#He wasn't bitten nor changes at the full moon but still | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dcforts · 3 years

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alright but what if bobby hadn't died and at the end of s8, when cas became human, dean instead of saying, 'you can't stay here,' he'd said, 'bobby'll take you in for a while,' to hide him away from those looking for him, and give him time to find his feet. cas feeling shame and sadness and disappointment, but sitting in the impala and letting him drive him there, stubborn silence and a lump in his throat.

bobby would have been patient with him, in his gruff ways, never pushing him, but always keeping an eye on him, accepting his sulking for a week at most and then stopping him from consuming himself in self pity, telling him to get his ass up and help out in the garage cause, 'ain't running a shelter, boy, you gotta pull your weight around here.'

in reality thinking how it would be good to get him out of his room and keep him busy, to make him focus on something that could be fixed, and tire him enough so that at the end of the day he wouldn't refuse a meal anymore or lose any more sleep to haunting thoughts.

it worked. slowly.

bobby taking him through the worst, like his digestive system adjusting, fever and headaches and backaches, tears and rage and questions. questions, that made bobby uncomfortable, but that he tried to answer anyway.

cas wearing bobby's old clothes from the eighties like, jeans and a sleeveless jacket. i’m not saying a baseball cap, but what if a baseball cap, sometimes.

and bobby calling him a 'stubborn ass', and cas saying, 'i'm not looking for a father,' and bobby saying, 'well good, cause i ain't looking for a son.'

but then, 'go get your jacket, it's cold,' and folded clothes on his bed and showing him how to use the washing machine and shave his beard. cas saying 'i'm fine,' when he wasn't and bobby seeing right through him. frustration and silences that gradually turned companionable.

then - a different perspective.

a newly-wed werewolf-ed garth coming to visit and being excited to hear cas' story, as if it wasn't a tragedy. telling him that he too had changed, but no, he didn't miss being human, cause 'i'm still me, but look what i've gained'.

of course, he'd shown up at bobby's when he'd been bitten - standing at his door, saying 'hey bobby. so, i think i'm werewolf now,' and bobby had just sighed and rolled his eyes like, of course garth would go and do that.

and bobby had been the one to take care of garth during his first full moon, closed him in the panic room and all, trying not to get eaten by him - and he'd been the one to reach out to reverend myers' werewolf pack and so garth had met bess and the rest was history.

and garth looking at cas, all smiles and warm eyes and telling him that there was no reason to be scared, and what they both went through, it wasn't a downgrade at all. amazing things had happened to him, and he knew amazing things would happen to cas too. garth saying they were like brothers now, on the basis of being bobby's adopted strays. on the basis of having experienced not knowing who they were nor how to regain their balance to find a new path.

garth hugging him and telling him that his bess was expecting twins and perhaps he could think about naming one of them just like him, just like his new brother, cas.

and dean.

dropping by on some weekends - awkward silences in the kitchen when bobby left the room. cas trying to behave rationally, but feeling something burning hot inside of him and hating how dean made him feel - rejected.

every time he'd come around - every time he'd leave without asking him to go back with him - dean reminded him that he was useless, and they didn't want him. they sent him to bobby's out of pity, but they'd have thrown him out on the street.

after cas had fallen, he'd heard him. an echo in the last of his fading grace, a prayer saying, 'i need you here'. now it seemed like he didn't anymore. and there was only one reason for that: cas had lost his powers.

and back at the bunker, he'd known that saying 'i can help,' would've been pointless, but he'd said it anyway and now it stinged in the back of his throat for the embarrassment at how small and weak he'd felt under dean's gaze. he'd already decided.

but cas not knowing: dean needed him still. and he needed him to be fine and safe. and dean called, way more often than bobby liked. he kept him on the phone asking, 'is he alright', 'how's he doing?', and he felt like he was about to implode every time cas barely talked to him, hid away under a car to avoid him, didn't come out to see him off.

dean would say, 'is he gonna be alright?' and bobby would say, 'just give him time', only to go back inside later and seeing cas at the window, hoping to catch a last glimpse of dean's car. bobby thinking, 'what a pair of idjits', but never meddling.

never meddling, not when dean asked him questions he didn't have the guts to ask cas directly, not when cas found out that dean was on his way and glared and left his dirty mug in the kitchen sink out of spite. he would say, 'you boys need to sort it out for yourselves,' and dean would shake his head and walk away and cas would say 'there's nothing to sort out.'

cas getting stronger, healthier. cutting his own hair, driving bobby's truck.

bobby getting a call from a hunter asking for help. cas not wanting to go, saying, 'i'm not a hunter,' and bobby saying, 'well you're not a mechanic either,' and 'i can't go in alone. i need you,' and that being enough to convince him.

cas afterwards feeling satisfied about it until dean had come around and asked, 'heard you went on a hunt. how did it go?' and cas hearing it as if he meant bobby had taken him for a spin.

cas saying, 'it was hardly one. we were the back up', and feeling bad about himself. wanting to say 'i will never be like i was before, so stop hoping for it'. staying silent instead.

slow progress.

a back and forth.

one step ahead and four backwards.

one bright morning, in the yard, the sweat and the rust and practising shooting with bobby.

one quiet night, a fight, started with dean in the living room whispering, 'come on a hunt with me,' and ended in shouts and truths about needing and being needed and questions like, 'why are you here all the time?' and 'what do you want me to say?' both going unanswered. leaving the room and coming back to see it empty.

still - progress.

forgetting things and having dreams. mosquito bites and the taste of food.

that one car, sitting in the yard since forever, that cas just couldn't figure out.

bobby saying, 'just leave it,' but cas always going back to it and on a late afternoon - cas covered in grease and dust - boots walking towards him and dean's voice saying, 'you know i know a thing or two about cars, right? could help you with this one,' as if he hadn't asked before and cas hadn't refused and refused.

saying yes, for a change. or as a peace offering. or just because he’d been afraid dean wouldn’t come back after last time.

working together on it. that day and the one after that.

sharing a beer on the porch with bobby. saying ‘thank you’, saying ‘i’m sorry’.

dean coming around every week now. the confusing way in which seeing his hands and hearing his laugh felt different to cas after the sorrow and the anger. understanding the anger and understanding the feeling.

the car coming to life again.

slowly.

and cas seeing it the way it was. not something broken that needed to be fixed.

something that just needed a little time and a little help to find itself again.

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