#Drunk!Bernie

[krazieka2]

Fe3h Golden Deer Night Out + Hubert, because originally I was gonna draw all the houses, but believe it or not I always had something higher priority to do lol

[seahorsepencils]

"Hey there. Why don't you be history, and I'll be Rudolph?" — Bad Pick-Up Lines with Drunk Serena Campbell: Christmas Edition (1/?)

With help from @akaanonymouth, @ktlsyrtis, and @starfleetwitch.

[kissthebridee]

this song is my roman empire btw

[madam-wakefield]

Won’t remember this tomorrow.

Just a little fic for the first day of @berenaadvent and the 2nd day prompt “Drunk - what can I say I am a little soft for any mentions of Army Bernie

Read on A03

It takes a long time for Serena to see Bernie drunk, it’s not that Bernie doesn’t drink. It’s not that they don’t drink together. It’s that apparently over twenty-five years working with a bunch of army lads who enjoy a good drink in the officers mess any time the opportunity arises apparently gives one a crazy tolerance for alcohol. Serena is both impressed and horrified at the amount Bernie can drink and still seem remarkably sober, even when she mixes whiskey and wine. Serena does think it’s rather unfair.

That’s why when they go to the work Christmas party a few years into their relationship Serena is pleasantly surprised when after an hour of separated socialising she walks over to Bernie who’s conversing with Dom to realise she’s slurring her words slightly.

When she hears Bernie’s words it’s a good job she’s drunk too or she knows she’d be too embarrassed to stay, she’s also glad she’s almost certain Dom is too drunk to remember anything Bernie is saying. She stands, swaying slightly in her own drunk state and listens to Bernie ramble, oblivious of her presence.

“She’s so beautiful Dominic,” and she really must be drunk to be using his full name. “And it’s all thanks to you, if we’d never have had them roof chats. If you’d never have told me that anything was better than living a lie I’d never have any of it. A 55 year old lesbian who’s been out only a matter of years. But somehow it all worked out becuase I ended up with the most amazing woman.”

Serena thinks she’s going to stop there, is about to lay a hand on her shoulder when she continues. “She really is amazing Dom! So much more than I deserve.”

“You deserve her…” Dom slurs back his tongue sounding too big for his own mouth with the way the words seem to get stuck at each syllable.

Bernie doesn’t acknowledge what he says as such just keeps talking. “She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, she’s kind and ambitious, witty and snarky, beautiful and just perfect. I want to marry her Dominic, but I’m not sure if she’d say yes. She’s so so perfect I’m not sure if she’d want that with me.” Serena feels her breath hitch, they’ve never spoken about marriage, well they have but only each of their past marriages. She knows she’d marry Bernie in a heartbeat if she asked, feels slightly guilty that drunk Bernie at least doesn’t feel that she is totally good enough for her.

“Are you crazy! Have you seen the way she looks at you. She’s just as besotted with you as you are her. The pair of you are made for each other! She’d say yes in a heartbeat, I know this isn’t a roof chat but I’m more certain of it than anything.” Serena knows none of them will remember this conversation in the morning but she decides to involve herself anyway.

“He’s right you know!” Bernie spins around on her chair, cocktail in hand, and that would explain the drunkenness. Serena watches as she wobbles, and throws her arm out to catch her elbow to steady her. Bernie connects their hands at the comment, pulls Serena closer so she’s standing between her legs and stretches up for a kiss, they are long past the days where they felt they couldn’t show any form of affection around the other hospital staff.

The music in the background, turns from something upbeat to something much more slow and steady. Serena bends down and whispers decisively in Bernie’s ear. “Dance with me?” Bernie of course complies, isn’t a strange to a formal dance, she was in the army long enough after all. They say their goodbyes to Dom before walking onto the dance floor surrounded by people they know and love and in that moment, as drunk as they both are they don’t have care in the world. They sway together on the dance floor, moves unsteady and uncoordinated from the alcohol. But it’s them and it’s the perfect way to end the evening.

The following morning they are both so hungover the events of the night before seem to be nothing but a blur, but on Christmas Day, as Bernie slips the engagement ring on Serena’s finger she remembers exactly what happened that night, as it seems does Bernie.

[elliot-olivia]

adding bernie and olivia sharing a cigarette to my impossible list of demands

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(alright, imma say it: any scene in which the characters sing/sing karaoke gives me such second-hand embarrassment i can't read it and it ruins the entire fic for me)

[veganpepsibaby]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Holby City Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe, Serena Campbell & Bernie Wolfe Characters: Serena Campbell, Bernie Wolfe Series: Part 14 of Lazarus in the Room series Summary:

Serena Campbell arrives at the bedside of a once thought dead Wolfe. Part 14 - A drunk Campbell and Wolfe. Online reconnection with Charlotte.

[vintage-lampshade-rule34]

hello, texas? i thought that the drunk driving reenactment thing was satire?? they actually do this to kids???

[yourfathersmustache]

“Bernie Brewer” - Milwaukee Brewers With baseball wrapping up, i had to end the season with the head of the brew crew!

[hartkinsao3]

Berena Advent 2023 Day 2: Drunk

[rav3nmuse]

I Wanna Marry Him Too

Love 4 a Walk //

[quinttyz]

Awooga,,i keep thinking of elliott stardew valley,,

What is he like when he’s drunk??? My personal headcanon is that his mouth becomes REALLY LOOSE

Instead of his usual flowery cadence he goes hog wild,, he is EXTREMELY FLIRTY!!!!! (And REALLY GOOD AT IT) drunken rizz for the entire night like do u get me..when he gets hangover the next day and learns what he did the night before he always dies of embarrassment. It’s why he always drinks in moderation ksksksmsmsks

I can imagine him and bernie sharing a bottle of wine made from her farm. She invited him to try the first bottle in honor of this new venture into this business lmao

Blud got drunk and told Bernadetta about some of his thoughts that have been plaguing him for a while now…ABOUT HERRRRRRR AGAHAHUWKWHA because one time he treated her to an ice cream while they were on a date by the beach :’3 “a sweet treat for the sweetest person i know!”

Little did she know he was getting distracted by her licking the ice cream lol,,even he wasnt expecting this.. so the entire date he felt flustered (this man has never been in a relationship in a long time ok he is PINING)

And bernie being bernie she was just like

“Huh?”

But Elliott refused to elaborate further

So when he got reallyyyy drunk at Bernie’s place he whispered in her ear and told her what he really thought of her during that one summer day and the things he wanted to do

And then immediately passes out 👍

LONG STORY SHORT ELLIOTT WAKES UP TO A HANGOVER AND A VERY FLUSTERED BERNADETTA TENDING TO HIM IN BED LANAIAJSLEYOSBSKS and his first thought immediately is “shit what did i say this time”

[morning-star-joy]

ahhh congrats on the 700 followers!!! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅 proud member of doni nation 🫡🫡🫡 🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

okay in terms of drabbles may I please request ashwah universe drunk kisses........ i mean in my most humble of opinions, it just seems correct after joel not getting to kiss her last time he was drunk!!!

also....

i am once again asking for some sub!Joel 🤲🤲🤲 I feel like this is maybe saying too much about me that it's the second time i'm requesting this BUT idc okay ashwah joel would ABSOLUTELY switch positions willingly and eagerly because he is a shameless simp!!!! so like just a crumb of ashwah sub!joel i beg 🤲🤲

literally no pressure to write either of these!!!!! and congrats again 💖💖

LOKJIUH!!! My god you made me laugh SO fucking hard with the doni nation and the EMOJIS BAHAHAH PLEASE!! And the Bernie meme, it's crazy how much I love you my friend. Heheheee I am once again taking your LOVELY request! And lucky for both of us, the muse was hella flowing, and I ended up incorporating drunk kisses and some ASHWAH sub!Joel. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I did writing!!! Love you so much and thank you for your support and for always making me smile and laugh!

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, established relationship, set in the ASHWAH universe

Warnings: 18+ MDNI Shameless Smut, unprotected p in v, drunk sex, fast desperate sex, dirty talk, grinding, dom!Reader, sub!Joel, Joel begging for it, creampie, pet names (sweetheart, darlin', mi luna for Reader, baby for Joel)

Wordcount: 1.4k

“Joel—”

“C’mere, darlin’,” Joel mumbled as his lips sought yours again while you both stumbled through the front door of his house that was now your home as well, months after you had given into what had been building between you in front of his fireplace.

“Mm,” you hummed, head tilting back as you tried to pull away to close the door, but he was grabbing your hand and pulling you back to him, his tongue pushing into your mouth to kiss you sloppily, desperately, and you laughed, teeth clashing with his as you mumbled, “Joel. Joel. I need to close the door.”

Joel huffed as you managed to wiggle out of his grip, closing the front door before he pushed you right up against it, arms wrapping around your waist and pulling your body flush against his, your hips rolling forward by reflex when you felt the press of his erection through his jeans against your own.

You could taste the whiskey he had been drinking all night in his mouth, and you sighed, head tilting to the side to give him easier access as he pulled back to press open-mouthed kisses down your neck, tasting your skin with a quiet moan.

“You’re so fucking drunk,” you mumbled, even as your hips continue to roll against his, pulling more moans from deep within his chest as he grabbed your hips, guiding your grinding before he leaned up to rest his forehead against yours.

“So are you,” he muttered with a sly smirk, and you groaned, shaking your head at the memory his words brought to mind, of his moment of giving in to jealousy when you had gone on a date.

“You want me to put the skirt back on, Joel?” you whispered, smirking up at him as he tilted his head back with a moan at the picture you were painting. “Don’t have to wear anything under them this time. Just that little skirt bunched up around my waist and your big cock inside of me.”

“Fucking hell, sweetheart,” Joel groaned, ducking his head back down to kiss you with a new desperation. “Keep talking like that and you’re gonna make me cum in my goddamn jeans.”

“I’ll clean you up if you do,” you murmured, tracing his lips with your tongue, and he pulled back so fast you almost felt disappointed until he leaned over, wrapping his arms around your knees and throwing you up over his shoulder.

“Joel!” you cried out, laughter bubbling from your throat as you smacked his back and held on for dear life while he tried to walk towards the stairs but stumbled a few times. “Joel Miller, if you fucking drop me down these stairs I am going to end you.”

His laughter joined yours then, so deep and carefree that it made you feel warm with a happiness you’d never experienced before him.

Realizing he wasn’t going to make it up those steps, Joel turned, heading towards the living room to lean over and lay you gently, albeit a bit clumsily, onto the couch.

When he unbuttoned your jeans to tug them down with your panties before reaching for his own pants, you laughed again, smiling widely at his arched brow in question as you teased, “No more clothes off than necessary. Just like the good ol’ days, huh?”

Joel chuckled, shaking his head as he pushed his own pants down, pulling his cock free of its fabric constraints before leaning over you with a mumbled, “Shut up.”

But you were pulling back from him, rising from the couch and meeting his look of disappointed confusion with a cheeky grin as you pushed your bottoms down all the way, leaving them discarded on the floor as you murmured, “Sit back, cowboy. Let me take charge here.”

Joel’s eyes widened, and you could see his chest freeze in the same moment his breath caught audibly in his throat. Then he was adjusting himself to sit back on the couch, large brown gaze completely glazed over as you stepped forward, taking his cock in hand and leaning over to spit down onto it, feeling your pussy ache with a need to have him inside of you as he moaned, cock twitching just from the feeling of your saliva on it while you stroked it over him.

You climbed into his lap, lifting yourself up as you aligned him to your entrance, teasing yourself over him a few times, letting him stretch you a bit before pulling out and getting even more drunk off the way he started to writhe, mumbling incoherent things that grew louder with each pass of the head of his cock sliding just barely into your slick heat and then out again.

“Oh god, please,” Joel whispered, grabbing your hips tight in his large hands even as he didn’t try and direct you, didn’t rush you, just letting you have this moment of control. “Darlin’, fuck, please. I need to feel you, need to be inside you, mi luna, god—”

It was the affectionate nickname that had you giving in, sinking down onto him slowly and letting out a breathy sigh as Joel’s head fell back against the top of the couch, the loudest whimper you had ever heard from him lingering in the air as you rocked your hips down until you were fully seated.

“Jesus, fuck, goddammit,” Joel was muttering curses between fast, heavy breaths, and you knew he wouldn’t last long at all tonight.

So you set a fast and brutal pace, bouncing on him as you grabbed his chin, directing his face up so his eyes met yours, licking your lips as you whispered, “You like it when I put you in your place, Joel? Like it when I use your cock to get myself off?”

“Yes,” Joel whined, his hips rolling up to meet yours, and you felt his cock twitch, knowing he was about to cum from your seductive taunting and the way you were riding him.

But then he surprised you, reaching a hand down to place his thumb on your clit, rubbing quickly and making your hips jerk forward, your own mouth falling open with whimpers as your eyes squeezed shut, focusing on the way he could still work you so perfectly, even when he was nearly drunk out of his mind with alcohol and lust.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” you whispered, biting your lip as you rocked your hips desperately, losing any kind of pace as you felt your orgasm about to hit. “Gonna use your thumb to come all over your cock, baby, fuck!”

You gasped, eyes flashing open to stare up at the ceiling as your hips jerked forward, body overcome with the waves of an intense orgasm that almost made you miss what Joel was saying.

“I gotta—darlin’, fuck, please,” Joel was whimpering, and you blinked a few times, pulling your face back down to see him wild-eyed and desperate as he asked you, “Where?”

“Oh,” you sighed, leaning down to press your forehead against his as you whispered, “Cum inside me, Joel.”

You had barely said his name before he was bucking up into you, grunting loudly as his cock pulsed deep inside you, his cum filling you up in a way that only had happened that night in front of the fireplace, and a few other mornings when you both were far too sleepy and content to do otherwise.

His face leaned up, lips meeting yours in more sloppy kisses, the affection in them palpable and making you smile lazily as you melted into his embrace when he tugged you down to lay on the couch with him, his cock still inside you, keeping you full of his cum as he nuzzled his face against your neck.

Joel was mumbling something now, but it was practically gibberish, and he didn’t have the energy to keep you with him as you slid off of him, moving to go get a washcloth and clean yourselves up before you would have to find a way to get him upstairs into bed post drunken fuck.

When you did manage to get yourselves cleaned up and into bed, you snuggled into his chest, unable to help but smile as you hoped he’d let you take control like that again sometime.

everything taglist: @darkroastjoel @thetriumphantpanda @sinsofsummers @dinsdjrn @cupofjoel @cavillscurls @tightjeansjavi

[not-your-bro]

josh being carted around like this also made me think of the washingtons attending some big family wedding with an open bar, and josh gets blackout drunk. so what do the twins do? slap some sunglasses on that boy and weekend at bernies him. obviously

[hoodienanami]

April 3rd is a very special day in music history because on this day in 1976, the Sex Pistols supported the 101ers at The Nashville Rooms in London and changed the course of their lead singer's life forever by inspiring him to ditch pub rock and take impresario Bernie Rhodes' offer to join The Clash

that lead singer was, of course, Joe Strummer!

heres how Strummer has described the shock of seeing England's first true punk rock group:

When I saw [the Sex Pistols] I realized you couldn't compare them to any other group on the island, they were so far ahead. And I knew we were finished. Five seconds into the first song, I knew we were like yesterday's papers. I mean we were over! - Joe Strummer The rest of my group didn’t think much of all this, but I sat out in the audience, there can’t have been more than forty people in the whole boozer, they did their set, and that was it for me. The difference was, we played ‘Route 66’ to the drunks at the bar, going, please like us. But here was this quartet who were standing there going, we don’t give a toss what you think, you pricks, this is what we like to play, and this is the way we’re gonna play it. Regardless of whether you like it or not. That was the difference. - Joe Strummer, The England's Dreaming Tapes

[allwaswell16]

One Direction friends to lovers fics where one of the characters is having a sexuality crisis as requested in this ask. You can find all my other fic recs here. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers! Happy reading!

—Harry/Louis—

⊹ Learning to Breathe by youcomecrash / @drunkharrystyles-blog

(E, 110k, uni au) He’s playing football at one of the top universities in England and he should love everything about his life right now, but instead he’s moving backwards. 

⊹ Heading for Limbo by @kingsofeverything

(E, 100k, famous/not famous) When Harry discovers some life-changing things about himself, Louis is there for him, however he needs. But it’s all temporary because Louis has plans that will move his life from New York all the way to L.A. and the distance isn’t the only thing between them.

⊹ Follow Your Arrow by Anonymous

(E, 78k, high school) It's senior year and everything is about to change.

⊹Passing By by Larry_you_know / @larryyouknow

(E, 48k, vacation) the one where Harry doesn't even know he's into guys until he meets Louis on a boat trip. There's something more to their friendship but it ain't gonna be smooth sailing.

That's What I'm Here For by @taggiecb

(E, 46k, farm au) Louis needs help running his business but has no idea where to even start looking.

⊹ And Touch Me Like You Never by runaway_train / @runaway-train-works

(E, 35k, roommates) The one where Harry and Louis agree to be each other's New Year's kiss and it ends up being a lot more than they bargained for.

⊹ Follow Your Heart by dimpled_halo / @comebackassholes

(E, 32k, fake relationship) “We think it would be best to market you guys as a couple,” Simon tells them. The tone in his voice makes Louis think there’s no wiggle room to even try to argue about it.

⊹ others i've seen might never be mean (but they would never do) by @cherrylouvol6

(M, 20k, girl direction) a When Harry Met Sally AU in which Louis says all the wrong things and Harry always feels one step behind.

⊹ Supposed to Be by kikikryslee / @flamboyantommo

(M, 26k, high school au) the Geek Charming AU where Harry's a film geek, Louis' a popular jock, and they both need each other to get what they want.

⊹ Blush by orphan_account

(M, 15k, girl direction) the Christmas FxF Larry fic in which Louis is 99.5% sure she's straight and Harry likes to walk around shirtless and watch lesbian films

⊹ Waiting for Wonderful by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(M, 13k, pining) Harry is willing to wait as long as he needs to for his best friend to realise that they're supposed to be together, but it kills him to watch Louis struggle in his relationship with Mackenzie.

⊹ Nobody compares to you by fallenflowercrowns / @headband-husbands

(T, 10k, tumblr au) the one where Harry falls in love twice, Louis is just incredibly sweet and supportive, and Al from tumblr is super nice but also really secretive about his identity - not that Harry can blame him, considering his own blog is run under false pretences, too.

⊹ Elle Me Dit by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(M, 3k, girl direction) On the night of her bachelorette party she and her best friend/Maid of Honor, Harry, get drunk and wonder what they're missing out on.

—Rare Pairs—

⊹ You Don't Care About Me (One More Night) by @lululawrence

(NR, 60k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw) the one where Louis pines for Harry and Nick helps ease his way into figuring himself out through a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. Things quickly turn complicated.

⊹ we're still the kings of the Friday nights by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed

(T, 22k, Zayn/Louis) Zayn’s been everything, for so long now. His moral compass, his partner in crime, his ride or die. And as of tonight, the first boy Louis has ever kissed.

⊹ The Stories They're Not In by abrighteryellow / @a-brighter-yellow

(E, 10k, Niall/Shawn Mendes) An AU inspired by Niall Horan's "San Francisco," the movie Rocketman, and Elton John and Bernie Taupin's real-life relationship (except more gay).