#Erscoga

[stargazer-tps]

Sl0t - Lyric Comic

Why are my organs trying to escape this broken cage? Then I learned that this pounding can't be love, That it can't be love, That it can't be

Why are we always separated by bulletproof walls? Then I learned that this emptiness could be love, That it could be love, It must be love… - “Sl0t,” Mili

~•*•~ I’ve had the thought in my head for a while that this particular song would be a good one for Gaster in pretty much any iteration. Here it is featuring mine/Erscoga’s!

[erscogadatabase]

20: A Very Belated Very Erscoga Christmas #4... Probably.

Date: 3-3-2024 IDST, 8-20-2018 EST

(It’s a beautiful, temperate day on Termata. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming… and Nalitie is balanced precariously on a step ladder inside the Spectre Opera House, trying to put the star on a very large Christmas tree. There’s a table set out with a decent looking spread (minus the questionable chip dip from last time) and banners set up in the Erscogan national colors. It is August.)

Nalitie: *struggling* Dang, I feel like we just had Christmas earlier this year… Maybe we should just leave this stuff up in case Christmas strikes when we’re not ready.

Dukermin: *outside hanging lights* What? Did you say something??

Nalitie: Nevermind… *climbing down the ladder very slowly*

(Christine brings out a large cake and sets it on the table. It may or may not be Human SOUL flavored. Ask Erik! Tobias trails along beside her. She tells them not to swipe any frosting.)

Dukermin: *heads back inside* Merry Christmas everybody! You know this time only comes once (or twice or three times) a year so lets make it count!

Nalitie: Do we have guests this year? I made sure to send out invitations but with how our mail and stuff has been acting up… 

Dukermin: Mickey whipped up a special surprise this year! They’ll show up later to set them off!

Nalitie: “They”? That’s new. 

Dukermin: Well I realized that Mickey has never actually told me their pronouns? I just assume because like it’s Mickey Mouse but we have never really spoken aside from that lovely serenade during the war since we got married so I’ve been wondering…

Nalitie: Ah, gotcha. Let’s see, I sent invitations out to everyone on Pluto, now that they’ve rebuilt after the whole. Uh… Narissa getting killed thing. And I tried to mail some to Lux and Dunkel but I’m not sure that they ever get my mail?? Cause my pigeons never come back when I send them there… 

Dukermin: Hmm thats suspicious. Hopefully they’re not trying to contact us about any terrible crises or anything like that.

Nalitie: Yeah… We kinda dropped the ball with Pluto. Hopefully the ambiguously Human SOUL-flavored cake is a good apology though. 

(The cake, to Nalitie’s request, has “I’M SORRY PLUTO” frosted on it in big letters, followed by a much smaller “Merry Christmas!”)

AE Tobias: *eyeing the frosting*

Christine: *busy making sure ET doesn’t crawl anywhere he’s not supposed to*

Dukermin: *eyeing AE Tobias and gives a warning glare* *points to the frosting then makes a throat slash gesture*

AE Tobias: *backs away from the cake, disappointed* *sadly* no touch… 

Dukermin: *To Nalitie* So should we go check on… one of the many places we should check on?

Nalitie: Yeah, we can invite people in-person. It means more, anyway. Where do we want to start? Our guest list was pretty much everyone in Erscoga. 

Dukermin: Maybe lets do Dunkel, but we still have some setting up to do here before we bring people over. *starts arranging centerpieces*

(Everyone continues decorating, with light Christmas music playing in the background, when there’s a sudden, small earthquake.)

Nalitie: *stops and looks around* … 

Dukermin: *dropped the centerpieces* :(

Christine: What was that? *soothing ET*

Dukermin: *Hot gluing centerpieces back together* Just a little earthquake I think, its probably nothing.

Nalitie: Yeah, I mean. We have a lot of new plot developments settling since last doc, so maybe it’s just that. Anyway, it’s Christmas, and nothing bad ever happens on Christmas! 

Dukermin: So True! Anyway! Lets leave this place and go to Dunkel.

Nalitie: Heck yeah… *to Christine* Are you good watching the kids, Car… Christine? Willia… Willy is in the other room, but I can take one of the kids with me if you want.

Dukermin: Wait a second, did we ever get the Universal Translator ? I know our mail has been a little weird. 

Nalitie: Yeah! *pulls a small device out of her pocket* *it looks vaguely like a walkman* They sent this over a couple months ago, after we sent that first shipment.

Dukermin:  Oooh gimme *snatch*

Nalitie: Be careful with it, we only have one and our agreement never specified if they’d send us another one… 

Dukermin: I'll be so careful until we can get it to Alphys to make more and then I can break it all I want.

Christine: *continuing the conversation thread from many lines ago* Actually, if you could take Lisa and Leonarda, that would be nice. 

Nalitie: On it! *runs into the other room* *comes back absolutely engulfed in small children* to Dunkel!

Dukermin: *lunchboxes to Dunkel*

(You have arrived on Dunkel. It is very dark and you cannot see anything.) 

Dukermin: *puts on cool DunkelVision glasses that she's painted flames on even though you can't really see that on Dunkel*

Nalitie: Oh, right. *digging in her pockets* *eventually fishes hers out and puts them on as well*

Lisa and Leonarda: *not sure if they like the darkness* *babbling*

Dukermin: Alright… where did we end up.

(You’ve arrive just outside of a large city, there’s a sign that says New Prosperite. The buildings are low to the ground and tightly compacted with one another. A few people are outside but they all seem to be in a hurry to get indoors.)

Nalitie: *yelling into the streets, in English which most of them probably don’t speak fluently* Hello citizens of Dunkel!!! Come to our Christmas Party!!!

Dunkelian: *yells at Nalitie in Dunkelian and gestures wildly at a building*

Dukermin: Uhh they said to get inside… And a bunch of other stuff that the translator didnt catch.

Nalitie: Uhhh ok??? That’s not where our SUPER COOL party is though.

Dunkelians: *yanking children off the sidewalk and throwing them indoors*

Nalitie: Maybe this is part of their Christmas traditions and that’s why they never come to our parties??? *finding the nearest building*

(From beyond the city, you hear a deep rumble, then are blinded as your Dunkelvision goggles are bombarded with a harsh white light. You hear creaking as some of the buildings are bathed in the light.)

Lisanarda: *crying, naturally*

Nalitie: WTF was that???

Dukermin: Uhhhhh *goes inside*

Nalitie: *also goes inside* *phone starts ringing obnoxiously* *fishing around in her pockets*

(The place you’ve entered seems like someone's home. A Dunkelian pokes her head out from a trapdoor in the ground and ushers you down into a cellar.)

Nalite: *on the phone, looking concerned* Uhh ok. Thanks… *hangs up* Santa says Christine says there was another big earthquake on Termata… I don’t know why she didn’t just call me directly??? 

Dukermin: Who would have ever guessed that that little earthquake would be a bad sign!!?

Dunkelian: *has taken a seat on a mat on the floor next to a pair of children and an older Dunkelian. She invites the two of you to sit as well* We’ll be stuck here for a bit I’m assuming so make yourselves comfortable

Nalitie: *did not catch any of that, is still standing around* So is this all part of your Christmas or something? Seems. Um. Intense and unnecessary???

Dukermin: She says we’ll be stuck for a bit which is not great considering the termata thing? You can ask *gives Nalitie the translator*

Nalitie: Oh ok *puts it on* *to the Dunkelians* can you understand me now? *is talking in their language without realizing it*

Dukermin: Thats rad

Dunkelians: *nod*

OG Dunkelian: Can you understand us? Did you catch that thing about making yourselves comfortable? I can get you a tea… or like a snack?? We’ve stocked this cellar up now because of the situation…

Nalitie: I’m good right now. *to Dukermin* do you want tea?

Dukermin: I am curious about what tea made of darkness is like but maybe we shouldn’t mess with that right now…

Nalitie: *to the Dunkelians* We’re OK for now. So what’s with the giant Christmas light thing? That seems… Like I love that y’all are celebrating the season but it kinda hurts the eyes??? *oblivious to what’s actually going on*

OG Dunkelian: Christmas? We haven’t been able to celebrate anything in months. The “Light Show” is not of our doing. Who are you??

Nalitie: Wait you guys aren’t responsible for that big light??? But it came from your planet??? 

OG Dunkelian: What are you personally responsible for every little thing that happens on the planet that you live on??

Nalitie: I mean. Kind of. Not entirely, I guess, Dukermin and I share that responsibility. 

OG Dunkelian: Oh. Wait a second. I know that name. Dukermin and uh… you are?

Nalitie: *dodging the question* Yeah, Dukermin and I are the queens! *points to Dukermin* That’s Dukermin over there.

Older Dunkelian: *elbows the OG Dunkelian aggressively*

OG: Ow! Pardon my… disrespect, my queens! I did not realize you were… anyway. My name is Maestri and this is my mother Cuber. I’m surprised you don’t know more about our situation…

(There’s another deep rumble from above and some dust slips through the floorboards)

Nalitie: Yeah we’ve been getting that a lot lately… *to Dukermin* Did you know anything about the situation happening here on Dunkel? 

Dukermin: *shrugs* We’ve been here like… thrice. 

Nalitie: I guess. *to the Dunkelians* Y’all should have. like. called or sent us a letter or something. 

Maestri: Mother, didn’t you say that the elders had tried sending letters? We receive the pigeons and send them back wth distressing messages.

Cuber: *nods* You haven’t received the pigeons?

Nalitie: Oh… no, we haven’t. Are all of my pigeons stuck here on Dunkel??? *to Dukermin* dude we really need to get our mail system checked out. Apparently we’ve been missing mail for a long time. No wonder the electric company keeps sending people to my house claiming I haven’t paid any of my bills. 

Dukermin: Man and I thought the pigeon system was flawless. Glad I don’t have electricity in my cave.

Nalitie: Yeah, but you DO have a magic man who can make lights out of nothing. With a stick. 

Dukermin: Yeah but hes super petty about it. 

Maestri: *Only catching Nalitie's half of the conversation* This doesn't seem pressing. Anyway, you’re not beings of darkness… perhaps you could take a look? 

Nalitie: I mean… we can. How come you guys can’t? I’ve seen Dunkelians on our other planets before… Is there something weird about this light that I should know about? I have kids I don’t want my face blasted off. 

Maestri: Well number one… Im not a mercenary or anything and its not my job to go inspect creepy lights. That was rude.

Cuber: *glares disapprovingly at Maestri* These lights… nobody has gotten near them. They first appeared in the Wilderness. But they’ve steadily started showing up closer to civilization and in increasing frequency. We’re worried they’re connected to the beasts in some way, but we dont know for sure. It also could be connected to Lux, even though there is a truce, we don’t want a war. And going over there guns-a-blazing is not going to make a good impression.

Nalitie: We don’t want a war either, NO WAR. Yeah, Dukermin and I can take a look. *to Dukermin* Hm… between the stuff going on here and the earthquakes, do you think whatever’s happening is happening on all of the planets? Maybe we just can’t see it because it’s already light everywhere else?

Dukermin: Hmm perhaps, I mean this light seems insanely bright here but could be very normal anywhere else I guess.

Nalitie: Ok, so we should go check that out, see what’s up. *has not filled Dukermin in at ALL* *starts leaving*

Dukermin: Oh cool guess were leaving *leaves*

(You leave Maestri and Cuber’s house without saying goodbye.)

(You once again are blinded by the light. It seems to be coming from about a half a mile outside the city. The streets are empty and the buildings crackle, scattering dark dust everywhere. Once your eyes adjust, you can make out what looks like a perfect cylinder of light coming from about a half mile outside of the city.)

Nalitie: Let’s go I guess! *heading off in that direction*

Dukermin: *follows staying as far away from buildings as possible*

(As you approach the light you can hear very confused voices and see figures milling about, may with arms outstretched)

Voice 1: Oh shoot is this moon eclipsed??

Voice 2: No i checked I swear! Maybe we failed to make quota??

Voice 3: *in the distance* 💧︎🕆︎👌︎☺︎☜︎👍︎❄︎ 📂︎ 🕈︎☟︎☜︎☼︎☜︎ ✌︎☼︎☜︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎✍︎

Voice 4: *in the distance in the other direction* Paimon doesn’t think we’re in Teyvat anymore… 

Dukermin: Hello??

Voice 2: OH SHOOT IS THAT A SKINWALKER STAY AWAY I THOUGHT I DELETED THAT MOD

Voice 4: Hello!!! 

Voice 3: 🕈︎☟︎☜︎☼︎☜︎📬︎📬︎📬︎✍︎

Nalitie: *fishing a flashlight out of her pockets* I don’t think they have DunkelVision… *turns it on, shines it at Dukermin* EVERYONE COME OVER HERE!!! FOLLOW THE LIGHT!!!

Voice 1: *takes out their flashlight too * Is this an Easter Egg orrrr..??

Voice 4: Look, over there! I can see a person, Traveller, we should go say hi! 

Dukermin: *to nalitie* So… this is more silly portal stuff…

Nalitie: I guess, yeah. Crazy that it’s so bright here, though? But I guess if you’re portalling somewhere that’s NOT made of darkness, it’s gonna look pretty crazy. Don’t know why it’s destroying the towns, though??? 

Voice 3: *still standing at a distance* *to self* ✂︎💣︎✌︎👎︎☜︎ ⚐︎☞︎ 👎︎✌︎☼︎😐︎☠︎☜︎💧︎💧︎✂︎✍︎

(Two of the figures have made their way close to you. One of them is a girl with blonde hair with cool-looking flowers tucked into it. She’s wearing a white dress and carrying a sword. A very small person with a blue scarf hovers near her shoulder.) 

Dukermin: Welcome to Dunkel! We’re not sure how or why you ended up here, but you’re here now! 

Voice 4: Dunkel? I’ve never heard of that before. Oh! Paimon’s Paimon, and this is the Traveller! What’s your name? 

Dukermin: Dukermin’s Dukermin, and this is the Nalitie!

Nalitie: “The” Nalitie??? Anyway. Oh, and these are Lisa and Leonarda, my kids *gestures awkwardly* *looking into the distance, forgetting to point the flashlight at people* Who are your friends over there?

Paimon: Friends over where? *did not know that anyone else was here, just heard indistinguishable voices in the distance*

Nalitie: Oh, right… *shines the flashlight over at the people who also have flashlights* Hello! You over there, you should come say hi!

(You see four people in orange jumpsuits and full-face helmets. Two of them are pointing their flashlights at the other two which are doing a little dance. They stop and point at you two before walking over)

Voice 3: *is too far away to see any of what’s happening, can only perceive vague silhouettes of people* 🕈︎☟︎☜︎☼︎☜︎ ✋︎💧︎ ❄︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ 👍︎⚐︎💣︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ☞︎☼︎⚐︎💣︎✍︎

Nalitie: *to the jumpsuited people* Yes hello, what are your names?

Jumpsuit person: I’m Employee 1, and this is Employee 2, and Employee 3, and Employee 4. Do you also work for the Company?

Nalitie: Um. *to Dukermin* Quoi istest ie thas Diction Game cheulgen… *to the Employees* No, I don’t think so. Um… so are those your names or your titles? 

Employee 2: We call each other by many names. So the title is most effective at this time.

Nalitie: I see… 

Voice 3: *muttering to self in the distance* 💧︎⚐︎💣︎☜︎ 💧︎⚐︎☼︎❄︎ ⚐︎☞︎ 💧︎❄︎☼︎✌︎☠︎☝︎☜︎ ✋︎☠︎📫︎👌︎☜︎❄︎🕈︎☜︎☜︎☠︎ 💧︎❄︎✌︎❄︎☜︎📪︎ 🏱︎☜︎☼︎☟︎✌︎🏱︎💧︎✍︎

Nalitie: Well, welcome to Erscoga, I guess. *gestures with flashlight to Dukermin* This is Dukermin, and we’re the queens here in this dimension. You can’t see anything because we’re on the planet Dunkel right now, and Dunkel is made of darkness, so that’s why you can only see us and each other with the flashlights.

Paimon: Woah! Paimon has never been in a place like Dunkel before! 

Dukermin: It’s rather unique! Say, do any of you remember like… what you were doing before coming here? Like… did you… enter this portal of your own freewill or did you just.. Find yourselves here…?

Paimon: Er… *thinking* Paimon doesn’t remember. Do you, Traveller? 

Traveller: *pauses for a moment* *shakes head*

Employees: *point at each other*

Employee 1: I think we were just… on the ship? Or maybe we weren’t? Yeah I don’t remember either.

Nalitie: *shining flashlight into the distance, towards Voice 3* *yelling because they’re far away* HEY GUy Over There you should come over and introduce yourself!!! No point in walking around in the dark alone!!!! *waving flashlight like a laser pointer at a cat*

Voice 3: *can’t quite make them out, but starts heading over* *stops about halfway, as soon as they can see that you are a group of humans* ✏︎✏︎✏︎

Dukermin: pspspspsps

Nalitie: Yes hello you were doing very good, but we are over here *waving flashlight more insistently*

Voice 3: ☠︎⚐︎📬︎

Dukermin: Oh you sound kinda familiar..?

Nalitie: *tilting head, thinking* Yeah, you do. *louder, to Voice 3* Do we know you????

Voice 3: *you can’t tell, but they sound derisive* ✋︎ 👎︎⚐︎☠︎🕯︎❄︎ 💧︎🕆︎🏱︎🏱︎⚐︎💧︎☜︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎🕯︎☼︎☜︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ ☟︎🕆︎💣︎✌︎☠︎💧︎ ☼︎☜︎💧︎🏱︎⚐︎☠︎💧︎✋︎👌︎☹︎☜︎ ☞︎⚐︎☼︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ 👎︎☜︎✌︎❄︎☟︎💧︎ ⚐︎☞︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ 💣︎⚐︎☠︎💧︎❄︎☜︎☼︎ ☼︎✌︎👍︎☜︎ ✋︎☠︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ 🕈︎✌︎☼︎✍︎

Nalitie: Uh we can’t understand you but if you come closer you would probably be in range of our Universal Translator and we could talk!!! Also, like, we can all go to one of the planets where we can see stuff rather than fumbling around in the dark, I don’t have any more sets of DunkelVision on me at the moment… *carefully walking closer, also wants to get a look at the portal before it closes*

Voice 3: *backing away, magic coalescing at their fingertips* 

Nalitie: *trying to peer into the portal* *catches a glimpse of some rainbow colors before the portal closes*

(Everything is dark now, except for whatever is in your flashlight beams.)

Nalitie: *stumbles* Dang! I have no idea what that was… *to Voice 3, yelling only a little because they’re far away* Anyway do you remember how you got here???

Voice 3: ✋︎🕯︎💣︎ ☠︎⚐︎❄︎ ❄︎☜︎☹︎☹︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ✌︎☠︎✡︎❄︎☟︎✋︎☠︎☝︎📬︎ ☟︎⚐︎🕈︎ 👎︎⚐︎ ✋︎ 😐︎☠︎⚐︎🕈︎ ❄︎☟︎✋︎💧︎ 🕈︎✌︎💧︎☠︎🕯︎❄︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎☼︎ 👎︎⚐︎✋︎☠︎☝︎✍︎

Dukermin: Hmmm he seems angry…

Nalitie: *to Dukermin* Laet unum ienens acna Termata… unis alalnic prohe acna querum… 

Dukermin: gucte ansil. *Sets up a lunchbox portal to Termata Opera House* Head on in everybody!

Paimon: Ooh, what’s that? *has never seen a lunchbox in her life*

Dukermin: This is like… our method of transportation. We’re gonna go to a cool christmas party and… not be here in the darkness.

Paimon: *has never heard of Christmas* *to her companion* What do you think, Traveller? We should go, right?

Traveller: *shrugs*

Nalitie: *heads back over to the group* Here, I’ll show you how! We have it set up so all you have to do is climb in! *does that, looking awkward squeezing into a tiny lunchbox with two almost-one-year-old infants strapped to her body*

Employees: *point at the thing and one by one go through*

Paimon and Traveller: *follow*

Voice 3: *still standing in the distance, squinting suspiciously*

Dukermin: You too! *Cosmic bubbles him and slam dunks him into the portal* *Follows behind*

Voice 3: *flailing uselessly*

(Everyone tumbles out in the Spectre Opera House, in the middle of the Christmas party. Things are hopping compared to when you left. Sans, true to form, has set up a “fruit punch slip’n’slide” and is charging like 5 Loaves per person. Papyrus is nagging him for it. Christine is re-arranging presents underneath the Christmas tree while Willy and Steven read a story to the Tobiases. Doug and Homeless Henry have returned, for actual Christmas this time and not the bean convention. Artemis is in the corner, admiring the lights, and Bruce is playing with her squirrel. Ask Erik! Tobias squeals as everyone comes crashing onto the dance floor in a heap.)

Dukermin: *forgot to take off DunkelVision glasses and screams in agony before ripping them off*

Nalitie: *squinting, feeling around her face to take hers off* 

Lisanarda: *asleep after being in the dark for so long*

Traveller: *stands up, squinting around while her eyes adjust* ???

Paimon: *sees the food on the table* Woah…. Is this some sort of party??? *to Dukermin* Can we have some?!!

Dukermin: Yes go ahead! Merry Christmas!

Papyrus: *goes off to visit with Henry and Doug*

Voice 3: *you can see now that he’s a skeleton in a dark sweater and a long white coat, with glasses taped to his face. He looks… concerned.* *in the cosmic bubble, freaking out* 🕈︎☟︎☜︎☼︎☜︎ ✌︎💣︎ ✋︎ ✌︎☠︎👎︎ ☟︎⚐︎🕈︎ 👎︎✋︎👎︎ 🕈︎☜︎ ☝︎☜︎❄︎ ☟︎☜︎☼︎☜︎✍︎ *probably eye-glowing in some sort of freaked-out way*

Dukermin: Oh sorry about that *frees him*

Nalitie: *once again tries to go over to talk using the Universal Translator* Hello this is our Christmas Party! We’re on the planet Termata now so we can see! Can you tell us your name? 

Voice 3: *distracted, sees Sans in the corner* ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎📫︎📫︎ ☟︎⚐︎🕈︎ 👎︎✋︎👎︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ 👎︎⚐︎ ❄︎☟︎✋︎💧︎ ✌︎☠︎👎︎📬︎📬︎📬︎ 🕈︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ ✌︎☼︎☜︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ 🕈︎☜︎✌︎☼︎✋︎☠︎☝︎✍︎ ☟︎⚐︎🕈︎ 👎︎✋︎👎︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ☝︎☜︎❄︎ ☟︎☜︎☼︎☜︎✍︎ *storms over there*

Dukermin: Heyyy skeleton pals! That's wild, but I don't know if you’re from the same thing..?

Sans: *sees Voice 3 coming* heyo buddy, it’s 5 loaves to go on this slip’n’slide. unless you’re looking for the special discount, in which case it’s 6.

Voice 3: *stops in his tracks, utterly baffled by the string of words that Sans just said* ✂︎💧︎☹︎✋︎🏱︎🕯︎☠︎🕯︎💧︎☹︎✋︎👎︎☜︎✂︎✍︎ ✂︎☹︎⚐︎✌︎✞︎☜︎💧︎✂︎✍︎ 🕈︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ ✌︎☼︎☜︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ❄︎✌︎☹︎😐︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ✌︎👌︎⚐︎🕆︎❄︎✍︎ ☟︎⚐︎🕈︎ 👎︎✋︎👎︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ☝︎☜︎❄︎ ⚐︎🕆︎❄︎ ⚐︎☞︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ ☹︎✌︎👌︎✍︎ 🕈︎☟︎☜︎☼︎☜︎ ✌︎☼︎☜︎ 💧︎🕆︎👌︎☺︎☜︎👍︎❄︎ 📄︎ ✌︎☠︎👎︎ ✌︎☹︎🏱︎☟︎✡︎💧︎✍︎

Dukermin: *to Nalitie* This guy seems real interested in the slip’n’side, maybe it’s a skeleton thing.?

Nalitie: I guess… *squinting suspiciously now that she can see him, he seems familiar* *gives the translator to Dukermin* maybe you could try getting close enough to talk to him?

Dukermin: Mission Accepted. *somersaults under the table towards the slip’n’slide*

Sans: *to Voice 3* so uh… did you come over here just to stare at me or are you gonna ride the slip’n’slide? dunno about you, but 4 out of 10 folks at this party have said it’s pretty fun. 

Dukermin: *using the universal translator as a walkie talkie even though no ones on the other end* I’ve approached the target, attempting translation now. *beep boop*

Voice 3: *doesn’t notice that she’s there yet, still thinking about Sans* *muttering to self* ✋︎ 👎︎⚐︎☠︎🕯︎❄︎ ☼︎☜︎👍︎✌︎☹︎☹︎ 💧︎☜︎☜︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ✋︎☠︎ ❄︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ 👎︎✌︎☼︎😐︎ 🏱︎☹︎✌︎👍︎☜︎🖴︎ ✋︎☞︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ☞︎☜︎☹︎☹︎ ✌︎☞︎❄︎☜︎☼︎ 💣︎☜︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎☠︎ ☟︎⚐︎🕈︎ 👎︎✋︎👎︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ☝︎☜︎❄︎ ☟︎☜︎☼︎☜︎ 👌︎☜︎☞︎⚐︎☼︎☜︎ ✋︎ 👎︎✋︎👎︎✍︎

Universal Translator: I DON'T RECALL SEEING YOU IN THAT DARK PLACE; IF YOU FELL AFTER ME THEN HOW DID YOU GET HERE BEFORE I DID?

Dukermin: Hm. Don’t know what that means. *attempts to silently get Sans’s attention by waving*

Sans: *has become uncomfortable with the guy staring at him and muttering to himself in a language he can’t understand, looks around* *sees Dukermin* oh, hey. wanna ride the slip’n’slide? with the royal discount, it’s only 8 loaves.

Dukermin: *facepalms and checks to see if voice 3 noticed her*

Voice 3: *did in fact notice her* *has his arm outstretched, hand glowing blue like he tried to do something* *whatever it was didn’t work and he looks at his hand, confused*

Dukermin: *waves awkwardly at voice 3 from under the table* So uhhh… come here often?

Voice 3: Who are you and how did you bring me here? I know humans are unthinkably powerful, but you’re not gods. 

Dukermin: Welllll… nevermind. We didn’t do this. We’re as confused as you are. My name is Dukermin, and the other human that was with me is Nalitie. *still under the table*

Nalitie: *off in the background, sharing a cupcake with Ask Erik! Tobias* *has given Lisanarda to Willy Wonka for the moment*

Dukermin: Who are you?

Voice 3: *muttering to himself again* perhaps some sort of alternate reality? If the CORE functions by maintaining an uncollapsed quantum state over a large homogeneous mass of magic[1], then…

AE Tobias: *has been going around talking to all of the new people* *has heard Voice 3 talking and comes running over* is void friend! but different? ✋︎ 💣︎✋︎💧︎💧︎☜︎👎︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ 🖳︎✆︎

Dukermin: Did Tobias just speak in wingdings…? Anyway hmm so void friend plus skeleton plus knowing Sans plus wingdings… Nalitie knows something about this.

Voice 3: *is staring at Tobias like they have three heads* How on Earth…?

Tobias: 👌︎🕆︎❄︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ⚐︎☠︎ 🏱︎☹︎🕆︎❄︎⚐︎✍︎

Voice 3: *squinting suspiciously at the obviously human child who should not be able to understand Wingdings, much less speak in them*

Dukermin: Hey Nalitie are you getting any of this?

Nalitie: *is way across the room sampling beans*

Dukermin: *To Voice 3* You stay here. *runs to Nalitie and relays information about tobias knowing voice 3 from the void, knowing sans but sans doesn't know him, wingdings, uhhhh yeah thats the main stuff*

Nalitie: Oh THAT’S where I know that guy from!!! *yelling across the room obnoxiously* You’re Dr. Gaster and you made the CORE in the Underground! How did you get here, do you remember what happened before you got to Dunkel??? 

Party Guests: *turning to stare*

Tobias: *running over to Nalitie* is friend! Is void friend! 🕈︎✌︎💧︎ 🕈︎✋︎❄︎☟︎ 💣︎☜︎✏︎

Nalitie: *concerned look at her roommates mysterious child from the void, thinking about other weird things they’ve done since coming to Erscoga* Ok.

Gaster: *heard “you made the CORE”* *walking over so that they stop yelling, but maintaining a respectable distance* Ah, so you’ve heard about my work? Of course you have, I'm responsible for every great accomplishment of my species. Well... almost every accomplishment. Really, in a sense, you're privileged to know me.[1] *is wary, but also very conceited when it comes to his work*

Dukermin: oh that’s interesting hmm… I thought we brought every Undertale character over that… you know… existed ..

Nalitie: *to Gaster* did you miss coming through the Erscoga hole the first time? Cause we opened that to land on Pluto, not Dunkel…

Dukermin: How could we have missed someone though? Like if we were being selective even accidentally why would we have a flowey. 

Nalitie: Also, didn’t Mettaton mention once that you guys met a Frisk who fell into a totally empty Underground? You’d think that if there was just one monster left in the Underground, they’d be able to find them… the Underground’s not THAT big…

Gaster: *is trying to follow the conversation but has no idea about the whole “we ground severed everyone out of the Underground” thing and is confused* What do you mean an “empty Underground?” What is this “Erscoga hole” you keep talking about?

Dukermin: The Hole to Erscoga of course. Ok so… you know about the character so obviously this character like is a thing, but somehow is like… disconnected from the.. I guess physical Undertale location because… Wait where do you live?

Gaster: Why would I tell two human strangers where I live?

Dukermin: Like you live with the other monsters right? Not on some secluded desert island that we might have missed with the ground sever tool?

Gaster: “Ground sever tool”?

Dukermin: Y know like we would use to sever the ground to then put in the hole to Erscoga.

Gaster: *squinting suspiciously at Dukermin*

(As you continue going back and forth about Erscoga-specific terms in very vague ways, you hear a large clap of thunder. The ground shakes again, this time harder than before. Christine catches a bowl of chips before they can land on Erscoga Tobias, who has been crawling around near the table. Sans slips on his fruit punch slip’n’slide. The lights flicker momentarily.)

Dukermin: Oh yeah that’s happening too.

Nalitie: Maybe we should go see if that’s happening elsewhere, too… Or if there’s any portals happening with those earthquakes, like on Dunkel…

Dukermin: Yeah, we do need to figure out whats going on because the portals seem to really be messing with the Dunkelians buildings.

Gaster: *deep in thought* Portals…? *thinking about an experiment he did somewhat recently that went BADLY*

Nalitie: Ugh hopefully that’s not messing with the buildings here on Termata, we’ve already had so much building to do on Pluto. Also hopefully there’s nothing messing with the buildings on Pluto, we JUST rebuilt again. 

Dukermin: if we’re going to pluto, we should bring Gaster, because it might give us some answers on why we missed him the first time… *preps a lunchbox*

Gaster: I’m not going anywhere with you. Why should I trust you when apparently you’ve been abducting monsters?

Dukermin: Yeah yeah yeah *puts him in a bubble and sends him through*

Nalitie: *follows* 

(You arrive on Pluto. Something has, in fact, been messing with the buildings on Pluto. Undyne’s newly-rebuilt house is OK and no longer on fire, but there are a bunch of melted holes in her yard. The newly-rebuilt Best Western is mostly OK, but there’s a large hole underneath one wing of the hotel that looks precarious. Papyrus’s shed is still surrounded by yellow police tape, but their house looks ok. Alphys’s lab is at a much less violent angle than before, because the ground on one side of the hole it’s been sitting in is melted. The surface of Pluto is pock-marked with holes of various sizes.)

(Callie and Chara are sitting in their box, unperturbed. Undyne is filling in a hole with the help of a red-haired guy in a large black coat that you don’t recognize. Two surprisingly normal-looking men are gazing up at the Mettaton statue on the Callie/Sans box in wonder.  A pink-haired woman with a monocle is taking pictures of Papyrus’s shed.)

Nalitie: Oh. Well that’s not as bad as usual, I guess. 

Gaster: *tumbling around in the bubble* *probably cursing at them* … is that my house?

Dukermin: Wait which one is your house??

Gaster: *is attempting to stand up, but can’t because he’s in a round bubble* *looking at Sans’n’Pap’s house*

Dukermin: Ohhh so yeah this doesn't make sense *frees him*

Nalitie: *walking towards Sans’n’Pap’s house* This one? *falls in a hole because she’s not watching where she’s going and becomes soaked and COLD*

Dukermin: *helps Nalitie out of the wet and cold* Soo you did live in Monster Town so you definitely should have been picked up with everyone else… Unless… 

Gaster: “Monster Town”?

Nalitie: Oh, actually, if anyone is going to know our mystery guest maybe it would be Asgore. He probably took a census at some point, right?

Gaster: *is very confused by everything that’s happening* You know Asgore…? 

Dukermin: Do you know Asgore?

Gaster: … Of course I do. He is my king, just as he is for any other monster. 

Dukermin: And yet… Its almost as if you… *turns to camera* don’t exist…

Camera girl: *snaps picture of Dukermin and jets off*

Gaster: I beg your pardon??? I’ll have you know that I am a well-known monster in the Underground, responsible for our civilization’s main power source and many other groundbreaking discoveries as the Royal Scientist! 

Dukermin: Sans didn’t seem to have any idea who you were.. And yes we know that you’re the Royal Scientist… like by word of mouth only.

Nalitie: Uh isn’t Alphys the Royal Scientist? 

Gaster: ???

Dukermin: So maybe we should go talk to Alphys, theoretically she should know you really well if you worked on the CORE

Nalitie: That’s a good idea. This way! *going over to Alphys’s lab, shivering and trying not to fall in any more holes* Is it just me or is the door closer to the ground than usual? *looking at the ground/holes* 

Dukermin: Sinking probably. It’s fine. They’ve seen worse.

(After less climbing than usual, you enter Alphys’s lab. The lights are off, and the door into the True Lab is open. Piggy and the Narrator are here, looking frightened.)

Dukermin: Oh heyyy how’s it going? Probably not great…

Nalitie: How did you guys get up here? I thought you lived downstairs. Anyway, have you seen Alphys?

Piggy and Narrator: *literally do not know who Alphys is*

Dukermin: Lab coat… yellow…

Narrator: *points at the True Lab door*

Piggy: *grabs his hand to stop him from pointing* Oh no, you don’t want to go down there. Something bad’s happening down there.

Dukermin: That’s fine. Lets go squad *through the door*

(You head down into the True Lab. Gaster seems to recognize the place, but also looks a little lost. You can hear the amalgamates in some of the other rooms and… you think you hear someone crying.) 

Dukermin: Probably want to follow the crying noises, huh? *follows crying noises*

Nalitie: *following her, happy to be indoors and trying to figure out which layers she can shed without being indecent because they’re cold and soaking*

Gaster: *following, shutting up for once* *is looking around and seems to not be finding what he’s looking for*

(As you head down the hall, the crying becomes more distinct, and you can hear Alphys’s voice apologizing, as well as a vague, echoey “nyeh heh” followed by eight repetitions of “who’s there?”)

Dukermin: We’re here, the Queens! And some guy!

(When you step inside the room, you can see Alphys huddled on the ground in the corner. In front of her, standing at like 7 feet tall, is a very squishy-looking being that looks a little bit like Papyrus, if Papyrus normally had Sans glitched through his chest.) 

Dukermin: Oh that’s new.

Gaster: *has never seen an Amalgamate before* Dear God…

Nalitie: Uhhhh that is new. Weren’t Sans and Papyrus just at our party though??? *takes out her phone, attempts to call them…* 

Alphys: *sees everyone* *sobbing* I swear I didn’t do this!!!! T-they just walked in here like this!

Dukermin: We believe you, don’t worry! We’re going to sort this out! There have been some portal shenanigans… anyway… no worries *stares in horror*

Nalitie: The call didn’t go through. *staring up at what’s probably the Papyrus head* Hello there… You’re Sans and Papyrus, right? 

🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴: *says something unintelligible*

Dukermin: Cool. *To Nalitie* Universal Translator didn’t get any of that… It doesn’t seem hostile though..?

Nalitie: *digging through her pockets* Would you like, um… *pulls out some SPLARGH* some cereal? *offers two handfuls*

🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴: *grabs like three pieces with their very goopy hands, shovels them in* frie…nd? (hungry…)

Dukermin: Yyyyes!! Friends!

Gaster: *staring in horror*

Nalitie: *gives them a very careful pat on the Sans head since it’s the only part she can reach* *comes away with sticky hands* There’s lots of friends around here for you… 

🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴: iissss ffriendddd *attempts a hug*

Nalitie: *is now uncomfortably wet AND sticky* OKAy, yep…! Friend… 

Dukermin: Umm.. anyway.. We did come find you for a reason… *scoots past the new friend*

Alphys: *has calmed down a little* *stands up*

Dukermin: *points to Gaster* You know this guy?

Alphys: *thinking very hard about it* Um… I-I don’t um… sorry, no…? *looking him up and down* But um… are… are you… ok? You have uh… *gestures at two very large cracks in his face and what looks like small fractures in other places on his body* 

Gaster: *staring at her in confusion* Alphys…? What do you mean you don’t know who I am? We’ve worked together for years… 

Alphys: *blank stare* I’m uh… I’m sorry, I don’t understand you… 

Dukermin: *Translates for her*

Alphys: I-I’m sorry, I don’t, um… As far as I know I’ve worked alone since, um. For. Uh. P-pretty much the whole time??? (Not, uh, counting Mettaton’s “help” on his body…)

Dukermin: Who all worked on the CORE?

Alphys: *opens mouth to respond* *pauses* *looks very confused* I’m um… I’m not sure, actually. It… It must have been whoever was, um… it must have been the Royal Scientist before me b-but… Now that you mention it I… I don’t… I c-can’t think of who that was…? (I feel like I should know that…)

Dukermin: It’s alright. Have you heard the name Gaster before?

Alphys: *slowly shakes her head*

Gaster: *staring intently* 

Dukermin: Hmmmm… Interesting… something voidy is going on here it seems.

Nalitie: *half-encased in a very goopy hug* Maybe he’s from a different timeline…?

(As you muse about this, the ground beneath the lab shifts. Everyone is thrown off-balance.)

Dukermin: *cosmic bubbles as many as she can as she goes flying*

Everyone: *tumbling around in the cosmic bubbles*

(Eventually, the lab settles again. Everything has been thrown off of the shelves. Nalitie is all tangled up in 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴. Gaster is at the bottom of a bubble, flat on his face in a super undignified manner. Alphys didn’t fare much better.) 

Dukermin: *looks super cool in her cosmic bubble and not undignified cuz she’s used to this stuff* So… anyway.

Nalitie: *getting up, scooting away from 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴 inside the bubble* We should probably figure that out… Alphys, do you wanna keep them *gesturing at 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴* here while we do that? Otherwise uhh… They could go in my bunker??? 

Alphys: *🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴 makes her incredibly uncomfortable but she’s too polite to ask Nalitie to take them with her*

Dukermin: That seems like a good idea. Maybe we should get the lab secured and then set them up at your place.

Nalitie: Yeah, that’s probably good. Christine and the kids should all be at the Christmas party still, so they won’t be uh… freaked out by all of this.

Dukermin: yyyeah. Okay cool any ideas on how to keep the lab from falling in?

Nalitie: Hmm… *taps on the bubble* We’d have to go outside to look but maybe if we just put something under it??? Or we could move it, I guess, but there’s holes all over so I don’t think that would work very well…

Dukermin: *frees everyone from the bubbles* Lets go outside!

Gaster: *falls flat on his face on the ground* *cursing*

Dukermin: *to the outside*

(The giant hole underneath Alphys’s lab is bigger than when you last saw it. If you look inside of it, you can see what looks like an oceanic world. Best not to let the lab fall into that… The half that’s usually buried in the ground is still buried in the ground a little, but the other half of the lab dangles precariously over the hole. It’s nearly in the normal orientation for a building, rather than perpendicular to the ground.) 

Nalitie: *peering into the hole, trying to figure out where that is* *unsure if that’s just what’s always under the Pluto glaciers*

Dukermin: So… do you think these are the portals that have been showing up everywhere or that this is something different?

Nalitie: I mean… it could be. I don’t think we’d really know unless we went in, though. *fishing in her pockets for a rock or something* 

Dukermin: Well now I kinda wanna go in.

(Inside the hole, you see a suspiciously human looking girl swim by, followed closely by a sea lion. She doesn’t appear to be wearing any kind of diving gear. She disappears from view as she crosses the other side of the hole.)

Dukermin: Okay so probably a portal. Unless Pluto is known for having people swimming around near its core…? 

Nalitie: Given the stuff happening on Dunkel, my bet’s on portal, yeah… 

Dukermin: So… I mean it seems like the portal is about done since we can see clear into the … other side. So maybe it would be better to find some way to secure the lab in this location rather than move it since another portal could just appear. Perhaps a hammock or something?

Nalitie: Ooh, yeah… … I don’t have a hammock on me umm *digging in her pockets for something to make a net or something out of.

Alphys: *trying to avoid 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴 without making it seem like that’s what she’s doing*

Gaster: *watching all of this go down with a blank look, unsure what all this portal stuff means*

Dukermin: *checks in her pockets for something too* *pulls out two snails and then puts them back gently* I don’t have anything.

Nalitie: *pulls out the Pocket Magician™* Hey, Pocket Magician™, long time no see… any chance you could magic up a big net for us? 

Pocket Magician ™ : *gasps for air* HELLO HELLO HELLO AUDIENCE!! WHAT A LOVELY DAY IT IS *throws a bunch of tiny cards in the air and they all land in a deck in his hands* PICK A CARD ANY CARD!!!

Nalitie: Um… not sure how that’s gonna help us get a net but… *points at a card*

Gaster: *raises an… eyebrow? brow bone? at whatever this is*

Pocket Magician ™: EXCELLENT CHOICE! NOW ILL JUST PUT THAT BACK IN THE DECK *does a flip up to the tiny card in nalities hand and snatches it* *puts the entire deck into his mouth and chews it up* ALRIGHT NOW CHECK BEHIND YOUR EAR

Nalitie: ????? *does so*

(There is a very tiny card behind Nalitie’s ear, it’s of course your card)

Pocket Magician ™: ILL TAKE THAT BACK IF YOU DON’T MIND!! *Holds his lil hand out*

Nalitie: *gives the card back* Look, that’s… nice, but uh… we kinda have a crisis to deal with so if you can’t make a net that’s fine… 

Pocket Magician ™: NOW FOR MY NEWEST TRICK: FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS ILLUSION TURNED REALITY WITH THE HELP OF….. MAAAGGGICC *starts blowing into the card*

(AS the Pocket Magician ™ starts blowing into the card, it inflates, the paper turning into a woven net. He pauses for a bit)

Pocket Magician ™: LET ME KNOW WHEN ITS BIG ENOUGH TO SUIT YOUR FANCY!! I COULD DO THIS ALLL DAY!! *huffs and puffs*

Nalitie: *stops him once it’s more than big enough to fit underneath the whole lab* Holy buckets! That was good. *applauding with the hand that isn’t holding the Pocket Magician™*

Gaster: ???????

Dukermin: WHOOOO *applauds*

Pocket magician ™: THANK YOU THANK YOU I’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK *flash of light and lasers come out of Nalities pocket* * he does a somersault back into said pocket*

Nalitie: … OK! *grabbing a corner of the net* This’ll work… *secures her corner to the ground, outside the hole*

Dukermin: *grabs another corner and slides it underneath the visible parts of the lab* *stakes it into the ground*

Nalitie: *securing the other two corners*

(It’s not your prettiest work, but it’ll hold.)

Nalitie: OK cool, so we should bring these guys *gestures at 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴* back to my vent hole, and then… figure things out from there.  *fishing in her pockets for a lunchbox portal*

Dukermin: *To Gaster* We’re all heading to Nalitie’s place now. You as well.

Gaster: *unhappy* I suppose I don’t have any choice in the matter?

Dukermin: Nope! *invites him through*

Nalitie: *lightly shoving*

Gaster: *goes through the portal*

Nalitie: *to Alphys* I’m sure we’ll be back at some point to uh… help fix whatever’s going on here. Don’t worry too much about it! *heads through the portal, holding 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴’s hand*

Dukermin: *gives Alphys a thumbs up and heads through*

(You have arrived on Termata, just outside of Nalitie’s house. Nalitie goes up to her front door, 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴 trailing behind her, and fishes around for her house key. She unlocks the door and invites everyone inside.) 

(The house is quiet, and all the lights are off, since everyone is at the Christmas party other than Mog Jr. The couch blasts off into space.)

Gaster: O_O

Nalitie: Don’t worry about it. *leading 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴 towards the VR room, laying down pieces of SPLARGH in a little trail* 

Dukermin: *Giving Gaster an unwanted tour* So that was the couch that goes to the space station, uhh here’s a kitchen with kitchen stuff in it… here's the VR room… here's the shower/tub combo, revolutionary…uhh down here are some coffins… 

Gaster: *spends an uncomfortable amount of time staring at the coffins, which just so happen to be the ones Asgore used to have in his basement, with the bodies of the first 6 fallen humans*

Dukermin: The SOULs are gone but there are still bodies in there for some reason. 

Gaster: Do I even want to know why you have these? *gesturing* *pauses* *looks at the one with a red SOUL icon on it and frowns*

Dukermin: Probably not. *starts to leave*

Gaster: *under his breath* “Chara”...? That’s… odd.

Dukermin: oOh *turns back* Do you know them? Could give us some clues…

Gaster: This is the first human’s coffin, is it not? Why does it have someone else’s name on it? Or does your friend simply have a macabre sense of humor? 

Dukermin: Hmm what name would you expect to be on it?

Gaster: … Radic. That was the first human’s name. *frowns, then finally actually looks at Dukermin, catching himself* I’m not sure why I’m even bothering to tell you about it. 

Dukermin: *shrugs* People like telling me stuff. I’m a good listener sometimes!

Mog Jr.: *making noise from the other room*

Nalitie: *upstairs, wondering where everyone went, having successfully secured 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴 in her bunker with a bunch of cereal and candy and stuff* Hello???? 

Dukermin: HELLO! We’re with the dead bodies!!

Nalitie: *coming down the stairs* … why? 

Dukermin: I like it down here it’s peaceful also do you know anything about the first human being known as Radic?

Nalitie: I mean… not in the version of Undertale that we emptied out, no… We literally have that human on Pluto and their name is Chara??? They live in the box with Callie and Sans??? 

Dukermin: Maybe it’s like a cool nickname. Anyway Gaster seems to recall the first human being Radic, not Chara. Kinda interesting.

Nalitie: *frowning* *kind of glances back at him* Ic cogar quer istestnic evon unrer amiagenet abensio… Ellvie istest waum quer iscirnic diidgen abed quoi.

Dukermin: Abed quer iscir mati diidgen aber Undertale. (“But he knows many things about Undertale.”)

Nalitie: Etti… Deive Undertale abensio, tuun?

Dukermin: Ellvie ninic canon? (“Maybe not canon?”)

Gaster: “Undertale”? “Canon”? If you two are done talking about me directly in front of my face, I’m sure there’s something better we could be doing other than standing in this room full of coffins. For example, you could let me go about my business in peace and stop dragging me with you everywhere.

Dukermin: Okay but what is your business exactly??

Gaster: None of yours, thank you. 

Dukermin: In case you haven’t noticed, you’re not exactly in Kansas anymore.. AKA wherever you call home, whatever dimension that is. We can’t help you get back to where you came from if we can’t figure out where it is that you came from.

Nalitie: And we can’t do that until we figure out why a portal would have opened up from wherever you’re from to Erscoga. Are you sure you don’t remember what you were doing before you got here? 

Gaster: Plummeting to my death. I can only assume this is some twisted sort of afterlife where I’m going to spend eternity atoning for my sins in the form of being forced to accompany idiotic humans on meaningless adventures for the rest of my days. 

Dukermin: *translates for Nalitie* Doesn’t sound pleasant to us either, frankly.

Nalitie: Yeah, Dukermin already lives with one grumpy old man, and my house is WAY too full to accept more residents. Although I’m sure Bee would enjoy it… *still confused about her roommate’s confusing void child*

Dukermin: We definitely don’t have to stay in the coffin room, though. I suppose we should get back to the party…

Nalitie: Oh, right, the party… *heads back upstairs* *the couch has returned* Oh, good. *heads out the front door*

Dukermin *adios* *to the party*

(As the three of you head down the street towards the Opera House, there’s another HUGE clap of thunder. You can see some sort of light in the distance, far to the west towards Mackinac, clearly too bright to be actual lightning. The ground beneath you shakes violently.)

Dukermin: Ahh I can never remember what I supposed to do during earthquakes *stop drop and rolls*

Nalitie: *lays on the ground in the middle of the road*

Gaster: *wondering how he got himself into this, probably even more convinced that this is just his own personal version of Hell*

Dukermin: *gets up and brushes herself off when the shaking stops* That isn’t ominous at all.

Nalitie: *also getting up* Where did that even come from? *standing on her tiptoes, looking west as if that’s going to let her see wherever that was*

Dukermin: From Mackinac’s general direction. Should we… go take a look or…?

Nalitie: Probably, yeah. Maybe whatever’s making the portals is over there. *trying to figure out the best mode of transportation* 

Dukermin: Hmm is it van time?

Nalitie: I think it is! *to the van* *gently but insistently pushing Gaster towards the van*

Dukermin: *excitedly hops into the very reliable van*

Nalitie: *getting the portal set up*

Gaster: *came from an era before cars, has never been in a van*

Nalitie: *backs out of the driveway, then activates the van’s portal powers, aiming for Mackinac Island*

(The van lands in the front lawn of the Best Western in Mackinaw City.) 

Nalitie: Oh, dangit… *the van is stuck in the mud, unable to get enough traction* We might have to walk and take the ferry. 

Dukermin: *attempts to use a cosmic bubble to give it some leverage*

(The van sputters. It seems the battery has died.)

Dukermin: Yeahhhh i guess *to the ferry*

(And so the trio walked to the ferry, stole a boat, and finally made it to Mackinac Island…)

(Night has fallen over Mackinac Island, and the streets are fairly empty. The air is tense, though. You can see people in the windows of hotels pointing into the sky, talking to each other. A few people stand in doorways, looking down the street, speaking in hushed murmurs.)

Dukermin: *looks up to where everyone is pointing*

(The clouds are swirling in the sky over the forest of Mackinac Island State Park.  It looks like a storm is brewing, but there’s no rain and—as far as you can tell—the air is dry.)

Nalitie: Dang… That’s, um. Probably not normal. 

Dukermin: Probably not. *Looks to see if the storm is like… centered over a specific spot or swirling around a certain point*

(The clouds funnel down towards the ground in a perfect cone. Looks like a tornado is brewing, but it seems to not be moving.)

Nalitie: *actively stealing a bike*

Dukermin: Lot of stealing today *snags a tandem bike for her and Gaster*

Gaster: *reluctantly getting on the bike* *has never seen a bike before, either* 

(You head off down the road towards the State Park. The air seems to thicken around you, and you can feel Gaster gathering a static charge behind you. The swirl of clouds seems centered over Skull Cave.)

Dukermin: *hair getting all staticky in the back* Hey gaster could you knock that off… Your static is messing up my hair.

Gaster: It’s not my fault. It must be this strange thunderstorm that’s brewing. *seems a little spikier-looking than usual*

Dukermin: You better not get struck by lightning while we’re sharing a metal bike *ducks into the cave for cover being careful to NOT TOUCH THE WALLS*

Nalitie: *gets off of her bike before going in*

(Deep inside the cave, you can hear someone sobbing. There’s a huge flash from somewhere deep in the cave, and another deafening clap of thunder. The ground shakes momentarily, but the cave doesn’t collapse on you, at least. The static charge in the air dissipates.)

Dukermin: *trying to smooth her hair back down* Alrighty then, we got an ominously named cave with sobbing coming from inside. Cool stuff. *heads deeper in*

Nalitie: *shrugs and follows her, dragging Gaster along behind them*

(As you come to the back of the shallow cave, you see a woman curled in a ball on the ground, sobbing. She’s barefoot, a pair of sturdy leather boots sitting next to her. To her left, a big interdimensional portal is open, a swirl of purple and stars.  Two women come out of it—one dressed in fantastical colors, and the other in a blood-stained floral shirt and red vest.)

???: And in this universe—*stops and actually looks around, sees Dukermin and Nalitie and Gaster* … Actually, this one doesn’t look familiar at all. 

???2: What? What do you mean it’s not familiar??? We just came from a universe where we were rocks and you’re telling me that this one is weird to you? What about the one where I have hot dogs for fingers??? 

Dukermin: Umm… Welcome to Erscoga!

Nalitie: I’m Nalitie, and this is Dukermin, and that cranky skeleton man is Gaster. *pointing at everyone in turn* And I don’t know who that person is *points at the sobbing lady, who looks up at everyone with uncertainty* 

Dukermin: To put it simply, portals have been opening up in our… dimension here and dropping folks in. We’re working on it but you’re probably going to be stuck here for a bit…

(As if on cue, the portal behind them closes.) 

???: Hmph. It’s no matter. I can’t be bound by time and space. You wouldn’t understand. *pauses for an awkward amount of time* *mutters* why isn’t this working?

Dukermin: Were you… trying to do something just then?

???: Why… why can’t I feel any of the other… *looking around, panicking, as if she’s forgetting who she is*

???2: Joy? What’s wrong? 

Joy: *angrily* shhh! *waves a hand in ???2’s direction* I’m trying to… where… who… *suddenly very confused* Where am I? This… this isn’t my home??? *looking at herself* What am I wearing? 

Dukermin: Uhhh…

Nalitie: Welcome to Mackinac Island I guess? We are in a very creepy shallow cave! 

Sobbing Woman: *no longer sobbing, stands up* *putting her boots back on carefully* Oh God, I’m so sorry… I–I didn’t mean to do this… I haven’t meant to be doing this, and I thought if I buried myself here it would stop but… *about to break down again*

Dukermin: Whoa whoa whoa doing what exactly?

Woman Who Is No Longer Sobbing: The portals, I… All these people, oh God, I’ve been making such a mess of the multiverse and I can’t get it to stop…! *having a panic attack*

Dukermin: Oh no I’m bad at this stuff *sits down to join her* Hey, what’s your name?

Woman Who Is Sobbing Again: My… my name? O-oh, I guess I didn’t, um. *taking deep breaths* I’m Aubrey. 

Gaster: *being grilled with questions by Joy and the other woman who came with her* *uncomfortable, but supposes he deserves this as his afterlife*

Dukermin: It’s nice to meet you Aubrey. I’m Dukermin, this is Nalitie, we’re the queens of this dimension and we will do whatever we can to help you.

Aubrey: *laughing and crying now* Of course I would draw the attentions of the queens of the whole dimension… ugh what a mess. I’m surprised you didn’t catch me sooner. I really really didn’t mean to pen all those portals, I know that’s not supposed to happen here, I just—I… do what you want with me, I guess, but know that I really wasn’t trying to do any of this! *wasn’t really listening to what Dukermin said*

Dukermin: I believe you. Let’s take this one step at a time okay? How did you get to this dimension?

Aubrey: Get here? Um… I don’t remember for sure, but I think it was at the same time as everyone else on this island…? S-sorry, it’s a little fuzzy. We all just woke up here one day… 

Dukermin: So you’ve been here for a little while then, okay. But the portals didn’t start right when we brought Mackinac, right?

Nalitie: As far as I know… *to Aubrey* have you always been able to open portals like this? 

Aubrey: I… *memory is a little fuzzy* No. There was… Ugh, you’re never going to believe me, but I was in this… place? But it was also sort of a not-place, and this… I guess he was a person, of sorts? Art, his name was, he said that he couldn’t get out of that not-place, but he was able to give me the power to, and then suddenly I was back home again… And since then I’ve had these… episodes, I guess, fluctuations. But they’ve been getting worse and worse lately. They hadn’t been opening portals before, just the thunder and the lightning. And then suddenly the portals started opening, a-and I thought maybe it was just going to be the one or two, but now they won’t stop and I can’t control it, and even the boots aren’t enough anymore… 

Dukermin: The boots stop the portals from opening?

Aubrey: The boots help keep the powers in check, a little. Um… are you familiar with that really popular movie that came out in 2013? Frozen? It’s a little like that… B-but they never made portals before recently, so I guess not… 

Dukermin: So making portals is not the only power that you have. 

Aubrey: I… I guess I don’t know exactly what the powers are? At first, before I found out that the boots could help, it was just earthquakes and thunderstorms. Changing the weather in that way. 

Dukermin: Gotcha. So where did you find the boots?

Aubrey: Oh, those? Um… There’s this antique shop, over in Mackinaw City. The owner… he’s this really weird guy, but he assured me the boots were just normal boots. Ones that his… sibling donated, I think?

Dukermin: Wait. Old guy, sells a lot of sweaters??

Aubrey: yes… Have you been there? It’s a curious shop, but… the prices are pretty good.

Dukermin: Yeah we’ve been there… *side-eyes Gaster*

Nalitie: We have??? When???

Dukermin: Mettaton and I went. You went home. It’s Frisk’s shop.

Nalitie: Uh… Frisk the child who lives on Pluto owns an antique shop in Mackinaw City? 

Dukermin: No Frisk the old man. Who lives in Mackinaw and owns an antique shop.

Nalitie: … huh.

Gaster: *tired of answering Joy’s questions, comes back over by Dukermin and Nalitie* Do we have to be having this truly riveting conversation inside of this cave? *won’t admit it, but had been enjoying being not underground finally*

Aubrey: *doesn’t have the translator, and so hears nothing but Wingdings* *stares at him with wide eyes* It’s you…! B-but… how? 

Dukermin: *points at both of them*

Gaster: Excuse me?

Aubrey: *can’t understand him* You told me that you couldn’t get out of that not-place… I-I don’t understand, Art… 

Dukermin: *points both fingers at Gaster* Okay one second -- so Tobias recognized you and spoke to you in Wingdings, and now Aubrey recognizes you also… from a not-place. This is voidy!!

Nalitie: Right, because Bee recognized him as a “Void… friend…” *realization* Oh my God???? THAT’S WHY YOU SOUNDED FAMILIAR. But wait, you look different and also seemed to not understand Pluto?

Dukermin: Right and why would a character in the void come through a portal?

Gaster: What is this “Void” you keep talking about?

Joy: *eavesdropping* You haven’t heard? It’s really quite the place. You could say I’m there all the time, even when I’m not. *sardonic smile* I could be there a lot more if Evelyn would just follow me into The Bagel… 

Dukermin: …Righttt… um so the Void is where deleted characters go. Congratulations we figured it out you’re a deleted character! *jazz hands*

Gaster: *levelling a really unimpressed look at her* I think I would remember being somewhere like that.

Dukermin: *translating everything* UnlessssSS! Because time is weird ! The portal picked you up from some time before you were deleted OrR from some sort of AU??

Nalitie: Well, the last thing you said you remembered was plummeting to your doom, though, right? So maybe you were dead in there and for some reason you’re alive now…? But I guess AU is possible, some timeline where you weren’t erased… … *frowning* but if you don’t remember being on Pluto at all, which is where we put you, then maybe you are a different guy? Cause like… I distinctly remember that we usually write back and forth to you??? But you don’t have your whiteboard, and you look significantly less… melty than usual, and also you have those hands *pointing at the magic hands that have been following him around everywhere, moving as he talks* which are DEFINITELY new and uh… all that’s to say maybe we should go back to Pluto… We can drop these guys *gestures to Joy and ???2* off at the Christmas Party.

Dukermin: Yeah that’ll be nice. 

Nalitie: *prepares a lunchbox portal, you know the drill…* 

(After dropping off the new guests at the Christmas Party, you, Aubrey, and Gaster head to Pluto. It’s about the same as when you left it. Alphys’s lab is stable. Undyne and that guy in the big coat are still filling in holes. The two normal-looking dudes are throwing pennies into one of the melted holes, making wishes.)

Aubrey: *nervous about her powers acting up* Are you sure it’s safe for me to be here? 

Dukermin: We’ll find out! *off to find Mr. Face Man*

Nalitie: I’m sure it will be fine! *dragging Gaster along behind her*

Gaster: *clearly does NOT want to be here, did not want to be involved in any of this*

(Callie and Chara are sitting in their glass box, napping. Sans’s chair has a “Back Soon” sign taped to it. The lights are off at Sans’n’Pap’s house, since they’re at the Christmas Party. A dark figure stands at the entrance of their shed, behind the yellow police tape.)

Dukermin: um excuse me this is an active crime scene???

(The figure turns to look at you. It’s Mr. Face Man, looking as unreadable as ever with his ever-present smile. He doesn’t have his whiteboard on him. The pile of glittery dust that used to be Narissa sparkles behind him as he stares at you.)

Mr. Face Man: ☟︎☜︎☹︎☹︎⚐︎ ✌︎☝︎✌︎✋︎☠︎📬︎ ✋︎ 🕈︎✌︎💧︎ 💣︎☜︎☼︎☜︎☹︎✡︎ ☼︎☜︎☞︎☹︎☜︎👍︎❄︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ⚐︎☠︎ ❄︎☟︎✋︎💧︎ 🕈︎✌︎💧︎❄︎☜︎ ⚐︎☞︎ ☹︎✋︎☞︎☜︎📬︎ 💧︎🕆︎👍︎☟︎ ✌︎ 💧︎☟︎✌︎💣︎☜︎ ❄︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ ✌︎☠︎⚐︎❄︎☟︎☜︎☼︎ 🕈︎✌︎☼︎ ☟︎✌︎👎︎ ❄︎⚐︎ ☟︎✌︎🏱︎🏱︎☜︎☠︎ ☟︎☜︎☼︎☜︎📪︎ ✌︎☠︎👎︎ 💧︎⚐︎ 💧︎⚐︎⚐︎☠︎ ✌︎☞︎❄︎☜︎☼︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ ☹︎✌︎💧︎❄︎📬︎

Gaster: *has not met anyone else who speaks Wingdings, at least not in a very, VERY long time, is baffled* *also this guy feels… a little familiar?*

Dukermin: *translates for Nalitie* Yes it’s a shame… So we wanted to introduce you to this guy, Gaster…

Mr. Face Man: Ah… how interesting. It is rare to see this man so untouched by The Void… 

Aubrey: *looking between the two of them, confused now* Art…? 

Gaster: What do you mean, “untouched by The Void”? Who are you?

Mr. Face Man: *ignoring Gaster, turning to Aubrey* Hello, child. I have not seen you for a long time. Or perhaps lack there-of. We both know that time means naught in The Void, and yet here we both are, finally in a plane of existence.

Aubrey: *can’t understand him*

Dukermin: *translates*

Aubrey: It is you…! Then who… *looking at Gaster now* I’ve never met anyone else who could speak the way you do. I suppose I thought that was something only you could do.

Mr. Face Man: It is in its own way, I suppose. No two voices are alike, after all.

Nalitie: *interrupting* Uh did she say your name was Art? I guess we never asked AFTER we gave you that whiteboard… 

Mr. Face Man: Ah, yes, how foolish of me for not re-introducing myself after we learned to communicate. S. G. Art, at your service. 

Dukermin: Hm. Well nice to formally meet you, Art. How do you recognize Gaster?

Art: Child, have you forgotten our first meeting? Where I was at that point in not-time, I was an Observer of worlds. Erscoga, yes, but all of the others as well. You would be surprised how often your friend comes up.

Gaster: I’m not their “friend.” What do you mean, you’re an Observer of worlds? What is this Void you all keep speaking of? *is not up to date and also was not answered earlier*

Art: I would say that you’ll know firsthand soon, but since you’re here and I’m not there to view your destiny, I suppose I can no longer say for certain… *giving him a critical appraisal* I must say, it is a very rare occurrence indeed that a version of you in this state would be spared time in The Void. Those cracks in your face, the state of your coat… I can tell you are not one to choose mercy. And I can see by those fractures lining your body that you’ve already gotten a taste of Our Friend, The Void Itself in one way or another… Oh, yes, it wasn’t too long before you were meant to be swallowed up. I suppose our dear Aubrey must have done you this kindness without even knowing, the dear… 

Gaster: *reflexively putting a hand on the back of his neck, which is littered with hairline fractures from a recent experiment that went Terribly Wrong* *squinting suspiciously at this person who knows far too much about him, just like that thing*

Dukermin: *has been frantically translating* Okay that was a lot… anyway. Uh yeah.

Aubrey: *frowning* *to Gaster* I don’t recall you coming through any of my portals, but… if Art says it, it must be true. *to Art* Certainly now that we’re out of The Void, you could take these powers away again? We don’t need them anymore, we’ve both escaped…!

(Art’s face doesn’t change, but you can feel a shift in the air, a tension.)

Art: Oh, my dear, how I would love to relieve you of this burden. But I cannot in this state, not by myself, anyway. When we were there, I could grant you that kindness due to the nature of The Void. But when we are here, I am subject to the same rules as any other Erscogan. … Hm, but perhaps, with the help of our illustrious queens, we could reach… a resolution.

Dukermin: For sure! That’s what we’re here for after all! What can we do to help??

Art: Do you recall your “A Very Belated Very Erscoga Christmas the Second”? There was a certain man, a doppelganger if you will, in one of the dimensions you travelled through. Although he himself is seemingly mundane, he has ties to the magical version of himself who lives in your house here in Erscoga. All you need to do is obtain his knowledge of the multiverse, of traversing the planes of reality and manipulating worlds within worlds… This will give you the power needed to remove this curse from our dear friend.

Dukermin: …Really? That’s it? Just go talk to Snape’s doppelganger?

Art: Oh yes, certainly less exciting than I’m sure you were hoping for. But the key to this dilemma resides in him. He may not realize it, though, and is likely to resist giving you the answer you seek. But I am sure with enough persuasion, you will find the proper information.

Dukermin: Like… is there a more specific thing we’re looking for from him? Like a password or… coordinates to a super secret wormhole that will take us to some fascinating land of behemoths?

Art: You will know it when you hear it. Perhaps it might be prudent to ask him of The Oracle. A hint may suffice—you may be able to get somewhere if you ask him what it means to “beware of the man who came from the other world.”[2]

(The ground rumbles. Aubrey looks frightened. Gaster mulls over Art’s clue with a weird look on his face, as if it sounds familiar to him.)

Art: Ah, but you must hurry. I fear time is not in Erscoga’s favor.

Dukermin: uUUgh fine.

Nalitie: I… guess it can’t hurt. *to Dukermin* Istest unis enpere Gaster itap unum?

Dukermin: Quas alst wuram quer faen?

Nalitie: *shrugs* Alrighty, then, I guess we’re… off to school. *muttering under her breath* I hope they don’t remember our faces… *to Gaster* And you’re coming with us, old man! 

(To be continued…)

~•*•~

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[1] Dialogue taken from @zarla-s's Ukagaster. (Handplates!Gaster and Sixbones also belong to her.)

[2] Dialogue taken from The River Person in Undertale.

[stargazer-tps]

More Erscoga Doodles

This time cleaned up digitally so that they’re legible! Featuring Mackinac!Frisk, who is just Frisk if they were a 100-year-old man who owns a creepy, decrepit antiques shop on Mackinac Island; the Pocket Magician (TM); Dukermin; Aubrey Foresman, who appears to have been opening all of the new portals in Erscoga; @zarla-s’s Handplates!Gaster, who does not want to be here; and “S. G. Art,” our friend that we retrieved from The Void in Document 10, formerly known only as “Mr. Face Man.” Lot of old men on this page.

Most of these scenes are from Document 20, with the exception of the “we want to make bread” thing, which is from Document 16 and was just an excuse to show off Art’s weird untethered blob hands.

[stargazer-tps]

Stargazer-TPS’s Take on Gaster

(Deltarune notwithstanding.)

Hey look, it’s a guy. Commonly accepted fanon-compliant? No. Canon compliant? Almost definitely not. He’s a guy who has been heavily modified to act within Erscoga and its rules of the multiverse (with people being Authors and Characters, which I STILL haven’t explained properly, and with the Multiversal Gumbo Trinity in mind).

Some Erscoga!Gaster Trivia and Design Notes:

He WAS just like… a normal monster at one point, a shadow being similar to the Pondecle on Dunkel, or Deemo from the game Deemo, or my version of The Narrator from The Stanley Parable.

As stated by the Gaster followers in-game, he was the Royal Scientist of the Underground and built the CORE, and got shattered across time and space. For the purposes of Erscoga, though, this period of his life was entirely unremarkable other than everyone singing praises to his brilliance.

Because his story specifically includes being erased/deleted/whatever, his being in The Void was inevitable. Usually Characters only end up there when they’ve been revised out of their stories (like on a literal meta level); Gaster was specifically written to be “deleted”—so even though he has this “past” he doesn’t really remember any of it, and that’s also why it’s so unremarkable. He’s a little paradoxical, and a bit like Rob from The Amazing World of Gumball in this way.

Because his first and only real memories are of being in The Void, he takes it upon himself to become the “Void Herald”—that is, he greets newly revised-out characters and provides them comfort and assurance that The Void isn’t all that bad once you get used to it (despite the fact that actually it does suck pretty bad). Most of these deleted characters either found some Storyline to be put back into, or were fully absorbed into The Void. (The Void as a place is highly corrupting/corrosive, and will wear down a deleted Character’s mind/body/soul gradually until they just become a part of it, like the world’s worst compost bin.)

In the Author/Character system, he is an Observer (despite being a “character” written by me) because he is unable to interact with/be a part of/manipulate Reality in any sort of meaningful way. Although the longer he stays in The Void, the more he is learning about how to bend it to suit him…

Despite being there for, like, All of Eternity, Gaster has yet to fully be “composted” by The Void. He has lost his physicality (see: the doodle that looks most like the Mystery Man sprite), his voice, and much of his compassion, but he is not fully gone. Truthfully, though, he and The Void can never be meaningfully separated, even when he was “alive” and “existing” in the Underground (or if he gets removed to a physical location like Erscoga), because of the narrative purpose he fulfills (i.e. being a Deleted Character is his main character trait). So really he never would be fully composted, he’d just exist as fragments scattered throughout The Void and perhaps as The Void Itself, which is more than could be said for other characters who get fully composted. Confusing.

At the beginning of his nonexistence, he was capable of speech; his voice being lost/corrupted is the reason he now speaks in Wingdings. He also has learned to talk through The Void Itself (using the bits of himself that have sloughed off and been scattered there) rather than through his actual body, because talking through his actual vocal cords hurts him.

Due to the nature of The Void and his own (non)existence, he is able to access the memories of every other version of the W. D. Gaster character. Occasionally, this leads him to be confused as to which one he actually is, what he actually wants, etc. At the beginning of his time there, he was able to filter out these other Gasters quite easily, but it has become harder and harder as time has gone on (ESPECIALLY with those other versions of himself also losing parts of themselves to The Void…). He is still separate from these other versions of himself, though—think Everything Everywhere All at Once.

Moving on to his design: his “face” is just a white mask that he wears so that he actually has a perceivable face. He thinks that it makes him less unsettling than if he just showed up with a black oval for a face. He also wears white formal gloves for fun and for flavor. (Also, he’s a huge drama/theater nerd. He might be going the way of The Phantom of the Opera.) Both of these become fused to his body after he loses enough of his physicality.

His “clothes” (other than the mask and gloves) may or may not just be a part of his body that he can re-shape at will.

[stargazer-tps]

Erscoga Doodles - Highlights from Document 21

Featuring Nalitie as “Tahlia,” Dukermin as “Dahlia,” and Handplates!Gaster (again) as “Gerard.” Also Mr. Nicholas Napce, who provided us with the SECRET!!!! to saving the multiverse! (Probably…)

Handplates!Gaster, as always, belongs to @zarla-s.

[erscogadatabase]

21 - The Search for Secrets of the Multiverse

Date: 3-17-2024 IDST, 8-20-2018 EST

(It’s another rainy day in the sleepy town of Woodwin, Minnesconsin. It’s 7:45 in the morning, and students are filtering into the town’s high school. Teachers stand in the hall, drinking their coffee with various states of alertness, greeting students as they walk by. A man in gray business-casual clothing sits at his desk, organizing the last of his papers for the morning before his first class comes in, sipping at a tepid mug of black coffee.)

(Nalitie, Dukermin, and Dr. Gaster have lunchbox portalled their way onto the roof of the school—thankfully out of view of the windows this time—after a not-insignificant amount of sifting through Green Circle Labs’s Interdimensional Database.)

Gaster: *savoring the rain*

Nalitie: *squinting, looking around, trying not to get water in her eyes* This… is probably it, right?

Dukermin: Yeah, I’d know this roof from anywhere. Lets rappel into the windows!

Nalitie: We gotta make sure we don’t start another lockdown this time tho… Plus they’ve probably fixed your bomb hole by now, right?

Gaster: *dutifully ignoring them, though concerned about the whole “bomb hole” idea*

Dukermin: We can always make another. Or I guess we could go through the door but where’s the drama in that?

Nalitie: The drama could lie in our… *puts on a pair of sunglasses, even though it’s literally overcast and raining* intense interrogation. 

Dukermin: *puts on a pair of those glasses that have fake eyeballs in them and then strings a piece of her hair across her nose to make a mustache* *draws a smiley face on a paper bag and puts it on gaster’s head*

Nalitie: *sticks googly eyes to the smiley face*

Gaster: *sighs*

(The paper bag is getting soaked because of the rain. He looks like someone’s incredibly soggy lunch.)

Nalitie: That’s perfect, let’s go! *grabs his hand because he’s effectively blind now* *jumps off the roof, using her now freely-accessibly magical powers to Not Die* 

Gaster: !!!

Dukermin: *rappels*

(You join the throng of students entering the building. A teacher greets you at the door. He is wearing a badge with the name “Dwayne Nuitsean.”)

Mr. Nuitsean: Good morning! Interesting hat day today? 

Dukermin: *with lips pursed to keep the hair mustache in place* Everyday is interesting hat day when you’re a cool kid like we are *finger guns*

Mr. Nuitsean: *nods* Just make sure you take it off before going to class. 

Nalitie: We will do that yes. *walking faster, Gaster in tow*

Gaster: *to Nalitie, who literally cannot understand him because Dukermin has the universal translator* What was that about hats? *can’t hear very well because his head is inside of a bag*

Nalitie: Don’t worry, we know where we’re going, this is the school we went to. Sort of. *just guessing at what he said*

Dukermin: *to Gaster* It’s cool hat day. Don’t blow our cover.

Nalitie: Also maybe don’t talk, only Dukermin can understand what you’re saying… To me and everyone else it sounds like garbled electronic sounds and I feel like that might get us in trouble. Teachers are gonna think it’s our phones!

Gaster: *grumbling about it anyway*

Dukermin: *double checks that phone is on silent but its been broken and dead since document 19*

Nalitie: *checking phone* *has like 123 missed calls and her voicemail is full* Oh that’s new… *also putting her phone on silent* *to Gaster* You should silence your phone, too. 

Gaster: I have a bag over my head. How do you expect me to do that? 

Dukermin: *reaches into his pockets* *pulls out a drill* Uh *puts it back* *checks other pocket* *pulls out a square ruler* Why *pulls out a blue flip phone at long last* *turns it off*

Gaster: *trying to swat her hands away, but only has one that’s not being held and also can’t see* That’s very rude, human!

Dukermin: *high fives Gaster*

Nalitie: Do we even want to know why you have a drill in your pocket? 

Gaster: … *wrenches his hand out of Nalitie’s and starts walking away* *runs into a wall*

Students: *pointing and snickering*

Dukermin: *pointing and snickering as well*

Nalitie: *goes and retrieves him* Ok anyway, we need to go to class before the bell rings!!! *trying to find a staircase*

Dukermin: *runs to The Stairwell™*

(You head up a big staircase. At the top landing, a group of students is sitting using their computers and chatting with each other. Closest to the door is someone who looks a lot like Nalitie, sitting next to someone who looks suspiciously like Sam. A Dukermin lookalike is typing away in an interactive fiction making program. A teen in all black wearing a geometric hoodie is tucked into the corner. Next to her is a girl in a bohemian skirt wearing a ripped band t-shirt and duct taped shoes. A tall boy stands in the doorframe next to the Nalitie lookalike.) 

(As you come up to the landing, you are startled by another teen in a short sleeved magenta hoodie. Gaster almost falls back down the stairs, taking Nalitie with him.)

Dukermin: *narrows her eyes because this all seems very familiar for some reason* … Hello fellow teens…

Nalitie: How do you do… *walking quickly, avoiding eye contact with her doppelganger* *surreptitiously hiding her face with her hair*

Nalitie Lookalike: *confused by the very tall person in a lab coat wearing a soggy paper bag over their head, who appears to have no blood because their hands are very pale and might also have giant holes in them???*

Dukermi: *does the “im watching you” gesture at the Dukermin doppelganger and walks away*

Dukermin Doppelganger: *did not notice or care*

Nalitie: *already halfway down the hall, near the school’s library* *turning around* Dukermin, do you remember where Mr. Napce’s room was?

Dukermin: uhhhh no I have no directional awareness its like my thing. Its why the teleportation magic is like a necessity for me.

Gaster: *didn’t realize Nalitie stopped, trips over her a little* *the paper bag on his head is looking pretty droopy*

Nalitie: Then we will continue walking down these halls until we find it I guess, I’m not asking for directions. *continues, turns down a brown-tiled hallway* *reading the name plates on all of the doors* Mr. Crinkle, Ms. Fleece, Mr. Silentium… Oh, here! *pointing at a classroom*

Dukermin: *heads on in* Hello Teacher, we’re ready for another exciting day of… mmmmath..?

Mr. Napce: *looks up from his papers, eyebrow raised* You’re not in my first period class. Who are you?

Dukermin: uhhh *unpurses lips and mustache falls away* My cover is blown!

Nalitie: We’re new students! We were homeschooled for a really long time but our mom said we’re weird and should be socialized or something. IDK she seemed really upset at us because we were burying… *looks up at Gaster, then back at Mr. Napce* … Gerard in the backyard. 

Mr. Napce: …. 

Dukermin: Yes! We’re unsocialized like feral cats! But we’re eager to learn *sits on top of a desk*

Mr. Napce: I… see… *pulling up his roster* What did you say your names were again?

Nalitie: *is forcing Gaster to sit in a desk chair* I’m Tahlia! 

Dukermin: My mom didn’t give me a name.

Nalitie: Our mom, and she named you Dahlia, you just don’t like it. *points at Gaster, who is refusing to sit* And this is Gerard! He’s really shy about his face so he’s wearing his Interesting Hat to school today. Mom says that it makes it easier to look at him. 

Dukermin: She is a cruel woman.

Nalitie: But she gave us two pancakes this morning! 

Dukermin: Usually we get none! Please teach us, teacher! We’re so pitiful!

Mr. Napce: *looking back and forth between them and his Advanced Human Anatomy and Medical Terminology roster* I can’t seem to find you on my roster… Are you sure you’re not in my 4th hour class?

Dukermin: Oh we may be. We’ll just wait then.

Mr. Napce: *pulling up his 4th hour Remedial Science roster*

Dukermin: Hey teach, mind if I read you a line from my favorite poem?? 

Mr. Napce: *does mind quite a lot, actually, but has been warned that he needs to put more effort into creating a welcoming classroom environment* … go on.

Dukermin: “beware of the man who came from the other world.” … *stares intently through eyeball glasses so it has no effect*

Mr. Napce: … That’s… nice. *goes back to trying to find them in the school’s system to figure out where they’re supposed to be*

Dukermin: *rolls an insight check* *got an 11* HMM *to Nalitie* He’s acting suspiciously…

Nalitie: Hmm… *louder* Mr. Napce, do you know anything about The Oracle? I’m REALLY interested and I don’t have class with… uh… I don’t have history until 8th period!

Mr. Napce: ??? “The Oracle”? You mean from Greek mythology? You’re going to have to ask Mr. Borax about that. He teaches all of our history classes.

Dukermin: A little more distant than Greece. I’m sure you know something, Mr, Napce, you just gotta dig deep into your subconscious whooowhoo. *swinging a pencil like a pendulum*

(The bell signalling the five minute warning before first period rings. Students start to shuffle into the classroom.)

Mr. Napce: *bats the pencil out of the way* What was your last name? I’m having trouble finding you in Earthward. 

Dukermin: What’s it to ya.

Mr. Napce: *takes a deep breath, doesn’t want to get in trouble for yelling at students* I am trying to look up your class schedule, since you clearly don’t know where you’re supposed to be. 

Dukermin: What are you a cop? I know exactly where i’m supposed to be *standing on top of the desk now* RIGHT HERE!

Mr. Napce: Miss… Dahlia, was it? If you do not get down off of that desk and help me find your proper schedule this instant, I will have no choice but to send you to the principal’s office on your first day of school. I don’t suppose your mother would be very pleased, would she?

Dukermin: What I need is not a schedule, I need ANSWERS! TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THE ORACLE!

Dukermin Doppelganger: *has made her way into the classroom* DID SOMEONE ASK ABOUT THE ORACLE?? LIKE THE ORACLE AT DELPHI? AT LONG LAST MY GREEK HYPERFIXATION IS USEFUL SO BASICALLY DELPHI WAS KNOWN FOR ITS ORACLE AKA PYTHIA (ORIGINALLY PYTHO WHICH WAS THR ORIINGAL NAMME OF G…

Nalitie: *shining a flashlight at Mr. Napce while Dukermin Doppelganger rambles about Greek mythology*

Gaster: *has finally sat down in a desk, awkwardly scrunched up because he’s really tall* *the paper bag has disintegrated on the top a little, and if you were looking you would see his skull poking through* *one of the googly eyes has fallen off*

Dukermin: *has jumped off the table and is now by the pencil sharpener brandishing a metal ruler* Tell us what you know of the multiverse or the pencil sharpener gets it!!

Mr. Napce: *standing up, scowling* Alright, Miss Dahlia, Miss Tahlia, you two are going to the principal’s office until you have learned to behave yourselves. 

Gaster: *under his breath* I like this guy… 

Mr. Napce: *turning to look at “Gerard”* And I will remind my class that their phones should be silenced in my classroom, lest they want them to be taken away. *has run out of patience, goes to escort Nalitie and Dukermin to the principal’s office*

Dukermin: You can’t govern us! We will find the answer and save the multiverse whether you’re willing to comply or not! Students rise up against this TYRANT! He can’t silence you anymore than he can silence your phones! 

Students: *uncomfortable silence*

Mr. Napce: *fed up, grabs their hands and starts walking down the hallway with Nalitie and Dukermin in tow*

Dukermin: *laying on the ground kicking while being dragged away* FIGHT THE SYSTEM

Nalitie: *has to walk fast to keep up* We just need to know The Thing You Know!!! That’s all!!!!

(As you approach the staircase at the end of the hall, you hear screaming. The students in Mr. Napce’s class run out into the hallway pointing and screaming. Gaster stumbles out behind them, the paper bag having finally dissolved off of his face because it was wet.)

Mr. Napce: What on Earth??? 

Nalitie: *takes the opportunity to tackle him with all of her 93 pounds* Tell us what you knooooowwww!

Dukermin: That’s right the skeleton is with us and if you don’t tell us what we need to know he’s gonna… rip off your skin so he can wear it like a coat! he’s a chilly guy!!

Nalitie: He’s the Ghost of John[1] and he’s gonna get you if you don’t TELL US!!!

Mr. Napce: … *squinting suspiciously at them* You’re not students, are you?

Dukermin: No. We’re your worst nightmare. *still laying on the ground*

Mr. Napce: I’ll never tell you anything. The secrets of Delphi will die with me. 

Gaster: *down the hall, still wiping paper bag remnants off of his face* *cleaning his glasses*

Students: *have fled the scene* 

Teachers in other classrooms: *ignoring, probably assuming there’s some Intense Review Game going on…*

Dukermin: Then you’ve made your choice *to Nalitie* Activate Operation Elephant Comet Swamp Delta 4-0-1 Version Grey Goose *grabs his wallet out of pocket and books it back towards the library*

Nalitie: *gets pushed off of Mr. Napce as he gets up and sprints after Dukermin* *runs back to the classroom, which is now empty* *thumbs up at Gaster* Thanks for distracting all the students! *flings herself into Mr. Napce’s empty chair and starts digging through his computer*

Gaster: *follows her back into the classroom; poor Gerard has done nothing and is still getting into trouble* *irritated by this whole endeavor* What are you doing now?

Nalitie: *can’t understand him* Hmmm… If you were hiding a secret where would you put it? *digging through file explorer, looking for anything related to The Oracle or Delphi or anything suspicious* *currently in a folder of students’ graded assignments*

(Meanwhile…) 

Mr. Napce: *digging in his pockets for his phone, going to call maybe the principal, or maybe the other people working for Delphi*

Dukermin: *has very inelegantly spider climbed up to the attic entrance ledge opposite the library* *thumbing through his wallet* *pulls out a picture of a family* Ohhh are these your kids? Would be a shame if something happened… to this picture of them *puts the picture in her mouth*

Mr. Napce: *overshot her, turns around just in time to hear “would be a shame”* You’ll never learn our secrets if I have anything to say about it! *trying to figure out how to get up there*

(Meanwhile…) 

Nalitie: *has found a folder simply labelled ���Delphi” on Mr. Napce’s computer* Aha! *digging around in her pockets for a flash drive* *can’t find one, starts digging through Mr. Napce’s desk drawers* *to Gaster* I don’t suppose you have a flash drive in your pockets with your drill and your ruler? 

Gaster: *gives her a deadpan look*

(Meanwhille…) 

Mr. Napce: *leaping up, trying to grab ahold of the ledge* Even if you do find our secrets, you’ll never be able to use them! 

Dukermin: Don’t underestimate our power!! *flicks a penny at his head*

Mr. Napce: *got hit in the eye, lets go* Ow! You little—

(Meanwhile…) 

Nalitie: *has finally located a flash drive* *drags the entire folder onto it, then shoves the drive into her pocket* We got it! *grabs Gaster by the hand and starts sprinting down the hall towards Dukermin*

Dukermin: *making paper planes out of dollar bills* *sees Nalitie* You got it??

Nalitie: Yeah! Let’s go! *running past, booking it down the stairs, dragging Gaster behind her*

Gaster: *tripping on pretty much every step*

Dukermin: *throws the wallet down the hall and jumps down to follow them*

Mr. Napce: *ignores the wallet for now, runs after them*

Dukermin: *catches up with them and throws a portal to some random room in the elementary school* go go go!

Nalitie and Gaster: *trip into the portal* 

Dukermin: *dives through and closes it behind her*

Mr. Napce: *screams in frustration*

Other HS teachers and students: *looking into the halls* ???

(You have arrived in a small classroom. There’s a table with four chairs at it, and a desk in the corner. The walls are covered with cheerful phonics posters and reminders to have safe bodies. It looks like the teacher is out right now. The plate on her desk reads “Mrs. Tessara Chapman.”)

Dukermin: Okay we should be good now. We should see if we can find a student computer to look through the files.

Nalitie: Do we have another disguise for Gaster? I don’t want to freak out the elementary kids… 

Dukermin: Uhh… *finds some construction paper and starts folding it and gluing it until it looks vaguely like a crumpled head. Draws a smiley face on it*

Nalitie: *puts it over Gaster’s face* *sticks another pair of googly eyes on him*

Dukermin: Hmm it still needs something… *notices the glitter* *puts elber’s glue™  on the top and pours glitter over the top* Yes.

Nalitie: Perfect! *grabs his hand and starts walking* Let’s go! *is getting covered in glitter from stuff falling off of Gaster’s head*

(Eventually, you find the computer lab. A class of 3rd graders stares at you as you enter the room.)

Teacher: Hello…? 

Dukermin: Hello, class! *has made a moustache out of construction paper and taped it on* We’re… with cybersecurity. We need to check  the… security of your …. softdrive.

Nalitie: And it can’t wait. Very important, time-sensitive work we’re doing. *heads to an empty computer, turns it on* 

Gaster: *standing awkwardly next to a third grader*

Kid: Why are you wearing paper?

Dukermin: This is our intern. Interns aren’t allowed to show their faces until they’ve proved themselves in this business.

Nalitie: They’re not allowed to talk, either. *jabs Gaster with her elbow so he knows she’s talking about him* *plugs the flash drive into the computer and opens up file explorer*

Kid: *peering over, distracted from their typing work* What are you doing? 

Dukermin: We’re… tapping into the … scrumfile to access the database of… cyberstakes.

Nalitie: You’ll understand when you’re older. 

(The “Delphi” file is filled with restaurant menus, floor plans, and a folder labelled “trade secrets.” It looks like Delphi is Nicholas Napce’s family’s restaurant.)

Dukermin: So… the secrets of the universe lie in… pita breads and avgolemono soup?

Nalitie: *clicking into the “trade secrets” folder* I guess??? Maybe it’s code for something??? *elbows Gaster, then points at the screen as if he can see through the paper taped to his face* You’re good at puzzles, what do you think this means? 

Gaster: *rolls his eyes underneath the construction paper* I have a piece of paper taped to my face. 

Nalitie: *did not understand* Yeah, I don’t get it either…

Dukermin: Excuse me, interns are to remain silent.

(“Trade Secrets” is a folder full of recipes. There’s recipes for avgolemono, kreatosoupa, gyros… and one Word file named “SECRET!!!!”)

Dukermin: *points excitedly at SECRET!!!!*

Nalitie: *opens up “SECRET!!!!”*

(It’s a recipe for cabbage soup. Bad-sounding cabbage soup, at that, since it’s literally just water and cabbage.) 

Dukermin: Welp! There it is! The secret of the multiverse! We did it!

Nalitie: *memorizing the recipe, which is 4 cups of water and a head of cabbage, uncut, simmered for 24 hours* Perfect, let’s bring this back to Art. I don’t know how this will help him remove Aubrey’s powers but I’m sure he’ll be able to figure it out!

Kid: *pointing at the picture of the soup-in-progress in the recipe* What’s that?

Nalitie: The key to understanding infinity!

Dukermin: Forget everything you saw here today, kid. *backs out of the classroom*

Nalitie: *follows her*

Gaster: *still standing there, unaware that they left because his face is covered in paper* 

Kid: *pokes him* Are you a statue?

Nalitie: *pokes her head back in* You too, Gaster! Come on! *goes back in and drags him out of the computer lab*

Dukermin: Alright, squad, are we ready to save all of the universe and beyond?

Nalitie: Heck yeah, let’s go back to Pluto!

Gaster: *taking the construction paper off of his face*

Dukermin: *opens up a portal* *jumps in*

Nalitie: *pushes Gaster through, then jumps in after him*

(You arrive on Pluto. Pluto is… looking a lot worse than when you left, actually. A large portion of the main glacier—the one with The Rock, Alphys’s lab, and Toriel’s house on it—has broken off and is floating away in the ocean. There are even bigger holes scattered throughout all of Monster Town. Portals are open in the sky above you, into dimensions that you don’t even recognize. The citizens of Pluto are running around in a panic, trying to figure out how to get the people on the escaping portion of the glacier back. Aubrey Foresman is curled into a ball at Art’s feet, panicking as chaos reigns.)

Dukermin: Ahhhhhahaha this is… Worse than I expected it to be…

(A laser-shooting unicorn flies through the air above you. You can hear a jarring mix of voices singing: some in a heavy metal style, some operatically, and at least one sounds alarmingly like Lydia, who is supposed to be on Riewa.)

Nalitie: Yeesh… Guess we better get this recipe to Art as quickly as possible. 

Dukermin: Yeah its a good thing we found the dimension saving secret that will return all this to happy normal times! *to Art*

(S. G. Art is standing in the middle of the chaos, one disembodied hand rubbing soothing circles on Aubrey’s back. He regards you with the same uninterpretable smile as always as you approach. When he speaks, his voice sounds… different, as if it’s echoing in the air around you rather than coming from his mouth.)

* Ah… hello, children. I see you have returned. Did you find the information that will at last soothe our dear Aubrey’s SOUL? 

Dukermin: Oh hey, do you have a cold or something? Sound a little … odd. Your dialogue is a little broken.

* Oh, there is no need to worry about me. It is simply less painful for me to speak in this way rather than through my poor, distorted vocal cords. 

Gaster: *has been assuming Art was a skeleton like him* Do you… have vocal cords, then? *is confused because as far as he knows only skeletons can speak Wingdings*

* Ah ha ha… I am afraid there is little left to them now. But come now, this is not the conversation we need to be having, not while our poor Aubrey is in such pain.

Nalitie: *has not understood a word of this conversation except Dukermin mentioning Art has broken the dialogue*

Dukermin: Er right let’s get back on track *to Nalitie* it doesn’t matter. Um Aubrey, hope you like cabbages!

(Aubrey doesn’t seem to register what you just said. The hand that was on her back has disappeared, and she seems all the more miserable for the lack of comfort. There’s a cracking noise behind you, but it blends into the general cacophony surrounding you at the moment. Another portal opens in the sky in front of you with a clap of thunder.) 

Dukermin: Ahh Nalitie, give Art the recipe.

Nalitie: Oh, right. Ok, so Mr. Napce’s secret: to make Secret Cabbage Soup, you need to add 4 cups of water and a whole, uncut head of cabbage to a pot, then simmer that for 24 hours. And you need to watch it carefully but DON’T STIR IT! 

Gaster: *rolls his eyes, starts looking around* *notices a hole in the ice behind them* *stares into the rainbow colors it contains with concern because they look… familiar*

* Ah, very good. Yes, this is precisely the information we need to save our dear friend. I am certain her salvation is at hand. There’s just one thing left for us to do. 

(As he speaks, Art’s disembodied hands float themselves just in front of Nalitie and Dukermin’s chests, appearing out of thin air.)

* Goodbye, my dear queens. 

(The hands shove you in the chest, hard. You tumble backwards into the open portal behind you and it closes immediately. Above you, you see three figures on a catwalk, and you think you hear Alphys’s voice, but you scarcely have time to register any of it before you plunge into the blindingly hot, multicolored lava of the Underground’s CORE.)

(In Erscoga, Gaster stares in shock at the melted hole in the ice you just disappeared into, then gapes at Art. Art smiles back at him va♍︎₳☠t̴̨̠̝͚͓͓̭̅͊̔l̶̨̛̳̟#͚̒̊̕y̸͔̗̓̌̃̎͆͐.̵͓̝̠̳̰̗̗͒̈́͗͛̚͜)̶̜̊̈́̈̌

~•*•~

(Previous)

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(Table of Contents)

[1] See "The Ghost of John."

Featuring @zarla-s's Handplates!Gaster again.

[erscogadatabase]

19: The Search for a Universal Translator

Date: 1-1-2024 IDST, 6-10-2018 EST

Dukermin: *attempting to train Shadow Dog how to heel*

Shadow dog: *runs away through the invisible fence*

Snape: *smirks through window*

Nalitie: *in the front yard, inspecting the warehouse trying to find the door* *knocking on walls* *is a little sleep deprived*

Dukermin: *runs through the backyard chasing the dog* *sees Nalitie* Hey… what are you doing in my backyard..?

Nalitie: Oh… this is the backyard? *spinning in slow circles*

Dukermin: Yep, no doors back here. Hey I learned this new trick, Nalitie, heel! *leads Nalitie to the front of the house*

Nalitie: *following, a little confused*

Dukermin: *goes inside* So whats up?

Nalitie: Ummmm y’know, the usual, taking care of four kids, doing lots of paperwork, *mutters something incomprehensible under her breath*

Dukermin: Ah sure sure, you should drop the kids off here for a day… or.. Two. Snape can babysit! *Smiles sweetly at Snape*

Snape: I’m not a babysitter. I teach young adults, and even that was against my will.

Dukermin: Well, if the kids show up… You know… someone will have to take care of them, most likely somBODy who lives in this warehouse rent-free…

Snape: hmph.

Nalitie: Christine and William are watching the kids right now. Steven’s been at GCL for the past 3 days straight working through housing everyone and figuring out where they came from…

Dukermin: Wait, who is William??

Nalitie: … uh, William? My husband? You’ve met, right? Like a while ago?

Dukermin: …Willy Wonka? I thought that was just his name like Mary Sue or something… Willy Wonka…

Nalitie: … *seems a little anxious* no, his full name is definitely William and he would tell you as much if you asked…

Dukermin: Did… did he tell you this? William seems wrong… like there are other options, Wilbur - i could see him as a wilbur - willard… willbert… idk.

Nalitie: Uh anyway… I came over here because I need to do something other than the uh… research I’ve been doing recently.

Dukermin: Do you want to train my dog?

Shadow Dog: *is now inside the house nipping at Snape’s robe*

Snape: *has his wand out, one more bite away from snapping* Would you please take this infernal creature somewhere else?

Dukermin: Shadow Dog, no! Go to your kennel!

Shadow Dog: *disappears into an interdimensional kennel space*

Nalitie: Maybe after he’s had some time to wind down… I have been doing a lot of research into the worlds outside of Erscoga trying to find where everyone’s from. It looks like it’s mostly things we know. I’ve also been learning a LOT about like… things kind of suck out in the multiverse.

Dukermin: Yeesh… that’s too bad. Do you know like… why it sucks?

Nalitie: ‘Cause Authors are interested in portraying the real-world inequalities and tragedies they see in their own lives through fictional worlds in the name of realism. Also a lot of Storylines revolve around war??? And much worse ones than the one we had.

Dukermin: Man.. We really do live in a society… or I guess … multiple. Societies. Hye you know what happens in societies sometimes? People randomly go missing! Hey guess what! The princess of Lux is missinG!

Snape: Smooth.

Dukermin: Yeah I was just y’know… randomly thinking about how way back in document three we started a story point and totally forgot about it til recently… so…

Nalitie: … Yeah ok, beats holing up in my basemennnnnt uh I mean doing paperwork.

Dukermin: yeah basement paperwork blows. We should go solve a missing persons case.

(AND SO they went to Lux! Storyline go!)

Dukermin: *dons three pairs of sunglasses*

(You have arrived in a sea of doors of all shapes and sizes: revolving doors, sliding glass doors, fancy double doors, simple wooden doors… as far as the eye can see.)

Dukermin: *admiring the doorknobs* I love a good rubbed bronze doorknob.

Nalitie: *lost somewhere in the sliding door section*

Dukermin: Hey are we in the mother Menards?

Nalitie: Oh, this is a Menards? No wonder there are so many doors… *looking at a very secure-looking door and lock set* I wonder if William would like this for our bunker…

Dukermin: I feel like you’re just doubling down on his name for the heck of it but probably. He seems like a chrome guy.

Nalitie: *yelling* is the princess of Lux somewhere in this Menards? Can she come to the checkout counter please???

Shoppers: *ignore*

Dukermin: We might need to get the employees call on the phone thing like when you lose a child. *heads to checkout*

Nalitie: Oh. *follows her*

Cashier: Did you find everything okay?

Dukermin: No actually.

Nalitie: *doesn’t have any items*

Dukermin: We’re looking for the Princess of Lux. Could you check in the back?

Cashier: *is a confused human who has not left the Menards since it was born* *knows nothing of the outside world, or how to handle this situation* Do you have the SKU for that item?

Dukermin: *looks at Nalitie*

Nalitie: Uh. 2. Wait, no, 7?

Dukermin: Oh wait we forgot to bring the rebate receipts!!

Nalitie: *checking her pockets* I don’t think I have my wallet anyway. I think I left it at home. Maybe I could call William?

Dukermin: Ugh no its fine, lets just come back next time we’re in town.

Nalitie: I don’t like leaving without buying anything…

Dukermin: Right thats awkward *buys a soda or whatever*

Cashier: That will be 5 Slices, please. Oh, wait, 6 Slices with tax.

Dukermin: *hands over six crumpled slices. One of them is scotch-taped together*

Cashier: *shoves the Bread in the register* *inspecting the taped slice to make sure it’s not counterfeit* *puts it in the register, prints their receipt*

Dukermin: Alrighty *leaving the store* So… where should we start to find this princess?

Nalitie: *looking around the Wild Lands as if she’s never seen them before* Um… I guess walk in a direction until we reach civilization?

Dukermin: Do we know what she’s the princess of?

Nalitie: Uh… what was the name of that first kingdom we went to? It would be that. With Anora.

Dukermin: *consults pocket diary* Okay lets see… document 3… dear diary… today we adventured to Lux, we wanted to go to one places and then we went to the wrong place and then they brought us to Licvitis… That’s probably it then! Licvitis. If my internal compass is correct, that should be south!

(And so they headed south… into Gaval.)

Guard: *patrolling the border*

Dukermin: And here we are!! The lovely land of Licvitis!! Looks just how I remember. And here’s a friendly Licvitis guard, hello there, you look familiar!

Aalok: Ah, you are the strange Menardsians who got lost here before. This is Gaval. I will show you to the Licvitis border again.

Dukermin: Man I hate when the map rearranges on me…

(And so they were escorted to Licvitis… finally.)

(actual) Licvitis guard: *patrolling the streets near the capital*

Dukermin: Excuse me! We are on a missing persons case… perhaps you’ve heard of the victim: The Princess !

Licvitis guard: The Princess Adrienne is safe in the palace. I saw her this morning. *has a weird tone, a little short with them*

Dukermin: *to Nalitie* Wow we’re really good at this.

Nalitie: Is that the princess we’re looking for? *seems like she remembers none of this*

Dukermin: Uhhh I don’t know, we could go check.

Nalitie: *shrugs* ok.

(As you walk through town, you pass a big statue, which is wreathed in flowers and fairy lights. Looks like a memorial of some sort.)

Dukermin: *searching for some sort of inscription*

(The statue is of a Lumoae in a long, flowing gown. Her eyes are closed, and she has long hair—nearly all of the way down her back. A wreath of flowers has been placed on her head, seemingly recently. A plate on the bottom of the statue, nearly obscured by flowers, reads as follows: “Twshyy Sage. Snomrnn soi ibg tetttfogu.”)

Dukermin: *sounding the words out but obviously that won’t help* *grabs a passerby* Hey can you translate? *points to inscription*

Guy: N ibg paasu yao aeegklng, Menardsian.

Dukermin: Man don’t other realities have like super good translation devices? How do we not have that yet?

Nalitie: *has some dictionaries in the works* Language is hard, man. Uh… let’s see, what are some realities that have a lot of languages? Like a lot of works of fiction don’t have their own languages uhhhhh *head is filled with disco funk and she cannot think*

Dukermin: Like Star Wars…

Nalitie: Oh yeah! We could go there! Actually, there was a world in that universe I was researching the other night anyway, we could start there? Messing with them is unlikely to result in a universal collapse, I think, their planet collapses anyway.

Dukermin: yeah the princess has been missing this long, she can wait a little longer!

(And so they went to the Star Wars universe… in space. It is very cold and you are suffocating.)

Dukermin: *Encases the two of them in a cosmic bubble* So uhh… *gestures to All of Space* where are we trying to go?

Nalitie: *looking up a map, hoping she has enough Interdimensional Cell Service out here…* Uhhh nope, no bars. I’m looking for Mandalore? *yelling into space* can someone point the way?????

(You see nothing but the twinkling stars. Oh, and a ship, getting steadily closer. As it passes you, you see the pilot gawking at you.)

Dukermin: *waving arms and rolling the cosmic bubble like a hamster ball after the ship* Hey stop!

(The ship does look like it’s turning around. You see a hatch open in the side.)

Dukermin: I sure hope they’re friendly! * rolls the bubble in*

Spaceship crew member: *greets them as they enter* Um. Hello. Everything alright?

Dukermin: Peachy! We are actually interdimensional travelers on the hunt for Mandalore. Are you headed that way at all?

Crew: Well, you’re on the right side of the galaxy, I guess. We’re on our way to Coruscant, so that’s pretty out of our way, but you can ask the captain, I guess. Oh, I’m Jillson.

Dukermin: Nice to meet you, I’m Dukermin.

Nalitie: I’m Nalitie. Where is your captain?

Jillson: Captain Nyst is up in the cockpit, come with me. *leads the way*

Captain Nyst: *still gawking at Nalitie and Dukermin as they walk in*

Dukermin: hey you’re that guy. Anyway. We hear you’re going to Coruscant. We’re wondering if we could just get dropped off at Mandalore.

Captain Nyst: Ah… *finally shakes off his surprise* Well. Usually I would say I’m on a tight schedule, but I suppose for a couple of er… survivors? If you’ve got the fortitude to be out in space unprotected like that, I guess Mandalore is probably a good place for you.

Dukermin: Yeah we are.. Fortuitous. Yes that would be incredibly helpful, thank you.

Captain Nyst: *nods head, sets course for Mandalore* I’m gonna jump into hyperspace, you might wanna buckle up. Then again, you were just out in space, so maybe that doesn’t matter to you.

Dukermin: Yeah who cares about vehicle safety. *buckles anyway*

Nalitie: I’ve got kids at home, I can’t risk flying through the windshield if you crash. *also buckles in*

Jillson: Hm. *also sits and buckles in*

(And so Captain Nyst, Jillson, Nalitie, and Dukermin arrived at the docks outside of Sundari, Mandalore’s domed capital city. A guard walks up to the ship as Captain Nyst opens the ramp for you.)

Dukermin: *greets the guard*

Guard: Do you have a landing permit?

Dukermin: *hands the guard a slice of bread and winks*

Guard: …?

Nalitie: It’s ok, he’s not actually landing here. *waves goodbye to Captain Nyst as he flies off* *starts walking off into the city*

Guard: ???! *following them* Excuse me, but I need your identification.

Dukermin: *hands over American passport*

Nalitie: *fishing around for her old Ask Erik! ID* *pulls out another slice of (breadless) bread instead* May I offer you a few slices instead? I seem to have forgotten my papers on the ship…

Guard: *confusedly looking through the passport, unable to read any of what it contains*

Dukermin: Ignore that the name on there is not my actual name. We’re like… diplomats!

Nalitie: Oh, yeah! We’re queens from uh… really far away, and we’re here to speak with your duchess about a trade agreement. I’m Nalitie, and this is Dukermin. Can we go in now?

Dukermin: *thumbs up*

Guard: *calling for backup, so they can be arrested*

Dukermin: I dont think were going to be let in…

Nalitie: Should we run?

Dukermin: Yes but where?

Nalitie: Probably the palace.

Dukermin: *starts climbing the walls of the bio-dome*

Nalitie: I don’t think it’s open on the top???

Dukermin: *slides down*

Nalitie: I say we just run. If we can explain ourselves to her before the guards catch us, maybe it’ll be good.

Dukermin: So true. *books it inside*

Nalitie: *running after her* *trying to navigate* *yelling* We’re looking for the palace! It has big windows!

(Literally every building is made out of glass.)

Dukermin: *searching for an exceptionally large glass building* *or a map*

Guards: *chasing*

Nalitie: Maybe look for a building with lots of guards outside of it?

Dukermin: *tosses a lunchbox on top of a lower building and teleports to the roof to get away*

Nalitie: *trying to follow her*

(Eventually, you end up in a little hallway off the side of a building, leading down towards a door… Two impresssive looking guards in different armor than the rest stand at the door.)

Dukermin: Think fast! *tosses a lunchbox at one of them*

Guard: *catches it*

Dukermin: *teleports into it and knocks them over*

(The door opens, and an angry-looking woman stands in the entryway.)

Woman: What is going on here? *notices her guards sprawled on the floor, plus Dukermin the human projectile* *sees Nalitie, who is standing in the corner awkwardly and out of breath* *is not sure if she should be concerned for her life*

Dukermin: *scrambling to keep the guards pinned* Hello we are Diplomats

Guards: *struggling* My lady, run!

Nalitie: NO wait don’t do that! We are in fact diplomats I think!

Dukermin: Yes we’re here to work out a trade deal!

Nalitie: We have lots of food and we are not part of the Clone Wars at ALL!

Woman: *considering, looking back and forth between them* If you’re here diplomatically, then why are you sprawled on top of my guards and trying to break into my private quarters?

Dukermin: I always aim to do the funniest thing. Not always the best thing.

Nalitie: We uh don’t have valid identification so they wouldn’t let us in… but we are very trustworthy!

Dukermin: Yeah we’re not from around here, but our nation is very prosperous.

Woman: *shooting them an icy glare* perhaps if you weren’t being actively violent towards my guards, I would consider negotiating with you.

Dukermin: *getting off the guards* there, no more violence. We are diplomatic.

Guard: *getting up off the ground, staff in hand, ready to defend* My lady, I must insist that you—

Woman: *holds up a hand to him* Why are you really here? *still suspicious but willing to talk*

Dukermin: we’re hoping to acquire a universal translator. In return, we’ll mediate a deal between your society and our top farmers on Bensel. You can work out a food export arrangement.

Nalitie: We heard that you’ve been struggling with feeding your people and getting supplies, and we have a LOT of those.

Woman: What planet are you from? I can’t say that I’ve ever seen you in the Galactic Senate. Are you Separatists, then?

Dukermin: we are a completely separate entity. Like super separate. Very much not from here. We’re from Erscoga, which is a system of eight planets, including Bensel, which is a rich farming planet looking to export goods.

Nalitie: Plus, not all of our residents eat like… normal food, so we have plenty to go around for everyone!

Woman: If you’re so far removed from the Clone Wars, then how did you know that Mandalore needed resources? *literally does not even know their names*

Dukermin: we’ve got our sources.

Nalitie: the same way we knew you’d be here in Sundari, and where your quarters were, Duchess. *knowing wink*

Woman: ?????

Dukermin: *doesn’t know Star Wars very well and isn’t sure who this is but winks anyway*

Woman: *is trying not to show that she is in fact desperate for resources for her people* And how can I trust you when you haven’t even introduced yourselves? Despite the fact that it appears you’ve been spying on our internal affairs.

Dukermin: Oh I’m Queen Dukermin. It’s nice to meet you.

Nalitie: And I’m, um, Nalitie.

Woman: Duchess Satine Kryze. Although it seems you already knew that? *still kinda suspicious*

Dukermin: I didn’t *shrugs*

Nalitie: I did :)

Dukermin: Anyway thoughts on the trade deal? It’s kinda… super in your favor over ours.

Satine: *thinking it over* I think I would like to know more about who I’m dealing with before I agree to anything.

Dukermin: Would you like to visit our planet(s)? You can bring some guards if that would make you feel better.

Guards: *standing around awkwardly, a little bruised*

Satine: I… suppose I could put Almec in charge for a few hours… I’m surprised the customs officers let you dock here, though.

Dukermin: Oh we didn’t *makes a bubble* I would like to invite you into my bubble *gestures dramatically*

Nalitie: *squeezing into the bubble*

Satine: ????

(It seems as though she has never seen this type of power before.)

Satine: And… how exactly does that substitute for a ship?

(The bubble abruptly takes off into the sky.)

Satine: !!!

Nalitie: *yelling from above* and it’s totally airtight so you don’t die out there! It’s magic!

*the bubble returns to the ground*

Satine: Hm. Alright, fine; I suppose I’ll take you up on your offer. *takes a minute to get everything set up with leaving Almec in charge*

(Satine and a handful of her guards squeeze into the bubble as well. It’s crowded, like the world’s most awkward elevator ever.)

Nalitie: hello.

Dukermin: Alright… Going up? *send the bubble into space and through a portal to… the space around termata*

(As you pass through the portal, you have the dizzying feeling of floating upside down, then everything settles back into the artificial gravity within the cosmic bubble. Termata sits below you, a beautiful ball of blue and green. Lux shines in the distance, followed closely by the dark spot of Dunkel.)

Dukermin: *pointing* The big one is Termata, sort of our capital city. The one you shoudn’t look directly at is Lux, kind of our sun but people also like live on there. The dark one is Dunkel… etc etc

Nalitie: *looking around for Bensel, which must be behind Termata from this view*

Satine: I see… And which one is the one you are in charge of?

Dukermin: Kind of.. All of them? But they also are kinda like… each allowed to do their own thing. I guess you could call it an empire hehe.

Satine: *squinting suspiciously at Dukermin* Ah. And… where exactly in the galaxy did you say we were? I’m sure the Republic would be thrilled to hear that there’s a coalition of planets calling themselves an empire, given the fact that we have planets who have already seceded to form their Confederacy.

Dukermin: Dang I wish I knew more about Star Wars. ANyway, we’re like. 20 clicks or something IDK space measurements. We’re really far away so like good luck finding us.

Nalitie: And by that we mean 20 clicks through the layers of Reality, not in any, like, cardinal direction. Ya know, like… clicks according to the Interdimensional Standard Measurements, so like 20 timelines away from you I guess. Actually a pretty short distance, all things considered. Must be because we’ve got lots of planets too.

Satine: *muttering something to her guards in another language that you don’t recognize*

Dukermin: Anyway uhh lets go to Termata so you can see our subjects and go shopping!

Nalitie: Oh we could go to Mackinac. Or Bean Co., I guess. IDK let’s just land I’m starting to feel small and insignificant sitting out here in the vast emptiness of space.

Dukermin: *Lands near Bean Co.*

(As the bubble pops, Nalitie gestures towards the Spectre Opera House.)

Nalitie: This is the opera house where my housemate Christine works, and under here is a super cool cult we want to introduce you to!

Dukermin: *heads in and points out cool things in the Opera house as they head to the closet*

(On the main stage, Christine is engaged in a rehearsal for the upcoming Starlight Symphony. Their director calls out some sort of a direction, and everyone shifts around on stage. The lights dim, and faux stars light up around the audience seating. Nalitie cheers, and everyone rehearsing turns to look at them.)

Dukermin: *randomly cheers too so it’s less awkward but it’s kinda more awkward*

Satine + co.: *confused by what’s happening*

Nalitie: Uhhhh anyway *scoots off to the bean closet and starts clearing cans out to get to the door*

Dukermin: *helps* *offers a bean can to Satine*

Nalitie: Oh wait, let me try something *grabs a handful of the IPA tokens Bruce gave her last Christmas* *spells out the word “open” phonetically on top of the can, then smashes them*

(The lid of the can, along with the IPA token fragments dissolve into nothing. Inside the can are room-temperature baked beans with bacon bits.)

Dukermin: Try this, it’s a Termata delicacy! *has no utensils or anything*

Nalitie: *digging around in the closet for spoons* Uhh yeah you might have to just use your hands. Watch out for the sharp edges on the can.

Dukermin: Just drink it.

Satine: *still quite suspicious of them, but doesn’t want to be rude* *takes a small sip of the beans, then offers the can to her guards* That, ah, method you used to open these was quite interesting. *has definitely had beans before, but not baked ones with bacon bits*

Dukermin: Oh yeah. Those tokens were a gift from someone we helped out recently. We are reliable and trustworthy.

Nalitie: *to Dukermin* oh yeah, that’s right—remind me to grab some candy from home; William and I wanted thank Bruce, I’ve just been forgetting.

Dukermin: *visibly gags after hearing William again* *takes 1 psychic damage* Yeah i’ll try to remind you.

Nalitie: *leads the way into the bean closet*

(You go through the door into Bean Co., and are greeted by a hallway that looks like it belongs to every chain hotel ever. At the end of it, a receptionist sits at a desk. She smiles at you vacantly, seeming to not remember Dukermin from before.)

Dukermin: We’re here for the bean cult.

Receptionist: Hello, and welcome to Bean Co.! The annual bean convention will be happening in May. Until then, Bean Co.’s operations are private, and only Bean Co. employees or Legumes Ltd. Platinum members can enter the premises! I’m so sorry for any inconvenience. Have a nice day!

Dukermin: Oh that’s right. Run! *takes off into the expo hall*

Nalitie: *grabs Satine’s hand and sprints away*

Receptionist: Excuse me!!! *turns as if to go after them, but can’t leave her spot because what if someone else comes in and needs to be received?*

Dukermin: *runs into an assembly line area*

(The conference rooms and convention center that were here last time you were here are gone, replaced by a rather depressing-looking bean factory. Thousands of cans of beans travel slowly down conveyor belts, and employees who look like they’ve had the life sucked out of them place lids on all of the cans. In the distance, you can see three well-dressed fellows holding fancy glasses, laughing loudly and pointing at the assembly lines. Satine looks concerned.)

Dukermin: Oh this is concerning. I’m gonna fight those guys.

Nalitie: Uh. Did. Did you know about this? Like was this here last time? This is what Homeless Henry was looking for?

Dukermin: When I was here it was like fun and lively with cool bean themed items.

Nalitie: Uh huh…

(You hear sudden guffawing from the three guys in the back. The workers farthest from you sigh wearily as the men walk past them, pointing at the labels they’re sticking on the cans.)

Dukermin: *points at the three guys and starts guffawing as well* Look at those losers in their silly little suits and drinking from baby glasses for little babies why dont you do some work instead of walking around like silly little babies.

(The three men look at Dukermin, affronted. You hear them say something amongst themselves, and they storm over, travelling directly over the conveyor belts and knocking bean cans everywhere. The workers sigh and start mopping.)

Dukermin: *to Satine* I’m so sorry that you have to see this but I’m about to fight some exploitative capitalists.

Satine: Hmph. And you really think violence is the answer here? Are you not rulers in charge of the law in this place?

Dukermin: I never said there would be violence. *puts the men in a bubble*

Men: *look even more scandalized

Guy 1: *sounding like a man directly out of a movie from the 50s* Hey now, just what do you think you’re doing? I’ll have you know I’m a Legumes Ltd. Platinum member! So why don’t you just mind your own business, doll?

Dukermin: I’m no “doll”, I am a Legumes Ltd Palladium member. So I’m going to have to ask for your respect, or I’ll strip you of your membership.

Guy 1: *a little bewildered*

Guy 2: Hey, the top tier of Legumes Ltd. is the String Bean tier; I think the dame is bluffing.

Guy 3: *knocking on the bubble* When we get out of here… Well, if you weren’t a lady, you’d be getting my fist in your face!

Nalitie: Jeez, these Legumes Ltd. guys sure are… something.

Dukermin: *sends the bubble tumbling way up to the ceiling and shakes them around like a snowglobe* Pathetic platinum members like you wouldn’t know a palladium member when you saw her.

Guys: *a tumbled mess up in the bubble, very disoriented*

Satine: *only a little offended by how that was handled*

Nalitie: Hey, yeah, do you even know who you’re talking to??? Legumes Ltd. can only exist because of us! We put you here!!!

Dukermin: Literally.

Guy 1: *chuckles* Honey, Legumes Ltd. is bigger than you could ever know. We were here long before this opera house materialized, and we’ll be here long after. So why don’t you all run along back to your surface world and forget all about this factory, huh? You can go back to managing your little dimension, and Bean Co. will continue its operations in peace. Beans are the multiversal language, after all.

Dukermin: I think you guys need a little break from beans. Yeesh.

Nalitie: We could put them in a time out in the vent hole, maybe. Or on Riewa, but Riewa kinda sucks.

Dukermin: *contemplating Riewa, but decides against it* The vent hole will work while we get to the bottom of this *brings the bubble back down*

Nalitie: *takes out her lunchbox portal, setting the dial to the shortcut just in front of her house* We can do that now, and then maybe take a stop somewhere… uh less culty.

Dukermin: Yeah in hindsight this was probably a lot for a first stop. *sends the bubble through the lunchbox and invites everyone else through as well*

Nalitie: *to Satine and her guards* This is a Lunchbox Portal, and it’s one of the main ways we get around here in Erscoga. You just step into it and you get transported there. You can go first, if you’d like.

(Satine shares a look with her guards. One of the guards goes first to make sure it’s safe, but eventually everyone goes through.

The street outside Nalitie’s house is peaceful and bright. Lux shines bright in the sky. Nalitie’s couch blasts off through her roof, and Satine’s guards step in front of their Duchess protectively.)

Nalitie: Ooh, that was a good one. Don’t worry about that, that’s how I get to my space station. *digging in her pockets for her house keys*

Dukermin: It’s really fun, when it comes back yall should sit on it. Its kinda comfortable.

Nalitie: Plus, I’ve added a new feature to instantly begin the lift off process, so you don’t have to wait the full 15 minutes for the next launch! *checks the door, which is unlocked anyway* Oh, William or Steven must be home.

Dukermin: I’m gonna lose it.

Satine: *to Dukermin* Is there bad blood between you and this “William” person?

Dukermin: No not at all. His name is just wrong. Nevermind that.

Satine: Hm.

(You all enter Nalitie’s house. Nalitie’s husband, whose name has become a point of dissent, is in the kitchen with Lisa and Leonarda. Bee is running around in the living room with some toys. They see you and freeze.)

Dukermin: *points to Willy* You! Introduce yourself! *points to Nalitie* You! Say nothing!!

“William”: Oh! *goes over to their group; shakes Satine’s hand awkwardly, like he doesn’t know how to do it* I’m Nalitie’s husband, and their *gestures to Lisa and Leonarda* um… fa… pare… adult.

Dukermin: *gets in his face* what is your nammmme?

“William”: You can call me Willy. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of my candy brand?

Dukermin: AHAHAHAHAHAHA CHECKMATE

Nalitie: ? I mean yeah, Willy is his like nickname. Like “Joe” instead of “Joseph.” You knew that.

Satine: *confused about what’s happening* Duchess Satine, of Mandalore. A pleasure to meet you. *under breath* I think.

Dukermin: *still in Willy’s face* hmmmmmmm *backs off… for now*

Bee: *tugging on Satine’s dress* *points at her headdress, then gives a little thumbs up*

Dukermin: Where is Steven? Christine was at the opera house. There are a lot of people and … non people that live here.

“Willy”: Steven finally got a break from work and is out with ET, cause he has that like… baby group class or whatever. I think Dave is here.

Bee: *pokes Dukermin, then points at the three men in the bubble questioningly*

Dukermin: Hey Bee watch this *shakes the bubble again but just a little*

Men: *yell a little as the bubble shakes around them and they lose their footing*

Dave: *comes out of the VR room* Jeez, what’s with all the ruckus?

Dukermin: We have a delivery for the vent hole, as well as some esteemed guests that were trying and failing to leave a good impression on.

Dave: Ugh, I hate that you guys store criminals in our basement. You know how unsafe that is? What if they get out like Kaytee and Kathrine did?

Dukermin: Maybe I’ll just leave them in the bubble… no thats unethical *to Bee* leaving people in confined spaces is not good. *pats him on the head*

Nalitie: And I’ve revamped my security since then! The vent hole is fully operational. *also to Bee* The vent hole is a really safe place to put people, because they won’t be able to get out and hurt us, but they have stuff like a toilet or whatever so they’re comfortable.

Dave: Uh… Could you not teach the kid about imprisoning criminals in the basement? They’ve already been reenacting your war with their dolls, we really don’t need them going down there too.

Dukermin: *to Bee* Reenacting wars with your dolls is not good. Violence is never the answer *winks at Satine*

Satine: *has the distinct feeling that Dukermin is poking fun at her* *changing the subject* Did you say your prison was in the basement of this house? You don’t have a dedicated facility?

Dukermin: Honestly, crime is not really a big deal around here .. like I mean people are fairly respectful. Many of them have come from rough places and we’ve worked with many of them personally, so. I mean these guys werent even really committing a crime they were just being jerkfaces to people just trying to do their jobs, so thats whats considered a major offense around here I guess…

Nalitie: Yeah, our only like long-term prisoner really is an evil soulless flower who tried to kill us and take over Erscoga, but he’s on his very own planet far from here and he can’t really get off of it because… he’s a flower. Oh, and I think there’s an evil version of our friend Mettaton somewhere, but he was in cahoots with the flower, so.

Dukermin: Yeah. So we’ve got a good handle on things, we’ve just been pretty lucky to have good citizens. For the most part.

Nalitie: Uh anyway, those guys are starting to bum me out, so uh to the vent hole! *to the vent hole!*

(The vent hole is a clean-looking hallway lined with holding cells, leading down to a conference room. The bunker is somewhere around here. Oh, and it’s also very clearly modelled after the Mandalorian prison in Sundari. Satine is a little perturbed.)

Dukermin: *toting the guys behind the group in the bubble*

Nalitie: *types a code into one of the panels by the door of a cell*

(The door opens. The inside of the cell is actually not too bad. It’s got kind of a large, padded bench, and a small bathroom cabinet.)

Dukermin: *puts them all into one* You’re just gonna hang out in here until we figure out what to do about your bad attitudes.

Nalitie: I’ve found that food can help tame a stressful situation. *throws a handful of oranges and grapefruits in there from out of her pockets, plus one single brownie*

Dukermin: *To Satine Kryze* See, even our prisoners get meal fit for kings!

Nalitie: Oh, I guess I was thinking that was more of a snack. But yeah that would be inhumane of us to not like feed them I guess. Uh… SPEAking of food maybe we could stop by Bensel and show you the farms?

Dukermin: That would make a lot more sense than whatever we’ve been doing.

Nalitie: Cool. Lemme just grab some more fruit from upstairs in case we get hungry, and make sure William is good with staying with the kids for the rest of the day. *closes the cell door and starts to leave*

Dukermin: *mockingly* WiLlIaM *follows out*

Satine: *still does not understand the whole William thing* *follows them upstairs*

(Upstairs, Nalitie’s husband is sitting on the couch with the three kids, reading a storybook. Dave is in the kitchen, making peanut butter-banana sandwich. Bee’s face lights up as the lady with the cool headdress comes back upstairs.)

Nalitie: *heading into the kitchen to restock the fruit*

Satine: *unsure what to do; goes to see what the story being told is*

“Willy”: … and so the Thing disguised itself as a bush, and slowly made its way towards the gates. The Guards had never seen a moving bush before, but surely bushes could move if they wanted to! They were alive, after all.

Dukermin: Bye crew! *sets up a lunchbox*

Nalitie: We’ll be back later, but call if you guys need anything? William, are you good with all three kids or do you want me to take Lisanarda?

“William”: *confused look around* Were… were you asking me?

Dukermin: *points at both of them*

Nalitie: Yeah, do you want me to take the kids? We’re just going to Bensel, it’ll be–

(The couch blasts off into space. Everyone in the living room jumps. Several minutes later, it slowly lowers back down into the living room.)

Nalitie: We’re just going to Bensel, it’ll be safe.

“William”: Dave is here, we’ll be OK. Um… what did you call me earlier?

Dukermin: *is just still pointing*

Nalitie: Oh, you know. Your name! Must’ve been the um. Interference from the couch startup sequence, you know how that gets loud. Willy.

Dukermin: *pointing intensifies*

“Willy”: … alright… *a little concerned that she’s lost it, but that’s also not abnormal for them*

Dukermin: We’re gonna circle back to this later. We’re still in the middle of a tour. *sets the lunchbox to bensel*

Nalitie: It’s OK, Car… Christine will help sort things out later, you trust her I think. *scoots through the lunchbox quickly to avoid more questions*

Dukermin: *squinting still pointing at willy wonka, backs into the lunchbox*

Satine: *to Willy* You have a lovely home…

Bee: *waving goodbye vigorously*

Satine: *smiles and gives a little wave before going through the lunchbox with her guards*

“Willy”: *muttering under breath* William???

(And so your rag-tag group ends up on Bensel. It’s the late evening there, and you can see Old McDonald turning on his perimeter lights. He stares out into the corn in your general direction, slowly retreating into his house.)

Dukermin: *waves to try and catch his attention*

(His door closes.)

Dukermin: Well I guess it’s bedtime for Old Mcdonald, but surely he won’t mind if we take a walk around his farm.

Nalitie: Yeah… *equipping nanofiber yarn armor just in case*

(Satine is confused, because it looks like Nalitie is just putting on a sweater.)

Dukermin: *starts leading the group around* So if you look to your right, you’ll see some corn, and if you look to your left just ahead, there’s some more corn.

(Nalitie walks alongside the group, careful to stay outside of the perimeter lights.)

Satine: *has only really vaguely heard of corn, unsure about its nutritional value* Is corn your primary crop, then?

Dukermin: Corn is a big one, yes, just because its a staple where we and many of our citizens are from. However, we also have wheat, lots of herbs over at 7even’s farm, Farmer Joe has soybeans. We’ve got a big variety. Sure theres probably a lot of stuff I haven’t even heard of that grows here.

Nalitie: I’ve been trying to grow vegetables in the backyard! I’m not home enough though lately so it has been going poorly.

Satine: If we were to strike a trade deal, then, would we be receiving mainly vegetable products? *unsure whether Erscoga produces meat, since it hasn’t been brought up*

Dukermin: Well, vegetables for sure, grains for sure, we have fish in shellmound, as for other meats if anyone was producing that it would be Old Mcdonald, so we can see if production is moving on that… we also could export baked goods. as for fruit, we have… uh… a peach tree. Maybe don't rely too much on fruit from us.

Nalitie: I’m sure there’s someone producing beef here; Landfood sells a lot of hamburgers. Like, the restaurant is literally cow-shaped.

Satine: *does not know what a cow is* I see. And you are willing to share all of those things… in exchange for one universal translator? *suspicious about ulterior motives*

Dukermin: Yeah we’re altruistic or whatever i guess.

Nalitie: Also, like, it gets boring here when things are going well. I mean. I guess things aren’t “well” right now with the whole “refugee crisis,” but interdimensional allies are always good, especially when we’re up against … I should stop talking. *disappears into the corn*

Dukermin: Anyway, lets check on old mcdonalds meat orchard, see what’s ripe.

Satine: I’m sorry, did you say something about a refugee crisis?

Dukermin: Meat orchard this-a-way! *herding everyone away*

(The meat orchard is a vast expanse of meat trees of all varieties. Some are growing hams instead of branches. A few have steaks for leaves. There’s at least one that looks like it has chicken wings growing as fruit from egg flowers. Some look like normal trees, but with gouges cut out of them revealing fresh salami.)

Nalitie: Ah, yes, the meat orchard. It looks like things are pretty in season.

Dukermin: Wonder how sap collection has been going, we could make a charcuterie board if he’s managed to press some cheeses.

Nalitie: Oh, yeah… That would be from one of those trees, right? *points at one of the steak trees* *forgets the boundary and crosses over there*

(Suddenly, you hear an alarm go off! The lights in Old McDonald’s house turn on, and you can see him burst out of the front door in the distance.)

Dukermin: Hide! *dives into a bush*

Nalitie: *drags Satine + co. into the corn on the border of the meat orchard*

(You hear a shot go off in the distance.)

Old McDonald: You hooligans better get offa my land!

Dukermin: *puts hand up from inside the bush* We’re going, we’re going! Yeesh!

(Nalitie leads Satine + co. through a shortcut she cut out of Old McDonald’s corn the last time they were caught on his land, over to 7even’s house.)

Dukermin: As you can see, our farmers take their crop very seriously.

Satine: Are your citizens always so hostile? *brushing dirt off*

Dukermin: Old Mcdonald is a little rough around the edges but he’s got good meat trees, so we let him be.

Nalitie: He at least uses that food he produces to feed Erscoga. I’m sure he’ll be happy to sell to you, since he still sells to us and we trespass on his land all the time. Keeps you on your toes. *pulling BBs out of her sweater*

Satine: *is once again concerned about dealing with them*

Dukermin: This here, though, is 7even’s farm, much more welcoming.

Nalitie: She mostly grows herbs and rare potion ingredients, though. I think she really only sells to like… Snape. And some of the pharmacies, I guess. Oh, and I really like her Thai basil.

Dukermin: Right. So if you’re interested in making your food taste really good or for it to like… cure boils or something, then we can hook you up here.

Nalitie: Either way, we have a lot of good stuff growing here! There’s definitely some smaller farms here and there, but again, most of our citizens don’t eat food, so it works out! We’ll definitely have enough for your planet as well as ours!

Satine: What exactly do you mean by they don’t eat food?

Nalitie: I mean… Like the species on three of our planets simply do not eat food. Or at least not the same food that you and I eat, it’s like… magic or something IDK. Actually, we could go visit Toriel and show you Monster Food? It’s kind of a fun treat, even if it has 0 nutritional value for humans.

Dukermin: Ooh yeah that could be fun!

Satine: “Monster Food”?

Nalitie: Don’t worry about it! *gets out the Lunchbox, sets it to Pluto* After you!

(And so they went to Pluto. It’s a lovely mid-morning Plutonian day, and unfortunately Pluto is once again in absolute shambles. The roof of the Best Western has damage, and people who had been staying on the top floor are camping out in magically-heated tents outside. Papyrus’s shed, which had recently been rebuilt, is missing a door. Undyne’s house is on fire.)

Dukermin: Oh my gosh what is it now??

Satine: Not to be rude, but does this planet… always look like this?

Dukermin: Lately… yeah.

Nalitie: We, uh. Had a civil war here not to long ago but they definitely rebuilt after that? Not sure what’s going on here… *yells into the distance* PAPYRUS WHERE ARE YOU?

(Papyrus comes running over. One of his gloves is torn, and there’s a weird smudge on his battle body, but otherwise he looks no worse for wear, and greets you with a wide smile.)

Papyrus: HELLO QUEENLY HUMANS!!! HAVE YOU COME TO RECONSTRUCT PLUTO AGAIN???

Dukermin: I guess so! What happened?

Papyrus: REMEMBER WHEn the strange queenly human with green magic came and you told me to keep the princely human Edward un-seduced???

Dukermin: Uhh yeah? How is that going?

Papyrus: WELL, I did, in fact, fail to keep the princely human unseduced by the lady human, and when the magic human came back she was very angry!!! I think the magic human might have been part monster, because she turned into a very large dragon and that is why Undyne’s house has been on fire for a week and for no other reason!!!

Dukermin: Sure… Well, that’s bad news.

Papyrus: Not to worry!!! When the monster-magic human began to attack Monster Town and tried to kill the lady human, the Royal Roy’l Guard jumped into action, like a very good Royal Roy’l Guard should!!! Oh, and also Undyne got mad that the monster-magic human er… started the fire in her house, she got very mad and attacked! And that is why there is a very large pile of dust in my shed!!! *points*

(If you look closely, Papyrus’s shed is filled with uncharacteristically sparkly dust, and a very large pile of it. It looks like it got swept up from around Monster Town, because the ground is still a little glittery.)

Dukermin: Okay, that solves one problem. Doesn’t help us get closer to why people keep showing up here, but y’know, this may be for the best.

Nalitie: Wait, I’m behind, did you kill Narissa??? Is that what the very large pile of dust is???

Satine: !!

Papyrus: ERRrrr… Perhaps you should ask Undyne!!! The Great Papyrus was still trying to un-seduce the princely human Edward when the magic human was turned into dust!!!

Dukermin: *putting crime tape up around the dust pile* Alright, shall we go question Undyne? I’ll be bad cop.

Nalitie: I guess, yeah. I feel like we’re making a bad impression on our guests.

Dukermin: I think that ship has sailed. *Heads over to undyne’s*

(You approach Undyne’s flaming house. Nothing lives there now except fire.)

Dukermin: *looking at the flaming house through a magnifying glass* Looks like the perp has skipped town.

Nalitie: *pointing towards Alphys’s lab* Isn’t that her scaling the wall to get into the door over there?

Dukermin: Case Closed! *bum bum* *goes to Undyne*

Nalitie: *follows* *yells up towards the door* UNDYNE can you come here for a minute???

Undyne: *peeks her head out the door* It’s about time you showed up!!!! *jumps out of the door, plummeting towards the ground with terrifying speed* NGAAAAH!!!

Dukermin: *instinctively tries to catch*

(Undyne slams into you with incredible force, sending you both toppling. Nalitie scoots out of the way. Satine’s guards stand in front of her protectively.)

Dukermin: *crawls out of the dukermin-shaped hole in the ground* We’ve got some questions for you, Undyne.

Undyne: *jumping to her feet* What’s up?

Dukermin: Tell us everything you know about the pile of glittery dust in the shed. Everything you say can adn will be used against you in a court of law.

Undyne: Oh, that??? That crazy lady from Christmas came back, and started tearing up the town, and you guys weren’t even there!!! We weren’t gonna let her destroy Monster Town!!!

Dukermin: We need to get you guys like a cell phone or something.

Undyne: ??? Papyrus tried to call, but he said it didn’t even ring!!! He’s been trying to contact Candle Grandma for days!

Dukermin: *checks candle grandma’s phone* *it has been dead for who knows how long and also the sim card is removed* I don’t think Candle Grandma really knows how these things work. Maybe just call me in the future.

Undyne: We tried to call you guys!!!

Dukermin: *checks her phone* *the screen is crushed and it has also been dead for who knows how long* Ok yeah that's my bad.

Nalitie: *checking all of her recent calls* I never got a call from you??? Actually, come to think about it, I haven’t gotten any calls recently… *thinking about the time Christine said she’d tried to call to ask something* Huh. Anyway, did you guys kill that lady??? That’s, like. She’s not from this dimension, that could have been really bad!!!

Undyne: It was either that or she was gonna dust all of us and kill that girl you put in the Best Western under Papyrus’s care *shrugs*

Dukermin: Aha so you admit it! Meh I don’t really care actually.

Satine: ???

Nalitie: I guess… Uh maybe we should let GCL know to monitor that dimension for Apynteu or ID-PD activity, I guess… Not that any of their main characters were there anymore anyway.

Dukermin: Yeah probably. Anyway don’t do that again maybe.

Undyne: *shrugs* Be here next time!!!

Dukermin: *shrugs*

Satine: *looking back and forth between them* Is that really all you’re going to say on this matter?

Dukermin: Yeah, Undyne and Papyrus are pretty mch what we have for law enforcement. Which kinda says something about society I think. Anyway, Narissa was super evil and commiting crimes against humanity so I’m gonna trust their judgement on this one

Nalitie: *changing the subject* ANYWAY we weren’t here for murder, we were here for Toriel’s pie!!! *running off to Toriel’s house*

Dukermin: *also does that*

Satine + co.: *following warily*

(You all end up at Toriel’s house. She is inside, once again futilely trying to figure out what is rotting in her kitchen. It’s the invisible loaf of bread you left here and she is never going to find it.)

Dukermin: HI Toriel! Meet Satine Kryze and her entourage.

Nalitie: She’s a duchess of a planet we are trying to impress! It’s not going well, so we were hoping to smooth things over with a slice of your pie.

Toriel: Oh! Hello, my children—and a pleasure to meet you, duchess. *shakes her hand, putting on the manners of the queen she used to be* I do have a pie in the oven right now! That human child you brought to this planet seems to like it very much.

Dukermin: Awesome!

(Toriel serves everyone a slice of butterscotch-cinnamon pie. It’s the calmest that this day has been so far.)

Nalitie: So, uh. This is monster food, and it’s made entirely out of magic! So it tastes good, but doesn’t really have any substance to it. It can help heal you, though, if you’re injured and your HP is low!

Satine: HP?

Nalitie: Don’t worry about that. *continues eating pie* The point is it’s good for your SOUL!

Dukermin: *chowing down*

Nalitie: Um… So what are you thinking about our trade deal? Like… we could export enough from Bensel’s major farms to feed your planet, and we can throw in a few like… exotic delicacies like monster food as a bonus! And then just, like, we want your translation knowledge.

Dukermin: And your allyship. We don’t require much.

Nalitie: Pretty much. And as far as allyship goes, like, as you can see Erscoga is a very peaceful place (ignoring the recent fires, Legumes Ltd. jerks, and Old McDonald) so it would just be saying we’re friends or whatever!

Satine: I… have a few concerns. *thinking about the recent fires, Legumes Ltd. jerks, and Old McDonald*

Dukermin: What are you concerned about, nothing concerning here!

Satine: Your… “empire,” as you called it earlier, is incredibly disorganized. As rulers, you don’t seem aware of the nefarious schemes happening in your star system. You let vigilante justice take care of the problems on this planet for you. You mentioned a refugee crisis earlier, and your meat grows on trees.

Dukermin: Thats… okay that’s all not completely untrue… However, with all due respect, how does that impact a trade deal regarding food?

Nalitie: Also, the meat trees are really cool. Cruelty free meat or whatever.

Satine: I’m mostly concerned about the stability of your society. In this scenario, Mandalore would be depending on you completely for food, and it seems to me that you’ve been in a crisis of your own.

Dukermin: Our crisis is like… a silly fun crisis tho. It’s what happens when you’re in an extradimensional location where people from many different realities can coexist. We have been a necessary refuge for people, and have provided a home to some who otherwise would have none. And we’ve been doing this for 8 years, solving crisis after crisis, and we’ll continue to do that as long as we’re needed.

Nalitie: Plus—and this is hard to explain—nothing really happens around here without us knowing about it, even if it seems like it. Crises only happen because we let them, and we let them just for *flavor.* The integrity of our world is never really in danger.

Dukermin: Otherwise, this place would be no fun at all.

Satine: *muttering under breath* 8 years? *out loud* I see. I suppose if you can guarantee the stability of this food source for us—and are willing to allow us an out should we ever need it—I would be willing to take the risk if it means that my people don’t have to rely on the black market for supplies.

Dukermin: We can guarantee that *extends hand*

Satine: Then I suppose we have a deal. *shakes it*

Nalitie: *is writing down the contract on a sock*

Dukermin: Alright! Lets iron out quantities and shipment dates!

(This montage of boring paperwork is brought to you by The Society of Beanatics. Satine and her guards return to Mandalore to share the news, with a cell phone for further interdimensional communication and plans to ship a universal translator to Erscoga.)

Dukermin: *sighs* What a productive afternoon. Wait wasn’t there something else we were supposed to be doing?

Nalitie: We were looking for a princess, but then we got distracted trying to translate a statue.

Dukermin: Hm. Guess the princess will have to wait for another doc.

Nalitie: Maybe after we have the translator to talk to anyone on Lux… I better get back to the kids and basement paperwork anyway.

Dukermin: Yeah I need to unkennel Shadow Dog before he chews a hole through the space-time continuum again.

(To be continued…)

~•*•~

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[erscogadatabase]

18: A Very Belated Very Erscoga Christmas the Third (Part 2)

Date: 1-11-2023 IDST, 5-23-2018 EST

(Elsewhere in Erscoga, while Nalitie and Dukermin were galavanting around Bean Land...)

(The city of New Roman stands proud at the center of the Serif Metropolitan Area. It's a lovely, busy day in May on Termata, and the citizens of the city are very confused.)

Man in an elf suit: *steps out of a portal into the middle of Marlsbury Meadows, gaping at the buildings around him*

Citizens: *less concerned about the elf costume and more concerned about the illegal interdimensional portal*

Concerned Mall Security Guard: *sees this happening from across the street* This is my time to shine. *tackles the elf man*

Elf Man: Oh, hello!!! This is fun, are you trying to start a tickle war???

Guard: *pinning him to the ground* You've get some real nerve buddy, and honestly, I respect committing a heinous crime right in the middle of New Roman, but I'm a mall security guard and you're gonna have to undergo my intense interrogation.

Elf Man: Oh, my name IS Buddy!!! Did Santa tell you I was coming???? Is New Roman a part of New York?

Guard: I've never heard of this Noo yowark. But this city is MINE and I won't tolerate any interlopers. So tell me, where did you come from and what business do you have in the meadow?

Buddy: I came all the way from the North Pole! I walked all day and night to get here. First, I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gumdrops, and then I walked through this strange sparkly tunnel, and now I'm here! I'm here to find my dad, except I don't see the building I'm looking for at all, it's supposed to be very tall...

Actual cop: *arrives on the scene and pulls the guard off of Buddy* Sir, we'll take it from here.

Guard: *salutes* yes ma'am, just happy to be of service, put in a good word for me with the mayor of this fine city would you?

Actual cop: um sure I'll just... talk to the mayor about... whatever. Alright, Buddy was it? Let's go down to the station and get this whole mess sorted out.

Buddy: Ooh, that sounds fun! *stands up and follows*

*another portal opens up, this time right underneath the cop's car. The car gets swallowed up, and in its place a redheaded woman wearing a blue dress with flowers on it. It looks homemade. A distressed business man tumbles out of the portal as well.*

Lady: Oh dear, not again...

Distressed Man: ?????? Where are we? Is this where you came from?

Lady: *shakes her head* No, this definitely isn't Andalasia... *continues talking with the guy*

Actual cop: MY CARRRRRR!

Buddy: :O!!! That looks like the sparkly tunnel I walked through to get here! Except it was down there this time. *points at where the officer's car used to be*

Actual cop: *speaking into walkie talkie* This is officer Edith Ryan, my car just got SWALLOWED by a PORTAL??? Requesting assistance!!??

Walkie Talkie: Officer Ryan, you have our only cop car. All we've got left are tandem bikes. I can send an officer over with one of those?

Officer Edith: I have three suspects to bring to the station! Our tandem bike with the most seats is in the shop right now! We'll just walk. *motions to everyone to follow and starts walking*

Buddy: *following happily*

Lady and Guy: *did not get the memo and are trying to figure out what part of the city they're in, because they came from a park that looked a lot like this one*

Officer Edith: Umm? I said three suspects? You two, what are your names?

Guy: Oh, sorry officer—

Officer Edith: Officer Edith Ryan.

Guy: Officer Ryan, my uh... acquaintance and I were just trying to figure out what part of Central Park this is? Oh, er—sorry, my name is Robert and this is Giselle and—

Giselle: It's very nice to meet you! Your hair is quite lovely, and that medal is very large! You must have done your kingdom a great service to receive an honor like that!

Officer Edith: Umm you mean my badge? I guess you could say I did a great service... And it's very nice to meet you Giselle and Robert. As for this cen-ter-all pay-urk you speak of, I don't know what that is. You just portaled into Marlsbury Meadows in New Roman. We're gonna take a little stroll and get this all sorted out.

Robert: ??? New Roman? I... I don't know where that is. Look, uh, officer, I just. Really need to figure out how to get back to my apartment; I have to pick my daughter up from school soon...

Buddy: *still walking in the direction he'd started in, already across the street*

Officer Edith: Buddy slow down! We're chatting over here! Robert, why would you need to pick up your daughter when you can just portal her to you? You obviously have this power *gestures back to where the car was* Or do you not supply your daughter with a lunchbox? That's irresponsible parenting.

Buddy: Oh, sorry! *stands there, looking for the building in his snow globe*

Robert: Irresponsible—look, lady, I don't know where you got the idea that I don't supply my daughter with lunch from that whole explanation, but I can assure you my Morgan would never go hungry at school, and I've never been more than 10 minutes late picking her up!

Officer Edith: Hungry-- what are you talking about? I never said you didn't feed your daughter! It seem silly to pick her up if she has a lunchbox...?

Robert: .... *to Giselle* Are you sure this isn't whatever planet you came from?

Giselle: Oh, no, I'm very sure of it. Andalasia doesn't have nearly this many tall buildings, and I've never appeared as disembodied text in Andalasia before! Being prose is a very new experience for me!

Robert: *more confused than before, because he can't see the difference*

Officer Edith: Ugh all this confusion and idiot plot is making me tired. I say we grab a bite to eat somewhere before we go to the station. Maybe some food will help you all think clearly!

Buddy: *still over across the street, trying to make friends with every passerby, showing them his snow globe...*

Kid: Cool snowglobe, dude! *thumbs up*

Edith: Buddy! We're gonna go get some food *wildly gesturing and pointing down the street toward the Seafood.*

Buddy: OK!!! *starts making his way there*

(The squad enters the Seafood.)

Giselle: *admiring the numerous aquariums around the room*

Server: Hello! Table for four?

Edith: Yes please. Can we get a booth?

Server: Sure! Right this way. *leads them to a booth, puts out the menus and water and stuff...*

Buddy: *immediately slides into the corner*

Robert and Giselle: *sit next to each other on the other side*

Edith: *pulls over a chair to sit at the head of the table* Alright, I'm gonna need each of you to go in a circle and tell me what you're doing in New Roman, and also what you're ordering because I want us to be ready when the server gets here y'know.

Buddy: *perusing the menu* Oh, I've never heard of any of these foods...

Robert: Uh... I guess I'll have their soup of the day?

Giselle: Oh, that sounds yummy!

Buddy: *orders a dessert*

Edith: Well I'm getting the tilapia tenders. None of you answered my question about WHAt you're doing in New Roman.

Buddy: Is New Roman a part of New York?

Robert: I've lived in New York all my life and I've never heard of New Roman, so no.

Edith: Okay, maybe I need to change my question. Do you want to be in New Roman right now for any sort of purpose?

Robert: To be honest, I'm not sure how we got here or... where we are?

Giselle: I thought maybe we fell down another wishing well, because we were near that fountain? Hm, but oh, I didn't think it was that deep...

Buddy: Well I was on my way to New York to find my dad, but I think I got lost?

Giselle: You were looking for your dad? Oh no, is he lost in this strange city too?

Buddy: I don't think so.

Edith: Hmm. You know, I have heard rumors about portals and strangers popping up but most of my friends are horrible liars so. I didn't believe it. But perhaps you three have been a victim of some crazy portal scheme...

Server: *arrives with their food*

(The soup of the day is a bowl of various kinds of seaweed and a few shrimp in a dashi-like broth. Buddy's dessert is a gelatinous, agar-agar-based cake layered with sugar kelp. Edith's tilapia tenders are pieces of tilapia "breaded" with dried seaweed, with a nice shrimp paste dipping sauce. It smells like you're out at sea in here.)

Edith: Ah yes perfect. I get this dish every time. You know what they say, don't fix what's not broken.

Buddy: *pouring a generous helping of maple syrup on his dessert*

Robert: *sitting across from Buddy with a horrified look on his face*

Giselle: *sampling the soup*

Edith: *cutting up the tenders into tiny pieces* Alright, we're gonna get to the bottom of this mess. So from what I gather, you all arrived here unexpectedly through a portal that you did not create, correct?

Robert: Yeah, I guess— *phone is ringing* *answers it, confused as to how he has service here* ... Nancy? Oh, uh, yeah, yeah I'm glad you liked them! You... would not believe where I am right now...

Edith: Who's that? Who are you talking to? There isn't another portal is there because i don't think the tandem bike officers can deal with it...

Robert: *continuing his phone call* Yeah, I love you too. Oh, uh—hey, actually, I'm worried I might get caught up at, uh, work? Do you think you could pick up Morgan from school today? Maybe bring her back to the apartment? ... Ok. Ok, thank you Nancy.

Edith: tell the person youre talking to to just give Morgan a lunchbox next time.

Robert: *glaring at Edith because he doesn't know what that means* Ok. Ok. Thank you, bye. *hangs up*

Edith: *gets a phone call too* Hello? Oh Mr. Mayor! Yes... yes actually you called at just the right time. Did you hear about all this portal nonsense? Not the lunchbox ones like... weird random portals transporting people against their will... yeah I think we should all meet... Alright we'll see you in 15. *hangs up* You'll never believe who just called me... The mayor!!

Buddy: Ooh, who is this "The Mayor" person? You seem very excited. Is he important?

Edith: Very! Mayor Lawrence Mayor is the most important person in New Roman due to completely arbitrary reasons!

Robert: ... His last name is Mayor...?

Edith: Of course, how else could he be elected? Anyway, we're meeting him in the city hall in 15 minutes so finish your food and let's bounce!

Buddy: *has already finished his, is offering syrup to everyone else at the table*

Edith: *refuses and rushes out, dropping cash at the host stand and beckoning everyone to follow*

Everyone: *follows*

Robert: *muttering* I must be in some weird dream...

Giselle and Buddy: *chatting about their homelands*

(The squad arrives at the capitol building, and are escorted in by a guard. Mayor Lawrence Mayor is seated at a desk and welcomes them in.)

Mayor Lawrence Mayor: Hellooooo strangers! What sort of pickle have we gotten ourselves into now, hmm??

Buddy: Hi!! My name is Buddy the Elf, and I travelled here from the North Pole looking for my dad, except this doesn't look like the right building in New York City at all... *shows the mayor his snow globe*

Mayor: Ah... what a conundrum. Indeed, I have never seen a building such as that before!

Robert: *looking at the snowglobe over Buddy's shoulder* ... Is that a snow globe of the Empire State Building?

Buddy: :O!!!! You've heard of it?????

Edith: *under breath* you guys and your funny words. Umpeeyr stayt... Ridiculous.

Robert: *to Buddy* I mean... yeah, I live in New York.

Giselle: Oh! I think I saw that building while we were looking for Edward!

Buddy: Ooh, who's Edward? Are you looking for your dad too?

Mayor: Hmm... how curious. You two recognize this building, and you're searching for this building. So perhaps you three come from the same dimension? Now tell me, which dimension do you hail from.

Robert: ... dimension? I mean, I'm from New York? I've said that already?

Giselle: Oh, I think perhaps I'm from another dimension, if Andalasia is what you call a dimension? I think of it more as a kingdom, though...

Mayor: Let me call in my scholar. Scholar!!!

(a woman in blue robes hustles in.)

Mayor: Let me introduce you to Jamie Scholar, our capitol building's expert in dimensional knowledge. Jamie, have you ever heard of this Noo Yowark See-tee? And Adalasia?

Jamie: New York? There are... billions of versions of New York Mr. Mayor.

Robert: Billions? What do you mean billions? As far as I know there's only one. Like, you know, in America??

Jamie: Don't even get me started on how many Americas there are... And as for Andalasia, that doesn't sound particularly familiar to me. Someone more informed than I may know...

Robert: *muttering* I guess our worlds have something in common, then...

Giselle: *disappointed*

Secretary: *knocks on door* Excuse me, Mr. Mayor, Ms. Scholar?

Mr. Mayor: Ah yes, Ms. Secretary, come in, come in.

Secretary: Er, I know that you're dealing with a... situation, but we have a woman and a girl here that Officer Johnson brought here on their tandem bike? They said they're also looking for this mysterious "Noo Yowark"...

Edith: *had been wandering around taking selfies in every corner of the mayor's office but stops* More?? Did they also arrive through mysterious portals?

Secretary: Officer Johnson said they didn't see—just got approached by them. Poor girls looked lost...

Edith: Geez, Mr. Mayor, do I have permission to say that they can come into your office.

Mayor: Yes of course, bring them in here!

Secretary: *fetches them*

Woman: Robert?!

Kid: Dad! Giselle!

Robert: Nancy??? Morgan??? What are you doing here???? *hugs them*

Nancy: I went and got Morgan from school like you asked, but we drove through this... I don't know, some sort of weird tunnel, and when we came out the other side the car and the driver had disappeared, and we were in some sort of theatre district that I've never seen before???

Edith: *pacing* Weird tunnel, so it sounds like you all arrived in New Roman the same way. No lunchboxes were involved??

Nancy: ... no?

Buddy: Ooh, do your lunchboxes here have sparkly tunnels in them like the one I walked through to get here???

Nancy: *whispering to Robert* Who is he?

(Robert shrugs.)

Edith: Well... I suppose. Lunchboxes are how we get around, but we can't go between dimensions.

Robert: I'm sorry, did you just say that you... travel using lunchboxes? Like, lunchboxes as in the bags you bring lunch with you in?

Edith: Well, it would be silly to put my lunch in there... I would have to travel through it in order to fetch it!

Robert: ... I'm surrounded by crazy people.

Jamie: My lunchbox is pink and I got an upgrade that makes the trip smell like cherries!

Edith: Ooh I need to get that, my portal just smells like portal...

Nancy: Look, this has been nice and all, but Robert and I both have work in the morning, so if you could just tell us how to get back to New York...?

Jamie: Hmmm... you may need to chat with someone at GCL- Green Circle Labs. You're lucky that you ended up on Termata, definitely easier to get to the lab when you're on the same planet. This stuff is more their specialty...

(As you're finally closing up this long plot point of confusion, you hear a scream from out in the lobby. It sounds like Ms. Secretary.)

Mayor and Edith: *rush out to see what's going on*

(Ms. Secretary's desk is an absolute mess: the papers, computer, and office supplies have been displaced by a family of three, another secretary, and a woman dressed like an elf. Ms. Secretary is standing back, stapler at the ready.)

Mayor: Holy gosh darn buckets!!

Edith: There's MORE??? Who are you and where did you all come from!??

(A man in business clothes is the first to get up and find his bearings. He looks around, then at Edith.)

Man: Uh, this doesn't look like my office? Hey, uh, officer, I think someone might have slipped drugs into my coffee or something, because I don't know where I am or how I got here; my name's Walter Hobbs and I—

Buddy: Walter Hobbs??? Dad???? :D!!!!! *tackle hugs him*

Edith: *taking square breaths* Alright everyone. Here's what's going on, people are getting portaled into New Roman. It is NOT noo yowark. However, we're gonna get this all sorted out soon.

(The rest of the new group has finally composed themselves and are confused. The other members of the family try to pry Buddy off of Walter. Ms. Secretary tries to explain the situation to the other secretary.)

Giselle: *to Edith* Oh! You said we were going to a place called "GCL"? What does that mean?

Edith: Green Circle Labs. Im not much into all that science nonsense, but they're all about dimensional travel and portals and stuff. They have pretty good Yip reviews. The easiest way to get there would probably be to lunchbox.

Giselle: Do you think they could help me get back to Edward?? *excited*

Edith: They're pretty smart cookies, if anyone can help you with that they can. But interdimensional travel is really really complicated, so no promises.

Mayor: I've got a lunchbox in the backroom that you could all use. I'll have Jamie set it up for Green Circle Labs. *leads everyone into the backroom*

Edith: Alright everyone, I know many of you are new to lunchbox travel. It's really simple. Just hop in. I'll go last to make sure everyone gets through okay. Who's first?

Buddy: Oooh! I'll go!!!! *to Walter* Dad, come with me!!!!

Walter: *looks at Buddy as if he's crazy and shakes his head*

Edith: Buddy, how about you go and show everyone how it's done *ushers him forward*

(Buddy approaches the lunchbox portal and gingerly steps inside. He disappears through it. The New York citizens are horrified.)

Giselle: Oh...! It's like the wishing well....!

Edith: The wishing well? Maybe we shouldn't unpack that right now. Who's next?

(An awkward silence ensues.)

Edith: Any volunteers? Don't make me pick someone. Eeny meeny miny... Robert! You're up!

Robert: *glaring* That was not the full rhyme and you know it. *steps forward anyway*

(With much hesitation, Robert goes through the portal. The others soon follow.)

(Edith follows behind and meets them all in the lobby of GCL.)

(The lobby of Green Circle Labs is sleek and modern, with clean tile floors and white walls. A secretary's desk sits in the middle of the room, surrounded by potted plants. Behind the security doors, you can see some amount of activity—it looks like there might be people running? But it's hard to tell.)

Receptionist: Hello, and welcome to Green Circle Labs! May I have your identification, please?

Edith: *offers identification* Umm.. so we've got some, interdimensional guests, I guess. I'm not sure that they will have Erscoga identification. What will you need from them, names or..?

Receptionist: Well, if they have identification from whichever place they're from, that is acceptable; otherwise a name and dimension of origin is sufficient.

(The New Yorkers offer their driver's licenses. Giselle and Buddy tell the receptionist where they're from, and everyone is given visitor badges and let in.)

(The main area of the first floor of GCL is chaos. Employees are running around, and calling into their radios for backup. A man with a sword is running around, trying to find the exit. Another guy follows close behind him, trying to calm him down. There's some sort of rodent scaling the walls.)

Edith: Alright everyone, stay together! *Grabs someone in employee clothing* We're looking for someone who can help these people get back to their dimension. A Noo Yowark Seetee, if you've ever heard of such a place.

Employee: Look, ma'am, unfortunately you're going to have to wait until we get this security threat ironed out...

Giselle: *has finally caught a glimpse of who's causing all of the ruckus* *gasp* Edward!!! *runs off into the fray*

(Immediately, the guy with the sword stops and runs towards her. Much singing ensues. Buddy watches with stars in his eyes.)

Edith: Well, isn't this heartwarming. *finds another employee to ask for help*

(Meanwhile, outside, Nalitie, Dukermin, and a ragtag group of explorers passes by the front doors and heads down the street, completely unaware of the chaos happening inside Verdanaville's largest building.)

(An employee directs them to Jessica's office.)

(Jessica is sitting in the office, utterly swamped with paperwork. A lot of it looks like citizenship documents and government forms.)

Edith: *enters* Excuse me, my name is Officer Edith, and these are... a whole bunch of people from a different dimension. You're Jessica I presume, we're wondering if you can help us out.

Jessica: I am, but I'm afraid the best I can offer you is some temporary housing and our New Resident Brochure. We've had a lot of people coming in from other dimensions in Erscoga, and we've got a line of around 10-15 people trying to either get back to their home dimensions or apply for Erscogan Citizenship, if their home dimension was destroyed when they were transported here. We've been getting a shocking number of Main Characters, which has really been throwing off the balance in some dimensions and attracting the Apynteu, and that's if we can even figure out which timeline they're from. The multiverse is pretty big, you know?

Edith: *blinks* ... did... did you say something about... destroyed dimensions? I only got about 10% of that.

Jessica: *sighs* Not to alarm you, but yes. Not to worry, of course, Erscoga is perfectly safe, and GCL has been trying to get in contact with the ID-PD, but sometimes—when a dimension's Main Character goes missing—it attracts the Apynteu or the ID-PD and that dimension gets destroyed or quarantined.

Edith: The apynteu... I wonder why I haven't heard about any of this stuff. All I know is a whole bunch of non-lunchbox appeared in New Roman today, and as an esteemed police officer, it's my duty to sort it out. Are you saying that these people can't go back?

Jessica: *hesitates* Not entirely, I guess. There's just a bit of a queue before we can start processing them and try to figure out which dimension they're from, exactly. And it's possible that their home dimension might not be there anymore.

Giselle: *beginning to look hopelessly sad* Oh no... You're saying Andalasia might have gotten... destroyed? ... Oh, but I'm sure the queen will be there protecting it! I've never met her, but I've heard she is quite powerful...

Edward: Oh, yes, yes, I'm sure my mother is taking care of things... *looking around the office, playing with trinkets*

Buddy: *joining him*

(The New Yorkers just look confused. They're muttering amongst themselves.)

Edith: I'm sure everything is gonna get sorted out folks. *To Jessica* so what would it take to get added to that queue, and the temporary housing?

Jessica: I have the paperwork around here somewhere; I'll just need everyone to fill it out. If there's groups of people who would like to stick together, they should all fill out one sheet... *digging around; produces paperwork, pens, and a copious number of Introduction to Erscoga pamphlets*

(The newcomers fill out sheets: Walter Hobbs and his family, the elf woman whose name we did not learn, Buddy, Robert and Nancy and Morgan, and Giselle and Edward and fantasy-themed man who had been following Edward around. The rodent from earlier watches from a filing cabinet, looking for a jar of ink to dip his paw into in lieu of a signature.)

Edith: Alrighty then, this is... fantastic. Everyone's gonna find housing and it'll be fine and hopefully no other random people show up today!

(From the glass of water on Jessica's desk, you hear the faintest sound. Must have gotten bumped or something...)

Edith: Hmm, what a suspicious glass of water. *helps Jessica organize papers as people finish them up*

(Eventually, everything is worked out, and the group is given a list of hotels that are taking refugees: one in Verdanaville, a few in New Roman, one in Corsiva, and one in Nova Mono.)

Edith *giving recommendations on ones in New Roman. She's very biased.*

Giselle: *perusing the brochure*

Robert: *uneasy at the whole situation; frantically calling his work and Morgan's school so they don't think he like disappeared*

Buddy: *excitedly* We could come stay in that New Roman city with you, Miss Edith! *to Walter* Dad, we should all stay there! This one looks nice *pointing at a hotel*

Walter: Why do you keep calling me "dad"? I'm not your dad???

Edith: I heard that hotel has a pool AND a hot tub!

Kid from Walter's Family: Woah, I like pools.

Giselle: *looking up from her reading* What is a hot tub?

Edith: It's like a small pool but the water is heated AND it bubbles!

Giselle: Oh my! Like a cauldron, you mean?

Edith: SURE!

Edward: Hm, it says here that your kingdom is ruled by two queens? Well that hardly makes any sense...

Edith: *shrugs* There's a lot of things that don't make sense in this world, and two queens is one of the least nonsensible in my opinion.

Edward: Yes, but you don't have a king? *stops to think* Hm, well I suppose that is not. That unusual, after all, my mother rules Andalasia alone... but that's only because my father died years ago. Hm. We should meet these queens! After all, it is only appropriate that royalty meet, especially if there's a chance my Giselle and I won't have to live amongst the peasants....

Edith: That's a grand idea! But I've personally never met the queens, and I'm not 100% sure how to get ahold of them. But they would probably know something to help us out...

Jessica: *looking up from her other paperwork, because this group finished theirs long ago and are just loitering now* Well, they do live here in Verdanaville. I'm sure if you stick around here or visit often enough, you'll probably meet them.

Edith: Hmm that would be nice. Well, is there anything cool going on in the city? Something we might spot the queens at?

Jessica: *bitterly* well, there's the big One Zillion Seconds to Devon concert happening in Unnamed Park that I wasn't able to go to because Rosetta's whole team decided to go and leave OUR whole team behind to do all the paperwork... Never make bets at work, I guess.

Edith: Huh. That blows. Well, I guess we're going to the concert! Let's go team! *starts heading out*

(The group makes their way back downstairs and out of GCL. Giselle, Edward, and Giselle's chipmunk friend catch up. Buddy tries to explain his parentage to Walter. Walter's secretary eavesdrops.)

(Outside, the sky is clear and starry. The shadow of Dunkel looms in the sky.)

Edith: *Following street signs pointing towards the concert*

(As you make your way closer to Unnamed Park, over the sound of a distant chant of "Devon! Devon! Devon!", you hear the faint sound of jingle bells.)

Morgan: Hey, look!!! *pointing into the sky*

(A small, dark shape—the source of the noise—streaks through the sky, in the same direction you're heading. It looks like it's approaching the ground.)

Buddy: *squinting* ... Santa?

Edith: *looks* Aw yeah! It is Christmas, after all!

Buddy: That's right!!! We had just finished up preparations when I left!!! I didn't know Santa came here, too! I wonder if he would have known about New Roman and how confusing it is...

Robert: ??? It's not Christmas? I thought it was the middle of summer? Like... even that laboratory lady's calendar was set to May.

Edith: Christmas kinda comes whenever in Erscoga. It's a bit of a surprise, keeps us on our toes!

Robert: ...

(As you enter Unnamed Park and approach the stage, you can hear that the chant of "Devon! Devon! Devon!" has died down. It looks like Santa's sleigh has landed here, and there's a general commotion. A large crowd of people—most of them concert attendees, you assume—is gathered here, and you hear Santa's booming voice proclaim "Merry Christmas, everyone!" over the ruckus.)

Edith: THERE'S MORE??? *searching the crowd for the queens*

New Yorkers: (Oh my God??? There's monsters here??? That man is a lizard???)

Edith: *pushing through the crowd looking for the queens but also thinking of chatting with Santa*

Buddy: *has gone to talk to Santa already* . . . and then I ended up in this starry tunnel and I was in this city called New Roman instead of New York but I found my dad anyway except he think's he isn't my dad is that why you put him on the naughty list but anyway I'm so happy to see you I didn't know you came to—

Edith: Buddy, buddy, buddy. How about you do me a favor, go look for two people that seem queenly and tell them that Officer Edith of New Roman would like a chat.

Buddy: Oh, but Santa's here! That means that he went through the tunnel like I did, because I didn't think he ever mentioned a place called Erscoga before...

Santa: *chuckles* Oh, Buddy, but you see, I'm Santa, but not your Santa. You see, all of us Santas share knowledge and memories, so I do know all about your quest and I am very proud of you, but I'm the Santa who delivers gifts to Erscoga, not the Santa who delivers gifts to your Earth.

Buddy: *confused*

Edith: Ah yes, the Santa knowledge base. It boggles the mind. Buddy, I'm gonna have a chat with Santa quick. Feel free to stick around if you want but i do still need to find the queens...

Buddy: *pointing at two people in crowns, who have been standing near Santa this whole time* You mean them?

Edith: Oh! *looking between Santa and queens* uhhh, *goes over to the queens*

(Nalitie and Dukermin are in the middle of a worried conversation with Christine, watching the crowd of newcomers and discussing what to do.)

Nalitie: . . . I think I left ... THE CONCH on Pluto, but if we could get it, it would be a good way to get everyone's attention...

Edith: *strolls up and drops to one knee, removing her hat* My queens, I'm so honored to meet you at last I'm Officer Edith, and I have brought a group of Noo Yowark-ians to Verdanaville. Surely you're aware of the issue at hand regarding the unexpected visitors...

Nalitie: ... yyyyes, we are indeed aware of that issue, very aware. Uh. You don't have to kneel, you know.

Edith: Oh okay *stands up* what about my hat though? Do I.. do I leave it off?

Dukermin: Whatever feels right.

Edith: I'll leave it off. We've just come from GCL, where they got set up with temporary housing. But they're obviously looking for a way home. Do you have any information on this?

Nalitie: *a few sentences behind, not aware of this issue at all* Ah, the temporary housing, yes uh. It's very nice from what I've heard. Where are they from?

Edith: Yeah there are hot tubs! And they're all from New Yoark, but some of them are maybe from other dimensions and went to New Yoark and thenn, got portaled here um. It's confusing one of them is an elf like. A santa's elf. They didn't mean to come to New Roman, they got portaled against their will. So... yeah that's the story there.

Nalitie: A Santa's elf in New York? *to Dukermin* Sounds like Elf.

Dukermin: Yeah. Hm. So from the movie dimension or whatever? And what about the others, are they all... like santa elves? What about the one who was from a different dimension before New York?

Edith: She said she was from Andalasia?

Nalitie: Oh. Enchanted. *to Dukermin* That's also Vaesyvo. But now that franchise has a sequel, so we'd have to be careful there...

(Coincidentally, the Andalasian in question has found you!)

Giselle: Miss Edith! There you are, we thought we lost you!

Edward: Ah, and you must be the queens! *to Dukermin and Nalitie; he gives a little bow and kisses their hands* Prince Edward of Andalasia! My fair love and I were just talking about asking you to help us return to our land so we may be wed!

Dukermin: Ah. of course, we're... figuring it out. This is still a pretty new development in our dimension. You must be the group that came with the other New Yorkers.

Giselle: Oh, yes! I fell down a wishing well and arrived in a strange place called New York, but then Robert and I tripped through the ground I suppose, and appeared in your "New Roman"...

Nalitie: Yeah. *to Dukermin* It looks like they're not from the sequel, but there's like... still hundreds of timelines to sift through. It might take a while to get them home.

Dukermin: Sounds like GCL might be working on some of this stuff. I suppose we should touch base and see what we can do to help?

Nalitie: Maybe ask them about that uh temporary housing to see how much of it is filled up? And maybe they'd know if everyone's dimensions are bottomless pits like Wheatley was talking about or if it was just the one...

Dukermin: Hopefully most of the dimensions are salvageable, and yes we should see if more housing will need to be constructed.

Nalitie: *to Giselle and Edward* Maybe, in the meantime you could be wed here?

(Suddenly, the sky darkens and there's a huge flash of green lightning coming from the direction of Insert Name of the Stage. Citizens scream and flee. A cloud of smoke fills the stage and you can just barely see the silhouette of a woman in the center of it.)

Lady: *surrounded by green lightning* NEVER!!!

Edith: Is this another person being portaled in? That didn't look like the other portals...

Nalitie: Aw man, I thought we were done fighting kids' movie villains after the war on Pluto... Hey wait actually Edith is right??? She shouldn't be able to be here???

Dukermin: Well, there are lots of people who shouldn't be able to be here. But if that wasn't the usual portal, is our barrier weakening?

Nalitie: ugh I hope not...

(The fog clears, and an impressive-looking woman stands center stage. She's wearing a dark, form-fitting dress with a collar to rival Lydia's. She looks blatantly evil, as if the lightning and smoke weren't indicator enough. She scans the crowd, then glares directly in the direction of Giselle and Edward.)

Edward: *peering up at the stage, squinting* ... Mother?

Lady on the Stage: *makes eye contact with him and immediately drops the lightning and smoke, throwing on a pleasant-ish-looking smile*

Edith: It's incredibly suspicious that we seem to be getting all the important people from the same dimension... You know, GCL Jessica said something about main characters ... destroying dimensions? No that's not right. Something like that though.

Nalitie: I'm sorry what?

Edith: OH It was... the main characters leaving... weakens the dimension and then it's easier for the monster to destroy, or it's quarantined by... some acronym I don't remember, That's what it was.

(Edward picks his way through the crowd and approaches his mom. Giselle follows.)

(Nalitie peers across the crowd, counting the number of main characters from each franchise on her fingers.)

Dukermin: Have you ever heard that before? The main character's leaving can weaken the dimension?

Nalitie: *nervously* Nnno, but I... definitely don't know much about the Apynteu.

Edith: The Apynteu! That was the monster she was talking about! Wow, you queens are so on top of things, I made the right decision coming to you.

Nalitie: ... right... *still anxious*

(Meanwhile, on the stage, Edward is arguing with his mom. The New Yorkers are busy in hurried conversation with Santa about what's going on, trying to figure out if she's nice or naughty. The people closest to the stage edge away uncomfortably as things get more heated between Edward and his mom. Giselle stands between them, saying something placatingly. You can hear snippets of their conversation through the on-stage microphones.)

Edward: . . . perfectly capable of finding a partner, I've just been busy hunting trolls! You know how important this is to me . . .

Dukermin: I suppose we should... intervene? Havent watched this movie in a while, so I don't remember what her whole deal is.

Nalitie: She doesn't want Edward to wed because he'll become king and then she won't be in charge of Andalasia anymore, which. Uh. You know, doesn't matter here? But maybe she thinks she can get back? Man, she must be so absorbed in this quest that she hasn't even noticed that she's been transported to Erscoga... *theorizing*

Dukermin: I would be curious to see if she can get back. *Walks over to chat with the queen.*

Buddy: *runs out of the crowd, intercepting her* Miss Queen Dukermin Lady no!!! Santa says she's on the naughty list!!!

Dukermin: Well, I can't let her ruin a good concert afterparty. I'll be fine, but thank you for the warning. *pushes on*

Nalitie: *trailing behind her*

Edward's Mom: *switching tactics, blatantly trying to manipulate him*

Edward and Giselle: *a little oblivious, but being together is important to them*

Dukermin: *interrupts* *curtsies* Excuse me, Queen of Andalasia, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I'm Queen Dukermin, of Erscoga. Where you currently are.

Queen of Andalasia: *eyeing Dukermin's crown, which is constructed out of copper electrical wire* Ah, yes, well, I'm sure we've overstayed our welcome. My son and I were just leaving. *tries to grab Edward by the arm*

Edward: *gets out of her grip* Not without Giselle, mother!!!

Dukermin: Quick question actually, while this heartwarming family moment is happening. How... did you get here? Was it... on purpose?

Queen of Andalasia: Ah, yes, it was, I'm sure you're sick of our trespassing, which is unbefitting a future king *pointed look at Edward*, but my son came to your w—kingdom by accident and I thought it would be fastest if I just came to fetch him. *trying to get a solid hold on Edward*

Edward: *sidestepping*

Giselle: *confused by the dynamic happening here*

Dukermin: You know, Edward is welcome here. So if he wants to stay, he totally can. It's just that, he doesn't really seem to want to go with you at this time. However, I'm sure you're very busy, what with a whole kingdom to run, so how about you head on back, and pop by tomorrow to pick up your son.

Queen: Ah, yes, well, you see, the issue is that Edward is quite needed at home, and I can't leave him hear in this world with no protection, lest he be... seduced a young woman looking to take advantage of his position, you see *subtle look at Giselle, but also gestures to the entire crowd of people*.

Dukermin: Protection you say?? PAPYRUS!!

Papyrus: *sprints onto the stage with inhuman speed* I AM HERE, QUEENLY HUMAN!!! *an arrow whizzes by his head and sticks in the backdrop of the stage*

Dukermin: ... Um. I'm assigning you to watch over Prince Edward during his stay in Erscoga. He's here to take a look at the sights and experience our wonderful dimension. You're to thwart any seduction attempts.

Papyrus: WOWIE!!!A REAL— *another arrow lands at his feet* *turns out towards the crowd* ARMORED HUMAN, I MUST INSIST YOU STOP NOW!!! I HAVE IMPORTANT GUARD DUTIES TO ATTEND TO!!!!—A REAL ROYAL ROY'L GUARD ASSIGNMENT!!!!

DUkermin: *Looks at the queen* The head of the Royal Roy'l Guard will take care of it. He's the real deal, did you see how he expertly avoided that arrow barrage? Your son will be safe and un-seduced when you return, I assure you.

Queen: *glaring daggers at Dukermin* *with a tight smile* Yes, well. I WILL be back for him tomorrow *to Edward* and he WILL come back to Andalasia with me, as he is needed in his kingdom. *totally not planning anything nefarious* *stands back; says something gibberishy and disappears in a flash of lightning and smoke*

Dukermin: Huh. so it seems like she was able to leave. And will most likely be able to return tomorrow if we don't figure out what's going on with the barrier.

Nalitie: Aw man... And we should have asked her which version of Andalasia she was from, too, since it looks like she knows how to traverse interdimensional space... Could've gotten these two home *gestures to Edward and Giselle*

Dukermin: Well, if nothing else, she'll be back tomorrow!

Man who had been following Edward around: Sire, there you are! *climbs up on stage from the front, not using the stairs* Was that—was your—was the queen really here? Did she say anything about me?

Edward: *sigh* no, Nathaniel, I'm afraid not. She simply insisted I come home, but come home without my Giselle, which I simply cannot do!

Papyrus: *in the background, avoiding being shot by a large woman in blue armor* *an icicle whizzes through his eye socket and into the stage* HUMAN, THAT WAS RUDE!!! YOU COULD HAVE LOWERED MY HP!!!

Dukermin: *rushes off to try to subdue the blue-armored woman*

Vampire who shot the icicle: I still remember how to fight! *stuck between the stage and the stairs*

Edith: *snaps handcuffs on the vampire who is stuck then also goes after the blue armored woman*

Vampire: Hey! *doesn't know how she got handcuffed because that has never happened before*

Blue-Armored Lady: *still firing arrows at Papyrus*

Black-Armored Lady: *holding a war axe, but also stuck on a railing*

Edith: *yells* I'm gonna need anyone holding a weapon to drop it, or you're under arrest! *to self* good thing i have so many handcuffs on my person at all times due to my "handcuff of the month" membership. *handcuffs the war axe person*

War Axe Lady: My thane, watch out!

Blue-Armored Lady: *sees that her comrades have been cuffed* *switches to a sword and a staff, using the staff to summon a scary-looking guy, who runs up the stairs at Papyrus*

Papyrus: OH NO!!!!

Edward: *pulls out his sword* Stand back, Giselle!

Dukermin: *Summons a cosmic bubble and traps the armored-person in it*

Nalitie: *running around trying to tie up the blue-armored lady with nanofiber yarn while not getting hurt*

Edith: *reading the miranda rights to the two that have been handcuffed and radioing to see if there are any tandem bike officers available in Verdanaville*

Nalitie: Please calm down!!! Papyrus is not going to hurt you!!! We can talk this out!!!

(An actual Verdanaville squad car shows up and police file out to deal with the two that Edith caught)

Blue-armored lady: *sees her friends about to get captured into weird, bright-lit-up possibly carriages???* *decides to try talking it out* *puts away her weapons*

Vampire and other lady: *still hostile, resisting being fed to the blue and red monster*

Blue-armored lady: *shouts something indecipherable*

(You feel the inexplicable urge to stop fighting and become peaceful, as if the voice of some powerful emperor has compelled you to peace.)

Dukermin: Wow, suddenly I just really want to give you all a nice hug.

Nalitie: *putting away her yarn, confused but at peace*

Vampire and other lady: *chill, standing there*

Police officers: *start chatting with handcuffed people about the weather* *uncuffs both of them*

Dukermin: Aww i see what happened. Yeah let's talk this out. We're not your enemies, and you've accidentally been portaled into a different dimension.

Other Lady: *to blue-armored lady, nervously* I knew you shouldn't have been reading those Black Books... What if we're stuck in Apocrypha?

Dukermin: This is not Apocrypha, it's Erscoga. Specifically, Verdanaville. The Capital.

Other Lady: ... *to the blue-armored lady* I've never heard of this plane...

Blue-armored lady: *shrugs*

Dukermin: Yeahh we kind of do our own thing over here. Anyway, you and anyone else who just got here are gonna need to head over to GCL to get setup with temporary housing. We need to figure out how to get everybody back where they came from, but we may not know for a while.

Blue-Armored Lady: ...

Dukermin: *gets on the stage* Okay folks, we're gonna get into three groups. Those of you who live here and came here knowingly, on the left. Those of you who got here through a weird portal but are already setup with housing etcetera, in the middle, and those of you who have no idea whats going on, go to the right.

(After some confusion over directions, the crowd splits into groups. Papyrus's houseguests, the New Yorkers, Buddy, and Giselle and Edward head to the middle. Most of the group that Santa brought scurries off to the right. The Erscogans—those who stayed after the debacle with Edward and his mom, anyway—scoot left.)

Dukermin: Cool. Okay, left group, find someone in the middle group and help them find their temporary housing. If they need help using a lunchbox portal, please help them.

Papyrus: *raises hand* EXCUSE ME, QUEENLY HUMAN???

Dukermin: Yes Papyrus?

Papyrus: MY ROYAL ROY'L GUARD ASSIGNMENT IS TO WATCH OVER PRINCELY HUMAN EDWARD, BUT HIS HOUSING IS IN NEW ROMAN, AND I ALSO HAVE TO WATCH MY HOUSEGUESTS ON PLUTO????

Dukermin: Is there an extra room for Edward to stay at your place?

Papyrus: HE CAN SLEEP IN THE BATHTUB???

Dukermin: Excellent. Edward, you have just been upgraded to bathroom housing.

Edward: *frowns* But is there enough room for my Giselle in this bath-room house?

Dukermin: Umm. IDK, how's about, the pluto best western? Those rooms have a bathtub AND a bed. It'll be close enough for Papyrus to check on you guys every once in a while.

Papyrus: BUT WHAT IF HE IS SEDUCED WHEN I AM NOT THERE???

Dukermin: You'll just have to get him un-seduced in that case. I believe in you Papyrus!

Papyrus: AH!!! OF COURSE, QUEENLY HUMAN!!! THAT IS AN EXCELLENT SUGGESTION!!!

Dukermin: Perfect, that's taken care of. Now, lady in blue armor in the right group, what's your name?

Blue-Armored Lady: ...

(Somehow, you now know that her name is Gladys.)

Dukermin: Gladys, I have a quest for you, and it's imperative that it's done right away. Bring this group of people with you to GCL, then make sure they are all assigned housing. *Gives directions*

Gladys: ...

(Gladys and her companions lead the crowd into the night. In the distance, you see Gladys scaling a house.)

Dukermin: That will turn out perfect. Alright. Now what.

Nalitie: *watching the crowd disperse* Well, I gotta go help Christine and Steven and Willy with the kids. And uh... I'll probably do some research tonight, so you might not see me until tomorrow afternoon. But um call me if that queen lady comes back?

Dukermin: Will do.

Nalitie: *nods, hops off the stage* OHWAIT *turns back to Dukermin* We should go tell Artemis and them that the Christmas Party is over... Turn off the lights in the opera house and stuff.

Dukermin: Oh yes! Energy conservation is important *Off to the Opera House*

(Sans, Madelynn, Lynn, Bruce, and Artemis are still at the Opera House. It looks like Nalitie's household already went home, except for Christine who is with you. Homeless Henry and Doug are nowhere to be found, probably at the bean convention. It seems like it has been a whole document and several months since you left this party.)

Dukermin: Merry Christmas everybody! Thanks for celebrating with us! We're gonna wrap it up now.

Nalitie: *taking down decorations, collecting her now even-more-questionable chip dip* *thankful that the venue was not destroyed again this time*

Dukermin: *shuts off all the lights while people are still walking out.*

Artemis and Co.: *heading back to the Smith Court Resort in the dark*

Nalitie: Merry Christmas!

~•*•~

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[erscogadatabase]

17: A Very Belated Very Erscoga Christmas the Third (Part 1)

Date: 6-12-2022 IDST, 5-23-2018 EST

(It is May. Nalitie is setting up decorations in the Spectre Opera House and Concert Hall in Erscoga's national colors—green and black and gray—like she does every year, except she's horribly late this year. Christine is taking the leftover cake she made back in December out of the freezer. There's about half of it left. She has Erscoga Tobias in a carrier, and he coos happily. It is Christmas.)

Dukermin: *rolls up* I have arrived! And I brought the Christmas tree!

Mickey Mouse: *rolls up also, decked out in christmas lights with a star taped to his head* *stands in a corner*

Nalitie: Nice, that takes care of the low budget tree I guess. That's what we get for skipping a whole year's worth of saving money to host an anachronistic Christmas party in May, pretending it's only a few months since our last one instead of the whole year because we're bad at time consistency and don't want the kids to grow up too fast.

Dukermin: Exactly. This is entirely sensible.

Nalitie: And we can still be on-brand for the season/tradition of having a Christmas party each year! Sorta. *sets out some like stale pretzels and questionable chip dip*

Dukermin: *puts presents at Mickey's feet*

Nalitie: oh yeah. *does the same, except they're all wrapped in like printer paper* I think that's everything, right? Food, decorations...

Dukermin: Yeah. We sent out invitations right?

Nalitie: I think so! I gave them to Papyrus to send by pigeon and he's usually on top of that stuff. *walks over to the doors and flings them open wide* Welcome to our Christmas Party!!!

(There is a singular guy standing outside on the street, dressed in a ratty old sweater and a hat. It's Homeless Henry.)

Homeless Henry: This where the bean convention's at?

Dukermin: I mean. It could be. There are probably beans somewhere. *leaves to look for beans*

Homeless Henry: *did not realize Dukermin was there at first* Well, bean convention or not, I'm sure whatever you've got going on is great, miss.

Dukermin: Wait a second *is holding an ancient can of beans that she found in a supply closet* Didn't you... like... melt?

Homeless Henry: I did indeed, miss, thanks to your kindness, but I was reconstructed by this kindly lady who stopped by the restaurant. Don't think she's from around here, though, lots of strange folks around town these days. Haven't seen her since.

Dukermin: That seems like a felony. Nat? Did you hear that? I don't think reconstruction magic is clarified in the power cap. Whatever that means.

Nalitie: Hm, yeah, I guess it would depend on how she did it. I guess since no one came to the party we could go investigate. Christine and Steven and Willy could watch the party and the kids. *unstraps Lisanarda and hands them to Willy Wonka*

Dukermin: I mean, Homeless Henry came to the party. *To Homeless Henry* Here's a can of beans! Have fun! Where did you meet this lady again? And what did she look like?

Homeless Henry: Well, she stopped by the mot- I mean the restaurant asking if we had any vegetarian tacos, and noticed no one was at the desk. Or well, I was at the desk, but a puddle. Anyway, she was real pretty. Not quite as pretty as you, but tall. Had a couple of others with her. All of them had these weird instruments or something. One of them was wearin' a robe. Maybe I should start doing that. Real comfy...

Dukermin: Okay, so a tall pretty lady in a band. Who likes vegetarian tacos.

Nalitie: *writing everything down on a notepad, suddenly wearing a detective hat*

Dukermin: Well, I suppose we could try any vegan restaurants in the area. Or if they're in a band, maybe they're performing somewhere. We could check the town board.

Nalitie: Yeah, that works. *onward to the town board*

Dukermin: *in the plaza* Hmm... here's a list of bands. Imagine Cheesons, Why Frogs Why, Lady Cerebellum, Mettaton, McFishing Rod, One Zillion Seconds to Devon... I don't know how I would be able to tell from this which one has a tall pretty lady who is also vegetarian.

Nalitie: Well, it's not Imagine Cheesons or Mettaton. Or Lady Cerebellum, probably, she's mostly a solo act. Why Frogs Why is me. It could be either McFishing Rod or One Zillion Seconds to Devon.

Dukermin: We could split up. I'll go see McFishing Rod, at the Milk Bar.

Nalitie: Alright, then I'll head to *checks board* the park to find One Zillion Seconds to Devon.

Dukermin: *off to the Milk Bar*

(The Milk Bar is in downtown Verdanaville, and there is a large sign out front announcing the band playing tonight. Inside, the lights are dim as the spotlights focus on McFishing Rod. He stands behind a turntable, cool reflective sunglasses glinting in the colored lights. The crowd is small but loud. The bartender is serving various flavors of milk to their patrons. A rather large collection of milk glasses has piled up on one end of the bar, where a man who looks like he's had a little too much milk sits. He is shirtless, wearing nothing but his pants, armored boots, and some armor plates. He also has a sling full of what you think are bricks.)

(On the other end of the bar, there is an equally large pile of glasses. On the stage, near McFishing Rod, there's someone who looks eerily like Nalitie playing the accordion—badly.)

Dukermin: *walking past the shirtless guy* Hey, are you doing alright? *attempts to sneak his sling away just in case*

Brick Guy: *with a half-filled glass of milk in one hand* The Thane of Brickappotamus attempts to buy a glass of milk for the nice lady.

Bartender: *unsure if that was a request for more milk or not*

Dukermin: Okay! *walks away with his bricks* *gets closer to the stage*

Thane of Brickappotamus: *did not even notice her take the bricks* *turns to a lady next to him* The Thane of Brickappotamus attempts to woo the fine young maiden to his left.

"Fine Young Maiden": No thanks. *gets up and leaves*

(The Thane, sadly, seems to have rolled too low for this.)

Dukermin: *yelling at the stage* Do you like vegetarian tacos???

Nalitie-Lookalike: *scootches closer to McFishing Rod to try to hear the chords better over Dukermin's yelling* *continues to play every single chord incorrectly*

Dukermin: *still yelling as the beat drops* How tall are you????

(Standing next to McFishing Rod, the top of Nalitie-Lookalike's head just scrapes his chin.)

McFishing Rod: I'm 5'10", dude! *continues jamming*

Dukermin: I'm not talking to you!! I'm talking to the bad accordion player!!

Nalitie-Lookalike: Hey!!! That's, like, mean! *stops playing with a jangling of accordion keys*

Dukermin: It's mean to ignore the queen! Anyway. You seem not-very-tall. Do you have a tall vegetarian friend?

Nalitie-Lookalike: *makes a surprised face* Have you seen her?? I've been looking for her all day! We got separated this morning when I... *mumbles something inaudible, looking embarrassed*

Dukermin: Okay, we'll unpack that later. You should come with me!! We're also looking for your friends!

Nalitie-Lookalike: Oh. Okay. *jumps off the stage, but lands very softly as she expands her accordion* *trips only a little because she had a bit too much milk*

Dukermin: Okay, I'm going to call my friend who looks exactly like you for some reason. *calls Nalitie*

Nalitie: *lost in the park trying to find the concert location* *answers* yyyes? I mean hello.

Dukermin: how's your concert? Did you find the lady?

Nalitie: Um... where is Insert Name of the Stage at again in Unnamed Park? I'm... a little lost.

Dukermin: Well, if you passed the Unidentified Celebrity's Pavilion and Unknown Memorial Playground then it should be just to the right.

Nalitie: Do we have more than one playground? I'm by the Ambiguous Playground Equipment. Am I in the wrong park?

Dukermin: Bruh. That's the wrong side of the park. Turn around. I'm on the way with one of the person's friends.

Nalitie: Dang, ok. I came from the Lot on This Side of the Park and usually I park in the Lot on That Side of the Park so I just turned the wrong way.

Dukermin: Ah yes thats entirely reasonable. Okay I'm heading over. *is already at the concert*

Nalitie: *has to walk across the entirety of Unnamed Park* *arrives very out of breath*

(Insert Name of the Stage is decorated with red lights and a generally moody atmosphere. It is also covered in instruments, with the two singers standing at the front of the stage, lamenting about how long it will take for Devon to come home. It is their entire founding backstory or something.

There's a large crowd tonight, and it's difficult to see everyone. Nalitie stands at the back of the crowd on the left side, trying to find Dukermin.)

Dukermin: *texts Nalitie* "Look for yourself."

Nalitie: *confused* *spins in a circle, but catches a flash of her lookalike's bright blue cloak as the lights pass over it. She heads in that direction.*

Dukermin: Nalitie! *waves* meet... wait what's your name?

Nalitie-Lookalike: I am The Bard. But you can call me Bruce, I guess.

Dukermin: Meet Bruce!

Nalitie: *awkward salute at Bruce* I'm Nalitie. *looking around* Do you see your friends anywhere in this crowd?

Bruce: *a tad overwhelmed, especially with the quantity of dairy she consumed* *shakes her head*

Dukermin: You know what would be fun - I mean helpful - is if we got on the stage and looked from there and also maybe sang with the band but whatever.

Nalitie: *as the implications soar over her head* Yeah, we should do that, I'll go up on that side *points* if you wanna take the other stairs with Bruce.

Dukermin: *does that*

Nalitie: *also heading up*

(The members of One Zillion Seconds to Devon are far too immersed in their song to notice. Scanning the crowd, you see a few familiar faces—some Lumoae, the Green Circle Labs team, Papyrus (!), and some of the Sams. You can also see a man dressed in business clothes looking mightily out of place—and confused—as well as a lady in orange pants holding some sort of a giant metal ball. Oh, and a lady in a big leather coat carrying a bow and arrow. She's the only one here with a noticeable weapon.)

Dukermin: *points out a few of the more interesting patrons to Bruce* recognize any of them?

Bruce: *points at bow and arrow lady* I like her jacket! *is having difficulty because there's a lot going on and she's full of dairy*

Dukermin: Good. But do you recognize the jacket?? That's the question.

Bruce: *shrugs* she reminds me of someone. Oh, The Ranger. She'd like that jacket.

Dukermin: okay. *grabs the microphone from one of the singers after the song ends* Hello! We have a lost bard up here! Anyone who recognizes her please come up to the stage!

Jacket Lady: *was already on her way up as soon as she saw Bruce*

Dukermin: *dragging Bruce to the end of the stage* *to the new person* Hey, do you like vegetarian tacos?

Jacket Lady: ??? Not really, but Artemis was looking for some earlier.

Dukermin: Can you bring us to Artemis??? *hops off stage*

Jacket Lady: *shakes head* Haven't seen her since we got split up this morning. Her magic 8 ball gave us faulty advice, as always, so we rolled a die and ended up taking some wrong turns. She tried to backtrack, and then when she didn't come back for us, me and Lynn split up to try to find her. And then, you know, I saw this concert was happening and wanted to see what was up.

Dukermin: Maybe we should all go back to where you last saw Artemis and see if we can figure out where she ended up. And NOT split up this time.

Jacket Lady: I don't know if I know exactly where that was, but I can try. Lemme do this quick... *pulls out a small notebook and a quill* *starts writing a song, which glows and extends a path out into the distance* *starts following the path*

Dukermin: Oh. Neat. *follows* Hey, what's your name so we can stop referring to you as Jacket Lady.

Jacket Lady: I'm The Ranger.

Dukermin: Cool name.

Bruce: *whispers loudly* her real name is Madelynn!

Dukermin: Neat. Good to know. So, what, are you the only bard where you come from and Madelynn is the only ranger?

Bruce: *shrugs* I'm the only one in our group.

Dukermin: Cool.

(You follow the path for a while, then end up in an alley somewhere near TreeGrass (but thankfully outside). The sky is a dusky yellow.)

Dukermin: So uhh. If this is where you last saw your friend, can you think of any place that she would be interested in going to? Preferably not an evil science institution?

Madelynn: She might have tried to go back to the hotel we found to stay in. I'm not sure where that is, though. My spell wasn't working on her or Bruce or Lynn, probably because they were in places I haven't been yet. The hotel was *points down a street* in that direction somewhere.

Nalitie: *dutifully taking notes and readjusting her hat*

Dukermin: Hmm. Since you know the general direction of the hotel, lets start walking that way and see what we come across.

(You head down the street in that direction as Lux dips below the horizon. The windows of Green Circle Labs glow in the twilight, as usual. You're coming up on Nalitie's house now. The lights are off, since everyone was out for the night. The couch blasts off into space.)

Nalitie: *watching her couch to make sure it blasts off successfully and at the right angle and such*

Bruce: :O

Dukermin: *also watching the couch* Hey that looked like a pretty successful couch blast.

Nalitie: Yeah, I've been working on the propulsion system, making a few upgrades so we don't go through so much fuel. The other ones had trouble making it up all the way to the station, but that looked pretty good. I'll have to see if it lands back in its spot when I get home, though.

Dukermin: Ah yeah thats a very sensible thing to do. Anyway. *continues toward the hotel*

Madelynn and Bruce: ??? *continue walking as well*

(Eventually, your group reaches the Smith Court Resort. It's a moderately-sized hotel, painted white to look like a house. It's completely full, no vacancies.)

Nalitie: *to Madelynn and Bruce* do you guys have one of your hotel keys?

Bruce: *opens a secret compartment on her accordion and pulls out some rubber bands, a crap ton of paper clips, and a hotel key card* Thar y'are.

Dukermin: *checks the number on the room key* Room 227? *starts looking for that room and goes upstairs*

(You reach Room 227, down a cozily-lit hallway. The door is slightly ajar.)

Dukermin: that's ominous *cautiously peers into the room*

(There's a woman sitting in one of the chairs playing the lyre. She's wearing long robes and has her hair in two long braids. She's chatting with someone who must be on one of the beds, but you can't see them. Their voice is familiar, though.)

Dukermin: *points to Bruce* Seems like one of your friends are in there, you should go in and say hi first.

Bruce: Oh, I can give her this! *pulls a mostly-spilled glass of milk that she stole from the Milk Bar out of her accordion* *enters the room* Lynn I got you milk!!! *sloshing it all over the floor* *notices the other people* *is a bit freaked out*

Dukermin: *goes into the room*

Sans: sup.

Frisk: *waves*

Dukermin: Oh it's a whole party in here! *motions for the others to come in*

Sans: found this kid wandering the streets on the way to your party. thought we'd bring her back and keep her company til her friends got back.

Nalitie and Madelynn: *enter*

Bruce: *hands Lynn what's basically an empty glass that is covered in milk at this point*

Lynn: *takes the glass and carefully sets it down* thanks, I guess.

Dukermin: So I take it you're Lynn. We're kind of looking for Artemis, have you seen her?

Lynn: Yeah, I'm Lynn. Most people just call me The Cleric, though. I haven't seen Artemis since this morning when we were looking for Bruce.

Dukermin: Hmm. Any idea where she would have gone to look for Bruce?

Lynn: I mean, we saw Bruce chasing a squirrel when she left, so probably to like a park or something.

Dukermin: Oh ha that is embarrassing. Hmm, we've already been to one park and didn't see her.

Nalitie: That is where we found Bruce, though. *to Bruce* did you catch that squirrel?

Bruce: ... *opens another compartment on her accordion*

Squirrel: *hops out and crawls up Bruce's arm to rest on her shoulder*

Bruce: His name is Jim.

Dukermin: *To Nalitie* Do you think Artemis might have gotten lost on the way to the park? Hopefully she didn't end up in a lunchbox portal or something.

Nalitie: Ooh, yeah hope not. Um, what's back on the way to the park? There's like... TreeGrass and Green Circle and my house and like the Opera House, I guess? There's a lot of other people's houses. Sea Food? But if she's the one who's a vegetarian, she probably didn't go there.

Dukermin: Yeah probably not. Lynn, do any of those places sound like something Artemis would end up at?

Lynn: I don't know what a lot of those places are, but like opera is her main thing I guess.

Dukermin: Okay, back to the Opera House we go! *to the opera house*

Nalitie: UGH ok, that's ok we can check on Christine and Henry I guess.

(You all head back to the Spectre Opera House. The doors are still open, the party/bean convention still going on inside. Actually, there are a lot of open cans of beans all over the floor. Christine, Steven, and Willy are in the corner by Mickey eating cake and watching the children. Homeless Henry is sitting on the floor next to a man you've never seen who is eating beans and sitting on some sort of weird box. No tall pretty vegetarian lady, though.)

Dukermin: Glad to see our party is doing exactly as well as it was when we left. I guess we should check the other areas of the Opera House.

Nalitie: Actually, our party might be doing better than when we left. *gestures to the new guy, and also Sans who has already managed to spill punch all over the floor to create a slip n' slide*

Dukermin: oh yeah you're right, how could I have missed that this party is totally bumpin' now. Wait, *to new guy* who are you?

Guy: *hesitates, then looks down at his box as if for advice* *listens for a second* *looks back up* My name is Doug. I was just sharing some of my beans with Henry. *pulls a can of beans out of the box he's sitting on* Would you like some?

Dukermin: You know what, it's a party. Sure I'll take some beans. Cool box by the way.

Guy: Her name is Cube. *pats Cube*

(Cube is a metal box with pink accents and a heart drawn on each side.)

Dukermin: Well. It's lovely to meet you, Cube and Doug. *leaves without grabbing the beans*

Nalitie: *to Dukermin as they walk away* Do you know where that guy came from? I... think I do, but we never brought that universe here...

Dukermin: I mean, there are lots of strange faces around, or whatever Henry said.

Nalitie: Hm, yeah ok.

Bruce: *takes the can of beans from Doug to feed Jim*

Dukermin: *walking around in side rooms etc, calling out for Artemis*

Bruce: *has like a scarf or something that she's trying to get Jim to sniff and track (it's not working)*

Nalitie: *heading up to the upper levels*

Dukermin: *opens up the bean cabinet and accidentally knocks over a wall of beans, exposing a small doorway* Whoaaaa.

Bruce: :O

Dukermin: *opens the door, revealing a set of stairs and a hallway.*

(You head down the hallway. It looks... very modern, actually. With gray carpet and pale blue walls. Up ahead, you see a big room with what looks like a reception desk. There's a woman sitting at it.)

Dukermin: Umm.. Hello?

Woman: Oh! Hello, are you here for Bean-a-Palooza?

Dukermin: Why would I be in the basement of the Opera House looking for the Bean-a-Palooza??

Woman: This is where Bean-A-Palooza is held every year! Are you a new member of Legumes Ltd. or the Society of Beanatics?

Dukermin: Both.

Woman: Oh my! We have a dedicated bean lover on our hands! I'm quite surprised that you don't know about the history of Bean-A-Palooza and BeanCo.

Dukermin: Ah yeah, I'm a notorious history-despiser. Anyway, I'm looking for a tall pretty lady.

Woman: Ah... I think I might know who you're talking about! Bean-A-Palooza is, er... not well-known for attracting pretty women. Someone came in here earlier today, and she didn't seem to know anything about beans. She said she was looking for some companions, and well, the bean community is a great place to find companionship! There's nothing more welcoming than a nice can of BeanCo. Beans, after all. We gave her free admission to the convention after that. I think she really likes our bean-based tacos. They're completely vegetarian, by the way.

Dukermin: Everything makes so much sense now. Well it doesn't. But still. Could you point me in her direction please?

Woman: Oh, I'm sorry miss, but we can't let non-attendees into the convention. Too many trade secrets, you see. But if you have your Legumes Ltd. or Society of Beanatics card, you get a member discount!

Dukermin: what does it cost to become an attendee?

Woman: *pulls out a calculator* Hm, let's see, without the discount it's 15 Loaves.

Dukermin: No one carries around that kind of loavage!! What is it with the discount?

Woman: With the discount, if you're a regular member it's 5 Loaves, but if you're a Young Beanist member, it's only 15 Slices. Those schoolkids don't make very much Bread, you know.

Dukermin: Okay, I have 2 loaves on me. So lets see here *starts pulling things out of her pocket* I know I have my cards in here somewhere *throws all her items at the receptionist, grabs Bruce, and runs past* ARTEMIIIIIIS

Bruce: 0.0

(The receptionist is stunned, and looks around. She starts to get up from her desk, but thinks better of it because what if someone else comes and then doesn't get welcomed?)

Dukermin: *runs through a doorway and closes it behind her*

(At the front of the room, some guy is running a panel on BeanCo. Beans and their value compared to Off Brand! Beans. People are seated at tables with samples of the two brands in front of them. Everyone looks very much like people who would attend a bean convention.)

Dukermin: *runs to the panelist and shouts at everyone* Have any of you seen a tall pretty lady !?!?!

Beangoers: ???

Panelist: Excuse me!! Now I don't remember where I was in my presentation. I'm going to have to start all over again!

Dukermin: It's urgent! We have reason to believe she's here to steal trade secrets about your beans!!!!

Beangoer: :O Do you mean that woman in the tall shoes who was interested in my bean-based taco recipe? She was suspiciously un-beanlike...

Dukermin: YES! WHERE?

Beangoer: I think she was down by the expo hall. She must be looking for bean recipes to copy! Or worse—she wants to plant her own beans!

Dukermin: THE ABSURDITY! Can you point me towards the expo hall??

Beangoer: I'll bring you there myself! *gets up and brings them to the expo hall*

(The expo hall is busy. There are tables in rows all across the room, each one showcasing a different bean-related product or bean company. The Helpful Beangoer looks around, then points towards one of the corners of the room, where a woman is sitting with a cone-shaped glass of water because no one gets real cups at these things.)

Beangoer: That's her!!!

Dukermin: Artemis! You are under arrest for grand beanery! *runs over to her and whispers* not really your other friends are upstairs.

Artemis, probably: Grand beanery? *sees Bruce* Oh, you found Bruce.

Bruce (and Jim): *munching on the can of beans from earlier*

Beangoer: Say... What brand of beans are those?

Bruce: *shrugs* *shows Beangoer the can, which has a weird circular logo on it that looks like a camera shutter*

Dukermin: Wow, Bruce, I can't believe you like that brand of beans. Fake fan. Anyway. We gotta get the prisoner to bean jail immediately *grabs Bruce and Artemis by the robes/cloaks and walks out*

(As you ascend from the underground bean world, you begin to feel a strange sense of being away from home. You miss the bean world already, but the feeling subsides as you get further from the bean cabinet. Nalitie, Madelynn, and Lynn have regrouped by the Christmas party.)

Dukermin: Reunited! Now, we have questions for Artemis specifically.

Artemis: If it's about beans, I don't think I'll be able to help you...

Dukermin: Naw, do you recognize that man over there? *points to Homeless Henry*

Artemis: Oh, is he the one who was made out of cheese?

Dukermin: ... Excuse me?

Artemis: Yesterday, our group went to his restaurant thinking it was a motel, and he was there on the floor melted into a puddle. I asked my staff what to do, and of course it was no help, but I realized he was made out of cheese so I put him in a bucket in the freezer so he could re-solidify.

Dukermin: So it wasn't illegal reanimation magic or necromancy?

Artemis: I'm not sure if my magic is strong enough for that. It is strong enough to keep me upright in these heels, though.

Dukermin: Henry!!! *storms over to the Bean Boyz* Why didn't you tell us you were made of cheese???

Henry: Would you like me better if I was made out of cheese?

Dukermin: It would literally not impact me at all, aside from the fact we just spent all day searching for someone thinking some crazy magic stuff was going on!

Henry: ... :(

Dukermin: I like you fine, Henry. I'm a married woman though, and I feel like if we're going to be friends you should tell me that you're made of cheese so that if you randomly MELT we don't think you're dead and can help you reform or whatever.

Henry: ... oh. Er. Yeah, I'm made of cheese. Cheddar, to be exact.

Dukermin: Thanks for telling me. BTW, the bean convention is downstairs.

Bruce: Through the bean closet!

Nalitie: ?????

Henry: Oh! Of course, because anything left of BeanCo. would have to be underground now that this opera house is here. Thank you kindly, miss. *heads down there, inviting Doug to come with him*

Dukermin: *to Artemis* So like... who are you guys and where did you come from? Our cap usually doesn't allow randoms through, and we usually know everybody who turns out to be an important character.

Artemis: Important character?

Dukermin: Nevermind that.

Artemis: Oo-kay. We're magimusicians from the distant countryside, and we were travelling to the University to present our research to the council.

Dukermin: Wow you just said a whole lotta nothing. Did like... a wormhole suck you up or something because this is definitely not a research university.

Artemis: A... wormhole?

Dukermin: Like a portal or something.

Artemis: Well, there was a weird burst of magic before we woke up again in the field. Maybe it transported us here while we were out. We were assuming it was just a field off the side of the road we'd been travelling on, but perhaps it wasn't...

Dukermin: *to Nalitie* do you suppose something has happened to the towers? Does LOGIC expire?

Nalitie: Um... not that I know of? We can go check, though.

Dukermin: Well, hey wait it's "christmas" we need to exchange gifts! We can figure this out later.

Nalitie: Oh yeah, Christmas, that's what this document was. *takes stock of the party's guests*

(Homeless Henry and Doug have gone downstairs to Bean-a-Palooza. Christine is here with Erscoga Tobias. Steven and Willy Wonka are watching the other three kids, who are napping cause it's late. Mickey Mouse is acting as the Christmas tree. Artemis, Madelynn, Lynn, and Bruce are still here.)

Dukermin: *claps hands* alright everyone, it's time to exchange gifts!

Nalitie: *grabs her pile to give out, but realizes that a bunch of people she'd planned on giving stuff to aren't there*

Dukermin: *hands poorly wrapped presents out to Nalitie, Willy Wonka, and Christine and Steven. She leaves a present by the bean door for Homeless Henry*

Artemis, Madelynn, Lynn, and Bruce: *confused about why gifts are being given out, but want to join in* *start giving people stuff out of their pockets*

Nalitie: *hands presents to those in her household* *approaches Dukermin with a medium-ish rectangular prism*

Dukermin: Open yours and then I'll open mine. *under breath* we should probably free him.

Nalitie: What

Dukermin: Just open it! And quickly!

Nalitie: *opens gift*

(a small man made ot of what looks like felt wearing a black top hat hops out of the box)

Pocket Magician™: OH THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME OUT IVE BEEN IN THAT BOX FOR TWO DAYS PICK A CARD *holds out three cards*

Nalitie: *points at one of the cards confusedly* Do... I... do you need to be like fed?

Pocket Magician™: I FEED OFF OF PRAISE AND ADULATION *flicks the card you chose into the air and the card disappears* CHECK YOUR LEFT POCKET.

Nalitie: *does that*

(a teeny tiny piece of paper is in your pocket. Amazing! It's your card!)

Nalitie: *squinting at the print* Ohh I get it, cool. Uh... *trying to figure out what to do with the Pocket Magician™*

Pocket Magician™: *begins to glow and sparkle then disappears*

(you hear a tiny voice from within your other pocket)

Pocket Magician™: I'm gonna live in here now! Let me know whenever you need to see another trick!

Dukermin: Cool right! He may be a cursed item!

Nalitie: Well, we can deal with that later if it ever comes up, thank you for the tiny man :D You should open yours now.

Dukermin: *opens the present from Nalitie*

(Inside is an old-looking book. It has a bunch of different languages on the cover: some weird scratchy runes, some weird symbols in brackets, and French, German, Italian, Latin, and English. It says it's a linguistic guide of some sort.)

Dukermin: Ooooh I don't know what this is. *opens the book*

(The book is a quick guide to the pronunciation of a bunch of different languages: the five familiar Earth languages as well as Dragon Language. It also has a quick guide to IPA symbols!)

Dukermin: Ahhh okay that's useful! Thank you!

Bruce: *sees the IPA on the cover* Oh!!! Are you practicing music magic??? Here, you'll need these!!! *gives her a handful of gold and some weird looking gems*

Dukermin: Okay! This relates somehow! *knows nothing about IPA*

Nalitie: *looking at the weird gems* IDK, those gems have IPA symbols on them I guess. I don't know what you're supposed to do with them, though. Maybe if you say the sounds it's supposed to do something?

Dukermin: *looks in the book and finds one that matches a gem* okay so.... æ

(Nothing happens.)

Nalitie: hm.

Bruce: Oh, you're supposed to mix those into spells! Here, watch. *pulls out a bunch of tokens and spreads them out on the floor, ordered into the phrase [l aɪ t]* *crushes them and stirs them into a pile, which starts glowing* See! I made light!

Dukermin: huh. That's pretty cool.

Nalitie: I... didn't know that was a way you could do magic. Uh. I just got you the book cause it had info about Dragon Language in it. Thought you could talk to Addy's dragon or something.

Dukermin: Makes sense! I wonder if magi music would work for anyone with these gems, even if they're not from wherever these folks are from.

Nalitie: Hm... Hey Christine come here!

Christine: *walks over* Yes?

Nalitie: *to Bruce* do you have more of those tokens?

Bruce: *nods and hands her a small pouch*

Nalitie: *to Christine* here, spell something. Like uh.... Water...?

Christine: ??? *takes tokens* *arranges them on the floor into the phrase/word [w a d ə]*

Nalitie: Ok now uh smash them with this I guess *hands her a heavy bean can*

Christine: Okay? *smashes them with the can*

(The shards of broken gems melt into a puddle of water.)

Dukermin: So I guess pretty much anyone can use the tokens as long as they can figure out how to do IPA. So they're more like a magic item.

Nalitie: huh, neat.

Dukermin: Welp. Now it's time for... wait a second Papyrus isn't here! I know Candle Grandma has a gift for him!

Nalitie: wait wasn't Papyrus at that concert where we found Madelynn, too? He didn't come to our party and he was the one who was supposed to send out invitations!

Dukermin: Betrayal! Let's go find him! *storms out*

(You all head back to Unnamed Park to see if the One Zillion Seconds to Devon concert is still happening, since that's where Papyrus was last.)

(You arrive at the park. The concert is over, but lots of people are still around. There's a very confused looking gentlemen with curly dark brown hair being crowdsurfed perhaps unwillingly. Everyone is chanting "Devon! Devon! Devon!" Papyrus is among them.)

Nalitie: *points accusingly at Papyrus, not noticing any of the other unfamiliar people in the crowd* There he is!

Dukermin: *races over and bumps through the crowd of people*

Devon: *gets jostled and falls down* *runs away* I just wanted to go to the concert!!!

Dukermin: PAPYRUS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?

Papyrus: AH! QUEENLY HUMAN! I WAS WATCHING THESE PEOPLE SING ABOUT THAT MAN OVER THERE! *points in the direction Devon went*

Dukermin: Are you sure that was the right Devon...? Anyway! You were supposed to be at our Christmas party AND you were supposed to mail out the invitations!

Papyrus: Ah! I did, in fact, mail out invitations! I do apologize, though, for I, the Great Papyrus, could not make it. Mettaton asked me to host this concert, since he was busy helping with the situation on Pluto and could not be here to do this!

Dukermin: What situation? Why weren't we aware of the situation? That's like... our whole job.

Papyrus: We sent letters!!! Perhaps they went to the same place that the invitations went???

Dukermin: Huh? *to Nalitie* Do you think the mail system is backed up or something?

Nalitie: Hm, I haven't seen my pigeons in a while, actually. I wonder if they got lost? Sometimes they go out into Interdimensional Space and then I don't see them for a while. I knew I should have gotten some trackers...

Dukermin: We'll deal with that some other time. Papyrus, Candle Grandma has a present for you *becomes candle grandma*

Candle Grandma: *pull a heart shaped box out of her purse* Hello dearie! Merry Christmas! I got this for you <3

Papyrus: :D!!! Hello Candle!!! *takes box, opens it*

(Inside is a bunch of chocolates, some are in the likeness of Candle Grandma and Papyrus. Some are shaped like a bowl of spaghetti)

Candle Grandma: The ones shaped like us are just regular chocolates, but very handsome chocolates at that! The spaghetti shaped ones are filled with spaghetti!

Papyrus: Wowie!!! *gives her an enthusiastic hug* Er... The Great Papyrus did in fact have a present for you, but it may have gotten misplaced because of all our house guests :(

Candle Grandma: That's okay, dear. You can make it up to me by taking me out next week *winks and turns back into Dukermin*

Dukermin: Hang on, Candle Grandma just mentioned something to me about house guests... in my brain/SOUL space. It's weird also remember you owe her a date.

Papyrus: Ah! Indeed! My house is very full because of the house guests!

Dukermin: Do... do you know these house guests? No offense but I didn't realize you had so many friends...

Papyrus: I do now!!! They came to our house because they needed somewhere to stay, and they are all humans, except for one who isn't a human, and one who is a robot, and another one who is only sort of a human, but isn't a human.

Dukermin: ... Alright this is starting to concern me. Just now I'm becoming worried about this situation. Somehow this has completely blindsided us! There were no signs!

Nalitie: I'm not even sure what the whole situation is.

Papyrus: Ah! There are two of my houseguests now! They came to the concert with me!

Man in Business Clothes Holding a Bucket and Lady in Orange Pants Carrying a Metal Ball: *approach*

Dukermin: Cool bucket and cool metal ball.

Metal Ball: Oi! I have a name, you know! *rotates around; it has a like blue light that looks kind of like an eye*

Dukermin: Alright... what is your name?

Metal Ball: *to the lady carrying it* She actually doesn't know! I feel like everybody knew everybody down in Aperture, isn't that crazy that people don't know each other up here? Oh, right, *turns back to Dukermin* I'm Wheatley!

Dukermin: Umm nice to meet you. Where do you think you are right now because it is definitely not the Aperture or whatever you said. Did you come here on purpose?

Wheatley: Oh, well the uh, tall skeletal man over there said we're on a planet called Termata. We all came here together, for this concert thing, so I guess we did come here on purpose, yeah.

Dukermin: But... how did you get through the power cap? Was it through GCL?

Wheatley: I'm um. Not sure what you're on about. That guy just told us to step into this, I think he said it was a lunchbox? And it was, you know, like one of the portals, except it took a long time to go through it. Kind of weird like that, and not even orange or blue.

Dukermin: Right right, what I'm not understanding is how you came to Erscoga in the first place?

Wheatley: Ooh, what's Erscoga? Sounds like a cool kind of place.

Dukermin: ... Okay not to be rude, but are you able to just.. Go back to the aperture?

Wheatley: *makes noise I don't know the name of. Inverse s sound* Er... right, about that, I don't um, see we got out of Aperture cause of this big explosion, right? And I'm not sure how that happened, but uh. Don't want to go back there. Cause if we go back there, well, for one it might just be a big bottomless pit in the ground, but if it isn't a big bottomless pit, she will probably kill us just for coming back, you know how she is... Doesn't really want us hanging around and all that. You know. After I. Well, you know, that's not important, but what is important is that we–

Dukermin: Stop go back. she ? and a bottomless pit?

Wheatley: Oh, er, you know, the big boss lady. The one in charge. Of the whole facility. I mean, if it is still a facility, didn't blow up.

Dukermin: I literally do not know.

(The woman fishes something out of her pocket and hands it to you. It's a brochure for a science company called Aperture. Must be where they're from. She points to a section that details something called the GLaDOS project.)

Dukermin: Ooh yikes yeah I do not know how to tell this to you guys but you are in the complete wrong dimension. In fact *gestures to crowds of people that are totally unfamiliar* you are not the only ones that somehow wandered in here by accident.

Business Man: *hugs his bucket tighter in fear*

Kid, also carrying a bucket: *sees the business man's bucket* *runs up excitedly, as if to talk about buckets together, but sort of remembers something and stops, backing away awkwardly*

Dukermin: *to nalitie* So, we should probably sort out some sort of housing situation for our unexpected guests. We should hand out pamphlets for the Best Western for now. And then, we'll need to figure out if the bottomless pit thing is a trend or not, and either send these people back to their dimensions or make sure they're settled in.

Nalitie: If we could get ahold of Elma, maybe she'd be able to help. We could talk to GCL about stuff too, but I'm not sure how they're getting in? This is a lot of people, what if they just come back?

Dukermin: I'm kind of worried they may not have much to go back to if the bottomless pit thing is happening to everyone. That sounds not fun.

Nalitie: yeah... Ok, so we should get those who are here settled in somewhere, and try to stop more from coming in, and I guess figure out what's happening to see if people can even go back. Otherwise, disperse amongst the planets. How many more do you think there are? (Suddenly, you hear sleigh bells... Everyone looks into the sky, and inexplicably in the middle of May—there's Santa! And Christine! And... a whole train full of people.)

Dukermin: *Waves* Obviously there is a fair amount more!

Santa: *lands his sleigh* Merry Christmas, everyone!

Christine: *gets out and goes over to them* After you all left, these people came into the opera house looking for directions. I don't recognize any of them, though.

(The sleigh is filled with a bunch of people you've never seen: intimidating people in armor, a vampire, a lizard man carrying a gigantic sword, a yellow bipedal dog dressed like a secretary, a band of monsters, a guy in a cloak carrying a giant D20, and a young man with dark hair and black clothing with a diamond cut out of the front.)

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

(To be continued...) 

~•*•~

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[erscogadatabase]

16: Bread

Date: 7-31-2020 IDST, 3-27-2018 EST

Snape: *in the corner at a makeshift desk, brewing a potion* *looks up from his work and scowls at Dukermin* Are you aware that the latent magical energy in your house is out of balance? It's a wonder that I was able to make that simple fertilizer for that plant you had. *has a bunch more plants waiting to be revived*

Dukermin: *shamelessly looking over his shoulder as he works* Yeah I tried to do a feng shui thing a while back and completely screwed it up and haven't gotten around to fixing it. Maybe if I had real furniture instead of rocks it would be a little more spiritually aligned in here.

Snape: *makes some noise of acknowledgement and continues working* Where is that plant that I revived? Perhaps I could use it to know how to adjust my formula... *seems to be throwing things in the mix at random*

Dukermin: I'll get it, it's in the "dragon" den. *goes to fetch plant* Here he is! I named him Ziggy FYI.

Snape: ... This plant has legs.

Dukermin: yeah he actually ran away a while back, but he loved me so much he returned. Just last night actually! He brought his begonia girlfriend with him!

Snape: ...

Dukermin: Anywhooo... How are you liking Erscoga?

Snape: ... *hasn't left the house because it's the most similar thing to his dungeons that he's seen so far in his journeys with the Erscoga folks* *continues working*

Dukermin: You know, you should get out more. See our beautiful and very organized world! You could join a quidditch club! Or start a quidditch club!

Snape: I cannot imagine a world, even this one, in which I would start a quidditch club of all things, up there with the likes of James Potter.

Dukermin: It doesn't have to be a quidditch club, maybe a... culinary appreciation club? Or a.. idk cool cape club? What are you into?

Snape: *isn't going to bother answering* *scowls and jumps away as another cauldron explodes due to the magical energy in Dukermin's house* *cleans it up*

Dukermin: Yeah I gotta get that feng shui fixed. *helps clean it up*

Snape: *Evanesco-s the last remnants of the potion*

Dukermin: You have cleaning magics! That's so cool, you should start a cleaning club. I guess that's just a maid service but... like fun.

Snape: *glares at her* Do I look like a house elf to you?

Dukermin: No you look like a grumpy wizard man. I'm just trying to help... If you want to you can just chill here but like its damp and unaligned... Gotta get that sun vitamin you know...

Snape: *pointedly ignoring Dukermin as he rummages around in his pockets for more ingredients, coming up short* *frowns* Perhaps it would be prudent to gather more wormwood.

Dukermin: Is that a thing you dig out of the ground? I have a shovel! *excitedly runs to grab a shovel* Maybe Nalitie wants to help us find herbs!

Snape: *isn't going to mention that she doesn't really need the shovel, instead sheathing the dagger from his table and pocketing it* Is she the one who launched herself off of the school roof before you brought me here? *also has some vague feeling from another story in another life*

Dukermin: Yeah probably, sounds about right. Let's go! *off to Nalitie's house*

Snape: *following, because he'd have no idea where he's going otherwise*

Nalitie: *inside her house, reading to Lisa, Leonarda, and Erscoga Tobias*

Dukermin: *knocks on door with shovel, it's one of those plastic beach shovels*

Snape: *feeling uncomfortable being out in broad daylight, because he's spent the last 16 years working in the shadows and also being a spy, kind of, not consecutively*

Christine: *opens door, AE Tobias on her hip* Oh! Hello, Dukermin!

Dukermin: Hey everyone! We're gonna go find some wormwood, anyone wanna join?

Nalitie: *finishes the page she's on* .... Wormwood....?

Christine: I'm afraid I have rehearsal later this afternoon; I don't want to risk missing it, or I would come with you.

Nalitie: *setting down the book and picking up all three babies somehow* I'll come with you! Lemme just drop these guys off at Hope's house over on Aeuton, first.

Dukermin: Alrighty!

Snape: *impatient and wants to be doing this alone, but has no idea where to even find an environment suitable to grow wormwood, or if wormwood exists in Erscoga*

Dukermin: *to Snape* So uh yeah this is nalitie's house. Anyway, we'll probably go to Bensel to find wormwood.

Nalitie: *wants to wave, but is carrying three children simultaneously* Hello again! That other lady was my housemate, Christine.

Dukermin: Wanna lunchbox to Aeuton? *preps lunchbox*

Snape: Lunchbox?

Dukermin: Yeah it's the most common form of planet-to-planet travel in Erscoga.

Nalitie: It's.... Maybe like a portkey? Except you go into it, instead of just touching it.

Dukermin: Yeah, Nalitie, you should go first, just so Snape can see what's up.

Nalitie: *goes into lunchbox headfirst, clumsily with her extra load*

Dukermin: Yeah so you just do that but more gracefully *motions for Snape to jump in*

Snape: ... *copies Nalitie, minus the babies*

Dukermin: *hops in after*

Nalitie: *moves out of the way as they come through* *gestures around to the town of Sugar Bunting, which is visible from the hill they're on* Welcome to Aeuton! It used to be its own small world/country maybe? That we upended and rolled into a ball, and now it's here!

Dukermin: Yeah the people here are really chill with it tho.

Nalitie: Well, uh, they are now.

Snape: *a tad disoriented from the portal travel, but probably not as much as other newcomers and definitely not as much as when they were travelling via music*

Nalitie: Anyway, Hope's house is just down here, by Vella and her family. *starts walking, surprisingly normal*

Dukermin: *rolls down the hill*

Snape: *perturbed, but retaining the appearance of apathy* *walks down the hill as well, feeling slightly out of place because Aeuton is very colorful, not magical, and still a lot nicer than his hometown*

Dukermin: *shouts hello to people as she rolls by them*

Nalitie: *reaches Hope's door and kicks at it because her hands are full* *not bursting into the house like she normally would, for fear of giving the babies concussions*

Snape: *standing awkwardly behind her*

Dukermin: *rolled into some bushes and is now freeing herself* Are we here?

Nalitie: *nods back at her*

Hope: *opens the door* Nalitie. *sees Dukermin on the ground and Snape standing there looking like a bat* *confused*

Dukermin: *jumps up* Oh hey, I was just inspecting your bushes for routine maintenance... You got an A+ tho!

Hope: That's... nice.

Nalitie: Christine and I were wondering if you could babysit for a bit? She's got rehearsal later on and will probably be bringing the other Tobias, cause Steven is visiting his mom, Willy's out at a business conference--something about food safety standards, I guess--and Dave was going to go argue with his grandma's landlord.

Hope: I would love to take the kids. *takes the two that are not in the carrier and gestures for Nalitie to bring Tobias in the other room*

Shay and Rocky: *at the table, rewiring a Hexipal*

Dukermin: * goes over there* What are you trying to make it do?

Rocky: We wanna program it to do a different dance, one we saw someone doing over on Termata!

Dukermin: Oh I think I know the one you're talking about, it's quite popular over there. Try connecting that one to that one *somehow knows about electronics*

Rocky: *attempts it*

Hexipal: *starts waving its arms around in the air wildly, clicking its tiny heels together*

Snape: *has come into the house finally* *frowns* What is that?

Dukermin: It's called "The Man on Fire".

Nalitie: No doubt originating from one of my many VR house fires.... Those miniseries episodes got pretty popular on AETV, you know?

Dukermin: Yeah apparently they're renewing it for an eighth season!

Nalitie: Oh no, wait--I don't have any material planned! What the heck has Mettaton been doing with my VR room since he got his body back...? I was wondering where my small cult following came from.

Snape: *uncomfortable at the wording and hopelessly confused, because this is not just normal Muggle television being discussed, and it also isn't 1996 anymore*

Dukermin: Anywhoo... we're gonna head out to Bensel. Hope, do you guys need anything from there?

Hope: No, we just bought produce from Isole the other day, but thank you.

Dukermin: Alrighty, well, shall we? *starts heading out*

Nalitie: Heck yeah! *follows*

Snape: *nods at Hope and Shay and Rocky in goodbye* *leaves with them*

Dukermin: *preps lunchbox*

(And so they were off to Bensel!)

Dukermin: *appears there* So uhh... who's farm should we roll up to?

Nalitie: *lands on her face, untethered by children*

Snape: *lands rather ungracefully this time*

Nalitie: Definitely not Old McDonalds. He tried to sue me the other day for disturbing his corn at Christmas. I might be queen, but that doesn't mean I have money... or that Erscoga itself has a currency...

Dukermin: I mean if anyone's going to have weird herbs it'll be 7even but I'm not sure she's home right now...

Nalitie: *shrigs* Worth a shot. Otherwise we can raid the land around her house, I'm sure that's fine. We made the planet.

Dukermin: Yeah we can do a steal.

Snape: *squints suspiciously* What precisely do you mean, made this planet?

Dukermin: I mean, we kinda made all of this. You didn't know that? I mean, who in their right mind would just allow us to be queens if we didn't contribute drastically to the universe...?

Snape: Forgive me my ignorance, but I didn't exactly choose to come to your world, now did I? *won't speak of the fact that he has actively chosen to not leave the house in the last 2-3 months*

Dukermin: Oh yeah I forgot that you're kind of a hermit in my house. It's okay tho, you're helping my poor plants.

Nalitie: It's not like we really gave you a tour before now, anyway. Dang. Usually we're so on top of that when new people come to Erscoga.

Dukermin: Yeah. Welp. This is Bensel! The farm planet sorta thing!

Nalitie: Literally all that's on here is farms. And 7even's house, which might also be a farm. I'm not sure. We haven't gotten that far.

Dukermin: Idk she wants to be a witch doctor last I talked to her so...

Snape: *chooses not to comment on that wording, unsure if the distinction exists for the Wizarding World™*

Nalitie: I think the last time we did development for her was back last spring.

Dukermin: Well, if she doesn't have wormwood we can try Isole maybe...

Nalitie: Farmer Joe's pretty neutral. We might have to pay him, though.

Dukermin: I have some Pocket Lint™ that I can pay him with.

Nalitie: Sounds good.

Snape: *offers Dukermin a largish gold coin* This should be worth something, regardless of world. In any case, most Muggles are particularly transfixed with gold at all times, so unless your world is any different, it won't matter that this currency is invalid here.

Dukermin: Well... we can try it but.. One of our planets is... hard to explain. Gems and precious metals aren't nearly as rare here as they might be elsewhere. You know what is rare... French breads.

Nalitie: Dang. Maybe I should be selling bread to make some actual money. *pauses* No. That would ruin my integrity. I hate bread.

Snape: ...

Dukermin: *considers bringing up that toast is even rarer but decides against it* We can try it tho, the barter system is good.

Nalitie: *considering* *turns to Snape* Hey, you're good at making things. Would it be possible to make... breadless bread, for those who are intolerant to the real stuff?

Snape: *scowls* Are you truly that stupid?

Dukermin: I dont know. Maybe just throw some beans and rice in there...

Nalitie: Maybe without the yeast....

Dukermin: yeah! Snape, can you magically make bread rise??

Snape: I suppose you could use the Bread Leavening Charm, if you want to run your kitchen like a middle-aged wizarding housewife *thinking of Molly*. *looks at Nalitie* Although I don't suppose you would possess the magical skill required for even that.

Dukermin: Yeah so I'm learning that and making a bread company for sure. And it will be named Breadless Bread™ .

Nalitie: My kitchen is blissfully void of snails right now. Maybe once we're done here, we can go test that Bread Leavening Charm.

Dukermin: Yeah let's do it! ANYWAy wormwood.

(You've been standing in 7even's front yard for a while now. She's not home, but she has some bushes around her house that look suspiciously wormwood-like, and her herb garden is watering itself around the side of the house.)

Dukermin: Hey is that wormwood? *wields shovel and heads over there, tip-toeing, ready to do a steal*

Snape: *strides over there, plucking the shovel from Dukermin's hands on the way* If you dig up that plant, not only will it be more obvious to the homeowner, but you run the risk of severing the roots as well.

Dukermin: Dang maybe I just wanted to look cool, I had a whole aesthetic going on... *pouts*

Snape: *methodically cutting a few sprigs of wormwood, trying to make it not look obvious that any is missing* *placing them in handkerchiefs and placing them delicately in his robe pockets*

Dukermin: I'm lookout *pulls out a pair of binoculars*

Nalitie: *checking out her herb garden*

Snape: *notices another interesting plant and goes and takes some cuttings*

Dukermin: Ooh what did you find *uses binoculars to examine the new plant*

Snape: Dittany. I've been running low, no thanks to escapades of Potter and his friends last year. *scowling at the memory*

Dukermin: *fake low voice* If it wasn't for those meddling kids, bleh bleh bleh. *back to normal* But yeah you can probably take whatever you need, i'll leave some pocket lint as payment when we leave.

Nalitie: Plus, you have, like, unlimited time to do whatever you want here, there's no Voldemort or Harry Potter here!

Snape: *hisses* Don't say his name in my presence.

Dukermin: Ah... good ol' Voldy. Don't worry, if we ever were to encounter him we'd toss him on the scary prison planet. Plus, all his really scary magics are banned here anyways.

Snape: Hmph. Well, if you're done blithely insulting one of the two most powerful wizards of our age, I have what I came here for. Perhaps it would be better to offer your friend actual monetary compensation, if you wish to leave any trace of our presence at all.

Dukermin: Whatever you say, Dad. *leaves the gold coin* We should go do something productive with you since you're around. Maybe we should go see Alphys?

Nalitie: Oh! Yeah, since we're doing the tour for you kind of now, we should FIGHT you to see what your SOUL's like!

Snape: Excuse me?

Dukermin: We'll do that on Pluto. *prepares lunchbox* *hops in*

Nalitie: *tries feet-first this time*

Snape: *carefully enters lunchbox*

Dukermin: *somersaults onto Pluto* What's up everybody!??

(Pluto is looking a tad better than when you were here before. The barricades around the Best Western have been taken down. Undyne's house is pretty much rebuilt. Sans and Papyrus have started to rebuild their house. Alphys's lab is STILL buried in the ground. Chara and Sans eye you warily from their box.)

Dukermin: *shouts to the few monsters out and about* I love what you've done with the place!

Gert: IT'S YOU!!! THANK YOU FOR SAVING OUR PLANET!!! YOUR FRIEND LOOKS REALLY MAD AND ALSO KIND OF COOL! I LIKE HIS HAIR! MOM WON'T LET ME GROW MINE OUT BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY.

Dukermin: You're welcome, my guy! And you know what, bald is beautiful!

Snape: *glaring intensely at Gert because he is a child and also he has never seen a monster child before??? But this one is getting on his nerves for sure.*

Dukermin: Gert, meet Snape. Snape, meet Gert!

Gert: WOAH!! I'VE NEVER MET A SNAPE BEFORE! THAT'S AWESOME!

Snape: *wishing he was back at his makeshift work station in Dukermin's house* What precisely did we come here for?

Dukermin: Uh lots of things actually. We needed to check up after the war and tragedy and stuff, we need to FIGHT you, we need to see Alphys... and I feel like there's something else that maybe we're not supposed to know about yet...

Nalitie: Yep. Sounds about right. *to Dukermin* Shall we start a FIGHT?

Dukermin: Sure thing! *to Snape* Put up your dukes, old man!

Nalitie: *starts the encounter*

(You're in the alternate dialogue now!)

(Snape stands across from you. You don't see his SOUL anywhere, but he's outlined in faint shades of purple and cyan.)

(You see the bullet box with Dukermin's multicolored SOUL and Nalitie's slightly desaturated blue one. It's Snape's turn.)

(He doesn't know what he's doing.)

Dukermin: Oh interesting, you don't have like a normal SOUL, which makes sense. The colors are definitely there tho.

Nalitie: Yeah, that's weird. If I didn't know better I would probably say you didn't have a SOUL, but that would be silly.

(Snape asks what you mean by "doesn't have a normal SOUL.")

Dukermin: So, you can see that we both have SOULs...

(Dukermin points out the two SOULs)

Dukermin: They're like, little heart things. I've got a bunch of random colors because... weird things...

Nalitie: And mine's not very heavily colored because DETERMINATION. Actually, neither of us is a very good example for what a SOUL is supposed to look like. Anyway, it's your turn, Snape. Just pick a button.

(Snape CHECKs Dukermin.

Dukermin - LV2 - She has a lot of SOULs because Candle Grandma is also inhabiting her body.)

(It's your turn!:

*| Fight

*| Act

*| Item

*| Mercy)

(Dukermin CHECKs Snape)

(Severus Snape - LV 6 - He's a wizard with specialties in potions and Dark magic.)

(Nalitie SPAREs Snape.)

(Snape accepts the spare, and dialogue goes back to normal.)

(Meanwhile, on Bensel)

*7even comes back to her house after looking for her lost frog pet and sees a golden coin. After searching around her house, she realizes there are some herbs missing. She wonders where they possibly could have gone, and decides to try and contact Nalitie to ask, as she is still relatively new to life in Erscoga.

*Ring ring*

(Somewhere back on Pluto...)

Nalitie: *jumps when she realizes her phone is ringing* *to Snape and Dukermin* Hang on a sec, this looks important. *answers phone* Hello?

7even, still on Bensel: Hello, I'm so sorry to disturb you, but I was wondering if there are any thiefs or something on Bensel, as far as I know is only me and my neighbor?

Nalitie: .... *suspiciously* Uh Old McDonald is a pretty shifty character if I do say so myself. He sued me a few weeks ago for trespassing in his corn.

7even: Potentially, my only suspicion of that is that he is, in fact, very territorial, and seems to respect other people's property as long--is someone there?

Dukermin: *viciously mouthing to Nalitie* Who's on the phone??

Nalitie: *covering the... the microphone bit?* 7even. I think we've been caught. *to 7even* Uhhh we're... orienting a newcomer to Erscoga. We're on Pluto, so there's a lot of post-war construction.

Dukermin: *loudly whispering* ask her if she wants to join us!

7even: Newcomer! Oh that's wonderful!

Nalitie: Yeah! His name is Snape--or uh that's his last name, we don't believe in first names here apparently--and we've been showing him the ropes over on Pluto if you want to come join us. I think I left you with a Lunchbox?

7even: Yes I still have that. And I would love to. I need to replenish my supplies anyway, and the coinage is the perfect amount to supply most of them.

Nalitie: Awesome! We'll wait here for you and also move out of the drop zone. *not going to mention the coin because it totally wasn't her and Dukermin who left it there*

*7even finds the lunchbox in her storage, pushes the pluto button, and jumps in. She tries a little flip to be cool, but unfortunately does not land it well, and falls next to Nalitie, Dukermin, and Snape.*

Dukermin: 7even! Cool "flip"

Nalitie: :D IT'S YOu!

Snape: *raises an eyebrow at the person at his feet*

7even: You must be the newcomer, welcome! Im 7even!! *extends hand as she brushes off dirt on pants*

Dukermin: Yeah that's Snape. He lives in my house and never leaves so we forced him to go outside.

Snape: *warily shakes hands with 7even* You say that as if I'm a hermit. I simply had better things to do than "explore" your world.

7even: *to Dukerman* a bit cautious is he? *to snape* That's probably a good thing in some situations! But I promise I won't do anything bad.

Dukermin: *nods to first bit*

Snape: ...

Nalitie: Uh anyway, yeah, this is our new guy, and we were just trying to analyze his SOUL because that's important here and he's weird.

Dukermin: We already did the fighting thing... What more do we need to do with that? Visit Alphys?

Nalitie: Yeah probably. We can go see if she's in her lab.

(Nalitie points at the big rectangular building that's half-buried in the ground.)

7even: while we are there, do you know, by chance, if she has any herb supplies. There is a specific plant that I need for luring purposes.

Dukermin: What plant? What are you luring?

7even: Well you see, from my exploration of Bensel, there is an elusive....animal? I've been tracking it and it seems to respond to a supply of a plant called Grotsel. And Ive, unfortunately run out. It's a bit hard to find.

Dukermin: We can definitely ask, if Alphys doesn't have any...

Snape: *mouths under his breath* What the hell is Grotsel...?

Dukermin: *looks to 7even* uhh...

7even: It's a new subspecies of herb I've found that resides in unknown places. I don't mean to sound suspicious, but there is very little known about it. I feel like the animal may hold some answers.

Dukermin: I mean it doesn't get much more unknown than Erscoga. Yeah we'll ask, herbs aren't alphys's expertise but she may know of someone.

Snape: *suddenly realizing the extent to which this world is different than his, and also how weird it is*

7even: Then off we go!!

*to the lab!*

Dukermin: *sees the door is like perpendicular and finds a big hole in the side of the building* uhh. Knock knock?

Alphys: *had been watching anime or something* *almost doesn't scream this time* *looks over? Back? At Dukermin + co.* O-oh! Hello!

7even: Hello. You must be Alphys. We haven't met yet. Im 7even.

Alphys: *looks over at 7even* A-alphys. *sees Snape kind of outside of the hole* O-oh... did you bring another, um, another whole s-society here again...?

Dukermin: Not a /whole/ society. Just one person as far as I know... This is Snape.

Snape: *hiding under his mask of apathy again because what the heck is going on*

Alphys: Oh! S-sorry, I just, uh, assumed b-because there were two of them...

7even: Well, I don't exactly know fully our business here, but it seems we have another SOUL for you to inspect? *Looks to Nalitie and Dukermin*

Dukermin: OH yeah, a couple of things apparently. First off... This guy *gestures to Snape* has kind of an interesting SOUL, and maybe you want to take a look?

Alphys: O-oh, sure? Um, what kind of, uh, w-weird should I expect?

Dukermin: Well, the SOUL is present, but it's not so much... a SOUL as like... an Aura? Idk you'll see...

Alphys: ???? *starts an encounter with Snape*

(You encountered Snape!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Alphys CHECKs Snape.)

(Severus Snape - LV 6 - He's a real, live wizard.)

(Snape SPAREs Alphys and the encounter ends.)

Alphys: !!!!!! W-Wait. You guys didn't tell me he was a-a wizard! L-like, uh, l-like a real one!!!!

Dukermin: Oh yeah he's definitely that. Cool, right?

7even: Fascinating. *To Snape* After this is over, I have a couple of questions to inquire of you, if that's all right?

Snape: *looks at 7even appraisingly* If they are not too obnoxiously intrusive, I suppose.

Alphys: *to Dukermin* N-no, y-you guys don't get it. Wizards, real, true wizards w-went extinct in my world when The Barrier was created.

Snape: !!

Dukermin: Oh. Welp. Now you get to meet one! It's okay, he's kinda chill.

7even: Also a bit cautious haha.

Alphys: B-but that would explain the SOUL t-thing. Wizards, uh, they're kind of b-between monsters and humans??? I-I mean, obviously they're human, b-but they're special b-because their SOUL and their, uh, magic... Um, instead of manifesting as a--as a separate entity of sorts? The SOUL you're all used to? It, uh, it's interwoven into their body, their blood, their DNA. It's, uh, actually really interesting! A-and that's why they need incantations and wands, b-because physical matter--namely the human body--is a r-really bad conductor for, uh, magic.

7even: What, potentially, would happen if a regular human tried to conduct magic like that?

Alphys: Um... like, do you mean using w-wands and stuff? Nothing would, uh, happen really. Regular humans... their S-SOULs are separate enough from their, uh, physical matter that it's p-possible to pour magic out directly from the SOUL, so to speak, like, uh, like monsters but a little weaker, b-because they're impeded by being a human. That's why S-SOUL magics, l-like you use in encounters, aren't really effective for humans like they are for monsters.

7even: Amazing! I'll definitely have to do some research on this topic at some point.

Dukermin: I guess that kinda explains why it's so difficult to place "spellcasting" into the power cap. Because it encompasses so many things and hasn't really been much a part of our world before...

Alphys: Y-yep! Oh, uh, and also, in the case of, uh, wizards, s-some of their spells don't fit into the Spectrum of Magical Chroma. N-not like the kinds of magic you and Nalitie and, uh, 7even, was it? can use. L-like, uh... the cosmic p-powers you used to use, Dukermin? T-those were s-sometimes similar to regular monster magic or a v-very watered down blue magic. B-but I know there's some kinds of m-magic wizards can use, certain s-spells that go beyond the S-SOUL or r-really even anything we've slotted into E-Erscoga's system.

Dukermin: That's really cool... But... So we wanted to start a bread company right, and the only way that it can be done with integrity is if we find a way to remove the yeast component. Is it possible for us to learn spells? Or would it look a little different for us? This is very important.

Alphys: U-uh... Well, er... y-you wouldn't get anywhere just, um, just copying Snape if he does a spell. Um... I guess it would depend on the spell??? Maybe if, uh, if you showed it to us we could see if it has a color? *mutters* Sans is better at Color Theory than I am...

Dukermin: It's a bread leavening charm? Snape, can you show it to us?

Snape: *raises eyebrow* ... I could, if there was actual bread dough in front of me. What do you expect me to do, leaven your friend? It wouldn't work, by the way.

7even: I'm so sorry to interrupt. But why do we have to remove the yeast?

Nalitie: *bursts in through the crowd, blazing with passion* French bread is valuable and I don't have any money, but I can't just make and sell bread! I hate bread, it would ruin my moral code! But Log_Lady tested it for me and decided that yeast specifically is what makes bread bread, and gives it its flavor and stuff, so if you remove the yeast, you have breadless bread. *to Snape* And no, its not a stupid idea!

Dukermin: But bread simply isn't good if it isn't fluffy. *under breath* this actually sounds kind of like a scam but... i mean there are lab grown diamonds so...

7even: Ah, I see. Well I have a few bread ingredients at my home, but unfortunately not the type for french bread, so I am not of much help. The only ingredients I have is a starter for sourdough *to Dukermin* Lab grown diamonds? Cool!

Dukermin: Yeah it's an Earth thing! But i mean if there's no yeast in the starter, that could be useful. We just need to test it...

7even: I'm not sure if it has yeast. Farmer McDonald left it on my doorstep as payment for some seeds I lent him

Nalitie: *hisses at the mention of Old McDonald*

Dukermin: Oh, you know who would definitely have basic ingredients? Toriel. We can all just pop over there and see if we can use her kitchen.

Nalitie: HEck yeah, that's right! *already pushing past the crowd again to the outside world*

7even: One thing before we leave. *to Alphys* I have been trying to gather some information on a plant called Grotsel, but am having some trouble. Do you happen to know where I would find some information on it? Perhaps a book or something?

Alphys: *frowns* U-um... I don't think I've e-ever heard of it, b-but maybe on one of the native planets s-someone might know? N-no one's really sure what's on, uh, Lux or D-dunkel yet? O-or the war planet...

7even: That's all right. And thank you for the tips! Let's head out to...Toriel, you said?

(To Toriel's house!)

Toriel: *outside, searching for snails and humming*

Asgore: *probably still living in his own house, since his therapy with Sophia was cancelled temporarily due to the war*

Dukermin: *waves* What's up, Toriel? *looks for snails as well*

Toriel: Oh! Hello, my child--*sees the rest of the group*--children!

Snape: *narrows his eyes at Toriel, because he's not a child and she's too much like Molly Weasley for his liking*

Dukermin: Oh, this is 7even and that cranky man there is Snape!

7even: *Waves with large smile, she seems to like that same characteristic Snape dislikes so much*

Toriel: It is very nice to meet you both! If Asgore were here, he would offer you tea, but seeing as he is not here, perhaps I could extend that offer instead?

Dukermin: Oh yeah! *heads inside* *stops and knocks on the door before just walking in*

Snape: *despite everything, is always down for tea*

Toriel: *to Dukermin* It is open, my child. Asgore is back in the castle right now.

Dukermin: Eh, habits *walks in*

7even: *follows, as she follows, she looks excitedly around at the house, loving the cozy aura of her surroundings*

Toriel: *follows them in, leaving the basket of snails on the counter and washing her hands*

Nalitie: *sits down at the table*

Snape: *standing there in the kitchen, feeling hopelessly out of place*

Dukermin: *had found two snails in the garden* *has named them Seth and Sarah and will be keeping them forever now*

Toriel: *preparing tea* *to Dukermin* Thank you again for helping us with the war, my child. It was certainly a Plutonian problem, but we appreciate the knowledge you brought to the table.

Dukermin: Oh no problem! *under breath* kinda feel responsible because it was my body that was used to... whatever what's done is done. *To 7even* So I have a super powerful SOUL kinda sharing my body... it's complicated but yeah she went on a vacation gone wrong...

7even: That sounds awful. I hope you are okay now.

Dukermin: Oh yeah it was fine, apparently it was a very fun time until they accidentally brought a super evil lady to Pluto...

7even: Yikes, sounds like a lot of stuff happens on Pluto. I'll stick to my home base haha

Dukermin: This is true.. Yeah Bensel is much more peaceful. Anywho...

Nalitie: Oh yeah! Hey Toriel, you have baking ingredients, right? We want to make bread.

Toriel: Oh! Of course, my child, although I must warn you that I have run out of yeast. I made bread for Asgore and Frisk before the war and did not have the chance to buy more.

Dukermin: Oh well what luck! We're hoping to make bread that doesn't contain yeast but is still light and fluffy! With wizard magics!

Toriel: *startles, nearly dropping the tea cups she was serving* Wizard, did you say?

Dukermin: Yeah it's a whole thing. Don't worry about it tho.

Toriel: Apologies, my child, but I did not realize wizards were common in your world--they went out of existence in the War of Humans and Monsters in ours. I suppose we have not explored this world very much since coming here...

Dukermin: I wouldn't say they're common... there's really just one...

Nalitie: *points somewhat accusingly at Snape*

Snape: *scowls*

Toriel: *gently admonishing her* It is rude to point, my child.

Nalitie: *stops and mutters* Sorry Toriel...

Dukermin: heading over to the baking supplies* So uh, that's a yes on borrwing your kitchen...?

Toriel: Of course, my child, after all it would be remiss of me to deny you permission when I use Nalitie's kitchen so often.

7even: And of course we can reimburse you for the ingredients used. I have a coin :D

Dukermin: Oh good, cuz I'm fresh out of Pocket Lint ™ .

7even: *looks confused for a second* Pocket lint....hm. Weird. I think I have some, don't know where I got it

Nalitie: Remember, Erscoga doesn't have a currency yet... Pocket Lint ™ is temporary until our bread economy takes off. *pulling out the flour and putting some warm water in a bowl with sugar, but no yeast*

7even: Oh, well if there is no need for currency, I will find a different use for this coinage.

Snape: *over in the corner, sipping his tea and trying not to draw attention*

Nalitie: *also pulling out measuring cups* Sounds good. We've got like a lot of different currencies on each planet that are literally worthless in the grand scheme of Erscoga.

Dukermin: Ooh can I mix?

Nalitie: *pouring flour into her bowl of water* Heck yeah. I've got a spatula for while its still liquid but we'll have to knead it eventually.

7even: *intently watching* I actually don't know how to make bread. I was going to learn with my starter, but this is good too.

Dukermin: Sweet! You can try kneading it then, we'll show you how.

Nalitie: *sprinkling salt into the mixture because she forgot that* *blithely adding random measurements of flour, going by appearance rather than recipe* You guys can go ahead and mix or knead or whatever, I'll add as we go.

Dukermin: *mixes it up*

Nalitie: *pouring flour over Dukermin's hands as she mixes* It's probably going to be good soon.

7even: When will we need that charm?

Dukermin: Before or after we knead it? *has never made bread before either*

Nalitie: Uhhhh *looks to Snape*

Snape: After, if I recall Molly Weasley's explanation correctly. *obviously does because he's Snape and remembering things correctly is an important character trait of his*

7even: Perfect. Is it time to knead it?

Nalitie: *nods enthusiastically and moves out of the way*

Toriel: *watching and smiling, sipping her tea* *slides over to make small talk with Snape*

7even: *starts to knead, a lot more violently than would be expected, but obviously having fun*

Dukermin: *starts doing the dishes because that's a nice thing to do*

Nalitie: *putting away the flour*

Snape: *trying to move away from Toriel without seeming obvious*

7even: Hey guys, I think it's ready!

Dukermin: Okay, I'll give Alphys a quick call and see if she's still available to check the color *ring ring*

Alphys: *answers* *is breathing heavy, like she's running* I-I'm sorry!!! I hadn't, uh, hadn't realized y-you guys left!!!! I'm on my way!!!!

Dukermin: Oh it's chill, see you in a bit! *hangs up* She's on the way!

7even: Wonderful! We need her to check it or something?

Dukermin: Yeah, precisely. To check the color and see how it works, ya know...

(There's a knock on the door. Toriel goes to answer it, and in runs Alphys)

Alphys: A-alphys is here! U-um, I mean, uh, I'm here! *takes out the device she uses to examine SOULs, which has been recalibrated to just look at Color Signatures* O-ok, go ahead and t-try it.

Snape: *walks over to the bread dough and pulls out his wand* Ortum panem! *the bread begins to rise, as it would if you let regular bread dough sit for a while*

Dukermin: Oh wow! It's working! I smell capitalism and wealth!

Snape: *frowns* Of course it's working, I'm not an incompetent first year.

Toriel: *unhappy at Snape's attitude, but too polite to correct him in front of company*

7even: This is wonderful. I'm sure they didn't mean it as an insult, more like a congratulations and a thank you.

Snape: Hmph.

(The bread has risen wonderfully, and is ready to be baked. Of course, we didn't shape it into loaves of french bread, so it will have to be baked as one big lump.)

Alphys: *messing with her device, pulling up the hex codes for any colors that might be there*

Dukermin: *puts bread into oven, which we definitely remembered to preheat*

(Soon, the smell of baking bread fills the kitchen.)

Alphys: O-okay, um... So the composition of the spell looks like it's a really similar color to, uh, Dukermins' old c-cosmic magic, but in, uh reverse. It l-looks like it's got s-some Integrity aspect, w-which is at a r-really low s-saturation, it says th-that aspect is #e0f1ff, b-but it's got a lot of k-kindness in it, s-similar to healing magic--#54ff68. S-so it's not wizard specific! But s-since you can't really c-cast the spell like Snape, you'd have to, uh, play around with b-base magic compositions and, uh, color mixing, and intent, and really S-Sans is better at t-this stuff than me...

Dukermin: Oh, we'll have to pay him a visit then, I guess? At some point for sure.

7even: Well you guys do that. I'm going to head back to my home to do a bit more research. Keep me updated on the bread. And thank you so much for bringing me along!

Nalitie: Definitely, we will start a... a bread empire, I guess. You can take the bread if it's done. Otherwise we'll mail it to ya.

7even: Sounds wonderful!! *7even takes out her lunchbox and presses the planet Bensel, waves goodbye, and decides to not flip into it* *disappears*

Dukermin: Goodbye! Let's get this bread!!

Nalitie: *waves goodbye until she's gone* *continues cleaning up Toriel's kitchen*

Dukermin: Okay, so we're gonna go talk to Sans then?

Nalitie: Yeah, I think so. *is writing down the hex codes for the colors, now that the kitchen is clean*

Dukermin: Cool, i feel like I've been standing here for months. Off we go! *drags Snape with*

(And so they went outside to the Callie/Sans box. Mr. Face Man stands outside of it, writing on his whiteboard. Callie is confused. Sans is less than enthused.)

Dukermin: *draws a cat on the whiteboard*

Mr. Face Man: *look of annoyance, as much as his face will allow, as it is stuck in one kind of default smile*

Dukermin: *also copies the hex code onto the whiteboard* We want to make bread.

Mr. Face Man: *writes in the corner* ✋︎ 🕈︎✌︎💧︎ ❄︎✌︎☹︎😐︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎☼︎☜︎

Dukermin: This is more important though. Here's the hex code for the spell we're trying to learn. We need to avoid using yeast for personal reasons, so a bread-leavening charm is the only option. It's urgent.

Snape: *noise of disdain*

Dukermin: *noise of acknowledgment of disdain*

Sans: ... what exactly do you need our help with? or mine, i guess. i dunno. i just got up, i'm not bready for this yet.

Dukermin: Nice. We just want to be able to do this spell ourselves, we have the hex code so I guess we need to play around with the base colors some to get it to work.

Sans: *looking at the hex codes* ... hm. well, i guess this spell, or whatever you'd call it if it's not actually performed by a wizard, has a primary kindness trait. that's not too hard, just some regular ol' green attacks. the integrity part's a lot weaker, so you can't really throw my bro's blue attack at it and call it a day. if i was doin' it, i'd be able to mix the magics before i even throw the attack, but for you, it might be easier to have one person make the green attack and have the other person throw some good ol' blue magic at it. the SOUL kind, not the attack kind. oh, and you gotta mean it, too, that you're trying to get bread rise specifically.

Dukermin: So... I do have access to green magic, and you can do the blue magic thing... It'll just be a matter of getting the proportions right... right?

Sans: *finger guns* you got it, kiddo.

Nalitie: And getting more dough. Forgot that step. Also, we can only use those magics inside of an encounter so... does that mean we have to fight the bread?

Dukermin: Yes!! This is a dream come true!

Snape: *looking at them like they're crazy, since this magic system is gibberish to him*

Dukermin: So... back to Toriel's kitchen for a bread-making montage?

Nalitie: Back to Toriel's kitchen!

(and then they made a bunch of bread dough, knowing they were gonna screw it up a few times)

Dukermin: Okay, let's initiate a fight with loaf A.

(You encountered Loaf A!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Dukermin conjures a beam of magical energy and tries to hold it steady... but she lost control!!)

(Nalitie attempts to perform a blue SOUL mode on the beam of energy, missing a little and only getting some into the beam.)

(The bread turns invisible! It may have risen... but it's hard to eat bread when it's invisible...)

Dukermin: Maybe you should start this next one Nalitie.

(You won...? Earned 0 G and 0 EXP.)

Nalitie: Okay.

(You encountered Loaf 2!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Nalitie attempts to make solid blue magic.... But Integrity magic only manifests itself as a SOUL mode, which isn't physical.)

(Loaf 2 launches into the ceiling! -XX HP!)

Dukermin: Okay, so that didn't work. Probably be best if I started, huh...

(You won! Earned 5 G and 1 EXP!)

(You encountered Loaf e!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Dukermin manifested a ball of green magic and actually held it steady for a while!)

(Nalitie carefully turns the attack blue.)

(The bread starts to cry.)

(Dukermin SPAREs the bread)

(You won! Earned 0 G and 0 EXP.)

Snape: You two are actually more dunderheaded than the first years I teach. How such a simple charm can be outside your grasp is beyond me.

(You encountered Loaf △!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Dukermin very carefully makes a small bean of green magic)

(Nalitie attempts to turn the attack blue, but it's too small for the SOUL mode to take hold.)

(The flour in the bread begins to turn back into wheat. Now Toriel's countertop looks like a small farm.)

(You won? Earned 0 G and 0 EXP.)

Toriel: *walking into the kitchen* *didn't know they'd come back* Oh! What is this? It is, erm, a lovely addition to my home, but what on Earth are you doing?

Dukermin: We're trying.

(You encountered Loaf 5!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Dukermin does the green thing.)

(Nalitie sees the insurmountable amount of bread dough left, and accidentally leeches some Perseverance magic into her blue SOUL mode as she casts it.)

(The bread hardens into stone -- a wall of morality.)

Snape: *raises an eyebrow* How is it that you can manage so much accidental Transfiguration, but cannot perform a simple household charm?

Nalitie: We're doing our best, shh.

(You won, maybe. Earned 0 G and 0 EXP.)

(You encountered Loaf F'!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Dukermin flavor blasts the bread before Nalitie has a chance to realize what's going on)

(Nalitie pouts.)

(The bread comes to life. It goes to comfort the crying bread. What a nice moment.)

(You won! Earned 3 G and 0 EXP.)

(You encountered Loaf G(x)!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Dukermin is getting frustrated. She blasts the bread again.)

(Nalitie complains about not being able to do her thing. She catches the tail end of the blast with a blue SOUL mode.)

Loaf G(x): *is conscious* Space? Space space space gotta go to space. SPAAACE.

(Loaf G(x) has left the building.)

(You won! Earned 0 G and 0 EXP.)

Dukermin: Next time you can blast the heck out of it with me. It feels great!

(You encountered Loaf EIGHT!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Dukermin does the spiderman pose thing and decimates that bread with green magic)

(Nalitie casts a blue SOUL mode directly on the bread's remains.)

(Loaf EIGHT shatters and its molecules spiral apart, becoming pure magical energy and transcending our plane of existence)

Snape: *frowns* I would have liked to study that.

(You won? Earned 0 G, 0 EXP, and 15 Experience Points.)

Dukermin: Okay, time to chill out. I think I've got it figured out.

(You encountered Loaf  !

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Dukermin steadies herself and conjures up a reasonable looking green attack)

(Nalitie applies a blue SOUL mode to the attack, if a bit heavy-handedly.)

(The bread begins to rise! But... sideways?)

Nalitie: Dang. That was my fault, I think.

Dukermin: We'll get it next time.

(Loaf   wins!)

(You encountered Loaf X!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Dukermin makes up a green attack and gets hit with a strange feeling... like she doesn't actually know what she's doing... like this is all a manifestation of something outside of her control...)

(Nalitie does... something.)

(The bread begins to glitch out. The world around it seems to tear apart and reveal a reality that none of the citizens of Erscoga are prepared to face.)

Loaf X: *takes in its surroundings* I believe it is time for me to leave this Google Doc now. *flies out of your computer screen, just over your left shoulder and out into the horizon*

Dukermin: ... That wasn't it.

Snape: *has the chilling feeling that he's nothing more than a crude pantomime of who he's supposed to be, and that he's not supposed to exist in Erscoga at all* *shudders*

(You encountered Loaf 11!

|* FIGHT

|* ACT

|* ITEM

|* MERCY)

(Dukermin makes a very similar green attack as the one she used on Loaf   )

(Nalitie places a blue SOUL mode on the green attack. But calmly.)

(Loaf 11 begins to rise! The right way this time!!)

Nalitie: Heck yeah!!!!

Dukermin: We did it!

(You won!!!! Earned nothing but the satisfaction of finally getting bread to rise.)

(Dukermin leaves the fight)

Dukermin: So now we bake it, right?

Nalitie: *nods enthusiastically*

Toriel: *cleaning up some of the more interesting loaves and trying to coax the crying and other conscious ones outside*

Dukermin: *places bread in the oven we totally preheated*

(The bread bakes like a normal loaf of bread! The crying loaf cries harder, mourning its friend as it's so cruelly incinerated at 350 degrees.)

Oven: *dings*

The previous loaf of bread we forgot to take out of the oven: *is but a pile of ash*

Loaf 11: *is a perfectly healthy bread specimen*

Dukermin: Are you ready to try our magic bread that's gonna make us rich?

Nalitie: *peers at the bread suspiciously, reminding herself it's Breadless Bread* Indeed.

(The bread is delicious and fluffy in spite of a lack of yeast)

Loaf e: *sobs harder*

Dukermin: We should find a home for the Loaf e and Loaf F'.

Nalitie: *cleaning up the remains of the bread on the ceiling* I can take them for now, if you'd like. I'm sure the kids will get a kick out of them. Maybe Loaf F' will make a good babysitter.

Dukermin: That would be nice. *chucks the stone bread into the garden*

Nalitie: *tosses Loaf  * *takes Loaves e and F'* Alrighty. Thank you again Toriel! *has forgotten about Loaf A sitting invisibly on the countertop*

Dukermin: Yeah, thanks! We'll make sure to cut you in for 15% of the profit.

Snape: *surreptitiously eating some of Loaf 11* *is more impressed than he'd ever admit*

Toriel: Oh, that is nice. Please feel free to come visit whenever you would like!

(The end! ... for now.)

~•*•~

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[erscogadatabase]

15: The Plutonian Civil War

Date: 1-10-2020 IDST, 3-15-2018 EST

Nalitie: *umm probably in her house helping Christine take care of their four children*

Tobias: *running around the house with a fistful of crayons*

Dukermin: *bursts in* LOOK AT THIS TINY PLANT I FOUND *has a tiny succulent thing in a bowl*

Nalitie: *looks at plant* :D!!

Christine: Oh, that is lovely. *trying to juggle feeding Lisa and yelling at Tobias*

Tobias: *runs into Dukermin*

Dukermin: Ah I have been attack. 

Plant: *comes alive and runs away*

Nalitie: Oh no, your plant... Where did you get it, anyway? Something from your new housemate?

Dukermin: Yeah! I found it outside but it was dead, so Snape did some fancy stuff and brought it back to life!

Nalitie: A little too well, it seems...

Dukermin: oh well. If you love something, set it free, they say...

(somewhere from a room down the hall, you hear the other Tobias wailing in his crib)

Christine; *exhausted sigh*

Dukermin: *tries to help Christine by checking on other Tobias*

(The Erscogan Infant Tobias has woken from his nap and demands to be let out. Leonarda sleeps happily in an adjacent crib. The Ask Erik! Toddler Tobias runs into the room after Dukermin, trying to draw on her legs with their crayons.)

Dukermin: *happily allows AE Tobias to draw on her and frees Erscoga Tobias*

Erscoga Tobias: *crawls away down the hall*

Steven and Willy Wonka: *return from a successful but very expensive grocery shopping trip* *help Christine and Nalitie and Dukermin with the children*

Nalitie: *sneaks up next to Dukermin while the children are busy playing with Willy's hat* Hey do we want to do queenly Erscoga things while all the other adults are home? I haven't left the house in like... since August probably.

Dukermin: *suddenly has a fancy cup of tea* The queenliest of things yes, let's.

Nalitie: *(quietly) grabs her van keys and leaves the house* *gets in van and pulls up to do list*

Dukermin: *throws teacup into garbage can as she passes* What do we need to do?

Nalitie: Hm, well, a lot of this to do list is from before the war, so we have some people we were going to bring in before we just did the thing... Um, I wanted to start an interdimensional choir? And also maybe we should check to see if Pluto is destroyed or not, but we might wanna bring backup for that...

Dukermin: Who would we grab for backup? I feel like Pluto is kind of a priority...

Nalitie: Yeah, it is, and um... Dang, who do we even interact with anymore outside of UT characters and Christine...?

Dukermin: There are the broken age characters over yonder, we never really go to bensel so I don't know if the farmers will really be much help but you never know, there are the weird alternate versions of us in Dunkel but not sure they'll be much help on Pluto... green circle labs people maybe... any of that sound good?

Nalitie: Hm, well Hope might want to help, and Shay and Vella are finally feeling okay now that I've stopped the VR miniseries... Um, we could maybe ask Isole? She's a farmer on Bensel, and the only one I really trust. As far as Dunkel goes, do we know if they can even really see outside of Dunkel? I know it really hurts our eyes when we have DunkelVision on. But Rosetta might be able to assist us, she knows a lot of things. And she's here on Termata.

Dukermin: it might be worth it to talk to Rosetta, mostly because I am nervous that if pluto gets too out of hand, something might happen to that box of you-know-what in the center of the planet and it is in our best interests to make sure that box stays contained. Do you think she would know if there's any risk and how to avoid it?

Nalitie: Oh yeah, that box... I'm not sure, but honestly we could use as many hands as we can get when it comes to containing monster magic... Plus she's pretty decent at talking down a crowd, or at least a version of her I used to know was. 

Dukermin: Okay yeah that's important.

Nalitie: So maybe her and then the Broken Age folks? They've been helpful in the past. We should probably get a move on. *starts van and starts driving to GCL because that's at least been decided on*

Dukermin: *is a good passenger and watches out for deer and stuff and is somehow wearing two seatbelts*

(The two drive until they reach GCL, which is some distance away, I dunno, and park in the parking lot like normal humans would.)

Nalitie: *turns of van and exits, sprinting towards the front door like a not-as-normal human would*

Dukermin: *cartwheels toward the door*

Nalitie: *opens door and holds it for Dukermin like a good human*

Dukermin: *bows* thank you my good lady. 

Receptionist: *sitting at the front desk between the front door and the security doors/actual entrance* *looks up at them* Hello! Can I help you?

Dukermin: Uh yeah, is Rosetta in? We have very important business to discuss.

Receptionist: *relieved that they're not just barging into GCL for once* She is; I can call her to the front, unless you need to enter the building for anything else...?

Dukermin: *to nalitie* this seems too easy should we just barge in...?

Nalitie: ... I mean we can, but like... why would we do that?

Dukermin: Alright lets see how this plays out but if things go south i'll distract the receptionist and you run *waits patiently*

Receptionist: *about to call Rosetta* Pardon me, but who should I say is asking for her? 

Dukermin: Jim Brown *winks at nalitie*

Nalitie: And Tahlia, please.

Receptionist: ... Alright. *calls Rosetta* She should be here in a few minutes. *smiles*

Dukermin: Wow we should do things this way all the time.

Nalitie: Like decent human beings?

Dukermin: Yes, exactly. Who would have thought?

Nalitie: Definitely. And certainly not us.

Rosetta: *comes through the security doors* *looks around for "Jim Brown" but sees only Dukermin and Nalitie* Er... Can I help you?

Dukermin: hi yes hello I am Jim Brown and this is my associate Tahlia and we have important business to discuss with you, if you'll just follow me this way... *starts walking out* 

Rosetta: *is confused, because she knows Nalitie and has met Dukermin before on several occasions, but follows anyway*

Nalitie: *also coming*

Dukermin: *once out the door* Phew! We made it! It's actually just me and nalitie, and we were hoping you had some input on a problem that may or may not be our faults.

Rosetta: I would love to help, but may I ask why you were using fake names...?

Dukermin: I don't know why I do 95% of the things I do. There's this little problem on pluto though... Just like an itty bitty civil war...

Rosetta: ... a civil war? Do you know why it is happening?

Nalitie: All we know is that the citizens of Pluto started attacking their own buildings for no reason while Dukermin and I valiantly ran away to protect my babies and fight SAM... But I have no idea why they're still fighting. 

Dukermin: Yeah we need to chill them out, especially since SAM is no longer a threat there is no reason for any of that madness. I'm concerned because there are dangerous and fragile items on that planet that need to be protected at all costs. And also war is bad etc etc

Rosetta: I would be glad to help you, although I'm not entirely sure how.

Nalitie: *walking towards van again* Maybe we should pick up the Voltas and just go see for ourselves how things are going? 

Dukermin: Thats a good idea. *cartwheels to van*

Rosetta: *walks to van like normal person*

Nalitie: *somehow already in van, has it started, and is fiddling with the portal controls*

Dukermin: *to Rosetta* Would you like a cup of tea? *has procured another fancy cup of tea*

Rosetta: Sure, thank you. *takes tea*

Nalitie: Alright, hold onto your porcelain folks, and here's to hoping my van's portal powers actually work... *portals the van to the main plaza of Monster Town, perfectly accurate to her intended target* Woah! Looks like they actually stayed fixed this time!

Dukermin: *puts emergency electrical tape away* thats good. Lets go see whats happening *ventures forth*

(Monster Town is looking rather broken and desolate. Restaurants have been abandoned, as well as several houses. Alphys's lab is looking even gloomier than usual, from its spot half-buried within Pluto's surface. All construction on Undyne's house has stopped. The Best Western has a few broken windows, and the rest has been fortified with barricades. Only Sans'n'Pap's house looks unscathed, although their shed has blown up. Ominous flute music plays in the background.)

Dukermin: Welp. Where is everybody?

Nalitie: Oh dang I forgot to grab the Voltas. I'll call them quick, hang on... *goes away*

Rosetta: Perhaps there are some people in the Best Western? Aside from that house there *points at Sans'n'Pap's house* it looks like the only place that might be inhabitable... 

Dukermin: Oh yeah. Hey Nalitie, we should go see if Sans and Papyrus are around!

Nalitie: *finishes up her phone call* The Voltas are on their way, although they're gonna have to go the long way because Shay dropped their family's lunchbox into the ocean off of Meriloft. But yeah, let's go. *skips away across the wasteland*

Dukermin: *follows* *bangs on door* Anyone home?

Rosetta: *walks up after them*

Papyrus: *opens the door a crack, then sees who it is and opens it fully* *looks a tad nervous* QUEENLY HUMAN! It is you!! What can the Great Papyrus do for you on this fine, totally normal, absolutely average Erscogan day?

Dukermin: Long time no see! Do you know where everyone else has gone?

Papyrus: *sweating somehow* The Great Papyrus is sure that everyone is just safe in their homes!!! After all!! Everything is perfectly normal here on Pluto!!! And I have done a good job as your Royal Roy'l Guard!!! 

Dukermin: *leans in close* Papyrus... blink twice if you're in danger- wait you don't have eyelids uuuh.... Just tell me if you're in danger, it's okay.

Papyrus: ... ... The Great Papyrus... has a confession to make... It seems, queenly human, that I have in fact not been a very good Royal Roy'l Guard... *prepares for inevitable disappointment*

Dukermin: Oh, hey dude it's okay. Honestly it wasn't your fault. It's probably nobodys fault you know... absolutely no ones... You know I think you did an excellent job. It takes a very strong and powerful leader to withstand such great troubles that this planet has gone through.

Papyrus: *not very reassured* *twiddles thumbs* Er... Actually, human, I do think it's my fault. Um. *peers past Dukermin's shoulder* Maybe we should go over to the Best Western.

Sans: *suddenly behind Papyrus in the doorway* I know a pretty good shortcut. 

Dukermin: Let's do it *shortcut ho*

Nalitie and Rosetta: *following*

(You're suddenly in a conference room in the Best Western. Monsters are huddled around the corners of the room in blankets, reassuring each other. Mettaton and Alphys are dressed in ragged armor, poring over a map at the center of the table. A monster in the corner babbles on about how their brother was taken. A banner with the words "Monster Resistance" is hung on the wall opposite the door. Asgore is there, pinning it up.)

Dukermin: *goes over to Asgore* Hey, what's going on here?

Asgore: Oh! Howdy, Dukermin. I was just putting up our team's banner. It helps with the morale, you know, to have a cool name and a catchy slogan. 

Banner: *says "Monster Resistance: We are the resistance on Pluto!"*

Dukermin: Thats a really good banner, but who are you resisting?

Papyrus: Um, that's actually why I brought you here. Do you remember when Candle and I went on that date...? I brought her to a wonderful world from a movie the other queenly human told me about!!! Did Candle tell you about it?? 

Dukermin: Yeah a little bit.

Papyrus: Well, um, while we were there, we saw this statue--it was a very awesome, realistic statue!!!--and, um, we might have... brought it to life??? Just a little bit??? And now she's here taking over the planet because my impenetrable shed defenses, were, in fact, penetrable??? 

Dukermin: Oh boy... and who would this statue turned person be?

Papyrus: *can't actually remember her name from the movie* She is very evil and plays magical flutes and turns people to stone, and sometimes hypnotizes them??? 

Dukermin: *gasps dramatically* Lydia!

Nalitie: *is summoned* Hm???

Papyrus: Yes, indeed!!! That is the one, except she is a lot scarier in person and also she stole one of Mettaton's flutes from his show's orchestra!!!

Mettaton: Which I was not happy about, by the way, whoever started this owes me a new flute when this war is done. *dramatic sigh* 

Dukermin: nalitie, Lydia is loose on Pluto, we have to find her *star-spangled banner inexplicably plays over the BW loudspeakerr*

Nalitie: Indeed! But, uh... how are we going to protect ourselves from her spells? We don't exactly have matching magical friendship necklaces, do we?

Dukermin: Or do we...? *pulls necklace out of back pocket that was made with platonic love on earth* Do you have one for yourself??

Nalitie: *dramatic gasp* *pulls one out of her BUKT out of her pocket* *"Connected" starts playing on top of the Star Spangled Banner in the background with even worse quality*

*it sounds horrendous and beautiful at the same time*

Dukermin: We can totally do this! Papyrus, do you have any idea where Lydia might be?

Rosetta: *has conveniently dropped out of the plot*

Papyrus: Actually!!! I did see her near Mettaton's studio!!! However!!! That was 3 days ago... 

Dukermin: Well, its a start. Theres a pretty good chance shes left a decent trail of destruction anyway. *To Nalitie* Shall we?

Nalitie: *putting on her necklace* We shall! Um, how did we get in this room again? What floor are we on? Hotels confuse me sometimes. 

Dukermin: *is running down a fire escape*

Nalitie: *shrugs* Good enough. *follows*

Rosetta:*hangs back to keep an eye on things within the resistance and to wait for the Voltas*

Nalitie: *ends up in the lobby, by some miracle* Do we have any other preparations to make before we head out there?

Dukermin: *c-es a spear* I'm ready.

Nalitie: *cautiously opens the door and peeks out* All clear for now. *holds door for Dukermin again*

Dukermin: *curtsies this time* thanks again!

(Everything looks about as barren as before, although the ominous flute music is a touch louder. Mettaton's studio lies to the east, past Alphys's lab.)

Dukermin: *surveys the scene for any hint at the direction Lydia had gone*

Nalitie: *takes a second to remember what's going on* Hm...

(The area you're in is covered in statues of different monsters, all looking relatively alarmed. You've seen some of these in other places, but there's quite a few of them here, and you can see more in the direction of Asgore's house.)

Dukermin: We should follow the path of the statues. *starts heading that way, towards Asgore's house*

(The flute music is getting louder as you go this way. You can feel it at the edges of your mind, trying to pull you under its sway, but it seems as though your necklaces are protecting you well enough.)

Dukermin: *follows the music*

(The door to Asgore's house is open just a crack. Past the continuous drone of flute music, you hear a distinct female voice singing praises to its owner.)

Dukermin: *peers into the house* *turns to Nalitie* What's the game plan? Wait till she's turned and tie her up? Try to steal the flute from her and turn it against her?

Nalitie: Taking her flute is almost definitely a priority, although I'm a bit confused--if that's her singing, then... who's playing the flute music? 

Dukermin: *moves to a window nearby and looks in to try and identify the musician*

(A circle of monsters--and Chara and Callie--surrounds Lydia. Each is equipped with an instrument, flutes that were no doubt stolen from Mettaton. It seems that Lydia has found the latent magic within each monster and is channeling her power through them, as she sings her plan to go back for the Diamond Castle once more to herself.)

Dukermin: Nalitie are you seeing this? There's more than just one flute to worry about.

Nalitie: *also looking in the window* Ugh, yeah. Pluto was probably one of the worst places she could have been let loose on. Why couldn't she have ended up on Bensel? We're gonna have to change tactics, cause we need to get those instruments without hurting any of the people she's channeling power through... 

Dukermin: Hm. I don't think there's any chance we can just walk in there and talk them all into letting us have their instruments. But... one of us could distract them, while the other gets the instruments... 

Nalitie: Do they even have enough free will to be distracted? Maybe it would be best to go straight to Lydia, make her trip up her focus on keeping everyone under her power? 

Dukermin: I'll go in the back, and you can go in the front. Is this just a good old ambush?

Nalitie: Yeah, I guess. We should grab instruments ourselves, too. Music magic. Although neither of us has that as a registered power, at least maybe we can block out her music with our own. 

Dukermin: I need to find a Hurdy Gurdy. 

Nalitie: Maybe we could find something back at MTT Studios?

Dukermin: Cool yeah makes sense. *off to MTT*

Nalitie: *running along behind her*

(You enter MTT Studios. The lights are all off, and you can hear voices echoing a soft chant. You can't tell what the words are. The studios are a veritable labyrinth, especially in the dark.) 

Dukermin: *softly to Nalitie* where do you think instruments would be located?

Nalitie: Practice rooms, wherever the main band and orchestra recording rooms are... *dons a headlamp from Lux*

Dukermin: *does the same* I think I know where to find those *heads in that direction*

Nalitie: Oh, awesome. I haven't spent a lot of time here, when were you here? 

Dukermin: When MTT was still in my head, he wanted to direct some renovations, so I had to be here and I got to know the place too well.

Nalitie: Oh, awesome. Knew that plot point would come back for us at some point. 

Dukermin: Annnd here we are *kicks open a door to a practice room* *searching for a hurdy gurdy* I could have sworn he said he had one...

Nalitie: *finding every instrument except for the flute, which is the only one she can play reasonably well* Figures... 

Dukermin: There might be a piccolo in one of those drawers... but it would be pretty rusty and unused... *finds a hurdy gurdy underneath a piano*

Nalitie: *digging through drawer* *finds a singular piccolo and an alto flute* *considers* Hey Dukermin, what do you think? I've played the alto flute before, but it's not exactly a light instrument... 

Dukermin: well, the nice thing about the alto flute is that if worse comes to worse you can use it as a club...? 

Nalitie: Oh, true. *assembles the alto flute and plays an experimental scale*

Dukermin: *plays a very slow and minor version of banana man*

Chanting/singing Voices: *approaching, upon hearing all the noise*

Dukermin: Ope time to run *zooms away*

Nalitie: Oh no wait for me *runs and pushes through some amalgamates that were coming for them* !!!

Dukermin: *bursts out the door* *to Nalitie* What in the world??

Nalitie: No idea. Looks like Lydia has a bunch of the monsters under her spell, but dang I did not know she was this powerful and frightening. I wonder if she got Piggy and the Narrator, too... 

Dukermin: Uggh why does she have to be so evil. She needs a big hug. But sadly I don't think she'd accept one while she still has breath.

Nalitie: Probably not... *heading back towards Asgore's house*

Dukermin: *follows, tuning hurdy gurdy*

(In Asgore's house, Lydia has finished singing her master plans to herself and has taken to sitting in an improvised throne at the center of the circle of hypnotized Plutonians. They continue playing the continuous drone of flute music.)

Dukermin: So, I'll head to the back so she can't escape that way, and what are we going to play very loudly and cover up the evil music? What should we play?

Nalitie: That's the plan, and hmm maybe just Banana Man again? 

Dukermin: But not the version I played, an upbeat one.

Nalitie: Yeah. *trying to transpose the song in her head because alto flutes aren't concert instruments*

Dukermin: *setting the bottom and middle tones and tapping out the melody* I think I'm ready *heads to back door*

Nalitie: *double thumbs up* *kicks open front door* HEY LADY *starts playing banana man and approaching to attack* 

Dukermin: *bursts through back door and also starts playing banana man*

Nalitie: *trying to kick at Lydia's shins as she plays*

Dukermin: *attempting to grab some instruments*

Nalitie: *doesn't have enough limbs for this* *tries to knock people's flutes out of their hands using her much bigger, bulkier alto flute*

Dukermin: *ad libs a fancy riff during an instrumental*

Nalitie: *manages to knock the flute out of Chara's hands* *cringes as it hits the floor and breaks, knowing that paying for that flute will come out of her bank account*

Dukermin: *kicks Callie's flute* *urges her to snap out of it and help*

Lydia: Ha! *gets kicked in the shins* Ow! *to Dukermin* She can't hear you! While she's under my power, she'll only listen to me! Girl, attack! 

Callie: *moves to fight Dukermin*

Dukermin: *dodges and while maintaining the mid and low tones hits Lydia oer the head with the hurdy gurdy*

Lydia: Ow! *loses concentration for a spell*

(The flute music stops momentarily as Lydia is stunned. Callie looks around, confused, stopping her assault. As Lydia regains power, those who were still playing flutes continue their song, though Callie is just confused and runs away)

Nalitie: *running out of breath*

Dukermin: Hey, take a break if you need it, just keep going for the instruments!

Nalitie: *stops playing for a bit, using the alto flute as a club to knock instruments out of people's hands*

Dukermin: *seeing that more have dropped instruments, conks Lydia over the head again*

(Lydia hisses in pain and loses focus again. Those who were not playing swiftly run away, since they're mostly monster kids.)

Nalitie: *takes advantage of the distraction and hits Lydia again with her own instrument*

Dukermin: *keeps playing, but kicks a couple more instruments away, uses free hand to start grabbing up fallen instruments so Lydia can't try to use them*

(The circle is almost entirely broken. Only two or three people are still playing, and their song is rather weak through Lydia's splitting headache.)

Dukermin: Face it Lydia, you've lost! *does a cool move with her instrument*

Lydia: *growls in frustration, grabbing for one of the flutes that are still being played* 

Dukermin: *plays even louder* 

Nalitie: *joins again, though slightly out of tune because her instrument is damaged*

Lydia: *tries to keep going for instruments, but eventually succumbs to the headache and possible concussion, covering her ears to block out the sound of their playing, which has become unbearably loud to her*

(The flute music around you and eerie chanting from hypnotized monsters outside gradually stops.)

Dukermin: *pulls out electrical tape and duct tape* *binds Lydia's hands and covers her mouth*

Nalitie: *stops playing* Awesome. ... What exactly do we do with her? Also how do we break the spells on all the statuified monsters outside?

Dukermin: Riewa might be a good option for her. And, how did they break the spells before? Good wholesome music is lifeblood of the soul...

Nalitie: Um, in the movie she came from, they used the Muses' instruments. I'm not sure how Papyrus and Candle Grandma did it, though... Unstatuifying Lydia, that is. 

Dukermin: It must have been Candle Grandma, she can totally come help. Her Kazoo is at least as powerful as any celestial being's if not more powerful.

Nalitie: Man. Good thing we didn't cap music magic, I guess. Which do we wanna do first, drop off Lydia or unstatuify people? 

Dukermin: Drop off Lydia for sure, I don't want to know what would happen if we unstatuified monsters and Lydia was just hanging out.

Nalitie: Oh, true. Don't want to start a SECOND civil war. *taking space stuff out of her pockets, cause portals don't go to Riewa* 

Dukermin: *does the same* *prepares a few space bubbles* *ties a rope between Nalitie and Lydia and herself* 

(And so they jettisoned off into space, towards Riewa.)

Dukermin: Whee! So do we just need to get near it and then drop her in? 

Nalitie: That's what we did with Sam, athough we're awfully high off the surface of the planet. She might die from this height.

Dukermin: We should be able to leave if we go further in, we just have to make sure she doesn't try to follow us out or any of that funny business.

Nalitie: Just gotta untie the rope. Lydia can't fly on her own, and Slyder is somewhere on Pluto still. He's pretty harmless without her, though. We can always just send him back to his home dimension or maybe just leave him on Pluto or something. 

Dukermin: He's probably fine there. Okay, we're getting close to the surface. *prepares to untie rope*

Nalitie: *untying her side*

Dukermin: Okay, three, two one *drops rope* Byyyyeee!!

Lydia: *falls from the bubble, onto Riewa*

Flowey: *was woken from his nap*

Nalitie: We'll be putting a ration system in place while you're here :) *to dukermin* ok, let's get outta here. 

Dukermin: Adios, *away we go*

(Soon, the two of them were back on Pluto. Some of the Plutonians have come out of the Best Western, now that the hypnotic song is gone. Several of them have gone to the statuified versions of their friends and family, sobbing and grieving.)

(when they arrive on pluto, Candle Grandma appears. She looks to Nalitie)

Candle: My services must be needed? I was instructed to make sure my kazoo was shiny and ready to go!

Nalitie: Yes, we need your help unstatuifying all of these monsters. I know you and Papyrus managed to unstatuify Lydia, but how?

Candle: I played a little ditty, because thats what everyone else was doing, and i felt a SOUL that required my help, so I helped! I understand now though that that wasn't the greatest course of action. Are you sure it's okay for me to unstatuify people now? I won't unstatuify the wrong person?

Nalitie: It's good now; all of the people who are statuified right now are innocent monsters that Lydia froze. She's safely stowed away on Riewa right now. 

Candle: Oh good news! *starts unstatuifying people* *old macdonald is played on repeat*

Nalitie: *joining the song with her alto flute, though she isn't actually performing actual magic, just adding cool harmonies* 

*timeskip brought to you by (old) McDonald's*

Candle: I believe that takes care of everyone!

Nalitie: Awesome!

Papyrus: *has come out of hiding* CANDLE!!! IT'S YOU!!! LYDIA IS GONE!!!! :D!!

Candle: Ah my dear Papyrus! Yes it seems our queens were able to fix our dire error, so everything is back to normal now! Hopefully our next date won't end so poorly ;).

Papyrus: :D!! OH!! CANDLE, ARe you asking me on another date???!

Candle: You know it, dearie! But I think I need to go, I'm knitting a SOUL blanket... it's very complicated. See you soon, Papyrus dear!!

Dukermin: *is suddenly back*

Nalitie: Awesome. 

Papyrus: *goes around telling people about Candle Grandma and how she's an awesome hero of Pluto*

Dukermin: *tells Candle that Papyrus is a good man for her and she approves* Welp... that was fun.

Nalitie: Ha... fun. At least the issue is cleaned up. *checks nonexistent watch* I wonder how Christine and Steven and Willy are getting along with the kids... 

Dukermin: Yeah I suppose it's time to head home... 

Nalitie: *gestures a vague salute to Dukermin* *prepares Lunchbox Portal headed for home, tossing alto flute in Mettaton's Direction*

Dukermin: *Does the Empty Nest awards salute* *keeps the hurdy gurdy and lunchboxes away*

~•*•~

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[erscogadatabase]

14: A Very Belated Very Erscoga Christmas the Second

Date: 1-10-2020 IDST, 3-5-2018 EST

(Nalitie is setting up some ribbons on the wall in the Termata Opera House's main entrance, in the Erscoga Dimensional School District's colors that are also the current Erscoga National Colors. A nice table of snack foods sits on the eastern wall. Christine is in the improvised kitchen, frosting this year's cake alone, while Steven, Dave, and Willy Wonka take care of Lisa, Leonarda, and the Tobiases. A tree that looks noticeably fuller and of better quality sits in the center of the back wall, with a few presents already placed underneath it. Star lights are hung around the perimeter of the room. A chandelier sparkles in the center of the room as Dukermin finally arrives.)

Dukermin: Wow that tree looks great! Almost too great *is suspicious of the actually nice tree*

Nalitie: *from her ladder* That's because I didn't get it from Homeless Henry's friend this year. Now that Mettaton is out of your head, he offered to pay us back for keeping his SOUL safe by providing money for decorations. *checks clock* Oh shoot, guests will be arriving any minute...

(A few people are already flooding in as SAM makes her grand entrance, or at least as she potentially makes an impactful entry, I don't know, integrating interdimensional folks into documents is a mess.)

Sam: *casually entering through the front door* Sup.

Nalitie: *climbing off her ladder* Woah you came in like a normal human. Thanks for not breaking the ceiling.

Dukermin: *is offering to take peoples coats but isn't putting them anywhere and now just has like 50 coats* We're not used to such normalcy.

Nalitie: Civility is always a pleasant surprise.

Sam: *shrugs* Yeah. I'm not a bursting through the ceiling kind of person.

Dukermin: Hey remind me to show you my dog later. He could be anywhere between 2 inches and 100 feet tall at any given moment so I can't bring him to parties.

Sam: That's... too big.

Nalitie: He also likes to run through electric fences. First thing he did once he became a real character outside of VR, I believe, I dunno, that document was like 5 years ago.

Dukermin: He's really good at breaking my rules and that's why I love him.

(A few more assorted guests arrive--the folks from Aeuton are here, as well as a few scattered Dunkelians like Ominglai, Stobia, and Neirmkedu, plus Sage from Lux. Also the GCL folks made it. It's mostly people from Termata, now that you're looking.)

Dukermin: I wonder where all the pluton- oh nevermind.

Nalitie: *cautiously looking into a parallel reality/document* We should probably just leave all discussion on Pluto til later. Wouldn't want to disrupt Erscoga canon by trying to deal with the problem in two ways at once.

Sam: *completely ignoring everything and focused on the snacks*

Dukermin: *stands on a chair* Hello guests! Merry Holidays/Happy Situations!

Sam: JUST GO WITH MERRY CANDLENIGHTS!

Nalitie: But that's not an Official Government Holiday. Come to think of it, does Erscoga even have any nationally-recognized holidays?

Dukermin: Yes, my dog's birthday and We Survived 9/17 are the only ones on there last I checked.

Nalitie: Oh, right. Do you keep those on parchment or a sock? I can't remember which is more official these days.

Dukermin: oh the sock of course.

Nalitie: Ah. *sees someone coming in through the door* *goes to direct them to the tree, where presents are being placed*

Dukermin: Oh right i have to put my presents under the tree *tosses about 30 small presents all of the same size under tree*

Nalitie: Oh you remembered this year. You know what else I remembered?

Dukermin: Do tell!

Nalitie: *points to makeshift kitchen's entrance/exit, where Christine is carrying out several plates of stacked cupcakes* Cupcake jenga!

Sam: Cupcake... jenga?

Dukermin: Hooray! *to Sam* It's just Jenga but its a stack of cupcakes and impossible to win

Sam: *mumbling* Those poor cupcakes...

Dukermin: Oh and any cupcakes you manage to pull out you can place on your head!

Nalitie: It's a very complex game. Maybe we should start up a tournament some day, when everyone's had a lot of time to practice. Remind me to make it an official school sport.

Dukermin: Ah yes

Nalitie: *realizing it's rather quiet and, dare she say, peaceful at this party* *is unsettled because Erscoga is constantly chaotic and everything is going too well*

Dukermin: *reading her mind* okay it's time to crank this party up a bit! *turns on "come on Eileen" but the song is backwards* *starts randomly stacking chairs to make a tall tower*

Nalitie: *goes to check on Christine's cake, since she doesn't have help from Mettaton this year*

Sam: *watches Dukermin's chaos while eating*

Ask Erik! Tobias: *excited now* *goes to cheer at Dukermin and not do anything other than that and drawing on the chair legs with their crayons*

Erscoga Tobias: *crawling around on the floor because he's significantly younger*

Willy Wonka and Steven: *awkwardly ballroom dancing with each other around armfuls of baby*

Dukermin: Oh! I have presents for everyone! *goes to retrieve presents*

Nalitie: *comes back out of the kitchen* Oh are we doing presents now? Are we doing this the same way as last year? Or, uh.... However long ago that was?

Dukermin: hmmm wait what did we do first last year? I know we fought ninjas at some point during one of the parties.

Nalitie: Not that part, I meant where everyone gives out the presents they brought to the intended recipients.

Dukermin: oh yeah that makes sense. *Starts handing out presents to everyone*

Nalitie: *same, except she only has a few because a lot of her friends are from Pluto* *gives a medium-sized box to Dukermin and a mysterious-looking bag to Sam*

Alex: *has attended this year and hands Dukermin and Nalitie matching boxes, looking guilty that he didn't know the war was over and that Sam was also here* *makes a mental note to create another prototype when he gets home*

Hope: *has knit every single person in the room like a scarf or something*

Sam: *just gives presents to Dukermin and Nalitie because she doesn't know everyone else enough*

(Everyone who has received a gift from dukermin has gotten just an American 20 dollar bill but it can't actually be used anywhere because it has been bejeweled with the recipient's face on it

Christine: *wheels out a gigantic cake with all the party's attendees' faces on it, which is her gift to everyone*

Nalitie: *urges Dukermin and Sam to open their gifts from her*

Sam: *does that*

(Nalitie has given Sam a couple of things from around Erscoga: a bone from Papyrus, a singular crystal from a chandelier in the first Menards that was placed on Lux, a grain of corn from Bensel, a vial of the atmosphere of Dunkel (somehow), a scrap of yarn from Aeuton, one of Flowey's petals, a bag of virtual coffee from Coloria, a crayon from her house, and a single pair of buttercup earrings. She says it's an offer of goodwill to make peace after Sam's crushing defeat in the War of Ask Erik! and Erscoga.)

Sam: I uh... wouldn't say I lost but alright.

Dukermin: *opens Nalitie's gift*

(Nalitie has given Dukermin a new bag of cheese, a piece of new sheet music, and a black cape with space-patterned fabric inside.)

Dukermin: Yes cheese! Oh these are really cool *looks at sheet music and attempts to play it on a kazoo borrowed from Candle Grandma and puts on cape*

Alex: *approaches the group* Hey, have you opened mine yet? I think you'll like them. *to Sam* Sorry I didn't make one for you right away. No official news went out that the war was over, so I didn't know you'd be here. How's life in Ask Erik!?

Sam: *shrugs* Uhhhh... it's been... uninteresting. Dormant. But peaceful.

Alex: I'm guessing part of it was helped by us leaving... I think we took all the chaos with us. Anyway, it's nice to see you again.

Sam: *leaning towards Nalitie* Who is he?

Nalitie: .... Alex, from Aeuton? He helped Shay and Vella with the whole... Mog Chothra thing? I think he's like 340 years old? *slowly tearing open wrapping paper*

Sam: OH. Oh. Yeah.

Nalitie: *opens her gift and takes out a carefully-knit gauntlet thing* ??? *turns to Dukermin* You get this too?

Dukermin: *opens present* Yep.

Alex: *already has one on* Ever since Shay dropped his lunchbox portal into the ocean, I've been working with Hope and Green Circle Labs to come up with an even more portable transportation system. It's based off the one on my ship; every location in the multiverse has its own 5 or 6 note melody, and if you play that and hit this button *points* you'll be transported there. We're still working on transcribing the frequencies for each dimension to create a song, but... There should be some presets on that thing. Oh, and you'll bring anything you're holding along with you.

Dukermin: Wow cool! *finds a tune for Disneyland and teleports away briefly* *comes back with a new hat and a shirt* This is rad!

Nalitie: Nice! That'll definitely shorten up the process of going to, like, steal places from Fiction.

Dukermin: *looks at sheet music Nalitie got her* Hey Nalitie, what is this song? Did you write it?

Nalitie: No. I found it at GCL, and I thought it looked cool.

(There's actually two versions of the piece in the little packet Nalitie gave you--an SSA version and a full SATB version. The piece is titled "In Noctem," and looks slightly older. The way its written suggests that it's from a dimension not too unlike your own, since the notation is readable.)

Dukermin: * holds up SSA version* Hey Sam and Nalitie, wanna try it out? I call 2nd Soprano

Nalitie: *shrig* I'll take the top part? We can do our Typical Trio Arrangement ™. Except sight reading is hard and we don't have a piano, so hopefully we actually do this justice...

Sam: Uhhhhhhhhh, let's see if I can still sight read...

Dukermin: *plays first notes on kazoo*

Nalitie: *whispers* If it's any help, the alto part is rather simple. *was not paying attention to her starting note, except everyone is in unison so she assumes its ok*

*the gang attempts to sing the piece*

Nalitie: *did not warm up first and didn't realize that her part's actually kind of high* *struggles a bit*

Dukermin: *has been singing alto for a hot while and forgot what not low stuff felt like*

Sam: *feels the same way if anything goes higher*

(Amidst the rather pathetic sight-singing attempt, a rather depressing, kind of mysterious song tries to emerge. It's certainly not a Christmas song.)

Dukermin: Hey who turned off Come on Eileen!?

Sam: Me. It was creepy.

Dukermin: Unforgivable. Wait but you didnt turn anything else on?

Sam: *shrugs*

Nalitie: *looking back and forth between Dukermin's sheet music, the gauntlet on her arm, and the rather lackluster party* We should go on an Unexpected Adventure ™.

Dukermin: You read my mind! .*hits the button on the gauntlet*

Nalitie: *still trying to play the first few notes of the melody on her gauntlet* *grabs Sam's arm* *presses the button* *is gone also*

*wheee*

(As the main cast makes Banana Man noises, they tumble out into a rather dark stone corridor. It's surprisingly humid down here, and the walls are lined with torches and candles. Some people startle and move out of the way, looking at the trio suspiciously and running towards the nearest adult because they are children.)

Dukermin: Greetings and Salutations friends! I am... Jim Brown and we come in peace!

(Some of the nearby kids eye you warily. Suddenly the adults are there and there are like 11 things pointed at you and people are screaming stuff that sounds vaguely like Latin, as the few things that you happen to not even be holding anymore fly out of your hands.)

Dukermin: rude. *puts hands up* *does not want to be shot/attackedd*

Nalitie: Oh dang, this was not the Unexpected Adventure I was expecting. *also raises hands *whispers to Dukermin and Sam* what do we do??? What's our cover story? Who is Jim Brown????

Dukermin: I guess Jim Brown is me now idk.

Sam: We could always run.

(You are currently surrounded by a crowd of students wearing what looks like school uniforms, as well as a handful of adults who are targeting you with wands. One of them asks you what your business is being there and how exactly you got there in the first place.)

Dukermin: *loudly* You have all just been witness to my greatest magic trick to date! You have just seen The Great Jimini Brownini make herself and her two assistants appear out of thin air! We are not here to harm you only to amaze and astound!! *flourishes fancy new cape*

Sam: We literally just appeared here, I don't know what's going on.

Unnamed Adult Person Because The Author Has Not Developed Her Compendium of Character Voices for This Franchise Yet: Is this a game to you? How did you get past our defenses? No one should be able to just... appear here.

Sam: Yeah, I really don't know.

Nalitie: *nervously* Uhhh and now The Great Jimini Brownini's assistant will make Jimini Brownini and the other assistant and herself disappear again!! *frantically inputting a random melody into her gauntlet* *grabs Sam and Dukermin*

Dukermin: *as she is disappearing* Wingardium Leviosa!

Sam: *facepalms*

Guy Who is in fact part of this franchise but who will remain mute for the rest of this document: *tries to grab them as they disappear and manages to grab Nalitie's arm* *is transported away as well*

(The dimension you end up in is chaotic. Submarines are floating in the sky above Mars, and in the distance you can see some guy singing and jumping into a volcano. There's a dead guy on the ground at your feet, and unicorns are shooting lasers somewhere to your left. There's more Latin chanting coming from a disembodied chorus all around you.)

Dukermin: Oh my gosh I want to /live/ here.

Nalitie: Somehow we ended up somewhere even weirder than Erscoga...

Guy who tagged along: *panicking and confused, but trying to hide it under a thick layer of looking apathetic*

Sam: *also confused* What the heck.

Dukermin: There is no way nature did this, someone had to have authored this and whoever they are, I want them to be my kinda mom.

Chorus: Vanitati! Latinae! Canentis! Hootus Dei!

Dukermin: Somehow, this seems very familiar...

Guy: *is hearing the chanting and expecting attacks to be coming at him, but nothing is happening*

Nalitie: I... What do we even do here? Do we do anything???

Dukermin: All I know is I want me one of them unicorns.

Guy: *incredulous look at Dukermin* *isn't going to be mute after all* They appear to be overcome by Dark Magic.

Dukermin: Oh hey sorry I didn't see you there I'm... uh... yeah i'm Dukermin. You're probably gonna be with us for a while. What do you know about Dark Magic?

Guy: *suspiciously silent* *narrows eyes at Dukermin and has gone back to being mulish*

Sam: Maybe we shouldn't touch the unicorns.

Dukermin: Aww man. Maybe once we fix the dark magic. *Looks at guy* Hey I told you my name, would you be alright with sharing yours? Cuz otherwise we're just gonna name you something like Bud.

Sam: Or Doctor Mushrooms.

Dukermin: That's so long, at that point we should just call him a Fungi. *nearing on copyright infringement probably but it's okay*

Sam: If only he was a Firbolg.

Dukermin: Maybe he is, I can't see him through that thick layer of apathy. AnYWAy.

Guy: That's not... *reconsiders* I don't plan on staying with you insolent fools for long anyway. Besides, with your supposed interest in Dark Magic, how can I guarantee that you aren't a servant of the Dark Lord, hm?

Sam: How do we not know that you are, huh?? What's your name, punk?

Guy: *sneers* I believe you dubbed me "Bud," did you not?

Sam: Actual name, before I go after you with my sword. And we didn't officially dub you that yet.

Dukermin: Yeah there are a lot of options to weigh. And We are not servants of any dark lord, we pretty much just do whatever we want y'know. And I never said we were /interested/, just interested in your knowledge about it, /sir/.

(As Guy/Bud/Doctor Mushrooms/Fungi/punk opens his mouth to respond, the chorus fades out and an ear-splitting shriek fills the air. Morse code pounds into your head as a transmission is given over the entire planet, garbled by static. Yes this is how the album ends. I think. The Author only listened to it once.)

Dukermin: Whyyy! *runs around to escape pounding*

Nalitie: *covering her ears, but finding no relief* owww.

Sam: *screaming*

Guy: *Also hearing the transmission, but not nearly to the excruciating effect as everyone else*

Dukermin: Sam you understand every language, do you know morse code?

Sam: YEAH.

Transmission: "ACTIVATE ZARGOTHRAX CLONE ALPHA 1"

Sam: *repeats it to the others*

Dukermin: Zargothrax... I know that name. This might be trouble.

Nalitie: Yeah...

Guy: *raises an eyebrow at Dukermin* Who is Zargothrax?

Dukermin: He's like the enemy in at least three albums, he will be the enemy in up to 21 future albums.

Nalitie: Yeah, he's like.... This really evil wizard guy? Who got frozen in ice in the first album, but then was freed and tried to take over the galaxy, but failed and was sucked through a wormhole into this dimension, which he did take over, except the hero--Angus McFife the 13th--defeated him here again and... *to Dukermin and Sam* hey, where is Angus McFife? Have you guys seen a guy in like green armor wielding a hammer?

Sam: *nods slowly and also shrugs*

Dukermin: 80% sure we saw him jump into a volcano when we got here. I might be wrong tho. He keeps coming back somehow.

Nalitie: ... huh. This dimension is so weird. I'm glad we don't live here. Reminds me too much of Ask Erik!, if I'm being honest, what with all of the cross-dimensional travel and resurrection....

Dukermin: hm. If that really was Angus McFife we saw diving to his death, then this dimension might be doomed, but there are still supposed to be about 17 more albums...

Nalitie: Yeah hm. But Zargothrax is also dead *points at the dead Zargothrax* so maybe this dimension isn't doomed for a while. Maybe we shouldn't be here when it happens tho.

Sam: *butting in* THE MESSAGE LITERALLY SAID A CLONE OF THAT DUDE. A. CLONE.

Dukermin: Oofta. *scans the horizon looking for any chance that we can save this world*

Nalitie: Yeah, but do we wanna mess with canon before it's created? Maybe Angus McFife will also come back. He jumped into the volcano because he got stabbed with the Knife of Evil, which made that guy evil and really powerful *points at Ser Proletius*.

Dukermin: I hate to just leave something so beautiful yet self-destructive.

Sam: Yeah but if we don't leave it's gonna destroy us soooooooooooo... *making arm gestures to get out of here*

Nalitie: *checking out gauntlet, trying to remember the sequence to get them back into Erscoga* *enters something, but isn't sure if it's right* Maybe we should skedaddle? *holds out other arm for other people to grab*

Dukermin: *skedeedle skedoodle*

Guy: *begrudgingly grabs Nalitie's arm as she presses the button to leave, assuming Sam is holding on and coming with them*

Sam: *very much grabs arm*

(You're on a roof. It's raining, and also it's the morning. On one side, the roof drops off towards the ground; on the other, you can see windows that don't look like they'll actually open. It looks kind of familiar... You think you're on Earth again. It's certainly not Erscoga.)

Dukermin: *leans over edge of roof and peers into window*

(Down on the ground, you see a big field, and in the window it looks like some sort of a classroom. There's big black tables lining the walls with a section of desks in the front. No one is in there right now.)

Dukermin: Ah its school.

Sam: Gross.

Nalitie: *looking in window over Dukermin's shoulders* Looks different than usual, though. Look in this room. *points to other window*

(This classroom is set up a tad differently. You can see the door, and on the adjacent wall, there's the teacher's desk. A man who looks eerily like your travelling companion sits there frowning and grading papers. Desks are set up on either side of him, down an aisle, and a smartboard is on the wall opposite him.)

Dukermin: *looks from Guy ™ and teacher person* Hm.

Guy: ???

Dukermin: Hey look at this teacher person.

GUy: *looks in window* *frowns* *turns to Dukermin* What kind of trickery is this?

Dukermin: See that's what I was wondering but I wasn't so rude about it, punk.

Guy: *scowls at Dukermin, then goes to explore the other windows*

Teacher Guy: *puts away his last paper as students come in the door*

Students: *sitting down*

Random Kid: *sees Dukermin and Nalitie and everyone peering in the windows* Ummm Mr. Napce? There's people...

Dukermin: *waves* *taps on window, and does that "got my eyes on you" gesture at the teacher*

Sam: *another facepalm*

Mr. Napce: *gets up from his desk and goes over to the window, opening the little panes at the bottom so they can talk through the screen*

Guy: *away at the other window, out of sight*

Mr. Napce: What exactly are you three doing on the roof in the rain on a school day?

Dukermin: I can do what I want, I'm a grown adult ™ .

Mr. Napce: You are trespassing on school grounds. Give me a reason not to call the police on you.

Sam: *big shrug*

Dukermin: Um, because, um. We are, um. Not trespassing.

Nalitie: *panics under the pressure and runs off the roof, using the lack of power cap to not die*

Dukermin: We're here with your twin brother.

Mr. Napce: *narrows eyes* I don't have a twin brother.

Dukermin: Maybe he's just a brother, don't know his age or your age for that matter, or maybe it was all just a big coincidence haha ha don't call the cops.

(The man in front of you appears to be a young man; he can't be much older than 30. His dark hair is a little shorter than Guy's hair, cut around his chin, and he looks at you with dark eyes and a piercing stare. He's dressed on the more formal end of the teacher wardrobe spectrum, but his clothes are in much lighter shades than Guy's all-black attire. Also he's not wearing robes like your compatriot.)

Dukermin: Hey where are we exactly? Like is this Earth?

Mr. Napce: ??? Yes, it is...

Dukermin: Cool, that's totally normal, Earth is where I am everyday. I never leave the Earth homeland. I should probably go...

Mr. Napce: *no less suspicious; in fact, he's even more suspicious than before* *gestures to one of his students to call 911*

Dukermin: Byeee *jumps to top of roof and looks for Guy* *Calls to him* Hey man, I found an alternate version of yourself! Isn't that cool?

Guy: *already has seen Mr. Napce* *just stares* *trying to open the window of the empty classroom*

Dukermin: *helps him* *summons a spear to pry it open if it doesn't budge*

Window: *opens at the bottom like Mr. Napce's; there's not enough room to get in the window, also there's screens in the way*

Dukermin: *pulls out a little baby bomb* *looks at Guy* How bad do you want to get in that classroom?

Guy: *staring at the bomb, unsure of what it is* ???

Dukermin: Why do you wanna get in there? Cuz I can definitely get you in there.

Guy: Well, since it seems that our only means of travel has ejected herself off of this roof, it is imperative that we find another way out. *sneers* Unless, of course, you wish to follow in your friend's self-destructive footsteps?

Dukermin: I'm not much of a follower, but that doesn't mean my actions aren't self-destructive. *blows up window* *jumps into classroom* *grabs Sam and throws her through the window*

Sam: *screams*

Guy: *carefully climbs through window hole*

(The classroom is dark, save for the light coming in through the windows and also the hole you just made. The walls are lined with cabinets, labelled with their contents. The door is closed and locked. A bulletin board covered in students' artwork sits on the wall behind the teacher's desk. A small figurine of a flying piece of food sits on the teacher's desk.)

Guy: *rifling through the cabinets, taking vials and various chemicals and pocketing them with vague interest*

Dukermin: Hey that's illegal *spots a cool small periodic table and snatches it*

Guy: *raises an eyebrow at Dukermin as he puts a test tube in his pocket*

Dukermin: It was just an objective comment. We should keep moving before the cops show up *leaves the classroom*

Guy: Mm. *follows her out*

Dukermin: *heads down the main stairwell* *before heading down checks the corner by the vent for writing*

(There's a couple of names scrawled there in pencil, but they don't look familiar at all. You hear a voice over the speaker system announcing a school lockdown, and doors begin to shut all down the hall you just came from.)

Dukermin: Ack. *looks for the quickest way outside*

Guy: *is just following Dukermin; has no idea where they are*

Dukermin: *leaves through the doors near the cafeteria*

Guy: *follows*

Dukermin: *grabs cell phone and tries to call Nalitie*

Nalitie: *is right on the other side of the parking lot, phone ringing rather loudly* Oh hey, there you guys are!

Sam: *has been following Dukermin the whole time*

Nalitie: Awesome, we should leave before we get arrested on this Earth too. *taps a hopefully correct Erscoga sequence into her gauntlet* *holds out arm for everyone to grab onto*

Guy: *grabs onto Nalitie* *is fully confused, but happy with his new supply of glassware and chemicals to study*

Dukermin: *right before they ... blast off i guess* *to Guy* you know, you seem reallllly familiar, it's just on the brink of my brain...

Sam: *nods in agreement* Yeah. Snape.

Dukermin: *simultaneously shouts* Alan Rickman oh wait snape yeah that's your name.

Snape: ?!?! How did--

(Nalitie hits the button on her gauntlet, grinning. As you're pulled through time and space, you feel as though something is a little bit... off. You hear an alarming beeping noise and a voice loudly proclaiming "LOW BATTERY" as you're pulled into a world where everything is just flashing strobe lights and hushed conversations around your nonexistent ears.)

Sam: *was about to respond, before she just goes quiet* Huh... Well.

(You have a vaguely distorted musical noise, in a simple 4/4 beat, as the light continue to flash. You feel like you're being electrocuted, when you're pulled into a vaguely fuzzy scene. You're all standing in a small, dark room with a computer sitting in the middle of it, as the beat drones on in the back of your minds.)

Sam: I was uh... gonna say that there's only a select few of people that call Voldemort the Dark Lord soooooooo, pretty obvious once you started grabbing those chemicals, dude.

Dukermin: Burn, bro.

Snape: *still has no idea how you even know of him, considering you appeared randomly inside Hogwarts dressed rather oddly and probably covered in frosting, straight from the Christmas masquerade*

Dukermin: Anyway, we'll take care of that later, anyone else feel like they somehow survived the electric chair and had their lives thrown backwards before ultimately ending up in this weird little room?

Sam: Yep.

Nalitie: Yeah, except for the part where this is strange--wow my head hurts--this is part of my vent hole, but before I expanded it.

Dukermin: Wait, if this is your vent hole... Then where are we in the grand scheme of things?

Nalitie: I--man that noise is annoying, can anyone else hear that?--this is my vent hole, but before I even got to Ask Erik!. Back in my technical home dimension, which was destroyed a long time ago.

(The noise is pulsing with growing intensity and gradually picking up tempo.)

Dukermin: Nalitie... what's happening? *goes to the computer to see if she can shut it off*

Sam: *generally freaking out and not knowing what to do*

(The computer is open to the Treegrass Institutes homepage, but it looks different--more sincere. The owners of the hospital are smiling in the staff picture, and everyone's names seem changed. The bottom of the page lists Kristin Tretter, Cassidy Brockett, and Tahlia Wallace as the main contributors to the site. The world is flashing to white at varying intervals again.)

Dukermin: *searches for an off switch or a power cord*

(It's just a normal computer. Made by Skylight Technology Corp, 2009.)

Dukermin: *pulls the cord free*

(The computer shuts off, but the pulse of the world only grows in intensity; soon everything is white again, white and dark red. You hear more voices, you hear singing, and soon you hear birds.)

Sam: *still silently freaking out from the Treegrass stuff*

Dukermin: Nalitie your vent hole is wack. Are there any exits?

Nalitie: I'm honestly not sure how much of this is my vent hole. My "vent hole" back then was just a little crawlspace in my basement.

(The pulsing stops suddenly, and you hear a soft piano melody in the background. Your vision is filled with the outdoors in the late afternoon; you're standing on a little hill and the sun shines down on you. In the distance, you can see two children, but their faces are covered with the mask of a Lost SOUL. Snape stiffens next to you, almost imperceptibly.)

Sam: HEY CAN WE LEAVE I WANNA LEAVE LEAVING WOULD BE AMAAAAAAAZING.

Dukermin: *hands Sam a lollipop and pats her head* *heads toward the children*

(The children don't seem to respond to your presence. Nalitie is attempting to input a melody on her gauntlet, but it seems to be dead. The pulsing is back, growing to a deafening din. Sounds like a guitar string.)

Sam: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

(The world flashes again, and now you're in Disney World. Mickey Mouse is talking to nearby children, his pockets full of bombs. A bright orange van sits on the edge of the scene.)

Dukermin: *approaches Mickey* Hey! I thought you weren't working today?

(Mickey Mouse seems confused. A chorus of reversed voices is chanting something in the background. Another Nalitie stands by the van, flanked by Christine and Alphys.)

Dukermin: *looks between the two Nalities* *turns to the real one* yo we gotta get out of here.

Nalitie: I'm trying *uselessly tapping at her gauntlet, holding it up to the flashing sky, hoping there's some latent electricity in whatever is going on*

Dukermin: What kind of batteries does it take. There's gotta be a dollar store around here somewhere, although it /is/ Orlando so...

Nalitie: Something tells me we're not exactly in a full reality. *checking underside of gauntlet for the battery slot*

(The chorus grows louder, and the world flashes. You feel like you're being electrocuted again, and you appear in another hazy scene. You're in a little house, and a red-haired girl and a sullen, brooding man are sitting on the couch, seemingly talking to no one. A 10-year old boy bounds around the room. Another version of Sam is here, or at least you think it's her. Like the children from a few scenes ago, her head is blurred out.)

Sam: *gets a little bit excited*

Dukermin: You know this place?

Nalitie: Holy cow, it's--man, this song is getting on my nerves, this would be so much more enjoyable if we weren't being electrocuted--it's this place... This is Log_Lady's house, if I'm not mistaken. *frantically looking for batteries*

Sam: Yeah! Or, was. Canonically it's now Erik and Raoul's house.

Nalitie: Confusing. *realizes* ugh wait dukermin don't you have one of these too? Maybe you could get us out of here--any place is better than this.

Dukermin: *looks at arm where gauntlet still is* Oh yeah duh! *looks for code to Bensel* *inputs code*

Nalitie: *grabs onto Dukermin*

Snape: *same, through the blinding headache and awful feeling of being electrocuted*

Dukermin: Everyone ready? *presses button beep beep off we go*

(Soon, everyone was in the rolling corn fields of Bensel. It's pitch black outside. As you land in the foliage, you hear a nearby door creak open. Someone was surprised by your arrival.)

Sam: *peeks out of the foliage*

Old McDonald: *pointing his shotgun out the door, looking around for movement* What're you hooligans doing in my corn again? I know yer out there!!! *shoots off a warning shot somewhere above the top of the corn*

Sam: *runs for it*

Dukermin: Ah sorry sir we didn't mean to disturb your corn! We were just leaving!

Old McDonald: *hears her voice, but doesn't see her (since she's still in the corn somewhere)* *shoots somewhere to Dukermin's left*

Dukermin: Ack! *rolls away further into the cornfield*

Nalitie: *digging in her pockets for her nanofiber yarn armor from the last Christmas party* *idea* *pulls out her phone and calls Christine* *will be busy for a few lines of dialogue*

Snape: *got separated from the group when they landed and is lurking somewhere farther away in the corn*

Sam: *eventually runs into Snape* *grabs onto him* MARCO!

Snape: *is startled and defensive, pulling out his wand and aiming it at her on impulse, before realizing it's her*

Nalitie: *from wherever she is, covering her phone with one hand to spare Christine's precious hearing* POLO!

(Old McDonald shoots off another shot into the corn.)

Sam: *heads in that direction, looking for Dukermin too*

Dukermin: *rolls into Sam and screeches* oh it's just you!

Snape: *hisses at her to be quiet as Old McDonald shoots off another shell, beginning to wade into the cornfield*

Sam: *grabs onto Dukermin, continuing to head in the direction of Nalitie*

Nalitie: *finishes her call with Christine and hangs up*

Old McDonald: I know yer in there! Show yourselves!! *loading another shell into his gun*

Sam: MARCO!!

Nalitie: POLO! *ducks as Old McDonald shoots in her general direction*

Sam: *soon reaches Nalitie* *whispering* Can we get out of here now?

Dukermin: *whispering also* Where to? I made the decision last time and it didn't turn out great...

Nalitie: Let's just get out of this corn and into safer pastures. Help is on its way, because there's no way I'm using these gauntlets again until Alex gets all the bugs worked out.

Dukermin: fair. *crouches down and heads out of the corn*

Nalitie and Snape: *following Dukermin*

Sam: *also following*

(As they leave the corn, somewhere in the direction Isole's much safer farm land, or perhaps 7even's small demesne, you hear sleigh bells jingling in the air.)

Christine: *waves from Santa's sleigh in the air*

Dukermin: *waves back* It's a holiday miracle

Santa: *lands sleigh* Ho ho ho! Hello again!

Christine: I was wondering where you went! *to Nalitie* You promised to help with the Tobiases during the second half of the party! You had us worried sick!

Nalitie: *guilty*

Dukermin's giant dog: *is flying the sleigh somehow who knows*

(Suddenly, from out of the corn behind you, Old McDonald appears! He brandishes his gun at you. Christine screams. Snape whirls around defensively. Nalitie considers jumping off the nonexistent roof again.)

Sam: *pulls out sword*

Santa: Now hold on there, kids! *stands between everyone* Old McDonald! If you don't want to end up on the naughty list, you won't shoot these people! You wouldn't want to get coal in your stocking, would you?

Old McDonald: *glares and grumbles* *drops gun* *mumbles* no.

Dukermin: sorry we were in your corn, it was an accident. It was a whole malfunctioning portal gauntlet thing and eh.

Nalitie: yeah. We'll get out of your hair :) *climbs into sleigh with Christine*

Dukermin: *follows, pets Dog ™ *

Sam: *sadly puts sword away*

Snape: *begrudgingly gets into sleigh as well*

Old McDonald: *leaves*

Nalitie: We should probably head back to the masquerade, just to make sure everything gets cleaned up, at least.

Dukermin: definitely, also we never opened Sam's presents!

Nalitie: Oh dang!! I totally forgot, what with the constantly being on the move and feeling either vaguely threatened or vaguely on fire.

Sam: Oh uhhhhh, they're um. Yeah.

(And so they all headed back to the Termata Opera House to end the Christmas Masquerade. Inside the building, the last few stragglers--Alex, Steven, Willy Wonka, and all four of Nalitie and Christine's children--just kind of sitting around inside the venue, finishing off some last pieces of cake. The presents from Sam are still on the floor wherever Nalitie and Dukermin were last standing.)

Dukermin: *wishes merry whatevers to everyone left and opens present*

Nalitie: *also opening hers while also returning her gauntlet to Alex, explaining the situation that just happened, but thanking him for it regardless*

{insert presents that Sam can't think of}

Nalitie: Wow, awesome! *wears her amorphous blob as a hat*

Dukermin: Wow thank you it's my favorite thing!

Nalitie: This has been another successful Christmas Party, I think, and this time you didn't end up with Mettaton in your head! We just have this guy *points at Snape* Speaking of, *turns to him* I guess you're just kind of a permanent fixture in Erscoga now. I have no idea which dimension we got you from and we sure as heck aren't gonna be going back there using those gauntlets any time soon. Welcome to Erscoga. Make yourself at home. Hopefully your absence doesn't ruin your home dimension too badly...

Snape: *vaguely concerned and confused, but doesn't comment. It's been a long day.*

Merry Belated Holidays/Candlenights/Festivus/Whatever!

~•*•~

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[erscogadatabase]

13: The War of Ask Erik! and Erscoga

Date: 7-9-2019 IDST, 2-26-2018 EST

Nalitie: *barges into Dukermin's actually existant house with Lisanarda* IT'S TIME!

Dukermin: It's 2:30 in the morning.

Nalitie: Oh yeah. Earth time and Erscoga time work differently... I was just over there having tea with.... Some people... and trying to clear our names. Because we're wanted.

Dukermin: Oh I never switched my clock over from daylight savings time. It's 3:30. Did you clear our names?

Nalitie: ... Well not exactly. We're safe at the school, from that time we barged in there, and a few of those people are chill with the fact that we OHNO *spidey senses are tingling* SHE'S HERE

Dukerin: It's SAM.

Sam: Uhhhhhh.

Nalitie: How did you even get into this house? I'm surprised, it took me forever to find it.

Sam: *shrugs* Good question.

Dukermin: There are so many doors that need opening and buttons that need to be pushed. You are a force that will be difficult to be reckoned with.

Lisanarda: *probably crying because it's 3:30 am and they want to be sleeping*

Sam: I'm so confused.

Dukermin: AHA Our plans our coming to fruition.

Nalitie: ^whispers* What's our plan again? I think all of our people are asleep who we might need in this...

Dukermin: Well, how about before we destroy each other we go out for tacos?

Nalitie: How about... BOGOF tacos?

Sam: Tacos sound good.

Dukermin: We can take the van.

Nalitie: *already running to the elevator* TO THE VAN!

Sam: *follows*

Dukermin: *already in the van*

Nalitie: *gets the elevator going, then presses the proper button for the proper floor*

(Soon everyone was in the van)

Nalitie: Guess who can drive legally on Earth now! ^starts van and drives to what looks like a run-down motel*

(The sign is falling apart. The motel part is crossed out and replaced with "BOGOF Tacos." You walk inside, and Homeless Henry is sitting at the front desk.)

Homeless Henry: Welcome to BOGOF Tacos, miss.

Dukermin: I forgot my wallet.

Homeless Henry: Don't worry! For Erscoga's best queen, I'm willing to give you our special deal: buy one get one free BOGOF tacos! That means you get 4 tacos for the price of one. *looks at Sam and Nalitie* But that deal is only extended to the nice queenly lady *wink*.

Dukermin: *wink* Sounds like a plan.

Sam: Do you guys have different currency here?

Nalitie: *reaches into her wallet, which is full of Earth Money (™)* Ujm *reaches into her pocket which is full of Meriloft moneY* Uh *reaches into other pocket, which is full of Ask Erik! Money* UH I'm broke.

Dukermin: I can pay in kindness.

Homeless Henry: *is interested*

Dukermin: How many compliments would it take to pay for our tacos?

Homeless Henry: Well, compliments won't make me un-homeless like money would, but anything yer willing to give me is fine by me :)

Dukermin: Alright! You have kind eyes that are the color of a warm summer day. You can make any outfit look like it belongs in 17 magazine. And finally, you slay.

Homeless Henry: *has been borrowing Papyrus's Dating Handbook and realizes that compliments are a positive step* *doesn't say anything though, but looks really pleased* Enjoy yer tacos, ladies.

Dukermin: Will do! *blows a kiss*

Homeless Henry: *literally melts*

Sam: That was... so weird.

Dukermin: Tacos are on me! Enjoy!

Nalitie: *assembles her own tacos because Homeless Henry was the waiter, too* *leaves to get a motel room to eat in*

Dukermin: *taco time* So wha'ts the game plan for this war situation?

Nalitie: CONFORMITY! To the rules of like reality.

Sam: You do realize I'm right here, and we're on opposite sides.

Nalitie: I never told you anything you didn't already know.

Dukermin: Wait how do wars work? We're supposed to like be taking land and stuff.

Sam: See, I declared war. But did I think this would actually happen? No.

Nalitie: Then you hath underestimated the power of Erscoga! We are a united country, and there will no longer be an imbalance in the Ask Erik! World! We're fixing your dimension by creating OUR dimension :)

Sam: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Can I just surrender now?

Nalitie: NAY! We only have two pages of document! This would be a most boring story to post to Wattpad!

Sam: *frowns* But I'm a one-man army. This isn't going to go well for me, and we both know 8th grade me was an idiot.

Dukermin: Hey look on the bright side! You'll have to figure something out.

Sam: But that's too much effoooooooooooooooort...

Nalitie: *eats some taco*

Dukermin: Alright, we'll battle for a while and see what's going on from there.

Nalitie: We need an excuse to show off our power cap.

Dukermin: Yeah we worked really hard it's time to flex. We could just show you all the crazy stuff we were going to do so we can prove how hopeless it is to fight us!

Nalitie: YOu just gotta pretend to be 8th grade you, is that so hard?

Sam: Really hard. You don't understand how hard that would be.

Nalitie: Go fish out your letter to self and imitate. *in a terrible Mettaton voice* Acting, darling!

Sam: I threw it out.

Dukermin: That was a good idea. Probably for the best.

Sam: I could just like... make it seem like I'm putting up a fight.

Nalitie: Indeed! But you're gonna have to go back to Ask Erik! And come back in a more dramatic fashion. That'll really be epic. Pretend we're organizing a movie or something.

Sam: *mumbles something about not knowing how to go back*

Nalitie: Get in the van. ... finish the taco first, in memory of Homeless Henry, and then get in the van. *eats taco* *gets in passenger side, furiously scrolling through the database on her phone*

Sam: *grabs two tacos and heads for the van*

Dukermin: I'm driving! *Snatches the keys and drives to GCL*

(Then they were at GCL)

Receptionist: Hello, welcome to Green Circle Labs!

Dukermin: Hello! We need one one-way ticket to Ask Erik, Business Class.

Receptionist: *frowns* That's... *sigh* Alright, may I see your identification, please!

Dukermin: *Hands over a white piece of paper with Queen Dukermin written on it and a smiley face*

Nalitie: *hands over the forged police badge from that time they went to Alcatraz*

Sam: *pulls out an ID*

Receptionist: *prints out a badge for Sam and lets her through, but makes Dukermin and Nalitie stay behind because Erscoga has a terrible government*

Sam: You do realize I don't know how I got here, too.

Nalitie: *yelling through the doorway* THAT's okay! I'll just *throws lunchbox*

Receptionist: *catches it* Don't do that, miss. We can't have unauthorized portal tech going through the main portal.

Dukermin: We seriously need to get like some crowns or something. Anyway.

Sam: But I need that!

Dukermin: Bro you're going to Ask Erik! Just do whatever you want.

Sam: *pauses* Oh yeah. *yeets self through portal*

Ask Erik! Citizen: *driving down the street when suddenly*

(A portal opens in Ask Erik! somewhere, idk)

Sam: *comes falling through, landing on the car and making a significant dent*

Citizen's child: *crying in the backseat*

Citizen: *gets out of the car* What the heck, lady???

Sam: Sorry! *slides off car, running towards her house* *runs inside, and immediately upstairs*

Log_Lady...'s stunt double: What are you doing?

Sam: Apparently a war? *shrugs*

Log_Lady's stunt double: Oh. *is out of dialogue because Log_Lady is a real person and that's weird to keep this going*

Sam: *goes on to grab Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom* *heads outside and works on figuring out how to get back*

(MEANWHILE :D)

Receptionist: *is still yelling at Nalitie and Dukermin*

Nalitie: *holds out a Lunchbox* Shall we?

Dukermin: To Lux! (puts on sunglasses) *yee*

(And so they were on Lux. But they really don't know where they are?)

Citizens of a place; *screaming and fleeing because SUDDEN PEOPLE!*

Dukermin: CITIZENS OF WHATEVER COUNTRY OF LUX WE'RE IN! WE ARE YOUR QUEENS AND A WAR IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN HERE SO UH YEAH

Citizens: *murmuring*

Guards/Law Enforcement: *are coming to see the scene* What is happening here?

Nalitie: *squinting and trying not to kill her vision* We landed in your country because an evil force is coming

Dukermin: *hands over backup sunglasses*

Guards: We cannot have war here! You expect to bring war to our country?

Dukermin: Suck it up buttercup. *Walks over to nice spot* We're gonna set up right here.

Nalitie: *goes over to Dukermin* *whispers* we could just go over to the wild lands where people won't get mad at and rebel against us. We don't want internal war.

Dukermin: Ugh Fine. CITIZENS IT IS YOUR LUCKY DAY WE WILl LEAVE YOU TO YOUR PEACE. *bye*

(And so they went to the Menards Land to await SAM. The Menards employees (and also Mr. B and Mr. T) stare confusedly out the windows at them.)

Dukermin: *c-es a scythe*

Nalitie: *pulls out her cereal shooter and some tea*

The Dog: *is also here and is probably 9 feet tall just cuz*

Sam: *comes floating through a portal, sword at her side, sunglasses on* Oh, we're having a sunglasses party? Cool.

Dukermin: Ah man we wore the same outfit one of us has to change.

Nalitie: *whispers* That's because I stole a bunch of clothes from her house. These are her sunglasses, technically.

Sam: So that's where all my clothes went??

Dukermin: IT IS TIME TO DO BATTLE!

Nalitie: AAAH! *shoots some stale, Off Brand! Chucky Larms at Sam*

Dukermin: Oh no my husband is missing this. *Walks off real quick to make a phone call*

Sam: *stops, and just watches Dukermin*

Nalitie: *still shooting stale cereal at Sam, hoping to knock off her sunglasses or something*

(Approximately 12 seconds later)

Mickey Mouse: I got a call from my clubhouse. Nice to meet you, SAM I'm Mickey and I have bombs i guess.

Sam: I forgot this was a thing. And now... I don't know if I'm scared or not.

Nalitie: WAIt hold on! *pulls out her phone to text Dukermin*

Sam: *groans*

Nalitie: *yells to Mickey* Welcome to the war!

Mickey: I'll be right over here give me a few seconds, you can continue with your fight tho :) *starts fashioning a bomb*

Dukermin: *climbs onto The Dog and charges*

Nalitie: *runs into a Menards to buy a bean bag toss game* *comes out with only the bean bags* *starts throwing them at Sam instead of shooting cereal at her* *probably misses if Sam is still floating*

Mickey: *runs around with a protractor singing about aiming*

(Previously in time because Dukermin and Candle Grandma cannot exist concurrently)

Papyrus: *on that same date with Candle Grandma as the last document in the Erscoga folder* *is giving Candle a tour of the Diamond Castle* DID YOU KNOW!!! ONCE THIS CASTLE WAS HIDDEN FROM EVERYONE BECAUSE OF AN EVIL LADY!

CG: Oh, look at this peculiar statue.

Papyrus: *SCREAMS* IT'S HER!!! THAT'S THE LADY FROM THE STORY!!!! SHE'S ALL STATUIFIED!!!

CG: Wow, this is very detailed work they did here.

Papyrus: SEE??? SHE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT BAD! THEY MEMORIALIZED HER FOREVER AND EVER!!!!

Melody: *had been playing with the muses but came down to see what all the noise was* *is confused and startled* Oh! Hello....!

CG: Hello dear! I'm Candle Grandma and this is my special friend Papyrus!

Papyrus: THAT IS THE GGGREAT PAPYRUS! AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE, HUMAN?

Melody: My name is Melody; I'm one of the Muses her in the Diamond Castle. May I ask if you need anything from us?

Papyrus: *AAAAA!* YOU ARE A MUSE!!! OH!!!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WAS IN THE MIRROR IN THE STORY THE QUEENLY HUMAN TOLD ME ABOUT!!!! I AM AVERY BIG FAN!!!!!!!!

CG: I'm a musician too!

Melody: Oh! Do you play an instrument or sing?

CG: Kinda both! Are you familiar with the Kazoo?

Melody: Oh! Yes, I am! I play the flute, and the other Muses play the guitar and lyre. Would you like to play together?

CG: It would be an honor! *starts playing "Old McDonald"*

Melody: *playing as well, adding some Intricate Harmonies ™  *

Other Muses: *are summoned* *also playing*

Papyrus: *singing loudly and enthusiastically, but not necessarily well*

CG: *as she plays she feels a slight SOULlial tug coming from somewhere in the room* *Sensing a SOULin distress. Candle Grandma frees it from its plight*

(Suddenly, the statue of Lydia and Slyder starts to crack and OH NO, IT'S HER)

Muses: *notice and are startled*

Papyrus: !!!!!

CG: Oh dear, maybe that wasn't the best course of action.

Lydia: *looking around, dazed and confused* *sees the Muses and goes to grab her flute, which is nonexistant* *is outnumbered and frightened*

Phaedra: *opens mouth to speak*

Lydia: *runs up the stairs towards idk bedrooms, looking for at least an apprentice's instrument to use and taint*

Papyrus: OH NO!!!!! *runs after her*

CG: *follows* Statue Lady, let's discuss this predicament!

Muses: *confused and conveniently drop out of plot*

Lydia: *is rummaging around in what used to be Melody's room before she became a muse* *looking for one of those whistles*

Papyrus: HUMAN! I INSIST THAT YOU STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!!!

CG: I think I know how to resolve this! *pulls out one of Dukermin's lunchboxes* *launches it at Lydia*

Lydia: *goes to Pluto*

Slyder: Mistress???!

Papyrus: CANDLE!!! YOU CAPTURED THE HUMAN!!!!

CG: Dinosaur, do you want to go too? *offers a lunchbox*

Slyder: *hears the Muses coming for him and Lydia* *jumps in*

Papyrus: QUICK!!! WE MUST GET BACK AND CAPTURE HER INTO MY SHED!!! THE QUEENLY HUMAN CANNOT KNOW THAT LYDIA IS THERE OR SHE'LL BE REALLY DISsapointed in me :(

CG: Let's be on our way then *back to Pluto*

(On Pluto, Slyder is having the time of his life because monsters are there. Lydia is confused and trying to find a nonexistent source of dark magic to power her flute.)

CG: Hmm, I know what you are looking for, and you can find it in this shed.

Lydia: *goes into the shed*

Slyder: *follows*

Papyrus: *slams the shed door* CANDLE!!! WE DID IT!!!!!!! :D!!!!! 

CG: Hooray! I'd say that was a successful date!

Lydia: *opening shed from inside*

Papyrus: OH NO!!! *slams door again and hammers boards over it* I FIXED IT! THERE IS NO WAY THIS WILL AFFECT US IN THE FUTURE!!!!

(AND NOW BACK TO THE PRESENT! YAY!)

Sam: *watches Nalitie try to hit her and fail*

Mickey Mouse: Dukermin, Nalitie, get ready!

Dukermin: *flips through Sylladex to equip proper gear*

Nalitie: ??? OH! *puts on a weird looking, branded set of goggles*

Mickey Mouse: 3..2..1.. Blast off! *bomb time*

*And then they were blasted onto Dunkel*

Mr. B + Mr. T: *screaming like small children because THERE'S A GIGANTIC EXPLOSION HAPPENING OUTSIDE OF THEIR MENARDS*

Nalitie: whee! Aah! *banana man noises*

Dukermin: *holding goggles on face*

(You are now on Dunkel, the planet of darkness. You see infinite black space in all directions. A small spotlight is shining in the sky, which is Lux, but it does not illuminate anything on the planet itself. The atmosphere is far too thick and dark, and the planet and its inhabitants absorb light.)

Sam: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh am I supposed to see anything?

Nalitie's voice: *coming from somewhere* NOpe. but we are :)

Dukermin: Yeehaw. *c-es a bow and starts attacking from somewhere*

Nalitie: *throws a grapefruit*

Sam: *runs in circles, screaming*

Trees: *are around*

Rocks: *are around*

Dunkel Rando: Eyyy I'm walking here!

Sam: *screams more*

Neirmkedu: *walks over* Oh, hello Dukermin. Who is your... friend?

Dukermin: This is our ENEMY for some reason!

Nalitie: BECause we are dramatic! *shooting cereal again*

Ominglai: *is there too* Please do not litter!!! *picking up cereal*

Nalitie: *guilty* *stops* sorry Ominglai. .... *awkward*

Dukermin: Okay we've won this particular battle CLEARLY.

Sam: *stops and shrugs*

Nalitie: ON TO PHASE 3!!!! *goes over and nets sam in a Lunchbox headed for .... *stops to text dukermin* PLUTO!!!!!!!* *follows*

Dukermin: *yee*

Nalitie: OW SUNLIGHT *momentarily crippled*

Dukermin: *rips off DunkelVision ™ * that was a mistake.

Papyrus: *runs over* HELLO QUEENLY HUMANS! WELCOME BACK TO OUR PLANET, WHICH IS COMPLETELY NORMAL LIKE IT ALWAYS IS!!!! WHO IS YOUR FRIEND?????

Sam: *screaming about how bright it is*

Dukermin: This is SAM, we've mentioned her before. The war is today!

Papyrus: OH!!!! OH NO!!!! OUR ENEMY IS IN ERSCOGA! GOOD THING SHE IS THE ONLY ENEMY HERE IN ERSCOGA TODAY AND IS NOT ACCOMPANIED BY ANYONE ELSE!

Sam: *nods slowly*

Dukermin: We MUST ASSEMBLE THE TROOPS *runs around screaming about war*

Papyrus: I WILL HELP YOU!!! *goes to the Best Western, where Undyne is currently staying*

Nalitie: *to Sam* Welcome to Pluto! You're in Monster Town right now! *points to Sans'n'Pap's house* That's Sans and Papyrus's house and their... shed? Which is *squints to read* out of order? Okay.... *continues listing places*

Sam: Gotcha.

Dukermin: And the last thing we'll show you is this tree here. We do not dig underneath this tree and if we happen to find something underneath this tree like say a box that says do not open we do not open it.

Nalitie: It's bad. Anyway: *prepares to fight*

Dukermin: I've been waiting to use this power!

*mushrooms begin to float from the ground and grow smexy legs and arms. They then charge at Sam and begin punching and kicking. They develop a black belt mastery in karate*

Sam: But now you're just making me want to dig up the box! *slashes at them with sword*

Nalitie: *puts yellow police tape around the tree* *pulls out her bag of cheese, which probably spoiled and moldy* *throws it to Dukermin*

Dukermin: What a treat!

*The cheese is broken into tiny pieces, the mold on it hardening. The hardened mold fits itself cleanly onto each mushroom man's head, they gain +2 AC with their tiny cheese hats, not that it does anything really but they are also very fancy hats*

Sam: *continues to fight the mushrooms*

*The mushrooms are slowly picked off because they are small and also mushrooms but they are doing their best*

Undyne: *appears, charging out of the best western at Papyrus's request* NGAAAAAH!!! I HEARD THERE WAS A WAR! WHERE IS THE WAR?

Gert: *has followed out into the streets* WHAT'S GOING ON? MY MOM SAID I SHOULD STAY INSIDE, BUT I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING! I LIKE YELLING!!!!

Dukermin: It's a war! We said it would eventually happen! UT ATTACK!

Nalitie: *is standing on the rock in the center of town* *pulls out .... THE CONCH* *blows into ... THE CONCH* *summons all of the monsters with ... THE CONCH*

Undertale Characters: *ATTACK!*

Sam: *screams and runs away* I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS!!!

Undertale Characters: *are just attacking air I guess*

Some attacks: *fly towards buildings, and more importantly, Papyrus's shed* *they blow a hole in the shed*

Papyrus: OH NO!!!! CANDLE!!! THE SHED HELP!!!! *blocks shed with body to avoid Nalitie seeing in and Lydia escaping*

Dukermin: *shifts into Candle* They cannot know! *chases Lydia*

Nalitie: *trying to calm the monsters down* She's gone! Don't be frightened!

Sam: *a few hundred feet away, watching all of this go down* NICE.

Nalitie: *turns to Dukermin to find her not there* ?????

Monsters: *accidentally destroying their own town*

Nalitie: STOP! WE GOTTA KEEP THE BEST WESTERN INTACT!!! *has lost ... THE CONCH in the chaos because ... THE CONCH is a symbol of logic, reason, and order, which is nonexistent in this scene*

Sam: *peacefully relaxing*

Lydia: *running around town trying to make everyone her slave*

Slyder: *flying arouuund* *getting hit*

Monsters: *OH NO SOMEONE ELSE* *attacking, but most of them are kids who don't know how to channel their magic properly*

Nalitie: *realizes she still has Lisanarda* *maternal instict kicks in* *runs awaaaay*

Candle Grandma: Papyrus, honey, I've gotta go, Dukermin is commanding control. *shifts into dukermin*

Dukermin: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?? *spots Nalitie running away* Oh I guess this is our plan now. SAM WE'RE GONNA MOVE ON NOW

Nalitie: I PROPOSE AN INTERMISSION!!!! *throws a lunchbox aimed at Termata at Sam*

Dukermin: *teleports away to Termata, to Mackinac Island.

Sam: *goes through portal*

Nalitie: *follows*

(You are now on Mackinac Island. It is very busy with tourists, but compared to Pluto it is very peaceful. There are no cars, only horses. There's water. Island.)

Nalitie: *points* There's a really cool fudge and coffee shop over here if we wanna take a break.

Dukermin: A break sounds good. *Buys fudge*

Nalitie: *gets some fudge and also a glass of milk*

Sam: *also gets fudge*

Nalitie: *finds a table and sits* So, how's it going? It's been a while, let's catch up.

Dukermin: I bought a new dining table two weeks ago. It has a mahogany finish and I got it on clearance.

Nalitie: Oh, nice. Hey, do you have any need for a nice living room chair? I have one, but we need more space for Lisanarda and the Tobiases, so I gotta get rid of it.

Dukermin: I think my neighbors are in the market for one right now, I'll get you their number.

Nalitie: Oh, sweet. *sips milk* *remembers Lisanarda who are strapped to her* Oh yeah. *pulls out some bottles to feed Lisanarda* Maybe I should bring them back to my house. This war is getting pretty dangerous. They can have some playtime with Tobias and Tasha.

Sam: *pauses, and looks at Lisanarda* Waaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiit...

Nalitie: Oh yeah! I adopted some babies from the Infinite Void of Unwanted Characters and Deleted Timelines! *points at the one on her front* THis one is Lisa, *points to her back* and that's Leonarda

Sam: Those are... that was... oh my god.

Nalitie: Oh yeah! Oh... I'm gonna. Uh. *asks dukermin to teleport her back home*

Sam: *ultimate frowny face*

Nalitie: You abandoned them in a literal void of nonexistent things.

Sam: HIGH SCHOOL GOT IN THE WAY!!!

Nalitie: THAT'S WHY YOU TRY TO AVOID TEEN PREGNANCY!!!

Sam: THAT'S WHY WE PRETENDED IT NEVER HAPPENED!

Nalitie: THAT'S NOT HOW REALITY WORKS!!!!!!

Sam: THIS. IS. FICTIONAL.

Nalitie: ERSCOGA HAS RUUUULLLLLELSSS.

Sam: THERE WAS SO MUCH OF THE TIMELINE WE NEVER POSTED ANYWAYS, SO I DOUBT PEOPLE REMEMBER!

Nalitie: *throws a vial of LOGIC on Sam* *fishing for lunchbox*

Dukermin: So uhhh. Pretty good fudge.

Nalitie: Mackinac is known for it. There's so many places around this area, not just on Mackinac island! *forgets*

Sam: I even had names for them...

Nalitie: There's another place across the street which some people say is better, but I really like this place because it's softer and meltier fudge.

Sam: It was Jenna and Vivian...

Nalitie: *to Dukermin* Erscoga has laws, right? This whole thing about Lisanarda is canon? And unchangeable?

Dukermin: Those are the rules. Wrote them on a paper napkin myself.

Nalitie: Woah, not even a sock?

Dukermin: I store them in a sock.

Nalitie: Oh. We should probably get back to the war, lemme just stop at my house quick. *to Sam* wanna go wait for us on Coloria? Give you time to prepare like we had last time?

Sam: *nods slowly, still lost in thought*

Nalitie: cool. *leaves to go find a ferry because she left her lunchbox behind last time in the chaos*

Dukermin: I uh... guess I'll just chill here for a hot sec.

Nalitie: *eventually reaches home* *gives Lisa and Leonarda to Christine* *goes to the Inner World of Coloria* *calls Dukermin* Hey where are you?

Dukermin: On my way *teleports to Coloria*

Nalitie: *is startled because sudden Dukermin* Oh hey. *hangs up phone* We should find Rose. *walks towards the Main Government Building in the Inner World*

Sam: *wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

(The three arrive at the government building)

The Overmother: *is there* Oh! Hello Nalitie, Dukermin... and *notices Sam* *aaaaaah* Sam.

Sam: *screams because of that one time*

The Overmother: *walks towards Sam to hug her* Oh, my dear, it is so good to have you here again! Have you reconsidered my offer to rule..... ????

Sam: *RUNS AWAY* *hides behind the other two*

Overmother: *heart is broken* *sheds a single tear* Oh. I see. You haven't changed one bit, have you?

Sam: *to Nalitie* Is this the same one....?

Nalitie: *whispers* I think you broke her.

Sam: Oh now I feel bad. Uh, sorry. Didn't mean to. Just uhhhhh bad memories.

Overmother: *sigh* Well, luckily for you, I have a new successor. *looks to corner where a child is standing*

Sam: I meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan I never said no, did I? Besides I don't know what you were going to ask, and I'd like to know.

Overmother: Perhaps not, but that does not change the fact that you continue to refuse my motherly love.

Sam: *goes over and gives her a hug*

(AND SO BAlance was restored to the galaxy!!! Yaaay! Happy times!!!)

Overmother: *is all better* Now then, what brings you to Coloria?

Sam: *big shrug* A war? I think? It's a horrible one. That's for sure.

Overmother: *gasp again* Oh my! That sounds awful? Who are you warring with, my dear? Perhaps I can help you!

Dukermin: We're all warring with each other.

Sam: Yeah. I guess. *mumbles something about just wanting to know that deal already*

Overmother: Does that mean... you are being attacked by Dukermin and Nalitie?

Sam: *nods*

Overmother: *turns hostile on Dukermin and Nalitie* I see. *nicely, to Sam* Would you like it if I helped get them to stop, dear?

Sam: Only if you finally say what you were going to before I screamed.

Overmother: ? I simply was asking if you would be interested in ruling Coloria after I am gone.

Sam: OH. Um... I don't... See why not?

Overmother: Wonderful! Then perhaps I will be able to send *looks at kid* Tobias (? Tasha?) back home!

Sam: Cool. I'm in it for the fancy clothes, honestly.

Overmother: Now then! *turns back to Nalitie and Dukermin* *iS GOING TO FIGHT*

Nalitie: *distressed noises*

Sam: WAIT. You don't have to actually fight them. They're chill.

Overmother: *seriously* You said they were attacking you in a war.

Sam: For maybe a page. Maybe. That's exaggerating.

Dukermin: Yeah honestly were just kinda flexing on each other.

Overmother: Still, you hurt my child!!! *gives them a slap on the wrist each*

Sam: Still don't understand how I'm your child but.

Dukermin: alright alright lets just battle for a bit then we'll all leave in peace

Nalitie: *whispers to Dukermin* Yeah but we gotta keep it pg or she'll come for us again. Lets go to the Coffee Shop. Got an idea.

Sam: Who will?

Dukermin: The three of us, we got places to go things to see *goes to coffee shop with nalitie*

Nalitie: *has ordered three bowls of chow chow relish and has set them out on a table, waiting for Sam*

Sam: *already there*

Nalitie: This is my great grandma's chow chow recipe. Whoever can down a bowl the fastest without magic wins this round. 321 go!

Dukermin: My IRL Self ate a pound of spaghetti noodles at Pepperfest in 2 minutes so come at me

Nalitie: *is already eating and finishing hers*

Sam: *pushes bowl away slowly*

Dukermi: oh we're starting okay. Whoops. *eats it*

Nalitie: *looks at Sam* I think we won. *eats Sam's bowl too*

Sam: *shrugs* I didn't care

Dukermin: Dope, alright, Meet me at Riewa! *teleports away* *hits a wall*  oh right *whips up three protective bubbles for space travel*

(AnD THen they timeskipped to Riewa because TIME!)

Flowey: *chilling and probably wilting/dying*

Dukermin: Hey Flowey!

Nalitie: *texting with Dukermin again*

Dukermin: *Sylladexs a jetpack and spacesuit* *puts it in a wooden box that would need to be broken to get into* *pops Sam's bubble with a spear* GO GO GO *uses protective bubble and McScoots ™  out of Riewa*

Nalitie: *is following dukermin because it's dukermin's magic*

Sam: What..............?

Nalitie: *idea* *to dukermin* Hey lets stop by my house real quick...

(timeskip, in which they go grab A Person)

Nalitie: *dumps Alternate Mettaton onto Riewa with Sam and Flowey* Have fun you crazy kids!

Dukermin: TEAM ERSCOGA FORVERRRR

Sam: But... I... uhh... *sits down on the ground*

Alternate Mettaton: *cursing at Nalitie and Dukermin*

Flowey: *dying, probably*

Sam: Can I go home?

Nalitie: *yelling* THIS IS YOUR HOME FOR NOW. YOU CAN GET OUT VIA That box and then go to GCL and you're free! :D!!!

Sam: Oh ok. *does just that*

Nalitie: That was fast. We're not even gone yet. Oh well :P

(The Glorious EEEEND!)

~•*•~

(Previous)

(Next)

(Table of Contents)

[erscogadatabase]

12: Introducing 7even

Date: 12-7-2018 IDST, 1-31-2018 EST

Nalitie: *bursts into 7even’s nonexistent house* Welcome to Erscoga! I’m here to teach you what to do!

7even: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Hello? Why are you bursting into my home?

Nalitie: You don’t have a house yet! It’s time for a history lesson! *offers hand*

7even: Oh yer right, there is no home here. Ok, Let's go on an adventure*takes hand*

Nalitie: But first…

(A verbal history lesson has occurred outside of this Google Doc.)

Nalitie: *points to the above dialogue* Expect this a lot. Erscoga likes to play with the fourth wall a lot, but… uh… be nice to it. We don’t want to have to tape it together again. 

7even: Again?

Nalitie: Don’t ask. Um… Let’s go to Pluto, first! I need to talk to a dummy *wink* *grabs lunch box portal and opens it* Just jump into this lunchbox. 

7even: *Checks hands in a dream check fashion.* Ok!!!

Nalitie: Don’t question it, it’s just how we get around… 

Joise: *jumps in lunch box*

(The two travelled through a portal onto Pluto. You are now on Pluto.)

Nalitie: Welcome to Pluto home of the--AAAH!

*Nalitie has been picked up in a hug*

Robot man: DIALGOUE! I’ve missed being able to touch people in my own body!

7even: Hey I want a hug too! I love hugs! Hugs are good *reaches out for hug*

Dude: Oh! *hugs* I don’t believe we know each other…? Well, I suppose you know who I am, of course, but I don’t think I’ve met you before, dear. 

7even: HI mettaton!! I think you and yer dears are pretty great ya know. *is slightly drunk probably bc of first lucnhbox ride and bc author 7even is out of it*

Mettaton: *a little confused, but has seen a lot and takes it in stride*  Well, thank you darling! And what might your name be…? 

7even: Im 7even….Im *faints*

Nalitie: oh no…. This is why Callie refused the lunchbox, I suppose *looks at Callie in her box* *to MTT* Hey, uh, could you go and grab Callie from her box? I think she has cookies. *sits by 7even*

Mettaton: *leaves to find Callie and returns with cookies*

Nalitie: *wafts cookies in front of 7even’s face, also hopes to give her some for some sugar energy*

7even: Im awake, Im awake. That was a doozie of a ride let me tell you. 

Nalitie: Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. I’m uh…. so used to portal travel that I forgot it can be taxing. Should we go and train you? You gotta learn the World Mechanics! 

7even: World mechanics? Ok I won't question it.

Nalitie: *brings out a dummy* 

(* Dummy is fighting you!)

7even: Its fighting me??????

(Nalitie explains that this is an alternate dialogue style. It’s borrowed from Undertale. She points out the fact that you also have a SOUL. It’s green.)

(7even realizes this fact and questions to herself why the dummy is fighting her)

(Nalitie tells her that it’s just the dialogue. The dummy is a dummy. It cannot fight. She shows you something.)

(Four buttons are in front of you, like in Undertale: *|Fight

*|Act

*|Item

*|Mercy)

(7even ACTS)

(*|Check

*|Talk

*|Hug

*|XXX)

(7even chooses XXX out of curiosity)

(You pet the dummy on the head. It might be happy, but it is only a dummy.)

(7even Acts-----Hugs)

(You hug the dummy. It feels no emotion, but you like to think that it loves you back.)]

(7even chooses mercy)

(You spare the dummy. You won! Except you weren’t fighting to begin with. ANYWAY.)

7even: I made friends did you see?

Nalitie: Yep. Except that’s literally just a dummy, and not one inhabited by a ghost. But ya know, it’s Erscoga. Wanna meet the other people here on Pluto?

7even: Ok 

(Natalie introduces 7even to the entirety of the Undertale cast, the 6 fallen humans, Aubrey, Casey, Temima, Payton, Kadin, and Jesse, Callie in her box, and Chara. Also Frisk. And Asriel.)

Nalitie: Where to next…. 

7even: I have heard about a certain Farm planet? I like the natural aroma of the name.

Nalitie: You wanna go to Bensel? Sure! *opens lunchbox, but rethinks it and puts it away* Let’s just… *throws a space suit at 7even* *puts on her own* Put this n and don’t take it off. 

7even: *puts it on...quickly)*

Nalitie: *straps a whipped cream jetpack on 7even’s back and takes her hand* *away t spaaaace!* 

(You are in space. Nalitie points out the her space station, next to the biggest planet. She tells you that it’s still under repair and you can’t go there, but it exists. She leads you to the farm planet.)

7even: (arrives on Farm Planet)

Ahhhhhhhhh, this feels like home.

Nalitie: Noice. *points* That’s Old McDonald’s farm. He’s kinda hostile. *points* That’s Farmer Joe. *points* That’s Isole Valence’s farm. *points again* That’s Fabrezia, but it’s Dukermin’s thing so ask her about it. 

Joise: I would like to meet my neighbor Mcdonald.

Nalitie: Oof, um. You should prolly do that without me, then. Last time Dukermin and I visited him we almost got in a gunfight, and then we broke his floor and unkidnapped Steven, so

7even: You stay here. I will go say hi.

(7even walks over to door and knocks)

Old McDonald: *cracks open the door and peers out* Who’s there?

7even: Hi!! I new here and am thinking of setting up my home. I wanted to meet whoever else resides here and be on good terms with them. So HI!!

Old McDonald: *grunts in thought* *opens the door* Don’t touch my property and we’ll get along fine. That INCLUDES the old stake in the back! It’s got… *sniff* sentimental value. 

7even: Alrighty. We got a deal! I will respect your privacy! Im going to go meet my other neighbors. Goodbye, nice to meet you!

(*Our record of this particular story ends here.)

~•*•~

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[erscogadatabase]

11: The Power Cap

Date: 8-6-2018 IDST, 1-14-2018 EST

Nalitie: *furiously knocking on Dukermin's door that finally exists*

Dukermin: *answers* hello.

Nalitie: *is carrying two babies* HOPE AND ALphys figured out the science behind magic! We can make a power cap!

Mettaton: *still in Dukermin's head* You mean she's been working on that too, instead of my body? This is going to take forever...

Dukermin: Sh. Do you think Alphys is done with MTTs body yet?

Nalitie: I'm not sure. When was the last time we checked? Otherwise, we could go over and actually help her this time.

Dukermin: Wait thats an option? Yes we should totally do that.

Nalitie: ALright. But first, I think we should create the power cap. Like a giant Riewa shield but around Erscoga, that does a different thing. We should also create a time travel barrier, while we're at it.

Dukermin: What do we need to do those things?

Nalitie: Hum... probably more LOGIC from Piggy. I don't have any left, but he's still in Alphys's lab. We can put a thing on each planet that sends up a power-dampening signal. We're gonna need a LOT of LOGIC...

Dukermin: Is Piggy going to be able to provide enough?

Nalitie: Well... we don't really have anyone else who produces LOGIC, unless you have another character out there in mind? Maybe we can kidnap one of those truth-speaking narrators?

Dukermin: Do you know how to get to the Into the Woods universe?

Nalitie: Well, that'd be in Tyatro, so we'll need GCL for that. I heard they hired a new receptionist, so maybe check-in will be quicker.

Dukermin: Hopefully. *off to GCL*

*one timeskip later*

Receptionist: *sitting at her desk* Hello, can I help you?

Dukermin: We need transportation to Tyatro.

Receptionist: Alright, can I have your names and identification, please?

Dukermin: Dukermin no last name Queen of Erscoga.

Nalitie: Nalitie Wonka. *holds out her old Ask Erik ID that doesn't exist because she was not old enough*

Dukermin: *porbably holds out a plastic sheriffs badge*

Receptionist: *confused by the lack of IDs but looks them up in the database anyway* Hmmm... Alrighty! Let me print out your passes, and the portal is on the bottom floor. You'll need to find one of Rosetta's team members for assistance. *hands them passes*

Dukermin: Neat thanks *off to find rosetta and friends*

Nalitie: *following*

Dukermin: *stops a nearby employee* Do you know where I could find Rosetta?

Employee: I think she was near the residential area, on the 3rd floor.

Dukermin: Cool thanks *gives him a quarter and leaves to the third floor*

*on the third floor*

Rosetta: *is talking to Melody and Joshua about their disorderly conduct, near the team's rooms*

Dukermin: Excuse me. Are you Rosetta?

Rosetta: Yes, I am. I believe we've met before, but I'm afraid I don't remember your name...?

Dukermin: Dang feels like its been a whole summer and a few of the months before then. Its Dukermin, and we need to go to tyatro.

Rosetta: *notices Nalitie, and realizes who Dukermin is* Oh! Of course. *leads them down into the basement where the portal is and sets it up* I assume you know to flip?

Dukermin: We've done this before.

Rosetta: *smiles* Alright!

Dukermin: *into the portal and off to tyatro*

Narrator: *falling from the giant's hand*

Dukermin: *unintentionally catches them*

Narrator: *confused and also probably in pain*

Characters of Into the Woods: *realize the narrator is still alive* *are coming after him again*

Dukermin: Oh uh we need to go *portal back to green circle labs in termata cuz we just discussed it and its okay*

Rosetta: *is startled*

Dukermin: Ah hello this is the narrator from into the woods. Narrator meet Rosetta, Rosetta meet the Narrator. We should probably get to alphyss lab or wherever.

Nalitie: We can take... wait, nevermind I need to recalibrate my van. Lunchbox portal?

Dukermin: Yes. *lunchbox portal it up*

Babies: *crying because they are being ignored*

Alphys: *is startled*

Nalitie: *caring for the babies*

Dukermin: Do they have names yet? Hello baby 1 and baby 2

Nalitie: No... They probably need them soon. But Willy and I aren't sure what to name them, Christine and Steven are busy with the Tobiases, and we don't know what Sam was going to name them.

Dukermin: How about idk lisa and leonard. Leonarda. Are they both girls?

Nalitie: Yes, sure. Lisa and Leonarda.

Dukermin: yes Lisa and leonarda thats canon and now sam cant change them thats the law.

Alphys: Wh-what's happening...? Why are you in my lab? D-did you need something...?

Dukermin: Hey alphys meet Lisa and Leonarda. Also we were wondering if you need any help with MTT? And also this is the narrator we need to extract logic from him. Hes extraordinarily quiet.

Alphys: Umm... e-extract what??

Dukermin: LOGIC sorry forgot to capitalize it all.

Alphys: I-I'm not going to... I don't, um... I don't know how to do that??

Dukermin: Nevermind then *wink* Um need any help with MTTs body?

Alphys: T-that would be nice, actually, but, um, sh... shouldn't you d-deal with that g-guy first? *points at the Narrator*

Dukermin: Hes fine. Ill show him to the true lab. *walks away with Narrator in tow*

Nalitie: *follows*

(You are in the true lab. The amalgamates are here with Piggy. The Narrator is panicking.)

Dukermin: Welcome to the true lab! This is where you live now... Hey you good?

Narrator: Not really.

Dukermin: Oh. Well um... You're in Erscoga, a dimension in the making. Welcome.

Nalitie: We need LOGIC from you to protect this place. It's agreat sacrifice, plus you'll get to live! I mean, look at Piggy over there! Perfect health!

Piggy: *still recovering from last time*

Dukermin: Anyway, this is probably the safest place for you. And you get to help create a dimension with us kind of.

Nalitie: Plus, we saved your life!

Narrator: *very confused*

Dukermin: so if you'll just come this way *heads over to the determination extractor turned logic extractor*

Nalitie: *straps in the Narrator* This won't hurt I think?

Dukermin: Okay lets do this *turns it on*

Dukermin: While this is happening let me enlighten you about what we are doign here *pulls over a whiteboard* *flips it over revealing a lesson plan and an outline of the human body*

Nalitie: *letting Lisa and Leonarda listen to Dukermin's explanation even though they don't understand*

Dukermin: Human bodies are capable of devoting as much as 20% of their body to LOGIC. How much is actually present depends on the person. An average person may only carry about a third of that amount.

Dukermin: However there are certain people in the world so rationally gifted that they don't only carry that complete amount but can also give up some and still be able to eventually reacquire that amount of LOGIC.

Dukermin: *whips around and points dramatically to Piggy and the narrator* These two gentlemen are capable of this feat. Therefore, we know we can safely extract LOGIC for intellectual pursuits and know that they will soon be back to their regular selves. *rolls up one of those map things that like come down from the top of the board and whip up really fast* *bows and drops the proverbial mic*

Nalitie: *applauds*

LOGIC Extractor: *is on the fourth vial*

Dukermin: Oh thats enough *turns off extractor*

Nalitie: *removes the Narrator and replaces him with Piggy* *sets the Narrator in somewhere else so he can rest*

Dukermin: Okay, so once we have the logic, what's next for getting this power cap up?

Nalitie: We need to build a spire on each planet, with a vial of the stuff. We can connect them both to my Vent Hole computer and also a computer of yours, so we have multiple places, and we'll program in the power limits and stuff.

Dukermin: So once Piggy is done we can get our lunchbox portals out and yeah

Nalitie: Yep. Are we gonna ask the Voltas and also Alphys to do this like with the Riewa shield? We can do other things and then come back and help Alphys with Mettaton's body.

Dukermin: Yeah.

Mettaton: Finally.

(The machine does its thing for a while. Piggy is probably slowly going insane. The Narrator is in pain.)

Dukermin: Well they seem fine so... How many vials is it on now?

Nalitie: The last one again. That's what the timeskip was for. *stops the machine and puts the vials in her pockets* Shall we be off?

Dukermin: *off to voltas*

(You are on Aeuton now.)

Dukermin: *looking for the voltas*

(The Voltas' house is here, by Vella's house. You can see Hope through the window, still knitting whatever she was working on before. It looks like a giant red, yellow, and black tube.)

Dukermin: *knocks on door*

Hope: *gets up and opens it* Oh, hello, Dukermin. *invites her inside*

Dukermin: Hey, so you remember the thing we made for the riewa shield right?

Hope: *closes the door behind them* Yes, why? Did something happen to it?

Dukermin: Would you be able to help us make 8 more?

Nalitie: I mean, it would be significantly less, since there'd only be one generator on each planet...

Dukermin: Yeah. Do you have enough materials for that?

Hope: I believe so. If not, we managed to salvage and fix our Replicator, so I can make myself more yarn. Plus, we have the Hexipals. *pauses and notices Nalitie* Are those babies?

Nalitie: Uh yeah that happened. Wanna be their aunt? There's a nice opening. I'll let you think about it while you work on the shields.

Hope: Alright... *to Dukermin* Where are we going first?

Dukermin: We can start here. We just need Alphys to help. We probably could have taken care of that while we were there but eh *calls alphys*

Alphys: *picks up eventually* Um... h-hello?

Dukermin: Hey, sorry to bother you but we need your help on Aeuton asap. Were putting up the power cap.

Alphys: O-oh! I'll grab my stuff... *you hear fumbling* how do you work these things...

(Suddenly, Alphys tumbles out of the lunchbox outside the house.)

Dukermin: Oh hey *opening door* Building montage time?

Nalitie: *has called Willy Wonka* Building montage time.

(Building montage time!)

*we didnt start the fire plays in the background*

Dukermin: Wow, look at them all its beautiful

(A giant shield surrounds Erscoga, thin and translucent. It's a dark navy blue. Suddenly, you feel any super unnatural and contrived powers diminish themselves.)

Dukermin: Oh no my power to summon every unicorn from every corner of existence to come and eat all life is gone.

Nalitie: Darn, we can't time travel anymore what a shame. No resurrection here, sad.

Dukermin: Some of our actions might have consequences now.

Nalitie: Oh no how dare you. What do we want to do now that that's done? I gotta go to Earth to grab some places, but we also need to help Alphys with Mettaton's body.

Mettaton: I personally vote for that second option.

Dukermin: Yeah how long do you think thatll take? Cuz its about time this story came to a conclusion.

Nalitie: Well, I donn't know anything about robots, and I don't know if you do? But we can bring over some Hexipals and offer encouragement.

Dukermin: Good plan. *grabs armfuls of hexipals and throws them into lunchboxes*

Nalitie: *to Alphys, who is still there in their building party* Hey Alphys, let's go work on Mettaton's body! We've got Hexipals.

Alphys: Oh... y-yeah, that... S-sure...!

(And so they all went to Pluto.)

Hexipals: *running amok probably*

Dukermin: Here's your help!

Alphys: Oh, y-yeah! Th-they helped with the shield... they're really good... D-did you want to see what's done...?

Dukermin: Sure!

(Alphys leads you all into the room with Mettaton's body. It's a little more finished than before. You see the basic form, but it's got wires all over. There's a bunch of scrapped parts over in the corner.)

Dukermin: *pushes all the hexipals toward the robot*

Hexipals: *immediately finish it*

Mettaton: Oh my...

Alphys: *didn't even get to do anything* W-wow, okay... N-now all we need to do is, um, figure out how to... uh... separate your SOULs...

Hexipal Hank: *signs his name on the foot*

Dukermin: Would this be easier if Candle Grandma were present?

Alphys: I-I'd have to see what happens w-with your SOULs when you change... C-can I summon your SOUL...? I mean... uh... just to see what...

Dukermin: Yeah sure.

Alphys: *summons Dukermin/Mettaton/Candle Grandma's SOUL(s)*

(Dukermin's SOUL is the most prominent right now, a dark blue. Mettaton's is absorbed into the middle of her SOUL. There's some other, smaller, almost invisible SOULs around it.)

Alphys: Okay, so, um... c-can you switch to Candle Grandma?

Candle Grandma: Someone called?

(The colorful SOULs are more prominent. Dukermin's SOUL shifts to the background, and the others form a heart shape, the ghost of a SOUL.)

Alphys: ... Huh...

Nalitie: Could Candle Grandma deposit a specific SOUL? Can she do that? And what if it isn't one of hers?

Candle Grandma: Im standing right here, dear. And I can try. I rarely deposit SOULs, which one do you want? And you have a vessel for it.

Nalitie: *points to the empty Mettaton body* Can you find his SOUL and put it there?

Candle Grandma: Oh I know that fella. Hes from TV right? Doesnt seem very responsive right -OH of course of course I see *sifts through SOULs like shes choosing a song in Just Dance* Maybe...

(The robot shakes awake and looks about wildly)

Mettaton (?): OH GOD WHAT'S HAPPENING WHEERE AM I WHO ARE YOU

Candle Grandma: Oh my silly me thats Jimmy let me try again. *reabsorbs that SOUL and tries a new one*

(Mettatons body topples over and rolls onto its back before lights start blinking on and off rapidly)

Mettaton (?): *spazzing on the floor because whoever's inside the body doesn't know what they're doing*

Candle Grandma: Oh shoot thats not right at all. *reabsorbs that SOUL and once again deposits a new one*

(the robot gets up and starts to run out of the room before hitting a wall and falling on the ground)

Still Not Mettaton: *trying to get up but forgot how to use the legs* Why are my eyes computer screens?

Candle Grandma: Sorry little daniel that was a mistake. But I think I got it this time *tries again*

(Mettatons body starts rolling around on the ground)

Definitely not Mettaton Again: *doesn't know how to use the voice processor*

Candle Grandma: Oops I meant the one on the right. Here we go *tries one last time*

(the robot blinks awake and stands up, taking in its form)

Mettaton: *sighs dramatically in relief* Thank goodness! It's so good to have my body back! *to Dukermin/Candle Grandma* No offense, darling, but I like my own body much better.

Dukermin: *is back* Fair enough. I like having mine to myself.

Mettaton: Not to mention the fact that I've been away from my adoring fans for months! In fact, I must go make an announcement right now! *runs out of the lab*

(You hear squealing and happy shrieking from outside.)

Dukermin: Finally. How did the SOUL extraction process go?

Nalitie: Euh.... It was... fine. Totally smooth. Definitely.

Dukermin: Good. Glad to know there's absolutely nothing to worry about. Should we go to earth then?

Nalitie: Yeah, sure. *turns to Alphys* Thanks for the whole... rebuilding Mettaton thing. We'll have to pay you back somehow. *searches pockets for something relevant but has nothing*

Dukermin: *High fives Alphys* Thanks a ton! But we need to get to GCL

Nalitie: *waves goodbye and leaves*

Lisa: *starts wailing again outside because the door is swarmed by Mettaton's fans and also himself*

Dukermin: *trying to find luncbox portal to Termata amongst the mess of fans*

Leonarda: *also crying now*

Nalitie: *trying to retreat but is blocked*

Mettaton: *too busy with his fans on the other side of the crowd to notice or help them*

Dukermin: *to Nalitie* Is there another portal here somewhere?

Nalitie: You don't have a portable one?

Dukermin: OH wait I did keep teleportation after the power cap *portal to Termata*

(And then they were on Termata. They went to GCL and portaled to Earth. You land in the middle of a choir rehearsal. Sudden POV changes!)

Confused high school choir students: *probably confused and/or screaming*

Dukermin: *starts conducting whatever they were just singing as she walks backwards out the room*

Nalitie: *still with crying children* *waves to choir teacher* *runs out of the room*

Dukermin: well what do we need here

Nalitie: *points athte choir room* That room and *points at the band room* that one.

Aggravated choir students and/or the teacher to protect them: *rush into the hall after Dukermin and Nalitie for information and/or to attack*

Dukermin: *runs away* Are we going to fax it or...?

Nalitie: *running with her* I was going to, but we need to empty out the students or they'll be there too. I came here so we could see if it was empty, and I guess not. What about the band room? Was that empty?

Dukermin: *checks in there* Yeah its empty. They must have lunch right now.

Nalitie: So we can do that right away... Now we need to empty the choir room. I forgot time works differently here. *runs into the principal* Uhhh *runs in a different direction*

Dukermin: Hey follow me! Im going to steal your vending machine!

Students and teachers and principal: *chases Dukermin*

Business teacher: *reporting them to the FBI*

Nalitie: *runs towards the office* *searching desperately for floor plans or a map of the school, ignoring the office ladies*

Dukermin: *hoping Nalitie has it covered* *portals away to a different part of town*

Nalitie: *finds the plans and rips out the band and choir rooms with her hands* *runs out of the school to search for Dukermin* *hopes Dukermin is outside*

Dukermin: *hiding in a tree* hey

Nalitie: Oh it's you! HUrry, let's get back. We can stop at the copy machine.

Real Life Nalitie: *gets up and uses the Giant Copy Machine*

Real Life Dukermin: *faxes it to Termata, next to Watery Lake*

Other Dukermin, the one and only: *gets out of the tree*

Addy: *leaving cheerleading practice* *spots Dukermin and Nalitie* Hey you! Hows the dragon hunt going? I know what I want to name it now. But its a secret until you find it.

Nalitie: Euuuhhh. It's... great. In fact, we were just going out on the last leg of our hunt, if you want to come with us? Because hunts definitely have several searching phases.

Addy: Yeah. You guys would probably pick out the wrong one. *off to be with them*

(And so they went to Skyrim.)

Dukermin: Oh this is...

Addy: Great. There are lots of dragons to choose from here. I want a blue one. *runs off to dragon territory*

Nalitie: *follows*

Lisa and Leonarda: *suddenly are crying again, loudly*

Dragon: *chilling in his mountain* *hears children in need of being eaten* *come hither*

Addy: *sees dragon* THATS THE ONE I WANT

Dragon: *about to breathe ice or something scary like that*

Addy: *knows parseltongue because shes wierdly obsessed with Harry Potter at the moment*

Dragon: *new friend*

Addy: This is Pumpkin Latte. Say hello.

Nalitie: Uh... Hi! *to Dukermin* I guess that's it? IF so, I think I should bring Lisanarda back home. They need their naps.

Dukermin: Fair enough. *suddenly gets phone call from Papyrus*

Papyrus: HELLO, IS THIS CANDLE GRANDMA? IF NOT I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO SPEAK TO HER.

Candle Grandma: Oh hello.

Addy: wt heck im outta here *leaves with dragon*

Papyrus: AH! HELLO, CANDLE! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WOULD LIKE TO TAKE YOU ON ANOTHER DATE!

Candle Grandma: Wonderful! where to?

Papyrus: THERE IS THIS WONDERFUL DIMENSION FROM A MOVIE ONE OF THE QUEENLY HUMANS SHOWED ME! I WILL TAKE YOU THERE!

Candle Grandma: Ill be in Erscoga in a little bit. Then we can go there together!

(Suddenly, everyone except Addy apparently was back in Erscoga somewhere.)

Papyrus: *waiting outside his house with a bouquet of spaghetti*

Candle Grandma: Beautiful *takes it and smells it* Is that garlic?

Papyrus: INDEED! IT IS A BOUQUET OF MY FINEST AGED SPAGHETTI!

Candle Grandma: *places it in a sudden vase* Shall we? 

(This date is to be continued... but not in this chapter!)

~•*•~

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[erscogadatabase]

10: Lisanarda, plus The Adventures of Mettaton and Dukermin

Date: 12-29-2017 IDST, 12-25-2017 EST

Dukermin: *politely knocks on Nalitie's door*

Christine: *opens it* Oh! Hello, Dukermin! It's been a while. No Christmas party this year, I take it?

Dukermin: No I suppose not. We're all still kinda reeling from the last one...

Christine: True. How is Mettaton? *lets her in*

Dukermin: Fine. Probably. He's kinda quiet. Still waiting on his new body.

Christine: Ah. Well, hopefully, it won't be too long. I'll go and get Nalitie for you, make yourself at home. *leaves*

Dukermin: *hanging pictures up on the wall and adjusting furniture*

Nalitie: *comes in to see Dukermin rearranging her house* What are you doing...?

Dukermin: Hello! I'm making it homey in here! What shall we do today?

Nalitie: *hlds up a finger and sneezes* Sorry Steven gave me a cold. Um, Well, I was thinking maybe we should do some babysitting soon. I wanna be a mom. But like. Of non-theoretical children. Is it cold in here? I think Christine left the back door open...

Dukermin: *sets up a humidifier* *checks out the back door*

Nalitie: *putting things in her purse, some at random* That and my space station. Shay went up there the other day to check it out, because it's a clone of his old home and apparently its a goopy mess...?

Dukermin: Oh. Okay. So to the space station?

Nalitie: *nods* *sits on the couch waiting for lift off*

Dukermin: *Sits with her* So uhhh... How have you been? It's been a while...

Nalitie: *shrugs* It's lonely here without Undyne. Oh! But Christine had a baby! (time what is consistency)

Dukermin: OH! Well that's fun. I didn't know that...

Nalitie: I didn't even know she was pregnant. His name is Tobias. Something about him is.... Familiar, but I don't know why.

*the couch blasts off*

Dukermin: Lovely weather today huh...?

Nalitie: *shrugs and sneezes* Hey, um... Undyne is living at the Best Western, right?

Dukermin: Correct.

Nalitie: Ok. Well, that works maybe. How's Mettaton? Alphys said she's working on his body, right? Did we even salvage anything from his old one?

Dukermin: He's probably fine. I don't know that we did. It was pretty wrecked.

Mettaton: *in Dukermin's head* That's a shame, too. It took her years to finish the original.

Dukermin: HEY YOU'RE ALIVE

Nalitie: *confused*

Dukermin: He's fine. Hey, do you think Alphys will be done with his body by the end of this story arc?

Nalitie: *shrugs* probably. I mean, we did set up an entire planetary portal in one document. Maybe we could go over there and help later.

Mettaton: *kind of shouting* Yes please, can we darling? I might have to hijack your body if you say no.

Dukermin: *covers ears before realizing that won't help* Yes we can go over there.

Mettaton: Oh, thank you! If you weren't a married woman and I wasn't in your head, I could kiss you.

Dukermin: Please don't. Are we there yet?

*The couch has arrived 7 lines of dialogue ago. The space station is a complete mess. It looks like the power is out, and there's black puddles everywhere. It smells like tv static.*

Dukermin: Oof... This is... not good.

Nalitie: Hum. It wasn't this bad when Shay came here. He took pictures. I'm not sure what's hapening. It's been like this for weeks.

Mettaton: *reacting negatively to the static and interference in the space station, even though he isn't a robot anymore*

Dukermin: Well... let's find out! *rushes in*

Nalitie: *follows before the couch goes back down to her house* We should start by checking out the main computer maybe. Also, flashlights. *dons a headlamp and grabs her flashlight from her purse*

Dukermin: *turns on a flashlight and puts on rubber boots* *heads to the mainframe*

(As the flashlight shines on the puddles, there is no change. Like Dunkel, they absorb the light.)

Dukermin: *uses a spoon to shovel some goop into a test tube*

(It looks like the goop is slowly eating the test tube... and the spoon.)

Nalitie: *walking faster and trying not to step in anything*

Dukermin: *dances around the puddles because it's her favorite pair of rubber boots*

Nalitie: *reaches the computer and goes to turn it on* *recoils because it's covered in goop* Welp. Looks like we're not gonna be able to figure this out like that.

Dukermin: Where's it all coming from? Do you think we can find the source somewhere?

Nalitie: Maybe, but... I don't know right now. *peers into one of the puddles and points into it* Is that your test tube in there? And your spoon?

Dukermin: Awww. Sad. That was my favorite test tube!

(The test tube and spoon float away. You can see them briefly in another puddle, right next to the first.)

Dukermin: *follows the test tube, hoping itll lead to either a source or other*

Nalitie: *screams, then coughs* There was a face! *pointing into one of the puddles*

Dukermin: Oh geez. It's alive? Umm *clears throat* Hello? Can you hear me?

(The face, a smiling white blob, appears in one of the puddles and smiles at you.)

Dukermin: *crouches a little closer to inspect it* Can you speak?

Face: *smiles blankly*

(Its mouth is full of black goop. It's leaking.)

Dukermin: Do you... Can... Can we help you? Do you need something?

Hands: *appear next to the face* *making beckoning motions at Dukermin and Nalitie*

Nalitie: *to Dukermin* This is weird.

Dukermin: This is cool. *follows the face and hands*

Face/hands: *retreating deeper into the puddle(?)*

Dukermin: *watches it* So do you have a name? Before I follow you I'd like to call you something.

Face: *making noises that sound kind of like dial up tones*

Dukermin: I could try to interpret that, or I could just call you Jim.

Nalitie: Does Mettaton understand any of that?

Dukermin: That's a good question. Mettaton, do you understand black puddle?

Mettaton: Dukermin, darling, I know I used to be a robot and all, but without my translators, I can only understand English... And maybe a little Japanese. And that one language, on Coloria. But not dial up internet.

Dukermin: Welp, * takes out cell phone and start typing in numbers to try and match the tones*

Face: *has disappeared into the puddle*

Nalitie: how deep are these, anyway?

Dukermin: *grabs a long stick or piece of debris and sticks it into the puddle where the face disappeared*

(The stick disrupts the surface of the puddle as if it were a normal puddle, but you can see it going deeper and deeper into the puddle, clear as day.)

Dukermin: *searching for the bottom*

Nalitie: *busy putting on one of the remaining space safety suits that she could find* Do you think it's safe to go in there? Obviously Mr. Face Man thinks so.

Dukermin: I don't. *makes a void around self and jumps in*

Nalitie: Welp, I guess we're dogn this anyway. *jumps in after her*

(The space station can be seen aabove you, in multiple spots. Otherwise, you're floating in darkness. There are patches of static that look a little bit like floating islands. The face is there again, smiling at you.)

Dukermin: *smiles back and waves* *inspects static*

(The static feels solid. There are some other things floating around the void with you: computer parts, the test tube and spoon, some space suits and debris, and a few relics that look like they're from something else. You think you see a structure in the distance, also made of static.)

Nalitie: Where are we....? *to Dukermin* We're gonna be able to find our way back, right?

Dukermin: Ummmmmmmmm.... Of course we will.

Face: *beckoning them towards the structure and floating away quickly*

Dukermin: *heads to the static structure, trying to keep the face in sight*

Face: *enters the structure*

Nalitie: *following close behind and using a whipped cream jetpack to propel herself*

Dukermin: *inside the structure*

Nalitie: *also*

(Inside the structure, there are some people. You can see the face more clearly, on top of a black blob of a body. Kaytee and Kathrine are here too (!) as well as two babies, a couple of random citizens, a toddler, and Alternate Mettaton (!))

Nalitie: *silently freaking out* Hey we didn't sign up for this, Mr. Face Man.

Dukermin: I thought we were friends?!

Mr. Face Man: *dial up tones*

Nalitie: *sighs* That doesn't help! I don't know whaat that means!

People in the corner: *basially silent and just sitting there, frozen in time (?)*

Dukermin: *walks over to the people in the corner and waves a hand in front of their faces*

Mr. Face Man: *dial up tones*

Nalitie: *notices that the hands are moving as he speaks*

Dukermin: *to the face man* Are you working with Kaytee and Kathrine?

Mr. Face Man: *more dial up tones and some hand movement, but not really in a sign language way, and more random(?)*

Dukermin: Thumbs up for yes, thumbs down for no.

Mr. Face Man: *blank stare* *what looks like a shrug* *desperately trying to be understood*

Dukermin: *pulls out phone again and tries to make sense of the dial tones*

Naliie: *digging in her purse* I have an idea... Can you write? *pulls out a whiteboard and a marker*

Mr. Face Man: *still smiling* *takes the board and starts writing* "✋ 👎⚐ ☠⚐❄ 🕈⚐☼😐 🕈✋❄☟ ☜✋❄☟☜☼ 🏱✌☼❄✡📬 ✋ ✌💣 ✌ ☠☜🕆❄☼✌☹ 💣☜💣👌☜☼📬"

Dukermin: *starts typing furiously on her phone* I think I've got something.

"I DO NOT WORK WITH EITHER PARTY. I AM A NEUTRAL MEMBER."

Nalitie: So at least this guy's not trying to kill us... Who are you?

Dukermin: And why would you bring us here with them?

Mr. Face Man: ✋ ✌💣 ✌ ☞☼✌☝💣☜☠❄📬 ✌ 💧☟✌👎⚐🕈 ⚐☞ ✌ 💣⚐☠💧❄☜☼📪 🕈☟⚐ ☟✌💧 ☞⚐☹☹⚐🕈☜👎 ✡⚐🕆 ❄☟☼⚐🕆☝☟ 💣✌☠✡ ✌👎✞☜☠❄🕆☼☜💧📬 ✋ ☟✌✞☜ 👌☼⚐🕆☝☟❄ ✡⚐🕆 ☟☜☼☜ ☞⚐☼ ✡⚐🕆☼ ☟☜☹🏱📬 ✡⚐🕆 ☟✌✞☜ 👍☼☜✌❄☜👎 ✌ 👎✋💣☜☠💧✋⚐☠ ☞⚐☼ 💣✋💧☞✋❄💧 ✌☠👎 ☼☜☞🕆☝☜☜💧📪 ✡☜💧✍ ❄☟⚐💧☜ 🕈☟⚐ 👎⚐ ☠⚐❄ ☞✋❄ ✋☠❄⚐ ❄☟☜ ✌💧😐 ☜☼✋😐 🕈⚐☼☹👎✍ 🏱☜☼☟✌🏱💧 🕈☜ 👍✌☠ ☼☜✌👍☟ ✌☠ ✌☝☼☜☜💣☜☠❄📬

Dukermin: *Translating*

" I AM A FRAGMENT. A SHADOW OF A MONSTER, WHO HAS FOLLOWED YOU THROUGH MANY ADVENTURES. I HAVE BROUGHT YOU HERE FOR YOUR HELP. YOU HAVE CREATED A DIMENSION FOR MISFITS AND REFUGEES, YES? THOSE WHO DO NOT FIT INTO THE ASK ERIK WORLD? PERHAPS WE CAN REACH AN AGREEMENT. "

Dukermin: I'm sure we can reach an agreement, but I still don't understand this place.

Nalitie: Yeah. Also, these people have tried to kill us several times in several timelines. *glances at Alternate Mettaton, Kaytee and Kathrine, and an evil looking woman in a red dress*

Mr. Face Man: ✋ ✌💣 ✌🕈✌☼☜📬 ✋ ✌💣 ✌☠ ⚐👌💧☜☼✞☜☼📪 ✌☞❄☜☼ ✌☹☹📬 ☜✋❄☟☜☼ 🕈✌✡📪 ✡⚐🕆 ✌☼☜ ✋☠ ❄☟☜ ✞⚐✋👎📬 ❄☟☜ 🏱☹✌👍☜ 🕈☟☜☼☜ ❄☟⚐💧☜ 🕈☟⚐ ☟✌✞☜ 👌☜☜☠ 👎☜☹☜❄☜👎 ☼☜💧✋👎☜📬 ✋☠ ❄☟✋💧 🏱☹✌👍☜📪 ❄✋💣☜ ☟✌💧 ☠⚐ ✞✌☹🕆☜📪 ✌☠👎 ❄☟⚐💧☜ 🕈☟⚐ 👍⚐💣☜ ☟☜☼☜ ✌☼☜ ☠⚐❄ ☼☜💣☜💣👌☜☼☜👎📬

Dukermin: ...

"I AM AWARE. I AM AN OBSERVER, AFTER ALL. EITHER WAY, YOU ARE IN THE VOID. THE PLACE WHERE THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN DELETED RESIDE. IN THIS PLACE, TIME HAS NO VALUE, AND THOSE WHO COME HERE ARE NOT REMEMBERED."

Dukermin: Fine. That's just dandy. What is this agreement you speak of.

Nalitie: Also, do you speak English?

Mr. Face Man: ✋ 🕆💧☜👎 ❄⚐ 👌☜ ✌👌☹☜ ❄⚐📪 👌🕆❄ ✋ ☟✌✞☜ 👌☜☜☠ 👍⚐☼☼🕆🏱❄☜👎 👌✡ ❄☟☜ ✞⚐✋👎 ✌☠👎 👍✌☠☠⚐❄ ✌☠✡💣⚐☼☜📬 🕈☜ ☠☜☜👎 ✡⚐🕆 ❄⚐ 👌☼✋☠☝ 🕆💧 ⚐🕆❄ ⚐☞ ❄☟✋💧 🏱☹✌👍☜ ✌☠👎 👌☼✋☠☝ 🕆💧 ❄⚐ ✌ ☟⚐💣☜📪 ⚐☠☜ 🕈☟☜☼☜ 🕈☜ 👍✌☠ 👌☜ ✌🕆❄☟⚐☼💧 ⚐☼ 👍☟✌☼✌👍❄☜☼💧📪 ☠⚐❄ ☺🕆💧❄ ⚐👌💧☜☼✞☜☼💧📬 🕈☜ ✌☼☜ 💧⚐ ❄✋☼☜👎 ⚐☞ ⚐👌💧☜☼✞✋☠☝ ✌☠👎 👌☜✋☠☝ 🕆☠✌👌☹☜ ❄⚐ ✌✋👎 ⚐☼ ✌💧💧✋💧❄ ⚐☼ ☟✌☼💣 ⚐☼ ☜✠✋💧❄📬

Dukermin: ... typey typey

"I USED TO BE ABLE TO, BUT I HAVE BEEN CORRUPTED BY THE VOID AND CANNOT ANYMORE. WE NEED YOU TO BRING US OUT OF THIS PLACE AND BRING US TO A HOME, ONE WHERE WE CAN BE AUTHORS OR CHARACTERS, NOT JUST OBSERVERS. WE ARE SO TIRED OF OBSERVING AND BEING UNABLE TO AID OR ASSIST OR HARM OR EXIST. "

Dukermin: That's nice, but here's the thing... None of your... affiliates here... have exactly proven that they deserve to be freed.

Nalitie: That, and we already have a Kaytee and Katherine in our dimension... Provided that's who these two are...

Mr. Face Man: 🏱☜☼☟✌🏱💧 ✡⚐🕆 💧☟⚐🕆☹👎 ❄✌☹😐 ❄⚐ ❄☟☜💣📬 ✋ 🕈✋☹☹ ✌🕈✌😐☜☠ ❄☟☜💣 ☞⚐☼ ✡⚐🕆📬

Dukermin:...

" PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TALK TO THEM. I WILL AWAKEN THEM FOR YOU."

Dukermin: That's a good idea *prepares her mace*

Mr. Face Man: *phases over all of the people (??)*

People: *Awaken*

Kaytee: *blinking confusedly* ... Nalitie...? Dukermin...?

Alternate Mettaton: *checking himself because the last thing he remembers is being in TreeGrass while simultaneously being dead in another timeline*

Babies: *crying*

Toddler: Auntie!!

Dukermin: Hello! How is everybody this fine day?

Kaytee: *confused* The last thing I remember is being free, on Termata, and then I woke up here. What happened....?

Alternate Mettaton: ... You.

Toddler: *jumping up and down in front of Nalitie and changing sex rapidly* Auntie it's you!!!

Dukermin: So... we've been talking to your friend here... *gestures to Mr. Face Man* And he expects us to free you all from this place. Thoughts?

Alternate Mettaton: Depends. Do you plan on killing us again? Or will I have to kill you first?

Dukermin: See... that's where we have a problem. We don't trust any of you to behave yourselves.

Kaytee: Even them? *points at the Ask Erik citizens* They're been here far longer than us, and there are several versions of them.

Nalitie: *trying to undo the spell she vaguely rembers casting on the toddler*

Toddler: *finally settles down and is a dude (?)*

Dukermin: I don't know them. Can't trust them.

Nalite: I think they're here from those 3 or 4 times when the ID-PD destroyed the Ask Erik Universe and sam made a new timeline.

Dukermin: Okay, fun. So, I'm trying to figure out why we should agree to release you. Seems like a big risk.

Mr. Face Man: *vigorous dial up tones*

(The holes where you can see the space station disappear, as well as the static structures. You're floatin the darkness now.)

Mr. Face Man: ❄☟☜☠ 💧🏱☜☠👎 ✡⚐🕆☼ ❄✋💣☜ ✋☠ ☠⚐☠☜✠✋💧❄☜☠👍☜ 🕈✋❄☟ 🕆💧 🕆☠❄✋☹ ✡⚐🕆 🕆☠👎☜☼💧❄✌☠👎📬

Nalite: *casually putting the two newborns in her purse*

Dukermin:

"THEN SPEND YOUR TIME IN NONEXISTENCE WITH US UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND."

Dukermin: Well that's not good. You're going to have to sell me on this though. You want us to leave all these people in our dimension? I thought we were going to come to a compromise.

Mr. Face Man: *opens a window (not a door)*

(You can see all of the numerous versions of Erscoga through this small window in the void. Ask Erik is there too, although it's a bit faded. Several of the versions diappear, only to be replaced by new ones.)

Mr. Face Man: 👍☟✋☹👎📪 🕈☟☜☠ ✡⚐🕆 ✌☼☜ ✌ ⚐👌💧☜☼✞☜☼📪 ✡⚐🕆 ☹☜✌☼☠ 💣✌☠✡ ❄☟✋☠☝💧📬 ☹✋😐☜ ☟⚐🕈 ✡⚐🕆 ✌☠👎 ☠✌☹✋❄✋☜ 🕈✋☹☹ ✌☹🕈✌✡💧 👎☜💧❄☼⚐✡ ✡⚐🕆☼💧☜☹✞☜💧📬 ❄☟☜☼☜ ☟✌✞☜ 👌☜☜☠ ⚐✞☜☼ 📂📪📁📁📁 👎✋☞☞☜☼☜☠❄ ☜☼💧👍⚐☝✌ ❄✋💣☜☹✋☠☜💧 💧✋☠👍☜ ✡⚐🕆 👎☜👍✋👎☜👎 ❄⚐ 👍☼☜✌❄☜ ✡⚐🕆☼ 👎✋💣☜☠💧✋⚐☠📬 💣✌☠✡ ⚐☞ ❄☟☜💣 ✌☼☜ ☝⚐☠☜ ☠⚐🕈📪 ⚐☠☹✡ ❄⚐ 👌☜ ☼☜🏱☹✌👍☜👎📬 ☟⚐🕈☜✞☜☼📪 ✋ 👍✌☠ ✌💧💧🕆☼☜ ✡⚐🕆 ❄☟✌❄ ☠⚐☠☜ ⚐☞ ❄☟☜ 🏱☜⚐🏱☹☜ ✡⚐🕆 💧☜☜ 👌☜☞⚐☼☜ ✡⚐🕆 ☟✌✞☜ ☟✌👎 ✌ 👎✋☼☜👍❄ ✋☠☞☹🕆☜☠👍☜ ✋☠ 👎☜💧❄☼⚐✡✋☠☝ ✡⚐🕆☼ 👎✋💣☜☠💧✋⚐☠📬 ❄☟✌❄🕯💧 ⚐☠ ✡⚐🕆📬 ❄☟☜✡ ✌☼☜ 💧✌☞☜ ❄⚐ 👌☼✋☠☝ 🕈✋❄☟ ✡⚐🕆📪 ☜✞☜☠ ✋☞ ❄☟☜✡ ☟✌✞☜ 🏱☜☼💧⚐☠✌☹ ✞☜☠👎☜❄❄✌💧 ✌☝✌✋☠💧❄ ✡⚐🕆📪 🕈☟✋👍☟ ✋ 👎⚐ 👌☜☹✋☜✞☜ ✡⚐🕆 👍✌☠ 💧⚐☹✞☜ 🕈✋❄☟ ✌ 👌✋❄ ⚐☞ ☟☜☹🏱 ✌☠👎 ☝🕆✋👎✌☠👍☜📬

Dukermin:...

"CHILD, WHEN YOU ARE A OBSERVER, YOU LEARN MANY THINGS. LIKE HOW YOU AND NALITIE WILL ALWAYS DESTROY YOURSELVES. THERE HAVE BEEN OVER 1,000 DIFFERENT ERSCOGA TIMELINES SINCE YOU DECIDED TO CREATE YOUR DIMENSION. MANY OF THEM ARE GONE NOW, ONLY TO BE REPLACED. HOWEVER, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT NONE OF THE PEOPLE YOU SEE BEFORE YOU HAVE HAD A DIRECT INFLUENCE IN DESTROYING YOUR DIMENSION. THAT'S ON YOU. THEY ARE SAFE TO BRING WITH YOU, EVEN IF THEY HAVE PERSONAL VENDETTAS AGAINST YOU, WHICH I DO BELIEVE YOU CAN SOLVE WITH A BIT OF HELP AND GUIDANCE. "

Dukermin: Okay, you've got a point there...

Nalitie: What about you, though? We've never met you before. What could you hope to gain from this?

Mr. Face Man: ❄☟☜☼☜ ✌☼☜ 💧⚐💣☜ 🏱☜⚐🏱☹☜ ✋☠ ✡⚐🕆☼ 👎✋💣☜☠💧✋⚐☠📪 ⚐☠ 🏱☹🕆❄⚐📪 ✋ 👌☜☹✋☜✞☜📪 🕈☟⚐💣 ✋ ☠☜☜👎 ❄⚐ 💧☜❄❄☹☜ 💧⚐💣☜ ❄☟✋☠☝💧 🕈✋❄☟📬 ✡⚐🕆 💧☜☜📪 ❄☟☜✡ ✌☼☜ ❄☟☜ ☼☜✌💧⚐☠ ✋ ✌💣 ☟☜☼☜📬 ✋ 🕈✋💧☟ ❄☟☜💣 ☠⚐ ☟✌☼💣📪 👌🕆❄ ✋ 💣🕆💧❄ ❄✋☜ 🕆🏱 💧⚐💣☜ ☹⚐⚐💧☜ ☜☠👎💧 👌☜❄🕈☜☜☠ 🕆💧📪 ✋☠ ❄☟☜ 💧🏱✋☼✋❄ ⚐☞ 💧☜👍⚐☠👎 👍☟✌☠👍☜💧 ✌☠👎 💧⚐☹✞✋☠☝ 👍⚐☠☞☹✋👍❄ 👌☜❄🕈☜☜☠ 🕆💧 ⚐👌💧☜☼✞☜☼💧 ✌☠👎 ❄☟☜ ☼☜💧❄ ⚐☞ ❄☟☜ 🕈⚐☼☹👎📬

Dukermin:

"THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE IN YOUR DIMENSION, ON PLUTO, I BELIEVE, WHOM I NEED TO SETTLE SOME THINGS WITH. YOU SEE, THEY ARE THE REASON I AM HERE. I WISH THEM NO HARM, BUT I MUST TIE UP SOME LOOSE ENDS BETWEEN US, IN THE SPIRIT OF SECOND CHANCES AND SOLVING CONFLICT BETWEEN US OBSERVERS AND THE REST OF THE WORLD. "

Dukermin: Okay, now here's MY question... What are we getting out of it?

Mr. Face Man: ❄☟☜💧☜ 🏱☜⚐🏱☹☜ ✌☼☜ 👎✌☠☝☜☼⚐🕆💧📪 ✡☜💧✍ 🕈☜☹☹📪 ✋☞ ✡⚐🕆 👍✌☠ ☼☜💧⚐☹✞☜ ✡⚐🕆☼ 👎✋☞☞☜☼☜☠👍☜💧📪 ❄☟☜✡ 👍✌☠ 👌☜ ☟☜☹🏱☞🕆☹ ✋☠ ✡⚐🕆☼ 🕈✌☼📬 ✌☞❄☜☼ ✌☹☹📪 ✋❄ ✋💧 ✋☠ ❄☟✌❄ ☜✞☜☠ ❄☟✌❄ 🖲📁🕭 ⚐☞ ✌☹☹ ☜☼💧👍⚐☝✌📫📫✌☠👎 ✌ ☞☜🕈 ✌💧😐 ☜☼✋😐📫📫❄✋💣☜☹✋☠☜💧 ✌☼☜ 👎☜💧❄☼⚐✡☜👎📬

Dukermin:...

"THESE PEOPLE ARE DANGEROUS, YES? WELL, IF YOU CAN RESOLVE YOUR DIFFERENCES, THEY CAN BE HELPFUL IN YOUR WAR. AFTER ALL, IT IS IN THAT EVEN THAT 90% OF ALL ERSCOGA--AND A FEW ASK ERIK--TIMELINES ARE DESTROYED."

Dukermin: Okay, okay, I think I see where you're coming from. So... *to nalitie* How do you feel about this? I feel like we could handle them again.

Nalitie: Probably. I'm definitely taking the toddler and also these babies. We can return the citizens to Ask Erik, and we could have a holding period for the others on Riewa or something, carve out a safe place.. Wait that's a bad idea because flowey. We can just give them a trial run or something. Keep them under surveillance.

Dukermin: Yeah that'll work. Well, we'll just play it by ear. My only problem is that it feels like the bad guys won this round... but surely I'm being paranoid.

Nalitie: *shrugs* Maybe they'll be better. Otherwise, we can banish them to Riewa. How do we get out of here...?

Dukermin: Hmm... good question... Mr. Face Man? How do we do this?

Mr. Face Man: *smiles wider, if that's possible*

(The puddles have reopened. You can see the space station.)

Nalitie: Wait a minute, if you can open doors into our dimension.... Why do you need our help to get out of here...?

Mr. Face Man: *drops the whiteboard and watches it fall down into the void* *smiles*

Dukermin: *starts moving away from Mr. Face Man*

Mr. Face Man: *does nothing*

Nalitie: I think that's his way of saying he's done talking to us. Maybe whoever he ws talking about on Pluto would know...

Dukermin: Well... Let's do this. Do we just kinda... go?

Nalitie: I think so. *graps Mr. Face Man's hand and starts floating up towards the puddle doors*

Dukermin: *beckons all the others and heads on up*

(And so they all went back to Erscoga. The mess in the space station is completely gone.)

Dukermin: So what should we do with them all? Does Mr. Face Man want to go to Pluto?

Nalitie: Well... I have a bunch of other things that I think need doing, but I think we should keep these people somewhere wehere we can keep them safe... Maybe they could stay down in my vent hole for now?

Dukermin: Alrighty then. That works.

(And so the people were dropped off in the vent hole.)

Nalitie: *o Christine* Watch t hese people for us, okay?

Christine: Alright, Nalitie. But, er, why is your bag crying...?

Dukermin: So I guess we don't need to go find babies for you now.

Nalitie: I guess not. *takes them out of her bag.

Christine: Nalitie! You don't just carry children in your purse! *nds her a baby carrier thing* At least take this.

Nalitie: *does so, and puts one of the babies in * *leaves the other in her purse* Alrighty, there was something else I wanted to do, what was it?

Dukermin: Well, we need to deal with MTT... Nervous heights... that other thing...

Nalitie: Right. *sneezes* What do you think...?

Dukermin: Lets do Nervous Heights.

Nalitie: Alrighty thne! Wait, is it safe for babies to go through interdimensional portals...? *glances at the infants in her purse*

Dukermin: Well now is a great time to find out!

Nalitie: Alright, I just don't want to kill them. They've already been abandoned by their mother, in a way. They need names, too.

Dukermin: Can I be their godmother??

Nalitie: Sure. And I'm gonna have Undyne train them, I think, as soon as they're not infants. Do you know who these babies are...?

Dukermin: (Well I mean the to-do list...) I have an idea.

Nalitie: They're Sam's twins. I was supposed to be a cool aunt, but I guess I'll have to settle for mom instead. Anyway, nervous heights.

Dukermin: Okay! Nervous Heights *to Nervous Heights*

(The city is bustling. You think you can see Lady Cerebellum in the distance.)

Dukermin: Is that...? *runs off to see if Lady Cerebellum is performing*

Mettaton: *noise of happiness* Oh, Lady Cerebellum, is that her? It's been far too long! I don't know why we're here, but it's so good to see her again.

Dukermin: Do you know Lady Cerebellum?!

Mettaton: *mental blushing* It's a long story, darling.

Dukermin: I'm definitely going to need more details later, but for now we've gotta get Nervous Heights to Erscoga.

Nalitie: *has ground severers* About that... Nervous heights is literally the nervous system of a giant body, isn't it? How is this gonna work?

Dukermin: Umm... Hmm. Okay, so... Hmmm. The body isn't like... A living breathing thinking person right?

Nalitie: I really don't know...? Maybe it would be safer to use the giant copy machine again...?

Dukermin: Yeah uhh lets do that.

Nalitie: *prints out the Nervous Heights prezi, copies it, and faxes it to Erscoga like they did with Mackinac(aw)*

Dukermin: Okay, so we're good to go here, right? That was easy.

Nalitie: Yeah. How about we go find the Villain Based on Voltaire?

Dukermin: Yeah. that'll be a fun one. Where is he?

Nalitie: Euh.... I was actually gonna ask you that.

Dukermin: Hmm... Do you know where the Land of the Dead is?

Nalitie: Um... Maybe we could ask Green Circle Labs?

Dukermin: Let's do that.

(To Green Circle Labs!)

Nalitie: *completely bypasses security* HEY ROSETTA WHERE ARE YOU WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Rosetta: *coming from some hallway* Nalitie, please! You can't keep breaking protocol like this! *pauses* Are those babies?

Nalitie: Uhhh HEY LOOK DUKERMIN IS HERE TOO!

Dukermin: HELLO! Have you heard of the Land of the Dead?

Rosetta: Hum... I suppose we would have to check the InterDimensional Database... Come with me. *to the a place*

Dukermin: *follows*

Rosetta: *on a computer, checking the database* Ah, here it is! *shows them the Interdimensional Coordinates* We could set up a portal for you, if you'd like.

Dukermin: We would like, thank you!

(And so there was a portal to the Land of the Dead.)

The Villain Based on Voltaire: *there, singing his Tragic Backstory™ to The Heroine Based on Barbie*

Zombie Skeletons: *there guarding the room I guess*

Dukermin: *to Nalitie* Sweet! We can bring them both!

Nalitie: Yeah! *pulls out the ground severer*

TVBoV: *stops his song and notices them*

Nalitie: Oh. Right. We're making noise. Um... *whispering* now what?

Dukermin: Um... Hello good sir! We have a proposition for you if you would just uh take a seat right over there.

TVBoV: Pardon? What is the meaning of this? Just barging into my dramatic monologue like that?

Nalitie: Well, we'll let you finish if you think about our... uh... offer!

THBoB: *standing there tied to a pole, unamused*

TVBoV: *takes a seat in a throne of skulls* *waves with his hand* Go on then.

Nalitie: *looks at Dukermin*

Dukermin: Umm... How would you like to live in a world where you are untethered by the laws of physics or time! How would you like to escape a world where you seem to always be misunderstood?

TVBoV: You know, people don't seem to get it. It's not easy being evil.

THBoB: *raises an eyebrow*

Nalitie: *whispers to Dukermin* are we taking the Land of the Dead too? Or just hte people?

Dukermin: I don't see why we can't take the whole place... I just don't know how big it is...

TVBoV: What is this magical land you speak of?

Nalitie: *whispers* Erscoga?

TVBoV: Here's my only problem, I'm not sure I'm prepared to leave my domain behind *gestures to his throne room*

Nalitie: That's fine! We'll take it with us!

THBoB: Are you crazy? You can't take the villain from our Storyline! What am I supposed to do? Besides, he'll only wreak havoc on your world like he has mine!

Dukermin: That's fine because he'll be fabulous while it's happening. Actually, we were thinking of bringing you along too!

Mettaton: *heard "fabulous" and was summoned*

THBoB: What about the citizens of this world?

TVBoV: Yes, who will torment them when I'm gone?

Nalitie: *awkward smile* *whispers* DUkermin help me*

Dukermin: What I'm trying to say is, they won't be your problem anymore. We will personally make sure they are well taken care of, and that their lives will continue on, while you two get a fresh start. By coming with us, you get the chance to start all over again, whether you wish to be mortal enemies again, or find your own stories to start. How does that sound?

Nalitie: *silent thumbs up in the background*

THBoB: You mean... we'll be.... Free Roaming Characters...? Outside of this crappy animation written as text?

Dukermin: If that's what you desire!

TVBoV: I have a chance to be free from her, and can monologue in my throne room in peace?

Nalitie: Exactly!

TVBoV: Hmm. I'm in *looks at THBoB* are you in?

THBoB: *hesitatnly nods* If you're going with them, then alright.

Dukermin: Wonderful! We'll take care of this lair, and *prepares portal* you can just head on in here!

(After the two go through...)

Nalitie: *hands Dukermin a Ground Severer* Shall we?

Dukermin: Oh yeah *ground severing yay*

(Later, after things have been ground severed...)

DUkermin: Okay! Well that was fun. What now?

Nalitie: Hum... *coughs* I think I might go home and take care of these kids, but... Why don't you go visit Alphys, see how her work on MTT's body is going?

Dukermin: Okay *to Alphys*

Alphys: *in her lab, just kind of... there, not really working on anything and probably has some anime playing*

Dukermin: BOO!

Alphys: *screams and turns around* D-Dukermin! What, um... H-hi?

Dukermin: Hi! I was wondering how Mettaton's body was coming along?

Alphys: Haha, yeah, t-that. It's, um... a w-work in progress. It's g-gonna be a bit different, b-because I'm using actual materials and, um, not ones from the dump. H-how's Mettaton?

Dukermin: He's fine. Ready to quit sharing with me, but we're alright.

Alphys: Oh, g-good. ... He's n-not mad at me, is he? I-I can show you the u-unfinished body if you'd like...

Dukermin: Yeah! Lets take a look.

Alphys: *nervously* Yeah, g-great... *pauses her show and leads them to another room*

(A shell of a body sits there. Wire is everywhere, and the room is a mess. The old blueprints for Mettaton's body is there, covered in new post it notes. It's hard to tell which parts of the body are even there and started.)

Mettaton: Well, this is... disappointing.

Dukermin: He loves it! It's coming along well, Alphys.

Alphys: R-really? Oh, good. ANd, u-um, if you get really sick of sharing, I can, um, I can always remake his old body first? That would t-take less time, but I know he didn't, um, l-like it as much... A-and I'd have to stop working on this one for a bit.

Dukermin: I think that we'll just wait for the new one. It's not that bad to share.

Mettaton: *complaining in her head*

Alphys: Alright! I-i'll keep working on this...

Mettaton: Well, if this is going to take forever, can I at least do something while we're stuck like this?

Dukermin: You mean like... Adventures with Dukermin and Mettaton??

Mettaton: Mettaton and Dukermin, darling, and that sounds like a wonderful idea! What shall we do?

Dukermin: Hmmm... That's a good question. What is some place you have always wanted to visit?

Mettaton: I can think of a lot of places, darling, but I'd rather not visit them while sharing a body with you. I don't want a repeat of the Lady Cerebellum incident.

Dukermin: I see. Hmm. Oh geez, what should we do?

Mettaton: Well, there must be something exciting here in Erscoga. I've seen the drama you and Nalitie get yourselves into!

Dukermin: Well, we can go visit Mackinaw City and see what they're up to...

Mettaton: Wonderful! Let's go now!

Dukermin: *off to Mackinaw City*

Mettaton: *lost in thought as they travel* Dukermin, darling...?

Dukermin: Yes?

Mettaton: Do you remember the story about the monster prince and fallen child? Do you remember when they told the people of Pluto about their split control? Do you think we could do that? Would I be able to control your body if I tried, do you think?

Dukermin: If I allowed you to, I suppose. It wouldn't exactly be like with Candle Grandma, but it might be similar to that...

Mettaton: *quietly* I wonder if you'd have my magic... Anywho, *notices a store or something in Dukermin's field of vision* That place looks interesting.

Dukermin: *Heads on in*

(It's dimly lit in here. There's some weird stuff for sale, and you don't really know what all of it is. The man sitting at the register looks old and decrepit. His face is cadaverous. Vocab words.)

Dukermin: Good morrow, sir! Would you tell us a bit about your stock in here?

Man: Hello, young lady... I suppose it depends on what you want to find. I have a bit of everything. This is mmy... antique store.

Dukermin: I like antiques. Anything particularly interesting?

Man: *gets up, with literal bone creaking noises* Well, here we have a selection of spoons I found in... that's not important. *holds up a gold 50th anniversary spoon* I call this one Gustave. *points across the room* That's where I keep some of my more... lurid items. View them if you want.

Dukermin: *you bet we're gonna view them*

Mettaton: *sighs internally* Maybe this was a bad idea. I have a bad feeling about this, Dukermin. *notices some dead plants in the corner that remind him of Flowey and Alternate Mettaton*

Dukermin: Bad feelings are what get people into interesting situations. Live a little! *observing antiques*

(There are some really dusty relics in this case. There's also a severed hand, and horns that remind you of Toriel and Asgore. A familiar looking statue sits in the corner of the case, in the shape of a monster. There is also a fancy box in there.)

Dukermin: *inspecting the hand* These are very... interesting. Wherever did you get these items?

Man: I found them. *picking at the sleeves of his ratty old sweater that looks a few sizes too small*

Mettaton: I think that statue used to be in the Underground.

Dukermin: *eyeing him suspiciously, making small talk* So uh... you get a lot of business in here?

Man: *shrugs* You're the first customer to come here today.

Dukermin: Are you all alone? The only employee?

Man: The other employees... quit.

Mettaton: I don't like this. What's in that box...?

Dukermin: *Examines the box* This is an interesting piece. What can you tell me about it?

Man: *smiles toothlessly, then goes over to them and takes out the box* This box, as well as its contents, belonged to a good friend of mine. *hands Dukermin the box* It's been here for a long time, just like me! *hoarse laugh*

Dukermin: *takes it gently and slowly opens the lid*

(There's a pile of dust in this box, as well as a heart shaped locket.)

Dukermin: *places the box back on the case* *opens the locket*

(It says "best friends forever." There's a faded photograph too, of two figures. You can't tell who they are.)

Dukermin: This seems so... meaningful. Why would you be selling it?

Man: *forced smile* I don't want to think about them anymore. They're ghosts from my past. It has a companion piece, too.

Dukermin: Where is the other piece?

Man: In the back. I'll get it for you, miss. *goes away*

Mettaton: This is strange... That locket seems familiar, but I'm not sure where I've seen it. ANd you, Dukermin?

Dukermin: I need to know who these two are. And where he got everything in here... You can't tell, can you? The people in the photo?

Mettaton: Afraid not, darling... *thinking* Can I see it again? Maybe it's my imagination but...

Dukermin: *opens it up and looks inside*

Mettaton: The figure on the left has horns. Or the beginnings of them, at least.

Dukermin: Hmm...

Man: *comes back with another tattered sweater, in different colors* This belonged to the owner of the box, too. It comes free with it. *hands it to Dukermin*

Dukermin: I'll take it. *gives him some money*

Man: Thank you kindly, miss! *pauses* You too, other SOUL. *leaves*

Dukermin: Oh. Okay. I'm ready to leave this store. You?

Mettaton: Yes please. Also, that sweater is covered in dust. It's unsettling. *would be shaking if he had a physical form*

Dukermin: *leaves the store and shakes out the sweater*

Mettaton: *mental grimace* Darling, do you even know what that is?

Dukermin: *inspecting the tattered sweater in the daylight*

(The sweater looks like it used to be green and yellow. It's very faded, and there's dust engrained in it. Looks like some bloodstains, too. There's a hole in the chest area.)

Dukermin: Hmm... Well that answers that question. But who's that man?

Man: *standing at the door of the shop watching them*

(The man is really old. ANcient, really. He has on a tattered blue and purple sweater, that looks way too small. There are cuts in the side to allow it to fit. It, too, is faded.)

Dukermin: *to man* You knew Asriel?

Man: *smile falters* You knew Asriel?

Dukermin: Sir, I have no clue how you got to Mackinaw City, but I think you should know that you are in the middle of an extremely complicated timeline. I currently know Asriel. At least, a version of him.

Man: ... Well, good for you, then. I want nothing to do with wherever he is. That past is behind me, and I would rather not dig up old regrets. Good day, miss. *retreats*

Dukermin: Well... Hmm. That's very interesting.

Mettaton: *fleeting thought* It sounds like a murder mystery to me. *realizes Dukermin could hear that* Er...

Dukermin: THAT IT IS! Now where to start... The question is, would our Asriel be able to remember such a thing that so clearly exists outside of his current timeline...?

Mettaton: Dukermin, darling, are you sure this is a good idea? After all, wouldn't you be a bit concerned if another you asked if you remembered your death when you are very clearly alive? That's like that... Mr. Face Man... asking if you remembered destroying Erscoga in another timeline.

Dukermin: At this point, I can't be surprised by anything. However, I can see where you're coming from. What do you suggest then?

Mettaton: I say we go back and investigate that store some more. Although... he would be susupicious if we came back again like that... *notices a store across the street that appears to sell clothes (and also armor???)* And it might be dangerous. I suppose a disguise is in order?

Dukermin: *runs across the street* Yes it is! Grand idea!

(The store has a bunch of people in it, and its thankfully much more lively than the other store. There are a bunch of medieval looking clothes here, armor, and some swords in the corner, as well as a bunch of trinkets and souvenirs.)

Dukermin: *searching for appropriate disguises and maybe some armor to go with it*

Worker Lady: Hello, miss! Can I help you find anything?

Dukermin: Yeah! I need to not look like me. Got any good disguises?

Lady: *confused* Er, well... I'm not sure about disguises, but we do have a selection of (well now i need to see what they have i dug myself a hole but uh clothes??).

Dukermin: *eyeing a full face helmet* Do you think it would be totally weird if I walked around in town with this?

Lady: Oh, er... that's a display item.

Dukermin: Oh believe me, I'll make it worth your while.

Lady: *points out a helmet that's actually for sale* Perhaps you would wish to reconsider...?

Dukermin: *looks at all the others* I don't know... That one was nice...

Mettaton: *eyeing a couple of dresses that are in the corner of Dukermin's vision*

Lady: It's our window display, I'm afraid, our mascot of sorts. I can't sell you that.

Dukermin: *sigh* *checks out the dresses* How well do you think the guy would recognize me?

Mettaton: I don't know, I'm afraid. If that man is who I think is, very well, but... I'm sure we could find a costume store around here too, to disguise your face...

Dukermin: We're coming back here though. This is neat. *heads off to find a costume store*

Costume Store: *is somewhere in Mackinaw probably*

Dukermin: *finding cosmetics to change her face*

Mettaton: Hum... Perhaps you could disguise as a monster. We are in Erscoga still, after all. *notices some monsters passing by*

Dukermin: *watches the monsters and grabs some facepaint* You're going t have to guide me through this. I'm assuming you can do makeup?

Mettaton: *offended* Of course I can, darling, what do you take me for? Actually, I have an idea... give me control of your hands.

Dukermin: Okay *does just that*

Mettaton: *fumbling with Dukermin's hands because he's not used to using a human's body* Alright, I think I've got this. Do you have something in mind? A type of monster?

Dukermin: You're in charge, man, do what you want.

Mettaton: Well... Boss monsters are fairly humanoid in nature, I could try to... *impressive Toriel makeup that rivals Christine's cake face skills*

Dukermin: This is great! I just need something to go with it! Like.... ARMOR *rushes back to the store*

Mettaton: And perhaps some horns? And a wig?

Dukermin: Oh right... that... *buys those things and THEN rushes back to the other store*

Lady from earlier: *at the register by the door* Hello! Can I help you...? *notices that Dukermin has a monster-looking head but a human body*

Dukermin: Hello! I need armor.

Lady: Ah, well, our armory is over here *leads her to another room in the store* You are 18 years old or older, correct? You need to be a legal adult to purchase these things.

Dukermin: I am indeed yes.

Lady: Wonderful! Feel free to browse, or was there something specific you had in mind...?

Dukermin: *finds some nice leather armor in the corner* This'll do fine, thank you!

Lady: Alrighty then, if you're done, I can help you check out. *goes back to the register* That will be... *armor is expensive*

Dukermin: *gives her "expensive" amount*

Lady: Have a nice day! *waves*

Dukermin: *dons armor* Okay, I think I'm ready. What do you think?

Mettaton: Of going back to that antique store, or of the armor? Because in my opinion, you look wonderful, but I'm not sure if that's what you're asking...

Dukermin: That is what I'm asking, thank you. *Heads back to antique store*

Man: *sitting at the register again, this time talking to another faded photograph*

Dukermin: *starts looking around the store*

Man: *muttering* I just don't know what to do (incoherent name). I know he's gone, and I should be happy but... It feels wrong.

Dukermin: *quietly moving about the store, trying not to interrupt, and listening in*

(You've wandered into the "Underground Arifacts" section of the store. Most of it is dump water soaked garbage from the Underground. There's also another, more impressive mounted set of horns here.)

Dukermin: *inspects the horns*

Mettaton: They look a bit like Asgore's...

(There's a gold nameplate on the mount, but it's hard to read and, like most things in this store, has been faded by time.)

Man: *to photograph* You should have helped me... We could have been so much more if we'd stuck together... *single tear*

Dukermin: *continues moving through the store, trying to find any more areas or particularly familiar objects*

(There's a bunch of indescribably junk in here, as well as the spoons and statue from earlier. Also, there's a section full of more old sweaters.)

Dukermin: *inside head* Psst, Mettaton...

Mettaton: *unnerved by the store* Yes, darling?

Dukermin: Any opinion on what to make of this guy?

Mettaton: I have a suspicion, but... Let's look at those sweaters, first. I want to see if I can find something.

Dukermin: *looks through the sweaters*

(The sweater section is mostly full of gaudy, sparkly, tattered sweaters. There is also another striped sweater, this one green and orange. There's a big pink one that says "Mr. Dad Guy," a plain purple one, and a cream one that, at one time, had words sewn on it. There's also a really out of place hoodie here, too.)

Dukermin: *removes the green and orange one* You recognize all these sweaters too, right?

Mettaton: That one... that one looks like that first fallen human. Those other ones... well, I can't speak for all of them, but I do believe many of them are... mine.

Dukermin: So, yeah so this guy is Frisk, right? You know them?

Mettaton: I think so, yes.

Dukermin: All this stuff... Genocide route, maybe? Or something... different?

Mettaton: Genocide route? I'm afraid I don't know what you mean.

Dukermin: Nevermind that. *inspects the sweaters for stains, holes, items in pockets...)

(Aside from the obvious damage from time, these sweaters are in okay condition. They're clean for the most part, and relatively nice looking. They look like something you'd find in an old attic or something. There's nothing in their pockets. In fact, the only one that has anything wront with it is the one you're holding. Like Asriel's, Chara's sweater is covered in blood and dust, and has a hole through the stomach region.)

Man: *muttering to the photo still* Why can't I move on...?

Dukermin: *to MTT, taking locket back out* So, one of them is Asriel, and the other is either Frisk, our guy back there, or maybe... it's Chara?

Mettaton: Exactly my thoughts. Take the photo out. Maybe there's a date on the back.

Dukermin: *does just that*

(There's a date scrawled on the back: August 30, 201X.)

Mettaton: That was a week before the first human died, if I recall my history correctly... It's Chara.

Dukermin: But what did Frisk do to them... and why?

Mettaton: I'm as clueless as you are, darling. This is all so strange.

Frisk: *muttering* I don't care, Chara. You should have been there. You should have supported me.

Dukermin: I'm done sneaking around. *Grabs Chara's sweater and takes it to Frisk at the front desk* How much for this?

Frisk: *startled* Oh, hello... I didn't see you come in... That sweater...? You can just take it... *glances at Dukermin's fake horns* Those are some nice horns... I didn't know there were more boss monsters out there...

Dukermin: There are plenty but umm... *puts a hand through the hole* I don't suppose you know a good place I could get this tailored?

Frisk: *staring at the hole for an uncomfortable amount of time* I'm sorry, what was that? My hearing's not the best...

Dukermin: This hole *holds up sweater* I need it fixed somewhere.

Frisk: I'm afraid I don't know. That's a question for the tourist board... You might need to go out of Mackinaw....

Dukermin: It's the strangest thing though... It's a relatively sturdy sweater, and it's clearly not a moth hole... What do you think?

Frisk: I don't know, miss. That's how I found it.

Dukermin: Are you sure?

Frisk: *nods* Whoever the owner was must have had quite the exciting life. *mutters to self* Shut up.... Shut up...

Dukermin: So you know nothing about it...?

Frisk: Afraid not, miss. I wish I did. Maybe then it would be easier to sell.

Dukermin: Who was the owner before hand? I think you know. It's such an interesting color pattern...

Frisk: *shrugs slowly* Did you check the tag? I know I always wrte the name on my tags!

Dukermin: *checks the tag*

(The name Charity is scrawled on the tag.)

Dukermin: *looks up* Chara, huh? Did you know this Chara?

Frisk: *shakes head* Never heard of 'em. Do you want the sweater or not?

Dukermin: You're lying. Who are they to you?

Frisk: As far as I'm concerned, a historical figure.

Dukermin: *definitely losing patience* Tell me, Frisk, what happened to your friends? Asriel and Chara. What is your story?

Frisk: *narrows eyes* How do you know that name?

Dukermin: I know you. Kinda. I don't want to cause trouble, truly. But I really need to know what happened.

Frisk: Hm. *reaching under the counter and also eyeing Dukermin's horns* Well, I'm afraid that's personal, friend. Maybe you'd like to know firsthand? *lunges at her with a knife*

Dukermin: *dodges* What happened to them? *c-es a mace*

Frisk: *breaks the dialogue and starts an Encounter*

(Frisk is silent, looking at you with their signature blank expression, but on a much older face.)

(Dukermin lowers her weapon and once again demands to hear Frisk's story)

Frisk: You won't like it. It's in the past anyway! *attacks again*

(Dukermin parries with her mace.)

Dukermin: I never said I would like it. I don't want to cause any harm.

Frisk: *is hurt from attacking because old man* If you didn't want to cause harm, then you hsouldn't have been nosy! Now I'll have to kill you like I did the--- *freezes and curses under breath*

(Dukermin backs away, looking around, trying to figure out why he isn't currently attacking.)

(Frisk's back is hurt, and he can't move at the moment.)

Frisk: You shoud have stayed out of my business! But while you're here, at least I can make some good business off of your corpse! *aims for the horns*

(Dukermin doesn't bother dodging, letting him have the plastic horns, and starts moving toward him)

(Frisk is confused at the sight of the fake horns.)

Frisk: What are you?!

Dukermin: Oh right, this silly disguise...

(Dukermin removes her disguise as dramatically as possible.)

(Mettaton applauds inside her head.)

Frisk: YOU! Well, thankfully human bodies stay much longer than monsters.

(He glances at the skeleton in the corner before attacking again.)

(Dukermin c-es her spear, letting it drop to the floor as Frisk attacks, so it blocks the attack.)

(Frisk growls in frustration.)

(Dukermin once again demands to know what happened to him, and rushes towards him)

Frisk: It doesn't matter! They're dead now! NOne of them could understand, so they had to go!

Dukermin: Why are you here though, here of all places? Selling these kinds of items?

Frisk: This is the only way I could think of to finally get rid of those... ghosts completely! *attacks*

(Dukermin moves into the attack, letting herself take the hit and pinning Frisk against the desk, arms to his sides)

Frisk: *struggles feebly* You wouldn't hurt an old man....

Dukermin: But I might hurt an old genocidist.

(She pushes him harder against the desk, offering the chance to tell her everything and be done with this battle)

Frisk: I did not commit genocide! Murder, perhaps, but not genocide.

Mettaton: See darling? I knew it was a murder mystery! Although I did not expect Frisk of all people to be the culprit.

Dukermin: This is hardly the time! Why would you do such a thing? If they were your friends...?

Frisk: They got in the way. I played the game admirably. I tried to free everyone, but there was only one problem... There was no one to free. Everyone in the Underground... Gone. Guess I wasn't the Angel after all, was i? So I reset and tried again. But everything was wrong. The only constants were Chara and Asriel, and even Asriel was different. Distorted.

(Dukermin lets up. She steps back)

Dukermin: I can't pretend to understand completely what you're talking about... But maybe I can help you, if you'll let me.

Frisk: You can't help. What's done is done. After i reset, everything was just backwards. I call that timeline "Elatrednu." Asriel... He... After I fought him, he didn't change. No mercy. He pretended fine, but he was still as cold and callous as Flowey. Chara... Chara was there somehow, and they tried to protect him. They couldn't see his faults, even though he had murdered... one of the others. So I killed both of them. The monsters, in turn, blamed me not only for their deaths, but for that of the monster that Asriel killed. So I had to get rid of them too. After that, I had to get rid of their evidence, their existence, thinking it would fix the timeline if I removed all traces of the twisted versions, and I could try again. And that's when I started this here store.

Dukermin: I don't want to fight you. I see no reason to. How do you feel about that?

Frisk: I don't care. Just leave me alone. Don't come back, and take that sweater.

Dukermin: I just want to make sure that you know, there is an Asriel living here in Erscoga, and a Chara as well. An entire version of Undertale. Your timeline wasn't the end of the Undertale world.

Frisk: If they're all here... Then... Wait... did you empty the Underground??

Dukermin: If I'm remembering correct, then yes.

Mettaton: But there's a Frisk on our Pluto, isn't there?

Dukermin: There is another Frisk as well, yes (i believe).

Mettaton: Hm.

Frisk: Hmph. Well, I don't care anymore. Go away.

Dukermin: Now that I know the truth, fine. Don't beat yourself up about this, though. That timeline was doomed, either way. *starts to leave*

Frisk: Goodbye, miss. You too, whichever monster she's with.

Dukermin: Mettaton says goodbye as well, I'm sure. *leaves the antique store*

Mettaton: Well... That was... exciting. I wish I would have brought my cameras.

Dukermin: I wish you had too. Well... uh. Yeah that happened.

Mettaton: Perhaps we should go somewhere else in Erscoga instead...

Dukermin: Yes we should do that...

(And off they went.)

~•*•~

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