#He clearly has some defensive traits about his status and feels the need to prove a point no one even questioned yet

[wired-heartbeats]

For the record I think Vox is being effected and possibly swayed by Val’s poison just like Angel is, the pink signifying it on Angel shows up on Voxs screen during and after interacting and being influenced by Val directly, when Vox is operating independently it isn’t an actual normal feature of his

This paired with an earlier moment from episode 2 when Val first mentioned something had happened with Angel Dust, Vox seemed happy about the idea of Angel quitting

“He quit? :D”

It’s interesting for sure, makes me wonder what Vox actually thinks about Angel, and more importantly, actually thinks about Valentino. He’s a business man, and clearly the Vees all teamed up (at least initially) because it helps elevate their status and power spread, they may be friendly with each other but we as an audience don’t actually know if there’s more to it as of now. But still, interesting

[deathchasing]

romance headcanons

name:          octavio silva.

nickname:          octane! he’s been called oct and ‘tav for short, but in general he doesn’t appreciate these nicknames unless you know him super well (though that doesn’t stop people from using them).

gender:           male. he/him.

romantic orientation:          he’s never really given it much thought-- gender doesn’t really play a role in who he’s attracted to, but he does tend to lean more towards other men. personality, demeanor, and dynamic matter far more to him. in a word, he’s ... dangersexual? oof.

preferred pet names:           none that he would admit to liking. whether they’re ‘pet’ names is debatable. they’re certainly not terms of endearment for the average person.

relationship status:           he’s definitely got something significant though ill-defined going on with @corrodent, whatever that might be - otherwise a couple of unhealthy flings as per the usual.

favorite canon/fandom ship:         fandom tends to put him in fluffy ships with mirage mainly, but I personally don’t see octane really fitting into that  framework (sorry miroctane fans). He’s a disaster dedicated to chasing a high no matter the cost; he doesn’t have the leftover commitment to spare for a healthy, stable relationship, nevermind that in canon he clearly lacks the emotional maturity for one, friendship or otherwise. caustane is my fav ship for obvious reasons, the dynamic is a really interesting one from a storytelling standpoint, and there’s potential on both sides for various conflict and growth. i think the age gap bothers some people which is valid but octane doesn’t strike me as the kind of character who would care at all.

cryptane is also really growing on me! lots of potential there too, especially re: crypto having no choice but to be in the games and octane being there purely by choice. i’m excited to explore it.

favorite crossover ship:           up until really recently the only ships I had aside from caustane were crossover ships! it’s too hard to choose! i of course love my crossover buddies @incnspcuous, @zweiherzen, @programregulator <3

opinion on true love:         the concept of love confuses him. he’s not really sure what it is? he grew up learning that in order to be loved he had to be good enough to deserve it, whatever that might entail. old man silva didn’t much care for a son that had no interest in carrying on with his work, and so octavio went a long time believing it was his own fault he wasn’t loved. nowadays he’s fiercely defensive of his self-worth, always the first to step up and prove himself, but on the downside it means he doesn’t really accept love anymore - it would meaning opening himself to the potential of losing that love, too, and that’s something he can’t handle, not after what he went through when he was younger, constantly vying for love he knew deep down he would never receive.

people he cares enough about still can get under his skin without much trouble, unfortunately, and dredge up this younger self that’s so terrified of being alone. he’s easily taken advantage of in this manner.

opinion on love at first sight:         perhaps not necessarily ‘love,’ despite what he may think, but he’s certainly looked at a certain someone before and been riveted on the spot.

how ‘romantic’ are they?:           hardly, if at all. octane can barely sit still long enough to have a single quiet, intimate exchange (though he has his moments), and prefers fun and games and banter more than anything affectionate or soft.

ideal physical traits:           not hugely important, but being bigger than him and/or capable of snapping him over a table like dry pasta is a bonus.

ideal personality traits:         given his track record, octane primarily finds himself magnetized to dark, cold, intelligent individuals, often capable of doing him great mental and physical harm. the more terrifying, the more octane finds himself attracted. flirting with death is almost a point of pride for him; he likes to see how far he can get before he’s outsmarted, and it’s his pursuit of greater thrills through this outlet that feeds his desire for validation. of course, there’s also the misery that comes of these qualities, but it’s so normalized for him he doesn’t pay much mind to the stress it puts on his psyche.

unattractive physical traits:           nothing of note, really.

unattractive personality traits:         there’s not much he finds outstandingly unattractive. he definitely doesn’t like people who aren’t true to themselves, who lie about who they are for approval or because they fear rejection. he finds it doesn’t do anyone any favors to water down who you are for the sake of societal or cultural mores. be unabashedly yourself or forfeit the claim you have on your place in the universe. he wouldn’t say he’s a hypocrite in respect to this belief either, because while he does wear a mask, octane is more of a persona meant to celebrate the qualities about himself he cherishes - it’s freeing to him, not a prison like it might otherwise be to someone afraid of who they are.

ideal date:           honestly he’s down for anything. he loves trying new things and going to new places. of course, he’s less inclined to go to fancier places-- it’s hard for him to behave, much less stick to using his inside voice-- but really he’ll always be excited and revved up to do whatever his partner wants to do, unless it’s exceedingly boring.

do they have a type?:        haha. pretty obvious at this point that he does.

average relationship length:         as mentioned, he doesn’t really do committed relationships. he doesn’t have the patience or willingness to dedicate himself to someone in that matter. he tends to spend a lot of his time around one or two primary people but prefers to keep these relationships open. he’s selfish, basically - and beneath the surface, feeling caged or limited is quite frightening to him.

preferred non-sexual intimacy:      he’s not a big fan of non-sexual intimacy, actually, feels about it much the same way he feels about love. affection makes him intensely aware of himself and his feelings and all the squishy, vulnerable parts of himself he guards so staunchly. he would rather be beaten within an inch of his life than lovingly caressed. it hurts so much more to bear his heart.

commitment level:           i think this is a good area to elaborate that while octane doesn’t exactly do committed relationships, he is extremely loyal and dedicated to those he cares deeply for. despite his selfishness, he is willing to make sacrifices if it means doing right by someone important in his life - he would love nothing more than to make them proud of him. occasionally this does become more important than whatever his needs may be. at the end of the day, he’s a sweet boy and does care about other people, it just pains him to do so, and it’s an inconvenience he doesn’t enjoy humoring.

opinion of public affection:        he’s shameless. you could slap his ass in front of the entire syndicate and he probably wouldn’t blink an eye.

past relationships?:           he’s had one-night stands in the past-- not as many as people might suspect with that attitude-- but nothing significant. caustic is really the first relationship he’s had that’s lasted longer than a month or two.

tagged by: @incnspcuous <3 tagging:  @enccrypted, @corrodent, @programregulator, @driftyr, @zweiherzen, @ajayslullaby, @psycchout and whoever else wants to take a shot!

[amarabliss]

More Than A Pretty Face - 3 (Thorin Oakenshield/Reader)

IMAGINE MEETING WITH THORIN OAKENSHIELD BEFORE GANDALF AND SHARING A VISION WITH HIM OF WHAT COULD COME TO PASS…

Part One Part Two

Note! I think I got the links working correctly now!

Thorin stroked his beard staring up at the elven statue. It was elegant, but there was no strength behind it. Very elf like…

“I’m so sorry.” He turned seeing you approach a little red in the face, “There was an issue that needed attending and I am not usually in charge of things…I am sorry I am late. I hope you haven’t been here too long.”

“Not at all.” He instinctively began to reach for your face but quickly hid the movement by scratching his neck, “Is everything alright?”

You took a deep breath in smiling before letting it out the air out in almost a laugh, “I do not know how Lord Elrond deals with so much daily. I am used to being on my own and managing my own affairs, a cities worth is…well it’s terrifying. I’m sure you know the feeling.”

He fell in step with you as your walk began, “I do, and it can be intimidating, but it’s mostly rewarding.”

Your eyes were bright when you looked at him. He began to wonder if it was a racial trait since it was something he seemed to always notice when looking at you, “That is good to hear. I imagine if it wasn’t rewarding no one would want to rule. Which is why you’re here, is it not?”

He put his hands behind his back as he looked around, “You know why I am here.”

“I vaguely remember.” You turned onto a path that moved over the river, “You’re looking to get your home back, it’s a very noble cause.”

He paused making you stop to look at him, “You do not remember what you showed me?”

You sighed a little bringing your hand to your temple and began rubbing in a circular motion, “If I take time to focus I can find fragments, but it’s not how it works. I don’t remember everything.”

“How does it work?” Thorin watch you face fall a little at his request. He found it hard to look at you seeing a pain fall onto your features, but he needed answers, “I want to trust you…”

“Trust me?” Your eyes widened, “What have I done to make you mistrust me? We don’t even know one another.”

He stepped close to you looking into your eyes, “What haven’t you done? You give me a vision, you call it a gift. Hours later Gandalf the Grey in fact walks in with a map of my home. What you do is unusual and I only want to know if I can trust your information.”

You swallowed looking away from him, “I have no control over it…”

Thorin watched you turn walking off the bridge listening to you go on, “I know that what I see will happen, unless your told and you make a choice to change it. I’m sure you’ve encountered something that has happened that proves what you saw is real, yes?”

He nodded stepping down the bridge as you turned to him, “Yes…a few things, but somethings have changed. Like not meeting you on the road. We met here.”

“…you weren’t joking about me being with you, were you?” Your reaction was one he couldn’t read. Curious? Confused? Maybe even concerned?

“Yes, you were.” He stepped past you clearing his throat, “For some reason, you are the one thing I remember clearly.”

“Is that what frightens you?” You frowned seeing him tense up, “Master Oakenshield, I don’t know how to assure you that I mean you no ill-will. I know what I gave you will happen... I know you will lose…but I can’t see it anymore. I gave it to you and you will only have it for so long.”

“What do you mean?” He felt his heart quicken in his chest as he turned to face you.

“The vision will start to fade.” You looked down to your hands, “I must confess, I had hoped you would return to the Blue Mountains.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Thoughts began to race through his mind as panic began to fill him.

“When I had the initial vision, it was chance we were in the same town. I was on my way here. Instead of letting a wizard….” You looked up stopping when seeing his distress, “Master Oakenshield…I gave it to you so you could have a choice and you made one. I will answer any questions you may have-”

“Why me? Why did you have a vision of me? What made it happen?” He threw his arm out, “I am not special.”

When your face saddened it broke his heart, but your answer only seemed to irritate him, “Why does the wind blow north one day and west the other? There is no answer for you. If I’m supposed to see it I will…no matter the distance…Though objects seem to be the exception, but I doubt the dagger I was looking at had anything to do with you.”

“…I am a blacksmith from time to time…and I have been hired in Bree before…” He watched your eyes widen slightly at the revelation that this may be more than chance.

“Fate is a scary creature, untamed, and unmoving.” You began walking again hugging yourself. It was then he noticed how you winced and saw how red your cheeks still were. He had thought you were just winded from your duties, now he thought differently, “My answer to your questions remain the same.”

“You…are not well…” He spoke after a moment, slowly capturing your full attention.

Your stare penetrated his gaze before you put on a brave smile, “Ah…no…I have a small injury…it is not fully healed. I don’t rest well, but don’t worry about me. I will be fine, my lord.”

“I…do not wish to further injure you.” He stopped worry washing over his features. He would carry to a resting place if you’d let him, “Direct me to my quarters and go rest.”

“That isn’t necessary.” Your hands folded together in front of you as you took up a stubborn stance.

“I insist.” He stared you down half smirking when you final looked away with a sigh.

“Fine…thank you.” You turned around guiding him back to where they had met stopping in front of the statue, “I trust you can find your way back from here?”

“Ay, I can.” He stood in front of you just watching your features in the sunlight. It took his breath away.

“Lord Elrond should be returning soon…I am sure he will want to meet with you.” You brushed a loose hair from your face, “More than likely you’ll all be invited to dinner.”

“That’s…kind of him.” He swallowed down the compliment.

You noticed his hesitation and took a small step toward him defensively, “Lord Elrond is a good man. I would entrust anything to him.”

Your earnest gaze spoke to him as he nodded slowly watched you relax, “Your gift has given me much to think about…the lord of these lands is one of those thoughts.”

“That makes me glad.” You smiled stepping away, “Well…I suppose I will see you at dinner.”

“Y'amul.” He bowed again putting a hand to his chest.

“…” You smiled looked down to your hands a small blush coming to your cheeks, “Aha…yes, the truth comes out now. I do not actually know Khazdul…I just wanted to be impressive upon your arrival and looked up a greeting in one of Lord Elrond’s books.”

“Impressive? Why would you need to be impressive?” He tilted his head curiously finding a little enjoyment the way you began playing with a ring on your index finger.

“Well, who wouldn’t want to impress a handsome dwarven king.” You smirked a little before looking into his eyes becoming genuine, “I wanted to bring you a piece of home…since that is what you’re looking for.”

He stood there staring at you feeling a knot in his throat. It had been a very long time since someone had wanted to bring him comfort. He was beginning to like how this version of meeting of you was going. It was less abrasive and not having your bow in his face was nice, “Thank you, I won’t keep you any longer.”

As he turned to leave you, you spoke up quickly, “What does it mean?”

He turned back seeing you had stepped toward him again, “I’m sorry?”

You made a cringing face as you butchered the phrase, “Ya mual?”

He laughed a little giving you a soft smile as a he spoke slowly watching you repeat it under your breath, “Y’amul…it means close to what would come off as ‘with pleasure’.”

“Oh…wonderful.” You curtsied a little, “Thank you Master Oakenshield, I shall see you at dinner.”

“Indeed.” He watched as you walked off glancing back at him a giddy smile on your face before disappearing behind a turn. He shook his head shaking off the feelings that had seemed to overtaken him. He had much to do and he had no idea how long he had to do it.

He stepped into the room loudly gaining his companions attention. He took a deep breath looking at him, “I need paper. Now.”

You walked into the healing house slowly as one of the healers looked up at you immediately sighing and getting up. You stepped over toward a bed that had a divider from the rest of the room and began taking off you dress and underdress, “I know…”

“And yet you never listen.” The she-elf told you as you took a seat on the bed. Her hands began unraveling the bandage. The closer she got to the skin the blood she began to find. She sighed finally looking at the wound, “My lady you need to rest.”

“What I need is to be able to move.” You looked at her, “I won’t be here much longer, things are…changing.”

“…running off to more danger?” Her long eye brow shot up as she cleaned the stab wound getting winces from you.

You looked at her, “Spying for Lord Elrond?”

She glanced back up to you, “Fine keep your secrets…you’re healing nicely…but it would heal better if you would stay and rest.”

You kept your arms above your head as she began to wrap you up again. You stared out the window toward the afternoon sun as startling pair of blue eyes flashing into your mind, “Life very rarely gives us what we want…sometimes you have to follow it when it finds you.”

[anti-onion-posts]

Onision and Narcissism

Prepare yourselves, this is long. 

At the end of this it seems as if I am being sympathetic towards Onision, in a way I am but he is still a garbage human being in my opinion. 

When it comes to Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) like every other psychological disorder there are certain criteria that need to be filled for an individual to be diagnosed. 

10-13% of the general population have some form of a personality disorder as suggested by a study done by Weissman (1993), these people can merge into the general population. Most have more than two personalities disorders. There are three clusters when it comes to PD's, Cluster A - odd and eccentric, B - attention seeking and selfish and C - anxious and fearful. Narcissistic personality disorder falls under cluster B - attention seeking and selfish.

Traits of NPD:

·         Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.

·         Preoccupied with fantasies; success, beauty, power or love

·         Believes that they are unique and can only be understood or/and associate with others that have a high status.

·         Needs to feel excessive admiration; they will fish for compliments and will be highly susceptible to forms of flattery.

·         Feels entitlement.

·         Interpersonally exploitative; they will use others to achieve their goals.

·         Lacks empathy; they are either unwilling or unable to recognize or identify with others feelings.

·         Envious of others or believe that other people are envious of them.

·         Arrogant and shows rude and abusive behaviours and/or attitudes.  

 Now, I touched upon something on one of my firsts posts which is something I’d like to go in more detail about.

Onision is what I like to call an insecure narcissist.

Recently there has been some advances in clinical and empirical studies for NPD which recognized that narcissism can be co-occurring with vulnerability; inferiority, insecurity, etc.

(Note: Personally, I believe that an insecure narcissist can be/is more dangerous than an individual with NPD. Unfortunately, it is hard to back up this claim as research in this area is hard to come by.)

Let’s have a look at some of these traits and how easily it is to tie them to Onision.

Criticism

When it comes to criticism or anything that is remotely assumed to be an interpreted as negative whenever that be evaluating personality, performance and behaviour. Individuals with NPD will be highly reactive to it.

Even if it is constructive criticism.

Why?

From this they will be forced to come to terms with admitting some form of vulnerability and in return they will act defensively. Whenever that be through attempting to falsify evidence, lying, attempting to change the subject or respond to it in a way that they have been asked something that is not relating to the subject.

The ability to accept criticism comes from how secure we feel as a person as well as our resilience.

‘’But aren’t narcissistic secure? They have huge egos.’’

That would be correct, yes, however their ego maybe oversized and/or artificially inflated this can’t be viewed as being either secure or resilient. It can be very easily punctured so when they are criticised they show themselves to be poorly incapable of holding any emotional poise and receptivity.

(Receptivity: able or quick to receive knowledge, ideas.)

However, despite not being able to accept criticism they will demonstrate an abnormally developed capacity to criticize others. There are two common terms that are using in psychoanalytical literature and these are; narcissistic injury and narcissistic rage.

Injury:

Results from childhood; deficient parents not being able to nurture them. They don’t feel parents love which is prerequisite when it comes to self-love. Meaning that a parent’s love is needed to build a basic understanding of what ‘love’ is.

Therefore, they need to contently prove themselves by claiming superiority over others by doing this it can condition them to feel as if they are ‘good enough’ to be loved. In return this simply in time alienate them.

(Just as a note, not all children will react in this way not every child with bad parents will grow to become narcissists.)

This is also the same when it comes to rejection and we all know that Onision doesn’t handle rejection well. An example of this would be when Shane Dawson refused to collab with him it’s was insulting to him, and he took it extremely personally. ''How dare this person not want to work with me'' easily translates into, ''How dare this person reject me?''

Watch his video he made on his patrons leaving after his comments on the Manchester bombings, them taking away their pledge to him = them rejecting him.

Rage:

Due to being incredibly sensitive to criticism as this can bring feelings of anxiety, so to safeguard themselves they will react with defiance or with verbal violence. This is narcissistic rage.

They go to great lengths to invalidate the person criticising them; to achieve such dismissal of the individual criticising them, they'll do everything possible to negate their viewpoint. And this can include much more than blaming or challenging them.

‘’You did this wrong.’’

‘’Show me, show me the evidence of what I did wrong. Oh, you don’t have evidence on you? Well you are the one who is wrong, not me.’’

Narcissists are prone to these rages and will sacrifice others for personal gain - His multiple videos on Billie which ultimately lead to her public humiliation, so he could have something to talk about in his YouTube videos. He sacrificed her confidential information, so he could get monetary gain.

Check out his video when it came to him reading his book reviews he couldn't handle the negative criticisms that was left. He will deflect, and he will divert until he can escape that feeling, that notion that everyone gets when they are rejected. This leads to the second stage of his psychosis; The superiority complex, which is an extreme defence mechanism to remove himself of all criticism and responsibility while pinning it on others.

It's the ''It's not my fault, they're stupid because they don't understand, no it's not me, right?''

When their position has been exposed as false they will become evasive and articulate lies or half-truths and will flat out contradict themselves (sound like someone we know?) this can be to such a degree that it can leave the people watching this happen sit back in disbelief.

A big cause for the feelings of anger and rage in a moment is that they will externalise the more painful anxiety or shame related emotions. They will feel these types of emotions, or remembering a time in the past where they have been humiliated and transfer these unwanted feelings to another.

‘’I’m not stupid, you are!’’

‘’You can’t say I have NPD, are you a doctor? No? Exactly, stupid.’’

If the individual that the rage is aimed at has no idea why the outburst took place a sudden explosion of this rage will more than likely leave them feeling confused and maybe even frightened to express their opinion again.

Low self-esteem

Being constantly driven to prove themselves to both the people around them and them, this leads to a low self-esteem. This is the self-doubting and recessive part of them and they try hard to make sure that it is well hidden from sight. Once again this is coming with the feeling of fear of inferiority.

They will use many defence mechanisms to hide this:

·         Posturing exceptionally high self-esteem.

·         Fishing for compliments.

·         Bragging about their (exaggerated) achievements.

The ‘misunderstood special person’ which include notions such as:

·         ‘’I’m special.’’

·         ‘’I’m one of a kind.’’

·         ‘’I’m ahead of my time.’’

·         ‘’I’m so unique no one understands me.’’

·         ‘’I’m so much smarter than everyone else.’’

These are coupled with the common traits of NPD and construct a superficial belief that they are exceptional and for insecure narcissists it creates a reassuring role a second skin that they can live in which hides their true self.

Self-righteous and defensive

Needing to protect an overblown but incredibly fragile ego their defense system can be very easy to set off. When they are challenged the survival depends on being right or justified instead of just admitting that they are wrong or apologising.

‘’Onision has apologised before!’’

Yes, yes, yes but look at the circumstances of the apology everything that Onision does is a strategic move even when it comes to apologising.

He will say something bad.

People will be outraged.

He defends what he said.

Loses subscribers/patrons = losing money.

Onision: ‘’Hey guys, I’m sorry for what I said.’’

He apologises when he needs to do damage control because he has been pushed to do so, not because he wants to genuinely apologise for what he said. This pulls back his fans into defending him again.

‘’Does anyone remember what he said about (X)?’’

‘’Yeah, but he apologised!’’

I will admit and say that this is a very smart strategy and it clearly works it’s just a shame that his fans don’t see this move; they don’t see that he uses them as his first line of defence when it comes to protecting himself from criticism.

Furthermore, individuals with NPD have a ‘my way or the highway’ attitude they are stubborn, completive and insistence that their point of view is correct coupled with their feeling of being self-righteous.

This is to hide their underlying doubts about not being good enough and the more self-righteous (mostly exaggerate and puffed up by themselves) they are the more they will feel endangered by a conflicting opinion.

Projecting

To hide that they are insecure they will redirect any unfavorable traits that they have to someone else. As they cannot deal with being imperfect as their emotional capability is underdeveloped.

Hint: Social repose.

Poor boundaries

They view people as objects that exist primarily to serve their own needs – putting their own needs in front of others as well, even their own children – this is known in literature as ‘narcissistic supplies’ since others are regarded to cater to their personal desires.

Their boundaries are unevenly developed and will prompt them to dominate in conversations where it is inappropriate and share intimate details about their life. Such as over sharing their private life and disclosing information that others wouldn’t; as what they are sharing would be humiliating.

Yet with insensitivity to how others will react to their words, they’re highly likely to blurt out things or even boast about them; even if it will be views as tasteless and/or offensive. To add on to this, they will often ask other questions that are far to person or intimate. Such situations can be particularly difficult for the other person if the narcissist is in a position of authority over them so that not responding could, practically, put them in some jeopardy.

Someone with NPD will share with pride how they have chewed someone out and expect the people around them to be impressed by what they have done.

Relationships

Narcissists have issues (or they are in able) when it comes to connecting with people; they will instead focus on something else whenever that be:

·         Work

·         Social networking

·         Books

·         Games

·         Fantasies

During relationships though they will ‘set things up’ this is common in intimate relationships and if they are married they can be incredible hard on their spouse. They need to see themselves as perfect so when their spouse makes a mistake in that moment they will attempt to remove themselves from their partners and can be extremely unkind even brutal when they react to them.  

Conclusion

When an individual with NPD has these defences, they will not grow as a human being and will not take responsibility for their lives. They are bound in a stagnate two-dimensional world where they only see black and white; grey areas do not exist.

They remain empty emotionally and lack the strength that would let them be genuinely vulnerable to others. There is a consent need to fill what they never had as a child, the relationships that they have when older show a strong level of detachment.

They are not free to change so Onision is a lost cause trying to change the way he thinks will never work. He is unable to change as he doesn’t want to be wrong, he can’t stand to be wrong. He is a text book case of a multiple of the cluster B personality disorders; displaying characteristics of Histrionic, Narcissistic and Borderline personality disorder.

He has a strong desire for attention and the continuous change in his persona - therefore he can't keep to an opinion and is often seen as a hypocrite - and his strong reactions to rejection is what leads him to a vicious cycle that deteriorate him as a person. I personally believe that he is afflicted with a mental disconnection, he is not aware of his illness and can't be made aware of it by normal means. He is emotionally dangerous to anyone that interacts with him. It is because of this mental disconnection is why when people mention that has some form of a mental disorder he defensively denies the claim. He is in this consent cycle and will never be a complete person.  

Narcissists are victims but at the same time they are the perpetrator too.

Narcissists are made not born.

[eregyrn-falls]

I remember this old post about if Ford's hands are normal and if Stan was the polydactyl. How does the elder Pines twins personalities change if that was the case? Is Stan more violent or shyer? Is Ford more protective of his twin. Does he develop an interest in the supernatural?

Oh gosh, this is such an interesting set of questions!  Apologies for the late reply on this, Anon, I didn’t mean to seem like I was ignoring it; I was giving this some time to percolate in my head.

I haven’t actually run across any posts before that discussed in depth the idea of Stan being the one who was polydactyl, instead of Ford!  (The main post I can think of that I saw mentioning it was this one here, and I don’t recall seeing follow-up discussions?)

I guess the first question is just: how much of Stan’s and Ford’s personalities are innate, and how much were influenced by their circumstances (in which I’m including the polydactyly as a circumstance). There’s reams of other meta out there about the natures of both elder Pines twins, and some of the assumptions in some of that meta, as well as just the “general consensus” popular in the fandom, undoubtedly influences how I think of them.

For example: I’m firmly in the camp that thinks that both Stan and Ford are very smart; but, I think that they process information and express their intelligence in different ways.  Ford seems to have a natural affinity for “book-learning”, by which I mean traditional schooling and research. The way Stan is portrayed as a child makes me think that he isn’t so great with traditional learning, and that’s what led to him being an under-achiever, because in the late 50s and early 60s, schools were not as good at identifying when a child was falling behind or acting out because they needed a different learning style to thrive.  I’ve always though of Stan as a more “kinetic” learner, good with physical tasks and also better at learning by demonstration than by lecture/reading.

(The usual sidenote applies here: if this is true of Stan, then it makes his teaching himself to get the Portal working again that much more impressive.  Just because he might be more comfortable with non-book-learning doesn’t mean he can’t learn from so-called traditional sources.  It just means that it’s a different kind of challenge for him than for someone who meshes very well with that form of learning.  Both Stan and Ford are very stubborn and tenacious.  In my view, Stan slacked off as a child, and cheated in school, because he was rebelling against school not giving him what he needed; and, I feel, because it was a vicious cycle in which he was being told by parents and school authority figures that he wasn’t good at it, and he internalized that and stopped trying.  When it came to fixing the Portal, he put aside doubts and preferences and single-mindedly devoted himself to that goal.)

In ATOTS, we’re told that it’s Ford’s polydactyly that creates his interest in science fiction and anomalies.  And yes, that’s an easy answer, but… I’m not sure that necessarily has to be completely true.  You don’t need to have an unusual trait like that, to be a very smart little kid who becomes deeply invested in scifi/fantasy and all of that stuff.  I do think that his unusual trait created for him an additional feeling of connection to those subjects, and I do think that he used that connection as an additional means to cope with the anxiety that his unusual status, and the teasing he received because of it, created.

So, if Stan is the one who’s polydactyl – well, I don’t think that changes the fact that as a little kid in the 50s/60s, he wasn’t as well suited to the style of schooling he was forced into.  He’d still have those unaddressed learning problems in school, and that would probably still have caused him to receive negative feedback from his parents and teachers.  It’s just that little polydactyl Stan would have the additional problem of being regarded as a “freak” by classmates (and maybe by adults too), as well as regarded as “lazy”, and a “cheater”, and a “class clown” (which seems probable; we’re not told specifically that he was, but, it seems pretty likely given everything about Stan’s personality, and the principal does refer to him as a clown).

On the flip side, little Ford may be “normal”, but he’s still abnormally smart, and his excelling at traditional schooling wouldn’t have changed.  And as many people know, that alone can become a cause for being ostracized and bullied by classmates.  He may still have developed an interest in scifi/fantasy and the supernatural, as a sort of intellectual/emotional “escape”.

But, the further thing I think might happen is that little Stan may also develop more of an interest in that direction (maybe with Ford’s encouragement?).  In ATOTS, when they were little, we saw monster-movie posters and that monster mask around Stan’s bed; and even into adulthood we find that he’s interested in things like taxidermy and stop-motion animation and stuff.  Might little polydactyl Stan have gotten into that even more, if he (like Ford in canon) felt like he “belonged” among the “freaks” and side-show attractions?

Going back to similarities and differences between the two of them – Stan is obviously the more outgoing of the two, the one with the “big personality”. And he does seem like the more aggressive of them – but, they’re actually closer in that regard than it seems at first glance.  There are plenty of moments in the show where we see that Ford has a temper and becomes aggressive towards threats.  Both Pines men have a tendency to turn fear into anger (think of Stan yelling at the kids when he’s fighting the zombies; think of Ford threatening Probabilator when he’s tied up).  Stan still seems to be the more extroverted of the two, and Ford the more socially awkward.  But Ford’s aggression likely isn’t a completely learned behavior (i.e. a survival mechanism only learned while dimension-hopping). It’s probably just a Pines trait that he had all along, but as a small child wasn’t confident enough to rely on.

So I do feel a bit like little polydactyl Stan might not have needed quite as much standing-up-for as little Ford did.  Even from an early age, Stan seems to instinctively turn attacks back on his attackers.  Crampelter calls them losers, and Stan’s response is basically to say, “takes one to know one”.  Little Ford’s response to bullying was to let it get to him; Stan’s is to turn it around and throw it back in the bully’s face.  What I can easily imagine is little Stan doing just that to anyone who teased him for having six fingers – turning it into a joke, or just a belligerant “yeah? what’s it to ya?” I don’t think he would have been unaffected, deep down – just as, in canon, he clearly was affected by all the people who called him a loser and said he’d never amount to anything.  That got to him, even though he tried to cover it with bluster and over the top confidence.  

Little Ford is harder for me to figure out, just because I’m not quite sure why he was so passive as a little kid, since he would develop that Pines pugnaciousness once he got to adulthood.  He took all that bullying really hard, it’s clear; and he needed a lot more support and reassurance than little Stan seemed to.  Or is that the point?  Did little Stan (in canon) also really need that stuff, but he just covered up the need with bluster, while little Ford didn’t?  Meanwhile, in this AU – if little Ford isn’t being bullied for being a “freak”, and is “only” being bullied for being the typical too-smart little kid, does that result in his being a little bit more outgoing and willing to stand up for Stan?

I could go either way on that.  I’m having a hard time seeing little Ford playing the belligerant, “get lost, bullies!” role in defense of his brother; just as I’m having a hard time seeing little polydactyl Stan NOT standing up for himself (even if it does hurt deep down).  I could see a little bit of both, perhaps?  But I do see little Ford trying to be supportive of his brother.  And if little Ford is still a scifi nerd – and especially if that’s an interest his brother shares a bit more – then I could still see him being interested in the anomalous, as a way to keep trying to prove to his brother that being an anomaly makes Stan cool and special, rather than “a freak”.

At least, that’s a dynamic I’d like to *think* would happen.

Let me insert a sidenote here about the boxing lessons.  In canon, Filbrick signs both boys up for boxing lessons, after little Stan is shown being picked-on by the older bullies.  There’s an implication that the boxing lessons gave little Stan confidence, and caused him to blossom from a nerdy, dorky-looking teen, into one who gets the girl.   Meanwhile, Ford is hiding his face in a book rather than paying attention to practice.  While adult Ford appears capable of handling himself, the boxing lessons don’t seem to have given little Ford as much confidence.  One thing that interests me about that, going back up to a point I made above, is that if Stan is a “kinetic” learner, that might explain why the boxing lessons worked better for him.  So this too may not change if Stan is polydactyl.  I don’t see any reason why being polydactyl would have a negative effect on learning to box. (I don’t think that’s why Ford didn’t take to it as well.) Plus – when you’re boxing, if your hands are in gloves, nobody can see that you’re polydactyl?  It sort of evens the playing field, as it were.

(This leaves completely aside the slight timeline difficulties of that sequence, as well as the question of whether some of the details were Stan, telling the story to Soos in his memories, deliberately conflating details of Ford’s and his childhood experiences.  Tiny glasses-Stan being bullied in Dreamscapers could be true; and little non-glasses Stan standing up to bullies in ATOTS could be post-boxing-lessons, having gained in confidence.  The part that bugs me is why he would then go from more-confident little non-glasses Stan, to nerdy/dorky glasses-wearing teen Stan at the movies, punching Carla’s attacker.  But, ehn.  For purposes of this discussion, let’s just go with the broad strokes of what that sequence conveys.)

So, where does that lead both of their lives, though?

Does polydactyl Stan come to rely even more on his brother as his only friend, the person who makes him feel like his unusual hands aren’t just no big deal, but are in fact special?  Does that just make Stan even more reluctant to see Ford go away to college?  Unfortunately, I could see that happening.  I’m not sure that reversing the circumstances does anything to address the problems that led to their falling out – the lack of good communication that arose as they became teenagers, or Stan’s dreams of leaving everything behind to pursue a dream career.  

Plus, I don’t know that it affects another innate quality that Stan seems to have – like his mother, for some reason, Stan is drawn to performance and to conning people.  He has a talent for it (at least, he does some of the time, since we have to remember all the sales pitches and cons he failed to pull off).  In that context, the polydactyly is both a curse and a blessing.  A curse, because it makes it less easy for Stan to blend in and become anonymous; he’s always going to attract SOME attention, and he has a trait that he can’t easily hide, the way he can grow out or cut his hair, or grow a mustache.  But a blessing, if he took it that way, because used correctly it could make for a great distraction, as well as a great prop in certain kinds of cons.  

Meahwhile – with the connection to anomalies being through his twin, rather than through himself, does Ford still become as motivated to pursue that study as a life’s work?  In particular, what happens to that interest if/when he and Stan have a falling out?  Would Ford still continue to pursue that line of study when it would be a constant reminder of his twin? Or, bitter at what he thinks of as Stan’s betrayal and untrustworthiness, does he also bitterly reject the subject he once loved, and once wanted to pursue out of love for his twin?  Does he wind up going into some other field, like quantum mechanics or engineering?  

I guess I’d conclude that whether their lives go off on substantially different paths, or not, comes down to many different decision points, not just that one difference.  Ford could wind up on a path that never takes him to Gravity Falls or brings him into contact with Bill.  Or, you could still find a way for that to happen, even if some of the details proceeded differently.  Stan might have somehow used that extra motivation / sense of identification with the weird to propel him into a still shady but viable career path earlier (inspired by his mother’s similar career; that is, himself starting something like the Mystery Shack elsewhere, and earlier, a kind of carnival barker / P.T. Barnum showman). …Or, Stan might have been just that little bit even more dependent on Ford for a feeling of validation, and still messed up, resulting in a rift between the two.

Personally, I think that changing a detail like that becomes more interesting if the results are markedly different from canon.  But basically, I’d be happy to read it, either way.  :)

[wariskind-rpg]

Sturgis Podmore

Age/Year: 22; Slytherin 1975 Affiliation: Order of the Phoenix Blood Status: Half-blood Occupation: Curse-Breaker FC: William Moseley

TRAITS

+ ambitious; resilient; resourceful – inhibited; methodical; self-centered

BIOGRAPHY

As an only child, Sturgis grew up under the watchful eyes of his half-blood mother and father. Since his birth, Lavinia and Patrick Podmore fostered a sense of self-awareness and responsibility in their son. They taught him to take charge of his life, and push his potential to the furthest point, but remain cognizant of his surroundings—what they were and who they were. Raising a child during the Knights of Walpurgis’ rise to power meant a natural worry. Despite Sturgis’s half-blood status, he was not safe; his safety was never guaranteed so long as these threats gained more fire. Thus, the Podmores encouraged their son to play the field, realize the cards dealt to him, and always think before he acts. As Sturgis aged, these qualities refined into cleverness, determination, and resiliency.

His sorting into Slytherin, and sharing a dorm with the likes of Walden Macnair and Rabastan Lestrange, tested Sturgis. Opportunities to join a mindless posse of Death Eater wannabes presented themselves to him frequently, and the potential to fall victim to their manipulative ways would have been easy. But Sturgis resisted. Although he never formally announced he despised these housemates (he considered himself too smart to be that hot-headed), his avoidance of them displayed clearly that he did not share their blood purist values. Despite the constant jabs and mockery that turned to threats, he grew firm in his beliefs. In Sturgis’s mind, he could only be as good as he pushed himself to be, and that had nothing to do with his blood status.

While his time at Hogwarts protected him from the brunt of war tension, the Podmores made efforts not to shield Sturgis from the growing terrors. They never believed in hiding him from reality; making him aware and mindful was protecting him, because he could then prepare for anything to cross his path. As Sturgis matured, his beliefs turned to anger—exasperation that people could hurt (or worse, kill) others from something as inconsequential as blood status. He felt irritated knowing there was little to nothing he could do to help. Sturgis knew his strengths, and in the unlikely chance the Department of Magic Law Enforcement would actually want him, he would certainly flounder. Moreover, his childhood pipe dream lay with curse-breaking, which surprisingly became his reality.

With an offer to become the mentee of Egypt’s preeminent curse-breaker, Sturgis considered it foolish to decline the offer; however, it also meant leaving behind his parents and friends with a war. While he doesn’t regret seizing the opportunity, Sturgis departed anxiously. His parents kept him informed as best they could, and he consumed the information as he dove head first into trainee curse-breaker work. He learned of ancient spells, old magic, how to unlock treasures riddled deep within spells, and how to break through anything deemed by most as impenetrable. There wasn’t a puzzle he couldn’t solve, nor a web of dark magic he couldn’t reverse. Within a year, he passed all examinations, and the organization qualified Sturgis as a full-fledged curse-breaker.

After a couple of years spent traveling to various locations (such as China, Latin America, and other parts of Africa), and calling home wherever he opened his tent, headquarters finally authorized Sturgis’s transfer back to the U.K. in late 1977, and arranged for his commute to various sites via portkey. Since returning home, he sees a much darker world, more than he ever imagined possible in such a short time span of being away. His surroundings scare him; he isn’t afraid to admit that. However, true to his nature, Sturgis remains constantly aware of his surroundings, which eventually resulted in him catching wind of suspicious activity in early 1978. Along with reporting the information to the DMLE, Sturgis made it his personal mission to uncover any information he could find. His dedication discovered a planned Death Eater attack involving nasty Runespoors, and he potentially saved the lives of many innocent witches and wizards. Not soon after, Alastor Moody offered him a place in Albus Dumbledore’s Order of the Phoenix. Sturgis accepted without a moment’s hesitation.

PLOT POINTS

I. While Sturgis’s knowledge of magical creatures isn’t incredibly impressive, his ability to uncover anything—be it relics, objects, and so on—is one of his strengths, considering his years of work as a Curse-Breaker. Admittedly, searching through the endless coasts of Britain for Murtlap late last year wasn’t high on Sturgis’s list of desires; however, Dumbledore believed that obtaining these beasts and having Order members, well, pickle and eat them could improve their resistance to jinxes. Now with jars full of captured Murtlap, his partner for the mission, Briar Pritchard, is attempting to safely pickle the creatures and use their tentacles to concoct Murtlap Essence. This could remedy members’ future wounds and avoid suspicious trips to St. Mungo’s. Despite Briar being the one with the potions expertise, and Sturgis’s part in this mission being essentially over, he still finds himself checking in rather regularly. It’s for the sake of the mission, of course, and the fact that he enjoys watching a project from start to finish. (It only has little to do with the company, of course.)

II. Although Sturgis assumed his frequent run-ins with Millicent Bagnold to be a result of similar schedules and dining preferences, he learned quickly that their encounters were quite intentional. As the witch revealed, she has been studying Sturgis for quite some time, evaluating his abilities and capabilities, and strengths and weaknesses. The Ministry bestowed upon Millicent an opportunity to head the DMLE’s new division, the Dark Force Defense League, and over the past few months she has investigated the most qualified witches and wizards to join. In particular, she invited Sturgis to join as the League’s personal curse-breaker, one who would battle and destroy some of the darkest magic created by You-Know-Who and his followers. While Sturgis is flattered and incredibly interested, he has his hesitations. For starters, it would mean leaving the Curse-Breakers—an organization that has treated him very well. Seldom would he travel, too. He also has strong concerns about working for the Ministry. Nevertheless, the opportunity could be incredibly advantageous for Sturgis’s career and involvement in the war.

OTHER CONNECTIONS

Algernon Flint: At an Order meeting a couple of months ago, Dumbledore broached the subject of recruiting another Squib, which followed with a suggestion to consider Algernon Flint. Although Sturgis had never met the man before, he had heard of him—quite frequently, actually, from his parents. As regular patrons of Wyvern’s Eye in Holyhead, where Algernon works as a chef, Lavinia and Patrick Podmore had become familiar with the Squib and regularly chatted at some point during their dinner. Naturally, Sturgis volunteered for the task, and has been joining his parents for their regular dining at Wyverns. While Sturgis feels he has a good sense of Algernon, and nothing appears alarming, he doesn’t know enough yet to report back to the Order. Currently, Sturgis is trying to devise a way to have casual “run ins” with Algernon, and hopefully get the information the Dumbledore needs.  

Briar Pritchard: Sturgis’s reputation for sharing the company of many, many witches precedes him. His methods hardly fail, and seldom does he endure a lonely night. Despite going through women quickly, he never lies to his conquests, nor tricks them into bed. Rather, Sturgis remains incredibly upfront about his disinterest in monogamy, and makes it clear that he only seeks a good shag, nothing more. Sure, there’s a few disgruntled former flames, but he reminds them of what he said when they first met: he’s a no-strings-attached sort of bloke. Always has been, always will be. At least, that’s what he thinks. The fact that he’s spent the better part of year shagging Briar Pritchard shouldn’t change his belief, and neither should the fact that he feels something for her that’s rather, well, complicated. It’s not love, no (albeit Sturgis has never been in love, so he certainly wouldn’t know the difference). It is, however, a fondness of some kind. It’s a feeling that both terrifies and excites Sturgis to his core.

Dorcas Meadowes: Since joining the Order last year, Sturgis has spent much of his time proving himself. There was a few members with concerns about where Sturgis’s loyalties lie, considering his former house and housemates. Instead of angrily denouncing their fears, he believed actions spoke louder than words, and he spent much of 1978 and 1979 volunteering for any and everything. He feels like his efforts have made a difference, and that fellow members of the Order value his opinion, which is why Sturgis plans to broach the subject of recruitment. Dorcas Meadowes has not only been his closest friend since childhood, but she is also a dignified, talented, and particularly fierce witch—one the Order would be lucky to have. Now his current mission is to relay to the members how recruiting Dorcas would be wildly advantageous.

FATE

Sturgis SURVIVES the FIRST WIZARDING WAR.

Sturgis Podmore is TAKEN.

[snarktheater]

Carve the Mark — Part 3 (Chapters 15-16)

As we open the third part of this book, we finally get both of our points of view alternating from chapter to chapter. Which, yes, also means we constantly swap from third to first person. But hey, a least this means the plot might actually move forward? Maybe?

One can dream.

That doesn't mean we escape bad writing though. Remember how Akos tried to escape a few chapters ago, and we were told about it after the fact? Yeah, I guess now is the right time to get a flashback to that, because it's totally still relevant.

AKOS RAN THROUGH THE memory of his almost-escape with Eijeh over and over again

That is a flimsy excuse, even in this book.

We do learn that Akos's power also works on current-powered technology, which includes locks and handcuffs.

That was how he had gotten free to kill Kalmev Radix in the feathergrass.

Any other scene you want to explain away a fourth of the book later, or can we move forward now?

Back to the present, then. It's been a week since the sojourn ship took off, and not much has happened yet. Since we have no idea how fast the ship is traveling, or how far it has to go, I don't really know what to do with that information, but there you have it.

Akos goes to the ship's public training room (because there's only one? Even though literally all the "able-bodied" Shotet are on this ship? How many Shotet are there in total, exactly?), and there, he meets Jorek Kuzar. What's that? You don't know who that is because the book introduced him for seemingly no reason and dropped him for five chapters, so I didn't even tell you about him? I'd apologize, but frankly, I'm too busy wondering why we even had that earlier introduction.

So, when Vas told Cyra about Uzul Zetsyvis's passing, he was accompanied by Jorek, who is his second cousin. He refused to become a soldier/translator like his dad, and that makes him suspect in Ryzek's eyes. Akos also notes that he has no kill marks, which means…I don't know, that he's a good person? At least that's my assumption, since after some padding, he offers Akos to help him escape. Akos refuses, saying he has unfinished business.

“Then what about that brother of yours?” Jorek said. “The one who inhales when Ryzek exhales?”

…What do you think "unfinished business" means, Jorek?

Well, Jorek adds Eijeh in his offer, so Akos agrees to help him to earn both his and his brother's freedom. His brother who, shall I remind you, is currently under severe mind-fuck and would probably do his best to sabotage your escape.

The deal is to kill Jorek's dad, Suzao Kuzar. Who, it turns out, was one of the men with Vas who kidnapped Akos and Eijeh. So it's basically two birds with one stone for Akos.

“I’m not a fool, no matter what you people think of the Thuvhesit,” Akos snapped, his cheeks going ruddy as he picked up the practice blade. “You think I’m going to just let you set me up for a fall?” “I’m as much at risk as you are,” Jorek replied. “For all I know you could go whisper in Cyra Noavek’s ear about what I just asked you, and it could get back to Ryzek, or my father. But I’m choosing to trust in your hatred. As you should trust in mine.”

One: Ms Roth, blushing is not a character trait. She keeps referring to Akos's blushing, and I think it's supposed to build the idea that he's a soft, sensitive boy, but she forgets to…actually make him sensitive? Blushing is basically a side-effect.

Two: guess what Akos does right after this? Tell Cyra about this. Well, okay, he doesn't tell her about Jorek's involvement, but he does ask her how he could kill Suzao. Information which she…happily provides?

“It would have to be in the arena to be legal, as you know,” she said. “And you would want it to be legal, or you would end up dead. Arena challenges are banned from when the ship leaves the atmosphere until after the scavenge, which means you have to wait until after. […] But you don’t have the status to challenge Suzao even then, so you have to provoke him to challenge you, instead.”

So that's our plan for Akos's subplot for this part of the book, I assume. And/or until the end? Is this book a stand-alone, or is it planned to be a series? I should have checked.

Also, more shippy angst, as Akos muses on how he can't help but alleviate Cyra's pain, even though she's his enemy and he should do everything to fight his fate of serving her family. As for Cyra, she warns him he really wants to do this, because he could become "like her". Because she still sees herself as a monster, for…some reason. You know, the more we learn about Cyra and her powers, the more it feels like layers of victim blaming are added onto one another.

And then we get some banter as they go cook, because we also need shippy fluff, I guess.

So before I continue, I have to take a moment to discuss about how Jorek is made "special" by showing he has no kill marks. In absolute, this sounds like a fine concept—the people who don't kill other people or only do so in defense or while coerced are probably the ones you want to mark as good people. But…then, that creates a really uncomfortable view of the Shotet culture, where there was room for something interesting.

After all, while the Noaveks have seemingly turned kill marks into a subject of pride over the kills one has done, the tradition predates them, and it already included something for the kills—even if it was viewed as a form of loss and presumably atonement. Since the Shotet have such a system in place (along with the arena challenges), we can infer that killing people is something they had to do, for various reasons (think Akos's mark, which was in self-defense and in an attempt to escape). And yet, the book is basically telling us that no, kill marks are wrong all the time.

That speaks of a philosophy that redemption is impossible (unless you're a main character?), which…I frankly don't want to get into. But it also seems to vilify Shotet culture as a whole even further than it already is for even having this system in place. After all, a "good" culture wouldn't have the need for kill marks at all.

Time will tell if this pattern remains throughout the book, of course. And it is pretty hard to have an impression when the book doesn't even bother to describe most people's kill marks even as it claims that Akos has learned the Shotet automatism to check for them. But as it stands, that's the impression I'm getting from this.

And with that, back to the story, with Cyra coming back from a random meeting with Ryzek, who has in fact decided to go to Pitha to scavenge for weapons, in spite of what the current dictates. Because you know he's evil if he subverts his people's spirituality for his own gain. Not, you know, the murder, oppression, anti-intellectualism.

Along the way, all the lights go out, and a message is broadcast on the ship's speakers, once again spreading Ryzek's fate for all to hear.

“The truth can be suppressed, but it can never be erased.”

Also, Cyra gets attacked, but she's just the best fighter ever, so even being in the dark and taken by surprise isn't enough. However, she feels guilt over Lety Zetsyvis's death, so she lets her attacker (also a girl) go, though she does keep the dagger she was attacked with.

Hopefully it had been too dark for the security footage to show that I had just let a renegade go free.

Cyra Noavek: unable to make up her mind about where her loyalties lie, I guess.

She does go to Ryzek with the knife to show to him that she was also attacked and prove she's not behind the attack (which she apparently thinks he would consider?). He has indeed been attacked too, but Vas took care of the assassins, although Ryzek is clearly shaken by it, even drinking hushflower tea to calm himself. Which is a big deal since hushflower is so typically Thuvhesit.

It wasn’t his fault that he had turned out this way, so terrified and so creative with his cruelty. Our father had conditioned him to become this person. The greatest gift Lazmet Noavek had ever given me, even greater than life itself, had been leaving me alone.

Yeah, um…one: parental neglect isn't exactly a gift. Two: children who witness abuse but aren't the victim of it still internalize that abuse. Three: Ryzek being an abuser himself isn't excused by being a victim himself.

And then…more victim blaming as Cyra tries to connect to Ryzek.

“We weren’t always like this, you and I,” I said. […] “Then you killed our mother,” he said quietly. “And now, this is all that we can be.”

Yes, you sort-of accidentally killed your mom, therefore I must abuse you. Um…logic?

And that's…pretty much the end of that scene. Cut to morning (whatever that means when you're in space, which the book seems to have completely forgotten), where Ryzek has instated a curfew and will randomly torture people until he finds the renegades. Cyra and Akos talk about it while a news feed goes on in the background, and Cyra comments on the subtitles that are given.

There was a water shortage on Tepes, in the western continent. The Shotet subtitles were accurate. For once. […] The Assembly was debating further requirements for the oracles on each planet, to be voted on in forty days. Shotet subtitles: “Assembly attempts to assert tyrannical control over oracles through another predatory measure, to be enacted at the end of the forty day cycle.” Accurate, but biased. Some notorious band of space pirates had just been sentenced to fifteen seasons in prison. Shotet subtitles: “Band of Zoldan traditionalists sentenced to fifteen seasons in prison for speaking out against unnecessarily restrictive Assembly regulations.” Not so accurate.

I won't make the obvious fake news joke (mostly because…let's be real, it's not funny anymore, it's just sad), and point out instead that if all Shotet people are exposed to Othyrian, with subtitles, I cannot for a minute believe that no one would pick up at least on some of the language. Since the subtitles aren't completely inaccurate, and it's not even consistently done, it should be possible. I mean, that is literally how I started learning English.

Things only a person who isn't bilingual would write: this shit.

They argue about he meaning of he sojourn, and how Cyra is clinging to traditions instead of seeing the Shotet for what they have become, leading to this:

Not for the first time, I wondered how he would feel if I died. […] I might be the Noavek he would one day die for, given how much time we spent together.

If it's not the first time, why is this the first time I hear about it? Also, thanks of you to let us know that you came to the obvious conclusion that serving the Noavek family didn't necessarily mean serving Ryzek, because so far, I've also had no indication that any character was aware of that.

Anyway, this is enough of that, let's have some more shippy times!

He was angled toward me. There were only a few inches separating us. We were often close together, when sparring, when training, when making our breakfasts, and he had to touch me to keep my pain at bay. So it should not have felt strange that his hip was so close to my stomach, that I could see ropy muscle standing out from his arm. But it did.

Protagonists are allowed to be aware of their own feelings. Even female protagonists. Do you realize that, Veronica Roth?

Akos also tells her that he's moved on with his plan to provoke Suzao into challenging him by having his son slip potions into his morning medicine. Apparently Akos is planning to let Suzao know it was him, and that's how he'll get his challenge. Question is: is this legal? I mean, that's the whole conceit of trying to get him to the arena, and I sincerely doubt that drugging someone would fly.

Cut to Cyra attending a meeting of Ryzek's closest associates, which leads to this interesting revelation from Vas:

“You know so little about my gift, for all the time we’ve known each other,” Vas said. “Do you know I have to set alarms to eat and drink? And check myself constantly for broken bones and bruises?”

So…the book is aware of the real-life condition, but it still gave Vas that gift, and it still acted like immunity to pain was a good and useful thing, because…?

Oh, also, this leads to a "we're not so different" moment from Cyra, because she's also always aware of her body. She asks when his gift first appeared, and he tells her he was being attacked by bullies as a child, which is also just like her. Is this going anywhere? More importantly: is this going towards a love triangle? Because I've been pretty good at avoiding those lately, I don't want to break my lucky streak.

Yma Zetsyvis is also at that meeting. Not because she doesn't care about her husband and daughter's deaths, mind you. No, she just…blames it all on Cyra, as if Ryzek hadn't commanded her to do it both times. But hey, how else will we establish that women only have the choice between protagonist, dead, irrelevant, or evil?

I turned to her. “What kind of sacrifices have you made?” […] “I have denied myself the pleasure of watching you bleed to death,” she whispered.

The rest of them also make fun of Cyra for good measure, and at this point I don't feel like giving more detail, so…let's just move on.

We were on the edge of the galaxy, so the only planets—or pieces of planets—left to see were not populous enough to participate in the Assembly. We called them “peripheral planets,” or just “the brim,” more casually. My mother had urged the Shotet to regard them as our brothers and sisters in the same struggle for legitimacy. My father had privately scoffed at that idea, saying that Shotet was greater than any brim spawn.

So Lazmet and Ryzek are refusing natural allies. In fact, they're refusing them so hard they forbade all travel to these planets. Well, it's realistic, if stupid. Also, do we really need to keep harping on what a saint Ylira was? She still stood by and let everything happen.

Speaking of Ryzek, he hasn't done any progress finding the renegades, so he's decided to pick a scapegoat to reassure people. Cyra feels bad at that thought, which confuses her for some reason, because she's such a total monster even a compassionate thought is alien to her. Even though she's never acted or thought any differently until now.

So she decides to go to her old tutor Otega, who now works the kitchen, because why wouldn't you waste a tutor's valuable skills by making her do menial work? Oh but wait, it gets stupider, because her currentgift also lets her find the owner of any item she touches, which Ryzek must know since Lazmet used to his advantage. So it's even more stupid not to keep her close!

But it does mean Cyra can freely ask her to use the dagger she got from her assassin to find her again, and hopefully get to the renegades through her. Why? No idea.

And with that, each of our protagonist has his own plot to worry about, so I guess this is as good a place to stop as any. Plus, this post is already horrendously long. Find out how Akos's "drug someone until they want to fight you" and Cyra's "find renegades to maybe help them maybe help her brother who knows she has not character consistency" plots will unfold next time!