#FreeWriteFail

[azus-reyan]

Entry 11: Yesterday, I posted my freewriting. Not a great plan.

Normally, one doesn’t post their freewriting. It’s, well, weird. But I did.

Guess what that means?

The thing about freewriting is that it’s not really about thinking.

Well, you do think, but that shackle is loosened. I call thinking a shackle because, for the most part, it holds writers back. And by writers, I mean anyone who creates stories or creative work.

See, people connect with stories from the heart. Stories that touch the soul and speak to something within.

But then comes thinking.

Most authors pour their ideas when they’re still pure, and use thinking afterwards to polish the piece.

But if you’re not careful, thinking can also muddle that rawness. Kind of like adding water to wine—diluting the essence of the ingredients.

With freewriting, you turn down that thinking mechanism. You’re writing in a way that feels almost like learning to write all over again.

It’s personal, messy, and filled with raw ideas (for the most part)…

And you’re not supposed to post it.

Writer’s block. It’s one of the most common problems that plague writers.

If you ask an author why he has this ailment, he’ll passive-aggressively answer with, “If I knew the why, would I be in this predicament?”

After a brief reconsideration that makes you realize how stupid that question was, you try a more sensible approach.

“What I meant was, how do you feel when you’re experiencing writer’s block?”

The author could answer in many ways, but the most common response is, “I’m stuck.”

Ah, perfect, you think. Finally, you can help the guy who never asks for it.

“Why don’t you freewrite?” You ask, with a voice that doesn’t hide the muffled beating undertone of your heart.

“Freewrite? Well, I would if I could, but you see, I’m stuck. You know, U.N.A.B.L.E T.O W.R.I.T.E?!!!”

Sensing the definite irritability in his voice, you carefully suggest, “Why don’t you start with something simple? Like… Banana. And Just go from there.”

“I WOULD IF I COULD YOU F*CKING CUN… wait… Banana you say? Banana is a good word. But… um… Banana… Banana… Banana. Hey, wait, where did you go?”

Too late, you’re out.

Several hours later...

You meet the writer on better terms, casually chatting about life until he suddenly brings up the topic with surprising enthusiasm.

He goes on and on about how banana was the perfect word to write with—perfectly balanced between elegance and simplicity. How it showcases the flexibility of the English language, all while peppering in complex words only a writer would use.

You’re happy to have been of help, though you’re trying hard to forget that he screamed at you earlier.

“So, can I see it?” You ask, knowing very well what his answer will be.

“The book?”

“No, the banana piece.”

“Oh, that? I trashed it, of course.”

You know he didn’t trash it. You also know that he knows that you can just get it from the dustbin.

You also thrice know, that when he gets like this, you can’t snatch the piece from his cold, dead hands. So you sip your coffee and pass the day with a much more pleasant subject.

But I’m not much of a writer, so I posted it to the world!

My excuse? Being lazy, or rather, I was lazy yesterday Friday.

I like to chill on Fridays, and while writing could help with that, I consider it work. You’d have a better chance of seeing the sun rise in the west than me working on a Friday. Not my vibe.

So, I thought, why not write about something that doesn’t start with “banana”—like the light to the left of my keyboard? And wait, wouldn’t it be perfect to just post it for the whole world to see?

Normally, my freewriting feels better when I’m handwriting. But I typed this one out and had to wrestle with the idea of actually posting it.

A small confession: I have a serious case of perfectionism. Most writers do. And there’s no better cure for it than to put your very worst forward.

I had a rough night after that.

I might try again, but who knows when. Probably not anytime soon.

See ya.