#GIVE US THE FALLOUT YES WHOO!

[regallibellbright]

Oh yeah I’ve got new Seanan McGuire THAT’S what I’ll so tomorrow.

*Shuffles to charge up the Nook overnight*

[wereshrew-admirer]

checking transcripts on marrow creek and this line* is SO spooky. this is the course talking directly to chine!! is this the most explicit message that chine ever actually gets from the course? they fuck up so many rolls trying to understand what the course is telling them (rip) and here in this little tiny bit of dialogue is a person made up by the course directly speaking to chine about the nature of marrow creek? 

*”austin (as crowd person): It’s not about what I want. It’s about what you want...”

(transcript of the whole scene below cut)

Austin: There is a banjo playing, and then people are slowly picking up fruit, and one at a time throwing. The fruit are like, sort of like peaches. They’re stone— they're various stone fruit. They're fruit that have pits in them. Very ripe, overripe, I would say. Like, you can see someone reach to grab one of them in their hand. Their fingers depress into the flesh of the fruit very easily. 

Keith: Ew.

Austin: You know what I mean? Like, without much force. And you get the sense that the pit inside is bigger than it should be.

Sylvia: I think like when someone near me starts doing this, I'm just like:

Sylvia (as Hazard): [outraged] What are you doing? 

Austin (as crowd person): Shhhh. Shh. Can I help you? 

Sylvia (as Hazard): [quieter] Why are you throwing fruit at them?

Austin (as crowd person): Because they're doing a poor job. Are you okay?

Sylvia (as Hazard): [loud again] I'm fine. I'm apparently the only person here who has—

Austin (as crowd person): Shhh. 

Sylvia (as Hazard): [hushed] I am apparently the only person here who has a normal reaction to not really liking music that much!

Dre (as Chine): [hushed] Hey! Hey! Do you have a— do you have an extra fruit? 

Austin (as crowd person): Yeah, of course. 

Austin: And hands you the one in their hand. 

Dre: Okay.

Austin: I mean, there's a box— there's a crate filled with these things.

Dre: Cool.

Austin: Like, on top of a barrel not too far away.

Keith: They do this a lot.

Dre: Yeah, no, I'm gonna— I'm gonna throw it directly at the person. 

[0:50:00]

Sylvia (as Hazard): Chine!

Austin: Directly at the person. 

Dre (as Chine): [quietly] I'm blending in!

Dre: Yeah, I wanna hit…I wanna hit the banjo out of their hands. 

Austin: Ooh. Okay, give me a, um…that sounds like a Hunt to me. 

Dre: Sure. 

Austin: Give me a Hunt. 

Dre: What’s—

Austin: You don't have Haven, do you? 

Dre: No, is the domain—

Austin: Again you could use any domain you want. If it's not Haven, it's Risky, but— and that's a bad trade on the math, for what it's worth. So I would just use Hunt, if I were you. Without help, Risky— I mean, Risky’s always just very scary, but… 

Dre: Oh, so Hunt and then just leave the domain blank?

Austin: Yes, yeah. Yeah.

Dre: Okay. 

Austin: Which means it— and it shouldn't be Risky if you aren't trying to call on something else. I mean, you can try to call on something else, and that will color what happens, is what I will say. I…Chine, you can use Cursed.

Dre: Hmm. That's probably fine. It’s probably fine.

Austin: Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry about it. 

Dre: Yeah, don't worry about it. [Sylvia and Dre laugh] 

Austin: Uh huh. You got a six, which is success at a cost.

Dre: Mm-hmm.

Austin: You, again, are gonna take D6…

Keith: That's lucky that you had that, by the way.

Austin: Oh my god. 

Dre: Whoo.

Austin: Take six to Echo, here. 

Sylvia: Boy.

Dre: What's the, uh…what's the tier that we're at?

Austin: Oh, we're on tier three, my friend.

Dre: Okay.

Keith: You have rollen— you have— “rollen,” Jesus Christ. You've rolled—

Austin: Uh huh?

Keith: —18 possible damage and hit 17 of them for stress.

Austin: That’s true. I'm killing it tonight. 

Keith: Us. You're killing us. 

Austin: I'm killing you. Go ahead and give me that Fallout test. [Sylvia laughs] No Fallout. And guess what, Chine?

Dre: Mm-hmm? Yeah? 

Austin: You knock the banjo out of his hands, and doing so fills your chest with a sort of warmth and confidence. Clear Vulnerable. 

Dre: Ah.

Austin: You've wandered onto one of the Haunts of this place. And I think the person who gave you that stone fruit…and again, if you picked it up, you could tell the pits in these, it's like they've been bred to be bigger than they should be. [Keith and Dre laugh] Like, it's big, heavy, like… [Sylvia laughs] The banjo clatters, and one of the strings breaks, and the person who handed it to you puts their hand on your back, like “well done,” you know? 

Dre (as Chine): It's called deescalation, Hazard. [Austin laughs softly] 

Sylvia (as Hazard): Wh— [frustrated but resigned] fine. 

Austin: I mean, people are continuing to throw at this point, and the person is just standing there.

Keith: You said that Chine stumbled upon a Haunt. Does that mean that the Haunt is having hit this person with a fruit?

Austin: Mm-hmm. This is a place you can heal. 

Keith: You can heal at hitting with a fruit. 

Austin: Yeah.

Keith: Okay.

Austin: Yeah. It’s a Mind Haunt. 

Dre: Feels good to break things. 

Austin: Mm-hmm. You feel yourself, as you throw it, Chine, connecting to something— and you used Cursed, right? 

Dre: Mm-hmm.

Austin: You feel yourself connected to something here in a deep way. Not just the people around you as you let go, but like, you feel rooted. You feel good. You feel like this is…this is a good town. [with unnerving conviction] This is a good town.

Keith: We are having very different times. 

Sylvia: Yeah.

Austin: What are y'all doing at that point? I mean, this person, I think, again, uh…they put their hand on your back, and they're like:

Austin (as crowd person): Ah, damn good throw. Here, you should throw another one.

Dre (as Chine): Yeah, yeah. 

Austin: And they pick one up and throw another one and, you know, hit the person. The person is just standing there, just taking these hits at this point. 

Dre (as Chine): Hey, uh, you haven't seen a tall demon with one horn anywhere, have you? 

Austin (as crowd person): Demon, mm… 

Austin: There's like a little bit of, um…they look arou— they like shake their head, but there's clearly something being hidden here, or there's currently being held back.

Sylvia (as Hazard): [quickly] Hey, hey, hey. Hey. You know something. What have you seen? 

Austin (as crowd person): [stammers]

Sylvia (as Hazard): You've seen the— hey, tell me. 

Austin (as crowd person): Hey.

Dre (as Chine): Listen.

Sylvia (as Hazard): Tell me, and I will throw as many fruit as you want at this guy.

Dre (as Chine): Listen, you tell us where that person is? I’ll— 

Austin (as crowd person): Shh.

Dre (as Chine): [hushed] Hey, hey. I'll nail this guy wherever you want me to. 

Austin (as crowd person): It's not about what I want. It's about what you want. [hesitates] Quiet. Come with— come— you stay here.

Austin: Pointing to you, Chine. And looking at you, Hazard, and saying like:

Austin (as crowd person): Come with me. 

[macgyvermedical]

3-Quinuclidinyl Benzilate is My New Favorite Chemical Weapon, A “Mason+Cable+Choices” Medical Review

This episode. This freaking episode.

First of all, Charlie Robinson, who I really thought was going to stick around in this version of the series after he survived his first episode, had to go and become the instrument to someone else’s revenge scheme. We also got to see a relatively hard side of Mac in the interrogation room, and I’m not sure whether to applaud it as character development or feel like they’re going too dark.

From a medical and whump standpoint, this episode sure has a lot of things covered- the gunshot wound, the neck needle, the 3-quinuclidinyl benzilate poisoning (Yay!), the heart needle/antidote, and the toxic smoke. I'm warning you now, most of this review is about the 3-quinuclidinyl benzilate poisoning.

The Gunshot Wound

Honestly, there’s not a lot to be said about the gunshot wound- it was to the outside of Charlie’s thigh, so while it would have been painful and probably would have bled some (the duct tape wouldn’t have helped stop the bleeding) it probably wouldn’t have been enough to really threaten his life. If he hadn’t later plummeted to his death, he might have needed some antibiotics, professional medical attention, and physical therapy.

Neck Needles

Neck needles aren’t a thing, but I’ve talked about those in previous posts.

3-Quinuclidinyl Benzilate Poisoning

Oh hey look, we’re already at 3-quinuclidinyl benzilate poisoning! And fam? this is where I really did my research.

If you’ve been on this blog long enough you know I like my chemical weapons. Not in a “kill everyone” way but in more of a “strong academic interest I may one day write a thesis about” way. And man, do I love having access to an academic library again. Whoo buddy. This was fun.

In the episode, Mason uses a chemical weapon called 3-quinuclidinyl benzilate (also noted in the episode as “BZ”), smuggled in a false tooth, to subdue Mac before making his escape from the interrogation room. The tooth contains QNB  in an aerosol form, which when released forms a visible cloud in the room. Mac breathes the aerosol, which appears to instantly paralyze or possibly sedate him, while Mason takes advantage of the small amount of uncontaminated air in Mac’s water bottle before making his escape up the air vent. A security team makes their way to Mac, Desi calls for a med team, and Mac is revived with an antidote delivered by a needle straight to his heart.

When someone mentions chemical weapons, most people think of mustard gas or nerve agents. But poisons designed to torture and kill people aren’t the only things that fall into the category of chemical weapons. In fact, there’s a whole class of them, called “incapacitants” that are specifically designed to take people out of commission without a high risk of death or permanent disability. 

Let me just say, Jim Adler is a writer after my own heart. He wrote both this episode and “Mac+Fallout+Jack” and considering both were absolutely gut-wrenching and contained reasonable choices of incapacitating agents, I really, really appreciate what he’s done for the canon. He didn’t get everything right here (*cough cough* neck and heart needles *cough cough*), but he clearly understands enough about drugging people to buy some literary license. Not all of it, but some.

Now, as I’ve talked about in other posts, drugging people into unconsciousness isn’t a particularly safe thing to do. Unconscious people can’t protect their airway, and most drugs that render people unconscious significantly impact their respiratory rate, blood pressure, or both. Unless the party doing the drugging is prepared to devote at least one trained person to monitoring and management of the drugged individual, there’s a chance that person could suffocate and die. Paralytic agents have a lot of the same issues.

This becomes even more problematic if you’re trying to incapacitate multiple people. Case in point- in 2002 a small group of Chechan rebels held over a 1,000 Russian civilians hostage in a theater in Moscow. After several days, in order to end the stand-off, Russian military personnel used what was probably an aerosalized opioid* to render everyone in the building unconscious. They then stormed the building and rescued the hostages. Unfortunately, even though antidotes were available and used, about 1 out of every 10 hostages ended up dying due to the mass drugging, which didn’t win any PR points for the use of incapacitating agents.

But if you get just slightly more creative, sedation and paralysis are not the only two ways to drug enemy combatants into uselessness. Turns out, a variety of hallucinogens and deliriants can achieve the same goal without the same risk of death by suffocation. If you can get someone to a state where they can’t remember what they’re doing or perform basic skills like reading or decision making, they can’t easily attack and kill your own personnel.

This is where 3-quinuclidinyl benzilate, (NATO code BZ, US Army code EA-2277, Soviet code Substance 78, and usually referred to as “QNB” in medical circles) starts to stand out. QNB is a deliriant and hallucinogen. Now, there are lots of drugs that fall into these categories- think LSD, ketamine, PCP, and atropine to name a few. QNB works very similarly to atropine, by selectively blocking the action of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine (think the opposite of a nerve agent), but with significantly more of its action concentrated around the mind-altering side-effects. It’s also safer, hardier, more versatile, and has a more ideal onset and duration of action.

The typical course of incapacitation with QNB involves:

An initial period of progressively worsening anxiety, restlessness, and confusion

A period of extreme drowsiness

Finally, more confusion, an inability to perform simple tasks, difficulty with movement, hallucinations, and bizarre behaviors including picking at things, which all gradually wane over the course of 2-4 days.

Here are some reasons QNB stands out as a particularly effective incapacitant (and all the ways the episode ignored them):

The first is therapeutic index. A drug’s therapeutic index is the difference between its effective dose and it’s toxic dose. If we say a drug has a “narrow” therapeutic index, that means there’s a very small difference between an effective dose and a toxic one, while a “wide” therapeutic index means that the two doses are very different. When drugging someone without their knowledge, no matter how you’re delivering the drug, it’s really hard to estimate the actual ingested dose. Because of this, you want the widest possible range of effective-but-not-deadly doses you can have- the best drugs for mass druggings are those with the widest possible therapeutic indices.

QNB happens to have a very wide therapeutic index compared to other possibilities for incapacitants. The lowest effective dose is about 150 micrograms, while a toxic dose is more than 650 times that at about 100 miligrams. In small doses, the drug doesn’t last as long and causes more sedating vs delirious effect, but is still very useful in lowering the effectiveness of an enemy force.

The second is its options for route and availability in an environment. How any drug is given is referred to the route of administration. These can include:

PO (oral- taken as a pill or liquid)

IV (intravenous- injected into a vein)

IM (intramuscular- injected into a muscle)

SC (subcutaneous- injected into fat)

IO (intrasseous- injected into a bone in an emergency)

Inhaled (breathed and absorbed through blood vessels in the lungs)

PR (rectal- given rectally)

Transdermal (absorbed through the skin)

Most drugs work best when administered a certain way, and some may only be produced for use by a certain route. Some, like ketamine or LSD, can’t be absorbed in the stomach, so giving them orally doesn’t work (LSD “tabs” are actually absorbed through the mucous membrane in the mouth). QNB’s advantage is that it can be given by any route. You want to drug food or drink? It works. Aerosolize it and pump it into the air? Also works. Inject it IM, SC, or IV? Yes but you might have to answer some questions. Coat something like a doorknob? It goes through skin too!

QNB is particularly suited as an aerosol, not because it readily evaporates, but because it’s odorless. No one would even know they were breathing it until it started working, and even then, they might not know what happened. It also stays in the environment for a long time- up to several weeks depending on conditions- and can survive extreme heat without degrading, so it could be disbursed via explosive (LSD would not survive). Bottom line, everyone that came into that room to rescue Mac was contaminated, probably enough to cause them problems. Also, so was Mason, so take that as you will.

The third is the drug’s onset and duration of action. In the episode Mac is almost instantly incapacitated when the spray hits his face. This is not how any drug works (even via the IV route, the quickest-onset drugs still take at least 15-30 seconds to be felt), but particularly not QNB. QNB has an onset time of about an hour, no matter the route. This is actually beneficial to the drug’s original purpose- if no one shows symptoms from drugging with an odorless aerosol until an hour after exposure, there’s no way to take protective measures. Suddenly everyone’s hallucinating and can’t do basic math. Sucks for that attack plan you were working on.

The fourth and final benefit that QNB provides is both it’s lack of (specific) antidote and the fact that there are no lasting effects. Some people point to physostigmine as a possible antidote, but it’s not perfect and has some incapacitating side effects of its own. As incapacitation with QNB is generally not life threatening, it’s probably better for most people to be cared for in a safe place and ride out the effects. Since it’s also not a carcinogen or mutagen, once the effects subside, there shouldn’t be any additional problems.

Phew. Okay.

Heart Needles

I swear I’ve talked about heart needles before, but I’ll do it again since it hasn’t been recently. In the episode, Mac is injected with an antidote directly into his heart. Now, like we said before, using an antidote wouldn’t really help him much, and its not really necessary. He’s just gonna have to ride it out (I don’t make the rules...).

But they chose to do it, so we should talk about it- in the pre-CPR era, intracardiac injections represented the only way of getting emergency medications like epi to the heart in the case of cardiac arrest. As late as 1992, there were still some groups advocating for it if the patient was in asystole (flatline) and IV or IO access couldn’t be obtained. Mac has excellent veins if I do say so myself, and he also wasn’t coding, so there’s no reason for this to have been a thing in the episode. It’s also never used today.

Also, I’m going to be particularly disappointed if that was just a callback to the similarly inaccurate Pulp Fiction scene. Because this show has already used epi to counter an acetylcholine-based problem, and you already only get to do that once. EPINEPHRINE IS NOT AN ALL-PURPOSE ANTIDOTE.

Jim Adler based on your other work I have to assume you know better.

Also it’s late and I’m not talking about the toxic smoke. See my many posts on cyanide and some time in the future come read my post on carbon monoxide.

*According to the book Chemical Warfare: Secrets Almost Forgotten by James Ketchum, who did a lot of the initial research on chemical incapacitants. Other sources reference the drug used as anything from traditional nerve agents to QNB itself, but the onset times and symptoms initially reported seem to match up better with an opioid than QNB.

R E F E R E N C E S

Awl - X-Ray + Penny - Duct Tape + Jack - CD + Hoagie Foil - Guts + Fuel + Hope - Wilderness + Training + Survival - Father + Bride + Betrayal - Lidar + Rogues + Duty - Nightmares - Seeds + Permafrost + Feather - Friends + Enemies + Border -

[concussed-to-pieces]

The Kindness; Part Eleven

Fandom: Fallout (3)

Pairing: Female Lone Wanderer/Charon

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Only the epilogue to go! Whoo!

Spoon insisted on butchering the dead deathclaw and taking the meat with them. Charon could feel his happy-go-lucky rad-induced attitude starting to slip away, and it relieved him. He'd said too much when he was content and he definitely wasn't at his fighting finest when he was in a goddamn euphoric fog. He kept his shotgun ready, scanning the horizon for threats while Spoon peeled the hide off the corpse.

  “I'm definitely taking these claws with me.” She said finally, tugging down the bandanna she'd used to protect her airway from the rather rank smell of the dead animal and scrubbing the blood off her hands with some clean dirt. A dribble of snot from not breathing through her nose trailed down her face and Charon couldn't hold back a snort of laughter.

  “What? Aw ew, ew.” Spoon groaned, wiping her nose on her bandanna and shooting the still-grinning ghoul a dirty look. “It's not funny!”

  You look good no matter what, smoothskin. But goddamn, do you look wonderful when you want to knock my teeth in . “No, of course not.” Charon agreed, making her huff in annoyance.

  Spoon yanked her old boot back on, the remnants of her bloodied pant leg dragging in the dust as she stood. “I don't care, it fits me so I'll keep wearing it.”

  She seemed defiant, and Charon shook his head. “You don't have to rationalize to me, Spoon. You know that.”

  “Yeah...” Spoon shakily stood on her tiptoes and patted his shoulder. “Let's go, big guy.”

  “Lead the way, smoothskin.”

    When the leader of the settlement pulled a pistol on them, Spoon was hardly even surprised. It wasn't a settlement, it was a trap for her. Everyone knew about ' The Lone Wanderer and his seven foot tall ghoul ' thanks to a certain loud-mouthed radio DJ, and the bounty for her from the Talons must be pretty ludicrous if they were willing to set up a fake camp next to deathclaw territory.

  Charon, without a word from her, grappled with the man and snapped his arm like a twig. “Anyone else want to try? Anyone else want to get beaten by the zombie?! ” Charon roared as he stood over the man, teeth bared.

  Oh he's pissed , Spoon gulped as another man came at her with a knife, and she slammed the butt of her rifle into his head after sidestepping his blade almost without thinking. Then, there was no time to think after Charon issued his challenge, mercs on them like feral ghouls.

  Spoon soon found herself back-to-back with seven feet of snarling, swearing ghoul, a grin on her face as she heard him holler, “Watch out for the rotface , you cowardly pricks! ”

  “My ghoul!” She yelled proudly over the din.

  Charon's body stiffened for a moment, and then a low rumble from his chest indicated his approval of Spoon's claim. Spoon's grin widened when he answered, “My...smoothskin.”

    Charon couldn't help the sound that came out of him when he heard the small scavenger call him hers in the middle of the brawl. Her ecstasy was tangible when he replied in kind. He knew he must look like a maniac, cheesing from ear to ear while slaughtering a group of poorly-organized men. There was no helping it, though. The two of them could anticipate each others movements seamlessly, a literal dynamic duo of guns and fists against the pitiful horde that clashed with them.

  They finally stood victorious, hardly a scratch on either of them. Spoon smiled up at him, looking thrilled. That smile seemed to sing through his blood, his bones. Charon dropped his gun and swept her up, pressing her into the wall of the shack. He groaned into her neck, his codpiece feeling too small with her up against him. “ Fuck smoothskin, you can't do that.” He admonished, “Not in a fight. Christ. You'll kill me.”

  “Scold me later, okay?” Spoon breathed, her fingers framing his jaw as he easily held her. “Are you hurt at all?”

  “Scrapes. This old hide is tough.” Charon smiled down at her. “You?”

  “I'm fine, thank you.” Spoon looked at his mouth, then back to his eyes. “Could I...?”

  “Yes.” Charon growled, surprised when she slid her hands to the back of his neck and carefully tugged him down to her like he was delicate. The kiss was soft, quiet. Which was great in its own right, but...“You're not gonna break me, smoothskin.” He protested when she pulled away.

  Spoon shrugged, her flush back. “I don't really know what I'm doing. I thought it was okay.”

  “We kissed before...wait, what do you mean 'I don't know what I'm doing'?!” Charon's voice threatened to crack as the realization hit him. Oh my god, what if she's never kissed anyone else except me. Holy fuck she's never kissed anyone except me. “Fuck's sake Spoon, you could have let me know.” He grumbled, tucking a lock of her hair back behind her ear.

  “It's embarrassing!” Spoon blurted, “I can fight and smoke and drink but I wasn't kissed until you came along? Shit Charon, I'm an adult in an adult body over here.”

  “...please tell me you've at least fucked before? Someone's given you a roll in the hay, right?” The relief he felt when she nodded was short-lived.

  “I've never come though, so I don't know if it counts. At least I don't think I have? I don't really know what it feels like, so my frame of reference may not be that great.” Spoon bit her lip.

  She was so shy about the kissing and then this? Jesus Christ . Charon felt like all the air in his body had been knocked out by a massive punch. He was suddenly aware of the heat he was putting out, and the smoothskin's legs wrapped around his hips. “Smoothskin, that's not normally information you'd volunteer.” He pointed out weakly.

  She rolled her eyes. “I want you to know what you're getting into, Charon. I'm probably not the best in bed and I don't want to disappoint.”

  Charon closed his eyes for a moment, willing himself to be as patient with her as she had been with him. Smoothskin, how can you even say this stuff. As if the only thing I want is to get you into bed so I can 'test you out' or something. “Smoothskin...I'm a fucking ghoul , okay? That doesn't make me quite as desirable as I used to be, what with the missing skin and all. But I don't 'hook up' with people loosely, smoothskin or ghoul.” He said slowly, trying to be as clear as possible. “Ahzrukhal rented my 'services' out to a lot of people. It's fucked with me, and I don't know whether I'll...I don't know how non-ordered intercourse would go. So I mean, if we're gonna talk about someone being bad in bed...” Charon trailed off, grimacing.

  Spoon looked upset, and he felt like he ought to apologize. She waved off the stammered ' sorry ' as he let her down to stand regularly, her 'upset' quickly turning to 'infuriated'. Spoon stood up on her tiptoes, making Charon bend down so she could drag him in for another kiss.

  “Don't...” Her voice shook. “Don't ever say that about yourself, okay?”

  Kiss.

  “I mean it's one thing for me. I've had a relatively easy life. Me being bad in bed is more funny than anything else.”

  Kiss.

  “You've had the shit kicked out of you; you've been passed around and treated like an animal.”

  Kiss.

  “You being ordered to do things you don't want to is never a light matter. And if...I mean, if we try to do uh, something, and you can't? Then we'll stop.” Spoon murmured, her tone matter-of-fact.

  Charon realized that he had hoisted her up against him again, wondering when that had happened. “Just like that?” He asked, closing his eyes when she began pressing those damn kisses up his neck.

  “Yeah. It'll be a mutual thing, okay?” Spoon mumbled against his skin. Charon barely suppressed a tremor at the feeling.

  “I'll be careful with you, smoothskin.”

  “I'm not worried about it, big guy.”

    Spoon laid out on the bed, smiling at Charon encouragingly. “I figured we could start with undressing each other? It's safe enough, we've kind of already done it.” Charon's eyes met hers and then darted away. The ghoul fidgeted in the doorway, making Spoon's smile falter. “Are you alright, Charon?” She asked, not expecting the strange-sounding whimper that he made. “Hey...” She soothed, scooting out of bed and running to him. “Hey it's okay. It's alright. Shh, it's alright.”

  “I'm fucking terrified,” Charon croaked, “what the fuck is wrong with me?” He hid his face in his hands. “What the fuck, Spoon. I've kissed you, I've held you. What the fuck is wrong with me, why am I so scared?”

  Spoon carefully pulled his hands down, proceeding to kiss the knuckles on his left hand. Charon's breathing stuttered. “Tell me what's going on, Charon.”

  He made a noise in his throat that sounded like a sob. “F-Fuck, smoothskin, what do I do?”

  “Is it because this is planned, instead of spontaneous? Because it's here in front of you and you have to focus and over-focus on it?” Spoon asked.

  Charon's brow furrowed. “I don't...I mean, that makes sense smoothskin. I just don't know. I know I'm not in any danger, but half my skull is calm and the other half is screaming bells and goddamn whistles.”

  “What does the calm half want?” Spoon softened her voice. “What does it ask for?” She held her breath when Charon cupped her face in his hands.

  “It wants...I want everything. Everything you can give me. I'm a greedy son of a bitch, Spoon. You bought my freedom. You put food into me when I was starving. You patched me up when I was bleeding out.” Charon closed his eyes for a second, seeming to gather his thoughts. “I want to make you feel good.”

  Spoon started unbuttoning her shirt, reaching behind Charon and closing the door as an afterthought. He took his hands off her, watching warily. “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to feel good.” Spoon replied. I can't fix everything, big guy. But let me try. “This is what I do when I'm safe and happy.”

  “Fuck.” Charon's reaction was really all the gratification she needed. Spoon considered anything else after this point to be a bonus.

  She folded her shirt and dropped it on the floor, doing the same with her pants moments later. Spoon then knelt in front of Charon in nothing but her underwear, her heart pounding in her chest as she smiled up at him encouragingly. God, the way he looks at me.

  Charon seemed frozen, the only thing moving was his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. A nervous gesture, not hostile. He finally seemed to snap out of it; Spoon could feel the heat radiating off of him. “Smoothskin...Christ.” Charon breathed, crouching so they were eye-to-eye. “You make me so fucking hungry.”

  Spoon gulped, hoping it was too quiet for him to hear. “Hungry?”

  He nodded, hesitantly reaching for her. “Like I'm fucking starving and you're the banquet in front of me. Will I get my ass handed to me if I try to take some? Do I even care anymore?” The ghoul rumbled, carefully pushing her back to lie down. He crawled over her, still fully-clothed and staring with wide, unseeing eyes. “Can I have it? Should I? Will I fucking take it? No, never.” Spoon's breathing quickened as he bent closer. “But would you give it to me, if I tried?” Charon mused, running his fingers through her long hair until he reached the tiny beads braided in. “Would you fight me? Or would you just give in to me? What if I want it and you don't? What if I hurt you? What if I kill you? You've gotta' understand smoothskin, I was probably on a fucking leash for a reason.”

  “I know.” Spoon's mouth had gone dry. He's right. He's leaps and bounds stronger than me. He's been fighting for ages. He knows so much more. But... “You don't scare me.” Her bold statement seemed to shake Charon out of his blind-staring ramble, the ghoul looking at her like he'd never seen her before. Spoon was surprised herself to find that it was only the truth she had spoken. She wasn't scared of him, even after that little rant. “You're gonna have to try a lot harder if you want me to run.” she continued, unbuckling his first belt.

  “Jesus Christ smoothskin.” Charon pressed his mouth over hers, hungrily kissing her. Spoon arched up against him, making him groan. “How are you so fucking brave and fucking beautiful and fucking smart.”

  “Just lucky, I guess.” She grinned, laughing when the ghoul rolled his eyes.

  Spoon had pushed him onto his back and was fighting with his second belt when Charon stilled. “Smoothskin...I uh. It's. Been a while. Since I've even wanted anything like this. I'm probably not gonna' last that long.” His chuckle was nervous. “So, sorry if I blow my load like a teenager.”

  Spoon felt something throb beneath her fingers and she cursed the complications a simple buckle could cause. Charon sighed out a breath as she struggled with his zipper and yanked it down. Spoon's eyes widened, his brazen words to the raiders so many months ago ringing in her ears.

  “It's all in the skin...”

  Charon's cock pulsed, tapping against the ghoul's stomach and leaving a smear of precum there. “Spoon uh, maybe this is...” Charon began.

  “Just a second.” Spoon murmured. Gathering her wits and willing herself to be a little less turned-on, she pressed a gentle kiss to the base of his shaft, earning her a stream of curses and a tightened grip on her shoulders. It was just as gratifying the second time she did it, thumbing across the slick head of his cock as a follow-up.

  “Fuck...” The ghoul hissed, tilting his head back. “God Spoon it's been so fucking long-”

  “You've been so good to me, Charon. Let me be good to you.” She said softly. Spoon wasn't prepared when he groaned and dragged her up to his mouth. His rough cock slid between them, pressing against her stomach and making her gasp into his kiss. “Hmm, I don't know if you'll fit.” She teased, leaning back to make a show of measuring his member against her stomach. “Should I get you off once and then we can try?” Charon was just watching her wide-eyed, swallowing hard every few seconds. Spoon smiled encouragingly at him, unhooking her bra. “Touch me, please?” She asked, “It's less fun by myself.”

  The ghoul jerkily rolled his hips up against her, scooting himself into a sitting position against the wall. Spoon sucked in a breath, almost startled when Charon began gently kneading her breasts with his hands. “What do you like, Spoon?” He asked in a voice that shook. “H-How can I please you?”

  “Goddamn, you could do that for forever and I would not mind one bit.” Spoon sighed, nuzzling his neck.

  “So like this?” He murmured, cupping her breasts and rubbing his thumbs across her nipples.

  “God yes Charon yes more.” She begged, rocking somewhat excitedly on his lap. Charon groaned, grinding his cock against her.

  “What'd I tell you, smoothskin.” The ghoul grumbled, hands leaving her chest and balling into fists at his sides. “Fuck's sake. For fuck's. Sake.”

  “It's okay! Please, I want you to!” Spoon's fingers wrapped around his cock, slicked with spit. Charon swore under his breath, fucking into her hand. “I don't care, okay Charon? Please come for me?” she pleaded as Charon gritted his teeth.

  “Fuck's sake smoothskin y' can't beg me-” Charon stopped mid-sentence, come spurting through Spoon's fingers and dribbling onto his stomach. The ghoul sucked in a breath and released it in a clearly startled, “Uh.” Spoon kissed him hard, moaning into his mouth. His fingers dug into her hips, urging her against him. “Spoon, you still want...?”

  “Are you kidding me Charon. Jesus Christ. That was literally the hottest thing I've ever seen.” Spoon breathed, holding his face in her hands.

    Charon pressed his forehead into hers, grinning the widest he'd ever grinned. “Well then, hop on up little lady.”

  Spoon stood up to take her underwear off, blushing prettily when the slick sheen on them came into view. Whatever Charon was going to say escaped him as he drank in the sight of her fully naked in front of him. “Would it be alright if...?” He trailed off, tapping a finger lightly against her pubic mound.

  Spoon nodded jerkily, her hands resting on his shoulders. Then she cried out, the sound music to the ghoul's ears as he slid a hand between her legs.

  “Beautiful...” Was all Charon could muster up, his mind going quiet as he felt how easily his fingers slid against her clit. Christ. “Is this alright, smoothskin?” Spoon whimpered, flushing at the way Charon tried to keep from groaning by biting his lip. “So tight smoothskin...” Then, “Such a good smoothskin. You're doing so well, Spoon.” He growled, making her knees quake. “I know my fingers are big. Say the word and I promise I'll stop. I don't want to hurt you.”

  “I want more, please.” Spoon begged, her hips shuddering with his careful ministrations. “Please please please.”

  “You're killing me smoothskin, goddamn. You just want all of me right now?” Charon asked, his tone half-joking as he wrapped a hand wet with her slick around his cock, giving himself a few lazy pumps. Spoon keened, watching him hungrily. “I'll take that as a yes. I'll be gentle, Mistress.”

  Spoon covered her face, whether from embarrassment at his teasing or being flat-out overwhelmed Charon couldn't tell. After a few deep breaths, she slowly sank down onto him.

  Charon hissed out a breath, suddenly unsure of where to put his hands. “Shit Spoon, you're fucking tight. Too much?” He managed to say.

  “Mmmm...” The smoothskin's eyes were half-lidded and dazed, her arms draped over his shoulders. “Nope, pretty sure I've got the best seat in the house.” Spoon murmured.

  Charon's laugh was breathless, quickly dissolving into a moan as Spoon began to ride him. His hands found purchase on her hips, pushing her down as he thrust upwards. “I'll stop. If you need me to.” The ghoul growled, laughing again as Spoon shook her head, brushing her hair back over her shoulders in an act of defiance. Charon carefully twisted a hand into her hair, feeling her tighten around him when he gave an experimental tug. Trusting her to let him know if something went wrong, he slowly increased the pressure. He bent her back, shifting beneath her until she rested on the floor under him, writhing and making noises that shot straight to his cock. Her legs were wrapped around his back, thighs tightly gripping his hips.

  Her eyes were murder on the ghoul, pupils blown wide in the afternoon light. She looked content and needy all at once; demanding and helpless an enticing mixture on her face. “Don't forget to tell me if something hurts.” Was the last thing Charon said before coaxing her knees up onto his shoulders.

    Spoon had never felt so thoroughly taken care of in her whole life. Charon fucked with the same fluid motions he fought with, whole body rippling over her in a powerful display. The uncertainty of earlier had been replaced with a purpose and it was very, very obvious. Spoon cried out when he tugged her hair again, loving the delicious shock it sent through her body while he thrust into her. “Yes!”

  “More?” Charon growled in her ear, his voice alone almost as good as his teasing hair-pulls. Spoon tensed her thighs, feeling and hearing the startled exhale from the ghoul above her. “Fuck. Alright, I'm goin'.” He released her legs and slid a hand under her hips, sitting back on his haunches.

  “Charon!” Spoon's voice cracked as the new angle made his cock rub relentlessly against her front wall, the ghoul's breath hitching as she clenched around him.

  “Good?”

  “Jesus!”

  “Some people call me that.” Charon grinned, holding her hips tightly and pulling her into him. She could feel every inch, every throb of him and it drove her insane. She arched against him, whimpering and not even caring how loud she was being. Because he was just as loud, vocalizing his approval in her. “You fuck me so damn good smoothskin, Jesus. You're goddamn beautiful, fucking perfect.” The swears dropped in his husky voice made Spoon feel like she was on fire. She was impossibly wet and impossibly turned on and impossibly well-fucked and that fucking voice was going to be the death of her.

    “Fuck me until you're satisfied!” She burst out. Charon's rhythm stuttered for a moment, taking in the way she was moving beneath him and hungrily meeting him thrust for thrust. “Don't stop, please don't stop, you fuck me so good!” Spoon rambled, her hands fisted in her thoroughly messy hair.

  “God.” Charon rasped, kissing her as hard as he dared. Her lips looked swollen when he pulled away, and he rumbled his approval. Spoon moaned suddenly as she crested, body in spasm around Charon's cock. The ghoul seized up, choking out a groan when she quivered around him. “Fuck--”

  “Charon...” that blissed-out sigh was all it took to tip the ghoul over the edge, his orgasm making him cry out and shudder while he spilled into her. His arms threatened to give and he quickly dropped to his elbows over Spoon, gasping for air.

  Her arms wrapped around him and pulled him down to lay on top of her, a breathy moan of contentment escaping Spoon as his body fitted to hers. Charon wheezed, “Okay? Not crushing you?”

  “Nope.” The woman murmured. Then, “you're fucking amazing, you know that?”

  “Not so bad...yourself.” Charon replied, smiling against her neck.

    “Hey Charon...?” Spoon breathed, her heart rate still on its way to slowing down to normal.

  “Mm.” He grunted, tightening his grip on her. “What, smoothskin?”

  “Would you have bought my contract, if I'd had one?” The befuddled look the ghoul shot her almost made her laugh. Almost.

  “Hell no.” Charon growled, stretching his arms out and crossing them behind his head.

  “What?!”

  He held up a hand, quieting her. “Let me finish, smoothskin. If Ahzrukhal was the one with your contract? No way in fuck with that two thousand caps bullshit. I'd get your contract out of his cold, dead hands. I ain't a diplomat like you, Spoon.”

  “I'm really glad that you gave me a chance.” Spoon murmured, wrapping herself around him and tugging the sheet up over them. “When we started out I was pretty sure I was going to irritate you to death.”

  “Well as you can see,” Charon gestured downwards at the bed, “I've had a change of heart.”

  Spoon laughed, smiling against his chest. His hand fell to her head and he started stroking her hair. “All it took was a little kindness, big guy.”

Epilogue