The Therapeutic Influence of Goats
Had to pull myself out of my writing slump because one of my favorite humans on the planet has a BIRTHDAY TODAY!!! @foolofabookwyrm-activated does so much for this fandom and community, and we are beyond lucky to have her.
Liz, I love you and I hope you had an absolutely fantastic day today <3 This silly little thing is for you; hope it makes you smile.
Read the full ficlet below, or over on ao3, if you prefer!
***
Baz
I knock on the ancient wooden door three times, rapidly. Old, cracking paint chips off beneath my knuckles and flutters through the air, a flake landing on the toe of my leather boot. I sigh. After a somewhat long wait, Agatha Wellbelove yanks open the door. Her blonde hair is piled on top of her head in a messy knot, and she’s wearing a lumpy sweater several sizes too big for her. Her feet are bare.
“Baz,” she says in greeting, not sounding surprised to see me.
“Wellbelove,” I reply.
“Who’s it?” a voice calls from somewhere inside the cavernous barn.
Brody.
“It’s just Baz, he’s here for Simon,” Wellbelove yells over her shoulder.
“So he’s here?”
I can’t keep the relief out of my voice. Even though it’s been months, even though things are much better and improving all the time, I can’t help but worry when Simon disappears on me like this. Wellbelove nods and jerks her chin towards the hill behind me.
“He’s up there. Said he’d come by for tea later,” she explains, softening a little, “you’re welcome to join us, of course.”
“Thanks,” I say, offering her a small smile.
Agatha is already closing the door as I turn and head towards the knoll. I resign myself to a long trek; the back pastures are enormous, and there are no fences to stop the goats from wandering as far as they please. Fortunately for me, I find the herd just beyond the first rise. The goats are scattered about in a loose group, grazing happily on the clumps of buttercups and clover. I spot Simon under a beech tree, spread out on his back with his head resting against a rather plump goat. A tiny little baby one, no larger than a house cat, is sprawled across his legs, fast asleep. Simon sees me a moment after I see him and raises one hand. I walk over to him, careful to give the feeding goats a wide berth. They don’t like me; they’re smart that way.
“I can go if you’d rather be alone,” I offer as I draw closer.
Simon shakes his head.
“Just needed some air,” he says, sitting up slowly so as to not disturb the kid in his lap. He cups his hand over his eyes and squints, looking up at me.
The older goat, presumably the mother, stands up and shakes herself, giving me a distrustful look. I sit down extremely cautiously and hold my hands up to her. She looks at Simon, then back at me, and trots off to graze a short distance away, keeping a watchful eye on us. I suppose she trusts Snow more than she fears me. The grass here is soft, and the wind rustles quietly through the branches above us. Simon lowers his hand and lets it fall in my lap. I hold it. We’re both quiet for a long while. Eventually, Simon takes a massive breath and lets it out slowly.
“Bad day,” he admits.
I can see him struggling to decide what he wants to say; his eyebrows quirk and draw together. I wait, rubbing my thumb against the back of his hand in little circles.
“I’m sorry I didn’t text you,” he starts, “I told my gran where I was going. Figured you would call her if you were worried.”
I nod.
“I would have, if I was. But I thought you would be here.”
Simon smiles crookedly.
“Guess you’re always right.”
“Hardly. I just know my favorite person, and I know where he likes to go to clear his head.”
I lift Simon’s hand to my lips and kiss his knuckles, enjoying his resulting blush.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.
Simon shakes his head.
“No– well, not right now. I just wanna… sit. If that’s alright.”
“Of course, love.”
Simon’s expression shifts, and he peeks up at me from under his unruly fringe. He really needs a haircut.
“Wanna hold him?” he asks, taking his hand back to scratch the little goat’s head.
“I…” I pause, not wanting to turn him down, but I know this impossibly small creature doesn’t want to be held by me.
“I don’t think his mother would approve,” I tell Simon.
He looks over at the mother goat in question and shrugs.
“She trusts me, it’ll be fine,” he says, already lifting the baby out of his lap.
“Simon–”
It’s too late, he’s putting the tiny goat top of my crossed knees, settling him in and getting coarse white hairs all over my navy trousers. I hold my hands in the air, afraid to move. Simon grins. I look up and make direct eye contact with the mother goat. She doesn’t blink. I look back to Simon, blue eyes lit up by the late afternoon sun. He looks delighted. I’m afraid to breathe.
“Here, he likes to be held like this,” Simon explains, taking one of my hands in each of his and positioning them around the creature.
“I’m too cold, he won’t like it,” I hiss.
“He’ll warm you up,” Simon says patiently, like I’m the one being ridiculous right now.
I have one hand cradling the goat’s chin and the other resting against his back. Snow was right; he is warm. Simon sits back, scooting over so he can lean against the trunk of the tree and spread his legs out. He’s still smiling.
“I’m a predator, Snow,” I complain, “you’re teaching this baby terrible survival skills.”
Simon has the audacity to laugh at me.
“These are Watford goats, Baz. You’d never hurt them.”
He’s right, but that doesn’t make this whole situation any less absurd.
“Just relax, babe,” Simon continues, “and try not to think for a bit.”
I snort, but I do try. Tentatively and gently, I let my fingers run over the baby’s back, again and again. He huffs in his sleep, an impossibly charming sound. The mother goat goes back to grazing. I take a few deep breaths. I listen to the wind.
“There you go,” Simon says quietly.
I open my eyes; I hadn’t realized I had closed them. Simon is looking at me so gently, like he loves me.
He does, I remind myself, still.
“What’s his name?” I ask.
“Ebb,” Simon says.
I nod, not trusting myself to speak, to not break whatever this moment is. We sit on the hill, Simon, Ebb, and I, until the shadows start to grow long and the light turns orange. I sigh. Simon nods.
“Let’s go bother Aggie for some tea and biscuits,” he says, standing up and stretching his arms over his head.
I look down at the goat, and his eyes are open, looking back at me.
“Time to go, little puff,” I tell him, and impossibly, he seems to understand.
He yawns, squeaks, then hops off my lap and skips over to his mother, who is already turning to follow the rest of the herd down the hill.
Simon reaches out a hand to help me up. I take it.
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Hello, hello! Thank you for the tags today @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @bookish-bogwitch @whogaveyoupermission and @larkral! I love seeing what you’re working on! I’m also so pumped seeing all the inktober/goatober/drawtober content! It’s gonna be a great month 🥰
Chapter 4 of Depth of Reason is going to be published soon! 🎉 @toonysart is working on a fabulous comic for the climactic scene and it’s going to be so good! 🤩 I won’t share that scene because it’s full of spoilers but I will share a different snippet as I’m getting excited for y’all to read it! Simon is having some serious internal conflict about the way the Coven has treated Baz, and he wants to do something about it:
“I’m going to try to do better for you, Baz.” I gaze up at him then, meeting his eyes and not looking away. “I’ll be better. I promise.”
Baz just stands still for a moment, watching me. I can see his chest moving slowly as he breathes in and out. Finally, he lets out a faint laugh through his nose, and his eyes flick away suddenly.
“Why are you saying all of this? Why now?” It’s not accusatory. There’s no malice behind his words. He genuinely wants to know.
“Because I’m your social worker,” I say without thinking. “And because it’s the right thing to do.”
His eyes meet mine again. “I thought maybe you’d say it’s because we’re friends now.”
I grin. “That, too. Although, officially we’ll say it’s the other reasons.”
He huffs a laugh, and it almost sounds as though he was holding his breath. I watch him carefully for just a moment. I have no idea if I’ve made any of this better or worse, but I think he might believe me. That I want to do better for him.
I really, really love this chapter, and can’t wait to hear feedback on what y’all think of it! Soon, soon!
Tagging @toonysart @fatalfangirl @moodandmist @aristocratic-otter @facewithoutheart @cutestkilla @captain-aralias @artsyunderstudy @hushed-chorus @yeonjunenby @castawaypitch @takitalks @johnwgrey @martsonmars @onepintobean @forabeatofadrum @raenestee @nightimedreamersworld @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ionlydrinkhotwater @stardustasincocaine 👋
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