#Honestly with how he did in the hall brawl he might have won

[lastplayerstanding]

Sarah's plan is soooo stupid. What if Enzo had beaten her? Then there would be more guys than girls and everything would be uneven. But yeah it would be so cool you beat a guy in elimination especially when that guy is one of the oldest in the house, least fit, and just cut his leg open

[fallen029]

Hey so I just saw your miraxus post about Master finding out and I was wondering if you could do one where they (miraxus) tell the guild about them getting married

I’ve touched on this before (I feel like I say that in response to every request, but hey, I have a bunch of one-shots), in Clandestine and here’s the original request that spawned this one. Wedding Wars also has a secret marriage (sort of) in it’s plot, so here’s that. Anyways, thanks for asking for so much guild stuff, guys. I forgot how much I liked writing the chaos of them all together. 

.

They were arguing about which job to take, Natsu and Lucy were, because he wanted to go on this cool sounding quest for treasure while she wanted to go the much safer bet of journeying to find a bandit with a reward clearly marked while his was ambiguous. Following a long discussion over just what ambiguous was as Happy snickered in the background, Lucy had nearly won the slayer over to her side when it happened.

Just as she was preparing to snatch the job down and skip right over to the bar, to ask the Kinana to put in the request for them, the guildhall doors opened and in walked Mirajane. And Laxus. Which was weird on it’s own because Mira rarely entered during midday; she’d usually been around for quite awhile. And he wasn’t much of an afternooner, honestly. Laxus either came in at the crack of dawn, to snag a job, or slumped in late in the evening to start his drinking off early before hitting a more apt bar.

But there they were, right around noon, walking in together.

And oh, it was clear they were coming in together. Not just happened upon the doorway at the same time. No. Laxus had an arm tossed over the woman’s shoulder and she had this giddy look about her. A real one. Different than the usual facade of one she put on.

Neither had been seen in a week as Mirajane had claimed to want to take off, a rarity, but a welcome one, everyone felt, and Laxus was prone to long absences, but the sight of them then, wrapped up in one another, was more than a cause for concern.

Lisanna, who was filling in and helping Kinana tend bar in her oldest sibling’s absence, rushed right over at the sight of Mirajane there, once more, in the guildhall, but found herself skidding to a stop as both she and all those around them took notice of the obvious oddity.

“Mira,” she began slowly and uncertainly as she glanced between the two. Mira was grinning brightly and Laxus looked off. “What’s, uh, going on?”

“Well,” her older sister started as, in the hall now, she looked all about as, slowly, the noise died down and everyone began to wonder much the same. “Laxus and I got married.”

“You what?” was the resounding noise from all those present.

Happy, in fact, fell from where he was fluttering about above them, right onto Lucy’s head.

“Hey, cat-”

“Am I,” he asked her, “dreaming?”

“Married?” Natsu looked to Lucy. “Is that what she said?”

“Would you both,” Lucy complained as she reached up to grab the Exceed and shove him off on the slayer, “shut up? I have to go talk to Mira.”

Everyone did in that moment. Save three people who had to talk to Laxus.

“What is she speaking of, Laxus?” Freed was the most impassioned. “We demand answers!”

“Answers,” Bickslow’s baby’s agreed as the man himself was slinking through the crowd, so he could get real close to Laxus and Mira. Mostly Mira. For, uh, inspections reasons. “Papa needs answers!”

“Marrying a Strauss?” Evergreen fanned herself as she stood from the table she definitely was not just sharing with the male member of said family. “Who would ever even concieve such an idea, much less- Elfman!”

He shoved her, full on, out of the way then, to get to Mirajane. “Big sis, I think you’re delirious! Come sit down. Did Laxus slip you something?”

“My boss here,” Bickslow snickered as he was beside the glaring Laxus then and giggly Mirajane, “slipped her somethin’ alright, didn’t ya, boss? Huh? Hey, Mrs. Boss. Can I call ya that? After this whole thing goes sour, you can be Mrs. Ex. Ya like that?”

“Fuck off.” And Laxus shoved him away finally as Mirajane only stared. But he was far from the only one at their sides.

“You cannot,” Lisanna, coming to grab her sister and drag her away from the slayer, “be serious, Mira. How did this happen? You-”

“Marriage is a serious commitment.” Erza had risen from her seat at a table with Cana and Gray, but didn’t make a move towards the pair. No. She just stood and seemed to be glowering somewhat. “One that you must plan for. Even years, decades, perhaps, out. Do you even own a wedding dress, Mirajane? Have you even dreamed of the perfect one? Bought many, even, perhaps, over the years? Hmm? Is no one else concerned with this?”

“I think,” Cana muttered to Gray who remained sitting, just glancing all about because, yeah, this sounded like the exact fuckery that happened on a day when everyone was around, “I mightta had too much to drink. Did Mirajane say that she and Laxus are-”

“Married?” Suddenly, they were joined at their table. Err, well, Juvia didn’t so much sit at the table, but rather, practically, in Gray’s lap, nearly causing him to spill his ale all over himself. “That is what I fear I heard as well. Could you imagine? Marrying someone you only know through random encounters at the guildhall? That will be nothing like our wedding, in the coming months, will it, my darling Gray?”

“Our what?” he complained while trying to shove her then, out of his lap.

“She doesn’t even own a wedding dress.” Still standing, Erza fumed enough for all of them. “How is this fair? It is unjust!”

“It was a surprise,” Mirajane insisted to all those around. Lucy finally had shed the dead weight that was Natsu and Happy (for the time being, at least) and shoved her way through the others so she could stare at her best friend as she spoke. Mostly though, Lisanna’s gaze was the one that the oldest Strauss sibling was holding. “Really. Laxus asked me and then we decided, while we were on our trip-”

“You went on a trip with him?” Elfman raged from where he stood. “What kind of man goes a trip with another man’s sister without saying something to him?”

“Probably the kind that marries her without saying something,” Wakaba suggested around a cigar to Macao who stood by with crossed arms and a glare.

Made sense though.

“Your grandfather isn’t going to like this,” Macao said simply as Laxus, finding his gaze, glared right back. “You know that?”

“I don’t like it,” Lisanna wailed then as she stared up at her sister with tearful eyes. “I mean…Laxus? Mira? Really? Him?”

“Hey!” Bickslow was shoving up then, from where Laxus had tossed him. “Boss! Ya gonna let her talk down to you now? She’s your sister! Put her in her place! Like this.” And he looked to Lisanna then. “I mean…Mira? Laxus? Her?”

“That’s right, Bickslow.” Freed was rare to pick on a defenseless woman (he felt Lisanna pretty defenseless), but desperate times called for desperate measures. “We will crush Lisanna for her insolence!”

“I mean, I dunno about that, dude,” Bickslow snickered as his babies cheered on the idea, “but if that’s what you’re into-”

“Hey!” Elfman, reinvigorated, was shoving his way to the front then. “You will not talk to or about my sisters like that, you-”

“I will so long as she speaks in of Laxus that way,” Freed retorted with a glare.

“Now, now,” Mirajane tried to appease them all though, at the moment, her main focus was pulling Lisanna in for a hug. “You’re all brothers now. Play nice.”

“The hell they are.” Laxus could not hold his tongue for much longer. “They ain’t my brothers.”

“Well, Elfman definitely is, now, dragon, so-”

“Dragon?” Lucy repeated. It was drown out, however, by Happy landing on her head and saying the word to a much higher volume. As she tried to shake him off though, she felt a shove in the back as Natsu was beside her now.

“Hey! Laxus! Where do you get off, huh?” the pink haired slayer complained.

“Probably on Mrs. Boss, I’d assume,” Bickslow snickered which made Elfman rush to attack him, but then Freed was drawing his sword on him and, well, it was a brawl from there.

Still, Natsu’s desire to fight was washed out as he had his eyes on a better prize.

“You can’t marry Lisanna’s sister and not at least fight me for her,” Natsu growled and he shoved Lucy again, this time to get passed her and Laxus was so frustrated then, with the entire thing, that it was just a single crack of thunder, over the pandemonium already going on, that ended the Salamander right where he stood.

“I knew,” Pantherlily complained, over at the table he and Gajeel were still at, the former standing atop it while the later just grumbled about the racket, “I shouldn’t have come in today.”

“Oh, it’s alright, Lily,” Levy giggled. She was sitting with them, before, but stood now, craning her neck to see over everyone, watching the events unfold. Still, she reached over then to pull the black Exceed into her arms and rub at his ears, so he didn’t have to cover them with his paws. “Just a little thunder.”

“A little?” he griped as Gajeel only snorted, still grumbling.

“Who the fuck gets married nowadays anyways?” he griped, more hung up on the idea rather than the participants. He couldn’t give a shit what Laxus did, at all, so long as he left him the hell alone and Mirajane, well, he was on the outs with her after an incident in which he definitely didn’t steal her guitar before she was going to preform at the hall because it wasn’t fair that he wasn’t allowed to preform too. Nope. Definitely didn’t happen. “It’s stupid.”

“Well,” Levy thought, hardly glancing at him. “I might get married someday. I’d hope.”

He choked some, on his drink, before grumbling once more, though this time it was something along the lines of, well, maybe, if someone was really into that idea, it wasn’t so bad.

“Elfman!” Evergreen was the one yelling then as she stepped over the fallen body of Natsu as well as Lisanna, who’d detangled herself from her sister just to go check on him (one shot of Laxus’ lightning and he was pretty bad off) “Let Bickslow go!”

“Never!” He had the other guy in a headlock then as Freed kept shouting at him that if he didn’t release him, he’d be forced to stab him. The man’s wooden dolls weren’t doing so great either. “Not until he apologizes to my sisters!”

“My,” Bickslow gasped out, “sisters too. Now.”

“No,” Laxus growled as Mirajane was shoving at him then, telling him to get everyone to calm down, “they’re not!”

“How can you get married, Mira,” Erza was yelling still, “without a wedding dress? How is it, even, that someone who might have a wedding dress or seven on hand is not gifted the bless of a wedding?”

“Seven?” Cana slurred with a frown as even Juvia stopped peppering Gray with hugs and kisses at the number.

“Perhaps even eight,” the scarlet swordswoman admitted as her cheeks turned much the same.

“What would you even do with that many?” Gray asked, also at least somewhat interested. Maybe. He wans’t sure. He also felt in awe of the woman. “Erza?”

“I like,” she defended as, slowly, she sank back into her seat, “to have options.”

“Or,” Juvia decided then as her eyes glazed over and she imagined the exact scenario, “you could just have seven separate weddings. With your beloved. Tell me, Erza, do you have one of those? Or-”

“Wh- This isn’t about me!” She frowned at all of them. “This is about the irresponsible decision that Mirajane has made.”

“Yeah, marrying a guy without knowing him is kind of more my thing,” Cana offered, also in awe, it seemed, at such a thought.

“What?” Erza huffed. “I meant getting married without a proper dress.”

But there were much bigger concerns, up at the front, as Mirajane had begun to try and at least explain, a bit, to the others. To ease the tensions.

“There is no way,” Lucy said as she refused to go aid the fallen Natsu (he and Happy were getting on her nerves that day, purposely, like always), “that the two of you have been dating that long, Mira. And none of us knew. Not even Lisanna. No way.”

“I agree.” Lisanna had the dazed Natsu’s head in her lap, but still managed a suspicious glance up at her sister. “If this is some kind of a joke-”

“It’s true,” Mirajane insisted as, finally, Laxus went to break up the guys from their brawl, barking out orders now not only to Freed and Bickslow, but Elfman as well.

“I don’t have to listen to you,” the muscular man growled. “Laxus. Who are you to me?”

“He’s your older brother now, I think,” Happy offered and wow, no, Elfman never considered that.

As he tossed Bickslow from him and into Freed, he got the glares of all three members of the Thunder Legion, but it was his sudden tears that threw Laxusoff.

“Oh, Mira, how’d ya know?” Elfman sobbed. “I always wanted an older brother. And now ya married this guy just to give me one?”

“Well,” Mira began uneasily. “Not exactly, but-”

“Why is he hugging me? Demon, get your brother off me!”

“Demon?” Happy didn’t even give Lucy a chance to question it that time.

“This has to be some sort of setup,” Lisanna kept up, “or something. Sis. Please, tell me that-”

“Would I have this?” Mira asked as she held up her hand to them then, flashing the bright diamond of an engagement ring. “If it was just a joke?”

“U-Uh, hey, Laxus?” Suddenly, Lucy was focused on the seething man who was still being hugged by his brother. “Remember all those times that you were so interested in many going out on a date? Well-”

“Don’t be a gold digger, Luce.” Natsu was better then, sitting up as he rubbed at his head. “Anyone can get loaded, when they’re S-Class. It’s not an accomplishment.”

“I would feel accomplished,” Happy remarked as it was Mira’s head he landed on then, so he could stare down at the ring on her finger. “If I bought a woman that. Is Carla around? Don’t let her see this, Mira. It’ll really undersell that fish I was gonna split with her.”

“This,” Erza complained as, finally, she slammed her hands down onto the table with such force it nearly toppled Cana’s barrel, “is absurd. To be so wasteful with your jewels. I am unimpressed! Disapproving, more like it.”

“Didn’t you just say you spent hundreds of jewels on seven wedding dresses?” Gray asked with a frown.

“Eight,” Juvia whispered.

“And what,” Erza growled at them, “of it?”

“N-Nothing! My darling was merely wondering, is all.”

“T-That’s right! Just curious!”

Levy sighed though, still hanging back with Gajeel and the now soothed Pantherlily. “Imagine. Having a diamond like that. It’s beautiful.”

Gajeel set his jaw. “Not that big. Or nice.”

“You haven’t even looked at it, so-”

“Probably doesn’t even taste good.”

“You don’t eat them, Gajeel!” Lily yelled at him as Levy just stared with wide eyes at the implication.

Mirajane though was all giggles as her sister, ditching out on the no longer downed Natsu, came to stand her hand and examine the ring closer. “Dragon proposed to me, the first night of our trip together-”

“A real man,” Elfman sobbed as Laxus finally shoved him off, “is great at surprises!”

“-but then, the last day we were there, we just thought, you know, why wait?” Mira finished as Lisanna turned her wide, blue eyes onto her sister’s similar ones.

“Because of us, Mira,” Lisanna insisted softly. “I mean, I’m in shock right now, so this is really going to hit me later, but I thought we were always going to, you know, plan weddings together. Yours, mine. Now what?”

“You can still have one. A big one. Laxus will fund it.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Laxus can give you one right now.” Mira looked to the slayer. “Make Freed or Bickslow marry Lisanna. Please. Just so we can have a pretend wedding.”

“What exactly do you think I do, Mira?” Laxus complained. “Huh? Just go around bossing people-”

“Laxus? Question.” Freed even rose his hand. “Are Mira’s commands now as binding as yours? Since you are one in the faith? Are you? One in the faith?”

“The faith of what?” Laxus complained.

“We are,” Mira assured him.

“If Mrs. Boss has the same power as the boss, then I guess we gotta listen to her.” Bickslow sighed. “Okay, Lisanna, even though you’re our sister now, I guess you and Freed gotta get hitched.”

The rune mage bowed his head. “I will do my duty.”

“Don’t call marrying me a duty,” Lisanna carped as Natsu and Happy snickered uncontrollably.

“How many toes will their kids have?” Bickslow mused to his dolls and any who were willing to listen. “Since they’re siblings now? And gonna bone and all that?”

“Can we please,” Evergreen begged then, looking to Laxus, “go somewhere and talk about this? Seriously?”

But that was where they were exactly at the moment as it was then, from all the commotion, that the Master awoke from his midday nap in his office. With a yawn, he’d strode out into the bar expecting to have to break up some sort of fight or something or other over a job request, maybe, or a drunken spat. As he glanced about though, seeing everyone crowding around the entrance way, he wasn’t sure what was afoot and rushed over to where Erza sat.

“What is the meaning of this?” he asked the woman. Typically she could handle such disturbances on his behalf, but she seemed to be stewing rather than assisting at the moment. “Erza?”

“Laxus and Mirajane,” the swordswoman got out threw clinched teeth, “have gotten married. Without a wedding dress! Or even true love. What a disgrace.”

“What? Married?”

And it only took a moment. The man grew then, sizes above his natural height, causing the entire guildhall to fall into silence once more.

“Laxus,” growled his super big and super scary grandfather. Mirajane, for some reason, was the only one that giggled at his current state as Makarov’s head brushed the roof of the multiple story building. “What is the meaning of this? Married? I thought you told me you were going to just propose to her first?”

“You knew?” came the group complaint of the hall and, at it, Makarov deflated slowly. Figuratively and literally.

“Yes, well,” the man sighed as he returned to his normal state. “Perhaps a bit, but-”

“We’re in love.”

But that didn’t come from Mira.

Instead, as she beamed from his side, Laxus spoke, arms tossed over his chest as he refused to make eye contact with any of them.

“Ain’t that all that matters?” he griped and, even though Erza still was pretty pissed about he dress and Gajeel was definitely gonna take a least a bit of a nibble of that engagement ring when he got the chance, yeah.

That was all that mattered.

[ship-ambrosia]

Gruvia Week, Day 3

Give it up for Day 3! Wow, I’m surprising even myself with the motivation I’ve gotten to write!

This one is posted off my laptop. It doesn’t fit the prompt exactly, but I couldn’t think of anything else and it works well enough. My submission today is a piece of a longer fanfiction that I’ve been working on, and debating if I actually want to do the entire thing - so today’s also kind of a test run for me? It’s also way longer than my Day 1 and Day 2 posts lol

As always, please consider checking out my first Gruvia fanfiction on AO3, Four Degrees!

 "Would you stop moping around, ice princess? You're gonna give us all a damn cold!"   "Natsu, don't be mean! That's totally unnecessary!"   "I'll do whatever I want, especially if he isn't going to fight back! Hehe."   "Salamander, you know I don't like the iceman as much as I don't like you, but even I'm starting to get pissed off for him."   "Gajeel, please don't make this worse."   "If you want to go, I'm ready to go!"   "I'm always ready to go, you pink-haired loser!"   "Call me that again to my face, metal freak!"   "I just did!"   Gray glanced up just in time to watch the two of them, mid-brawl, escape out the front doors of the guild.   Across the table from him, Levy let out a sigh. "I'll go make sure they don't destroy anything. Be back in a second, Lu."   Lucy nodded, turning back from her friend to face him. Mentally, Gray braced himself. He knew Lucy at the very least was concerned, but he didn't exactly like to have all his feelings out in the open for others to scrutinize.   "She'll be back, Gray."   He looked up to Lucy's eyes, her smile and her gaze twinkling with hope. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting her to say, but that wasn't it. And honestly, it still hurt. Anything that anyone said about Juvia would hurt, unless they were telling him where he could find her.   "Why did she only tell Gramps where she was going?" He croaked. "Why wouldn't she let me come with her?"   Lucy pursed her lips. "Juvia is strong, Gray. She can handle herself. You might want to protect her, but you picked a girl who knows how to be independent. She wants to figure out what happened to her family on her own. You have to respect that."   "What if she finds out something terrible happened to them? Or that they abandoned her? Wouldn't she want me- or at least someone else to be there to comfort her?"   He wasn't telling Lucy the whole truth. Gray had a bad feeling. He couldn't give a reason or proof, but he felt that Juvia was being tricked. By who, or why, he didn't have a clue. But it had him on edge, and that was why he was trying to get Master Makarov to tell him where Juvia had gone.   "I can't tell you that I understand exactly what she's thinking," Lucy sighed. She glanced up when she heard Natsu and Gajeel yelling from outside the guild hall. She got to her feet. "I'm gonna go help Levy. But have faith in Juvia, Gray. She'll be home soon enough."   As Lucy walked away to deal with the two dragon slayers, his thoughts drifted dark again. Juvia was a powerful wizard. She could have enemies from her Phantom Lord days. He had a lot of enemies. Fairy Tail had a lot of enemies. There were so many reasons that someone might want to hurt her. But to convince her through a letter that they had information about her parents? It either had to be real, or someone very sophisticated in their plan to catch her.

  Juvia stared out the window of the train as it left the station of a small mountain town. Though deep within her heart she was rather lonely on this journey thus far, there was certainly something to be said about riding the train in peace and quiet, without the usual dragon slayer dry heaving on the floor of the car. She usually took jobs that included Gajeel, and occasionally she would join Team Natsu, so she was used to dealing with their motion sickness. But being by herself gave her lots of time to think. To reflect on her life in Fairy Tail as the train rattled along to its final destination, and Juvia's home.   She had not been to Foxglove in over ten years, having only her earliest memories to remind her of her childhood in the orphanage before her mother's estranged brother discovered his niece was still alive and taken her in. This life of hers before she had joined Phantom Lord was not filled with happy memories. It was in the orphanage that she became alienated from the other children because her rain curse began. That was also where her habit of creating teru-teru bozu dolls came from, the nuns who ran the orphanage having taught her how to make them to drive the rain away. Her uncle had been a mean and nasty man who hated the rain and treated Juvia like dirt. He didn't know anything about her parents, either, never informed of how they died and never mentioning a thing about them; she only knew her mother's name. Juvia ran away from him when she was sixteen. Not long after that would she come across Phantom Lord, and Jose, seeing the vast magical potential in the fledgling water mage, offered her a position within his guild.   Juvia sighed. It wasn't as if her life in Phantom Lord was as bad as her life before it, but it certainly wasn't happy compared to how she felt now. Phantom Lord was a cold and lonely guild, with relationships built on strength and the guild itself fixated on remaining the most powerful in Fiore. Still, she had made friends there, including Gajeel, so she couldn't say she was never happy; but it was clear to her that Jose was only interested in her for her power. Behind Aria, she had been the second strongest member of the Element Four.   Her life had changed so much, starting the moment the rain parted and she saw the sun for the first time since she was a little girl. Of course, thinking of that event in time only brought her thoughts to the one who had driven the clouds away; her beloved Gray. Relationship being considered or not, it was hard to argue that anyone else had a more significant impact on her as a person than him. She counted her blessings every day that he was in her life, as she had seen what losing him felt like once and Juvia never wanted to feel that pain ever again. Despite Gray forcing her to promise to never do something like what she did during his fight with Invel again, there was not a bone in her body that wouldn't make that sacrifice if he was in danger and it was their only option. She truly had resolved to heed her own words and live for love however, to live for him, as he had done the same for her. Oh how she missed him.   There were not many trains that made the journey up the mountain to rainy, secluded Foxglove, and she was grateful that this one did. Juvia leaned against the window in an attempt to get the imaginary Gray sitting in the seat across from her out of her mind, and mentally re-read the letter she had received. We have some records here in your name that have never been unsealed. If you would like, you should come to Foxglove and collect them.  We would love to see your sweet face one last time, and the beautiful woman you've grown into!   The instant Juvia had opened the letter, she knew what she had to do and that she had to do it by herself. When Gray begged her to take him along, concerned for her wellbeing, her heart had fluttered so rapidly she thought it might burst from her chest; but truthfully, Juvia didn't know what she might discover about her parents, and that was why she had refused any assistance and only told Master Makarov where exactly she was going. She didn't want anyone following her, though she couldn't remember if she had mentioned Foxglove to Gajeel or not. Juvia giggled a bit at the thought; for someone who feigned disinterest in nearly everything, that big oaf had a really good memory. He was actually just a big softie, but with metal screws.   Juvia didn't even notice she had fallen asleep until the train's horn went off as it pulled into Foxglove Station. She blinked sleep out of her eyes and collected her small bag of things before quickly making her way off the train. In the pit of her stomach, she could already feel the nerves gathering at the thought of what was going to transpire. Juvia had booked a room at the town's inn, planning to pick up the records immediately from the orphanage and then retire to her suite to mull them over. She had enough money set aside for about a week's stay, so if she needed to be alone and mull over any particularly upsetting information that she might learn. Part of her was angry at herself for not taking anyone along, that she might crave company in the aftermath that learning about her family and her past might leave. But she took a deep breath and reminded herself that this was the correct action - to go alone.   Whispers of recognition fled past her as she made her way to the orphanage in the center of the purple-hued town, but not because of her origins there. She felt herself swell with pride as the people around her buzzed excitedly of her more recent merits. Isn't that the famous wizard Juvia, of Fairy Tail? The one who uses water magic and declared her love for her guildmate Gray to everyone at the first Grand Magic Games that Fairy Tail won? She's amazing! She was part of the last day's group that year! I heard she's incredibly kind and resourceful as well! She's even more beautiful in person than in the magazines! Well, what else do you expect of Fairy Tail?   Juvia was filled with a happy warmth as she climbed the steps to the orphanage door and reached up to knock. Juvia of Fairy Tail. That certainly was a title she liked much more than her previous Phantom Lord one. Her life in Fairy Tail was everything to her; it had all her friends, and especially Gray, and so many happy memories waiting for her to return. She would never let anything take her away from that. Her memories would be what comforted her if she found sadness in the records.   When the double doors opened, she immediately recognized the nun who answered. Her smiling face brightened upon recognition of the little Juvia that had once been growing up in the building she stood before now. Juvia was hastily invited in, and brought through the courtyard past smiling children who also recognized her. The courtyard was not a happy place for Juvia, as it reminded her of how no one ever got to play outside because of the rain she brought. She politely asked to continue through.   "I see the rain has stopped," her guide said cheerfully.   "Yes it has, thanks to a wonderful man in my life."   "Oh well, isn't that sweet? You deserve someone who cares for you so. What can we thank for your visit, Miss Lockser?" The nun asked sweetly as she poured Juvia a cup of tea.   She took the cup gratefully and was about to explain when she paused. They had sent the letter, hadn't they? So they knew she would travel to Foxglove, they would be expecting her visit.   "I received a letter, that said you found unsealed records in my name," Juvia spoke with a suspicious edge to her voice. "So I was hoping I could come to collect them."   The nun blinked at her. "Miss Lockser... there were never records of your past here. You were brought here by strangers who found you wandering on your own; we were never even sure if you were from Fiore. That's why it took so long for your uncle to be approved as caregiver. We had nothing to compare to. The only thing we took was that he knew your name, honestly."   Juvia felt a sinking feeling in her chest, all previous happiness gone. Suddenly she wished she had taken Gray up on his offer to come with her. That he might hold her while she cried the tears that threatened her now. This was even worse news than any information that she could have learned.   "I understand. Perhaps there was a mix up and I received the letter meant for someone else."   "I'm so very sorry. If you'd like, you can stay in town for a few days and I can let you check anyway," the nun answered. "Maybe you can spend some with the children here as well. They'd love you, I'm sure."   Juvia wiped her eyes. There was no hiding the tears now as they fell. She insisted she was fine, however, and politely chatted with the nun for a bit before excusing herself so that she might check into the inn she had reserved for herself. On her way down the steps of the orphanage, she pulled out the small communication lacrima that Master Makarov had insisted she bring with her; now she was grateful for it, because she was lonely and a bit suspicious. She decided to call the guild hall itself and ask whoever answered if she could talk to Gray. Juvia resolved to tell him she was in Foxglove, because she desperately wanted him here with her now.   Just as the lacrima connected to the one back at Fairy Tail, Juvia felt a sudden chill rush through her body. Goosebumps bristled her skin, and she felt her pace quicken. She looked around wildly, but no one around her seemed as panicked.   "Hey, sweetheart!" Someone called to her. She kept her head down, focused on the lacrima in her hands.   "Beauty with the blue hair, I'm talking to you!" The voice seemed to be following her.   "Juvia Lockser!"   The sound of her name reverberated through her ears. They only knew her name... because she was a well-known member of Fairy Tail...   "Ame Onna!"   She stopped dead in her tracks. Hearing her Phantom Lord name brought up emotions in her that she had kept down for so long. It had been one thing for the nun at the orphanage to mention the rain surrounding her was gone - because that had reminded her of the man who changed her life, and who loved her. But to call her that accursed name, was to remind her of a life she never wanted to go back to. I am not the Rain Woman!   With her Water Body beginning to boil as her anger rose, in preparation for the use of her Sierra spell, Juvia turned around to angrily face the man calling to her. "You better have a good reason to call me-"   Juvia stopped speaking immediately, cutting herself off when she recognized the man who stood before her. "You-"   And she was cut off again, but this time by the man himself. Because he had shouted "Raging Thunder!" and caught Juvia off guard by a powerful lightning spell that electrocuted her Water Body - more painful than when she had struck Laxus's Thunder Palace to save Cana - and eliciting a bloodcurdling scream from her mouth. One that a certain Mirajane Strauss heard before Juvia dropped and shattered the lacrima that had been in her hands.   Juvia dropped to the ground when the spell stopped, all of her strength sapped from her immediately. As she lay barely holding on to consciousness, she wondered vaguely if she didn't have such a strong magic core, whether or not that attack would have killed her.   The man stepped forward and lifted Juvia's limp body from the ground, bringing her closer to his face and allowing her to indeed confirm that he was the man she recognized, a man from her past that she had not seen in years. Another set of feet were suddenly heard coming up to her, and Juvia wondered for a split second if someone was coming to her rescue. When the newcomer spoke however, a horrified expression appeared on Juvia's face. Her worst nightmare come to life.   "I knew one day you would return to me, Juvia Lockser. My Ame Onna."

  Mirajane wasted no time in informing Master Makarov what she had just witnessed, and he in turn wasted no time in rushing across the guild hall to where Team Natsu sat, along with Gajeel and Levy. He went right to Gray's side, knowing he was the one who most deserved to know.   "I fear that Gray's hunch was correct," he told the table, causing the young man to sit up. "His instinct to travel with Juvia was correct, but both Juvia and I were fooled. One of our own is in grave danger."   "What's happened to her?" Erza asked sharply, when Gray only clenched his fist in response.   "We aren't actually sure," Mira admitted. "She called on a lacrima, and when I picked up I saw her being electrocuted and all I heard was her scream. I think she dropped the lacrima because only a moment later the line went dead."   "Oh no!" Lucy gasped, covering her mouth with her hands in shock.   "Where is she?" Gray asked coldly, getting to his feet. "Tell me where she went."   "I'd bet she went to Foxglove," Gajeel crossed his arms and looked to their guild master. "Didn't she?"   "You knew?!" Gray turned his fury to the iron dragon slayer when the master nodded. "You knew and you didn't tell me?"   "If Juvia turned away your offer to come with her, it was clear to me she wanted to go alone. I wanted to respect her wishes," Gajeel turned his face away from him. "Foxglove is a small mountain village in the north, and Juvia grew up for a couple years in the orphanage there. Only one train heads up there. If we're gonna go after her, we better head out soon."   "Of course we're going after her," he gritted his teeth. "I won't let anything else happen to her."   Gray left the table and headed for the door without waiting for anyone else to follow. Everyone still present at the table looked between each other. An air of fear for the safety of their friend hung heavy between them until Gajeel stood up.   "C'mon Lily," he called to his Exceed. "Stripper ain't the only one concerned about Juvia. We're going too."   At his side, Levy also got to her feet. "I’d better go too, to make sure things don't get too heated between the two of them."   "We'll stay here at the guild just in case something else comes up," Erza offered her. "Perhaps Lucy and I can try and figure out who would attack Juvia?"   The celestial wizard nodded. "Be safe, Levy. And bring Juvia back, please."   Levy bit her lip. "We will. We have to... for her sake and Gray's."

[inkognito97]

Effort

He was standing on his usual spot near his hut, that he now called his home. The twin suns of Tatooine had almost vanished from the horizon, the only light came from the countless stars on the night sky. But there would not have been much to see anyway, just sand and dunes, everywhere you looked. It didn’t seem to bother the lone figure whatsoever. In fact, Qui-Gon believed that his former Padawan was not really here, perhaps physically, but certainly not in mind. The dead Jedi Master wondered, what was the ginger haired male thinking about? Was he thinking about the fallen Jedi Order again, perhaps about his dead comrades, the clones’ betrayal or was he thinking about Anakin or Luke?

Whatever he was thinking about, it definitely had to do with the Skywalkers, that much was clear to the deceased Jedi. Qui-Gon sighed, not that Obi-Wan would notice, not in this state. He was still learning how to converse with his former Master. There MIGHT be a time in the future, when he would be fully aware of Qui-Gon again, but the time was still relatively far away. But what was time to a dead man? The long haired Jedi was sure that he wouldn’t care as much as he did, were it not for Obi-Wan.

“I’m sorry Padawan, if I could change things…” he trailed off. Obi-Wan would not hear him and if he could, then he would not WANT to hear his apology.

In the ginger haired man’s eyes, he himself was the one to blame. Little did he know that it had been Qui-Gon’s fault from the very beginning of their partnership. The deceased Master had realized that. His cold teaching and his denial of their bond, as well as his rejection of Obi-Wan again and again, had made the young man act like he did. He too had done much wrong in Anakin’s apprenticeship, but only because he had been so young and he had only Qui-Gon’s teaching as example. In the end, the blame rested on Qui-Gon’s shoulders.

The Force ghost sent a last glance at his former student. He could see his pain clearly and he felt it in the Force, as if it were his own. It says that time would heal every wound, but Qui-Gon was not so sure about this one. He himself had never really healed after Xanatos had fallen. The proof stood before him, with tense shoulders and glassy grey eyes.

The long haired ghost turned away and allowed the Force to claim him for now. Perhaps tomorrow would be a better day… at least for his dear Padawan…

Qui-Gon groaned while he awoke. That in itself made the Master freeze. He was dead, he did not sleep, he did not eat, he did not drink. Such mortal needs did not apply to him anymore, at least in theory.

Qui-Gon began to harbor doubts however, because he was absolutely certain that he was lying on something very soft and comfortable. As a Force ghost, he should not have a physical form and he certainly should not be able to touch, let alone rest on something. He was sure that something was definitely wrong here, if that was good or bad, would remain to be seen.

The Jedi Master took a deep breath, which should not have been necessary, and he opened his eyes, only to shut them again when he was greeted by a VERY bright and VERY familiar light. Why in the name of the Force was he in the halls of healing? It did not make any sense to him.

“So you are finally awake,” Qui-Gon knew that voice all too well.

“Tahl?” Tahl was dead, she had greeted him after his death, followed by the worst scolding of his whole life, or rather, his afterlife.

“Yes you big dummy,” it was meant to be teasing, but he could hear the worry in her voice.

“What happened?” he carefully peeked between half opened eye lids.

“You collapsed,” another voice spoke up, before Tahl could answer. Midnight blue eyes darted towards the door, in which Mace Windu and Yoda stood.

“Excuse me?” he was confused and were it not for the reassurance from the Force, he would have freaked out by now.

“You collapsed in the middle of an argument with the Council,” Tahl explained, while the two Council members entered.

“I did… was I winning?” he grinned dumbly and his two friends could only shake their heads in amusement. Yoda simply huffed and hopped onto one of the empty chairs that stood next to Qui-Gon’s bed.

“Winning you was not, finished with you, I was not,” said the Order’s Grandmaster.

“A pity,” he let his head fall back into the pillow. Could it really be possible? Was this really a second chance? The Force made no move to deny his thoughts.

“What can you remember?” the Korun Master stood at the foot of the long haired Master’s bed.

He thought for a moment and decided that ‘the destruction of the Jedi Order and his Padawan’s grief and self-blame’ might not be an answer that would be well received. He settled for something else instead, “Nothing if I am being honest.” The three visitors shared concerned glances. “Discussing your return to the temple we were.”

“We asked you to take on another Padawan learner,” added the dark skinned male.

“Ah,” so it was THAT time. Well, he could work with that. “And what did I say?”

Mace shared a quick glance with Yoda. “For one, you were insulting the Council and second, you said that you did not want to take on another Padawan and therefore it made no sense for you to watch the Initiate tournament.”

“I see… well,” he cleared his throat and avoided everyone’s eyes, “it can’t hurt to take a look, right?”

“Honestly Qui-Gon,” the female’s voice sounded annoyed, “I have never met someone so stubborn and thick headed and… wait, what did you say?”

“I will visit the tournament, if it will keep you from bothering me that is,” he had quickly added the last part. Of course he was going to watch the Initiate fights, his future Padawan was among them after all, at least if he was correct.

A moment of silence passed, then, “I am going to call a healer, there is something clearly wrong with him.”

The female with the unusual eyes had halfway risen from her chair, but Mace stopped her. He whispered something into her ear that sounded suspiciously like, “Let him, if this somehow influenced his mind, then we have to take advantage of it… as long as its lasts.”

Qui-Gon pretended not to have heard any of it. Instead, he chose to change the subject.

Qui-Gon was actually enjoying himself. He had been on time to the tournament and watched the youngest of the Order spar and compete against each other. Now that he was not surrounded by the darkness of his own heart, he was actually able to feel the joy, the healthy rivalry and the eagerness in the young ones. The Force felt alive and he as a Master of the Living Force, he strived in it.

He was even able to ignore the incredulous stares he was receiving from his two best friends and from other fellow Jedi, who were relatively close to him. He silently grinned to himself. Would they know what he had seen and gone through, then they would understand. Or perhaps not.

Finally, after the whole morning and most of midday was over, came the fight Qui-Gon had actually came for. He made sure not to fidget in his seat, but he did lean forward, elbows resting on his knees and chin resting on one of his hands. His Padawan looked just as he remembered him, unsure, yet still full of hope. But what really hit the long haired man, was how bright the boy really was and Qui-Gon began to wonder. Had his Padawan always been so bright and if so, what had happened? Perhaps his constant rejection and the doubt the boy had began to harbor during their twelve years together, had dampened his bright presence in the Force. A wave of guilt crashed over him, but he quickly pushed it deep into the Force. He waved away the concerned eyes of his two friend’s and turned to look back at his Padawan, who would soon fight against his greatest rival, a white haired boy names Bruck Chun.

 The fight began and Qui-Gon’s midnight blue eyes followed every move his Padawan made. Everything they observed, was analyzed and cataloged. Mistakes were spotted and plans to correct them were already crafted. It was in this moment, that Qui-Gon realized that he had never done so previously. He had seen the mistakes and he had made Obi-Wan repeat the exercise until he got it right. Hours without a break had been spent in the training halls and immediately, his deep rooted guilt arose anew, but this time, he did not push it aside. Instead, he kept most of his attention on the ongoing fight. He was actually able to catch the moment, in which his Padawan’s graceful fighting style had changed into an almost mindless brawl. The long haired Jedi Master scowled. He may not have heard what Bruck Chun had said to his Padawan, but he could think of enough things that would have broken Obi-Wan’s concentration and had brought forth his temper. That was one thing they had to work on, but not solemnly with a lot of meditation, but with understanding. He now knew that the problem was deeply rooted and that the anger came from fear and pain. They could work on that, he knew they could.

The fight finally ended and at least to Qui-Gon, it was no surprise that the ginger haired male had won. Obi-Wan was the better fighter and the better human, there was no doubt about it. He let himself draw back against the seat, his midnight blue eyes resting on the two boys that were now leaving the training hall. He did not even notice the strange and curious looks Mace and Tahl were sending his way.

A hum escaped the long haired Jedi and without another word, he stood up and left, intending to get to Obi-Wan. It was about time that he acted, he had already waited long enough.

 Qui-Gon eventually found himself waiting right outside the public showers, where the two boys were cleaning themselves. He was fidgeting just a little bit from impatience, but who could blame him? After all, he was finally able to make everything right again. He was finally able to give Obi-Wan the apprenticeship that he deserved.

The door to the shower area opened and the person that stepped outside, brought a cloud of steam with him.

Qui-Gon eagerly pushed himself away from the wall he had been lazily slumping against – he may be a Jedi Master, trained to always look strong and serene, but he was also a rebel – but he stopped dead in his tracks as he found himself facing white locks instead of copper ones.

“Master Jinn,” the smile on the boy’s face was too much and too plastic.

“Initiate Chun,” Qui-Gon returned the greeting calmly.

“I trust that you have watched the sparring?” the boy continued, his mind was set, that much was clear.

“I did indeed.”

“And what did you think?” he was probably thinking that he was charming.

“I think,” Qui-Gon began hesitantly. This was the boy, who had repeatedly hurt HIS Padawan and would undoubtedly continue to do so, if allowed. “You will NEVER be a Padawan, if you cannot conquer that anger and arrogance of yours.”

The boy blinked, definitely taken aback by the harsh words. His surprise quickly faded into the previously mentioned anger. “How would you know?” he challenged.

Qui-Gon leaned close, VERY close and in a calm and collected voice, he threatened, “I will make sure of it.”

When Obi-Wan exited the public showers, he was surprised to see Bruck Chun still there, but he was even more surprised to see the white haired Initiate talking with Master Jinn. Though ‘talking’ might be the wrong term for this situation. Master Jinn had leaned down closely and was speaking in a low voice and even though Obi-Wan could not hear what was being said, he could very well see the reaction.

Bruck paled and where there had been anger hidden in his eyes, was now fear. The long haired Jedi Master stood straight again, his mouth was set in a firm line and his blue eyes were colder than Illum in winter season.

Bruck chose this moment to make a run for it, leaving Obi-Wan with the clearly angry Jedi Master behind, as angry as Jedi Masters could get. The ginger haired boy almost deemed it better to take a leave as well, but before he could move, did the taller and older male turn around, pinning him with a single look. At least his eyes were not as cold and threatening anymore.

“Initiate Kenobi,” Qui-Gon greeted.

“M…Master Jinn,” Obi-Wan quickly caught himself and bowed in respect.

“I saw your fight today,” continued the Jedi Master, from the look of his face alone, Obi-Wan could not read his mood or his emotions.

“You did?” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “What did you think?”

It was interesting how the same question could sound completely different, when it came out of another mouth, mused Qui-Gon. “I thought that you fought very well for someone your age… though that changed, when you were provoked.” He raised an eyebrow, daring the Initiate to challenge him.

Obi-Wan’s shoulders slumped and he looked at the ground in shame. “Yes Master… I know.”

“You need to control your anger, don’t let anyone provoke you like this.” Obi-Wan nodded. “But I should probably not complain too much. After all I want a student, not someone, who is already perfect.”

“Master?” blue-green eyes looked up at him in silent confusion; there was the tiniest spark of hope hidden in them.

Qui-Gon allowed himself to smile, while he slowly sunk to his knees, with a pair of wide blue-green eyes following his every move. “Obi-Wan Kenobi, would you do me the honor of becoming my Padawan?”

For a moment, the long haired male feared that the boy’s eyes would fall out of his skull, so wide and round were they. Also, Obi-Wan opened and closed his mouth like a fish, trying to find the words he wanted to say. The Jedi Master took it with humor.

“This is not a hard question, either yes or no,” he teased and it appeared to get through the baffled boy.

“Yes,” he breathed out, “Yes!” this was louder and before the older male could as much as blink, had the former Initiate literally thrown himself into Qui-Gon’s chest, clinging on with everything that he got.

The bearded male smiled down at his charge and slowly wrapped his arms tightly around him. His chin came to rest on ginger locks and he also allowed himself to close his eyes and bath in the pure and untainted joy that ran through the Force. It was making him feel dizzy and he had to be careful not to get lost. But there was so much joy and that all from such a young boy, it was astonishing.

“M…master,” Qui-Gon adored how his Padawan said ‘mostah’ instead of ‘master’, due to his accent. It were the little things that made him love his boy even more.

“My Padawan,” retorted the older male.

Obi-Wan pulled back, “I promise you will not regret it, I’ll be the perfect Padawan and,” he was stopped, when two hands framed his face.

The Master silently marveled at how small Obi-Wan still was. “Easy there. I know you will make me proud and that I won’t ever regret my decision,” he began calmly. “And I don’t want the perfect little Padawan, I want you, with all your quirks and talents and even with all your faults and mistakes.” He gently wiped away a single happy tear that had escaped ever changing eyes. This was Obi-Wan’s biggest dream and this time around, his dream had not been painfully squashed by him, this time there would be no Bandomeer and certainly no Melida/Daan.

“Thank you,” it was barely above a whisper, but Qui-Gon understood it and the hidden meaning nevertheless. Without a second thought, did he pull his Padawan into a tight hug again and he stood up, while still holding him in his arms. It was in this moment that the Jedi Master made a silent vow to himself.

“I will not make the same mistakes again. This time, Obi-Wan will be happy…”

 Meanwhile, the unlikely pair was being observed by a honey skinned woman and a Korun Master. Tahl and Mace exchanged glances. This was not the Qui-Gon Jinn they knew, this was a changed man. And either it had something to do with his collapse, or something else was going on. One thing was for certain however, they would keep a close eye on the long haired man and his future Padawan, though they had to admit, that the Force had never felt happier before, than in this moment.

[importanttravelerninja-blog]

How My Father (Maybe) Started the Timeless ‘Beat L.A.!’ Chant

What if I told you that my father invented one of the most iconic sports chants of all time? That he and his friends, from the balcony of a packed and stuffy Boston Garden in 1982, started yelling something that would, decades later, be appropriated by every fan who hates Los Angeles, which, it turns out, is a lot of them?You probably wouldn’t believe me. I’m not sure if I believe me, either, but every family needs a claim to history. This one is ours. Some people’s ancestors came over on the Mayflower. Some people’s parents attended Woodstock. My dad, Joel Semuels, invented the “Beat L.A.!” chant.*What is the “Beat L.A.!” chant, you ask? It is what you will likely hear as the Houston Astros host the Los Angeles Dodgers for two more World Series games at Minute Maid Park this weekend. It is chanted in stadiums across the country when any Los Angeles team—the Dodgers, Lakers, Rams, or Clippers, even the obnoxiously named Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim—plays in another city. But I also saw it on a San Francisco movie-theater marquee during a bus ride to work this week.It is a simple but powerful phrase: “Beat L.A.!”Sure, it’s not the most complicated combination of words, but its origins are pretty clever. It was not started in a game against a Los Angeles team, but, according to both my dad, the inventor*, and to certain accounts of sports history, during a May 1982 playoff game between my hometown Boston Celtics and the Philadelphia 76ers.The seven-game series was tied at 3–3, and whoever won that last game would go on to play the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals. The Celtics had come back from a 3–1 series deficit, but near the end of the game, as it became evident that the Celtics would not win, fans (including my dad)* started chanting “Beat L.A.!” as a way of encouraging Philadelphia to go on and (you guessed it) beat Los Angeles.Watch the game’s television coverage, marvel at the players’ incredibly short shorts and fans’ feathered hair-dos, and observe the chant arise out of silence. “Do you hear what the crowd is chanting to the Sixers?” Bill Russell, the Hall of Famer and color commentator, asked play-by-play man Dick Stockton. “Beat L.A.!” Stockton replied.  For those not very knowledgeable about 1980s basketball, some extra context may be necessary. First, the Celtics and Lakers have long nurtured an intense, emotional rivalry. It started in the 1960s, when they played each other six times in the NBA Finals. The stakes rose years later, when the Lakers drafted Magic Johnson and the Celtics drafted Larry Bird. As collegiate phenoms, they had faced off against each other in the 1979 NCAA championship game, and that competitiveness carried over to the professional ranks. Their NBA matchups defined the very essence of the East Coast–West Coast rivalry, with either the Celtics or Lakers playing in every Finals in the 1980s.“It felt like the Celtics and the Lakers were always on the verge of playing for history. It was kind of like a soap opera,” says Jim Podhoretz, the director of ESPN’s excellent 30 for 30 documentary “Celtics/Lakers: Best of Enemies.” (Or, as my dad calls it, “The 20-for-20 documentary about the Celtics.”) Some commentators have suggested that the rivalry was propelled by racial undertones, with Boston, a city long known for its systemic racism, cheering on a team featuring white players like Larry Bird and Kevin McHale, and Los Angeles, which was more diverse, fielding a team of black players like Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. As the Los Angeles Times columnist Scott Ostler wrote during the rivalry’s apex, “Is it bad that a segment of white sports fans in Boston have jumped on the Celtic bandwagon because the team’s leader and superstar, Larry Bird, is white?”Racial tensions may have sowed some fans’ investment in the rivalry, but for fans like my father, the Lakers hatred wasn’t about race but rather the teams’ disparate styles. Jerry Buss, who purchased the Lakers in 1979, wanted basketball games to be more entertaining—thus the “Showtime” Lakers of the ’80s were born—and would pipe in rock music to make games seem more like night club acts. “The Lakers were very Hollywood and the Celtics players were not Hollywood,” my dad says. Pat Riley, who had experience in TV announcing before coming aboard as Lakers head coach, became known for his Armani suits and slicked-back hair, and his Lakers played an up-tempo style, replete with alley-oops and no-look passes. They had courtside cheerleaders and boasted dozens of famous Hollywood celebrity fans at the Forum, their fancy and relatively new arena that did have a night club on site for postgame celebrations.The Celtics, conversely, weren’t fast or smooth. And Boston, with its working-class reputation, was kind of a dump in the 1980s. They played in the Boston Garden, which had been built in the 1920s and didn’t even have air conditioning. The Celtics neither had cheerleaders nor a sea of recognizable fans. “The Lakers were a very showy team,” my dad explains. “The Celtics were like a lunch-bucket group.”  (I didn’t know what a lunch-bucket worker was, so I looked it up: Thesaurus.com says it’s a “common laborer.” Dads. They teach you things.)Boston fans didn't like this new approach to basketball. In the Boston Garden, my father says, fans were serious about basketball, not about all the extra entertainment. There were no kiss cams or jumbotrons or hot-dog cannons. “Back then, people came for the basketball,” he says. “They didn’t come to win a free T-shirt.” That meant fans were more engaged in the game, more knowledgeable about the players, and, therefore, knew what would happen if the 76ers beat the Celtics, which is they would play the Lakers in the Finals.Celtics fans respected the 76ers, with whom they also had an intense rivalry in the 1980s. They certainly respected them more than they did the showoff Lakers. After all, the Celtics came back from a 3–1 series deficit in 1981 to beat the 76ers and go on to win the NBA championship. The 76ers, like the Celtics, were an East Coast team, with players like Julius “Dr. J” Erving and Andrew Toney, who was known as “The Boston Strangler” since the Celtics were terrible at defending him.More than anything, Celtics fans abhorred the “Showtime” Lakers and wanted them to lose, no matter the cost. So my dad, standing in the balcony with his friends, thinking about how much he disliked the Lakers, started chanting: “Beat L.A.! Beat L.A.!” Other fans followed. The Garden turned from a place of funereal silence to one united by a loud, synchronous chant. Darryl Dawkins, a 76ers player, reportedly told the Boston Globe columnist Bob Ryan, “When I heard that, my dick got stiff.” My dad did that!*Now, I would not peg my father as much of a chanter. Growing up going to Red Sox games, I’m not sure I ever heard him chant the now-ubiquitous “Yankees suck!” But, he insists, he was a chanter then. Everyone was. “You can’t understand how passionate the fans were back then,” he told me. “People don’t do that now. They just get lots of food and try to get seen on the kiss cam.” It probably helped that there were all sorts of bench-clearing brawls to capture fans’ attention. And that the Celtics had been absolutely dreadful in 1978 and 1979 and, all of a sudden, they were good again? Well, fans get giddy when they are pleasantly surprised.  As a dutiful journalist, I tried to corroborate my father’s account. I wanted to start with his two friends who were at the May 23, 1982, game with him. They were Richie and Bob Weintraub, family friends who shared season tickets with him until the Boston Garden was torn down and replaced by the Fleet Center (now known as TD Garden), which had far too many jumbotrons and T-shirt cannons for their taste.Richie, who was beloved in Boston for his work creating programs for the homeless, passed away last year. His death was sad not only because he was a great guy but because he would have gleefully called my father out if this whole tale was some kind of fabrication.But his brother Bob, the longtime headmaster of Brookline High School and now a lecturer at Boston University, confirms the three of them were at that game. Did they invent the chant? “If your father thinks we started it, I’ll accept credit for it,” he says. “Honestly, maybe we did.”Not exactly the most conclusive answer, but not a denial either. When I emailed the Celtics for a comment about who might have started it, Jeff Twiss, the team’s vice president of media relations, wrote me back. “If I recall, the crowd just started chanting it,” he says. “There was no jumbotron or prompt from a mascot to entice the crowd back then.” As to whether my father started it, Twiss wrote, “I guess we take that for face value, as there were over 14,890 in the old Garden then.”Fair point, but my father is not the type of person to make such things up. He is a Town Meeting member in my hometown of Belmont, meaning he is an elected official and we all know elected officials never lie. He is also a pretty typical dad, as far as dads go. He tells bad jokes. (“If you eat lots of hummus, you’ll never falafel.”) He likes sports. (Well, he doesn’t care about hockey, but that’s understandable.) He picks up trash on the streets during his morning walk. I’ve never known him to tell a lie. And I grew up hearing that he started the “Beat L.A.!” chant.I have to say, I believe him.*Today, fans use “Beat L.A.!” when they’re actually playing Los Angeles teams. It has become a refrain for people who don’t like Los Angeles, with its movie stars and sunny days and its hippie-dippie food trends, like just eating soup. “The chant is a way to let L.A. know we’re tired of the smugness, from its perfect weather to high-paid athletes and celebrities,” as the Arizona Republic reporter Scott Craven wrote in a recent piece about the chant.Sure, you can buy “Beat L.A.!” T-shirts and “Beat L.A.!” coffee mugs, but the phrase started as something cleverer than another anti-L.A. trope. It’s “the ultimate example of ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend,’” as author Chuck Klosterman, a longtime Celtics fan, told me. Klosterman remembers hearing the “Beat L.A.!” chant in 1988, as the Detroit Pistons were about to knock off the Celtics in the conference finals and advance to face the Lakers in the NBA Finals.Alas, the chant—like so many both before and after—did not actually work. In 1988, the Lakers beat the Pistons in seven games to win another title, just as they beat the 76ers six years earlier, a couple of weeks after a famous chant was birthed into existence.But in 1984, two years after my father’s historic contribution, the Celtics prevailed over the Lakers, in Game 7 of the NBA Finals. And it was inside that stuffy, overheated Boston Garden, devoid of air conditioning and so many other luxuries, that the Celtics themselves beat L.A.* Maybe. Read the full article

[welcometowcwmondaynitro]

WCW Monday Nitro 24/06/1996

WCW Monday Nitro comes to us this week from Charlotte, North Carolina, aka Flair Country. Woooo!

Tony and Larry are once again allowed to sit at the adult table. Tony informs us that Bischoff is once again absent and so he'll be doing the entire two hours, with Heenan taking over for Larry in the second hour. I can't imagine many people are particularly disappointed by Bischoff's non-attendance. Tony says he hasn't had a chance to talk to Bischoff and he isn't sure how long he'll be gone for. I find it hard to believe that Schiavone couldn't have gotten in touch with Bischoff if he really wanted to, but okay.

Tony calls the upcoming Bash at the Beach PPV the most important event in WCW history. Normally this type of talk is just hyperbole, but all things considered he isn't far from the truth here. Larry starts talking about Alexander the Great crying about having no new empires to conquer, then continues: "There's a big world out there to conquer now Tony. The history of professional wrestling has been called upon to make a change, and the generation going into of the next millennium will realise, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is where the big boys play". Tony responds "no doubt" but I'm not sure any of that really made sense.

The announcers recap what happened at the Great American Bash, showing the footage of Hall and Nash challenging the WCW guys for a match at Bash at the Beach, then beating up Eric Bischoff. Never gets old. Tony calls it "disgusting", but apparently not disgusting enough to replay over and over again.

We cut to Mean Gene who is standing by with Hall and Nash's opponents at Bash at the Beach - Sting, Lex Luger and Macho Man...

For some unexplained reason they are all wearing Sting's facepaint. Macho is always wearing bright colours so it actually doesn't look so out of place on him, but Luger looks ridiculous - and his expression suggests he knows it.

Macho Man says that much like North Carolina is Flair's Country, WCW is their country. Not exactly, Macho. Apparently they are "united by the facepaint of the Stinger", and that's as coherent as Macho Man gets, as he ends the interview by randomly mentioning Ric Flair and Steve McMichaels before telling Sting and Luger "divide and conquer, that's what we're going to do, right?"

High fives all around, whilst Gene stands awkwardly in the middle. Savage walks off yelling something about Wall Street. Gene asks Sting about Scott Hall, and for some reason at the same time they show footage of Hall talking. Just before the footage starts Luger jiggles his pecs. Fantastic. Sting yells over this that he doesn't mind somebody making a statement, but that "a grown man does not come to make a statement, not to mention a physical statement, to a commentator. Why not try to pick on a wrestler?" - fair point. During the flashback footage, I can't help but notice...

The cop in the middle has definitely been hitting the doughnut stand. I love how he's just pushing Sting back totally nonchalantly, as if to say "I'm too old for this shit". Meanwhile the black cop appears to be giving Hall the people's eyebrow. Awesome.

Anyway, Sting asks why the Outsiders want three opponents when they only have two. He says that Macho, Luger and himself are frothing at the mouth. They might want to get that looked into. Finally, Luger - whose mouth doesn't appear to be frothing - says that the three of them are unified and that "WWCW stands tall".

Pause. Sting and Gene are both clearly unimpressed. Luger clarifies that they are "unified as a unit" and that they are the very best - "isn't that right, Stinger?". Sting pauses then unconvincingly says "Yesss, the very best" and is about the repeat that stupid line about big boys playing before Scott Steiner and his arms interrupt proceedings. Rick Steiner walks in behind him.

Steiner advises Sting that he and his brother will watch their back against Hall and Nash, but that tonight the belts are on the line and Sting and Luger had better concern themselves with the Steiner Brothers. For some reason Rick Steiner starts to say he "could care less about the belts" before Harlem Heat enter the scene. This is becoming rather crowded.

Booker T yells at an unnecessary volume that he and Stevie Ray have a score to settle with "this punk here" - pointing at Rick Steiner. The six of them begin shouting at each other and the interview segments ends with Gene sternly telling them to "knock if off!" like a grandfather trying to get his unruly grandchildren under control. Back in the arena Schiavone announces that Sting/Luger Vs the Steiners Vs Harlem Heat is scheduled for the main event. Makes sense.

Stereotypical British music plays and out come the Blue Bloods (Steven Regal, Dave Taylor and Jeeves).

Some other dude is with them, looking somewhat out of place in a suit as opposed to whatever the hell the others are wearing. I don't know who this guy is, but...

He notices the ridiculous VIP area and basically asks what the fuck is this? Good question. Look at those candlesticks. Nothing like a romantic touch whilst eating right in the middle of a load of sweaty wrestling fans. Seriously, somebody on the other side of the guard rail should hop over and dig in.

The opponents are Public Enemy...

Who for some reason get pyro.

Apparently the dude with the Blue Bloods is Earl Robert Eaton. Looked it up on DDT Digest.

The Blue Bloods Vs Public Enemy

Going to be honest here and say I have no interest in watching this match, so I skipped to the end. Taylor gets hit with a cast that's on Grunge's hand, Public Enemy win. The crowd cheer, but realistically who cares? I'm just sad that Regal isn't getting any more mic time. Can't blame WCW, but still...

Public Enemy defeat the Blue Bloods via Pinfall.

Grunge yells at the camera before walking away. Harlem Heat cut a "Coming Up!" promo...

Booker says that the Steiner Brothers are "back from the dead" - possibly confusing them with the Undertaker - and says they're getting their gold back tonight. Stevie Ray adds "we won it before, and we'll do it again". Succinct and to the point.

Sigh. This dude. Sullivan storms to the ring with an expression like a guy who needs a shit and is making a beeline to the toilet. Larry reckons that Sullivan "watches Old Yeller and laughs at the end". Apparently this proves how demented he is. It just makes him kind of dumb, imo, but whatever. We all have to get our kicks somewhere.

Sullivan gets into the ring, where his opponent is already waiting. Schiavone calls him "Chip Amie". What a jobberific name. Sullivan comes in and kicks Chip in the gut, tossing him out of the ring as the bell sounds to start the match.

Kevin Sullivan Vs Chip Amie

Sullivan throws Chip over the guardrail and they brawl into the crowd.

At first I thought this dude was aggressively giving Sullivan the two finger salute, but I think he's actually throwing up the four horsemen sign. Or telling Sullivan how much he paid for that ridiculous shirt. Who knows.

Sullivan leads poor Chip all the way up into the stands, and then out into the concession area. For some reason rather than count them out, the referee just follows. Sullivan leads Chip over to the bathroom - maybe he did need a shit after all? But, oh no...

That's the women's bathroom. These two hench bros try to stop Sullivan, so instead the Taskmaster rams Chip's head into the Women's sign and then brawls with him some more.

The guy at the food stand is pretty chilled about the whole thing. No big deal. For some reason Sullivan finally decides to listen to the referee and goes back to the ring whilst Chip is left sprawled out on the concrete. At least when he wakes up he won't have far to go to get a hot dog. Schiavone claims that Sullivan has been disqualified, even though no official announcement was made, so...

Chip Amie defeats Kevin Sullivan via Disqualification.

Mean Gene is in the ring with Jimmy Hart. He suggests that Sullivan has a "fixation with restrooms"...

Indeed. The Mouth of the South ignores Gene's childish (even if true) remark and says that they came to the home of the Four Horsemen and that they'll "walk in and walk out alive". Seems like a reasonable expectation. Sullivan yells at us to "LISTEN!"

Gene is looking at those stupid eyebrows painted on Sullivan's forehead and thinking "dafuq?"

Sullivan brags about what he just did in Horsemen Country. Lose by disqualification to a random jobber? Yeah, good job Taskmaster. He says that he "lives and dwells" in Daytona Beach, and then starts talking about "a ploy"... honestly I have no idea what he is talking about, and I don't think he does either. Mercifully the crowd start chanting "we want Flair" and Okerlund reminds Sullivan that if he and the Giant lose to Benoit and Anderson at Bash at the Beach the Giant will have to put up the title the next night on Nitro.

Sullivan says that everybody wants to see Flair wrestle the Giant, but "it's not going to happen and it's not going to be pretty". He then does this creepy smile.

Unsettling.

Jimmy Hart adds that if he has to hear Flair say "Woman oh Woman" and talk about Space Mountain one more time, he'll choke himself to death...

Where's Flair when you need him?

Meanwhile, our world is about to change...

Oh boy.

Out comes "Hardwork" Bobby Walker, applauding and cheering himself. I suppose somebody has to.

His opponent is the Ice Man, who as always appears vaguely annoyed to be there.

Tony is worried about Hall and Nash, but due to the legal situation with the WWF has to keep referring to them as "those two gentlemen", which sounds pretty silly. He says that he's "so glad security is here". Yeah, because they've done a great job so far of keeping Hall and Nash in line. You might want to have a back up plan, Tony.

"Hardwork" Bobby Walker Vs Dean Malenko

Hardwork and Malenko hook up, and eventually the commentators actually get around to talking about them. Larry likes Malenko. Malenko takes control of the match, tossing Hardwork to the mat a few times and then putting him in a chinlock. The announcers understandably become bored of the match and start talking about Sting and Lex Luger.

Larry calls Sting "emotionally erratic", which Schiavone calls him out on. Larry explains that Sting's completely legitimate concerns over Lex Luger's loyalty over the past few months is why he thinks he's emotionally erratic. It's called having common sense, Larry.

Anyhow, Malenko is stretching Hardwork with a few moves. What a terrible night this has been for wrestling so far. The Blue Bloods Vs Public Enemy, Kevin Sullivan Vs Chip Amie and now this. What a waste of Dean Malenko. Tony tells us Sting and Lex Luger are tag champs - "together" - yes Tony, generally that is how it works.

Malenko puts Hardwork off in the Texas Cloverleaf. The match is all but over, until Malenko is distracted by...

An Elvis impersonator. Oh, wait, it's just Disco. Apparently he's challenging Malenko for his Cruiserweight championship at Bash at the Beach. So many questions here. First and foremost, what the hell has this idiot done to deserve a title match? He loses literally all of the time. Secondly, does he even qualify for cruiserweight matches? Thirdly... you know what, I could go on for a while. The point is, Disco sucks and there's more chance of Schiavone winning the cruiserweight title than Disco.

Whilst Dean is distracted, Hardwork attacks and hits him with a back body drop followed by a drop kick. As they continue to wrestle, Disco asks for the production team to hit his music. They do. Why? What possible reason could they have to follow that instruction?

Disco gets in the ring and starts dancing whilst Malenko and Hardwork continue to fight.  At one point Malenko executes a monkey-flip on Hardwork, who lands on his feet and inexplicably...

Stares confusedly at Disco whilst Malenko drop kicks him in the back. Seriously, this guy dumb. On the plus side, Hardwork falls into Disco who tumbles to the outside. Malenko then hits a Northern Lights Bridge Suplex and thank the good Lord this one is done.

Dean Malenko defeats "Hardwork" Bobby Walker via Pinfall.

Schiavone says Malenko is "very angry", but his expression suggests mild irritation at most. Okerlund has made his way to the ring for an interview.

Malenko starts to talk about how mad he is with Disco's conduct, but watch out Dean! Malenko notices Disco before Mr. Inferno smashes that gold record over his head. He warns Disco "don't you... ever think so". OK. Disco laughs and says "okay, Mr. Personality" - burn. Apparently Disco's on a "shake your booty" tour and his new CD just went gold. I'm not convinced. Inferno wrongly suggests people want to see him dance, but correctly points out that Malenko and Walker were "stinking up the joint". Disco says he figured it was a perfect time to come down and "do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight".

Keep in mind he was dancing in the ring with Malenko, Hardwork and Randy Anderson.

Disco says if Malenko is upset with that then "excuuuuuuuse me" - just like Link in the cartoon Zelda series. It would have been 10x funnier if he'd added "princess" at the end, but also 10x creepier due to the "make love" comment earlier. Okerlund calls Disco "introverted" as he leaves the ring - what? That's about as accurate as Zybszko calling Arn Anderson an Endomorph.

Malenko tells Disco he's the man of a thousand holds, but it'll only take one to take Disco out at Bash at the Beach. We live in hope.

WCW Saturday Night is advertised. Sting, Luger, Rey Mysterio Jr - so far, so good - Earl Robert Eaton, John "hold the seafood" Tenta... damn it WCW.

I don't even know what happened to Tenta's face.

Schiavone notes that "we are still in the first hour". Thanks for reminding me, Tony.

Out comes the Barbarian...

He faces Eddie Guerrero...

Who's still in generic happy-to-be-here face mode. Make this guy a heel, stat!

What strange match making though. Guerrero facing the much larger Barbarian? Could they not have come up with a more suitable opponent? This isn't the jacked Eddie Guerrero of the early 2000's, this is relatively normal Eddie Guerrero from 1996 WCW - complete with sparkly red vest.

Larry talks about man being a well-shaved gorilla. Tony asks "where do you come up with these things?" to which Larry nonsensically replies "it's not easy being a legend". Whilst this conversation happens, Barbarian chases Guerrero around the ring but is unable to catch him. Eventually he does get hold of him...

Eddie slips out of this and tries a roll-up, but Barbarian just stands there looking somewhat amused and then tries to punch Eddie's head. Instead he punches the mat. What a dunce. Eddie manages to hit a couple of drop kicks and gets a two count. He tries a cross body but Barbarian catches Guerrero and slams him into the corner turnbuckle. Eddie gets hit with a brutal powerbomb...

Seriously, he might actually have whiplash. Larry says he "knocked the atmosphere out of the lungs of Eddie Guerrero". I'm pretty sure that is not a saying. Most people would use the word "wind" as opposed to "atmosphere", but at least Larry hasn't resorted to calling anybody an endomorph yet. Arn Anderson is up later but I think Heenan will be in position by then.

Pump handle slam time. Eddie gets smashed to the mat again. He's taking some serious punishment here. Guerrero kicks out at two. Barbarian tries to run into Eddie in the corner, but Eddie moves out of the way and slams into the turnbuckles. Guerrero jumps on Barbarian's back and tries the spot where he swings around to the front and performs a hurricanrana. Barbarian doesn't sell it properly and it looks like shit. The fans actually booed because it sucked so hard.

Eddie hits a side slam and then slowly goes to the top rope, assumedly for the frogsplash. Barbarian gets up in time and drops Eddie dick first onto the top turnbuckle. Barbarian climbs up to the top rope and...

Eddie takes another brutal bump. Guerrero rolls out of the ring, probably wondering why he ever started wrestling. Barbarian ends up getting Guerrero up on the top and goes for a Superplex, but he doesn't get Guerrero high enough and Eddie lands on top of him...

This looked like a botch but I think it was the legit finish, as the ref counts three and Guerrero wins. Fair to say Eddie earned his pesos in that match. Larry says Eddie was "lucky", Schiavone says he "earned the win". The usual consistency from the announce team. Larry says Eddie made some mistakes early in the match which made winning much harder.

Eddie Guerrero defeats the Barbarian via Pinfall.

Okerlund is in the ring and claims that Larry said Guerrero's "technical mechanics are simply superb". He said no such thing, Gene. If anything he said the opposite. They show the ending of Uncensored where Guerrero was pinned by Konnan after the latter's chin smashed into the former's balls. No, seriously.

Chin to the balls, then pinned for the 1-2-3. Why is Gene even asking about this? He's just being an arse. He asks Guerrero to explain it, as if we really require a commentary. Guerrero tells Gene that "I kinda got hit where all male men don't like to get hit". Firstly, what other type of man is there than a male man? I suppose in this transgender future we live in it's possible to be a female man, but not in 1996. Secondly, Eddie, some men do like that kind of thing. Not me, for the record.

Gene says "I don't want to make light of it", which is a blatant lie.

Check out the two dudes either side of Guerrero. One has his face painted green like the incredible hulk, the other is wearing his t-shirt on his head. Why, on both counts? Anyway, Eddie says he deserves another shot at Konnan's US title, which receives scattered boos for whatever reason.

Next up, Benoit and Anderson take on an entire genre of music.

The Horsemen's music hits, and the crowd pops big.

Anderson does the YMCA. Benoit does not. Mongo loiters in the background.

Larry claims that Mongo "makes the Horsemen a complete unit" and "brings them to full power". Does this mean that anybody making up the fourth number achieves this? Why not bring in Mike Tenay instead, since we're setting the bar so low?

The announcers claim that Kevin Greene is in the building, as if anyone cares.

The Rock 'n' Roll Express are out next. Apparently these guys were heart throbs in the Southern US. Those poor women. As you can see, the second hour count down is on. Because apparently WCW can only show one on-screen graphic at a time, the RnR Express do not get their names shown. Sometimes life sucks.

Hour number two begins as the RnR Express act like babyfaces and are promptly booed by the pro Horsemen crowd. Bobby Heenan joins Tony Schiavone and Larry Zybszko in the broadcast booth. They go straight to a break, as Heenan asks "when do I get to talk?"

Bobby Morton starts off against Benoit. Benoit knocks Morton down with a shoulder tackle, which causes green face and t-shirt head to go crazy. They're either high or drunk. Possibly both. The match starts off very slowly. So slowly that the production crew decide to treat us to a shot of the VIP area.

Just why? Look at those stupid sunflowers. I also find it amusing that they've done so much to dress up the table and then have those uncomfortable looking plastic chairs to sit on. Sweaty chairs judging from the streaks going down them. Lovely. Schiavone claims that Flair isn't coming out to watch the match because Macho Man is in the building. Yeah, because that's stopped him before.

Morton struggles to keep up with Benoit, before tagging in Gibson. Anderson gets tagged in and goes through a bunch of rough looking spots with Gibson. Honestly, it's no wonder WCW did not persevere with the RnR Express. These guys look out of shape and out of practice. Should have stayed in the 80's, forever.

The Horsemen dominate most of this match. RnR get a brief comeback spot, before a brawl breaks out and...

Mongo cracks Gibson over the head with the metal briefcase. The fans cheer. Benoit covers Gibson and gets the three count.

The Horsemen defeat The Rock 'n' Roll Express via Pinfall.

Joe Gomez suddenly comes out after the match and attacks Anderson. He then gets cracked on the back with the briefcase for his troubles. Gomez and his leopard print vest get slapped around a bit by Mongo.

After Gomez gets stomped on the mat for a few moments, Macho Man and Kevin Greene run out to chase the Horsemen off.

Zybszko points out it's a little late. What took these two so long? Greene is sporting a very manly moustache.

We're thrown back to the locker room where Mean Gene is chilling with Ric Flair and his harem of women.

I can think of worse places to be.

Gene claims they are in a "secured" area, but it just looks like the normal locker room to me. For some reason in WCW there are always t-shirts hanging out of the tops of lockers. Is this normal in the USA? It seems like it would actually require effort to do this, which baffles me.

Regardless, Gene asks Flair if he saw what just happened and Flair confirmed he saw "the Horsemen take charge" and that he takes his hat off to Mongo. Gene asks what the story is with Mongo and the briefcase. Flair says "that's for us to know, and you to worry about". I don't even understand what the question is here. Obviously Mongo is using the briefcase to attack people with. That's kind of been established. Pay attention Gene.

Flair says they will "mix business with pleasure" tonight, and then, off in the distance...

Gene spots a group of wild Horsemen.

Benoit, Endomorph and Mongo enter the picture. Mongo holds his fingers in Gene's face and asks if he can see his superbowl ring. Gene says of course, then claims he saw Michael Jordan giving the four horsemen salute. Did this happen? Mongo yells "what are you talking about?" and Gene literally jumps as Mongo screams that the horsemen "are everywhere, we're nationwide baby, we're an island unto ourselves. Nobody can stop us."

Gene tries to end the interview but Flair keeps chatting shit, until Gene yells "give it a rest". It's been a stressful night for him, but he tends to be kind of a dick a lot of the time so I can't say it's undeserved.

Larry has departed to go and play golf, or drink, or whatever it is "legends" do, and the broadcast team is down to Schiavone and Heenan.

Did you know Schiavone apparently had his chair purposefully put higher so that he never looked smaller than his broadcast colleagues? Tony was on the short side and felt that as the lead announcer he should always appear at least as tall if not taller than the others. True story.

Tony and Bobby continue to relentlessly hype Bash at the Beach. Heenan claims that all the WCW wrestlers "want to fight" and get rid of Hall and Nash. Strange that most of them are never around when Hall and Nash are intimidating announcers or powerbombing them off stages... but yeah. It also wouldn't be much of a war if everybody in the WCW locker room came out to fight all two men on the other side.  That aside, Heenan suggests Hall and Nash have the advantage at Bash at the Beach because their third partner is a mystery.

Schiavone rebukes this by saying "we are hungry". End of discussion.

Nah, only kidding, they continue to argue about it during the entrance of "das wunderbra" Alex Wright.

Heenan speculates that Hall and Nash's partner could be a "a critter, or some kind of animal. Who knows what they're going to come up with?"

Probably not a rodent or an animal, Bobby. But this is the same company that had Sting team up with RoboCop, so we can't completely dismiss the idea. I'd call it unlikely, though. Unless we're foreshadowing the return of the Shark? No, no... he's not a fish. He's not a fucking fish. He's a man. A 500 pound man.

Das Blunderkind's opponent is pre-face DDP.

Dat bowl haircut on the left.

Schiavone claims that Flair has won the US Title 48 times. What? Is that true? I can't be bothered to check, but it seems a little on the high side.

Wright tries a couple of roll-ups before drop kicking DDP out of the ring. Tony is still calling him the "Lord of the Ring". Just stop. Heenan says that Hall and Nash could take over Baseball, Football, Hockey and car racing. I think they're overestimating the time such a venture would take, and I doubt you could go into the NFL boardroom, powerbomb whoever the chairman is and take control. It might be worth trying though.

A forgettable match ends when DDP puts a diamond cutter on Alex Wright.

Bang. 1-2-3. Goodnight.

DDP defeats Alex Wright via Pinfall.

There are signs of Page beginning to get over with the crowd through the diamond cutter and his signature hand sign.

Of course, Mean Gene arrives once again for a post match interview. This guy is everywhere.

Gene mentions that DDP is facing "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan at Bash at the Beach, in a taped fists match that nobody cares about. Gene says that this is Duggan's specialty. DDP replies "yeah right, let's get one thing straight. If I put the diamond cutter on anyone, they got the life expectancy of a house fly". Gene replies "I just saw it". No, Gene, you did not just see somebody die after taking the diamond cutter. Pretty sure the future Berlin is still alive and well.

DDP asks how "one of the greatest wrestlers on the planet" (motioning to himself) "get stuck in a taped fists match?" Gene obviously doesn't know as he didn't book the match. DDP decides it's a "conspiracy" and says that Duggan's "bimbo mother was some taped fists champion". A bit harsh, although I wouldn't rule it out. DDP then says "can you imagine what she looked like?"

Gene doesn't respond but says "like it or not, that's the way it's gonna be". DDP advises Duggan to "tape your fists, tape your mouth, tape your whole body" - not sure how that would help - and finishes by saying "I'm the Lord of the Ring, and you're not taking it from me". That promo was all over the place, from the diamond cutter murdering people, to complaining about a taped fists match, to calling Duggan's mother an ugly bimbo taped fists champion (whatever that is) and then ending with the stupid Lord of the Ring catchphrase. Bizarre.

Another Glacier promo. BLOOD RUNS COLD. IN EACH OF US BURNS THE FURY OF A WARRIOR. GLACIER.

Gene is interviewing Kevin Greene. They show a replay of Mongo hitting Greene with the briefcase at the Great American Bash. Gene calls it "the shot that was heard around the world" in somewhat of an overstatement. Greene complains that Mongo already had enough cash from the NFL and didn't need to sell him out. Gene mentions that Greene has an American Football career to focus on.

Greene concurs and says he has a game plan: "I've gotta play this year for the Carolina Panthers, and we're gonna surprise some people, WE'RE GONNA KICK SOME ASS!"

Gene's expression as Greene says this is priceless:

"Kick some ass" is not TNT rated language in 1996. Gene is clearly aware of this. I have to add, also, what kind of game plan is "play for the team I'm already in, surprise people and kick ass"? - it's fair to say planning is not one of Kevin Greene's strengths. I'm surprised he didn't say "hit a 450 splash, lock in the figure four and watch 'em tap baby".

Greene continues: "Mean Gene, I want you to know something. Every time I sweat, every time I train, every two-a-day workout, every quarterback I drill (!), every running back I pummel, I'm going to remember Mongo's slimy, backstabbing face". He says after the season he's going on a "Mongo hunt. Lock 'n' load, cross hair on target, fire for effect".  Sounds like he's planning to actually kill McMichaels with a gun. Mongo might want to get a restraining order.

So, it's been a pretty boring show so far, but there are two girls cuddling up here so... that's nice.

Coming out of the entranceway is the man formerly known as IRS, now known as V.K. Wallstreet.

I think the VK is supposed to be a play on Vincent Kennedy (McMahon). As for Wallstreet himself, you can always tell a man has class when he wears a suit that has a big dollar sign emblazoned on the chest. That's a guy you want in your life. Arguably not the best wrestling attire, though.

VK's opponent is the Macho Man...

For some reason accompanied by Kevin Greene. Macho is still wearing Sting's facepaint. I assume he'll take that off at some point. Tony says that Savage will come down the aisle "literally sideways". No idea what he means by that and Savage does not. He walks down the ramp fairly normally. Also, check out the kid on the right throwing up the middle fingers...

First Greene slips in a "kick ass" and now middle fingers in the air. It's a bad night for TNT. This is the appropriate response for the matches we've seen so far tonight, though.

This kid looks like he's been forced to sit through multiple shitty matches and terrible promos. Oh, wait, he has.

Macho Man Vs VK Wallstreet

Macho obviously dominates most of the match. Towards the end Wallstreet rolls out of the ring and Greene rams Wallstreet's head into the post. Heenan complains about the interfere and Schiavone says "we're at war". Not with VK Wallstreet, Tony. Heenan asks if anything goes, and Schiavone says yes. Heenan then says he and Schiavone should jump Okerlund after the show and Schiavone replies "why not?" ... not sure why these two think that attacking Mean Gene will help win the war for WCW but there you go.

In the meantime, Savage hits the flying elbow drop...

And we have a winner.

Macho Man defeats VK Wallstreet via Pinfall.

It's time for the main event. It feels like this show has been five hours, for some reason. Might be something to do with the horrendous card.

First out is Harlem Heat...

For some reason Booker T is on the phone. Not sure how he can hear anything with the music blaring out from the speakers, but even if he can, this might be a good time to hang up. Amusingly it's one of those old mid-90's brick cell phones with the long antenna. I remember those. They sucked.

Next out... "here's a story of two brothers, Ricky and Scott"...

Last out, it's the tag team champions...

Luger, much like Savage, is still wearing his facepaint. Tony reminds us that "triangle match" rules means that whoever gets pinned first wins - meaning in theory neither Sting nor Luger need to be pinned in order to lose the belts.

The match starts with all the men pointing and yelling at each other. First two in the ring are Scott Steiner (accompanied by his Arms) and Booker T.  Steiner takes charge with a couple of hip tosses, but soon ends up eating a boot from Booker T. Steiner hits an underarm suplex and goes for a cover, but Luger breaks it up.

Rick Steiner and Stevie Ray are both tagged in by their respective partners. Ray puts a stomping on the dog faced gremlin, but Rick turns the tide with a german suplex. He tags Scotty back in, who then... tags Sting in. Not entirely sure of the logic behind that one. Sting also looks somewhat perplexed. Stevie Ray takes control and uses Sting as a punching bag in the corner.

Booker tags in, slams Sting against the ropes and goes for a side-kick. Sting ducks and Booker somehow propels himself across the ring so that he straddles the ropes.

Sting hits a reverse atomic drop, which Tony for some inexplicable reason calls an inverted powerbomb. I don't even know what that is. There are various back and forth moves between each team. The crowd at one point starts chanting "we want Flair" - who has only been seen in a backstage segment with Mean Gene.

Finally, Hall and Nash arrive.

They are carrying baseball bats. Sting notices the arrival of Hall and Nash and gets into the ring. Security storms into the ring and, as they do so, Booker T rolls up Luger for the three count (bottom left of the below picture).

A couple of problems here. Firstly, how can the match continue with all of this shit going on? Secondly, Luger's foot is blatantly well over the ropes. That pin should not count. But, regardless, it does... so, your winners and new tag team champions are Harlem Heat...

Harlem Heat defeat Sting and Lex Luger and Scott Steiner and Rick Steiner via Pinfall.

Booker T and Stevie Ray walk past Hall and Nash holding up their newly acquired belts...

Nash and Hall are more interested in using their baseball bats to break bones. Meanwhile...

Apparently the cops are getting ready to gun their asses down. America, fuck yeah. This is in no way completely ridiculous. Schiavone keeps claiming that nothing like this has ever happened before, which even by 1996 standards is total bullshit. I'm pretty sure the Horsemen were throwing down way worse than Hall and Nash back in the 80's. Should have had police there ready to pump their asses full of lead - that would have stopped the violence quickly enough.

We're back with the announcers. Heenan is shitting his underwear brown, scared that Hall and Nash are coming for him. Schiavone is more concerned with shilling WCW Saturday Night and WCW Pro on Sunday. Schiavone says that on July 7th at Bash at the Beach "when things change, there's going to be a new regime". Sounds like he's pulling for Hall and Nash as opposed to WCW. Surely he wants the old regime to continue? I don't know. A shot of the two announcers to end the show.

Can't help but think an in-ring shot of the wrestlers would have been more effective, but whatever. Thank god this one is over.