#C.R.A.P

[zoi-no-miko]

Or "'Computer-Rendered Artificial Product" . C.R.A.P images, C.R.A.P essays, C.R.A.P stories, C.R.A.P screenplays....

[the-starlight-mistress]

Oh I am so doing this!!

[dancer-through-a-gilded-meadow]

Mosstown

Created on procreate

[kay9leo]

"We should stop calling it "ai art" and start calling it computer-rendered artificial pictures (C.R.A.P.)

-@milleokws , a Youtube comment on "THE AI 'ARTISTS' ARE MAD AT ME" by LavenderTowne

[dancer-through-a-gilded-meadow]

It’s super easy not to use AI and super unethical when you do. Ofc I’m not going to use it. And ofc I’m going to educate my writer friend to make sure they don’t either.

a writing competition i was going to participate in again this year has announced that they now allow AI generated content to be submitted

their reasoning being that "we couldn't ban it even if we wanted to, every writer already uses it anyway"

"Every writer"?

come on

[maddpool]

maybe it's not very good, but still better than any of the C.R.A.P. (computer-rendered artificial pictures) out there 😎

[maesterchill]

Tell us more about the Sweary Dad Harry fic :)

Hi anon! Thanks for the ask! This is one of the fics that I was writing together with a friend, it was supposed to be a gift fic for a friend's birthday, but life got in the way and we never finished it. We did have a whole lot of fun with it though, and wrote over 6k, but I fear it may never be completed 😭.

The premise is that Harry swears a lot (hence the title of the doc). He and Draco recently moved in together with their respective children, so its a blended family. He uses muffling charms when he rants but they don't always work the best (and the kids are sneaky listeners). The main thrust of the story centres around the children trying to come up with a spell or charm to clean up Harry's language in time for an important family event, and they manage to do that... with quite interesting results. It's mostly from teenager James Potter's POV so it's a bit of a kid!fic, but a few sections are in Harry or Draco POV. Here's a snippet from Draco POV: (C.R.A.P. stands for Crime Reporting and Procedures) ~

Draco placed a hand on Harry’s hot cheek and thumbed across his cheekbone. “What was it about this time?”

“Bastard called me in to give me feedback on an arsing report that he asked me to write—at the last fucking minute, by the way—as a favour for that knobhead McMillan who’s off work with the shits supposedly. Why he can’t just take an Agrimony potion like the rest of us is beyond me, but what the fuck would I know, and anyway the less said about him the better. And then Robards had the bloody nerve to say I’d bollocksed it up, that I’d included too much irrelevant information,” and here Harry did air quotes and pulled a sarky face, “and didn't include enough detail about the actual case.” Air quotes again. “He took great fucking pleasure, the bastard, in telling me that the C.R.A.P. guidelines do not include any requirements for a description of the victim’s dog or what type of biscuits they served me."

Mercifully, Harry took a breath. "‘Well, I’m so fucking sorry’ I said, ‘if my attempts to foster some sort of rapport with the elderly before I pump them for fucking information regarding a terrifying and traumatic event are not noteworthy, but it’s my useless prick of a partner who usually writes this stuff up, while I do all the actual buggering work!”—Harry threw his hands up in obvious exasperation—“And yeah anyway, it was at that point he told me I'd be getting a written warning, the absolute cock, and that I was off the New Forest coven case. Giving it to Snodbury and Patil. Can you believe that wanker?”

“Oh, Harry,” Draco soothed, reeling at the Bombarda of information he’d just been hit with, not to mention the sheer amount of swear words Harry was capable of cramming into a single sentence. “And you were so close to solving that case. Weren’t you supposed to be travelling up there tomorrow?”

“Yeah, supposed to be. Fuck’s sake. And screw him to hell and back if he thinks I’m going into the office tomorrow to do shitty admin. I’ll be taking a duvet day, and he can f—”

“I can’t understand why you don’t quit, Harry. You’re so miserable in that department. Honestly, we don’t need the money. And I keep telling you, you could do anything you wanted to, anything at all. You’re Harry Potter, for Merlin’s sake, you’d—”

“Of fuck off with the Harry Potter Chosen One bollocks. I like helping people, serving the community.” He crossed his arms, scowling, but Draco could tell he was simmering down. “I just don’t like the bureaucracy and pettiness.”

“Alright, I understand that. I really do. But you don’t need to swear at me too. And much as I hate to harp on at you about your strong language, I’m starting to get quite a bit concerned about Sunday when you’ll need to impress your godson’s girlfriend and her parents. Molly had a word with me too, and—”

“What?” Harry said, pushing off from the kitchen counter, “You’ve been speaking to Molly about me?”

“She was just worried. We all need to be on our best behaviour, Teddy is so anxious for this to go well. You know he’s working up to asking her to move in with him, and her parents won’t allow it if they don’t approve of him and the way he’s been brought up.”

Harry scowled. “What’s wrong with the way he’s been brought up?”

“Nothing, Harry, you know I don’t mean it like that. You’ve done an amazing job, and Teddy is a fantastic person. It’s just the optics of it, how it will reflect on Teddy. Teddy explained it all to us—how prudish and prim they are.”

“I did my best for him. Merlin, I was barely even an adult myself when Andromeda fell ill.”

“I know that. We all know that. And I know too that you don’t mean to be coarse, but you get so passionate about things. I love you for it, love how deeply you feel emotions, but I don’t think Mr and Mrs Cockington-Titsmarsh will feel the same way. Merlin, when you say 'fuck' every third word, even I struggle to make out what you’re trying to tell me, so think how they’ll fare.”

“I’ve tried, Draco, damn it. I really have. I just can’t think of better ways to phrase things when I’m riled up. And it feels good to let it out with some bad words. Really good. It helps... I think.”

“I know. And you’re absolutely right, it’s a proven stress-release, at least according to The Quibbler. It can be good for you, in fact. It’s just… well, you know as well as I do it’s been spilling over at inappropriate times, and being mopped up by innocent ears.”

“You don’t need to remind me,” Harry grumbled, face flushing.

“And I’ve told you I can help come up with some cutting put-downs and insults that are squeaky clean in polite company. It’s my job to wrangle words and make them suitable for little ears.”

“Yeah I know.” Harry looked sheepish. “By the way, I used that one you told me the other day in the canteen at lunch: ‘Robards has the personality of Voldemort but without any of the charm’. It made Susan giggle for a good minute.”

“You see. You can do it. And yes, just like Voldemort was, Robards is one of those people whose personality would be enormously improved by death.”

Harry gasped in feigned shock. “Stealing that one, too.”

~

[fortanreviews]

Top 30 Mathematical Worst Movies Ever Made

Ever since I saw Jason Graves's Mathematical Worst SNES Games, I wanted to try my hand at making a similar list this time for movies using his C.R.A.P. score. I scoured through Internet for any top 10 listicle and video I could find and got some...interesting results. Does this define the objectively worst movies of all time? Well, no. It's all based on opinion, my list isn't gonna be any more legitimate than IMDB's Bottom 100 or Rotten Tomatoes Bottom 100.

All the lists I went to rounded up to about 320 movies in total, but I don't wanna be here forever and there were some...uh, hot takes on many of those lists, so I rounded it down to 30, let's start the list.

30. Ballistic Ecks vs Sever (2002) (C.R.A.P Score: 57.14)

I have heard of this movie, it might have the status of being the Objectively Worst Movie in Rotten Tomatoes as it has 0% score despite having over 100 critic reviews, making it the worst reviewed movie on the site.

Lucy Liu is Sever, a rogue DIA agent who kidnaps the son of the agency's director Robert Gant, and FBI calls former agent Ecks played by Antionio Banderas to kill her. The reason it is considered bad is because it's extremely boring and full of cliches for the era, but some people have praised it for the practical effects. Also the title is a lie as Ecks and Sever team up in the middle of the movie to take on Robert Gant who is the movie's twist villain.

Apparently there were high plans for this movie but it fell through because of the greed of the studio. Damn, even the backstory of the film is generic. Another thing people bring up about this movie is the fact it has 2 GBA licensed games that are better than the actual movie, and one of them is based on the earlier version of the movie. I have not seen this movie really, so I can't talk much about it but I think Ballistic might be a legitimate contender for worst movie because Boring is Worse Than Bad, as they say.

29. Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017) (C.R.A.P Score: 64)

Oh boy, anytime Disney Star Wars is brought up in a conversation you know it's going to turn into a shitfest. And nothing is more divisive than Last Jedi, and I am shocked but not surprised it actually made into Top 30.

There are a lot of things people don't like about this movie. Characterization of Luke, the plot twist of Rey turning out to be a nobody, the bleaker tone courtesy of Rian Johnson, the character of Rose Tico, Snoke getting killed before we find out who he is, that one scene where Luke drinks alien titty milk, and that one scene where they ruin the established canon of Star Wars...remember when midichlorians were bad?

Look, Disney Sequel Trilogy was not handled well, which can be blamed on not sticking to one united vision of one director like previous two trilogies. However, putting ANY Star Wars movie on any worst movie ever lists is just ridiculous.

From what I've seen of Last Jedi, the cinematography is really good (except for the scene where Luke drinks alien titty milk), the whole aspect of making a Star Wars movie that doesn't feel like a Star Wars movie is pretty interesting and trying to do grey morality in a movie notable for having very black and white morality was a good attempt, and it doesn't feel as soulless as J. J. Abrams's other entries to the trilogy or hell any Star Wars project under Disney. But also, I've heard that the movie is very not nuanced when it comes to the themes of the movie itself, with characters outright stating them, and it suffers from having some completely pointless scenes and subplots. Also Luke drinking alien titty milk is the most disgusting thing in all of Star Wars.

I better stop before the defenders and the enemies of the movie both come to scream at me for having a nuanced take on the movie. Well, whatever you think of the movie, it's too ridiculous for it to be on this list.

28. North (1994) (C.R.A.P Score: 66.66)

A boy decides to divorce his parents and goes to find other parents that are all some forms of offensive stereotype. And it was all a dream.

If you've heard of Roger Ebert, you know that he fucking hates hates hates hates this movie and I can kinda see why. The premise is incredibly fucked up and the jokes REALLY don't land. It's also critiqued for being too childish for adults and too adultish for children, which is a very legitimate complaint. North also comes across as an entitled asshole child who is violently racist towards other cultures. I think what upsets me most is the "glurge"ish tone the movie tries to go, I despise american feel good family movies with a passion when they are not done well and I am glad I did not see North as a kid.

27. Gigli (2003) (C.R.A.P Score: 67,20)

I kept coming across this movie in many of the lists making me think "what the actual fuck is Gigli???" Turns out it's a romantic comedy originally intended to be a black comedy, starring hot couple at the time, Ben "Of course he's holding a gun in the poster" Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Mob enforcer Larry Gigli is forced to kidnap a mentally impaired man named Brian who is a threat to the mob for some reason, alongside an assassin named Ricki. Gigli is attracted to Ricki but unfortunately she is a lesbian, wah waaah.

Gigli, Ricki and Brian spend the rest of the movie in an apartment where it fully transistions into a romantic comedy with some implications of the previous plot sneaking through.

After reading that synopsis it seems that Gigli is like a bad webcomic, it suffers from a massive identity crisis because it tried to cash in to Lopez and Affleck's romance. They divorced shortly before release of the movie and only got together again in 2021.

Most of the complaints about this movie are similar to Ecks vs. Sever, in that it's boring and aimless as a result of the change in genres. However years have also added Ricki being cured of his lesbianism thanks to Ben Affleck's shooting charisma, and the insulting depiction of Brian. All I am thinking Gigli might legitimately be the worst named movie so far.

26. Alone in The Dark (2005) (C.R.A.P Score: 72,66)

Oh hey, the first video game movie on the list, and it's also by the infamous filmmaker Uwe Boll himself. Uwe Boll is kind of a cunt if you've read about him. He hates video games and makes his movie adaptations bad on purpose, he challenges his critics to boxing matches and last time I remember hearing abot him he used his letterboxd account to put negative reviews on better movies. Personally, I only remember Alone in the Dark as the delightfully polygonal 1992 shooter but most people nowadays associate it with the grimdark realistic 2008 game or this movie.

I would summarize the plot here but the movie opens with an extremely long opening credit scrolls that pretty much explains the entire plot of the movie. The whole movie is essentially just a ripoff of Aliens. Wait, I thought the original game was about zombies, what the fuck happened?

Either way, this movie is essentially a whole bunch of nothing. I think people hate it more because it's a bad adaptation and because Uwe Boll is a cunt rather than for what the movie actually is, if you can get past the opening scroll anyways.

25. Dragonball Evolution (2007) (C.R.A.P Score: 74,40)

The first movie on this list I have actually seen myself. It's a shoddy whitewashed adaptation of the original Dragon Ball, not Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball, when Goku looked like a child.

This combined with Dragon Ball GT made 2000's the roughest period in Dragon Ball history. The thing is this movie mainly serves as a thing for DBZ fandom to laugh at and if you're not familiar with aspects of the original series you're not gonna get much out of it. Dragon Ball handled the massive cliches this movie had much better. It also changed a lot of things from the original series, Goku is a teenager who lives in America and he is also white (yes, one might make the argument anyone can be Goku because he is an alien not a human, but still), Master Roshi is no longer an old pervert, Chichi joins the story way too early and it removes shitton of characters while compressing it, like Tienshan, Chiaotzu, Krillin, Emperor Pilaf, Oolong and many more.

Having seen the movie, it's just a typical annoying scifi fantasy merge adaptation from 2000's. I don't think anybody asked for a live action Dragon Ball adaptation but somehow in the world where all animes are turned into live action adaptations it continues to be infamous.

24. Pinocchio (2002) (C.R.A.P. Score: 75,29)

Speaking of terrible liveaction adaptations, we have...2002 version of Pinocchio? What?

Yes, as it turns out, this movie is specifically talking about the Miramax dub of the movie rather than the italian original. Harvey Weinstein's rapist hands turned this movie from a tribute to classic pantomime theater and italian stage adaptations of Pinocchio into a screwball comedy with an annoying voice cast, a narrator who never shuts up and James Belushi. Also a lot of americans were put off by Pinocchio being played by Roberto Benigni who was 50 when he played Pinocchio. You guys were lucky to not have Pauly Shore Pinocchio and the horseshit smelling live action corporate shill influencer Pinocchio come on people. Especially hearing that making a Pinocchio was Benigni's lifelong dream just makes reception to this movie more depressing. Critique Weinstein's shitty dub all you want but you can make a shitty dub of Citizen Kane if you hire wrong people to do it. Original Italian version looks charming and perfectly inoffensive. This is the choice I disagree with the most in this list so far.

23. Cats (2019) (C.R.A.P Score: 77,14)

Ew, if americans thought Pinocchio was uncanny they should have burned down every theater that played this movie. I think everyone in 2019 remembers seeing this movie's trailer and just how disgusting it was. It just proves to you that bad CGI is universally unappealing. Cats lands so hard in the center of the uncanny valley it leaves a smoking crater and wipes out all life. I never even hear people talk how good is this at adapting the original Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. But idk, I had my fill of theaterical experiences with cats after I saw my local junior high put on a Peter No-Tail play. But you could have the best script in the world and even then you can't save the movie from its disgusting CGI and James Corden. Perhaps one day the mythical Butthole cut will resurface and reawaken the nightmares once again.

That being said, I still wouldn't call this one of the worst movies ever made. It is probably the worst movie based on visuals though.

22. Meet the Spartans (2008) (77,16)

Ah, Seltzer and Frieberg. Internet's favourite movie-related punching bag who disappeared just as fast as they came. It would have been funny if they kept rolling these movies out forever just purely out of spite. I give Seltzer and Frieberg movies credit that they are time capsules of their time and you want to tune in out of pure curiosity for what fucking local phenomenon they are trying to reference this time. The best scene of the movie is at the beginning where Leonidas kills Mumbles Happy Feet because I fucking hate Happy Feet. It's the second worst movie I have ever seen and while it was on some lists it didn't do well enough to get into Top 30. Rest of the movie is filled with reference after reference after reference of dated humour. It wouldn't get as reference heavy as their next movie, which may or may not appear on this list. I have also seen this movie, I think it's better than Epic Movie, but it's pretty much aimless shitty comedy.

21. Howard the Duck (1986) (80,12)

Howard the Duck is widely considered to be the first bad comic book movie and it doesn't even feature a superhero, it features a duck and admittedly this movie is the reason most people know Howard the Duck and why Howard probably cameo'd in Guardians of the Galaxy. Executive produced by George Lucas, Howard the Duck is like Cats of its time, with a very unappealing protagonist, a nightmarish animatronic duck who has sexual adult relationships with sexual adults. Also one of the first things you see in this movie is, to quote certain internet personality, Ducktits, woohoo. That's all people mention about this movie, I don't think they even know the plot of the movie because they can't get past the main protagonist's design. Howard the Duck hasn't even gotten a fanbase of dark fantasy enjoyers like some of the other movies released during this period that were critically panned. Fuck, this really was Cats of the 80's, but at least there is no James Corden.

20. Freddy Got Fingered (2001) (C.R.A.P. Score: 83,33)

Freddy Got Fingered, better known as "Tom Green's Mental Breakdown" is a movie I hear a lot of people talk about. It has been referred to as the worst comedy ever made because of its extremely crass, disgusting and downright bizarre scenes. It's almost been referred to as a satire of "dudebro" comedy and even American Comedy as a whole, going so extremely insanely over the top in the grossout factor. We have scenes where Tom Green rips out a baby from woman's womb and eats its umbilical cord asplattering blood everywhere, Rip Torn playing Tom Green's unhinged molester dad, a child getting torn to shreds by an airplane propeller and Tom Green making passionate love to a horsecock on screen. It's like Salo: 120 Days of Sodom of Comedy.

Despite the fact I would not want to watch this movie, this was a movie Tom Green earnestly and honestly wanted to make, and I can respect that. The movie has its defenders who do buy into the whole "secretly it's brilliant satire of dudebro comedy" territory. Considering it almost feels like a movie whose jokes could be used in almost any Adult Swim show, maybe it really was ahead of its time.

19. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011) (C.R.A.P. Score: 84,35)

...what? What is this? This is literally just a concert movie, and pretty average one at that. There is no plot, it's a documentary. It's literally a documentary. Documentaries can also be bad, like what's the name of that one guy who keeps making those "Donald Trump is the Second Coming of Christ and Hillary Clinton eats babies" documentaries? What about that documentary where Disney killed lemmings? But this one, I can't see it. Even if you think it's a movie that glorifies that teen idol lifestyle or it shows Justin Bieber smoking weed in front of his parents, it's still far from the worst movie out there. Oh wait, I know, it's because of the Internet's Circlejerk of Bieber hatred that plagued Internet in early 2010's. It's genuinely the most forced thing in the universe. Also especially now that we've learned that he apparently got abused during his younger years and may or may not have been a victim of P. Diddy. Let the man smoke his weed in peace, and stop putting this movie in your stupid lists.

Seriously what happens in this movie that makes it worse than Tom Green sucking a horse cock? Or hell, the dread boretone that is Ecks vs. Sever? Gee munitley.

18. Catwoman (2004) (C.R.A.P. Score: 91,22)

I saw this movie as a kid. That should tell you everything you need to know. The only thing I remember from this movie really is the cats walking around Halle Berry's dead corpse before she gets resurrected as Catwoman.

This has nothing and fuckall to do with Catwoman of DC Comics. I feel like the only reason people pick this comic is because they seriously think it's an adaptation of Batman Catwoman and not an attempt to do some form of standalone story. Before Joker 2019, this was all people got.

One common criticism for this movie is how oversexualized Halle Berry is in this movie especially when she gets her outfit, almost looking like BDSM stripper. Another critique people have it was it was specifically trying to appeal to women but it was clueless. The whole thing is about Catwoman Halle Berry fighting against an evil skin cream company while dressed up like an extra from the local batman porn parody. In that case yeah I can see why it would anger some people. I would replace this entry with Wild World of Batwomen if I could.

17. Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987) (91,42)

Garbage Pail Kids is just one of those things that feel like, an extreme product of their time. Not even the most hardcore of 80's kids go "damn remember GARBAGE PAIL KIDS? THOSE WERE THE COOLEST!!". And this movie wasn't exactly a love letter to the series. This movie was produced by a director who only wanted money for it, and the original owners of GBK also only wanted money from it, leading to a movie nobody gave a shit about. Famous voice actor Jim Cummings voiced two characters in this movie and after seeing the finished product he hated it so much he actually boycotted the movie. Yeah the characters are somehow even worse looking than Howard the Duck. They're pissing their pants, beating other people up and one of them is an alligator for some reason. I will at least say State Home for the Ugly is kind of a fucked up funny joke. Rest of this movie I treat with disdained apathy. With it having almost no redeemable qualities and it being treated as pure shlock by everyone working on it, it is the first entry on this list that I think could be in the running for one of the worst movies of all time.

16. Emoji Movie (2017) (92,30)

We have the first and only animated movie on the list. Emoji Movie is a terrible movie meant to cash in on the concept of emojis created by Sony Animation. It has Patrick Stewart voicing an actual piece of shit.

Okay not gonna lie, I remember when this movie was coming out, I was LIVID. I WAS ANGRY. I was personally offended by this fucking movie I thought the Cinema as a whole was going to be destroyed if this movie came out. But it didn't. And here is its legacy.

Yeah most offensive thing about this movie is both the original trailer and the whole moral, where instead of writing a poem for his crush the boy just sends the SUPER COOL EMOJI to the girl, moral of the story, saying words is evil.

It's also odd how this movie tries to have this super edgy authoritarian villain, like did this movie need anti-authoritarian themes??? And the girl who goes "I was a princess emoji but then I became a REBEL" Yeah sure you did girl. Oh yeah and don't forget about all the lovely PRODUCT PLACEMENT.

One more thing about the movie, there actually were people who genuinely thought this was gonna be good, because "Lego Movie was ridiculed but it took a stupid concept and made a good movie!!!". People still pull the Lego Movie Card™️ to this day whenever a movie based on a ridiculous concept is announced, and yeah that could be renamed to Barbie Movie Card™️now. But I feel that people expecting this movie to be shit were just as cringe, like me, but at least I wasn't like Animat, who said everyone involved with the creation of this movie should be killed. I am so glad there isn't another animated movie on this countdown. Animation fans are unhinged.

15. Jaws: The Revenge (1987) (94,11)

Original Jaws is an absolute classic, a great movie. But unfortunately, the sequel, no wait, the sequel's sequel, no wait, the sequel's sequel's sequel was bottom of the barrel material. Apparently, this movie wasn't critiqued for being more of the same, the movie was critiqued for taking the franchise into a fucking ridiculous direction. The shark has somehow developed a vendetta against the Brody family, and it proceeds to follow late Chief Brody's family to the Bahamas.

This movie's ending had two versions, in the original one, the character of Jake dies and the shark is impaled into a boat with no fanfare, but in the revised ending, the shark explodes and Jake is implied to survive. I admit I kinda like the latter ending more, I mean when you reach Jaws 4, you should obviously kill off the shark in the most over the top way possible, and also Jake is my boyfriend's name so I prefer if he survived.

Yes, another thing people bring up is the shark roaring. And like, considering the shark is sentient and out for revenge, of COURSE you could make it roar??? The whole movie just sounds so bad it's good. If you want a movie that slaps the original in the face with intense violence, try Exorcist II The Heretic, which sadly didn't make it to this list.

There is one aspect of this movie that is actually stupid, and it's not in the actual movie but rather the novelization, apparently the reason this shark is aware of the concept of revenge is because a VOODOO PRIEST cursed this shark to specifically target Brody's family. And it's never even elaborated upon. This decision famously named the trope "Voodoo Shark", where an attempt to fix a plot hole just raises more questions. That's something webcomics like to do a lot. This is a good time to plug my other blog, goddamnwebcomics!

14. Gotti (2018) (96,42)

What is widely considered the worst biopic of all time (if you ask me that title should go to Patch Adams, or Wired!), we have Kevin Connolly's Gotti. John Travolta is John Gotti, the leader of the Gambino Crime Family. This movie does oddly enough have something in common with Wired, Gotti himself acts as a narrator to the story, appearing as like a posthumous guardian spirit who comments on the events of his life. The movie also goes out of its way to portray this mob boss who killed people as INNOCENT FAMILY MAN AND HAPPY GO LUCKY NYW YOHKAH BAMBINO WHO GOT OPPRESSED BY DE FEDS AND DA PIGS EUUH EUUUH EUUUUH. I mean say what you want about The Babe Ruth Story, but at least it whitewashed someone who was not a MURDERER.

It should also be noted creators of this movie pulled a temper tantrum for being critiqued and they went "critics don't want you to see this movie!!! Go watch it to find out why!!" That's not how Streisand Effect works you fucking moron.

That being said while the movie is trying to whitewash a mob boss and have some very bizarre framing, terrible writing and inappropriate use of Pitbull, John Travolta as Gotti does put on a great performance, especially when he gets emotional.

I have a HUGE fascination on biopics so I might make another blogpost about them, we'll see if Gotti lives up to the title of worst biopic. But for now, let's move on.

13. Twilight (2008) (96,42)

This did tie with Gotti, but I guess this movie got more top rankings soooo...

Twilight is one of those things that got unnecessarily hated on for being for girls. However over the years people went "Oh no wait, Steph Meyer is actually a horrible person and these movies actually have some actual problems in them". That being said, the first Twilight is worst??? The worst one is the one with the CGI baby and Jacob wanting to fuck them! Yes, the first one is pretty cringeworthy, but I used to have a christmas tradition of marathoning all of Twilight Saga with Rifftrax commentary, so I am more familiar with these movies than most. Edward is definitely at his worst here, being a dumbass stalker who constantly hounds down Bella, and Bella is just kind of an empty slate who never finishes her sentence. There are no likeable characters in this movie aside from Mustache Dad. Yes Twilight movies have their own issues but they are far from the worst movies ever made.

Well, much like society as a whole both Pattinson and Stewart have moved on from Twilight and are doing MUCH better in their careers. Taylor Lautner, not so much. Some people say Abduction killed his career but I think it was the baby imprinting.

12. Son of the Mask (2005) (98,08)

If Cats is the peak of terrible modern CGI, then Son of the Mask is definitely the peak of terrible dated CGI. I saw the original Mask and really liked it but I haven't seen this, for a good reason. Jamie Kennedy is not Jim Carrey, but he would not have saved this movie.

Giving the mask to a dog was a really bad idea and Loki isn't as memorable of a villain as the one in the first movie, and the baby being a 24/7 reality warper..fucking hell, why do you put babies in movies??? This better be the last movie in this list with a baby in it.

But what people especially hate about this movie is as I mentioned the CGI which results in grossout humor and nightmare abominations from Hell. While not constant, it might actually be harder to look at than Cats? Personally for me, CGI as an artform peaked in 2008, but this is one of the few examples of CGI before that era that I consider very hard to look at. And the terrible script is not helping, especially if you like the original movie or the comics.

11. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023) (108,69)

It's the newest movie on this list and okay this choice actually being here really pisses me off. What effectively is a generic slasher movie of a guy with Winnie the Pooh mask is treated as the worst thing ever because the director of the movie is an edgelord who abuses the public domain to make edgy bullshit. I've seen this movie and all the copycats it spawned make people think that Public Domain was a mistake. And NO, IT'S ONLY NOW THIS SHIT IS FUCKING GOING TO PUBLIC DOMAIN BECAUSE DISNEY BASICALLY PREVENTED ANYTHING FROM GOING INTO PUBLIC DOMAIN FOR 100 YEARS.

It's ultimately like any other slasher movie, make the backstory not Winnie the Pooh related and take out the mask and it's a generic slasher movie, it's Ecks vs Sever of slasher movies where everything has been done before. Just because you give a new coat of paint to your 40 year old car that uses a character that entered public domain recently, doesn't mean the car is new, but it still gets people's attention.

These are cashgrabs, just like Asylum movies. They are produced quickly in order to cash in to something that should be cultural celebration. Cool stuff done with public domain will take time, and don't let this slop as you kiddies like to say ruin it for you. There's a platformer coming out that only uses public domain assets and it looks pretty interesting.

But anyways, enough of my rant. This thing deserves to be buried and not given any attention, just like all people desperate for attention like the director of this movie.

10. Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010) (110,20)

Birdemic is a hilariously bad indie movie created by Tippi Hedren's local stalker James Nguyen. This movie is too funny to get mad at. The bird effects, Rod's stilted acting, forced attempts to pay tribute to classic movies and the hamfisted message about climate change doing it just contribute to the charm. Yeah I can't hate this movie. Both it and its sequel are fucking stupid and are filled with quotable lines. Birdemic 2 is kind of an odd case because it tries to be self aware but also genuine at the same time??? And they addressed absense of one of the actors from the past movie by saying she died from eating a fish Rod cooked in the last movie? Like that is hilarious. A lot of the movies I have shown to hate on this countdown are purely affairs created by greedy people without passion, whether they're indie makers or corporations. Nguyen may be a weirdo but at least he is legitimately passionate, and Birdemic movies are charming in their own ways. Yeah I disagree with the inclusion of Birdemic, it's easily the most entertaining movie on this list so far.

9. Movie 43 (2013) (118,68)

Okay, what the fuck is this movie??? I didn't know anything about it until I started research for this article and apparently the reason people hated it is because it's basically Freddy Got Fingered as an anthology movie, wasting its huge cast of talent on a bunch of crude sketches. The thing is, I haven't seen the movie but none of these sound too outrageous? It apparently got two different framing devices when it was released, one of which was exclusive to US and another that was exclusive to global audience. I kind of miss international changes so that idea is kind of good. Other than that, it can't even do Freddy Got Fingered properly. Chris Pratt doesn't make out with a horse cock, so what's the point. Also just about everyone involved with the making of the movie hate it. It's definitely an interesting and ambitious idea that just got overcooked.

8. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004) (128,04)

I am not talking about this

7. Human Centipede 2 (2011) (133,33)

Finally, some bleach for eyes. Yeah you might be surprised Human Centipede 2 is considered the worst one. I don't know either. It goes for a more black and white style and depicts the first movie as a work of fiction? What is this? Halloween 3?

Anyways, in order to top the first Human Centipede, you have to make a bigger Human Centipede. And yeah this is just Freddy Got Fingered if Tom Green wanted to get arrested at the premiere. A prostitute gets raped and killed, another woman's tongue gets cut off, a pregnant woman dies and then suddenly comes back to life, gives birth in a car and crushes her baby's skull, and a centipede goes up the main freak's ass at the end of the movie. And of course there's the whole concept of Centipede itself. I am glad to be dead when this movie goes into public domain because then we will get "Winnie the Pooh makes the Human Centipede" movie that everyone will make number 1 in their Worst Movies Of All Time rankings.

I feel that Human Centipede trilogy as a whole is a valid argument for any worst movies ever lists. It tries to present its disgusting vomit inducing premise as something deep when they are just an excuse for extremely disgusting shlock that the director probably jacks off to. Only props I can give this movie is that the freak who wants to make Human Centipede in real life after watching the first movie looks EXACTLY like the kind of a freak who wants to make Human Centipede in real life after watching the first movie. That is some incredible casting.

6. Disaster Movie (2008) (138,30)

In the exact same year as Meet the Spartans, Seltzer and Frieberg's most hated movie came out, The Disaster Movie. Yeah at this point these movies were completely out of ideas so they threw every movie to the kitchen sink and made jokes about it like there's a whole sequence where they do rapid fire references, like "I'm Batman", "I'm Beowulf", "I'm Iron Man", "I'm Kung Fu Panda". That pretty much exemplifies the state of this movie. You've got Alvin and the Chipmunks singing death metal and eating Juno from Juno, in theaters now. You've got Ella Enchanted coming to town and also High School Musical, which is another thing that was one of the movies included in this project but didn't end up in top 30. Honestly I don't think this movie even has a plot, disaster happens and that forces all these characters to do skits, it is effectively pop culture brained person's version of Movie 43, except instead of celebrities it's people doing shitty impressions of movies that came out that year.

I am BEGGING for Seltzer and Frieberg to make one more movie, the worst of the worst. Put any and all modern day movie references you can think of. Make the SLOP to end all SLOP. So yeah, I consider these movies to be bit of a guilty pleasure while also thinking they are fucking stupid, and I genuinely don't think they should be on top of any worst movie lists when much worse comedies exist with less interesting premises.

5. The Last Airbender (2010) (177,60)

I should not be surprised this is here. A lot of people like Avatar The Last Airbender, so when this movie came out a lot of people were pissed. Not only did it whitewash most of the cast, it was a terrible retelling of the events of the series. This movie literally brought Nostalgia Critic out of retirement. A lot of people blame this movie on M. Night Shayamalan, but Shayamalan actually didn't have too much to do with this movie sucking and he hated the end result too. And don't get me wrong Shayamalan did make Lady in the Water which is his worst movie in my opinion, but speaking of, The Happening didn't make it to this list for some reason despite getting decent amount of entries.

I look at Last Airbender the same way I look at Dragonball Evolution, people hate it because it's a bad adaptation rather than because it's a bad movie. If you went into it not knowing what "Avatar" was (by the way it is fucking hilarious they took out the Avatar from the title just to not confuse it with James Cameron's Avatar), you'd think "ah that was a typical childrens weird stupid fantasy movie with way too much exposition and white people pretending to be asian-coded". But when you look at this as Avatar fan, you're gonna fucking hate every minute of it. Pretty much everyone compares this to that one episode of the show where Fire Nation puts on a play recapping events of the series and the main characters do wacky commentary on it.

And the worst thing about this is, they made yet ANOTHER Avatar live action spinoff which barely got any attention because people are so used to this shit by now.

Oh, and I have to mandatorily reference this scene.

4. The Room (2003) (184,86)

We have reached THE Worst Movie Of All Time, the one everyone references as such. However since its debut I don't think I need to say what a massive cult following this movie has created. If you're purely going on it from a filmmaker perspective, you can see it is a disaster made by a true Disaster Artist if you will. But Tommy Wiseau's out of touchiness with reality is almost endearing even when his character is kind of a prick and everyone in his life hates him or betrays him. You also have to see his ass during this movie so that's fun.

Everyone knows every line from this movie, if you can't name 5, you are a fucking liar. I guess its status as a cult movie is precisely the reason why it's only number 4. Can it really be bad when it has brought so much joy to people?

3. Jack and Jill (2011) (229,17)

I mean is there anything I need to say? It's considered the bottom of the barrel for Adam Sandler movies, other Sandler movies featured on this project were Little Nicky and The Waterboy but at least those movies have their fans. Jack and Jill is universally reviled, aside from the Dunkaccino scene which became a meme. The movie aged as well as Jared Fogle's cameo in the film. That being said, outside of Dunkaccino I don't really hear people talk about it. It's mostly put in all these lists probably because people hear it's bad or people just really fucking hate Adam Sandler. It seems that ever since Sandler started getting more positive attention and movies like Eight Crazy Nights went from "Freddy Got Fingered of Animation" to "Surprisingly funny Hanukkah classic", these movies have been mostly forgotten. It's not like Sandler's other movies where people making them are clearly having fun because like it or not Sandler's movies are notable for essentially being vacations for people who make them. This was apparently a role Sandler only took because he needed money.

I think there are definitely far worse premises for comedies, like Loqueesha and it's probably not even the worst "actor plays male and female in same movie", like remember Norbit? That did make into this project, but Loqueesha didn't.

2. Batman and Robin (1997) (243,91)

It's the movie, the Bat Credit Card and what have you. The movie they said killed comic book movies FOREVER, until 5 years later Spiderman came out and superhero movies have been coming out forever and ever since. This movie lets you know early on that it's gonna be a cheese fest with Bat Nipples and "this is why Superman works alone". I have seen this movie and it's...the right kind of goofy. Can you even consider this taking place in the same universe as Tim Burton's Batman movies? I actually really like the look of this movie. The weird strange colours it uses and the aesthetics are very memorable and Arnold is hilarious as Mr. Freeze. Like this is one of his funniest roles period. He was meming Snow Miser before anyone else.

That being said, the movie definitely suffers from a tone problem, there is a serious subplot about Alfred dying of cancer and for some reason they gave Arnie Freeze the same tragic backstory as Michael Ansara Mr. Freeze. Also, George Clooney just isn't very convincing as Batman. But hey, uh, Bat Girl is in this movie! So is Bane! ...remember????

It definitely depends on your taste, if you love the SUPER SERIOUS BATMAN WITH THE DEEP LUNG CANCER VOICE then you're gonna hate this movie, but if you like Adam West Batman then you'd definitely wibe with this. I have no idea why is it so high. I blame Nostalgia Critic.

So, here we are, we have only the worst movie left, and that is...

1. Manos the Hands of Fate (1966) (280,51)

Of course it's fucking Manos, what else would it be?

You know, I always disagree with Manos being referred to as the worst movie of all time. When you say something is the worst movie of all time, you always have someone who wants to see it to see just how bad it is. Much like many others I discovered this movie through MST3K. And yes the episode is a classic and pretty funny.

But idk, it feels kind of dirty to call this the worst movie ever made. We all know the story, the director Hal Warren, who plays Michael in the movie, bet an actual horror movie director that he could make a horror movie, so he made Manos, everyone hated it, the end. Yet Manos has a legacy, much like The Room. It is essentially an indie movie before indie movies really boomed. And when you are used to modern day horror movies with their same old soundtracks and same old jumpscares and same old guys in masks, Manos feels...off. Isn't that the point of a horror movie? Things feeling off?

I like the atmosphere of Manos immensely. It's this dark, unfiltered look into the raw 60's El Paso. God knows what was happening in the middle of nowhere America during that time, and I think in that case the movie really captures the fear. The scenes at night taking place at the dark void add to the dream like atmosphere, and speaking of atmosphere that soundtrack is genuinely amazing. The ending song of the movie is also beautiful.

I have to give praise to John Reynolds as Torgo and Tom Neyman as The Master respectively. They both end up being the most memorable parts in the movie because of their performances. Sadly Reynolds would pass away shortly after this movie but he left a hell of a legacy, and he will live forever thanks to this movie.

The movie is absolutely not without its flaws, the pacing is extremely slow and it even tried my patience, Debbie the little girl having a grown woman's voice makes her the worst part of the movie by default, there are plenty of pointless scenes like the couple making out in the car, the writing is awkward and repetitive and contradictory and while I like the dark ending I do NOT like Debbie being chosen as one of the wives as fucked up and sadly realistic to the real cults as it is.

I feel that Manos being labeled the worst movie of all time is both beneficial and hurtful to the movie. The movie has gotten several sequels, several video games, fanmade spinoffs, stage adaptations and it's been riffed and reviewed by just about everyone. So Manos's legacy will live on. However, it also paints this elitist idea that anyone who is not a film school student should not make a movie. At the end of the day, I want movies like this and The Room to be remembered and movies motivated by greed, apathy and attention like Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey and Baby Geniuses to be forgotten and banished into the annels of history. I am not saying every indie movie is good, like if you want a horrible indie movie, look at Derek Savage's entire career. Speaking of I am shocked none of his flicks made into this project.

But what's this? A challenger? Is there a movie I have completely neglected? And it deserves to be number 0 because it's actually a legitimate contender for worst movie of all time and not because I am bad at math??? Well, here you go.

0. Battlefield Earth (2001) (388,61)

Battlefield Earth is based on a book by L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of scientology. The whole movie has an extremely stupid premise. Gold is somehow the rarest material in the universe and these stupid looking aliens called the Psychlos have successfully invaded Earth and stolen all the gold and enslaved humanity. The whole movie is shot on dutch angles which gives anyone looking at this movie motion sickness. Did I forgot to mention it's 2 hours long???

Yeah where do I begin with this movie? The Psychlos are probably the stupidest race of aliens in all of fiction. The main humans are not likeable enough for this movie either. John Travolta puts on a ridiculous performance that is way too cringy to be entertaining and in fact almost everyone is being theaterical. You could write an entire book about everything wrong with this movie. The fact Psychlos are destroyed by a WW2 biplane is just the beginning of those issues.

There's also the fact this movie bankrupted Franchise Pictures, and John Travolta's career took a long while to recover. And oh yeah, the whole movie is funded by SCIENTOLOGISTS. At least Manos tells you cults are bad, this movie is inherently pro-cult!!!

I was able to find something positive to say about almost every entry on this list, but Battlefield Earth doesn't even make for a fun bad movie because of its association with Scientology and the plot that breaks your brain in half and the 2 hour run time and the nauseating dutch angles. So does that make Battlefield Earth the worst movie of all time? If you ask me, yes, I think it does.

Either way, this was a fun little foray to get into. I might do another one of these some day.

[fumettomania-aps-magazine]

Radio Città Fujiko 103.1 fm Bologna (in collaborazione con il Comitato Ricerche Associazione Pionieri ) produce una trasmissione radiofonica chiamata “Fumetti a sinistra, un mondo dentro al balloon”, programma giunto alla nona serie. Ogni mercoledi viene trasmessa una nuova puntata del programma a cura di Morena Moretti ed Alfredo Pasquali. Le nuove puntate della nona serie sono iniziate ad ottobre 2024. Oggi, dopo tanti mesi, dedichiamo lo spazio sul nostro magazine ai nostri amici del CRAP e di Radiocittafujiko Bologna ed alla puntata andata in onda il 23 aprile che mi ascolterò (visto che sono influenzato e rimarrò a casa) dedicata alla Festa della Liberazione, al 25 aprile, e a quella che andrà in onda il 30 aprile, che invece sarà dedicata al Primo Maggio, alla Festa dei lavoratori. Ah quasi dimenticavo… possiamo ascoltare tutte le puntate in streaming. Buona lettura e buon ascolto, Buona Festa della Liberazione dal nazifascismo.

[samyakcomputersclasses]

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[the-starlight-mistress]

Wanted to hop on the starter pack train!!

[dancer-through-a-gilded-meadow]

The Final Use of Those Long Dead Gods

Created on procreate

[styledinhtml]

Hello Fellow Designers! Here is a little analysis done for steams website! I used the C.R.A.P. (contrast, Repetition, Alignment, and proximity) method to research. I also explained the Precedence for this website as well!

[agreenroad]

Stop Eating Or Buying C.R.A.P. Junk Food; White Flour, White Sugar, Carbonated Drinks, Artificial Ingredients, Chemicals, GMO’s, Patent Drugs, Irrradiated Food/Drinks

5 HEALTH FOODS TO AVOID NO MATTER WHAT Stop Eating Or Buying C.R.A.P. Junk Food; White Flour, White Sugar, Carbonated Drinks, Artificial Ingredients, Chemicals, GMO’s, Patent Drugs, Irrradiated Food/Drinks THE US HAS THE WORST HEALTH OUTCOME AND HIGHEST HEALTHCARE COSTS OF ANY CIVILIZED NATION ON EARTH; WHY IS THAT? US Has Highest Health Care Costs, Worst Outcome Among Civilized…

[queridinhc]

@investigctor  said  ❛  can  we  talk  business?  ❜  Onde:  C.R.A.P.

O  suspiro  que  escapou  dos  lábios  de  Wendy  carregava  todo  o  peso  daquela  situação.  "  Eu  não  sei  mais  o  que  lhe  dizer,  senhorita  Ataman.  Apesar  do  que  possa  achar,  não  a  estou  enganando.  Entendo  que  a  situação  é  frustrante,  mas  infelizmente  não  faço  ideia  do  que  aconteceu  n-  "  interrompeu-se,  meneando  a  cabeça  levemente.  Repetir  que  não  sabia  de  nada  era  enervante  até  para  ela.  Já  perdera  as  contas  de  quantas  vezes  havia  tentado  falar  com  Merlin,  mas  fazia  semanas  que  não  tinha  vislumbre  do  mago  sozinho.  A  situação  não  só  era  frustrante,  como  suspeita.  "  Não  tenho  acesso  sobre  as  investigações  da  Defesa  sobre  a  queda  de  Camelot,  muito  menos  sei  como  ajudá-los  a  retornar  para  casa.  Por  enquanto,  o  melhor  que  posso  oferecer  é  um  ouvido  amigo  e  meia  dúzia  de  conselhos,  caso  queira.  "

[nutjob57]

C.R.A.P comitee to rebuild American patriotism

Leader Skonk