#Frenchie deserves a competent first mate

[frooogscream]

Lucius: So, Izzy, what do you look for in a man?

Izzy: My partner must be brave, intelligent, composed & well-organised

Frenchie: *stumbles over rope,tumbles towards railing scaring away a seagull, falls overboard, profusely apologises to the seagull*

Izzy: Fuuuuck. I want that one,dont I?

[asoulwithadream]

TEASER REVIEW BECAUSE I'M DEAD

it's him. he's back. HE'S BACK. BESTIES HE'S BACK. i'm sick. his letter has caused my entire brain to shut down. "I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. I LOVE BEING NEAR YOU. BREATHING THE SAME AIR" bestie how did you find ao3 in 1717? AND THEY GAVE US ALL THAT IN THE FUCKING TEASER TOO?????? dude he looks so fucking heartbroken– YEARNING RAAAAAAAH

THIS FUCKING SCENE— he CUSTOMISED THE TOPPERS TO LOOK LIKE THEM I'M CRYING SOBBING ROLLING ON THE FLOOR. omg omg omg omg they love eachother so much PLEASE. and poor sweet ed jesus he has been CRYING AND HE LOOKS SO EMPTY IM SICK IM DYING IM DEAD. i'm sick, i need the icu help. does this mean he's good at painting.

GOTH UNIFORMS. THEY'RE REAL. im so incredible sick frenchie has cat claws. HE HAS CAT CLAWS IM DYING. and JIM HAS A PAINTED BEARD and SHAVED SIDES. i'm actually going to burst into tears. my heart is going to stop at any moment. even FANG HAS A COOL NEW UNIFORM

i don't think i'm alive anymore at this point. THE PARALLEL. THE PARALLEL. and 9 guns he literally turned into the kraken. HE TURNED INTO THE VERY THING HE HATED HELP ME PLEASE (also did anyone notice the scene where he rose out of the ocean was very similar to potc??????? help??????) stede please stop looking lovingly out in the distance my heart has gotten enough beatings

competent stede in red. FABULOUS IM GOING TO CRYYY 2. izzy hands it's izzy isreal it's you PLEASE this is so reminisence of all the ao3 fics— izzy's finally realised what ed has become and needs to go find stede and bring ed back PLEASE HELP I'm GOING TO CRY IZZY AND STEDE BEING FRIENDS NO NO NO NO NO HELP HELP HELP HELP this is his road to self discovery and acceptance and love i'm feral

that's the same place mofos THAT'S THE SAME PLACE. THEY'RE CLOSE. omg they're going to end up FIGHTING EACHOTHER AREN'T THEY AREN'T THEY OR IS IT THE FIRST TIME THEY SEA EACHOTHER . (also, COMPETENT STEDE?????) HELP ME THEY'RE SO FIGHTING. OMG what if they're running TOWARDS EACHOTHER OKFLAIKHFL please this is insane i will cry david jenkins you have forsaken us all.

minnie what are you doing to stede. HE DOESn'T WANT IT. He'S UNCOMFORTABLE IN SUCH A STATE. LITERALLY THE NAME OF ONE OF THE EPISODES ANNE LEAVE HIM ALONE, (and do it to me) (please i'm desperate)

these two barbies are having the times of their lives.

im convinced that "susan" (whoever ruibo quan is playing) is a mermaid. buttons is being taught the way of the sea by her since she is part fish. she is setting him up with the ocean so they can make sweet love, instead of yearning like captain blondie and emo over there

WHO'S FALLEN IN A RIVER IN LEGO CITY. IT MUST BE SOMEONE ON BLACKBEARD'S SHIP MATES IS IT ED????? ED HAS FALLEN OFF A SHIP IN LEGO CITY. HELP ME WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW OMG THE REVENGE ISN'T SINKING ISN'T SHE??? PLEASE DON'T DO THAT TO ME

THIS IM SORRY BUT WEE JOHN IS LOOKING ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS, ROACH HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE, AND IS THAT PETE THAT MUST BE PETE IT'S PETE ISN'T IT IT'S BLACK PETE. we don't have enough content with pete. YOU KNOW WHY? or else it would have to include LUCIUS. HAH. got you there david

well. that concludes my current rant. other parts of the trailer have been excluded bc they deserve their own posts OR others have phrased it better than me LMAO (yeah because what i wrote is peak shakespeare)

october 5th can't come fast enough help me

**UPDATE: FULL THEORY BASED ON THIS

[crobones]

how to make izzy's death follow his arc:

ricky wants to kill them all, but he wants to do it slow. one by one. he does not tell them this, but instead says they have a chance to escape if they prove they can behave and join his own personal navy. izzy does not purposely draw the ire of ricky, but ricky singles him out. he knows izzy's reputation and believes killing someone with such renown will be satisfying.

during capture, izzy susses out Ricky's real plan. Jackie still kills most of the soldiers by poisoning them.

Ricky fleas, but Izzy chases him because he has the key to the cell. They fight, ricky gets away. izzy - being fast, graceful, and seemingly unharmed - goes to free the crew solo while Jackie and the rest go to find a commandeer a ship.

When Izzy opens the cell and leads them out, Lucius gasps as he points out that Izzy has been stabbed in the back! Oh no! and it's on his left side!

Archie says that well, Jim just saved Auntie, they can save Izzy too! Izzy tries to protest, and Lucius or Pete tries to stop her, but she's quicker! She pulls out the dagger- oh wow that dagger was bigger and deeper than anyone expected!

Explosions outside, the navy closing in, no time to save Izzy. Besides, he doesn't look too bad. They. Have. To. Move.

Ed, Stede, and Zheng are in the woods being confronted and surrounded by Ricky and his men. Fog rolls in. Cannons and gunfire. Piles of dead leaves going up in explosive flames. There's barking? A voice calls out "This land is cursed!" and another says "There's hellhounds! The pirates have hellhounds!"

Once a curse takes hold, well... Ricky's men are fooled and make themselves vulnerable. Surprise! Jackie and her group show up. She compliments the Swede on his amazingly believable Boston accent. He says he was aiming for British. She says to a shocked and amused Ed, "What, you think I don't know a bit of fuckery?"

Ricky escapes again in the fog of war.

More fight scenes of everyone running to the ship. Cuts between Stede and Co running right, Izzy and Co. running left. Oh, is this a callback to Stede's dream in episode one of the season? Who'd've guessed.

Izzy's fighting style is fluid, and it compliments Jim's and Archie's and Auntie's very well. Auntie hits on Izzy, and he flirts back, but says he's not at the top of his game right now. She says that he's fully capable, even with one leg. Izzy smiles a bit, but it doesn't reach his eyes. Was he really talking about his leg? (Hint: The answer is no.)

Reunion! Ed hugs Izzy. Izzy grunts in pain. Ed apologizes more for having hurt Izzy and then just. Dipping. After a half-ass apology. He deserved more than that. He really is sorry about the leg. It's kinda cool though! Maybe they can paint flames on it when they get back.

Stede, much to everyone's surprise, also hugs Izzy. Izzy grunts again, a little more quiet this time. Stede Notices. Doesn't say anything about it. He thanks Izzy for saving "our crew." They have a moment.

Zheng and Auntie have their moment. Zheng thanks the Revenge for saving Auntie. Auntie lets Zheng be soft. Maybe she can look at Izzy, the other First Mate in the vicinity. They both know that it's healthy to let their captains be soft sometimes.

This all happens at a Very Rapid Pace because! The Navy is still en route!

They get back to the Revenge.

Stede - who has actually been very competent this whole time and not the characature he used to be - suggests they stand their ground, at least until They Kill Ricky.

Ed says risking his life and the crew for the sake of a grudge Is Not Worth It. Stede acknowledges this, but is still angry because He Knows. And he looks to Izzy. Knowingly. Izzy nods, like before. Stede relents.

Frenchie has been letting Izzy lean on him, but is now Actively trying to help him stand.

Izzy stumbles.

Stede lunges towards him and - oh? He's kissing Izzy? Everyone Is Very Surprised. Jackie whistles and says, "Don't think I didn't catch y'all making eyes at each other in the corner last night!" The Swede makes a very Swede comment about the sexual tension he always felt brewing between them. Because this is still a comedy I guess!

Stede tells Izzy he deserves love, and Stede wasn't sure how else to express it.

Ed is Confused. Worried. Mostly Confused. Izzy stumbles again. Worry Becomes Concern. Lucius tells Ed that Izzy lost a lot of blood. Lucius is frowning. Smiling? Crying. He's manic and let's out a wet laugh that sounds more like a sob.

From Ed the audience can hear the most broken and quiet, "What?"

Frenchie is still right there, trying to hold it all in. Izzy tells him it's not healthy to bottle it up, and Frenchie collapses, and so does Izzy.

Roach scrambles, trying to find supplies. Wee John, who is also tearing up, hands him a knitting needle. Roach is confused by this and Izzy huffs a laugh, saying that that kind of needle is too big, and that it's too late.

Ed, "What's too late? Izzy? What's too late!" He runs to Izzy and crouches next to him as Stede helps Izzy lay comfortably.

We see Jim clinging to Archie, who is at a loss for words. Olu is trying his best not to cry, but seeing Jim upset too breaks him.

Black Pete comforts a hysterical Lucius who is clutching the little wooden shark. Pete looks to Izzy and says, "I can't wait to tell people I was a part of Izzy Hands' crew."

Izzy clicks his tongue. "I've been following our constantly rotating list of Captains. At least, I hope so, because I was First Mate." He looks at Ed, who is nodding but trying so very hard not to lose it. "After Blackbeard retired - or some say, lost at sea - we were all proud crewmates of the Great Gentleman Pirate." He looks to Stede. "We were Stede's crew."

Stede shakes his head. He sheds a single tear and says, "Our crew. It took us a while to get there, but we're family." Izzy wipes the tear away and Stede holds Izzy's hand to his cheek. Kisses it. "You'll always be a part of our family."

Ed leans forward and kisses Izzy. We can't see if it was on the cheek or on the mouth, but it surprises everyone. Edlooks between Izzy and Stede. Then again. He says he's learning how to show his love from Stede, and he panicked.

"Oh, Eddie. Chose a great time to say you love me."

Ed gives a sad chuckle. He say, "I always loved- love you, Iz. Always will. Best I can, anyway. I'm sorry I didn't say it enough."

Fang hugs Ed from behind, looking very sad, but is holding back. Frenchie grabs Ed's hand. Ed slowly begins to ugly cry. Fang tells Izzy he was a lovely unicorn.

Wee John starts humming Le Vie En Rose. One by one, they join in. Izzy playfully complains that it sounds horrendous and off key. He starts singing so they can match up, but it's not as strong as the last time.

The camera pans between everyone - those who are singing as well as those who can't find the energy. Then the others, too. Jackie comforts The Swede, who is sniffling and has a seemingly endless supply of tissues. Zheng and Auntie mourne, but give the crew their space.

Camera pans back to the crew. Some are still singing, but only a few. Jim whispers "Eres uno de los mejores." At some point in the song, Izzy subtly stopped singing. The crew saw his final moments, but the audience didn't. They just see Stede close his eyes.

Next, we see Pete trying to fit a wooden ring onto Lucius' finger. Whether the wedding happened yet or not is up to interpretation. Frenchie is wearing Izzy's ascot. Jim is carving a new name into the ship - maybe it's Rosebud or something (shout out to my Citizen Kane fans out there.) Wee John is sewing a new flag that is the cat that Frenchie made in season one, but there's a black X behind the ear and a familiar bell hanging from it's collar. Fang asks Olu, "Where's the captain?" and Olu just shrugs.

Jump cut to a ring hanging from a necklace around Ed's neck. Stede says, "At one point, you're gonna have to tell me the story behind that. He refused to tell me, no matter how much I bugged him about it."

Ed replies, "Maybe next time you're over."

"Are you gonna charge me?"

"Depends. Are you a customer at this fine establishment?" He waves a hand and indicates the rickety inn that's near shambles.

"I'm a friend of the owner."

"Oh really? A friend."

"Maybe more than a friend."

They hug enthusiastically. Then kiss, a bit more cautiously. When they separate, they hold each other's hands. There a small spade, freshly tattooed onto Stede's hand. Stede says, "Well. I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah. See you around."

Stede is walking away, presumably back to the ship that he uprooted his entire life to have, and worked hard to earn the title Captain. Maybe a dozen yards away, we here Ed call out, "I do love you, you know." Stede pivots to look back. Ed is smiling. It is wide. He is happy. Smash cut to credits, leaving it up to interpretation. Does Stede run back? Does he join Ed? Does Ed decide, you know, he is a good pirate, but the crew could also use a fisherman, because everybody eats.

Who knows! It can end there or meet it's conclusion in a final season three. We can keep the metaphor. Izzy can still die. Fuck you.

[some-anonymity-preferred]

Also, that person keeps using the term "riot queer" and then describing something completely different. Do you think Marsha or Stormé were also the kind to police other queers' behavior at the Stonewall Inn? Do you think they called for the raid? Do you think they liked the people who did?

I don't.

I also object to the characterization of everyone else as Love Wins Queers, versus Izzy's Riot Queer (or Old Guard Queer, or whatever that person is actually trying to argue, bless their heart).

It at least shows, though, that we agree that everyone besides Izzy is of some kind of piece, and Izzy is somehow different. I can work with that.

Everyone else is some combination of Riot Queer and Love Wins Queer.

Buttons: in love with the sea, talks with birds, speaks in riddles; a pretty competent pirate helmsman/first mate, yearns for human flesh, bites

Ed: big soft goofy goth theatre kid, musical, fancies a fine fabric; is, ya know, Blackbeard

Fang: even bigger, even softer, goofy goth; Blackbeard’s main heavy

Frenchie: weird witchy musical fic-writing twink, sews, is into interior design; will scam you and spill your darkest secrets, has knives in his feet like a cat

Ivan: is Fang’s literal shoulder to cry on; wastes nothing, especially not the gold teeth

Jim: loves Olu, mourns their birth family, has a complicated relationship with their mother figure, gives the rest of the crew more chances than Jim feels they deserve; is Jim

Lucius: our favorite bitchy femme gay polyamorous relationship counselor; will humiliate you to death, can also whack you uspside the head if needed

Oluwande: quiet, caring, most frequently in possession of the show’s one brain cell, loves Jim; loves Jim, will scam you, can bash heads, coldly dismisses Izzy’s plea not to let the crew throw him overboard

Pete: poor dim baby, thespian, loves Lucius; full of braggadocio and really into mutiny and the violence of pirating

Roach: doctor, proud chef, sews, juggles (maybe); knives are knives, meat’s meat, finds torturing prisoners relaxing, provokes nazis for the sake of punching nazis

Stede: soft goofy theatre kid who just tries so darn hard, loves Ed; ran away to be a pirate, is a master of posh passive aggression, and in his hands, the stun move is overkill

The Swede: voice like an angel, blushes, gets the zoomies and a glow-up; is a pirate, might marry Jackie (Honestly, The Swede is the closest we come to a pure Love Wins Queer.)

Wee John: makes dresses, into interior design, has a drag persona; lives to set things on fire

Izzy: repressed and repulsive; a skilled swordsman, an abusive middle manager, and a narc

One of these things is not like the others, as they say.

Izzy is neither Love Wins nor Riot, and he’s not really Old Guard, either. He’s repressed and dripping with toxic masculinity. That’s his character, it makes him an antagonist—and it makes him someone I want nowhere near any place that bills itself as a safe space.

It’s worth noting that everyone else largely directs their violence outward, away from the group. That’s what makes them Riot Queers. And regardless of where their violence is directed, it’s often in self defence/preservation (whether justified or not).

Izzy is the only one we see making a habit of violence against those around him, and it’s for the sake of enforcing his own idea of his authority. I’d also say he inflicts more intentional psychological damage than any other member of the crew. And, thinking back on my recent rematch of the series, I’m not sure I remember seeing Izzy physically assault anyone in authority outside the Revenge (I’m not sure of that, but it’s my impression at the moment; and I will watch for it when I sit my polycule down for one last rewatch before Oct 5). And he always has at least a civil mask on when speaking with them. (Lord help me I won’t bring race into this post.) So yeah.

One of these things is not like the others for sure.