#Exposing my tastes for people to judge XD

[desultory-novice]

!! Sempai noticed me. Suddenly, hundreds of strangers have been exposed to MY art and my overwhelming feelings are, "I really should have spent some extra minutes on cleaning up the flat colors and adding more line weight" and "What if some of those strangers follow me home only to find out the majority of my recent output has been for my edgy, pretty-boy-ification of a retro Kirby last boss?!"

...Though that last one isn't that different from Montauban-chan XD

[hamelin-born]

@missn11 said:

As for changing how they all met, I do like the idea of them all meeting together in Shanghai during the early 1940s, Nines would still be human of course since he was embraced in 1949 and he could have served in WW2. But I love the three of them meeting in a nightclub that played jazz music and LaCroix and Ming Xiao being taken by this rough, no-nonsense human who doesn’t know at first that he is being courted by two very attractive supernatural beings! XD

Oh. I just - I just really, really adore this idea? Because just. Think of the sheer potential of everything. And I’m sorry, it just set up shop in my head and hijacked my thought processes because I love this idea. 

Just. Just. Just Nines - mortal and entirely ignorant of what lurks in the night. Nines, who may or may not have been drafted into the military, who has never left the States before, who is a stranger in a strange land. Who’s been exposed to the sheer grinding hell that is war, but who is still him - fiercely loyal to his ideals, doing his best to take care of others, of his people. 

Jazz - may or may not be his thing, not exactly. But it’s a taste of home, no matter how remote. 

And - what would LaCroix be doing there, I wonder? Furthering his own business assets? On business for the Camarilla, running surveillance on the Kuei-Jin threat? Part of some of the first cautious attempts to see if the Kindred could take Shanghai? Hm - according to the wiki, the Cainites and Kuei-Jin fought for control over Shanghai during WWII... Does Ming Xiao own the club? Actually no, I don’t think she would - does Lacroix? Or perhaps it’s more neutral ground...

And just. 

Just, then meeting. And these two monsters - one old, very old indeed, and one somewhat younger. 

Just. Being charmed by this mortal, who does not know what they are. Who only judges them by who they are. Who would not hesitate to tell them the truth to their faces, and that is - such a rare thing among the Damned. When Nines points out flaws -  in them? In the system? - they know he’s genuine. And when he says he likes them - they know that he’s sincere. 

But why would Nines like them? ...well, they both are very attractive people, there’s no denying it - and it’s war. There’s no guarantee that he will survive whatever comes next, so why not? Why not accept what they’re offering? And - once he falls into something physical with them, he might start noticing other, non-sex-related things about them that he kinda likes...

...and oh goodness, if Nines is mortal - LaCroix would be able to feed from him without having to worry about negative repercussions. Just. Picture mortal!Nines, LaCroix’ fangs in his throat, lost in the bliss of the Kiss...

And. You said ‘who doesn’t know at first that he is being courted by two very attractive supernatural beings!’ - which implies that Nines finds out. Oh goodness, that has some fun implications. 

Does something attack Nines, thinking to target the mortal toy/potential ghoul of a not-insignificant Ventrue and/or Kuei-Jin? Does Nines have to get rescued by one or both of them, watching as his lover(s) display supernatural capabilities? Or does something else happen, because there are so many scenarios...

And - they may care about Nines (not that they quite realize this, or let themselves acknowledge it.) But this is the Masquerade. 

There are - options. If they wanted to keep Nines. I know a lot more about Kindred capabilities then those of the Kuei-Jin - LaCroix has Dominate. He could make Nines forget. Or he could offer to ghoul his lover, maybe with the eventual goal of the Embrace should Nines prove himself worthy - 

Except I think Nines would refuse. Flat-out. That - isn’t what he wants. That isn’t him. And - how rare is it, for someone to have that option laid down before them, of power and immortality and to have it refused?

(Such a terrible irony.)

So, perhaps, a last night. With LaCroix and Ming Xiao not bothering to hide what they are or their capabilities (and yes, Nines finds it *hot*) before LaCroix stares him in the eye and orders him to forget. 

(And maybe LaCroix has the tiny, wish-driven, completely unrealistic hope in his head of tracking down Nines, tracking down Armando Rodriguez, when he returns to the States. Maybe he can make the offer again, maybe Nines would accept...)

Except he doesn’t. Not before Nines is Embraced by a random Brujah who never even gives him a name. He never even sees his Sire’s face. 

But when the fangs slide home, something in Nines’ head cracks as the Dominate shatters and he knows, he remembers...

This Nines might be. Slightly better prepared to face the Night. LaCroix and Ming Xiao hadn’t told him much, but he had been as fascinated as any person who just learned that the supernatural was real. He knows to avoid fire and sunlight, he knows about the blood bond, maybe even a little bit about the structure of the Camarilla and the fact that there are differing ‘clans’ of vampires. 

...maybe he tries to find LaCroix. 

Or maybe, years later, he meets his old lovers again, one after the other. And each of them has to adjust to their long-ago mortal fling being alive. (Oh, you know what I mean.)

[saizoswifey]

Omg Kris, I’ve been following your tweets too and Jinpachi jinpachi jinpachi... my man, everyone’s man... he’s too good... 😭😭 we luv and we stan Would you be willing to spoil some loving moments between jinpachi and mc in his route?? Like your fav moments or maybe how many times they kiss OMO and what situation it happens in XD My heart hurts after the angst TT I want to read him asap but we gon have to wait so long TT

I would happily be willing to spoil a bit for anyone who enjoys spoilers and would like some more! Especially my favorite moments!! Will place under a cut and tag appropriately. 

Loving moments! There were a lot! Right from the beginning, she likes him. Because for the first time in the game she is in an actually harsh situation where not only is she tasting for poison but they really force her to train and do manual labor? And her entire body is wrecked and she’s exhausted and battered from having to literally train with random men and also sneak out at night to bathe in this abandoned storeroom. 

Jinpachi “happens” upon her in there and of course, she is worried he’ll expose her but instead, he supports her, doesn’t judge her, and leaves for a bit (1. to deal with a couple that's out to sneaky bang in the storeroom they're hiding in and 2. to sneak some food from the kitchen for her) and he gives her mame daifuku (his favorite) and she cries while eating them and he consoles her a bit. I loved this moment because normally its MC that feeds people when they’re down and encourages them to keep eating but in this case, it was Jinpachi that did that for MC. 

They make out three times in the route! 

The first time is after wounded Jinpachi faints. She takes him back to his room and looks over him and ends up falling asleep at his bedside. When she wakes up he’s awake and watching her, then he immediately grabs her and pulls her on top of him and starts kissing her fiercely. 

Second time is in her room. She serves him mame daifuku and the powder gets on his clothing so she goes to brush off his pants and he grabs her and starts to make out with her so hard they knock shit off the coffee table lol. 

Third time is when they do it heuheu. 

Another moment I really loved in the route is when we find out that every time Jinpachi is out and happens across omamori (”Japanese amulets commonly sold at Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples, dedicated to particular Shinto kami as well as Buddhist figures, and are said to provide various forms of luck or protection.”) he actually picks them up and gives them to Nobuyuki. So Nobuyuki has a pile of these LOL. And after Jinpachi rejects MC’s love confession and returns the pouch she had given him, later she looks inside and finds he had placed a protection omamori in there for her (IM SO SOFT OVER THIS). 

My probably top favorite moment is when MC was going back home to Kyoto on this farmers cart. Jinpachi had run as fast as he could to meet her and stop her and the cart driver scolded Jinpachi for appearing out in the road and said Jinpachi was such a big man he’d wreck the cart if they crashed LOL. And then he tells MC to come back to Ueda, and she notices he’s sweating and says that even during trainings etc she has NEVER seen him break a sweat before. She refuses to go back and says she already made up her mind, she’s going home, and tells the driver to just take off and ignore Jinpachi. So he does, but then they don’t move and she realizes Jinpachi has GRABBED THE CART and is keeping them from leaving by his sheer strength LOL!!!! 

This whole route is just so so good!! I can’t wait for it to come to English! 

[misszura]

Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

Name and link some of your favorite works, please!

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

(lmao sorry I accidentally unfollowed trying to get to the ask button)

OMG, it's 2am here, and I just received this notification, so instead of watching the celling, trying to find sleep, I'll answer your questions !

(I love asking ! Thank you so much ! )

Others social medias that's it ? I have plenty of them. You can find me on twitter (@ CrazyZura) but it's mostly in french (speaking English in front of a buch of french people is hard y'know ?) I have Instagram, but it's not really interesting (except if watching me make paper boats and leave them at my university is interesting) I think it's resophinement (I'll check before posting) I also have wattpad, but as before it's in french (feel free to have a look on my unfinished works (no It there)) still CrazyZura, but I have a second account where I project to post the fanfiction I'm currently writing ! (I'm almost done ! ) Oh and I have a tik tok account ! I draw a lot, and there is some IT content there certainly CrazyZura (as @ but I think my username us wawawa, because I used to cosplay a gebderbend Wario) (don't ask he is underrated XD)

I never changed my username on those platforms, because I'm kinda a newbe on Internet, i mean, I'm here from 2015 for most of them, before I was on... YouTube i think, and Facebook. I used to have a blog, and my username was something like sosodu44 (my name + from my department) (and I'm on Tumblr for 2/3 months, I still don't know how it works)

(please tell me i understood well the question, sorry if not, I still learning foreign languages)

I'm also a newbe on the IT fandom since I watched them (2017 and 2019 version) during the lockdown, and the 1990 miniseries not long after. I'm still looking for the book, but I can't find any book shop open (and I won't buy it with Amazon.) You laugh at me if I say that I saw those movies while watching the whole Finn Wolfhard filmography ? Because it's thanks to that I'm in the fandom

My favourite characters are Stan, Richie and Patrick, and my favourite ships are probably Stozier (don't hit me please) patrick X Richie, henpat and obviously Reddie (I mean, I think everyone in the fandom like Reddie, right ?) Why ? I kin (it's the term ? Let's say it's the term) Richie and Stan (more Richie, he is my Confort character ) and Patrick, because I have a thing with unsaine bad Guys, my family always make jokes about it. (I can't help, plus the fact that he is pictured by Owen teague improve my love for him) (funfact : patrick is my Confort drawing, when I don't know what draw, it end up by Patrick) (sometimes Vic comes, because i like his character a lot too)

I love this question, because it makes me feel like I'm really a part of something even if I don't do a lot. As said before I draw Patrick a lot, not only, I draw it characters a lot (I need to find where I put my last Bill drawing ) I also have a fanfiction, but I won't post it until it's finished, because I fear to not end it, and I don't want the pressure of people asking "when is the next chapter" (if people ask that) and I'm kinda anxious that if I start post it before I finish it, I'll never finish it... (But soon ! Like before July if I work hard !). And obviously I reblog memes, I share fanarts, cosplays, tik tok, videos, and fanfiction.

Ok so this is the "sophie is going to simp over everyone" time ! Fanfictions writers who inspires me are @ fuji09 (I didn't notify them on purpose, I have to stop bothering them) they're fanfictions are really cool, and there for every tastes, I wish I could have a writing skill as good as them. There is also my friend shayla_mitchel (on Wattpad) she writes a lot about Patrick and she Helps me a lot with my work (plus she is the one who correct the English version, since my translations aren't always the best) (by that I mean : it's sometimes, when the moon is in good therms with Neptune, good enough) (in my language it's fun. I swear) there are those Cosplayers on tik tok, mostly fezilius and Synthestron, moonshine4snails, tarondactyl and aphelion (they're cosplaying with their friends, if you have time watch they're works, even if they don't do only It contents, they're really good Cosplayers that I love) (i just noticed I've mentioned only male/nb Cosplayers, so I add cospla.natro (on Instagram and tik tok) and Ligeia.cosplay (on Instagram and tik tok too) and there is also the reddie videos of kmcarras (on Instagram)

I still don't know how to put links in her (I'll try to figure out while answering) the leach series of Fuji09 (mentioned above) on AO3. A fic called When you say my name by YoungDumbandFullofHeadcanons on AO3 (really a jewelry, but a lot of tw, mostly of transphobia, be careful and take care) and a hard one called "a lot of marshmallow" by MeganRosenberg on AO3 (apparently) kinda hard because it's a violent one. There was others like Above and bellows (I think) i can't find it back to mention, I think the author deleted it.

I'm really proud of the fonction I'm currently writing, even if it's a fiction with an OC and I'm a little ashamed of that(because people judge that a lot). (As said before not posted yet) and my tik toks about Richie and patrick (the two last I've posted.

It's now 3am, and I haven't finished, my phone Will probably get out of power before the end XD (like this I'll see if Tumblr have some automatics saves)

I wish I would, but no... One day, may be if the occasion comes to me :)

I don't really know, I wish we had more content (in french for exemple ! ) But I think the fandom is kinda cool (when we forget all the ship wars and all dramas like this)

I hope I've answered well enough, I'll probably regret doing this that late tomorrow, because I probably forget a lot of things (did i mentioned that i made some It incorrects ? I don't think so) keep asking me things I'm totally open for this (idk if annon are on)

On this, I wish you a good night, or day, or whenever you are and I'm going to keep watching my celling !

Good night 🍈🍈🍈

[courtesan-of-garage]

hey guys, look, somehow last night I became famous XD

sad thing is that I have become famous as paedophile and twincest supporter, thanks to people that ‘didn’t want to cause drama’, that’s why they posted everything on tumblr, tagged us, and put in their post some screenshots that were simply taken out of context and present them as 'good people’ here.

Let’s get one thing straight - me and NONE OF my friends ARE. NOT. SUPPORTING. PAEDOPHILIA. AND. TWINCEST.

@storiesofsass has already sum up whole situation, but there’s one thing that hurts me most. Okay, two maybe.

First - how easily you can manipulate people here. It’s like, they see something and they already believe it. No criticism, no thinking 'hey… but what if that screenshots are taken out of nowhere? what if there’s more, but I simply don’t have access to it? oh, maybe I will hear the other side of conflict and then I will judge myself’. I would love someone to post 'raw’ pics of how that conversation was going, from the very beginning to the very end, with no cutting and editing. I’m really curious if your opinion would be still the same.

Second - I’m terrified with people’s lust for destruction. As @storiesofsass said in her post, we tried to finish that fight over some imaginary problem, everyone agreed that tastes in man are individual matter and everyone has their own opinion. We also all agreed, that teen’s pregnancy is fragile subject and shouldn’t be theme for a game, but if somehow, somewhere game like this exists/will be created - that subject should be treated with care. We tried to drop that subject, reminding people that we are on discord for fun. But some people didn’t wanted to accept this.

They started to dig in one person profile, probably not only hers, trying to find anything that’s shameful and will make us look bad. Now tell me - is opinion 'male/female Atlas (pixelated man in mobile app) is really handsome!’ a crime? Is this something we should put people in jails for? Does 'wanting him as a LI’ means that someone wants to romance with him as MC? Let me answer you: no. All that means is that girl finds Atlas attractive and wants him to be LI, for other characters, for example. She wants to romance him, but GOD DAMN, NOT WHILE BEING MC.

Digging in our profiles was one thing. Inviting friends to our channel to ruin it was second. In 5 minutes, we had at least 4 new users. All of them started to spam, made it impossible to have normal conversation again, still talking about that drama, even though no one there was interested in fighting anymore. We asked them to stop, at least 2 or 3 times. It was like talking to the wall. They were joking about us, insulting us, reacting to every message with hate.

We simply created new channel, because we had enough. And that’s how our main channel, our little community where we all tried to treat each other with respect, where many people came and had faith that they found a place where they can be themselves and share their opinions, was destroyed. Thank you, dear mutuals, for it! You should be proud!

What happened next, after publishing that 'eXpOSIng DarK trUtH abOuT DisCoRD’ post - you can see yourself. I have only one last wish - If you believed in every word and if you started to publish some 'IF YOU SUPPORT PAEDOPHILIA AND TWINCEST UNFOLLOW ME RIGHT NOW’, if you started sending anonymous hate to my friends - please, unfollow me right now. And learn to use your own brain and making your own judgement. Life is easier then. You will thank me one day.

Last words - one guy once told me, that destroying is easy and takes only seconds, while creating and making something is hard work. Instead of causing drama and tearing that fandom apart, try maybe to develop some respect for other people and their opinions. Learn how to share your point of view with head. You don't need to agree with everything, but you need to tolerate that there are other people with different opinions. What you showed yesterday on discord and then continued on a tumblr - you were behaving worse than monkeys in the zoo.

[allbeendonebefore]

What are your headcanons for British Columbia?

ok so disclaimer here is that i’m a fake british columbian even though i kind of sort of live there, i live on the island and the majority of my bc friends are from the coast and not the interior so most of what i can say about the interior is ‘i have driven through it a lot’ but i’ll do my best.

- on that subject bc is like… layers of depth that most people don’t see. lots of people just brush her off as a flaky ditz who is never paying attention to the rest of the country but i seriously feel she’s got a lot of Depth and a lot of spiky barbed inner monologues. She’s really geographically and emotionally impenetrable and doesn’t really let you in on what she is thinking or will do something unpredictable.

- like i don’t think people really get how contradictory bc is? its a climate of extremes that has a reputation for being mellow, its a place that is “liberal” where the Liberals are in reality worse than the alberta pcs (LOL WHAT AN ELECTION I TELL YOU), it’s a place that’s one of the resource-richest provinces in the country that makes it impossible for its own citizens to afford… etc. I think a lot about things like this when I think about how her personality works- she’s not necessarily finicky, she’s layered.

- bc has a reputation for being different than the rest of canada and its absolutely true. like as the second most western province we still tend to think of ab/sk and maybe mb depending on our mood as ‘western canada’ and bc as ‘and bc’. She’s the sort of person who Always goes her own way and makes her decisions on her own, she’s more outward looking than the others for sure.

- worst driver. Hands down. Terrible. everyone blames AB for it but it’s her, the only thing ralphie is worse at is parking. 

- if she can’t see the mountains she feels naked and exposed and can’t stay too far out of sight of the mountains or she goes Nuts

- she probably lives in a relatively modern and expensive house- everything is immaculate, she has a lot of interesting artefacts and souvenirs around her house, her garden is manicured and perfect and everything smells like cedar but it also gives you the distinct impression that no one actually lives there. Looks more like a gallery because she’s trying to support local (esp indigenous) artists. no basement. cute car port and shed rather than a garage.

- she finds emotional attachments really Difficult. like it’s just genuinely hard to tell whether she likes you or not because she can be kind of backhanded or condescending even when she’s expressing genuine fondness. She makes a huge deal about being a romantic place but doesn’t really fall for anyone easily, either she gets bored or she doesn’t want to lose a friendship or w/e

- like for someone who makes a big deal about being compassionate for animals and nature she really doesn’t feel that much compassion for people- or rather, when she does it’s not easy for her to express to them

- There’s an ongoing joke that BC stands for “Bring Cash” and its absolutely true. If you want a chance with her/to impress her you have to spend like you mean it. Its not that she’s high mainten- yes she is definitely high maintenance

- Makes a big deal out of being interesting and fun but when she’s at home alone she just sits around in her underwear under a huge pile of blankets/a snuggie and watches the Beachcombers. possibly while high.

- ‘is this matcha’ ‘does it have matcha in it’ [pouring sugar in her tea] ‘matcha is like… sooo good for you… i don’t even [pouring milk and honey in her tea] like this is just so refreshing you know [more sugar]

- you know that scene in scott pilgrim where ramona reads out her entire tea cupboard to him and some of them sound made up, that’s bc. come to think of it she really is a manic pixie dream girl but one who is merciless and apathetic and could probably easily wreck you

- tea snob, the sort of person who is like ‘coffee is like so bad for you it stresses you out man’ but also a coffee snob who can’t wake up in the morning without it so its a lose-lose situation for you

- definitely volunteered with greenpeace in the 70s lol

- ‘ya i live in vancouver’ - actually lives in like PoCoMo or whatever

- once called the spoiled child of confederation and she hasn’t let that go, she probably has it embossed on a trophy somewhere in her giant collection of trophies that she has on display in the fame gua of her perfect feng shui living room

- she only makes a big deal out of ‘canadian’ things when it makes her money, she actually feels very cut off from the rest of the country but will Always appear immediately when there is a competition of any kind because she’s The Best.

- grew up extremely fast. in my mind she represents ‘ (lower) mainland bc’ while the island i represent with victoria as shorthand- they had to move in together to save money and both of them really dragged their feet about it. She’s still kind of wary about the island ditching for independence again but doesn’t REALLY take it seriously. Is the youngest of the provinces but does her best not to act like it.

- actually super confrontational like she will be doing yoga on a rock as the tide is coming in and be One With The Universe and you could be walking past her and say ‘actually vancouver’s kind of overrated’ and she will dive in the ocean and rise out of the water covered in sea onions and seaweed and barnacles like a horror movie and be like “wHaT dId YoU SaY AbOuT mE!”

- exactly the sort of person to get a tattoo in another language that vaguely is correct but actually grammatically Off like… you grow up with people like Amor de Cosmos and this is what you get

- not actually gluten or lactose intolerant, just likes being morally superior (’and like… almond milk just tastes better yknow more wholesome’)

- that person who always ends up with people mooching off her or crashing at her place- she doesn’t actually mind too much, she’s just frustrated that people only seem to come bother her when it’s convenient for them. But she doesn’t like to admit when she’s feeling lonely so i mean… xD

- also really into ghosts and spooky things. she goes along with bert/yk to hunt sasquatsch and externally rolls her eyes the whole time but tbh she has honestly seen sasquatsch like 10 times and has all the blurry photos to prove it. Same with ogopogo. 

- goes into woowoo new age stores and spends hours looking at tarot decks and crystals and incense. judges you based on your astrological signs.

- has proposed moving in with kate like 3 times but gets rejected every time lmao

- firm believer that tea solves everything. emotionally compromised? hot leaf juice. emotionally compromised during summer? cold leaf juice. eat an entire fruit. eat ten fruits. decorate with kale. eat the decorative kale. got herbs? make rosemary tea. stain all your dishes yellow and make turmeric tea. literally down an entire jar of capers, idgaf. 

- she likes to make her backpack as heavy as she can, blast her own music so everyone can hear it, then schlep it all up a mountain. set everything down and turn it off, sit high up and alone with her little hibachi grill and eat salmon, watch the ravens. paint something on a giant leaf. smoke a joint. look at the ocean. whatever. 

- i think exercise is her replacement for emotionally connecting with people. she rides her bike white knuckled through the rain up a hill and loses feeling in her fingers and zooms back down. Pushes herself to adrenaline rush, always trying to get better, better. 

- i say a lot about her not really connecting with people but at the same time shes the sort of person that… when you’re in crisis mode and you’re under a literal or a figurative avalanche, she will spot you, grab you and pull you straight up out of it with one arm by the scruff of your neck. She’s actually really generous at heart but has just become kind of closed off after being taken advantage of too many times. Will take you home and dry you off and make a big meal for you and wait for you to tell her what’s wrong.

- I don’t know if she actually owns a boat-boat, but definitely kayaks a lot. long boards. surfs.  

- hates BC ferries with an unholy passion, like… that’s a way to trigger a rant right there

- slaps I

- her low tolerance for cold is exaggerated. her high tolerance for cold + wet should be Feared. 

- has her hidden rednecky side. makes a big deal out of being vegan and w/e but does go hunting and dirt biking once in a while, knows her way around a stick shift etc. Dunno if she really drives that much - probably has invested in electric cars before but kind of dissatisfied with how much she can actually do with them re: steep hills, roadtrips, etc. 

- has had to deal with a lot of paranoia, racism, etc in the past that she struggles to reconcile. really learning to take pride in herself again, i think she’s chinese/british, yeah but there’s also some first nations heritage too that factors into her mixed identity. 

- in official positions she might skip french and go straight to mandarin/canto if the job is bilingual, not that she doesnt like french she just Forgets xD. 

i feel like i’ve been talking all day so i’ll stop there but feel free to ask for elaboration or something i guess

[japanessie]

Random playlist tag

I was tagged by @chibliss​ to do this. Made me curious how my own list would turn out.

Rules: Put your music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs that come on, then tag 20 other people to do it.

This is only some of the stuff in my tiny Sony MP3 player and not representative of my entire music collection of course. Many of my readers may not know Queensryche and The Moody Blues. Queensryche is my favourite progressive metal band from the 80s and The Moody Blues is the band that gave us the classic ballad Nights In White Satin. A bit bummed that my all-time favourite band Heart didn’t appear.

1. Be the One - nano 2. Ready Steady Go - L'Arc en Ciel 3. Real World - Queensryche 4. 花-0714 - MY FIRST STORY feat UK from MOROHA 5. I Know You’re Out There Somewhere - The Moody Blues 6. Monsoon - Tokio Hotel 7. Right By Your Side - ONE OK ROCK 8. After - Swanky Ocean Acoustix 9. Mighty Long Fall - ONE OK ROCK 10. Rooftops / Lostprophets*  

* Don’t judge me please. I liked this song long before Ian Watkins was arrested for his crimes :-/

I got curious even more and checked what would randomly play on that shuffled MP3 player as I drove to work the next day.

1. Take My Hand - MY FIRST STORY 2. Monster - SWANKY DANK feat Ryo from Crystal Lake 3. Fall At Your Feet - Crowded House 4. この世界で一番幸せ者はする事など出来ないかもしれないけど - MY FIRST STORY 5. Crush - David Archuletta 6. One-Sided (English version) - SWANKY DANK 7. Disaster - JoJo 8. Oh My Girl - DJ Baku feat KOJI from SWANKY DANK 9. Satellitear - A Crowd of Rebellion 10. March of Mephisto - Kamelot feat Shagrath from Dimmu Borgir 11. Pure Morning - Placebo

Yes, it would take about this many songs to drive from my parents’ home to my office XD

My main musical taste is centred around the 80s era but I’m lucky to be exposed to the music from the 60s and 70s in my early years. All the way into the 90s and now, I can’t close my mind to what today’s generation has to offer.

I’m not going to tag 20 people though XD What if people get annoyed? But one person I know I can tag to do this is @emashitayuuki. Sorry lil sis. I’m curious what would pop out in your playlist (^^)

[fanfic-shiz]

Trouble- Cassian Andor

Pairing: Cassian Andor/OC

Prompt: Jealous/Overprotective Cassian with fluff ending

Warnings: None that I can think of other than the fact that this fic is a monster lol SO LONG

A/N: This took my DAYS so I really hope it turned out alright <3 I did a lot of research, but I also made up a lot of things so if any of it’s wrong, you’ll just have to suspend your disbelief and find it in your hearts to forgive me lol thank you for reading and hope you like it! xD

“Cassian has asked me to inform you that we will be leaving for Kafrene shortly.”

I placed my hands on my hips, raising both eyebrows. K2 stared back, although it was impossible to tell the expression on his face considering he was a robot. Usually I had to wait for him to open his mouth to pinpoint what kind of mood he was in.

“What? He couldn’t drag himself back here and tell me himself?” I asked, turning and heading back into my room to grab my jacket from the bed. “Didn’t take you for an errand boy, K2!” I called over my shoulder.

I heard the robot let out a grunt, and my lips twitched knowing I had hit a nerve.

“Trust me. I take no pleasure in being Cassian’s messenger.” He placed an emphasis on the word ‘messenger’ that suggested it put a bitter taste in his mouth. A figure of speech, considering he actually couldn’t taste anything. “However, he insisted he was too busy preparing the ship.”

I snorted, shrugging on my faded blue jacket and tucking my blaster into the holster at my hip. “Excuses, excuses, excuses. You think he’s just too lazy to make the walk or is it me?” I asked with a grin, clapping K2 on his metal shoulder as I brushed past him out into the hallway.

“You, I think.” K2 answered simply. “So it goes without saying that I would appreciate it if you two would not drive me to the verge of insanity on this trip.”

I perked an eyebrow. “I’ll behave if he does.”

“Unlikely.” He muttered, making me laugh.

We entered the loading bay, our footsteps echoing off the sleek, metal floors. The area was alive with activity, as per usual. Ships were coming and going at all times, as a groups of fighters traveled to and from the debriefing room to deliver whatever news they carried and receive their new orders.

How I had managed to land myself as the third party to K2 and Cassian’s merry crew, I still hadn’t figured out. Mothma had made the call months ago, and even Cassian dared not go against her orders. Secretly I suspected her reasoning had less to do with my killer accuracy with a blaster and more to do with the fact that the captain spent all his time either alone or with a sassy robot. And I spent all of my time at the shooting range. Neither of us were exactly the outgoing, friend-making type. Putting us together had been an intentional choice, though I was still trying to figure out every single day what it was that Cassian and I were to one another.

I could see his ship docked in its usual place, Cassian standing with his back to us. No doubt making his mental checklist, the same thing he did anytime we left Yavin 4. My eyes seemed to take on a will of their own as they traveled from the back of his dark brown hair and down to his boot clad feet, admiring the snug fit of his jacket. I’d already succumbed to the fact that Andor was a good looking man. Rugged, confident. Stubborn as hell. I spent most my time ignoring the attraction, though I knew it was mutual. To an outsider, it probably looked like all we did was bicker. That was true, but there were times when looks lingered too long, when shoulders brushed and touches dwindled that made me wonder if perhaps the battle outside the planet wasn’t the only one raging on.

“Any new information on those Kyber crystals?” I asked K2, tearing my eyes away from Cassian and cursing his parents for creating a man that was both undeniably gorgeous and a pain in my ass.

The robot shook his head. “Unfortunately not. Though Cassian has received a transmission from an informant on Kafrene. He’s being annoyingly secretive about it.”

I sighed, shaking my head. “Why am I not surprised that our dear captain isn’t sharing his news?”

Before K2 had a chance to answer, my path to the ship was blocked as a tall, familiar form stepped in front of me. I suppressed a groan as a white-toothed smile was flashed in my direction.

“Going off planet?” Quinn asked. Judging from the coating of sand on his arms and shirt, he had only just returned from a mission himself. I cursed my bad luck. Of course I would cross paths with the most persistent man in the Rebellion just as I was about to leave.

“Mhm. Kafrene.” I answered, forcing a tight-lipped smile onto my face. I peered around Quinn’s hulking form to give K2 a pleading look. He raised both hands as if to say ‘sorry, can’t help you’, though I was sure he was smug about leaving me to fend for myself. While Quinn was a nice enough guy, he couldn’t seem to take a hint to save his life. Something that might have also been my fault. I hadn’t had the heart to shut him down once and for all. I had been hoping if I rejected his offer to take me out enough times, he would get the point. But no. Sadly not.

“Oh, too bad. I was hoping now that I’m back we could spend some time together.” He said, running a hand over his buzzed, short hair. His blue eyes looked hopeful and it gave me a very tiny twinge of guilt…Now I felt both guilty and annoyed, which was a strange combination.

“That’s sweet, Quinn, but I can’t right now. I should probably get on board.” I said quickly, nodding in the direction behind him.

Quinn turned to see where I was gesturing to, giving me a perfect view of Cassian, who was no longer facing the ship but looking directly at us. He was leaning back against the side of the space craft, his arms crossed over his chest. Even from where I was standing, I could see he was irritated. Probably because I was holding him up.

“Really? With Andor again?”

The blatant dislike in his voice instantly made my guilt disappear, even though I couldn’t exactly say why. What reason would I have for being upset over his reaction to Cassian. The captain and I were partners. Nothing more…unless you counted those brief, fleeting moments in between when we’d agree on something and he would give me that slip of a smile and— I shook the thought away. Now was not the time.

“I don’t exactly have an option. Mothma gave the orders.” I said, more sharply than I’d intended. The hurt look on his face didn’t return my guilt. I side-stepped him and headed in Cassian’s direction. “I’ll see you later”

He didn’t respond, but his gaze followed me across the room. And his eyes weren’t the only one trained on me. Cassian was still leaning against the ship when I approached, but he didn’t say anything when I stopped in front of him. He just shook his head, which was somehow more annoying.

“What? Did I keep you waiting too long?” I asked sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes, pushing himself off the ship and ducking inside. “Not at all. K2 and I don’t mind waiting for you and your boyfriend. Do we?”

“For the last time Cassian, do not drag me into this. Maybe you don’t mind being on the wrong end of her blaster, but you know she doesn’t miss.” I heard the robot say from the co-captain’s chair.

I sputtered for a moment, still standing outside the ship. I gathered myself together after a few seconds and stalked inside, hitting the button on the inside wall. The ramp began to retract, closing us in.

“Boyfriend? Are you daft?” I asked in disbelief. Cassian didn’t answer, dropping down into the pilot’s chair and flipping a few switches on the consul. I heard the engines hum to life beneath me. I waited, but he still didn’t answer. “You are an incredibly ignorant man. And a pain in my ass.”

“Feeling’s mutual, sweetheart!” He called over the roar of the engines as he hit the throttle and we lifted from the ground. I stumbled a few steps and dropped down into one of the seats against the wall. “I suggest you stop talking and buckle up!”

I glared at the back of his smug head, but didn’t bother trying to shout a witty retort over the noise of the ship. Besides, it wasn’t worth it.

#

The trip to Kafrene was mostly silent. I stayed in the back, spending part of the trip cleaning my gun, another taking inventory, and a few minutes here and there glaring at the back of Cassian’s head. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d met someone who had so easily gotten under my skin. We were like fire and gasoline, two people who shouldn’t mix yet every time we did there was an explosion. And if I were being truly honest with myself…Cassian was the closest person to me in my life. Which sounded sad. Well, it was sad. Not unlike him, I didn’t entertain too many relationships. Too much trouble. Too much risk. So needless to say it was extra annoying that he seemed to believe there was something going on between me and Quinn.

By the time the ship bumped gently against the ground, I was itching for fresh air and more breathing room. I hit the button for the door and the ramp slowly began to lower, letting in a gust of air. Not clean air, but air with the faintest hint of something like oil, or dirt. Kafrene was mostly a mining colony after all, not much in the way of civilization except the one town that had been built up over time for the miners and their families.

I left the ship, stretching my arms over my head and causing my shirt to lift. I felt eyes on me yet again and I turned just in time to see Cassian’s gaze flickering away from the small stretch of exposed skin. Or maybe I had only imagined it. Either way, I felt my cheeks grow warm.

“So?” I asked, watching as he pushed a hand through his dark hair, surveying the area around us. There was nothing but a stretch of rust colored dirt between us and the town. “What’s the plan? K2 says you have some type of informant here? Anything to do with the crystals?”

Cassian shot a look at K2 who merely shrugged. “You can glare all you want, but you never explicitly said not to tell her.”

Cassian shook his head, ignoring him. “It’s bigger than that.” I waited for him to go on, but he fell silent.

“How big?” I prompted curiously.

A sigh escaped him as he finally turned to look at me. “I can’t say for sure, but this could change everything.”

A low whistle escaped me. “That big, huh? You gonna share the secret?”

He didn’t answer and instead shifted from one foot to the next, yet again keeping his mouth clamped firmly shut. I felt a stab of annoyance.

“Seriously? How long have we been working together, Andor? Think you could trust me with one damn thing after all this time.” I muttered, turning my back on him and stalking off in the direction of civilization.

He didn’t let me walk away, and instead, fell into step with me. “It’s not about that. But until I know if the information is accurate or not, I don’t want to go getting anyone worried.” He murmured, and for a moment, the raw truth behind his words surprised me, even though he had seemed rather reluctant to say anything. Worry began to stir somewhere deep inside me. If he was that concerned, it really must have been something huge.  

“Okay, fine. But I’ll be there, so I’ll either hear it from this so called informant, I’ll hear it from you.”

He shook his head. “You won’t be there.”

My feet stopped in their tracks, but I felt one of K2’s long fingers prodding me in the back and encouraging me to keep going. “I won’t be there? Where the hell will I be then? I’m not a child you can boss around! Damn it, Cassian, you—“ He held up a hand in an attempt to silence me and my eyes widened. “Oh, so that’s how it is?”

“It’s nothing against you. I just need to do this alone.” He grunted.

“Alright, fine then. But you’re wrong if you think I’m just going to hang back and wait. I’ll conduct my own business. You let me know when you’re done.”

By this time, we had reached the edge of the small town and I moved to stalk off in a different direction. I felt a hand on my elbow, pulling me back. I turned around to come face to face with Cassian, his hand warm on my arm.

“Just be careful, alright.” He murmured, catching me off guard. Not that this was an unusual sentiment. It wasn’t. He had uttered the same four words to me countless times before, though in all different tones and inflections. I never could make sense of exactly what he meant…be careful why? What did it matter to him if something happened to me? Yet he always said it anytime we went into a mission, like a mantra. And each time it affected me more than I wanted it to. “Don’t go getting yourself into trouble.”

My eyes roamed over his face, trying for once to place an emotion behind the words, but could find nothing solid. His dark eyes continued to bore into my own, though, making it suddenly a little difficult to breathe. I shrugged him off and took a step back, giving myself some needed space.

“I can handle myself.”

I pivoted on my heel and disappeared into the thin crowd of people. I felt his eyes on me until I turned the next corner and disappeared. It was only then that I stopped and inhaled deeply. I let out the breath through pursed lips. Why was he so impossible to figure out? One minute arguing with me, the next concerned about my safety? He was a riddle I just couldn’t make sense of. A mystery that seemed unsolvable. I shook it off and wondered down the aisle of tents and makeshift shop stalls, selling all sorts of trinkets and junk. What I was looking for required a certain crowd of people. The type that gossiped. That type that drank enough to loosen their lips.

I found the local bar in no time at all, following the stench of alcohol and the raucous sound of laughter coming from inside. Cassian’s words about staying out of trouble echoed briefly in my head, but I shrugged them off and headed inside anyways. The room was filled with a cloud of smoke, but through the haze I could see it was only half full. There was a circular bar in the center of the room, with mismatched, tattered tables and chairs pushed against the walls. As I walked in, I felt the eyes following me. Not only was I a stranger, but I was also the only woman in the room. Fortunately, this was something I had grown used to.

I sidled up to the bar, playing it off as if it were an establishment I frequented on a regular basis…though I knew I wasn’t fooling anyone. The bartender wasn’t human, with his long, slender neck and black eyes set into a diamond shaped face. He blinked at me as I settled into a seat at the bar, choosing a place near the back corner where I had full visibility of the room. One thing I had learned early on and always stuck to: never turn your back on a doorway.

There was a group of men seated next to me, a few chairs away. All human but one. They eyed me curiously, not bothering to avoid looking inconspicuous as I caught them staring. I cleared my throat and looked back at the bartender.

“Ale, please.”

His only acknowledgement of my request was to turn his back on me, and I heard the rattling of glasses. I swiveled on my stool to face the room, propping my chin in my hand. In addition to the whole ‘never turn your back to a door’ thing, I’d also learned that bars and taverns were the best places to pick up information. Or anywhere at all where alcohol was served. Drunk men were just as gossipy as elderly women and it didn’t take much to eavesdrop on a conversation, or even convince someone to spill a few secrets. I just hoped I would come up with something about the crystal shipments.

There was the clink of glass against metal and I turned to see the bartender sliding my pint toward me. I wrapped my fingers around the cold glass and pulled it close, taking a sip. The taste left my mouth bitter. The group of men to my right had gone back to talking amongst themselves, though I caught snippets of the conversation here and there. Nothing juicy, and certainly nothing that would gain me any points for the Rebellion. However, there was one man who just couldn’t seem to take his eyes off me. I let my gaze flicker to him for a moment and he smiled, though it was more predatory than friendly. His front two incisors had been sharpened to points, his blonde hair a mess of tangled curls on his head. He was even taller than Quinn.

He detached himself from his gaggle of friends and made his way toward me. Instantly, the hairs on my arm stood on end. A sure signal that whatever he wanted wasn’t anything I was willing to give. He leaned heavily against the bar next to me, setting down his glass and lazily circling the rim with his finger.

“You’re a new face.” He said after a moment, in a slow drawl that hinted that this was a man who was used to getting his way without trying. “What brings you to our little slice of heaven?”

I gave him a demure smile, shrugging my shoulders. Feigning nonchalance. “Just business.”

Perhaps if I played my cards right, I could get him to tell me something, anything, about the presence of the Empire on Kafrene and what they were doing with all that Kyber.

He raised his eyebrows. “Business, eh? Pretty girl like you shouldn’t be working. Girl like you outta have a man doing that for her.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Please. The oldest line in the book. And how archaic of him to assume I needed a man to do anything for me at all? A voice in the back of my head prompted me to stay calm and keep on playing nice. Even if it killed me…a slow, agonizing death from pretending I half-enjoyed this scumbag’s presence.

“I find I can handle myself.” I answered, lifting my glass to my lips and taking another small sip.

He grinned wolfishly at me. “Is that so? Well then…my apologies.”

I nodded my head. “Although, all these Stormtroopers running around doesn’t exactly make me want to stay.”

It was a line…a faint one, but I was hoping he would bite a little.

A growl escaped the back of his throat, his grin vanishing instantly. “Leaches. Cowards…the lot of ‘em. Taking what they want and giving nothing in return.”

His words instantly nabbed at me. Trying not to seem to eager, I leaned forward slightly. “What do you mean, taking what they want?”

He shook his head and for a moment, looked like he might actually answer. Then, he seemed to think better of it and hesitated. When he looked back at me, that same devilish grin had taken its place. “An answer I’d be willing to give. In fact, there’re plenty answers I’d be willing to give about anything, doll. For a price.”

My stomach dropped as his meaty hand found its way to my knee, resting there before giving it a squeeze. Bile rose in the back of my throat, and I quickly looked around the bar but no one seemed to be paying us any attention. So he wasn’t as dumb as he looked then. He knew I was after something. I shifted slightly in my seat and brushed his hand from my leg.

“Unfortunately for you, I’m not that type of girl.”

“Really?” He grunted. He took a step closer, making him entirely too close for comfort. I held my ground, though, not even averting my gaze. “You smell like one of them Rebel spies. I’m willing to bet your after something, and here I am…kind enough to offer some answers.”

My pulse had picked up, my heart beating a tattoo against my ribcage. His hand returned to my leg and I felt a flare of anger over the sudden clench of fear. I gripped his fingers and pried them from my knee, bending them backward until he let out a groan of pain and tore himself out of my grasp.

“Don’t touch me.” I hissed, standing from my chair. On flat feet, he was at least two heads taller, but I craned my neck and stared up at him defiantly.

In the blink of an eye, he had me by the front of the shirt and was pinning me against the bar, his warm breath steaming against my face. I wrinkled my nose, my hand immediately going for my blaster. I fiddled with it in my holster as the stranger eyed me dangerously.

“I don’t see anyone around to stop me.”

My fingers curled around the gun. I was just about to draw when suddenly, the man was yanked away from me and shoved harshly to the ground. I blinked in surprise when I realized it was Cassian standing there…his gun directed at the man’s head and his boot wedged against his neck.

“She said not to touch her.” He growled, digging his boot in deeper and causing the man to gasp for air.

“Take it outside!” Someone yelled from across the room.

It seemed to take my brain a long moment to catch up, seeing the stranger glaring at Cassian from the floor, while Cassian himself seemed on the verge of pulling the trigger just for the hell of it. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the rest of the men at the bar standing up from their seats.

Time to go.

I hurriedly pushed myself away from the bar and placed my hand on Cassian’s arm. His gaze swung toward me and the look of pure anger in his eyes stunned me for a moment. I hadn’t ever seen him look like that before.

“Come on, let’s go.” I urged quietly.

He hesitated and I squeezed his arm. The internal struggle went on half a minute longer before he was lowering his gun and taking a step back. He holstered the blaster, holding up his hands and eyeing the group of men next to the bar as we backed away toward the door. We were nearly gone when the man had the nerve to hurl one last insult at me.

“Bitch!”

I clenched my teeth, bristling at the single syllable word. He’s a nobody, I reminded myself. A nothing. And not the first time some roach had tried to get the last word. It was a weak attempt. Pathetic, almost. Still, I gritted my teeth to stop myself from snapping back at him…but it wasn’t me who reacted first. It was Cassian, turning back around with his eyes narrowed dangerously. The air seemed to go still, and I knew the last thing we needed was a fight with the locals. I stepped in front of him and placed my hands on both his shoulders, trying to get his attention.

“Cassian,” I murmured. “It’s not worth it, alright? He’s a nobody. Let’s just go.”

I held my breath, waiting, and his dark eyes finally found mine. I could see the conflict brewing in his dark gaze, but I nudged him toward the door again. He took his lower lip into his mouth, as if contemplating whether or not to listen. I said his name again and his senses seemed to come flooding back as he nodded once and turned back around, leading the way outside.

I hadn’t realized how anxious I’d been until we were outside, away from the smoke filled room. I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, my eyes trained on Cassian’s back. I hadn’t ever seen him act like that before, and it unnerved me. Normally he was so calm and level-headed. He kept his composure no matter what the circumstances…more often than not, he was talking me out of a fight. Yet if I hadn’t stopped him back there…I was sure he would have gotten into a scuffle. Possibly worse. He led the way, but I didn’t ask where we were going. For once, I didn’t dare pester him with questions about what the hell we were doing. After all, this Cassian was unknown territory.

Not to mention, he seemed on edge as he led us through the maze of tents and shop stalls, keeping close to the walls with his head tucked down. A warning prickled down my spine, wondering just what had happened while I’d been out on my own. Whatever had transpired between him and his informant had clearly left him spooked.

We didn’t stop until he ducked into in alleyway, pushing both hands through his hair before letting them fall to his side.

“Cassian?” I asked, his name lingering in the air between us.

A beat passed before he answered, shoulders stiffening and hands curling into fists at his sides. “Do you have any idea the danger you could’ve put yourself in?” He asked, his voice a growl.

He turned to face me, taking a few steps closer. The ferocity in his eyes had returned, his entire presence looming over me and making him seem bigger than he actually was. It kept my feet frozen exactly where they were. Not out of fear or intimidation. What I felt was surprise. Maybe even confusion. We had fought before. Many times. Yelling matches that could’ve given sworn enemies a run for their money. This felt different, though. The energy was different. There was something else there…a protectiveness. And while he looked so angry, the anger wasn’t totally directed at me. Judging by the far away look in his eyes, he was still back in that pub, facing down that brutish man.

“I could’ve managed without you.” I finally said, though even as the words left my mouth I knew they weren’t true. I wanted them to be. I wanted to prove that I didn’t need him, yet he proved me wrong time and time again. But I knew I had proved him wrong in exactly the same way more than once over our long partnership.

“He had you cornered.” Cassian shot back.

“I was about to handle it. I could’ve handled him.” I said, trying to convince myself as much as him.

“Maybe if it were just him, but what if the rest of them decided to gang up on you too? Then what?” He asked, peering at me with his dark eyes. He shook his head. “I told you to stay out of trouble.”

“Well if you had just let me come with you, if you just trusted me enough—“

“For the last time, It’s not a matter of trust. It’s a matter of me keeping you alive!”

I couldn’t have masked my surprised if I had tried. “Keeping me alive? It’s not your job to keep me safe.”

“Maybe not, but that doesn’t make me any less inclined to do it.” He snapped. “Keeping you safe is all I care about sometimes, for some god forsaken reason.”

My breath caught in my throat. “What are you saying, Cassian?”

I watched the muscles in his jaw tighten as we looked at one another. The intensity was so strong that there was a part of me that wanted to look away, look anywhere else. I couldn’t, though. And yet, it wasn’t the first time I had felt this between us. Whatever it was. I had yet to put a name to it. The last time was when we had gotten separated on Jakku during a scuffle. We had a rule about returning to the ship anytime that we were separated…A rule I had always felt was pointless. And that day, it was a good thing I had decided to ignore it and look for Cassian anyways. Another minute and he would’ve found himself traded to the Empire as a peace-keeping gift.

Not unlike now, at first he had been furious. But after all the yelling had subsided, there’d been a moment just like this one. A moment where we both suddenly seemed to forget what we were supposed to feel toward one another, where the animosity and rivalry vanished, where I looked at him and instead of seeing a smug rebel pilot, I saw a man, who like myself, had been beaten down. A man who was lonely but refused to show it. Two people who seemed to recognize we were all the other had, and what that could mean if we let it.

He let out a breath, coming closer. “What I’m saying—“

There was suddenly the sound of footsteps. Dozens of them marching in unison. I stiffened, but it was Cassian’s face that showed the true panic he felt, momentarily breaking the spell that had been between us and making me wonder yet again what he had been up to. He pushed me against the wall, bracing his hands against the stone one either side of my head. Not even a full second later, a brigade of stormtroopers marched past us, at least a dozen. Possibly more.

My heart pounded, though I was having a hard time deciding if it was because of the troopers, or because of Cassian’s sudden closeness. He was pressed up against me, making it impossible to ignore the heat of his skin beneath his shirt. The top of my head barely reached the bottom of his chin, and I fought the urge nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck. I’d noticed before, he had a scent that was purely Cassian…soap and leather. It was strangely comforting. And the closeness of him made every inch of me hyperaware. Maybe that was why I avoided being this close to him when possible. It was like being caught in a trap…once you’re in, you can’t get out.

Stop it, I scolded myself. Just stop.

I inhaled a breath and lifted my head, and my heart jolted when our eyes met. Our eyes locked as the last of the footsteps disappeared. Instead of pushing himself away, he stayed right where he was. I made no move to put space between us either, realizing with both a thrill and a hint of terror, I was very much stuck in the trap that was Cassian Andor.

My breath caught in my throat as he lifted a hand and pushed a stray strand of hair out of my eyes. “I never asked.” He suddenly murmured. “Are you alright? He didn’t hurt you?”

It took my muddled, dazed mind a moment to realize he meant the man from the bar. I shook my head mutely.

“Good.”

I expected his hand to fall away, but the calloused pads of his fingers slid down my cheek and followed the curve of my jaw, his thumb brushing across my lips and making my stomach flutter against my will. Yes, this was exactly why we didn’t get this close. He turned me into a useless pile of jelly.

“Are you alright?” I asked quietly.

He nodded.

I pressed my palms agains this chest, feeling the erratic beating of his heart. It comforted me to know it was beating just as fast as mine. I slid my palms down to his waist, feeling the slight shudder of his body beneath my touch. There was a small coherent part of my brain reminding me we needed to go, and that I needed to know what had him so spooked and-and…

“There you two are, I was—really? Is this the time or place?”

We jumped a part at the sound of K2’s voice, coherency drifting back to me as I spun and saw K2 standing in the mouth of the alley. I cleared my throat, my face burning.

“Right, let’s go.” I said, brushing past him.

I heard K2 mutter something from behind me that sounded like ‘humans, honestly.”

I was on edge the entire way back, as we constantly ducked into alleys or hidden alcoves in an attempt to avoid being seen. I was becoming more and more suspicious that the sudden influx of troopers in the city had everything to do with Cassian. They were scanning the IDs of everyone, and it was by some miracle that we slipped through the cracks and made it back to the ship without being caught. I didn’t breathe a sigh of relief until the lift door snapped shut and the engines powered on. Through the window, I watched the planet grow smaller and smaller until it was nothing more than round ball of swirling shapes and colors.

I stood up from my seat and walked to the front of the ship, placing one hand on either pilot chairs. I couldn’t look at Cassian without seeing the same fiercely protective glint in his eye that he looked at me with in the alley, without remembering his hands on me. I fought back another wave of heat that threatened to redden my cheeks. I didn’t know what it meant. I couldn’t even decipher my own feelings. Yet the idea of being close to him again…it was tempting and dangerous.

“Can you tell me what that was all about?” I asked, my voice cutting through the silence.

For a moment, he didn’t say anything. And as the silence went on, my usual annoyance returned piece by piece. So easily, we could just fall back into our usual pattern. He surprised me though when he suddenly stood up from the chair and motioned for me to take a seat in the back.

“Man the controls for a moment, K2.”

“Fine, just try and keep your hands to yourself until we’re back on Yavin, would you?”

Cassian rolled his eyes and I grimaced a little. The robot wasn’t going to let it go.

He sat down next to me, leaning his head back against the wall. He looked tired, the same as I felt, and I was reminded of the burdens each of us carried. I suddenly ached to take some of that burden for him.

“I didn’t want to say anything until I knew whether or not the information was solid,” he began. “But a few days ago, I received a transmission from an informant concerning a weapon the Empire has been building…something strong enough to destroy planets.”

I inhaled sharply, my heart faltering. “Is it true?”

He nodded. “I think so…that’s where all the Kyber crystals are going.”

I let this sink in, letting my head fall back against the wall same as his and staring up at the ceiling. Trying to think about what it meant if what Cassian’s informant had said was the truth. A weapon of that scale in the hands of the Empire could mean the end of everything. Literally.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just…I was hoping it wasn’t true.” He muttered, shaking his head.

Just as I had wished, I felt the weight of this burden sinking onto my shoulders. But, it didn’t explain the Stormtroopers, or the way he had been on edge. I had a feeling about that, though. “The informant? He’s dead, isn’t he?”

Cassian nodded after a moment of hesitation. “I had no choice.”

His voice was soft, the tone seemingly trying to convince himself as much as me that he really had no other option. My heart ached for a moment, thinking of all the hard choices I’d made over the course of the war. I wasn’t innocent either.

I grabbed one of his hands, taking him by surprise. He glanced over at me, but I kept my eyes trained on our hands. “We’ve both had to do things for the Rebellion that have been difficult…that have changed who we are.” I said softly. “That doesn’t make us bad people.” Yet even I couldn’t completely hide the uncertainty in my voice.

He squeezed my hand. “For our sake then, I hope not. This war is far from over.”

I glanced up at him and our eyes met, and I was wondering if this information had been what had changed his demeanor toward me. If perhaps this had been what caused the subtle shift. I’d always known my days were numbered. With the Empire out there, each day was an uncertainty. Yet just as quickly as I’d had this thought, his hand was pulled from mine as he headed back toward the cockpit, leaving me alone to cycle through my confused train of thought. #

As soon as we landed back on Yavin 4, K2, Cassian, and I rushed into the debriefing room to tell the commanders what we had learned on Kafrene. The mood of the room darkened almost instantly, voices falling into silence as each person tried to comprehend the scale of this bad news. I couldn’t sit, too keyed up. I could feel Cassian’s presence next to me in the room, hovering near one of the projection screens. When the commanders began discussing in heated voices what was to be done next, I sensed him as he slipped from the room. I moved to follow him, calling his name as soon as I’d left the quiet of the room and was back in the loading bay.

“Cassian, wait!”

He slowed before turning around, though he didn’t look surprised to see me. I came to a halt in front of him, but realized I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to say. Maybe because I was afraid anything I did say would rebuild both our walls all over again. He didn’t say anything and instead just looked at me, patiently.

I shifted uncomfortably. “Back on Kafrene…you never finished what you were saying.”

His only response at first was the push his fingers through his hair, a habit I now recognized as one he used when he wasn’t sure what to say. At least I wasn’t the only one. I fiddled with the zipper on my jacket as I waited. He took in his lower lip between his teeth before exhaling a long breath.

“Can we talk somewhere else? Alone?” He asked suddenly, looking around the room and making me aware of the dozens of people around us. Though no one seemed to be paying us much attention.

I nodded, pulse jumping a little. “Sure.”

He nodded his head in the direction of one of the long halls and we fell into step together. Our hands brushed, sending a jolt of electricity through me and I wondered if he noticed as well.

We were almost there when a familiar, unwelcome voice began calling my name. I let out a groan. The absolute last person I wanted to see, I glanced up to see Quinn jogging toward us. When I looked at Cassian, he was glaring at the other man, his jaw tense.

“You’re back.” Quinn said, smiling at me.

“Obviously.” Cassian muttered under his breath, shoving his hands into his pockets and rolling his eyes.

Quinn frowned at him before looking back at me. “Anyways, I was hoping you’d take me up on that offer of spending some time together?”

I let out an inaudible sigh, both annoyed and frustrated. Maybe it was time to just tell him to get lost. To make it clear I wasn’t interested. “Actually,” I began, but was quickly interrupted.

“She’s busy. With me. So if you’ll excuse us…” Cassian took my hand and Quinn’s eyes flitted to our intertwined fingers before looking back at me with raised eyebrows. All I could do was turn red as I was tugged away from the loading bay. I waited for Cassian to let go of my hand, but he didn’t. And when we finally found ourselves alone, in an empty corner, he turned to face me with a spark in his eyes I hadn’t noticed before. It was almost like the one there when he’d been with me in the alley.

He suddenly pressed his mouth to mine, and I stumbled back in surprise. He caught me, his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me to him. My arms went around his neck, standing on tip toes as I pressed myself against him. I threaded my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, as his mouth moved slowly against mine, tongue slipping in-between my lips. The unexpectedness of it had momentarily dazed me…and the feeling of his hands on the small of my back, keeping me pressed flushed against him, didn’t help.

I was kissing Cassian Andor. He had kissed me. Which was the furthest thing I’d expected when I’d gotten out of bed that morning. And somehow…it felt right. In my mind, we’d been the two most unlikely people in the world but it somehow made sense. We’d both just been trying our hardest to avoid it for so long. I pulled him tighter against me, making it clear that whatever this was, I wanted it too.

We were both breathless when it ended, yet like in the alley, neither of us made a move for more space. I pushed my hands underneath his jacket, running my hands over his shoulders.  

He was the first to speak, which was a relief because I seemed to have suddenly lost the ability to form sentences. “That’s what I wanted to tell you on Kafrene…”

“The feeling’s mutual.” I managed to murmur, making him laugh. A warm sound that sent pleasant shivers running through me.

“Believe it or not, you might be the only person in this galaxy I care about. Even when it doesn’t seem like it. I just never wanted to acknowledge what that meant before today.” He continued, his voice growing more serious. “You drive me insane sometimes, you have to argue with me about everything, you constantly put yourself into danger…and yet I can’t stay away from you anymore.” He said, causing my breath to catch as his eyes bored into mine. “

I nodded, sliding my hands through his hair again. “For some reason, even though you’re a pain in my ass, I care about you too…”

His lips quirked upward into an adorable smile. “I wasn’t sure. What with Quinn hanging around…” He began and I made a face, realizing when his smile grew that he was joking.

“Though Quinn has consistently not tried to start a fight with me everyday, for some reason, I like you more.”

He let out another laugh. “I’m flattered.”

“Although I did like seeing you jealous…” I added, giving him a teasing smile.

He leaned in closer. “I wasn’t jealous. I was annoyed that he was preventing me from doing this, which was all I could think about.” He whispered against my mouth, brushing his lips against mine. His mouth slid down my jaw and kissed the sensitive skin against my neck. I tangled my fingers in his hair, my breathing becoming more shallow.

“Sure looked like jealousy to me.”

His mouth abruptly left my skin, and I let out a sound of protest. When I opened my eyes, he was was smirking at me mischievously. “Coming from the girl who also claims she has no problems staying out of trouble.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but when I couldn’t think of anything to refute his claim, Cassian’s smirk grew, his eyes dancing with amusement. I rolled my own eyes in response.

“Shut up.” I said, curling my fingers into the front of his shirt and pulling his mouth to mine.

I leaned back against the nearest wall and he braced himself against it with one hand, the other cupping the back of my neck. Our mouths moved against one another’s more boldly, now that the tentativeness of the first time was out of the way. My fingers itched to touch him, to explore and discover all the parts of him I’d never allowed myself to touch before. For a moment, I forgot where we were as I undid one of the buttons on his shirt, then another before sliding my hand beneath the thin material.

It was the sound of voices that finally sent me plummeting back to reality. My hands stilled as Cassian slowly pulled away, opening his eyes and looking at me with a softness that made my heart stutter. He pressed a quick kiss to my lips before straightening up and redoing the buttons on his shirt as I ran my hands through my hair and smoothed the wrinkles in my own clothing.

“To be continued?” I asked, a hopeful smile tugging at one side of my lips.

He nodded and smiled back at me, leaning in and kissing the top of my head. I sighed, leaning into him. Instead of pulling back right away, he placed his lips close to my ear and whispered, “You were right. I was jealous.”

A grin tugged at my lips, my stomach fluttering. He took a step back, wearing that infuriatingly sexy smirk of his. Making me wonder if he was right…letting myself fall for Cassian Andor seemed like trouble.

And yet, I couldn’t have stopped myself even I’d wanted to.