#EMILIO HAS A GOOD EXCUSE YOU JUST SUCK

[aparticularbandit]

7-7-7 Game!

I was tagged by @only-freakin-sunflowers​!

The rules are: go to your current WIP (or one of them), go to the seventh page, find the seventh line on it and share the next seven sentences with us. Then tag seven others to do the same.

--I went with the next chapter of IYLHYBHN because I’m hoping to finish the rough of that chapter soon.  ^^;;

“Visitors, going on excursions--”  Alana paused.  “It’s been too cold and rainy for them to have taken you anywhere yet, but one of the punishments can be--”

“They’d keep me from having visitors?”

Luisa caught it as soon as she said it, and her eyes widened.  She shifted the mug to one hand and waved the other one as though it would take back what she’d said.  “Not me, I mean, I’m not planning on going anywhere, and it’s not like I’ve had visitors so even if I did go somewhere, which I wouldn’t, it’s not like it would have a real effect because my family’s not--”

tagging: @only-freakin-sunflowers BECAUSE YOU HAVE GIVEN TAG BACK PRECEDENCE HAH!, @critical-windwaker, @pulitzerpanther (give me your new au jae), @foxx-queen, @andtherewerefireworks (because i wanna see what you post when/if you post a thing), @butimnotasexyrussian, and, uh.  hm.  man, if y’all see this and want to do it, do it and tag me because yo i like reading these.

[i0990]

Piofiore no Banshou -ricordo- - Review

Since I finally got a Nintendo Switch I decided to try Piofiore no Banshou, what with 1926 recently released and all. I know the English ver (Fated Memories) came out earlier this year, but I played the Japanese one so I won’t be commenting on quality of translations and such.

What actually caught my eye for this game was the art, especially the number of different outfits and hairstyles Liliana had. I’m neutral about the mafia setting. Most of the reviews I read were positive, especially the ones for the eng ver, so I decided to give it a shot. Overall I had a decently fun time with it, but I wouldn’t say it’s one of my favourites.

Piofiore is real pretty to look at, but suffers from poor writing at parts. The personalities of the guys tend to flip-flop depending on the route. Liliana, while very cute, is not what you would consider a ‘strong heroine’. The plot wasn’t that interesting to me and the finale route was underwhelming. Still, the characters were for the most part entertaining enough that I didn’t consider this a waste of my time and it didn’t bore me.

If you love this game to bits you might want to stop reading here.

*spoilers after the cut*

Plot: The heroine, Liliana, is an orphan who grew up in the church. The city has 3 mafia gangs(Falzone, Visconti, Laoshu) each controlling a diff part of the city, as well as a neutral area. A mafia controlled Italian city in 1925 sounds liked a fun setting yeah? In each route she basically gets attacked and is rescued/taken in by one of the gangs and spends time helping them with their stuff. We learn that she’s the latest in a line of chosen maidens who supposedly act as the key to unlocking a holy relic, which is why various parties want to kill/protect/possess her for their own agenda.

The overall plot is to... actually idk because there is no overarching goal common to the routes except maybe to not die. Liliana herself doesn’t seem to have any of her own goals to achieve. Therein imo is where the story writing gets a bit bland. Dante’s route is where you learn more about Liliana being the chosen one since the Falzone family are the guardians of the relic, but in the end it was just sth like “If a Falzone and the holy maiden sleep together you can unlock relic” -.- Nth wrong with it being so cliche, but it also makes this rather irrelevant in the other routes. In the other routes Liliana being the chosen one just becomes an excuse for the game to pile all sorts of abuse on her.

Regarding Liliana... If you are the sort who really wants a strong heroine you’ll probably hate her. She puts up with a lot of nonsense and abuse, especially in Yang’s route. Admittedly at times it’s a matter of suck it up or die but she’s still rather lacking in personality. The producers designed her to cater to the self-insert player base so her backstory and character are left as vague as possible. Her being the holy maiden also comes with zero special powers so she literally is just a helpless damsel in distress. I personally wasn’t too bothered by it but just find it a waste given how they had such a potentially good setting to work with.

What mainly bothers me with the writing was how characters tend to change personality depending on the route, as well as them making pretty stupid decisions when they should know better. I think Orlok’s bad end is a well known example of this for Dante. Nicola’s goal in his route makes zero sense, and also poor Robert who suddenly goes yandere. Jozef is suddenly a good guy in a couple of the routes. Yang is pretty much the most consistent guy, except that he is consistently an arse. When the route with the guy who abuses the heroine the most is the most entertaining route, you know the writing is messed up. 

The finale route was also pretty meaningless and felt a bit lazy since it branched off from Gilbert’s route when there was no real reason for it. I mean, if you want to have a secret love interest can you at least give the guy some decent development and his own route?

As for the plus points, I’d say the game is still pretty entertaining to play through. It’s mostly carried by the art and characters themselves rather than the plot. I also like the darker and more mature feel of the game since I’m not a huge fan of fluff games most of the time. There really is a lot more violence and sex in this game than you’d usually see, although sometimes it feels a bit forced just so they can have the shock factor. It’s not super long like HnK or super boring like the KBO fd so that’s good. It’s actually remarkable that despite the poor writing the game was still rather fun. Maybe that’s the true power of the holy maiden hmm.

Characters: Due to the writing being all over the place and the flip-flopping personalities I have no true favourite for this game. If I had to say I’d pick Dante, because he likes cats and for the most part he seems to care about Liliana even when it’s not his route. Gilbert is a close second because he just seems like a fun guy to hang out with and yay shopping. Orlok seems more like a younger brother. Yang, while very entertaining, has an absolutely rubbish personality. Nicola’s route ruined the character for me :/

I’d usually spend some time here talking about the heroine’s personality but she doesn’t really have one. Pretty standard nice, likes baking, will take a bullet for her guy kind of girl. But yeah, no goals of her own.

The sub characters in this game are so-so. My favourites are the Laoshu twins because of how they somehow make every scene they are in more interesting. Emilio is just there to conveniently make things better for the characters involved. But hey, everyone looks great! 

System/Interface: It’s nice and suits the setting. Not much to complain about. I would have liked a ‘skip to next choice’ option for this game. The newspaper clipping style main menu is kinda cute. No trophies to collect since it’s on the Switch.

Art/Music: RiRi’s art saves the day. Even if the characters do stupid or mean stuff, at least they look good doing it. Tbh this is the first game RiRi has done so far where I really like the art. Also kudos for Liliana’s multiple hairstyle and clothing changes. I would have liked more CGs featuring the characters interacting with one another and not just Liliana. Overall the art was prob what I liked best about the game.

Music wasn’t too bad. I enjoyed it while playing but nothing that really impressed me enough to want to buy the soundtrack. I like the various faction themes and they do a decent job of conveying each gang’s mood. OP/ED didn’t stick in my head.

Overall. my main feelings about the game would be... mild disappointment? I was expecting a more action packed, dramatic game. I don’t regret it though because it was fun enough and there’s lots of eye candy. It’s mostly the wasted potential that annoys me. Sorry if this came across as more of a rant than a review. I know a lot of people love this game lol. If you’re interested in darker and edgier games this is still worth giving it a shot. I also have the FD so I’m hoping it will improve my opinion of the series. Will probably start on it after the new year ^^

[chilling-seavey]

Anything But Mine (d.s.) - Chapter Nineteen

A/N Daniel, Daniel, Daniel...what is this boy doing? How are feeling about this distance he’s forcing between him and Florence? 

Monday, December 16th, 2019

After the late night talk with Emilio, Florence had time to reflect on a lot. She realized that despite her desire for experience, she was hurting people in the process. Grayson, Emilio, Daniel. She was no better than Matt was. How he treated her like she was disposable, always choosing someone supposedly better than her but still strung her along. With this shocking realization came the need to make things right. Grayson had already forgiven her, Emilio was fine with things, and Daniel was already gone to Vancouver and wouldn’t answer her text messages. The person who did answer, though, was the one Florence thought was least likely to respond.

She waited with high anxiety in the coffee shop, a cup of tea in her hands and Clementine sitting in her stroller next to the table. It was a sunny day but still cold outside, snow coating the sidewalks and people walking past the window bundled up in their coats and hats. The bell over the door rang gently and Florence looked up to see who entered.

Matt walked over to her with his hands in his coat pockets, a shy smile set on his lips.

“Hey.” they both said at the same time once he approached the table. They both laughed lightly, nervously.

Matt glanced down at the stroller, meeting Clementine’s curious gaze. She held a toy in her mouth with her fist, her wide blue eyes staring up inquisitively at him.

“She’s so big.” Matt breathed.

“Almost a year now.” Florence said.

“I know.” Matt took his seat at the table, unzipping his coat in the process. He kept his eyes on the baby, in awe by her.

“It’s been a while.” Florence said.

“Yeah.” Matt cleared his throat nervously, looking down to his hands. A cup of coffee sat on the table in front of him. “Is this for me?” he asked.

“Yeah. Two cream, three sugar.” Florence said.

“You remember that?” Matt whispered.

Florence nodded.

Matt sighed and ran a hand through his hair nervously, “Listen, I want to apologize about what happened back in September. So much went wrong that month but mostly how I treated you. I was such a dick and I’m so sorry.”

Florence nodded again, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I didn’t ask you here for you to apologize.”

“I know. I know. I just think it was needed.”

“Well thank you.” Florence kept her eyes on the table top.

“And I was so full of bullshit.” Matt scoffed to himself. “Of course, I loved you.”

“Matt-“

“I’m not trying to win you back, don’t worry. I just learned a lot about myself since September and I need to make things right. You were the only good thing in my life…you and Clementine…and I didn’t think I deserved something good. It scared the shit out of me, really. I’m sorry for taking it out on you.”

“You deserve to be happy, Matt. It doesn’t have to be with us if it doesn’t feel right. Feeling trapped sucks, believe me, I know. You did hurt me, I’m not going to deny that. You hurt me so bad and so many times, but we learn and move on. You’ve clearly grown and have come to terms with who you are and what you want in life and I have grown and met people that treat me how I deserve to be treated.”

“I’m glad.” Matt smiled softly, taking a small sip of his coffee.

Silence lingered for a moment.

“I haven’t touched alcohol since that one night I showed up at the apartment.” Matt whispered.

“Really?”

“It was really ruining my life, I guess. If I want to be successful, I got to get my brain focussed on the right things. My marks have been so much better this year.”

Florence couldn’t help but smile at him, “It’s so good to hear that.”

Just a few months before, she would have been begging for him to come back to her. Now, both of them had grown up and discovered more of themselves and realized where they needed to be in life. With each other simply wasn’t that.

“Anyway, enough about me. What did you want to meet for?” Matt asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Ok…I need your advice.”

“My advice?” Matt raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t take this the wrong way but I’ve found myself between two guys here and I don’t know what to do.”

Matt’s laughter took her by surprise.

“I said don’t take offence!” Florence squeaked.

“I’m not offended.” Matt chuckled, “It was just the last thing I expected.”

“Now I’m offended.” Florence laughed.

“No, but seriously, what’s the issue? I’ll try to help.”

Florence explained the entire story, from meeting Grayson and their little miscommunication to finding Emilio and falling hard for him. How Daniel cut her off and even though she has all this support, she feels so alone.

“Now Grayson’s around a little but is clearly on edge about Emilio but Emilio and I are so close right now but he’s been a little upset about things recently…I don’t know…I don’t want to hurt anyone more than what’s already happened.” Florence sighed, leaning down to pick up Clementine from the stroller as she was getting restless.

“Well, with the thing about Daniel, I’m surprised it took him so long to put distance between you.” Matt said.

“Excuse me?” Florence frowned.

“It’s nothing personal. You’re with different guys now while he’s had eyes for you forever.”

“That’s so not true.”

“Think what you will, but I know a thing or two about flirting and he wasn’t good at being discreet. He could never take his eyes off you. Maybe things changed…who knows. Anyway, you just gotta follow what you want. When I was with you, you treated me really well but my heart was never in it. With Hannah…it was different. Maybe she wasn’t as sweet as you were but she made me feel more…alive. You know?”

“I get that.” Florence smiled to herself. “Grayson is such a gentleman and so good with Clementine but there’s something about Emilio that just draws me in. It’s like I can’t get enough of him.”

“But you have to make sure it’s not just physical.” Matt smirked.

“Matthew.” Florence blushed.

“I’m serious.” Matt laughed at her still prominent innocence. “Hannah gave me lots of things but one thing that was missing was emotional support. I learned what I needed from a relationship and what was missing when it came to her.”

“You’re like a whole different person.” Florence shook her head in disbelief.  

“Maybe.” Matt smiled into his coffee. “You were like how Grayson is in our relationship. Put yourself in his shoes. Don’t string him along if your heart isn’t in it because you of all people know how much that hurts.”

“You’re right.” Florence sighed, holding Clementine securely around her waist, gently resting her chin on her head. They fell into silence, left with their thoughts. How much had changed since they had last seen each other.

“Do you have plans for Clementine’s birthday?” Matt finally asked.

“Yeah. Sort of. We’re renting the ballroom space in the apartment and having a little party. Daniel won’t be there.” Florence spoke to the table.

“Why’s that?”

“He’s already left for Vancouver and he won’t be back until the 4th.” Florence shrugged.

Matt narrowed his eyes, “That doesn’t sound like something he’d do.”

“That’s what I’m dealing with.”

“I’m sorry. This all must suck.”

Florence nodded, pressing a kiss to her daughter’s head. She looked back up at Matt, “Do you want to come to her birthday party?”

“Really?” Matt’s eyes widened.

“I know you have your own life now and that’s fine and all but…I don’t know…if you want to come you can.”

“Will Callum be there?” Matt asked quietly.

“Yeah. But I’ll give him a talking to before hand.” Florence joked.

“Then I would love to come to her birthday party.” Matt grinned down at the baby.

“Good.” Florence smiled, standing up from the table to set Clementine back in the stroller. “I have to run. We have play group in thirty minutes, but I’ll text you the details for the first.”

“Alright.” Matt nodded. “Thank you.”

“Thank you.” Florence said quietly, setting a hand on his shoulder. “I really mean it.”

[one-of-us-blog]

Never Say Never Again (1983)

Today Drew is forced to watch and recap 1983’s Never Say Never Again, the completely noncanonical James Bond adventure that features the final appearance of Sean Connery in the franchise. Remember Thunderball? Well, would that movie be like if Bond was in his fifties, Largo was a video game playing nerd, Domino was just sort of there and Fiona Vulpe was absolutely out of her damn mind?

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, you’re killin’ me, buddy! I was totally choked up during your Golden Girls retrospective! I’ve always thought about this project as something for the two of us, so the idea that it also turned into something that you got to include your family in really tugged at my heartstrings. You’ve done the Girls proud, Agent 0069! And, I have to say, I breathed a sigh of relief when I read your first recap for The Golden Palace. This series both very similar and very, very different from its predecessor, and I had no clue how you would take to it. I feel like it’s a sign of good things to come that you didn’t completely hate the pilot, but I’ll be on the edge of my seat each week to see how your feelings toward the show change! Speaking of continuations that nobody asked for, though, it’s time for me to tackle this outlier in the James Bond franchise!

Buttocks tight!

Screenplay by Lorenzo Semple Jr., Dick Clement & Ian La Frenais, film directed by Irvin Kershner

We start off without a gun barrel sequence, and there’s no prelude scene before Lani Hall jumps right into “Never Say Never Again”, the film’s less-than-rousing theme. This time around, Bond is sent to the health clinic because he fails a training mission (maybe because he’s 52). This M (Edward Fox) doesn’t have much use for 00 agents, and Bond’s spent more time teaching lessons to junior agents than getting his hands and/or dick dirty in the field. M orders Bond to get back into shape while Miss Moneypenny (Pamela Salem) is there for no reason and contributes nothing to the movie.

Fatima Blush (Barbara Carrera), this movie’s version of Fiona Vulpe, arrives at a SPECTRE meeting. Hey, we haven’t heard from SPECTRE in a long time (sort of)! Blofeld (Max von Sydow) sends Blush to harass an American pilot named Jack Petachi, who happens to be staying at the same health clinic Bond is at. Bond catches Blush in the act, because she’s insane and awful at stealth missions. Bond, who, to be fair, is also awful at stealth missions, immediately makes his presence known while Blush is having the pilot scan his iris into a machine so they can make sure the horrific replacement eye he’s been outfitted with will pass a retina scan. Blush recognizes Bond on sight because he’s the worst secret agent on the planet and sends an assassin to kill him. The assassin is much stronger than the aging Bond and has half a dozen chances to take the spy out, but he’s a dumb henchman so Bond eventually gets the better of him. How, you ask? By throwing his own urine sample into the assassin’s face. Bond’s piss is strong enough that it stuns an assassin long enough for him to fall back onto a shelf of glassware which kills him.

M is pissed and Bond isn’t interested. The pilot uses his truly repulsive transplanted eye to pass a retina scan which results in a pair of nuclear bombs being loaded onto a jet. The pilot drives away, Blush drives up beside him and throws a snake into his car to cause him to crash and die. Blush is worried about the snake’s safety and retrieves it, but if she’s so worried about it maybe she shouldn’t have thrown it into a car that was about to crash through a brick wall. Blush plants an explosive and blows up the pilot’s car, so maybe next time she can just throw the bomb in instead of involving the snake to begin with. The nukes are fired off the unsuspecting jet and retrieved out of the ocean by SPECTRE.

SPECTRE sends a message to world leaders and holds the world for ransom. M is told to reinstate the 00’s, and Bond gets a briefing on Maximillian Largo (Klaus Maria Brandauer), formerly Emilio Largo. We jump over to see Largo being gross in general and possessive of his girlfriend, Domino Petachi (Kim Basinger). Bond meets with an absolutely insufferable version of Q referred to as Algernon (Alec McCowen) and then heads to the Bahamas (maybe he’ll visit Quarrel Jr. on the way) where he meets the equally insufferable Nigel Small-Fawcett (Rowan Atkinson) whom he tasks with gathering intel on Largo. The manic Blush throws herself into Bond’s arms and gets him onto a boat, where she immediately sleeps with him. The sex scene lasts for about fifteen hours, and then we’re treated to another seven hours of scuba diving. My favorite part of Thunderball was the long, drawn out scuba scenes, so I’m tickled pink to see one in this film as well. Blush plants a device on Bond which causes a shark to head his way. Couldn’t have just shot him in the head, huh, Fatima?

After this scene is finally over, Blush is living her best life and dancing around when she catches sight of Bond and the fisherwoman who reeled him in out of the ocean. Blush really is awful at her job and still insists on putting a bomb in Bond’s room instead of just shooting him. Bond’s busy screwing around in the fisherwoman’s room, though, so Blush continues to be the worst at her job. Small-Fawcett informs Bond that Largo’s yacht is headed for Nice, France, and there Bond meets up with a French operative named Nicole (Saskia Cohen Tanugi) and our old friend Felix Leiter (Bernie Casey). It’s been a while, Felix! Bond and Leiter ogle Domino through a telescope while she dances on the deck of Largo’s yacht, and Bond poses an employee of a spa Domino visits. While posing as a masseuse as an excuse to manhandle her, Bond figures out that Largo will be holding a charity bond at a casino.

Nicole drops Bond off at the casino where Blush is waiting for him. She sends her own driver off to kill Nicole while Bond threatens to kill the doorman in order to get into the charity event. Bond reunites with Domino and the two are spotted at the bar by Largo. Largo challenges Bond to a game of Domination, a video game rip off of Risk that gives the player an electric shock when they lose points. The game looks, no joke, fucking bonkers. Bond gets his asses handed to him the first few games, but Largo eventually loses. Bond and Largo both view Domino as property, so as a prize for winning Bond is allowed a dance with Domino. Bond lets Domino know her brother’s dead and had been working for Largo, because in the middle of a dance surrounded by hundreds of onlookers is the best time to receive devastating news.

Largo invites Bond to lunch the next day and he goes back to his villa to find Nicole drowned in a waterbed. Bond chases after Blush on a motorcycle but is eventually captured.  I really can’t stress how absolutely insane Fatima Blush is. She has the manic energy like nothing I’ve ever seen. She frantically demands that Bond declare, in writing, that she’s his number one sexual partner, and Bond uses the explosive dart hidden inside a Q Branch fountain pen to blow Blush to hell. Leiter arrives and the two agents head for Largo’s yacht. Leiter is prevented from entering, and Bond doesn’t seem to mind. Largo was ready for Bond and reminds him they have a lunch date for tomorrow. Bond tells Domino about what happened to her brother and she tells him about the Tears of Allah, a necklace Largo gave her. Bond kisses Domino to make Largo jealous, then sneaks into Largo’s little man cave and sends a signal to MI6 telling them the yacht is headed for Palmyra in North Africa. Largo accuses Domino of betraying him despite her having no agency in this movie and torments her about her dead brother before having her sold as a sex slave to some racist caricatures of Middle Eastern men. Fantastic. Bond is chained nearby, and Largo reveals that one of the nukes is hidden in Washington DC.

Bond gets free thanks to a Q device and rescues Domino. Bond rides a horse off a cliff and he and Domino are rescued by Leiter. Turns out that Tears of Allah necklace Largo gave Domino was a map to the second bomb’s location. Why would he…? You know what, never mind. Bond and Leiter use jetpacks for no damn reason to reach some underwater caves, where they find Largo and the second nuke. Leiter and his team take on Largo’s henchmen while Bond goes after Largo and the nuke in a chopper. Bond chases Largo underwater and Domino arrives out of absolutely nowhere to shoot Largo with a harpoon while Bond disarms the nuke.

Bond and Domino relax in a pool afterward. Small-Fawcett arrives on behalf of M to beg Bond to return to active duty, because without him in the field the fate of the civilized world is at stake. Anyway. Bond and Domino make out after Bond declares he’s never taking up spying again.

The End

~~~~~

Yikes. This one was real bad. I didn’t like Thunderball to begin with, but this rehashing of it was even worse. None of the jokes landed, the self-referential dialogue felt pandery and the whole movie reeked of desperation and spite. On some level I enjoyed Blush’s manic insanity, but she was a cardboard cutout of a character. Largo was turned into a smug nerd in this version, and don’t even get me started on the MI6 crew. A lot of people know about the Bechdel test, but there’s another litmus test for movies called the Sexy Lamp test. Until the end scene where Domino shoots Largo, which, again comes out of absolutely nowhere, this movie did not pass the Sexy Lamp test. Even on a technical side, the effects for this one sucked. I know they were trying to be cutting-edge with Domination, but I have to think that even in 1983 people realized that game was dumb as hell, beside the fact that it had nothing to do with the rest of the movie. I could go on forever, but needless to say I did not care for this movie. The one good thing about it was that we got a Black character who didn’t die by the end of the movie courtesy of this version of Felix Leiter, but even he couldn’t keep this brick afloat.

I give Never Say Never Again Q on the Five Q Scale.

Tune in soon for Eli’s recaps of “Promotional Considerations” and “Miles, We Hardly Knew Ye”, the next two episodes of The Golden Palace (the second of which I have very, very strong feelings about), and after that I’ll be back with my recap of A View to a Kill, the next James Bond adventure and the last to feature my beloved Roger Moore.

Until then, as always, thank you for reading, thank you for saying never and thank you for being One of Us!