#Honestly if they just go with Ashley locking him out for the shock value I may walk out without finishing the movie | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

donnythewriter · 4 years

Text

The Things We Protect - Issue #1

INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

A flashlight shines across shipping containers. The light illuminates reflects off each one.

DONOVAN "MIKE/MIKEE" PAULSEN, (30) walks forward.

He's Caucasian, 6"1, black hair, brown eyes, skinny build. His medium, styled hair carries a gentlemen's cut, and his face carries a five o'clock shadow. A visible scar sits below his left eye.

The bags on Don's eyes show through the dim light.

Don has an AR slung around the front of him. He wears a pair of jeans and a tan plate carrier sits over a white button up shirt. On his shoulder sits a Sentinel Securities ID.

Don wears an earpiece.

The radio comes to life as MARCUS MATTHEWS, (34) keys his microphone.

Marcus is 6"4, with short auburn hair and brown eyes. He wears a plate carrier with a white button up and a clip on tie.

MARCUS (earpiece) All teams, radio check.

MICHAEL CHAVEZ, (24) keys his radio. He's Hispanic, 5"9 with short black hair. He wears a black baseball cap and a tan plate carrier. He carries a VEPR AK patterned rifle.

CHAVEZ Alpha one, check.

PAUL CARTER, (25) keys his microphone. He's a skinny Caucasian with short brown hair and blue eyes, 6"0. He wears a pair of square glasses and carries a CZ Bren, with a Beretta 92 on his hip.

CARTER Alpha two, check.

Marcus sighs into the radio.

Don fumbles with his microphone.

DON Fucking shit-

He keys the microphone.

DON (CONT’D) (into radio) Alpha three, check.

CONRAD MILLER, (28) keys his microphone. He's Caucasian, with a light tan, brown eyes, and 6"2 with a muscular build. His tired eyes show under the warehouse lights.

CONRAD Alpha four, check.

Don yawns. He meets back up with Conrad.

CONRAD (CONT’D) How you liking the job so far?

DON About what I expected.

Another narrow conex hallway in front of them.

CONRAD You want to switch?

Don chuckles.

DON It's the same damn thing here, dude!

Conrad shrugs.

DON (CONT’D) Fuck it.

The two switch sides.

The same setup sits in front of Don.

DON (CONT’D) (muttering) Told him.

Don walks forward, light forward.

A thud.

MARCUS (earpiece) All units, report.

CHAVEZ Alpha one, all clear here.

CARTER Alpha two, nothin' to note here.

Don takes out his ear piece and listens again.

A louder and more noticeable thud.

Don puts his earpiece back in.

MARCUS (earpiece) Paulsen, report, damn it.

DON (into mic) Alpha three reporting, I got something.

Don slings his rifle forward.

DON (CONT’D) WHO'S THERE?!

Don pushes forward and flicks the safety off his rifle.

DON (CONT’D) Fuck is that?

Louder bangs- Something metallic.

His chest heaves as he moves forward. Don slows down and begins to control his breaths.

More bangs come from next to him.

DON (CONT’D) Who the fuck is in the container?

He looks to both sides of him.

Nothing.

Don puts his earpiece back in.

DON (CONT’D) (into earpiece) Be advised, found the source of the sound.

MARCUS Copy that, don't open that till we-

DON Fuck that.

Don takes out a pair of bolt cutters and cuts the locks off the shipping container. He keeps his hand on his rifle, turns on its light, and keeps it trained at the door.

Don swings the door open.

INT. SHIPPING CONTAINER - NIGHT

His once tired eyes change to those of shock.

DON Oh, fuck.

Children lay on cots inside the container. One bucket sits on each end of the container. Don covers his mouth and tries to mask the stench of the container.

At the very front, a child stands there. Don places his light on him. His blue eyes shine in the darkness, his bowl cut blonde hair shining off the light.

IND CHILD 1 Mama? Это ты?

DON What?!

Don looks past him and shines his light on the others.

DON (CONT’D) English?

The child's eyes give Don a blank stare.

IND CHILD 1 Это ты?

DON I don't...

Marcus walks into the container.

MARCUS Hey, buddy...

Don lowers his weapon. The child starts to rub his eyes.

DON Hey man, we gotta go to the feds about this-

Behind Don, Chavez and Carter appear behind him.

Marcus gets closer and holds something sharp in his hand.

DON (CONT’D) Hey what the hell are you-

Marcus stabs the child in the shoulder with the syringe and takes it out.

DON (CONT’D) Motherfucker!

Don raises his handgun only for Carter and Chavez to put him in a head lock. Marcus pulls the gun out of his hand.

The child falls in front of him. Don struggles to get out of their grasp as one kicks the back of his leg and brings him to his knees. He falls forward and lets out a cry of pain as he falls forward.

Marcus picks the child up and sets him down in an empty cot.

Marcus walks over to Don.

His demeanor is calm, casual.

MARCUS Donovan Paulsen. (smiles) You live with your daughter, formerly Ashley Wren Jackson, now Ashley Paulsen at 4333 West Bell Road, apartment 2043 in Phoenix.

Don looks up at him with anger.

DON These are god damn kids!

MARCUS Donny, Donny, Donny.

Don tries to struggle only to get held back as he looks up at Marcus.

MARCUS (CONT’D) Always the pessimist, aren't you? You never were one for the bigger picture.

Don's eyes widen as he looks behind Marcus at the children on cots.

DON They're in fucking shipping containers...

MARCUS You are standing in front of a moving train, Don. I'm just protecting our bottom line. Now. You get in our way.

He reaches into a holster and pulls out a suppressed Ruger Mark 2 and chuckles.

MARCUS (CONT’D) And I'm going to kill your daughter and make you watch.

He reaches into Don's vest pocket and takes out a picture of Ash.

MARCUS (CONT’D) I've known you awhile buddy. I know that you'll be fine, long as your Ashley stays safe, you're happy. I shoot you, well she gets everything doesn't she? Ash is a great kid by the way, always raises her hand to ask questions and gets along with all the guys in her class. A bit different to what you were back in the day huh?

Don just looks down at the metal container's floor.

MARCUS (CONT’D) Besides, capping four of your guys isn't a very heroic thin-

Don's eyes widen.

His fists clench up and he lunges forward.

DON FUCK YOU!

Marcus laughs.

Carter and Chavez pull him back.

MARCUS Can you believe this fucking guy? A "hero". If he was such a hero his wife wouldn't have run off on him-

DON IT AIN'T YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Don lunges forward but gets pulled back by the two that hold his arms.

MARCUS You're so cute when you get pissy like that. Now, what's it gonna be?

Don goes silent as the anger on his face subsides. He goes calm, only for a moment.

His face changes to that of disgust.

DON I won't talk.

Marcus reaches into another vest pocket. He takes Don's wallet.

Marcus takes out Don's license snaps a photo of it. He puts it all back and throws his wallet down.

MARCUS Pick your shit up and get back to it then.

The two let him go.

DON Yeah... Sure.

The three walk out.

Don still looks at the container, shock in his eyes.

The kids in cots line the shipping container as Don stands back up and walks out.

The light shines on half his face. The other part of it stays dark. He backs away and doesn't take his eyes off the kids inside.

The light inside the crate disappears as Don closes it.

CUT TO:

INT. CORPORATE OFFICE - DAY

Don walks past a wall that reads, SENTINEL SECURITIES.

DON I can't believe they actually took me.

Don walks through a corridor. He wears a suit, the jacket open.

DAWN "MICHELLE" PAULSEN, (34) walks beside him. She's tan 5"9, with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.

MICHELLE Well, a lot of things tend to when you're the "Hero of Houston". Big damn hero you are.

Don shrugs.

DON If it's just that, then I don't really deserve it now, do I?

Michelle rolls her eyes then stops.

MICHELLE Honestly? You don't, Mikey.

DON Excuse me?

Michelle pulls out a security card and opens a door for him.

MICHELLE First door to the right. Make sure not to kill anyone along the way.

Don raises his arms as anger registers on his face.

DON You weren't there!

She motions for him to enter. Don walks inside. The door closes behind him.

He takes a deep breath.

DON (CONT’D) (muttering) Cunt.

Don walks forward and enters

MEETING ROOM - DAY

Matthews gives Don a warm smile.

MARCUS Just wanted to congratulate you, Mr. Paulsen. You're going to great on our team.

Don shakes his hand with a nervous grin.

DON So, what am I going to be doing exactly? I wasn't really clued in on that.

MARCUS Just security on high value cargo from the Ukraine.

Don nods.

DON Anything I'll need?

MARCUS Just everything you used during the course, no real preference. It's all you.

Marcus gives a warm smile to him.

DON Sounds good then.

Marcus puts his hand out and offers a handshake.

The two shake hands.

MARCUS How's tomorrow night sound for your first day?

DON I don't see an issue.

Marcus grins.

MARCUS See you tomorrow then.

Don walks out and takes the elevator down.

CUT TO:

INT. FORD MUSTANG - DAY

Don gets into his car and takes out his phone.

He thumbs through his contacts and calls "Ashley". The contact has a picture of a wrench on it.

Below it reads, "My personal mechanic" and "daughter".

Don waits a few moments.

ASHLEY "ASH" PAULSEN, (18) picks up the call.

ASH (O.S.) Yeah, what's up?

DON Hey, just got off work, you need anything?

ASH (O.S.) Snap-Ons would be nice.

DON You actually want me to get you them?

ASH (O.S.) Nah, my cheap shit should do me just fine.

DON In that case, I'll meet you back home.

Don gets on the freeway. The hair on his arms stick up. His vision starts to close in as he continues to drive.

JACQUELINE "JACKIE" MILLER, (28) sits next to him. She's 6"0, average build, and has a decent sized rack. She wears a tan jacket with a pair of jeans. On the left side of her belt she wears a Hartford Police badge, on her right wears her police issue Glock 17.

JACKIE You know it wasn't going to work out Don.

Don looks forward and drives through traffic.

DON Did you have the right? You didn't even come to me about it.

JACKIE We both know it wouldn't have- I barely had enough to afford the mortgage and your security gig wasn't enough to-

DON WE COULD'VE MADE IT...

He turns to his side. Tears well in his eyes.

The empty seat sits next to him. He shakes his head.

DON (CONT’D) ...Work. It's only been a month and I'm having that conversation again. Motherfucker.

CUT TO:

EXT. APARTMENT PARKING LOT - DAY

The Mustang pulls up to the apartment. Don steps out and closes the door behind him. He locks the car.

INT. APARTMENT - DAY

Don walks in and closes the door behind him.

Ash sits on the couch and plays on a PS4. She's a 5"8 blue eyed brunette and wears a pair of jeans with a green "82nd Airborne" T-shirt.

Ash's brunette hair is in a ponytail and she wears a red baseball cap over it.

Don motions to the dishes.

DON You plan on getting these done any time soon?

ASH Yeah, yeah, sure dad.

Don sits on the couch next to her.

DON You doing okay? What you got there?

Ash shrugs.

ASH As good as I can be. Uncharted. One of the guys in my class won't stop talking about it, some shit about the story. Enjoying it so far.

DON Hey, that's good. I wanted to apologize.

Ash pauses the game and cocks an eyebrow at him.

ASH For what?

Don just shrugs. He opens his mouth to say something but can't find the words.

DON When I'm able to explain it, I will. I gotta get ready for work.

Ash looks down at his hand.

ASH Is it about mom?

DON Yeah... It's about mom.

Don stands up to go to his room.

Ash goes back to playing Uncharted.

DON'S BEDROOM

A newer model TV sits there plugged into a PS2, a PS4, and a PS3.

A gaming PC rig sits next to all of those. A walk in closet sits in front of him. To his right is a bathroom. He goes into the restroom and comes out to get ready. He's freshly shaved, his hair in neat order.

He puts on his clothes and puts on his white dress shirt with a plate carrier, then puts on a pair of jeans.

He reaches for a pair of tan combat boots and puts them on.

Don goes into the walk in closet, taking an AR out of it then puts his Sig in its holster and walks out of the room.

MAIN APARTMENT

Don walks over to Ash. She takes the time to look over.

ASH Gonna go shoot someone?

Don shrugs.

DON I don't know. What I am gonna do is head out, and when I come back I want you to make sure those damn dishes are done.

She sighs and rolls her eyes.

ASH Fine. I'll get 'em done.

Don steps out of the house.

CUT TO:

INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

The door to the conex box closes behind him.

Don stands there.

MATTHEWS Now that we're all on the same page...

Matthews shoots a look to Don and motions to Conrad.

MATTHEWS (CONT’D) Keep an eye on Mr. Paulsen.

Don looks back at Conrad and gives him a scowl.

Conrad nods at Matthews.

CONRAD Yes, sir.

MATTHEWS Good work tonight gents, we'll be back it tomorrow. Hooah?

Don still carries a look of confusion and fear in his eyes.

CONRAD Hooah.

CHAVEZ Hooah.

DON Hooah.

CARTER Hooah.

Don walks out into

EXT. WAREHOUSE PARKING LOT - NIGHT

The rain pours down. Don steps out, walks to his car, and starts undoing his plate carrier.

Conrad walks behind him.

Don walks over to his car.

CONRAD Paulsen.

Don opens the trunk to his mustang and puts his plate carrier in it.

Conrad reaches his hand out.

CONRAD (CONT’D) Doc, you son of a bitch, come on.

Don slams the trunk of his Mustang closed.

CONRAD (CONT’D) PAULSEN!

DON WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!

Don raises his arms at him in anger.

Conrad glares at him.

CONRAD Keep your fucking voice down, you trying to get these guys on your ass?

Conrad puts his hands up.

CONRAD (CONT’D) Paulsen, look I'm trying not to do what he says.

Don gets into the driver's seat of his car.

CONRAD (CONT’D) Let's talk.

INT. FORD MUSTANG - NIGHT

Don gets into his car and unlocks the door.

Conrad gets in next to him.

CONRAD You should've said no to that offer.

DON Oh, now you tell me. What happened to you?

Conrad looks down.

CONRAD It's complicated-

DON Kids in shipping containers? Complicated? Killing the dude who got your ass out of, oh I dunno...

He starts counting on his fingers.

DON (CONT’D) One, two, three, four- EIGHT FUCKING BINDS?!

CONRAD The last guy was one of ours back in the day.

Don leans back.

DON And I'm supposed to care, why?

CONRAD It was Cho.

Don shakes his head in anger.

DON (muttering) Fuck. Had to be Ricky, had to be fucking Ricky.

CONRAD I got a plan, but I need you with me, not against me.

DON Okay, Dutch. Does this plan involve Tahiti?

CONRAD Jesus, still a smart ass after all these fuckin' years ain't you?

DON Not much has changed.

Conrad opens the door.

CONRAD Keep your head down. When the time comes, you'll know.

Conrad gets out and closes the door behind him.

Don sighs and sits back.

DON Motherfucker.

He starts his car and drives off.

CUT TO:

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

Don comes into his apartment and turns the light on.

He looks at the kitchen sink.

There's still dirty dishes in it.

DON Ah, damn it. Fuck.

Don goes into her room. Ash sleeps and wears shorts and a t- shirt.

DON (CONT’D) You actually asleep?

No response from her.

Don rolls his eyes.

DON (CONT’D) (muttering) Great, just fucking great.

He goes into the kitchen and starts washing dishes.

During this, Ash comes out.

DON (CONT’D) Ash, I told you to clean these- Come on.

Ash yawns.

ASH Fuck, slipped my mind, sorry. I had homework.

Don sighs.

DON There's gonna be a time where I'm not gonna be here, you know that right?

ASH Well, if it's any consolation, I found this.

She takes out a Gameboy Advanced SP from her front pocket.

Don's eyes widen. He stops cleaning the dishes and dries his hands on his jeans.

He opens it up and looks at the cartridge in it.

DON (softly) Sweetie, was there a charger with it?

Don reaches out for it.

ASH Five dollars.

DON You fuckin' serious?

ASH No.

She smirks at him then passes it.

Don takes out the cartridge.

DON Pokemon Sapphire...

His eyes look down.

ASH Can I have it, dad?

Don looks down. His gaze goes blank.

IND PERSON 1 (O.S.) Can I have it? I'll give it back.

He shakes his head.

DON Yeah, sure Ash- Not a uh... Problem. You can have it.

A knock at the door.

The clock on the microwave reads, "12:00".

Don reaches into the side of his waistband and takes out his Colt Defender.

DON (CONT’D) (CONT’D) Ash, get away from the door.

ASH Dad?

Don gets in front of her and keeps his gun trained at the door.

DON Who's there?!

IND PERSON 2 (O.S.) Courier service.

The footsteps move away from the door.

Don keeps the gun against the door and looks through the peephole.

He looks into it. A figure wearing jeans and a hoodie runs down the staircase.

Don opens the door, his weapon aimed forward.

A yellow envelope sits on the ground below. His weapon still trained at the staircase, he picks up the envelope.

Don holsters his gun.

DON Ash-

Don stops. He opens the envelope.

Pictures of Ash going into class appear. They all carry red Xes on them.

More photos appear as he looks through them.

ASH Dad, what is it?

DON Fuck.

Don's eyes widen.

ASH Dad? Talk to me. Come on.

Ash looks at him with concern.

Don goes into his room and closes the door behind him.

DON Don't fuckin' worry about it.

DON'S ROOM

Don sits at his desk and dumps out the pictures in front of him.

He places his hands on his head as he starts to look through all of them.

DON (CONT’D) Oh, no. No, no, no...

He lays them all out.

The photos are all time stamped with the Don and Ash's routine. Ash works on her car in one photo.

In another, Don is out on a run.

DON (CONT’D) Fuck.

Don buries his head in his hands.

DON (CONT’D) (whispering) I can't fucking help them- But I can get Ash out of this. I die, they have nothing and no one to leverage anymore...

Don takes his gun out of his waistband and puts it to the side of his skull. Tears roll down his eyes.

DON (CONT’D) (whispering) They're after me, no more me, no more problems. It'll be easier. She mourns me for a few weeks, gets 1.5 million dollars, all my guns.

He takes a deep breath, puts his finger on the trigger.

DON (CONT’D) (whispering) It'll be easier this way.

A knock at the door.

ASH (O.S.) Dad?

Don exhales and puts the gun back on the table. His eyes widen.

DON (muttering) Oh my fucking god.

Don looks at the door. His hands shake.

DON (CONT’D) Y-Yeah, sweetheart?

ASH There's still food in the fridge if you were looking for it.

DON I'll uh... Yeah, I'll be out there in a sec.

ASH (O.S.) You need me to call the cops?

Don stops and takes a moment.

DON I don't think they'll be able to help us, Ash.

Don unlocks the bottom of his desk with a key and throws the pictures into it then relocks it.

DON (CONT’D) She'll find it- I need her to.

Don stands up and opens the door.

MAIN APARTMENT

DON (CONT’D) Hey.

Ash cocks an eyebrow at him.

ASH Dad, what the fuck is going on?

Don just shakes his head.

DON The less you know the safer you'll be.

ASH What the fuck does that mean?!

DON I'll tell you later.

Ash rolls her eyes.

ASH It's always fucking like this with you, dad! You're gonna get into trouble and-

She lets out an angered scream as she goes into her room and slams the door.

Don just looks forward with a tired stare.

He changes his clothes and goes to bed.

CUT TO:

INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

Don walks through the warehouse again.

He's alone. The lights around him shut off.

Another light turns on and shines over a conex box. The same one Don had entered previously.

Don walks over to it.

A metallic "thud" comes from the box.

IND VOICE 1 (O.S.) Doc?! Doc I NEED HELP MAN! PAULSEN!

A scream comes from the box.

Don runs over and opens it, wide eyed.

Men with black eyes wearing military fatigues sit on the cots. They don't notice him, rather just sit there and look at one thing in particular-

The Russian kid from earlier sits in the middle of them.

The child looks up at him with bright blue eyes.

RUSSIAN CHILD Why couldn't you help me?

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

Don wakes up screaming and crying.

DON GO AWAY, FUCKING GO AWAY!

He holds a pillow and cries.

Don gets out of bed and checks his phone.

"0300"

DON (CONT’D) I think I've slept enough.

Don gets up and goes to his bathroom.

CUT TO:

INT. CAFETERIA - DAY

Don just eats and reads a book on his phone. His eyes carry a look of fatigue.

Michelle walks over.

MICHELLE HIYA MIKEE!

She carries a smile on her face and sits in front of him. Don gives a dejected look.

MICHELLE (CONT’D) What's wrong Mikee? Hey.

DON Did you know?

She cocks heard head sideways.

MICHELLE Mike, what- what are you talking about?

Don leans in.

DON The damn kids.

Michelle's eyes widen, then look down away from him.

MICHELLE ...I didn't know.

He takes a moment, then stares her dead in the eyes.

Don leans in.

DON (whispering) You're fucking lying to me.

MICHELLE (whispering) Think of your daughter, Mikee. You really want her to end up dead because of you? Keep your mouth shut, your head down, and your wallet's gonna thank you for it.

Don scowls at her and leans back.

Matthews approaches and stops with a plate of food.

MATTHEWS Ah, Mister Paulsen! I see you've met the love of my life.

Don winces at this.

MATTHEWS (CONT’D) Hey there, baby.

He gives Michelle a kiss. She blushes and giggles.

DON Y'know, I ain't hungry anymore.

He walks out in anger.

#screenwriting #writing #scifi #mystery

0 notes

poisonedpan · 7 years

Text

Party Days - 04/2016 - Section 35

I was supposed to go see Justin Bieber as soon as I landed back in California. Gabriel got tickets and wanted to take me. Daddy Bieber and Daddy Gabriel? That was something that I could get used too.

Only it didn’t happen.

“Your flight is delayed four hours,” the lady said to me, as I approached the front desk. I rolled my eyes a little at her. It wasn’t her fault. There wasn’t anything I could even do anyway. But that didn’t stop me from getting a little mad.

Justin fucking Bieber?! Come on airlines. I got things to fucking do. People to see. Boys to make out with. Music to dance too. Liquor to drink.

I took a deep breath and got a drink. The countdown to my twenty first was rapidly approaching. I had two more weeks and then I would be able to order an overpriced drink at one of the lounges in the airport when something like this happens.

I finally landed and took an uber back to my house. Savannah ran downstairs to meet me. We screamed so loud we probably woke up the whole university. We started walking upstairs and she was updating me on what was going on. I was updating her on things that went on in Florida. It was weird to go to Florida without Savannah.

Trevor and Mike met us like twenty minutes later. Mike was this guy that Trevor plays darts with. He’s in his late 20s, but that didn’t stop him from being dope. Mike had become someone I genuinely like talking to. He’s funny as fuck. He makes jokes about everything, and him and his girlfriend are couple goals.

They brought beer. I couldn’t stop looking at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t really enjoy my haircut when I was in Florida, because the humidity made it almost impossible to look good. I really liked the way it shaped my face, and I looked darker than usual. I drank a few beers.

Brittany made her way over to my house, and then so did Gabriel. I wrapped my arms around Gabriel, and he held me tight. Truthfully, I didn’t know what was going to happen between us, but there was a huge part of me that wanted to find out. There was something here, especially for me. I’m just hoping I don’t fuck anything up trying to see where this takes us.

Gabriel told me all about the concert. I was getting more insanely jealous as he told me about Justin. It didn’t take long for me to wish I would have left a day earlier. I should have been here. I should have been dancing with Bieber.

We all started drinking and arm wrestling. I felt like I was home. In this moment, this is the most feeling of “home” I’ve ever had. I’ve found myself with peace all the time, taking control of my own house. I made my own rules here. I paid rent and I paid the utilities. I was growing up. I just needed a job so I could cut David out of my life.

We all ended up getting pretty trashed and singing on the back patio until like three in the morning. Passing the camera around, and posting snapchats. I’ve kind of made my place into a trap house, but not in the sense of dirty. I keep it clean. Well by that, I mean Savannah keeps it clean. This is where people went when they wanted to just forget about a few things. This was the place to go if you wanted to have a few drinks, and laugh harder than you’ve laughed in a long time. This is where I’m supposed to be.

The partying continued for a few days. Katherine and Ashley started coming over daily too. It was pretty much where everyone came after work or school. I didn’t mind it. I really didn’t like being alone. For the most part, I really only wanted people at my house on Tuesday and then the weekends. I thought that it would have helped me with school. School. I felt like I hadn’t heard that word in a while now. I was going to have to start going back so I can play catch up. I didn’t want my teachers to give up on me.

I didn’t want to fail.

Gabriel and I were getting closer. We went to this Mexican restaurant after class one day. It was our sober date. I wanted to get to know him better. I knew a lot about him, but it was stuff you learn about someone after you spend so much time with them. We talked about our families and where we’re from. He told me about how hard it was to come out, and that he cried when he finally accepted he was gay.

I honestly had no idea that he viewed sexuality like that. Sometimes it’s hard for me to relate about coming out, because everyone knew I was gay. I felt like they were more shocked about me saying I wasn’t gay for so long. Coming out wasn’t a huge deal to me. I liked listening to him talk though. Gabriel is a very smart. There was something about him that made me place him on a higher pedestal than most people. I thought he was special. He was different. Gabriel was an emotional guy, with a huge heart. He cared about people, but he also worked his ass off to get to where he was.

I looked at him sitting across from me. Everything felt so natural with him. I didn’t have to force conversation, or rush anything. Everything was so smooth. I usually didn’t like eating in front of people that I go on “dates” with. I used to think that if people saw me eating, that they would think I’d get fat and wouldn’t be hot anymore. It’s kind of dumb, but it’s because I watch what I eat because of when I used to be fat. If I didn’t have my looks then I’d have to rely on my personality, which wasn’t that great in my opinion.

We ended the day just talking more. I wasn’t sure what Gabriel saw in me, or if he even saw something in me.

I told Savannah about how the day went. Savannah was great at listening to me, because she knew that I liked Gabriel a lot more than I let on. The only thing that was throwing me off was when it happened. There wasn’t an exact moment, we just kind of floated in this direction. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to mess up our friendship. I valued having him in my life, and I know that dating me wouldn’t be easy. I’m so bipolar. I’d probably make him start going crazy.

That leads me to the night I had a party. It wasn’t just a kickback, or a small party in my room. It was shoulder to shoulder throughout my whole apartment. There was loud music, bitches twerking and my anxiety going through the roof. I really wanted to enjoy it, but there was a huge piece of me was worried about someone breaking or stealing the TV. Nothing that was out here was mine. My roommates owned all of it. They bought it.

I sat outside on the ledge talking to some guy named Tony. He’s friends with one of the guys that lives next door. Tony was cute, but I didn’t think that he was gay. Even if he was, he wasn’t really my type. Plus, I wanted to see if I could be able to date Gabriel, and still have guys flirt with me and not make moves on it. I wanted to see if I could be loyal.

I kept hearing the music louder, more people coming. The funny thing about this apartment complex is that these parties happen a lot here. They usually end with the cops coming, kicking everyone out. All these drunk teenagers and college students spill out into the streets. Which is where the real fun is. I usually sit on my balcony, and watch all the drama that happens below after a party gets shut down. I’ve seen countless guns, fist fights, and just random bitches yelling. I didn’t live on the safest part of Fresno - but it was far from ghetto. It was just a university that had some gang violence here and there.

Not tonight though.

Tonight everyone was literally cramming into my apartment. I went inside, and climbed over people through the couch. Savannah locked herself in my room. She didn’t want to always party. I respected that. I kind of felt bad, because I had told Savannah that this is going to be where she can grow too. I told her that I only party on certain days, and that we would both figure out who we wanted to be.

I’ve been having kickbacks almost every single night. She doesn’t want to partake sometimes, so she’ll sit in my room and wait for everyone to leave. I was a shitty roommate towards her sometimes, and I always feel a little bad about that. Some of my friends started being rude to her, and I shouldn't have let them come over if they were going to act like that to someone that was living with me.

Gabriel was talking to this girl and he pulled me over. I forget if it was a close friend or a cousin or something. We all took pictures together. I kept feeling my heart beating faster. I wanted to drink, but I didn’t want to stop being aware. This was dangerous territory for me. My roommates have been cool with letting Savannah live here. They were cool with my nonstop drinking and kickbacks. I didn’t want to really lose them when they saw how many people were standing in our apartment right now.

“I took a deep breath, and Trevor must’ve noticed something was wrong.

“You want it to end?” he asked. I nodded my head, as I almost got consumed by the crowd of drunk bitches.

“Everyone get the fuck out,” Trevor yelled, loudly. It was so aggressive that I was even tempted to leave the apartment. As people started pouring out of the apartment. I had to partake in the crowd. I was a little bitch.

“This is a lame ass party,” I mumbled with some girls beside me. We all walked to the door, and then I shut it.

Emptiness.

Nothing was gone or broken. I felt relieved about that. I was mad that I wasn’t able to enjoy myself, but if this was to ever happen again, I would have to remove all the valuable items for the night.

I took a deep breath, and then Trevor, Gabriel, Katherine, Ashley and I continued drinking. My phone vibrated and two of my friends were downstairs waiting for me to let them in. I grabbed my keys to go let them in. Katherine came with me.

There were still a bunch of people just standing in the hallway. I guess nobody knew where to go. I ended up seeing my friends and then two other people that were standing at the door. Being the drunk guy that I am, I introduced myself. The girl was Cierra and the guys name was Dom. Dom was tall, slim and hella gay. He looked good though. I really don’t know what it was, maybe it was the anxiety, maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it’s the fact that I have no control. But we both leaned in to kiss.

I kiss strangers all the time, it’s not a big deal to me. The part that was a big deal to me was that I was trying to be serious with Gabriel.

I realized that I didn’t think I could. I wasn’t ready.

Dom put his hands on me, and his tongue slid into my mouth. That’s when the reckless side of me really kicked in. I slid my hand down his body, until it went into his pants. He’s black, and fits the big dick stereotype.

“Let’s go,” Katherine said, saving me from making more mistakes. Dom got my number and I headed back upstairs.

As soon as I got to my door, I realized how much I hated myself. I don’t say that lightly, I mean I really hate myself sometimes. I literally have things going for me, and throw them away. I have something that could have been real, real feelings with someone that’s been super amazing to me and I threw it away for what? Some guy that I just met downstairs. I didn’t want to open the door. I didn’t want to hide it from Gabriel, but I didn’t want to tell him.

That didn’t become my choice anymore though.

Katherine was telling everyone that she found me making out with some stranger. She wasn’t snitching on me. I don’t think she knew how serious I wanted to be with Gabriel. A part of me decided I should stop saying that we were so serious, considering I couldn’t even take myself serious. I could see that he was a little hurt, but he hides it well. He made jokes, laughed, drank more. A small part of me really wanted to believe that he would just let it slide. I fucked up one time.

I fuck up all the time though. My life decisions and choices need some work, and they’re going to take time. I make mistakes though.

Everyone eventually left, and Savannah and I sat against the wall in my bed. I told her how bad that I fucked up with Gabriel.

“He said that if you did anything more with that guy than just make out with him, then he’s done,” Savannah said. The thing that really sucks now is that I’m stuck. I can’t just retract wanting to date. I can’t call it off, because I’m the one that made such a huge deal out of it. If I just tell him that I changed my mind, then our friendship isn’t going to be the same.

I sat there, losing myself in endless thoughts and regrets. I took another shot of the vodka that we had, and I let myself fall asleep. Maybe things would be better in the morning.

#personal #poison #booozeboy #chance conley #chances world #journal

0 notes