Just an unreasonable amount of angst, takes place some time after Baxter's Step 4!
If there was a through line of your love life, a neat little string that wound through everything and wrapped it all up in a nice, pretty bow, then you'd hoped it was Baxter.
You wanted it to be Baxter. You needed it to be him.
And for a while, you convinced yourself that it was. You'd met him for the first time at 13, where you shared a formative dance on a crowded floor, then again at 18, when he spent a short summer by your side.
You fell in love with him then, you were sure of it. And then five years later, when fate brought him into your life once more, it felt undeniable. Life wouldn't be so cruel as to take this beautiful person in and out of your life over and over, would it?
It wasn't that cruel, you learned. But maybe you were.
A hand touched yours, pulling you out of your thoughts. You looked up and warm amber eyes met yours, the corners pulled up.
Baxter smiled at you, gently running a finger along your knuckles.
"Where have you been, darling?" he asked quietly.
You glanced around -- he'd taken you out to dinner, a particularly nice dinner, even by his standards. You'd finished up most of your meal, but you saw that as your thoughts had been wondering, you'd used your fork to make a mess of the remaining food.
You winced a little, looking at it. It looked like a toddler had been playing in their food. It was disgusting, just like ---
"Are you with me?"
Baxter squeezed your hand, and you forced yourself to look at him, really look. You took in his crisp maroon suit, his artfully styled hair -- grey now, you noted, not jet black. The little bits of lightness showed up in the twinkling light of the candles on the table, and you saw it as you always had -- proof that you'd helped him feel comfortable enough to truly be himself, imperfections and all.
For a while, you thought he'd helped you in the same way, but his worried eyes and the pit in your stomach told you that even though years had passed, even though he had been nothing but kind and loving and gentle with you, you weren't as healed as you liked to think.
You were still broken. Irreparable, even.
"Hey," he said, just above a whisper. "What's wrong?"
You gave a slight shake of your head and forced a smile, thankful in the moment that you'd faked it enough in your life that you could make it seem real.
"I'm fine," you told him. "Just tired, I guess."
He studied you for a moment longer, and you could tell he was trying to decide to just what extent you were lying. It wasn't a good feeling -- both lying to him and knowing that he knew you were -- but you pressed on.
Finally, he stood, tucking his chair in behind him. He walked to your side of the table and once again reached for your hand.
"Care to dance, then?"
You took his hand without thinking too much -- just enough to know that if you thought more, you might find a reason to say no. It was a terrifying thing to consider, so you just didn't.
Baxter slid one hand into yours and placed the other on the small of your back, pulling you in close. The restaurant had a small dance floor with a piano off to the side, and a few other couples were already there, moving together like the two of you were.
You idly wondered if they were happy.
Time passed, you weren't sure how much, but long enough for your discomfort to ease. Baxter was a charming dance partner, and the way he held you tight against him, coupled with the two drinks you shared at the bar between songs, had you feeling better.
It was just anxiety, you reasoned. Unfounded fear. It didn't mean anything. You wouldn't let it.
It was easy to be brave with Baxter. After a string of failed relationships over the years, some small, some big, sometimes you struggled with letting people in, but he was always different. So gentle and supportive, he provided you with unrelenting grace.
"Can we go for a walk?" he asked, and you agreed.
He paid the bill, and soon you found yourself being led to a nearby strip of shoreline. The salty air bolstered you mood even more, enough that you almost felt OK.
You leaned your head against his shoulder, and he placed a kiss on top of your head. When you pulled back, you offered him a smile -- a real one. He smiled back.
And then, in the blink of an eye, he let you go and knelt down on one knee. He dug around in a coat pocket for just a moment before pulling out a small black jewelry box, which he moved to open.
Before he could say a word, long before he could get out the question you knew he was going to ask, you gave him an answer.
"No."
His mouth was left hanging open. He'd been ready to launch into a speech, one you just knew he'd rehearsed, something full of warmth and tons of little lies about how wonderful that he somehow thought were true, but now he was lost.
You couldn't say for sure who started crying first, or if you'd tried to pull him up or if he'd tried to pull you down, but soon you were both hunched over together on the beach, tears falling fast. You were trying to cave in on yourself, and despite the fact that you'd just broken his heart, he was holding you through it.
"Can you just talk to me?" he finally asked, his voice husky with emotion. "Please, can you just talk to me?"
But you couldn't, not really. Not in any way that would have made a difference.
You tried anyway.
The explanations you offered him were messy and sad and disjointed -- "you can do better than me," "you don't have to stay," "you deserve better" -- and while they were true, they didn't quite get to the heart of it.
You wanted to give him an out, a reason why he should leave, an excuse to walk away clean. A quick, easy break that you should have given him a long time ago. If you couldn't do anything else, you could do that much.
What you should have anticipated was that your boyfriend knew a thing or two about keeping people at a distance, and even more about self-loathing.
He cried with you, clutching you against him on the sand. He rocked you gently as you sobbed desperately, and he ran shaky hands over your back, through your hair, all over to try to find a magic spot that might soothe you.
"Let's go home, all right?" he asked when you finally settled. "We don't have to talk about it. We can pretend it never happened."
"How is that going to work?"
He chuckled darkly, and said, "I'm not really seeing another choice here, love."
You paused, then told him, "You could leave."
He kissed your temple, then your cheek.
"Not an option," he said plainly.
You saw there with him a while longer, long enough for the panic to recede. The surrounding streets became quieter as it got later, the city emptier.
"Let's go home," he repeated.
It wasn't a fix, of course. You weren't sure a fix existed for what was wrong with you. But he wasn't running, and he wasn't letting you run either. And at least for tonight, that would have to be enough.
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Nectar of the Gods: Exploring the World of the Finest Wines
Wine, often referred to as the "nectar of the gods," has a rich history that spans millennia. It's a beverage that transcends time and culture, a symbol of celebration, sophistication, and the pleasures of life. In this article, we will embark on a journey to discover the best wines the world has to offer, those liquid masterpieces that have the power to captivate our senses and enrich our experiences.
1. The Enigmatic World of Wine
Wine, made from best white wine, is a complex and diverse universe. Its essence is derived from the grape variety, terroir, winemaking techniques, and aging process. The result is an array of wines that vary in flavor, aroma, and character, appealing to a wide range of palates. From the crispness of white wines to the boldness of reds and the effervescence of sparkling wines, there's a wine for every occasion and preference.
2. Cabernet Sauvignon: The King of Reds
Our journey through the world of wine commences with Cabernet Sauvignon, often referred to as the "king of red wines." This noble grape variety is celebrated for its bold and robust character. Hailing from regions like Bordeaux, Napa Valley, and Australia's Coonawarra, Cabernet Sauvignon offers flavors of blackcurrant, plum, and hints of tobacco and cedar. Its aging potential is remarkable, with some bottles improving over decades, making it a top choice for collectors and connoisseurs.
3. Pinot Noir: The Elegance of Complexity
In contrast to the boldness of Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Noir is celebrated for its elegance and complexity. Originating from the Burgundy region of France, Pinot Noir is a delicate grape that requires meticulous care in both the vineyard and the winery. The resulting wines are characterized by red fruit notes, such as cherry and raspberry, as well as earthy undertones. Pinot Noir's ability to express the nuances of its terroir and vintage makes it a favorite among wine enthusiasts.
4. Chardonnay: The Versatile White
Chardonnay, often referred to as the "queen" of white wines, takes center stage in our exploration of wine. This versatile grape variety is cultivated in regions around the world, from Burgundy to California and Australia. Chardonnay wines vary in style, from buttery and oaky to crisp and mineral-driven. They exhibit flavors ranging from tropical fruits to citrus notes, making Chardonnay a versatile and food-friendly choice for wine lovers.
5. Champagne: Bubbles of Celebration
No discussion of the best wines would be complete without mentioning Champagne, the world's most famous sparkling wine. True Champagne comes exclusively from the Champagne region of France and is produced using the traditional méthode champenoise. It offers a symphony of bubbles and a captivating blend of flavors, including citrus, brioche, and subtle floral notes. Champagne is the ultimate choice for celebrating life's milestones and creating memorable moments.
6. Shiraz/Syrah: The Bold and the Spicy
Our journey concludes with Shiraz (known as Syrah in France), a grape variety celebrated for its bold and spicy character. Whether it's a rich Shiraz from Australia's Barossa Valley or a refined Syrah from France's Rhône Valley, these wines boast flavors of blackberry, pepper, and smoky notes. They pair exceptionally well with hearty dishes and are a favorite among those seeking a wine with a robust personality.
In conclusion, the world of wine is a treasure trove of flavors, history, and culture. Whether you're savoring the regal Cabernet Sauvignon, the elegant Pinot Noir, the versatile Chardonnay, the celebratory Champagne, or the bold Shiraz, each wine tells a unique story and offers a distinct experience. Wine has the remarkable ability to elevate moments, deepen connections, and transport us to the heart of vineyards and wineries around the world. So, the next time you raise a glass, take a moment to appreciate the artistry and craftsmanship behind each bottle and let the finest wines enrich your life's most cherished moments. Cheers to the nectar of the gods!
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