#Halloween is a sometimes holiday based on what Jon's doing

[wander-over-the-words]

🌻

new ask game send me a 🌻 and ill just tell you whatever the fuck i want

I was thinking about this again (and I’m literally listening to Christmas songs rn cause screw it Christmas music ain’t just for Christmas) so lemme tell y’all why it’s hard for me to write a Christmas fic for my Scriddler, as much as I’d like to

It’s because Christmas is Edward’s favourite holiday, but Jon doesn’t like Christmas. And yeah, to y’all that might sound like “oh well you can write something where Eddie has a bad Christmas and comes home to find Jon has decorated the house for him” but that literally wouldn’t happen cause Jon’s a stubborn fuck. If Ed had a shit Christmas, Jon would comfort him as he usually does if Edward’s had a bad day: obtain a drink or snack that Edward likes, give it to him, offer the chance to talk about the problem and then act as furniture for Edward to lean on if he needs to.

On a normal day, Jon couldn’t give less of a fuck about Christmas and ignores it, but if it’s shoved in his face enough, he just gets annoyed and locks himself away from it. And Edward would be trying to get him to partake in traditions with him because being in a relationship at Christmas is fun and all, which would just irk him. Christmas in my Scriddler’s household is Edward putting up decorations and Jon sitting there ignoring the decorations and declining the offer to help.

These two have had opposite reactions to the “child abuse victim finally gets to celebrate a holiday their way after having shitty holidays as kids” situation: Edward goes all-out cause this day is finally his to enjoy, while Christmas has just been forever ruined for Jon and he’s lost the will to care about it. I mean, Christmas in Gotham is very different to Christmas in Arlen; I imagine Jon’s first Christmas in Gotham was just him standing in the street going “WHERE’S ALL THE JESUS??? I GOT TOLD THIS HOLIDAY’S ABOUT JESUS” but he still lacked the ability to care about this more secular version. 

A Christmas fic for my Scriddler would be Edward trying to get Jon to join in in his celebrations, only to accidentally hit that point where Jon just loses his temper and snaps at him to leave him out of it, which would genuinely quite hurt him (like damn Jon he respects your holiday). Jon would begrudgingly apologise for upsetting him and he’d try his best to respect Edward’s celebration as Edward does his at Halloween, but the message of the fic would be “Jon doesn’t like Christmas, but hey I hope yours is better than his”. 

The MOST Jon would be willing to do at Christmas in terms of taking part in Edward’s traditions is MAYBE attending the Christmas party Oswald throws that Edward goes to, but only to take advantage of the lowered beer prices and sit in the corner and mull over why he doesn’t wanna be there. He’ll last about an hour before his patience is lost and he tells Ed he’s going home, text him if he needs picking up later. 

He’ll get Edward a present (and only Edward), but mainly so he doesn’t get shit for not getting him anything. If Edward lights up when Jon gives him the present, well then...that’s just a bonus. MAYBE he’ll indulge Edward when Eddie holds mistletoe over themselves and waggles his eyebrows for a smooch (Ed’s gotta catch him in a good mood for that one). He’ll take advantage of products that are sold at Christmas time (like eggnog and coffee shop goodies and whatnot) that he and Edward can share, but that’s all pretty much it.

There is one Christmas fic planned for the WanderVerse, but only because a big part of Jon and Edward’s relationship happened at Christmas, and that’s pretty much a coincidence. They accidentally, then not accidentally, then kinda accidentally but also not accidentally spend Christmas Eve together. (You’ll understand when I get it done.)

So yeah. Sorry, folks, but you’re most likely not getting cute holiday Scriddler from me. I can do a cute WINTER Scriddler fic, but not a cute Christmas one cause Jon’s kind of a bastard about it.

[toomanysurveys9]

1. describe yourself. hm. quiet. mom. reader. anxious.

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be? probably italy.

3. do you have siblings? yeah. i have four younger sisters and a younger brother.

4. what is your favorite constellation, why? i don’t really have a favorite. i’ve never really looked into them all that much.

5. favorite color. black. blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to? mostly country. but i listen to various other kinds of music too.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome) probably lilacs. but i’ll never say no to roses either.

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn? hm. i think it’d be cool to learn some kind of travel spell, like teleportation or something.

9. favorite childhood memory. florida vacations, for sure.

10. have you ever been cheated on? yeah. i have been. by jacob.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be? something clean. with at least a queen size bed, pretty bedding. colorful. maybe some kind of artwork on the wall.

12. favorite animal. dogs, foxes, and owls.

13. what was the last photo you took of? probably one of my kiddos.

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i don’t really know, to be honest. i want to..

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

we usually just end up at taco bell, and i get a cheesy gordita crunch. my favorite place is papa vino’s though, and i’ve only been there twice. i got the same thing both times.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

not really.

18. guilty pressures?

iced coffee. all the iced coffee. lol. and cupcakes.

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

probably unicorns right now. because everyone got eliana unicorn stuffed animals and clothes. and wyatt loves unicorns and they make him so happy. he calls them “corns”. he thinks horses are unicorns and he gets so excited every time he sees them.

20. something most people don’t know about you.

most people don’t know how much i really struggle with my depression.

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

around here. it was pretty boring. but i’ve always been surrounded by love which is never a bad thing.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

i’m not sure about aliens, exactly, but i think it’d be crazy to think we’re the only living things in all the universe.

23. what was your last google search?

maybe the hours for urgent care.

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

it was middle school. it wasn’t all that serious. after that, i got with jacob, and we’ve been together ever since.

25. would you relocate for love?

probably.

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

kind of a mix of both.

27. favorite book.

oh man. the mortal instrument series still. but i have so many others too.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert for sure.

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i’ve tried in the past, but i suck at keeping up with it. and i don’t now. this is as close to a journal as it gets.

30. top 5 favorite movies.

hack saw ridge, rocky horror picture show, big hero 6, deadpool, and i’m not sure about a fifth one.

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

not really.

32. what is your greatest fear?

failing as a mother.

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

i’m not sure anymore. i really liked the reggae red wine i tried at jon and jade’s recently.

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

gave birth. lol. it’s messy business..

35. do you believe in ghosts?

i do not.

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

worst - my depression. best - i love with everything i have.

37. should you split the dinner bill?

depends on the situation. like, jacob and i don’t. but when we go out with my family, we do. and even for dates if we didn’t share a bank account, it just would depend.

38. are you a good liar?

i don’t think so.

39. what keeps you up at night?

i don’t really know. thinking too much probably.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

probably music. it matters to me less these days.

41. do you believe in god?

i do not.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

i don’t really get that chance. i have littles to tend to.

43. what’s something that offends you?

abusive people. victim blaming.

44. favorite food

pastas. all the pasta. lol.

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

my babies.

46. when do you feel the most confident?

when i’m pregnant. lol.

47. what do you do on your free time?

hang out with my littles.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

not that i can think of.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

it’s possible.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

nope.

51. when are you happiest?

with my babies.

52. coffee or tea?

iced coffee. yum!

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

i can’t think of a possession that means that much to me.

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

eyes.

55. what is your favorite season, why?

spring. it’s so pretty.

56. what makes you laugh?

my kiddos. especially wyatt. he is so funny sometimes.

57. are you a clean or messy person?

i try to be clean. but it’s hard with jacob.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

loyalty. communication. understanding.

59. what was your upcoming like?

fine.

60. favorite holiday?

i love christmas and halloween.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

pay off debts!!!

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

ham and bacon. sometimes i add pineapple.

63. favorite outdoor activity.

swimming.

64. how are you? honestly.

i’m okay. a little stressed out.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

probably a beach resort if we’re honest.

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

flowers for sure.

67. favorite type of candy?

reese cups.

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

probably something with “mom” or “hufflepuff” in the title. i don’t know. ha.

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i don’t use any on a regular basis.

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

powerpuff girls.

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

i don’t remember.

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i don’t know. i’ve watched some on serial killers which can be interesting.

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i cut it too short.

74. what do you like to cook?

muffins. pasta.

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

alligator.

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

impractical jokers is definitely up there.

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

head.

78. what is your favorite quote?

i don’t know.

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

i don’t think i’ve ever had a weird crush.

80. what’s your love language?

probably acts of service or quality time. neither of which jacob is all that good at. his is physical touch, for sure.

81. do you ever feel alone?

all the time these days. if it weren’t for my littles, i probably wouldn’t be here.

82. ever been bullied?

yeah.

83. are you usually early or late?

if it’s up to me, early.

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

i don’t know. i like pretty paintings.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

couponing.

[theliterateape]

Top 6 Ways I Can Get You To Click This Link!

By Peter Kremidas

Christmas time is here again, and you know what that means. No, I’m not talking about hot floor shaking trap shit, though that is a good answer. I’m talking about clicking links on the internet.

Maybe to look through a relative’s social media for gift ideas. Maybe to purchase said gifts in an online store. Probably for porn. Maybe after the porn you realize you didn’t finish your Christmas shopping. Perhaps you resolve to finish after you take this nap real quick. Hopefully you wake up eventually. Perchance you take another tall drink of porn through your hungry eyeballs because you’re a human fuckbeast who possesses a body genetically engineered with steel determination to reproduce with veins the circumference of whiskey shots.

It varies for everyone. But at some point in this classic holiday cycle that is as apple as American pie, you get distracted. And that’s where we come in. Sometimes you just need some dumb bullshit list to take you away from the reality of consumerism’s unsustainability and your culpability for the subsequent world you are leaving your children. Sometimes, especially around the holidays, it’s good to be reassured of how it’s not your fault how easily you and all other humans are to manipulate into a culture of happiness achieved via empty and meaningless commodities. And sometimes that reminder comes in the form of an online article that exploits your human cognitive weaknesses so you will pay attention. To us.

This is that article. But how do we do it? Here are the top 6 things I can do to get you to click this link!

1) Prey upon your need to have your ego satiated and all the things you want to believe about yourself reinforced by way of a test that tells you which Garfield character you’d be on The West Wing. Tests that tell you what character you are work well to reinforce beliefs that you really are what you wish you were. Since you already know what character you want to be, we make the answers to get there obvious. Want to be White House Chief of Staff Nermal? Then your favorite color is probably gray and you’re the type of leader who is always nice to everybody. It is impossible to get Jon Arbuckle on this quiz because online bullying makes people kill themselves.

2) Reassure you that you’re smarter than everybody else with claims that only 4 percent of people can pass this test consisting of second grade math problems, a question asking you what an octagon is, and your opinion of Bethany Frenkel. It’s a competitive world, and confidence is key. And with answers like 7, 5 billion, 7, less than, 3 ducks, a stop sign, and “While I am a regular purchaser of skinny girl cocktails, I don’t, strictly speaking, know her personally,” it’s a test that anybody can cinch. And in this way, even you can can be in the top 4 percent of intelligence. It’s science. The same science that tells us that just believing you are good at something makes you better at it. Not all liars wear capes.

3) A list. Lists are like articles in small, easily digestible pieces. The trick is to keep it simple and not get all high concept about it or, god forbid, meta.

4) Any list that combines sex, politics, and holidays. Pretty much everybody is constantly on the lookout for better ways to fuck their wives in these dark days of the Trump administration. And our lives are hectic, with many of us under considerable stress and economic strain. Sometimes it’s just healthy to stop everything and goddamnit let it be Valentine’s Day, OK? The best part of these types of lists is that the subjects are interchangeable based on your preferences. Maybe you’re a “Top Five Pictures of St. Patrick’s Day that Chuck Schumer Wacks Off to in a Broom Closet.” Or maybe you’re more of a “The 18 Weird Halloween Costumes Mitch McConnell Wears to Prevent Premature Ejaculation” type. The possibilities are endless. Chances are there’s a combination that your attention will find irresistible.

5) Pictures of sad baby mammals Take a look at these and tell me you couldn’t waste your lunch break on this delicious empathy fruit:

6) Whatever, as long as there are at least six items. Distracting articles need to have enough content and substance so people don’t feel like their time was wasted. Browse on, my friends.