ooh. any director's cut notes on je me souviens? i know that's an older one, so no pressure if you don't have much to say, but it's one of the very best in the fandom imo. thanks!
OMG I am so sorry I let this linger a zillion years! Thank you so much, it's one of my favourite stories as well.
It has been a long time so let me think…
I know at the time I was on a real fandom kick. The story came together nicely because structurally it's one of my favourite things: rewriting an episode to suit my pairing. I was doing that a lot at the time, I had an ambition once of rewriting each season 3 episode in a way that would divert the inevitable tragedy and fix things by making them Buffy/Faith: mostly, making them communicate. Ski Trip was this for Amends, and Gingersnap was this for Gingerbread; Walkabout and Smitten also come from this era.
Now amnesia has always been one of my favourite tropes for several reasons. First, because you can decide to what extent memory shapes character. How much of the characters we know is caused by their experiences, and how far can we 'rewind' them using amnesia; as opposed to, how much of them is formed at some deeper, unconscious level, below the surface of memory? I love exploring these things!
Plus of course add on the body switch. How much is action determined by physicality: by hormones, by muscle memory, by those lingering PTSD symptoms that are ingrained at the level of the body rather than the level of thought?
Now this very much sets the "conscious self" in opposition/binary to the "unconscious self" and I have no idea if any of that makes sense in "real life" or in terms of but at the level of *story*? Man I eat that shit up! So it's 'magical amnesia' in that sense: it follows the rules I decide on, for the purposes of ultimately bringing my ship together!
In this case, that means that Faith doesn't wake up and immediately want revenge. She's cautious, she's patient. And that thoroughly knocks Buffy off whatever high horse she generally prefers to ride. It forces communication because Faith literally does not know what happened. And that communication, by extension, forces Buffy to think about and acknowledge her role in the divide between them. So Buffy has to be responsible to her past self, and so does Faith, so the issue of *time* comes into it as well, and also *forgiveness*. Forgiveness of others and of ourselves...that requires memory. We can't forgive what we don't remember.
Anyway, plus the hotness of the bodyswitch, can't forget that. The description of looking at yourself and being turned on by yourself but also by...yourself...well, you see what I mean. I couldn't let that opportunity pass me by.
I don't really remember much of the writing *process* or what I was thinking because that was a while ago, but I remember that I was fully absorbed in the fandom and the characters at the time, writing in every spare minute--rather like these days with ALOTO. So I think that's a sort of hyperfixation that takes over sometimes, and I know by now to ride the wave as long as it lasts, and not to get too discouraged when it inevitably fades. A new fandom will come along.
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The problem is Buffy’s taste is absolutely atrocious but she’s right. Like look at this man he’s supposed to be some stealthy vampire guy but he’s tripping when he walks in the door. He can’t fucking stand correctly. He has social anxiety so bad he hates to talk to everybody but his girlfriends. Oh look at this other guy he’s supposed to be evil and monstrous but he’s crying to your mom about his ex and asking for marshmallows in his coco. He has one dream about a girl and that doesn’t make him think he’s just attracted to said girl, he immediately thinks he’s in love and becomes obsessed. He has to dye his hair every so often and he chooses a neon white for some reason. Oh take a look at this girl she’s supposed to be cool girl tough girl who is down and good with everything but she sits alone all the time in one of the worst parts of town. She’ll only ever tell you that she’s five by five and you or anyone else has no idea what that even means. She’ll lie about stuff that didn’t happen to sound cool, all while walking around saying she has no friends. And here’s the kicker - they all mirror each other, have a history of violent murders, look good in leather and somehow all give off pathetic wet rat and babygirl vibes at the exact same time and no one has any idea where the line is. Plus they’re all some kind of gay and in kahoots with each other.
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Rec: The Moral Failings of Melvil Dewey and Other Previously Unremarked Upon Facts by aliceinwonderbra
Title: The Moral Failings of Melvil Dewey and Other Previously Unremarked Upon Facts
Author: aliceinwonderbra
Canon: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Buffy Summers/Faith Lehane
Rating: Teen [PG]
Word Count: 6,007
Summary: The one where everyone knows how Faith feels except sweet,
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