#Chapter 78

[every-tsurumi]

[manga-meow]

[every-shiraishi]

[bleachtitlepages]

[every-ciel-phantomhive]

[every-ogata]

[dungeonmeshititlepages]

[alpha-trauma-novel-trans]

Chapter 78

First, Dohyun decided to wait. He waited until the new semester started, waited until Wooyeon appeared in front of him, and waited for Garam to recruit him to the club.

This time, he hoped it would start with a natural encounter, something he hadn't planned.

‘You know Seon Wooyeon?'

When Yoonwoo asked that, Dohyun wanted to shout for joy. He didn't think he was mistaken, but even the slightest lingering doubt was confirmed.

‘He knows you. I thought he wanted to join a club, but I don't think so. If you know him, Garam got called to the opening ceremony today…’

He absolutely had no intention of acting rashly. He was going to approach him carefully and cautiously because things had already gone wrong once. If Garam hadn't drunkenly flirted with him, Dohyun wouldn't have spoken to him first.

‘Oh, Wooyeon has a lot of friends, huh?'

Garam's drinking habits are a bit annoying. She'd be friendly regardless of who it was, and would even initiate skinship if she felt like it. However, she hadn't managed her pheromones well enough that day, and Wooyeon was clearly uncomfortable.

'This Noona is...'

'Moon Garam is acting like an old fart again.'

His small shoulders tensed slightly. He covered his mouth with his sleeve and pressed against the wall, looking like a hedgehog with his spikes raised. He still hates Alphas, Dohyun made a mental note of that.

'He's uncomfortable.'

Dohyun pretended to be oblivious, stepping between Garam and Wooyeon. He blocked Garam's pheromones with his body and poured water for Wooyeon, who started hiccupping. Wooyeon stiffened and grabbed the glass of water only after Dohyun told him to drink.

'...Thank you.'

His voice was much lower than before. It was calm and mature, unlike the thin, beautiful voice before. Four years, such a long time, and he was both glad and sad that it had been so long.

'That's him.'

Garam said rudely, with a drunken look on her face. “Just like I said, right?” Dohyun knew it was rude to do so, but he looked at Wooyeon's face.

His pale face was clear in the dim lighting. He had lost a lot of weight, but his basic features hadn't changed much. He still didn't look like Suhyang at all, and his clear eyes were still the same.

'....That's right.'

What did Garam say? She said he was very cute, and if you don't know the difference between cute and pretty, she wasn't wrong. Dohyun had known about his big eyes and high nose since 4 years ago.

'Can I speak casually?'

He thought that now was the time to tell him about what happened in the past. Since it was in the past, he could confess honestly, and possibly be remembered on good terms or at least as someone who had once been a good support.

'What's your name?'

‘It's Seonwooyeon.'

Unlike Dohyun, however, Wooyeon didn't seem to have any intention of coming forward. He asked for his name as if he was a stranger, just as he pretended to be. “Seon Wooyeon,” he corrected me, his voice quite firm.

'Ah, Wooyeon.'

What are the odds that a student he taught four years ago would end up at the same university, in the same department. He heard that he had studied abroad in the US, so he could have easily gotten into college there.

'Wooyeon, huh.'

If it was really Wooyeon, he wanted it to be an act of God. He was thinking of buttoning up the first button again and pretending not to know him as he wanted. If they built a relationship little by little, Wooyeon might be the first to call him “Seonsaeng-nim.”

'...Not really.'

The fact that he smoked was unexpected, but not all that surprising. He also knew that he had chased him away because he was uncomfortable. What really embarrassed Dohyun were the words that came out of his mouth.

‘I don't like how he smiles because it seems fake.'

Dohyun was shocked. Maybe even a little hurt. It was as absurd as it was absurd, and as amazing as it was absurd.

Four years. Four years, not more, not less, but four years. Long enough for Wooyeon to change his appearance and change his voice. The Wooyeon he hadn't seen in a long time called him fake when he saw his smile.

It didn't occur to him that he was just saying it. Even Dohyun was aware that he was smiling fakely, but he was embarrassed that 'Wooyeon' had seen through it. 

Dohyun had never faked a smile in front of Wooyeon before. Four years ago, and even now, he was always sincere when he spoke to him.

Maybe that's why. That one word brought him to this point. He knew it was childish, but he wanted to be recognized as not being fake. If it were anyone else, he would have turned around, but he didn't want to give Wooyeon that impression.

Luckily, he had plenty of opportunities to solve the problem. Luckily, their Friday lectures overlapped, and Wooyeon joined the 'Reading English Classics' club. Although he sometimes showed his discomfort openly, it was cute how he couldn't answer the question of whether he was uncomfortable. 

'...You're often told you have a bad personality, aren't you?'

He’d only heard that twice. Once from Suhyang, and once from Wooyeon.

Over the next few weeks, Dohyun did everything he could for Wooyeon. He helped him apply for classes, helped him study, and bought him cheap food that would have horrified Suhyang if she found out. The young master, who had never even opened a car door with his own hands, liked mediocre chocolate and cheap tteokbokki the most.

It was a series of very meaningful days. The way Wooyeon adapted to the club, the way he touched his earlobe with a blush on his face, and the way he cursed in English while drunk was all fun. Occasionally Dohyun’s chest would feel ticklish, but he brushed it off, thinking it was because he was excited.

'Then let's do it at Wooyeon's house today.'

In all honesty, studying was actually a bit of an impulsive decision. He didn't like Wooyeon's avoidance since the MT, and was also annoyed by the Alpha who gave him a note at the library. He noticed from the time of the after-party at the opening ceremony, Wooyeon was unnecessarily popular.

'Is this... a model home or something...'

A penthouse with a stunning panoramic view. In that place Wooyeon gave off a similar vibe to four years ago. It was better than the main house, which felt like a prison with its high walls, but Dohyun couldn't help but feel like he was a loner isolated in a high place.

'What are you looking for?'

'A cup. I don't think it's right to just give it to them like this.'

Dohyun was surprised that he'd thought of offering them drinks, and chuckled to himself because he didn't even know where the cups were.

There must have been cups on the lower side too, but Wooyeon simply opened the cupboard that was closest to his eye level first. It might break like that. As soon as he thought that, Wooyeon dropped a glass cup.

'Whenever I see you...'

Even he thought it was an amazing reflex. He expected that Wooyeon would drop it, but he didn't think he would actually be able to catch it. His pheromones shot out in surprise, and he saw himself clearly reflected in his wide eyes.

'I can't take my eyes off you.'

They were about an arm's length apart. When he was tutoring, he would see his face from closer than this. So why did this familiar distance make him nervous?

'I, that..., I, need to use the restroom....'

Wooyeon scurried away, but Dohyun remained motionless for a long time. The faint lingering pheromones left a trace deep in his lungs. He realized that the reason his heart was beating so fast was not because he almost broke the glass. 

On the way home, Dohyun organized his thoughts with all sorts of complicated feelings. When he closed his eyes, he remembered Wooyeon, and his heart fluttered with the emotions. The feelings that had begun to change little by little had finally changed its name.

It was love. A crush, affection. 

But instead of panicking at his sudden realization, Dohyun immediately found a way to kill it. The next day, he received a phone call from Secretary Yoon. 

- 'The President wants to see you.'

It was like a death sentence. He never hated hearing from Suhyang, but that day, he had a bad feeling. Even as he left the lecture and headed back to the office, the ominous feeling of foreboding continued to haunt him.

‘Sit down. Don't just stand there and listen.'

Suhyang neatly skipped any greeting. The secretary brought him a cup of tea, but instead of taking it, Dohyun looked at Suhyang. After four years, her face didn't look much different from before. 

'Do you know why I called you?'

It was a straightforward question. Dohyun, who couldn't answer for a moment, looked away vaguely. It's not like he committed a crime, but the timing wasn't good.

'Well....more or less.'

In response, Suhyang calmly opened her mouth.

'Four years ago, you left like that and Wooyeon got very sick.’

‘....Sick?’

This was the first time he had heard of it. It was no wonder since he had no one to tell him the latest news. Dohyun's surprised face didn't bother Suhyang.

'They said it was a kind of lovesickness.'

Dohyun was speechless. The Wooyeon he saw yesterday and the Wooyeon he saw four years ago overlapped vaguely. He could still see his face as he parted ways with him.

'He didn't eat, and slept like a sick chicken. It's no wonder he got sick after crying so much without drinking water.'

The cold voice spoke without mercy. It was clearly a monotonous tone, but it made his skin prickle. Perhaps it was because Suhyang's pheromones had settled heavily. 

'I sent him to America because I thought a change of scenery might help him get over you.'

So that's what happened. Wooyeon’s goal was to go to college, back then there was no plan to study abroad. There had been no reason for him to suddenly leave Korea.

'And here he is, four years later, in Korea.'

'....'

'Say it with your own mouth.'

Her voice was loaded with pheromones. A heavy atmosphere settled over his shoulders. Suhyang stared at Dohyun with chillingly cold eyes.

'If you were me, would you let you near my child?'

Dohyun lowered his head like a guilty man. His mind was blank, and he didn't know what to say. Even if she didn't intend to reprimand him, just listening was enough. 

'It was my fault for getting you involved in the first place.'

Suhyang continued when Dohyun didn't answer. He slowly lowered his eyes, then lifted them again.

'But you were the one who ended it.'

A clenched hand rested on the desk. Suhyang spoke in a gentle tone, her chin slightly pulled in.

‘I hope our relationship doesn’t end.’

It was a truly indirect expression. It was also a warning that she would not be as forgiving this time. Dohyun couldn't respond, and that was the end of the conversation.

The chances of a reunion after four years are extremely slim. With that much money, there was no reason to return to Korea after studying abroad. Him coming to the English department, him asking Yoonwoo, 'Do you know someone named Kim Dohyun,' all meant only one thing to Dohyun.  

But in the end, it was a decision he made alone. In fact, Wooyeon even pretended not to know, and recently, even showed signs of avoiding him. Maybe he simply wanted to sort out the past.

After much deliberation, Dohyun decided to settle his feelings for him. He turned his back, pretended not to know, and went back the other way. Then, on days when classes overlapped, his gaze was constantly stolen by the back of his head.

He thought he could stop now. Since Wooyeon was avoiding him, and his feelings were still in the beginning stages he thought he could stop. But soon, Dohyun realized that that was all arrogance. 

It was the day he bought hamburgers for his club members to cheer them up for their midterms. It just so happened to be Wednesday, so it was also a day when he had to study with Wooyeon. Although he regretted making such a promise, Dohyun reserved a study room near the school.

'Oppa!'

'Hyung! I missed you!'

'I can see through you guys.'

There was an unusually large group of people in the club room. Everyone was eating hamburgers and greeted Dohyun with happy faces. Dohyun smiled out of habit and glanced around the room. 

'Only when I buy you food...'

Wooyeon, he was sitting on the couch. The large, white hoodie made his pale face look even whiter. He was holding the hamburger with both hands and his mouth was shut, he looked so nice that it took a while for Dohyun to take his eyes off him.

'What's wrong, Oppa?'

Partly because it was cute, and also because it made him feel sick. It's funny to have an staring contest with an innocent hamburger.

But soon Dohyun ignored Wooyeon who was looking at him and avoided eye contact.

'It's nothing.'

It was just a glance. It was just a fleeting glance too embarrassing to even call it a meeting. But then, as if a fire had been lit, his once quiet heart began to burn brightly.

Dohyun pretended not to notice and sat down in the place furthest from Wooyeon. While he pretended not to notice he secretly watched Wooyeon. The young master, who had never seen fast food before, ate the hamburger with his head down.

'I'm sorry, but I'll go first.'

He thought that he must have been choking. His expression wasn't good and his complexion was pale. He swallowed something that didn't even taste good, so there was no way he could digest it properly.

'Uh, the study room...'

'I reserved it.'

But Dohyun couldn't ask if he was okay. He couldn't say a word of concern, and he couldn't even make eye contact with Wooyeon. He just pretended to be relaxed as always, with a soft voice.

'There's seats available at the cafe in front of the school. Just come to the main gate after class.'

He could feel the sad gaze. The once refreshing pheromones had become as gloomy as the weather. Wooyeon left the club room saying he would see him later, yet Dohyun didn't look back at him.

Dohyun headed to the convenience store as if he was possessed while time passed. Because the dark clouds were gathering, it seemed like rain was about to stop. He bought a glass bottle of digestive medicine along with an umbrella. 

'You guys go to the cafe first.'

He had been feeling anxious the whole time, especially when Wooyeon didn't show up at the main gate even though the scheduled time had passed. The lecture must have ended long ago, and there was no response on his cell phone. Dohyun sent Garam and Seongyu off to the café and hurried across campus. 

It was a movement dictated solely by instinct. He used an umbrella to shield himself from the rain and walked as fast as his feet could carry him. The name of the lecture Wooyeon was listening to, 'Global Leadership,' floated around in his head as if engraved in his mind.

As expected, Wooyeon was sitting on a bench near the lecture hall building. He looked particularly thin, cowering beneath the blooming cherry blossoms. One step, then another. As Dohyun approached him, his heart began to beat irregularly.

'...I was wondering why you weren't coming.'

If you asked him when it started, he'd say he didn’t know. It crept in unnoticed, and by the time he realized it, it was uncontrollable. Whether it was four years ago or the moment they met again, he couldn't tell.

'You're going to catch a cold.' 

He liked him. He liked his clear gaze, liked his blind affection, he liked the clumsy, immature Seon Wooyeon.

'Seo...'

Seonsaeng-nim. He missed the voice that called him like that. He couldn't forget the warmth he held in his arms shedding tears. Even though so much time had passed, Dohyun was still obsessed with Wooyeon.

'...Seonbae.'

That one word was the catalyst for his awakening to reality. Suhyang's face came to mind, and the story of how he had been hurt by him came back.

'Sometimes.'

Sometimes a single moment's choice can determine your future. Whether to reach out or pull back, the path of their relationship was still difficult even four years later.

'It's not easy.'

Wooyeon silently turned away from Dohyun. He placed his hand on his knee and rested his chin on it. Raindrops slid down the slanted bridge of his nose.

'Should I carry you?'

'....'

It was an impulsive remark. But as soon as he said it, his mind was made up. Giving up, ignoring, and pretending not to know was enough since it had already happened four years ago.

'I'll take you home.'

Without hesitation, he knelt down and almost forcibly picked up Wooyeon. The rain had soaked him so much that his thighs were cold against his fingers. Fortunately, the body temperature that hugged his neck was warm. He didn't want to miss the occasional breath or the voice whispering in his ear.

'Why are you being so nice to me?'

Wooyeon's pheromones were as refreshing as a bite of fruit. There was still a hint of greenness in the air, which made him feel more calm.

'I just want to be nice to you.'

Apologizing was just an excuse to hide his feelings. The desire to button up the first button again was also a greed that he couldn't hide.

He just didn't want to lose this precious relationship again.

'...Then please continue to do well.'

He didn't want to disappoint him. He didn't want to hurt him, make him cry, and then be abandoned by him. He hoped that the relationship that was barely hanging on wouldn't end up like it did the first time.

'I missed you.'

The words, wrapped in playfulness, showed another meaning through the cracks. Joy, longing, warm affection, and even the confession that couldn't be said.

'...That's fortunate.'

He'd hurt him so much, and it had been so hard for him, but he'd missed him nonetheless. How could Dohyun not reach out to him?

next chapter

[richeeduvie]

Chapter 78 of Madman is now out on AO3!!! Yippeee!!

[kstormcursed]

my hobbies include: being disrespectful, being insubordinate, being insufferable and being a little shit

[every-tsurumi]

[manga-meow]

[every-shiraishi]

[meimi-haneoka]

Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 78: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

Hello hello!! End of the month, just witnessed Harvest Moon high in the sky (the last Supermoon of 2023!), and we're back like clockwork with another chapter of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card!! I have to say the release of Clear Card chapters have often coincided with a Supermoon and I find that so funny, as well as fitting....the moon is such a big element in this arc!

And as we have seen in this arc, the moon is also a messenger of love, and there's so much of it in this chapter....feelings, conflicting emotions, but most importantly, talks of happiness. This chapter wrecked me with emotions even more than the previous one, as we finally got the Kaito/Akiho moment of "discussion" that we waited for so long....where the focal point of the entire arc is: how far can we push ourselves to make our loved ones happy? Is it right for us to arbitrarily decide for their happiness? Along the years, I've seen countless of complains for how the events of the story were unfolding, for how some characters did absolutely the hell they wanted and made decisions for others, but as I knew perfectly well, a story is something in constant development and the goal wasn't to show how helpless people are or how it was right for others to act in that way, quite the contrary. And we'll see with full force what that means in this chapter of the climax, which is surprisingly BIG (36 pages long).

I also have to (unfortunately) report a quite annoying translation mistake in the English version that can confuse people and trick them to believe that Sakura remembered about a certain someone. Along with the usual nuances and such.

BUT FIRST!!

Hehe, you know what's coming, right?

Akiho went THIS close to go full Greta Thunberg on a certain someone!!! 😂 Let's find out WHO it is under the cut!!

The Color Page

Our Sakura this month takes the color spread with one of the most beautiful portrayal of our little magician: dressed in a very elegant layered white dress with jewels, head covered by a white veil, immersed by half in a pond, she looks halfway between a bride and a priestess! And yes, I can already hear you screaming "Tsubasa!!1!1!!!!" because she vaguely reminds of little Sakura-hime at the reservoir....😆 But I think what really makes the atmosphere of this color page "magical" is the presence of countless spheres of light, which seem to be emerging from crystal water lilies and converge in a huge sphere, which really looks like the moon....just to go back to the incipit of this blog post, right? 😂 After observing this color page, I couldn't help but being reminded of the spheres of light that were featured in the color pages of chapter 52 and 63 (with respectively, Kaito and SyaoSaku). Back in my post of chapter 63 I had made an analysis about what the common thread between those two color pages could be, and especially the significance of those spheres of light. If they really are representing the feelings of love for your dearest person, then I'd like to think that here Sakura is being represented as a "fairy" fostering and releasing that love in the open, to help and save the people dear to her. Which is totally the image I'm getting not only from this chapter, but ever since we started to see what happened in the "re-written world". Sakura is literally a messenger of love. And I love that for her. ❤️

The editorial text in the JP version is referencing what Sakura told Akiho back in chapter 49, right after her "sister" shared with her the recount of her night walk with Kaito: "To me, you’re someone I want to see happy forever. Because you're my friend, and someone really precious to me"

"Blink To Say Yes"

The chapter starts with me making amends to Kaito for the nth time, asking for his forgiveness for doubting his intentions and emotional state way over what was due: as the dragon keeps flying away, Sakura grabs Akiho's hand and starts going after the creature, of course followed by Syaoran, Kero and Yue. Akiho (poor girl, still with a tear in her eye) notices with shock that the "portal" to the fake moon is completely disintegrating, revealing the real moon behind it. Flying side-by-side to the dragon, Sakura realizes that the creature got finally out of that place to avoid that Akiho would put herself in danger: in fact, with the portal disappearing like that, she might have been trapped inside that space forever! Sooo as usual, Kaito's actions are skillfully framed by CLAMP in a way that will make you misunderstand him and think he's being irrational or getting on everyone's nerves on purpose, but no, he was actually just putting Akiho's safety first, as usual. ❤️ I know there were some interpretations of him precisely doing this, but I thought it wasn't the case because Sakura broke the spell inside the fake moon, removing the pressure and all, so I couldn't see what danger he needed to protect her from: in fact, the looming danger was a different one, and it was well symbolized by those "bzzz" sounds and effects near the entrance when Akiho was getting in. I had noticed them but dismissed them as the instability of Touya's time magic. I should've known better! 😆 Sorry, Kaito. I know that the only one who can make you do anything at all is only Akiho! Therefore I'm still laughing at how Sakura tried to convince him to get out for half an hour, when all Akiho needed was to move an inch forward 😆😆😆 I also think that what she told him, the fact that she was sure to be in front of "her most important person", changed things for Kaito. His reaction was tangible, despite being hidden behind the eyes of a dragon. And therefore I'm still partially peeved and heartbroken at him, because before hearing that from her (and seeing her putting herself in danger), he was fully planning on staying inside that space forever. He was refusing to come out, knowing very well that the portal would've disappeared at any minute, eliminating any chance of saving him. How dare you.

Well. We were saying that Sakura realized the dragon's intentions right away, and we see her shouting, with a face halfway between shocked and fired-up, "This means she's important to you, too!" (good job ENG translation for not messing this up, I guess. I was worried). Damn right, Sakura. She must be so confused by this person dragon's behavior. It is all so crystal clear to her. It's not only in her head, all the signs keep confirming to her that he really does consider Akiho very important, even now, immutably. The time he spent in that cage didn't change anything for him (and that, if anything, makes everything even more heartbreaking because of how agonizing that must have been). Sakura just can't understand why this person is acting like this, since he truly does care about Akiho. Refusing to go back to her. None of the people around her behave in this way and for her it must be something very new to deal with - and this reminds me of what a blessing we had to get these new characters in this arc, so different from what she's used to, who sometimes pushed her beyond her comfort zone, hence expanding her experience and making her grow up.

Akiho seems encouraged by Sakura's firm statement, so she takes the matter in her hands and shouts to the dragon to please have a talk with her. She shuts her eyes tight, as if being desperate for him to listen to her.

And that's it. That's all it takes for Kaito to be ol' good Kaito and stop immediately at Akiho's request, looking intently at her. As if he's saying "I'm at your service". I've said it countless times in my blog posts, how Kaito is someone who really would do whatever he wants and listens to no reason, but when it comes to Akiho, he really cannot deny anything to her. Akiho sighs in relief at seeing him stopping, and she starts talking to him, so tiny in front of such a giant (is he supposed to look scary? To me he really isn't, he's quite cute) creature. Akiho is well aware, from the countless books she's read till now, that the ones who can have conversations with dragons are almost entirely people with marvelous capabilities (the ENG went for "strange powers" for this, I don't think it fits). She's got no magical powers, but she quickly comes up with a clever way of "communicating": blink your eyes to say 'yes', do nothing and stay like that to say 'no'. And so she immediately starts, because she needs to know, she needs to understand. It's her goddam*ed right to do so, and Kaito knows this very well, hence why he's not denying her the opportunity. Akiho fires the first question: "Are you the one who re-wrote the world?" Kaito blinks, admitting it. I can see a streak of sadness in his eyes as he opens them again. This doesn't make any good to Akiho, who looks pretty sad as well, at hearing that. It's like having one fear, and seeing it confirmed. But she goes on, explaining how the world she's living in right now is warm and caring, full of people who support her and dote on her as if she were one of their family. While she states this, we can see Tomoyo following the events from the tablet with a concerned face, and Touya looking more and more worn out by the time magic he's being keeping up, sustained by Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun.

Akiho is very intuitive, so it's easy to guess where the question is leading: "Did you rewrite it because I never had this, before? And for that, were you the one who erased any trace of you from inside of me?" The ENG version here adds a "Did you do it to bring me happiness?" which is not incorrect, of course, but it doesn't exist in the JP text, and as usual it's used to spoon-feed the readers as if they couldn't get there on their own (and to probably fill a bubble with something).

Kaito cannot lie to the burning question, and he blinks his eyes. We see appearing a "crease" next to his eye, a clever way from Mokona to show us that he's growing more and more distressed. The pain of remembering how her clan abused her, how they got there because of something he said, the pain that resulted from the decision he made when he was just a kid. And the next question is even more burning.

"Did I wish for it?"

Kaito does nothing, confirming he now understands that in fact, Akiho never asked for this. Never. And the girl herself confirms: "I don't remember (you), but I know. I would never wish for a happiness that did not include you". Kaito listens intently to her. I just can't imagine how it must feel to not remember a single thing about someone, and yet feeling all that love pouring out of you. Simply out of instincts.

I Want My Most Important Person Back

Then, with a very (very) resolute face, Akiho turns to her dear Sakura, and affirms: (JP) "Sakura-san. I want to bring my most important person back". Here it is again, the famous term that we CCS fans all know well, the code for "the person I love", that keeps being changed in the ENG translation to a less recognizable "favorite person", which I'm still not sure conveys the same meaning. Sakura agrees with a pleased smile, she's totally ready to do anything to give her true happiness back to her "sister". Then, she turns to Dragon Kaito, and here we start with the "parallels" that will enrich this chapter of many many additional emotions.

Yes❤️ it's a parallel with Lilie, from chapter 72. Same expression and all. Precisely from when she was telling her the words that Sakura is going to relay to Kaito now: "What is happiness, to you?".

And here I have to introduce probably the worst mess of a translation mistake of this chapter, that will surely confuse people and make them believe things that actually arent' true:

ENG: "Someone asked me that once, too. In a dream. But, try as I might...I couldn't remember who it was. Not until she crossed time and dreams to see me. I think she did that for this moment. And...I think that's why she left me this card in the end, too"

JP: "These are words I've heard in a dream. I can't really remember who said them, no matter how hard I try, but...that person crossed time and dreams in order to come to see me. It was surely for this moment. And...this last Card remained, too...was for this very moment, right?"

I sincerely have no idea how they could mess up and make Sakura say that she actually remembers about Lilie, after she came to see her. Lilie had been so clear about it, in chapter 72, that the Forbidden Magic would've made Sakura forget as soon as she exited the dream, and so it happened, indeed. Why making her basically say that she remembered, afterwards? This is against the script! Moreover, not happy with messing that up, they even made Sakura say that the last Clear Card remained was left by Lilie herself! That's nonsense, that's not what the JP text says! Momo told her that there were some Clear Cards that were protected by her with a spell and they were waiting for Sakura to call them up, that's HOW the Clear Card that we're going to see now is able to be here. Not because Lilie gave it to Sakura. And before anyone points out "yes, but the one who paid for that spell with her ring was Lilie", I have to remind you that Sakura is not supposed to know that. Momo never told her WHO paid that price. So basically this is a mess-up on all fronts. But let's go back to our story because the emotional moments are just escalating. Before Sakura mentions the Card, we can see for a moment Lilie's reflection in the Dragon's eyes. A clear sign that Kaito understood perfectly who Sakura was talking about! And I think it's so beautiful that Sakura, always listening to her intuition (remember how she wasn't very good at this, before? That she dismissed her intuition, and Syaoran told her that his mother taught him not to?), understands that THIS is the moment to get this question out, because here she basically posed this question to Kaito. And this will help him decide in a few pages.

Proceeding forward, we can finally meet the big absentee ever since Sakura secured it back in chapter 33: the Rewind Card!!! One of the most beloved Cards, obviously for its appearance that was based on Syaoran and its cuteness! This card is the last one that still had to appear and that never showed up in Clockland, a sign that Kaito wasn't able to put his hands on it and "drag it" into the fictional world created with Momo's magic. It's the last Card that was waiting to be called by Sakura. And so she does! Syaoran is quite surprised and provides a "Spiderman meme" moment when he realizes that the Card looks just like him! 😂 Sakura explains to him that Record was able to record this Card as well, so that's how she knew of its existence (and not because Lilie gave it to her, once again!!!).

It's time. Sakura announces to the Dragon that she's going to bring him back to "himself". Our girl does so because she wants to implicitly give him the chance to have a say in this. She doesn't really "ask", but it's like she's implicitly doing it, because she wants to make sure that this is something he wants too.

In fact, in a very emotional moment, he and Akiho exchange again a long stare. It's like a silent conversation is going on between them. The dragon is depicted with a painful expression, while Akiho is staring at him firmly and determined. He's still, to the very end, thinking he does not deserve to go back to his human real form and go back to her. But she's unwavering, and uncompromising. She wants him back, and she's going to have him back. Because, after all, under a pile of self-loathing and pain, this is what he wants too. This is his happiness. So, with a very suffering expression, he blinks his eyes one more time to say "go ahead". In his condition, this must have costed him a lot of effort. You know who they reminded me of, in this scene?

Yeah, them. I've been saying it for long time, agreeing with other friends affirming the same in their own posts, how I could see a clear parallel between Clone SyaoSaku from TRC and YunaAki in Clear Card. They didn't exactly go through the same things, but their experiences often overlapped. And this in particular is overlapping really well. As I wrote already in my Twitter thread, he's given a chance to go back, but he's crushed by guilt. He doesn't think he deserves it. But she stares FIRMLY at him, pulling him towards life, a life with her. And he closes his eyes, and caves in. Because in the end, this is what he wants too. To be with her.

So Sakura proceeds. She says that she doesn't know who the Dragon is, but the pocket watch does. And as said pocket watch levitates in the air from Akiho's hands towards the Rewind Card, Sakura explains that it does know him because it used to "weave time" together with him. And so, combining the Card with the watch, Sakura activates Rewind on Kaito, exactly as I expected!

And the moment is absolutely emotional, as we finally see again after 8 long chapters (and relative months), our dear Kaito's face!!! The way the Rewind Card "works" on him is also quite spectacular, from a visual POV, since the pocket watch seemingly "enters" the dragon and frees Kaito from within. The fact is, we don't see the pocket watch after he changed back, so now I'm wondering: did it stay inside of him???

But, whoops, something didn't quite go alright. The black wings of the dragon stick to Kaito's back. Kero observes him and wonders with Yue if he's been a creature like them this whole time, but fear not, Yue dissolves the doubt right away: he thinks he's a regular human magician (the kanji says 魔術師, magician, while the furigana reads ひと, person), it's just that the spell that was active on him (the "Seal of D", as we know) was probably so damn powerful that even borrowing the pocket watch's power (as said in the JP version) wasn't enough for Rewind to bring him completely back to his appearance. Well, you want my opinion? Those wings look FANTASTIC on him and I absolutely want him to keep them!!! (maybe with a little spell he can conceal them when it's not convenient?) 😂❤️ He looks like a dark angel and it's amazing.

Don't Decide My Happiness On My Behalf

But the real, heartwrenching emotional moment starts here. This is also the moment when I started emitting all kinds of inhuman sounds, so I'm grateful I'm not one of those people doing a live reaction on youtube or something because this would be the end of my reputation on the internet 😂😂😂😂

Akiho and Kaito, finally in his original human form, exchange a long stare, again. His face is showing perfectly how he's absolutely heartbroken at what he realized he caused to her. It's guilt adding over guilt. And as she finally looks at the face of the person her heart knows is the one she loves, she can't stop the tears from forming again in her eyes, while she poses the only REAL question that she probably wanted to ask all along:

"Why?"

And as I always do with pivotal moments, I'm going to continue with the direct translation from the JP text, because the ENG added something ("why did you leave me?", which contributes to convey Akiho's feelings and possibly makes this even more romantic) that wasn't there in the original, and I have to be impartial.

Akiho, JP: "Why did you choose to disappear....from the rewritten world?"

I wanted to put the JP version here also because an important verb is missing from the ENG version: choose. Akiho is questioning Kaito about his choice. Because yes, this wasn't a result of a whim, Kaito chose to disappear from her life. And now he has to answer for that. Akiho's face is twisted in pain, as if she's trying to control the tears that now profusely fall from her eyes, and contain an immesurable grief in realizing that her most beloved person chose to remove himself quite definitively from her life.

His reply, though, proceeded to shatter my heart even further, cause it's exactly what I expected and have been saying this whole time.

Kaito, JP: "Because I thought I wasn't necessary to your happiness"

This is the only line we'll hear from Kaito in this chapter. For the rest of it, he'll listen in silence, giving space to Akiho and trying to elaborate. Besides, I want to point out that for the first time ever, he uses "ore" as a personal pronoun while talking to Akiho, and he's also seemingly dropped the use of keigo, the polite speech that he used with basically everyone before. Signifying that he's finally being honest and open, he's being his true self.

In his reply, there's all the self-loathing and hurt and pain he's been experiencing till now. Not recently, but ever since he was a baby. Remember that this boy grew up completely devoid of love in his life, completely abandoned to himself, exploited for his powers by a congregation of criminals. Kaito is, himself, a victim of abuse too, and I would want the CCS readers to acknowledge that more. Because if we have to wonder how we came to this situation, well, this is how. This is the damage that growing up in that kind of environment can cause to people. And we don't have to go that far because, if we remove the "magic" factor from the Association, we can find environments of that kind even in our daily real life. Growing up in that environment didn't stop Kaito from developing attachment to a person. From developing love for them. But, as he grew up not knowing what his self-worth was, being used as a commodity by other people, he's been convinced this whole time that he was nothing to her. That when he managed to accomplish his goal, he wouldn't need to be there because she didn't need him anymore. And I know, I can hear you, "How is it possible that he didn't notice how Akiho looked at him and how she loved him?" That's precisely because of his mental condition that prevented him from seeing or even believing what he was seeing. Kaito thought that he was born alone, and he'd die alone. That no one would ever be able to love him. That's why. And it's heartbreaking that someone would live their life like that.

With such a condition, Kaito's intentions were good but he went down a twisted path to make them true, completely missing the right way to go about it. Akiho doesn't know anything about this, but the heartwrenching scene that follows is something that's absolutely in her right to say. It is something I anticipated so so much.

Akiho, JP (lit.): "Please don't decide my happiness for me! Even if it's you! Please don't tear up and throw away my most important person!!"

Sadness and anger are mixed with Akiho's tears while she pours out all of her pain. I wanted to feature the literal translation of the JP text because I think the verb used, 破り捨ててしまう, depicts a very heartwrenching scene in my head. It is a verb that it's akin to when you tear up a piece of paper and discard it in the trash.

This is literally what Kaito did with his existence, when he went through with his plan.

So Akiho here is not only scolding him because he dared depriving her life of her most important person (and she doesn't care if it's he himself, he's not allowed to do that), but also BECAUSE HE DISREGARDED HIS OWN LIFE IN DOING SO. He's treated himself as a disposable object. And Akiho can't stand that. She loves him so much, despite not remembering a single thing about him, that she can't stand the thought of him hating himself to that point. I think, the way the ENG translation portrayed it, focuses too much on Akiho scolding Kaito for not having the right to remove himself from her life, and completely misses the other, implied, darker part of her line.

Akiho is understandably wrecked and she would want to scold Kaito more, but as she says herself, she doesn't even know what name to call him with. He erased so much from her that she isn't even allowed the luxury to remember his name. But I think this scene here might actually be a foreshadowing for him to reveal his true name to her later, so I'm waiting in anticipation for this (I've been actually waiting ever since chapter 51!). In the meantime, to break a little the drama with a funny moment, I think she wanted to call him baka, but as she doesn't even know his name, she can't do that! 😂what do you think???

And as I always say, Eriol suddenly opens the communication with Sakura to bring bad news! 😂Kaho is exhausted and can't hold the time stopped much longer (furthermore, it seems even Eriol is participating to keep the spell up), so he informs Sakura of that and she thanks him with a worried face. Syaoran looks up and notices that a hole is appearing in the stopped environment, signifying that the time magic is wearing off. So Sakura turns to Akiho and asks her what she wants to do from now. Notice that "from now" well, cause it's very symbolic: it's as if Sakura is saying "other people chose for you till now, but now you're given the chance to finally decide by yourself". With a painful face, eyes drowned in tears, Akiho ponders for a moment and then says that she's been really, really happy to be part of Sakura's family, but if that's not real, then she wants to go back, no matter how much hardships and pain is awaiting ahead. Please register how difficult it must have been for Akiho to wish that. Because right now, she's got all she wanted, love, a warm family, friends and even her most important person is here with her. But the fact is, this arrangement was created by someone with magic, it's not real, it's not how things naturally came to be. Moreover, no matter how strong her love can be, she still doesn't remember anything about her most important person and all she experienced with him, and that is something that is eating her soul away, because she recognizes that she lost something invaluable. So she's willing to let go of all this comfort to go back to the life she had before, WELL KNOWING (because Kaito confirmed it to her earlier) that in her previous life there will also be a lot of pain awaiting her. Moreover, she adds that if there's anything she'll be able to change, then she wants to do that with her own strength (again, a detail that's missing from the ENG translation). And then, turning to Kaito with a very assertive face: "Together with my most important person".

Kaito at this point can only stare in shock at her. Because I'm sure that he thought that after making her cry and suffer this much, she wouldn't have wanted anything to do with him anymore. But, as Kaito hopefully will have all the time to find out, this girl's feelings are no joke. It's no flimsy crush. This is the type of love that binds you to your soulmate forever, and gives you the strength to forgive them when they make you suffer, if you can recognize that their heart was in the right place. Akiho wants to grasp control of her life, wants to be the one to completely make decisions from now on, but she also wants Kaito with her, not only by her side but also participating to those life decisions. She doesn't want to cut him off.

Sakura, with the sweetest smile ever, tells her (JP)"If you two will be together....everything will surely be alright". And here I have to point out two things in the ENG translation: that single "together" that sounds a bit overcautious, not specifying who's together, when in the JP text it's clear she's referring to those two (because the context comes from the panel right before), and then the choice to translate Sakura's iconic invincible spell with "I'm sure it'll work out". That's not how the English speaking fandom knows Sakura's invincible spell as, and from what I've been told, it's not even how it's been translated previously! So this makes pretty difficult for the English speaking fans to recognize that she's uttering her invincible spell here!

Especially cause, look what a wonderful and touching parallel they have done...

The one you can see above is coming from Volume 5 of the old manga, and it's the very first time Sakura uttered the invincible spell, releasing the Light and Dark Cards from inside herself. This parallel, where you can see that Mokona sensei strived to redraw the spread exactly as she did back then, really gives off a feeling of "coming full circle", especially cause when you put them one beside the other it's so easy to see how much Sakura grew since then. Back then, Sakura told those words to herself to comfort herself in a moment of panic. Now, Sakura is telling these same words to a beloved person in a critical situation, to encourage her that if she'll be with her most important person, everything is going to be alright, no matter what awaits ahead. It also reminded me of the comforting words that Yukito told Sakura back in volume 12 of the old manga, the night before Sakura ran to the bus stop to give Syaoran her teddy bear. Yukito told her that as long as both she and her most important person wished to see one another again, it would be fine. I can kinda sense that Sakura wanted to comfort Akiho in the same way, that as long as she and Kaito stay together, they can overcome anything ahead. And I found that absolutely wonderful.

Unfortunately, the awesome moment full of courage and love is interrupted because Syaoran notices the time magic has given up and the arrows start attacking them again, as expected. We see a very worrisome panel with Eriol crouching to the ground next to a passed out Kaho (poor Kaho!!!!), while he hold his staff and sends a remote protective spell to shield the kids from the oncoming attack.

Without wasting time, Kaito grabs Akiho and holds her tight in a protective embrace, curling his beautiful black wings on her to shield her, while she's still shocked (and with tears in her eyes). I have no shame in admitting that THIS panel turned my screams in ultrasounds and it's become my favorite one of the chapter!! Especially cause here we have that magician who couldn't even bring himself to touch his beloved Akiho's head to comfort her, now finally not hesitating anymore and holding her in a very tight embrace to protect her (still giving all of himself for her, I guess it's just his way to love her). The situation is dire: Syaoran activates his Fuuka Shourai to fight the arrows off, while Kero and Yue shoot their own attacks, because the arrows just keep coming at them non-stop. Kero tells Sakura that they're going to take care of the attacks, and Yue says that she's the only one at this point who can change radically the situation. Then, Syaoran, our brave hero, says that he will absolutely protect what Sakura wants to protect (I didn't like the ENG phrasing, at all!! "Whatever it is that you want to protect" sounds so dismissing towards Akiho and Kaito?? Is it only me having a bias at this point?), so he urges her to focus on what she can do (to change this situation)!! I found this moment very exciting....everyone is placing their hope in Sakura and they're gonna do what they can to protect everyone, Akiho and Kaito included (and Kaito took personally care of protecting Akiho by himself).

Sakura is left wondering what to do. "To turn things back to normal, then I should use Rewind one more time" but she expresses doubt at it being enough to complete the task, so she wonders what else she needs to do, while the final page shows in her hands both the Time Card and the Rewind Card!

Aaaaaaand this is how the chapter ends, we finally reached the bottom oh my gosh!! 😂 This chapter was so long but also so full of emotions, I really wanted to touch all the important topics and parallels that have been portrayed in these 36 pages. I know the post became infinite, but I wouldn't feel right to know that I left something interesting out.

I am so damn proud of my Akiho girl. Her assertive discussion with Kaito, tinted with a touch of anger, was exactly what I wanted and expected from her. Because she's sweet, yes, but also got a strong personality. And once you get her fired-up, she's not going to stop. She's a bulldozer. I mean, haven't you seen what she did in chapter 52/53 and 58 with Kaito?? She's definitely not afraid to confront people thanks to her strong nature. This finally elevates her character development in this arc. I'm also grateful to Sakura and her empathy, once again, because it's so beautiful to witness what she's doing for these people. And she's so wonderful that even her loved ones are helping her in this quest, because they all trust her and recognize that this is a way to make her happy too. I'm absolutely thrilled to have Kaito back, finally. And my heart bled for him when he gave that single answer to Akiho.

Despite seeming like we're almost at the end of the run, there are still some important matters to fix and explain, especially in regard to the magical artifacts, and how things will be once Sakura effectively manages to "go back". Will they remember, first of all? And will the situation be exactly like before? Because then, Akiho will have the artifact inside herself once again and they'll have to do something about that too. Also, Kaito's lifespan was pretty bad by the start of the Alice in Clockland play, so of course one has to wonder what they'll do about that too. I also expect one more YunaAki moment because we haven't really heard Kaito's version of the facts, the origin of his quest to save Akiho and how that turned into a "I'm going to give her a happy life too", which absolutely seems beyond what he would need to do if what moved him was only guilt for what he caused to her. Of course it's not only that. And I also expect to hear his apologies to Akiho, of course! ❤️ But gradually, because he must be a confused, hurting mess right now. Whatever else CLAMP sensei will decide to give us regarding those two, I'll take it as a blessed present. We're slowly but inexorably going towards the finale. I really can't wait to read the next chapter, which is expected by Halloween on October 31st! And as a YunaAki fan I can't avoid remembering that even chapter 48, when Akiho confessed covertly to Kaito, came on the day of Halloween of 2020! Will we get a real, spelled out confession exactly 3 years later???

As usual, I await your comments here or in my inbox, see you at the end of this month!!

[every-ciel-phantomhive]

[every-ogata]