#He can run my bank account dry for all I care tbh

[matty-bear]

cause of death : nicolas sturniolo

[bigskydreaming]

Tbh, what I wouldn’t give for this reboot or softboot or shutthefuckupboot to end with just.....all the original and New Teen Titans from pre-Flashpoint continuity to just replace their current counterparts, be the ages they’d be if not for the constant reboots and with all previously created Titan kids present and accounted for (Lian, Robert, Cerdian, Ma’ri, Irey, Jai and Jake).

And like....just fucking roll with it. Don’t even try explaining it. Nobody knows. Nobody cares. Some Cosmic Meta Overseer or the Grand Vizier of Inter-Universal Post-Temporally Anomalous Hijkinks or whatthefuckever shows up and is like “your appearance here and now is strange and unnatural and defies all logical explanation...” and the Titans all just look at each other and shrug. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Stranger Danger,” Dick says. “We’ve been here the whole time.”

“I had a nightmare where Roy was always wearing this baseball cap that he never washed and everything was different. It was all quite troubling,” Garth contemplates. “But then I woke up and it was all just a dream. Except Roy was still there, but you can’t win them all.”

“Fuck you, Fish and Chips,” Roy says amiably.

“Blimey,” Garth says, dry as a shoreline at low tide in the middle of a drought. "Watch your bloody language in front of the wee ones.”

“Neptune’s beard,” Cerdian groans into his hands. “Why are our parents so embarrassing.”

“And what’s the big deal about using bad words around us? Its nothing we haven’t heard from like, supervillains trying to kidnap us,” Lian says. She’s bored and polishing a knife her mother must have given her as a gift slash way to piss Roy off - though at this point he errs on the side of just sighing and being glad its only lethally sharp, rather than the lethally sharp and poison-edged gifts from before his and Jade’s current ceasefire. “Or from all of you when you’re scaring the supervillains from trying that ever again.”

“They’re just worried about corrupting us at a young age,” Robert says. His mischief is only somewhat masked behind the baby-faced innocence he only has a couple years left to make the most of. “Nobody wants one of us to grow up to become an evil world-destroying supervillain. That would be terrible.”

Donna eyes her son and sighs. Then pivots a glare on the rest of her teammates. “When I figure out which one of you is responsible for teaching my ten year old to embrace nihilistic humor....”

“It wasn’t us,” Dick protests. “I warned you against letting Jason babysit.”

“You always blame your brother.”

“Well yeah, but that doesn’t make it not true. I mean, we love Jay, but there’s a reason Kori and I don’t let him babysit the kids.”

“Anymore,” Kori tacks on. A smirk edges up the corner of her lips. She tends to be more amused by that particular subject than Dick, but then again, she hadn’t been the one who had to explain smoking tree stumps scattered across the Wayne estate to Bruce.

Ma’ri frowns up at her father. “I thought you said that was because you wanted me to at least get to poo-berty before Uncle Jace teaches me more about how to blow things up bigger with my starbolts.”

“Daddy can have more than one reason, sweetheart.”

“Ahem.” The omnipotent and absolutely baffled guardian of time, space and cross-dimensional wankery cleared his throat. He would be peeved at being so blithely forgotten about and ignored, if not for the fact that he had never before experienced being ignored or being peeved as a result, so he lacked the vocabulary to explain his current mood. “If we could get back to the matter of your inexplicable presence in the here and now, and potential ramifications it might have on the intended trajectory of current space/time events.”

“That’s a lot of big words that don’t interest me.” Wally yawns and stretches. “I’ll leave the resident brainiacs to sort this all out. Someone call me if like. There’s a bank robbery. Or Godzilla attacks New York. We haven’t gotten to fight a nice old-fashioned giant monster in awhile, I feel like.”

Victor joins him in edging for the door. Technically speaking, given their particular powers and expertise, they were among the most suited for dealing with their unexpected visitor. 

But of greater concern to them is the gleam they’d both noticed in Lilith’s eye while she sits back quietly taking stock of their guest. Her head rests against her hand and one finger is casually tap-tap-tapping against her temple in a rhythm that to two of her oldest friends, might as well have been the Morse code signal for “danger, danger Will Robinson, danger.”

After all, it was the kind of (memorable) image she tended to present right before she did (memorable) things like - oh, (quite memorably) pissing off the entire pantheon of Greek gods, just for the hell of it. And also, the drama. Can’t forget the drama.

They successfully pull the ripcords on their parachutes and eject out the doorway just as Grant Emerson sidles past them and joins the commotion.

“Hey, does this have anything to do with why there’s apparently some guy running around in a mask and acting like a giant asshole while telling everyone he’s me?” Grant asks as he wanders over next to Roy. “I’m thinking I should sue, actually. On account of ‘emotional damages.’ Get it? Heh.”

Roy rolls his eyes and looks over at Dick. “Speaking of never being left alone with someone’s kids again....”

Dick hums and gives a little half-shrug of acknowledgment. “Yeah, I get that.”

[iknewiwouldregretthis]

okay here’s a bunch of information i know on dudes in the wild west for melissa @cwtchpup so it doesn’t clog up the chat and also for anyone else i guess. it is Long because it’s basically everything i could come up with off the top of my head

so doc holliday is some dude who got a degree in dentistry in the 1860s or so and then about immediately found out that he had tuberculosis so he moved to the southwest where the air was dry and was like “wow i’m good at cards” so he became a gambler which was an actual profession and he was very good at it. i’m sure he probably did some dentsiting on the side still because it was a lot less “see you in six months for your next cleaning” and a lot more “tooth hurts? drink this whiskey and i’ll go get my pliers.” then in maybe texas? he met the earps (virgil, morgan, wyatt) who were lawmen and became like an assistant deputy lawman? i think you pretty much just had to be assigned the role of deputy or lawman and didn’t need any qualifications BUT doc was really good at shooting so he had that going for him and if i remember right one of the earps was a sheriff or marshal or something and did the deputizing. he was with wyatt earp at the ok corral which is a very famous shootout but all i remember is that either virgil or morgan died and so wyatt and doc and the remaining earp brother went rogue and hunted down and killed the dudes who did it and then had a price on their heads. wyatt and doc got a divorce because wyatt went back to being the law and doc went back to having a severe disease and then he went to glenwood springs colorado where he died in his hotel and was buried in linwood pioneer cemetery because he died a pauper. he was in like his early to mid 30s. about 50 years later, there was some break in and some of the cemetery records were stolen and so now, we don’t know exactly where doc is buried in the cemetery (there wasn’t a marker because he was already buried at taxpayer expense and they sure weren’t gonna cough up the 30 cents or however much it took to make a headstone). there is a memorial where they’ve fenced off a grave-sized area and put a marker, and people have left playing cards and empty shot-sized alcohol bottles and small amounts of money like dollar bills and coins and a few casino chips in kind of the same vein as people kissing oscar wilde’s grave which i think is super cool.

a fun side note here is that glenwood springs was a frontier town originally made up of brothels, gambling halls, and mining supply shops (just like every other frontier town) called Defiance which was a crazy cool name except that one of the town founders was like “hmmmm my sweet gentle wife from iowa is having trouble adjusting to the harsh realities of frontier life what if we changed the name of our town defiance to glenwood springs, after her hometown of glenwood iowa?” and apparently everyone else at the town founders meeting was like “hey jimmy nobody cares about your kind gentle iowan wife but if it’ll shut you up we will name this town glenwood springs”

anyway, also buried in the linwood cemetery is kid curry (not to be confused with kid cudi, the sundance kid, anyone else with kid or curry in their name including george flat nose curry who kid got his name from). kid curry was part of the wild bunch but was like kind of a disaster compared to his more gentleman thief-esque colleagues. he was a that-guy-who-wrote-les-mis-whose-name-i-forgot of the old west to the point that when prostitutes had kids and they didn’t know who the dad was or didn’t want to say, they’d call them curry kids. anyway he got shot trying to pull a train robbery outside of parachute with some guys (they might’ve been from black jack ketchum’s gang? which kid curry ran with before he joined the wild bunch) after the wild bunch broke up. he was still a badass though because he told the other dudes to leave him behind and then shot himself rather than let the cops take him alive. the cops found the dead criminal and then presumably went “uhhh i guess we bury him now” and stuck him in the pauper’s cemetery. not too long after, a pinkerton detective who was an expert in the wild bunch was like “hey i think that dude you guys buried is kid curry based on the description do you mind digging him up so i can see?” and the super chill town cops were like “hell yeah let’s go” and they dug up harvey and the pinkerton was like “that’s sure him” and the cops went “oh sweet let’s give him a marker” and then put him back.  that’s mostly all i know about kid curry except his name is harvey logan which i don’t think i mentioned earlier.

the wild bunch was super late in the wild west, hitting the height of their outlawing around 1899. butch cassidy, aka robert leroy parker, who looks kind of like matt damon, was the leader and was a brilliant tactical mind. the wild bunch robbed tons of banks and trains and always escaped basically unscathed thanks to butch’s planning. they also bragged a lot about not killing people every but kid curry was super gun happy and killed like 9 people on record so kid curry lets everyone down as usual. (it’s not just his fault, i’m pretty sure the sundance kid aka harry longabaugh something also killed some people that we know of also). anyway, the gang would do a robbery and then lay low for a while. most of the laying low happened in an area that was called brown’s hole but is now mostly called brown’s park (a park is a geographical area that’s like a valley but like in the mountains? i don’t totally remember the definition but it’s a big flat that’s high up.) brown’s hole is in the unita mountains, a range in the rockies that runs east/west instead of north/south. it’s in that bit of utah right where it borders both colorado and wyoming. the wild bunch worked there as ranch hands and would give money to the local community and so the community loved and sheltered them. they also went out of their way to not commit crimes in utah or colorado because they didn’t want the law in those states after them. they spent a lot of time and brothels and would take their favorite ladies on huge lavish vacations and buy them all kinds of fancy things. basically the whole life was do a big robbery, live a glamorous dramatic lavish life until the money runs out, repeat.

when they hung out in brown’s hole, a bunch of the gang fell in love with locals, which were all good morman girls because that’s who lived on the ranches in brown’s hole at the turn of the century. it was kind of a disaster love story for all of them because it’s hard to be a good morman girl and marry a dude who only knows how to be an outlaw but they tried and some of them made a good go of it, before the former wild bunch men went back to outlawing and/or got themselves killed. elza ley, who doesn’t have a cool nickname as far as i remember, is one of the dudes who got married to a local girl, and i think the first one who did. i think the tall texan (ben kilpatrick or ben kirkpatrick or ben something-patrick) did also. as far as i can remember right now, none of the marriages ended after a long and happy life, usually because the dude got himself killed. they were just too used to their lavish lifestyle circle to actually settle down and be ranch boys. also it didn’t help that the whole lot of them thought it’d be a fun time to get a group photo taken in texas at a studio several years back and all the pinkerton detectives started carrying it around with them to show people.

butch and sundance went down to i think peru? and tried to do some robberies down there because the whole rest of the gang was getting married and getting shot. the two of them were killed by the local militia in a robbery gone wrong. (as seen in the movie butch cassidy and the sundance kid with robert redford and some other man). interestingly, a lady named etta place was there with them. etta was the sundance kid’s girl (tbh historians are kind of iffy about it because there’s letters saying she’s butch’s girl, stuff saying they shared her, and stuff that says she’s butch’s cousin and stuff saying she and butch grew up and were childhood sweethearts but as adults she only dated the sundance kid which is one of the more accepted theories) and the interesting thing about etta is that she pretty much shows up in history when she starts hanging around the wild bunch and then disappears almost immediately before butch and sundance get themselves killed. i think they picked etta up because she worked at fanny porter’s brothel in texas and the boys went there a lot, and there’s some sources saying she caught a boat from peru to nyc but like there’s no confirmation? she just shows up, does some robbing, gets treated to the good life, and then disappears. anyway there’s a famous picture of her and sundance where she’s wearing a pocket watch from tiffany’s that cost like $50 which was A Lot.

there were also a bunch of ladies who were not necessarily IN the wild bunch, but were safe havens or hangers-on (i think etta and queen ann basset were the only two who did crimes with them but they don’t get to be included in most accounts because they were 1. not in the famous photo and 2. women). however, there was one family that the boys sheltered with a bunch to the point that elizabeth basset, the matriarch, was basically also their mom? she adopted them and it’s very sweet. one of her daughters, josie, apparently was butch’s girl for a little bit when she was younger and i think also elza’s? josie eventually married (5 times if i remember right, none of which were to the wild bunch. there was at least one husband she was accused of poisoning) and built herself a ranch using some box canyons as corrals, and built the entire 5 room ranch house herself by hand. it had one fireplace, the walls were papered in newsprint, and there was no electricity (even after it got invented). the only running water was from underground streams, because of complicated water rights. josie hunted deer, raised cattle, farmed, made her own whiskey, sewed her own clothes, lasted through prohibition and the great depression and eventually slipped on ice and broke her hip, forcing her to go to a hospital. she died there, at age 90, in 1963. her ranch is currently in the bounds of dinosaur national monument (the utah part) and is open to visitors.

that’s all i can think of at present. also i know it’s weird and possessive to refer to women as “dude’s girl” but there’s not quite any other way to get across what i mean? like saying they were going steady is too 1950s and nothing else really describes the relationship. it wasn’t dating. that’s just what you called it? anyway here’s some pictures of josie’s house