#Everything I write unintentionally becomes a novel I swear.

[artistic-argonian]

So I watched season 2 of She-Ra today and I need to talk about this.

Of course, some spoilers for She-Ra season 2 below the cut. I don't intend to make many posts like this, if any more at all, but I almost cried at a cartoon today and it caught me off guard so here we are writing an essay.

So, as you've read in the title I binged the entire second season today and I knew this show would get me emotional and hit hard going in, but one thing I did NOT expect was to find myself getting emotional this early on due to relating so hard to a character, that being the (so far) best girl: Scorpia.

Ever since her introduction I've loved Scorpia as a character, I've always been a fan of gentle giants who are super friendly but also can kick ass when necessary, and I enjoy her dynamic with Catra and the other Horde soldiers. I like how despite working with the villains she tries to be a good friend and be there for people she cares about, and when I got to the episode, "White Out", I got hit by an unexpected brick of relatability right in the feels.

In the episode we see how Scorpia tries and fails to bond with Catra, who's not too interested as she focuses on the mission and her own emotional baggage, which results in her becoming insecure about their relationship. Later on when she's stuck with Adora, she's jealous and frustrated by how well the latter knows Catra with the two having grown up together in The Horde, feeling that she can't compete with that. She wants Catra to lower her guard and let her in but it's not happening no matter what she does. She loves her and wants her to know she's there for her, but feels like she can't have the kind of connection Adora had with her. This is further explored in her conversation with Sea Hawk, who's got similar issues with feeling insecure in his own relationship with Mermista.

It was during this scene that I found myself actually getting teary-eyed and audibly saying to myself, "Why do I relate so much to this? I didn't expect to feel this way about a frickin' scorpion lady!" And the reason why is because, though not to the same extent or in exactly the same way (I read it as Scorpia possibly having a crush on Catra as well,) in some ways I've been where she is in that scene emotionally. I've had times where I've felt like I want to be close with someone and be there for them, but also like I can't compare to other people in their lives who've been around longer than me. And while I didn't and don't feel neglected like Scorpia does, I'm someone who is (or at least tries to be) very loyal to my friends, and makes an effort to let them know how much I appreciate them whenever I get the opportunity. Though I sometimes worry that because of who I am, it's not enough.

I've had times where I've seen mutual friends who've known each other for a long time (longer than they've known me) interacting and thinking, "God I want to be like that with them," but 1: I'm too shy and 2: I've not known them long enough in comparison to feel like I can, like my bond with them obviously can't be the same. I've had times where I've wanted to be close to people and learn about/get to know them but then worried about rushing or coming across as clingy or overbearing. I want people to be comfortable with me just like I am with them; to be their rock. But then feel like I'm crazy for that, especially if it's over a relatively short amount of time. Like, of course I can't expect that from anyone, nor should I. And so the line, "I can't compete with that... No matter what I do, I can't seem to break down her walls. You two... Even when you're trying to kill each other you can tell there's a real bond there." really struck a chord with me.

But, much like Scorpia in the episode, despite all that, I don't give up. When I care about someone, I'll stay by their side no matter what. Because they matter to me, and as long as I can do anything to help, even if it's just reaching out when I see a friend having a hard time and letting them know I'm there, then I'll do whatever I can and let them know how much they matter. Because that's who I am.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk about how a goofy buff lady with claws almost made me cry.

[magioftheseas]

Thoughts of You

Summary: In which Rae observes Claire as she ponders, and she has a few thoughts of her own. All tied to, of course, the lady herself.

Rating: PG

Warnings: None really.

Notes: If I’m gonna be writing villainess stories, at least one of them has to be from an actual yuri. Thus, I Favor The Villainess gets this story. Wooooo~ Lesbians~! Pride! Yeah!

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

It’s the moments where Lady Claire is deep in thought where her more elegant beauty shines through. When she pauses, when she ruminates, whatever it is that she considers—it’s such a lovely sight that I can’t help but admire. I can’t help but be curious, too, but I don’t need to ask unless whatever she’s pondering also troubles her.

It’s funny. As a player of the game, I of course wanted to know everything there was to know about Claire. Her thoughts, her feelings, her wants, her desires—elements which were normally dismissed as Claire was a rival, I wanted access to.

As a character within the ‘game’, it’s fine to not know everything. If a time ever comes where she trusts me fully, she can tell me herself.

That’s much more rewarding, even if it’s never going to happen.

Still, it’s so nice to be present in the moment with Lady Claire. Especially when she can take notice of my admiring, and her face scrunches up in a most adorable way that, as a player, I never would’ve gotten to see.

Aah, yep! Up close and personal is the best!

(So close, and yet so far.)

“You’re thinking weird things again,” Lady Claire hissed at me. “Stop.”

“I’m not! My thoughts are perfectly normal for me!” I protested, knowing it’d rile her up.

Which it did because she stamped her foot.

“Normal for you is weird!” she shouts, pointing. Her hands are so nicely manicured, too! Nails perfectly polished and filed down! “What weird thing are you doing now?! Why are you looking at your hands?!”

Goodness, how worked up Lady Claire gets. There’s no reason to not be honest.

“I was thinking about how lovely it would be if our hands fitted perfectly and snugly together,” I cooed, making grabby noises that had her recoil with a high-pitched squeak of surprise. “Lady Claire, won’t you indulge your lowly servant and please let me hold your hand?”

“How dare you request such a vulgar thing—!”

“Yes, a vulgar being as myself should be slapped!” I crowed. “That’s right, Lady Claire! Please put this vulgar thing in its place with a good hard smack delivered by your perfect hand!”

“What’s wrong with you?!” she cried, sounding distressed.

Ah. Might’ve overdone it. Lady Claire’s not a violent person, after all. She’s too gentle for that.

“You can be gentle with me instead,” I said, clasping my hands. “A pat on the head instead of a hard slap would be fine, too! If that’s what you’d prefer!”

I know I’d much prefer to be treated gently than roughly—even though I would be happy with either if it were Lady Claire...

“N-No!” she exclaimed, red in the face. The color that suited her best, the color of passion and of fire—yep, Lady Claire was perfect! “That’s not what I meant! Why do you always respond in the crudest ways?!” Rather than wait for my teasing response, she gave a beleaguered sigh and waved her hand at me. “Don’t even bother replying to that. I should have known better.”

I exhaled, and it unintentionally comes out as a whistle.

Lady Claire has been completely blindsided by my antics. She’s just muttering to herself about what a headache I am and rubbing her temple for good measure. I’ve completely distracted her from whatever it was that she was thinking about before.

I can’t lie. It makes me happy to be on her mind. It also makes me feel guilty about how selfish it makes me to be happy.

“Shall I fetch you some sweets?” I ask. “Some chocolate, perhaps?”

“I don’t trust you,” Lady Claire huffed, waving her hand at me. “Get Lene to deliver it instead.”

“Right away.”

I can’t lie. That stings a little.

But...it’s fine.

Really, it’s fine.

--

Lady Claire is deep in thought again. She really is lovely.

“...you’re staring,” she mutters darkly, nibbling at a cookie.

“Because you’re so beautiful my eyes can’t be kept away!”

She blushes, growls and—oh, she’s so adorable, too. She really checks all the boxes. Adorable, beautiful, and sexy. It’s no wonder I love her so much. I’ve always, always loved her so much even when I didn’t know anything about her.

(I haven’t gotten to truly know her until recently.)

“If you have something worthwhile to say, then say it!” she barked at me, huffy and precious. “Unless you’re thinking vulgar things again?!”

I opened my mouth for the usual banter.

That’s right! Vulgar as always! You really should punish me, Lady Claire! It’s what I deserve!

I ended up shutting it. Lady Claire takes notice, straightening up and staring holes into me. It makes me happy to have that crystalline blue gaze on me. At the same time, I don’t like that she’s so worried.

“No,” I said. “I don’t have anything worthwhile to say. I apologize, Lady Claire.”

Lady Claire makes a face. Pinched up around her dainty nose, her brow furrowed. That sharp gaze of hers narrows now.

“Something is bothering you,” she pointed out. “If that’s the case, then...”

“I won’t let it impede my services to Lady Claire,” I said, lilting and loving. “You don’t need to worry.”

“But—! You admit you’re bothered!” she balked, as if she couldn’t comprehend it. Honestly, she’s too kind for her own good.

I’ve thought it before, but I’m sure of it now.

A lovely person such as her doesn’t deserve to be saddled with the title of Villainess. She shouldn’t have even been shackled to the title of Rival.

Someone like her absolutely deserves great and wonderful things. She deserves to be happy, above all else.

I can’t trouble her. I really can’t. Especially when...

“I don’t want to put such a worried look on your face,” I hum, leaning in but mindful of keeping some distance. Lady Claire blinks up at me, and it’s so breathtaking, especially in how I can see myself reflected in her gaze. “And, do you want to know the truth? All I ever think about is you, and all I concern myself with is how you can be happy. Because I love you.”

Lady Claire flinches, so I hurriedly pull back.

“It’s true! The only thing that’s ever on my mind is Lady Claire! And how adorable, beautiful, sexy she is!”

“Gah!” she shrieked, as irritated as she was no doubt exasperated. “Can’t you be serious for one second?!”

Absolutely not.

“My love for Lady Claire is as serious as serious can be!” I declared passionately. “Lady Claire, I love and revere you! I’ll do so until the end of time!”

“Just shut up! I don’t want to hear anything more from you, Rae Taylor!”

Ooh, full name. She’s super annoyed now.

I can’t help but laugh.

“I worship you and so much more, Lady Claire!”

“SHUT UUUUUP!!!”

--

Back before all this, when I had been writing fan novels, I’d think up all kinds of ways to circumvent Claire’s fate. There was one idea that was in fashion among fan circles.

Disgracement and banishment.

It was always the quickest way to change up the setting and the perfect stepping stone for learning humility. Since I wanted Claire to flourish in the countryside either way, I dabbled with the idea. It was fun—and there wasn’t anything wrong with it. It was just fiction, after all. It wasn’t real.

If anyone attempted to disgrace Lady Claire here, I wouldn’t be able to stand by. I wouldn’t forgive them. If any god looking down upon us now decided that dragging Lady Claire through the mud would be the best way to teach her a lesson, then I’d have to destroy them.

It’s funny how much everything changes when you’re on the page as opposed to the one holding the pen. Even though I know everything destined to happen, I still get unbearably anxious.

What if I can’t help her? What if I can’t save her?

I didn’t lie when I told her that she’s all I think about and all I worry about. If anything happened to her, I don’t know what I’d do.

Lady Claire deserves to be happy. She doesn’t deserve to be forced to suffer under the pretense of self-improvement. I’ll do whatever I can to help and protect her because I love her with all my heart. Not as a character, but...well.

It’s obvious, right? Why am I telling you about this? I don’t think it’ll give me the sense of control I long for.

I just don’t want to lose the girl I love. So, please don’t take her away.

--

“Rae Taylor. I want to go out. I need some fresh air.”

“Oh! You want me to go along?”

“Do I need to spell it out for you?!” she yelled, but she took a deep breath. Composed herself. Still ended up blushing beautifully when she clarified, “Just—I think a brief change of setting can be a good distraction. For both of us.”

Aah.

I love her. I really, really do.

“Wherever you go, I’ll follow,” I swear. “Be it on the path to Hell or the aisle to marriage.”

“W-Why between those two?!” she shrieked. “You—!” Another deep breath. “I wouldn’t be able to shake you off anyway. I only expect you to serve me to your fullest abilities!”

“I will! I absolutely will!”

I won’t let you down.

Maybe if I think it hard enough, it’ll become true. Haha, yeah right.

[bd-steelyfam]

We've all heard of standswap. But what about standswap-dadswap?

//So the dads and the SS!dads switch places, huh? This is such an interesting scenario! Will they get along with each other? Will everything go haywire? Will sadness happen?

//I was only able to fit the stoplight trio here because I don't have time to properly make up characters for Emperor, Osiris, and Bastet. I also used their stand names for the unnamed standswap characters for a placeholder.

Steely Dan <=> Deacon Blues

Deacon and Terunosuke will get along very well because they relate to each other (both of them had pretty fucked up backstories and have to hide their real, more mature personality behind a childish attitude).

And the same could be said for Illuso. Both of them spent most of their childhood being lonely because of their stand powers.

When Illuso talks about his teammates (he calls them best friends to avoid suspicion), Deacon remembers his old friends back in his SDC days. He probably sees himself in Illuso and feels a little melancholic.

Deacon and Gwess can get along too, as they have to fake a smile and carefree personality to make everyone else not worry about them.

Unlike Dan who is pretty sarcastic and sassy, Deacon speaks more honestly, as he despises people who aren't direct and honest about their words.

Alright. Enough of the sad shit. Deacon and Terunosuke occasionally read books together and tell each other about their specific interest in comics (the former is into American hero comic books, and the latter is into mangas and light novels).

Deacon would probably at some point tell them about his adventure from 1989. Then Illuso sighs and comments, "Darn. Just like Padre."

He likes to show them his proud machinery and inventions to the three, which of course amuse them because of how absurd they work.

"What does this thing do?"

"Oh! This bad baby right here lets you read while you sleep, write while you sleep, and eat while you sleep!"

"Huh"

Deacon and Terunosuke are the ultimate short depressing smartass solidarity.

Meanwhile Dan and Deacon's kids? Eh... could maybe count.

His personality made him hard to get along with them, especially Velare. At first, he can hardly relate to them (his backstory is plain and nothing really gutwrenching happened to him, unlike theirs and their father's).

But then, after some time, they start to warm up to him. Behind his catty attitude, he is actually a pretty nice and caring person (even though it isn't really that obvious because of the way he generally acts).

Velare is going to get along with Dan first, because he is a pretty patient person and can handle his new dad's (?) unfamiliar attitude.

Tojiko is probably be slightly annoyed by how sassy and snarky Dan is. Dan would just comment on his chuuni behavior just to annoy him even further.

Since Dan is pretty good with cooking, Prada would sometimes watch him do the kitchen work (even though she's just more mesmerized by the way the stove fire dances around the pan). He would try teaching her how to make simple dishes, even though it's reduced to a pile of ash by the end of the day.

Of course, Dan cooks godlike food. Which somehow reminds them of their father's....

Rubber Soul <=> Yellow Temperance

Unlike the loud and obnoxious Rubber Soul, Yellow Temperance is generally a well-mannered and elegant man. This makes the three kids a little taken aback because they're not used to the quieter and nicer version of their dad.

Since Yellow is skilled in singing (and acting) and Akira is good at playing his electric guitar, they both spend a lot of time together! Akira would sometimes show Yellow how to use his guitar, and in return he teaches him how to sing properly.

Like Dan, everytime Hazamada becomes annoyed and acts like an ass to him, Yellow would do things like making sassy remarks to annoy him even further.

One time Anne asks Yellow about himself, and then he tells her about his bizarre adventure from Singapore. She replies, with a monotone voice, "Wow. I've been there with my father, ya know."

"Wait, really kid?"

"Yeah. Was kinda wild."

Yellow can cook pretty well, unlike Rubber who is absolutely not allowed to touch anything in the kitchen.

Because Yellow "disappeared" for twelve years, his kids are more than happy to see him back again. There were tears and laughter too. Even Surface is crying.

.....except the "him" is Rubber Soul, a greasier and more irritating version of their father. He has no choice but to tag along and act like him.

The stoic and serious Surface doesn't like Rubber Soul at first. His annoying way of talking hurts his ears, but because he's "their father" he just ignored it.

Like father, like son is the best sentence to convey Red and Rubber soul. They both are loud and act all cocky, which makes Surface's life a living hell.

SS!Anne is no different either. She is used to Yellow's calmer and more composed personality, which makes her a little suspicious. Whenever Rubber did or say something stupid, she would just shake her head and say, "Wow. Dad's job must've been weighing on him pretty hard, huh?"

Either way, the kids are very relieved to see their "father" back home safely without a scratch. If only it would last forever...

Devo the Cursed <=> Ebony Devil

From the surface, Devo and Ebony share similar traits. From their ungodly amount of scars to long hair, both of them look the same. Their personality isn't that different either.

...which surprised Vittorio at first.

Because Ebony was separated from his son years ago, he saw this as his chance to be a better father. He'll spend as much time as he can with him, as Vittorio and his long-lost kid looks the same to him.

Related, Ebony has poor eyesight and probably thought that Vittorio is his kid because of their resemblance.

Ebony, half-crying and started to take off his tough guy shield: "My son.... I am sorry for causing trouble for both your mother and you..... I promise to become a better father from now on."

Vittorio, eating an entire can of spray cheese: "What"

You know that clip of a wrestler that broke a claw machine's glass and gives all of it's toys to a crying kid? That's him.

Being dead in 1988 makes Ebony not familiar with things like video games, so Vittorio is more than delighted to show him things in his game and take him for a small walk around his hometown.

"What is this small screen that you can open and close like a book?"

"Dad that's a computer. Do you hit your head on the kitchen counter again?"

"Computer? But the last time I saw them, they look bigger and wider than this."

"Hold on a second"

The boy sometimes tell Ebony about his team (which he refers to as friends), and Ebony is somehow reminded of his old friends.

"There's this really cute girl that I like, but she's sickly and I'm afraid if I somehow hurt her unintentionally"

"Can relate."

They watch soccer games, eat outside, and Vittorio introduces Ebony to more things. Just classic father and son bonding time.

Unfortunately for Dolly, he never had the chance to properly memorize his father's looks and true nature. His mother just said that Ebony is a horrible and cruel murderer, which makes his first meeting with Devo not so wonderful.

Not seeing his father since he was two, Dolly just thought that Devo is actually his father and acts grouchy and all angry at him.

"I despise you. Mom told me that you were a very evil and violent man. You must've done something very bad for mom to have left you-"

"Vittorio I swear to FUCKING GOD IF THIS IS ABOUT THAT TIME I REFUSED TO BUY YOU A HAPPY KIDS MEAL I'M GOING TO CUT OFF THOSE UGLY BANGS OF YOURS."

Then Devo realizes he wasn't talking to Vittorio. Which pisses Dolly even more because he thinks his own father forgot his name.

"Vittorio? VITTORIO??!! OH, DID YOU GOT HOOKED UP WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND THOUGHT THAT YOUR BASTARD KID'S NAME IS FATHER FUCKING VITTORIO??!! I'M DOLLY DAGGER!!"

"DID YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME INTO YOUR SHITTY MMO'S USERNAME LIKE YOU SAID LAST TIME??!!"

Then of course, they get along really slowly. Everytime Devo wanted to ask Dolly about what just happened, Dolly curtly replies, "I don't know!"

He then gives up just takes Dolly outside and spend some time together with him to make the kid satisfied.

Devo just rolls with whatever this kid wants.

And then Dolly becomes more softer acting around "his father", because he himself wanted to spend some time together with him after a long time.

"Sorry for yelling at you, dad."

".....whatever you say."

By the end of the day, Dolly feels content about "his father" being back in his life. Even though he doesn't show it directly, he just wishes that he won't be gone like last time...

//So now. Who do you think deserves the best father of the year award?

[widgenstain]

Haven’t done that in a while, have I?

It by Stephen King

Rating: 1/10

Review:

Urgh, this dumpster fire… This dumb book blocked up my nightly readings for far too long, I was so ready to abandon it at points but eventually hate read powered through because some masochistic parts of me still wanted to know how it ended. This goes right on top of the list of garbage I read/watched/did for James.

It also is a prime example for why I usually steer away from long novels or fics. It’s not that I can’t read them, I read a ton for work and yes, they’re huge books, but it takes some tremendous skill to fill 1000 pages of a novel and keep it interesting and/or non-repetitive throughout. It’s what amazed me so about Gaiman’s American Gods, my copy has 640 pages and not one, NOT ONE of them is too much.

My copy of IT has 1376 pages and honest to god, you could have easily scratched 800 of them and it still would have been the same goddamn story. 300 pages alone are basically “and then he told his friends what the reader just read”. SO UNNECESSARY!! 

Like, if it contributed anything to the world or character building, ok, I could have dealt with that, BUT IT DIDN’T! The characters and their arcs are established pretty early on, partially through proper character building, partially through the time-jumps, but quite often through blatant tell-not-show.

King spells everything out SO many times, through so many weird analogies or metaphors, I mean, WOW! Eddie the momma’s boy, Stan the Jewish one who’s a bit obscure due to dying early on, Ben the sensible fat one who becomes a main character but sort of doesn’t, Richie the “funny” one (I swear if I had a nickel for every time King writes “they laughed” when absolutely nothing funny happened, I’d be very very rich), Bill the shameless heroic author insert who couldn’t be more of a textbook definition of Marty Stu if he tried, and Boobs, who will get her own paragraph in this rant. Mike is the one who actually gets off the best, I did like his first-person interludes, how they build his investigative and questioning nature and what they did to the overall story.

Which brings me to the structure: I don’t mind time-jumps nor changing perspectives, I actually love them if done well, and they’re not TERRIBLE here (they do make sense for the message), but King way too often feels the need to interrupt a scene at a suspenseful point only to retell most of it when he gets back to the scene. Most of the side characters suffer from that, foremost Henry Bowers and Tom. It gives the story this episodical feel “He ran. He made it out. This time. IT would get him soon.” DUN DUN DUUUUUN and when we cut back he’s running again!

This works once, twice or even thrice but gets SO TIRING if done every.other.chapter! This is a problem I have with many long fanfictions, where it actually does make sense, since the author publishes the chapters separately and tries to keep the reader engaged, yet I STILL don’t like it. And in a published book?! @clickthefrog mentioned that there’s a good chance that King wrote this super high on a plethora of drugs and OOHHHH YEAH, I can totally see that happening, but I wonder if his editor was sitting next to him and doing lines from the same damned pile of coke.

Someone really needed to go over this and cut it down to its essentials. Which aren’t bad, I did like the monster, I did like IT, the whole idea of Derry just being infested by it was great, some of the horror elements are genuinely disturbing and I GET the fascination with Pennywise and the other manifestations. Not all of IT makes sense imho but not everything in horror has to and those scenes were perfectly fine. But they make up like 10% of the book!! 

The rest is Beverly’s tits. 

Jesus HOLY-OBJECTIFICATION-BATMAN-MOTHERFUCKER! I am NOT exaggerating when I say that every time the focus shifts to her, there’s a remark on how hot she is. Which I MAYBE would be ok with when she is an adult, but it happens to the 11-year-old girl as well! If I had a nickel for every time her “small breasts” or naked skin or seductive red hair is mentioned and how the boys want to touch her, I’d be even richer. I mean, there is adoration and growing sexual obsession through the eyes of PRE-TEEN boys, and there is creepy as fuck objectification through the eyes of the author.

And yeah, I bet you’ve all heard of that scene… Look, I don’t mind fucked-up things in fiction, I’ve read things way worse than what happens here but context and build-up freaking matter. I cannot shake the feeling that King delights in and gets-off on putting Beverly though sexualised,violent shit, what happens with her father, her husband, Jesus Christ, that terrible sex scene with Bill (he makes her cum twice with the thrusts of his mighty penis… two good things came out of this: James and Jessica getting it on for my viewing pleasure and the knowledge that I, a fucking foreigner with limited English skills, can write better sex scenes than a best-selling American author. GO ME!!) and it’s all fine, it’s a horror story, we all love putting our favourite characters through terrible and humiliating things sometimes, I get it, we cool.

But after these scenes that clearly establish that King has a thing for Beverly, that 11-year old girl makes five of her male friends fuck her because… she loves them and that will build a connection? Uhmmm? What the fuck?! I get that she’s fucked-up because of her father, but the way it’s written, the obsession with the non-working baby dicks and how she feels pleasure and cums when Ben shoves in his grown-man thing… Whow! Gross! Ew ew ew, this is wrong and it would be wrong if it was written well too.

Anyway, gross child sex scenes aside, if you couldn’t tell yet: I’m pissed I paid for this book (they only had the German version in the Open Book Case) and I’m pissed that even more people will pay for it.

A friend of mine has that theory that as soon as a book makes it to the piles at the front of an airport book shop, the author is set for life. People see it when they’re bored, they recognise the title, so they buy it and read bits of it. These are people who usually do not read much, so they have no comparisons, they often don’t even finish the book but they remember that they’ve had it in hand so they talk about it. These books sell, they make a movie, even more people know of the title and buy it because they recognise it but who knows how many of them actually read it; it absolutely doesn’t matter how bad the book is, it keeps on selling. That’s my theory with IT because there is no fucking other explanation why this got so successful.

The movies definitely helped, I haven’t watched either movie yet (parts of the old one on TV, but never the full movie), I most likely will before IT2 comes out, they’re supposedly not as unintentionally creepy or borderline paedo pornographic as the book, so I’ll give them a try. Not gonna pay for them though, nope, not a chance. :P

[suggestionsofthecaribbean]

Chat: Girls’ Night

Feat. @lizzyswann-turnersuggestions, @giselletortugasuggestions, @anamariasuggestions, & @angelicasuggestions

TL;DR: The girls of the reluctant Jack Sparrow Rescue Mission join for a night of drinking wine, dragging Jack, and offering advice on each other’s love lives whether it’s been asked after or not.  

Come to see Angelica and Anamaria become the hottest it couple of the Caribbean, learn Elizabeth’s true feelings on James Norrington and discover a truly horrifying secret only Giselle can impart...

Elizabeth had never hosted a party.  She had been the guest of honor at a few parties her father had thrown for her birthday, and that when she was younger - when she was old enough to host her own parties, her friends had largely moved or married out of Port Royal society.  Too proud to ask either James or Giselle for advice this time on how to adapt Port Royal party customs to a quartet of cool pirates, she decided on several basic necessities: food; drink, both alcoholic and otherwise; some kind of rag in case there was a spill; the potential props in order to play games, but kept out of the way so that no one felt obligated; company (so adieu, Captain Norrington, girls only); and, naturally, rules.  She was explaining that to the first arrivals on the scene. Elizabeth (to whom it may concern): Teasing is tolerated, bullying is not.  If you want to behave like one of the men you can go sit with them if you like.  I will be very clear on this point: if anyone wakes in the morning with something written on her head, so help me God, we will find the culprit and we will dunk her."  [mood shifting out of Pirate King mode] ...But I think that covers it.[Giselle puts her hand up] Giselle: Can we write elsewhere? Angelica: Can we write on the guys if/when they fall asleep? Ana: I was gonna suggest no writing on people without permission but I’m in if we are writing on the guys. Elizabeth: [pointing at Giselle] Excellent question! No. [pointing at Angelica, then Ana] Hang on a minute. What guys are going to be here? Angelica: Not here, on the rest of the ship. We can sneak out when it gets dark Elizabeth: I dunno if that's really covered by the all-girl-party rules.  I was just sort of thinking of establishing ground rules - ground here being my cabin.  Outside of it you can do what you like, can't you? Angelica: That sounds fair Angelica: Also I brought wine, if anyone's interested [Giselle gives a thumbs up, already getting into the snacks] Ana: Works for me! And I’ll take a glass. Angelica, pouring wine for Ana: So what do you usually do on a girl's night? Giselle, mouth stuffed full: Not have sex with men. Elizabeth: [poker face] Ana: It was rare we’d ever have one, but I grew up with four older sisters. We would talk shit about the boys around town, do each other’s hair sometimes, drink. Angelica: That sounds lovely Angelica: and not having sex with men can definitely be accomplished Elizabeth: ...yeah, mostly gossip and drink.  Discuss - [cough] - discuss anything you're not supposed to be discussing in mixed company. Angelica: it's okay you can say sex life Angelica: how's the former navy man? [Giselle manifests popcorn] [Anamaria chokes on her drink trying not to laugh] [Angelica sips wine] Elizabeth: [turning red] ..... as he is your captain, I don't know if it would be, hm, civil to discuss it- Angelica: how about we all tell each other a secret, to make things fair for poor lizzie? Giselle: Well it's not like we can't hear it Elizabeth: [loudly whispering] GISELLE Ana: Can’t say I’m not disappointed to not hear that gossip, but we don’t all have to talk about anything we’re not comfortable with. This is supposed to be a fun night, no stress. Ana: Or men. Which is like the same thing. Angelica: cheers to that Elizabeth: [takes a  big swallow of wine and elects to stay silent] Giselle: Well, in terms of secrets, I'm willing to share some Angelica: Oh? Giselle: [takes a delicate sip of wine] i was once part a group of ladies brought in to entertain some fancy pirate lords Elizabeth: [leaning in from where she's decided to sit] Anyone i know? Ana: [gets comfortable, grinning] Oh God here we go! Angelica: I fear the worst Giselle: i think i'm the only one what can claim to have undone both jack sparrow AND his father Elizabeth: Angelica: That might be the worst sentence I've ever heard, are you okay sweetie? Giselle: a bit itchy sometimes but overall alright Angelica: I can imagine Ana: I have no words. I kind of want to high five you and also forget I ever heard that. Angelica: I second that Ana: Does Jack know?? Giselle: don't think they talk much Giselle: kinda want to see his face when he finds out Ana: That’s exactly what I was thinking Angelica: I brought him up once and jack straight up left Angelica: just walked out Ana: Oh. I’ve only ever heard stories about his father, but never from him... Elizabeth: If it's not too forward - how do you know Jack? Angelica: Let's just say it's his fault that I'm not a nun anymore Ana: He DIDN’T. Of course he did. Elizabeth: [unintentionally melodramatic hand-pressed-to-heart reaction] Angelica: I learned the hard way that Spanish monasteries take chastity very seriously Elizabeth: ... I am so sorry. Ana: I swear to God he ruins everything he comes across. [rolls eyes and takes a drink] Elizabeth: I don't have anything even comparable to that, but he did try to trade my hus- [winces, collects herself] He tried to trade my ex-husband to Davy Jones to free his own soul.  And lied to me about it the whole time, letting me think he was doing everything in his power to save the man i loved, who had been cruelly forced into service by Jones.  He was just using all of us to get to the heart of Davy Jones, and he didn't care what became of us along the way. Ana: I...I’m so sorry you were treated that way. He can be a complete bastard. Sometimes he even takes pride in it...but I can’t imagine he’s proud of all that. That doesn’t make what he did any better though. Giselle: ………we should leave him to rot Ana: I sometimes wonder why we don’t. He owes me a debt, at least, is what I say my reason is for going after him. Elizabeth: ...Beckett's got warrants for our - I mean mine, Will's and James' - executions... all because we helped Jack out of his own. Elizabeth: I don't know, I guess if he just dies somewhere it's like it was all for nothing. Angelica: And I thought he fucked my life up Angelica: Are you guys okay? Elizabeth: I'm the Pirate King. I'm fine. [hesitates and chews on her lower lip] ... I don't know about James so much. Angelica: Well he's got the bastard himself pursuing him despite everything Angelica: Can't be much fun Angelica: why are we even talking about him, I thought this was girl's night?Angelica: Can't we shift the conversation to something more uplifting Elizabeth: I mean, it's certainly an icebreaker - he's the one thing we all have in common. Ana: Can you imagine how terrified he’s going to be when he comes back to find we’re all friends? Angelica: God you're right about that Angelica: Must be his worst nightmare Ana: We have to scare the SHIT out of him! Angelica: Honestly the only thing that he'd find worse than this would be if we were dating or something Angelica: So I think we're good to go Ana: [winks] Line up, I’ve got two secret admirers already. Elizabeth: [turns extremely red at that one and crams pretzels into her mouth] Angelica: That you do, any updates on that by the way? Ana: No. One’s a naval officer but it’s not James obviously so who even knows. And the other one’s part of the crew, but God knows who it is. Angelica: Yeah I have no clue to be honest Angelica: What do the rest of you think? Elizabeth: [shrugs broadly] As you put it, Anamaria, I've never had a secret admirer, and I don't know the first thing about them. Ana: Alright. But you or James probably know the crew better than I do, so if you ever have a theory let me know. Angelica: This is like a mystery novel Elizabeth: The real mystery is how any of these men learned how to write poetically. Angelica: How do we know if it's a man? Angelica: I mean the naval officer, obviously Giselle: [defensively] nehemiah's a poet! what with his hashtags and quips Elizabeth: [patting her on the arm] Yes, but he's not writing Anamaria, because he's taken. Giselle: [glances between anamaria and angelica, stuffing popcorn in her mouth - SHE HAS THEORIES] Angelica: [sips wine] I'm just saying Ana: I mean it’s either a guy or one of us, if they’re on the crew. Or they could be lying. Angelica: If it's jack I'm going to throw myself in the sea Ana: Pfffft he would have his work cut out for him if he tried. And it doesn’t seem to be his ghost messages so I think I’m in the clear Angelica: Oh that's right he does That Giselle: you should look for hidden messages Giselle: like them emoji Elizabeth: Like, the emojis being clues to the identity of the sender? Giselle: yes! we're all pirates, we're supposed to do hidden clues and such Angelica: idk guys this doesn't look like it could lead to anything Angelica: pretty normal looking if you ask me Giselle: it's a star Giselle: stars shine bright in the night Giselle: so do…… lighthouses!! it's a lighthouse keeper!!! Elizabeth: [wanting to preserve Giselle's feelings but not on board with this] I think it might just be an emoji they think is very nice. Elizabeth: Maybe you should ask Nehemiah! He knows, I'm sure, lots about emojis. Angelica: do we know any lighthouse keepers? Angelica: It sounds like a Solid theory to me Ana: I’m gonna agree with Elizabeth on this one Elizabeth: If they haven't conveyed their identity yet, I'm sure they have a good reason. Angelica: They might be scared or something idk Elizabeth: When my - it took Will a long time to tell me he loved me.  He had to be sure how I felt about him.  There was... It doesn't matter anymore. Nevermind. Angelica: Aw hun, you don't have to think about that Angelica: Do you want some wine? Elizabeth: Thanks, but I should probably watch how much I drink. Angelica: Fair enough, that means it's more for me Elizabeth: ...anyway. They'll tell you when they're ready, I know it. Angelica: Let's hope they do Elizabeth: They just want to be sure she'll accept them for who they are. Angelica: Oh yes I'm sure Angelica: If you got to choose, who would you want them to be, ana? Ana: I wouldn’t even know, I was always working with family, or just working so much I hardly cared. Never really thought about love. Ana: My dad left my mom when I was really young so I guess I just never thought it was worth enough to go looking for love. I haven’t been unhappy without romance. [shrugs] Angelica: I understand that, though in my experience that's just something that men do Elizabeth: [chatting w giselle about james' clothes lol] Angelica: No offense to you two, liz, Giselle Angelica: I'm sure your boys are fine Elizabeth: ...yeah, I'm usually the guilty party. Angelica: Oh really? Elizabeth: .... Exited an engagement to get engaged to someone else. Annulled that marriage to get with someone else again.  [beat] ...Kissed Jack during the second engagement. But it was to kill him, so, you know.[avoiding everyone's eyes] And.... even in a good place, I still think about other people. It's. [huff] It's confusing. Angelica: Maybe you're just not meant for monogamy? I've met plenty of people who made alternatives work Elizabeth: [mumbling] I don't think that's it. Giselle: i feel like it's okay to kiss someone outside your engagement if it means jack sparrow dies Angelica: Oh I'm totally with you on that one Giselle: but aside from that, i'm happy with how slow things are going with nehemiah - ain't never met anyone what didn't want to get my knickers off as quick as they could Angelica: But from what I can tell, that's not always the case is it? Ana: One of my older sisters used to say she was “window shopping”—she didn’t feel bad about looking at attractive men as long as she didn’t “make a purchase” while she was with another. Angelica: That's quite the philosophy, and completely understandable Elizabeth: .....Or attractive women. Angelica: Oh cheers to that Angelica: Being attracted to women is 90% of my life honestly Elizabeth: [peeping up at her in relief, and also... more relief] So that's - that's completely normal? Angelica: I mean if you ask me, it totally is Angelica: Maybe you should ask your man if he's up for a threesome? That way you could get in touch with some ladies Elizabeth: [COLORING] That's not really- nevermind. Angelica: It’s not for everyone, I get that Ana: [lets out a breath] I hadn’t even noticed that I found women attractive until someone thought to ask. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Giselle: i mean, threesomes are alright, i ain't never had a problem being with the ladies, but you had to share the money after… Angelica: Thought threesomes would cost extra? Giselle: they do Giselle: they do Giselle: i just don't like sharing my money Angelica: fair enough Elizabeth: [laughs out loud] Ana: [chuckling] I mean, you earned it, I get that. Angelica: [nodding in agreement] You worked hard Elizabeth: ...Giselle, have you ever been in love?  Before Nehemiah, I mean. Giselle: love's a bit of a fool's game in my old line of work, y'know? they start askin for free what you can charge ten shillins for Elizabeth: What'd you charge Jack? Angelica: I could have charged him?? Giselle: [huffs quite loudly and mutters into her wine] not enough considerin Ana: If I’d charged him he probably would’ve stolen it back anyway. Angelica: That's true Angelica: He's tricky like that Angelica: did he leave anything behind when he passed away btw? Anamaria: Whatever, I was using him for sex right back, would’ve evened out if he didn’t take my boat Elizabeth: I don't know how, but I heard Tia Dalma has what's left of him. Ana: Did someone loot the body? Angelica: Isn't she the swamp witch? Feels a little weird to leave a dead body with her Elizabeth: .... was it. Was it any good? Ana: ...I don’t like to talk about it because I hate admitting that it was. He doesn’t need to know that. Elizabeth: [presses her hands over her mouth and lets out a little squeal]  I want to know about it though! Elizabeth: I'm the only woman here who hasn't- you know. Angelica: [nodding] I'm not saying it was worth it but all I'm saying is that his mouth is good for more than talking Angelica: The mustache does tickle tho Elizabeth: [is gonna die] Ana: ...yeah I’m gonna pass that question off to Angelica and Giselle. I only ever did it the once anyway. Angelica: For the record I'd like to inform you all that I'm better than him Elizabeth: [moves her hands from covering her mouth to just burying her entire face in her palms] Angelica: I do hope your little navy man takes good care of you sweetheart Angelica: I always say that if he won't go down on you he's not worth your time Elizabeth: [muffled groan] Angelica: [sips wine] Ana: We could be your wingmen if you need it? I can’t tell if you’re embarrassed or upset because your face is covered. Angelica: I can make a powerpoint if you want Angelica: to show james Ana: He seems in love enough he’d probably do whatever to please you. Elizabeth: [pulling her hands down, composing herself immediately, after a moment to sniff as though she was on the verge of crying] I'm good. It's - we're good. Thank you. Elizabeth: [glances at Anamaria with a particularly fond smile at her statement that James looooves her] [because aww] Angelica: Eating ya girl out is part of being in love, everyone knows this Angelica: Just fyi if anyone here is thinking of dating me Elizabeth: [lifts just one hand to hier brow to make it out like she's scratching her temple but is really just momentarily avoiding Angelica's eyes] Angelica: [sips wine] Ana: Maybe if I did date someone the secret admirers would finally speak up about who they were.. Angelica: That might be uh, that could work maybe possibly Ana: I wouldn’t want to use someone like that, though. I dunno, stupid idea. Elizabeth: [hands end up clasped over her mouth again, but she doesn't say anything much] Angelica: I mean I could help you, if you want Angelica: That's what friends are for, right? Ana: What, like, fake date? You’d be okay with that? Angelica: Yeah, totally! :) If it helps us find the admirer then any tactic is good Angelica: plus it might scare jack Ana: That WOULD be hilarious. I mean, if you’re sure you’re okay with it, it’s worth a shot? Angelica: I don't see why not :)))) as long as you're comfortable with it Ana: Alright. I’m sorry I’ll probably be pretty awkward, I haven’t been in a relationship in ages Angelica: Oh no I'm sure you'll do great ️Angelica: So uh Angelica: Do we announce it? Ana: I guess so...? Elizabeth what did you do when you and James started seeing each other? Elizabeth: I... don't know that there's anything to compare to this. Angelica: If we want the admirer to see it we can't be discreet, right? Ana: I guess not, I just don’t really know what to post. It’s not like tumblr has a relationship status thing Elizabeth: Oh, hell. [laughs, albeit a little tensely] Elizabeth: Actually.  I think that's nearly the same as this. Ana: [concerned] Elizabeth, are you alright? Elizabeth: I'm fine.  There's just a whole lot of irony going around. Angelica: If you talk about it, maybe you'll feel better? Elizabeth: What's any of you know about James and I? Angelica: Not much, but if we knew more then we might be able to help you Angelica: We just want what's best for you darling Ana: I know you two are very close, he cares about you a lot. That’s about it. Elizabeth: Uh. Well. Elizabeth: James proposed to me in Port Royal the day I was first abducted by pirates.  I accepted him after he rescued me later, but I was in love with somebody else and he let me go. Elizabeth: I didn't mean to end my entire marriage for him.  I wish I could say I did.  But it just sort of happened when Will and I met up and I told him how I was feeling. Elizabeth: Then, you know, James showed up in Tortuga and they tried to lynch him.  I put a stop to that, and - more or less, people thought I was getting some... Use out of him.  So yeah. Elizabeth: [back to business] Same as you, pretty much.  We faked it really.  I was only keeping him in my room since I thought somebody might try to finish hanging him if they got him alone. Angelica: So it was a bit of a coincidence, is what you're saying? Elizabeth: A huge one! Imagine if he'd showed up just a little earlier than I did. I'd have been too late. Angelica: Oh yeah he'd be dead af Ana: So are you saying it’s still kinda fake now? Elizabeth: It's pretty real now.  I just don't know where it's going. Angelica: Well are you happy? Do you love him? Elizabeth: I'm. I'm not sure. Elizabeth: I'm not sure if I've ever really been in love. Elizabeth: [covers her eyes again as though she's getting a headache] Let's not talk about me. Angelica: No but sweetie, we need to solve this Angelica: You look like it's really eating you up [she puts her arms around liz] Elizabeth: [groans, inwardly, outwardly, globally, spiritually, on the astral plane, etc] Elizabeth: I've said I love him, but I don't know what I feel. Except guilt! I feel so much guilt! Angelica: I'm sorry to be the one to say this, but you might need some time to work on yourself darling Angelica: I'm not necessarily saying you should call things quits completely, but it sounds like this could end up being bad for both you and James Elizabeth: I can't do that to him.  I was just talking to him about us. Angelica: Listen, you can't move things too fast if you're not sure about this. Whatever you decide to do, that's one point I cannot stress enough Ana: Sorting through your emotions on your own time, either by yourself or with people you’re comfortable with, doesn’t mean you have to leave James behind, or even go on a break. Elizabeth: Angelica, if i took that advice, I would be on an island in the Caribbean somewhere, starving. With Jack Sparrow. Elizabeth: I've spent the last three years of my life moving too fast. Angelica: Then maybe it's time to calm down a little. Focus on your career or something Elizabeth: But I do care about him. Elizabeth: And it's not Jack that ruined his life, it's me. I did that. Elizabeth: He let Jack go because I stepped in and asked him. Elizabeth: Hell. If I had married him, he might not have chased Jack into a hurricane, either. Elizabeth: I owe him a lot.  And he needs my protection - he worked for Beckett for a year and no one trusts him. Angelica: Sweetie, you can't be in a relationship just because you feel like you owe the guy something. That's not healthy and certainly not fair to him Angelica: With your position I'm sure you can grant him some form of protection, as for what you owe him there are other ways to pay that debt off Elizabeth: [a little stubbornly] It's not the only reason. It's part of the reason. Angelica: A reason still, you should never feel like you owe a significant other anything Angelica: How would you feel if it were the other way around? Elizabeth: If James felt that he owed me? Angelica: exactly Elizabeth: I think he does feel that he owes me. Angelica: Then that's no good either Elizabeth: [desperately] Do we really have to talk about this? Angelica: If it's making you uncomfortable then we don't have to, but I do think you should talk to someone about this Elizabeth: There's nothing to talk about. Angelica: [shrugging] if you say so... Elizabeth: [crossing her arms, but thankfully not evoking either pirate king or captain status to get her way, just sulking] I do. Angelica: Yeah I can tell :) Ana: Well I might be shit at relationship advice but I’m fantastic at changing the subject. We ranted about Jack already but we haven’t dragged Beckett? Angelica: The only thing I know about him is that he's short and a Bitch Giselle: short and obsessed with himself - we all, 'cept cap'n swann, ree-gret-ah-blee have a kom-man-al-ihtee with him Angelica: Oh really? And with that, Girls’ Night amiably returned to slumber-party standards: subjects were changed, wine was had by all, and eventually men’s faces were defaced with mysterious sigils such as approximations of the eggplant emoji and the exotic incantation only known as DEEZ NUTS... and what horrors it summons, none yet live who can speak of it.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Fall book recs!

Swear to Me by Rose Madison An old classic, a book I never get tired of reading! I met Rose in college and she’s a super talented writer! She wrote this, her debut novel, back in high school and it still holds up pretty well. I love the characters, especially Tux. I don’t know why, but I have a soft spot for well meaning and adorkable dumbasses. I also have a soft spot for characters like Rina, also an adorkable dumbass who’s a sweetheart most of the time and internally screaming half the time, usually over minor inconveniences.

The book is silly, heartwarming, and action packed. I think it could make a great manga adaptation if done properly - I’d definitely read that! A fairy quick read - about 160 pages, and the pacing is quick so the only issue is that it feels too short. But a lot happens in that short time!

Portal to the Past by The Livy Aubree Company I pretty much love almost everything by Livy Aubree. I’m also loving the new show, Orla and Ozzie, which is based on this graphic novel. I was always fascinated with the history behind the classic characters Orla and Ozzie, mainly Orla. Up until recently, Orla has been put on the wayside and aside from the graphic novel, she hasn’t really had time to shine.

I love the character dynamic between Orla and Ozzie, which is the strongest part about this story. The sequels are worth looking into, but they’re not as good. There’s some strong points but overall the sequels are inconsistent in terms of plot and character development. The show, which is finishing up its first season, is definitely worth the watch! 

Orla is one of my faves and I’m happy with how they handled Ozzie as his character has become a bit stagnant over the years - mainly because he’s the company’s mascot and all. What I like most is how the book and the TV show didn’t shy away from his flaws. Instead of making him a perfect goody two shoes (even when he’s clearly in the wrong - something that always annoyed me) they addressed the consequences of his actions and fleshed out his personality more so he wouldn’t be one dimensional. He was one of those characters who I always felt had a lot of potential to be interesting so I’m glad for this novel and the show.

An absolute must read! (Also I’m happy to say that my copy was signed by the show’s producer Levi Romero when I visited the island earlier this year!)

Wilde Louie by Jimmy Mathieson I enjoyed Postcards a lot so I looked into more books by him. This one is his second most popular book so I bought a copy at a second hand store when I found it. The Fairweathers is full of talented people and Jimmy has a knack for writing! 

Back at Concert in the Stars, Jimmy told me he’ll send an advanced copy of his latest book a week before it comes out - which will be around the end of the year - so I’ll be doing a review on that for my winter book reads!

So the story was really interesting! I love Louie and Shep’s relationship - the found family trope has always been one of my favorites! They both may be shady con artists but underneath they’re also good and caring people. Shep tries to act tough and all but the truth is he’s a father figure who ends up unintentionally adopting a bunch of misfits. And Louie turns into the exasperated big brother who’s like 10000% done when everything goes wrong. The humor and fast paced dialogue are the book’s strongest points!

Blizzards by Chuck Wortherly A book full of poems relating to snow and blizzards. There isn’t really much to say as that’s as straightforward as it can get. They’re short, one page poems and it’s a very fast read. I love the imagery and the brevity, which is really effective.

My top favorite is Freshly Fallen Snow, which to me reads like a song. It’s quiet and a bit sad, the imagery makes you feel alone and small - but not in an entirely bad way. Sort of like a quiet melancholy that settles into you. Another favorite is Ashes and Ice, which provokes striking and powerful imagery. There’s also Snowball Fights, which is about nostalgia, and Howls, which tells the story about a wolf lost in a blizzard.

Serena and the Cracked Sapphire by Shion Yuki One of my favorite mangas! It’s basically a magical girl type story, which I enjoy. I started reading the series in middle school and it still holds up really well. There’s twenty books in the series, which takes place in a span of five years. There’s a TV adaptation in the works that is planned to be released next year so I’m looking forward to that! Based on what I’m hearing, I have high hopes for the show.

So there’s the main character Serena, who’s a reincarnation of a princess. Her weapon is a wand with a cracked sapphire and most of the time she’s pretty OP as hell. There’s her team, a band of friends known as the Jewel Shards who fight alongside her. And there’s Celestia, who’s a reincarnation of a princess from a disgraced family, and she and Serena are soulmates. Serena’s like any other typical magical girl protagonist - clumsy, badass, sweet, stubborn, and optimistic. It can be cheesy and silly and it can be dramatic and sad. 

The first book in the series was and always will remain a classic. If you liked the first one, then you’ll enjoy the rest of the series. My favorite main arc is Team Crystal Shards because that’s when Serena’s team really comes together to fight the big boss. It’s basically the turning point in the series where Jewel Shards finally win the trust of the Crystal Stones and work together to fight the Shattered Diamonds. My favorite side arc is Apartment Hunting, where Serena and Crystal learn how to adult and fail epically at it. 

Shockwave by Rose Madison Rose’s first sci-fi book and it was a wild ride! I’ve never really got into post apocalyptic stories so I was intrigued to see how this would play out. I tend to like slice of life stories so this was nice. In the story, the apocalypse already happened so now it’s based on the characters living normal everyday lives - well as normal as it can get.

What I love most about this book is the storytelling. It’s third person narration through three main characters and the chapters are structured a certain way. Jenna’s chapters are focused on the present. She’s an inquisitive character who’s naive and easily impressed by everything. And there’s Swan, whose chapters starts out in the middle of the event going - sort of like that freeze frame moment where the narrator is trying to explain something by going back to the beginning. She represents the past and present, the one who provides most of the backstory behind the Shadow Wars. Finally there’s Lina, who represents the future as she’s always getting ahead of herself. Her chapters are dialog heavy and fast paced. The three characters are what carries the story and it intertwines together so well!

Unlike most stories about the apocalypse, this one is quite optimistic and lighthearted. There’s a lot of funny moments in the book like poor Swan who’s unable to catch a break as she winds up falling into all her cousin’s traps. Or Jenna mistaking a giant spaceship for two pyramids because she overslept and forgot her glasses. And there’s a running gag of Lina’s inventions always going haywire and turning evil, including the notable Project Shockwave. This book could make a really interesting sitcom!

Bumblebees and Lavender by Margie Shen Another poetry book, and it’s become one of my favorites! I’ve heard about Margie Shen for a while on social media but I was a bit hesitant to check her out at first. The last few popular poets I checked out were underwhelming, to put it nicely. I liked some of them but overall they were overhyped and the books were mediocre at best.

As for this one, I was throughly impressed. What I liked about this book is that the poems had substance. They’re not super short and simple - instead they’re complex and descriptive. My favorites were the ones that told a short story like Nutmeg Tea and The Beekeeper. There’s profound and thoughtful poems like Flora with Lavenders in Her Hair and Bittersweet Chocolates. I love A Touch of Honey, which made this book easily one of my favorites. I’m definitely going to look for more books by Margie Shen and keep an eye out for her next one, due out next year!

Seventeen and Counting by Eldred Emerson This is a ridiculous book and I love it! Sure some parts area bit too silly but it’s a wild ride from start to finish. There’s a movie adaptation that’s pretty faithful to the story and just as funny. It’s about this guy, his growing collection of cats, and their everyday misadventures. 

What I like the most is the names he gives his cats as he likes to go for the unusual. My favorite character is a black cat named Whiskercheeks, who goes by Whisk. His twin brother Wyn, short for Llewelyn, is considered the evil one and has the worst luck. Moneybags, aka Mon, is the baby of the family and causes a lot of mischief for the twins. There’s also Cotton Puffball, who’s always done with everything because everyone she knows is a mess. And there’s Rake Chewer, who likes to chew rakes and is a big klutz.

Overall it’s a really funny and cute book about a bunch of cats and their dorky owner.

[deepdarkwaters]

2016 WRITING YEAR REVIEW

@notbrogues tagged me!

Total Number of Stories Completed: 24 complete (although a bunch of these are just separate bits of the Bespoke universe), and 6 lingering WIPs.

Total Word Count: 133875, goddamn :O

Fandoms Written In: Code Name Verity - Elizabeth Wein Killers Kill; Dead Men Die - Annie Leibovitz Kingsman Night Watch - Sarah Waters RED The Carnival Is Over - The Seekers The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett Velvet Goldmine

Mostly Kingsman, the others were all for exchanges. I can only seem to focus on one main fandom at a time.

Looking Back, Did You Expect To Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected? Less... I had all these plans to write less fic and more original stuff fpr publishing but NOPE I am helpless in fandom's iron grip.

What's Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year? I'm very fond of Ballerino... I highly recommend writing the most self-indulgent swoony trash your heart wants, because it's the most fun ever AND I think when you're gleefully enthusiastic about something then other people have fun with it as well.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year? Bespoke, maybe...? I've been super passionate about OT3s before (received loads of Butch/Sundance/Etta treasure in fic exchanges, for example), but never really been invested on the writing side. It's a fascinating one to figure out.

But Smaychel is the best writing partner imaginable, so in that way it's not really a risk at all :-)

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year? F I N I S H   M Y   W I P S I am so sorry I am the worst. I was so adamant on getting everything complete by the end of the year but it just didn't happen. Too many pretty ideas, never enough time! WIPs are the priority. I've got a stack of original short stories and another novel to finish as well, but honestly I'm just having way too much fun with fanfic to prioritise them (and nobody reads original stuff anyway).

Best Story Of The Year? Is this a different question to Favourite Story?

Most Popular Story Of The Year? Ballerino is my most popular story ever in any fandom in about eighteen years of posting fic, so... thank you?!

Story of Mine Most Under-appreciated By The Universe, IMO: This fandom does appreciation like no other :-) There’s always going to be smaller ships like Roxy/Merlin that fewer people are interested in but that’s cool, you know going into it that there won’t be as many readers for that stuff as for Harry/Eggsy.

Most Fun Story To Write: Ballerino probably because it's just everything I love thrown at a page. Fight scenes!!! White tie formalwear!!! Undressing people in white tie formalwear!!! Ballet!!! Bottom Harry!!! Phone sex!!! Kingsman agents’ banter!!! Gross old stalker licking the sweat off his victim!!!

Story With The Single Sexiest Moment: Viewer Discretion Is Advised (aka the Bespoke fic where Harry and Eggsy finally get together while Merlin instructs) was an interesting one. I was trying to challenge myself to write something smokin hot without it being about dicks, and it turned out to be one of my favourite things I've ever written mainly for this scene:

"Pick a place," Merlin tells him, "anywhere you like, but don't touch him."

Through Harry's glasses feed, Merlin sees Eggsy's eyes moving and knows exactly what he's seeing: scars on golden skin; soft ridges of retrained muscle; the glorious way Harry flushes when he knows he's about to get what he wants. "Here?" Eggsy asks, soft and uncertain. Merlin watches the boy's shaking fingertips hover an inch or two above Harry's collarbone.

"Very good." Merlin hears a quick intake of breath at that, a shaky exhale, and drops his voice to a low murmur just to see what happens. "Good boy, Eggsy."

"Fuck," Eggsy mutters, "oh my god, fuck," and stares straight at Harry, at Merlin through Harry. "Okay, what now?"

"Nothing," Merlin tells him, and watches Eggsy's eyebrows flicker in confusion. "Pick another place."

"Here?" Eggsy checks, sliding a little way down the bed to kneel between Harry's sprawled legs, pointing at the place just above his navel.

"Good choice." Eggsy looks vaguely disappointed at that; must have been hoping for a word other than 'choice'. Tease, Harry finger-spells at Merlin. "But don't touch him."

The camera feed dips when Eggsy nods his head. Merlin watches his fingers trace the line of soft hair leading down to Harry's pyjama trousers, never actually making contact. Eggsy's got his lower lip caught between his teeth as though he's concentrating, hand moving lower and hovering a hair's breadth above where Harry's cock is heavy, half-hard, wearing the taut silk of his pyjamas like a second skin.

"Hands up, Eggsy. Harry, turn over for me."

He watches Harry move in quarter turns, first onto his side and then stretching out languidly on his front like a spoiled cat begging to be petted. Not too far away from the truth, really.

"Pick another place."

"Here," Eggsy says immediately, gesturing to the dimples at the bottom of Harry's spine. His whole hand rests there for a moment, a centimetre of space between his skin and Harry's, then he lifts his wrist and starts drawing gentle little swirling patterns in the air with one single fingertip. "Fuck, I know it's probably in my head but I swear I can feel how warm he is from here."

Harry makes a soft little stunned sound at that, pressing his face into the pillow. Merlin knows how much it costs him not to lurch up into this kind of almost-touch; the time he kept it up for the entire length of The Fellowship of the Ring, Harry naked and draped across his lap on the sofa, Harry was begging by Rivendell and outright sobbing by Lothlórien, and came crying when Merlin finally ran a fingertip down his spine at the credits.

"You're doing beautifully. Both of you.

"Fuck," Eggsy murmurs again, sounding fascinated by the writhe and twist of Harry's back as he slowly starts to lose his mind.

It's almost half an hour before Harry finally says please.

"Don't touch him," Merlin says softly. Eggsy hesitates with his fingertips drawing spirals in the air just above Harry's scapula, head tilted slightly to one side as though he's waiting for more. "You mustn't let him have anything the first time he asks for it. Give him an inch and he'll take a mile, goes the saying."

"Yeah, I got six inches I wanna give him," Eggsy says with his mouth right by Harry's ear, and Merlin downs his entire drink in one shaky swallow.

"What do you think about that, Harry?"

"Please." His voice is muffled in the pillow, screen dark where his glasses are pressed there, until Merlin tells him to turn his head and speak nicely. "Please," he says again, clearer but devastatingly quiet, imploring gaze fixed on Eggsy's eyes so Merlin can see the fluttery way he's blinking and the pretty pink flush in his cheeks.

"Stay still for me," he says, and Harry freezes, silent and barely seeming to breathe. "Eggsy – touch him. One fingertip, stroke him as gentle as you can. Watch what happens."

The glasses camera refocuses automatically when Eggsy leans in, filling the screen with Harry's upper back and shoulders – the glimmer of sweat, every pore and freckle, every scar from old gunshot wounds to the ghost marks of Merlin's favourite flogger. When Eggsy touches him, forefinger dragging a lingering line from the nape of Harry's neck to a spot between his shoulder blades, Merlin can see in perfect high definition the sudden thrilling rush of goosebumps bursting up and marring the beloved skin just below his damp hair.

"Oh," Eggsy says softly, inflected like he's just found god.

"That is why we say no to him."

Most Sweet Story: I suppose Harry babysitting Daisy and letting her draw tattoos on his arms in Sleeping Beauty?

"Holy Crap, That's Wrong, Even For You!" Story: I don't do wrong! Even the BDSM kinky pain shit is as fluffy as candyfloss. I usually quite like a bit of fucked up angst but it just doesn’t do it for me in this fandom, at least not when I’m writing. I just want everyone to be happy and kiss lots (and gangbang Harry until he’s done).

Making Harry a seven foot tall god with fuckin massive antlers and galaxies for eyes was a bit odd, maybe :P

Story That Shifted My Own Perceptions Of The Characters: This sort of demisexual voyeur Merlin in Bespoke was Smaychel's creation really. We just talked endlessly about these guys for weeks on end before they ever made it into any fic, and somehow he's become so comfortable for me to write even though we're nothing alike. I didn't realise until months into posting that most of the stuff I write for that series is Merlin POV.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: I don't know about unintentional, I'm pretty open about the extremely specific indulgent crap I love to write :P

Hardest Story To Write: I'm dragging my feet a bit on Echoes of Dreamland (the one about Harry and Merlin as posh schoolboys) because it's taking me closer to the Flame Keepers series being OVER and that makes me sad! My very first offering to this glorious fandom. Need to finish this, then there'll be a sequel to the Roxy/Merlin Little Sparks thing and a final small Harry & Merlin epilogue, then I think it's done. (Unless I actually give in to the temptation to finally write a Kingsman origins story with some of the Flame Keepers retired agents OCs, but not sure anybody wants to read basically original fic.)

Biggest Disappointment: MY WIP SHAME. Terrible.

Biggest Surprise: Every time someone says "so I really didn't like bottom Harry but fuck you for making me love it" my heart grows seven times bigger.

[galimatios]

t/a rambles 2

back on my bullshit part 2

lysander - Yesterday at 10:36 PM LSHDKA DSCREAMS AT U god where to i start ok well. basically its supposed to be like this coming of age new adult type thing extremely loosely based on the story of siddartha gautama which i didnt even like do on purpose i just realizes it was similar

but alex in this au goes by kreutzer (its his alias in lots of aus also his middle name) and he is the prince of a country called koel which basically occupies modern day mongolia and korea

the premise is that his mother the queen was assassinated and he is next in line for the throne but another assassination attempt is made on him during the ceremony and his personal servant rescues him in the nick of time

turns out the entire court was conspiring to overthrow the monarchy

so kreutzer is forced to abscond with his servant or the rebels will find and kill him the servant takes him to a traveling circus he has connections to, so he csn b safe and literally everyone in the circus is some kind of fugitive or criminal! which is fun bc at this point early on in the story kreutzer is extremely... black n white thinking.. judgmental... like javert from les mis bc when he was living at the palace he was extremely sheltered and overprotected by the queen who he loved dearly but the queen was also a tyrant he never had any knowledge of this bc his mother taught him that might makes right and that criminals are criminals and should be shown no mercy lest theyll bend every rule until it breaks so now hes living w a bunch of criminals and hes forced to come to terms not only w his inflexible world view but like... the fact that these people are people and not just dirty criminals

that life threw shit at them and they turned to crime to survive or otherwise wwre fucked over by circumstances and slowly he becomes like more aware of his own privilege and more understanding and also. he becomes aware of his mothers tyranny too that ones a tough pill to swallow for him bc likw i have it set in the book to where he turns himself in to save one of the circus performers he comes to think of as a little brother (this is a long and involved thing i can explain also) and the coup leaders torture him and present him in essentially kangaroo court and hold hearings against his mother where victims of the queens tyranny tell them what happened to them bc of her and force him to listen (: theres an underlying theme of what should one do when faced w oppression whether its being oppressed or being the oppressor i unintentionally made it super political which i swear wasnt my intention i just plugged my ocs in and oh lain is a shitty queen

shes not actually shitty but she was a tyrant and also fucking paranoid probably bc she lost a previous child to ... another... assassination attempt.. tbh thats also prob when the king died but she hated him so w/e theres two characters i accidentally made into like martin luther king vs malcom x skhfjshds i love them both sm god lydia is the matriarch of the circus troup and herself a performer- a water mage who dances

her sister is lilya who is a fire mage along with  alex's servant (alan/calisto) who is... hell bent  on revenge bc mages and magic users were basically persecuted to shit n back lydia is very pacifistic but maybe TOO passive while lilya is... shes action but she can be blinded by her own anger anyway fun side fact but alan was supposed to assassinate alex/kreu but the idiot falls in love w him as in all aus and fucking betrays everyone on his side for alexs sake bc loving alex is like the first thing hes ever felt strongly abt he just kinda went along w the training and the coup leaders plans to infiltrate the royal court he didnt really.. feel strongly abt it despite everything but he found a purpose and hes ... doing some shitty shit to ppl who trusted him LOL helping the prince escape instead of killing him like he was supposed to anyway alan dies bc obviously his side is fucking pissed at him and not well either the hearings and torture totally break alex but lilya who's overseeing the mock trial is like something... isnt right she thought she was waiting for the day shed be able to witness the royal bloodline dying forever but after reconvening w her sister and talking about how alex had been staying with her all this time (there is a huge argument) lilya thinks this guy is innocent. he cant be blamed for the wrongs of his mother and decides to rescue him its loaded bc i think lilya was actually responsible for lains death so heres your mothers killer rescuing you but also your mother killed her family indirectly and u cant do anything abt it alex! lysander - Yesterday at 11:00 PM at this point they go back to the circus and hide out of the country for a while until the rebellions govt starrs taking a turn for the worse it reminds me of like how communist revolutions were started bc the proletariat had legitimate issues with the upper class but then like they go to the extreme(edited) and start literally culling innocent middle class people thats basically what happens and that's... also not right! so alex gathers up his own force feels like its his responsibility to right the wrongs of his mother and he takes back the country w his own force but instead of reinstating the monarchy he puts the sisters in charge in a newly instated democracy or something basically moral of the story is that people arent perfect but everyone has a reason for doing what they do and i want to address that like that democracy will not be perfect either bc blah blah quote some old white guy "if all men were angels we wouldnt need govt" or something but its a step in the right direction rather honestly it was mostly supposed to be oc angst fest but it turned into political commentary over the yrs BUT i didnt touch on a few good side stories that happen before the novel god how does Alex even react to lilya fufk thats so fucking loaded shes your moms killer your mom was also a killer shes also lydias only family and youve grown close to lydia over the time youve spent at the circus she also rescued you but she still killed your mother who you still love so much how does he even. reconcile those feelings esp the part where his beloved mother was hated and also hurt so many people its so hard to accept that both those things arent mutuallt exclusive ofc its so easy to decide you hate someone and denounce them but i dont want to write abt that thats not interesting esp since my issue w everything these days is that people cant seem to reconcile ppls good and bad parts like theyre all only one or the other when the reality everyone is varying amounts of both holds my head lain isnt a good person but her reasons for being terrible... ultimately were borne from something VERY real and VERY understandable anyway this is: morally ambiguous ocs the novel

[architeuthid-blog]

Books That Have Made an Impact On Me

The Pale King: It’s strange to read a book by a dead man, I mean a book that wasn’t finished because the author died but which was published anyway. In the literary world this is taken as a matter of course; one expects posthumous publications from renowned authors. It’s pathological, and it was hard to shake the feeling when reading one of these artifacts that you’re looking at something unintended for your eyes, like you’ve wandered into a dressing room and stumbled upon a clown who hasn’t finished putting on his makeup. Then again, the novel ends with the same abruptness and feeling of ruined orgasm as Infinite Jest, so maybe the difference is academic for Wallace.

That’s not what made this an impact though. It’s a certain scene, in the chapter from the point of view of the slacker-stoner character, who’s wandered into the wrong classroom and ends up listening to a lecture from an accounting professor. It’s the way he describes, in his airy confessional, the teacher’s attitude, a self-possessed man, without any of the corny jokes he’s used to from the humanities department, an assurance that everything he is saying is true and necessary, no filler, no need for emotional connection, just pure knowledge, a Kantian understanding of the world and its phenomena.

This semester I’m teaching a world literature course in the science & engineering building. Every day I arrive a few minutes early to set things up, and every day the previous professor is still occupying the classroom, either still lecturing about mathematics or staying after to answer students’ questions about the material. Every moment is filled. It’s pedagogy at its most efficient and essential. I bet she never feels the need to justify what she’s doing; the importance of differential equations is self-evident, even if one has (probably) never moved anyone to tears.

I’m sure it’s not always the case. Some of my students do seem to care about the Epic of Gilgamesh; I’m actually surprised how many, this semester around. And everything is more complicated than it first appears. I know nothing of this other professor’s life, her dreams, whether or not she’s happy, whether or not such a question actually matters. But every time I’m up at the lectern and have to fill an awkward silence, every time I’ve run out of things to say about some classical Indian epic and then realize there’s still 20 minutes of class time left, every time I ask a question about the text and am met with a sea of blank stares, I can’t help but think about The Pale King and the way that layabout was inspired by an accounting lecture.

Have I ever inspired anyone?

2666: Ah, and we’re hopping right back into morbidity. Another book that was never finished due to the author’s sudden non-existence. This might actually be, unintentionally, my favorite genre of literature. Few will argue against Bolaño’s genius, and 2666 holds up even incomplete, even incomplete and in translation (for Natasha Wimmer, though less celebrated, is also a genius). Beyond general prose mastery, this book is also remarkable for being telepathic: About halfway through The Part About the Crimes, I was sitting in a coffeeshop, thinking to myself, “Wow, all this violence is really starting to become a chore to get through, I wish something else would happen for a change,” and lo and behold, on the next page, the book suddenly lapsed into a bizarre, extended parody of One Hundred Years of Solitude. I have to respect that.

Bolaño has also been one of the largest influences on my writing style, mainly because I decided to write a story that imitated his prose, and, it turns out, imitation is not just the sincerest form of flattery, but also the best way to learn from someone. I swear less in my writing though. I’ve been uncomfortable with swearing, I don’t know why.

The Story of My Teeth: The first book on the list that isn’t a doorstopper and whose writer didn’t die before finishing it. Wow! Also the first book on the list written by a woman. Double wow!! Actually, I’m not quite sure what impact this book made on me, but it was a good one. It certainly made me fall in love with Luiselli’s writing. Her prose is just the kind of weird and humorous that I adore. (I was originally going to write “She’s just the kind of weird and humorous that I adore,” but I’ve never met her in real life, and so cannot make that kind of qualitative judgement. I was going to meet her, back in 2015, at a conference in Tucson, but I miscalculated when booking my flight and hotel, and so had to leave a day early. On top of that my flight was on Halloween, so I also missed out on one of my favorite holidays. I wouldn’t say that I was inconsolable, but I was certainly in an ill mood for a while.)

I’d talk about how Luiselli is like a reincarnation of Scheherazade, a master of the art of the story-within-a-story, but this isn’t LitHub, and the onanism I’m engaging in here is a different animal altogether.

(Even though I’ve written for LitHub before, I kind of despise them, for reasons that don’t quite add up. I think mainly they seem like yet another vanguard of the fake-woke brigade, and I can’t stand people who seem like nothing more than the masks they wear. Ooh, what to do, you’re being problematic again. And you just used “seem like” twice in quick succession. That’s shoddy craftsmanship.)

Not One Day: I actually just finished this book a few days ago. Actually, it hasn’t even been officially released yet (tee hee, I have an advance copy, well that’s less titillating that you might think). The conceit of the book is that the author, Anne Garréta (a member of the Oulipo, nonetheless!), has decided to spend five hours every day writing about different women she has desired over the course of her life. So it’s a confessional novel, but Garréta is very self-conscious about the fact that she’s writing a confessional novel, she knows how the sordid game is played. I, too, often feel self-conscious about the things I do, like I’m always late to the party. Fortunately, Garréta knows how to innovate. And not all her tales are erotic adventures; actually, very few are. One is about a little girl who develops a fascination with her. Another chapter centers around her learning that someone has a crush on her, but she never figures out who.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. I like the style. I’m narcissistic enough that I may steal it for something (just like I’m stealing this from someone--but I’m getting ahead of myself).

The Elephant Vanishes: This was gateway drug into the world of Murakami. Short stories are easier to digest than full novels; there are natural starting and stopping points, along with the sly exhortation that you can walk away at any time if you’re feeling unsatisfied. Of course, I was reading the book for an undergrad course, so that wasn’t really an option for The Elephant Vanishes, but then again I never felt the need to take advantage of that particular safety cord.

(The course was called “The Poet In Asia” and was a general survey of Asian literature, more or less. We also read Rumi, Li Bo, Du Fu, Matsuo Bashō,   etc.)

Actually, there’s not much else to say about this one. I guess it also introduced me to post-modern literature, literature that maybe went beyond the mainstays of plot, characterization, and so on. Does that mean anything? Plenty of writers today would say no, that post-modernism is just privileged navel-gazing. But I do gaze at my navel a lot; it collects a worrying amount of lint over the course of the day.

Notes From Underground: Another required reading from my undergraduate years, twice: first in a mandatory “Narratives of the Self” class, then later in an elective course on Russian literature (Anna Karenina would have also made this list, but, I mean, c’mon). My major, incidentally, was philosophy. All of this is just tangentially related.

Notes From Underground taught me an important life lesson, one I didn’t even realize I needed until I had it. Oh wow, I hate myself a little bit more for writing that. I don’t even want to tell you what it is now.

Okay, I’ll give you a hint.

I saw some of myself in the Underground Man, and correctly understood that to be a bad thing.

Pale Fire: Did this book actually make an impact on me? Thinking about it, I’m not really sure. Formally it does something I think is cool. Moving on.

Minor Angels: The first Volodine novel I read. Of course that carries significance. It certainly delivered on its promise of its effect hiding not in the text itself but within the reader’s dreams. After finishing Minor Angels I woke up locked outside my apartment, around midnight, in January, barefoot in the snow, braving my way over slippery ice and pointy rock salt to reach the emergency phone. I need to stop talking about this event, or at least stop pretending that it somehow makes me interesting. This isn’t even the post-exotic novel that made the biggest impact on me. That honor would belong to. . .

We Monks & Soldiers: Everything comes around in great circles. Or small circles. Fuck, I don’t know. Everything is at least repeated here, and by here I mean in We Monks & Circles, er Soldiers. I like how we see the narrative twice, with slight variations the second time. It’s a genuine post-exotic form, the Shaggå, a series of seven sequences, repeated, and interspersed with commentary, impenetrable to the outside reader, any of which could be the enemy of post-exoticism.

Yes, this is hell of pretentious. No, I don’t care. Shut up. I hate you. I’m going to kill you. Oh noble son or daughter, you who are reading this, you shall die by my hands. Think on the Clear Light, though you will not reach it. You are doomed the wander the Bardo for forty-nine days until you are reborn into another miserable existence.

Also, the scene with the spider-girl in the burning hotel is pitch-perfect.

The Soul of an Octopus: This book made me jealous more than anything. Here Sy Montgomery is, going backstage to prestigious aquariums across America, getting to meet firsthand the octopuses in their care (not to mention a rather handsome-sounding marine biologist), and then she goes and writes a best-selling, award-winning book about the experience! Whenever I go to an aquarium, the octopus isn’t on display. Or they’re hiding. I can’t blame them for hiding, I’d be shy too if I were on display like that, but the former just seems like rotten luck. I was so looking forward to seeing the Enteroctopus dofleini at the New England Aquarium two Decembers ago, and her handlers had spirited her away that inauspicious winter day for some well-deserved r&r. At least I got a t-shirt.

I have gone to the following aquariums:

~Georgia Aquarium (Atlanta) ~Tennessee Aquarium (Chattanooga) ~New England Aquarium (Boston) ~Mystic Aquarium (Mystic) ~Tybee Island Marine Science Center (Tybee Island) ~South Carolina Aquarium (Charleston) ~Aquarium of the Bay (San Francisco) ~Shedd Aquarium (Chicago) ~National Museum of Play (Rochester) ~Aquarium (Endless Ocean: Blue World)

Our Lady of the Flowers, Echoic: It’s not the book itself that made an impact on me here, but rather its translation, by Chris Tysh. She takes Genet’s Notre dame des fleurs, a prose text, and transforms it, in her interpretation, into a poem. The effect is striking and opened the door to a vast array of translatory possibilities. Things were no longer one-for-one (nor had they ever been, but before this, it was merely an academic matter, shadows on a distant wall).

Granted, I’ve never translated a prose text into a poem, but then again, I’m not a poet. Poets have an easier time going crazy with translations, I think. The older generations didn’t even bother learning the source language. That’s probably taking things too far. But if Quine is right, then it doesn’t matter either way, I guess. Is Quine right? Who the hell would have a special word for “rabbitness instantiated”?

Autobiography of Red: Another book of poetry, another liberal interpretation of an earlier work. Turning and turning in the widening gyre, etc.

I’ll come out and say it: This book made me cry. I straight up teared up. I bet it made other people cry too. If you say you read Autobiography of Red and didn’t cry, I’m going to assume that you’re lying. Or that your literary sensibilities are far more refined than mine. Probably that second one. (Putting aside the fact that it’s hard to get more refined than Anne Carson, but rationality rarely enters my autoevaluative equations.)

Why did I cry? For all the normal reasons. Even when we identify with them, tragic characters will always be way cooler than we could ever dream of ourselves.

In the House upon the Dirt between the Lake and the Woods: I’m including this book here specifically because it did not impact me the way I thought it would. While reading it, I often felt tired, like I was running a surrealist marathon (especially once the narrator stopped transforming into a cephalopod). I can’t begrudge Matt Bell’s style; he does some interesting things with his prose. I get the feeling that he’s an ace when it comes to unreliable narrators. But things have to come to a close at some point, and so many times I thought I was finally reaching some sort of conclusion, only to discover that, nope!, we were just going a layer deeper, into the house, or the protagonist’s psyche, or the married couple’s past. So, even though this book was kind of a let-down, I still talk about it, because every condition contains the seeds of its opposite nature, and I’ve read Hegel too, Sam. Maybe Cataclysm Baby is better.

The Pillow Book: I would be remiss if I didn’t mention to book to which I am indebted for the form in which I wrote this whole shindig. I admire the way Sei Shōnagon writes about whatever seems to capture her fancy at any given moment. It’s incredibly intimate (and with reason: we’re essentially reading her diary. Why do people think it’s okay to publish others’ private writings? What would Anne Frank say if she knew her personal thoughts during a time of great trauma were now required reading for middle school students?). Her poetry is beautiful, yes, but it’s the lists that get me. They’re just lists of things, a show about nothing. But they convey so much about her, about her compatriots, about courtly life in Heian Japan. Last semester my students weren’t huge fans of this text; they preferred the Tale of Genji. They found the Pillow Book “too hard to follow.” I think maybe they just didn’t like how long the selection in the anthology was. But then again, judging by their research papers, many of them had no problem reading the New Testament Gospels (even if they had no idea how to write about said Gospels--it turns out, coming as a surprise to no one, that devout undergrounds have no fucking clue how to do Biblical exegesis). So here I am, taking up the one-woman literary tradition of a courtier who lived over a thousand years ago, for no reason in particular beyond a habitual shrug and a muttered “just because I felt like it.”

A Google search reveals that TV Tropes has an article on the Pillow Book. According to the anonymous author or authors of the page, Sei is an example of the “Alpha Bitch” trope. So, that’s enough of that web adventure.

Post-Scriptum: Reading over what I’ve written so far, it would be tempting to ask (like the rote commentator of any list on the internet), “Are these really the only books that have impacted you? What about The Dew Breaker? What about If on a winter’s night a traveler? What about Horror Recognition Guide?” That’s all well and good; plenty of other books have certainly stirred something inside me. The practical answer is one of laziness: I’ve written what I felt like writing about, and now I’m done. Or maybe, if I didn’t mention some book, then I didn’t inspire me as much as you might think it did. Or, I only wanted to include one book by any given author (with one obvious, but pre-eminent, exception).

Incidentally this entire exercise also borrows heavily from not just the Pillow Book but also Not One Day: Anne Garréta ends her confessional narrative with a P-S that’s essentially an apology and a shrug. Which is what I’m doing here, explicitly so.  

Okay, I think I’m done.