#Human Squiptober 2019

[paladin-lynx]

Human SQUIPtober 2019, Day 10: Leaves

Human SQUIPtober 2019 Day 10: Leaves

Ships Involved: RiverWay (Two River SQUIP [River] x Broadway SQUIP [Ly])

Setting: AU where River and Ly somehow both became human after being SQUIPs for their respective Jeremys, and they now live together. They don’t quite understand how they can both exist, but it isn’t worth questioning it.

Trigger/Content Warnings: None

Author’s Notes: (I was almost on time with this one!) I’m back! Here’s a fluffier piece for this pair. Enjoy!

“Come on, Riv, you’re so slow! And you wonder why I call you an old man!”

River rolled his eyes, stuffing his hands into his pockets despite the fact that just a few years ago, he would’ve chided Jeremy for doing the same thing. Ly had convinced him that they should take advantage of the weather and take a stroll through the park. It was the middle of autumn, right at that perfect midway point between hot and cold where you needed a jacket, but nothing overly bulky or uncomfortable. River was wearing a light coat and scarf – the latter was more for the look than the practicality, sue him – while Ly ran ahead of him in a sweatshirt and beanie.

River absolutely loathed how adorable he looked.

Sometimes he found it unbelievable that they were, in a way, the same person, just different versions. People often mocked the theory of multiple universes where an entity could be one thing in one universe and the complete opposite in another. To be honest, River himself, with his constant overthinking and overanalyzing, would probably still be one of those people if it hadn’t been for the sudden appearance of the embodiment of the 3.0 Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor Patch at his doorstep, claiming to have been in the head of a completely different Jeremy Heere in a completely different Middleborough High.

“You specifically said you wanted to take a stroll, love,” River called after his companion, still keeping his leisurely pace. It was, in fact, a nice day and he was going to take the time to appreciate the fall scenery. This was one of his favorite times of year. Part of him wondered if it was because he’d been activated during this season, so it was one of the first things he got to experience through Jeremy’s eyes. The world was a ridiculous place, but it did have its nice aspects.

Ly finally slowed down so that River could catch up, turning to him with that stupid cheeky grin of his. “I can’t help getting excited. There’s so much to see and do out here, Riv. Stop being so dull.”

River blinked. That was right. This was Ly’s first autumn as a human, so of course he was going to be bouncing all over the place, just like he did with everything else he was experiencing for the first time as a human. River was half-convinced that the first time Ly had hooked up with someone – because of course he had done that, with his ‘cool party boy’ attitude – he’d probably finished early solely from how overwhelming all of the sensations were. River almost wanted to know so he could mock him for it, but at the same time, no thank you.

Even with the epiphany about Ly’s behavior, River still huffed. “You won’t be able to appreciate it if you’re just running past all of it.”

Ly sighed, readjusting his beanie. “I suppose you’re right. I’ll take it easy a bit.”

River couldn’t help a little smile, continuing along the path they were walking. “Come on, then.”

Ly walked beside him and gazed all around them. There was indeed a lot to take in. The trees had lost a lot of their leaves but weren’t completely bare yet. Brown, orange, and golden debris blazed against the green grass, and there was a slight nip in the breeze that whisked past that had River shrinking down into his coat for a brief moment, nuzzling his nose into his scarf. But just as quickly, the late afternoon sun melted away the chill.

It wasn’t as if Ly had been the only one with this idea. They weren’t alone at the park. There were plenty of people out. Families exploring the trails, people walking their dogs or letting them run free and frolic about, couples huddling together under the trees, and a plethora of others. River was pretty sure he spotted a group of teenagers decked out in costumes and armor rushing past at one point, weaving through the trees as they chased each other. He would bet they were LARPers. Judging by their outfits, from the glimpses he’d caught, it was some sort of fantasy adventure, like in Dungeons & Dragons.

Michael had once tried to get Jeremy to join one of his online D&D campaigns. Jeremy had refused because it was bad enough interacting with people he did know; he would be a mess with people he didn’t know and in a game that most of them had probably been playing for years that he had no idea about. Plus, that game involved math, and Jeremy despised math in all forms.

River furrowed his eyebrows at the thought, hurriedly shaking it away. He was here now. Jeremy and Michael were off living their best lives. Maybe Jeremy had joined the game after all. He’d like it. Christine would, too, at least the role-playing aspect.

River was having a difficult time pulling himself out of his own head, as he often did, but as always he was snapped back to reality by Ly’s voice: “Oh! Hello!”

He blinked and saw Ly kneeling down as a pair of dogs, tongues lolling from their mouths, bounded over to him. One was larger with curly golden fur while the other, which struggled a bit to keep up, was shorter and tubbier with darker brown fur, although River spotted some lighter markings on its belly. River guessed that the bigger one was a golden retriever and poodle mix – a goldendoodle, if he remembered currently – based on the wavy fur and the body shape. The smaller one took him a moment longer, unsure at first if it was a Boston terrier or a French bulldog, although he realized after a moment that it was too wide to be a Boston terrier.

Ly laughed as the goldendoodle eagerly lapped at his face and the bulldog jumped up to try and do the same. River watched from a safe few feet away, letting Ly have his moment, although after a moment the bulldog seemed to give up and decided to pick a new target, waddling over to River’s feet and giving him what almost looked like an open-mouthed smile.

River couldn’t help it as he chuckled and crouched down, offering the bulldog a few pats on the head, watching as it tried to lick his wrist. “Hello there, friend,” he greeted softly.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry!” River looked up to see a young woman, no older than twenty-five, jogging over to them with a bewildered look on her face. “They don’t normally run off like that, I guess they just got a bit too excited…” She leaned down to clip a leash to the goldendoodle’s collar, but Ly waved her away, grinning widely.

“It’s alright. We’re always happy to make a few new friends.” He peeked over at River. “Right, River?”

River, not wanting to be improper in front of a stranger, sighed softly, ruffling the bulldog’s ears as he gave the woman a polite smile. “It’s no trouble. I’m glad they stopped to see us instead of just booking it away from you.”

The woman laughed softly, and despite Ly’s insistence, she did clip the leashes onto the two dogs’ collars, just in case. “I know they would never hurt anyone, but you never know who might get scared, or annoyed.”

“Can I ask what their names are?” Ly questioned. River would never cease to be amazed at how quickly Ly could go from being a complete child to civil and well-mannered.

The woman smiled, pointing to the goldendoodle. “She’s Spaghetti”—she then pointed to the bulldog—“and he’s Meatball.”

Ly turned to River again, stars shimmering in his eyes as he grinned like an idiot. River wanted to tease him, but he felt his own heart melt at the woman’s words. He smiled softly down at Meatball, petting him again. “What cute names.”

“Thank you. I hate to pull them away from you, but I really do have to go…”

Ly leaned over to plant a little kiss on the top of Spaghetti’s head before getting to his feet. “Thank you for your time.”

She smiled and gave a little tug on the leashes, and the dogs trotted back over to her. They seemed well-trained, River thought to himself. He wondered what had caused them to just run away like they had. Were River and Ly that interesting? Or perhaps the two dogs had that strange sixth sense animals seemed to have and knew that something was off about them?

“Thank you for keeping them entertained.” The woman gave another smile and waved as she turned to lead the dogs away. “Have a nice day!”

“You too!” River and Ly called at the same time, exchanging a glance. Ly smirked and the moment was over, and River – as usual – turned away with a roll of his eyes. Soon enough, they were continuing on.

“Maybe we should get a pet,” Ly hummed.

River gave him a pointed look. “It’s enough work just looking after you.”

Ly laughed. “Oh, so I’m your pet now, am I?”

River blinked a few times before his cheeks warmed and he hid behind his scarf, looking away. “Why must you bring everything back to sex like a miscreant?”

“Everything comes from sex, dear River. In fact—”

“Do. Not. Finish that statement,” River practically growled.

Ly seemed to consider it for a moment before simply smiling and clasping his hands behind his back, walking ahead and humming under his breath. River sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose, before following.

They walked in rather comfortable silence for a little while. It seemed they were both finally taking the chance to actually take in the setting around them and just enjoy the splendor that the park had to offer. Maybe Spaghetti, Meatball, and that young woman’s friendly attitude had put them in a better temperament. Maybe they could actually have a peaceful rest of their day here.

“River, River, look!”

Or not.

River raised an eyebrow as Ly pointed to a bettered tended-to area of the park. The fallen leaves were in large, neat piles underneath their trees. “What?”

“What do you mean, what?” Ly huffed. “The leaves!”

“Yes, what about them?”

Ly groaned, rolling his eyes. River furrowed his eyebrows before he suddenly realized what Ly was planning. “Ly,” he warned.

Ly turned to him with a grin before sprinting away, toward the piles. River’s eyes widened as he chased after him. “Ly, someone probably spent all day raking th—!”

He winced, slowing to a stop as Ly dove straight into the pile, face-first. He was laughing as the leaves dipped under him, some flying up only to float back down on top of him. Of course, River had memories from Jeremy’s brain of the boy running around with Michael when they were littler – and maybe not so little, too – and jumping into the piles of freshly raked leaves, much to the chagrin of an exhausted Mr. Heere. Even so, even with the joy he knew the boys had felt from the silly antic, River sighed, grimacing slightly as he walked over closer to the pile. “Are you happy with yourself?”

“Very,” Ly sighed out, flipping to lay on his back in the leaf-pile, arms and legs splayed out as he closed his eyes. He looked about ready to go to sleep.

“Come on, Ly, do you have any idea what could be in those leaves? Dirt and bugs and debris and—”

River stopped when he saw Ly had opened an eye and was smirking at him. Once again, with how well they knew one another, River knew what he was planning. He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you goddamn dare.”

“Or what, Riv?” Ly purred, pushing himself up to sit.

River took a step back, but Ly was faster, grabbing onto River’s arms in a surprisingly strong grip and letting himself fall back into the pile. “Ly—!” River started, only to let out a horribly undignified shriek as he lost his balance and tumbled forward, falling into the leaves and also mostly on top of Ly.

With their combined weight, they only sank further into the pile and River found himself surrounded on all sides by leaves. It was warmer than he expected, and he could begin to understand how Ly had looked so comfortable before. However, he still pushed himself up so he was on his hands and knees over Ly instead of just collapsed on top of him. Ly had a grin on his face that could put the Cheshire cat to shame, and River once again found it hard to believe that this man had once formulated a half-decent plan to take over the human race. He scowled, praying that no one had seen – or heard – any of that. “Now are you happy with yourself?”

“Very,” Ly cackled out.

River sighed heavily, shaking his head, letting loose a few leaves that had gotten stuck there. “Unbelievable. Honestly, you’re supposed to be so much more advanced than me and yet here you are, acting like—”

Ly cut River off again, except this time, it was because he had leaned up to press his lips to River’s, kissing him gently. It did the trick and River shut up, eyes widening and cheeks flaming, and he couldn’t even move. He didn’t kiss back, but he didn’t pull away. He was just there, frozen like a machine that had short-circuited. Ly pulled away after only a few heartbeats, but it may as well have been hours in River’s mind. He simply stared, dumbfounded, at Ly under him, mouth slightly agape in shock.

Ly gave him a genuine smile, not one of his usual cocky smirks. “I just want you to have a bit of fun for once,” he murmured.

River blinked again, rather owlishly, before groaning and nuzzling into his scarf again as if to hide away. It seemed to have become more of a safety blanket than he’d intended. “I often question your idea of ‘fun,’” he muttered.

Ly chuckled, before abruptly falling quiet, eyes widening a bit. “Hold still,” he whispered, reaching up. River listened but his brow creased as Ly’s fingers brushed just slightly against his hair, and a moment later, Ly pulled his hand back. River’s breath caught as he saw the caterpillar, small and fuzzy, that was leisurely inching its way across Ly’s hand.

“How the hell did I not feel that there?” River breathed.

“Because my kiss was so great that you couldn’t focus on anything else?” Ly teased, chuckling.

River huffed. “Well, I was right about there being bugs.”

“Lighten up, River. We like making new friends, remember? Come on.”

Hesitantly, River moved to lay beside Ly in the pile, offering his hand when the caterpillar got to the edge of Ly’s. It didn’t even miss a beat as it crawled onto the new territory. River pulled his hand back to himself, smiling just a bit as he turned his hand this way and that, watching the caterpillar tirelessly climb about.

“Aw, he likes you,” Ly cooed, leaning his head against River’s shoulder.

River scoffed, but his eyes never left his new little companion. He was silent for a moment. “…Maybe I’ll reconsider about getting a pet.”

He tried to ignore the way his chest warmed as Ly laughed against him.

[paladin-lynx]

Human SQUIPtober 2019, Day 6: SQUIP^2

Human SQUIPtober 2019 Day 6: SQUIP^2

Ships Involved: RiverWay (Two River SQUIP [River] x Broadway SQUIP [Ly])

Setting: AU where River and Ly somehow both became human after being SQUIPs for their respective Jeremys, and they now live together. They don’t quite understand how they can both exist, but it isn’t worth questioning it.

Trigger/Content Warnings: None

Author’s Notes: (I know it’s technically Day 7 already, but I got busy, so oh well.) I finally have an excuse to write something for this pairing! I think I tend to write my usual human Squip more like River than Ly, but it’s fun to mess with writing the two of them together. I’ve fallen hard for this ship, and I hope you enjoy! I know I rambled a bit in the beginning, but I just got a little too into exploring River’s mindset versus Ly’s.

Most people said that SQUIPs in themselves defied logic, so River had long since given up trying to figure out how everything had come to this.

Perhaps he’d been granted a second chance. Perhaps it was a punishment for failing his host. Perhaps it was some protocol that he had never bothered to read when he had his code. He didn’t know and frankly, at this point, he didn’t really care to try and solve the mystery, as much as he loved puzzles.

Ly was a whole other story. He wasn’t keeping himself up at night or anything of the sort to figure everything out, but he was definitely more intent on trying to connect the dots. Then again, it did seem like Ly in general had more energy and enthusiasm than River did. As adorable as it could be, more often than not it drove River up a wall.

While they had both once been SQUIPs and had a decent amount in common, in a lot of ways they couldn’t be more different. River was older in appearance than Ly, and to go along with it River felt he was more mature. He spoke more formally, dressed a bit more nicely, tended to act more stoic. River may have been human longer, but he was still adjusting to it after all this time. He had a habit of treating everything like a calculated process like he had before, although being human meant things tended to make less sense.

Ly, on the other hand, acted as young as he looked. He had fully embraced their change in form. He went out and explored the world, talked to others, attended parties, and River was quite certain he’d hooked up with his fair share of people – although he always stopped Ly’s ramblings about how he’d spent the night before it got to those details.

River had contemplated time and time again how Ly had adapted so much more easily than him. Did it have something to do with the 3.0 patch? There were plenty of bugs in River’s original 1.0 programming that had been fixed over time and corrected with Ly. The learning computer aspect had improved immensely, to the point that River wondered if it had gotten too good. River had tried connecting everyone in the school for the sake of making sure Jeremy had friends and the girl of his dreams for as long as possible. Ly, on the other hand, had realized a higher calling and had been intent on using Jeremy to take over the entire goddamn world, with Christine as a bargaining chip.

But with Ly’s upgrades, he’d had a better sense as a SQUIP of the human spectrum of emotion. River had seen it as a nuisance, an obstacle. Ly saw it as a tool. Maybe that was the reason he’d more quickly become used to suddenly having a real-life human brain upon deactivation and then, for lack of a better term, “reactivation.”

It had been long enough that River had moved past his guilt and sadness over having failed his one mission as a SQUIP. Over the years, he’d debated seeking out his Jeremy, but he had a feeling the boy would just shut him out. Actually, River wasn’t even completely sure he’d be able to find his Jeremy.

Because when Ly had suddenly showed up, rambunctious as ever and insisting that they become “roomies,” River hadn’t understood where or how or why. Because here was another young man who had once been a pill-sized supercomputer that had served one Jeremy Heere to get one Christine Canigula – River could still hear the way Jeremy would always dreamily sing-song her name – and had ultimately failed when one Michael Mell had discovered the secret of Mountain Dew Red. River’s Jeremy and the rest of the squad may not even be in this whatever-they-were-in. Ly’s might not be, either. It could be an entirely fresh start.

But it did seem that no matter the timeline or dimension or universe or whatever it was that allowed them to both end up SQUIPs for Jeremy Heere, fate had it set that they would fail. Perhaps because that failure would allow Jeremy to, in fact, end up with Christine and with a whole new group of friends, as well as a strengthened tie to his best friend. River and Ly had both wondered that if a new patch came out, if another SQUIP would go down the same prewritten route with another Jeremy.

River knew that, as comfortable as Ly was in his new skin, he still had his moments. River had had the time to grieve his past. Ly was still recovering from it. Perhaps it was his enhanced A.I. that had caused him to become more attached to his version of Jeremy, or maybe it was because his Jeremy just in general sounded more pathetic and so Ly had had to look after him more closely. River had been attached, too, but it was just a job. He had felt some semblance of betrayal when he had been deactivated, of course. Ly, though, had been more furious to mask the intense hurt he’d experienced. River knew he still sulked about it and that he tended to act casual about his Jeremy to hide the fact that, sad as it was, he missed his host.

River supposed it couldn’t be helped, though. He had times, too, where he wished he’d done better. SQUIPs were meant to fulfil their hosts’ goals, after all. Even if Ly had formulated objectives of his own, he in the end had still wanted to help Jeremy.

But even with his dramatic episodes, Ly seemed to have a better handle on being human than River. He was more outgoing and eager to take advantage of their resurrection, whilst River was still somewhat of an introvert. He preferred staying in and reading a book, versus Ly who would rather hit the town. Maybe it helped that Ly, with his younger attitude and hipper style, was more trendy-cool and could make the most of a confusing situation. He was probably better at pretending he knew what he was doing, with his natural charisma, although River liked to think he was also well-off in that department.

Although as annoying as Ly could be, with his stupid smirks and constant flirting, River supposed he was glad he had some company and someone who could actually understand what he’d gone through.

After all this time, River was just fine pretty consistently. But he still had moments when everything suddenly became too much. The phantom pains of being drowned in Mountain Dew Red, the terror of suddenly becoming human in an unfamiliar place, the unfamiliar sensations of having a physical body and a functioning mind, and everything in between. At times like that, he would just shut down. He’d find a quiet place to calm himself and just get away from the world, pretending none of it existed. He had a feeling, had he still been a SQUIP, such actions would lead to him suggesting going to therapy, but ‘do as I say, not as I do’, as the saying went. Ly had learned to leave River alone when he got into moods like that.

Today was one of those days. Everything had suddenly felt like too much, and River found himself out on the balcony of their little apartment, sitting on one of their cheap outdoor chairs with his legs pulled up to his chest. He felt like a petulant child when he got like this, but it was just how he dealt with it. The sun was starting to go down, and he just gazed out at the red bleeding into blue, trying to keep his mind blank. That wasn’t usually an easy task, though, given how River had a tendency to overthink and overanalyze regardless, and now he had all of the painful memories and uncertainties bouncing around in there, as well. He let out a heavy breath through his nose, fingers curling into the fabric of his pants as he sunk more into himself.

“…Riv?”

He’d been so caught up in thinking about not thinking that he hadn’t heard the balcony door slide open and River nearly jumped, glancing behind him. There was Ly, dressed so casually in shorts and a T-shirt while River was here in his button-up and khakis. It was almost a comical picture. At least they both had good hair. River wasn’t completely sure what to say. Ly usually steered clear of him when he got into slumps like this, but there he was with an unusually soft look of concern painted on his face.

“Did you need something?” he asked quietly, hating how tired his voice sounded. That had to be one of the worst feelings of all, being tired.

“Er, no, I just…wanted to check in on you,” Ly admitted, his tone almost embarrassed, like he knew he shouldn’t be intruding. River wasn’t annoyed with him, like he tended to be. He was more confused than anything else. “Do you need anything, like…I don’t know, water? Tea?”

River managed a little amused smile. “Worrying about me?” He couldn’t say he was entirely surprised by that. Bothersome as he could be, Ly had a tendency to help wherever he could. He was still intent on improving the world, even as a measly human.

Ly huffed, rolling his eyes. “If something happens to you, then the police could pin it on me.”

That pulled a little laugh out of River before he sighed, turning back to the lazily setting sun. He rested his chin on his knees. He often ridiculed Ly for how he tended to ‘perch’ on things, and here he was, with his feet on his seat like a cretin. “…I’m fine, thank you. You can go back inside to your…video games or Tinder or whatever it is you’re doing.”

“Geez, I have some life, you know?” Ly jeered back, and there was a beat before he made his way over and sat down in the chair next to River’s. River debated telling him to go away, but he found he didn’t really have the energy to protest the company. Maybe he didn’t really mind it, anyway.

They sat in silence for a good few minutes before Ly scooted his chair closer to River’s, wincing as it groaned loudly against the concrete. River couldn’t help a tiny smile when he could practically sense Ly’s annoyance at the piece of furniture for ruining what he had probably hoped would be a moment. “Yes, Ly?” he prompted.

Ly hesitated still, drumming his fingers on his leg. “I know that you like to be alone when you…get like this, but you know it would help to…get it out of your system.”

River peeked over at his companion, raising an eyebrow. “And what made you decide to suddenly say something?”

Ly gave a small shrug, looking over at him. “I guess I got tired of watching you feel sorry for yourself.”

River bristled, his cheeks heating up. “I do not—”

“Okay, okay, then…whatever this is. I get it, you know? Maybe I got used to all of these changes more quickly than you because I was more used to everything beforehand, but it still wasn’t easy for me. Sometimes it still isn’t. But it’s…it’s been years for you, and yet you’re still here, falling into a mess at least once a month.”

“You’ve been keeping track?” River muttered.

Ly snorted. “Loosely. You still love sticking to a schedule.”

River chuckled weakly, going quiet again. He wasn’t really sure what to do. He didn’t feel like talking would help him, and even if he did attempt to talk, he had no idea what he’d say. Ly was definitely the more empathetic of the pair, but River was learning. He tended to leave Ly to himself when he had his own slumps, although every now and then he’d leave his dinner, a cup of tea, or some sweet piece of junk food outside his bedroom door in the hopes that he’d see it at some point. It wasn’t much, but he supposed Ly believed the thought counted, sentimentalist as he was. He knew River was trying and had his own little ways of showing he cared.

River sighed again, rubbing his eyes. “There’s nothing to speak about, Ly.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“Mind your language.”

River could almost feel Ly rolling his eyes again. “Old man,” he teased, reaching over to give River a nudge, making River curl up a little more. “Come on. You know you can tell me anything. If it’s serious, I won’t make fun of you. You…you know that, right?”

River let out a breath, finally letting go of his legs so he could sit properly. Just as River had a soft core under his hard outer shell, Ly had a heart of gold often hidden by his immature actions. And River knew that Ly would steal the moon for him if he asked. They were connected in a way that no one else could possibly replicate or even comprehend.

“Of course I know that, love,” River murmured. They always pulled the pet names on each other because they knew it would either make the other melt or make him sputter in protest. But River’s voice was quiet and cautiously fond. He felt like he had walls up, like he wasn’t allowed to be open. He knew he was no longer a machine but damn, sometimes it felt easier to act like he was. “But you also know it isn’t that simple.”

Ly offered him a little smile. “I could help you, you know. With all of the emotions stuff. I’m no therapist, but we already know that you aren’t gonna be able to actually go to therapy. They’d throw you into the mental hospital on day one.”

River scoffed. “It would take more than a day,” he protested, but he did seriously mull over the proposal. Loath as he was to admit it, there were a plethora of ways that Ly was smarter than him. It probably came with having been a more advanced and up-to-date SQUIP, even if River had more experience being a living, breathing human out in the real world.

River paused. “…How would you help me, then?”

Ly hummed in thought. “Well, you’d need to tell me when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, or confused about what you’re experiencing. Whenever you get like this, you just run from everything until you swallow it all down and can move on—”

River grimaced. “Please don’t phrase it like that.”

Ly snickered. “And you say I’m inappropriate. Anyway, as I was saying, you could tell me when you’re feeling something and I could just…talk you through it. There’s a big difference between knowing what an emotion is by definition and actually experiencing it. Although I’m sure you know that by now.”

River nodded silently. That was a titular statement for their existence if ever there was one. They had all the knowledge in the world in their heads and yet oftentimes they could feel absolutely clueless about how to deal with the world around them. It was the timeless ‘intelligence versus wisdom’ argument.

But River wasn’t sure he would be able to just tell Ly when he was ‘feeling something,’ because Ly was right: he would hide when he was overwhelmed, mainly out of pride. He was supposed to be above everything and he didn’t want to be seen so small, even if it was completely justifiable. Even if he had someone right there who was going through the same thing and constantly extending a hand to try and assist.

A SQUIP’s job was never done, was it?

Change was intimidating, but River was never going to learn if he didn’t get over his fears and insecurities and actually try to embrace it. He would probably make an idiot of himself along the way, but he supposed that was just part of the human experience. Sometimes you had to act a little stupid in order to achieve something. The universe was cruel like that.

Sighing, River tugged down the sleeves of his shirt, trying to get out the wrinkles. “…I suppose I can…try to let you know. But I make no guarantees.”

“Hey, that’s more than I expected to get out of you, so I’ll take it.” Ly chuckled and once again scooted his chair closer, and River knew what he was trying to do. After a moment of hesitation, he shifted so he could lay his head on Ly’s shoulder and shut his eyes as he felt an arm come to rest around his own shoulders.

Ly spoke after a moment, his voice gentle: “What are you feeling right now?”

River cracked open his eyes, noticing the sun was all but gone below the horizon, turning the sky pink and dark purple. He had to think before answering. “…Tired,” he finally confessed. “But…better. More relaxed. Er…thank you, Ly. I do appreciate your help.”

Ly grinned. “Glad to be of service. One of these days, I’ve gotta take you into town with me. You might actually enjoy yourself for once.”

River rolled his eyes. “Are you going to try to get me to hook up with someone?”

“Of course not, boo,” Ly all but purred, and River felt his cheeks go up in flames when Ly pressed a kiss to the top of his hair. “I’ve gotta make sure I’m your first.”

“Oh my God, Ly, shut up. And don’t call me that.”

“You know you love it.”

River just huffed and turned his face more against Ly’s neck to hide his darkening blush.

But he knew that, as always, Ly was right.

[paladin-lynx]

Human SQUIPtober 2019, Day 7: Michael

Human SQUIPtober 2019 Day 7: Michael

Ships Involved: None

Setting: Post-musical AU where the SQUIP somehow returned as a human and was redeemed/rehabilitated by Jeremy (with the help of the rest of the squad), and lives with him having had nowhere else to go. He looks pretty similar to how he looked in Jeremy’s head, and physically he looks to be around college age.

Trigger/Content Warnings: None

Author’s Notes: (Late again, RIP me.) I’m going to be busy the next day or two, so I may not get to cover the prompts for the next few days. Or maybe I will. Who knows? I hope you enjoy this one! Apologies if any of my facts are inaccurate when Squip is rattling off information. I did my best to research. This one was really fun to write!

“Okay okay, um…Oh! When were the first headphones made?”

“1881, technically,” Squip responded without missing a beat, not even looking away from the screen as he guided his character to dodge a fireball. “They were used by telephone operators, but only had one earpiece and weighed over ten pounds. The first headphones that resemble what you know today were made in 1910 by a man named Nathaniel Baldwin. He made them in his kitchen and then sold them to the Navy.”

Michael let out a whistle, although when he looked out of the corner of his eye, Squip could see the slight crease in Michael’s brow from the fact that he had probably thought, yet again, that he could stump Squip. “Damn. So he’s the one I have to thank for my precious set?”

Squip huffed. “I suppose. Although he never patented them, since he considered them trivial.”

“Even though the Navy used them?”

“He patented certain parts of them, but not the way they were assembled. So yes, even though the Navy used them and told him he should get a patent. He may have just been an idiot with a few strokes of good luck.”

Michael laughed, having to pause the game to give himself a moment to recover. Squip couldn’t help breaking into a smile, setting down his controller to wait. He and Michael had become a very unlikely pair, considering all of the grief Squip had caused Michael when he was still in Jeremy’s head. Michael of course had taken a while to warm up to him despite Jeremy’s assurances that Squip had very intently turned over a new leaf, and Squip would have accepted it, albeit dejectedly, if Michael had chosen to avoid him at all costs.

But perhaps it was the fact that Jeremy was spending a lot more time with Christine that had drawn Michael and Squip, who both clung a bit too tightly to his companionship, together and had them warming up more to one another with each passing day.

Nowadays it was common, when Jeremy was off with Christine and Rich was up to only God knew what, for Michael to ask Squip if he wanted to hang out. Michael was usually the one to initiate since Squip didn’t want to impose – sticking to his manners as he tended to – but he had gotten better at every now and then asking Michael if he was free and if he could come over. They usually ended up just playing video games – as Squip seemed to have inherited a slightly tamer version of Jeremy’s obsession – and just chatting. Occasionally they’d watch a movie instead and Michael would wheeze in laughter as Squip felt the need to comment on everything happening on screen. Squip had become pretty at home in Michael’s house, even if it did often have a lingering smell of weed in the air. Michael’s mothers already fussed over him like he was another son, just as they did with the rest of Michael’s friends. It was nice, even if sometimes it was a little flustering.

But no matter what they were doing, the one constant was that Michael would always try to think up random, obscure questions to ask Squip in an attempt to find something Squip didn’t know. Even if he was no longer a supercomputer with extensive databases on everything known to man, Squip had retained a decent amount of his knowledge. Sometimes he needed to take a moment to wrack his brain for a specific fact, but thus far, Michael had yet to flummox him. Although he sometimes wondered if Michael would even know if he didn’t have an answer to one of his more random questions. Squip could make up a decently believable answer and Michael may very well buy it, although he felt that he would want Michael to have his victory should it ever come to pass. Even if Michael proceeded to gloat about it for the next ten years.

Today, they were playing Contra, since Michael as always preferred his older games. They did have their charm. He’d poked fun at Squip as he’d entered the Konami Code to grant them thirty lives, remembering when Jeremy had told him that a SQUIP’s way of syncing with other SQUIPs was with a play on the old cheat code. There had been some banter back and forth about Squip being able to take over Michael’s NES before they’d dove in, with Michael occasionally piping up with a question. Squip would never be Michael’s Player Two, as that revered title was reserved for Jeremy and Jeremy alone, but he liked to think he was relatively skilled. Video games were all about timing and strategy, after all. He’d settle for instead being the boys’ Player Three – sometimes even Player Four if they convinced Christine to give it a shot.

Michael finally sucked in a deep breath and calmed down, shifting to get more comfortable on the couch before he started up the game again, the pair of them easily jumping back into the 8-bit action. Their characters stuck close together, working in tandem to traverse through the oncoming bullets and leaping enemies. Squip knew that, unlike Apocalypse of the Damned, Michael and Jeremy had beaten Contra plenty of times, but it was such a classic that when they needed something to do, it was one of the games they fell back on.

“Ooh! I’ve got another one for you!” Michael chirped as they had to slow down, skirting past laser-beams. “What’s ‘I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight’ from?”

Squip blinked, brow furrowing at the screen as he took a minute to think. As the seconds ticked by without him giving a response, he could practically feel Michael squirming next to him in excitement. But then it dawned on Squip and he chuckled. “The Devil Wears Prada? 2006, directed by David Frankel?”

Michael groaned, sinking back into the couch cushions. “How do you remember all this stuff? Are you sure you don’t still have a computer stored away somewhere in your head?”

“Pretty certain.”

“Then how in the hell?”

To be completely honest, Squip wasn’t really sure himself. He seemed to be just as human as everyone else, at least in terms of appearance and capability, but he did have an exceptional memory with a lot of the information he’d had as a SQUIP stowed away in there. Of course, the brain had its limits and he couldn’t store absolutely everything, so it was inevitable that eventually Michael would find one of the handful of things he was fuzzy on. Until then, though, he continued to soar ahead in this little game of theirs.

He offered a shrug. “Natural talent? I am pretty amazing, even as a plain old human.”

“Narcissist,” Michael accused playfully, nudging his shoulder against Squip’s. “We all know that under that ego, you’re just a big softie.”

Squip snorted, rolling his eyes. “I am not.”

“You so are! You’re all squishy underneath that hard shell.”

Squip grimaced at the description. “Technically, all humans are exactly that.”

Michael blinked at him, like a startled cat, before he stuck out his tongue in a fake gag. “Gross, dude.”

Squip laughed, pulling his controller closer as he almost accidentally ran his character right into an enemy. “You started it.”

“Not really!” But Squip could hear the suppressed giggle in Michael’s voice.

After a little more laughter, they once again fell into comfortable silence as they focused on the game. Michael and Jeremy had a habit of moving this way and that along with the characters on the screen, and while Squip tended to sit rather still, every now and then he found himself wincing to one side to match what was happening in the game. The squad liked to point out all of the ways Squip and Jeremy had rubbed off on one another, which they tended to deny, not unlike the timeless sibling argument that no, they did not look alike. However, the similarities hadn’t gone completely unnoticed between them, although not all of them were positive. Squip may have gained Jeremy’s sense of humor and Jeremy may have suddenly become more interested in learning how to code, but at the same time Squip found himself having emotional slumps whilst Jeremy felt intense guilt about everything that had happened leading up to and during A Midsummer Nightmare. Everything was always a double-edged sword. Such was life, Squip supposed.

“…What would happen if you drank Mountain Dew Red like this?”

The question caught Squip off guard to the point where he turned his head to look at Michael, only to realize that he’d led his Contra character right off a platform to his doom. Not that it mattered, he had more than twenty lives left. But he still paused the game to properly address the inquiry, unsure if he’d heard it correctly. “I’m sorry?”

Michael shrunk into himself somewhat now that he didn’t have the game as a distraction, looking like he wasn’t sure if he should have even asked. Finally, though, he repeated himself, speaking more slowly: “What would…what would happen if you drank Mountain Dew Red now? You know, as a human?”

Squip set his controller in his lap so he could mull over the question. Ever since he’d come back as a human, he’d been avoiding Mountain Dew in all its forms, even the regular kind that would simply activate a SQUIP. Perhaps it was just an instinct ingrained in him from his programming, since, as human as he was now, he still had moments when he fell back into habits from when he’d been in Jeremy’s head. It was in his nature, after all.

In theory, since he no longer had any machine parts left in him – as far as he could tell – then no soft drink should have any effects on him that were different from what the Average Joe would experience. Squip had tried drinking alcohol a handful of times, upon the squad’s insistence, and even if he was a terrible lightweight, he’d reacted rather normally other than slipping into Japanese a few times. SQUIPs only had as much information on themselves as was necessary to function, so Squip had no idea if another SQUIP had become human before – were the others from the play out there, too? – and thus he really had no idea how anything would affect him in this new form. He had been playing it by ear from pretty much the second he’d awoken as a human.

So assuming he was, as he had called himself, a ‘plain old human,’ then there should be nothing negative that would happen to him should he drink Mountain Dew Red. But there was still that instinct deeply ingrained in his now-biological code that screamed at him to avoid the discontinued soda at all costs. It was too risky. But was it really?

Was it worth trying to find out?

Squip finally let out a sigh, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “To be completely honest, I’m not sure. One would guess that nothing unusual would happen, but…well, my existence in itself defies logic, so it could still have some strange effect on me. Anything from a mild allergic reaction to…” He trailed off, feeling a shudder run down his spine as unpleasant memories resurfaced.

SQUIPs didn’t really feel, in either the physical or emotional sense of the word. That was what made them machines. But Squip was sure that what he had experienced as his world had crumbled around him and his connections to all of the students – and worst of all, to Jeremy – had frayed and ultimately snapped, energy forcefully blasting through all of his circuits, had been pain and fear and betrayal. To this day, he still wasn’t sure if his weak pleas for Jeremy to save him were genuine or just yet another manipulation tactic. He didn’t like to think about it, any of it. He wasn’t that thing anymore anyway. No longer a SQUIP, just Squip.

“…I’d have to drink it to know for certain,” Squip continued quietly, opening his eyes and wringing his fingers together as he stared at his lap. “But…I’m sure you can understand the risk of that.”

Michael nodded softly. “Yeah, I get it, so let’s, er…not do that. I don’t have much left of it, anyway.”

Squip raised an eyebrow, glancing over at the boy. “…Don’t tell me you’ve been drinking it. It was fated to be discontinued even without the SQUIPs’ interference, you know.”

“It’s not that bad! And Rich has drank it, too…”

Squip smiled a bit, picking up his controller again. “Naturally…Come on. We’re almost to the last stage.”

Michael nodded again, more eagerly, and turned back to the screen. “Right!”

And just like that, they fell back into their concentration, and Squip let the painful memories fade away, tucked back into the depths of his mind. It was silent up until they were just about to the final alien boss of the entire game.

“I just realized!” Michael suddenly exclaimed.

Squip turned to him curiously. “What’s that?”

He found Michael grinning at him, eyes sparkling behind his glasses. “I found a question you couldn’t answer.”

Squip blinked once, twice, five times, before he broke into a warm, incredulous laugh and dropped his controller. He slung an arm around Michael’s shoulders and tugged the boy over, tousling up his hair as Michael squirmed and yelped in protest. “That was cheating and you know it.”

“There were never any rules and you know it!”

They devolved into laughter there on the couch, Contra all but forgotten as they continued to playfully bicker and shove at one another. It was at times like this that Squip couldn’t believe that just a few months ago, Michael could barely stand to look at him.

Now here they were, Players One and Three, every day becoming a stronger team.

[paladin-lynx]

Human SQUIPtober 2019, Day 12: Night

Human SQUIPtober 2019 Day 12: Night

Ships Involved: None

Setting: Post-musical AU where the SQUIP somehow returned as a human and was redeemed/rehabilitated by Jeremy (with the help of the rest of the squad), and lives with him having had nowhere else to go. He looks pretty similar to how he looked in Jeremy’s head, and physically he looks to be around college age.

Trigger/Content Warnings: Nightmares, Insomnia

Author’s Notes: Nothing really to say about this one. Enjoy!

Nighttime didn’t really agree with Squip.

Even if he no longer had the capacity to predict plausible futures, he was half-decent at figuring out what actions would lead to what results. It was still in his nature to be analytical of pretty much everything, sometimes to the point that he put himself into a frenzy trying to figure out the best thing to do. Jeremy had figured out how to tell when Squip was getting lost in his own thoughts, and he’d taken on the responsibility of giving him a nudge to help him back to reality. Michael had once told Squip that ‘going in blind is just part of the human experience,’ and Squip supposed that made sense. Humans tended to act on impulse, regardless of what may happen. Squip wasn’t really one to just ‘go with his gut,’ though. He had to think everything through before he made a decision, unlike Jeremy and his little squad, who tended to rush into things without even batting an eye – although naturally, they’d often end up regretting it soon after. Squip would never let Jeremy and Michael live down when they’d challenged one another to see who could eat the most pizza the fastest and had ended up unable to move, both near tears and constantly on the verge of vomiting. Squip had been left to look after them for the rest of the day.

So Squip could deal with the daytime. But at night, he lost control of being able to guess what lay ahead.

SQUIPs never really dealt with the subconscious. It was too unruly even for such sophisticated tech to handle. There was no way to predict what the unconscious mind would conjure up in dreams. When Squip had been in Jeremy’s head, he’d had to slow his processing to avoid the erratic nature of Jeremy’s dreams from overwhelming his programming. There had been a handful of times he’d found himself pulled into Jeremy’s dream scenarios, to which he would shock the boy awake solely so he had an escape, before soothing the startled boy back to sleep.

Now that he was human, though, Squip had to put up with his own dreams.

He often dreaded the night. Things weren’t quite as bad as when he had first become human and had ben constantly plagued by confusion, fear, anger, frustration, and every negative emotion in between, but it still wasn’t fun. But his human body demanded sleep.

A good number of nights he was either kept up, unable to drift off due to his worries about what may lay waiting for him once he fell asleep, and other nights when he actually managed to fall asleep, he was left even more exhausted in the morning from swirling nightmares.

He knew Jeremy had his fair share of rough nights, as well. There had been plenty of times when Squip would finally get up in frustration to get water or just wander around the house for a little while and he’d hear Jeremy tossing and turning in his room. And there were other times he’d been pulled awake by the sound of Jeremy yelping or crying as he faced nightmares of his own.

In a way, it brought them closer. Commiserating could work wonders, apparently. But when they both found themselves dealing with insomnia, sometimes they’d just stay up and talk, or distract themselves with video games or stupid movies. One time, they’d even spoken to Michael on the phone for hours, covering topics ranging from how many cups of sugar it would take to get to the moon, to how long someone could survive if they solely ate avocados. Jeremy and Squip had fallen asleep as the sun was peeking in through the windows, sprawled across one another on Jeremy’s bedroom floor, laughing about it once they’d woken up.

When Squip would hear Jeremy trying to recover from a nightmare, he’d often knock quietly, poke his head in, and ask if he could help. Sometimes Jeremy would tell him no and that was when Squip knew that the bad dream had been about him specifically. Other times, Jeremy would look at him with tears streaming down his face and just silently nod, and Squip wouldn’t hesitate to climb into bed with the boy and wrap him up in his arms, holding him close as he shook and sobbed. After all, Jeremy had his fair share of trauma from before he’d taken his SQUIP that often came back to haunt him.

Tonight seemed to be another bad night for both of them.

Squip hated when he felt the tiredness in his bones, but it didn’t quite reach his head. He’d been in bed for a few hours at this point and had tried laying a million different ways, but he just couldn’t seem to settle down. It was often at this point in the night he would just give up trying and get up to do something in the hopes of tiring his brain out, too.

Sighing heavily, Squip scrubbed his hands over his face and shoved the covers off, getting out of bed. Maybe he’d make himself a late-night snack, or he’d find something to clean. He often cleaned or organized when he was stressed, neat freak as he was. It was oddly calming. He was sure the Heeres appreciated it, with the messes they tended to leave around the house.

However, Squip had barely taken two steps out of his door when he heard a scream from down the hall that almost made him jump out of his skin. His eyes widened and he hurriedly walked to Jeremy’s door.

It would only scare Jeremy worse if he just barged in, so Squip first merely pressed his ear to the door, listening quietly. Sure enough, he could hear the heartbreakingly familiar sound of Jeremy crying, his breathing strained. Taking in a deep breath, Squip rapped his fist gently against the door before slowly opening it a crack, peeking in. “Jeremy?” he called softly.

It was dark in the room, the only light coming from Jeremy’s alarm clock and the sliver of moonlight peeking in through the window, but Squip didn’t need to see much to know that Jeremy was a wreck. He saw the boy lift his head, rubbing harshly at his eyes and opening his mouth to speak, but his words caught in his throat.

Squip’s expression softened, his heart sinking. “Can I come in?”

Jeremy nodded and Squip didn’t hesitate to step in, quietly shutting the door behind himself. He walked briskly across the room to the bed and slipped under the covers. Jeremy all but dove into his chest and clung to him, shaking like a leaf, and Squip’s eyebrows raised. He wrapped his arms around the boy and threaded a hand into Jeremy’s hair, carefully combing through the unruly curls. “That bad…?”

Jeremy nodded against his nightshirt and Squip sighed, holding Jeremy tightly and doing what he could to shield him from everything. He was glad that after everything, he was still here to help Jeremy. Actually help him, instead of just using him as a means to his own selfish desires. SQUIPs were meant to improve their hosts’ lives, but Squip knew he had done more for Jeremy as a human than he could have ever done for him as a bite-sized supercomputer.

“Do you want to talk about it, love?” Squip asked gently. He’d listen if Jeremy wanted to vent, but he wouldn’t force him to speak about it if he didn’t have it in himself to.

Jeremy was silent for a long moment before sucking in a shaky breath. “…It was about…my mom.”

Oh. Squip found himself tightening his grip just a touch. He was protective in general, but he knew how Jeremy got whenever the subject of his mother came up. She had been a horribly toxic part of Jeremy’s life – and Squip recognized the irony of the fact that he was the one who thought that – and was a major reason for so many of the boy’s insecurities and anxieties. She’d pushed him too hard and was always expecting perfection from him. Squip knew that sometimes Jeremy missed her and hoped that maybe she’d one day come back and everything would be better, but most of the time, Jeremy was just angered and hurt by the mere thought of her.

“Yeah?” Squip prompted softly, focusing on gently untangling the knots in Jeremy’s bedhead.

Jeremy nodded again, sniffling quietly. There were still some tears, but he seemed to have at least caught his breath. “We…You…” He fumbled over his words. “…She was still with us. She was the one who…who told me about SQUIPs. She…she said that if I took one, I’d…I’d be a better son a-and less of a disappointment. So I…I listened…” He swallowed, having to take a moment to collect himself again. “Dad took one, too…I-I don’t think she had one, but she somehow synced with the two of us and…and just made us into w-what she thought was perfect and w-we couldn’t do anything about it, and you were there with me as my SQUIP—”

“Do you want me to go?” Squip interrupted. Usually when he was in Jeremy’s nightmares, the boy could hardly look at him until the next afternoon.

Jeremy curled his fingers into the back of Squip’s nightshirt. “No, no, please.”

“Okay, okay,” Squip quickly hushed Jeremy, settling in more against the bed. “I’m not going anywhere. Go on, tell me the rest of your dream.”

Jeremy nodded softly, pausing for a moment. “You were there and…and you were like you are now, a-all nice and stuff, but she…she could control you a-and she made you act like you did before to k-keep me in line even though you begged her not to and it just got worse and she used us for whatever she wanted and I-I just—” He stopped, suddenly shaking his head and pushing his face into Squip’s chest. His voice came out muffled as he weakly finished, “It wasn’t good.”

Squip nodded and gently pressed a kiss to the top of Jeremy’s head. “Shh, shh, you’re okay. It was just a dream. She’s out of your life, your father is probably snoring away in his room, and I’m right here. Everything is alright.”

Jeremy nodded a few times but didn’t speak any more, and Squip just kept murmuring quietly to him, reassuring him and trying to keep the boy grounded. At one point, he felt more than heard Jeremy mumble a “thank you” into his shirt, and Squip smiled a little, replying with an equally as quiet “you’re welcome, sweetheart,” as he continued to pet Jeremy’s hair.

Squip wasn’t sure how much time how much time passed before he felt Jeremy’s breathing even out and he peeked down to see the boy had fallen back to sleep. He couldn’t help a soft chuckle. “There you go,” he whispered, tucking Jeremy’s head under his chin and closing his eyes. He felt more relaxed knowing that Jeremy was at peace enough to go back to sleep, but he couldn’t help thinking of the boy’s dream. It had been a while since Jeremy had had a nightmare revolving around his mother, and his brain had brought her back in a terrifying context. Having her able to essentially mind-control her family to make them meet her standards? And now Squip was part of that family, too, and Jeremy had been scared to lose him to her, as well. It was awful.

But dreams were just dreams. Squip would protect his new family and friends with all he had. And that was what he had in his mind as he finally fell into sleep himself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A few nights went by.

Where am I?

Squip furrowed his eyebrows as he looked around, trying to figure out his surroundings. It was dark, and he couldn’t see any familiar outlines or hear any voices. There had to be some hint as to where he was, right?

He got his answer in the form of a spotlight suddenly coming to life right onto him and he winced, shielding his eyes and squinting in the new light. Everything became clear all at once, enough to give him whiplash, and his breath caught in his throat.

He was at Middleborough, in the auditorium, backstage. He recognized the backdrops from A Midsummer Nightmare and he felt his stomach twist as his tired mind pieced everything together. He saw Michael sprawled on the cold ground, unconscious, with the cast of the play with their ridiculous green wigs and bedazzled costumes and hollow smiles surrounding him.

And there was Jeremy, the bottle of Mountain Dew Red in one hand while the other rested on Christine’s hip.

And there was the SQUIP, dark as the night against the bright stage, blue eyes glowing with power and a crazed grin stretched across its face.

“I’ve given you everything you wanted. Everything I promised.”

“Jeremy…” Christine cooed, giving Jeremy a smile just as empty as everyone else’s, although adoration shone in her eyes. “I love you.”

“You’ve waited so long to hear Christine say those words…How could you possibly drink that last drop?”

“Jeremy!” Squip cried out, trying to take a step forward but finding himself stuck in place. His heart hammered against his ribs as he watched the scene unfold.

Jeremy would fight his SQUIP and give Christine the Red. He would want to save her. Wouldn’t he?

Not this time.

Squip watched in horror as Jeremy dropped the bottle and tugged Christine closer, letting her pull him down into a kiss. When he pulled away for a breath, he smiled in disbelief, peeking over his shoulder at the SQUIP’s form. “You’re…you’re right. This is what I wanted. We…can all be happy. We’ll make everyone happy!”

“Jeremy, don’t trust it!” Squip tried again, his voice cracking. He tried to move once more and tripped instead, falling down onto his hands and knees. When he looked up, he flinched as he found the SQUIP towering over him, those eyes burning into him.

“Look how pathetic you are now,” it sneered. “You were too soft on him. You had the chance to give him what his heart yearned for, and the chance to help everyone in the school – in the world – and you failed. How pitiful.”

Squip gritted his teeth, trying to ignore the way his arms were quivering under him. “You can’t make people happy by just putting a sheet over the bad things. You’re the one who will fail. He’ll realize what you’re trying to do.”

“And what am I trying to do?” it laughed, crouching down and tipping Squip’s chin up with cold, careless fingers. “Get everyone in sync with one another? Help humans to actually understand each other? Bring peace and unity to the human race? Do you really think that you, as one measly human being, can make a difference?”

“I make a difference to them,” Squip snapped, wrenching himself away from the SQUIP’s callous touch. “That’s enough for me.”

“But it isn’t. You wish you could do more, but you can’t. You wish you could just reach into their minds and know what’s wrong, but you can’t. Not anymore. You gave up all of your power…” It grimaced, gesturing at Squip. “For this?”

“I understand them now better than you ever could! I’m helping them in so many more ways n—”

“Oh please.” The SQUIP laughed again, standing back up to its full height. Squip knew if he stood, he’d be just as tall, but he felt so tiny like this, and he couldn’t bring himself to move. Those eyes bore into him. “You’re just as anxious as Jeremy himself. You’re as nosy as Jenna, as desperate for attention as Brooke, as obsessed with others’ opinions as Chloe. Not to mention as needy for approval as Jake and as childish as Rich.”

“You left out Christine,” Squip couldn’t help muttering.

“Oh, I didn’t forget her.” It grinned. “You put on an act just like she does.”

Squip blinked, fingers curling into fists. “I do not. I love them. You wouldn’t understand that.”

“You’re kidding yourself.” The SQUIP huffed, rolling its eyes. “Sooner or later, you’ll lose them, and you can’t say I didn’t warn you. But I don’t have time for your sniveling. I have more important things to attend to.” It suddenly smirked at him. “…Although perhaps I could find some use for you.”

It waved a hand and Jeremy walked over, that same artificial look of glee on his face as everyone else. The pansy serum shone its toxic bright green and Squip shrunk down.

“You can’t. You—you wouldn’t—”

“Wouldn’t I?”

Squip opened his mouth to retort again, only to find Jeremy grabbing his jaw and pouring the disgusting drink down his throat. He nearly gagged, but some unseen force coerced him to swallow. He gave one last desperate attempt to scramble away, but he was stuck. He turned his wide eyes up to the SQUIP once more, silently pleading. Not again. Never again.

It grinned at him, leaning in close. “Up up down down left right A—”

Squip screamed, bolting upright and clutching at his throat.

His vision was bleary and he had to blink several times to make sense of his surroundings. He was no longer under the blinding lights of the stage; now it was dark.

He was in his room.

He breathed in and out quickly, finally pulling his hands from his neck to move them to his chest, feeling his heart pounding. He was alive. He felt along the back of his head, searching for any sign that he had one of those pill-sized parasites lurking there, but he felt no pain. He was human.

And, after a few seconds, he was crying.

He choked on his own tears as he buried his face in his hands. It wasn’t the first time he had dreamed of the night of the play, but he’d never had to deal with an exchange like that. And he’d never been forcibly SQUIPed like that, either.

The SQUIP’s words still rang fresh in his mind, although some were a bit fuzzy. Was it right? That he was too soft and could have done more if he’d been more forceful and stayed in Jeremy’s head? It had a point. He could only help so many people as a ‘measly human.’

No.

No, he was better off like this. He’d been abusive to Jeremy back then, and he’d rather genuinely help a small amount of people than take over the minds of thousands and turn them into mindless puppets in order to have a more connected world. That wasn’t actually helping. Yes, people were different, but if you took away those differences, then you would be taking away what made everyone their own person. Everyone would just be the same, and what kind of world was that to live in? A machine wouldn’t be able to understand that. The SQUIP never would’ve changed, even if it had the capacity to learn.

Even with his own reassurances, Squip still found the tears flowing. The nightmare had shaken him. He didn’t want to think about what he had been and he didn’t want to think about what he could have been.

He started when he heard a quiet knock on his door and a moment later, it creaked open. Jeremy poked his head in. “…Squip?”

Squip would have thought that seeing Jeremy safe and sound would have helped him calm down, but the sense of relief only made him cry harder. “Jeremy…”

Jeremy bit his lip, hesitating. He obviously wasn’t used to being the one in this position. “…Can I…come in?”

Squip didn’t miss a beat, nodding desperately. “Please?”

He never liked asking for things. Ever since he’d become human, he was always wary to put himself first. Maybe that was what made him pathetic. He preached to the rest of the squad to think of themselves and practice self-care, but he often neglected to do it himself.

But as Jeremy padded over and crawled into bed with him, Squip buried himself in the boy’s chest and grabbed onto him like a lifeline, breaking down more. He needed the comfort. He needed the assurance that he wasn’t just a failure.

Jeremy wrapped his arms around Squip and gently rubbed his back, murmuring quiet reassurances much like Squip did when he was pulling Jeremy back from a nightmare. He still seemed unsure, since he’d never had to do this before, at least not for Squip. Squip knew that he’d talked Michael down from nightmares in the past.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Jeremy finally asked.

Squip immediately shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to think about the dream, to think about how he’d fallen to his past self’s feet like a helpless slave.

“Okay,” Jeremy mumbled, falling silent again.

Ever so slowly, Squip evened out his breathing, focusing on the thump-thump-thumping of Jeremy’s heart by his ear. His tears seemed to have dried up, and he just felt exhausted, hiccupping softly as he settled down.

“It’s alright,” Jeremy soothed, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Everyone is okay, and you’re here. And we’re glad you’re here.”

It was like Jeremy just knew. Then again, the pair of them did still have a lingering connection that no one else could quite grasp. Squip just sighed shakily and once again listened to Jeremy’s heartbeat, moving one hand to track his own. Thump thump thump.

He was still human. And despite what the voices in his head tried to tell him, he never wanted to be anything else.

[paladin-lynx]

Human SQUIPtober 2019, Day 5: Dance

Human SQUIPtober 2019 Day 5: Dance

Ships Involved: StageDorks (Jeremy x Christine)

Setting: Post-musical AU where the SQUIP somehow returned as a human and was redeemed/rehabilitated by Jeremy (with the help of the rest of the squad), and lived with him having nowhere else to go. He looks pretty similar to how he looked in Jeremy’s head, and physically he looks to be around college age.

Trigger/Content Warnings: None

Author’s Notes: So I didn’t know this was a thing until yesterday, so I didn’t get to make anything for the first few days of Human SQUIPtober. I may go back and come up with a little something for those days if I get the chance (I’m a little bummed I missed Day 4 because I adore BMC Superpowered AUs). I can’t draw, so I’ll offer my writing instead! I’ll try to explore a slew of settings, ships, and themes for the days I get to participate in. Also, I’ve been in somewhat of a writing slump lately, so apologies if my writing isn’t up to standard. I hope you enjoy!

Squip had a few running theories about how and why he’d been brought back as a human. SQUIPs themselves had limited information on where exactly they came from, seeing as there was always a bit of bleed between their data and their hosts’ and it was too risky to have too much that could cross between them, so Squip had absolutely no idea if something like this had ever happened before. It wasn’t like he had his databanks to fall back on anymore, although he had retained a good amount of the knowledge he had from his time in Jeremy’s head. Granted, his now-human brain could only contain so much without making the facts a bit fuzzy.

He hypothesized that how much power he’d gained from syncing with so many other SQUIPs combined with the fact that Jeremy himself hadn’t been the one to drink the Mountain Dew Red, and perhaps the possibility of him having been a defective pill – seeing as he’d broken the protocol of serving his host in order to pursue a higher purpose – could have mixed together to reactivate him. He wasn’t sure the rest of Jeremy’s friend group’s SQUIPs were strong enough to have managed something similar.

But the sudden gain of an actual human body? That was the one part he couldn’t wrap his head around. He wasn’t sure it was worth agonizing over.

The more sentimental part of him – because, for God’s sake, he had one of those now – wondered if perhaps there were supernatural forces at work that wanted him to feel karma. Jeremy had gone through a careful procedure in the hospital to have his SQUIP removed, since it had still muttered and criticized him even after everything, although its voice had been nothing more than a hiss in the back of his head, and that was the last thing Squip had remembered. He’d begged Jeremy one more time to keep him, and then there was nothing. Before there was suddenly everything.

First waking up as a human hadn’t exactly been easy. He guessed the surgeons had merely tossed the SQUIP out in the garbage, assuming it’d be destroyed eventually since they still didn’t have a solid idea on what it even was, so when he suddenly came to, it was a very unpleasant awakening in the Beth Israel dumpster. Everything had hit him at once: the putrid smell of the waste, the disgusting texture, the burning in his eyes, the confusion rattling his mind. He was feeling, and after having been a supercomputer above simple human functions like the basic senses and emotions, it was too overwhelming. He’d ended up blacking out again almost as soon as he’d woken up.

Then, through a convoluted series of events that involved him being taken into the hospital and having to sweet-talk his way out – even with the nervousness that perhaps he’d inherited from Jeremy, it appeared he still had his charisma at the very least – he’d ended up seeking out Jeremy. He needed to get a grip, but he honestly had next to no idea what he was doing. Sure, he had all of the information in his head about what it meant to be human and what he needed to do in order to stay alive, but that was a lot different than suddenly experiencing everything for real.

More than suddenly being able to physically feel and smell and the like, what was most disconcerting was the menagerie of voices snapping at him in his head. There seemed to be two sides: the first were growling at him: “look how far you’ve fallen”, “you used to be incredible, now look at you”, “how pathetic, coming back to life only to be like this”. Then there was the other side: “do you understand the weight of what you’ve done?”, “you’re a monster, all you ever did was hurt people”, “the only reason you’ve come back is so that you can suffer the consequences of your actions.” It had him feeling so terribly small, doing everything he could to tune out the venomous thoughts. What was it that Jeremy had always said to ward him off? Loudest one is mine? That wasn’t particularly helpful when he knew that all of those voices were his.

Jeremy, of course, had been more than wary at first about helping Squip. He’d actually initially slammed the door in his face before seeing that Squip appeared to be on the verge of a panic attack on his doorstep, and he’d caved and ushered him into the house. He’d talked him down and gotten the story out of him, and reluctantly agreed to let him crash there for the time being.

Since then, Squip had improved immensely. He still had some old habits that stuck, of course. He was very blunt with his opinions, although he was working on that, since he’d unintentionally upset some of Jeremy’s friends with his comments. He was a perfectionist in every sense, a stickler for organization and cleanliness. He was, unsurprisingly, a tech junkie and interested in absorbing as much information as he could. He sometimes slipped into Japanese without realizing when speaking, since he found it easier to process things in what was technically his mother tongue.

The weight of his guilt always sat heavy on his shoulders, but he knew that the most he could do now was try and make up for what he’d done. It was in a SQUIP’s nature to serve and assist, and so he was always lending a hand. He’d become something of an elder brother to the squad, especially when it came to Jeremy. He was still protective over the boy as if he were still his host, and while Jeremy seemed to appreciate the attention most of the time now that he was used to it, there were plenty of times he had to tell Squip to back off and give him space to figure things out on his own. Michael had teased Squip for being as nosy as Jenna Rolan, which Squip still couldn’t decide if that was true or not. Or if he should be insulted or not.

Even with the intense remorse, though, Squip was learning to love being human. He was starting to find himself and distance himself from the cold, heartless machine he’d once been. One of the things he’d discovered he loved was music. Granted, he was sure he’d probably liked it before. SQUIPs were learning computers, after all, and he remembered observing everyone dancing at the Halloween party and deciding to jump in and analyze how the teenagers were having fun. And, perhaps somewhere deep in his code, he’d decided he was having fun, as well. Nowadays, Jeremy still sometimes made fun of him for the handful of times he’d caught Squip in the middle of his chores, playing music and swaying along to the beat, sometimes even humming or singing. Jeremy wouldn’t admit it, but Squip knew that he silently thought Squip had a nice voice, as well. It didn’t have quite as much of a surfer lilt as before, but it was still quite similar to how he’d sounded while in Jeremy’s mind.

Jeremy wasn’t much of a dancer, but Christine was. Now that they were dating – Squip sometimes felt even guiltier for being happy that, even after all the awful events, the pair had actually gotten together and were still in a healthy relationship – it wasn’t unusual for Christine to drag Jeremy into her antics. But the boy was so taken with her that he probably would’ve gone along with her if she’d asked him to rob a bank. Squip often ruffled Jeremy’s hair and teased him for how smitten he was, to which Jeremy’s face would flush and he would just swat him away while half-heartedly protesting.

Whenever Christine came over, Squip tended to hide away in his room. It wasn’t because he didn’t want to see Christine – everyone of course had been concerned at first about accepting him, but they’d mostly accepted him by now, seeing as he was rather harmless as just a boring old human and honestly it was amusing to them to see him learning how to be a functional person – but because he wanted to give the couple their privacy. While there was nothing scandalous happening, Squip knew that there were multiple occasions they’d ended up making out on the couch or just in general be lovey-dovey in that way only high school sweethearts could. In any case, he didn’t want to third wheel, although Michael seemed more than happy to take that role and hang out with Jeremy and Christine when the were together. Squip guessed that Michael often took the opportunity to embarrass Jeremy in front of Christine. You got a lot of dirt on someone if you were their closest friend for nearly thirteen years. You got equally as much dirt having lived in their brain for a few months, but Squip usually only poked fun at Jeremy when it was just the two of them in the house.

Today was one of the days Squip locked himself away so Jeremy and Christine could have their alone time. At some point, he heard the front door open then slam shut and he guessed that Michael had come to join. Maybe they would once again try to recruit Christine as their Player 3 to get through The Cafetorium, which they still couldn’t seem to beat. Squip had offered to help, but Jeremy had protested that Squip would give them an unfair advantage since he’d once been a piece of technology and that they needed to do it the human way. It was a bit silly, but Squip didn’t press the matter. He wondered if they’d ever get past the level. He supposed they’d have to eventually, after enough tries.

Christine normally came over for a few hours, or sometimes she’d stay the night and Squip could sneak out of his room once they’d settled in Jeremy’s– he’d been gifted the Heeres’ guest bedroom, as well as an old laptop and phone that Mr. Heere had managed to buy for cheap from his office – but normally, he just stayed holed up, only coming out if he needed to use the bathroom or if he felt like he was needed for a specific reason.

Squip was still learning how to tend to his basic needs like eating and sleeping – sleeping was hit-or-miss most nights, since either he was kept up by insomnia or kept restless with nightmares reminding him of what he’d once been – so he had set alarms on his phone to keep himself in check. He nearly jumped as his alarm reminding him to eat lunch went off and he scrambled to turn it off, frowning. Christine was over a little earlier than usual, but Squip didn’t really want to interrupt the trio downstairs by making himself food, even if he could just bring it back up to his room, although he’d rather eat in the kitchen. However, he knew that if he waited for Christine and maybe Michael, as well, to leave, he’d go without food for quite a while. So, with a sigh, he stuffed his phone into his pocket and opened the door.

He had expected to be met with the sounds of zombie groans and gunshots. What he hadn’t expected was to instead hear Hall & Oates blasting from the living room.

“What I want, you’ve got, and it might be hard to handle—”

Raising an eyebrow, Squip slowly made his way down the stairs, peeking over the railing towards the living room, and he blinked in surprise.

They were streaming music from the TV, and there was Christine on the couch, giggling loudly. And there was Michael, standing and grinning, taking Jeremy’s hand and twirling him along to the music while Jeremy, flushed in the face, laughed and let himself spin. Once Jeremy was facing Michael again, Michael took both his hands and moved in perfect rhythm – he loved his music, after all, especially his oldies that he’d dragged Jeremy down with him into – with the song.

“But like the flame that burns the candle, the candle feeds the flame, yeah yeah—”

It was only a moment before Christine kicked her legs in excitement and burst with that energy everyone knew her for, jumping up and cutting in so that all three were holding hands and just moving back and forth in an uncoordinated dance. Squip couldn’t help thinking of the memories he’d glimpsed of Jeremy’s Bar Mitzvah party, music blaring in a ballroom while teens and adults alike tried to figure out how to dance along on the shiny dancefloor under flashing lights. Michael had grabbed Jeremy back then just like he did now.

“You make my dreams come true!”

Squip found himself breaking into a fond smile as he watched. The three of them looked ridiculous, just dancing in the middle of the living room, almost bumping into the coffee table more than once, but they were having fun. Squip found that that was part of the human experience. Things didn’t have to have a purpose; people found joy in the most trivial of things, whether it was feeling the breeze tousling your hair on a summer day or deciding you wanted to break out into song and dance for no reason at all. Humans didn’t have to analyze and foresee plausible futures. They just acted. Of course, that often landed them in trouble, but other times they just threw caution to the wind in order to have a good time.

Deciding that the trio was distracted enough, Squip made his way down the rest of the staircase, attempting to keep his footfalls light, but of course the house decided to work against him and one of the last stairs creaked loudly. Swearing under his breath, he turned to see that the dancing had stopped and all three teenagers were gazing at him. He felt heat rise to his cheeks.

“I’ll only be a moment, I just wanted to grab something to eat,” he nearly mumbled, hurriedly making his way down the rest of the stairs so he could shuffle past. However, he froze when he felt something grab his sleeve and he turned with slightly widened eyes to see Michael grinning at him.

“C’mon, S, join us,” he insisted. Out of all of the squad, Michael was the last person Squip had expected to accept him. But Michael seemed so taken by the idea of a computer becoming a person that he no longer viewed Squip as a threat. Besides, as soon as Jeremy had warmed up to him, it was basically inevitable that Michael would, too.

Squip’s brow creased at Michael’s words. “Join you?” he echoed. “I wouldn’t want to intrude on your, er…whatever it is you’re doing. Little dance party.”

He peeked up to see that Jeremy and Christine had already resumed dancing, Christine looping her arms around Jeremy’s neck while Jeremy lightly had his hands on her hips. Squip was convinced that Jeremy spent 85% of his time around Christine with a blush on his face. Despite the fact that they’d been dating for quite a while now, Jeremy still seemed so surprised that he’d actually gotten the girl he’d been pining after since freshman year.

“On a night when bad dreams become a screamer, when they're messin’ with a dreamer, I can laugh it in the face—”

“You’re not intruding, I literally invited you, dude,” Michael huffed, pulling Squip towards the living room, causing Squip to stumble a step as he was forced to follow. He scrambled for a response. He felt like he shouldn’t be doing this, despite the fact that Michael was right and they’d quite literally requested he dance with them. But it still felt like he was interrupting. He couldn’t help loathing how feelings often contradicted one another or just happened out of nowhere.

“Michael—” he tried, only to get cut off by Jeremy snickering. The other boy was giving him a half-smirk.

“I think you’re just nervous because you can’t dance,” he teased.

Despite how far he’d come, sometimes Squip’s pride still got the better of him. And he knew Jeremy knew that. The boy was obviously goading him on.

And, like a stupid human, Squip fell right for the bait.

He pulled away from Michael and separated Jeremy and Christine – making sure not to shove them in the process – and wrapped an arm around Jeremy’s waist. The color in Jeremy’s already flushed cheeks only darkened as Squip dipped him down, giving him a crooked grin.

“You should know better than to challenge me, Jeremy. After all, I’m the one who taught you how to dance.”

“Geez, take a joke sometime,” Jeremy muttered, although there was no bite to his voice and Squip could see him fighting a smile as he pushed on Squip’s chest, getting the other to lean up so they were standing straight again.

“You make my dreams come true! Oh yeah!”

Laughing, Squip gave in and joined in the impromptu little dance circle. He swept across the living room with Christine, stepped in time with Michael, and even joined Jeremy in his awkward shimmying. When Michael and Christine started singing, he found himself joining in and soon enough Jeremy was, too. A few songs went by before their hands were interlocked and they were simply moving back and forth like the trio had been doing on their own before.

Squip felt a warmth in his chest that he recognized as affection for his dance partners, and he just felt light as air as all four of them made idiots of themselves. Being human could be so frustrating, confusing, overwhelming, and just terrible a lot of the time. There was so much to process, especially for him when he had never experienced any of these things before.

But at times like these, he couldn’t be more grateful that he’d been given the chance to come back and just love life. It reminded him that, even with the karma he was facing, it didn’t have to be all that bad.

[paladin-lynx]

Your human au is great! It's really creative and well written! Nice work!

Wow this is super late??? I kind of lost steam for Human SQUIPtober but I thought it’s about time I answered this because I may actually try to go back and fill some of the prompts. I need to get back into the swing of writing after not having free time to do it for a while. Better late than never, right? And I’d never get tired of writing about my dear computer man.

Thank you for the kind words, anon! Here’s to more pieces from that AU!

[paladin-lynx]

Ahhh dude I love your squiptober writing pieces! They're really cool and well written and you're such an articulate and detailed writer! Everything flows well and I love your take on the character! Great work!!!

Ahhh thank you so much??? I’m glad people have been liking them! I was worried at first because I’ve been writing most of them in a rush, haha. The SQUIP is probably my favorite character from BMC and I do think that, at his core, he really did want to help Jeremy, so I liked the idea of him coming back and getting a chance to think about what he’s done and actually help Jeremy and the rest of the squad. And of course, this fandom has made me an absolute sucker for RiverWay, so I was glad to finally have an excuse to write a few things about them. I’m in the middle of working on today’s prompt so hopefully I’ll have that up soon! Thank you again so much for the kind words!!