressed her cheek.

“I'm kidding honey I’m not spider man's new girlfriend I’m his best friend. What’s your name little miss?”

“Vienna”

“That’s a beautiful name Vienna”

“You are so big but you still play with bunnies?” she asked you innocently

Tom stifled a laugh hearing that. You looked at him narrowing your eyes.

“No one is too old for bunnies honey. And this was given to me by someone I love so can’t throw it away can I?" Vienna nodded in approval. You glanced up to Tom.

“Can we take a selfie?” Claudia asked

“Yeah sure why not?” Tom picked up Vienna in his arms as you all cuddled close to take a selfie.

“I heard you are going to perform, is it true?”

“Yes I’m.” You confirmed

“Great!!! Looking forward to attending your concert.”

“I’ll be eager to see you guys in the audience”

"Hey Y/N! come here it's our turn." You heard Tom calling you

"Okay see you guys in the concert bye. Bye Vienna."

Tom had already bought the tickets while you were talking. You got up in your cabin. Sitting close to each other shoulders brushing in the cramped space, it was nothing new though for you two but now the circumstances have changed. The wheel rotated for a couple of times and then it halted as the fireworks were about to begin. Your cabin was at the top so you could get the best view.

“You did this?” you quirked your eyebrow

“Nothing a little extra tip can’t do” he winked. “Wait a minute, it's gonna get better.” He took out his phone and played one of your favorite songs which both of you used to hear.

Perfect starts playing

(I found a love for me Darling, just dive right in And follow my lead Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet I never knew you were the someone waiting for me)

“It feels as if we are teenagers again.” You giggled

The fireworks began as you looked up in the sky in awe. Tom was looking at you the whole time. He had missed your heart warming smile all these years and he felt happy that he was the reason behind your smile. You turned to him to find him already gazing at you with his soft brown eyes.

“I really missed this you know” you gave a tight lipped smile.

“You like it?” he asked softly

“I like it?! I love it!!!” You said excitedly

('Cause we were just kids when we fell in love Not knowing what it was I will not give you up this time Darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own And in your eyes, you're holding mine)

Tom's eyes never left you. You cuddled close leaning on his chest to look at the fireworks show his hand around your shoulder. He felt heat rushing to his ears his chest pounding as he leaned his head above yours to look up at the colourful night sky.

(Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, we're listenin' to our favorite song When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight)

You felt butterflies in your stomach under his gaze so you straightened yourself looking at him timidly. The atmosphere felt heavy as both of you felt a strong magnetic pull luring both of you. Your body was slightly turned towards him. Your hair blowing in the gentle night breeze.

(Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets To carry love, to carry children of our own)

He himself turned a little facing you, his hands slipped down to rest on your hips as he drew you in. His warm breath falling on your face. He gently brushed away the hair falling on your face tugging it behind your ear and rested his hand on the side of your face caressing your cheek with his thumb. Both lost in each other's eyes. You gazed into his warm brown eyes which were full of love. His eyes flickered between your eyes and to your slightly parted lips. Your faces were just a few millimetres apart, warmth blossomed in your chest, sparks igniting as Tom leaned in close, lips brushing together.

(We are still kids, but we're so in love Fightin' against all odds I know we'll be alright this time Darling, just hold my hand Be my girl, I'll be your man I see my future in your eyes)

Tom pulled you close, deepening the kiss your lips were soft he could taste the chocolate ice cream you had on your lips. You shivered and let out a soft moan. To your surprise you were kissing him back, you felt his warm mouth on yours and closed your eyes, your hands subconsciously went around his neck tugging on to his soft curls. He groaned into the kiss.

(Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, listenin' to our favorite song When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight)

A strong passion taking over both of you as you frantically kissed each other. Like the first drops of rain brings relief to a rain deprived parched land you both felt the same way, an euphoric bliss, as if you were thirsty for ages and finally the thirst is being quenched. A million emotions of love, lust, desire surged in your bodies. Neither of you wanted to stop, you just wanted to savour this moment.

(Oh, no, no Mm

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, we're listenin' to our favorite song I have faith in what I see Now I know I have met an angel in person And she looks perfect No, I don't deserve this You look perfect tonight)

 The world seemed oblivious for both of you. Both were brought back to your senses when the wheel started to move again. You slowly broke the kiss still in a haze. Your foreheads resting against each other as you both were gasping for air. You looked into his eyes, a panic strike both of you, you immediately pulled away trying to avoid each other's gaze as you looked over the illuminated town. Part of your mind felt so good and didn't want it to end but the other part reminded you constantly that whatever happened was so wrong. The cabin descended down your heart still beating at an alarming rate you tried to calm yourself placing a hand on your chest. The cabin squeaked as it halted, Tom bent low to squeeze out through the small door of the cabin. Wordlessly, he helped you step out of it. It was time to go back so you started walking back to the parking lot. Not a word was spoken between you two throughout the whole walk.

“Oh the love birds are finally back.” Harry joked

Your heartbeat quickened at his remark as you gave a death glare to him.

“Okay sorry, sorry my bad.”

“Haz can you sit in the front? I want to sit with Z at the back.” You almost begged.

“Yeah sure no problem love.”

You sat silently. Tom looked at you through the rear view mirror as he started the car.

“What happened? You look all flushed out are you okay? Zendaya asked concerned

“Did you guys fight over there or what?” Harrison asked, rolling his eyes.

“No nothing like that, just tired actually.The rides were really fun.”

So let's continue the fun. Harrison turned on the car stereo and played from his Playlist.

 Break My Heart starts playing...

(I've always been the one to say the first goodbye Had to love and lose a hundred million times Had to get it wrong to know just what I like Now I'm fallin')

Everyone started singing. Zendaya nudged you a little, giving you a questioning look, you nodded your head to assure her everything was okay , smiling and joined them.

(You say my name like I have never heard before I'm indecisive but this time I know for sure I hope I'm not the only one that feels it all Are you fallin'?)

You glanced at Tom through the rear view mirror pressing your lips together in a thin line. You had a lot of questions in your mind. You wanted to ask Tom why? Why did you do that? What does this mean to you Tom? Why couldn’t you control yourself from giving into the kiss?

(Center of attention You know you can get whatever you want from me Whenever you want it, baby It's you in my reflection Now I'm afraid of all the things it could do to me If I would've known it, baby)

The air felt suffocating, your throat felt dry as you were sweating. Your mind kept drifting to that heated moment on the Ferris wheel, subconsciously nibbling your lower lip. The whole incident was wrecking your mind.

(I would've stayed at home 'Cause I was doin' better alone But when you said, "Hello" I know that was the end of it all I should've stayed at home 'Cause now there ain't no letting you go Am I falling in love With the one that could break my heart? Oh no, I was doin' better alone But when you said, "Hello" I know that was the end of it all I should've stayed at home 'Cause now there ain't no letting you go Am I falling in love With the one that could break my heart?)

 You now seriously regret coming here; you really should have stayed at home you thought. That face, that damn face will be the death of you one day, it makes you go weak on your knees. You can't be falling in for him again when you know that a heart break is inevitable.

 (I wonder when you go, if I stay on your mind

Two can play that game, but you win me every time Everyone before you was a waste of time Yeah, you got me)

 Tom himself was having a hard time to concentrate on driving his hands all sweaty. You were all on his mind. As he looks at you through the mirror his eyes instantly goes to your plump rosy lips which he was sucking a few moments ago as if his life depends on it. He just wanted to pull you around a corner and feel your soft lips again.

 (Center of attention

You know you can get whatever you want from me

Whenever you want it, baby

It's you in my reflection Now I'm afraid of all the things it could do to me)

This time you caught him staring at you a chill ran down your spine. He immediately looked away face turning red; heat crept up your cheeks turning pink.

(If I would've known it, baby

I would've stayed at home 'Cause I was doin' better alone But when you said, "Hello" I know that was the end of it all I should've stayed at home 'Cause now there ain't no letting you go Am I falling in love With the one that could break my heart? Oh no, I was doin' better alone But when you said, "Hello" I know that was the end of it all I should've stayed at home 'Cause now there ain't no letting you go Am I falling in love With the one that could break my heart?)

.......... Song continues

 As you reached home you waited for everyone to get out of the car and go inside.

“Here take this.” You handed out the stuffed bunny to Tom

“It's for you love not for El and you know that very well.”

“Hmm” you hummed looking into his eyes, many unsaid words were spoken.

You both went up the stairs. Standing in front of your rooms you glanced at each other for one last time and went inside.

“I thought that was for El.” Zendaya pointed out at the stuffed toy.

“Yeah I'll give it to her tomorrow.”

“Now you are going to lie to me too" Zendaya scoffed

"I know it is for you. Mind telling me what's going on between you two?”

“Nothing, nothing is going on. Wha.. What makes you think that? You stammered

“Nothing, just you have been acting strange through the whole ride back home.” Zendaya frowned; she knew something was up with you two.

“Oh I must be tired that's why I guess.” You let out fake yawn.

The night was going to be long for you and Tom as you were still hot and bothered needing some sort of relief but none of you are going to get it tonight.

.....................................................................

Taglists: to be added send a message or ask I'll be happy to add you in the following chapters.

@sleepybesson @sophs-library @spideyparkerstark  @itstaskeen @milli86 @biebsmylife95 @quaksonhehe @hannahholland1811  @awhollandx @joyleenl@itsnotmeh24  @bitchinwpoei @astridcomming

[pacifv]

HE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: Mik      Age: 26      Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: Eden ( in bleach ) -- I have other ocs but that’s another story Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Eden... ? Current Fandom(s): Bleach , so far Fandom(s) you have an AU for:  more fantasy esque ones?  My language(s): spanish , english  Themes I’m interested in for rp:   Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: fantasy , religious

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?:   YES / NO   only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?:   YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?:  24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?:  IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting:  IM since this is pretty much new . just slap me with that and if you have some ideas , better --- if not let just brainstorm with what we have in hand . 

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner:  some minimal idea of the context and eden’s character . some ideas if possible . more than often I have gotten people straight up jump with no clue of what even is going on in my side character wise . 

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?:  depends , most likely really stop trying or let it sink . I’m not much of a person who would pressure for ideas when they don’t even come naturally for me in these kind of situations . 

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?:  First of all , ask what they particularly want and if they read the bio . and of course , have their bio as well ( if oc or any relevant hc on vague canons ) . I am honestly a bit shy on the input but if I found a ground to start letting my imagination loose ( like , something in common between characters or something that clicks well with my muse ) I can suggest several things . but in any case , I’m pretty passive and it’s a lot of gives and takes . 

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: depends on the thread , the time and the interest . things that go downtown in the excitement scale are :/  and I can’t blame anyone for dropping a thread . not all the time you will have muse for them , tho , if it was a relevant thread I would ask at least . - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?:  pretty much free to tell me or not . I’m no one to judge.

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?:  losing muse , interest , time ... pretty much the same . feeling like my muse is going too OOC for the sake of the other muse or smth .  - Will you tell your partner?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you?   YES / NO. - And why?:  I am very old school and having some OOC interaction to at least know how things are going , it’s as much as I can ask here .  - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?:  I mean , I should . it can turn me off a bit but it’s just natural ? there’s no way something can be perfect or be of someone’s taste . plus I am not that smart to be fully aware of all the things around the motif and IRL information I use on my muse . I’m no book , buddy. - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way?  YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?:  development , exploring the muse , seeing what works and doesn’t work . often new blogs for me are basically prototypes , they are and will  most likely have minor or major modifications as my imagination starts working and getting excited . besides , in the basics , you can hardly manage to cover all ( if anything ) of how one’s muse would react to X situation .

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios:  a lot of quincy lore , come up with more personal connections with other quincies , fully develop a backstory and a post war scenario . cultural exploration  --- relationships of all kinds . 

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore:  pretty much I am fine with anything as long as we don’t cross the gross line . but I’m not afraid of the dark .

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: absurdly basic and with no context given . not even have an idea of what is the deal between muses . I can squeeze my brain but there is as much as i can do with little information .

What type of characters catch your interest the most?:  quirky ones , conflictive ones , most likely muses with specific motifs that spark my interest -- deepness . Aesthetically interesting ones . but overall , those who have out of the normal personalities . 

What type of characters catch your interest the least?:  personalities that doesn’t work or do not harmonize with the context of their characters . that’s all I can say .

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?:  I am.... creative ? gdi I did this meme already but it’s hard to reply these two ones. I am easily excitable . if we end up in a ship , expect me to be pampering af . I really enjoy the exploration of relations between people , emotions and psychological stuff tied around it . I do like casual and also very deep things . I’m not afraid of dealing with heavy topics . I like horror ???? also I am very into the secondary character role , as in : my muse is here to help your muse to grow or insight . that stuff . not much of a protagonist role in RPs. 

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: I’m .... very.... sporadic . My mood is annoying esp when I’m “new” blog around kind of thing . I’m shy , even if I don’t seem so --- I get pretty anxious over details . I am impatient --- with myself . I want to do so many things at the same time I end up overwhelmed . 

Do you rp smut?:  YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?:  YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?:  mmmmmmmmm , both. Depends on mood and context tbh . - Anything you would not want to rp there?:  nothing I can think from the top of my head.

Are ships important to you?:   YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?:   YES / NO. Do you use read more?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?:  again , I’m big mood for interpersonal relationships ( romantic or not ) , the pros and cos of certain traits , ideology clash , personality clash , anything that comes in a relation that could make it come and go .  - What is your smut tag?: unholy.

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: all are hella okay for me . pre- est is my jam bc jesus christ the awkward first encounters make me go blue screen .

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:  the fact she is basically a “religious fanatic” , with a quirky personality and a questionable morality , considering she has an inner conflict between the wellness of her race and her loyalty towards yhwach . At least pre war . post war , she has a flipped personality were she is mostly bitter and more angsty but will go from fanatic to straight up hater . 

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?:   bland personalities ? not sure myself , Eden is pretty much ready for anything since her personality is pretty laid back . I guess I would say shinigamis in general --- since she basically is stuck inside Silbern . - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?:  Quincies , ofc . and people who are willing to put up with her crap .

- What interests your Muse(s) in general:  the prosperity of the quincy , doing a proper duty , order , tea , annoying the fuck out of people . being eerie ....  - What do they desire, is their goal?:  the ideal world as thought by Yhwach --- later on simply for her kind to survive after losing the war and being left to their luck . - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?:  mmm , appearance  and reactions to her witty or narcisistic comments .  - What do they value in a person?:    loyalty , uniqueness . - What themes do they like talking about?:  most likely about the order of the army , tea stuff , herself (?) , but she is also a lot for debates and insight . - Which themes bore them?:  rebellious , silly thoughts . justice related topics . anything that critics her loyalty/life style . 

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?:  the first war was enough ? most likely losing comrades --- yhwach sacrificing the quincy for power later on .  - What could possibly trigger them?:  the simple sight of anyone laying a finger of the quincy for being against their views .   - What could set them off, enrage them?:  nothing. she cannot literally , physically get angry or enraged . but if we are talking bitter , that would be completely post war and it’s just the mention of yhwach’s name or those who went to god’s palace with him .  - What could lead to an instant kill?:  invasion of silbern , chaos . 

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?:  chaos , rebels , shinigami , anyone against the quincy . - Is there someone /-thing they love?:   her race , her pride , herself .

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  just .... come to her and say hi . she is literally wandering around silbern all the time ( quincy speaking tho ) . for others , eh ... good luck . and wait post war (?) - Where are they usually to find?:  Silbern ... then Siberia . 

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?:  She is no saint , clearly . She has a questionable sense of things like loyalty and preservation of her race . she is honestly all over the place

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  honestly stole from @skyvar​  Tagging:  no one in particular.

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 Episode 22: “Because I Was Happy”

In spite of how last week’s episode was kinda meh, this episode ended up being one of the single best episodes of the show thus far. It at least goes to show that this adaptation is incredibly good at drama, even if it’s not so great at comedy.

Anyway the TL;DR of my feelings right now is just a whole pile of those pictures of crying cats. You know the ones.

Thoughts under the cut [and spoilers for the manga as a whole]

To get right to the chase, this episode adapted chapter 51, which is interesting because this makes it the first episode adapting material that straight up hadn’t even been written when the 2001 anime was made, since I think that came out when the manga was at around chapter 43 or so. Even Uo’s backstory arc had already been done in the manga by that point, and they just chose to cut it in the first adaptation. So I can’t exactly fault the 2001 anime for not having adapted this chapter, but man it really goes to show how much of the story the 2001 anime was missing, and how much good stuff we’re in for here.

I think it was a good choice to put the two Hana chapters back to back like this, even though in the manga they were like 20+ chapters apart from each other. It’s by far the most standalone chapter of the manga, and it’s specific placement has always kinda baffled me, since it happens right after we meet the student council characters and Kureno, and shortly before the summer vacation arc, and none of that had to do with Hana. I think it’s just one of those things where Takaya’s nerve disorder probably impacted how she approached the story, and lead to some odd detours into side stories and backstories until the ‘main story’ kicked back into high gear. It flows a lot more naturally here, and the fact that the whole episode is a flashback with no real present-day context or framing isn’t even noticeable when it comes right after the events of the last episode. It felt like a bit more of a harsh narrative shift in the manga.

But it’s still always been one of my favourite individual chapters in the series, in spite of it’s awkward timing. The material itself does everything it needs to make it stand out. And the shifted placement in this adaptation just helps elevate it’s strengths even more.

I’ve been wondering how anime-only people might react to this episode, for lots of reasons, and I’m glad that everyone seems to love it. It really does come as a huge curveball in terms of tone and focus after how self-contained and comedic the last episode was, but it works nicely.

And even more than that, it’s fun watching people react for the first time to the reveal that Hana’s powers are actually 100% real, and the story ends up being dead serious in depicting how they impacted her life. Basically Fruits Basket suddenly turns into Carrie But With A Support Network for an episode, and I doubt any new fans saw that one coming, lmao.

Though tbh I still think it’s [intentionally] ambiguous whether or not she actually had supernatural powers. It never really comes up again, and the handful of cases of her using her powers on people can technically be written off as a mix of coincidences and a sort of placebo effect from people who think she’s seriously gonna curse them. In terms of what Takaya thought when she wrote this, I think Hana probably does have straight up psychic powers, but there’s room for interpretation, and I think this episode is really interesting when viewed through the lens of Hana having some sort of severe mental illness.

I’ve been pretty occupied recently with thinking about the topic of disability in Fruits Basket when it comes to Kyo’s arc [and oh boy do I have stuff to say about that very soon], but I’d kinda forgotten that Hana’s backstory here is another good example of that.

I don’t exactly want to jump to conclusions and start armchair diagnosing her, but the ‘voices’ Hana heard could definitely be symptoms of something like social anxiety or even schizophrenia. Depending on how literally you want to take the idea of her ‘hearing voices’.

In general there’s a sort of blurry line in this series between supernatural stuff, and things that are realistic to the experiences of disabled [or otherwise oppressed/neglected in general] people. But I’ll talk more about that later.

On a somewhat related note, one surprising thing about this episode is that in spite of the overall tone and events of this episode, Hana’s family is completely supportive of her, and never doubt the existence of her powers, or hate her for it. Instead all they care about is her safety and well-being, and they’re willing to move towns if it means removing Hana from a toxic school environment. I think I’ve said it before, but I think it’s good that this series has a whole range of types of parents/families who have their own unique feelings about their childrens’ struggles. You can’t really accuse it of being one-dimensional.

The thing that really struck me about this episode most of all was just how good the artistic direction and overall execution were. In terms of the story it was a pretty 1:1 adaptation of the manga, with nothing changed/added/removed from what I can remember, but it was just executed incredibly well. Pretty much like how things went with the Uo arc.

Specifically I really loved the way that the entire episode had a consistent cool grey tone to it all, and was filled with deep shadows and harsh, artificial-looking lighting, right up until the point where Hana admits that she wants to stay with Tohru and Uo, and suddenly everything is bright and warm and filled with light. It’s not exactly the most complicated thing ever, but it really made the climax of this episode stand out.

But the way it handled the lighting and shading up until that point was genuinely really neat in and of itself, and lead to a really atmospheric and oppressive vibe to everything. Especially scenes like the one where Hana got her arm burned by those bullies, and the whole scene was incredibly dark and shadowy and eerie. I also really liked the cut of her running down the school hallway, and how the harsh bluish lighting from the windows contrasted with her silhouette and the darkness of the hallway itself.

The way they handled the scenes of her hearing voices by having the screen be slowly blotted out by cloudy blackness and overlapping voices was also really neat.

I think it’s really neat that some of the best material we’ve gotten thus far has come from some of the most unlikely characters. Normally with a series like this you’d think that Tohru’s best friends would be disposable comic relief characters [which they kinda were in the 2001 anime, tbh], but they both ended up getting incredibly good backstory arcs that flesh them out immensely and deliver some of the strongest emotions and messages in the series. It really goes to show that this is an ensemble cast type of story that cares about all of it’s characters instead of just the core few. In the manga it wasn’t really apparent until later because of how things were paced out, but this adaptation’s really making it clear already that this series is totally willing to basically ignore it’s main trio for episodes on end in order to focus on the supporting cast, lol.

And on THAT note, to balance out the fact that Kyo in particular has been kinda absent since, like, the lake house episode I think, the next episode is gonna dive straight into what will ultimately be a three-episode story arc focused on him, his backstory, and his relationship with Tohru. I hope it lives up to the expectations of all the new fans who’ve been anxious to see more of him, and I hope they know to keep their hands inside the rollercoaster at all times because we’re about to Go Places [tm] :)

I’d been expecting for a while that the next episode would adapt chapters 30 and 31 and end with Kazuma’s introduction, so that the last two episodes of the season can focus on the meat of the true form arc, and thankfully they just outright used Kazuma’s line from the end of chapter 31 as the title of the next episode so that spells itself out, lol.

I’ve seen some people worry that this means they might be skipping the soup chapter, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think it’d actually be really easy to cover both of those chapters in one episode. You could actually splice the events of them together pretty nicely, so that Tohru getting sick is still the main thread of the whole episode even if it ends with Kazuma showing up.

I think they could at least do some things like making the part in Chapter 31 where Kyo and Kagura go shopping together be related to Kyo cooking for Tohru while she’s sick. But we’ll see.

I know some people think that ep24 will cover the whole true form arc, and that ep25 will be chapters 35 and 36, but I don’t really feel like that’d work well. The true form arc is way too much of an emotional climax all around to not be the season finale. And chapter 35 in general would serve as a nice sort of semi-recap of the true form arc to start season 2 off with.

And in general I don’t think the series has ever adapted three whole chapters into one episode, and I don’t think they’ll start with this arc. I think it’ll be like how they adapted the Uo arc into two episodes when it was also three chapters long. Either way, I think they’d be able to pretty easily flesh it out a bit to cover two episodes, whereas it’d be difficult to condense it into just one episode without it feeling rushed. But who knows. I have faith in them one way or another.

For the time being I’m just gonna emotionally prepare myself, lmao.

[snakeandravenreviews-blog]

An Ember in the Ashes - Raven Speaks **DNF Review**

So, yes. I DNF’d one of the most hyped series of 2017/2018. And I’m not even mad about it. (Also, to be fair, I read well over half of the book before stopping. So it’s not as if I read 20 pages and decided all of these things.) I will preface this review and make a ~disclaimer~ to note that this entire review is my own opinion. I don’t mean to offend anyone with my thoughts and I don’t mean to completely demean Sabaa Tahir and her work; I was not a fan of this book for several reasons and I want to make sure they come across as valid and not just nit-picky, annoyances. If you do not agree, that’s fine and I am glad that the book worked for you! **This review will contain some spoilers**

I will start by saying I have nothing against Sabaa Tahir, I just didn’t like her book. I already posted a review on my goodreads which can be found here if you are so inclined to read my very dysfunctional initial review. But I wanted to sit down and sort my thoughts out a little more gracefully and structurally so that I can understand why I didn’t like what I read, and how I can accurately display those feelings without being a jumbled mess. I have my thoughts split into sections and they will be bolded with the sub-points underneath.

Firstly, the book is just simply overhyped. At best, it is an okay book with mediocre word building, lazy characterizations that offer no growth or depth for the reader to latch onto, and a world that is haphazardly thrown onto the page with no real descriptions that allow the readers to be fully immersed in the setting. The book has a lot of potential, but sadly that potential was greater and more positive than the actual execution. 

The word building was nothing special. I saw people on youtube and even goodreads RAVING about Tahir’s superb word building, and I was expecting a lot more than I got. “The silence of the catacombs is as vast as a moonless night, and as eerie.” Like, it’s nice but that’s about it. There are little pockets like this moment where I’m like, “oh, wow, yeah that’s cool,” but then the rest is so bland that it doesn’t even matter. “His tracks zigzag like a struck deer in the dust of Serra’s catacombs.” It’s trying, it really is, but it’s not working.

The characterizations I will go into greater detail when I talk about the characters themselves, but overall they were just lacking the depth and growth that not only most characters have, but most (all) people have as well. They were just stock, 2D characters that stayed the same throughout the novel, and overall came across as bland and unlikeable. 

The world is what really made me disappointed with this book. The premise is interesting and the entire world and the way it was structured, in theory, had all the potential to be the greatest series of the year as it was hyped to be. But the reality is that the world only gave a surface level immersion that left me unsatisfied. I will go into greater detail on this soon.

We have so many unfinished topics and characteristics of the world that it makes for more questions than satisfaction: Who are the Augurs, really? How did they come into being? How are they able to overthrow the emperor, but then allow him to also retaliate? How do they have magical powers? Why is the emperor being overthrown because he has “no male issue,” but Helene is in the running to become emperor?

What does the Empire export? What do the people make? What is the currency? How do they pay for things? Is the world more city or rural based? Why do the “trials” focus more on violence and ability to kill than they do on how to successfully run an Empire - if the trials are to find a new emperor? 

Who are the Scholars? Why can they no longer read and write, but are still belittled and oppressed for that very reason (being able to read and write)? What was Darin doing for the Resistance/not for the Resistance that was bad enough for him to be caught? Why were Laia and Darin’s parents and sister get caught and killed? 

Why does Laia constantly talk down to herself about “leaving Darin” when he told her to run so she would not be captured as well?

Secondly, serious topics were given half-assed execution. Tahir had several weighty topics that she introduced in the book, but had some of the worst execution in the addressing of those topics. Most specifically, she constantly mentions rape and the threat of rape in the book, but there’s such a lackluster implementation of that situation that causes it to lose its severity and importance as an issue. She also depicts violence as commonplace in the world, but is very inconsistent with how it is rendered.

Rape seems to be something that Tahir doesn’t fully understand. There are several times where Laia, the lead female character, is told that she will probably be raped by the students at the school (because they are known for doing that constantly to slaves/anyone) because she is “so beautiful,” and rape doesn’t really have anything to do with looks. Yes, looks do factor into why men and women are raped, but overall it is because the rapist is seeking dominance, control and power over the victim. They target people who seem or appear weak/easily manipulated so that they can take this power and control that much easier, but many do enjoy when their victim “puts up a fight” (as Marcus does when he attempts to rape Laia). Tahir constantly having both male and female characters use Laia’s beauty as the reason she will be raped also completely ignores the realities of wartime rape that happened in historical time periods such as this world that Tahir is basing her novel off of, as well as current war culture. Again, it all centers around dominance, power and control and equating rape only to looking beautiful takes away from the harsh reality that rape presents. It’s honestly uncomfortable to read, over and over again, rape being threatened and promised as a commonplace occurrence, and then for the actual occurrence to be halfway approached as if the author is afraid or hesitant to write such an action. The times that Tahir did have the characters physically act on the threats, it was really lacking any sort of stable or credible threat that these characters really meant what they “promised.”

Violence was a big theme within this book/world, but was also existing in unnecessary ways and sometimes only mentioned for effect. Where Tahir is shy on sexual assault, she is overly confident on physical violence and gruesome acts. In the beginning, a young boy has deserted the Blackcliffs school and is whipped to death in front of the entire student population and it is quite gruesome. This scene primarily served to remind Elias what will happen to him should he decide to desert the school as he wishes to do (something he constantly battles with the entire book), and also gives the reader a look at how the world operates with regards to power structure. The beating itself was just unnecessarily grotesque and so clearly written out; Elias “cannot look away” for the fear that those watching him will find him disloyal, so the reader is forced to see, vividly, the death of this 11-year-old boy as he’s whipped by the Commandant. The Scholars are also slaves and are, again, said to be raped often and abused by the Martial class and the “Masks” (the position that Elias is training for). The Commandant’s treatment of her slaves seemed a little extreme, over the top and was written, in detail, so often that it lost its importance. She, the Commandant, was so violent and abusive towards her slaves/servants and was constantly either branding them or disfiguring them sheerly for the pleasure and control it gave her over them. It got to be a bit too much, the slapping, the skin carving, the rough-handling, and got more annoying to be read than it did serve as a sympathetic piece for Laia and the other slaves.

Thirdly, the characters were absolutely awful. Every single one was more annoying than relatable. The villains were almost hyperbolic in nature and had no depth or backstory that described how or why they were so evil. Laia, Elias and Helene were very basic, 2D characters that had no growth or depth either, and became frustrating. 

The villains in the story were just awful. The Commandant was a bitch for no reason. Literally. She has no reason for being so awful to her servants, her son (Elias), to her students. To anyone. She just “is that way” (as many things in the story are) with no event, situation or life experience that contributed to it. And it makes her almost comical because she’s just...bad. Both figuratively and literally. Marcus is also similar in that same he’s “just that way” nature. He’s sexually and physically barbaric and constantly assaults and harasses the students and the slaves of the school just for fun. Or because he wants to feel that control and dominance over people he finds weaker than him. He’s also just annoying and more “needing therapy” than he is an impactful villain.

Oh, my god. So, firstly, Elias. He’s a typical beefcake soldier that thinks with his dick more than his brain. He does have his moments where he recognizes the oppression of the Scholars and how it’s wrong, even mentioning that he wants to change it and can and will once he’s emperor (if he’s emperor). The problem is that he doesn’t even want to be emperor; he wants to desert and leave because he hates the school and what the Masks do (he’s not wrong). He also constantly thinks of Laia and Helene with his dick. When he’s with Helene he constantly talks about how “beautiful” she looks in her armor (it fits her “so differently” than everyone else), and how he would “love to feel her hair between his fingers,” but then the next second they’re “too great of friends” to act on any of that. He almost kisses her, acting on those “urges,” but then essentially turns her down when he finds out she’s in love with him. He also has “lust at first sight” with Laia and constantly thinks of her sexually as well. There’s no contemplation of who she is as a person and only that she’s gorgeous. 

Laia is so whiny, naive and simplistic. She’s a weak heroine that stays that way the entire novel. She’s naive to the clear and obvious red flags when dealing with the Resistance and Mazen, but goes on to be a slave for the Commandant to “prove herself” (???) to the Resistance so that they will help her get her brother out of jail, even though the Commandant has either killed her last few slaves, or they have killed themselves. Seems legit. She also ignores the clear lies and manipulation from Mazen as none of his stories or “reports” line up and it’s clear he’s using her to take over the school. She whines constantly about the suffering she goes through, constantly reminding herself to do this “for Darin” after getting herself into the most reckless, stupid situations. She constantly needs saving and, honestly, Izzi is braver and stronger than Laia will ever be. I also never got why she beat herself up over “leaving” Darin when he told her to run. 

Helene is just annoying and is only there to serve as part of one of the love triangles. 

Lastly, the love triangles are so unnecessary. The romance itself is really out of place in the book, but having Laia be interested in both Keenan and Elias, and Elias interested in both Helene and Laia only serves to add unnecessary side-angst to the story that it doesn’t need. 

Laia and Keenan. It’s a “hate-to-love” scenario for Keenan in his feelings for Laia. It’s kind of a creepy insta love situation too because he starts to fall for her, but is so removed and emotionally distant that there doesn’t seem to be time for a real love to be able to bloom between them to even be a realistic “romance”. Laia is also just ignorant and “admires” Keenan, but also does the same for Elias. She’s had more time to get “close” to Keenan, but it’s still such a detached attraction it feels more awkward and forced than anything.

Helene and Elias. Oh, my god. Annoying, unnecessary, petty. Helene is in love with Elias, gets jealous when he helps the “slave-girl” and threatens to tell the Commandant that she snuck out, gets mad and doesn’t talk to Elias for a week because he was going to tell of Helene’s completely random ability of magic (seriously wtf was that and why was it only mentioned in passing?). It was all just a mess of angst that was so unnecessary. Elias only lusts after Helene because she’s there, she’s convenient and she’s beautiful. Not much else is there for him.

Laia and Elias. I don’t even understand how that romance even happened when their meetings were so awkward. It’s, again, only lust for Elias and Laia knows that he finds her attractive, but doesn’t do anything about it. She’s all whiny whenever he helps her and still can’t seem to get over that he’s a Mask and might *gasp* actually help her. She thinks Elias is going to screw her over more than the Resistance/Mazen will, when Elias shows her nothing but kindness and help. Really pointless romance.

Overall, the book was a 2/5 star read. I stopped caring about the outcomes of the characters and the overall world and its future. Again, it also had more potential than it did actual execution which is sad. I can see why other people liked it and enjoyed it, unfortunately I just wasn’t one of them. I was so disappointed because I was really looking forward to loving it as well. Let me know what you thought!

[isaidn-blog]

ISAIAH MAXWELL Q & A

do you feel alright with the job position you have right now on the team? if not, what job would you rather have? 

“well, i actually quite like my job if you can believe it...” isaiah trailed off, his eyebrows coming together for a moment. he knew that’s not all they wanted to hear but he wasn’t so eloquent with his words when it comes to more serious questions like these. he mostly had to respond to questions about rivalries or how he plans to win a game and those are always the same and he sure as hell never had to go in depth with this. he could laugh it off and move on. he came up with a response and isaiah looked back up to the camera to look at the other. a smile graced his lips and he continued with his response. “i get to work with my best friend and voice my opinion all the time i guess. and it’s neat- really. you don’t have some jackass thinking he can bullshit some research, eli really makes the stories interesting and keeps me not actually wanting to rip my ears off. i know it’s fake, but something about the way he says it makes the job fun i guess.”

have you ever felt intimidated to talk to any of the original team members? why or why not?

"no of course not, that’d be silly. that’s like being intimidated by, like, a stuffed bear or a ghost or something like that... they’re just regular people who have been dumb enough to stay for as long as they did.” isaiah began to laugh for after, he couldn’t help to find it funny. if anything, he’d assume they’d be the ones intimidated since he had such a clear stance and opinion on them since the start. he told them up front he thought they shouldn’t have continued to do this and that it’s their fault blair anyone got hurt. it’s been tense with them but isaiah has never felt oddness or anything with them. of course, he’s also never felt the need to go and talk to them for anything, but it’s not intimidation. it’s just he hasn’t felt any friendliness between them at all really. they don’t mix well.

if another silverwood were to happen this time around, do you think you’d be able to handle it?

isaiah’s face fell for a moment before shrugging it off. for some reason that question hit hard. it was like it was loaded and meant to get some sort of answer. he couldn’t come up with anything clever for that, it was a bad event and he knew it. "no. there’s nothing to really say- i mean. what is there to say? the original crew hardly made it out of there alive, i would have not been able to handle that. if i was in that exact situation, i’d need julian there and have him figure out a way out. and even then, i don’t know what the outcome would even be.” the jock gazed his eyes down to avoid eye contact and to show the end of his answer. he had nothing more to say or add and he really wanted to get back to not this. he hadn’t thought this was going to be a topic when he agreed to this. he expected lighthearted questions or something he could breeze though. not this.

to continue with the previous question, would you go back to paranormal investigating if you had gone through something as traumatic?

he knew he hadn’t wanted to look back up when the other finished the question. his eyes remained fixed on a stain he found on the rug he’d bought for his dorm. that must be fresh because he couldn’t remember making that. he stared off in silence for a moment before giving off a shrug, something to ease some of his own eerie feelings as well as to make it seem like he wasn’t feeling so off about the topic. he tried formulating the vaguest thing he could come up with and began putting it to words. “i don’t know. sometimes you believe too strongly in a topic and it clouds the flight reflex or something. you trust liars and you do dangerous things. right? that’s a thing, i think.” isaiah started mumbling inaudible words trying to justify his response. that was not what he had in mind when he wanted to reply. he was thinking something simple like ‘i don’t know, probably not’ but he just gave off something he wasn’t meaning to and for some reason. he thought it worked though because, after a moment, the interviewer had begun their next question and he didn’t have to explain what trash that response was to them. he silently thanked god as he straightened up his sleeves to give himself something to do other than look up again.

do you believe original member cristian ramos was behind everything that happened to his friends?

isaiah seemed angry for a moment but his face returned to an emotionless relaxed one. trying to hide the fact that he was annoyed with the event and with the whole situation cristian hadn’t helped. "no, but he did pull a cowardly lion act and what happened could have been avoided if he hadn’t.” there was a moment and isaiah looked up at the screen again. he gave a long sigh before adding more to his answer. “i mean none of my business, not my side of the job. just an observation- the short answer is just no. i don’t think cristian caused this. that’s all.” why did he back out of what he had said? it wasn’t like he didn’t mean it. maybe it’s because he saw how freaked he seemed when isaiah had brought it up in the past. he was mad at the dude, sure. it was a given. but something about his face made him feel a slight tinge of sypathy for him. isaiah has had plenty of those days where he was so scared or upset that he bolted and wasn’t there from his team and while he felt bad, he wasn’t like that after. he didn’t make a big deal or anything, he moved past it and defended himself. just the poor kid. his face began to soften up some, regretting his first words. he wouldn’t be feeling any guilt if cristian hadn’t acted the way he did to isaiah. it’s annoying, really. but it was what it was and it will be forever exactly how it was until they do sit down and talk about it fully.

after watching the #patientsproject film, did you think it was fake? or that it wasn’t the spirits of the town?

"i think there were a lot of bad people there and it had nothing to do with so-called ghosts or anything that has to do with the paranormal. you can’t really claim it was something fake, you know? something happened but they were explainable things.” these questions weren’t getting any better, but at least this one allowed for isaiah to take a breath and relax for a moment. he shook his head and he calmed himself so that he could be relaxed. this was an interview and it was going online, he may as well try to be composed for as long as he was doing this. he didn’t want another roomates gone wrong video. he had to think before he spoke, but he also had to act like him. if there was any way or if it made any sense. did it make sense? he didn’t know. his hands came down to his lap where he began to clasp them together, something he did often when he was thinking, and he continued to look at the screen with the kindest look he could muster. “that’s really it, it was real, but the spirit theory is busted.”

one of the serial killers that attacked the group was able to escape. what would you do if he/she came back to try to harm the group again?

"what?” isaiah’s mouth dropped open for a moment to give him self time to process. he hadn’t heard the news yet and it was something he didn’t expect to hear. he brought his hand up to close his mouth and shook his head a few times. “well, i’d call the cops. is that a question? ah- i don’t know. i’m moving back home, wherever that is. i’ll call it a night, hang my hat. you know. make sure people i know are okay.”

what was your reaction to being accepted into the mysterybusters?

"a very interesting question compared to your last-” the male paused, how could he recover from the fact he just found out a serial killer could be out to get him and some of his friends or family. he coughed, trying to avoid the odd feeling just in the back of his mind. he forced on a smile and continued. “but, i wasn’t estatic. i kind of just was like ‘hey, that’s cool.’ and moved on with my day. being a driver originally was a bit weird when i applied for being something closer to the scenes, but i think i liked it a lot better.”

overall, how do you feel being in the group and investigating the supernatural?

"that it’s partially a waste of time, but i could see it being fun. we have halloween around the corner and maybe i’ll actually get a good scare.” isaiah said goodbye and logged out of the app they were using to communicate. that was interesting to say the least, not the best thing he’s done but it was something. he began to stand, making his way over to his closet to grab his varsity jacket and beanie before heading out the door. he actually had a sort of “study session” with ashley to go on and pretend that he wasn’t still bothered by what conversations he just had. it was easy to mask things with her, but she was smarter than she’d ever let on. she sometimes knew when he was stressed when even his coach or his other friends couldn’t tell and it was always a surprise to him that she did. still, it wasn’t going to be too hard. he put on a smile and headed out the door. for some reason, as he left the dorm, his computer light was still on; red, blinking, and somehow watching.