#Expressing sadness isn't a bad thing but I'm sorry we're all experiencing it

[royalarchivist]

🫠

[kagedbird]

TESSDE AU (+ Lucia :]) (Lucien part 2)

Lucien: *nervously holding Lucia's hand while out shopping, going over the list in his other hand* Hmm... what do you think, Lucia? Should we gather some food first, or some general supplies?

Lucia: *feels a little bad for not appreciating her new papa very much and making him feel sad, holding onto his hand and keeping close to his side* Um... food?

Lucien: All right! Shall we go see Carlotta then?

Lucia: *nods and follows after him dutifully*

Carolotta: *smiles brightly at the sight of them* Hello you two! Come for some shopping?

Lucien: Ah, yes, hello! Allora has a list specifically for this- would you mind seeing what you have in stock? *passes over the journal*

Carlotta: *chuckles and takes it, looking it over* My, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were Lucia's birth father.

Lucien: *flushes brightly, squeaky voice* Pardon?

Carlotta: *smiles, looking down at Lucia clinging to her father* You two look so similar! And Allora as well. It's very cute!

Lucia and Lucien: *look at each other*

Carlotta: And your names being so close as well! It's like it was meant to be. *laughs* I'll get these supplies in a basket for you, one moment!

Lucien: *nervously glancing at Lucia*

Lucia: *staring up at Lucien, before smiling* Hehe. I do look like you, papa.

Lucien: *pleasantly surprised, smiling down at her* Well... yes! I do see the similarities. And our names being so close is quite interesting.

Lucia: *nodding assuredly* Papa was meant to be my papa.

Lucien: *heart melting, tearing up* Oh... that's so sweet!

Lucia: Can papa teach me stuff while we're out here? *falters for a moment, not wanting to be caught having listened in on Allora and his conversation* M-Mama said you were... good at it...

Lucien: *too elated to even think about it* But of course! What is it you were wanting to learn about? There's plenty of things to teach you- oh, but Allora did say to not overwhelm you. How about we start with some basics? Since we're out shopping, I'll teach you about commerce!

Carlotta: *shaking her head, watching Lucia gain a slightly strained expression as Lucien rambles off information about economics* He's got a lot to learn... but his heart is in the right place.

~Hours later~

Lucia: *absolutely dead on her feet, walks over and clings to Allora's leg in the kitchen*

Allora: *picks her up easily, kissing her head* Hey pumpkin, have a good day?

Lucia: *buries her face into Allora's neck and huffs a sigh*

Lucien: *worriedly watching from the doorway*

Allora: *notices but doesn't look at him* Long day? Wanna talk about it?

Lucia: I can't understand Lucien-papa... I'm sorry mama... I'm really trying, but...

Allora: Shh, hey, it's okay. You two don't need to be the best of friends. Lucien-papa isn't well experienced with kids, you know? He's learning and you're his first experience. It's kinda scary!

Lucia: *wrinkles her nose* I'm not scary...

Allora: *chuckles and shakes her head, swaying Lucia carefully* No sweetheart, you're my little ray of sunshine. What's scary is that it's a lot of work to take care of a kid. You suddenly have to think of everything, all the time, to make sure they're happy and safe and healthy. That they're learning about the world in a safe environment. It's a lot, but to no fault of your own. Okay? *kisses Lucia's temple* You're doing great by giving him a chance. He really does care about you. He's pretty scared about messing it up.

Lucia: *thinks about him looking nervous all the time* ...Oh... I understand.

Allora: Yeah?

Lucia: Mhm. Thanks mama. You're the best.

Allora: *smiles at Lucien, giving Lucia a squeeze* Happy to help, love.

Lucien: *flustered, shyly leaves the doorway as quietly as he can*

[septembersghost]

This is the hardest week or so that I've ever had as a longtime swiftie. I saw people say this can't be worse than 2016 but it is for me because back then we were on her side and knew she was being wronged, we could defend her, but this time it's us being hurt and we can't. it's marginalized fans being upset and other fans talking over and ignoring us. I've never felt this bad and I love her and her music so much but I don't know how I'll ever look at her the same after this, and I'm not holding her accountable for that guy's actions, but that she'd be okay with it is complicity and giving him more of a platform, mouthing "ily" (barf) onstage to someone who's views are disgusting? I'm sad. I'm sorry it's been really hard for you. 😞

i'm so sorry. i'm at the point where i don't have words to express it because it's just exhausting and is crushing my heart. and i know i shouldn't even look at comments for my own mental health, but i've read a lot of things in the sub, and it's...killing me to see fans feeling this way, especially bipocs/jewish/muslim/disabled (is there a marginalized group he hasn't targeted? :/) fans, that they are not only asking these questions about her, but that they are feeling unsafe and unheard in the fandom. this post was shared with me, and it's a difficult read but it articulates a lot about the impact here, as do many of the comments.

my emotions have ranged all over the place this past week, but where i am now is this deep sense of sadness because i don't know what to do or where to go from here. she is intimately tied to her music, in an unusual way (i'd argue she's more connected to hers in ways fans know about than many other artists), which makes it difficult to separate. and yet her music is also ours and has accompanied countless fans through their lives, sometimes for many years (like i've said, fifteen in my case!), and that matters too and is extremely hard to disconnect from - music is such a profound and precious thing, it's not only sentimentality, it's in the very wiring of our brains, it's in our core memories. knowing fans are grappling with pain from that and trying to reconcile it...it hurts me so much. and there's a realization that overall, anyone struggling is still in a minority, so it doesn't make that much difference - thousands of people being upset feels wrong and terrible to me, no one should be experiencing that, and yet that's such a tiny fraction out of millions, which i think is another part of why the ones raising their voices feel a bit lost. i'm also frankly sick of seeing pushback about how fans hurting right now shouldn't be allowed to speak, because some intense double standards are at play (praise her and never criticize her is not a fair or healthy environment tbh). every fan i've seen upset is very clear about why, they're not holding her responsible for his actions, they're not confusing their reaction with real activism or social justice, they are raising concerns, and they're grieving a safe place that brought them joy and comfort before. you can't underestimate what art means to people and how valuable that safe space is, to feel like it's been shattered is a deep loss.

kelly (@butimnotseventeen) wrote a post about why this isn't comparable to 2016, and i think part of the conflict here is that, previously, it was always us with her, against the many who've torn her down and hated her unfairly. in this instance...that's not the situation. this is fans hurt and disappointed, and not being able to defend her, and it's also fans against other fans, which i think has made the anger worse. feeling attacked and shut out in a space you've cultivated and that makes you happy is terrible.

idk if we've reached the moment yet where we have to decide what we're going to do moving forward, or that moment likely will come at different times for everyone who's currently struggling. this is not something that's going to be addressed, and i think everyone needs to face the reality of that. we cannot demand anything from her personal life, and everyone knows that. if he apologizes, it will be because his hand was forced, and it won't change anything. if/when they break up, this still happened. anyone who leaves the fandom permanently is a drop in the bucket compared to how vast the fanbase is, so ultimately it's like...the decision you make should be centered on you and your well-being only. allow it to be about you, and your heart, because there's unfortunately no larger impact to be had here. is her music still meaningful to you, does it still make you happy? you're allowed to hold onto it. do you still love her and are you able to recognize she is flawed and contradictory and a wealthy white celebrity who lives in a world of privilege and never has to confront certain realities, can you reconcile that with caring about and enjoying her? because it's not wrong or hypocritical if you do. it's complicated. and if you want to step away for a while, or permanently, you're allowed that too. it truly is whatever is best for you.

selfishly, i miss coming on here and reblogging posts about her (and the beautiful things creators make) and being happy and excited, i miss coming on here and not feeling a sense of unease, and while i am in groups he targeted, and fundamentally am disgusted as a woman and human being, i cannot imagine what it's been like for bipoc fans. i've intentionally prioritized those of you who are hurt because you're important and you've been impacted in a way that taylor, who is not here seeing this, will never understand. she will never know how vulnerable fans feel. she will never have to read your pained and disappointed messages and try to counsel people through this. it makes me ache that any of us are struggling or experiencing that disconnect. i'm personally more affected by caring about other fans right now than i am by her, though i am worried about her to a degree too. we desperately need to hold onto empathy whenever we can.

her music has been such a light and carried me through so much. there's almost an irony to the fact that at any other time when i was hurt, i'd immediately turn to her music for comfort, and at the moment that's exactly where i can't go. it's very heavy and hard to say when that will fade. i just...i want you to know i've heard you and i love you and i'm sorry. i'm sorry you're hurt and sad. i wish i could do more. i wish i could predict the future and somehow tell you this will get better. i wish nobody felt this way at all. you matter and your safety and happiness matter. you can decide what brings that to you, and i hope you can keep finding it.

[maehara-san]

𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙙 // 𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙮𝙖 𝙞𝙞𝙙𝙖 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

Pairing: Au!Tenya Iida x F!Reader

Summary: After years of forgetting an old acquaintance the moment you decide to venture off and move forward he comes back. But have you moved on or are there still lingering feelings?

Warning(s): Angst, slight fluff,

Words: 2,083

| Notes: gif belongs to @transhawks |

| Masterlist | Writer Fund |

- - - -

"We didn't need to do this guys!" you exclaimed as your best friend threw an arm around your shoulders pulling you closer. "I told you it was fine getting just ramen back at home."

"Nope!" he chuckled, "Not happening, missy. We are sending you off big."

"Takashi is right." Aimi added, "A simple bowl of ramen isn't going to cut it for us."

"It's your last night..." Aito sighed looking at you with sad eyes "You should get to enjoy it with your favorite food."

You frowned seeing your best friend's smiles disappearing from their usual happy faces. "Guys..." you took each of their hands into yours, "I may be moving to another country but that won't mean I will not be checking up on you or planning trips to come and see you."

Aimi smiled small giving your hand a gentle squeeze, "We're going to miss you..."

"I'm going to miss you guys too. But before you know it I will be back to annoy your asses."

Takashi chuckled, "Come on let's go grab a seat and enjoy tonight."

"He's right the more time we stand here." Aito said, "The less time we will have to talk."

"Agree!" you exclaimed.

The four of you then sat down near a secluded corner. There were only a few tables occupied, making the atmosphere more relaxing. "Should we get the usual?" Aimi asked.

"Mhm." you nodded "Do you guys want to add anything else?"

"What about..." Aito mumbled, "Adding some extra bowls of rice?"

"We can do that." you agreed "Another extra omelet too."

The waitress then came over and Takashi gave her the order then left you four alone again. "Are you excited?" Aimi asked looking over at you. "Getting your own office and helping out on that project?"

You bit your lip trying to contain your smile and not making your friends sadder. "It's a huge opportunity...ever since college ended, I've been waiting for something like this to happen." you said "After working long hours during the internships, it seems like it's being paid off."

"I know I can vouch for all of us when I say that you are the most hard-working person we know." Takashi "Even though you'll be miles away, your dream is finally coming true. You deserve this and much more." he raised his shot glass in the air and the rest of you followed "To y/n...who will become the baddest boss I know!"

"Hear hear!" you all spoke in unison and clinked your glasses together drinking down the sake.

Clearing your throat you then stood up "I'm going to the bathroom I'll be back."

"Don't be too long!" Aito yelled as you left "Or I'll eat your bowl of rice!"

A chuckle escaped your lips as you slipped away out into the balcony. You closed the door behind you making the night turn quiet. The voices sounded muffled, you sighed leaning forward.

'I know I should be happy...' you thought holding on to the black metal railing. 'But why am I feeling sad...this is the chance I've been looking for..'

The sound of a door opening and closing caught your attention. On instinct, you wiped the tears away and turned around expecting to see Aito or Aimi but saw a stranger instead.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt-" they began.

"No, you didn't," you reassured them.

The stranger with glasses then furrowed his eyebrows together as his stare became focused on you. Then his eyes widened, "Y/n?"

"Um..." you looked at him confused then your face reciprocated his expression as well. "T-Tenya..."

"Yeah..." he softly spoke, "It's been a while..."

You crossed your arms in front of your chest, "It has..."

Tenya then walked over and stood next to you near the railing. "How have you been?"

"I-I have been well...and you?" you mumbled not knowing how to feel after years of not seeing him.

"I'm doing good actually..." he softly replied looking at you as his back was facing the street.

"That's...good then," you said looking down at your open-toe heels suddenly remembering you had come to enjoy your dinner celebration after work. His eyes were softly looking at you as he noticed your tired finger and the pen marking you had on your forehead but despite it all, you still looked beautiful.

"Did you come alone? he asked.

You shook your head not wanting to look at him "I came here with some of my close friends."

"I see..." there was nothing he can do to make the silence less awkward and somehow he still had a lot he wanted to say to you. So many words crossed his mind yet seeing you in front of him made him nervous.

"It's been six years hasn't it?" your mouth suddenly spoke for you making you mentally slap yourself for opening it. Without realizing it you kept going not having any filter or control over what came out. "Since the last time, we saw each other."

A small smile formed on his lips "It has been too long." he replied.

"Has it been too long?" you questioned having the courage to look at him "We didn't necessarily speak to one another the last two years of high school."

"I admit it wasn't the best move I made, at least not the one I wanted to." his gaze softened as he looked you in the eyes.

"Then why did you?" you said, "I thought I had done something wrong or said something that might have upset you. I kept looking back at all the memories to try and find a clue that would help clear my mind from how guilty I felt Tenya."

"I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

A sly chuckle came out and you broke away from the stare "I even had the decency to message you and apologize when I shouldn't have had the need to do so."

"None of this was ever your fault y/n." he said "I was the idiot who got driven by j-" Tenya paused as he bit his tongue.

"What?" you asked.

He shook his head "Nothing..."

Anger started to build up inside of you after all those years you tried to ignore how he had made you felt. How you cried for him as silly as it sounded, of wanting to maybe just maybe having a chance to show him how important he was to you. Only for things to change out of the blue and ignore you as if you never existed. "Bullshit," you called him out. "You don't get to pull this half-ass move on me!"

His back then turned as he looked out into the city, "I'm not pulling anything..."

"Seriously?" your hand-formed into a fist "You start to spew out an apology only for you not to admit the truth to me?! That is a half-ass move and I have no reason to keep listening or believe anything that comes out of your mouth!" you yelled.

Footsteps were then heard indicating to him that you were walking away and he was losing you for good. Gripping the rail tightly he then blurted out, "I had a crush on you okay!"

Your feet stopped moving, little butterflies began to fly around in your tummy. Tenya turned around to face you, "I didn't know how to act." he explained "We talked every day when we saw each other before I knew it these feelings of friendliness turned into a crush. I saw other guys get close to you and held a grudge."

A tear slipped from your eye and you blinked making it fall down to the cold ground. "So you ignored me as revenge?..."

"It wasn't revenge...I just-" he paused covering his face with his hands then letting them fall down to the side "...didn't know what to do. I did not want to ruin anything if you didn't feel the same way. Before I knew it the more I thought about it every day it made me ignore you and pretend as if nothing had happened."

"And yet you know deep down something did, Tenya." you tried controlling your heavy breathing as the tears kept falling down, "I had thought I was only imagining things, that you decided to erase all those times we acted as more than friends."

"I'm sorry." he said, "But I did mean everything I said to you in every conversation and moment I had with you, those were never fake y/n."

You stood quiet trying to wrap around your mind the confession you wanted to hear all these years. But now that you got it, did you still have those feelings for him?

"Look at me, please." he softly spoke. When he said it you turned around and his heart broke upon seeing your red bloodshot eyes. "Y/n..." slowly he lifted his hand and cupped the right side of your face. Using his thumb he gently wiped away the stained tears on your cheek. "I didn't mean to make you cry. But I knew you deserved the truth of it all."

Your sad eyes locked onto his, a silence overcame you both. The only sound was the cars passing by and the minimal chatter from strangers. "Even though I vowed to move forward and not look back, I don't know anyone else who can make me feel this way."

"You deserve better than what I have given you," he said cupping your face with both your hands. Slowly he closed the distance between you two, his eyes looked from your eyes to your lips and back up again. You copied his movements and inched closer to him then stopped once both your noses brushed against each other silently asking if it was ok. Not seeing any hesitation he continued softly kissing you. Your lips brushed gently against one another as the kiss deepened. You wrapped your arms around his waist, your skin tingled feeling his body heat radiating off onto you. The kiss was magnificent something you've never experienced before, which made you break apart despite the happiness you felt.

You broke apart after a minute to breathe. A smile lingered on your faces feeling the rush from the explosive kiss. "I've been meaning to do that." his cheeks turned red and brushed his hair back.

"I'm glad you did." you admitted "I have been waiting for a while..."

He gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, "I waited too long and now that I have I don't plan on wasting it."

The thought made you feel delighted yet you knew it would be impossible. Tenya noticed the change in your eyes, "What's wrong?" he asked as he held your hand.

"I'm moving out of the country." you explained "I have a job opportunity in Spain. I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Oh..."

"I did miss you." you confessed "Seeing you rose feelings within me that I didn't know I still had. But I'm not going to be hopeful on waiting again especially since I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"We'll figure this out okay?" he said "You don't need to answer me or feel like you have to decide right now. You deserve that job opportunity."

"Are you sure?"

"You have my word." Tenya gave your hand a gentle squeeze "I'm willing to wait for as long as it takes and show you how much you mean to me."

"Y/n!" one of your friends called out to you, "The food is getting cold!"

"I should get back," you said letting go of his hand and he nodded.

"Let me know what time you leave okay?"

"I will." you said, "Goodbye, Tenya."

"Goodnight, y/n." he softly said and you headed back inside over to your table. Tenya then walked in after you, as he saw your table was a few feet away from his.

"Y/n where were you?!" Aimi slurred as you noticed her pink face from how much sake she had drunk already.

"She wouldn't stop asking where you were," Aito said. "She kept talking a lot almost getting us thrown out from here."

"Sorry, I ran into someone from my old school," you explained as your eyes landed on him from far away. Tenya's eyes then landed on you as well. You slightly blushed.

"What's wrong?" Takashi asked as he raised an eyebrow looking at you.

"Nothing," you replied smiling softly. "The meat tastes good is all."

[hologramcowboy]

@ANGRY ANON Do you have the courage to write to me from your account? Didn't think so. People expressing their views on possible trauma, well there's nothing wrong with that, it shows people care for Jensen. If you love him why do you have a problem facing his dark side or his traumas? It's all a part of him and there's absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging that. Real love isn't one-sided perceptions, it's recognizing the good and the bad and loving the person from your heart because you see both the drawbacks and benefits of their traits and you value them. I'm really sorry your family experienced such sad things but please know not everyone reacts to trauma in the same way. Furthermore, Actors put on personas often, you won't be able to read them most of the time. I've experienced certain things too and I do see them in Jensen yet you do not even though you experienced what you wrote, so again, not everyone is the same which is why trauma should never be a taboo but rather an opportunity for healing conversation. When I speak of someone's trauma, I never do it from a judgemental place but rather to acknowledge we're human, we go through things and they shape us and isn't it so much more beautiful and whole when I know you've experienced something so I can interact with you with awareness and never overstep certain boundaries because I know they hurt you. Well, I can't do that if nobody shares or feels free to talk about trauma because I am not psychic. I can't remember who said this but there's a quote "You've been through shit, I've been through shit, we've all been through shit" so no one should ever feel ashamed and trauma should never be taboo, because we grow and we heal better when we find that common ground and learn that that pain that holds us back is shared with many other people and that we can make an impact. So please, stop acting like choosing to acknowledge pain or trauma is evil, because it's the contrary, you cannot heal what you cannot acknowledge or accept in others.

That being said, I know you meant well with your post in your own way, I just think you need to detach because your painful emotions are surfacing and causing you to project and react from your old wounds. I hope you take time to focus on yourself and your brother and heal instead of investing energy in arguing online over celebrities you've never met. Not going to post your ask because it violates my rules but know that it has been fully read and I appreciate you sharing your perspective and pain. If you feel like contacting me privately feel free to. Sending you love, please know I take nothing personally. Hope you have a wonderful day/evening, depending where you are in the world.

[imaginationintowords]

Lost on You

Chapter 10

Peter Parker x Sister!Reader Steve Rogers x Reader Avenger x Reader; Hybrid Social Media AU

Series Masterlist

"Can we please talk?" Steve pleaded.

"Steve-"

"Please Y/n,"he begged, his voice cracking, "Five minutes and I'll be out of your hair, for good. I promise."

"Okay," I agree.

As he closes the door, I take a look at his appearance. He doesn't look so good, I mean physically he looks the same, because of the serum. But if you really knew Steve, like the way I do, you can tell he isn't. His eyes immediately give him a way, dark circles surrounding them. They don't look as bright as they used to.

I can't help but feel bad for him, it's a normal human reaction. Even though he hurt me, that doesn't mean all the love we had went away. It's still there, maybe it'll always be there, but whether or not I want to continue that love, I just don't know if I can.

Steve stays by the door, trying to give me some space.

"I know I've apologized countless of times, but I still just need to say how utterly sorry I am. I don't think I'll ever not be sorry for what I have done. I hurt you, when I have promised you countless of times that I would never. You expressed your fears of relationships, having been hurt in the past and I had promised I would never do that. Yet here I am, no better than them, because not only did I do it, I broke that promise and your trust. If I have to spend my whole life making it up to you, I will," he starts off.

"That won't be necessary," I interject, I give him a wave continue.

"I love you, Y/n. And what happened that night, should have never happened. I can't even give you a real answer as to why it happened, other than the fact that we weren't thinking.

No, let me rephrase that, I wasn't thinking. I don't know what came over me, because why would I do that? Not when I have you. Not when our relationship was at it's all time best. Why would I throw all of that away for cheap mindless sex," he pauses, noticing my wince at that.

I nod for him to continue.

"I've kept myself up the last two weeks questioning why did I do it. And I don't have an answer. I just don't. And that's not good enough. It isn't. Because if the shoe was on the other foot, which I know it never would have been, I wouldn't accept that answer as well. And you don't have to, accept it. Because it's cowardly," he clears the lump in his throat, trying to hold back.

"I so badly wish I can go back to two weeks and never do that again, but I can't and now we have to deal with the consequences of it all, and that's all on me," he breaks.

"I love you so much. And I fucking ruined that. I was going to ask you to marry me and I fucked that up," he cries out, falling to the floor, his hands on his face as he cries.

"Steve," I rush over to his side, rubbing his back soothingly.

"I know that doesn't change anything, because I still cheated," he says looking over at me, his eyes red.

"It doesn't," I confirm, feeling myself begin to cry.

This is it.

We both know that.

That this moment right now, is our last.

We stay there, looking at each other as we cry. Steve reaches for me and brings me into his arms, and we just hold each other as we cry.

"I am so sorry," he cries into my hair, his grip tight, afraid to let go.

"I know," I cry into his chest, "I know you are."

After god knows how long, we slowly pull our faces away, still holding on to one another, just to get a look at our faces. The crying is now just silent tears rolling down our faces.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I know," my throat hurts, "I love you too."

I did the only thing I could think of, I let my heart take control, and I slowly leaned up to meet his lips. You can feel the desperation and heartache behind the kiss. The kiss got a little more heated, both of us so desperate, knowing that we will never be this way with each other again.

Next thing I knew, we were both naked in my bed, Steve hovering over me.

"Are you sure?" he asks, making sure I was okay with it.

"Yes," I whisper, trying to take in every feature on his face.

The way he looks while we make love for the last time.

There's something incredibly sad about making love for the last time, knowing that it will be the last time. Most couples don't have that pleasure of knowing the last time they made love was their last, so they don't get to treasure it. Always hoping that they could've had one more night together, just to know that there was love there.

Here in this moment, there is love. I don't doubt that Steve didn't love me, I know it. The look in his eyes in this very moment say everything I needed to know about our relationship, and I hope mine do as well.

The sadness, the love, the regret, it's all there.

We try our best not to cry, but we can't help it. It's sad.

It's sad knowing that this great love is over. And not knowing if you'll ever find one like it again. Or even not knowing if you'll ever love again.

After we're done, we lay there, not in each other's arms. We remain quiet, seeing which one will be the first to say the final goodbye.

"Steve," I whisper so quietly, that if not for his super soldier hearing I don't think he would've been able to hear.

He looks over at me, tears rolling down his face. He nods his head, knowing what I'm thinking.

He slowly gets out of my bed and makes his way around the room getting his clothes on.

I don't dare look. I can't. If I do, I don't think I'll be able to let him leave.

"Thank-you for everything," he quietly says once dressed, opening the door, "Goodnight Y/n."

He quietly closes the door behind him as he leaves.

I close my eyes and let the tears fall, hoping the exhaustion of the day will consume me into a heavy sleep soon.

The next morning I'm woken up by FRIDAY letting me know that the team meeting starts in an hour. I thank her, my voice hoarse, don't know if it's because I just woke up or the aftermath of last night.

I quietly get dressed, and look around my room.

It's quiet. Peace.

It's lonely. I kinda like that.

It no longer feels like home.

I don't think I can stay here much longer.

Now that Steve and I are officially done, I think it's time I find some independence.

If the last two weeks have taught me anything is that, I need a little more independence.

I need a life outside of the Avengers.

A life where I don't work and live in the same building. Where I can escape.

Play music as loud as I want. Eat whatever the hell I want, and not worry if someone else has eaten it already.

Don't get me wrong I loved living here, I really did. I never had that college experience, we couldn't afford tuition and dorm living. Living here has let me experience the roommate life. But things are starting to get crowded. Everyone knows everything. You never have a chance to just breathe.

That's what I want, just a moment to breathe, without Sam and Bucky fighting over the tv remote. Without Tony dropping in in the middle of the night because he needs you in the lab ASAP, because he had a revelation in his sleep. I love Wanda, but sometimes you just need a break from even your best of friends. And now that Steve and I are officially over, how is dating going to be like for either of us. Not that that's going to happen anytime soon, but it's eventually going to happen, and I really don't want to see that with him, and him with I. It's just too complicated.

I have never been alone before. I've always had someone right there.

I think, no I know, it's time I be on my own. Doesn't mean I won't be an Avenger or work for Tony, it just means that I won't be living here with them.

And for the first time in the last two weeks, I feel content.

Free.

Like I can finally breathe.

That's how I know this is the right decision for me.

Summary: Y/N Parker is Peter’s older sister. She is ten years older than Peter, making her 26 years-old. She is also an Avenger, her powers are very similar to Wanda’s; telekinesis, mind reading, teleportation, and elemental bending. She has been an Avenger far longer than Peter, and like Peter her identity is kept a secret. As well as being an Avenger she works in the lab alongside Tony, she is a science genius. She has also been dating Steve Rogers for the past 3 years. Their relationship is as great as it can possibly be, that is until Steve does something that has Y/n questioning not only their entire relationship, but her place in the Avengers. It opens her eyes to how much of her life has revolved around Steve and work. Never really experiencing life like everyone else her age has.

Series tag list: @chaoticpete @eliza5616 @supraveng @faithtrustandrobbiekay @inquisitor-selvala @dumbbitch11 @im-not-an-armrest-im-short @jessyballet @reann-loves-sebstan @thelostallycat @castalette @lovely-geek @malfoyy123 @zombieninjadinostayssilent @welovecaptainamericaass @dontbetooobvious @stop-drop-and-drumroll @cvelarded @ophelias-heart​ @csigeoblue​

Permanent tag list[let me know if you want to be taken off]: @rosegolddivinity @definitelynotafangirl @1awesomeash @princess-evans-addict @geeksareunique @24kbratz @introvertatitsfinest @imagine-all-the-imagines @whatthefuckimbisexual @also-fangirlinsweden @the-queen-of-the-nerds