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musings-of-a-rose · 5 months

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I Don't Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) - Chapter 1

Pairing: Benny Miller x f!reader nicknamed "Juni"

Word Count: 3600+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.

Notes: I've had this idea in my head for well over a year and with the Fallout show being dropped (and absolutely AMAZING), I figured now was the time to post it! So this is a Triple Frontier/Fallout crossover au. Huge shoutout to @mermaidxatxheart for listening to probably hours of audio at this point of me talking myself through this fic. And to @deathbecomesnerds for listening to me prattle on about video game fics and giving me her own advice.

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**Reader is not described

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Benny Miller Masterlist

I Don't Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) Masterlist

May, 2067

"We're so proud of you, honey!" My mom hugs me tight, my cap nearly sliding off my head with the force of it.

"We knew you'd get top marks!" My dad claps me on the back and pulls me in for another tight hug, my cap fully falling from my head this time.

"Thanks, Dad." My mom hands me back my graduation cap and I put it back on my head, attempting to get it to stay put as I look out over the crowd of people.

"There's my favorite graduate."

I spin, nearly falling over in my heels but Benny catches me, chuckling as I right myself. His smile is wide and bright, but there's something else. I can't quite place it.

"What a coincidence. My favorite graduate is here too," I bop him on the nose and he chuckles again. He moves to kiss me but then his eyes shift over my shoulder and he backs up, clearing his throat, no doubt having made eye contact with my dad.

"Ben, will you be joining us for dinner?" My mom asks.

"Uh, sure. Save me a seat."

My mom squeezes my shoulder. "We'll see you at dinner, honey."

I give them each a hug before they leave, turning back to Benny. He immediately pulls me to him, kissing me deeply before pulling back.

"Can I take you somewhere?"

"I'll go anywhere with you, Benny."

He takes my hand, so small in his large one, and leads me through the crowd to his old truck. He opens the door for me and helps me in before hopping in the driver's seat. I scoot next to him and lay my head on his shoulder, Benny laying his arm across the back of the seat. We drive for a bit before turning into our neighborhood and pulling into the empty park. We get out and he takes my hand, pulling me towards a juniper tree that was in a field next to the playground. He pulls me to him and kisses me again, my cap long since forgotten in the cab of his truck.

"Why are we here, Benny?"

"Don't you remember this tree, Juni?"

I smile up at him as I glance at the tree. "How could I forget? We met under this tree shortly after I moved here. It's why you call me Juni. Like juniper." I gesture at the tree.

He smiles at the memory. "We were what...5?"

"Yeah. Such a long time ago. Now look at us. 18 and heading to college."

There's an awkward silence and I look up at him. "Benny?"

He rubs the back of his neck, not quite looking at me. "About college."

I step back from him. "You're not going through with the sign up, are you??"

He holds his hands out, trying to placate me. "Look. Will is already there. He flew through basic and they're putting him in a special force if he keeps it up-"

"There's a war, Benny-"

"Exactly. And I know we aren't there yet, but we both know there will be a draft eventually-"

"You don't know that!"

"And if I sign up voluntarily, I get some say in where I go. I'm a way better shot than Will so I think I can make it into his-"

"No. No! I can't...I don't....I'll go with you!" I'm fighting back tears, my voice catching in my throat.

Benny shakes his head. "No, sweetheart. You need to go to college. You're too smart. Get that masters in..what was it...bio-nuclear agriculture practices? Sciences?"

I shake my head. "I don't care. I want to be with you! Unless...do you not-"

Benny's face becomes serious. He cups my face and forces me to look at him, his eyes so bright but worried. "Don't think that I don't want you. I do. I want you forever and always. But I have to do this. I have to get ahead of it. This way, I can watch Will's back too."

My tears break free, sliding down my cheeks. "I'm scared, Benny. I can't lose you."

"You won't lose me."

"You'll find some other girl and...and..." Benny cuts me off with a kiss, my tears rubbing off onto his face. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a simple, plain gold band. Not too thick.

"Benny?"

"Look, I'm not forcing anything on you. I can't do that to you, especially signing up for the army. But I did make this promise ring. And, in a few years when you're all graduated, if you still want to, I'll add a rock to it and we'll get married."

I hold the small band in my palm, touching it with my fingers before looking back up at him.

"This was not the best proposal," he chuckles and I do too, despite everything.

"It wasn't a proposal. It's a promise. How about you promise to come home to me in one piece?"

"I can promise to try my best."

I nod. "I'll take it."

Benny slides the band onto my finger and pulls out a thicker band from his pocket and hands it to me. I slide it onto his finger, winding his hand in mine and for a moment, we both just stare at our hands, feeling the weight of our futures.

"When you get your own power armor, make sure to send me a photo!"

Benny smiles. "Fuck yeah I will!"

10 years later...

Benny and I had stayed faithful to each other over the last 10 years. My friends never understood why I didn't want to go out partying, dating around. "He said he didn't hold you to anything!" They'd complain. But I would just shake my head. Benny holds all of me, always has, since the day we met under that juniper tree. He took one look at my scared face, alone in this new neighborhood, and took my hand, told me everything would be ok and that we were friends now.

He'd have to be the one to leave because I never would.

We met up over the years, sometimes being lucky his off time would line up with mine. We'd make the most of our time together, Benny preferring to spend as much time as possible between my thighs and I wasn't going to complain about that. But every time we talked about adding a rock to the band, his face would get worried. He said things were heating up with the war and he didn't want me tied down if something happened to him. I told him ring or no, I was already tethered to him.

Then, about 3 years ago, he told me he was saving up for that rock. That it would take him some time. I didn't care how long as we were already married in my mind. Our times together became less and less as the Sino-American War waged on, both sides at a stalemate.

Then finally, in May of 2078, a few weeks after I graduated from Vault-Tec University with my Masters in Bio-fusion Agriculture, Benny knocked on my front door, already on one knee when I answered it holding up a beautiful diamond ring in exactly my style. Once he slid the ring on my finger, I pulled him inside, not making it past the front entrance way before we were tearing each other's clothes off, Benny burying himself inside of me as I try to not slide across the floor.

We were married that same night.

He had to leave a few days later, but we made good use of our time together.

2077

Around late August, Vault-Tec moved my research lab from the city proper to a smaller research lab just outside the city. It worked out fairly well as it was stationed near the vault that was basically up the hill from my parent's suburban home. The one I grew up in. I liked being out of the city. There were less soldiers here, people were stressed still but it wasn't as violent.

The beginning of October rolled in, bringing cooler weather and the start of my favorite season. Morale, as a country, was low, so people took to decorating for Halloween early, the decorations helping people to smile a little more. But nothing put a smile on my face like Benny showing back up, his entire unit, including his brother Will and their other "brothers" Frankie, Santi, and Tom, all returning to their homes.

We spent a couple weeks together before the phone rang in the middle of the night. Benny yawns, picking it up with a grunt, his back immediately straightening out at whomever was on the other end. All I heard was "Yes, Sir," before he hung up.

"You're leaving?" I ask, grazing my fingers across his bare back.

"Yeah," he turns, pulling down the comforter to reveal my bare chest, his finger tracing lines around my breasts, my nipples hardening at the touch. "But not for long. They just want us to escort a higher up when they visit Boston."

"Sounds serious."

He nods, his hand sliding lower, under the covers and pressing between my thighs. "It is. Very serious."

"So..d-do you have t-to leave?" It was hard to focus, the pressure between my legs building the longer he caresses me.

He leans in close, kisses me softly. "Not before I make love to my wife."

He leaves about an hour later, my inner thighs sticky with him, my heart racing not with bliss but with worry that he won't return.

October 23rd, 2077

I wake to birds singing outside my bedroom window, ringing in a beautiful Saturday morning. I roll out of bed, get ready for the day before heading over to my parent's house to stop in for a surprise breakfast. However, my parents were gone, headed into Boston for an appointment, according to our Mr. Handy robot, Hawthorne. In the meantime, the robot had made me breakfast, which I sat and ate, looking at the newspaper but not really taking it in.

I get bored of the paper and set it aside, flipping on the tv, hoping to catch something interesting. I really miss Benny. His absence this week has been weighing heavily on me.

"...followed by flashes, blinding flashes, sounds of explosions. We're trying to get confirmation but we seem to have lost contact with our affiliate stations. We do have coming in, that's uh...confirmed reports, I repeat, confirmed reports of nuclear detinations in New York and Pennslyvania. My God-"

The TV cuts out and I sit there, momentarily stunned at what the news anchor just reported. Nucelar explosions? That can't be right. But then the siren rings, it's high pitched wail sending goosebumps across my skin.

"Ma'am, I think you need to head to the Vault," Hawthorne advises.

I shake my head to snap out of it, quickly running for the door. When I get outside, soldiers are already in the streets, the vertibirds flying towards Boston.

"...If you are registered, head to Vault 111 immediately!" A soldier yells through a megaphone as my neighbors run screaming in the street, some towards the path that will take them to the vault. Others stay in their driveways, cowering in fear.

Someone pushes past me and I fall, scraping my palms on the pavement. I scramble up, just making it to my feet before someone else collides into me, yelling at me to move my ass. I take one last look around and run to the vault, my bare feet thudding across the dirt path.

I pass neighbors with trunks of clothes scattered everywhere, the husband pleading with the wife to leave everything and just run. My heart is nearly beating through my chest as I make my way up the hill, a small crowd gathered in front of the gate to Vault 111. An angry crowd, yelling over the loud wail of the siren and the whoosh of the vertibird propellers.

"If you're not on the list, you're not getting in!" An official looking man yells at a couple who is standing in front of him, the man shifting his weight to his back foot.

"I'm getting in there!" He starts to move forward, but then the high pitched whine of a mini gun starts up, the soldier in power armor, standing at least a foot over the man, pointing it at him.

"Ok, ok, fine!" The man puts his hands in the air and stands aside, his wife following.

The crowd starts to push together, but I force my way through them, yelling to the soldier.

"I'm on the list!"

"Back away! Back away!" The power armored soldier aims again and the people back away, but only a couple of feet. The uniformed soldier looks down at me, clip board in hand.

"Name?"

"Miller." I give him my first name as well as Benny's and his rank.

"Ben Miller's wife? Head on in. Quick!" He waves me through, but I pause for a moment.

"Do you know where he is?"

"No ma'am. Now please, head inside!"

I look out at the crowd of people, now trying to shove each other to get inside, the gate starting to groan with their press. But the one face I want to see, Benny's, is nowhere to be seen.

I'm sure he's ok. I mean, he's a soldier, in an elite group. He's just guarding some fancy higher up in Boston. I'm sure this is just a precaution. I turn my back on my neighbors and run, as fast as I can, to the platform. Another soldier waves me over and points to the platform, where I stand between some neighbors with a baby and the Hendersons, the people who live across the street from my parents.

My parents. They're on the vault list too. Maybe they got into one nearer to Boston? Is that even how this works?

"Almost there!" One of the other people shouts as we wait to be lowered into the vault. I look out over the tree tops from our place on the hill, the Boston skyline gleaming in the distance, my heart hurting that Benny isn't here with me. I'm sure it's nothing, but I'm still terrified.

BOOM!

The ground shakes violently. My eyes reflect the mushroom cloud that explodes over Boston, it's dome slowly floating up into the sky as its sounds reverberate through my body. I can't help the scream erupting in my throat as a violent wind comes whooshing at us a moment later, the city already in flames. The ground below me moves, lowering us into the vault. We all duck just in time, the wind and fire flowing over the space we took up moments before, the whole cement tube rumbling and shuddering with the force of the detonation. For what seems like an eternity, we're in pitch black darkness, the creaking of the pullies lowering us and the sounds of our own whimpers and whispers, the baby crying our only sounds to accompany us down into the vault.

Then light appears as we settle into place, our platform locking in. The gate in front of us opens and a man in a lab coat beckons us forward from the end of the ramp.

"Welcome to Vault 111! Step this way for registration."

"What happened to all of those people up there?" Someone asked.

"Please, let's just get you registered, and through decontamination, and then we can address all your concerns!" Labcoat offers as he gestures towards a woman in a bright blue jumpsuit, yellow stripes down the middle and around the hips like a belt, giant yellow numbers on the back that say 111.

"They're all dead, you idiot. That was a nuclear bomb!" Someone else replied.

"No it wasn't. I bet that was just a trial. This is all practice." He argues back.

"That heat didn't feel fake," someone else pipes up.

Gone. They're all gone. Benny...No. No, I'm sure he's safe, made it to his own vault. All those fancy rich people had vaults. I'm sure he made it in time and I can contact him once I get checked in. I'm sure the vaults all have a way to communicate with each other. Right?

I take a shaky step forward, wiping the tears from my cheeks, willing them to stop for at least check in. I head to the lady Labcoat indicated and she smiles warmly at me. I give her my name and she runs a finger down her list, tapping on what I presume is my name.

"There you are. Mrs. Miller, female. Is your husband-" she glances back down at the list. "-Benjamin, here?" She looks back up at me, a soft, friendly smile on her face, which falters as she looks at me.

"I...he...he was on a m-mission wi-with..."I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "My husband is Lieutenant Benjamin Miller. He's in Delta Force. He and his squad were guarding some higher up when....do...do you have any...I mean, do you know..." I can barely choke out words, my mind on Benny but also his brothers.

The woman smiles at me. "I understand. I don't have any information here, unfortunately. All they gave me was this clipboard and some boxes of jumpsuits. But I'm sure once you get through decontamination, they can find out for you. Ok?"

I nod, sniffling, feeling the sob trying to burst out of me. The woman looks me up and down, reaching into one of the boxes around her before handing me a folded up jumpsuit that I'm assuming will look just like hers. "There's a bathroom down that hall on the right. Go ahead and get changed, then head down this hall to the next man in a labcoat. Ok?" I take the uniform from her, attempt a small smile, but my face doesn't move. She gives my hand a little squeeze before I make my way to the bathroom.

I quickly change, zipping up the blue jumpsuit. That woman sure is a good judge of size. This thing fits me like a glove. I gather up my clothes and head down the hall she indicated, taking one last look at the giant vault door, huge and solid, before heading towards the next Labcoat, who was beckoning me to him.

"Hi, Miss-"

"Mrs. I'm Mrs. Miller."

He smiles, but it's...unsettling. Something about his eyes worries me but I can't quite put my finger on it.

"You can leave those here," He nods towards the wad of clothes in my arms and points to a large bin off to the side. "We require jumpsuits from all vault dwellers."

I quickly toss my clothes in the bin, just trying to get through this quickly so I can get more information on Benny. My hands are shaking and I'm holding back vomit, willing my brain to not replay what's happened in the last 15 minutes.

He smiles again. "Thank you, Mrs. Miller. If you'll follow me." He turns and heads down another hall, turning to enter the 2nd doorway. Inside the room is rather large and cold, and I shiver, holding my arms around myself as the Labcoat walks further in. There are what looks like pods, about 6 on each side, facing each other. They have a myriad of tubes and pipes coming from them, a little control panel standing next to each pod. The doors appear to open up as opposed to a normal door. We stop in front of one of them, the door standing open for me, and Labcoat gestures to it.

"If you'll just hop in, ma'am."

"What is it?" I look inside and see some cushions, sort of like a chair if your were standing. I glance around and notice more people coming in, all of them standing in front or getting into a pod, donning the bright blue jumpsuits.

"It's a decontamination chamber. We have to make sure everyone is clean and free of radiation and other unpleasentries before we allow you into the vault. For vault health and security, of course."

I nod. "Makes sense. I do have a question."

He looks irritated but then that smile is back. "Yes, ma'am?"

"When I get through here, I'll be able to talk to someone about my husband? He's a lieutenant in Delta Force and I think he may be in another vault."

"Absolutely. Our communications specialists can help you with that."

A sigh of relief escapes me. "So you can communicate with other vaults?"

"Oh yes. Sort of like a telegram. If he's in a vault, we'll find him ma'am. Now if you'll just step into the pod, we can get you through decontamination and one step closer to finding your husband."

My eyes glance around the room, seeing everyone else hopping into their own pods. I'm so nervous, that vomit starting to make it's way back up my throat. And I fucking need Benny. He can't be dead. The possibility that I'd have to face a future without him is nearly unbearable. I turn back to my pod and get inside, nestling myself down into the cushions. Labcoat taps a button on the panel and my door starts to close at the same time as the others. My breathing picks up, air visibly puffing out and I swear it's colder in here than it was in the room.

"Now just relax and you'll be clean in no time!" Labcoat smiles at me.

I take a deep breath, my thoughts only of Benny as my world goes black, my mind slipping into unconsciousness. The last thing I feel is my skin freezing, my body going hard, preventing any sort of movement.

I'm coming, Benny.

>>Chapter 2>>

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floralpascal · 2 years

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Heartbeat - Part 1

Summary: When you cuddle up on Frankie to watch a movie, his rapid heartbeat makes you question if he has feelings for you, too.

Pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader

Word Count: 7k

Rating: Explicit (18+ only)

Warnings: kissing, (semi-public) dry humping, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, protected p-in-v sex (let me know if I missed anything)

A/N: This started out as a short fluffy fic and it turned into this. My mind goes straight into the gutter for this man. It’s my first time ever writing smut, so I’m a little nervous, but I hope you all enjoy!

Part 2

Friday night movie night at Benny’s with the guys was a rare treat that you thoroughly enjoyed, even if watching a movie with all four of them at the same time was a pain in the ass. Benny and Santi were always talking over the movie and if the movie had any sort of action, they would all start commenting on how unrealistic it was. If the movie had anything to do with the military, all you heard for the entire two hours was how every small thing was actually incredibly inaccurate.

Though you would feign annoyance every time, you secretly loved it. Even if you never actually got to watch the movie, you got enough entertainment from the guys.

Not to mention that you somehow always ended up sitting next to Frankie, the man you had a hopeless crush on for years. Even if you sat in a different spot for movie night, Frankie was there next to you. He would often lean over to you to whisper jokes about whatever movie you were watching, completely oblivious to the way it gave you goosebumps every time.

Tonight was no different. You sat down on the couch with the popcorn bowl, Frankie coming to join you not long after. He plopped down to your right, stealing a handful of popcorn as he did. The popcorn bowl gave you a reason to lean in close to him as Benny started the movie and Will turned off the lights. Santi took the seat on the other side of the couch from you and Frankie. Benny laid sprawled out on the loveseat like always and Will took his usual spot in Benny’s huge recliner.

Nearly an hour into the movie - and about fifteen different interruptions from Santi and Benny later - you had begun to shiver, curling in on yourself in an attempt to warm yourself up. Frankie noticed immediately.

“You need a blanket?” He whispered to you, only loud enough for you to hear over the blaring movie, leaning in close enough to send a shiver down your spine for a different reason. You nodded, setting the now-empty popcorn bowl on the table beside the couch.

He twisted to his right to grab the blanket behind Santi’s head on the back of the couch. When he brought the blanket closer, you thought he would simply hand it to you. Instead, he flicked the blanket out and draped it across the both of you. You smiled as he turned to you then, moving to lay his arm on the back of the couch behind you, arm open in a silent invitation for you to get closer. He met your smile with a polite, slightly bashful one of his own.

You readily accepted, curling into his side and laying your head on his chest as his arm wrapped around your shoulders to tuck you into his side. You had completely forgotten about the movie now, opting instead to focus on how the heat from his body soaked through the fabric of his clothes to warm your skin. After a moment though, you noticed that you could hear his heartbeat with where your head was placed on his chest, just above his heart. You wouldn’t have noticed if not for how fast it beat, going at nearly the same rapid pace as your own.

After a few minutes, you shifted to look at his face, a movement that drew his attention from the screen to you. He looked calm, his demeanor not matching the way his heart raced. The only thing that seemed off was how intense his brown eyes had suddenly become as he gazed down at you.

“Everything okay?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper. You couldn’t help but dip your gaze down to his lips as he spoke, a movement that did not seem to go unnoticed by Frankie.

You had wanted to ask him the same question. You didn’t want to broach the subject now, not with the soft way he was looking at you.

“Yeah,” you affirmed. You noticed his eyes flick down to your lips this time before meeting your gaze again. “Thank you, Frankie.”

“Anything for you.”

You both stayed like that, faces inches apart, staring into each other’s eyes. You couldn’t help but drop your gaze down to his lips again for a fraction of a second, his own following suit once again. His warm hand came to lightly press against your back. Frankie began to lean in-

BOOM!

You and Frankie jumped, turning to see the aftermath of the explosion on the TV screen.

“That would not blow up like that in real life!” Santi grumbled on the other side of the couch. Murmurs of agreement came from Benny and Will. They all seemed to be engrossed in the movie, not noticing the moment that had passed between you and Frankie in the dark.

You gave an awkward chuckle, shaking your head. When you turned back to Frankie, his eyes were already on you, a small smile on his lips. Maybe it was just the dark, but you thought he looked anxious now, a slight crinkle appearing in his brow.

You shuffled back into his side, once again laying your head on his chest. His heart was beating even faster than before.

Was it…you? Was his heart beating this fast because of you? Your mind wheeled from the moment you had shared with him. Had he been about to kiss you?

You spent the rest of the movie curled up against Frankie. You were no longer cold. In fact, you felt like you were burning up now with the way your body was pressed against his. Frankie’s heart rate barely slowed. You looked at the screen, but you weren’t really watching, your focus staying with the melodic beat under you, with the way that his fingers lightly fidgeted with the edge of the blanket that laid on your thighs, the way you could feel his breath rise and fall.

When the movie was over, you reluctantly sat up off of Frankie. Santi wandered off to the bathroom while Benny beelined it to the kitchen. When Will flipped the light back on, you could finally see Frankie completely again. He looked at you as if he wanted to say something, his eyebrows drawn and mouth open.

“Fish!” Benny called from the kitchen. “Do you want to take the leftover pizza home?”

Frankie rolled his eyes, deflating a little. “No,” he called back, “it’s all yours, man.”

Benny then called your name. “You want it?”

“No. Just take it if you want it, Ben.”

“Thanks, guys!”

You laughed, standing up from the couch. You stretched for a moment, feeling stiff from sitting for so long. Your shirt rose up as you stretched, a sliver of skin above your waistline exposed to the cold air. When you looked back at Frankie, he quickly averted his gaze from where he had been watching you, suddenly very interested in his phone.

Was he… checking you out now? You wondered if you were imagining everything that was happening between you or if you were just interpreting it all wrong.

Twenty minutes later, everyone was wrapping up for the night. Santi and Will left together, Will going to drop Santi off at his house on his way home. You and Frankie, inevitably, we’re the last ones to leave. He walked you out to your car in Benny’s driveway, making small talk with you about your week. He still looked so calm, no hints evident on his face that his heart had been racing for the past hour like he had been running a marathon.

When you arrived at your car, Frankie stopped, suddenly seeming nervous. Once again, he started to say something before deciding otherwise, his gaze dropping to the ground for a moment. Instead of whatever he had wanted to say, he simply said, “Goodnight, hermosa.”

Hermosa. He had never called you that before.

You mumbled out a goodnight in response, your mind whirring. Frankie gave you a tight smile before turning to head towards his truck.

Your hand reached for your car door handle before freezing. Something was there between you two. It was right there, just out of reach. But if you let him go, you knew that the next time you saw each other you would be back at square one, as friends and nothing more. Neither of you would broach the subject again. You thought for a moment before whipping around to look for him again.

“Frankie?” You called, catching him as he was rounding his truck bed. His head snapped up from where he was looking at the ground.

“Yeah?” His wide eyes stared at you from the other side of his truck. You thought you saw a flash of hope cross his face.

You made the decision then. You ran around his truck, praying that your suspensions were correct and trying not to lose your nerve. As you approached him, he gave you a quizzical look. Before he could say anything, you were up against him, hands lightly cupping his cheeks as you pressed your lips to his.

It was a short kiss. You pulled away a few seconds later, Frankie chasing your lips slightly before his eyes snapped open again. You dropped your hands, too afraid that you had misjudged his feelings for you to stay close.

He looked utterly stunned. You could see as his mind worked to try to catch up to what you had just done. He blinked once, twice, before he closed the distance between you again, his soft, warm lips colliding with yours as he buried a hand in your hair and his other snaked around your waist to pull you closer.

Your own hands scrambled for purchase on his shoulders, grabbing onto his shirt in an attempt to pull him even closer.

It was a desperate, hungry, all-consuming kiss. Frankie kissed like it was the last thing he would ever do. He kissed like it was the only thing he ever wanted to do.

You broke the kiss, trying to catch your breath. “Frankie,” you whispered.

Frankie pulled back, both of his hands moving to cup your chin. His eyes were hooded now, the way he was looking at you sending a shiver of excitement down your spine. “I wanted to kiss you so bad. In there. I didn’t know if you… if you…”

You nodded, bringing your hands to grasp at his wrists. “I do. I have for a long time.”

“Me too, cariño,” he sighed. His thumb rubbed over your cheek and you leaned into his hand. “You were all I could think about tonight. Hell, you’re all I can ever think about.”

��I didn’t pay attention to the movie at all,” you admitted. “Just you.”

“I don’t even know what that damn movie was even about.”

“Whatever it was, it was loud.”

Frankie chuckled before becoming more serious again. “So where do we go from here?”

You shook your head slightly. “I have no idea. Just kiss me again, Frankie.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

It didn’t seem that Frankie needed to be told twice. In one swift motion, he grabbed the hat from his head, tossed it on the top of the truck, and leaned down to kiss you again, now without the hindrance of his hat in the way. He kissed you so hard you felt dizzy within mere seconds. All that mattered was him, that he felt the same, that he wanted you.

You swore you hadn’t meant for the next kiss to turn heated. You couldn’t even remember how the kiss that followed had taken a turn from sweet to something more. But now you were pressed between Frankie’s chest and the cold metal of his truck as his lips moved against yours and his hands explored unknown territory.

Neither of you could get enough of each other. Every one of your senses were fully focused on one thing: Frankie. Kissing him, you were quickly finding, was an activity that demanded all of your attention. Everything else seemed to fade away, replaced only with the press of him against you, the way he moved, the way he pulled you against him. The insistence he kissed you with sent you soaring.

After a while, his lips strayed away from yours, teeth lightly nipping as he made his way maddeningly down your neck. One of your hands grasped at his shoulder, the other lightly tugging his soft curls as his lips found the tender space between your neck and shoulder. You gasped a soft Frankie when you felt his teeth graze against your skin there, your body slightly arching against his. You could feel him smile against your shoulder in response before he continued to kiss any bit of skin he could find.

As he pressed against you, you could feel the bulge in his jeans pressing against your hip. He was getting hard from this. It gave you the confidence you needed to roll your hips slightly against his, causing a small groan to fall from Frankie’s lips on your shoulder. He rasped your name as he gave a testing roll of his own, sending a spark of pleasure through you.

He moved back up to kiss you properly, a new fire behind his kiss now, and you pushed against him again. Another spark of pleasure spread through you, but it wasn’t enough. There were too many layers between you two, you so desperately needed-

“Hey!”

For the second time that night, you both jumped. Frankie’s hands locked around your waist as you both looked to see Benny standing on his porch, his front door wide open. From the light spilling out of the open door, you could see that he wasn’t even trying to hide the shit-eating grin he had on his face.

“I’m happy for you guys, kiss all you want, it’s about damn time,” Benny yelled over to you both. “But you two are not gonna fuck in my driveway, okay? Take that shit home. Get a room. Something.”

You laughed, slightly embarrassed that you had been caught so close to doing something with Frankie in your friend’s driveway, and buried your face in Frankie’s chest. You had completely forgotten where you were, too caught up in Frankie to care.

“Fuck off, Benny,” Frankie called half-heartedly, chuckling a little as he pulled you closer. He turned his back to Benny and hugged you to him, as if hiding you from Benny’s view would save you from some of the embarrassment. It also helped to hide his surely-noticeable erection from his friend. His hands moved to your back, rubbing circles as you giggled into his chest even more.

“I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere, Fish, and this is it. It didn’t look like you two were slowing down anytime soon. You guys have a good night, just have it somewhere else.” Benny grabbed his door handle and started to go back inside. He yelled over his shoulder, “Also, Santi owes me $50 now, so thanks guys!”

The door clicked shut, leaving you alone with Frankie once again. You pulled away enough to see him. The smile that was still plastered on his face sent your heart soaring.

“They had a bet going on us?” You asked.

Frankie shrugged. “It’s news to me.”

You shook your head.

“Do you - Um…” Frankie started self-consciously, one of his hands leaving your side to scratch at the back of his neck. “Do you…want to come home with me?”

You almost couldn’t believe that the man you had been practically dry humping out in the open was asking you that like he thought you wouldn’t want to.

“I do, Frankie.”

“You don’t think it’s too fast? I don’t want you to think that I just want a quick fuck or just a one-time thing or-”

“Frankie,” you interrupted. You moved to whisper into his ear, “I don’t want just some quick fuck either. I don’t want a one-time thing. I want you. If you want me, take me home.”

The groan that came from the back of his throat filled you with excitement. He pulled back, his hand coming to your cheek, and kissed you hard.

“I want you. Fuck, I want you.” He kissed you again before telling you, his self-consciousness gone, “Hop in the truck, cariño. I’ll bring you back to get your car tomorrow.”

Benny would just have to deal with your car in his driveway for the night. You couldn’t bring yourself to care about it at the moment.

Frankie opened the driver‘s door for you, allowing you to step up into the truck and slide down the bench seat enough to let him into the driver's seat. On his way in, he retrieved his hat from the roof and tossed it in the back of the cab as he sat down. You had never seen him toss his favorite hat so carelessly before, like it was something that was only getting in his way at the moment.

You had been to Frankie’s house countless times before. You had even ridden with him in his truck on his way to his house. But you had never gone like this. You had never been able to sit right up against him. You had never had his hand on your thigh, his thumb rubbing light circles. You had never had this much anticipation between the two of you.

Frankie was the most focused you had ever seen him as he drove. You wondered if this is how he looked when he would fly: concentrated on his destination, his movements deft and calculated. The hand he had on the steering wheel was gripped tight, his fingers lifting periodically before curling tight around the wheel again.

You raked your eyes over him, bathed in the light of the passing streetlights. On a normal day, Frankie’s pants didn’t leave much to the imagination. They fit a little too well, which was something that had haunted you for years. But now you could see so much more as he strained against the confines of his jeans. He was big, that you already knew, but now you were starting to get an idea of just how big.

You began to play with his hair, carding your fingers through the brown waves of unruly curls while Frankie raced home.

“Cariño,” he rasped out, his voice strained, “if you keep doing that, I’m gonna have to pull over and take you on the side of the road. I’m barely hanging on here, baby.”

You gave him a mischievous grin, continuing to run your hand through his hair. “Why don’t you then?”

He turned his attention from the road to you for a moment, letting his eyes sweep you up and down. He looked hungry and disheveled, a combination that you had never seen from him before but already couldn’t wait to see again. It made your heart race. You could see him consider it, pulling over somewhere secluded and finally fucking you. For a second, you thought he might actually do it. But then he shook his head resolutely and answered, “Because you deserve better… and I’m gonna need a lot more space to work.”

The promise in his words filled you with anticipation.

After what felt like an eternity, you arrived in Frankie’s driveway. He ripped the keys from the ignition before he opened the door and scrambled to get out. He immediately turned to offer you his hand to help you out of the truck. You took it and hopped out, Frankie closing the door behind you.

Then, Frankie was on you, his hand cupping your jaw and his lips finding yours once again. He broke away, leaning back to see you, his rich brown eyes drinking you in.

“Come on, bonita,” he said, taking your hand in his. He led you up the old wooden steps to his front door. Of all the times you had followed him up those same steps, you never thought it would be for this reason. That your hand would be in his, the taste of his lips still on yours, with more to come. You took a breath to steady your own racing pulse.

He hastily fiddled with his keys before fitting one into the lock and turning. He shoved the door open, turning to walk backwards through the entryway as he pulled you closer to kiss you again. Once you had cleared the door, Frankie reached out blindly to grab the door and push it closed behind you.

You quickly realized that Frankie had been quite well-behaved in Benny’s driveway, all things considered.

You felt his tongue ask for entrance, which you immediately granted. He kissed you with a fervor that made you dizzy as his tongue met yours. His hands were on you once again, exploring and grasping at whatever they could find. One hand pulled your hips flush with his again and the other found the skin of your back under your shirt.

Your arms were thrown over Frankie’s shoulders, grasping at the back of his shirt and neck. You felt just as desperate as him, years of pining for him finally pouring out.

After a while, your fingers found their way to the buttons of his shirt, hastily undoing them one-by-one. Once you had undone the last one, he helped you shrug the cloth from his shoulders. Your hands came to rest on his bare chest, your right hand just above where your head had been laying just less than an hour ago. Under your touch, you could feel his heart race just as it had earlier.

Then, Frankie found the edge of your shirt and lifted it over your head. Though he had seen you in a bathing suit before, he took you in like he was seeing you for the first time. Then he looked you in the eyes, his arms wrapping around your middle. You felt his fingers hook onto the clasp of your bra and then freeze.

“Can I?” he asked, almost at a whisper. You realized it was a bigger question than just that. He was checking to make sure you still wanted this. That you still wanted your relationship to move past being just friends. He was giving you a chance to stop, to go back before you both strayed too far away from the friendship you had known for years.

Like you could ever go back after even simply kissing Frankie. You nodded, pressing a quick, reassuring kiss to his jaw.

Frankie worked the clasp undone and drew the straps down your arms. Once you were free of it, you saw the way his breath picked up as he took you in. He kissed you again, bringing your chest flush to his. Hands roamed your bare back as he walked you both backwards, his lips finding yours once again.

You hadn’t realized where Frankie had guided you until the back of your thighs met a hard object. Frankie broke only enough to speak, his lips still brushing yours, “Hop up here, baby.”

You turned to see that he had backed you up against his kitchen table. You did as he said, coming to sit at the edge and immediately making space for him between your legs. He connected your lips once again, one hand on your hip and the other coming to palm your breast.

“Can I taste you, cariño?” He asked breathlessly, his voice low.

You nodded, giving him an adamant and breathless yes automatically.

Frankie grabbed your hips and gently pulled you closer to the edge. You watched as he pulled back and dropped to his knees, his broad shoulders coming to rest between your thighs. He guided your underwear down your legs, throwing them to the ground once he had freed you from them. His brown eyes were blown black with lust as he took in the sight of your dripping core.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty,” he admired. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve thought about this. How you would taste. How you would sound…”

“You thought about it?”

Frankie smiled, leaning closer to you. “More than you know.”

“I have, too.” You returned his smile. However, it lasted only a moment before your eyes snapped shut and your mouth dropped open as Frankie’s tongue met your folds for the first time, licking a stripe from your dripping hole to your clit. He then moved to focus on your clit with a proficiency that already had your breath hitching, devouring you like a man starved.

You couldn’t have stopped the moan that fell from your lips if you tried. One hand came to grasp at his curls, the other moving behind you to prop yourself up on the table. He grabbed your shins and tossed them over his shoulders for leverage.

“Keep those pretty eyes on me, baby,” he cooed, his hot breath hitting your core. You opened your eyes to meet his gaze. “Let me hear you, don’t hold back.”

He kept his eyes locked on you as he brought his tongue to your clit once again. His brown eyes looked so sweet compared to the absolutely sinful way his mouth was working at you.

You let your moans run free. After he changed speeds, a high-pitched Frankie fell from your lips, eliciting a moan from him. The vibrations from it rocked through you. When you breathed out his name again, you got the same maddening response from him. You realized that he liked it when you said his name like this. No problem. You could already tell that you would be saying it a lot tonight.

Your cries of his name only seemed to spur him on, his pace increasing as his hands wrapped around your thighs to keep you in place. He seemed to learn from every moan and every movement of your body what sent you higher.

Soon enough, you could feel the red hot coil in your stomach building, pulling taut.

“F-Frankie, I’m close,” you gasped out. “Don’t stop.”

With a few more calculated swipes of his tongue over your clit, the tension finally snapped. You closed your eyes again as your head dropped back and you cried out. Waves of ecstasy washed over you as Frankie drew out your release, his head trapped between your thighs. As you came down, he moved lower to gather your slick on his tongue.

He passed his tongue over your sensitive clit a few more times, eying the way your muscles jumped from the attention. The lust and adoration evident on his face nearly leveled you as he stared up at you.

“Can you give me another like this?” he asked, his voice gravelly, mustache and beard glistening with your slick, before giving another testing swipe at your folds.

Oh, fuck. You hadn’t ever been with someone who enjoyed eating you out like Frankie seemed to. You were starting to see that Frankie had been telling the truth: he didn’t intend on a quick fuck. He was a patient and attentive man - you were beginning to see just how much.

In your haze, you mumbled out a yes. Frankie smiled.

“Lay back, cariño. Let me take care of you.” His hand came to your chest to guide you to lay back onto the table. The cold of the wood was in stark contrast to the heat of your skin and the heat of Frankie’s mouth as it met your folds again.

You were lost in the feeling of him, one hand gripping the edge of the table and the other finding its way back to Frankie’s hair. Just as you began to adjust to his speed and pattern, he would change it again, quickly sending you higher than you thought possible. Moans of oh fuck, Frankie and just like that poured from your mouth.

The tension began to build again, quicker this time. You lifted your head off the hard wood to watch as he closed his eyes and savored the taste of you. That was all it took to send you toppling over the edge once again.

He kept working at you until you had come down from your high and lightly pushed him away from your overstimulated clit. Frankie gave one last, savoring lick to your hole, savoring every last drop of your slick. He pulled away, licking his lips as he groaned, “Fuck, you’re so sweet.”

Breathing hard, you sat up and gently guided him up from between your legs, bringing his face to yours. You tasted yourself on his tongue, his lips still wet as they met yours. Frankie’s tongue moved against yours with the same skill as when he was eating you out.

“Frankie, that was-”

“Just the warm-up,” he finished for you, leaning his forehead on yours. He hadn’t even fucked you yet and you were already wrecked just from his mouth alone. You couldn’t imagine what you would be like later if that was just the beginning.

“Well, that was a hell of a warmup.”

You kissed him again, wrapping your legs around his hips, your arms once again over his shoulders. Frankie took full advantage of the position, pulling your lower half to his and snaking an arm under you to pick you up from the table. He carried you to his bedroom - a place that you had only seen glimpses of a few times before - without even having to break your kiss. He flopped you down onto his bed, causing you to giggle as he climbed to hover over you and kiss you again.

You reached up to pull at his belt, trying to undo the leather. Once you had gotten it undone, you switched your focus to his jeans.

“Need these off,” you panted against his lips. You weren’t unaware of the slight air of desperation that had slipped into your voice.

Frankie shed his pants and boxers and discarded them to the floor. And, shit, he was big. You had guessed from what you had seen and felt earlier that he would be, but it was another thing to see it confirmed.

You brought your hand to his weeping cock, giving him a few testing strokes. Frankie let out a small groan, his hips rocking forward in your grip a bit. You continued to pump him in your hand for a while, trailing kisses along his jaw before he stopped you, his hand coming to your wrist and his lips capturing yours.

“Querida, I’m not gonna last like this,” he said. ”I wanna be inside you when I come.”

“Please. I need you, Frankie.”

“Not yet, baby. I need to get you ready first. Don’t wanna hurt you.” Logically, with how big he was you knew that you should, but that didn’t seem to matter to you at the moment. You tried to protest, to tell him that you didn’t care, you just needed him now, but he shook his head, a wicked grin on his face. He drew out his next words teasingly, “Greedy, aren’t you, baby?”

Your brain shut off, butterflies stirring in your stomach at his words. Like there was anything you wouldn’t let him do when he talked to you like that.

You gasped as he slipped a finger into you and started to pump in and out. His finger was bigger and longer than your own, already hitting a spot you could never seem to reach with your own fingers. He started building up his pace as he began to kiss down your neck like he had earlier in the night. This time though, you could feel him suck lightly as he went, surely leaving bruises in his wake.

You bucked your hips up, his one finger no longer enough.

“Need more, baby,” you whined, all care for how desperate you sounded gone. All that mattered to you now was the drag of his finger inside you and the way he sucked at the tender area just above your collarbone.

He slipped a second finger into your heat as he murmured, “That’s it, baby. Fuck, you’re so tight.”

His fingers were so much bigger than yours, two of his feeling like three of your own, stretching you as he built his pace back up again. It burned in the best way, radiating pleasure through you.

You arched against him as he curled his fingers, hitting a spot that made your toes curl.

“Right there, Frankie!”

“Come on, cariño. Come for me again and I’ll give you what you want.”

You were so close, teetering on the edge maddeningly as he worked his fingers in and out. Suddenly, he added a third finger. It was exactly what you needed to push you over the edge. Your orgasm rocked through you as you clenched down on his fingers. He continued to work them in and out as much as he could with the way you were gripping him.

“That’s it, baby,” he cooed. “God, you’re so beautiful when you come.” Once your orgasm had subsided, he slipped his fingers out and brought them to his lips. He sucked your slick from them eagerly, like he hadn’t just tasted you earlier.

“Frankie, baby,” you panted, “I need you to fuck me.” You could feel his hard length against your hip and you bucked against him. He had made you come three times already and you were still desperate to have him inside you.

“I don’t think I could wait any longer if I tried,” he admitted. Frankie reached over to his bedside table and pulled a foil package from the drawer. He ripped it open with his teeth before taking the condom to roll over his length.

You reached out to take him in your hand again, giving him a few more strokes before you went to line him up with you.

His mouth came to yours as he made the first push into you. You both let out moans, your high-pitched one contrasting with his low one. He made shallow thrusts, each time sinking deeper into you. Even after trying to get you ready for him, it was a stretch to fit him. You had thought his fingers had stretched you. They were nothing compared to this.

“You’re so fucking tight, cariño,” he grunted. “Squeezing me so tight.”

“You’re so big,” you responded breathlessly.

“Tell me if it’s too much.”

“No, no,” you hastily whined. “Feels so good.”

After a few more thrusts, he finally buried himself to the hilt in you. Then, he stopped, pulling another whine from you. You rocked your hips, trying to feel the friction, but one hand came down to still your hip.

“Just a second. Fuck, don’t move,” he told you shakily. He took deep breaths in, squeezing his eyes shut. “Just give me a second or I’m not gonna last.”

You let him be for a moment, but then you couldn’t stop yourself from softly begging him to move.

He let out one last breath before nodding. He connected your lips again, starting to rock his hips into yours in long, slow strokes. You wrapped your legs around his hips, changing the angle of his thrusts. The hand that wasn’t propping him up came to grip at your ass and thigh over his hip.

His kiss started slow, but incredibly insistent. However, as his pace increased, so did the heat in his kiss.

“You feel so good,” Frankie mumbled against your lips. “You’re so fucking perfect, cariño. Like this pussy was made for me.”

He continued to murmur to you as he fucked you. About how badly he had wanted you all these years. How he couldn’t ever think clearly when you were around. How beautiful you were. You returned it, telling him that he was all you had wanted since you had met. He shuddered before his grip tightened on your skin, his next few strokes harder than before.

You moved to bury your hands in his hair as you gave him a bruising kiss. You ran your tongue along his lips and he quickly gave you entrance.

It was so good, but you needed more and you could tell Frankie was holding back. He wasn’t allowing himself to go as fast or as rough as he wanted. You could feel it in the way he would let up if he felt himself move a little too hard or a little too fast. But that’s what you needed.

“Harder,” you pleaded. “Fuck me harder. I can take it.”

Your previous observation about him had been right: Frankie wasn’t the kind of man who needed to be told twice.

Frankie nearly growled before he smashed his lips to yours messily. He snapped his hips against yours at a new, blistering pace. He hit that spongy spot deep inside you over and over. You broke from his kiss to moan out, your head tipping back into the pillow. He took advantage of your position to attach his lips to your neck once again, kissing and sucking wherever he could.

“Oh, fuck, Francisco!” You cried. You clawed at his back, searching for purchase over the muscled expanse, the way he was fucking into you absolutely devastating. “Just like that!”

His hips stuttered before he groaned into your ear, deep and desperate, “Say it again.”

Even through the haze, you knew what he meant, what he really wanted to hear.

“Francisco,” you whined. In the past, you had sometimes called him by his full name when you were joking around with him. You were the only person he even let call him that at all. With revelation that he liked it when you said Frankie, you now knew why he let you call him Francisco. The difference was that now you were completely serious, letting it drip from your tongue over and over like a prayer.

“I need you to come, baby,” Frankie grunted as he moved against you. “I’m close, but I need you to come first.”

Nothing that came from your mouth was comprehensible other than his name. You were so far gone, climbing higher than you had thought possible, the coil in your stomach continuing to tighten as he slammed in and out of you. Rather than snapping, the tension just kept building and building.

Suddenly, Frankie got a better grip against the thigh under his hand, moving your leg to rest higher on his torso, your other leg following suit almost automatically. He was deeper now, completely filling you as you cried out.

After a few more strokes, your orgasm barreled into you, your mouth falling open in a silent scream. The breath was knocked out of you from the force of it. You clenched around him hard as he worked you through it, your legs locked and spasming around his torso. Waves of pleasure rolled over you.

“That’s it. That’s it…” he murmured into your ear. He kept moving in and out of you as much as he could, drawing your orgasm out.

Once it had subsided, he began to build back up to his previous place, chasing his own high. You threaded one hand through his hair, the other grasping at his back as you held on.

You gave a tug on his hair and his rhythm faltered. You did it again, this time while whispering into his ear, high and breathy, “Come for me, Francisco. Let go, baby.”

That seemed to be all he needed to send him careening over the edge. He let out a strangled sound, fucking into you three more times before his hips stilled, buried deep in you, and he found his release.

Once he had emptied, he nearly collapsed into you, his face in the crook of your neck, breathing hard, his cock still buried inside you. His weight on top of you was a welcome one. You ran your fingers through his curls once again, lightly this time, as you both came down.

After a few moments, Frankie lifted up and pulled out of you. He took off the condom and secured it before discarding it in the small trash can on the other side of his bedside table. Then, he rolled over to lay beside you, totally spent, pulling you to lay with him. Your head came to rest where it had laid earlier in the night on his chest, just above his heart. You chuckled a little, listening to the familiar, hammering thrum of the beat as Frankie came down.

You began to leave small, light kisses on his chest. Then, Frankie’s forefinger hooked under your chin, guiding you up to meet his lips as he whispered, “C’mere, hermosa.”

Your lips moved languidly against one another, completely savoring the moment. Your hand came to his chin, feeling the prickle of the sparse beard under your touch.

“You weren’t kidding,” you told Frankie after you broke. He gave you a questioning look, adoration in his soft brown eyes. “That was just a warmup.”

He laughed, his head falling back before he looked down at you again. “You’re amazing,” he countered. “I don’t know how I’m gonna go another day without fucking you now that I know what you feel like… and what you fucking sound like.”

“Yeah? I may have a short-term solution to that problem.”

“I’m listening…”

You gave him a small smile. “We could leave my car in Benny’s driveway the whole weekend and not leave your house.”

A grin spread across his face. “Baby, you’re gonna be lucky if I let you leave this bed this weekend.”

“No problem. I don’t know if I’ll be able to physically walk after that.”

“That’s the idea.”

You laughed, collapsing back onto his chest, both of you spent and blissed out.

You both still had things to discuss, but you knew that you would figure it out soon enough. For now, all that mattered was that you both wanted each other, that he was here, his arms wrapped around you as he kissed the top of your head.

After a few minutes, you drifted off, the sound of his heartbeat lulling you to sleep.

#frankie morales #francisco morales #frankie morales x reader #triple frontier #frankie morales x you #francisco catfish morales #pedro pascal #triple frontier fanfiction #will miller #william miller #william ironhead miller #benny miller #benjamin miller #santi garcia #santiago garcia #santiago pope garcia #my writing

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pimosworld · 6 months

Text

Unrequited

Pairing-Santiago Garcia x f!reader x Frankie Morales

Series Summary-Francisco was always afraid of settling down. He left Santiago to pick up the pieces after Colombia and now someone else is taking his place. Now he must cope with repairing the past without disrupting his future.

CW-18+,MDNI,Angst, Fluff, hurt/comfort, Frankie has a lot of apologies to hand out, lots of food references, fun game of poker and a revelation, more apologies and a proposition.

WC-5.9k

A/N- Happy Frankie Friday, our boy is still going through it a bit but that’s to be expected when you ghost your friends for three years. At least he has Benny for some comedic relief.

[Series Masterlist][Main Masterlist]

Not beta read

Chapter II Pining

verb

gerund or present participle: pining

suffer a mental and physical decline, especially because of a broken heart.

You stretch your sore muscles as best you can with the human weight that is Santiago pressed against you, his arm holding you close even in sleep. You knew he was getting better and that he was starting to get over it but Frankie’s sudden appearance is causing a relapse in his behavior.

The mornings you got out of bed before him or took too long to tell him you were running late from work would be met with his frantic state of mind. Always afraid of being abandoned again, left without a word or goodbye. You assured him as much as you could that you would never do something like that. Months of convincing him to go to counseling was met with short words and utterings of I don’t have a problem. It wasn’t until he’d awoken to you crying and scared one night that he was yelling in his sleep that you were going to leave him that he finally caved and went.

Therapy helped tremendously but you can’t blame him after the harsh words that were spoken last night that he thinks you couldn’t hear. Venomous words spoken between ex lovers, hurt people hurt people.

So you lay here a little longer, waiting for him to stir awake so he doesn’t think you left him. You rub your legs together easing the sore ache from the previous night, trying to ignore your full bladder.

You can feel his lips on the back of your neck, slowly making their way down leaving goosebumps in their wake.

“Good morning baby, how’d you sleep?” He doesn’t answer with words, just hums as he grinds his hips into you. Avoiding the question that you already know the answer to. His hand slides over your stomach, dipping lower before you gently grab his wrist pulling it to your lips as you turn to face him. “As much as I would love to do that again, I really need to pee.”

“Why didn’t you get up?” His sleepy voice cracks a little as he dips his head to kiss your neck. Your nails scratch at his scalp as you card through his salt and pepper curls. You tug on them eliciting a groan from him as he meets your eyes. You trace your thumb along the stubble of his jaw, memorizing every line and scar that you may have missed the last time you looked at him. He’s so distractingly handsome that you almost forgot he asked you a question. One that he already knows the answer to.

“I wanted to wait until you were awake.” You give him a wary smile almost ashamed to admit it, not wanting him to feel bad.

His face drops and he wraps his arms around you, rolling you on top of him until you’re almost falling out of the bed, forced to plant your feet on the cold hardwood floor. He whistles low as you pad to the bathroom, trying not to feel flustered knowing he’s checking you out. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, he always makes you feel giddy.

When you exit the bathroom he’s propped up on one elbow holding the blanket up so you can join him in the warm confines of your bed. He shudders as your cold hands roam up his toned chest and wrap around his neck.

“You can’t be getting a uti because you’re afraid to wake me up cariño.” He half mumbles into your hair.

You sigh deeply. “I know…I just didn’t want you to wake up and not find me there.”

He kisses your forehead lingering briefly before speaking. “I know you’re worried about me with Frankie being here but I promise I’m okay.” He even thinks he sounds unsure of himself as he says it.

“I know you’re not okay and that’s fine, you just have to remember you’re not doing this alone.”

You’re an enigma, he thinks. How you manage to find the good in all situations. You’re the glass half full to his half empty. He was surviving before he met you and that was fine but he can’t go back to just surviving now that he knows what it’s like to be thriving.

“What did I do to deserve you?” He slides his hands up your back massaging and kneading the stress out of you.

“Mmmm…you’ve had your fair share of things you did to deserve being taken care of.” His stomach grumbles and you both chuckle. “Speaking of that…do you want me to make breakfast?”

“If I ever say no to your food I want you to shoot me.”

****

Frankie didn’t want to get out of bed, the exhaustion had fully settled in and he quickly realized how long it’s been since he actually rested. Constantly trying to stay busy to keep from actually feeling something. The conversation with Santiago had gone in the complete opposite direction he had hoped but he only had himself to blame. He didn’t expect to just waltz back into his life like nothing had happened but you being here was an unexpected surprise and most certainly changed his approach.

He’d never slept in the guest room so it went unnoticed at how beautiful the morning sun looked peaking through the curtains. The orange Santiago had insisted on painting one accent wall compliments it perfectly. It wasn’t until they bought this house that Frankie realized how much Santi cared about interior design. He wanted to tease him about it but opted not to when he saw how relaxed he was deciding on paint colors and furniture.

It’s an odd feeling washing over him as the smell of butter and cinnamon infiltrates his senses. It’s been too long since he’s awoken to the smell of anything other than stale cigarettes and last night's leftovers. He’s kicking the blankets off before he can register and rummaging through his bag for a pair of sweats. He can hear some soft singing coming from the kitchen as he makes his way down the hall. The smell is getting stronger as his stomach rumbles and Santiago comes into view, leaning back in the chair at the kitchen island as he not so subtly watches you retrieve the mystery item from the oven.

The man was always a perv when it came to checking him out and it seems nothing has changed. He can’t really blame him as he takes in your appearance. Another one of Santiago’s shirts adorning your frame and some of the shortest shorts he’s ever seen just barely covering your ass.

“Nice of you to join us.” Santi’s arms are crossed with a slight smirk at catching Frankie ogling you.

“Morning Francisco!” You’re beaming as you wipe your hands on a spare towel and begin to plate what he now sees to be biscuits. “I hope you’re hungry, I made cheddar honey biscuits, bacon and I’m about to start the eggs.” As if you couldn’t get any more perfect.

Santi gestures to the seat next to him and Frankie pulls out the chair, starting to feel a little less like a guest in his own home.

“How do you take your eggs?”

“Over medium” “Over medium”

If the tandem answer bothers you, you don’t show it as you expertly crack an egg into a bowl on the side of the stove and one into the pan. Santi adjusts next to him, seemingly a little flustered attempting to ignore his slip up.

“You don’t have to make-“

“Don’t be a martyr over eggs.” Santi cuts him off before he can finish and you turn, giving him a stern look before whisking the mixture in the bowl.

“At least he doesn’t eat them scrambled like a child.” You mutter under your breath and Frankie tries to hide his smile behind his hands as Santi flips him off.

“I heard that chiquita.” He teases and you shrug as you plate up the rest of Frankie’s food. Retrieving the bacon from the warm oven and setting two hefty biscuits next to it.

Frankie stares at the plate, much like he did last night and he doesn’t even know where to begin. That’s a lie actually, he knows as he dives into the biscuit without another word. The buttery flaky crust with a hint of something sweet hits his senses and he can’t help the moan that escapes him.

He can see your shoulders moving as you laugh and he doesn’t even care with how good this is. Your food is a religious experience that only a chosen few should get to enjoy. As he glances over at Santi eating in silence a tinge of jealousy sparks in him that he gets to indulge in this all the time. You,this food,this life. For now Frankie has to live with the choices he made.

“Don’t be shy Frankie there’s plenty more.” You politely cover your mouth while you eat your breakfast and somehow finish cleaning the mess in a matter of minutes.

Frankie leans back in his chair rubbing his belly unashamed. Santi glances over noticing the way he looks so content and a slight gleam in his eye. “So does this guy do anything around here?”

Santi stands from his chair gathering both of their plates. “I provide other services.” He kisses you on the cheek as you playfully swat at him. “I also wash the dishes.”

“You own a dishwasher.”

“Frankie I don’t make the rules, I just do what the lady asks.” Of course Santiago doesn’t notice that this is the first time he’s used his name, not his government name or his call sign or the dreaded name he gets when people are mad at him but his chosen name. Frankie watches you both as you exchange subtle glances, some unspoken language between the two of you that he used to understand but it’s been too long.

Without words Santi is grabbing things from the fridge and setting them out on the counter for you as you retrieve some bowls from the cabinet. You’re filling a large pot with water as Santi returns to his seat at the island having fulfilled his duties of making piles of unfinished ingredients on the table.

“How much time do I have?”

“We don’t have to be at Wills until one so don’t rush cariño.” Santi says as Frankie gives him a quizzical look. “Barbecue…you’re going.”

Frankie tries to school the expression on his face into a neutral one as his stomach drops. He knew he needed to talk to all of them eventually, but he didn’t anticipate it being his second day back. He knows he can’t avoid the conversation forever and the sooner he rips the band aid the better. There’s too much weighing on his shoulders that he needs to get off so they can all live better lives. At least Frankie hopes after he talks to them that they are appreciative and see all he’s done to get back in their good graces.

“If I don’t make this pasta salad Benny will kill me.” He realizes after a moment that you’re speaking to him and he can’t wipe this dumb look off his face.

“Well if it’s anything like I’ve had already I can see why he’s obsessed.” You smile up at him as you chop some bell peppers with perfect precision. He’s not sure how you’ve not cut yourself as he looks from your eyes to the cutting board, but it’s almost reminiscent of how he feels when he’s flying; effortless.

Frankie finally breaks your gaze as you turn around to pour the pasta in the boiling water. Santi’s eyes bore into him as he leans back in his chair with his arms crossed. Santiago was never good at subtlety, especially when it came to his outward appearance. If he had to title this one it would read if you keep flirting with her I’ll smother you with a pillow.

****

The three of you are in Santi’s Jeep on the way to Will's house. You insisted after going back and forth with Frankie to the point of awkwardness that he sit in front. You hilariously and completely ended the argument when you sat in the back and shrugged your shoulders knowing Santi would riot if he was made out to be some chauffeur with you both in the back.

The car smells divine…you managed to make two types of salad, some cupcakes and those cookies he can’t stop thinking about. Frankie’s recently caught wondering how Santi is still in such good shape with the way you cook. He watches the way his muscles strain against the black tee shirt as he shifts gears. The way his jeans fit his thighs just right as he-

“Something on your mind Fish?” He’s been caught this time and it certainly won’t be the last time.

Frankie’s eyes meet yours in the rearview mirror. “Nothing…Just wondering how you still have a waistline when you live with Julia Child.”

You laugh and bite down on your lip to stop it from bubbling over in full blown hysterics. Frankie looks away but you don’t miss the way he smiles as his tongue pokes out from between his teeth.

Frankie stares out the window, something blooming in his stomach at the way he made you laugh again. It’s infectious and at this point he doesn’t even care…he knows full well that if he looks to his left he’ll see the second chapter of Santi’s death glare titled keep it up and I’ll crash this car.

****

It’s not a far drive to Will's house, but there was no way they were walking in the Florida heat with all this food in tow. Frankie swallows hard as Santi makes the last turn down their street. He has seen this house many times, it still sits beautifully at the end of the block nestled among two live oak trees in the front yard. The most unique house on the block and the largest backyard. He helped Benny and Will look for it so they could all be close to each other. The plan fell into place just before they left for Colombia. They closed on the house one month before leaving and for that Frankie is relieved to see all was not lost in that jungle.

He rubs his clammy hands along his jeans as Santi parks the car in the long driveway. He waits for a moment as you both exit the car to gather the supplies. He wants to get in the driver's seat and head home or maybe just get out and walk straight to the airport. Anything to avoid the possible rejection he faces when he walks into Wills backyard to see his best friends brothers again.

The passenger side door is opened for him and you’re standing there expectantly with your hand out. “He said you might need some help.”

It feels childish and yet he needs it all the same as he takes your hand in his and steps out of the Jeep. It’s so small in his as you lace your fingers and pull him to the front door instead of the side gate to spare him a brief moment to gather his thoughts. He lets you lead as he tries not to step on your feet that need a few more strides than him as you approach the large wooden door.

The house is pristine and cozy on the inside as you enter. Santiago’s in the open concept kitchen putting away all the goods you made as Frankie looks around for anyone else. You squeeze his hand once before letting go to join him in the kitchen.

“Ben already took the pasta salad so that’s as good as gone.” Santiago says as he cracks open a beer and hands it to Frankie. Anything to take the edge off.

“I’m gonna go find Emma babe.” You kiss Santi on the cheek as you exit the kitchen leaving the two men alone.

Frankie’s eyes go wide as you shriek from the patio and Santi laughs. “Put me down Ben!”

Bennys voice is carried away with the sound of the music over the outside speakers. “Not a chance sweetheart.”

Santi nods to Frankie as he takes a huge swig of his beer. “Let’s head outside before she kills him.”

****

“Nice to finally meet you Frankie.” Will’s wife Emma is just as he pictured. Tall brunette with perfect hair and an even more perfect smile. She’s been kind enough to show him around the house and the yard as a means of distraction from the not so warm welcome he got from Will.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” He sounds like a kid that just got scolded for stealing as he removes his hat and scrubs his fingers through his hair. Emma’s showing him the room Benny is in. He spent what little money he had to open his own gym so they’re graciously letting him stay to save some money. Frankie feels particularly guilty about that right now but soon that will change.

“The office will hopefully be a nursery soon.” She turns to him offering a genuine smile. “Then we’ll have a live-in babysitter.”

“I’m hoping you don’t mean Benny.” Frankie chides as she throws her head back and laughs.

“He’s not all that bad and he could do with some practice.” Emma motions with her hands as she finishes the tour and Frankie feels like he’s having some sort of out of body experience. Walking through the home that he helped pick out so that Will could start a family. Everyone was doing exactly what they set out to do and Frankie was just…idling.

“Frankie?” She’s staring at him now, nearly eye to eye with him as she places her hand gently on his elbow so as not to startle him. He supposed she’s used to dealing with spooked vets by now. It’s almost like approaching a caged animal. “He’ll come around…I know he loves you, he just needs some time.”

Frankie’s too embarrassed to ask if she means Santi or Will so he just nods and says ‘thank you’.

****

Frankie’s on his second helping of pasta salad as he sits at a table with the guys and some of Benny's friends from the gym listening to Santi drone on about his security consulting business. Of course Santiago found a way to travel around telling other people how to do their job.

Frankie looks up from his plate to see Will staring daggers at him. He’s a coward to look away but he’s not ready to face that scrutiny. It’s not much better as his line of vision drifts to you and Emma laying out by the pool talking and laughing. The sun is beating down on his neck as a bead of sweat trickles down his spine. You roll to your front on the lounger and untie the strings of your top. The white bikini already left little to the imagination and now he can just barely see the soft curve of your breast as you adjust to get comfortable.

“They’re perfect aren’t they. ” Frankie nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound of Ben’s voice in his ear.

“What?!”

“Emma and Will…I saw her giving you a tour earlier.” Ben winks at him as he steals a bite from Frankie’s plate. Frankie starts to speak but Ben cuts him off and leans in closer. “I know everyone has already given you enough shit so I’m not going to. I just hope you’re here to stay.”

“I am.” Frankie says it a little louder than he intended and he can feel Will and Santi’s eyes on him. The mindless chatter amongst the table has continued but the four of them are waiting on a limb as Frankie realizes this is the first time he’s actually said it. “I’m making plans to stay.”

Santi raises his eyebrows in surprise as Will finally speaks. “You gonna find a flying gig?”

Frankie doesn’t really need to work but he supposes he’ll go crazy if he doesn’t find something to occupy his mind. “I don’t know yet but I’ve got some money saved until I figure it out.” He takes a sip of his beer to disguise the little white lie.

Ben slaps him on the back and he splutters his beer. “You can come help me at the gym.” Ben’s shadow boxing him as he tries to clear his throat. “Let’s see if this old man can still spar with the great Benjamin Miller.” His friends at the table roll their eyes along with the rest at his large ego.

Frankie points the butt of his empty bottle at the younger man. “Ben, I can still kick your ass.”

“Is that so?”

Frankie nods slowly.

“I don’t think he can climb a flight of fucking stairs.” Will's voice cuts in and the table goes silent. There’s a slight smirk on his face as Benny erupts in laughter next to him. Santi drops his head to the table as the rest of the men join in and for a fleeting moment it all feels like it used to.

****

The parties died down a bit and it’s just the guys left while you and Emma say your goodbyes. The boys are staying for poker and that will give Frankie the perfect opportunity to talk to them. He’s not sure how much longer he could hold it in.

“Are you sure you’ll be fine walking home?” You approach Santi and the guys around the kitchen island.

“They’ll both survive.” Will answers for him as he finishes the dishes in the sink.

“Cariño please don’t wait up for me this time.” Santi says through gritted teeth as he pulls you into a hug, kissing you on the cheek. Ben steps up behind him making mock kissing gestures and Will grabs him by the collar dragging him off to the garage.

Frankie awkwardly starts to walk away and leave you two alone when you call out to him.

“Francisco Morales…make sure he doesn’t gamble all his money away.” It’s said in jest as you gather your things to leave.

“I’ll do my best, hermosa but I make no promises.”

Frankie’s sure you don’t notice the slip up as you wave them goodbye and exit the front door. Heat creeps up his neck and he doesn’t even want to look Santi in the eyes.

“Hermosa hmmm?” Santi nods his head toward the garage door and steps beside him. “I see you still get flustered when beautiful people use your full name.”

Frankie follows closely behind as he breathes out through his nose.

This was going to be a very long night.

****

They’ve got him all wrong.

What started out as a fun game of poker quickly became a tense game of figuring out what Frankie’s play was. They’ve wrongly mistaken his nervous face for a poker face and everyone keeps folding.

Just spit it out

Frankie’s sitting here in Will's converted three car garage. Half of it was a shop to work on his motorcycle and whatever project his mind needed to keep him occupied. The other half is almost an exact replica of their favorite bar, all the way down to the teak wood flooring and an old school saloon type dresser with a roll top bar in front. He’s been trying to admire all the work he’s put in. The pool table and matching poker table just add to the charm.

You’re stalling

“Fish, what’s your move?” Santiago’s voice is dripping with annoyance as Will stares down his cards like they’re going to change suits right in front of him.

He stares down at his hand and the pile of chips in front of him. He actually has a good hand this time, three of a kind and pocket aces.

It’s not about the money

“All in.” He pushes his chips in the middle while Santi and Will quickly follow suit. Benny scoffs from behind the bar as he pours himself another beer having lost all his chips ages ago.

“You losers are gonna fall for it again?”

“Who are you calling a loser?” Will chides the younger man as Santi laughs behind his cards.

“I can read this pendejo like a book…he doesn’t have shit.” Santi says the last part playfully but the first part used to ring true.

Frankie lays down his cards and Will curses under his breath and throws his face down. Bennys laughing to himself over in the corner but Santiago’s grin is deepening by the second. It takes more muscles to frown, which is why he thinks Santi has such strong features. When he smiles though…it almost knocks him off his feet.

A trickle of sweat runs down Frankie’s back as Will raises an eyebrow at Santi. He leans back in his chair crossing his arms. “Let’s see ‘em Pope.”

Money,Money,Money

Ten,Jack,Queen,King,Ace. Each flick of his wrist and the sound of the cards on the table as Santiago draws out his torture echo in the room. He leans in dramatically, dragging all the chips to sit in front of him. The sound of Benny whooping behind him and Will’s slow clap is drowned out by the ringing in his ears as he stares at the Royal Flush in the suit of hearts. Okay karma,you made your point.

“I went back for the money.”

He knew there was no right way to drop this kind of bomb on them. Judging by the silence in the room, perhaps there was a wrong way.

It’s so quiet you can hear the rustling of the chips settled in front of Santi falling by the wayside.

Will locks eyes with Frankie as he leans back in his chair. The weight of what he just said hits him like a ton of bricks.

“So we’re rich.” Ben’s voice cuts through the silence as he pours himself another drink.

“Ben, are you kidding me!” Will goes to stand as Santi lays a gentle hand on him urging him backwards.

As crass as it may sound coming out of the younger man’s mouth he couldn’t hide from it anymore. “Ya Ben, we’re rich.”

“Why?” Santi sounds calmer than he would’ve imagined after being silent for so long. He expected a fight from him, yelling and cursing. Frankie’s brain is doing somersaults trying to keep up with his emotions. Did he want Santi to yell? To tell him he was wrong for putting his life in danger.

Maybe there’s some weird fucked of part of Frankie that wants to be treated like a martyr so he can justify all the shit he’s put them through these last few years. Or maybe it’s just hard for him to realize that Santi was capable of changing for the right person.

“I did it for you…for us.” Frankie corrects although he’s not sure why. He could be nothing but honest in front of the men he risked his life for.

Santi huffs a laugh as he shifts in his seat to look at Frankie. He picks up a stray chip rolling it on top of his fingers, some nervous tick he picked up during their army days. “You sure you didn’t do it for you.” There he is.

“What the fucks that suppposed to mean.” Frankie bites out ready for a fight. The fight he’s wanted since he landed here, back home.

“You’re gonna tell me that you didn’t go on some suicide mission without telling us…” He takes a moment to calm his breathing and lower his voice. “You did this so you could come back with something. To show us that you didn’t just leave everything for no reason. That you didn’t walk away from the best thing in your life because you got scared.” He tosses the chip and it lands in front of Frankie as Ben whistles low under his breath.

Santiago always had a way with words. He could rally the team when they were feeling down or nervous about a mission. He could convince higher ups to do things for him and make it seem like it was their idea to begin with. He could charm the pants off anyone he laid his sights to for one night or wax poetic to the love of his life.

He could also make his words cut like a knife. Those same words could make any bullet Frankie’s ever taken feel like a bee sting in comparison. If Frankie wanted him to see that he’s changed he was going to half to meet him more than half way. He’s wounded and hurt, absolutely incapable of seeing anything besides what he’s been through the last three years.

“You’re right.” Foreign words leave his lips not often spoken to the man with the ego the size of Texas. Frankie scrubs his jaw, kneading his fingers in that spot of patchy beard. “You’re right Santiago, I didn’t want to come back empty handed with nothing to show for myself. I felt like a failure after Colombia.”

“We all did.” Will cuts in as he slaps his hand down on the table. Loose chips falling to the floor.

Frankie lets out a long sigh. “I know man…I don’t mean.” Frankie underestimated how much damage he had done. Not just to Santi but to everyone. “I’m sorry. This was the only way I knew how to apologize, even if it comes off wrong I don’t regret one second of it. We all deserve this money and you know that.” He points at Will before continuing. “You can be mad at me all you want, I'm not running this time. I’m gonna stay and fix this even if it takes me the rest of my life.”

Santi stands abruptly, saluting Ben and squeezing Will's shoulder as he exits the garage.

Will slides the small notepad for scratch paper towards him, scribbling down some numbers. He clicks the pen and tosses the notepad to Frankie as he stands from the poker table. “I suppose this is my fault.”

Frankie tilts his head in question.

“I gave those coordinates to Pope.” He clicks his tongue as he rests his hands on the table next to him, eyes drawing up in mischief. “But he told me he lost them.”

Frankie stares down at a long list of numbers. “What’s this?”

“My banking info.” Will looks at him then a little more tired behind the eyes than he’s ever seen. “I love you Fish, he loves you too.” Will slaps him on the back and exits the garage leaving Frankie with the younger Miller.

Frankie doesn’t turn around but he can picture Ben behind him. “Goodnight Ben, my favorite and only brother in the world. I love you soooo much.” He’s definitely miming with his hands. “Goodnight Will, even though you’re a pain in my ass I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

Frankie laughs a little bit. It's short lived as a cold piece of ice hits the back of his neck running down his shirt right into the open crack of his jeans.

“What the fuck Ben!” Frankie turns in his seat to see him crunching on some ice. He narrowly misses another piece thrown at his head.

“I want my money by tomorrow.” He does his worst impression of a mobster as he leaves Frankie alone in the garage.

****

Santi sits on the curb in front of Will’s house as he hangs his head in his hands. Thankfully for him it’s a decently cool night compared to the awful humidity he’s usually subjected too. He often wonders why they all settled here instead of somewhere off the grid. It’s comforting in a sense, it feels like home.

It’s tearing him up inside holding onto all this anger for Frankie when he really just wants to tell him he loves him. He thought he would feel better after getting it all out, finally laying down his cards so to speak. It brewed somewhere underneath for all those years and as cathartic as it was to say it out loud it didn’t change what happened.

Now he’s left seemingly with everything he could possibly want and he feels numb.

Santi hears the front door close softly behind him as Frankie makes his way down the path. He doesn’t want to argue anymore, he just wants to let this all go and finally live a peaceful life with enough money to make sure he’ll never have to sweat again.

“I don’t want to fight with you anymore.” He looks up to Frankie holding out his hand to help him off the curb. “Please forgive me.” His soft brown eyes look down at him. The ones he could never resist even if he tried.

He accepts his hand as he hoists him off the ground dusting off his jeans. “I forgave you a long time ago Fish.I had to for my own sanctity.”

If it’s a misstep he doesn’t correct himself. Sanity or sanctity aside, he knows hating someone for that long will eat you alive. “I would not be capable of loving her the way that I do, if I had not forgiven you.”

“Do you still love me?” Frankie asks, as selfish as it may be. Not entirely sure of what answer he’s expecting.

He’s backlit by the street lamps creating a soft halo around his brown and graying curls. Santiago has pictured them doing this walk so many times in his dreams. Moving here to start a life with him, walking home after a long day of hanging out with their brothers to head home and curl up in the soft sheets of the master bedroom.

“I never stopped loving you.” Frankie takes his hand then and he doesn’t pull away. “I never could even if I tried.”

Santi’s trying not to get choked up as he stares at their hands. Frankie grips his chin tilting it up towards him but he abruptly pulls away.

“I thought you said-“

“I know what I said. I love you.” He gestures between them. “But this…can’t happen without her.”

Frankie’s nostrils flare as he gives him an aporetic look.

“Don’t give me that shit Frankie, I see the way you look at her.”

“Looking isn’t illegal.” His possessiveness over someone that doesn’t belong to him comes out harsher than he intended.

“No you’re right it’s not, but you can’t have your cake and eat it too.” Santi spits back at him as he glances over at the house that’s no longer Will’s. “Let’s keep moving.”

Santi gets two steps ahead before Frankie yanks his arm back bringing him face to face. Daring him to call his bluff.

“Isn’t that what you’re telling me…that I can have my cake and eat it too.” His body’s pressed against his, they’re so close he can breathe his air as he practically spits fire.

“Yes Francisco, that’s what I’m telling you.” He gently prys Frankie’s hand from his arm putting some space between them. “But I’m not doing it behind her back.”

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winniethewife · 7 months

Text

Just sees what he wants to see

(Benjamin "Benny" Miller x Gn!Reader)

Words: 472

A/N: For the Triple Frontier Write-a-Thon.

“Wait what?” they asked bewildered by the statement that just came out of Ben’s mouth.

“Where’s the Capybara I adopted?” He repeated as he held a stuffed animal in his hand with a confused look on his face. He’s standing in the doorway of their shared bedroom, where they are folding the laundry. They realized in that moment he resembled a golden retriever puppy who just got tricked into chasing a ball that was still in your hand.

“You…what? I don’t understand, you adopted a Capybara?” They try to get a clarification while holding a clean t-shirt in their hands as they look inquisitively at him.

“I thought I did…But all that came in the mail was this…and some papers” Benny pouted slightly. With just the slightest shimmer of sadness in their boyfriends eyes they immediately went into “fix it” mode, tossing the t-shirt back into the laundry pile to go look into what on earth he was talking about. As they walked into the kitchen they saw the papers in question. On the top was the familiar panda bear symbol of the World Wildlife Fund, and they started to laugh.

“Whats so funny?” Benny asks and cocks his head to the side.

“Babe, this was a symbolic adoption. You donated money to a fund to save endangered animals. You didn’t actually adopt a Capybara.” They look at him with amused affection. Sometimes they wondered if Ben had been dropped as a baby, something to ask Will later. They put a hand on his shoulder for support as they nearly fall over laughing, while handing him the paper. As he reads it carefully his eyes widen in surprise and then he flushes from embarrassment.

“Oh, that makes sense…I was wondering how they could only charge 60 bucks for a whole animal.” He chuckles slightly, looking over at his partner as they started laughing harder clutching to benny for dear life.

“60 Bucks! For a capybara? Benny, baby, where would we even keep it?” They managed to say between laughs. Benny smiled his killawatt smile at them and wraps his arms around them.

“Uh, I donno, Maybe the bath tub?” He suggests with a wiggle of his eyebrows. They shake their head before taking a deep breath.

“Benny, I swear, sometimes I think your brain is off in nowhere land.” They smile. Putting their hands on his chest as they laugh together.

“Oh c’mon it can’t be that bad…” He leaves a wet kiss on their cheek, giving them that big goofy grin of his. As they look into his baby blue eyes they can’t help but agree.

“Nah, its not that bad...” They say as they look at the stuffed Capybara sitting on the counter, and find themselves grateful that Benny didn’t adopt an actual animal to live in their bath tub.

If you would like to Symbolically adopt an animal please look into the World Wildlife Fund's Website

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Tag: @triplefrontier-anniversary @romanarose

#triplefrontier2019 #triplefrontier #benjamin miller #ben miller #Benjamin “Benny” Miller #Benjamin Miller x Reader #benny miller #benny miller x reader #benny miller fanfiction #triple frontier #garrett hedlund #Garrett Hedlund fanfiction #x reader #x gender neutral reader #Spotify

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dameronscopilot · 2 years

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Benny Miller + Santiago Garcia Triple Frontier (2019)

#dameronscopilotgifs #triple frontier #benny miller #ben miller #benjamin miller #santiago garcia #santiago pope garcia #garrett hedlund #oscar isaac

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avastrasposts · 1 year

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The Pilot and his Girl - ch. 30

We left Frankie in a pretty bad state at the end of the last chapter and now we need to get through that as his girl and the guys begin to really worry about where his actions are leading him. And Joel steps in of course, but perhaps not in the best way.

I just want to add too, that this chapter included a conversation that has been a long time coming but it was very hard to write since neither man wants to talk about it and I can just hope I did them both justice.

I just want to add too, since some people are nervous about it; I LOVE hearing your thoughts and comments on what I write, even if the chapter is months and months old! It's my favourite thing about posting here and on Ao3, hearing your thoughts as you read through the fic, so please, share with me!

Series Master List

Chapter 31 - Warnings have their own post - Word count: 7.7k

You wake with a start, your body jerking you awake with panicked breaths. The bedroom is light, the window faces south and a weak sun is glinting through the closed curtain which means you slept far longer than usual, the sun rises late in the Massachusetts winter months. You rush to push back the comforter and hurry out into the living room. The blanket is pushed back on the couch and Frankie is not there, and not in the kitchen either. As you turn to the bathroom you see what’s missing, his boots, his jacket and backpack.

“Fuck!” you groan loudly and run back to the bedroom, grabbing your clothes from last night and rushing to put them on. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You feel an urgent need to get to Frankie, to talk to him. It’s not like him to leave, certainly not in the middle of an argument, and never, ever, has he left in the morning without saying anything to you. Something is not right, it feels like the two of you have crossed a line that you need to get you both back behind.

You tie your boots and shrug your winter coat on, your first stop is Pope’s place. You hammer on his door and he throws it open, his face falling when he sees your expression.

“Frankie came home drunk last night and now he’s left again, I don’t know where he is!” you blurt out as Pope lets you into his apartment.

“Slow down, hermana,” he says, grabbing hold of your shoulders, steadying you, “From the beginning.”

“Frankie and I got into an argument about what he did when he was on that run with Will, he couldn’t understand why I thought he was too violent,” you say, trying to calm yourself, but your hands are shaking and Pope grabs them, holding them together between his own. “Then Joel came by, right in the middle of it, something about planning a new run, and Frankie just left with him, saying he needed to think. And then he came back late last night , really drunk and passed out on the couch, and now he’s gone! He never leaves without saying goodbye and I don’t know where he is!” Your voice breaks on the last word and Pope lets go of your hands, bending down to grab his boots.

“We’ll go find him, we’ll go to Benny’s first, Tommy said something yesterday about meeting there.” He looks up at you while he laces his boots, “Don’t worry, hermana, it’s early still, he can’t have gone that far.”

…

“Tell me again what this FEDRA guy told you about the raiders?” Benny asks Joel as they duck under a broken piece of the highway and head into an old sewage tunnel.

“A small FEDRA patrol saw a bunch of them down in Dorchester, if we take them out, we get to keep the supplies,” Joel replies, stepping around a dead rat.

“And you trust this guy?”

“Yeah, he owes me a favor, I saved his ass a couple of times. And he’s given me tips before, they’ve always been solid, nothing this big though.”

“Alright, as long as you think it’s a legit tip,” Benny nods and falls back a bit, Frankie’s right behind him, Tommy taking up the rear.

“You ok, Fish? You look a bit pale,” Benny says, his voice lower for the benefit of his friend.

“Yeah, just slept like shit, and we had a fucking early wake up call,” Frankie grumbles, pulling the bill of his cap down lower over his eyes.

“Tell me about it,” Benny sighs, “Eve just woke up to say goodbye, then she went right back to sleep. Wish I could’ve stayed in bed with her.”

“Mmhm, same,” Frankie mutters, pausing as they come to the end of the tunnel.

“Ok, on your toes now, we've got to go out in the open here,” Joel says, waving the other three men forwards.

…

The trek down to Dorchester is smooth, and it doesn’t take long for them to find the raiders' small camp. They’ve set up on the top floor of an office building and Benny and Frankie silently take out the two guards at the bottom of the stairs. It gets messy when they reach the top and they have to open fire but Joel tosses in a homemade smoke bomb and after that they can just pick off the raiders as they come stumbling out.

They pick through the raider’s supplies and fill their packs, it’s a pretty good haul and Benny starts searching for any food they might’ve hidden, coming across a door that’s been blocked off with a filing cabinet.

“Hey, Catfish! Give me a hand with this!” he calls to Frankie, “Cover me in case they’ve locked a fucking infected in here or something.”

Frankie stands a few feet from the door with his rifle raised as Benny puts his shoulder to the filing cabinet and pushes it out of the way. The door swings open and Benny jumps out of the way.

“Oh fuck, shit! Man, that’s foul!”

The dead boy of a young woman falls out across the doorway, her body must’ve been propped against the door, and judging by the stench, she’s been dead a while. The body of another young woman is curled up on a dirty mattress, she’s less far gone, her emaciated features still clear. Both women are naked and Benny swallows hard and glances back at Frankie as they both realize why the women were locked up.

“We should’ve killed those fucking raiders slower,” Frankie growls, turning away from the room and Benny follows him.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here and back to the QZ”.

Back down at street level again Joel takes the lead and moves down the way they came, covering a couple of blocks before Benny suddenly signals for everyone to halt.

“Heads up, I hear a car,” he calls in a low voice to the others.

“More raiders,” Joel says, “C’mon, we’ll ambush them, this is the only cleared street.” He looks around the block they’re on and points to cars that have been pushed aside on either side of the street. “Frankie, Benny, hide behind either car, cover me. Tommy, get behind me. I’ll make them stop, usual way should work, if not, just shoot ‘em.”

“Joel, you sure?” Benny interrupts, “How do we know they’re raiders? We should hang back and observe, see if they go for the base we cleared.”

“No, then we just have to clear them out again and this time they’ll be on their guard,” Joel scowls, “Get in position!”

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Benny shakes his head, looking over at Frankie who’s already moved into cover, “Fish? You ok with this?”

“Joel’s right, it’s probably the same group of raiders, we need to take them out.”

“Get in position, Benjamin, or stay the fuck out of our way, they’re almost here,” Joel points to the other car, staring at Benny. The younger man takes a deep breath, glancing over at Frankie again who motions with his head to get behind the car.

“Fuck!” Benny growls and grips his rifle, ducking behind cover with an angry scowl.

Joel quickly gets into position as the rumbling engine comes closer, keeping an eye out for the car. As it gets closer Benny sees it, it’s a small beat up sedan with several bullet holes in the sides. He glances over at Frankie and gives him a hand signal, indicating three people inside. Frankie nods and passes on the message to Tommy just as the car drives down the block they’re on. Ahead of him, Benny suddenly hears Joel give up a loud shout, stumbling out of the alley into the path of the car, his hand clutching his side, the other raised to the driver.

The others watch, guns ready and hidden out of sight, as the car barrells towards Joel, who’s staggering across the road. Suddenly the driver slams the brakes and the car skids to a halt in front of Joel. From his hiding place Benny sees the driver open the door and step up on the instep, aiming a gun at Joel.

“Hey, I-I need help, p-please,” Joel stutters, holding up the hand that’s not holding his side, where he’s conveniently hidden his handgun.

“What’s wrong with you?” the driver calls as Joel stumbles closer, the man is still half hidden behind the door and Joel’s trying to get around to his side so he half falls to the side, taking several stuttering steps sideways.

“You infected?” the driver says, following Joel with his gun, “Can’t help you then I’m afraid.”

“R-raiders,” Joel coughs, “ran into a whole bunch.”

Benny looks over at Frankie, he’s got a clear shot at the driver and he’s aiming at him. Benny signals at him to hold his fire, these guys don’t sound like raiders, but Frankie’s shaking his head, squeezing his rifle as the man continues to keep his gun on Joel.

“Be careful, Dan!” a man in the car suddenly calls and Joel straightens up, pulling his gun, aiming at the man. A shot rings out and the driver slumps forward, a clean shot though his head.

“God dammit, Frankie!” Benny yells, lifting his own rifle as the man in the car dives for the fallen man’s gun. Joel fires on him but misses and the man takes off running. On his right Ben hears Tommy open fire on the third person in the car as Joel yells.

“Shoot his leg, Frankie, take him down alive!” The man is running as fast as he can down the block but two shots ring out and he yells, tumbling to the ground as blood bursts from his thigh.

“Secure him, Benny,” Frankie yells and advances on the car, rifle raised. Benny keeps his gun on the fallen man and moves up to him, he’s splayed on his back, gripping his thigh, whimpering.

“Oh fuck, please, please don’t kill me!” he says, trying to crawl backwards away from Benny.

“Just stay still, I’m not gonna hurt you unless you give me a reason,” Benny says, keeping his distance as he glances back at the car. Frankie’s jogging towards him and behind him, Joel steps into the car and a woman screams.

“No, no, don’t hurt her! She’s my sister!” the man on the ground shouts and Benny turns his head back to him as Frankie joins him.

“What’s going on, Fish?” he says in a voice low enough for the man not to hear.

“The third passenger is a woman, Joel’s questioning her about who they are and where they’re going.”

“Fish! These guys are obviously not raiders, what the fuck are we doing?” Benny glances back at the car as another high pitched scream comes from the woman and the man on the ground shouts.

“Get off her you fucking prick! I’m gonna fucking kill you!”

Frankie raises his rifle and aims at the man, “Easy there, he’s just questioning her.”

“What the fuck, Frankie, this is not how we treat civilians!”

“What fucking civilians? We can’t trust anyone, Benny, you saw what the raiders did to those two women!” Frankie growls.

“Yeah, but these guys are barely armed!” Benny nudges the dropped gun on the ground with his boot, badly maintained and rusty.

“And how the fuck were we supposed to know that?” Frankie asks, his rifle still trained on the bleeding man who’s whimpering, clutching his leg and looking towards the car.

“Maybe we don’t attack just anyone who drives past!” Benny hisses at Frankie, his eyebrows drawn tight with anger and frustration. “This is so fucked up, Fish!”

“Is he still alive?” Joel barks as he walks over, leaving Tommy to watch over the woman in the car.

“Yeah, but he’s bleeding, we need to get a tourniquet on that leg soon,” Benny replies, “Joel, what the fuck are we doing here? These guys are not raiders.”

Joel doesn’t reply, instead he walks up to the man on the ground and kneels down, Frankie’s gun is still trained on him, but Benny has let his drop, pointing it at the ground instead.

“You sister is it?” he asks of the man, putting his hand over the gunshot wound on the thigh.

The man nods, looking petrified under Joel’s hard stare.He yelps loudly when Joel’s hand squeezes the injured area, digging his fingers in.

“Your sister told me where you came from, and where you’re going. You’d better tell me the same thing she did, or I’m telling my guy over there to shoot her knee off, you understand?” Joel’s voice is hard and low, slowly squeezing the man’s leg tighter.

“Worcester!” the younger man blurts out, “We came from Worcester, and we’re heading for the Boston QZ but we got attacked and got lost. Please don’t hurt her, she’s my only family!”

“Have you got any supplies apart from what’s in the car?”

“No, no, I s-swear, we’ve got n-nothing!” the man stutters, groaning under the pain of Joel’s hand digging into his injured leg, “Please, we’ve got nothing!”

“Good boy,” Joel growls, easing off the man's leg and standing up.

He comes back to Benny and Frankie, wiping his hand on his trouser leg, “They both say the same thing. I say we leave ‘em and take the car, we can trade for it or stash outside the wall, might come in handy sometime.”

“Fuck, Joel, we need to take them with us, we can’t leave them out here,” Benny says and looks to Frankie for support but he just gives a hesitant shrug.

“I don’t know Benny, we can’t trust them,” he says.

“What fucking choice do we have? Leave them injured out here with no guns?” Benny snarls back at him.

“They’re not our responsibility!” Joel snaps, “Let’s fucking- “

All three men freeze as the first tell tale sounds echo between the buildings, the snarling shrieks of dozens of infected reaching them.

“Runners! Runners!” Tommy yells from the car, “Come on, we need to fucking go!” He rushes to the driver’s side of the car, jumping in and the woman sees her chance, bolting from the car and running for the alley.

“Leave her, just leave her!” Joel yells as he grabs Frankie and starts running towards the car, “Just start the car, Tommy!”

“Benny, no! Leave him!” Frankie shouts as he sees Benny moving towards the injured man on the ground. “Fucking leave him!”

“Please, please…just kill me” the man begs, looking back over his shoulder and Benny follows his gaze.

“Fuck!” he gasps, frozen to the spot for a second before he raises his gun and fires, the man slumping onto the asphalt. Benny spins around and starts running after Frankie, the horde of infected barrelling down the street screeching loudly.

“Benny! I’m gonna fucking kill you!” Frankie yells, “Get in the car!”

Tommy’s already got the car moving as Benny catches up, grabbing hold of Frankie’s arm and getting pulled into the back seat.

“Floor it, Tommy!” Joel shouts, looking back over his shoulder, out the back window.

…

Thank fuck Tommy’s a good driver, he speeds through the streets, leaving the horde far behind. He only slows down once they enter the area around the QZ and turns off onto a narrow street that Joel directs him to.

“Here, down there, park between those two cars and we’ll throw some trash on it.”

The four men quickly make the car look unusable and head towards the QZ, splitting up as they get inside, stepping out into a quiet alley a few blocks from the wall..

“Alright, good run, except for the fucking infected,” Joel says, clapping Frankie on the back, “I’ll see you guys at the bar in a couple of days.”

Frankie nods and Benny throw the brothers a two fingered salute as they leave.

“Hey Fish, wait up, we need to talk,” Benny says as Frankie turns to leave too.

“If you’re gonna yell at me for how we handled the people in the car, fucking save it, I already got an earful from Will after our last run,” Frankie says, his shoulders hunched and eyebrows pulled tight, “I don’t need another lecture on how we’re using army tactics on civilians.”

“Frankie, man, c’mon, you’ve got to admit, that was pretty fucking bad? We should’ve just observed them, not fucking attacked,” Benny rubs his hand over his face, “I mean, why the fuck did Joel even pull that stunt with forcing them to stop? And why did you open fire? I’ve never seen you jump the gun like that, Fish.”

“The guy in the car, I thought he was about to pull a gun on Joel, so I shot first.”

“And the interrogation technique? You taught him that?”

“So what? We do what we need to do to survive.”

Benny shakes his head, “That was not about survival, I don’t know what the fuck that was!”

“Just fucking leave it, Benny! Ok?” Frankie snaps, scowling at his friend, “I’ll see you later, I need to get something done.” He shoulders his backpack and heads off in the opposite direction of the apartment.

“Fish, c’mon!” Benny calls after him, but Frankie just gives a dismissive wave of his hand without turning his head as he rounds the corner.

“Fuck…” Benny mutters and stalks off towards the radio office, he needs to see you.

…

It feels like deja vu when you find Benny outside the building where Sean lives and has the radio office.

“I’ve got to talk to you about Frankie,” he says and you feel like your heart stops, you’d been trying to find Frankie all morning, until you had to go to the radio office. Pope promised he’d keep looking, checking back at the apartment during the afternoon.

“Did something happen to him? Pope and I have been looking for him all day!” you say, grabbing hold of Benny’s arm and his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“He didn’t tell you we were going on a run with Joel and Tommy today?”

“Benny, is he ok?” You feel like shaking him but you limit yourself to grabbing his arm tighter and Benny nods.

“Yeah, yeah, he’s fine, he’s fine, he came back with me but he said he had to do something when we got back.” Benny takes in your anxious looking face as it slips into relief and returns your grip on his arm, putting his hand over yours. “He didn’t tell you and he hasn't come to see you yet? Is something going on with you guys?”

You sigh and feel yourself deflating, your shoulders sagging with relief that Frankie’s ok, but at the same time, that lead weight settles in your stomach as you worry about his behavior again.

“Walk me home, Benny, please,” you ask, “if you have time?” You feel like Benny’s friendly presence next to you is the only thing that will make your feet move down the street as you chew on your bottom lip.

“Sure, I’ll walk you, I need to get back to Eve but...but maybe that can wait, what’s going on?”

“Tell me what happened when you were with him today,” you say, taking his arm and leaving the front entrance.

Benny looks around the two of you as you start walking down the street, checking that there is no one near that can overhear first and then he tells you the whole thing.

“Fuck…” you sigh for what feels like the twentieth time as Benny ends by telling you that Frankie took off after they got back. “His PTSD has been getting worse and both Pope and Will brought it up in the past few days. That last run with Will, things went bad and Pope’s been noticing his behavior being off too.”

You’ve reached the door to your building and you stop, looking up at Benny’s frown. “Yesterday I tried telling him that I think he shouldn’t go on runs with Joel anymore. Joel triggers something in Frankie and…I don’t know…I feel like maybe they aren’t good for each other. They’ve both suffered an unimaginable loss, in the worst possible way, and when Frankie got help, Joel seems to have had to deal with it on his own and it’s made him…just…very dark, like he’s just ‘existing’ and doing what he needs to do to survive…”

“And he has no empathy for others,” Benny fills in, “he didn’t even stop to consider that the people in the car could be just people trying to get to the QZ, and he left them with no second thought when the infected came, it was all about eliminating a potential threat and then about saving himself and Tommy.” Benny swipes his cap off his head and drags his hand through his hair, sighing. “I’m not even sure he would bother to save Frankie and myself, if we hadn’t gotten to that car in time.”

“But Frankie doesn’t see it,” you say, “and when I asked him to not go on runs with Joel anymore because I think it makes his PTSD worse, we got in a huge fight,” you sigh deeply, dropping your eyes to your toes and you feel Benny’s hand on your shoulder. “He got really mad when I said I thought he was too violent with this guy, Frankie threatened to gouge his eye out. But Frankie said he only did what was needed to get the antibiotics for Sean’s grandkid.” You swipe your hand over your cheek as tears start to drip down, “Fuck, I don’t wanna cry again,” you say, anger seeping through your voice, “Fuck!”

You tilt your head back up and look at Benny’s worried eyes, “Come on, it’s you and Frankie, you’re everything to him, one fight doesn’t ruin it,” he says, rubbing your shoulder

“He walked out, Benny, right in the middle of the fight. He’s never done that before, he just took off with Joel. And then he came home really drunk and we started arguing again and he passed out on the couch, he said he thought I didn’t want him in my bed anymore. And then this morning he left again, without saying anything. He went outside the wall and didn’t even say goodbye.” Tears spill over properly now and you sniffle, trying to stem the flow, but the nerves of the day catches up with you. Benny starts rubbing his hands up and down your arms, trying to comfort you.

“Let’s get you inside, Frankie might be home already, you two need to talk it out, c’mon,” Benny gently hooks his arm around your shoulder and guides you through the door and up the stairs. You fumble out your keys and unlock your front door, opening up to a still dark apartment.

“Alright, he’s not home yet, but he’ll be here soon, I’ll wait with you until he turns up,” Benny says and starts to lift off his still heavy backpack and you stop him.

“No, please, go home to Eve. I know she’s worried about you since you went outside, get back home. I’ll be fine, and Pope’s next door if I need anything.” You put your hands on his chest and try, and fail, to nudge the big man towards the door.

“You sure? I’ll wait for him, and slap some sense into him if needed, just say the word,” Benny replies, tilting his head down to catch your eyes properly.

“I’m sure, Benny, please go home,” you give him another pointless shove and he gives with a small smile.

“Ok, if you’re sure I’ll go, but give me a hug first,” he says and bends down, capturing you between his long arms. Benny’s signature bear hugs are all encompassing and he lifts you up, shaking you gently and making you giggle through your tears.

“Just remember, it’s you and Frankie, you’re the love of his life. All he does, he does for you, if he’s lost his way, all he needs is for you to bring him back home. To you.”

“Benny, when did you become so insightful?” you smile weakly as he puts you down on your feet.

“Not insightful, I’ve just watched you two over the past, what is it? Eleven years now? And with Eve, I get it, what you two have. I’d do anything for her, and I know that’s all Frankie ever wants to do for you.”

“Get back to her, Benny, before you make me cry again,” you say, giving his arm a final squeeze before he steps through the door. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll come by the radio tomorrow and check on you, ok?”

“Ok, Benny, stay safe, love you!”

“Love you too, sis!” he calls as he jogs down the stairs.

…

You try to keep busy while you wait for Frankie; preparing dinner, cleaning the apartment, you even pull out your gun and start disassembling it on the coffee table to get it cleaned. It’s dark before he comes home, you hear his footsteps in the hallway first and then the key. Even before he opens the door you know something’s wrong, he struggles with the key in the lock, fumbling with the handle and you stand up, leaving the pieces of the gun on the table.

“Frankie?” you ask as the door shuts behind him, “Are you ok?” You walk over to the front door, and he glances up at you before he drops his backpack by the door.

“Yeah, ‘s fine,” he mumbles, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it on the hook. “Went out with Benny today.”

“I know, Benny stopped by the radio,” you say, your body freezing as he shuffles past, only briefly pausing to drop a peck on your cheek, perfunctory. He smells of whiskey, fresh whiskey, like he’s just been drinking.

You don’t even know where to start as you follow him into the kitchen, the argument last night, him leaving this morning without saying anything, his run with Joel today or the way he stumbles around the kitchen table towards the stove.

“Frankie…” you say again, making your voice soft, you feel like you’re talking to a child, or a wild animal, not your sweet Frankie who you know so well. When he doesn’t even react, let alone look over at you, you dig your nails into the palms of your hands, reminding yourself that this is his PTSD, this is not your Frankie.

“Frankie, talk to me please,” you start again, coming up next to him at the counter, you put your hand on his arm.

“What did Benny tell you? That we went out again?” he says, still not looking at you, his tone clipped.

“Yes, he said you took out some raiders and then…” you pause, you don’t know how to phrase it but Frankie does it for you. He steps away from you, and leans against the counter on the other side of the kitchen.

“H-he told you we took out three people in a car, that I shot one of the guys when I shouldn’t have, right? That’s what he told you? T-that I’m out of control and violently torturing civilians?” His voice is harsh, there’s an edge to it you don’t recognise and he’s still not looking at you.

“He’s worried about you, Frankie, and I’m too,” you say, “you haven’t been yourself these past few months.” You try to find his eyes but he’s got the bill of his cap pulled low, eyes on the floor two feet in front and his fingers are twitching, nervously.

“I already told you, I do what I need to do, to stay safe,” he mutters, the edge still sharp in his voice, crossing his arms tight over his chest, crossing his legs too, closing himself off from you.

“Benny said they were civilians, just trying to get to the QZ- “ you start to say but Frankie suddenly flares up.

“We’d just taken out a gang of raiders! It could’ve been more of them! The guy was about to pull a fucking gun on Joel, so I took the shot!” He throws his arms out, meeting your eyes for the first time. “You can’t fucking trust anyone, it’s us or them and I do what I need to do to survive! They could’ve attacked and killed us instead, then what?”

“But you were never like that before, Frankie!” you can’t help but raise your voice in frustration. When he worked with Pope in Arlington, or when you traveled up to New York with Benny and Pope, he was never so calloused, so distrusting and rash. “You used to observe, calculate the risks, you never rushed into situations, but since you started working more with Joel…I don’t know Frankie, it’s like he rubs off on you.” You drop your hands to your sides, you suddenly realize you’ve mimicked Frankie and thrown them open but now you sigh, lower them and take a deep breath.

“Frankie…I know you’re capable of real violence,” you shake your head, sighing, “but you’re not a violent person, it’s like it’s getting away from you when you work with Joel and I do-”

“Maybe I am a violent person now? This is the person I need to be now, to keep myself safe, to keep us safe!” Frankie slams his hands against the cupboard and stalks out of the kitchen, turning and gripping the back of the couch as he gets to it, looking back at you. “I do it for you, don’t you get it?! Maybe this is the person I have to be now to keep myself safe, for you, to stay alive for you because I have to keep you safe!”

“Then stay here, stay in the QZ,” you follow him towards the living room. “I don’t want you to go out any more if this is what you have to do. It’s destroying you!”

“That's all I can do!” he shouts back at you, “That’s all I’m tra-trained for, I’m the b-best at it! It’s the only thing that makes a difference!”

“Frankie, you don’t have to-” you begin, but Frankie just shakes his head and starts pacing the living room like he can’t hear you.

“E-every time I leave you make me p-promise to come back safe, did you ever stop to think that this is what I have to do to keep that promise to you?! I have to stay alive to keep you safe, I promised you that and now you think I’m a monster for what I have to do?”

Frankie slams his hands hard against the wall and spins round, stomping across the living room again and you’re worried now, he’s spiraling out of control, his voice becoming more and more unstable. “I d-do this for you, I stay a-alive for you, don’t you get it! I would’ve fucking ki-killed myself after she died! I was so fucking close to it, so-s-so fucking close to just walking into that fucking lake and ending it! If-if it wasn’t for you still in that cabin!” His voice is rising to a shout, spinning around and slamming his fist into the wall again, “I just..I promise to come back every time, I have to come back but you still think I’m just violent, just a fucking monster, just a mo-monster, I-I can’t- “

“Frankie, c’mon man!”

You didn’t even hear the front door open but Pope suddenly walks into the living room. You’re frozen by the kitchen as Frankie paces, more and more agitated, back and forth, his arms waving in front of him as his mind whirls. You can see his glassy eyes, his breathing is starting to get erratic but you have no idea how to stop this. But Pope strides over to his friend and stands in front of him, forcing him to come to a halt.

“Francisco, cálmate, hermano. Por favor;” he tries to catch Frankie’s eyes, gently placing his hands on his shoulders and holding on as Frankie tries to shrug them off, looking at him with almost unseeing eyes.

“Frankie…fuck…” he sighs as he scans his face, “you’re high as a fucking kite. What did you take?”

At that Frankie’s eyes snap up to Pope’s, “Fucking nothing!” he snarls, wrenching himself away and stumbling back towards the couch.

“Fish, I’ve seen you high more times than you can remember, I know when you’ve been using, man,” Pope says as Frankie grabs the back of the couch again, hiding his eyes beneath the bill of his cap again, refusing to look at you or Santi.

“Frankie…” you try, your voice wobbling as you recognize the signs in him but he just shakes his head.

“I had a few drinks with Joel, I’m not fucking high,” he mutters but Santi shakes his head.

“C’mon, Fish, I know you’re struggling, she knows it too, we just wanna help you,” he takes a few steps towards Frankie, the frustration seeping through into his voice and Frankie backs away, turning around and going for his backpack.

“I’m not fucking high,” he snarls over his shoulder, rifling through his backpack.

“Fine, you’re not using,” Santi says, “then show us your pack.” He motions towards the bag at Frankie’s feet and the way Frankie reacts makes your stomach sink another notch. His hands clench instinctively around the opening, pulling it closer but Pope steps in and reaches for the bag. Frankie abruptly stands up and stumbles back, grabbing it but his movements are slow and Pope’s faster, he snatches the backpack from Frankie, holding it away from him.

“Coño, pendejo!” Frankie snarls, trying to grab the bag back from Pope, “What the fuck are you doing?!” “What the fuck are you doing, Frankie?” Pope replies with a sneer, shoving him back and Frankie, already unsteady on his feet, stumbles backwards and falls onto the couch. “You told me yourself, never trust a fucking junkie.”

Keeping an eye on Frankie, while you stand stunned by the kitchen door, your hands gripping the door frame so hard your fingers ache, Pope opens the backpack and digs through it. It doesn’t take him long, under Frankie’s dull eyes he soon pulls out a small baggie with white pills. Pope sighs and holds it out to Frankie.

“What is it?”

“Painkillers,” Frankie mumbles, but his eyes drop from Pope to his feet, his lie so obvious it forces tears into your eyes.

“Frankie…” you whisper and he glances up at you and meets your eyes for a second before he looks away. But even in that brief glance you see the pain and guilt in his eyes and it pushes you to move, walking around the coffee table and sinking down on the couch next to him. You raise your hand to put it on his shoulder but before you touch him he’s on his feet, snatching the bag from Pope’s hand.

“It’s fucking painkillers, ok?!” he yells, his aggression flaring up as he stumbles towards the front door.

“Catfish, for fucks sake,” Pope shouts as his patience snaps, “get your fucking shit together, man!”

“Please, Frankie, you know this is your PTSD making you spiral, we’ve been here before,” you plead with him, standing up again as he stops with his back to you and the room. But whatever is in his system has control of him now as he shakes his head, his fingers twitching around the small baggie in his hand. Neither of you are getting through to him now, his body language closed off, even with his back turned you see the walls go up. But still, you go up to him where he stands by the door. His chin is on his chest, his shoulders up by his ears, you can feel the tension rolling off him as he fights whatever demon is in his mind. Gently you put your hand on his arm, and he trembles under your touch, giving the smallest shake of his head.

“Frankie…” you whisper, “please, stay with me, we’ve done this before, we can do it again, I love you.”

He shudders, a long held breath rushes out of him and he shakes his head again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, “I love you, I’m sorry.” He pushes open the door and his arm slips from under your hand. You hear him run down the stairs and Santi comes up behind him, he’s got his coat on.

“I’ll follow him, I won’t let him get into more trouble, I’ll get him back,” he gives you a quick squeeze and hurries after Frankie.

…

Frankie rushes through the streets, the bag of oxy burning a hole in his pocket. He has no plan for where to go, he left his coat back at the apartment and the cold March air is making him shiver. Picking up his pace he turns at random, down a street, and then another, losing himself in the narrow alleys of North End, but it doesn’t surprise him when he finds himself in front of Joel’s apartment building, a dirty red brick block. It makes sense; to end up here. He pushes the door open and stumbles up the stairs.

Joel’s slow to answer his front door, Frankie’s almost given up, prepared to sit and wait by the door, when the older man finally opens up and looks him up and down. “Hey Frankie, what’s up? You’ve got no jacket on.”

“I ran out on it, left in a hurry,” Frankie mumbles in reply, his mind is still foggy, he can’t quite focus on Joel. “I got some of your supply on me, Pope found it in my bag.”

“Ah, bet he wasn’t too happy about that,” Joel says, waving Frankie inside. “He ain’t too happy about me wanting to trade what we got up in Concord.” He closes the door and motions to the couch and Frankie slumps down on it as Joel goes to the kitchen and pulls out two glasses and a bottle.

“Give me one of those too,” Joel motions to Frankie’s pocket and sits down at the other end of the couch. Frankie pulls out the baggie and pour out the pills on the coffee table, handing one to Joel, taking another one for himself and they both down it with the whiskey.

Joel’s not one for talking much and Frankie’s grateful, he just needs a place to forget everything for a while. And for a long time both men sit at opposite sides of the couch, lost in their own minds as the chemicals take over. Frankie tilts his head back, his eye following the cracks in the ceiling until they slip closed and he just feels himself breathing, finally peace takes over in his mind as the fog settles.

Joel slips in another pill and another few large mouthfuls of the liquor, leaning back against the back of the couch and rubbing his eyes with his hand.

“You lost your daughter,” he says, almost surprising himself when the words come out.

Frankie doesn’t move, his eyes closed, “Yeah,” he squeezes his eyes shut, little sparks of red and yellow blossoming behind his eyelids, but he sees something else in his mind.

He tilts his head forward, opening his eyes and focusing on his hands, “Yeah,” he says again, rubbing his thumb over the fleshy part of his hand, he can almost see the blood on it. “I did, right at the beginning.”

“She got infected?”

Frankie balks at the question, the image of his little girl, mycelium under her skin, flashes up in his mind. He’s seen multitudes of infected since, killed so many, seen the thin white strands wriggle towards him as they attack and die in front of him, but he never lets himself commit what they look like to memory. This one is the only one that he remembers.

“Yeah,” he nods, “one of the first days.”

He and Joel have never talked about this before. He never talks to anyone about Lucía or what happened to her, not even to the one person who knows what he went through in the aftermath.

He glances over at Joel, he’s still leaning back on the couch, his hand rubbing over his eyes.

“D’you ever talk about Sarah?”

“No.” The answer is fast and curt.

Both men sit in silence for a few minutes, Joel shifts on the couch, looking over at Frankie, “Everyone’s lost someone. No one wants to hear about her.”

“How did she die?” Frankie locks eyes with Joel, suddenly it feels important to know how Sarah died. Joel knows how Lucía died, it feels important to know how Sarah died too. Joel meets his eyes for a few beats before he drops his gaze and stares at the wall opposite.

“It was the first night. We were trying to get away from town, ran into the military perimeter, a soldier shot at us. She…” Joel loses his words, his jaw clenching shut as he grinds his teeth, dropping his head between his shoulders.

Frankie feels the fog swirl around his mind, letting the minutes slip by while Joel stares down at his watch.

“I shot Lucía,” Frankie says, like a confession to Joel, to the man whose daughter was also shot. As if it makes a difference how they died. The daughters died and so did the fathers, when they failed.

The fog in his head clears slightly and behind the mist he sees the gun in his hand, aimed at his little girl, who no longer recognises him as she screeches and flails under the weight of her mother’s body. He reaches forward to the coffee table and takes two more pills, swallowing them down with the last of the whiskey in his glass, letting the fog cloud his mind again.

Joel blinks and looks at Frankie as if he has to think about what the other man just said, “You shot her?”

“I had to, I’d seen what they were turning into. I couldn’t…”

Joel leans forward, refilling his own glass and Frankies before he leans back, “I would’ve done the same.”

The two men sit in silence as the fog swirls through them, making thoughts slow to appear and slow to disappear.

“Sarah,” Frankie says, pushing a thought to the front of his hazy mind, “S-she was a great kid, L-Lucía loved her, fucking loved her. Didn’t stop talking about her for days after we got back.”

He grips the glass and takes a sip, shaking his head, trying to remember the comforting thought he just had, it’s stuck somewhere in his chest, he can feel it.

“I don’t…I do-don’t believe in God, I l-lost any faith I had in the army, you know. S-so many fucked up things that I saw, that I did,” he says, lifting his glass, motioning to the world outside. “I don’t believe in any god, any-anything. But I wish I did, because if Sarah d-died on that first night, that means that wherever they went, our kids, our little girls…Sarah was there waiting for Lucía. They weren’t alone,” Frankie pauses, he feels his chest constrict, that feeling like he can’t breathe threatening to overtake him. “I’d like to believe they weren’t alone,” he whispers, but in the quiet room, Joel still hears him.

Frankie slumps back down on the couch, spilling whiskey down his shirt, his burst of clarity suddenly spent, “They would’ve had each other…”

“We failed them,” Joel says, his voice low, Frankie can hear the fog in his mind too. “We should’ve kept them safe, but all we did was stand there. Couldn’t keep ‘em safe.”

Frankie nods, he feels his brain slowing down again, “I made so many mistakes…but she was the best mistake I made…couldn’t keep her safe,” he takes a large mouthful of the whiskey, it burns on the way down, distracting his mind for a second as he coughs.

“I don’t talk about Sarah, not even to Tommy,” Joel says, rubbing his thumb over the rim of the glass. “ ‘S’no point, just makes me angrier, I get by better if I don’t think about her.”

Frankie slumps down deeper into the couch, curling himself around the glass in his hand, watching the whiskey swirl around as the fog in his brain follows the motions.

“How do you stay alive,” he mumbles to the room and Joel tilts his head to look at the younger man, curled into the corner of the ratty old couch. The question is more for himself than for Joel but Joel answers anyway.

“For family,” he nods slowly, once, to himself, “for family, for Tommy. And for your woman, she kept you alive.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement and Frankie sighs.

“She doesn’t think I should do runs any more, and she’s right, I know she’s right,” he mutters, pushing his cap off his head and rubbing his temple with his free hand, the fog is lifting again and he feels the edge of panic in his mind, but he can’t remember what he’s should panic about.

“Why not? The drugs?” Joel motions at the dwindling pile of pills on the coffee table and Frankie grabs two of them, knocking them back with the whiskey still in his hand.

“My head is fucked up. From the army. ‘S’gets worse sometimes, ‘s’gets worse when I do runs, when I do violent things.” Frankie sighs, “She doesn’t like it.”

Joel snorts, a mirthless sound, “Men like us, you ‘n me, we do the violent things so others don’t have to, you keep her safe.”

“S’what I t-told h-her,” Frankie grumbles, he can feel his head getting heavier, the fog is so thick he can’t even push his tongue through it, it’s sticking to his teeth. “I do it-do it, t-to keep he-her safe.” He sinks further into the couch, his head leaning on the back of it as he wills his hand to lift up the glass to his lips and drain it. “I-I do it t-to come b-back t-to h-er.”

Through the fog in his own mind Joel sees Frankie tip forward, the empty glass in his hand, as he passes out. Joel’s glass clatters to the floor as he stumbles to his feet and staggers into the bedroom, falling onto the bed, passing out as his head hits the pillow.

Chapter 31

Taglist: @pimosworld @i-own-loki @casa-boiardi @littlenosoul @stormseyer @mxtokko @javicstories @nunya7394 @welcometothepedroverse @harriedandharassed @meveispunk @hiroikegawa @jwritesfanfics @vickie5446

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coweye · 3 months

Text

Commitment Issues - rewrite (part 1/2)

Pairing: Benny Miller x Reader

Words: 33k

Summary: When you try and take your friends with benefits relationship to the next level, Benny’s response isn’t quite what you were expecting.

Warning: Smut, Unprotected Sex, Choking, Angst, Fuck Boy Benny.

AN: Hey Ya'll - So I feel my writing has come a long way since I started this fic all those years ago. So I took the liberty of compiling all 10 parts into 2 handy dandy easy to find parts.

If you want just the ending chapter or prefer the old fic, I respect that and will post and include a link to the masterpost here✨

I love you all so much and thank you for your support over the years.💖

Lets end this bitch out.

“Fuck- you’re tight… baby, how are you always so fucking tight?” Benny Miller croons into your neck leaning over your half clothed body as his large calloused hands eat at the flesh of your hips giving him leverage to thrust himself even deeper inside of you.

Your eyes roll back into your head on his next stroke, somewhere in the back of your mind you hear the clang of his head hitting the metal roof of the pickup truck as he repositions himself to get a better hold on your hips but he doesn’t seem to care as he instantly resumes losing himself in your body. Skin slapping against skin and a cocktail of your groans is all that can be heard as you both chase your pleasure.

Benny and yourself had been engaging in a mutually beneficial relationship for around two years now. The two of you would make late night calls, summoning the other to your bedroom, living room or truck, apparently.

Before you knew it you had irritatingly started yearning for the man for more than the relief he provided; things like stupid fucking memes he sent you at all hours of the day or his irritating commentary that supplemented movie nights (they almost always turned into sex).

However, Benny was always resolute in his one and only rule of sleeping over. Sleep overs were off the table, unequivocally and indiscriminately banned.

Never once had he stayed in your bed, basking in post coital bliss with your body wrapped around his own as the two of you fell into a restful slumber.

For all intents and purposes your two relationships were separate entities; You were friends and then you were lovers.

Though it felt sometimes that Benny only really saw you as the former - despite the amount of times he had painted your inner walls with his seed.

Your hands gripped at the headrest in front of you as you pushed back against him, managing to take him even deeper inside of you until it felt like he was going to hit the opening of your womb. Benny pulled your t-shirt clad spine back to his chest, his hot tongue began trailing along your ear, down to your neck as he whispered filthy praise to you and ‘your tight little pussy’.

Your eyes rolled back as his hand wrapped around your throat and his other palm left its iron grip on your hips to find your clit, he rubbed slow lazy circles, causing a steady pressure to build inside of you.

“Come for me, baby.”

“Fuck-Ungh.” Your pleasure explodes, shutting down any and all brain function, killing your ability to worry about boundaries.

Your head locks backwards into his chest, as his hold on your throat keeps you upright against him as his thick cock scrapes against your walls in a now thundering pace as he chases his own release inside of you.

Once, twice, three times before he grunts and his hands abandon their individual tasks to hold your hips and push deep inside of you as he comes. His head is buried in your shoulder blade as yours finds the plush fabric of the backseat. Bare ass in the air with his softening cock inside you on the backseat of his pick-up truck nearly passed out from exertion is surprisingly not the least dignified way the two of you had ever finished.

Barely a moment has passed before the soldier is pulling his shirt over his head and mopping his seed from your thighs.

Ever the gentleman as he then wipes his own release from the fabric of the back seat. You try to push away the snide observation that he puts more effort to clean his upholstery than your body as you begin to redress.

This hadn’t been apart of your grand plan for the evening, when you’d called him and asked him to come over. Tonight was the night. It was either the day you and Benjamin Miller were going to go steady - or the last time you’d grant him the privilege of doing those wonderful things to your body.

Do or die, so to speak.

Finally he pulled up in front of your apartment building.

“You wanna come up?”

“Can’t sorry, Darlin’- told Will I’d come over to watch the game.” The lack of an invite was obvious to even your rose tinted glasses.

“Ah, don’t worry - I mean this isn’t how I wanted to do this… but I guess…” You trailed off, you were hesitant because you were pretty sure you knew how this conversation was about to go and the second those words left your mouth, they couldn’t be unsaid.

“Y/N?” Ben’s head tilted as he brushed his hand against your jean clad thigh.

“Look - I can’t - It’s just… This isn’t enough for me anymore Ben.” You finally gasp out frustrated. The car is silent for a moment as you stare at your hands currently gripped anxiously in your lap, after a moment you glance up and Benny is looking ahead, eyes boring into the windshield.

He says nothing, the hand that was on your thigh has slid to the seat, the warmth of it is still there but he somehow feels a million miles away.

“I lo-like the time we spend together doing this, but this has been going on since we were deployed. We’re home now and honestly, I need more; I want try and -”

“Y/N. You know I’m not looking for anything serious like that right now. I can’t… give you that at the moment.” His voice is stretched and sounds almost painful.

For a moment you almost break, a lifetime spent trying to ease pain as a medic had made you soft, but this was something you could no longer compromise on.

Benjamin Miller had been somewhat of a problem for you longer than you cared to admit and this was the make or break.

The nut up or shut up.

Colloquialisms aside you needed closure, if Ben was going to go back to just being your friend then so be it, but you couldn’t waste another moment in his shadow.

“I’m not asking for serious Ben, but I just need a little more, I can’t wait around forever.”

“I’m not asking you to.” You couldn’t help the swing of your head at his words, Benny wasn’t even fighting you on this, his face was blank as he stared you down.

This was the worst version of the Benny’s you’d faced over the course of your friendship, the bull headed one - though it had never been directed at you before - He had convinced himself of what he needed to do and was an image of icy resolve; deaf to everything around him and blind to reason.

“Ben…”

“I can’t give you what you need, but I’ll always be your friend, Y/N.” You blanch, in all your fantasies it had never gone this way, the worst of them had all included some kind of fight.

An argument would be preferable to this, this felt like you’d meant nothing to him.

Perhaps that was true.

As you attempt to pull yourself together and pick up the pieces of your ego, you bite at your top lip to stop any shameful tears from falling.

“Friends.” You nod and pull at the door before the words fall out of your lips, you can’t bring yourself to look at him as you exit the vehicle. “Just give me a couple of days, okay?”

A few days morphed into a full week before you could even think of responding to the text messages from the guys and that was only because Catfish threatened to turn up at your place if you didn’t.

In order to deter, or in the very least, delay him you’d spouted some fictitious bullshit about a break up, you’d received a few awkward words of consolation from your brother in arms - promising you your continued privacy and a shoulder to cry on should you need it.

William however, made no such promise and your period of convalescence came to a swift end on the eleventh day when Ironhead turned up at your front door.

Admittedly it was poor timing on your part as ‘All Too Well’ was blasting from your speakers and you were in pajamas at around 5pm.

The hammering on the door had interrupted your session of self reflection as you were sprawled on the couch.

You could only imagine the figure he was presented with when you angrily whipped open the door, ready to give your neighbor a piece of your mind - three day old sushi pajamas, a glass of rosé in your clutches and severely unwashed hair.

♫ Well, maybe we got lost in translation, Maybe I asked for too much, But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'Til you tore it all up♫

The man who had for all intents and purposes been a brother to you for as long as you could remember - your secret coital acts with his own brother were not a factor in the bond you shared - stood on your doorstep with an unimpressed edge to his jaw.

“Turn this depressing crap off.” He huffed whilst pushing past you to turn the knob on the speaker to zero himself. “What the hell is going on with you?”

“Didn’t Francisco tell you? I got dumped.” You sigh dramatically and fall back onto the sofa after downing your glass of wine.

Will takes a seat in the arm chair opposite, his keen eyes surveying every detail of your disarray. You’d think he was checking you out if he wasn’t so delightfully Ironhead - or if you’d at least showered in the past three days.

“Over a guy? You? Come on Y/N, Buck up. You’re made of stronger stuff than this.” You can’t help the glare you send his way as your eyes rove his face finding the similar features to the man who had crushed your heart, you have no control over the ugly bile of resentment that rose.

“I just needed a bit of self care. A few days to sort myself out.” You know the second the words leave your mouth you’ve played your cards wrong, that would’ve scared Frankie or Santi off but Will, no, William Miller was like a dog with a bone. It was far better to rip the band-aid off and find out exactly what it was he wanted.

The raised single eyebrow as he picked up one of your old discarded wine bottles from the floor by his feet tells you exactly what he thinks of that statement. He sets it on the side table before he continues. “We’re all meeting down at Flanagan’s. Come on down with the guys, it’ll be good for you.”

“You’re saying that like I’ve got a choice… Why can’t you just let me sleep.” You whine burying your face in your dressing gown, exaggerating the very real exhaustion you felt in your bones.

“Oh yeah, there’s no choice here.”

“Dick.”

He nods your way and swipes the remote control from your coffee table. Switching the television on and flicking through until he lands on some boring documentary before he finally gives you his attention. “Go and get ready, I’ll wait.”

There was no way to know if Benny was going to be there tonight.

One of the many downsides to your sordid rendezvous with the youngest Miller was the secrecy, Will didn’t know he was walking you into a nightmare.

Fuck it, better to get it over with, you decided finally despite your tired bones.

You and Benny were friends first and foremost - you couldn’t let this get in the way.

Somewhat cowardly, you took your time as you began to shower trying to wash the last week of self-pity down the drain taking the layers of sweat and grease with it.

It didn’t take you long to feel human again, a bit of makeup and a brush through your hair had worked miracles and before you knew any better you were walking into the Irish bar, you and your closest friends had always frequented.

It turned out you and Will were the last to arrive and much to your relief Benny was in the bathroom - his leather jacket hung off the back of one the chairs and in front of it was a half drank beer.

You took your seat to the side of Valerie Morales, it just so happened it was the furthest you could get away from Benny without sitting on a different table.

“Frankie mentioned there was a guy…” She trailed off sympathetically once you took your seat.

“Cariño! We’re taking her mind off of him!” Frankie reminded his wife with faux annoyance at her prying. “Where the hell’s Ben? Cheap Bastard… disappears when it’s his round.”

Your eyes searched the room for the man of the hour until you spot him leaning lazily against the bar smirking like the cat who got the cream, deep in conversation with a remarkably busty blonde woman.

You can’t help the drop of your stomach or the narrowing of your eyes at the discovery, though the latter gives you away as Will follows your sights.

“Looks like he found himself a friend.” He mutters with an eye roll at his brother’s slutty antics. You try for a conspiratorial smirk but it lands somewhere between a grimace and a flash of teeth.

You’re annoyed at yourself for being so weak; you might as well have ‘BENNY’S THE GUY’ painted on your forehead.

So, in a display of sheer strength and will. You pull yourself together, you can be okay for three hours, you decide. Three hours and then you feign tiredness and leave.

Three measly hours - hell, you’d been pinned down being shot at for longer - you could totally sit in a bar with your not-quite-ex for three, maybe two hours. No problem.

“You get the first round in Will. You dragged me away from a great nap for this!” Your jesting tone doesn’t sound quite right even to your ears but you try your best to ignore it and persevere. The others grant you the same favor, though they believe it is a generalized agony in response to your dumping, rather than the conduit sitting at the bar currently flirting with your replacement.

Will holds his hands up in surrender, you assume he’s just glad that you’re trying for an air of normalcy and the next hour goes on with casual small talk, all dancing around the subject of your elusive suitor until you’re suddenly two drinks in and Ben hasn’t returned to the table.

He’s now running those stupidly long fingers up and down the woman’s bare arm, sitting on the barstool whispering what was no doubt filthy sweet nothings into her ears - you should know, he’d done it to you in secret more times than you could count.

This was textbook Benny before the two of you had begun your indiscretions. He never hit on other women in your presence as a sign of what you assumed was respect.

This meant that this behavior wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary for him, as such nobody so much as raised an eyebrow when he returned to the table in passing to grab his jacket before the two of them left.

“You don’t come over to say Hi?- What would Ma say?” Will berates him jokingly as they embrace.

“Ma, would kick our asses for drinking in a dump like this! … Y/N.” He nods in your direction finally acknowledging you with a smile that doesn’t quite meet his eyes, the action in itself is strange and you know he’s caught Valerie’s attention with it.

“Hey, Ben.” Your voice has a relaxed edge to it and you impress yourself, appearing unaffected.

He breaks eye contact and fixes his sights on Catfish before the easy smirk rises “I’m heading out, boys.”

Catfish makes an awful catcall which both Will and Valerie thankfully ignore. The latter glaring at her husband before turning your way, trying to piece together the information she had gathered in your brief interaction with Benjamin. If the sympathetic eyes are anything to go by, she’s guessed correctly.

Two years of secrecy taken out with one idiotic greeting.

A sudden wave of nausea overtakes you.

You don’t know how you even manage to find the toilet after giving a quick ‘Excuse me’ to the table but you quickly find yourself revisiting the beers and Nachos you’d ordered.

When finally your stomach seizes its spasming, you lean back against the stall. You can’t help but close your eyes and focus on the buzzing of the harsh bathroom lights. Your eyes well with unshed tears half from the gagging, half from the constant weight in your chest you just seem to carry around with you these days.

Your throat clenches, though not in the urge to regurgitate but to hold back emotions you knew were about to flood you.

“You okay?” You hear Val’s muted voice through the door and see her trainers through the gap in the bottom of the stall.

“I’m good.” You manage brokenly despite the constriction in your throat, taking a strip of toilet roll you wipe under your eyes and then your mouth, attempting to make yourself semi-presentable.

You barely have time to look up at the mirror before she’s on you like a flash.

“You and Benny…” Val doesn’t quite question, leaving it open ended. Your eyes meet her own in the mirror as they scan your form.

You don’t have any fight left in you, not to lie to Valerie, besides who cared anymore, it was over. What was the point in keeping up the lies, you had no face left to save.

“eh … yes?”

It’s somewhat freeing as the truth hangs in the air between the two of you. You and Valerie weren't what you’d call particularly close, at parties and functions you’d stick together and talk but beyond that you simply didn’t have much contact with her, you were Catfish’s friend first and foremost.

Don’t misunderstand, you liked Frankie’s wife. She was the perfect fit for him, she bought him out of his shell, she made him happy, gave him their beautiful daughter and she stood by him whilst he had his… struggles. Though tonight Valerie is the apparent key to your liberation.

She’s stunned into silence for only a moment, before bombarding you with question after question.

Where, when, how long?

For the first time you let yourself talk to another person about the intricacies of yours and Bennys situation. It's easy to talk to Valerie, she is a step above an acquaintance, whilst she knows most things about you, they have been presented to her through the eyes of Catfish. A man who loves you like a big brother. Whilst you’re initially hesitant, you find yourself divulging details that make you blush.

You unloaded the heavy weight you’d been carrying around for nearly two years and it was almost cathartic.

A secret shared is a burden halved, that’s what grandma always used to say and to her credit, the old woman had a point; your stomach felt lighter than it had in years.

Valerie listened with sympathetic eyes, never interrupting or asking for more than you were willing to give. Just taking it all in and nodding from time to time and when you’d told her all you could, she wrapped you in a hug; one so comforting it could only be from a mother.

Fat warm Tears ran down your cheeks uncontrollably and in that moment you despised the man; you’d never been much of a crier before Benjamin Miller.

“Enough with the pity party.” You huffed through your tears. “Damn, I haven’t been able to stop crying. I’m turning into such a pussy-.”

Valerie chortled heartily “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were pregnant!”

That single word brought your world to a crashing stop.

The comfort you’d found in sharing, well that metaphorical rug was ripped from beneath your feet as your internal bells tolled.

Frantic mathematics and tracking of your periods began.

Vomiting, crying, exhaustion - All reasonable symptoms of heartbreak and copious alcohol consumption.

As Valerie took in your widened calculating eyes her laughter died off with one last snort of disbelief “You’re not right? Of course you’re not. You couldn’t be…”

The whites of her eyes slowly exposed themselves until the two of you stare at one another through matching sets of saucers.

A baby.

A real life crying, vomiting, crapping baby that was half you and half Benny Miller.

As you sat on the floor of the bathroom in the Morales family home waiting for the four pregnancy tests on the counter to declare your fate you couldn’t help the sense of irony that had descended over you.

When you’d told him you wanted something more you had meant a few activities beyond sex - maybe mini golf or breakfast on saturdays and to be allowed to fall asleep after sex at his apartment. Not a full blown fucking kid and white picket fence!

The panic hits you hard.

You scrape your hair back from your face and put your head between your knees, Val spares you a concerned look from where she stood with the timer on her phone counting down five minutes.

Your heart was beating in your ears and a funny realization descended upon you; you’d never felt this level of stress in the service.

Not whilst your fellow soldier bled out beneath your palms as you waited for the promised medevac that was hours late to arrive. Everything was easier in the field, you sometimes wish you’d joined Santiago after the Columbia debacle that had claimed Redfly’s life, however third wheeling Santi, your persistent tremor in your dominant hand and your entanglement with Ben had all combined forces to keep you firmly planted in Colorado.

Leaning back you looked up at Valerie, your eyes catching her own before you finally spoke “How long?”

“It’s only been one minute, thirty six seconds, hon.”

“Fuck.” You grunt and resume your staring at the black and white tiled linoleum flooring.

“Would it be so bad if you are?”

“Valerie.” You huff “I’m a fucking school nurse; I barely scrape by as it is and Ben - well, Ben gets the shit beat out of him for a living, how are we gonna afford a kid? That’s even if he’s gonna be around for the baby- who am I kidding it’s Ben. Of course he’ll accept the kid. He’ll ask me to marry him out of a sense of duty and we’ll all live miserably because if he’s honest with himself he doesn’t want to be with me, then we’ll end up resenting each other and divorcing the second the kid turns eighteen-”

“-Holy Shit. Y/N. Y/N. You’ve skipped like a million steps there. You need to stop spiraling, there’s every chance it’ll be negative.” Valerie is kneeling in front of you now, a comforting hand on your knee. “Besides, even if it’s not, there are a million different solutions to your problem. You’re trying to guess the answer before you’ve even finished asking the question!”

Valerie, the beautiful Valerie, how were the two of you not closer when she had the power to stop your infamous anxiety attack in their tracks.

You took her hand in your own and the two of you sat on the cold bathroom floor, side by side for what felt like hours as you watched the timer move painstakingly slowly.

There was a knock at the door.

“Cariño, you two still in there?” You hear Catfish’s muffled voice through the door.

“Yeah Frank, use the downstairs toilet.”

“The hallway bathroom is-”

“Use the downstairs bathroom, Francisco.” Valerie’s voice was harsh and left no room for argument; clearly Francisco had not yet been forgiven for the encouragement he’d given Benny and his lady friend.

The guys were confused initially at your insistence to leave the bar after disappearing for 20 minutes and later returning with a puffy face though the rush to the Morales bathroom where Valerie had apparently stockpiled pregnancy tests since the beautiful unexpected but not unwelcome surprise that was Marianna.

“You know, if you are, it won’t be the worst thing in the world.” Valerie mumbles bringing you back into the moment despite she, herself, sounding somewhat distracted, you turn to look at her in disbelief. “Your cheekbones, his nose - ooh! his eyes but definitely your Jawline.”

“I like his jawline” You huff defensively before you correct yourself. “Sorry … liked his dumb fucking jawline.”

“All I’m saying is-”

The shrill ringing of the alarm cuts your newfound friend off.

Valerie placed her phone on the floor and turns to you, taking both of your hands in hers. “No matter what happens. I’m here now and I’ll be here every step of the way.”

You nod, squeezing her hand in thanks, the words can’t get through the clench in your throat as you once again fight tears. You release her hands and reach behind you pulling them from the counter in one swipe.

You place them in your lap and breathe deeply before you look down.

The definitive results knock the air out of you.

Positive, all of them.

Every single one.

You fall back against the counter, eyes wide and mind racing a mile per minute.

Valerie is talking to you but you don’t hear the words.

A baby.

Benny’s baby.

Your breathing is heavy now, your heartbeat is back in your ears and you can’t quite catch your breath. Valerie is stroking your shoulders with what you assume is kind, calming words but it does little to help as your ears ring; realizing this, she swipes the tests from your lap to preserve your privacy and calls for the guys in the lounge.

This isn’t your first panic attack by far, but this is time you can’t get a handle on it.

You’d had plenty since arriving back after your honorable discharge caused by your fun little tremor and little by little they had gotten easier to manage, though the catalyst had never been an unwelcome squatter in your uterus, so your usual mantra simply wasn’t working.

It didn’t matter that you were home, it didn’t matter that you were safe because the perceived danger had taken up residence inside of you.

Will rounded the corner and instantly kneeled before you.

“Breathe,” You hear him but it’s like you’re underwater. You look up into his eyes, as he takes your face in his hands.

Blue eyes, Benny’s eyes stare back at you. Though they’re not quite right, Will’s are guarded and calculating, but Ben’s are pools of emotion, they allow every thought that crosses through his brain to reflect it. Will does let some slip by his defense as worry not quite verging on panic, plays across his face.

Slowly you begin copying his breathing, all whilst staring into the circular oceans so similar to the man whose baby is inhabiting your womb and that alone felt like torture.

That was about three hours ago now and you were now in your own bed; completely and utterly exhausted. After much reassurance and many promises to call them all tomorrow you had been reluctantly dropped at your apartment.

Despite your exhaustion it was about three in the morning and you couldn’t sleep.

Benny’s baby.

You repeated for the tenth time this evening.

You weren’t stupid, there was a lot to iron out and the thought of a termination had been on the table. You didn’t have the money for a child and you weren’t with its father, you’d be lying to say the thought hadn’t crossed your mind.

Though ultimately you had dismissed the thought after much careful consideration, you were Pro-choice; a woman’s right to choose was important but at some point in the hours staring up at the dark ceiling you’d admitted to yourself you wanted this baby.

This time the thought didn’t cause you to panic or bring you to tears.

Instead, you imagined a blonde little boy with big kind blue eyes, your nose, his jawline and a huge irreverent grin that was entirely Ben as he played with his Father and Uncles in the garden at a barbeque.

Things like a big house with a goddamn golden retriever were suddenly something you wanted. Things that up until three hours ago would have caused you to break out in a cold sweat, the thought of becoming a soccer mom was never something you’d wanted for yourself.

Hell you’d never had a boyfriend that lasted more than 4-months, you’d never said those 3-words in a romantic way. Benny was your longest relationship by far and you could barely even that shit show a relationship!

You were cut out of your day dreams or rather just dream dreams, by a pounding knock at the front door.

Sitting up with a gasp you hurried through the apartment, treading lightly so as not to alert your intruder, you lifted to your tiptoes to peek through the peephole not before a quick glance to the safe by your bed where your firearm lived.

There stood in all his not-so glory the haggard looking father of your child.

The gun wasn’t completely ruled out as you whipped the door open, furious at his presence.

Refusing to speak, you stared at him. He could do the talking now, he could explain exactly why he was on your doorstep in the middle of the night reeking of alcohol.

“I miss you, Y/N/N.” Suddenly he advanced and clumsily cupped your cheek in his palm, his eyes were glassy and not quite focused. “I keep going to message you and every time I remember you hate me.”

“Ben… This isn’t fair.” You feel those tortured baby blues dousing the fire raging inside of you.

“I don’t want you to get over me,” With the grip he has on your face he surges forward and joins your lips, it’s sloppy and erratic in his drunkenness. It’s like a bourbon distillery has opened up shop on his tongue as he breaks away for only a moment to groan. “I want to fuck you so bad, baby.”

“Ben. Ben - BEN! Stop. You’re drunk.”

“I know, but it’s so good.” He’s kissing down your neck in the way he used to do when he was trying to make something up to you, this usually ended in copious amounts of pussy eating. Goddamn, you missed that. You felt your resolve waiver if only for a second as your lower stomach pulsed remembering just how many times he could make you cum on his tongue. (Five - if you’re wondering.)

Only, in the past you didn’t have a fetus depending on you for sound and responsible decisions, in an instant you pushed him away.

“You need to go home now. How did you get here? Christ, Benny you better not have driven.” He shrugs as he stumbles away to your kitchen and begins pouring himself a glass of water.

He was a selfish dick and you were furious with him - you briefly considered sending him on his way. Your rage, hormones and tiredness render you too exhausted for anymore antics after the day you’d had.

Your eyes are drawn involuntarily to the polaroid picture of the two of you in khaki grinning at a camera in a country you barely remember now. When things were simpler and you were still just friends.

Despite it all, he still was your friend and when time healed your pride, you would accept that maybe you didn’t want him to die in a drunk driving accident. After all he had been the one who had never underestimated you when you first met, not like the rest of the men in your unit.

Benny, your senior, who had picked you for a special op, introducing you to Pope and Catfish, then later Ironhead and Redfly. He had given you a chance when no one else would, when you were completely alone in the world, and it was long before you even thought of sleeping together; he did it because he was a good man.

It was for that reason and that reason alone, that after the shit he had pulled you withered and let him stay.

“You can stay here… to sleep, Miller. Nothing else.”

Benny grabbed at you in desperation, you readied your knee ready to rupture his family jewels if this was another ill-advised attempt at seduction, but instead he just … held you. All six foot of him wrapped around your body, dwarfing you in an all encompassing embrace.

His nose buried itself in your neck, inhaling the collar of the pajamas you wore. Finally after what felt like an hour of forcing your arms to remain at your sides and reminding yourself on an almost constant basis that you were beyond furious with this man, he relinquished his hold on you.

The two of you stood there for a moment or three. Awkwardly unmoving, unspeaking as you refused to look him in the eyes.

Neither one of you were quite sure how to break the silence - in Ben’s defense he’d most likely drank an entire liquor store on his way over here, if the sway in his knees was any give away.

For the second time this evening and rather altruistically of you, you take pity on the swaying man and you give him a “Let’s get you into bed!” with an enthusiastic pat on the back. It was only as he turned towards your bedroom that you realize your mistake in phrasing.

By ‘bed’ you meant ‘sofa’ and by ‘Let’s’ you meant ‘get your dumb drunk ass onto the sofa before you vomit on my rug’.

Though as Benny was currently making himself comfy on your pillows as if time hadn’t passed you found your resolve wavering for the second time of the night.

Now, it was entirely self-indulgent and so incredibly stupid of you, but after a milisecond of consideration you vetoed the sofa for yourself.

The sacrifices would be sure to come, but this didn’t have to be one of them. Sharing a bed with a man you may have complicated feelings for, undoing all the work of the two-weeks spent mourning, you could allow this ridiculousness for a moment of peace in his arms.

You could deal with it tomorrow.

In a decision you didn’t entirely make before your lips began molding the words you spoke out into darkness. “Benny?”

Only silence answered.

“I’m having your baby.”

For a moment nothing. Then in the darkness an arm wrapped around your stomach. Your heart dropped. How was he going to react? Why did you do that? Why would you ruin this small moment of peace? Why, why, why?

Before Benny tiredly mumbled into your hair, “I missed you too, baby.”

Silence made way to the rumbles of snores, you lay there waiting for your heart to slow back to its regular rhythm staring into the darkness with your stomach in your throat, disbelieving at your sheer luck.

You don’t know what time you fell asleep, though when it finally claimed you it was with the singular promise to the life growing inside you; Good decisions, they begin tomorrow.

The good decision policy, whilst great in theory, was not so easy in reality. You lasted all of thirteen hours before you were back to making poor decisions left and right.

Sometime during the night of sin, as you and Valerie had dubbed it.

As you lay in the arms of the man who didn’t want you, God had been watching and God had to be a woman, up there utterly furious at your flamboyantly anti-feminist display.

This wasn’t hyperbole as your world was slowly crumbling around you and you couldn’t keep up with it.

First, Benny being Benny and incapable of complicated adult emotions had dipped out before you woke up.

You’d awoken disappointed, furious and alone.

You’d tried his phone a grand total of seven times before you left him a voicemail saying you needed to talk.

A voicemail, he felt was appropriate to ignore.

For six whole days he dodged your calls, wasn’t at his apartment when you turned up and actively pretended not to see you in the fucking 7/11 parking lot.

It quickly became clear that you were having a child with a child.

On the eighth day of his avoidance, you sat in the Morales family kitchen - your visits much more regular since Valerie became your only confidante; your keeper of secrets.

It was as you were perched at the breakfast bar with the only person able to cheer you up these days that the second cataclysmic event of your week occurred.

Said person; Marianna Elvira Balmaceda Morales - was currently multitasking with one eye on the iPad infront of her and the other on her mission of placing as many Cheerios as humanly possible on your exposed neck as you rested your head on the cold counter top.

Needless to say the baby reveal brainstorming sesh was not going well. When she turned to face you both her mother huffed “Ay mija, no. Don’t do that to your tía.”

Valerie swiped the wheat circlets from your hair as you raised your head to grin at the child. She was 20% cute, 80% pure unadulterated evil.

At five years old you already feared her. She was a born and bred weapon, with all the charm of her father and confidence of her mother.

The loud clatter of keys in the door signaled Frankie was home. The man of the hour came around the corner and fixed you with a grin. You don’t know how Val explained your increased presence in their home, but he wasn’t surprised anymore when he rounded the corner and he always seemed pleased to see you. Though from time to time he did express jealousy that you didn’t come to see him, as by all rights you were his friend first.

This time however, his brown calculating eyes darted the room scanning for other presences before he pulled out a bag from inside of his coat. He planted a strong kiss on Valerie’s lips and a matching one on Mari’s head as he passed, you couldn’t help the jealousy that flamed in your stomach at their little family unit.

He made his way to you placing one on the crown of your head as he had done to the child beside you.

“Just the lady I wanted to see!” You eyed him suspiciously at his words. “These are for you!”

He placed a CVS bag in front of you that rattled upon impact with the island. This did nothing to combat your suspicion, so, hesitantly, you pulled apart the handles of the plastic bag in front of you before picking up the plastic container in the bag. You spun the bottle in your hands to read the label and dropped them on instinct.

Prenatal Vitamins.

“You told him?!” You gasped in betrayal at your new friend.

“In my defense I lasted like fi-no-six days! - He found the tests and he thought they were mine!”

“Y/N/N.” Drawing your glare from his wife. “I want to be here for you, just like you’ve always been for me. You’re one of the most important people in my life and damn it, I want to say congratulations! - And if the B- A- B- Y- S- Dad won’t step up then I will. Me and Val, we’ll be here for anything you need, Gordita.”

Your eyes welled at your friend’s words. He had been with you on some of the worst and best days of your life and his words were everything, they were words you hadn’t even known you needed to hear.

You stood up abruptly, the stool screeching under you as you pulled him into a hug. You couldn’t help yet another sniffle as you whispered in his ear “I love you so so much, Frank - but if you ever call me fat again I’ll make her a widow, Pendejo.”

Frankie hugged you back with equal vigor laughing at your words, you think he may have a tear or two in his eyes which he’d no doubt vehemently deny.

“You tell me who this punk is, I’ll take Benny and Ironhead and we’ll kick this freeloaders ass.” Everything in your body wanted to send a look of gratitude and apology Val’s way, every goddamn cell, but you held steady. She hadn’t given you up completely, you owed her a hug.

Catfish knowing about your baby was a problem waiting to happen but the addition of him knowing Ben was the father, well, that was a grenade you didn’t currently feel like jumping on especially when the asshole was currently screening your calls.

“Can you keep this to yourself? The father doesn’t know and I don’t want him to find out like that. Plus, you know Ben and Will can’t keep a secret to save their lives.”

With a huge jet-black lie, the second ball was in the air.

The juggling began when the third ball entered into play, in the shape of William Miller.

For the third time in as many weeks, you found yourself looking through your peephole to spot a Miller on the other side and quite frankly, you were over it, those blonde haired, blue eyed, chiseled adonises bought nothing but trouble with them.

“Hello, William, what another great unannounced surprise.” You snark, grinning at the older man fondly.

“We need to talk, Y/N - Ben told me.” You blanch from your position holding the door ajar, you can’t quite find the right words, so instead you simply move out of the way.

You severely doubt this is a conversation to be had on your doorstep.

It’s in the moment or two of recess you have making your way to the living room that you rediscover your ability to speak.

“Told you? About what?” You aim for easy-breezy but it comes across pained and guttural.

“The two of you. And the … activities you get up to.”

“Ah - what a lovely violation of my privacy, the asshole.”

“You’re angry at him.”

“Great deduction.”

“He told me he hurt you, that he regrets it and that he wants to fix it.”

“Does he now? Do you know what might help? If he answers any one of my calls or y’know turns around whilst he’s sprinting to his car.”

Will sighs and rubs at his face, it’s not the first time he’s had to put out one of Ben’s fires and you doubt it’ll be the last.

“Will - It’s not your fault, but please don’t come here pleading his case. He’s a big boy now, he needs to grow up and fix his own messes.”

“What I mean is - I need you to promise me, you’ll still show up. No matter what happens between you two. That you’re not gonna be the divorced parents who can’t stand to be in the same room.”

“I’ll show up - I won’t do that to Ben, everyone knows the kids always wanna go with Mom.” You light your face up with all the bravado of a smirk, it’s false but these days you’ve had more than enough practice.

Instantly Will pins you with a look that screams ‘Cut the shit’.

“I’ll show up, Will. I’ll always show up, but please keep it to yourself, I can’t stand any more sympathetic looks from Frankie.”

He answers with a nod and genuine smile of his own, it isn’t quite as cheeky as the grin Benny would fix you with, but it’s charming in its own way.

“Pizza?”

“Thought you’d never ask” He mutters as he pulls off his coat and gets comfy.

Three measly days, is all you managed to juggle the various combinations of half truths and point-blank lies.

It was all going so damn well, the guys both kept their word and kept their pieces of the puzzle separate, nobody beside Valerie had enough information to connect the dots and that was the way you wanted it.

It was Christmas Eve and with your parents being away, renewing their connection on a god forsaken tantric cruise, for the love of God don't ask, you’d promised you’d spend it at the Morales.

Festivities were just starting up when you arrived promptly at Five o’clock, you were showing up, just like you promised Will, despite knowing Ben would be here.

You were completely thrown when none other than Pope opened the door to greet you. You should’ve called time of death on your secret right there and then.

You see, whilst Benny was your oldest and closest friend, Santiago was your favorite. He made you laugh more than anyone, he was your platonic soulmate and you cherished him.

“Santi!” You all but squealed like a child given a present on Christmas morning. You grabbed him pulling him to your chest as he lifted you from the ground somehow he already had alcohol seeping from his pores.

“Y/N/N!” You chuckled as he placed you back on your feet.

“Jesus, Pope. Have you been pregaming Christmas Eve?”

“Guilty, come on, vamos, I’ve bought some Whiskey from down under.” He grabs your hand and pulls you through the door.

You’re undoing your coat preparing one of the many excuses for your sudden aversion to alcohol that you’d cooked up. In the moment you decide on; “I’ve been having migraines again, I’m not feeling like drinking tonight.”

You’re practically minding your own business hanging your coat on the rack when he grabs your arm and pulls you into the downstairs bathroom.

“Maldito mentiroso! I had an interesting conversation with Frank - turns out someone got herself knocked up.” You gasp at his accusation.

“You bitches… gossip like… like… bitches!”

“You get pregnant and you don’t call? You were just gonna wait until the baby pops out and phones me itself?”

“Hey! You’re the one that left me!”

“I didn’t leave-” He pauses for a moment and takes in a calming breath. “- That’s not what we’re talking about. Who’s the fuckin’ father? Why isn’t this cabrón taking care of you?!”

“Santi… taking care of me? It’s not the 60’s I’m a grown ass woman!”

“Look, you tell me who it is. Me and Frank can beat the shit out of him. My knee’s are fucked and Fishes back isn’t great but we’ll give as good as I get!”

“Nothings gonna get fixed by you and Frankie getting your asses kicked, Pope.”

“Fine then - you marry me.”

Your eyes nearly pop out of your head at his suggestion “Christ, Santi. I’m not going to marry you. I’m not a teen mother in crisis, I’m in my 30’s with a stable income. We’re going to be fine!” After a pause, you sigh and hug him once more, as if the marriage proposal wasn’t an indication, he is very intoxicated if the smell of booze is anything to go by. “But, I appreciate the sentiment all the same, dummy.”

“Well, offer stands.” He shrugs and continues onto another topic about your baby. Your mind is racing as the two of you exit the bathroom at the exact wrong moment, as Valerie opens the front door to the Miller boys and a very blonde, very beautiful plus one.

For a dark second you fix the woman with all the scrutiny of the hot sun, your eyes must burn a path in hers before you realize she’s hand in hand with Will.

Instantly you’re ashamed of yourself; that wasn’t very ‘Girls Support Girls’ of you.

“Y/N! I didn’t know you got here!” Val is positively cheery with a little sympathy laced in there for the unfortunate timing.

Though the tension is cut as Pope rushes them, the surprise and joy on their faces at the presence of their old friend is enough for even you to begin doling out hugs and ‘Merry Christmases’ to the new guests, yours aren’t quite as hearty as your drunk counterpart’s but you like to think it still counts.

It’s slightly awkward as you and Ben linger for a moment too long before you move onto the newest of Will’s girlfriends, who you have to physically shoo Santiago off of as he’s being far too friendly, far too soon.

“It’s lovely to meet you, Jennifer!” You grin at her, a hearty genuine grin; all the relief at her being Will’s plus one rather than Bens shining through, before you follow the troupe through to the lounge.

Marianna rushes you all, hugging her uncles and welcoming the newbie, all too happy to take the gifts from their hands.

Watching the way Ben picks her up, kissing her cheeks and placing the bag in her hands makes your heart swell about two sizes, he might actually make a great father, y’know once the terror makes way.

From over his shoulder Marianna fixes you with her sly grin and you were all too happy to place the wrapped box of the barbie she had specifically pointed out to you on Amazon.

“I wonder what Aunt Y/N got you.” Ben over exaggerates his voice, grabbing at her sides whilst she squeals manically before she is placed on the floor.

“I don’t!” She grins and gives you a poorly executed conspiratorial wink which turns out to be more of a strong blink.

“Shh, don’t let your Mama hear, get out of here!” She places a finger over her lips and nods before returning to her fathers arm chair where the two of them were watching The Grinch on the big screen.

Gloriana, Valerie’s mother was present for the holidays, a very chatty older woman, just what you needed.

Please note the sarcasm.

“Y/N! Hermosa Y/N!” She calls your name before pulling you into a hug. You know it’s a trap but you embrace the older woman all the same.

She catches your left hand on her retreat. “No husband! No babies! Your mother will want to be a Grandma! A gorgeous woman like you, should have no trouble finding a handsome man!”

You’d promised both Will and Valerie you’d be nice to Ben, but a week of ignoring you couldn’t go unpunished, so with the Miller party at your side you begin reparations.

“You’d think, Mrs Balmaceda, but it turns out men don’t like to settle down, they prefer to sleep with random women at bars and then turn up at your-” You don’t quite finish your sentence as Benny hugs the older woman and begins charming her with all that Benny panache.

Will chuckles from his place beside you. “Low blow.”

“I could’ve gone lower.” You snigger behind your wine glass of orange juice, which had been placed in your hand by a smiling Val.

Santi then grabs your attention by pulling Valerie's mother into a hug doting on how beautiful she’s gotten despite spending the better half of a day with her.

This fearless weathered ex special forces soldier is well and truly wasted. He’s a complete mess as the two of them converse in Spanish. Too quick, for your beginner ears to follow.

Mrs Balmaceda’s hand has slowly snaked around his lower back, it occurs to you that perhaps Valerie’s mother might take advantage of the young man's state, that’d certainly be a sobering experience - hard to come back from, you think with a chuckle - but, you make a note to intervene if it went too far.

“They’ve been drinking since this afternoon.” Val nodded her head to where Frankie had already sat back down with a fresh glass of whiskey in his palm and is currently stroking Marianna’s head like a cat.

You snickered at their flushed cheeks whilst nodding to the Miller boys you mutter “Why not, It’s Christmas and there’s plenty of time for you guys to catch up!”

Benny returns to your side before looking around the room and nodding at his brother as he grabs your arm pulling you into the hallway.

“What the fuck was that?!”

“What the fuck was that? ” You mimic his deep voice for a moment “What the fuck was avoiding my calls for a week. A-and get your hand off me.” You slap lightly at the hand that is still wrapped around your jumpered arm.

“I needed to get my shit together.”

“Oh, do you have a spare eternity?”

“Dick.”

“I’m the dick? You’re the dick!” You whisper shouted at him, poking him in the chest and narrowing your eyes.

You told yourself good decisions. Y/N. Good decisions.

The two of you stared one another down, he stepped forward until your noses were practically touching, you’re ashamed to admit, you did absolutely nothing to stop it.

Pregnancy hormones, desperate longing?

Horrified with yourself, you pull back.

Only, he doesn’t allow it, he grabs the back of your neck in his strong palm and pulls you back to him and devours your mouth.

This time he doesn’t taste entirely of whisky, it’s there in the undertones; a quick drink for courage before leaving the house, maybe? The taste of him is all Benny as you lock your fingers in his long hair and his tongue explores your mouth as if no time at all has passed.

You hear a cough behind you, bringing you back to reality.

You turn, utterly dreading seeing Santiago lurking in the doorway, however it’s Valerie and Jennifer, the former showing the other lady to the toilet.

“Don’t mind us!” Valerie is a glass of wine or two in as the chuckle in her voice is quite distinct and she makes no attempt to cover it.

You look at Benny who is basically a deer in headlights as you’ve trapped him against the wall. To Valerie who is barrelling past and then to Jennifer who looks like she’d rather piss in the kitchen sink than have to deal with her new boyfriend’s dysfunctional family.

“This … uh … it isn’t good.” You whisper to him before rearranging your skirt and reentering the living room with what you hope is a smile.

“Y/N! Where’s your drink?!” Santi shouted from across the room. Then, the smile became real, Pope was home for Christmas, this didn’t happen every day.

You decided to focus on that, rather than Benny and the fact you couldn’t drink that whiskey to forget the weight in your stomach.

It was cocky, when you look back now, to have underestimated the impact Santiago would have on your juggling. He was a nosey motherfucker who, deny as he may, loved gossip, of course he was going to disturb the peace.

It started with an olive branch of an offer from Benny for a glass of wine at the dinner table, which you politely declined. In your current state you of course couldn’t drink, you weren’t actually trying to make a subtle dig across the dinner table.

To which he retaliated by slamming the wine down on the table - much like a petulant 10 year old.

“Don’t take it so personally, Benjamin!” Catfish hollered obnoxiously.

“Shh - That’s a secret!” Pope hissed at his equally drunk partner in crime.

Valerie looked down at the table as if she wanted it to swallow her and Will’s girlfriend, Jennifer, looked as if she would happily go with her.

Marianna, however was unphased, currently showing a distracted Ironhead her school book, sparing annoyed looks at the loud adults.

“You told everyone?!” Benny all but shouts in disbelief across the dinner table. Gloriana to your left looks utterly lost, ready to question you.

Your worst nightmare is unfolding before your eyes, your dirty laundry is being exposed by people that didn’t even fucking know it!

“I didn’t tell anybody.” You hiss in annoyance, the whites of his eyes expose at the realization of his mistake.

It’s then, everyone decides to speak over one another, with the exception of poor Jennifer, the girl Will is currently holding hostage.

“Can everyone be quiet! It’s Christmas for christ sake!” Valerie shouts, trying to get everyone under control for your sake.

“I want to know! What are you not telling anybody?!” Santiago points his blunt knife your way in suspicion.

You’re about to tell him something much to this effect when a school book slams on the dinner table.

“Uncle Will can’t hear me whilst everyone's talking about Uncle Benny and Aunty Y/N’s stupid baby!”

Nobody needs to be told to be quiet anymore as the entire room is stunned into silence, Marianna’s abuela included for fucking once in her life.

You look across to the man who’s just had a life changing secret dropped on him by a five year old and if you had to estimate how that was going for him internally, you’d guess, probably not well.

Once the grenade had been dropped Marianna was forcibly removed by her Abuela and sent to her room, you had half a mind to rip the head off of that Barbie you’d bought her for Christmas, the little asshole.

The hell that broke loose once the young ears were removed was exactly what you had expected but not from Benny.

He sat there staring at you or more accurately, your belly motionless. All systems shutting down as the commotion raged on around you.

Valerie was defending you best she could, though Frankie was furious she’d kept Benny’s involvement from him.

Will was outraged at you for hiding his niece or nephew from him, poor Jennifer was sat in between him and Benny staring at her plate hoping this would all be over soon and Santiago, well, Santiago was just angry at the world - it was hard to pin down exactly his complaint as he spoke too rapidly in Spanish though if were to hazard a guess he was a teensy bit let down at not being told the whole truth after forgiving you for hiding the pregnancy initially.

“I appreci- I appreciate you’re all upset but this is between me and Ben.”

“The hell it is-”

“Santi. I’m tired, I’m angry and I’ve just been outed by a five year old. Don’t. Test. Me.” Your strained tone was enough to stop the drunk man in his tracks.

In fact it was enough for everyone as blessed silence returned to the room.

“We’ll give you some time.” Frankie muttered, his voice still layered with betrayal as he pushed his seat back.

Poor Jennifer morphed into Usain Bolt and was out of the room before you could blink.

There were general mumbles of protest but all followed suit except for Will, who was looking between you and his brother. He stood after his initial hesitation and followed suit, though somewhat reluctantly.

Once the room had emptied, you cleared your throat.

Benny was acting very … un-Benny like.

He was a hot-head through and through, always quick to react.

The man hadn’t given a single measured response in all the years you’d known him. Perhaps the only exception to that rule was when he was in the field where he’d give his train of thought an extra moment or two before it left the station.

And yet, he had yet to speak. Not a single syllable to help you navigate his feelings about the child.

So you had no choice but to go in blind.

“Ben?” His eyes shifted to meet yours but they were hollow; the lights were on but nobody was home.

You sighed, not quite encouraged but relieved he was at least semi-responsive. “I’m pregnant, it’s yours and I’m going to keep it. I don’t expect anything from you and it’s your choice if you want to be it’s father.”

He processes this for a second and when he speaks his voice catches in his throat “W-We used protection, you’re on the pill.”

“Remember that morning, when you bought me my antibiotics, on the sofa? - they can make it less effective.”

“You’re a doctor, how the hell-”

“I told you we needed to be careful!”

“I thought you meant my technique! Not-”

“I said that-” You huff in a calming breath before resuming “It doesn’t matter now anyway.”

“I guess not…” He mumbles, he’s abandoned his chair and pacing now, his hands are crossed in front of his chest, assessing the problem in his head.

The silence stretches out for a moment or two longer.

“I’m in.” You look up in surprise as his despondent tone betray his words, but there could be no doubt in what was said.

He had slowly begun pacing back and forth like a caged tiger prowling a tiny zoo enclosure. “This kid, I’m in. But right now, I need to … not be here … in this room.”

The ‘with you’ was silent.

You stared at his back as he retreated, on any other day the way your eavesdropping loved ones dispersed as he opened the door would’ve made you chuckle but the punch to your gut had you bowled over, leaning your weight on the dinner table as you watched him leave.

BENNY’S POV✨

Benny disappeared into the darkness of the backyard and sighed heavily as he pulled the door closed behind him, utterly thankful for the cold breeze that brought him back to earth, it eased the pressure behind his eyes that made his head felt like it was about to explode.

He took a careful seat on one of the tiny chair’s from Marianna’s summer set, the plastic creaked underneath him unsure, but ultimately bore his weight.

A fucking kid.

He was about to be someone’s dad when he could barely remember to eat dinner some days. His life was a fucking mess.

A baby with Y/N.

If he was less fucked up this would be a dream, but this was real life and he had little to offer a baby or her.

Only Fights, training and recovery scheduled around bottle feeds and sleepless nights.

He’d been trying to get his shit together, to be a better man for her. To try and get to the point where the thought of a relationship, of being tied to another person for life didn’t make him feel like he wasn’t able to catch his breath.

It was proving to be easier said than done. That night at Flanagans that you’d turned up unexpectedly, he’d been trying to fuck you out of his system.

Only it had left him feeling hollow and burning harder for you, that blonde was a nice enough girl. Pretty and sweet, but she didn’t laugh like you, with that goofy little snort and that pinch in your eyes.

He put his head in his hands and rubbed at his eyes, hoping to ease the pressure to no avail and this was how Will found him.

“You alright?” He asks as he takes the equally small and pink seat opposite. He takes a moment to get comfy on the groaning plastic before he pulls out a pack of cigarettes. “Frankie’s. Don’t know how old they are - found them in the kitchen drawer.”

“Those things will kill you,” Benny mutters, his voice all gravel in his despair. “Gimme’ one.”

The two brothers sat on the ikea kids chair set in the pitch black of Christmas Eve night, smoking and contemplating life in complete silence for a few moments.

“So… a kid…” Will starts with all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop.

“Honestly … I want to chuck … and it's not cause’ of these shitty menthols.”

“You’re a good man Ben and you’re gonna’ be a great dad.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Are you ever gonna leave the kid?”

“No.”

“Are you ever gonna do anything to hurt Y/N?”

“My track record in that department ain’t so great.”

Frankie’s voice joined from the darkness as he leaned on the building watching the two men talk with his arms crossed. “At the end of the day, you and Y/N, you’re gonna screw things up - but half of being a good Dad is just showing up for the kid and if you’ve got that down, the rest will come. You’re a good guy Benjamin, underneath the stupidity, don’t sell yourself short.”

“What he said,” Will muttered with a smoke between his pink lips. He reached up and took it from his mouth holding it between his fingers before throwing the rest of the pack back to Frank. “That being said, if you don’t get your ass in there and talk to that woman who’s chain you’ve been jerking for the better part of the past two years, brother or no, I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

“Honestly, Ben - Keeping Y/N a secret. She’s a catch!” Frankie huffed, sounding every bit the scolding father. “You need to make it right. For the two of you, not just the kid! But, honestly, you fuck about with her again - I’ll be right next to Will beating the shit out of you.”

Benny stubbed out his cigarette “Great pep talk, Gentleman. Some mixed messages towards the end there, but overall strong.”

For a single moment you despised every well meaning meddler, every annoying relative. Every person in your life was suddenly too much.

Your ears were ringing; you were furious.

Always it was about Benny’s feelings, Benny’s incapability to deal with everything, yes, he was going to be a father, but right now you were carrying another human being inside of you.

Your hormones were through the roof, you had vomited for the majority of the morning and your boobs were fucking killing!

So, much like he had, you left.

It was your turn to have a dramatic strop.

You went straight out the way you’d come in and you were seated in your truck long before anyone was the wiser.

You were done - so fucking done, with everything and everyone in your life.

Santi and Frankie’s drunken looks of disbelief and betrayal.

Will’s eyes filled with abject rage.

And Benny. Fucking Benny.

Everyone could mind their own business as far as you were concerned, this baby was yours. If Ben didn’t want to be around 100% then he didn’t need to be, you and this baby weren’t a ball and chain, you weren’t anyone’s problem.

That’s what you told yourself as you sat in your truck in the 7/11 car park, a half drank slushie in your hands and the heating on full blast.

You could do this alone.

Leaning back against your headrest, your eyes clouded with tears and your throat constricted almost painfully as you fought the urge to breakdown, you blamed this entirely on hormones, fucking Benny.

You were a battle hardened soldier, you hadn’t cried in years - you couldn’t. You had fought tirelessly to prove yourself amongst men who believed you had no place amongst the elite. Even when comrades died in your care, you mourned them silently with a tough upper lip.

You mourned their loss in your heart but you carried on. Not a tear shed.

And then that beautiful blue eyed bastard had dug his claws in and destroyed you, completely ruined you. There hadn’t been a day in the last two weeks you hadn’t cried.

Taking a few calming breaths, you closed your eyes. You felt exhausted; both emotionally and physically drained by the day’s events.

Your eyes were flooded with tears as you finally allowed yourself to feel all your feelings.

The melodies of Olivia Rodrigo and Taylor Swift were a backing track transporting you all the way back to your teenage angst. Allowing yourself to break down was almost cathartic.

You’d held all these difficult emotions inside of you for weeks. It was like lancing the infection out of the wound. It was regenerative and eased the pressure in your chest.

You couldn’t say how long you were in that parking lot, whether it was an hour or three, perhaps it was 10 minutes but the busted analogue clock on your dashboard currently read that it was mid afternoon. Judging from the night sky, you could safely say that was incorrect.

Finally, deciding that crying in your car on Christmas Eve probably wasn’t the healthiest choice.

You wiped at your cheeks and took a breath or two to calm yourself.

You started your engine and began your completely uneventful drive back to your apartment. It wasn’t until you rounded the corner fantasizing about peeling this dress off and putting on some pajamas that anything gave you pause.

There sat the father of your child, leaning against the main door to your apartment block, his arms crossed and eyes closed as if it was a summer’s day and he hadn’t a care in the world as he bathed in the sun.

You couldn’t begin to guess how long he’d been here out in the biting cold.

Anger flared deep within you, maybe just maybe, if this had been three days ago it’d have melted your icy heart but it was quite frankly too little too late.

Instead, it pissed you off something rotten; he thought this worked on his timeline.

When he was ready.

When he could deal with it.

Melancholy gave way to her sister; fury.

Thrusting your key fob over the door scanner in one jerked swipe, the lock gave way. Allowing the door to open and jarring the man awake. Somehow he caught himself before he hit the thinly carpeted concrete, that in itself annoyed you a little.

Ever the soldier, he shook the grogginess of sleep from his mind and his eyes focused on you.

“…Y/N.” His voice was gruff with sleep whilst he dusted off his jeans.

Forgoing the lift that would slow you down, you childishly took the steps two at a time, kicking off the heels along the way until two flights of stairs were behind you and you stood before your front door.

Out of breath, you huffed to realize he was right behind you, your heels under his arm.

Benny was fitter than you on a good day but three going on four months pregnant, you hadn’t stood a chance of losing him.

After unlocking the door, you stepped in and went to close the door behind you, but his boot caught it a centimeter from closing.

“Move.” You hissed.

The surprise was evident on his face; he’d never seen you like this, not with him as the subject of your ire.

All you wanted was to take off your dress and get into bed, you weren’t in the head space to weather his self destructive, idiotic tendencies right now.

However, the size 11 currently stopping your door in its tracks clearly felt differently. So you fixed its owner with a glare that would stop any sane human in their tracks.

The thing about Benjamin Miller was, he wasn’t completely sane.

So he placed a palm on the door, not pushing but not conceding to you just yet.

“Y/N, Please.” Those baby blues weren’t going to melt you, not this time. He’d pushed you too far and this fury was too fresh. So in a moment of pure pettiness, you pulled back the door, his eyes lit up at what he thought was your surrender.

Alas, when you used the momentum to swing it closed on his foot, well, Benjamin should just be thanking his lucky stars that he wore his work boots.

You on the other hand were cursing whatever foresight he possessed, as the lack of pain meant that your plan had been severely underwhelming and his foot remained in the door jam, only now he was pissed off.

So like the children you apparently both were, you struggled against one another, him pushing; not quite with his full strength, but just enough to slowly slide you back with the door.

Just as he nearly had enough space to slide his shoulders through the gap you gave in.

Suddenly moving out of the way of the slab of wood, the shoulder he’d been using to push it open gave way quickly, his only saving grace had been the measured force with which he pushed against the door as he had been unwilling to hurt you. This gave him enough control to stop himself in his tracks as he barreled towards your living room floor.

If he wanted to be a child, you could be too.

“Really?!” He huffed in disbelief throwing your heels onto the floor, his eyes wide as he stared at you as if you were a feral creature who’s next move he was attempting to predict. You quite simply weren’t acting like yourself, you were always calm and measured.

Always thinking before acting and look at where that has gotten you.

So, to bring this infantile act to its crescendo you turned on your heel with a shrug and began phase two; Blanking him.

As it turned out, quite fantastically, that was kryptonite for Benny.

He tried over and over to get you to engage, but you carried on as if he wasn’t there getting ready for bed.

“Really, you’re not talking to me?” He sighed whilst he leaned against the doorframe of your bedroom. “You?”

“You call me immature, whilst you’re pulling this shi-” You pull your dress over your head and you assume it's your newly rounded belly that has captured his attention bringing his sentence to a swift end.

He had seen you naked more times than he could probably count, though your swollen belly gave him pause.

He came forward as you stepped into your pajama bottoms, it wasn’t until he went to place a hand on your tummy that you reacted.

“Don’t touch me.” It held half of the venom of the last words you’d hissed but it was enough to make him heed your words.

Reaching into your drawer, you pulled out a large tee and pulled it over, concealing your bump from those prying baby blues.

“So what, you’re never gonna talk to me? Not gonna let me see my kid.”

You ignored him.

It was difficult to ignore the bait, but you managed somehow.

So you got into bed.

As your head lay on the cotton pillow in the dark room, you heard Benny moving around your apartment.

He didn’t leave.

No, you heard him settle on the sofa and turn on the TV.

Even that made your blood boil.

“…just needed some time… acts like an asshole…” You hear him brokenly mutter under his breath.

Suddenly blanking him just didn’t seem like a punishment, smashing the Television over his head however, much moreso.

“I’m sorry? I’m the asshole?” Benny’s head swings around and searches for you in darkness, you know he’s suddenly cursing your studio apartment. You’re sure the regret would be clear as day in his eyes, but it’s not enough to give you pause.

“I-”

“-No, actually. You’ve had your turn to speak… you… fucking… fuck… prick. I have tried reasonable, I’ve tried nice, hell, I’ve even tried understanding, but I am done babying you Ben.” You take a few steps to stand before him. You’ve stunned him into silence so you continue your tirade, letting out all the weeks of heartache. “Me… Asshole… You’re the fucking asshole, Miller! Maybe if you could act like an adult for once in your fucking life, you’d be able to see I don’t want anything from you. Nothing, not anymore. Running from me at the 7/11 - What are you 8?! Fucking face me like a fucking - .” You can’t help the heavy breath that escapes you at the stabbing pain that lances your ribs.

Ben’s out of his shock, over the back of the sofa and at your side in a matter of moments, his eyes wide and filled with fear.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Don’t Call Me -” The sensation takes your breath away again “Its the baby, I’m not sure - I’ve not felt this before, I haven’t read that stupid fucking book yet.” You huff pointing to the pregnancy guide on the coffee table, the pain returns again and you can’t help yourself as you grab at the sleeve of his shirt to ground yourself. It feels like a bad stitch, but instead of breathing causing the pain it’s sporadic and twice as painful.

“Hospital now.” He says sternly.

“I don’t need-” You gasp in a breath of air at the sharp pain - it’s not the worst you’ve ever felt but the risk it poses to your child terrifies you, finally your fear outweighs your rage “Okay, hospital, now.”

“Have you been under alot of stress recently?”

“No more than usual.” It’s an involuntary response, almost a defense mechanism - You don’t want Doctor Clarke to think you’re already a bad mother to a fetus.

“Y/N… What?.. Yes. She’s been under alot of stress recently.” Benny huffs, stood by your shoulder with his arms crossed watching as the Doctor takes your blood pressure, the snitch in question hadn’t left your side since your pains had started.

The blood pressure cuff currently cutting off your blood supply in your arm was bound to give you away anyway making your attempt at deceit futile, but you were still annoyed with him - so blame was firmly placed at his door.

Your Doctor said nothing, just fixed you with a knowing pointed look as she listened to the baby’s heartbeat with a stethoscope. Moving from point to point for a moment before she found it. “You’re growing a person Y/N. You need rest, a balanced diet and maybe some more rest for good measure”

Ben was nodding along like he was receiving orders from a CO. He had yet to look you in the eyes, but you imagined it was going to be hard to escape the idiot for the foreseeable future.

The BP machine beeped twice and of course, much as you expected Doctor Clarke sighed. “I’m not happy with these numbers.”

After a urine test and then a blood test. It had already been fifteen minutes of uncomfortable silence between you and your baby daddy as you waited for her to return with your prognosis.

You stared at the wall devoted to the shrine of Mothers hugging their babies, their names written beneath them, babies that you assumed Doctor Clarke had personally delivered.

“If you had to?” You questioned suggestively gesturing your head to the wall of Moms. Boredom finally getting you to break the heavy silence, that you had no doubt that Ben was too scared to.

Ben snorted from sheer surprise, the first words you’d uttered to him since arriving at this nauseatingly warm hell hole almost three hours ago were a lewd game.

He said nothing for a few moments, you couldn’t tell if he was just picking or still angry with you and ignoring your attempt to draw him in to conversation.

When finally, his voice gruff from lack of use he uttered. “Y/H/C one, third from the right; Carly. Got a thing for Y/H/C.” You ignored the butterflies his words inspired as you looked at the photo of a woman giving her child a piggy back. It’d take more than a few honeyed words to forgive him, but it was a nice start. “-Plus she’s got a dump truck, look at that kid hanging off of it.”

You couldn’t help your own snigger at his completely unexpected comment. Emboldened by your chuckle, he extended the truce “How about you?”

Taking a moment, you observed your fellow Mothers.

There was one with three kids at her legs, beaming. “Top Left; Trisha. I respect a woman who can have three gremlins and still smile - not to mention she's got a great set on her.”

Ben was still chuckling when Doctor Clarke wheeled in an Ultrasound Machine and settled on the stool next to it.

“How bad?” You grit your teeth preparing for the worst, you were a combat medic turned school nurse, prenatal medicine wasn’t your forte but you remembered the very basics at least. “Preeclampsia?”

“I was worried about it - your blood pressure and proteins in your urine weren’t great signs and you’re at risk being around 20 weeks but your blood tests showed high levels of PIGF - it’s most likely stress causing the cramps; your body’s way of telling you to slow down - which isn’t good but it is manageable.” She smiled reassuringly at you both, Benny placed a hand on your shoulder in relief. “To be safe I’m going to do an ultrasound to check the blood flow through the placenta and make sure all is well with the baby’s growth - we’ll have you out of here before you know it.”

Nodding as she begins to prepare the machine, you pull up your shirt to expose your rounded belly, Benny’s eyes follow your movement, his gaze almost reverent as he stares at your swollen midsection.

Closing your eyes you lean back against the reclined chair, your nerves get the better of you. You’d come a long way from the Morales bathroom. You couldn’t see a life without this baby now, it had taken almost losing him or her to realize that.

A warm hand gripped at your own, you knew the calluses better than you knew your own palms. Instead of pushing him away, you allowed yourself this comfort.

It wasn’t forgiveness but it was a truce; a ceasefire for your baby’s sake. Hostilities were suspended as you both held on for dear life to the other’s hands.

A steady heartbeat filled the room.

Badom, Badom, Badom. Badom.

Slowly tears tracked their way down your cheeks as Benny’s hand gripped yours tighter, he leaned down to a kneel as you both stared at the monitor in disbelief.

You couldn’t help it, you looked his way, trying to find the fault in something he’d done to ruin the moment, but you came up empty.

In that moment Ben looked like he was trying his hardest to school his face, to suck up the tears and stop them falling, but as he lost the war his eyes welled with unrestrained emotion.

Carefully he leaned forward, part of you braced for the awful mistake that was coming, but those plump lips instead, met your brow, as he wrapped his unencumbered arm around your shoulders in an embrace.

Those rosy lips remained there for a moment, your hands still intertwined before he lifted them to his mouth and placed a kiss on the back of your hand.

It was the most tame kiss the two of you had shared and yet somehow it was your most intimate moment.

The smell of him was everywhere, it was intoxicating. The aftershave he wore and a smell that was distinctly Benny; the piney smell of the outdoors, mixed with whatever drugstore deodorant he favored this month.

The two of you waited in tense silence as Doctor Clarke took images on the ultrasound. She was at it for about fifteen minutes, yet neither of you said a word. You merely sat there clutching one another’s hands, terrified the axe was about to drop.

Finally, when it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the too warm room she spoke up, her voice distracted as she stared at the screen in front of her, analyzing her findings.

“Everything… looks… good!” She smiled, taking her glasses off and focusing on the two of you “Your Baby looks healthy and the placenta is getting plenty of blood flow. I’m going to send these away for a second opinion to be sure, but you’ve got a healthy little … one.”

Benny squeezed your hand and placed yet another kiss on your forehead as he gave out a gruff hollar of relief.

Once again, your eyes began to pour as you sniffled. You couldn’t help the thought that popped into your head.

“You know the gender?”

“I do, I can say with about 80% assurity. Would you like to know?”

“YES”

“NO” Both you and Benny utter in sync. It seemed the two of you couldn’t agree on anything.

“I mean… you’re the one who’s had to deal with everything these last few months… if you want to know.” He trailed off rubbing the back of his neck, you knew he wanted to fight his corner but didn’t have the footing for an argument.

“Why wouldn’t we? It’d keep me up all night not knowing, plus I can paint the nursery and buy tiny little clothes… I want to know Doc.”

Doctor Clarke spared Benny a quick look to which he nodded his concession, she looked troubled for a moment before she fixed her smile.

“You’re having a girl!”

The noise you made was somewhere between a gasp and squeak of joy.

“A little girl … a daughter.” Benny mumbled almost reverently before giving a small laugh, a grin fixed on his face as he got lost in his thoughts. “Hell of a Christmas present, Y/N.”

The chuckle you gave him was nowhere near what his joke deserved but it was one of relief and elation, as you readjusted your hand around his own, you thought maybe, just maybe things wouldn’t be so bad.

And so, you made your way home, you weren’t quite ready to face Christmas at the Morales’ house, so you and Ben were going to go to your home, order whichever takeout was available and sleep for the foreseeable. (Sleep. Just Sleep.) However you needn’t have bothered with your plan as two distinct cars were parked in front of your building.

“Judas. You told them!” You slapped at his arm, your eyes narrowed in betrayal.

“You need to stop hitting me woman and yes - I told Will, didn’t tell him we’re having a girl though.” His voice lifted in pride at the end, whether it was of the daughter you were soon going to share or his resilience in the face of his brothers prodding, you couldn’t tell.

“Let’s get the guilt party over with then.” You huff pulling open your door.

Your key is barely in the lock before it’s whipped open and a worried Santi is on the other side. “Are you and the kid okay?” He asks forgoing any and all welcome, his eyes are bloodshot and he looks like he’s had better mornings.

“We’re fine, completely fine!” He hugs you, still stinking of liquor from last night, at your words and there’s a collective cheer from the other squatters in your apartment. Your arms can’t help but rise to meet his embrace, it’s Santi. He was drunk and you had technically betrayed him.

“I’m sorry - I was belligerent and just a bad friend all round.”

“It’s okay, I’m sorry for lying to you-” You turn and fix them all one by one with a stare “-to you all. Keeping her as my secret, it made this whole situation not real for me, so I didn’t need to deal with it.”

“Her?” Will ever the observant pain in the ass, called out.

It had been a genuine slip of the tongue, you turned to Ben to give him a silent look of apology, to which he nodded. It wasn’t exactly like he could reprimand you for anything short of murder these days - and even then you imagine it’d be an internal dilemma for him.

“We’re having a girl.” Ben announced, his arm wrapping around your shoulder, the weight of the limb was heavy and spoke of all the things the two of you had yet to discuss. But it was Christmas, your dysfunctional family was all here; dinner cooking in the oven and cartoons blaring out from your Television.

You were exhausted from a sleepless night spent in the emergency room, but as you sat on the sofa, ushered there by an incredibly hungover Frankie and Will, a mocktail in hand (Val’s ever tireless effort to be thoughtful) you couldn’t help but feel warm inside.

Ben came and sat opposite you in the armchair his brother had frequented weeks ago and rubbed at his eyes, clearly exhausted to his core also, though rallied to spare you a tired smile when he noticed your glance. It was a gesture of peace and one you were happy to return.

With your loved ones around you and this foreign contentment deep in your soul, you couldn’t help yourself.

“So, what time’s Jen getting here?”

NEXT PART✨

#benny miller x reader #benny miller #benjamin miller #commitment issues #triple froniter #triple frontier fanfiction #triple frontier fic

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growup-thatbeautiful · 1 year

Note

I love all your fics!!!! I wondering if I could please request imagine (Triple Frontier) Ben Miller x shy girlfriend reader and both your infant son is mommy boy. Pretty adorable like every single day walking around the building, waiting for Ben or after the MMA fights, being both his good luck charms 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

A/n: you’re a genius, lovely! this is post-canon so i don’t have to deal with tom :) also, i spent so much time choosing the gif because i kept getting distracted about how pretty they are (the tf boys and the gifs)

Warnings: none :) reader has a kid, so if that’s not your thing don’t read!

triple frontier masterlist

Good Luck Charm

The brick wall of the gym hallway is cool against your shoulder from where you’re leaning against it. The smell of clean linoleum and the hum of the fluorescents above you provide a timeless cocoon for the sleeping bundle in your arms to nuzzle in closer to your chest.

“Good morning, Jules,” you coo softly when the bundle opens his eyes. “Have a good nap?” You get a bleary-eyed stare in response. Julian, named after Benny’s mom Julia, slowly blinks at you before spitting out his pacifier, spit following behind.

“Baby, why’d you do that?” you ask him. “You want your paci.” Sure enough, his face starts to turn red and you see his throat work up an upset whimper. Before he can start to fuss to much, though, you press the pacifier back into his mouth. Contentment settles on his face and his eyes slide back closed.

Distantly, you can hear the yelling crowd from the gym, and you don’t know how Jules is sleeping at all. The crowd is larger than normal on account of the sizable opponent Benny is fighting, hence the reason you’re waiting in the hallway instead of watching the fight.

You used to watch all of his matches when you where dating- you couldn’t get enough of the thrill of watching your Benny up on that platform, fighting with all of his strength to win. But, as you got more attached to him, it got harder to watch him take punches, especially when you had Julian.

Even if you aren’t in the room, it doesn’t stop you from thinking about Benny. The fight hasn’t started yet, which means that he’s probably in the locker room down the hall getting hyped up by the guys. As clear as if he was right in front of you, you see him wrap his hands carefully with bandages and gloves, his wedding band around a cord on his neck that holds his dog tags.

Will’s probably giving him some sort of pep talk with Santiago tagging on any information he deems helpful, which usually isn’t. Frankie, quiet and composed, os sitting on the bench, sizing up the opponent and searching for any weaknesses. They make quiet the group of men together. All there for Benny, even though none of them have to do this anymore.

When the crowd’s cheers grow louder, you know Benny’s made his way into the gym. Your husband’s always been a town favorite, and tonight there’s some sort of special opponent that he’s facing. You try not to learn all of the details- they usually make you too nervous. Benny knows not to tell you anything the same way you know not to ask questions when you patch him up. Blood, after being with him for so long, isn’t a problem for you anymore.

From somewhere down the hall, a voice calls your name. You could recognize that voice from anywhere, and if that wasn’t a dead giveaway then the loud, expletive-filled Spanish greeting gives him away before you can turn around and tell him that Julian’s asleep. Santiago wraps his arms around you, careful of Julian, and greets you warmly. “Hola, mija. How’s the kid?”

“Trying to sleep,” you respond without any malice at all. “No thanks to you.” He at least looks a little bit ashamed, but that clears away from his face as soon as Frankie steps next to him.

“Jesus, Pope, could you be any louder?” Frankie says, patting you roughly on the shoulder with a grin. “You think you would learn how to be around kids after all this time, ¿eh cabròn?”

“Thanks, Frank.” Santi’s voice is dripping with its usual sarcasm and sass, but all of you are used to it by now. 99% of what Santi says can be taken with a grain of salt.

In the gym, Benny’s name is announced over the loudspeaker and the lights start flashing rapidly. “I guess that’s your que to go,” you say. “Wouldn’t want you to miss anything.”

“Can we convince you to join us?” Frankie asks. Because it’s Frankie, you know he means the offer. If you asked him, he would take care of Julian while you went to see Benny, and you would trust him fully to do so. After two of his own kids, Frankie knows how to take care of all kinds of disasters, and you know his gentleness applies to anyone he considers family.

But you just don’t think that you watching is a good idea. “Nah, it’s okay, Frankie. Maybe next time.” Both of you know you’ll say the exact same thing next time too, but you always appreciate the offer.

With a knowing look, Frankie nods and leads Santiago down the hall with him into the crowded, hazy gym. You turn your attention back to Julian, who looks content in his dinosaur onesie. It was a gift from Will, and Benny wanted Julian to show support for his uncles.

The rest of the fight passes in a the crowds oohs and aahs and you can only pay so much attention to it before it starts to make you too anxious. Realistically, you know Benny can handle whoever it is he’s fighting. You heard accidentally that there’s a pound difference between them, but Benny’s fast for someone his size and you know that he can his own. Plus, he’s got a hearty amount of backup in case something goes wrong. The worst you’ve ever had to patch up in a long is a bloody nose or bruised ribs, and even then Benny usually knows how to take care of himself more than you do.

Eventually, you hear the triumphant roars reach a crescendo and the announcer calls out Benny as the winner. Pride fills your chest as you whisper to Julian. “Daddy won his fight, Jules. Just like we told him to.” Julian, waking up due to the raised noise levels, looks at you through squinted blue eyes just like his father’s.

As people trickle past you through the back exit, you make your way into the locker room where you know Benny and the guys will be as soon as Benny’s cleared by the unofficial doctor on site. It must not have been close at all because they show up after only a few minutes, cheering and yelling their way through the door.

When Benny sees you, a grin lights up his face, as if it’s a surprise to see you there. Like you would ever miss a fight.

With one strong arm wrapped around your waist, he pulls you in to a bruising kiss. “Honey,” he mutters against your lips, “I think you might be my good luck charm.”

Even after all these years, your heart still swells at his words, at the idea of Benny being just as enamored with you as you are with him. “I think Julian might be part of it too.”

With a grin, Benny looks down at the baby between you. “Hey, bud,” he greets, two sandy blond-haired heads looking at each other. While you’re the one who can seemingly always get Jules to sleep, Benny always wakes him up. Luckily, though, Julian is usually happy when he sees Benny. You can’t blame him. “How was your day with mama?”

“He had a rough day at school,” you explain softly to Benny, looking at Julian. “Apparently he was fussy.”

Benny scoffs and carefully takes Julian when you offer him. If it was anyone else covered in sweat and blood, you would say no, but you know Benny’s at least washed his hands. “My baby? Never. He’s an angel.”

“Sure, honey,” you respond, happy to see the twinkle in Benny’s eye. He may not agree, but you know there’s nothing that makes him in a better mood than winning and having his family there. “How was the fight?”

Benny’s grin spreads across his face and takes on a confidence that you usually don’t see outside of your home. “Not even close. He didn’t see a fuckin’ thing coming.”

“Benny,” you sigh, gesturing to Julian. “I’ll let it slide because you just won.”

“Good luck getting Pope to stop. His favorite words aren’t appropriate for kids,” Benny says in return, but you know he’s trying. His language is already better than it used to be. “Isn’t that right, Jules?”

Jules responds with a happy noise, one that just makes Benny’s grin even wider. You can’t help but appreciate the sight before you; your two beaming boys with each other, your family together.

Yeah, you’re going to keep coming to his fights. Maybe your his good luck charm, maybe you’re not, but nothing could possibly stop you from seeing Benny like this.

Happy. Content. Loved.

“Come here, honey,” Benny calls to you, and who are you to say no. Carefully, you let yourself be wrapped in Benny’s arms, your head on the warm muscle of his shoulder. “Thanks for coming tonight.”

“Of course,” you whisper. “We’re your good luck charms, right?”

“Absolutely,” he agrees. You ignore the whistling and cheering of Santi and Frankie and the over-exaggerated gagging of Will. “Nothin’ like you, sweetheart. Or you-” he looks down at Julia “-bud.”

You can’t help but agree.

#i’ve been talking with my friends about how much i want kids recently so this is perfect nonnie <3 #nova answers #this is adorable #triple frontier #benny miller #benjamin miller #ben miller #benny miller fanfic #benny miller x female reader #benny miller fic #benny miller x reader #benny miller fanfiction #benny miller x you #benny miller x y/n #benjamin miller x you #triple frontier fanfiction #triple frontier fic #triple frontier boys

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sci-fi-disney-prince · 7 months

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With the recent news that Charlie Hunnam is going to be the (executive) producer for Triple Frontier 2 which is still in its beginning stages, it got me thinking and I feel like someone probably mention this already (please let me know so I can credit you).

Would that consider Oscar, Pedro, and Garrett… Charlie’s angels?

In this essay, I will discuss -

#garrett hedlund #triple frontier #benny miller #charlie hunnam #pedro pascal #santiago garcia #santiago pope garcia #oscar isaac #francisco catfish morales #frankie catfish morales #will ironhead miller #william ironhead miller #william miller #will miller #benjamin miller #ben miller #feel free to ignore

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crowandmousewritingco · 3 months

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A Scary Bad Time

Pairing: Benjamin "Benny" Miller x gn!reader

Words: 2.2k

Rating: G, nothing spicy here peeps. This fic just shows off the golden retriever energy that this man radiates.

Summary: You agree with to go to a haunted house with your fiance. Nearing the end, you realize that the whole thing is way too much for you to process and handle.

Author: Mod Crow

Author's Note: This story using the July prompt list from @thepromptfoundry, this fic specifically is using print #8, sensory sensitivity. I don't have the disorder that I chose to write about, so if one who reads this does, please feel free to correct me! The disorder in question is Sensory Processing Disorder, if you would like to learn about SPD, follow the link below.

Info on SPD: https://www.rileychildrens.org/health-info/sensory-processing-disorders

Dipping your hands back into your cardigan’s pockets, your fingers instantly finding the flat, smooth stone that you always kept there. Normally you’d take your fiance’s hand when you started feeling overwhelmed, but he wasn’t next to you at the moment. He was buying tickets while you held your spots in line for entry. Turning towards the ticket booth, you looked through the line trying to see him. When you didn’t see him in line however you could feel your chest tighten. You could feel yourself getting close to that edge, but that was until you saw the familiar brown hair and blue eyes and -arguably your favorite part of his face- his smile.

“Sorry about the wait, sweetheart, the couple in front of me started arguing.” Benny slung his arm on your shoulders and gently pulled him into his side. You couldn’t help but lean into his body, the warmth he radiated was nice in the cool October evening air. But it wasn’t just the warmth, it was him. The fact that was simply touching you was more than enough to bring down the residual anxiety that was left over from just moments ago.

You looked up to Benny, chin resting on the side of his chest. “You promise to stay right beside me the whole time right?” You puffed out your bottom lip ever so slightly, just enough so that you were giving him your famous puppy dog face, or as he likes to call it the ‘definition of having to say yes’.

You scanned his face as he looked at you, he offered back a soft, honest smile, “Of course sweetheart. If they try to take you from me I’ll fight them.” Hearing him chuckle at his joke made you giggle in response. “It’s nice to know that not only is my soon-to-be-husband handsome and funny, but he’s also a body guard.”

By the time Benny returned and you had your chance to calm down, the line finally started moving. You were hoping that the line would move just slow enough that you could convince yourself that this was going to be A-okay; though something deep in the pit of your stomach felt heavy.

“Tickets please.” the sound of the annoyed teen’s voice pulled you from your worrying brain. You looked to Benny right as he handed over the tickets, ‘Too late to back out now.’ Taking a deep breath you put up the front that there wasn’t an ounce of nerves in your body.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Benny wasn’t lying when he said he’d fight someone if they tried to split the two of you up. Right after the two of you had entered, a blood covered butcher was the first to try, and the first to back down. The only other person who tried was a little girl who had dressed as a haunted, cracked porcelain doll. Benny hadn’t actually threatened the kid, but he did do a pretty great job at scaring her shitless.

“I told you I’d fight whoever I needed, sweetheart.” Benny’s voice was soft as he planted a kiss on your forehead. The two of you stood there a moment, maybe Benny realized that you weren’t feeling the best, or maybe he simply wanted a moment to just yourselves. Even if that happened to be right now in a haunted house.

“We should probably keep moving before others come walking through.” You step back just enough to show that you were okay to continue. Benny studied your face for a moment, ‘Oh no, can he tell that something is wrong?’ But just as the thought entered your head, Benny was offering a soft smile before continuing through the Halloween attraction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to Benny, the two of you were drawing closer to the end, but to you it looked like this thing would keep going on for the rest of your lives. Your grip on Benny’s jacket sleeve at this point was in a white knuckled, death grip. You’d be damned if now would be the time that you get separated, and you knew it was getting obvious that this was quickly becoming too much.

As the two of you entered a new room -this one decorated like an abandoned laboratory- you looked around trying to familiarize yourself with the new surroundings. Benny however, was looking down at you, worried, laced throughout his blue eyes. Looking at Benny you saw his eyes,and the look on his face. As you went to calm him however, the once dimly lit room suddenly went black. The sudden darkness isn’t what tipped you over the edge however, it was the feeling of someone grabbing your shoulders and giving you a little tug. At the feeling of tugging, you felt a not-so-unfamiliar pain shoot through your shoulders. Then at the sound of the whisper in your ear you realized what was happening. ‘I’m way beyond overstimulated,’ Looking towards where you think Benny was standing, you gave an apologetic look and thought to yourself, ‘Sorry Benji.’ Squeezing your eyes shut, you could feel yourself almost…turn off. You no longer were in control. Shoving the person off of you, you felt your feet carry you in the other direction, the direction of the exit. Or so you hoped so.

With your eyes still closed you felt your body collide with other people, though you couldn’t tell who was another patron, or a scare actor. After the collisions slowed, you finally opened your eyes. Looking around you could tell you were still in the haunted house, but you couldn’t place where. Other than the unfamiliarity of the area, you relished in the relative quietness of the area. Walking closer to the wall, you could feel yourself coming back to your body. Touching the wall you quickly pulled away, the wall felt…wrong. Clenching your jaw, you drop to a sitting position and pull your knees to your chest. You buried your face in your legs, trying to calm yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He could tell something was wrong when they had the last couple of rooms. Something just felt off about you. Maybe it was the way your grip tightened on his jacket sleeve, or maybe it was the subtle way your breathing had changed. Before it was forced deep breaths and now it was ragged quick inhales. Despite having noticed the changes, and prepared for the possible shut down, he wasn’t prepared for the lights to go out. Nor was he prepared for you to let go of his jacket and vanish by the time the lights came back on.

“Sweetheart?” Benny looked around the small room that you had just been in. At first Benny had been relatively calm while looking for you. He had assumed you had found one of the walls of the room and were sitting there. But after walking the parameter and still not finding you, he could feel his own pulse racing. Benny knew you had a hard time in public places because of all of the senses. Going back to the middle of the room Benny stood there a moment, ‘If they’d had run towards the exit, we would have bumped into each other. So that means…’ Looking towards the way back, Benny sighed and made his way through.

Soft ‘sorry’s and ‘pardon me’s left Benny’s lips as he made his way through the crowd. As he walked through the haunted house backwards, Benny noticed the areas that allowed the scareers to hide from view. Walk past each one he would dip his head around the corner and scan the area. The deeper he made it back into the attraction, the more worried he grew for you…and how angry he was at himself. He had promised to not let the two of you get split up, and what was he doing right now? Looking for you because he had failed you, he had broken a promise. Something he had sworn to you the day he proposed to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Inhale for four, hold for two, exhale for six.’ You kept repeating to yourself in your head, hands under the bend of your legs, fingers rubbing the obsidian worry stone that once lived in your jacket pocket.

“Sweetheart?” At first the familiar voice and pet name didn’t register in your brain. Somehow he sounded far away, yet so close at the same time. You also didn’t quite register to the following calls either. It wasn't until Benny was crouched in front of you on the floor, his lips saying your name, that it registered that his hand on your arm. You had expected the touch to feel like before, red hot, razor sharp pins being forced into your skin at electric speed; but Benny’s touch wasn’t. While his touch didn’t hurt like hell, it was still unpleasant, like a loose shirt on healing sunburn.

“Hey, you made me even more scared than Will is with snakes.” You could tell he was trying to help by telling stupid jokes because he knew it was what you liked when you didn’t feel your best. You knew he wanted a laugh, a giggle, hell, you knew damn well that he’d even take that huff of air that sometimes happens with reading something dumb, but dumb that borders on being funny. You wanted to give that Benny, you really did. What you didn’t want to do though, was lie about how you’re feeling.

Shutting your eyes, you move one of your shaking hands to your pocket and drop the smooth stone. Once empty, your hand retreats from the pocket and joins along your other hand, atop your knees. With your hands on your knees, you take a couple of breaths in an attempt to quell the shaking in your hands and the pounding in your chest. As you took your last deep breath, you opened your eyes and locked them with Benny’s bright blue ones.

“Thank you for finding me,” You smiled softly, in an attempt to help you convince Benny that you’re okay. “Oh and I’m sorry about that whole, running off thing.” You joked weakly. You could tell that your joke wasn’t helping calm your worried fiance. Thinking for a moment you decided to reach out and take Benny’s hands. Once you had his hands in hand, you brought them back to rest on your knees. Without talking, you opened his hands and studied them, running your fingers over the prominent lines at first, before turning over his hands to do the same with the scars that were scattered over his knuckles from the years of boxing.

After a silent moment you looked at Benny once again, though this time he wasn’t staring at you. Well at least not at your face, instead his eyes were glued to where the two of you were tangled, your hands. Detaching one of your entangled hands, you lifted it to rest on Benny’s cheek. Running your thumb along his cheek you watched as he lifted his blue eyes from your hands, to yours. As you looked at each other you felt Benny pull one of his hands away. Once his hand was in your peripheral, you looked at it and followed it to its resting point. On top of yours.

“Sweetheart, are you okay? What happened back there?” You could tell Benny was still worried, and you knew he wouldn’t feel one hundred percent better till he knew the truth. The whole truth. Taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out.

“Benji,” He knew that tone and nickname from the times you were crying, or was giving bad news. “You know how I’m sensitive to…well everything?” You watch as he nods, him almost knowing that his talking might be too much for you right now. “Well there’s more to it than that. I have sensory processing disorder, SPD. I’m more sensitive to things. To me sometimes sounds are way louder than they really are, and sometimes light touches feel like slaps.” You take a moment, the sound of your own voice becoming too much.

“Wh-What happened in there doesn’t happen often. The last time that happened I was a sophomore in high school. I had to give my baby presentation in home economics, and during my presentation a couple of babies went off -mine included- and it became too much. I dropped my papers and kinda speed walked out of the class.” Hearing Benny chuckle helped calm you.

The two of you sat, hidden behind a fake wall, for a while. Just talking. By the time a worker had found the two of you, you were perfectly content. Benny helped you to your feet and dusted off the dirt on your butt and back. Benny led the way to the entrance -since the two of you were closer to that than the exit- you followed happily behind.

Once out of the attraction, he led the way to his car. From there the two of you drove around till dawn, talking over the soft music of the car’s radio. Once the yawns started Benny was quick to get home. He was even quicker to get you from your side of the car, unlock the door and let you in. Not only was it quick for him to help strip you of your date clothes, but also help you find your way to your bed. He wrapped his arm around you the second your legs were on the bed, pulling you in close. He kissed the side of your face to the best of his ability, and whispered an ‘I love you’. As soon as the words left his mouth you slipped off to dreamland.

#crow and mouse writings #mod crow writing #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #benny miller #benny miller x reader #benny miller x gn!reader #benjamin miller #benjamin miller x reader #benjamin miller x gn!reader

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romanarose · 2 years

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Oh yeah, I watch triple frontier for the plot

#triple frontier #Oscar Isaac #pedro pascal #charlie hunnam #garret hedlund #benjamin benny miller #Santiago Garcia #frankie catfish morales #will ironhead miller

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musings-of-a-rose · 20 days

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I Don't Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) - Chapter 6

Pairing: Benny Miller x wife!reader nicknamed “Juni”

Word Count: 3500+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Notes: This is it, folks! I had some little short story ideas for this fic. Maybe I’ll write them one day if people want. HUGE shoutout to @laurfilijames for listening to me babble about this fic. I hope you enjoy your husband Will! And also to @mermaidxatxheart for listening to my crazy messages about a world she’s not terribly familiar with. I hope you enjoy your guest spot! This is not beta’d - we yeet and post.

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Benny Miller Masterlist

I Don’t Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) series masterlist

My eyes blink, trying to focus as I will them to open, my head spinning and aching at the back from whatever hit me. I bring my hand to the back of my head and feel a knot, but no blood. Or at least it’s dried. I hope that’s a good thing.

The floor beneath me is hard and dirty, which isn’t out of the norm, but a memory stirs at the back of my mind, pulling at the edges of memory.

“And they said Raiders can’t be sneaky!”

My eyes finally focus and I try to sit up, my head lightly scraping against a hard surface. I feel above me a hard roof, my fingers scrambling to try and find an edge. But then my eyes land on the bars in front of me and I realize - I’m in a cage. On all fours, I move around and finally find the door, which of course is firmly locked. I grip the bars, squeezing them tight before I shake the door gently. It doesn’t budge.

Part of me wants to scream and yell, but I’ve seen enough of those old movies to know that it won’t do me any good. No one will let me out or I wouldn’t be in here to begin with. I take a look around the dingy, poorly-lit room and see no one. Just half broken furniture and some rusty shelves with various parts of metal, some canned foods, and…is that a board game? It’s not until I see the needle full of Jet (a drug) on the table that I know who took me for certain. My memory was not failing me.

Raiders.

I have no idea why they would take me, but I do know that I’m fucked. It does give me a little hope that they haven’t done anything yet. Maybe they’re waiting for me to wake up….

I quickly lay back down, curling into the same position I had woken from. I keep my eyes open, studying my prison for as long as I can. But when I hear the footsteps growing closer, I close them gently, hoping that I can still look like I’m asleep. Heavy footsteps shuffle in, 2 sets as far as I can hear. I don’t dare open my eyes.

“Still out?” a deep voice asks.

“Seems so.” The bars of my cage rattle as the second man shakes the cage. I don’t move. “Yeah. I’d say she is.”

The first man groans. “I wish she’d wake up. Maybe the boss would let us torture her a bit while we’re waiting on Nightshade.”

Benny. Of course. That’s why they took me. Benny missed several drop offs and he’d assumed they would think he was dead. Apparently, he thought wrong.

“Yeah but the boss said no touching. That we’re waitin’ on what’s owed us. And Nightshade won’t be nice if we hurt what’s his.”

Some more grumbling from the first man before something clanks on the floor next to the bars of my cage and they shuffle out. I wait a few minutes before moving, making sure no one else was coming. When nothing happens, I crack an eye open and scan the area. A can of Pork N’ Beans sits next to the cage, slightly open with what I’m assuming is a fork sticking out of it. Next to it is a bottle of questionable at best water. My throat is terribly dry and my stomach betrays me with a low grumble at the sight of the can. I doubt they’re going to poison me, as they could’ve killed me at any time. That’s the Raider way. Same goes for drugging. They could’ve put a line in my or anything while I was out but they didn’t. They need me alive.

I take a very small sip of water and nibble from the can, making sure to place them back where they had been left, just in case they return quickly. They would think I was still out. But no one comes back and as the time goes on to what may be night, I start to wonder if they’ll come back. Maybe I’ll be left to die in this crate. I decide to chance another couple nibbles and sips, gently placing the containers back.

A few hours later, I hear another set of footsteps coming closer. I get back in my fake sleeping position, listening to whomever was shuffling in. Definitely different than the first 2 people. These steps are more confident, like they know what they’re doing. I hear them stop by the cage door, standing there for several moments before heading over to the couch and slumping down on it.

“I know you’re awake.”

Fuck. Well, no use pretending. I open my eyes and sit up as best as I can, staring at the man on the couch. He’s definitely a Raider, the patchy clothes and scars littering his shirtless body are a big indicator. As is the shoulder plate armor with giant spikes coming from it. He’s got a scar across his cheek and a tattoo of some kind of marking around his eyes. He scratches at the short mohawk on his head, plopping down another piece of armor from his body on the makeshift coffee table in front of him.

“I’m Draven. Who are you to Nightshade?”

Doesn’t even ask my name. Rude.

“Juni.”

“What’s a Juni?”

I scoff. “My name. Since you didn’t ask.”

He cocks his head slightly. “I’m shocked you told me. I thought you’d have told me to fuck off.”

I nod. “Thought about it.”

His eyebrows raise. “And?”

I shrug. “I figured it wouldn’t get me anywhere.”

He laughs. “Logical. I like that. And funny. No wonder Nightshade keeps you close. Well….most times anyway.”

I cross my arms, willing my nerves to calm down. “What do you want with him?”

“Ain’t you gonna ask me why you’re here?”

I gesture vaguely. “As a sort of bait or something from Nightshade, I assume.”

He nods. “Or something.” He glances down at the can and jar of water. “You can eat and drink. It’s not poisoned. Water might not be the cleanest but it’s what we got. We never got the parts to fix our purifier.”

I study him for a moment, his dark eyes looking more intense surrounded by the markings. I decide he’s telling the truth and reach for the bottle, taking several sips before setting it to the side and taking a few bites of the beans, my eyes never leaving Draven. He watches me finish eating before shifting on the couch to lay down, tossing his arm over his forehead.

“You don’t have to worry about my people hurtin’ you. I forbid it. As long as you’re cooperative.”

Is that supposed to be comforting? “How long am I going to be here?”

“Just waiting on your boss, hon.”

Boss? Keeps me close? It dawns on me that Draven must think I’m Nightshade’s property. He has no clue how deep Benny’s love for me is. He may not even think that Benny will come for me, but decided to take the chance.

Draven yawns loudly. “I figure I have nothing to lose. On one hand, if he shows, I’ll be able to get what’s ours. On the other, if he doesn’t think you’re worth it, I get a pretty girl to keep all to myself. Either way, I win.”

I feel the color drain from my face, even though I kind of figured that it wouldn’t end well for me if Benny didn’t show. Question is, how soon will he make it here? Will it be in time?

On the 3rd day in my cage, I’m wakened by various yells and whoops, Draven quickly sitting up on the couch. He looks over at me, a sickly sweet smile spreading across his face as the commotion grows louder.

“Bet that’s your boss.”

The door flies open and a Raider walks in, chest heaving from excitement. “It’s him. It’s The Nightshade!”

Before I can think, my cage door is ripped open and the Raider grips my ankle, dragging me across the cage floor. I try to kick out, but he pins me, Draven coming over to calmly tie my hands behind my back. I knew it wouldn’t work, trying to escape, but I had to give it a shot. Draven hauls me up, gripping the binds at my wrists as he leans in to my ear.

“Let’s go say hi.”

He grips the binds tight, the rope digging further into my skin as he pulls me along, pushing his way through a crowd of people all staring at something on the ground. We break through the crowd and I have to choke back a cry. On the ground is Benny, one Raider on either side of him hauling him up, his arms outstretched on either side. His lip is busted and he spits a glob of blood out on the ground, looking up at Draven.

“Nightshade. You’re alive.”

Benny pulls a little at each Raider but they hold strong. “I am.”

Draven chuckles, deep in his chest. “And here we thought you were dead. After all, you stopped deliverin’ what was agreed upon.”

“You think I’d go back on a deal?”

Draven watches him for a moment. “I’m not sure. Why don’t you tell your partner here where the load is, then.” Draven yanks me from behind him, pulling me around front and holding me to his body. My eyes find Benny’s and, even though we are not safe by any means, I take comfort from his gaze, a brief flicker of concern before rage sets in, that darkness enveloping his face.

“You let her go and we can talk.”

Draven does that chuckle again. “Now why would I let my insurance go? She’s my guarantee that you’ll do as I say.”

Benny’s jaw clenches. He hates this. I can’t say I’m too fond of it either.

“I’ll bring you what’s owed.”

“That you will,” Draven smiles down at him. “Maybe we’ll start with her. She has such smoothe skin.” He brushes the backside of a crooked finger down my cheek and I jerk my head away from him as his finger continues to trace a path down my neck.

It’s as if I’m watching things happen in slow motion. Benny jerks his arms once, no doubt the enhancements he’s received taking over as both Raiders go flying. He stands, pulling guns from each of the Raiders and aiming at the ones currently charging him. He always hits a mark, but there’s so many of them. They all rush him, the sound of clashing metal and gunfire deafening in the small circle. But then battle cries and screams sound from the opposite side and the Raiders scatter slightly as men clad in umpire gear and a familiar brown pointed hat come charging in. The Minutemen and Diamond City have arrived, the Raiders momentarily surprised by their abrupt appearance.

This is so much faster than the films. But while they started strong, the Raiders are more willing to take a life and they start to overpower the Minutemen and Diamond City and it sounds like they’re losing. And Fast. Draven pulls me tighter to him and I feel a knife being pressed to my side, his heavy breathing in my ear warm, fanning down my neck. And then he bursts from the crowd, blood spattered across his face and clothes, chest heaving.

Benny!

He takes a step forward, but then the ground shakes, a deafening roar sounding loud over the sounds of fighting as a giant dinosaur looking thing comes stomping into view. It’s tall, at least 20 feet tall, curved horns adorning it’s face, scaly skin, standing on 2 legs, 2 long arms with sharp claw-like fingers at the end. And it hits me - this must be a Deathclaw.

“Fuck!” Draven yells from behind me, yanking me along with him as everyone starts running, some people trying to shoot the thing and take it down. We lose Benny in our escape, and honestly, I’m too terrified to try and slow him down. We have to get away from that thing!

As the sounds of the deathclaw and fighting start to fade a little, a shot bounces off the ground next to us. Draven clutches me to him and spins, the knife poking my side again and I gasp at the pain. My hands grip the arm he has pinned across my chest, frantically turning me side to side to find the shooter. But he doesn’t have to look long as Benny appears from nowhere, his dark jacket flapping in the breeze. He aims his pistol at Draven.

“Just give her to me and I’ll get you what’s owed. Then I’m out.”

Draven squeezes me a little tighter. “She must be more important to you than I thought for you to bring the literal cavalry in.”

Benny shrugs, but I know it’s for show. I can see the tension in his body, in the small movements of his face that I’m so attuned to. “Hard to find good help.”

“Mmm. Well, if she’s not so important, maybe I’ll just keep her. Trade you for her.”

Benny sighs. “Don’t make me kill you, Draven. You’re smarter than all those other Raiders.”

“You’re right. Maybe I’ll just keep her and kill you. Best of both worlds.”

If I hadn’t been staring at his face, I would’ve missed the nearly imperceptible glance Benny gave me, his eyes dropping ever so slightly before snapping back to Draven, who had been rambling on about the horrible things he’d do to me. Slowly, I loosen my grip on Draven’s arm, lowering my own to my sides. I try to tell Benny I love him and trust him with my gaze but I don’t know if he saw it.

“-and then, only when I’m done with her, I’ll toss her to my-”

BANG!

A loud gunshot rings out, my own voice screaming with it. Draven drops to the floor, instantly dead with a bullet in between his eyes. Benny lowers his gun and runs to me, holding me to him.

“Hey, sshh hey it’s me. You’re ok, Juni. I’ve got you.”

My breathing starts to shorten and I start gasping for breath a little. “Benny?”

He pulls back and looks at me, his eyes wide with fear. They start to rake over my body, but I know where it is. I reach my side and pull my fingers back, blood covering them.

“No! Fuck!” Benny grabs me as I slump, my limbs already going cold. He must have hit an organ.

“I l-love y-you, Ben..Benny,” I say, gasping for breath.

Benny holds me, but before he can reply, that same screech comes bellowing at us. Benny turns his head, staring at the deathclaw as it charges us. He turns back to me and holds me tighter, trying to shield me from whatever violent attack was about to happen.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’m so sorry, Juni. I love you.”

His tears splash on my face, joining my own. It may be because I’m dying, but I hear what sounds like a vertibird (a sort of helicopter) propeller. And machine gun fire, the screaming from the deathclaw indicating it had been hit. Multiple times. Benny tears his face from mine, looking through the dust at the deathclaw, who was falling on his side, sliding across the dirt, dead.

“Hey! Help! Get a stimpak!” Benny screams from somewhere above me, one of his arms leaving me to wave.

I look up at the sky and I see it then, a large vertibird descending upon us, someone in power armor hopping out. I must be dying because I swear I see Frankie in the pilot’s chair as the stomping from the power armor gets closer.

“Here! Stimpak now!” Benny yells and the stomps come closer as my eyes start fluttering. The last thing I see before I pass out is Santi’s face appearing from behind the power armor helmet, leaning over me as Benny comes into view, a pinch in my side before I pass out.

Sunlight streams across my face, the warmth and brightness rousing me from sleep. I blink, my eyes taking a moment to adjust to the light. As my vision acclimates, I look around the room I’m in. It’s plain, medical. Like a military med tent. I feel a weight on my hand and look down to see Benny, asleep on said hand. His face is turned towards me and I take advantage of the quiet to study his face. It’s peaceful in sleep, the white of his scars even seems subdued. And I’m struck again by how handsome he is and just how lucky I am that he loves me back. I reach over and brush back some hair from his face as he stirs beneath my touch. His eyes open and he finds mine already watching him. He sits up, taking my hand in his.

“You’re awake! How do you feel?”

How do I feel? “A little sore but alive. What happened?”

Benny cups my face and leans towards me, kissing my gently before pulling back, giving me a small smile. “I fucking love you.”

“I love you too.”

He sits back and takes my hand again. “Draven stabbed you. There was so much blood. You were…” he swallows hard and I squeeze his hand in reassurance. “You were dying. And then that deathclaw found us. He was charging and I thought..well I thought if you were dying, then I’d go with you. I was going to protect you as best I could. But then Frankie and Santi showed up and mowed that fucker down.”

“So that was Frankie and Santi? For real?”

He nods. “Yeah! I wasn’t sure they even got my message but apparently they did. Santi got to you just in time. He jammed a stimpak in your side, but you had passed out. We weren’t sure the stimpak would work in time.” He takes a deep breath. “But you did. Once it seemed you were stable enough, we loaded you up and they took us back to base. We’re in a Brotherhood med tent right now.”

“And the Raiders? Won’t they retaliate?”

Benny chuckles. “Those knuckleheads? The only one of them that had half a brain cell was Draven and he’s dead. The others? Most of them died during the fight. Maybe a few survived but we won’t see anything from them.” We sit in silence for a moment before his eyes drop from mine. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get to you.”

I cup his face. “What? No, Benny you did what you could. You couldn’t just come running in. We wouldn’t have made it out alive.”

Benny laughs. “That’s exactly what Will and Tom said. They said you’d kill me yourself for coming in without a plan.”

“And they were right.”

“Tom gathered up all the Diamond City guards and Lauren got in touch with your Minutemen. They came as quick as they could. I’ve never seen Preston that mad. Anyway, you saw what happened.”

My mind flashes back to the battle and I shake my head. “When can we leave?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

I smile at him. “Let’s go home.”

1 year later…

“And then I mowed that yao gui (mutated bear) down!” Santi boasts.

Frankie snorts. “Yeah but it took you a week to scrub your shit from the inside of that power armor!”

We all laugh as Santi throws an empty Pork ‘N Beans can at Frankie’s head. “Pendejo. How many yao guis have you stood in front of?” They bicker like brothers back and forth for another few minutes, eventually walking back towards the kitchen to get more food.

Benny and I had returned to Sanctuary Hills, bringing Santi and Frankie with us. They helped refortify the perimeter and took turns on watch. They left for a run to Diamond City and came back a month later with Will and Lauren, Tom and Molly opting to stay behind in Diamond City. Tom was too connected with his bar and Molly and the kids loved it there. But what surprised us most was that Santi brought back with him a girl, Jamie, who fit right in the moment she came inside the gates.

Benny comes to stand next to me, draping his arm around my shoulders. He tips my chin to him with his pointer finger and kisses me, deepening it momentarily before pulling back. He smiles and rubs his nose against mine before resting his head on mine.

As I feel Benny next to me and look out at all of our friends, my heart fills with happiness and gratitude that we all somehow managed to make it, together, past the end of the world. And that we would be able to survive whatever this wasteland throws our way.

General Taglist:

#benny miller #ben miller #benny miller x reader #fallout #benny miller x you #benny miller x f!reader #triple frontier #garrett hedlund #benjamin miller #benjamin benny miller #garrett hedlund x reader #garrett hedlund x you #garrett hedlund characters #garrett hedlund character fanfic #garrett hedlund character ff #garrett hedlund character fanfiction #fallout fanfiction #crossover au

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floralpascal · 2 years

Text

Heartbeat - Part 2

Summary: As your weekend with Frankie comes to a close, you start to clarify exactly what your relationship is and what the future will hold for you both

Pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader

Word Count: 5.1k

Rating: Explicit (18+ only)

Warnings: kissing, protected p-in-v sex, praise kink, marking kink (? if that's a thing), unprotected p-in-v sex (you know the drill, wrap it y'all)

A/N: Part 2! Thank you to everyone that showed support for Part 1, the response truly blew me away. I was so excited to be able to wrap up their weekend. Enjoy!

Part 1

You hadn’t left Frankie’s house the entire weekend.

You had never had a weekend like this, where the only indicator of passing time was when you and Frankie would reach for one-another again, gasoline once again being thrown onto the now-familiar fire. Friday night, the first time you and Frankie had one-another, felt like an eternity ago, lost in a haze of lips and hands and blissful moans. Every time felt both new and just as desperate as the first.

When you opened your eyes again, you could tell from the pale light that drifted into the room that it was morning.

Frankie was already awake, fiddling with a strand of your hair, his eyes heavy. “Mornin’, cariño.”

You smiled lazily. “Morning, handsome.”

He glowed under your affections. His hair was wild, mussed from the sheets and your hands, splayed against the pillow beneath him. To you, it made him look even more handsome.

You lifted a hand to run along the edge of his jaw, feeling the sweet scrape of his patchy beard against your fingers as he watched you, eyes soft and warm.

How many times had you dreamed of seeing Frankie like this? As soft and light as the golden rays of sunlight that kissed his skin now. It almost felt like it was a dream.

He leaned forward and brought his lips to yours. It was soft, at first, with the sweet call of sleep still pulling at you both. You kissed him slowly, gradually deepening it as his lips pulled you further and further from sleep’s grip. It was the smallest things that pulled you deeper into him: the featherlight touch of his hand on your bare hip, the warmth of his chest under your hand, his soft hum as your tongue met his. Soon, while still slow, the heat of the kiss intensified, your need for each other returning in full-force.

You ended up on top of Frankie, rolling to straddle him. His hands immediately found your hips and you slowly, lightly ground against him. He groaned into your mouth.

“Ride me,” he pleaded, his voice still gravelly from sleep. He said it like it was the only thing he had ever needed.

You nodded and kissed him one last time before pulling away to sit up. He leaned over and grabbed another foil packet from the bedside table. You had made quick work of Frankie’s supply, the number of packets left dwindling as the weekend went on. He ripped it open and quickly rolled the condom over his already hard cock.

You didn’t need any prep to fit him now, not after all the times you had him. The one thing you could never be fully prepared for, it seemed, was the way you lost your breath each time he made the first push into you, your walls stretching around him. You whined as you slid down to bury him completely, Frankie watching as he disappeared into you.

“You take me so well,” he praised. “You’re still so wet, baby.”

You caught your breath before you started to move yourself over him, starting slow. Even so, it seemed to drive Frankie insane. His head ground into the pillow underneath as he watched you above him, his eyes staying trained on you. Something about this position made him moan out more than usual. In bed, Frankie wasn’t a quiet man by any means, but it usually manifested more in his words. So the sounds that escaped him now went straight to your head.

You picked up the pace, moving faster and harder, your hands on his chest for leverage. He was hitting so deep like this that it was hard to not lose yourself to the feeling.

“You’re so fucking big, Frankie,” you breathed. By now, you had figured out that he had a not-so subtle love for praise and it hadn’t taken long for you to find exactly what drove him crazy. “No one has ever filled me like you.”

Frankie closed his eyes and tipped his head back, his tan neck exposed and straining in the golden light, those sweet sounds continuing to pour from his mouth.

“Look at me, Frankie. I want you to watch,” you told him, your voice high and airy. He tipped his head back down, his sweet brown eyes blinking back open to find you again. You could see from them that he was gone, his pupils blown wide. “You like it like this, baby?”

He nodded, his chest heaving. “Yes, fuck, yes.”

His hands traveled up your hips to graze over the sides of your torso before making the way back down to your thighs. Blissed out, his gaze dropped to watch the way he disappeared into you, the way you moved over him. You ground down against him, your twin moans filling the air. His fingers dug into the plush of your thighs, feeling oh-so good but surely leaving bruises to find tomorrow. They would go with all the others his mouth had left on you.

“Use me, hermosa. Just like that. Don’t fucking stop.”

You bounced up and down, letting your head tip back. You whined out his name and a deep moan came from him. He began to thrust up into you, meeting your pace and making the impact of him even more devastating.

Your release took you by surprise, seemingly coming from nowhere. You cried out, your body going stiff as you rode out your orgasm. Frankie groaned from the way you tightened around him. As you stopped moving over him, Frankie took control, his hands continuing to move your hips for you as he bucked his hips to keep fucking into you.

Breath ragged, you came back down from your high, whining at the blistering pace.

“Cariño…cariño, g-give me another,” Frankie huffed. Sweat had begun to plaster his hair to his forehead in his exertion, his eyebrows set low with determination

“Baby…I don’t - fuck - I don’t know if I can,” you told him. Even as you said it, you started to meet his pace again.

“That’s it, just like that. I know you can. Rub that pretty clit for me.”

Nodding, you leaned forward and pressed two fingers to his lips. Frankie got the message immediately, wrapping his lips around the digits and sucking, his tongue running along the pads of your fingers. He let go with a pop and a murmur of that’s it, baby. You leaned back so he could watch you bring them to your clit before you started to rub circles. You were so over-sensitive now that you had to squeeze your eyes shut and prop yourself up on Frankie’s thigh behind you to keep going.

Broken, desperate praise poured from Frankie as he watched you. You let it spur you on, rubbing harder and faster as you bounced up and down on him. It built the white-hot tension in your stomach more and more until, finally, it snapped once again.

This time, when you went, you took Frankie with you. You clenched around him and he made only a few more strokes into you before stilling and releasing into the rubber.

You leaned down over him to catch your breath. Though he hadn’t caught his breath either, his hand came to your cheek to guide your lips to his. The kiss was sloppy, but no less insistent than it had been before.

“I can’t get enough of you,” Frankie groaned against your lips, his hand caressing your face.

“Me neither, baby.” You lifted up off of Frankie cock, earning a hiss from him, before coming to fully lay on top of him. His arm wrapped around to encircle you, his hand tracing shapes on your bare back. You tried to slow your racing heart for what felt like the millionth time this weekend. “How many times did we do it last night?”

“Oh, cariño, I have no idea. I don’t even know what day it is.”

You thought for a moment. “Sunday? Would it be Sunday?”

Frankie leaned over to the table to grab his phone before he turned it on. “Holy shit, it is Sunday.”

You giggled. “We’ve been at it for a while; it gets kind of hard to keep track of time. Doesn’t help that we keep passing out afterwards.”

He released a breath. “Yeah. Speaking of which, how long has it been since we ate? I’m starving.”

“Me, too. I’m not even going to try to guess what time it was that we ordered that pizza yesterday.”

He smiled down at you. “Sounds like it’s time for me to make us some breakfast.”

~~~

You had been graced with Frankie’s cooking before, but now he seemed to be pulling out all the stops. He had insisted that you not lift a finger, so while he bustled around the kitchen, you sat on the counter in nothing but your underwear and an oversized shirt you had stolen from Frankie’s closet.

Frankie was driving you insane as he dashed around shirtless, wearing only sweatpants. Taking in the broad expanse of his shoulders as he rustled in a cupboard for a pan, you tried to hold yourself back from just forgetting breakfast all together and having him take you on the counter.

Get a grip, you thought to yourself. The number of times you had each other was bordering on ridiculous. Even so, you still seemed to have an insatiable need for Frankie. It was like you had finally gotten a taste of him and were now unable to stop. God, you needed to calm down.

You took a breath, catching the smile Frankie flashed your way as he finally found the pan he had been looking for. It was so simple, yet it sent your heart soaring at the familiarity and domesticity of it all. All at once, you were seeing both a new side of Frankie and the same Frankie that you had known for years.

The warmth that bloomed in your chest was unlike anything you had ever felt before. However, that feeling - although welcome - also brought with it the question of what it was that you and Frankie were now. Despite having been inseparable for the entire weekend, you hadn’t discussed what exactly you two were yet. It felt like the beginnings of a relationship; you wanted him and he wanted you. You had just been a little too preoccupied with each other to properly address anything yet.

You still had time for that, you reasoned. There was no reason to bring it up just yet.

In an effort to distract yourself, you scrolled through your phone, updating Frankie on the many, many group texts you had received and left unread from the guys over the weekend. You and Frankie had been much too invested in each other to even look at texts, let alone respond to them.

On Friday night, Benny had immediately informed Santi and Will about the “graphic” display you and Frankie put on in his driveway and that you had seemingly gone home with Frankie. Will had congratulated the two of you, revealing that he had been the first to lose the bet between the guys. Apparently, he had thought the two of you would’ve gotten together six months ago. Santi, who was much more of a sore loser than Will, had guessed that it would take you both at least another year before you got together. Benny had proudly announced that he had guessed the exact month correctly, much to Santi’s annoyance.

Benny had also lamented at length about the fact that you had left your car blocking his garage and trapping his own car as a result. In fact, he had complained about it every single day since. The car dilemma seemed to have eased the sting of Santi’s loss significantly, as he seemed to thoroughly enjoy Benny’s issue.

“Last night, Benny even threatened to have my car towed,” you told Frankie, continuing to scroll through messages.

Frankie chuckled. “Yeah, sure. Like Benny has anything to do this weekend anyways.”

Your scrolling came to a stop. “Oh, god…”

Frankie gave you a questioning look as he cracked eggs into a bowl. “What?”

“Santi said, ‘Don’t think we didn’t notice whatever you two had going on over on the other side of the couch that night’. Will says that he noticed, too.”

Frankie laughed as he began to mix the eggs, crinkles appearing at the corner of his eyes. “I thought we had been a little more discreet than that.”

You agreed, leaning your hand on the counter as you finished reading the messages. The longer the guys hadn’t heard back from you both, the more they began to speculate and tease, rightly assuming that things were going very well between the two of you.

“I, uh…” Frankie started, pouring the egg mixture into the pan that stood waiting on the stove, “I also had a question about that night.”

Setting your phone down on the counter beside you, you turned to your left to face Frankie. “Yeah?”

“When you looked up at me, right before we almost kissed on the couch, it seemed like you knew. That I had feelings for you, I mean.”

“Well,” you smiled, “I was starting to get the idea that you might…”

Frankie moved to stand closer to you, his brown eyes sparkling in the light that spilled in from the windows. “How did you know?”

It almost felt ridiculous to say it out loud. You looked down for a moment before meeting his soft gaze again. “You know how I was laying on your chest?”

“Yeah…”

“Well,” you began, gently swaying your feet as they dangled off the edge of the counter, “I could hear your heartbeat. At first, I didn’t know why your heart was beating so fast, but then you looked at me and… I could just see it.”

Frankie chuckled self-consciously and looked at the ceiling. Then, he stepped between your legs, your thighs parting for him immediately as you leaned forward and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. His strong, calloused hands softly grasped at the bare plush of your thighs. He gave you that shy smile you knew all too well.

“I had hoped you couldn’t hear that,” he laughed. “Now, I’m kinda glad you did.”

You played with the soft, sleep-mussed curls at the base of his neck, wrapping your legs around his hips. “Me, too, Francisco. Though I thought an ex-special ops pilot might have a little more control over his heart rate.”

“Oh, not when there’s a gorgeous woman involved, hermosa,” he countered before leaning in to kiss you again.

The speed at which you could lose yourself in Frankie was truly astounding. His soft, honey-sweet lips had you like putty in his hands almost immediately. The sweet drag of his calloused hands as they moved up from your thighs to glide up under your shirt had you arching into him. You just needed him closer. Always closer.

A sudden crackle had him pulling away from you at lightning speed and running back to tend to the eggs on the stove. “Shit. Fuck, you’re too good of a distraction over there.”

Giggling, you let your feet sway in the air again as you tipped your head and batted your eyelashes sweetly at him. As innocently as possible, you responded, “I don’t know what you mean, Frankie.”

As he used a spatula to stir the eggs, his eyes flicked up to meet yours for a moment. He shook his head, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. “What am I gonna do with you, cariño?”

~~~

The sounds you were making were damn near obscene, but you didn’t care. The breakfast Frankie had made was delicious.

Frankie had made the best eggs you ever had, mixed with an assortment of peppers and vegetables and seasonings that had left your tastebuds spinning. Even so, Frankie had the audacity to ask if it was any good.

Your legs draped over his, you both sat on the couch, plates resting on your laps as you ate. Considering that Frankie had taken you on his kitchen table, he had figured that it would probably be best to just have breakfast on the couch. It was more comfortable for you both this way anyways.

When you finished your breakfast, Frankie took your empty plate, set it on top of his, and laid them both on the coffee table in front of you. Then, he leaned back, readjusting your legs on his. Trailing his fingers along your exposed thigh, he looked down as he entwined his other hand with yours.

“I could get used to this,” Frankie admitted, voice soft as he met your gaze once again.

“Me, too.” You pressed your lips together nervously. There was no better time than now to ask what had been burning in your mind. “Are we…? What are we, Frankie?”

You had expected to see the tell-tale signs of Frankie’s rising anxiety - panicked eyes and fidgeting hands - but they never appeared. Instead, he merely held your gaze, continuing to ghost his hand over your thigh. Instead of panic, his brown eyes held only hope.

“When I said I wanted you,” he explained, “I meant it. I want to be with you, officially… if that’s what you want.”

You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face. You brought your free hand to his jaw, his head tipping to lean into your touch.

“I meant it, too,” you told him. “That is what I want. You’re what I want.”

Releasing a breath you hadn’t realized he had been holding, Frankie’s eyes softened. He turned to kiss the hand on his cheek before reaching to pull you to straddle his lap, your thighs coming to slot over his own.

“Does this mean I get your special-recipe eggs more often now?” You teased, letting your hands slide down his chest.

Frankie let his head rest back on the couch as he laughed. “I think so. We’re gonna need a good breakfast if we’re doing this more often.”

You leaned forward to capture his lips. It was less passionate and more domestic than many of your previous kisses. It was a kiss that said I’m yours and you’re mine.

It was hard to believe that only a few short days ago, you and Frankie had never done anything more than a few tight hugs, never anything that passed the threshold of being just friends. Now, you were officially together. After years of thinking nothing would ever happen between you two, here you sat on his lap, your lips moving against his, after a weekend of having nothing but Frankie - your boyfriend.

“You’re going to make it hard for me to act like I can walk, aren’t you?” You playfully groaned. “I don’t even know how I’m gonna walk at work tomorrow.”

“You know,” Frankie began, tilting his head to the side as his lips began pressing featherlight kisses down your jaw, “we could both just call off of work tomorrow…”

You would be lying if you said that you hadn’t considered it. Like seriously considered it. While you might be able to get out of work by using a fake cough and burning up a sick day, you knew Frankie couldn’t. He had been complaining for months about how short-staffed they were for pilots at his work.

“Baby, you know you can’t do that,” you said. Frankie groaned and rolled his eyes before you continued, “Not to mention that Benny might actually tow my car if I leave it there another day.”

Benny had continued to make threats on your car’s life while you had eaten breakfast. You had finally shot a text back to him promising that you would move it today so he would be able to leave for work tomorrow.

“Could just grab your car and come back here to spend the night,” Frankie grumbled. His hands slid over the curve of your ass and up under your shirt to run along your back. “Then go to work from here tomorrow.”

“You and I both know that neither of us would actually leave for work tomorrow morning.”

Shrugging his shoulders, he sighed, “Worth a shot.”

You leaned forward enough so your lips brushed over Frankie’s, giving him a light, fleeting kiss. “How about I give you an IOU for next weekend?”

The corner of his mouth quirked up in a half-smile. Strong arms wrapped tighter around you. He replied, “I’ll take that deal.”

Feeling practically ecstatic, you kissed him for what felt like the millionth time that day.

~~~

After lounging with Frankie for most of the day, you had both decided that it was time to start getting ready to go pick up your car.

Frankie had pointed out that after the entirety of the weekend, he probably needed a shower before he could go back out into the world. However, you saw through his guise.

“Is that an invitation?” You asked him.

“Depends,” he wiggled his eyebrows at you as he slowly backed towards the bathroom. “Are you interested?”

You almost scoffed. Of course you were interested.

So now you stood naked in front of your boyfriend’s bathroom mirror while he warmed up the water in the shower. Seeing the evidence of Frankie on your neck, each mark like a souvenir of a dream you still couldn’t believe was real, you felt damn near giddy as you took in your reflection. You had never sped into a relationship like this, but you had never been with anyone like Frankie. Having already been close for years, being together like this felt like a natural next step in your relationship. It didn’t feel rushed or pushed.

As Frankie continued fiddling with the knob of the shower, you touched a hand to your neck and smiled. The thought of having traces of Frankie left on your skin tomorrow when you were so far away from him shouldn’t have filled you with as much excitement as it did. But you knew that you couldn’t go to work - or really anywhere - with them showing, even though a dark part of you loved the idea. That part of you wanted everyone to see Frankie’s marks, to see that you were his. You shook the thought from your brain. Logistically, though, it was going to be a damn nightmare to try to cover up the hickies on your neck. It was the warm part of spring, so it wasn’t exactly like you could throw on a scarf or a turtleneck. It would have to be makeup… lots of makeup.

Frankie appeared behind you in the mirror before snaking his arms around your naked form. He laid his chin on your shoulder as he purred, “What are you thinking about, amor?”

The proximity of his voice still sent a shiver down your spine. You smiled at him in the mirror, leaning back into his warm embrace. “Just wondering how I’m gonna make myself presentable for work tomorrow with all these.”

Frankie gave a light grimace, biting his lip. “Sorry. I wasn’t even thinking about that. Wasn’t really thinking at all.”

You shook your head. “Don’t apologize. I really fucking like it.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhmm.”

His lips came to hover at the unmarked part of your skin, just above the crook of your neck.

“You like the idea of showing people that you’re mine?” He growled against your skin. He left a kiss there, his eyes holding yours in the mirror, as you let out a breathy yes. “Good, because I do, too. Can I leave another?”

You nodded, your hand wrapping around to find his messy brown hair. He might as well, it wouldn’t change the ridiculous amount of makeup you would be using tomorrow morning anyways. It would just be another reminder of him to carry through the week. His lips attached to your neck as his hands came up to palm at your breasts. A breath escaped you as you felt him pull at the skin - a feeling you were sure you would never tire of.

He soon pulled you into the shower, limbs sliding over each other as you found comfort in each other’s embrace once again. The mood was different this time, though. It wasn’t the fever-like burn you both had felt the entire weekend. This was something deeper, slower, more sensual. It was the beginning. He was yours and you were his. You could take your time to explore and enjoy these new sides of each other.

Frankie slowly slid into you from behind. Once he was fully sheathed in your heat, that beautiful and aching stretch returning to you, he used the arm wrapped around your middle to pull you up. Your back was now flush to his, the hot run of the water giving your skin an added slip. Frankie’s arms wrapped around your middle and clung to you as he started to move in and out. One of your arms steadied yourself against the cold wall while the other intertwined your fingers with Frankie’s on your hip.

“You’re so fucking amazing, hermosa,” he breathed next to your ear, his voice beautifully strained. There was a layer of vulnerability to his voice as he admitted, “Can’t believe you’re mine.”

Frankie was everywhere. His pace built inside you as he held you synched to his chest, his head right next to your ear so you could hear every huff of exertion as he slammed his hips into yours. You could feel every muscle of his as he moved, every shaky breath he took. The only thing that existed was him. It was nothing short of divine - an absolutely mind-numbing experience.

“F-fuck, Frankie.” You parrot his words from earlier in the morning, “I can’t get enough of you, baby.”

He let out one breathy huff of a laugh, his hips snapping into yours harder. “I’ll always give you more of me, if you want.”

Through the suggestive innuendo, you could hear the sincerity in his voice. It would’ve sent you to your knees if Frankie hadn't already been supporting most of your weight.

You came around him with his name pouring from your lips like the water from the spout above. You clenched down on him hard, drawing a groan from his chest that reverberated against your back. He murmured broken words of encouragement into your ear, most lost to the combined static of the shower and your blinding release.

“W…where do you want it, babe?” He pleaded into your ear. “Quick.”

“Inside. Please.”

He groaned at that, his teeth finding the ridge of your shoulder. It wasn’t much longer until you could feel his grip on you tighten, his fingers gripping yours like he would never let go, before you felt the warmth of him release into you, ropes of his cum finally marking you as his.

Frankie panted into the crook of your neck, letting out a string of blissful curses as he caught his breath. Readjusting his hand to hold yours more firmly, he found your lips, kissing you languidly and messily.

Relaxing back into his strong embrace, you felt your heart beat in time with his, a melodic, racing thrum as the adrenaline left both of your systems. You could get used to this.

~~~

By the time you made it out of Frankie’s house, it was nearly seven at night, the sun low and sending an orange haze across the sky. You arrived back in Benny’s driveway wearing the same jeans from Friday along with the same shirt you had taken from Frankie that morning. After you had attempted to give it back to him, he had insisted that you wear it instead, asserting that it, “looks much better on you.”

Benny popped out his front door once again as you and Frankie piled out of his truck, the whole scene reminding you of what had happened on Friday, though you found it hard to be embarrassed.

Benny crossed his arms, doing his absolute best to look annoyed with you both, but couldn’t contain the grin that threatened to play on his lips. “It’s about fucking time you showed up!” He announced. “I’ll call off the tow truck.”

You rolled your eyes, an amused smile on your own lips. You laced your words with sarcasm. “Thanks for being such a good sport, Ben.”

“Hey, having one night getting it on with Frankie? Totally fine. I’m happy to house your car for the night. But an entire weekend? Really, guys?”

“You literally told me on Friday that you had nothing to do this weekend,” Frankie said pointedly. “Anyways, call it payback for all the times I’ve covered for you over the years.”

Benny considered that for a moment before he finally conceded, “Touché. So, things - ahem - went well for you guys?”

“Well, considering the fact that we’re dating now, I’d say so,” you said, smiling over your shoulder at Frankie. Frankie’s eyes softened as he snaked an arm around your hip and returned your smile.

“It went pretty damn well,” Frankie affirmed.

When you looked back, Benny was leaning on his porch railing, absolutely beaming at the two of you. “You guys set a wedding date yet or…?”

Frankie sighed, rolling his eyes exasperatedly. He shook his head, a small, shy smile on his lips. “Oh, fuck off, Benny.”

Benny winked as he pushed up off the railing. He pointed at your car and Frankie’s truck as he retreated back towards his front door. “Those better be gone within the hour. No car left in the driveway will survive to see the morning. You kids have fun.”

And with that, Benny disappeared back into his house.

Frankie walked you to your car door, his hand still on your hip.

“Déjà vu, huh?” You asked him.

“Yeah,” he laughed, looking down as he detached from you. “I’m feeling a little more confident this time, though.”

“You and me both.” You thought for a moment before asking, “What do you think about having dinner this Friday? Maybe at my place.”

Frankie took a step closer, his hands finding your chin to lightly run his thumbs over the line of your jaw. “I’ll be there. Should I pack a bag?”

You nodded. “Oh, yeah. One for the whole weekend. I’m aiming for a repeat of this weekend.”

Frankie leaned forward and captured your lips one last time, the caress of him so sweet you felt your chest grow tight. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours and said, “I can’t wait, hermosa. Text me later, okay?”

You agreed, detaching yourself from Frankie. Then, you two split up, him going back to his truck and you tucking yourself into the driver's seat of your own car. Heading in separate directions, you had expected to feel lonely, separated. Instead, you felt more connected with him, as if your heart still beat in time with his, even when he wasn’t there beside you.

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