#Didn't know if I should cover the name of the url of that first person bc it's no drama and I wanted to give credit for it but I don't know

[futuregws]

I mean where's the lie, like the fucking audacity.

And no offence to Riley she's great but broooooo

Anyway at least Pedro and Bella got nominated, and so did Nick and Murray as they fucking should bc that episode still makes me cry to this day.

[meat-wentz]

FOB LORE POST Pt. 1

okay so tumblr ate the original ask i was responding to and now refuses to save/post all the edits i’ve made, so this post has to come out in two parts. i’d rate it surface level-knee deep lore (maybe some waist deep, maybe some neck deep idk we'll see)! i'll be focusing on pre-hiatus just cause post-hiatus is generally easier to find (but there will also be post-hiatus because i can't help myself). also curated to my tastes these are things that *i* always think about, so big disclaimer this is not everything. this part basically covers the fob extended universe (terms/people to know, blog links, and important texts here and there), links to unrealeased tracks/rares/covers, and a rundown on the origin story.

so here's some basic things to know:

FBR- Fueled by Ramen. baby's first record label. also host to a bunch of other notable acts from the scene.

FOBR- easy to mix up. literally just falloutboyrock.com, their website. hosted journal entries, updates, the webstore, and more.

Decaydance- record label owned by Patrick and Pete under FBR, founded in 2005 when Pete wanted to sign P!ATD and realized he didn't have label to do so. AWESOME ORAL HISTORY FEATURING PETE, TRAVIE, GABE, AND SPENCER. intro to Decaydance (included in article). relaunched as DCD2 in 2014.

FOE- friendsorenemies.com, let's do a quote about this one: "If you’re one of those types that have uttered the words, “I’m their biggest fan” in reference to post-punk popsters Fall Out Boy, then you’re in luck because there is a site where like-minded people can hang out. Honda Civic Tours has joined forces with Friendsorenemies.com, to create a user-generated worldwide fan community for the Chicago-based band. The site includes dozens of up-close and oh-so-personal videos of the band, along with exclusive, unscripted content that gives an extensive behind-the-scenes look at the Fall Out Boy’s latest tour… because pop stars shouldn’t have any privacy or down time." they have a youtube with SO MANY videos here (check out their playlists, they have a bunch of fob specific ones.

OCK- Overcast Kids, fob's official fan club, usually got exclusive content, merch, pre-orders, and more. you'll see some blog posts where pete makes references to overcast kids referring to the fans.

Fuck City- essentially Andy Hurley frat house/collective/brand. he has Fuck City tatted on his knuckles. there's primers out there i'd search for "Matt Mixon primer" and you'll probably find some livejournal links.

Clandestine Industries- Pete's clothing brand. there's a whole dvd about his collab with nordstrom and in it he states he wanted to aim for "unisex," if i ever found a rip of this i'll link it here. meanwhile here's a video about their landmark store. video that was on the site. 2010 fashion show.

Pete’s blog entries (best viewed in browser). there's also this masterpost (hint, if some links don't work in this, especially for fobomatic, try amending the url to "fobomatic-blog," and it should pop up). and this tumblr: @disloyalorderofpete

Joe’s blog entries

Patrick’s blog entries

important text: “We Liked You Better Fat: Confessions of a Pariah” written by Patrick post-Soul Punk, and kicked off talks of coming off hiatus between Pete and Patrick.

important text: “Fall Out Boy Forever” by Hanif Abdurraqib

important text: “The Boy With the Thorn in His Side” by Pete (his first book), you can read here, just scroll to the bottom to start: @clandestineindustriespresen-blog

important text: to you (unfinished, off the top of my head) arguably one of the most important Pete blog entries (to the fans and to ME at least)

you'll see some names around, so here's a few touring friends and crew you'll want to make note of: Charlie (security), Dirty (personal court jester and whipping boy, he seems to like it, i want to do a study on him, he has Pete's initials branded in his ass- Pete did it himself with a hanger), HeyChris (i'll probably give him is own section), Nick Scimeca (i've never really clear on him, i think he acted as web designer/bestie, but i know for sure he lived in the dirty ass tttyg apartment), Hemingway (Pete's dog), Matt Mixon (Andy's bestie/fuck city roommate). primary ones to know are bolded.

HeyChris: okay Chris is important because he was in Arma Angelus and was fob's first supporter, caught the name HeyChris through grenade jumper (which they wrote for him!). he tours with them for awhile, i *think* doing crew duties, running the merch stand, being one helluva hypeman. QUITE A DYNAMIC with pete. part of the World's Most Hated Crew which were crew members primarily shared between mcr and fob, who had bad reputations for 1) their proximity to the bands 2) being scene kings/queens 3) gossip and drama. 2006, he and Pete have a massive falling out over their blogs. since then they've made up, still talk every once in awhile. he runs the catcade in chicago and emerges out of the woodwork to stir shit up every now and then. here's his livejournal. and another one. he also has a tumblr. so go hunting if you want. most of his updates are through instagram, he loves to troll.

list of movie references in songs

because it's referenced so much i have to include the drunk history, but be warned it's Brendon, and a whole lot of him.

here’s some of my personal fave unreleased/covers/features:

hand of god (some very uhm breathy whiny patrick vocals in this that i can’t believe are legal)

austin we have a problem (also horny vocals and for what)

star 67

we don’t take hits we write them (listen the amount of blood i would spill to get a clear recording of this song)

save your generation (jawbreaker cover)

basket case (green day cover live)

under pressure (queen and david bowie cover, patrick does both vocal parts and and it’s so cunt)

what’s this? (nightmare revisited: nightmare before christmas cover album and US SPOTIFY REFUSES TO COUGH UP THE ONE FOB TRACK, however i still recommend korn’s version of kidnap the sandy claws and rise against’s version of making christmas)

lullabye (hidden track on folie a deux written pete’s son)

catch me if you can

mr. brightside (killers cover which they did live a few times, which is extremely funny because pete and brandon flowers were feuding after brandon said fob and emo were ‘dangerous’ and ‘poisoning the minds of the youth’ and that he wanted to ‘beat all those emo bands to death’)

i write sins not tragedies

tiffany blews bridge ft. patrick vocals

patrick covering i can make you a man from rocky horror

patrick feature on one day i’ll stay home by misery signals

patrick features on cupid’s chokehold and clothes off! by gym class heroes (these may be obvious to some but i’m including just in case and also because they slap)

patrick feature on one of THOSE nights by the cab, brendon jumpscare warning, but patrick’s vocals literally made me fucking insane here, also the amount that pete is featured in this video is so funny to me

fob feature on the hand crushed by a mallet remix by 100 gecs (the way i fucking lost my mind when this dropped)

these are on spotify but often get looked over/missed/are hard to find:

roxanne (police cover): spotify, youtube

start today (gorilla biscuits cover): spotify, youtube

snitches and talkers get stitches and walkers: spotify, youtube

the music or the misery: spotify, youtube

my heart is the worst kind of weapon: spotify, youtube

my heart will always be the b-side to my tongue

pax am days

lake effect kid

yule shoot your eye out: spotify, youtube

i wanna dance with somebody (whitney houston cover): spotify, youtube

the world's not waiting (for five tired boys in a broken down van)- literally my personal favorite off of EOWYG it makes me insane: spotify, youtube

some fun extras:

there’s also this fun little behind the scenes video for cobra starship where patrick is singing city at war

this uncomfortable video of patrick and pete singing womanizer with ellen degenres

this video of fob at the inaugural dinner for obama where they have light up instruments and patrick starts off i don’t care with a little snippet of womanizer (very cunt) which also has a part 2 where pete climbs a tree and they meet the president ajbdjdksndnd.

fall out boy on teen titans go: part 1, part 2, song

deep blue love (patrick wrote this for a movie! and it makes me need to lay down) "behind the scenes" here

patrick song in star vs. the forces of evil

patrick theme for spidey and his amazing friends

patrick musical episode of dead end paranormal park (most of the patrick demos are uploaded as well)

patrick features on robot chicken, also here's the uncensored version of blue rabbits fucking

you can also look up their rare/unreleased songs and get a whole lot more than provided here, and also patrick has done so many covers it’s wild there’s a playlist on youtube that’s 130 videos long and includes bangers such as this is how we do it, let’s dance, in the air tonight, kiss my sass, fob covers of we are the champions, don’t stop believin’ and more.

NOW. as far as origin stories go. let’s start with pete who was a notable figure in the chicago hardcore scene, having been in bands on bands on bands, and very notably RACETRAITOR. pete, joe, patrick (i still haven’t found the source for patrick but it’s on wikipedia so i’ll include him) and andy have all at varying points played in racetraitor, and andy still plays with racetraitor when they get together. joe and pete become friends, joe driving him around because his license is suspended, and right around that time pete starts ARMA ANGELUS and when heychris can’t make it on tour, pete convinces joe’s parents to let him fill in on bass and they all go out on the road. when they come back, arma’s kinda its last leg and this is when pete and joe start talks for a pop-punk project. joe will play guitar, pete will play bass, now they just need a drummer and a singer.

so very important lore here, joe’s hanging out in borders when he’s interrupted by none other than one patrick stump who starts a lecture on music to which joe starts lecturing back, THIS IS HOW THEY MEET. i’ll let joe tell it (click for full view):

this continues into another important bit of lore, which is that joe dragged pete to patrick’s house so he could audition and patrick answered the door wearing a sweater, shorts, and socks. this is important, it comes up time and time again, patrick answered the door in an sweater, shorts and socks. it’s important. to both me and pete. he proceeds to show them all his talents, but when he sings, that’s when it clicks and everyone in the room says you’ve got a massive set of pipes there, you’re our singer. now, patrick didn’t care about singing, in other bands he had primarily focused on drums. but he wanted to be in a band that would let him write music and he also had admired pete from afar on the scene and so he agreed to sing.

they finally pull andy when they start recording seriously and their drummer can’t make it so they ask andy to fill in. andy at this point is a notable drummer in the scene, like he plays in so many bands and is referred to as “the metal drummer.” pete and andy have known each other for a long while and they've had their eye on him since the beginning, it's just that he's in various other bands and going to school so he hasn't had the time. but they ask him to fill in and everything just falls into place. i’ll let patrick tell it:

and they've been the same lineup for two decades now (outside of fill-ins every now and again for emergencies etc). as legend goes, they had switched out names quite a few times, fall out boy being one of them, referencing the character from the simpsons. one night they came out, said "we are [insert long drawn out complicated name here]" and a fan yelled "fuck that! you're fall out boy!" and they have been ever since.

[starfleetdoesntfirefirst]

8tracks Backup

Edited 1/7/2020 to reflect that the new workbook can open your 8tracks folder and fix errored playlists you’ve already run with just a few clicks, which I hadn’t realized until I had time to use it myself!

The following is the new, up-to-date as of 1/6/2020 version of this reblog chain with extraneous and out-of-date information removed and a link to and information on the new workbook.

After 8tracks announced, with only a few days’ notice, that it was shutting down on 12/31/2019, an effort was made to preserve as many playlists as possible. The original 8tracks backup macro by VidderAdmin was downloaded over a hundred times across multiple continents, and the information from thousands of playlists was saved. Go fandom!

However, it turns out that 8tracks is staying up a bit longer—though we have no way of knowing how long—which leaves more time to save playlist information. To this end, VidderAdmin and the team that formed to work on this created a new macro workbook that fixes some issues and improves functionality.

The Updated Macro Workbook

- FIXED: playlists with Unicode producing 0kb files (and helps rerun files that failed)

- FIXED: missing images (and helps rerun files that failed)

- IMPROVED FUNCTIONALITY: helps rerun failures, allows user to choose folders to download to and to download to subfolders by fandom tag specified by user, accounts for extraneous text at the end of URLs without the user needing to ctrl+f and delete it, checks folders to ensure every text file has a matching image and reruns those without

You will need to have macros enabled to run the spreadsheet; here’s how to enable macros. Side note: genuinely friendly PSA that macros are default-disabled in Excel for a reason. Macro viruses can send and delete files and be computer-destroying levels of dangerous; always be careful what you choose to download and run!

Download: bit.ly/8tracksbackup

[Rest of ID in alt text] “8tracksbackup is a macro-enabled workbook that helps to quickly download playlist metadata (including the track list) and cover artwork based on URLs that you provide. We have also included some tools to help ensure those downloads worked correctly.

We're a team of volunteers hoping to preserve fandom history before it's lost, but we are not affiliated with 8tracks, and we are not affiliated with Internet Archive.

While we've done our best to test out the macros in this workbook and address any bugs or glitches, unfortunately we can't guarantee how it will perform, and you are using this at your own risk.

If you're familiar with VBA, you can take a look at the code yourself, but again please know that we can't guarantee how it will perform if you modify the code, or if you are sent a copy of this workbook that didn't come from us.

We've included some instructions within these tabs, but if you have further questions, please contact us at 8tracksbackup AT gmail DOT com and we'll do what we can to help.

If you are interested in submitting your 8tracks metadata and covers to the Internet Archive to be included in an 8tracks Fandom History Collection, please contact us at the email above by 12/31/2020.

If you'd like us to notify you when we've updated the workbook, or if you do not want your playlists included in our collection, you can fill out this Google Form: forms.gle/9Weh4RpKYnXFTrMQ6

Thank you for helping to save at-risk fanworks!”

So, do you need to re-run URLs you’ve already saved?

One of the main (and hardest to spot) issues in the original pre-New-Years macro was that JSON files (where the tracklists are) were coming out blank for playlists whose information included Unicode (pretty much anything not in the Roman alphabet; for example, Japanese lettering and Chinese characters).

EDITING TO ADD: I wrote the below struckthrough text before I’d used the new macro workbook, and I hadn’t yet realized that it has a sheet that quickly finds and re-runs the errored playlists in your 8tracks folder (and/or whichever other folders you point it at, if you’ve organized playlist files into multiple folders). It took me less than an hour to use it to fix all the errored playlists out of the over 6,000 total playlists I’d already run! So, my errored playlists from running the first macro are fixed, and if you have errored playlists from running the first macro, it should take just a few clicks and less than an hour’s running time to fix them. :)

So if you want to make sure that closer to all of the playlist URLs you ran through the macro have their tracklists saved, especially for tags/fandoms with many playlists with Unicode (for example, anime fandoms), you may want to re-run them with the new macro (which also has some convenient ways of finding the errored playlists).

However, don’t despair if you won’t have time to re-run URLs; having already saved a majority is much better than nothing having been saved! (If you don’t have time, you can also share your URLs with us at the email above in case someone has time to run them on the new macro, though please know that we may not have time to get to them. Please include a note that they were already run with a previous version—thanks!)

A note for folks who sent me, starfleetdoesntfirefirst, URLs to run: As I mentioned in another post, back in the days of the first macro I was able to get to some or all of what each person sent, but may not have time to get to all of what each person sent depending on when 8tracks shuts down. However, I almost definitely won’t have time to use the new macro to re-run Unicode-containing and other errored playlists I already ran. I’ll pass them along to the rest of this team, but given that none of us can guarantee we’ll get to them before 8tracks shuts down, if you feel strongly about making sure everything you sent to me gets re-run with the new macro, it may be worth pinging your Excel-having friends for aid. (I apologize for this; I didn’t anticipate things getting to this stage rather than a quick pre-New-Years effort!)

How to record & check (some of) which 8tracks tags have already had their playlists extracted

This Dreamwidth post is a place where you can comment to record which 8tracks tags, from any fandom (or nonfandom topic like “autumn”), you have extracted the URLs from, and check which 8tracks tags others have already extracted the URLs from, to avoid unnecessarily duplicating work. (You don’t need a Dreamwidth account to comment!) Not everyone who is extracting URLs is going to know about this post, so no guarantees of avoiding duplication, but it’s a start. :)

How to extract playlist URLs for use with the workbook

Instructions by @meeedeee adapted by me:

1) Do a tag search on 8tracks (or go to your own “liked” or “already listened” page if those are the playlists you want to save). Scroll to the very bottom of the page (so that all playlists have loaded and actually appeared on the page).

Note that if your tag has more than 1000 results, 8tracks will still only grab 1000.

2) Use a link-extracter plugin (like this one for Chrome) to extract all the links on the page.

3) Filter for links with the word “play” in them. This will pull up only the actual playlists. (There were 54 playlists tagged “Nyota Uhura,” and as you can see in the screencap, adding the filter “play” gives exactly 54 results.)

4) Copy into spreadsheet.

Note on Archive Team’s effort

Archive Team is also attempting to archive as many playlists as they can, by random number rather than by tag due to 8tracks’s 1000-playlist limit in tag search. These will probably be stored on the Internet Archive as WARC files, which means that it will be harder for non-power-users to access playlist info, thus our continuing this separate effort.

Per @meeedeee: As a result they dropped trying to archive by tags, instead they’re running 3.5 million random numbers in the hopes of grabbing what they can. On the back end of 8tracks, the playlist data is not stored by URL, or by tag, but by unique numeric identifier. Because of the volume that they have to run, the Archive Team will not be archiving the “look and feel” (user profile icons). Only basic metadata (playlist, user name, comments) and cover art. The meta data will be stored in a json format which looks like this and is not easily readable https://8tracks.com/mixes/3169100/tracks_for_international.jsonh

[gayregis]

(1) I didn't mean to trigger anyone with the sex question. and still I can't see how one's personal disgust for such a natural and beautiful (as we agreed) thing automatically justifies calling people names. and also, the fetish? I get it, but wasn't the point of said monologue more philosophical and less personal? people fetishize danger because it's the natural defense mechanism of the psyche. addiction is #1 problem for Regis, sure, but he was a serial killer. he is in no position to complain

(2) ofc we should keep in mind character's main problems, but is being sexualized really as important for regis as his addiction? or his socialization? you don't like him having sex because it's discomforting somehow, but he had relationships with the brothel maman and a succubus, and we should assume that it wasn't at all sexual? succubus has a primal need to feed on sex and she dealed with it with regis by drinking herbal tea and watching tv shows about how asexuality rules? idk 

ok im gonna break this down because it’s quite long, just skip to the end paragraph if you want a consise answer

I can't see how one's personal disgust for such a natural and beautiful (as we agreed) thing automatically justifies calling people names.

i’m not disgusted by sex / sex-repulsed. that’s of course a personal thing to share, but it seems to be what you are insinuating. all i said is that i do not want to see p*rn that i have not consented to seeing. 

but yeah i am gonna call these people names when they are unable to interact with any character/media without only making nsfw content of it and not considering anything else about that character/media. and when they don’t tag their content and post it w/o filter so that anyone who may not consent to seeing random porn can stumble across it, on a site that literally banned adult content months ago as well as has a large population of minors. 

i’ll be trying to talk to someone about regis lol or find non-sexual content about him and ALL I GET is porn and sexual takes. it’s fucking annoying

and also, the fetish? I get it, but wasn't the point of said monologue more philosophical and less personal? people fetishize danger because it's the natural defense mechanism of the psyche.

it’s vague as to whether it is only philosophical or personal, but those philosophizing typically do not speak about issues relating to their species without it being at least a little bit personal.

addiction is #1 problem for Regis, sure, but he was a serial killer. he is in no position to complain. ofc we should keep in mind character's main problems, but is being sexualized really as important for regis as his addiction? or his socialization?

okay first of all, i disagree with the statement that regis was a serial killer, lol, in baptism of fire, he mentions that the victims of higher vampires are rarely killed.

i think what you are trying to argue is that regis being sexualized in-universe is not a main issue for him, and you’d be right, it’s not a main issue in-universe. but if you had been following my points at all, you’d understand that i am speaking about how he is treated out-of-universe by the fandom. him having issues regarding addiction and socialization in-universe is not relevant at all to the issue of him being overly sexualized by the fandom. this argument holds no water.

he had relationships with the brothel maman and a succubus, and we should assume that it wasn't at all sexual?

i will explain a little about how i feel about regis’s canon female love interests: i’m gonna preface this with: why does anyone have to make a man and woman have a relationship. is that really necessary. come on.

i like how you brought up the queen of the night (assumedly, because i don’t know what you mean by “brothel maman” except maybe “brothel woman”) when her being in charge of a brothel was literally an addition / interpretation by CDPR and not in the books, like. who is oversexualizing women and vampires now. in the books regis just says it was probably / it was something serious but she left him because he continued to be an alcoholic. (of course, she has no canon name given in the books, and “queen of the night” is just a title she has. i don’t really care much about names and her real name is probably way longer than that. but i think it is a nice touch that regis’s name means king, and hers’ is queen, so i continue to call her this, i also call her “queenie” because i think it’s cute :3). i think they are both gay and were just trying to be heterosexual because it seemed like what they should do since they were already friends, then they had too many disagreements and fell out.

i think for the succubus, that was an annoying addition by sapkowski to give everyone in the hansa a heterosexual partner thus reason to stay in the fairy-tale duchy. plus the idea of “she’s a nymphomaniac, he’s an alcoholic!” is incredibly cringe to have as an idea of why they would be a good couple. and why must regis be shipped with a woman to be happy? even more cringe.

and we should assume that it wasn't at all sexual? succubus has a primal need to feed on sex and she dealed with it with regis by drinking herbal tea and watching tv shows about how asexuality rules? idk

“we should assume” ? you can have your own headcanons, i do not dictate what you believe! don’t be bothered by my headcanons if you disagree! 

i think it would be super fitting if their relationship wasn’t romantic or sexual though, because the witcher is all about breaking fantasy tropes. you know, there’s a vampire that drinks no blood, so why not a succubus that doesn’t have sex with men? 

the idea that succubi rely on sex to like, feed off of energy, is totally a tw3 conception, the books never said anything about that. for all we know, they could function like higher vampires and not need sex to survive, they just enjoy it like others do... though i think if they had to exist like that, then i would quote colin robinson from wwdits, with “i don’t live to feed... i feed to live” ... but yeah also having a whole character/fantasy species that is like. “a woman but she NEEDS to have SEX otherwise she will DIE” is pretty annoying lol

for me personally, i have headcanons that she was experiencing compulsory heterosexuality and regis just spoke to her like, so are you really having sex with these men because you want to or because you feel like you’re supposed to? and i think it would have been nice for natanis to speak with a man (a “man” ... heh... okay the post about regis’ gender is an entirely different post) who doesn’t just see her as a sexual being, much like regis gets to speak with humans who don’t consider him a monster. THUS CUE VERY FUNNY MONTAGE of her trying to sneak into human society to fit in and interact with humans (i don’t disagree with the tw3 design of succubi, so we can roll with that. she wears a hat kind of like sile de tancarville’s tw2 design to cover her horns, lol). idk how this turns out, i think she just starts fucking the noble ladies instead of the noble men, and then the noble ladies don’t want to complain anymore.

you don't like him having sex because it's discomforting somehow, but

i literally don’t even headcanon regis as asexual (okay, maybe in the scientific sense because my vampire headcanons are elaborate and i think it’s more interesting than heterosexual coupling) ... like you are literally sending asks to someone with the URL gayregis (although i know you can be gay and asexual simultaneously) ... i am not against regis having sex like, AT ALL, lol. i just do not find the content interesting and i do not want to interact with it because if you followed my blog / saw my pinned post(s) you’d know a large portion of my content about regis is family oriented and also about him being a mentor to angouleme, and i shouldn’t have to like, explain my family trauma to someone with an anonymous identity to get you to understand why seeing this character in this specific way is important to me and why p*rn of him squicks me out. why are you mad that i do not want to see p*rn that i do not consent to seeing? it’s my own business.

[theravenclawrevolutionary]

A Good Omens Fanfic I thought of While Serving Mass because I'm ever so holy.

Sorry that the boys are kinda out of character. I had writer's block while writing but oh well. We don't wait for inspiration we fall like Crowley. Original Bible story linked below. Because as the totally good model Catholic child I am I now think of GO every time I go to mass now.

--------------------------------------------------

There were many things that Crowley enjoyed doing with his infinite amount of free time. There were also many things Aziraphale enjoyed doing with his equally infinite amount of free time. At this particular time, neither thing happened to be each other. Instead, it was alcohol. Drinking extraordinary amounts of it.

“Do… Do ya… Ngk. D’you think that you... you’d wanna do this again later this week Angel?” Crowley slurred, smiling messily over his new sunglasses at his drinking partner who had just taken another sip. “Like… like… erm... Friday or somethin’?” Aziraphale set down his glass and pondered the question for a moment before shaking his head furiously.

“No... no I mustn't,” he said nervously. His fingers, Crowley noticed, we’re tracing anxious patterns onto the table. “We… we... really… No. We ought not to. I mean we really shouldn’ even be here now. After all, if my superiors found out we’d met…And I… I got somethin’ important to do any day now. That young man the Almighty sent for the humans, Jesus, I think his name is?” Crowley nodded shortly, took another swig, and motioned for him to continue, wondering what that had to do with anything. “They haven't told me what yet, but I have to do something."

"F*ck," Crowley yelled, slamming his cup down onto the table so hard it spilled. "F*ck, f*ck, sh*t, f*ck, F*CK! I completely forgot… I gotta go. See ya 'round Angel." And with a slam of the door he left the pub.

“Right. Yes. Erm… see you around I guess," Aziraphale said

With a quick miracle Crowley sobered himself up, straightened his glasses, and stormed off. This Jesus bloke was really messing with plans. Why couldn’t they get Beelzebub or some demon that actually cared to tempt him. But no! As the only bloody demon on Earth it had to be him.

    “Ello,” Crowley said from where he appeared, mericaling himself already leaning casually against a nearby rock. “It’s been what, forty days? Yeah. Somethin’ like that. You’re that Jesus kid ‘m guessing?” The young man in front of him nodded slowly, and absentmindedly ran his fingers through his long dark hair as if not quite sure how to respond. Crowley took it as an invitation to keep talking. “ “Oh come on! You’re not so holier-than-thou that you’re not going to talk to me are you? I’ve got places to go, demon things to do!” Still Jesus said nothing. “So. You humans have to eat and you’ve been here for... however long I forgot about you. I can turn those rocks into bread for you.” 

    He snapped his fingers, momentarily transforming the rocks into freshly baked loaves of bread. With a grin he snapped again, changing them back to the rocks they'd been before. With that he paused and looked at the young man across from him. "Well I suppose you COULD do that yourself, couldn't you. Being the son of the Almighty and all that. That IS something you can do right? Make these stones bread, or whatever it is humans eat these days. Personally, I don't eat. Don't really see the appeal.  But Azira- er... my ah... friend does." For the first time since Crowley had arrived, his companion spoke.

    "'It is written that one does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' I will not eat your devil food, foul creature." Crowley glared at the young man. He was used to being called many things like The Serpent of Eden which he took as a complement, even if it was only the truth. However, foul creature seemed a bit much, not that it wasn't true either. At least by Jesus' standards.

    "What the f*ck was that for? Name calling isn't all that holy of you. And I haven't even started... oh. You thought that was me trying to tempt you? Please. I have much f*ckin' higher standards than that. Just you wait." Jesus looked at him passively. There was almost no emotion on his face. This offended Crowley, who had wanted to be at least a little impressive. Not, he told himself, that it really mattered. "Anyway," he said, trying to keep his tone light and conversational. "How 'bout a little change of scenery?" With another unnecessary snap of his fingers he brought them to the top of Jerusalem's temple.

    "What are you doing now," Jesus asked, curious against his better judgement. 

    "Changing the scenery," Crowley responded dryly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "What did I just say? And don't worry. No one can see us. At least not really. Consider that a little demonic blessing if you will."

    "I don't want it," Jesus said. "I appreciate your concern, but take it off please." Crowley ignored him.

    "On a completely unrelated note I think you should jump. Not that I really want you to die or anything. But it would really help me make sure I've got the right 'Son of God' or whatever. I know it says somewhere in that bible Azir- er my friend from before reads, that if you do that then angels are going to catch you or something. Something about not letting your foot dash against a rock or something."

“Again it is written, 'You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test'. You will never win Raphael Once Angel of the Lord.”

"Huh," Crowley said, grimacing for a millisecond before covering it with a half smirk. "That... that's a name I haven't heard in millennia. But the thing is I can't very well put the 'Lord my God' to the test if I'm fallen. I don't really have much of a god anymore." Jesus pursed his lips and crossed his arms but said nothing. Clearly Crowley had a point, even if he didn't want to admit it.For the third and final time that day Crowley snapped his fingers and brought the two of them back to the desert they originally started in. "Right. Well this is the tempting bit I'm supposed to do. Legally required and all that sh*t."

"Must you use such crude language demon?"

"Yes. Sh*t, F*ck, d*mn, and all that. Plus I have a name. Not one that I'm telling you, but I have one. Now shut up and let me do my thing." Jesus sighed but let him continue. "So if you'd look over there you'll see all the kingdoms in the whole bloody world. I'm supposed to tell you that we'll give you all of them, if you just worship Satan. That's all there is to it. And it's really not so bad. Not IF you get used to it." It was a desperate but required attempt. Crowley didn't really care whether Jesus said yes or no. If he said yes, he'd get a huge commendation. If he said no they'd blame it on the fact that he was the son of the Almighty.

“Get away, demon! It is written: The Lord, your God, shall you worship and him alone shall you serve.” 

"Yeah. Thought that was gonna happen. Coulda gone worse. See ya 'round kid. And just a warning. Things are gonna get a LOT worse after this. Just don't blame me for it. Pretty sure an angel's supposed to show up around here some time in the near future." With a final grin flashed in Jesus' direction and a wave of his hand for dramatic effect Crowley turned into his snake form and slithered away. One hour and several minutes later a slightly flustered angel who had been on earth for quite some time arrived.

"Oh dear... I'm ever so sorry. I... I had something I had to finish doing. Did I... did I keep you waiting long Lord?" Jesus smiled kindly down at Aziraphale.

"No Principality Aziraphale. Not long. Come, sit. Let us eat." Beaming, Aziraphale sat beside the savior of the world, who made a mental note about that 'something' the angel had mentioned. Jesus, son of the Almighty and savior of the Earth, would have bet everything then and there that Aziraphale's 'something' he'd been doing was the demon that had left.

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