#Doe/Asinus

[sylphrene]

happy new year from my little scrumblos!

[dreamweave01]

Haha, I love them too!

Bill does indeed get a new name! He is now William Asinus Ciphera (Yes he hates it. Yes, everyone makes fun of him for it. Also, translate Asinus from latin and you get a special insight to the Axolotl's sense of humor ;P)

This happens about 3 or so years later, so the Pine twins (the younger ones) are about to celebrate their 16th birthday at the end of the summer!

Bill is only a couple inches taller than Dipper and Mabel (making him essentially shorter than everyone else) with a slim, weak build and sharp features. He has blond hair, though part of it is naturally the same fiery blue as his powers (if he still had any.) He wears just a basic tshirt and jeans, with tennis shoes and a hooded jacket from when Ford was a teenager (Bill kept getting cold and Ford was sick and tired of his complaining.)

Gravity Falls is essentially his new theraprism. He's doomed to stay there for the rest of his human days, only to be freed when he can finally learn some empathy.

His subconscious/soul/whatever you wanna call it is his classic Dorito form. In his dreams, he appears in this form. However, if he were to die, that would be it. He would be done. No coming back this time. No second chance. If he dies, he dies, just like any other human being. The Axolotl was very specific with the rules.

There you go, @caramel_covered_apples!

[goneahead]

TEN RANDOM LINES

tagged by @radiowrites thank you❤️!

Rules: Pick any ten of your fics, scroll to the midpoint, pick a line (or three) and share it. Then tag ten people. tagging @cowandcalf @stephmcx @trickster-archangel @five-wow @bgharison @simplyn2deep @bcmaxwell @teruel-a-witch @merlin-wolfgang-trades-hale @ellena-asg

Hawaii Five-0 Fandom

(I noticed a lot of my lines were Danny being… Danny🤣🤣🤣)

1. Lead Me Through the Fire - Arson Investigation AU

“That’s it? That’s your plan?” Danny hissed. “That’s not a plan! That’s actually the exact opposite of a—”

2. The Care and Feeding of a SuperSEAL - Post 10x22, Steve breaks his hands and wrists

Danny kept talking. His hand shifted again, rubbing Steve’s back. “At least, the current working theory is you’re human, although me? I’m still holding out for equus asinus.”

3. The Long Road Home - Steve is disabled, but still heads up the taskforce

"No, I'm not OK!" Danny realized he was yelling, lowered his voice. "Ochoa's goons bashed my head into the concrete."

4. Beam Me Up, Danno! - Star Trek AU

“I told you I was sick.” It was not a whine. Danny was a First Officer, and First Officers did not whine, even if they were sick and stuck in a damp, squelchy, humid swamp. And now his nose was running. Again.

5. Trusses of My Heart - Steve and Danny meet in a rehab hospital (Steve and Danny are disabled)

Steve dropped his hand over Danny's, leaned over and Danny met him halfway. Steve smelled like sun and surf, and there was sea salt on his lips.

6. Five Times Steve was An Idiot, But Danny Kissed Him - Five Drabbles

Steve—six-feet and some odd change of steel-abbed SuperSEAL—shuffles his feet like Charlie does when he's being scolded. "I'm sorry and I’m an idiot.”

7. Manhunt - Scifi AU, Steve is a SpaceSEAL, Danny and his daughter live on Jer-C II

Danny gave up and rescued the guy. "Stop, just please, stop. If that is your idea of an apology, it's pathetic. But I'll bite, what's in the case?"

Adams Family and SHIELD Fandoms

8. 0-Ate-Four - Adams Family x SHIELD crossover

A young girl, no more than twelve or thirteen, stared back at her. The girl's hair was pulled tightly into two long braids, and her black dress was long and old-fashioned, with a stiff white lace collar.

Winchesters Fandom

8. Like Flashes of Lightening - Mary and John are hunters/Supernatural never happened AU

Mary felt the rough grit of his gun calluses and breathed into his touch.

Hawkeye /SHIELD Fandom

9. Decorating Is Not A Spectator Sport - Clint Barton’s path to SHIELD started with renovating a cabin—

Or...

He could stop flipping through catalogs, and drive over to the IKEA store in Colorado, look at bookcases.

And kitchens cabinets.

Leverage Fandom

10. There are Wolves - Magical Reality AU

“OK, so let me get this straight, a bunch of --" Hardison glanced around, but the bar was nearly empty and the only waitress was outside, smoking. "A bunch of vampires have a cylinder that can raise the dead. and now they've gone and stolen a sarcophagus with some dead dude--"

[arsonforcharlie]

hell yeah, a double cake night for the fuck squad so it’s time for a recap, turns out that rainbow cake was for me after all, life’s okay

sergei: “it’s no longer pathfinder, it’s snackfinder.”

sergei: “i forget the king’s name, does it start with an L?” “henry.” “lenry. the L is silent.”

“maybe desna is levar burton. that’s where ‘butterfly in the sky’ comes from.”

maddela brings the asinus densissima they collected from the wizards’ demiplane to gul, the healer at the orc village, and watches her make the potion to cure the mushroom sickness. she gets doses for her and all her friends.

[discussing the hole yoni left in gul’s tent way back when] saida: “IT’S A YONI DRAGONFLAP”

meanwhile, scrom gets an update from saida on what happened in the wizard tower, and he decides that even though these people helped, they’re way too much of a liability to have around for the longterm so he basically dumps saida’s ass

saida rolls a nat20 to do an absolutely fantastic flounce out of scrom’s tent afterwards though so that’s a thing

saida: “i want to devastate him.” “he already kinda is. “no, i want to devastate him because of me and not just because of his situation.”

saida: “if you guys want to vandalize anything on the way out?”

thankfully they more or less refrained, except for yoni cutting a bit of fabric from scrom’s tent and chucking it into the bag of trading

everyone takes shots of the potion maddela got

sergei: “i’m all about prophylactics! [whisper directly to me] that was a joke”

saida: “can orcs and elves have babies?” sergei: “i don’t know, i went to clown college”

the fuck squad hits the open road back to thornbridge, ready to confront the next problem- namely, now that technically they’re hoooomeless. as they leave, they notice that the wizard’s tower has disappeared from the horizon. also jonesy the skeleton t-rex is a lot slower than the horses so rhonia tells him to walk to town at his own pace and he’ll get there eventually

saida: “does anyone have, like, knowledge local real estate?” “this again? sorry all the games I’m running now are about trying to get a mortgage.”

saida: “did you know that communism was actually an evil spell?”

i have no idea the context for this, i just wrote it down, what the fuck goes on at my table

sergei: “what time is it?” saida: “it’s investment time! let’s watch our equity grow!”

after a long ride back to thornbridge where everyone has some of yoni’s wine, they go, like, directly to see the king

maddela: “you’re slightly drunk, too.” saida: “you’re slightly drunk!” maddela: “[shrugs] and self-aware.”

saida rolls a 3 on her fort save to not be drunk when meeting king laundry

[everyone telling the story of what happened] saida; “AND MY RACK IS LOOKING PARTICULARLY EPIC”

saida, regarding the wide array of people in the council of the wizarding guild: “it was really a united colours of fake fantasy benetton situation”

rhonia and maddela both got stars for having names written down

king henry is shocked to find out that ridium is back again and at his old tricks, and promises to investigate. he gives the fuck squad a bit of land to build a house on- it used to be the grounds of lord acotar’s house, but the house is being demolished because “uh, well, you see-” saida: “sex dungeons.” “ohhh yeah. also fluids.”

meanwhile, yoni goes to go talk to pendulus about getting magical tattoos.

“i don’t know anyone who does magical tattoos. my body is a temple. except for the smokes and the booze.”

he also refuses to enchant items in exchange for a tarot card reading so there’s that

meanwhile, the rest of the party has somehow decided that they’re going to run a trailer park on their new land

saida: “it’s fake fantasy slumlord simulator. i’ve watched every episode of trailer park boys. i’ve got this.”

saida: “i’m gonna completely exploit all the people in that trailer park.” rhonia: “wait, that’s gonna be us!”

“is that what he said?” saida: “that’s what i heard.”

saida: “fuck fake fantasy slumlord simulator. fake fantasy pot farm stimulator.”

they go to visit jasper, who informs them that he’s still booked up. he’s distraught to find out that lachenta died, and agrees to take her letter to her wife to her, as well as passing on sergei’s request to let her know that he will take care of her horses but he’ll give them back if she wants

sergei: “that’s the saddest thing ever!” rhonia: “if you lost your wife and your horses?” “that’s a country song right there”

as a last note for the night before they go take their wagon onto the ex-acotar estate, saida wants to go shopping around for religion, and sergei wants to learn more about desna

“is this gonna be like veggie tales but about desna?” saida: “if only there was someone at the table who could decide that for us!”

they go to the temple of desna, where the nonbinary clerics there are still a bit wary of yoni but are happy to share information about their faith with sergei and give out little pocket-sized holy books.

saida: “does she have a swallowing festival?” sergei: “i said her followers released cages of swallowtail butterflies!”

saida: “is this donation tax deductible?” “do you pay taxes?” saida: “i don’t know and i don’t intend to start.”

yoni: “oh also ridium’s coming back and that’s kind of a thing so, like, pray about it i guess?”

saida is not convinced about the good word of desna, so she goes to check out calistria with maddela. she’s the goddess of lust, trickery, and revenge so, like, right up her alley, but though she goes to watch their obediences and gets a copy of the book of joy, the lust is a bit over the top for her so she goes home. maddela stays the night at the temple, though.

saida: (regarding her absolutely insatiable lust for todd howard) “I think it’s more of a power thing. I want to fuck him and make him feel ashamed. Be like ‘todd howard stop releasing the same game.’”

[luxettenebra]

...why do I have a whole list of Latin swearing. Got no idea where it all come from, but oh well, here’s the entire list I have if you’re curious:

“faex” - shit “cane” - bitch (this is actually referring to a dog, however, and not the female derogatory) “deodamnatus” - dammit “cunne” - cunt “filius canis” - son of a bitch (literally ‘son of a dog’) “fututus et mori in igni” - fuck off and die in a fire “futuere” - get fucked “futue te ipsi” - fuck you “irrumabo” - dick “trude id sursum tui cunni, faexcaput” -  shove it up your cunt, shithead. “ede faecam” - eat shit “suge meum penem, cunne” - suck my dick, cunt “morde meum globes” - bite my balls “Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo” - i’ll fuck you up the ass and make you blow me (OR ’ I will sodomize you and face-fuck you’. this is from a poem called Catullus 16, the filthiest latin poems you can find) “Te futueo et caballum tuum” - Screw you and the horse you rode in on “Irrumator” - Bastard “Leno” - Pimp “Flocci non faccio” - I don’t give a damn “Mihi irruma et te pedicabo” - Give me head and I’ll ass fuck you “Mentula” - Penis “Meretrix” - Prostitute “Bovis stercus” - Bull shit “Es stultior asino” - You are dumber than an ass “Es scortum obscenus vilis” - You are a vile, perverted whore “Es mundus excrementi” - You are a pile of shit “Bibe semen meum” - Swallow my cum “Bibe semen meum e baculo” - Swallow my cum from a cup “Globos meos lambe!” - Lick my balls “Es stercus!”  You shit! “Moecha Putida” - Dirty slut “Podex perfectus es” - You’re a complete asshole “Futue te ipsum!” - Go fuck yourself! “Stercorem pro cerebro habes” - You have shit for brains “Caput tuum in ano est” - You have your head up your ass “Perite” - Fuck off! “Impudens es leno” - You shameless pimp “Vacca stulta” - You stupid cow “Vescere bracis meis” - Eat my shorts “Tu scronium es” - You are a whore “Caput stercoris” - shithead (lit. head of shit) “Mentulam Caco” - I shit on your prick “Obesus porcus” - Fat pig “Cupio te meam mentulam sugare” - I want you to suck my dick “Matris futuor” - Mother fucker “Te odeo, interfice te cochleare” - I hate you. Kill yourself with a spoon. “Matris Prolapsus” - Bitch (??) “Stercus accidit” - Shit happens “Potes meos suaviari clunes” - You can kiss my ass. “Quando podeces te regi eorum fecerunt?” - When did the assholes make you their king? “Lupa” - Slut “Cacator” - Shitter “Plenus stercoris es” You are full of shit “Derideo te!” - I laugh at you! “Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?” - Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me? “Fabriacate diem, punk” - Make my day, punk “Id imperfectum manet dum confectum erit” - It isn’t over until it’s over “Morologus es!” - You’re talking like a moron! “Puto vos esse molestissimos” - I think that you are very annoying “Qualem blennum!” - What a doofus! “Qualem muleirculam!” - What a bimbo! “Quisque comoedus est” - Everybody’s a comedian “Radix lecti” - Couch potato “Raptus regaliter” - Royally screwed “Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!” - Stand aside plebeians! I am on imperial business “Stultus est sicut stultus facit” - Stupid is as stupid does “Tace atque abi” - Shut up and go away “Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant “ - May barbarians invade your personal space “Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant” - May conspirators assassinate you in the mall “Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant” - May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy “Vacca foeda” - Dirty cow “Vae!” - Damn! “Viri sunt Viri” - Men are slime “Immanissimum ac foedissimum monstrum! ” - Gross and putrid monster! “Faciem durum cacantis habes” - You have the face of a man with severe constipation “Mala pituita nasi” - Nasty nasal drippings! “Si me rogas, potes abire et tu ipse cacare.” - If you ask me, you can go and shit on yourself. “Commodum habitus es” - You have just been owned “Canis matrem tuam subagiget” - Dog has desecrated your mother “Hic erit in lecto fortissimus” - He is Hercules in the sack “Asinus Stultissimus” - Dumbass (lit. “Very stupid donkey”) “Caput tuum in ano est” - Your head is in your ass “Tuam matrem feci” - I did your mother “A tergo” - In the ass “Scio erit in lecto fortissimus” - I am Hercules in the sack. Just bear in mind that the overwhelming majority are NOT ROMAN-ERA PHRASES, but rather the literal translations of distinctly modern phrases by modern Latin students (the obvious exception being the Catullus line, gods but I love Catullus) and some of the actual Roman-era words/phrases are given somewhat inaccurate translations (eg, lupa literally means “she-wolf” but in slang it meant “female prostitute” — which it does in modern Italian, I’ve learned the hard way; perite means “go to Hell” which is a bit tonally different from “fuck off”; and irrumabo is a future-tense VERB, not a noun!!!). The grammar is a little stiff in places too, but hey. The Romans had some really damned dirty turns of phrase all their own. IMO theirs are often a lot more interesting. If you’re writing snappy comebacks from nerdy students (*cough*) these’ll do great. If you’re writing invectives that’re supposed to be ancient…go find the actual ancient invectives. ;) From Catullus: Line Latin text English translation[14][15][16][17] 1 Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo, I will sodomize you and face-fuck you, 2 Aureli pathice et cinaede Furi, Cock-sucker Aurelius and catamite Furius, 3 qui me ex versiculis meis putastis, You who think, because my verses 4 quod sunt molliculi, parum pudicum. Are delicate, that I am a sissy. 5 Nam castum esse decet pium poetam For it's right for the devoted poet to be chaste 6 ipsum, versiculos nihil necessest(necesse est); Himself, but it's not necessary for his verses to be so. 7 qui tum denique habent salem ac leporem, Verses which then have taste and charm, 8 si sunt molliculi ac parum pudici If they are delicate and sexy, 9 et quod pruriat incitare possunt, And can incite an itch, 10 non dico pueris, sed his pilosis And I don't mean in boys, but in those hairy old men 11 qui duros nequeunt movere lumbos. Who can't get their flaccid dicks up. 12 Vos, quod milia multa basiorum You, because you have read of my thousand kisses, 13 legistis, male me marem putatis? You think I'm a sissy? 14 Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo. I will sodomize you and face-fuck you. Sexual terminology Latin is an exact language for obscene acts, such as pedicabo and irrumabo, which appear in the first and last lines of the poem. The term pedicare is a transitive verb, meaning to "insert one's penis into another person's anus",[18] and derives from an analogous Greek word, ???????, itself derived ultimately from the Greek word ????, ?????? (child). The term cinaede in line 2 refers to the "bottom" person in that act, i.e., the one being penetrated.[19] The term irrumare is likewise a transitive verb, meaning to "insert one's penis into another person's mouth for suckling",[20] and derives from the Latin word, ruma meaning "teat". A male who suckles a penis is denoted as a fellator or, equivalently, a pathicus (line 2).[21] Thus, there is an elegant poetic chiasm (a "criss-cross" rhetorical structure) in the first two lines. Each line has two obscenities; the first of the first line, pedicabo, matches the second of the second line, cinaede, whereas the second of the first line, irrumabo, matches the first of the second line, pathice. The central pun of the poem occurs in line 4 with quod sunt molliculi, parum pudicum. The word molliculi refers to Catullus' verses and means "soft and tender little verses", as in love poetry. However, mollis can also mean "effeminate fellator", as well as "soft" in the sense of "flaccid penis". Likewise, parum pudicum refers to Catullus, and can mean "wanton" or "fellator". Thus, in explicit modern English, the pun suggests that "just because my verses are little and soft, doesn't mean that I'm the same, that I'm some hussy cock-sucker who can't get it up". This may be translated more delicately with the analogous English pun, "that I've gone all soft". The rest of the poem plays upon that pun. On the contrary, says Catullus, although my verses are soft (molliculi ac parum pudici in line 8, reversing the play on words), they can arouse even limp old men. Should Furius and Aurelius have any remaining doubts about Catullus' virility, he offers to fuck them anally and orally to prove otherwise. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latin_profanity http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curse_tablet Mater tua tam obesa est ut cum Romae est urbs habet octo colles Your mama is so fat when she goes to Rome it has 8 hills! Futue te ipsum. Go F--- yourself Mande merdam et morere. Eat sh-- and die Velim caput tuum devellere deinde in confinium gulae cacare I'm gonna rip off you head and crap down your neck. Te fututo, gaudeo You having been f---d, I rejoice. (ablative absolute! Amaze your Latin teacher!) Sentite aciem acrem ensis mortiferi, o larvae putidae, o bustirapi nefandi! Feel the keen edge if the sword of doom, no-good stinking corpse-eating tomb-ghouls! Caput capitis = dick head. Cacator = shitter Hope that helps !! M.VIB.M. Usefull if you have a friend that knows latin and thinks he is a super cool because of it. Latin Swearing Futue te ipsum et caballum tuum screw you and the horse you rode in on Tu plenus sterco es You are full of shit (lit. you are packed with shit) Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags. Apudne te vel me? Your place or mine? Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar. Cepe indicum Take a hint Derideo te! I laugh at you! Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre? Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me? Fabriacate diem, punk Make (my) day, punk Fac ut vivas Get a life Apudne te vel me? Your place or mine? Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero? Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it? Obesa cantavit The fat lady has sung Id imperfectum manet dum confectum erit It isn't over until it's over Illegitimi non carborundum Don't let the bastards burn you Labra lege Read my lips Lege atque lacrima Read 'em and weep Morologus es! You're talking like a moron! Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo Don't call me, I'll call you. Noli nothis permittere te terere Don’t let the bastards get you down. Nullo modo No way Puto vos esse molestissimos I think that you are very annoying Qualem blennum! What a doofus! Qualem muleirculam! What a bimbo! Quisque comoedus est Everybody's a comedian Quo usque tandem abutere patentia nostra? How long are you going to abuse our patience? Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri? How do you get your hair to do that? Radix lecti Couch potato Raptus regaliter Royally screwed Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem! Stand aside plebeians! I am on imperial business Scio vos esse molestissimos I know that you are very troublesome Stultus est sicut stultus facit Stupid is as stupid does Tace atque abi Shut up and go away Ut si! As if! Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant May barbarians invade your personal space Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant May conspirators assassinate you in the mall Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy Vacca foeda Stupid cow Vae! Damn! Viri sunt Viri Men are slime Immanissimum ac foedissimum monstrum! Gross and putrid monster! Faciem durum cacantis habes You have the face of a man with severe constipation Mala pituita nasi Nasty nasal drippings! Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem. Stand aside plebeians! I am on imperial business. Si me rogas, potes abire et tu ipse cacare. If you ask me, you can go and shit on yourself. Semper in excrementum, sole profundum qui variat. Always in the shit, just the depth that varies.

[nickyschneiderus]

Thirsty Ben Shapiro gets mocked for offering to pay Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to come on his show

Ever since she won a Democratic primary for the House of Representatives in New York City, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has flummoxed and terrified conservatives.

Here is an unabashedly leftist person of color speaking her mind, calling for policies that conservatives dislike. And their general response has been: “How dare she?!”

Enter Ben Shapiro, a conservative person on the internet who recently needed nearly 3,000 words to explain how everyone who has called him racist is wrong.

In a video posted to Twitter, Shapiro asked Ocasio-Cortez to come on his show to talk about her ideas and even offered her $10,000 to do so.

Hey, @Ocasio2018, what do you say? pic.twitter.com/lKDtmMc8Us

— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) August 8, 2018

Not only does Shapiro reek of the entitlement inherent in affluent men here, waving about his wealth at others to get what he wants, Ocasio-Cortez—having been thoroughly slimed by conservative media over the past two months—has no reason or need to go on his show.

Shapiro (an intellectual) knows this. He’s just doing it so he can then call Ocasio-Cortez out for not coming on his show and being afraid to ~really~ debate the issues.

People on Twitter found his insistence on it, and his video proposal, as well as his offer of money, to be thoroughly creepy

Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't callin I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not've got emhttps://t.co/UC0FzQsWFM

— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) August 9, 2018

This dude is so thirsty. https://t.co/s7IlMib4ov

— D̪̦̗͔̯r̫̘͉̫͇̘͞ Sol (@DrSolParkens) August 9, 2018

It's really amusing how one Latina winning a primary in NYC has thrown conservatives for such a big loop https://t.co/eTtC1KZoTh

— Steven (@ScubaSteveSiano) August 9, 2018

Little man offers to pay pretty girl to talk to him… https://t.co/RS6rounV8X

— Muta Asinus Vulpes (@cyclodog) August 9, 2018

That said, some of Shapiro’s fans were excited for it to happen.

Ohhhh please let this happen….i would pay too @benshapiro @Ocasio2018 https://t.co/5RxjzLivqm

— jay (@justingoree) August 9, 2018

He literally looks and sounds like a high schooler on the debate team. https://t.co/CU5oz1bJzR

— Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) August 9, 2018

Here’s what it looks like to lead a lamb to slaughter in 2018… courtesy of @benshapiro https://t.co/h5UvhVlNUF

— Greg (@cafeRooster) August 9, 2018

Ocasio-Cortez only has to engage with the people she wants to represent in New York City. That aside, she is free to engage or not engage with anyone else as she pleases.

from Ricky Schneiderus Curation https://www.dailydot.com/layer8/ben-shapiro-alexandria-ocasio-cortez/

[leanstooneside]

Experiencing transcendent joy (IVYBELLS)

white law is as little

certain matter for yonder lad is not so far

steady serenity I have heard that there are men

miserable halfsighted trapper it is a band

scientific dignity and security of a savant in one of the maritime towns he turns his back with a shudder on those delicious and unrivalled viands that are so often seen at the suppers

great people at length the trapper commenced again addressing himself to the chief; but does not their partisan know a single brother who is base

all sides of the embarrassing situation in which he found himselfif an invention could be framed which would set these Siouxes and the brood of the squatter by the ears then might we come in like the buzzards after a fight atween the beasts and pick up the gleanings of the groundthere are Pawnees nigh us

horrid eyes enough I will willingly allow returned the trapper; and altogether the creatur' has a frightful look to one unused to the sights and bustle of a natural life; but then the courage of the beast is in no way equal

open eye on his children who die in a battle that is fought for the right

great distance just rounding a point of the thicket and moving directly though cautiously towards the place where the band of the Siouxes was posted as a squadron of cruisers is often seen to steer across the waste

nutritious food of the whole ox family and even to the present hour now that he is established in all

red brethren to bury the tomahawk he said when their own young men never forget that they are braves

young men are in their quivers

nobler bullock than is here

all know where a strong arm is far better

young Pawnee it resembled more the gaze of a mortal on some heavenly image than the admiration with which man is wont

old man at his elbow; see; the Bigknives are afraid

fierce dark visage as the glare of the setting sun reveals the volume and load of the cloud that is charged to bursting with the electric fluid

smaller birds whose extended flanks are so often seen to heave up out of the abyss

little value when the welfare of so many human souls are concerned; and moreover I

whole flock to use in its transit over a wall or through the opening of a sheepfold; a process which is said to produce in the culprit

same fatal signs and which did not fail to draw the whole band immediately around them as the fell bark of the jackal is said to gather his comrades

naturalist looking with a sorrowful eye from one to another of his bloodily disposed companions slay not Asinus; he is a specimen

[mrfischthecartoon-blog]

Fresh Fisch for Friday:  I don't know if lectio asinus was really used back in the day, but it does translate roughtly to 'ass of the lecture' in latin.  Walker Wallace Walrus continues to explore the altered reality of the middle school classroom, and has an idea that promises to be amusing.  Please enjoy, see you Monday.

[viralhottopics]

Chelsea Clinton’s spinach pancakes freaked the internet out

The great food wars of 2017 continues with no end in sight.

Chelsea Clinton celebrated the fake holiday National Pancake Day on Tuesday by creating some fake ass pancakes.

SEE ALSO: Just a load of animals with pancakes because humans are weird

Spinach pancakes for #NationalPancakeDay (we won’t eat them all tonight although Charlotte would if we let her)! http://pic.twitter.com/9zgWZ0k94W

Chelsea Clinton (@ChelseaClinton) March 7, 2017

“Spinach pancakes for #NationalPancakeDay,” Clinton wrote on Twitter along with a photo of some mangled-looking blobs. While Clinton claims these are pancakes, Mashable was unable to confirm this allegation.

The internet was rightfully horrified.

Okay so weed will kill you but this is OK http://bit.ly/2n8A9df

Twiers Good Boy (@twitersgoodboy) March 8, 2017

That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. http://bit.ly/2neCDni

Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) March 8, 2017

R.I.P. Leonardo, Donatello, Rafael and Michaelangelo, you will be missed http://bit.ly/2n8ILRk

Adrian Crawford (@Crawf33) March 8, 2017

When you’re done pretending your family isn’t of an alien lineage. http://bit.ly/2neCDUn

Wow, great post (@ImpressiveTL) March 8, 2017

why would you do this to something good. http://bit.ly/2n8N9j9

Asinus Pervicax (@Cato_of_Utica) March 8, 2017

@ChelseaClinton I love spinach and I love pancakes but these are going to get a hard pass from me

Marjorie (@Shimmering79) March 7, 2017

@ChelseaClinton http://pic.twitter.com/ngrYeDIEMv

Totes McGotes (@TotesMcGotes) March 8, 2017

@ChelseaClinton http://pic.twitter.com/BkUbyaunpm

ShakariSBriggs (@ShakariSBriggs) March 9, 2017

@ChelseaClinton http://pic.twitter.com/ZeeFKiEMJO

Antwan V. Staley (@antwanstaley) March 8, 2017

@ChelseaClinton http://pic.twitter.com/E75S2T1WuU

Anil Dash (@anildash) March 8, 2017

Clinton later cleared up the controversial flavor by tweeting that her daughter needs iron in her diet, so she puts spinach in everything possible.

Dear internet, my daughter needs +iron so we put spinach in everything we can. The pancakes may not be pretty but she eats them(&their iron)

Chelsea Clinton (@ChelseaClinton) March 9, 2017

But she also stated that she does enjoy the pancakes.

@rooprajfox2 I think they’re very good! Admittedly I like spinach and pancakes!

Chelsea Clinton (@ChelseaClinton) March 8, 2017

Some asked if the spinach pancakes had the typical maple syrup treatment. While these spinach pancakes were served at dinner with chicken, Clinton did say that she does serve them with syrup.

@Ian_McK_ Breakfast, syrup. Dinner, no syrup. Tonight Charlotte had chicken & spinach pancakes. She was happy. Don’t judge til you try them!

Chelsea Clinton (@ChelseaClinton) March 8, 2017

While we’re still kinda grossed out, we understand that sometimes kids can be picky eaters, and you have to do what you have to do as a parent .

WATCH: Someone has invented a waterproof toupee that looks just like real hair

Read more: http://on.mash.to/2new3wZ

from Chelsea Clinton’s spinach pancakes freaked the internet out

[sylphrene]

my little tradition of drawing these goobers celebrating new year’s eve carries on

[aweesome-animalz-blog]

The mule is a quadruped mammal belonging to the family Equidae and Perissodactyla order. The term mule originates from the Latin word Mulus and was originally used to refer to the descendant of two different species. The mule is nothing more than the resulting female donkey crossing (Equus asinus) with the horse (Equus caballus). When, however, the result of this cross is male, his name is mule or mu. When is a cross between a horse and a donkey the puppy of both is called Bardoto. In both cases the offspring of crossing these animals are sterile. The mule has been preferred by farmers in relation to Bardoto, being larger and be more easily created. Sterility is because the number of chromosomes in the gametes (sex cells) from the ass and the mare are different. The horse has 52 chromosomes and a donkey has 56. The donkey and the born, so with 54 chromosomes and this generates two consequences: the donkey does not produce sperm and the have no eggs. The sex organs of these animals are not fully developed, a fact that hinders mating. The mule was and still is widely used in tasks that require strength and endurance, as a means of transport and agriculture to plow the fields. This animal combines the best features of his parents, has sobriety, patience and safe step Donkey and the vigor and strength of the mare.

The height of an adult reaches 1.70 m, the length can reach 2.70 m and weight 400 kg.A life expectancy of this animal is resistant up to 40 years. The mule has a very strong kick. This animal is less tolerant of dogs than the horse, and, in some cases, defend the person who rides attacking them.

[arsonforcharlie]

it’s that time of the week so you nerds get a fuck squad recap!

I feel like it’s notable that I have a chart up on my wall now where I can give my players gold stars if they do something really good and creative. So that’s fun and definitely not sparking competition at all!

We started with a discussion of “wailing widows” that I misheard as “whaling widows” and long story short I have a new comic book idea

Sergei, Maddela, and Saida see a crowd of people with weird, distorted faces staring at them. Maddela and Saida get Rhonia to cast Face of the Devourer on them so they fit in, while Sergei covers his eyes to not see them.

Yoni: “I would argue that only friends make each other piss themselves.”

Yoni slams the curtain that Rhonia ripped off the wall into the bag of trading.

“You pull out an old dirty sock.” Saida: Is that someone’s crankin’ it sock? Oh, wait, I can’t say that, you’ll lose followers on tumblr.”

Cue a discussion of that one time I got an anon saying they unfollowed me because of the ghost cum thing.

Saida: “Oh yeah, I remember that.” Sergei: “I don’t but there’s so much I don’t remember.” Saida: “Maybe you should lay off the party drugs.” Sergei: “MAYBE YOU SHOULD LAY OFF MY DICK”

Sergei blindly walks forward to a table in the middle of the room with a chalice on it, and triggers a trap that causes a hidden crossbow to fire at Maddela and an illusion to make it look like he did it.

Rhonia: “I put the crossbow bolt in his hand” “His hands are still over his eyes!”

They conclude that he clearly didn’t do it because dude didn’t even have a crossbow.

There was then some discussion of a poutine pinata which sounds like such a bad idea.

Sergei hits the chalice off the table with his orb and stick with his eyes closed, setting off a bolt of shadow that feels like flame.

Yoni scoops up the chalice with the bag of trading and gets a “not like top tier but about as good as you can get at the fantasy sobeys bottle of wine.” It turns out the door is unlocked and they can just walk through. The next floor is filled with a thick gray mist.

Sergei: “I have my stick out. My STICK.”

Sergei: “I didn’t go to fuckin’ wizard school! I went to clown college!”

Maddela strikes a match to see if the mist in the room they are in is flammable. It isn’t, but I feel like that’s a notably bad idea.

Sergei walks around the perimeter of the room with a rope tied around his waist and finds the door. However, when he tries to open it, a spear of ice springs up from the floor.

Meanwhile, the rest of the squad use the rope to navigate across the room to the door, and come across a weird stone box with a gold key in the bottom. When Rhonia reaches in to get it, a swarm of monkeys are summoned, one of which grabs the key before they scamper away into the mist.

Saida: “Does everyone have a lightning-proof hazmat suit? Because I have a plan!”

spoiler nobody had that

Saida also suggested Maddela melt the ice spear by dirty dancing on it. “Roll a fort save in case you froze your box!”

Maddela does melt the ice spear with some alchemist’s fire, but then immediately triggers another one by trying to unlock the door again.

Rhonia: “I’m just gonna fill the box with bananas!”

She does use her magic lunchbox to fill the pedestal with bananas, which lures all the monkeys in for snacks. After a few horribly bad perception checks, Yoni manages to see that one of the monkeys has the key so she hits it with her starknife and it dies.

Maddela: “How much of your hatred of wizards is part of your history?” Saida: “I had a really bad run in with one once.” Sergei: “Yeah, ran into his dick with your vagina!”

The next room has a table with a mask on it, two poufs on either side, and a door. Saida puts the mask on immediately and it affixes itself to her face and she can’t get it off. When she and anyone else sit on each of the poufs, the other people get a quick lil fortune reading.

Sergei gets told that he’s trusting someone he shouldn’t, so his player was kinda freaking the fuck out the rest of the session. Who is it? Who knows? I’ll never tell. TEE HEE HEE.

(about Rhonia) “You want to help, and you can be very inventive but sometimes you may not think your actions through.”  Saida: “Didn’t need a mask to tell me that!”

(also about Rhonia) “Your god is pleased with you... and so is another.” Yoni: “Better not be Desna! Stay away from my god!” “Other people worship Desna.” Saida: “And Yoni’s going to cut them all!”

Saida: “You know how there’s visual learners and audio learners? Maddela’s a vaginal learner.”

The next room is set up like a museum, with a huge T-Rex skeleton in the centre and glass display cases lining the walls.

Sergei: “This is the necromancy room and there’s a giant skeleton in the middle. I’m so excited. Not.”

He crosses to the door and touches it, which wakes the T-rex that attacks the squad.

“Does a 22 hit?” Maddela: “No.” “Oh, cool.” Maddela: “I’M STILL LYING!”

Maddela uses her wand of binding to bind the T-Rex while she runs to go unlock the three locks on the door.

Yoni: “I do one, uh, blunt damage” which brought him to 69. Nice.

Yoni: “Does anyone have ropes to tie his feet together?” Saida: “This is like turning into a caper, i love it.”

The rest of the squad beat it up, but then it reforms into two smaller T-Rex skeletons.

Saida:"That giant dinosaur lizard will never know the satisfaction of eating poop again. Because it’s dead.”

Saida: “Don’t you have, like, healing blast?” “Oh, you mean healing gun.”

Saida: “I haven’t been listening to how Yoni’s class works.” “It’s cool, neither has she.”

“You’re being very strategic tonight. Are you feeling okay?”

Rhonia animated one of the smaller T-rexes and named it Jonesy, so that’s a thing now. They tied up the other one instead of killing it so it didn’t reanimate as more smaller boys. God they can be smart on occasion.

Saida: “Apparently my bloodline gives me a bonus to knowledge religion. But I don’t want it because that sounds dumb.”

They move on to the next room, where the first-level wizard apprentice who was manning the door watches them stomp on in with a new t-rex pal and decides to let them go to see the council once they’re done with the meeting that they’re having.

Presented with the opportunity to get what they want in about ten minutes if they just wait peacefully, the squad all gangs up to try and kick down the door and all roll terribly.

Coming out of the door is Tarand, who, from what they can hear, has had some sort of ideological disagreement with the rest of the wizards and is resigning from his position here.

Saida: “We’re never gonna get as high level as he is because all we do is SHOP and FUCK”

she’s not WRONG

Saida, trying to figure out if he’s been exposed to the mushroom spores: “are you feeling hepatitis-y?”

Sergei: “Have you had to roll any saving throws?” Tarand: “I’m a very powerful wizard. I know what that feels like. I have not.”

He is very confused when they ask about the mushrooms and refuses to tell them why he’s leaving, so Yoni Flapdragon, in a fit of anger, punches him in the dick. And almost crits. It isn’t confirmed so it only does 3 damage, but still. That’s a thing they’ll have to deal with later.

They go in to meet the wizard council, who did just watch Yoni punch Tarand right in the dingalings. Most of them also don’t know much about the mushrooms, except one halfling with a wrinkled face named Effin who tells them that she had been working on something similar, but it didn’t work out so she sent it to the toxic waste disposal. When the squad points out that pretty much anyone can get in there, there’s a bit of confusion- there are supposed to be a bunch of curses and things protecting it.

“Academia, you know how it is.” Rhonia: “Isn’t that a nut?”

Saida’s player, tearing up laughing: “I’m just thinking of how much funnier every fantasy genre would be if there was bullying!”

Saida and Yoni stay behind to chat with the council, while Maddela, Sergei, and Rhonia go up to the greenhouse to get some of the asinus densissima flower to put an end to all this.

Maddela: “I don’t know anything about wizards and I’m not about to learn!”

Saida, trying to chat up the head of enchantment by talking about the school of magic: “Of course I know what enchantment is, it’s when you kinda rub magic on some pants and it sticks.”

He’s not impressed by her magic knowledge.

Maddela proceeds to buy some poison from the greenhouse, which has mushrooms visibly covering some of the glass panes. While Effin makes a deal with her, Rhonia gets Jason the skeleton to climb up onto Jonesy the T-rex skeleton and throw a trowel, breaking the glass of the ceiling and letting the mushrooms in.

SO THAT’S COOL