#it’s gonna be emotionally devastating CAN’T WAIT! :D

[regallibellbright]

Oh yeah I’ve got new Seanan McGuire THAT’S what I’ll so tomorrow.

*Shuffles to charge up the Nook overnight*

[pokemenlovingmen]

Random selection of Pokeguys with this old classic:

Character: “I wasn’t that drunk last night!”

“You were flirting with S/O.”

Character: “So? He’s my boyfriend.”

“You asked him if he was single.”

“And then cried when he said he wasn’t.”

… you guys know the one I’m talking about right? A big fandom meme but I can’t find the og, if there even was a non fandom-affiliated og. This is probably really convoluted for a shitpost lmao I’m sorry, this is just silly goofiness to me while I wait for requests and the guys here were just kinda picked by who I thought would be the most fun to write.

Content warnings: alcohol consumption and drunkenness

Adaman

💎 — Emotionally devastated but trying so hard not to show it

💎 — Considering he was sloppy-ass drunk enough to ask you, HIS BOYFRIEND, if you were single that’s not really something he’s doing great at

💎 — “Oh nooo that’s so… I’m sorry… oh noooo you’re just so pretty :(“

💎 — He stares vacantly off into the distance, holding back tears while you stare at him and wonder how long it’s gonna take for him to realize.

💎 — It’s kinda pathetic so you give up the joke and tell him the truth, to which he ACTUALLY bursts into tears.

💎 — “Hweuuuhhh Mighty Dialga is truly gracious and kind to have blessed me with your love I’m so luckyyyyyyyyy”

💎 — Just leans against you and sobs for a while, while you pet his hair and try to console him and insist this is real life, and that you’re sorry about the trick. Mai and Irida, who are watching the whole thing, are NOT sorry you pulled this one because it’s fucking hysterical

Melli

💙 — WAILS

💙 — Cue incoherent sobbing into your shoulder about why Mighty Dialga hates him so much that it would torment him with the ethereal beauty that you are that he’s forbidden to have

💙 — If only they existed in Hisui, you might want to grab a velvet chaise for him to lay on and sob dramatically in a very theatrical pose

💙 — When you finally give up the joke and tell him that the person you’re dating is, in fact, him, it’s like you just clicked the off switch. I mean, the tears are definitely still flowing but he shuts up instantly and stares at you like you’ve grown a second head.

💙 — Then starts fanning his face, still clearly crying while trying to look all smug and confident.

💙 — “HMMMMMPH of course I knew that, only I would be worthy of your company anyway” (still visibly crying a river)

💙 — Clings to your side the entire night and also looks like a pathetic wet rat while he does it

Red

🔥 — :(

🔥 — visible despair

🔥 — sad shinji meme

🔥 — he just kind of. sulks. pouting very dramatically.

🔥 — I mean good for you and whoever you’re seeing but he’s very drunk and to him you’re like the hottest man on earth right now??

🔥 — Eventually you put your arm around him and hit him with the “Red honey, I was talking about you. You’re the other person I’m seeing.”

🔥 — …

🔥 — :,D

🔥 — prommy????

Ingo

⚫️ — INSTANT ugly crying but not for the reason you think actually.

⚫️ — “WAUUGH PLEASE FORGIVE MY RUDENESS I DIDN’T MEAN TO IMPOSE I AM SO IGNORANT PLEASE TELL YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER I’M SORRYYYYYY”

⚫️ — I mean yeah, he’s also upset you’re apparently not single but all he can think about is how much he must have offended you and AUGH you’re so handsome and sweet and he was so clueless please don’t take it personally he doesn’t really know what’s gotten into him!!!

⚫️ — Probably the one you have to drop the joke the fastest with because you were NOT expecting this reaction at all and between all the sobbing and shouting you’re starting to worry about when the last time he actually took a breath was.

⚫️ — You end up needing to rub his back and scream your own apologies to him because you were only joking, the person you were dating is HIM!

⚫️ — At this he’s now just crying for a different reason, because he’s so lucky and you’re so handsome and he doesn’t know what he did to deserve this.

⚫️ — He calms down pretty fast after that, but never mention that incident to him again

⚫️ — He already doesn’t drink much and remembering how dramatic and off kilter he was being that night just has him actually wanting to curl up in a hole and just. Live there.

Emmet

⚪️ — “Oh! Okay then!”

⚪️ — You’re a bit surprised by his unfazed reaction for being absolutely piss drunk, but after delivering that line he immediately pivots on his heel and speedwalks the hell away.

⚪️ — You call his name at first, and when he doesn’t respond and also looks DEAD SET on leaving whatever event you guys are at, you have to run after him calling his name all the while.

⚪️ — Drunk Emmet thought process: Dear lord, I’ve made a horrible mistake. I am extremely embarrassed. I’m going to immediately vacate the area and probably never come back.

⚪️ — You practically corner him because he is so, so fixated on leaving out of sheer embarrassment when you explain you were just messing with him and the person you’re already dating? That’s him.

⚪️ — By the look on his face, he practically needs one of those little buffering wheels above his head, because he is thinking HARD about this. His entire worldview has shattered. The earth has stopped turning. His wig is gone.

⚪️ — Eventually he just… climbs into your arms and lets you take him back to where you guys were. Both extremely embarrassed for a totally different reason now while simultaneously being in complete and total awe that sober him scored someone like you. Woah.

[walkawaytall]

For the Fanfic Ask Game

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

I'm flipping the order so I can use a cut because the "snippet" I chose is longer than it probably should be :D

I: I like to say I gave up on guilty pleasures years ago -- I just like what I like; no reason to be embarrassed about it. But...okay, I like a good piece of fluff sometimes. But writing fluff feels almost painful to me because I do feel somewhat embarrassed about the earnestness of it. I hate that about myself. But writing All the Voices took every ounce of fortitude I had. I can write emotionally devastating things all day without batting an eye, but earnest fluff is something that I'd like to write more of, but I end up feeling some uncomfortable doing :D.

F: This was hard! In part because I really like writing dialogue a lot and I like a lot of what I've written. The below exchange from chapter four of Purpose of Heritage is one that I really like. They're all in an absurd situation (they're all like 80% sure that Leia did not, in fact, get bitten by a venomous bug, but they're not 100% sure and the medical droid on duty has told them she'll just have to wait and see because there's no antidote), I think it's pretty in-character for everyone -- Leia's trying to hold it together and go about things logically, but still ends up slightly unhinged, Luke simply does not want to spend more than half a second considering that Leia might be essentially just waiting for death by bug neurotoxin, and Han is attempting to use distraction and humor to rectify a situation he technically caused since he was the one who got Leia and Luke all worked up and worried in the first place. And I think some of it's funny, which is my favorite thing to be :D. (Snippet's below the cut.)

Thanks for asking!

Fanfic Ask Game

Leia closed her eyes and groaned. “I cannot believe I might be dying of assassin bug neurotoxin as we speak and this is the conversation we’re having.”

Luke patted her shoulder. “You’re not dying.”

“You don’t know that.” Leia heard the tremor in her own voice and cringed. She knew she wasn’t dying. Probably. As long as none of the dozen blistering spots on her legs were actually a kouhun sting.

Still…Just in case…She looked at Luke. “Will you make sure Evaan gets my mother’s necklace? The one I wore at the medal ceremony. She’s Alderaanian and she knew her. She’ll appreciate it. And if—“

“I don’t want to talk like this,” Luke interrupted. He looked from Leia to Han back to Leia again, obviously bewildered.

“Neither do I, but if there’s a chance…” She trailed off, not really wanting to finish the thought. She looked at Han. “You can have my vibroblade.”

“The one I loaned you?”

She laughed despite herself and nodded. “See? You’re getting it back.”

The group was quiet for more than a few minutes. Leia covered her face with shaking hands, mildly embarrassed by how dramatic the entire situation had become. Han tapped her knee until she dropped her hands to her lap and looked at him. “Look, you can’t die.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence, Han, but I think I’m roughly as mortal as every other human on base.”

He looked her in the eye and shot her a half grin, clearly trying to calm the panic that he’d caused in the first place. “I’m sayin’ you can’t die like this. You survived the Death Star, five days of interrogation from Darth Vader himself, genocide, Luke’s entire rescue plan, and now you’re gonna be taken out by a bug? That’s just embarrassing. You can do better. In fact, I think you’re obligated to do better.”

Leia chuckled, desperately trying to ignore the worry lodged in her gut.

“My plan was not that bad,” Luke muttered, more to himself than anyone else. Leia linked her arm through his in solidarity despite the fact that they both knew his plan had been careless at best.

[vtforpedro]

health update TW in tags

I had to find my last update to see where I left off. Oofta. Things have progressed in both a good and bad way! I’d love to say only good lol dear god I wish I could say everything is just g o o d for once. I’m currently going through an emotional upheaval because of how badly my home life is and coming to realize I’m in an abusive situation with the last person on earth I thought that could happen. I’ve lost the last safe person ‘in real life’ that I have because of this. My mom. She is my solid rock and 100% full time supporter and this situation of becoming my nearly full time caregiver and the stresses it has put on her (let alone me) have, uh. Well, brought out the worst. It’s devastating honestly. My therapist has been a little too pushy for my liking trying to get me to hire home health help but 1. money 2. insurance would need a diagnosis if we went through them and idk if ‘hey we sliced up her nerves in her back during an LP and didn’t find out until five months in’ would cut it 3. I don’t really need it anymore. But yeah emotionally I am wrecked. My mom refuses therapy or family therapy so I have to keep surviving this kind of horrific situation I’m in lol it’s been bad the entire time but I finally snapped months into it and started laying down hard boundaries and for those of you familiar with abusers, you’ve probably experienced the joy of their reactions to boundaries. :) It’s situational because my mom has never been this way with me in my life but I feel like 31 years went down the drain in *months* and the things she’s said and done can’t be completely recovered from. I don’t know what to do. Once I’m out of this situation I can tell her that the only way I will ever feel comfortable being open with her again is to do family therapy but 🤷‍♀️ can’t make her do anything, so we’ll see. Physical health wise re: the LP horror show? BETTER! I’m getting better. I started physical therapy a month ago and I think I’ve had 6 sessions? Maybe 7? Idk. Leaps and bounds. I can sit on a toilet by myself. I can sit and stand everywhere but one place by myself and it’s only because my couch is wasted lmao and I need help up for the same reason. Otherwise? All me. We’re practicing getting up by myself from my recliner (can do just fine) and getting down and comfortable with everything I need (still a work in progress) so my mom can go to her home more and work more and we both get independence!!!!! I am going to sit at my computer chair and see how long I last before it hurts but I need my body to get used to sitting up again. Otherwise, the two guys I work with (one, mostly, as the other is v quiet) is THRILLED with how well I’m doing and that even if I’m tired/in pain I get through PT every time. I’m super psyched actually. Legit PUMPED every time I step into this place. It feels fantastic. I can’t wait to see where I am in another month. Maybe out of this recliner except when I willingly want to be in it 😂 but still gonna pace myself and listen to my body. I saw my pain specialist yesterday (who ordered the PT) and I told her and she said she had literal goosebumps and she was so happy for me. It felt really good to hear ;3; Unfortunately, head pressure is getting bad but hey at least I got the LP done 🙄 need to lose weight and adjust meds and hopefully get the rest of my normal life back someday. Gonna needs lots of trauma therapy to get there too. So that’s far off. I’ve not been feeling too well lately generally tho and I’m nervous b/c I have labs for my hematologist on Monday and she wants to check for ‘other leukemias and lymphomas’ so hhhhhh. I’ll see her a couple weeks after that and I’m afraid she’s gonna order the bone marrow biopsy but u_u what can I do Anyway. Hope you’re all doing okay. Love you all and thanks for always listening and supporting me. It means the world. 💜

[sunmoonjune]

you requested song recs so song recs you will receive !! (i was typing this out yesterday and fell asleep midway idk wtf i was on but anyways 😭)

first of all i’d have to say sweet by cigarettes after sex (other than the suggestive lyrics) esp “but it’s the way you smile that does it for me” and “sweet knowing that i love you and running my fingers through your hair” - yeosang in chapter 10 when bug smiled for the first time and yeo was petting? stroking? her i’m :( brb gotta cry

and the “it’s so sweet knowing that you love me though we don’t need to say it to each other” REMINDS ME OF YUNHOOO I CANT 😭😭 AND!! “and i will gladly break my heart for you” that’s so SAN CODED

second song i’d have to say is here with me by d4vd “i don’t care how long it takes as long as i’m with you” THEM BEING SO PATIENT WITH BUG AND HER TRAUMAAAASJEHUWYEBKHHDI/£()*683;”)¥]{$\[…] “ save your tears it will be okay”?? i need a minute i can’t handle this

also idk if you like instrumentals (i personally obsess over instrumentals and think they are underrated!!) but i’d day bug and ateez give very snowfall by Oneheart and reidenshi it gives me very “i’m thinking about you everytime i’m not with you” and it makes me GFHUDNUSNDJSJE you know?

and this last one isn’t english it’s turkish but M. by Anıl Emre Daldal THE CALMING VIBES? IMMACULATE!! i listen to it at least 5 times a day it’s so soothing and the lyrics are so cute im :( “Your words, eyes, and hands only belong to me. My dreams, smiles, and daydreams only belong to you” AND ALSO “Please come back to me darling” yes that’s very ateez to bug imo very ateez to bug….

SO SO VERY EXCITED FOR THE NEW CHAPTER esp because it’s gonna be so long i can take a break from assignments and revision and just curl up and be in the feels SO EXCITED YAY!!

- 📚 (take care of yourself sleep well eat well!! mwah!)

omg 📚 anon come here I am going to kiss you <33

first of all,,, all of these song recs are IMMACULATE and they all swiftly got added to the bug playlist!! <3 I love you so much omfg

ok ok so I had two cigarettes after sex songs on one of my writing playlists already but they were sadder vibes so I was so excited to add this one!! and you're so right omfg this song is so ateez/bug coded (besides some of the suggestive stuff) the lines about smiling fit the yeobug moment from chapter ten :')) the way she smiles does do it for him omg I'll cry <33

'WE DON'T NEED TO SAY IT',, STOP THAT'S YUNBUG -- they never need words they love each other SO MUCH I'm sobbing

'I'll gladly break my heart for you' <33 choi san the man that you are <333 I need to give him a kiss directly on the forehead and tell him how much I love him I swear :'D

here with me fits them so good too :')) they're so patient and willing to wait as long as she needs omfg <3 also also the line "I can't describe, I wish I could live through every moment again" reminds me of bug too <33 she isn't always able to describe her emotions (like the butterflies in her stomach and such) but she loves the feeling regardless <33 ASJLASLJ I'm making myself blush here;;

I'M MAKING MYSELF EMOTIONAL OMFG D':

and I do like instrumentals!! I have quite a few of those on my playlists as well! most of them are soundtracks to movies that I emotionally attached myself too tho LMAO -- like there's a song from the death cure (maze runner series) that I liked when I was young and it still makes me cry :')) also for any of my satosugu/jjk fans,, 'this is pure love' still makes me sob to this day xD

snowfall is immaculate omfg I love the vibes!! it definitely does give 'I'm thinking about you when you're not here' and it makes me mushy inside <33 definitely makes me GGASFEJSJL for sure XD I love it

and I'm so fine with recs in other languages!! I'll listen to literally anything my music taste is all over the place xD -- ok but "I beg of you, come back, my darling" THAT'S SO WOOYOUNG AND ATEEZ IN THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS OMFG EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATED D":

thank you thank you for these recs my love, they will definitely give me extra motivation to write <33 you're the best kiss kiss <3

and I'm so happy you guys are excited!! I swear I get your messages in my inbox and I kick my feet a lil cause your excitement makes me excited ya know? :D

also also I'm glad the new chapter can be a lil relief from studying and revising for exams!! I know the end of the year is coming up for a lot of ppl (or maybe that's just where I'm from idk :o ) and I definitely know how stressful that is :(( but I'm so so happy that this can be a little dopamine for those who need it xD <3

I hope you have a wonderful day my love <33 drink some water and eat well when you can! and take breaks from studying too!! I know you'll do so well I'm so proud of you hehe <33

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 1989 Sure enough, Margaret turned out to be not quite as ugly as Mary or Linda, but she wasn’t too much prettier, either. A definite butch, too. She had nice teeth and ok eyes, but her hair was disgusting.

She was very hyper and nervous, and I feel bad for her cuz she really did mean well. She is very friendly and honest and she just wants to settle down with someone and love them and be loved in return. I think she’d be good for someone and would never hurt them but I’m fucking sick and tired of getting all the ugly ones! Why me, huh?!?! Am I that ugly myself?

I give up. I hate bars, and it just wasn’t meant to be. At age 23, if you’ve never been loved by someone decent and attractive, then it’s never gonna happen. Even if I got someone fairly decent, they’re still always ugly. Does God consider it a sin for me to be touched by someone I’m sexually turned on by? Does He also feel that I should think that looks aren’t everything? They aren’t, but what good is having a decent and compatible lover who’s so ugly?

Well, to change the subject, I’m not going to Gloria’s concert tonight cuz Phil had some financial problems where he needed money for his business.

I want to call Florida where Estefan Enterprises are to see if I can get a tour book.

I can’t wait till I leave this Saturday. I really need a break cuz I’ve been feeling like complete shit both physically and emotionally. Hopefully, this vacation will revive me till I have to come back to my boring life. Since I can’t work, and have nothing to do, especially with Andy working 3rd shift and sleeping in the daytime, and since I can’t be with anyone, I’m going crazy.

Tammy wants me to move down with her and I really think I will cuz I’m losing my energy. I have no motivation to do my music or to do anything really and I won’t even mention my sleeping and eating habits. I need my family now for sure.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1989 The morning before yesterday at around 10:00, I got this call from a girl named Margaret. I was tempted to hang up on her at first, but we ended up talking for over two hours. By now we’ve talked on the phone for a total of 6 hours. She seems very, very friendly and honest, despises drugs and wants to settle down with someone the right way with no lies or cheating and she thinks along the same lines as I do. Everything I want, like, don’t want or don’t like she agrees with.

The only thing that bugs me a little is that her accent is like Mary D and she’s from Westerly, Rhode Island, but that’s minor as long as she’s Miss Right and is attractive, but that’s my biggest fear right there. Is God ever gonna allow me someone attractive, even if they’re right for me? No way!

I mean, she sounds far from ugly and is definitely gonna be many steps prettier than Mary or Linda, but she tells me she’s not feminine and doesn’t wear makeup, earrings or skirts and dresses. There have been some women who were in between butch and feminine that I found attractive but not many.

Well, maybe God will bend the rules this time, but I doubt it. I am gonna be honest with her if she doesn’t turn me on sexually which I think will devastate her from the way she sounds. I mean, inside she seems all I’ve ever wanted, but outside I just know there won’t be any physical attraction.

Oh God, please change the rules and let me be attracted to her! Please!!

She’s gonna be here tomorrow at around 10:00 after a 2-hour drive.

She has a good-paying job and makes good money which I’d never use her for, likes the same kind of activities, loves to cook, says she’ll be behind my music career 100% of the way, wants to get married someday, and possibly a child, weighs 120, is 5’ 6”, but her hairstyle kind of sounds like that of a butch. She says it’s getting long and is going to continue to let it grow, and all of this is great, but I just hope to God I’m as attracted to her as she’ll no doubt be to me.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 1989 To finish my story of what happened when I called that number to try to get to know other women, I learned that most of them were just out for sex just like men. Today there is no such thing as love. The thing today is strictly sex. Two people gave me the wrong number, one was supposed to be here last Thursday at 7:30 and never showed up, one left a message on my machine saying she’d call me back but never did, one called to leave a message and never returned my call, some guys called me about threesomes with their wives, and 3 different times while I was in the middle of talking to either boring women or women just wanting sex, the line was disconnected and I know they didn’t hang up. It was more like a case of divine intervention.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 1989 At 2:00 this afternoon, I have to meet with Eric (Mr. Attitude) about re-enrolling for next semester which isn’t till next Feb., but better later than never again. I had to drop out cuz of bronchitis at my doctor’s advice and he gave me a note, although for the last 3 days, I’ve been feeling better. My nose and chest had been driving me crazy for so long and still do if I smoke too much or strong cigarettes like Marlboro. My new doctor, Dr. McGovern, is a super nice guy with a great sense of humor and really is trying to help. The only thing, though, is that the antibiotic the ER gave me never worked. Then Dr. McGovern tried two more things that also never worked. One of them made me puke, but as long as I go easy on the ciggies, it is considerably better. I just don’t have what it takes to quit yet, but if I did it would certainly help 100%. I will someday. I still don’t know if I need shots. I doubt it. One thing I do know for sure from when they did the preliminary allergy testing is that I am allergic to cat, dog and horse dander as well as dust, mold and dust mites, but I’ve known that since I was a very young kid.

Later…

I got restless cuz I had run out of ciggies and was dying for one, so finally, at around 4:00, Steve got home from his job at Westover Air Force Base and gave me some. He’s the black guy living across the hall.

I left a message on the school’s machine for Eric to get back to me about rescheduling our appointment cuz by 2:00 I’ll have been up 24 hours and need to sleep.

If Andy doesn’t go to school in February with me, although I really think he wants to go if our classes aren’t scheduled around the same time, then I’ll have to go elsewhere. It’d be nice to get someone who goes to homes cuz here I have my keyboard and all my tapes, but I doubt it. Guitar or piano lessons are one thing but I’m quite sure voice teachers don’t go to people’s homes. Especially the good ones. Also, no matter where else I go, or if someone comes to me, it’ll cost me a fortune. Voice lessons just aren’t cheap, but what is?

Andy should be home in the next half-hour. Then I can tell him I’m going to Florida from December 2nd to the 9th, and also that Philip and his new girlfriend Maria, are taking me to see Gloria on Nov. 29th at the Hartford Civic Center. That’s my Hanukkah gift, and a leather mini skirt is supposed to be my b-day gift. He says he’s gonna take some pictures of me since I have no recent ones of me and that I’ve never looked better in my life. I’m a perfect 10 from head to toe except for my being slightly bow-legged, my crooked teeth and a few zits. I break out before my period.

I leave on December 2nd at 1pm on flight 777. Philip’s gonna take me to the airport. When I return on December 9th on flight 570 at 9:25, Marty and Ruth are gonna pick me up. Phil’s gonna call the airport in advance to make sure the plane didn’t get canceled like the last time.

I’m looking forward to having a good time with my parents and I really think I will this time. We’ve had a lot of talks and have gotten along much better for a while now. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that Mom, Dad, and Tammy really see that I can sing and the talents I have achieved instrumentally, too. I sang for my sister on the phone and she was shocked. It was the first time since Thanksgiving of last year that she heard me. She’s been so supportive of it and really wants me to move down still and be with her, and she wants to help me with my singing and to find someone and it’s not a bribe. She really means it or else she’d be the last person to suggest it or get involved in any way.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 1989 Well, once again I seem to have been severely punished by God or something, but I knew it would happen, I asked for it and I’ve paid the consequences. It all comes down to trying to find love and romance again. And for once I’m not the least bit upset by what I’m about to write about cuz like I said, I expected it all the while knowing damn well that you cannot fight God and what’s in the cards for you. I’ve known since the day I was born that my sole destiny in life was to be a singer. Not everyone can have their cake and eat it, too. Some things are meant to be for some people and some things aren’t. Besides, you can’t mix love with the music business as demanding as it is. Especially with the fact that most people are jealous of musically talented people, and they feel like you’re superior to them, so they feel threatened by you and they run. Also, people are scared of people who are attractive cuz they fear they’ll lose you to other people.

What happened was that I called this number in which you leave a message about yourself for other gay women. You can also leave messages to men or a man can leave a message to either another man or a woman. I was supposed to meet this girl named Amy tonight here at 7:30, but she never showed up, then at around 9:00, I went to return a phone call to someone named Cathy and the number was out of service, so I know for sure what God’s been trying to tell me. To either be alone or be with a man.

[shangyangjunzhu]

THIS IS GONNA BE A VERY VERY LONG POST AND I AM NOTIFYING Y’ALL

SPOILER ALERTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

a lot has happened and it is kind of hard for me to remember the sequence but i’ll go through it one by one

a) asu knows that su jin-er’s kid is not zitan’s; from what we’ve seen in the drama so far it can only be tattoo general

b) su jin-er gives birth and apparently it is quite evident that the kid is not zitan’s, which means zitan has no use for her anymore and he is about to kill her tell awu asks for su jin-er and he is like okay take her away

c) su jin-er thinks awu is gonna give her poison wine but it turns out that she isn’t and instead sends jin-er and her baby off to jiangnan to live the rest of their lives together

d) there is this very interesting conversation that takes place between awu and xiao qi about how he is willing to take revenge against everyone even awu’s family, and that kind of sets the tone for future episodes

e) nanny xu misses the grand princess and goes to the monastery and ends up seeing jing-er there and that’s when huaien offs her on wang lin’s command

f) awu goes to look for nanny xu but asu tells her that she wasn’t here (he knows, he saw it and he breaks down but you know he can’t go against daddy wang); xiao qi’s soldiers dig around the monastery to find nanny xu dead; awu is devastated and she is aware that it must have something to do with asu and she obviously like i can’t trust you anymore

g) huaien and yuxiu finally visit awu and xiao qi; difference is yuxiu is here to meet them; huaien is here to plot; he reveals evidence that it was indeed zitan who plotted against him using helan zhen. s/n yuxiu tells awu that she was better off in the yuzhang mansion and that she can’t talk with huaien at all and that she can’t seem to read his mind

h) xiao qi is ready with his troops to kill zitan but awu is like wait what’s going on and after he gives her the evidence she is like “zitan is still the emperor think about the people of the country and the mess it’s gonna create” and xiao qi notices the calm in her eyes and is like “you knew all along” ( which isn’t true she found only two episodes ago)

i) xiao qi is in the court with his army and he is on the verge of killing him but awu intervenes and basically stops from doing so but not without chopping off a block of wood from zitan’s throne; it is then that he leaves but not without awu sending him off by standing on the fortress and they nod to each other (ahhh my heart) and it is then a flashback is shown which may be hinting towards the fact that all of this was done so as to let xiao qi and the soldiers leave the city so as to find out who is plotting what and then come in.

j) zitan has this whole mope session about how xiao qi almost killed him and it is then that awu gives him a whole deal of reassurance that her zitan gege shouldn’t be that way and all (i skipped through it cuz it was just so boring)

k) now that xiao qi is out, daddy wang and co. are ready to put their plan into action and they do but not without yuxiu trying to stop huaien with every bit of might left in her by literally holding onto him but huaien flings her aside and tells her that she isn’t capable of stopping him.

i) they march into the palace and it is then that yuxiu is seen from a very high part of the palace, begging huaien to not continue and telling him how they would have nothing if it were not for awu and xiao qi. she also tells him that all they ever wanted when they were back in ningshuo was world peace and that he is trying to destroy it. she tells him that she could beg awu and the emperor to forgive him and that everything will be alright. huaien is like nope and he shoots an arrow right at her and barely misses probably to deter her. but in this moment yuxiu is like so you want me dead and JUMPS OFF THE BUILDING. I kid you not he does not even go to her ; he has this little scream and his eyes just dilate and then he is like keep going. hu yao, who was left behind by xiao qi to protect awu, sees huaien and rages at him trying to kill him but ends up getting killed instead.

l) they charge and awu is like i am gonna get you out of here safely zitan and tries to use the secret passage but guess what that has been infiltrated as well. so they have no choice but to go to throne room where all the soldiers are there and daddy wang makes his epic entry shocking awu and zitan.

m) daddy wang sits on the throne and is like hahah i made it and awu is like this seat isn’t for you and threatens to kill herself the same way the grand princess did and wang lin is terrified and tries to stop her, which he does but now song huaien is like haha i am gonna be the new king now and he is like get daddy wang out of here.

n) he goes to awu and says xiao qi is useless, be with me, i am useful and pulls out the hairpin she asked huaien to give xiao qi on the day of their wedding and gives it to her. awu slaps him and is like get the fuck out of my face

o) xiao qi comes to the rescue and shoots an arrow at huaien and it is then that he reveals that he never really left and that he has known all long about him being a traitor it’s just that he never knew for whom and it is then that huaien gets up and brandishes his sword saying he did it for himself only for him to injured by a couple of spears. he says a bunch of stuff that i didn’t understand and then he dies. xiao qi breaks down and wails (oh god i cried)

p) awu finds wang lin and they have a really emotional conversation and then he dies right in front of awu.

q) awu, xiao qi, asu and caiwei are seen walking together after a brief time skip and awu tells asu that they plan on leaving the capital and going back to ningshuo, which asu tries to convince them against but realizes they are at peace there. yuxiu’s kid is shown playing with awu’s other adopted children and awu is seen crushed at how yuxiu left behind her child without even giving the kid a name. awu entrusts asu to caiwei and ask them to live a happy life. asu and awu part emotionally and awu and xiao qi leave for ningshuo.

r) zitan steps down from being the emperor and i assume jing-er is placed on the throne with asu acting as the regent.

s) awu and xiao qi are shown in ningshuo with dozens of kids and their friends from hulan assembling a map of cheng and letting their adopted daughter jump on various locations in the map the same way awu did when she was younger. awu is pregnant and they talk about how they want to watch all of their adopted kids and now their kid grow up happily

closing thoughts:

- i loved how they depicted the impact of the greed for power. wang lin, the dowager, huaien, potato, wanru are all dead and the reason lied in their insatiable greed. unfortunately collateral damage takes place too as seen with the hu siblings and yuxiu.

- i will be forever mad at how yuxiu died but jin-er is still alive; i mean i understand how awu still cared for jin-er despite her treachery and i know yuxiu wanted nothing to do with huaien and his evil ways and that she would rather die than be complicit with him but still i am so sorry yuxiu baby you deserved way better

- i do like the fact that the whole show off between awu and xiao qi was actually a secret plot; they’re good actors ngl

- i can see that a bunch of stuff has been cut off because the flow isn’t very clear but that’s forgivable as i know a bunch of stuff was cut down

- the dowager die btw like i don’t even care

- the happy ending was all i ever wanted!!!!!

- it’s confirmed; monarch industry takes the place of #2 on my list and will probably not move down further any time soon.

if you’re still here throw a comment so that we can share our feelings!

[exsqueeze-me]

Could you do a jeice sfw alphabet? Thanks!!!! Love you, your momo-ness!

(Avatar Aang, how you do, go on lol!)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He mostly shows affection through excessive flirting. You'll know if hes sincere about his flirting depending on what he says. If it sounds heartfelt, it probably is.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He'd be a really loyal friend, but he will absolutely annoy you to no end. He doesn't have too many people he can call real friends besides the rest of the Ginyu Force, so he wants to hang out and bother you a lot.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Hes pretty cuddly, but he also doesn't have much time for just you and him. He loves to cuddle, but it's usually when watching a movie or if you two haven't seen eachother in a long time.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He sucks at cooking, dont let him near the kitchen. He is the master of ordering takeout though. He's pretty good at cleaning, but that's because Captain Ginyu often gets the Ginyu Force to clean around Lord Frieza's ship.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He would probably just slowly drift away from you. He does it in a way that you dont even know hes breaking up with you until he tells you.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Hes not really a marriage type of guy, but will definitely agree if you ask. You'll have to be together for a long while before he will want to say yes though.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Hes pretty gentle with loved ones, so he treats you pretty delicately. Emotionally, he takes a while before you actually dig down to the real emotions and not the ones he puts up as a facade.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hugs are his go to when he sees you around but cant stay and chat for too long. So like if he passes you in the mess hall before a mission, he'll give you a hug and a small smooch before running off to the designated station.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He'll say it pretty early on, but it takes him awhile to actually mean it. He waits to see if he actually does love you without leaving you hanging when you say it to him.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He gets jealous a lot, but most of it is just for show. If he is with you, its because he trusts you, so he just makes a display because hes extra like that.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

It depends on where you are. If its in front of the rest of the Force, then hes not gonna get very mushy with you out of fear of getting teased. If its after a long mission, he gets you alone and kisses you like he means it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Hes never thought about it, but it wouldn't be hard to convince him into wanting kids. Hes pretty friendly around kids, so he would be a pretty good dad, if a bit careless.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Hes not a morning person, so he needs at least three cups of coffee before he can function properly. After that, hes back to normal.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Hes usually pretty tired at night, especially if he just got back from a mission. If he had the day off, hes pretty cuddly until he actually falls asleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He waits quite awhile to open up to you. He wants to wait and see if he can actually let you in on whatever is on his mind, or if you'll criticize him for it. The Frieza Force isn't the friendliest group of guys to spill secrets to, so hes cautious.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Hes a pretty chill guy, so it takes a bit to actually piss him off. Hes pretty tolerant of most people. Except Salza.. he hates Salza with a fiery, burning passion.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Hes not very good at remembering things, but he knows when your birthday is, when your anniversary is, stuff like that.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When you and the rest of the Ginyu Force all went out to a pretty stylish restaurant. You all definitely got kicked out at some point, but it was fun while it lasted.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Hes not so much protective as much as he is a worrier. He knows hes not gonna be there to protect you most of the time, so he just worries until he can see you again. Then he goes and fucks up whoever, if anyone, messed with you while he was gone.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He gives you little souvenirs from the planets he visits(or destroys). He likes to spoil you on special days like anniversaries, so he holds onto the really nice stuff for those days.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He flirts around. He would never actually cheat on you, but hes a big flirt. You can tell him to tone it down, but it's not something hes gonna actually stop for a while.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He absolutely thinks hes hot shit and will fight anyone who dares say otherwise. He loves being complemented. It strokes his already big ego.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Depends on how long you've been together. If you were just a fling, he couldn't care less. If you were actually someone he held dear, he would be pretty devastated.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

When the air gets really humid, his hair frizzes so bad he almost has an afro. He usually hides away until he can get his hair under control, so not many have actually seen him like that.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He can't stand disloyalty. If he trusts you, he trusts you with his whole heart and would hate if you broke that trust.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He 100% rolls off the bed. Every single night, he finds some way to roll onto the floor. Sometimes, he just sleeps on the floor with a distraught look on his face instead, accepting his fate.

[iasmelaion]

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Ep. 1 Reaction

Okay, so the episode finished and I was like, wait, you mean I can’t watch more right now????

I know they said they were going to structure this like a long movie, but lol now I’m like, “...but I want the rest now???” ANYWAY.

So that opening action sequence was pretty thrilling and all but mostly it had me going “SAM. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.” he’s so extra. like, so much showing off :D

So Sam’s arc is going to be reckoning with both his family legacy and the legacy of the shield, huh? INTO IT. I love the idea of both of those things juxtaposed with each other, the smaller stakes human story of the Wilson family business and Sam’s sister, with the big weighty symbol of the shield and Captain America. Really just love in general the close focus on Sam and Bucky as people, dealing with personal shit.

And just--SAM. Really love how he can be this bright and happy presence on screen, while also being serious. And the nuance of that bank loan scene! Oof. I need to know more about why Sam left the family business for the Air Force!

And BUCKY. lol I very much enjoyed his dynamic with his therapist, who takes none of his shit. The fact that Bucky feels comfortable enough TO give her shit makes me relieved too. Also feel validated that the show is doing the same lazy fic thing of “oh he’s been pardoned, don’t worry about” like thank you for not going into that whole thing. ANYWAY, I have...too many Bucky Barnes feelings. And I’m so thrilled that he’s clearly got a sense of humor and that he’s Doing His Best. Like, maybe he’s ignoring Sam’s texts (lololol) but he’s talking to people! He’s trying to make amends for Winter Soldier stuff! Also love that he immediately made another friend who gets into fights in alleys lololololol :D though I can already tell that whatever happens with that storyline is going to emotionally devastate me.

One of my absolute favorite tiny Bucky moments was when he was talking about the “rules” with his therapist, and he made that crack about forgetting Rule 2 (”Rule number 2, don’t hurt anyone, it’s a big one.” “Then why isn’t it rule number 1.″), because it was just so sharp, and it said so much about him (he thinks it SHOULD be rule #1! but lol also he’s not gonna be too fussed about punching some dude in the face), and probably I am reading too much into it, but I just loved Sebastian’s delivery of that line SO MUCH. The implicit disapproval of it not being Rule #1!

Also BUCKY GOING ON DATES. he is TRYING and I am SO PROUD of him ;_____; but it’s also so clear that he’s still working out who he is and what he wants and I’m very here for it.

Also also, the OUCH juxtaposition of us seeing Sam with his remaining family: sister, nephews, clearly some tension and distance there thanks to the Blip, but loving and familiar, and Bucky’s therapist being all “you have no family” and Bucky referencing his long dead parents and sisters. And a) interesting that Bucky said he had been close with his parents and b) that he still spoke of his sisters in the present tense. (Also, MCU, get it together, how many siblings did Bucky have? In the show he just said four sisters, but the Smithsonian exhibit said “eldest of four”, which means three other siblings, right?? So did one of his sisters die before he went off to war, or can the MCU just not keep their shit straight?)

Cannot wait for the rest!

[mcdynamite]

[Spoilers] I think GoT 8.05 made perfect sense, and here’s why:

 Hello people of Tumblr! I’ve seen a lot of people bashing the most recent episode of Game of Thrones for a number of reasons and I want to step up to the plate and go to bat for the show. To clarify, I dislike D&D as much as pretty much everyone else who watches the show. I think the writing has been lazy, the dialogue has been lacking, and the lead in to some of the things that have happened this season could definitely be better. But everything that happened in 8.05 makes sense, and I actually liked the episode. This is why.

Cersei’s Demise is kinda perfect.

I know a lot of us, myself included, were looking forward to a brutal, sadistic death for a brutal, sadistic woman. But here’s the thing... in its own way, it was a totally brutal way for her to go out. Think about it, Cersei has spent pretty much her entire life talking her way out of things, manipulating people, and in general feeling more powerful than everyone else around her, including her family. She died finally realizing that she was completely helpless and all hope was lost. She died knowing that her arrogance and often unnecessary brutality was what had cost herself, her children, the man she loves, and even her own father their lives. 

She couldn’t sass the collapsing rock to death. She couldn’t stall and wait for The Mountain to come to her aid. She couldn’t do anything but break down and cry and tell Jaime she wanted their baby to live, trapped in the same underground passages where she vowed to destroy all three of Dany’s dragons. Cersei wasn’t publicly executed in front of thousands of onlookers. She died UNDERGROUND, unthought of and uncared for by anyone else in the world but Jaime. She died the same death as all of the innocent citizens who died that day in part because of her own arrogance. It wasn’t special. It was lonely, hidden, and desperate - a fitting end for a woman who’s lived her whole life believing in her own importance.

And speaking of Cersei, even Jaime’s apparent regression makes some sense.

Ah, Jaime Lannister, one of the most emotionally complicated men in all of Westeros. I’m not gonna lie, this disappointed me because I had hoped for better for Jaime, but not because it didn’t make sense. We were ALL rooting for Jaime to ditch Cersei, become the noblest man in the whole world and just be with Brienne, who clearly loves him. But if you take a minute to think about it, while Jaime’s character development has been significant, it never really veered away from loving Cersei. 

He’s always been doing what’s best for her, and yes, that includes when he left her to head North. Jaime did that because humanity was in danger, and as such, Cersei was in danger. Barely over a season ago in 7.03, Jaime tells Olenna Tyrell that his love for Cersei has grown beyond his control. He openly admits it and tells Olenna that he doesn’t believe people will care how Cersei took the throne once they’re living in the world she built. He clearly still loves Cersei here, and while he’s tempering some of her most heinous ideas, like flaying Olenna alive, he’s still carrying out her orders. “For Cersei,” as he always says.

Jaime’s love for Cersei went far beyond his control. It was almost more like an addition than true love. His love for Brienne was pure and kind, but even the purest love can’t sway the grasp of an addition. Cersei was all Jaime had ever known, so even if he loved Brienne, even if he knew Cersei was hateful, even if he knew she was doing unspeakable things to the people of Westeros, it STILL makes sense that he went back. It’s legitimately not at all different from some abusive relationship in real life. One partner may realize that the other is abusive and hateful, but they can’t bring themselves to walk away, and when they do, they may go back. That doesn’t make them bad people, and it certainly doesn’t “undo” all of Jaime’s character development over the course of the series. 

Jaime Lannister is an immensely complicated character, and this is GAME OF THRONES we’re talking about. It’s a very human show. So frankly, if he has genuinely left Cersei without a second glance, that would have been immensely disappointing. It’s just not how people work, not after admitting how deep in the relationship he was literally just 9 episodes prior and only leaving to protect mankind from being destroyed.

And finally, let’s talk about the psychotic break of Daenerys Targaryen.

First, just a quick reminder at how utterly human this show is. We’ve got all sorts of realistic depictions of human nature in Game of Thrones. We have very real depictions of PTSD (looking at you, Theon and Sansa), realistic depictions of the horrors of slavery, realistic depictions of racism and ableism, the list goes on for miles. It’s made abundantly clear throughout the series that the Targaryens have a strong family history of mental illness, so here we go people. Let’s talk about mental illness.

Obviously, there are no therapists in Westeros to diagnose Dany with any particular illness, but it’s reasonable to hypothesize that Dany is experiencing psychosis, also known as a “psychotic break”. Something important to not about psychosis: it’s sort of like a break from reality, so the way someone behaves during a psychotic break is not at all who they normally are as a person. And here’s another thing about psychosis: YOU DO NOT SHOW SIGNS OF IT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, especially not major ones. Not every person who commits a heinous act of violence grew up murdering small animals and saying sadistic things to family members and friends as a child. I’ve seen a lot of anti-Mad Queen Dany arguments online, and I’d like to debunk a few of them with regards to how mental illness often actually works.

1. Dany was an abused child, why would she hurt children?

Yikes, you guys. This is a really weak argument. Many studies have shown that childhood trauma is associated with greater disposition towards psychosis later in life. Obviously not everyone who has gone through a childhood trauma will experience psychosis, but it can actually be a direct contributing factor to a psychotic break.

2. Dany has always showed compassion to innocent people like the slaves across the sea, so why doesn’t she now?

Again, psychosis is not a direct reflection of who someone is as a person because it represents a break from reality. You don’t have to be an intrinsically horrible person to do something bad when you’re not in control.

3. The warning signs were there, but they were too weak to justify what happened to King’s Landing.

When a person experiences psychosis, the EARLY warning signs (let’s just say for the purposes of this argument are things that happened prior to the start of season 8) are often subtle or even unnoticeable until you’re looking back retrospectively. These can include things like spending more time alone than usual (check), suspiciousness or uneasiness with others (check), and having no feelings at all (check, remember when she ended things with Daario and the show made a big deal out of how she didn’t really feeling anything about it?).

The slightly later warning signs (so, this season) include strong and inappropriate emotions (check, she wants to have sex with her nephew not too long after she accused him of trying to steal her throne), social withdrawal (check), odd beliefs (check, her belief that she was sent by god to change the world), and suspiciousness (check). The warning signs were there and frankly exactly what one would expect to see in someone in the prodome (or very early stages) of psychosis.

4. It just happened so suddenly, the build up wasn’t enough.

Actually, it SUPER was enough. Recently, Dany has lost two dragons, her most trusted advisor, her best friend (who she watched be beheaded) and has arrived in a country where nobody likes or trusts her. All of these are pretty freaking traumatic, and a traumatic event can trigger psychosis. Boom. Bang. It makes sense.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why people are upset about this. We were all rooting for Dany, our hero who walked out of the flames all those years ago with three baby dragons clinging to her. What happened in 8.05 was devastating to watch, but it wasn’t unrealistic. It was actually very well done from a standpoint of how things actually work in the real world. You can be frustrated with how things turned out, you can be devastated by the destruction of King’s Landing and Dany’s break, and you can be pissed about the lazy writing of this season, but you shouldn’t be angry with the show runners for Dany’s descent into madness. It was actually remarkably well done.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Valar morguhlis.

EDIT: Obviously not everyone who goes through a period of psychosis is violent. It is an INCREDIBLY small percentage who actually inflict harm on others during a psychotic break. With that being said, rare as it may be, it does happen, it is a real thing that happens in real life, and cases in which a violent outburst happens are pretty spot-on similar to the way it happened to Dany. As someone who has experienced psychosis myself, I of all people know that not everyone becomes violent. But the portrayal of Dany throughout the whole show does align with the prodome of an exceedingly rare, but real, type of psychosis. I’m sincerely sorry for not clarifying this in my original post 💙

[otonymous]

Ikesen Nobu, Kenshin, Ieyasu & Masamune: what would they do if MC was emotionally overwhelmed after their first night together and cried? Thank you!!

Hi Anon!  Thanks for this ask!  I’m going to assume that MC is emotionally overwhelmed after their first night with your warlord of choice in a positive way, and that she’s crying tears of joy.  Slightly NSFW.  Happy reading!

Ikesen Headcanon: When Doves Cry (…cus the D is so good)

Nobunaga:

Smirks

Of course she’d be crying.  Anything less is unacceptable.  The Devil King of the Sixth Heaven will always reduce his lover to tears of ecstasy, that’s a given

Still naked beneath the bedclothes, Nobunaga will pull you close to him, lay your head on his bare chest and gently stroke your hair, waiting for you to settle

Brushes away your tears with a sweep of his index finger, and holds it up for you to see the moisture glistening in the lamplight

“Tell me, what do you see, Fireball?”

Uh….

“The most precious thing in the world.  Your tears are worth much more to me than Divine Rule.”

Smooth AF my man

Kenshin:

Initially taken aback, frightened that he has done something to hurt you either physically or emotionally

“What have I done?!”

You can see the devastation and confusion in his bicoloured eyes, mirroring the way his mind is running a million miles a minute trying to sort through all the possible ways he could’ve hurt you while you were intimate with each other

You’ll have to throw your arms around Kenshin, hold him tight while looking deeply into his eyes to convince him that you’re perfectly fine, that he made you the happiest person alive when he made you his, and that your tears are a mere reflection of this fact

Nevertheless, there will be a period of time afterwards where Kenshin will continue to struggle with balancing his fierce desire to make love to you (as an expression of his affection) with his fear of making you cry again

Ieyasu:

Once he realizes they’re tears of joy, the man is secretly so happy he could die

Ieyasu’s always going on and on about how he loves you more than you love him - your tears will show him otherwise

Actions speak louder than words for this man: seeing you cry out of sheer love for him touches him so deeply he can’t even bring himself to say anything prickly in response

Sits there with his face buried in your hair, holding you tightly until your shuddering breaths settle, savouring the feel of you within the circle of his arms, the gentle heat emanating from your bare flesh 

He’s thinking that the heavens have tried to compensate for all the pain and hardship he’s had to endure thus far by sending you his way — and he has never been more thankful for anything in his life

Masamune:

Masamune will still be going at it for the third round of the night when he notices the tears streaming down your face

“Did I hurt you, kitten?”

He immediately stills to carefully study your reaction

You put your hand to your face and are surprised to feel the wetness upon your cheeks — you didn’t even realize you were crying

Perhaps it was because you were so fatigued from keeping up with Masamune’s voracious appetite (the man’s been waiting forever to do the deed with you so you can bet he’s gonna squeeze all he can out of the opportunity)

But at some point, the thought that you and Masamune were finally together after all your trials and tribulations made your heart feel full to bursting, and the tears started to fall as naturally as it felt to be by his side

When you explain that they’re tears of joy, Masamune will continue his slow thrusts while still hovering over you, gently kissing your tears away

Afterwards, the man insists that you stay put and naked under the covers as he leaves the room.  He returns a short while later carrying a tray with a big bowl of soup that he whipped up in the kitchen, meant to replenish all the fluids you lost crying and by other more salacious means 😏

Thanks for reading!  Check out more of my work here! 📚

[roserecaps]

Week Seven: Cry Broby?

Nick meets up with Chris H. on the beach to discuss his concerns continuing the season... And out of habit attempts to send Chris home. 

Raven: “He did say he wasn’t sure if this was going to work out” Rachel: “If Nick was like ‘I can’t do this’ I would be devastated.” Vanessa: “I have never been more afraid of this not working out” Danielle M.: “I hope he’s feeling better, I don’t want him to lose hope.” Corinne: “This is scary.”

The many ways to say, I am not gonna let this pussy end my time on TV. 

Nick returns to the hotel and in the biggest shocker of the season Corinne is one of the only people not napping. He goes on to tell them that this cash cow ABC show WILL continue. Thank you for wasting 10 min of my life. 

Nick Cry Count: 1

We’re going to Bimini!!!! What/Where the fuck is Bimini...? 

Date card arrives, Corinne is already planning in her head how much sushi and champaign that she can get down her throat before taking Nick down her throat, but the card was for V and it reads “Let’s go deeper”. 

Corinne: “I think it’s referring to deeper emotionally...” “There is no depth there, she eats carbs and teaches special needs” Corinne puts the deep in deep throat and hasn’t touched a carb since Milwaukee. 

One-On-One (Vanessa)

The two go out on a boat, snorkel a little, and make out under water. 

This one-on-one is so boring that producers had to cut back to Corinne several time to weigh in on Vanessa, her hometown, and how bloated she is getting. 

Nessa is brought back down to reality at dinner when she tells Nick that she loves him and he avoids it like the 5 D’s of dodgeball. 

Thank god that’s over.

Group Date 

It looks like ABC got a Groupon on this yacht, Nick just dropped Vanessa off and picks up the next three up.  

I don’t know how Nick called this a group date with a straight face because this is the Kristina show and I can’t wait for Corinne to lose her shit. 

Nick Cry Count: 2

Kristina: “You can’t keep all of us, grow a pair and stop crying you pansy!”

While the Nick and Stina are outside making out, Corinne is inside with Raven anxiously making her way through 6 pounds of sharp cheddar. Raven can’t watch Corinne take down another cube, so she makes her way out to strategically play her sympathy card.

Corinne reminds Nick that she has never been on a one-on-one and Nick moves on.

You can’t hold the rose from the girl that just told you her dad has cancer. Now go enjoy your shitty beach concert. 

Corinne: “I just need that reassurance dry humping I got from him in the beginning.” 

One-On-One (Danielle M.)

The pair explore the island that no one has heard of. Nick gets dunked on by a 10 year old and Danielle M. tries to think of something to talk about.

This date is already intolerable, if Danielle didn’t speak another word this whole season I would NOT be upset. It sounds like she is permanently sedated and on the brink of passing out.

Nick: “Danielle and I have a really great friendship.” 

D, you can sleep on the plane back to Sconsin! Bye girl. 

Nick Cry Count: 3

Danielle M.: “I have to say goodbye to you guys, this is the end of the road for Nick and I, and I have to go before I totally lose it.” Rest of Girls: *Tries to find an object in the room to look at to avoid eye contact*

Corinne takes the news hard.... She “needs to guarantee” her hometown date, so puts some makeup on, takes her underwear off and heads to Nick’s room. 

I need to know Corinne’s champaign stats after this is all said and done. She has easily taken down a couple cases at this point. 

Corinne: “I know how to turn the sex on. My heart is gold, but my vagine is platinum... and my asshole is bleached.” 

I hope Raquel is covering her ears! 

C baby takes Nick into his room, leaves the camera men outside, but their mics stay on. Did they not learn anything from watching Robert Durst?! 

Apparently there is no beating around the bush with Corinne, just straight beating the bush. Nick puts a quick stop to it “out of respect for the other women”. 

Nick: “Thanks for checking on me and my penis!”

Corinne storms out of the room and down to the lobby as quick and unbalanced as her 8 inch heels will take her. Says FUCK YOU to the automatic door in the process. 

One-On-One (Rachel)

Rach not holding back her excitement in front of the other girls is an understatement. She is ramming her confidence down everyone’s throat with her fist. 

The two head to a part of Bimini where it’s just locals and no tourists. I’m sure they are thrilled you are rolling in with a complete production crew. 

Wise Bartender: “Make sure this guy needs you, and doesn’t just want you.” 

That may have been the realest shit said on this show. 

Rachel heads back to the house and turned her obnoxious certainty to an 11. 

Rachel: “If I don’t get a rose I will be extremely confused.” Corinne: “I think I’m gonna be sick.” ... Same. 

Nick better not send Cory home! I NEED to meet her family, see this business and get help for Raquel. 

Corinne is in FULL panic mode, I have seen someone “shitting bricks” and I think C is sharting boulders. Nick doesn’t want to do a rose ceremony for the 35th time this season so he pulls Kristina out to the porch to cry in front of her... again. 

Nick Cry Count: 3.5 (pretty fake)

Krissy is hurried out to see if they can get her on Danielle’s flight back to the states. 

What to look forward to:

Looks like there is still going to be a rose ceremony, there is a return of a mystery person, and it looks like the final proposal is being held in Antarctica... I am sure the girls will appreciate that. I’m sure that dress you were excited to wear will look great under your parka and snowpants.  

[quipsandcollins-blog]

To Heal A Seal || Darcy & Ricky

Darcy had heard it from someone on facebook who said she'd heard it from a mutual friend. Ricky was in the hospital. And that was all the information Darcy could get. Not knowing everything wasn't something Darcy appreciated, but having one of her only friends in town laid up in a hospital bed was something she appreciated even less. When the staff directed her towards his room, she approached with trepidation, but he was awake and moving when she got there, which relieved her enough to let her manage a smile as she exhaled. "A little bird told me you were hurt. So I... brought you a present?" She lifted the lid on the pizza to reveal his favorite toppings. "I won't ever tell anyone I paid for this with my own money, but I thought you might like it."

Hospital food was absolutely fucking terrible. So when there was a a knock on the door and Darcy poked her head through with pizza Ricky was absolutely elated "Truly today I look upon the face of an angel. An angel bearing pizza. And if I know you, jokes about how I ended up here. I can already see the judgment in your eyes, gorgeous." He raised the bed so he could sit up and eagerly snagged a piece from the box, gesturing to a nearby chair with it. "Have a seat. One day I'm going to get you to love anchovies. You know it's going to happen. I'm determined." He took a big bite and chewed thoughtfully. "So. A little bird? Seems ominous. Did the little bird have a scythe? I swear I'm fine Darcy."

"Are you... asking me if The Grim Reaper told me about your situation?" ​Darcy​ shook her head, wondering if he was on some kind of painkillers that were making his sense of humor even more ridiculous than usual. "No. I'd be a little bit more freaked out if that were the case." She took a seat next to the bed, laying the pizza in his lap. "That's all for you. I'm never going to love anchovies in my life." The free fries that had come with it, those were hers. Looking at him, she bit back the worry that had been threatening to overtake her ever since she'd heard about him being hurt, but she couldn't get rid of it completely. Her curiosity was going nowhere. "Ricky, what happened?"

"I'm just saying that it's not as bad as people are saying I'm gonna be fine. I won't swim for a year and I'm done competitively but I'll live and I'll get to keep my arm." Ricky snuck the most devastating piece of information in casually, hoping Darcy wouldn't latch onto it even though he was pretty sure she could ferret out any piece of info she required. "You're missing out Darcy. Anchovies are amazing and history is going to look back at you and see how wrong you were. Just you wait..." another bite and he looked up through his long lashes at her. "I was climbing a tree. Branch snapped. Broke my arm in four places. Molly dropped me off at the hospital. It was pretty bloody. Imma need to get the jeep professionally cleaned."

Her jaw dropped. Ricky was an amazing swimmer. She'd seen him compete several times and he always looked right at home in the water. Not being able to do that was a tragedy in itself. "You've got to be kidding me..." ​Darcy​ gestured out into the hallway, as if the doctors could see her, as if she could reason with them. "They've got to be able to do ​something​. You can rehab, and you can heal." She shook her head, still in disbelief. "All this from climbing a tree?" It was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard.

Ricky shrugged as best he could. "I can rehab. I can heal. But it'll take time. This is my last semester I can compete and I'll be out the whole time." He bit back the anger he was feeling at that and breathed deep. "It is what it is. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it." Another breath and he weighed his options. "It wasn't a tree. But. If I tell you it has to be a secret. This is sorta dangerous."

Darcy nodded sadly, reaching out to lightly squeeze Ricky's wrist, and was immediately relieved there was no weird, allergic reaction for either of them. She withdrew her hand almost immediately. "Well, now I'm glad I got you your stinky fish pizza." Her eyes widened at the words 'secret' and 'dangerous'. This town was full of dangerous secrets. She even had one of her own. "Of course. Tell me."

Ricky squeezed Darcy's hand back, glad to have his friend there with him, and smiled a bit broader. "My stinky fish pizza is the best pizza in the world. You're just missing out on it." He smiled sweetly at the nurse who came to switch out an IV and waited until the door had clicked shut behind her before leaning back towards Darcy. "It's.... part of a longer story and I can't tell all of it because some secrets aren't mine to tell but. Long story short.... I was involved with a fight with a gang of Nixies. I killed at least two of them and then they broke my arm. This isn't the first run in I've had with them but as far as I know it's going to be the last." He sat back and watched her expression carefully; it was a lot to drop on a girl at once.

Her eyes widened. "N-nixies?" Like the Nixie her aunt had killed? If it had been part of a gang, and if that gang had attacked Ricky, then maybe she shouldn't have felt so bad for its lifeless body after all. "How do you know what Nixies are?" ​Darcy​ asked, realizing that now she'd asked, she'd have to explain how she knew too.

That was a more measured reaction than he'd anticipated. Stutter and all. He pushed his curly hair out of his eyes before grabbing another piece of pizza; not having two functioning hands was really starting to be a drag. She asked him the question he knew was coming and left him with the decision of how to deal with it. Ricky trusted her, he really did; but too many people knew about him already. "I... stumbled onto the truth of them. By accident. Got dragged into something and now I know. How do ​you​ know what Nixies are?" It was a half truth at best. But it turned out his life was lived in those now. Half man, half seal, half broken, half true.

Darcy sat up straighter. She didn't like lying. It wasn't only dishonest, but she felt like it was beneath her. Lying made it seem like you were ashamed of something. She wasn't ashamed of being a warden, but she doubted her aunt would agree with her telling her college friends about it. She swallowed, adjusting her glasses on the bridge of her nose. "My family are like... major major Scribes. I'm probably going to follow in their footsteps eventually." It was the truth, just not the whole truth. But it was the best she could do.

Half the pizza was gone and Ricky didn't really feel like slowly down, so he picked up another piece and ate it slowly, digesting what Darcy was telling him. "So you guys are the... supernatural library of congress? That's pretty cool." He knew that's what Molly was but; secrets were safe with him and he didn't know how much he was supposed to let on that he knew. The salt of the anchovies reminded him of the ocean he was starting to desperately miss. "This is just a fucking mess, D. All of it. A goddamn fucking mess."

She'd never heard it put quite that way before, but she nodded. "Yeah, kinda. Not that I really know what the library of congress is, being from Ireland and everything. But I guess it's important?" ​Darcy​ wished she could help. She wished she knew what to do, or that she didn't feel so at ease misleading him even when he was suffering. "You're right. It is a mess... but you'll get better, okay? I'll help you. I'll help you with your rehab exercises, I'll keep you company, I'll do whatever I can, okay?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." Ricky cast his mind for something he could compare it to. "Like the library of alexand....ropolis? I guess? Supposed to be a repository of knowledge and shit." He pulled a blanket up over his bare chest, taking a drink of water when he finished. "I'm a mess yeah. But it's more than me. Other people got hurt. I killed someone. I've never killed someone before. Just things. Fish. This is a goddamn disaster." He smiled at her earnest response. "I know you will. Because you're a goddamn angel. Thank you Darcy. For all of this. It's nice to see someone who isn't a nurse."

"Library of Alexandria?" ​Darcy​ guessed. "That one I know." She reached out to lightly brush Ricky's hair out of his eyes. "It's a good thing you're cute, handsome jock boy." It felt nice, to at least be able to tease each other even when all this was going on. She exhaled, relieved to see him soften at her offer. It would hurt, both emotionally and physically, but they would get through it. "Well, you're gonna be seeing a lot of me," she said with a smile, lifting up her iPad to rest on the tray in front of him. "Now let's watch something good on Netflix for a bit until they make me go home?"

[themapleleafdiaries]

1, 2, 5, 8, 12 for Nayru, 3, 11, 13, 15, 20 for Xaphan, 7, 9, 20, 21, 28 for Alara, 17, 23, 30, 34, 40, 44, 49 for an oc (or ocs) of your choosing! :D

DIS GON GIT LOOOONG

ask meme

Nayru

1 (answered here)

2 (answered here)

05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type?

oh, she’s def more sexuallyconfident

08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or obliviousto it?

oh geez… the biggestflaw that comes to mind at the moment is that she’s impatient. She gets toorestless sometimes and sometimes gets hurt as a result of her being unable towait patiently. She is aware of this (although she’s not always aware that she’sdoing it) and tries to force herself to be patient

12. Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simplycould not give up?

she’s good at makingthings. clothes, weapons, armour, jewelry, etc.

Xaphan

03. What would be their favorite physical traitabout themselves?

his hair!

11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage?

it’s kind of easy topiss him off, but the thing he cares about the most is his family. So, ifsomeone did something to harm his mother or siblings, that person betterfucking RUN.

15. Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The verymention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear.

probably his father or maybeUlfric lol

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals?Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures?

yeah, animals are goodin his opinion. He likes cats and eventually develops a liking to dragons also.As for pets, yes! He would definitely want pets! (in fact I have this headcanonthat he rescues a cat from freezing to death in Winterhold and helps nurse itback to health and he brings it home, he and that cat become the best ofbuddies.)

 Alara

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likelywithout being aware of it)?

she often says “what” ina way that sounds like she’s quacking like a duck

another one is “awshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit”

09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday?

she likes autumn! allthose colours!

holidays… hmm.. probablyeither Jester’s Day or any holiday where people get really drunk. drunk peopleare fun to watch and mess with

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals?Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures?

yes, she likes animals!Dogs are her absolute favourite. Dragons come second. Bran is technically herpet, I guess. She wants more pet dogs tho

21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears?How would they react when dealing with this fear?

hmmm I can’t think ofany deeeeeep fears rn but one of her biggest fears is grasshoppers and butterflies.how does she react? RUN AWAY RUN AWAY SCREAMING

28. If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for?

‘that little girl thatbreaks into people’s houses and steals shit, puts buckets on sleeping people’s headsand there may or may not be dicks drawn on the buckets’

misc

17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children?

im gonna answer this onefor Marcus!

oh yeah, he wants to getmarried and have kids. he loves kids

23. What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects arethey good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved?

im gonna answer this forXaphan!

for the College ofWinterhold, Xaph’s good at are the Destruction and Illusion schools of magic.He’s definitely a bit of a troublemaker there… he likes to annoy his fellowstudents and the teachers and play pranks sometimes

30. When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does yourcharacter like?

im gonna do this one forMeera!

Meera def likes music alot! she’s fascinated by different instruments and the sounds they make

34. Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner,dessert, snacks, etc)

i answered this one forNayru! (and I can’t think of any other particular foods that any other of myother ocs like lol)

40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy?Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others?

Roskva enjoys singingand dancing…when she’s alone, of course!! she gets self-conscious when peopleare around, so she doesn’t like to sing or dance in front of people (horses andother animals don’t count though. she definitely sings to horses)

44. Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate yourcharacter?

(answered here forNayru!!)

49. What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are thesefrequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood?

(answered for Nayru) butim also gonna do Xaphan too

Xaphan has frequentnightmares about his abusive alcoholic father. They usually involve flashbacks.And yes, they affect his mood a lot.

[junker-town]

NFL Dad, Week 15: Always expect the worst, and you’ll never be disappointed

What’s it like to watch seven hours of football while parenting two young children? It’s not so bad, as long as you’ve given up any hope of things going smoothly.

The key to happiness in parenthood and sports fandom is the same: Get rid of any positive expectations. Prepare for disaster at all times, and always fear that the thing you love will turn on you and attempt to destroy your day in the blink of an eye.

Does the unending hyper-awareness dampen your joy when something genuinely good happens? Absolutely, but it’s insurance against the devastation of the unexpected. I was rooting for the Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX against the Patriots, and I expected them to lose the entire game — I even predicted a narrow Pats victory — until Jermaine Kearse made that juggling catch to set up first and goal. That’s when I let my guard down and believed in Seattle.

Yadda yadda yadda, I couldn’t sleep for like six weeks. And that’s my fault for believing good things could happen to me. Take it from an expert: You can’t be disappointed if you don’t have expectations.

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— I’m late to the games today. I don’t turn the TV on until 1:50 p.m. Eastern time because we’re late getting back from a friend’s house, where we ate bagels and helped our kids decorate gingerbread houses. I hate to say it was “brunch,” because I always want to remember brunch fondly. What I had was parenting and lox.

— After I put my son down for his nap, I click on the TV and get a trio of scores, right in a row: Bilal Powell niftily evades a tackler for a 2-yard touchdown that narrows the Saints’ lead to 10-7; someone named “Bibbs” takes a short pass from Kirk Cousins and turns it into a 36-yard touchdown against Arizona; and Sterling Shepard takes the Eagles to the woodshed on a 67-yard score that puts the Giants up, 20-7.

WE SEE YOU, @sterl_shep3! He gone. #GiantsPride http://pic.twitter.com/xUpUIE99km

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

— We got back late from not-brunch because my daughter threw a fit as we were trying to leave. So my wife left with our son, and I stayed back with the possessed one until the demons were exorcised. Mostly, this meant sitting in the living room and waiting for her to finish screaming through her timeout.

Two- and three-year-old kids have moods like the weather: Sometimes a thunderstorm hits, and there’s not much you can do but hole up and wait for it to pass. Eventually, the sun breaks through like nothing happened. As a parent, you feel your child owes you an explanation or apology for the 30 minutes you just lost, but you’ll get none. The weather has changed. You may as well shout at the sky, demand an explanation from the passing clouds.

— I’ve got two fantasy teams in money leagues that are in the semifinals this week, so I’m guilty of keeping an eye on the ol’ Yahoo scoreboards. After I beat a team with Alvin Kamara last week, I’m facing him in another league this week, so of course he scores on a short TD pass. Right after that, LeSean McCoy — who I’m also facing — scores his second touchdown of the day to put Bills up 14-6.

It's @CutOnDime25. AGAIN. #GoBills http://pic.twitter.com/K88Xqr08SA

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

I close the window with the fantasy scores.

— Stefon Diggs catches a touchdown pass from Case Keenum to put the Vikings up 24-0 over the Bengals, so I can safely ignore this game the rest of the day.

Somewhat related: Matt Hasselbeck made an interesting point to my podcast partner Nick Stevens last week: The top three seeds in the NFC are quarterbacked by Nick Foles*, Case Keenum, and Jared Goff, and people who follow the NFL are generally shocked that these three guys don’t suck the way that they used to.

What do they have in common? They all last sucked for Jeff Fisher. WORST. COACH. EVER. That guy ought to be sued for malpractice.

*Yes, the Eagles have made it this far thanks to Carson Wentz, not Foles, but Foles is in the middle of throwing four touchdowns to zero interceptions against the Giants.

— Eli Manning throws an ugly pick on 3rd and 10 that gives the Eagles life. A nifty return by Ronald Darby gives Philly great field position that leads to a Zach Ertz touchdown. The Giants’ lead is down to 20-14.

— Aaron Rodgers escapes pressure and flips the ball to Randall Cobb, who dances through the defense for a touchdown at the end of the half. The Packers take a 14-10 lead.

Oh, ok @aaronrodgers12. OH, OK @rcobb18. Wow. Touchdown, @Packers! #GoPackGo http://pic.twitter.com/WtlBRp4rKp

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

— Tyrod Taylor scores on a quarterback keeper, and I love this play design: Trips right, with tight end Nick O’Leary split out to the left. Travaris Cadet motions out to the right to draw the defense to the wide side of the field, and Taylor runs to the left with O’Leary blocking near the goal line.

.@TyrodTaylor will do it himself! #GoBills http://pic.twitter.com/X4UIx10aAc

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

Still, this play doesn’t work without a quarterback as shifty as Taylor; a less mobile player would have been taken down at the line of scrimmage. This seems to suggest that Sean McDermott, despite his “Nathan Peterman should make his pro debut against the NFL’s most fearsome pass-rushing tandem” position, may actually understand the abilities of his signal-caller.

— On 3rd and 22, Duke Johnson coughs up the ball well short of the first down marker, and the Ravens recover. They score three plays later, when Joe Flacco finds Ben Watson in acres of space for a 35-yard touchdown. The Ravens lead 17-7 just before halftime, and I can’t help but marvel how insanely bad this Browns team is, week after week after week, at the most basic aspects of pro football. It’s remarkable.

— Trey Burton scores a touchdown for Eagles, and he follows with my favorite celebration of the week:

.@TreyBurton8 hauls in the TD pass... Then the @Eagles gather around the #FlyEaglesFly http://pic.twitter.com/NVSJpSWtZD

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

It’s not that spinning the ball and warming your hands by the fire is so wildly creative, it’s that Burton spun it long enough for two teammates to join him. Look, I’m impressed by anything that isn’t a children’s game repurposed in the end zone.

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— As I close my eyes for a little catnap, the Packers leave Greg Olsen wide open on a blitz, and Cam Newton hits him for an easy touchdown.

I’m not really all that tired, but with the kids napping, my wife lies down on the couch to close her eyes, so I mute the TV and pull the shades. But then the apartment is so dark and quiet that it would be wasteful to be awake.

— When I open my eyes, the first play I see is another Panthers touchdown. But it Damiere Byrd falls out of bounds, so the refs rule it incomplete. Ron Rivera foolishly challenges the call, and ... gets it reversed?

STILL have no idea what a catch is, this was ruled a TD after review when called incomplete http://pic.twitter.com/YYccOsBcp0

— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) December 17, 2017

Apparently, the refs contend that one butt cheek landed inbounds a split second before the rest of his back hit the end line, which ... Man, I’m too tired to get mad about catches any more. It is EXHAUSTING to follow the twists and turns of the catch rule every week. Anyway, the Panthers are up 24-14, and Aaron Rodgers needs to do that thing where he miraculously rips the guts out of his opponents if the Packers want to have any chance of making the playoffs.

— DeShone Kizer gets sacked in his own end zone and fumbles, and the Ravens recover for a touchdown and a 24-10 lead. Am I facing the Ravens D in fantasy? YOU KNOW IT.

— On 3rd and 10, one play after taking a vicious hit from Panthers defenders, Aaron Rodgers scrambles away from pressure, sees Jordy Nelson downfield, and throws a laser … to James Bradberry. It’s his third interception of the day, and his first three-interception game since 2009. I’ve seen Rodgers hit Nelson for a long completion in that scenario so many times over the years that it’s clear No. 12 isn’t 100 percent yet.

— Someone named Tavarres King scores a long touchdown for the Giants, but the offense fails on the 2-point attempt. The Giants trail 31-29. It’s a beautiful-looking cover (+7) right now, though. I wish I’d taken the home team +7.

— Newton hits Byrd for another TD, this one legitimate, to put the Panthers up by two touchdowns with 12 minutes to play in the game. That’s enough time for some Aaron Rodgers magic, but he hasn’t exactly been magical today. Better than Brett Hundley, sure, but not the fearsome demigod the Packers usually rely on.

— With the Vikings up 34-0, HERE COMES TEDDY BRIDGEWATER!!! It’s his first action in almost two years, and the Minnesota crowd is deafening in its welcome for him. On the sideline, Case Keenum joins in, clapping enthusiastically.

Bridgewater’s first pass is an interception. But it was an EMOTIONALLY RESONANT interception! It leads to a Gio Bernard TD that ruins the perfect day that my fantasy def— er, the Vikings defense was having.

— With the Browns driving to get back into the game, DeShone Kizer throws his weekly red zone interception. He now has turnovers in both end zones, which HAS to be redeemable for, like, a free burger and fries somewhere. The Ravens are gonna wrap this one up comfortably.

— Rodgers gets sacked on 4th and 14 with about five minutes to play, and that’ll do it for the Packers’ playoff hopes. Womp-womp.

— My son wakes up from his nap, comes into the living room, and says “Fot-paw!” when he sees the TV. RedZone is really pushing the Washington-Arizona game right now, but I refuse to take notes on it. Sorry, I’m allergic to mediocrity.

— I go into the kids’ room to get my daughter up from her nap, and my son comes along. A few minutes later, I exit the room singing “Jingle Bells” while the kids shake sleigh bells and maracas. After the song, I ask my son what color his shaker is.

“Bee.”

“What color?”

“Bee,” he says again.

“Green?”

“Yeah!”

So, we have some work to do on pronunciation.

— Now wait just a damn minute. When I last saw Green Bay-Carolina, the Panthers had taken over in Green Bay territory and were up by two touchdowns with five minutes left. Now it’s 31-24 Panthers, AND the Packers have the ball with two minutes remaining. I MISSED RODGERS MAGIC.

— Lucy screaming in kitchen while wife makes soup. Owen screams too.

— Trailing 34-29, Eli Manning expertly leads a two-minute drill into the red zone, but it stalls just short of paydirt. On 4th and goal with just a few seconds left, Manning — stop me if you’ve heard this one — overthrows a covered receiver, and the game ends.

— The Packers’ Geronimo Allison fumbles as he picks up a first down, and the Panthers recover, thus denying us precious Rodgers Magic, and ending the Run The Table narrative before it had a chance to begin. Stupid broken clavicles.

— Results from the early games: The Eagles clinch a bye with their win, the Vikings clinch an NFC North title, and the Jags clinch a playoff berth by dominating the Texans.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— Before the late games kick off, I will not be taking any notes about Rams-Seahawks and have no plans to write about it whatsoever. I’ve gone over some of the previous NFL Dad, and I don’t like the way the late games often read like a Livejournal for my fanboy neuroses. So, no Seahawks today. I feel better already.

(UPDATE: For those of you who know how Rams-Seahawks went, this may look like a convenient development for a Seattle fan. I swear that I went into the afternoon with an iron determination not to write about the game, regardless of result.)

— The other late afternoon options are Titans-49ers and Patriots-Steelers, which is criminally being held out of a primetime slot so NBC can air Cowboys-Raiders. PUKE.

— It’s starting to rain in Pittsburgh, which should do wonders for the historically tidy grass at Heinz Field. Up in a luxury box, Ryan Shazier fires up the crowd by waving a yellow dish towel, and it’s good to see him well enough to make an appearance.

The next play is a bomb to Brandin Cooks from midfield down inside the Steelers’ 10-yard line. The Pats punch it in with Rex Burkhead to take a 7-0 lead.

— I am not even looking at Seahawks Twitter, and it is helping greatly with my mental well-being.

— Facing 3rd and five, Big Roethlisberger throws a jump pass to Antonio Brown, who snags it and makes a nice run after the catch to move the Steelers into field goal range.

The movement of @AB84... #HereWeGo http://pic.twitter.com/0HCIY1AAlf

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

A few plays later, Roethlisberger hits Eli Rogers for a TD to even game.

— My daughter asks, “Mommy, do we have a menorah?” On the way to the subway this morning, she had pointed out a large menorah in a public square, so I explained to her what a menorah was.

My wife replies, “We do not, because menorahs are for Jewish people, and we’re Catholic. So we have a Christmas tree instead.” My wife’s answer is perfectly straightforward, but at the same time, there are probably some conceptual hurdles for a three-year-old who’s familiar with the Nativity and going to church (sorry: Mass) but not so much terms like “Catholic” and “Jewish.” But to my relief, my daughter asks no further questions.

— The Titans intercept Jimmy Garoppolo, and refs rule it a catch — for the Niners. I dunno about that one; it looked awfully Golden Tate-y.

Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

The catch rule stays undefeated.

— After the kids finish their dinner, I have tell my son AGAIN not to touch the Christmas tree. He has pulled it down while playing with it twice over the last eight days. The first time, he suffered only a glancing blow, and the second time I was sitting nearby and screamed “OH NOOO!” before catching the top of the tree just before it fell on him.

Fun note about your Christmas tree falling over multiple times: It sucks to redecorate! We put a ton of care and effort into getting every ornament in exactly the right place when we first put the tree up, and that kind of scrutiny is only enjoyable once. Now there are a dozen ornaments on the windowsill that we just don’t have the will to put back on the tree. Hard to believe we’re not enthusiastic about putting all the glass orbs back onto our holiday safety hazard.

— My daughter eats some candy off of her gingerbread house, so my wife moves it out of reach. Ear-splitting screeches of “MOM-MEEEEEEE!!!” fill the house and drown out the Sesame Street playlist we were listening to. Three-year-olds are delightful.

— Let’s take a look around the league at halftime of the late games! Pittsburgh leads New England 17-10 after a Martavis Bryant TD caps a 15-play drive. Here’s the newsworthy part of that:

Yes this is JuJu Smith-Schuster re-enacting his own taunting penalty. @btsteelcurtain #Steelers http://pic.twitter.com/qV3TUQBmwC

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) December 17, 2017

Elsewhere, a Delainie Walker TD late in the half gives the Titans a six-point advantage in Santa Clara at halftime. And in Seattle ... (squints) ... Ah, it would appear that Todd Gurley has 144 yards and three touchdowns as the Rams lead 34-0.

I go over to the iPad, which is playing “I Love Trash” by Oscar the Grouch, and press pause. The song keeps going. Yes, this is a metaphor.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— Good news and bad news about Antonio Brown’s injury: X-rays were negative, which means nothing is broken, but he’s headed to the hospital, which is not where you go when everything’s A-OK.

— I click over to CBS for the second half of Pats-Steelers because (A) I don’t care about Titans-Niners, and (B) it will prevent me from seeing any more Rams-Seahawks than absolutely necessary. Also, Tony Romo! Love that guy.

— The kids have tied scarves around their necks to wear as capes. They play “Ring Around the Rosie,” and after they fall down, my daughter starts crawling around and meowing, so my son does the same. “We’re being cats,” my daughter clarifies.

— Pats keep a drive going with a completion to Gronk on 4th and 1. 3rd and goal, Brady steps up in pocket and finds Cooks for the TD, but the PAT hooks left. It’s 17-16 Steelers.

— One of the best/worst things about watching a game on CBS is seeing ads for all the CBS shows that look like parodies of CBS shows. Even the movie trailers seem targeted to the dumbest, oldest audience: Father Figures looks like a CBS sitcom and a FOX sitcom had sex and gave birth to a movie.

Warning: Only click play on that button above if you want to see Terry Bradshaw talk about sex. HARD PASS.

— I give my son his bath, then hand him off to my wife so I can try to convince my daughter to get in the bath. Every goddamn day, man. It takes forever to get her in the bath, then she has the time of her life and won’t get out of the bath. Hardest aspects of bathing my kids, ranked:

Getting them in the bath.

Getting them out of the bath.

Trying to stop them from drinking the bathwater. WHY DO THEY LIKE IT? IT’S SO GROSS.

Anyway, while I’m try to reason with the weather, I get to watch a nice interception by the Pittsburgh defense.

Tom Brady's pass is PICKED. #NEvsPIT http://pic.twitter.com/HfvxbjUdb6

— NFL (@NFL) December 17, 2017

That sets up a Steelers touchdown that puts them up by eight, which I don’t see because I’m giving my daughter her bath.

— While I’m watching the game, my son approached the couch and says, “Moo!” to our dog. He wants her to move. This is a frequent source of confusion for my wife and me, because he relies on a cow lovey for soothing (“Moo!”) and will point out the moon in any book we read (“Moo!”). So a lot of times we’ll hear “Moo!” and come rushing into the room with a lovey, only to see the dog laying at his feet, barricading his progress.

— While the kids brush their teeth, Brady gets sacked on 3rd and 10, and the Pats kick a field goal to go down 24-19 with about four minutes left. Grim scenario for New England.

— While my wife reads to our daughter, I take my son into the other room for Llama Llama Gram and Grandpa. It’s no Llama Llama Red Pajama, but that’s no surprise. If you think movie sequels are bad, just wait until you enter the world of children’s book franchises. Once you think the well is dry, the author comes back with an 8-page book for each holiday.

— It’s bedtime for the kids, and my daughter requests “The Little Mermaid Song” (sic). My wife sings “Part of Your World,” and they go down without a fight. When I come back to the TV, the Pats have 1st and goal with a minute left, and the next play is an eight-yard touchdown run by Dion Lewis. Gronk gets the 2-point conversion for maximum drama. Pats lead, 27-24.

— The Steelers have 52 seconds and one timeout to answer. The first play is this:

JUJU! #HereWeGo http://pic.twitter.com/qKnP38lKGk

— NFL (@NFL) December 18, 2017

The play goes for 69 yards, and Jim Nantz carefully calls it a “nearly 70-yard play,” because Jim Nantz can’t even accidentally make an oblique reference to oral sex. He’s like one of the robots in Westworld, unable to see evidence of his own machinery. Except, y’know, for sex.

— Before we get to the ending of Patriots-Steelers, let’s take a look at the other late games:

In Santa Clara, a Ryan Succop 50-yarder gives Titans 23-22 lead with a little over a minute left. Garoppolo counters with a drive into field goal range. Robbie Gould drills the 45-yarder straight down the middle for the Niners’ third straight win.

In Seattle, the Rams coasted to a 42-7 win. I believe it was 40-7 at one point, so I think the Rams got a safety. I already know more than I’d like to.

— The Steelers’ next play is a touchdown to Jesse James. 30-27, with a PAT pending. The Pats will have 28 seconds to answer.

No! It’s called incomplete! Once again: Everything you know is wrong, and the catch rule stays undefeated.

They showed the replay 10x before anyone could figure out why it was a replay. Probably a sign that it should be a catch.

— Geoff Schwartz (@geoffschwartz) December 18, 2017

— Oh no. Oh no no no. Speaking as someone without a horse in the race: Lord, no.

PICKED! #NEvsPIT http://pic.twitter.com/4OerTkMB5c

— NFL (@NFL) December 18, 2017

Coupla questions here:

Did you really think the Patriots, of all teams, would fall for a fake spike?

Will NFL teams PLEASE stop running goal-line slants against the Patriots? Don’t let the Seahawks death be in vain.

Speaking of the Seahawks, I would one THOUSAND percent take that ass-kicking from the Rams over the anger and heartbreak of a close loss like this. “But the Steelers should have won!” you say. Yes, they should have. That’s what makes it worse. That’s what causes the misery. I’ll sleep much better knowing that my team deserved to lose.

-- When the game ends, I leave to go work out. When I return, my daughter is on the toilet, trying to poop. My wife is sitting on a footstool next to her. “We’ve been sitting here since just after you left,” she says.

I take over poop duty while my wife stretches her legs. I read a book to her. I sing to her. I encourage her to push. No poop.

“It’s time to shit or get off the pot” is a cliché we live a couple times a week. When we eventually pull our daughter off the toilet with no product, she freaks out. She screams and won’t lie in her bed. We leave the bedroom and she yells, “MOMMY COME GET ME!” repeatedly, for so loud and so long that she starts coughing.

Her brother, who sleeps in the same room with her, tries to roll over and ignore it, but eventually he starts crying, too. My wife and I are FURIOUS at our daughter. And do you know why?

Because we thought we could relax for the night. And really, that’s our fault.