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#Gonna keep reblogging this cuz tumblr keeps ignoring it ;u;
1eos · 3 months
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Sorry but I feel crazy for feeling :/ about how now people are going "make noise about this! Spread the word about what is happening! Make it know that this is bad!" About this like where was this energy for black folk 😭 feels so complicated like yes its fucked up but also am i crazy for feeling mad about how people ignore shit when it happens to black people but suddenly when it happens to white people then the whole site shouts about it? 😭 sucks because you can't even complain about it because YOU KNOW you will get people calling you names for it 😭 sorry I feel more complex feelings and sorry I feel more annoyed than anything 😭 I am one of the bad ones if I said "it sucks that everyone is ignoring the racism because this is happening to a white trans person" I would still be in the wrong to them and they'll point at me and call psyop 😭😭😭😭😭
youre not bad and you're not crazy either. cuz in the end of the day nothing's gonna get done if you won't listen to black ppl 🤷🏾‍♀️ as they say you're only as strong as your weakest link if you have someone in your community that is free to be attacked at will you're giving an in for everyone to be attacked. someone already made a post comparing the two situations but its similar to sex workers raising the alarm about how websites were trying to censor them and how it would only get worse if ppl allowed it and ppl really fell for the 'protecting kids' rhetoric and now here we are with that crazy kosa censorship bill. when ppl just straight up ignored that staff has the ability to moderate and go scorched earth but only want to do it against ppl they don't like and those ppl seemingly being anyone black :) that SHOULDVE been when non blacks woke tf up and started pushing back bc if u allow it to happen to one group of ppl its def gonna keep happening
and you, and anyone else who feels some time of way abt this, aren't in the wrong for feeling that way! its actually annoying as hell 😭😭😭 its like someone handing you the answers to a test but you still fucking fail bc you don't respect the ppl who gave it to you. and we all obvs feel bad for the ppl getting deleted and when it comes to the ppl actually being deleted they really aren't the problem. its the ppl on tumblr who rally around them saying stupid shit like 'this has never been done before' yes it has and im willing to bet YOU were reblogging those posts calling black ppl russian psyops for having an opinion thats beyond blue good red bad! and this lack of respect for people who will always be one of the first to face repercussion is why we can't get shit done bc after tumblr banned black ppl and erased the ferguson and blm tags nonblacks turned around and were encouraging folks to give this bigoted ass website money bc you have to 'support your favorite hellsite' girl what......
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imaginethathaikyuu · 3 years
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How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr
What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^
Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))
What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.
Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.
What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.
What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….
Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)
Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.
Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).
Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.
Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.
Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”
so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D
- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]
- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 
- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 
- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333
- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!
- gotta love tsukishima <3
- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)
- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 
- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 
- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333
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oh my god. Ok so I just scrolled through your blog and my heart hurts because there is so much love and just so much stuff I can relate too and I just ahhh damnnn it I cant even but like can I please have the story of your relationship with this girl your with? please? i'm a hopeless romantic I feel too much I love so hard my own love life is complicated but i know the kind of love you talk about thats exactly how i love the love of my life too so yours is a story I need to hear
ok so. it all started on April 31st, 2018. i reblogged one of those ask games and she sent me an emoji that said “i’m too scared to talk to you but i think you’re great” and i was like do it!!! and she did!!!! she texted me after i had already gone to sleep tho, so i only answered the next day. but then we talked all day. and the next. and the next. and we never ran out of things to talk about and even only knowing her for a few days i already felt comfortable enough with her to talk about anything?? it was wild. since day 1 we’ve had this connection that i’ve never had with anyone else and its my favorite thing in the world. after like a week we already had a bunch of inside jokes, something that i’d never had before, and i was already crushing on her. ok so we became very close friends like immediately, and i mostly ignored my crush on her bc i thought she didn’t like me back and usually i’d get meaningless crushes on everyone at first before i met her. but then this other girl and i started flirting and i realized i didnt like her bc i liked c too much, so i broke things off and kinda went like “oh shit this is real” and decided that i’d just stay friends with c until i eventually couldnt take it anymore and had to tell her abt my feelings bc thats how i am. anyways ok cool meanwhile i made her watch the good place on rabb.it with me which will be relevant later.
ok so fast forward to may 21st or something around that time. its time to sleep bc i have school the next day so we say goodnight, but then i guess she says something or reblogs something and i get sad bc i realize she doesnt like me back. so i make some hashtag sad posts abt yearning and then i realize i told her i was going to sleep and i didnt want her to think i didnt want to talk to her so i text her again and say like “ok i was going to go to sleep but then i got sad abt my crush” and SHE GOES “you have a crush????????” and im there like. what in the hell bc not only did i not try to hide it At All, i constantly posted about it and had an entire tag about her and i thought it was pretty obvious. so anyways i go “yes?? i thoought you knew that?? im literally always posting about it??” and she asks me to talk abt the crush and who it is. i say “just stalk the tag if u want, im going to sleep” then shes like “nO WAIT WHO IS IT” and im like. blatantly ignoring that and my heart is already beating out of my chest but she Really wants to know and then at one point i say “please dont make me answer that” so shE SAYS “you’re making me think that its me” and i say “i dont know what you want me to say” and SHE GOES “I WANT YOU TO SAY THAT ITS ME BC I HAVE A HUGE CRUSH ON YOU” so i just. die. right then and there. also yknow we talk about it and its like after 1 am and im just happier than i’ve ever been. ok so 2 days later she asks me out Officially and its great and shes the cutest gf ever and she made me feel more wanted than i’d ever felt in my entire life. then 6 days later she sends me a big big big text on tumblr and long story short (bc it was kinda personal), she would be deleting her all social media for the summer.
so she was gone. and we had only dated for a week at this point, but we’d known each other for 2 months, and i already loved her. i already knew she was the love of my life. i didnt even try to move on, i’d tell people i didnt wanna move on cuz i knew i was meant to love her. i had another blog like this that i used to talk about how much i loved and missed her (so like. exactly like this). i literally reasoned with myself that like. that happened because before i met her i was in a really bad place after a terrible relationship and i was almost giving up on finding someone who actually made me feel loved bc i thought it would never happened, so i was like “ok so i was in a really bad place, so the universe brought my soulmate a little early just for a while so that i would know i had to hold on, and when its actually time for us to be together, it will bring us to each other once again” like i actually told myself that, in those words. and yknow what? i wasnt even wrong. on july 15th she texted me from an empty tumblr with her old url and at first i literally couldnt believe it but we talked for hours and hours and i asked her what happened bc i thought she was disconnecting for the summer and she said “i was. i am. i just couldnt not talk to you anymore” and she said that she thought about me every single day, and i told her i missed her and she said she didnt text sooner bc she thought i’d be angry at her and ofc i wouldnt, i could never be angry at her and besides, she was just taking care of herself and i said i dont think i could be anything less than head over heels for for, and she said she felt the same way, but wasnt ready to be more than friends yet. but that had always been more than enough for me. just having her in my life would always be more than enough for me. so we stayed friends.
then, on august 9th i got this ask.
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and she saw it after i said i was gonna go to bed (bc again, i had school the next day) and she texted me a whole thing about how that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and that i should be asleep but she had to get it out of her chest and that her anxiety made it hard for her to show how much i meant to her so she was sorry if i didnt know and this would probably make no sense but she was tired of keeping it to herself bc shes the luckiest person alive for having met me and that it was gonna be so hard because shes so difficult (shes not) and her anxiety is difficult but that she literally spent every night thinking about me and of buying plane tickets to come see me so that she could be with me. then she was like “im sorry if this is uncomfortable to you and you can just ignore it but i think im in love with you and this is over text and not romantic at all (it was the most romantic night of my life) but you’re asleep (i wasnt) and we arent together but i want to be one day” and until this i was Trying to fall asleep and then i checked my phone that kept RINGING and died a thousand times over and started to answer and she sent other texts saying “i’ve never felt this way about anyone before i’m so in love with you its fucking ridiculous and this is gonna be so complicated but fuck i want this so bad / i’m sorry it took me so long / would you move to new york with me?” and i was This Close to literally fucking exploding like. how the hell was this happening how was it not a DREAM. so we talked and i obviously said i loved her too and eventually she asked me out and thats still probably the best night of my life. other highlights: “i’ve loved you way before august 9th so jot that down” and “off topic but i love you / you’re honestly my other half” and, after i said “you cant make me laugh its 2am”, she answered “i’m going to make you laugh for the rest of your life so help me god” and thats my favorite thing anyone has ever said to me probably and so far she’s kept her word.
anyways we got back together and then she told me that she never even told her friends she broke up with me??? bc that way she could keep pretending we were still together???? literally like sjdksndk imagine being this loved. i dont have to. anyways she wrote poems abt me sometimes and her christmas gift for me was gonna be a book with all her poems and she called it “what we owe to each other” because of the good place (remember how i said it’d be relevant later? its later) bc like she said that when we were watching tgp together on rabb.it thats when she realized that she Really Truly liked me like For Real. and the inscription on the book was going to be “to the girl i love / and what i owe her” and. yall. i cry. anyways one of the poems had a huge impact on us. heres the story:
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and she got them but we broke up before she got to mail them to me. what happened was she had some mental health problems and she said she couldnt give me what i needed at the time but knew i’d still give her my all bc thats just how i am and she thought it wouldnt be fair so she broke things off to work on her mental health. she said she would need some time before we could be friends. the last thing we said was that we loved each other. this was in like november 2018, and we didnt talk for months. i actually tried to move on this time after a while, but it didnt take. and then i gave up for good. havent tried since. but anyways, then, on march 11th, 2019, i had my first day of college back in my home country, and we have this “pranks”/games that seniors get to do to the freshmen, and one of them required eggs, and they asked us to paint them, so i panted mine as iron man bc it was easy, but c LOVES iron man. like. LOVES. like in a Whole New Level of loving. once when we were dating she said she loved me more than tony stark and i was like. shook. like she tattooed “T.S” on her ankle after him. u get the point. she loves him very much, its adorable and endearing and i love it. anyways. so i sent her a picture of it saying like “you dont have to answer this but i made this for my university and i thought you would like it” and she answered and IMMEDIATELY something clicked and we talked and talked and talked and it was never weird or awkward or uncomfortable. it never is with her. its incredible, i cant explain it. i Know shes my soulmate like thats the ONLY possible explanation for this kind of connection. its unreal. anyways. we became friends again! all was well.
then one beautiful night she drunk texts me sndjkajs she sends me so many texts and says it sucks that we live so far away and that she saw my posts (in this particular case, one that said something about like. when she talked about love now, was it about someone else?) and she said that it wasnt. and then she went to sleep and i only saw the texts when i woke up and i was DYING bc we had a 4 hour difference and it’d take a while for her to wake up. when she did, we talked and she said she wasnt over me and was scared she might never be, and even though we were still gonna stay friends, it was nice to know that she still loved me. ok so fast forward a bit more and i was starting to wonder if she’d moved on again, when she finds out her best friend had a crush on her, and that conversation ends up with her saying “it was 100% platonic for me / sorry if thats weird i just wanted you to know that” and it was NOT weird it was GREAT NEWS bc i was Hella jealous of her best friend and at first i wondered if they were dating and anyways the fact that she wanted me to know that was a pretty good hint that she still had feelings for me. ngl im still somewhat jealous of h (c’s best friend), but thats just bc im an insecure lil bitch and also bc they get to go out and do stuff together that i cant do with c bc of the distance, yknow? but anyways. then she went on a graduation trip in mid to the end of june and she bought me a magnet. just. out of nowhere. i cannot stress enough how Incredibly unexpected this was. so much so that i actually convinced myself that it meant she was over me????? literally. what the fuck. anyways we named him together and coincidentally (or bc of soulmate powers. who knows) we both had the same favorite names. i still love that.
okay so then we go to july 29th, 2019. first of all theres one of my favorite interactions Ever which was like after i was venting about something and i was thanking her and i said “you’re always here for me” to which she answered “nowhere else i’d rather be” and i still think thats peak romance and i will take no criticism on this. anyways so then she sent me a poem that she wrote based on a song i’d sent her (the song i called “heaven is a place” and its the BIGGEST mood for being in love and i sent it to her bc it was how i felt about her so her writing a poem about it?? literally the best thing ever. love it) anyways it was a beautiful poem and i cried and got very emotional and kinda went too far in my compliments (aka being very obvious about my romantic feelings) and then i was like oh no sorry if i made u uncomfortable and she was like. “you have NEVER. EVER EVER EVER EVER made me uncomfortable” “you’re the only person on planet earth i am comfortably myself around” and “there’s nothing you could ever say that i wouldn’t wanna hear” and anyways it was just very good and romantic conversation even tho we were just cough cough platonic hashtag gal pals hashtag no homo ✌️ and then she was like ok wait. i need to talk to u abt something. and in short she said she was waiting for us and i was like well what are you waiting for exactly? and she was like idk?? for us to accidentally bump into each other in new york in a few years?? WHICH WAS LITERALLY WHAT I’D DAYDREAM ABOUT BACK IN JUNE 2018 BEFORE SHE CAME BACK OKAY so anyways we had a Great conversation and said i love you about a thousand times each and she decided she was gonna buy tickets to come see me. and then she dID like TWO DAYS LATER. lichrally. queen of impulsivity but in the best way possible.
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ok quick edit here cuz i forgot to say that when i found out she was coming i asked for my mom’s help to make a necklace pendant for her from scratch. my mom works with prosthetics so she has the material to make jewelry and back when c and i were dating in 2018 i had made this lil design for a necklace that had the moon and the ocean (bc duh) and i was gonna give it to her for valentines day in 2019 but we broke up before that so i didnt get the chance, but when i found out i was meeting her i knew i had to. so i made the necklace in wax, like this:
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and my mom took it to her work and heated it up to melt it and keep the shape of it to fill with silver, and this was the result:
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i gave it to her when she got here and she wore it while she was here and it made me so happy. ok edit over
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ok so we kept being like couple-y but not officially in a relationship bc we didnt want to make her anxiety worse. also at one point she was like “so about the ‘i love you more than the moon/ocean’ thing, since we BOTH love BOTH of the moon AND the ocean, i think its only Fair if we update our love declarations to ‘i love you more than the mocean’ bc its mix of both but thats not a word, buT its pronounced exactly like ‘motion’. therefore we should both start saying ‘i love you more than the motion’”. so now we have both the wonderful, romantic, original version, and the NOT ROMANTIC AT ALL DO U HEAR ME C??? version :) and after this day she always started with the WORST!!!!!! version, and i always started with the Only Valid Version, but we’d still answer each other’s ofc because. well. thats love i gues?? it sorta goes like this though: her: i love you more than the motion / me: i hate u / me: i literally hate u so much / me: i Also love you more than the motion
but anyways she was coming to visit me but the plane ticket wasnt for my home country it was for where i was going to university at (a new university, i was starting over) and when i first got here on this campus, i didnt have a working phone number for this country, and i wouldnt be able to access the wifi for 3 days, so i had no way of talking to her. it was TERRIBLE and i missed her more than anything in my LIFE but when i got wifi (after CRYING to the people here bc theyre the most unorganized uni ever and i was already very overwhelmed and stressed) i immediately called her and she’d sent me over 100 text messages dkfjssjks it was amazing, there were two (2) videos of her singing (which is like. objectively the best thing in the world, and the song was rlly romantic and i love it sm when she showed it to me for the first time she said it made her think abt me), a poem, AND a HUGE text with “i love you” written like. a THOUSAND TIMES. seriously i have a gif of it opening and scrolling bc it was so long that the text wouldnt show up directly on the chat screen and u have to click on it to see the rest. i’d never felt more loved in my entire life by anyone ever. anyways so then it came the day for her to get here and i had to wake up at 5 am to go get her at the airport and the uber was like $40 but who CARES it was the best day of my LIFE and i got there 20 minutes earlier bUT GUESS WHAT SO DID SHE (hashtag just soulmate things) then we facetimed the entire time while she was walking through the airport and getting her luggage and then she hung up to walk to the door where i was and we hugged for like 5 minutes and we were totally in people’s way and also almost fell but it was the best thing in the world and i never should’ve let her go. but, we had to go home, so i did. and we spent 4 days together and im not gonna go into details bc this is already too long but u can always send me another ask about her visit if ur not a coward. also i bought her a hoodie from my uni and whenever she wears it i just. die. in short, those days were the happiest i’ve ever been. this campus res had never felt like home before that friday and it hasnt again since that monday, but i swear to god, during those 4 days, this was the only place i could possibly belong.
anyways then she left and i cried for the entire uber ride home and then i cried all day. lmao. also when she was here she gave me the poetry book, the magnet, and the bracelet. still wear the bracelet every single day and i love it more than anything. but then personal stuff happened and we kinda stopped being couple-y again and we’re just friends now but before new years i asked her if she still loved me and she said yes and she said she’d tell me if it changed so ✌️✌️ im assuming it hasnt. even tho my brain is a bitch and everyday its like. today. today is the day. this is when its gonna happen. buT yknow we’ve spent months before without even talking to each other and we got through that still in love, so i mostly ignore it. and tbh i know that actually like, even if we grow apart now (god forbid, but still) we’ll find our way back to each other eventually. like, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: nothing, not even the universe itself, can convince me that shes not my soulmate. and even if it turns out i’m not hers, loving her is still the greatest honor i can think of.
another edit: also i started drawing recently and the first person i’ve ever finished drawing was her and also (surprise surprise @c since you’re already seeing all my feelings anyway) bc of my second drawing i almost missed the deadline for one of my midterms (which was a take-home test) bc instead of writing it i spent the entire day before the deadline finishing the drawing which was a secret valentines day gift (secret as in she didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, she thought it was just a drawing inspired by a quote that she loves) and i finished at 2 am but shes 3 hours behind so for her it was still 11 pm which MEANS it was still valentines day so it still counts, i win, lesbian rights!
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A - Z (Fandom ‘Come At Me, Friend’ Meme)
WELL THEN *cracks knuckles* HERE WE GO 
(all 26 letters behind a cut bc this is very long)
A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)
As of this hour, my top OTPs are Penelope/Schneider from ODAAT and Joyce/Hopper from Stranger Things. But I have endless numbers of them, even within each fandom.
B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind
Jean/Alice from TDBM. 
C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)
Um…hmm. I’m such a multishipper, I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about my NOTPs. I’ve never been onboard the Keens from The Blacklist, though. Not even a little. I only enjoyed Tom in his original villainous state.
D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)
A couple of my spouse’s faves, I really wish I liked too, especially Sam/Josh and Mal/Simon. I don’t like one of the characters in each very much, so I’ve never been able to get into them–even though I understand them, and have had fun writing them…I just don’t love them too.
E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what
Yeah, mostly graphics, though. I don’t think I’ve ever written crackfic. I did New York Times Minus Content edits for TDBM, a ton of those. Also Sext Message Error sets for Lizzington and for Josh/Donna. And Welcome To Nightvale sets for iZombie and Lizzington. And OTP Bot sets for Lizzington.
And this isn’t EXACTLY crack, but my original tumblr claim to fame was this Hamilton/TWW crossover that got reblogged by Lin himself.
F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom
Mm, the first time I actively joined a fandom was Buffy, and I was about 14 when that started for me…so as of this year I’ll have been in that fandom for 20 years! But I’ve been a fangirl literally my whole life, I just didn’t really join fandoms before the internet, and I started using the internet more in junior high and HS.
G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it
Lou/Joey from Brotherly Love, or Claire/Trevor from Cupid (original run), or Dharma and Greg, or Allison/Wade from CryBaby, or Idgie/Ruth from Fried Green Tomatoes. I was a shipping prodigy, and the couples I was obsessed with as a literal child blur together a bit in the timeline, so I’m not completely sure which came first.
H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.) 
TV shows.
I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why
The Aaron Tveit fandom made me uncomfortable watching BrainDead before I even had the chance to decide if I liked it or not. Most fandoms I love, though. I prefer to ignore the drama and focus on the people I actually like. 
J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr
SO MANY. Parks and Rec, TDBM, Stranger Things…a significant portion of my watchlist comes from this hellsite by now–I have friends with good taste.
K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms
@mossdonnatella is in a lot of my fandoms. She is a much better fic writer than she thinks she is!!
L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)
I really ended up disliking Jacob a lot, on Grace and Frankie. But I will say that in the beginning he is very respectful of Frankie’s boundaries and tries to be patient with her, and I did like that.
M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you)
I don’t actively ship Jancy on Stranger Things after seeing S1 (I don’t really ship Steve/Nancy either, though…I think I mostly just ship Nancy x happiness) but the moment when her mom knocks on her bedroom door and they reach for each others’ hands instinctively? That is a damn fine understated sweet connection moment and I really enjoyed and believed it.
N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)
Okay since a lot of my top fandoms are for shows that ended a long time ago, I’m going with One Day At A Time. In fic or in canon, I want to see a lot more of Schneider being Penelope’s BFF and her confidant. I want more serious!Schneider moments bc it turns out the actor rocks at them, and I want to see Pen really get to move on from Victor as her kids get older, I want real confirmation that she’s finally past any possibility of reconciliation with him bc she deserves SO MUCH BETTER.
O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of
Randomizing my music gave me “Quiet” by MiLCK feat. GW Sirens and Capital Blend. 
Sample lyrics:
Cuz no one knows me, no one ever willIf I don’t say something, take that dry blue pillThey may see a monster, they may run awayBut I have to do thisI can’t keep quiet, no A one woman riot
Despite the mature meaning behind the lyrics, and probably because I’m watching Stranger Things right now, it reminds me of Eleven, the tiny badass fighting her way to freedom.
P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)
Alright, I’m gonna invent one right off the top of my head right here and now since you asked. Um… a One Day At A Time AU in which Penelope meets Schneider not as her landlord but as a patient, once she becomes an NP. Doctor/patient “okay if you won’t stop asking me out then get a new doctor so I can say yes” fluff ensues.
Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why
Lizzington. I’m technically still writing fic for it bc I have a chapter fic to finish, but I haven’t watched the show in years, I avoid content for it, and have no interest in it anymore besides the phantom limb feeling of having been so invested in a ship for that long and making friends around it.
R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships
Well, since I mentioned it earlier, I think I’m the only person ever to watch the scenes Bud and Brianna have together in Grace and Frankie and think “that should really be a thing.” 
Also…Kate/Donna from The West Wing. Based entirely on one scene.
S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)
I genuinely don’t understand this question, sorry. What’s an ‘example’ of my headcanon, and how does that relate to prompts? If somebody wants to explain this to me, I’ll answer it. 
T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)
Yep yep yep. Andy was the leak, not Toby, and that is the hill I will die on always. I’m sure I have others, but that’s the big one.
U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms
Toby Ziegler (TWW), Alice Harvey (TDBM), Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls), Jim Hopper (Stranger Things), and Spencer Hastings (from what I just saw of PLL with @actuallylukedanes). 
V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms
Luke/Lorelai, Gilmore Girls. Parker/Hardison/Eliot, Leverage. Joyce/Hopper, Stranger Things.
W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships
Josh/Donna (TWW), Donna in control. Matthew/Alice (TDBM), hurt/comfort sex. Alvareider (ODAAT), “whoops are we kissing wait do we like each other?”Jared/Miss Parker (The Pretender), conflicted kisses up against wallsI’m having trouble thinking of a 5th one but I used to really like Lizzington angry!sex bc damn that ship was angsty
X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM
Eleven, Toby Ziegler, Schneider, Lena Luthor, Logan Echolls, literally every main character on The Good Place.
Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)
Game of Thrones, Agents of Shield, Doctor Who (though I finally have started this one!), Jane the Virgin, The Worst Witch, and lots more…I like learning about fandoms secondhand. 
Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)
Every single one of these tiny Stranger Things children in S1 is the epitome of epic friendship and I love it. Mike jumps off a cliff to protect Dustin and Dustin’s willing to get his teeth cut out to protect Mike and Lucas offers a sincere apology when he’s wrong, something most adults still suck at, and Will tells Mike the truth even when he would benefit from lying and Eleven chooses death to save them all and they are beautiful and perfect and I love them.
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cxsmicmyeon · 3 years
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check in ask game!!
tagged by the lovely @rosetvler !!! thank u for the tag!! <33
1. why did you choose your url? i wanted to incorporate my exo bias with a space name (cuz that’s my thing lol) so (: and yes the x replaced the o in ‘cxsmic’ it’s aesthetic let me live
2. any side blogs? no but i’ve been considering making a fic rec blog!
3. how long have you been on tumblr? since late feb 2021 LOL
4. do you have a queue tag? it’s just “queue” but i don’t use it often
5. why did you start your blog in the first place? i began reading a lot of ff on here and once i started to write for exo i made this acc!
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? junmyeon my love my angel my beloved
7. why did you choose your header? ... junmyeon my love my angel my beloved
8. what’s your post with the most notes? my cy drabble ‘tease!’
9. how many mutuals do you have? 9 LOL im still a fairly new blog so yeah
10. how many followers do you have? 130+
11. how many people do you follow? 20+ 
12. have you ever made a shitpost? no but i should
13. how often do you use tumblr each day? now that it’s summer break i’m on it often but when in college i’m on and off lol
14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? thankfully no! i try to keep my blog lighthearted and chill and also i would likely ignore it if someone was shitting on me lol
15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? depends on what it is! if it’s for awareness or human rights then yeah but if it’s annoying then no
16. do you like tag games? LOVE ‘EM!!!
17. do you like ask games? LOVE ‘EM!!!
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? a good amount like some of yall i never expected u to follow me bc i am simply new and i’m kinda annoying and shy lool
19. do you have a crush on a mutual? more like a friendship one like some i wanna get to know better (:
20. tags? gonna tag friends  and moots :D @yeol-jae​ @royal-aeris​ @his-mochi-cheeks​ @sweetjekyll​ @ninipout​ @sooibian​ 
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