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melancholy-of-nadia · 9 months

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love u lately #2 (m) | myg/knj/pjm

title: love u lately chapter title: #2 - right here pairing: yoongi x f. reader, namjoon x f. reader, jimin x f. reader (yoonminjoon x f. reader) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; college/university au , pseudo frat! bts; best friends! yoonminjoon friends to lovers; summary: after the events from friday night, you are trying to grapple with the newfound reality you find yourself in with Yoongi, and simultaneously trying to hide it from everyone in the Beta Tau Sigma house. When you seek Hwasa for advice and have an encounter with JB, you leave with a sudden epiphany on how to move forward. warnings: pwp, semi-public sexual activity (in a Professor's office), blowjob, handjob, cum-swallowing, ALMOST getting caught, hungover namjoon, jimin is sus, tbh not many warnings THIS TIME note: lol im sorry i'm always late at posting but here it is. s/o to @daegudrama for editing total word count: 6.8k drop date: september 20th, 1:00pm pst cross posted on AO3 here ← #1 | Series Masterlist | #3 → October 6th (Saturday)

The soft rays of the morning sun creep through the curtains, casting a warm glow across the room. You are still asleep, lost in a peaceful slumber that offers a respite from the whirlwind of emotions that consumed you the night before.

In your dreams, your thoughts and feelings dance in a realm of their own, untouched by the waking world.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen downstairs, a figure moves with purpose, the clinking of pots and pans punctuating the otherwise serene atmosphere. Yoongi stands by the stove, flipping pancakes with practiced ease. His movements are precise, each action a deliberate step towards his goal.

He glances at the clock on the wall, noting the early hour. It is unusual for him to be up and about so early, but he has a reason—an unspoken promise to take care of you after the night you both had. He knows that the morning after could bring with it the unpleasant aftermath of a hangover, and he wants to make sure you are comfortable and well-fed.

The scent of pancakes and sizzling bacon wafts through the house, mingling with the memories of the previous night. As he continues his cooking, a soft smile tugs at the corners of Yoongi's lips. He finds solace in the simple act of making breakfast for you, a way to convey his care and concern without needing to put his emotions into words.

Just as he finishes up, the front door creaks open. Yoongi's ears perk up at the sound, and he turns to see Jimin entering the house. Jimin's hair is slightly disheveled, a telltale sign of a night spent elsewhere. He is wearing a white oversized t-shirt with black basketball shorts. He blinks in surprise when he sees Yoongi in the kitchen, fully engaged in cooking.

"What's all this?" Jimin comments, his voice laced with curiosity. He takes a seat at the dining table, eyeing the spread of food on the counter and then back to Yoongi, with a puzzled look. "Hyung, you're looking a little different this morning,"

Yoongi turns to face Jimin, his usually calm expression replaced with an uncharacteristic cheeriness. His gummy smile is on full display, a sight that Jimin rarely witnesses. It usually comes out when he’s drunk or trying to act silly. But this smile right now is a smile that speaks of contentment, as if a weight has been lifted from Yoongi's shoulders.

"Just felt like making breakfast," Yoongi replies nonchalantly, flipping another pancake onto a plate. "Thought it'd be nice."

Jimin's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Yoongi is one of the main chefs of the Beta Tau Sigma house, but he usually wouldn't bother to make anything if the whole gang isn't home. It is almost as if something significant has happened to prompt this change in behavior.

As Jimin settles into his seat, he can't help but prod further. "Seriously. You're acting... different, Hyung. Are you sure you're okay?"

Yoongi chuckles softly, the sound carrying a hint of mischief. "I'm perfectly fine, Jiminie. Just in a good mood, I guess." Yoongi using Jimin’s cute nickname? Oh there is definitely something off.

Jimin eyes him suspiciously, his intuition telling him that there is more to this than Yoongi is letting on. "You're hiding something, are you?"

Yoongi's expression remains unchanged, a master of concealing his thoughts. "Why would I keep something from you, Jimin?"

Jimin's gaze narrows, studying Yoongi's face for any signs of a crack in his facade. He can't shake the feeling that there is something important that Yoongi isn't sharing, something that has prompted this uncharacteristic behavior. Did he get laid the night before? The only memorable time Yoongi has acted uncharacteristically giddy like this is when he lost his virginity during his junior year of high school to Ashley, who is a year younger than him. Well that and the times when he won Varsity basketball tournaments.

"Hyung, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Jimin's tone is gentle, his concern evident.

Yoongi's smile doesn't waver, but his eyes hold a hint of scorn. "I appreciate that, Jiminie. But sometimes, it's better to keep certain things to myself."

Jimin sighs deeply, his brows furrowing as he gazes at Yoongi, who seems unusually tight-lipped about the events of the previous night. A small pang of worry tugs at his heart. He's well aware of Yoongi's penchant for privacy; it's one of the things that he respects about his best friend. In a world where secrets are sometimes shared like K-Pop idol photocards, Yoongi has always been the reliable vault, guarding his innermost thoughts and emotions with a steadfast determination.

While Yoongi might have an open and straightforward demeanor, he understands the gravity of the situation. He can't simply tell his other best friends that he broke their unspoken pact, that he fucked their sole female best friend in the quad. It's not just about secrecy; it's about a complex tangle of emotions, loyalties, and unspoken rules that bind their tight-knit group together. Yoongi knows that revealing this secret could potentially rock the foundation of their friendship and the overall house dynamics, and he's torn between wanting his friend to know the truth and protecting the bonds they've built over the years.

Just as Jimin is about to speak again, Yoongi turns his attention back to the food, effectively closing off any further discussion. Jimin watches him for a moment, a mixture of confusion and further concern swirling in his mind. He can't shake the feeling that something has shifted, something that he isn't fully aware of.

With a sigh, Jimin pushes those thoughts aside and focuses on his plate of food. He knows he’s been hanging out with Irene a little too often and missing out on fun stuff with his friends. He is starting to get tired of his relationship. He would much rather hang out with you, Namjoon and Yoongi or Taehyung and Jungkook…everyone in the house actually. But the sex with Irene isn’t too bad, and it satisfies an urge that has been frustrating him for months, possibly years. Only Taehyung knew of this truth besides him.

You are still asleep upstairs, your dreams blissfully unaware of the conversation outside of the door. Yoongi, with his unspoken secret and newfound cheerfulness, continues to carry the weight of his emotions in silence, determined to protect the fragile balance that exists within your group of friends.

With a soft yawn, you stretch and sit up in bed, letting out a groan as your head protests the sudden movement. It doesn't take long for the events of the previous night to flood back into your mind—party hopping, laughter, and a moment of unexpected intimacy with Yoongi.

As you mull over the memories, a wave of embarrassment and excitement washes over you. The realization of what transpired between you and Yoongi sends a flutter of nervous anticipation through your chest. You know you'll have to face him soon, but first, you need to shake off the remnants of your hangover.

With a sigh, you swing your legs over the side of the bed and stand up, steadying yourself for a moment as your head spins. Gathering your resolve, you make your way to the bathroom, where you spend a few minutes brushing your teeth and splashing cold water on your face.

Feeling slightly more awake, you decide to head downstairs to the kitchen in search of a much-needed cup of water. As you descend the staircase, the aroma of breakfast hits you, and your curiosity piques. Yoongi rarely cooks this early, unless...

You step into the kitchen and are met with a sight that surprises you. The kitchen island is laden with plates of blueberry pancakes, sausages, omelets, and more. It's a feast fit for a king, and your stomach grumbles in response.

"Morning," a familiar voice greets you from the dining table, and you turn to see Jimin there, already tucking into his meal.

"Hey," you reply, rubbing your eyes as if it would clear away the remnants of sleep. Your gaze drifts to the spread of food, and then to Yoongi's back as he continues to work in the kitchen.

"He's been up for a while, making all this," Jimin says with a nod towards Yoongi.

You walk over to the dining table and take a seat across from Jimin. "Yoongi made all of this?"

Jimin chuckles, his mouth full of food. "Yeah, it's a bit unusual, right? Must be in a good mood or something."

You watch Yoongi's movements, the way he works with a focused determination. There's a sense of purpose in his actions, as if he's trying to convey something through his cooking.

"I'm not complaining though," Jimin continues with a grin, taking another bite of his pancakes.

You give a small smile in response, your mind still slightly foggy from the remnants of your hangover. As you take a sip of water, you can't help but feel a mix of emotions. Part of you is grateful for Yoongi's thoughtfulness, for taking care of you after a night of drinking. But there's also a sense of unease, a nagging fear of the consequences of what happened between you two.

As you pick at your food, you steal glances at Yoongi, wondering if he's feeling the same way. His demeanor is calm and collected, a mask that conceals the true depths of his thoughts. A mix of uncertainty and curiosity churns within you, but you push those thoughts aside when Jimin decides to break the silence.

"Hey, so how did game night go yesterday?" Jimin asks, his gaze shifting between you and Yoongi.

Yoongi's lips curl into a small smile, a subtle hint of satisfaction in his expression. "Went well, we went over to the River Court dorms with the big lounge. I won game night for the first time." This was definitely alluding to something else. Though for Jimin, these dots connected to answer the concern he had earlier. Still feels like some important information is still missing from it, he thinks.

You manage a nod, trying to keep your composure. "Yeah, it was a close game! Really thought Soohyun or Yijeong would win that, but unexpectedly, it was Yoongi!" You laughed, probably not because of what you said, but the ridiculousness of the situation you are currently in.

Jimin arches an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Really? That's interesting."

You decide to change the topic to ask Jimin about his events from the night before. “So, how was your night with Irene?”

Jimin's expression momentarily shifts as you bring up Irene, and he forces a smile. "Oh, you know, the usual. We went to that new Italian restaurant downtown after her fall rush activities. It was... nice." He tries to sound enthusiastic, but there's a subtle undertone of fatigue in his voice.

Yoongi, ever perceptive, raises an eyebrow as he takes in Jimin's response. "Nice, huh? Sounds thrilling." There's a hint of sarcasm in his words.

Jimin shrugs, not meeting anyone's gaze. "Yeah, well, you know how it is, trying to keep things exciting with Irene."

The room falls into a momentary silence, punctuated only by the clinking of cutlery as you all continue to eat. It's evident that Jimin is grappling with something, but he brushes it off. You would want to question if he’s doing okay, but you’re already treading on harsh waters with Yoongi so to add Jimin to the mix would make this worse.

The conversation continues with a few more remarks exchanged, but the air is tinged with an underlying tension that you can't quite shake. Despite Yoongi's attempt to appear nonchalant, you can tell that he's carefully choosing his words.

As the three of you eat in silence, the awkwardness becomes palpable. You find yourself fidgeting, your eyes darting around the room as you try to avoid Yoongi's gaze. The events of the previous night are still fresh in your mind, and the weight of unspoken words hangs heavy between you two.

Suddenly, you decide that you can't bear the awkwardness any longer. Pushing your plate away, you clear your throat. "Hey, guys, I need to go to the library this morning. Hwasa wanted to study together."

“Studying? On a Saturday morning, beansprout?” Jimin looks at you in disbelief and laughs.

“Beansprout!?” You look at him all confused at the new nickname. “Uh, yes! We got midterms coming up in a few weeks and I’ve been avoiding looking at my class lecture notes like the procrastinator I am.” You sigh.

Yoongi's eyes briefly meet yours as he goes to wash the dishes, seeing a flicker of understanding in his gaze that this is indeed an excuse to go clear your head. You're grateful that he doesn't push the elephant in the room, and that he knows you need time to process what happened. Maybe some studying and talking with Hwasa could help you decide what to do next.

"Then you better go, study and not fail out of college in your 2nd year here," Jimin replies reassuringly, giving you a knowing smile. "We'll catch up more later."

You get up from your seat, taking your dishes to the sink. As you reach out to place your plate down, your hand brushes against Yoongi's briefly, sending a shiver down your spine. It's a simple touch, but it's enough to remind you of the lingering connection between you two.

Without saying a word, you turn and make your way to your room to change. You opt for a comfortable outfit—jeans, a soft oversized sweater, and sneakers. It's a look that makes you feel at ease, even as your thoughts whirl with uncertainty.

Exiting your room with your backpack, you see Jungkook come out from his room next door. When did Jungkook get here? You say good morning to him, but with his airpods in and eyes trained on something on his phone it seems like he can't hear you as he walks into the bathroom.

You tell the two men in the kitchen you’ll be back later and head out. When you open the door, you catch a glimpse of Hoseok helping a clearly hungover Namjoon through the front door. You offer a small wave and a quick hello, not wanting to get caught in any further awkward interactions. Unfortunately, that does not happen.

“Y/N, where are you going?” Namjoon asks, causing you to turn around. You sigh inwardly but put on a friendly smile to respond to Namjoon's inquiry. "Hey, Namjoon, just heading to the library to study with Hwasa."

His eyes narrow ever so slightly as he studies your face, and you can tell he's being overly cautious. "The library, huh? You sure about that?"

You raise an eyebrow, a hint of annoyance bubbling beneath your polite exterior. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Your response sounds a little defensive, feeling a headache coming in from all the eggshell walking this morning.

Namjoon's protective instincts are on high alert, and he glances back at Hoseok for support. "No reason, it's just... you know, it's good to be careful, especially with JB around."

Your annoyance grows, but you keep your tone measured. "Namjoon, I appreciate your concern, but you know I can handle myself. And I'm not hanging out with JB, if that's what you're worried about."

Namjoon seems unconvinced but doesn't press further. "Alright, just be safe, Tiny. Call one of us if you need anything, okay?"

You give him a reassuring nod before walking away to the library. You can't help but roll your eyes internally at Namjoon's overprotective nature, especially considering his own involvement with Jihyo. Nonetheless, you appreciate his concern, even if it's a bit misguided.

As you walk, you keep replaying the events of the previous night in your mind. The memory of the passionate kiss, the mix of emotions, and the unspoken words—all of it weighs heavily on your thoughts. Part of you knows that you need to have a conversation with Yoongi about what happened, to clarify your feelings and understand his intentions.

You make your way a few blocks to campus and enter the university library. The scent of books and hushed whispers surrounds you, creating an atmosphere of studious concentration. You're in dire need of a revitalizing tea, so you head to the library cafe to order one. While waiting for your tea, you call Hwasa, your trusted confidante, telling her that it's a "CODE RED," an urgent matter that requires her immediate attention. You know she's probably still in bed, but you can't wait to discuss this with her.

“Huh…Code Red?” Hwasa responds in a daze, words slurred. You think it's adorable.

"Ahn Hyejin, I need you to come to the library right now," you say, your voice carrying a mix of stern excitement and nervousness.

"Hmm? Addressing me with the govy name?! What's going on? Is this about some Harry Potter fanfiction again?" Hwasa's voice is groggy, clearly woken up by your urgent call.

"No, it's not about the Draco fic!...And that was ONE TIME! It's about... something else." You bite your lip, glancing around to make sure no one's eavesdropping on your conversation.

Hwasa, sensing that you are definitely serious about this code red call, responds with a more serious tone, "Alright, give me a second. I'll be there as soon as I can."

True to her word, Hwasa arrives shortly, looking a bit disheveled in her gray sweatpants and hoodie, but fully awake. You quickly fill her in on the events of the previous night, recounting everything you're able to remember—even the smallest details, thanks to your surprisingly sharp memory even when you're tipsy.

Hwasa's eyes widen with shock as she listens to your story. "Oh god, finally."

Confused, you raise an eyebrow. "Huh? What do you mean finally?"

Hwasa lets out a chuckle and shakes her head. "Honey, I'm gonna be honest with you. This man is clearly head over heels in love with you. Have you not seen the major heart eyes Min Yoongi has been giving you since I met you last year at the Fall Club Fair?"

Heart eyes? You're taken aback by her words, your mind racing to remember any instances where Yoongi might have displayed such feelings. Then you remember meeting Hwasa at the Fall club fair last year when you started college. Namjoon and Yoongi, both a year older than you, had been showing you and the other maknae line members around. Jimin and Jungkook had gotten caught up watching Hobi's street team dance performance. Namjoon, Jin, and Taehyung had been munching on food at some of the stalls. Meanwhile, Yoongi introduced you to the multicultural club booth, where you met Yijeong, Jieun, and Hwasa, who were giving away Korean goodies. You distinctly recall Yoongi wiping away some crumbs at the corner of your lips, an innocent gesture that Hwasa had clearly interpreted differently. For you, this was typical Yoongi showing his love language for his friends.

Hwasa grins mischievously as she continues, "Ever since then, I've seen the way he looks at you. Spring Fling too! Trust me, girl, those heart eyes don't lie."

You're a mix of emotions—surprised, flustered, and admittedly a little giddy. The idea that Yoongi might have feelings for you is both exhilarating and terrifying. You haven't allowed yourself to entertain such thoughts before, but now they're impossible to ignore.

Before you can say anything else, Hwasa leans in, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "So, what are you going to do about it?"

Your heart races as you contemplate the question. What are you going to do about it? It's a decision that could change the dynamics of your friendship with Yoongi forever. Not just him, but everyone in the house! As you sit there, lost in thought, you realize that you need more time to process everything that's happened. You look at Hwasa with a determined expression.

You hesitate, your mind racing with conflicting thoughts and emotions. "I mean, what would you do if you were in my position?" you finally ask, genuinely seeking her advice.

"Uh, date him?" Hwasa suggests with a casual shrug, as if it's the most obvious solution in the world. “There’s nothing stopping you from this, or is there…?”

You blink at her, your heart rate quickening. "Date Yoongi? But what about Jaebeom? I still am very much attracted to that man!" The idea seems both tempting and terrifying. There are so many reasons why it can't happen, with the main one being your lingering crush on Jaebeom. The other being related to two people you don’t want to think about much.

Hwasa rolls her eyes, clearly unconvinced by your argument. "Oh, you're still hung up on that? Honey, have you not been listening to me? That guy is only looking to get his dick wet!"

You let out an exasperated sigh, feeling a mix of frustration and denial. "How sure are you about that? What if he actually likes me?"

Hwasa raises an eyebrow at you, her expression telling you that she's not buying your doubts. "I doubt it. Trust me, he doesn't do relationships from all the info I’ve heard. It's all about fun and games for him."

You press your lips together, torn between Hwasa's words of caution and the possibility that there might be more to Yoongi's intentions. It's a risk you're not sure you're ready to take, especially when your heart still flutters at the thought of Jaebeom.

Hwasa leans back, studying your conflicted expression. "Look, Honey, I'm not saying you should jump into anything. Take your time, figure out what you want. But don't dismiss Yoongi either. Sometimes, the best things are right in front of us, and after all that bullshit Joon and Jimin are pulling with the girlies they’re with…that thing you need might be Yoongi."

Her words resonate with you, and you sigh, nodding slowly as you hear her out. "Maybe, you're right. I'll take some time to think about it."

Hwasa smiles and pats your hand reassuringly. "That's all I'm asking for. Just promise me you won't close yourself off to these possibilities. And remember, I've got your back no matter what."

You manage a small smile in return, grateful for Hwasa's unwavering support. As you continue to chat, sharing your thoughts and concerns, you start to feel a bit more at ease. While the path ahead is uncertain, at least you have someone who's willing to listen and provide guidance.

As the conversation continues, you find yourself growing more introspective, contemplating the complexities of your feelings for both Yoongi and Jaebeom. It's a conversation that leaves you with a lot to consider, and as the afternoon sunlight filters through the library windows, you feel a renewed sense of clarity.

Eventually, you part ways with Hwasa, promising to keep her updated on any developments. Leaving the library, you take a deep breath of fresh air, feeling a bit of weight lifted off your shoulders.

+++++++++++++++++++

October 8th (Monday)

On Monday, you walk into your Finance class, feeling a mix of anticipation and nervousness. As you enter the classroom, your eyes immediately search for JB. He's sitting in his usual spot, looking engrossed in his notebook. Taking a deep breath, you decide to sit next to him, despite the awkwardness you feel.

The lecture proceeds, and you find yourself trying to focus on the material, but your thoughts keep drifting back to the conversation you had with Hwasa. You're determined to be more present in the moment, but it's difficult when JB's mere presence beside you sends your heart racing.

Finally, the class comes to an end. As students start packing up their belongings, you take a deep breath and muster the courage to speak to JB.

"Hey, JB," you begin, your voice a bit shaky. "I wanted to apologize for leaving you behind that night at the party. I wasn't feeling well, and Yoongi took me away to check-up on me."

JB glances at you briefly before shrugging nonchalantly. "It's whatever," he replies, his tone indifferent.

You're taken aback by his lack of reaction. You had expected some kind of response, maybe even a hint of annoyance, but his words are surprisingly dismissive. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't think I was intentionally blowing you off or anything."

JB raises an eyebrow, as if sizing you up. "Look, it's fine. I'm not really interested in talking to you anymore."

His words catch you off guard, and a strange mix of relief and disappointment washes over you. "Oh, um, okay then."

"Yeah, I figured you're probably busy with other stuff," JB says casually, as if he's already moved on.

“Other stuff? What are you talking about–”

JB doesn’t let you finish your question and instead, stands up, gathering his things. "Anyway, see you around."

You feel a pang of something – disappointment, perhaps – but it's not as sharp as you thought it would be. Maybe it's the newfound clarity you gained from talking to Hwasa, or maybe it's the fact that you've realized there was nothing truly tangible that could happen with JB. Though you are still confused by what he meant by that last remark, you decide to ignore it.

As JB walks away, you find yourself feeling strangely liberated.

After that interaction with him, you can't help but feel a newfound sense of empowerment and clarity. The conversation with Hwasa and the way JB's dismissal rolled off your shoulders made you realize that it's time to take control of your own feelings and decisions. With this determination in mind, you decide to follow Hwasa's advice and text Yoongi after your class.

You: Where are you right now?

You type quickly, feeling a mix of nervousness and anticipation.

A few minutes later, your phone buzzes with a response.

Yoongi: At Professor Kang's office, grading papers. He had to step out for a department meeting just now.

You: Stay where you are. I’m coming over there.

Taking a deep breath, you gather your things and head towards the Social Sciences building where Professor Kang's office is located.

+++++++++++

You knock on the door, your heart beating faster as you wait for a response. The door opens, revealing Yoongi on the other side.

"Hey," you say softly, meeting his gaze.

"Hey," he replies, and you can sense a mixture of anticipation and something else in his eyes.

"Can we talk?" you ask, your voice steady despite the fluttering in your chest.

Yoongi steps aside, gesturing for you to enter the office. You step inside, and he closes the door behind you, the latch clicking softly, cocooning the two of you in this small space. Papers and books sprawl across the cluttered desk, lending the room a cozy, but somewhat chaotic, atmosphere. The soft, golden sunlight filtering through the outside trees adds a touch of tranquility to the space, as though it's caught in a moment of serene contemplation.

You take a deep breath, facing Yoongi. "I've been thinking a lot about what happened on Friday," you begin, choosing your words carefully. "And I realize that I need to clarify my own feelings and thoughts."

Yoongi nods, his expression serious. "I've been waiting for you to bring this up," he admits. "I didn't want to push you into a conversation you weren't ready for."

You appreciate his understanding, and it gives you the courage to continue. "Thank you, Yoongs,” you say with a warm smile, your voice soft as you gather your thoughts. "I want to start by saying that I really enjoyed spending time with you on Friday," your cheeks flushing slightly with a delicate pink hue.

His eyes, like warm pools of caramel, meet yours, and he smiles. "I did too, probably the most fun I’ve had since the beginning of this semester." His voice is low and soothing, like a comforting melody in the background.

Your fingers trace patterns on the hem of your top, a nervous habit of yours activating as you are about to potentially initiate something you cannot change. "And after a lot of thinking," you begin slowly, "I wanted to ask you if we could start something…"

His curiosity piqued, Yoongi leans back against Professor Kang’s desk. "Spit it out, Sunshine," he encourages, his eyes never leaving yours.

"Like friends with benefits!" you finally let it out, the words hanging in the air, their weight palpable in the room. You can feel the soft breeze from the open window, a gentle reminder of the world outside, but for this moment, it's just the two of you, suspended in time.

Yoongi exhales, and moves to sit at the TA desk by the window.

"Not what I thought you would say, but that doesn't sound like a bad idea given our circumstances."

You nod in agreement, feeling relieved that Yoongi is open to the idea. "I just think it could be fun and beneficial for both of us before we think about stepping into something more complex, y'know!" you say, trying to downplay the nerves that are still bubbling up inside of you.

Yoongi studies you for a moment, his eyes flickering with something you can't quite decipher. “What about your crush on Jaebeom? Not trying to get with him anymore?” He asks.

“Well, he hates my guts since I left standing there on Friday when you dragged me away…so that’s done.”

He laughs lowly, “Well, I'm definitely interested if he’s not," he says and pauses briefly before saying the next thing on his mind. "But we should establish some ground rules first."

You nod again, eager to hear what he has to say. "Of course, whatever you think is necessary. I haven't done something like this since high school and you know how that went."

You laughed nervously, recalling your unestablished situationship with Yeonjun that very much did not end well. You came crying to Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi that night when everything crashed down and they took you out for rolled ice cream.

Yoongi leans forward, his gaze intense. "First, we have to be completely honest with each other. If either of us starts to want something more from each other, we need to speak up immediately and decide what to do."

You nod, feeling a sense of relief wash over you at his words. "I agree, communication is key! What else do you think we should establish?"

"Second, we have to be safe," Yoongi continues, his voice serious. "We'll use protection when penetrating always, no exceptions. And we'll both get tested before we start anything."

You nod again, feeling grateful for Yoongi's responsible approach to this situation. "That makes sense, and I completely agree. Is there anything else?"

Yoongi leans back in his chair, his gaze flickering over your body. "Lastly," he says, his voice dropping to a whisper. "We have to be completely open with each other about our desires and boundaries. And we have to be willing to explore and experiment with each other."

You feel a shiver run down your spine at his words, your body responding to the promise of intimacy with Yoongi. "I am willing to do that," you reply, your voice husky with desire.

In that moment, your impulsive thoughts start advising you to do something you thought you would never do, and you listen. You walk towards Yoongi's desk and get on your knees in front of him, feeling emboldened by the conversation and agreement made. You realize what you're about to do is incredibly risky, but if you don't solidify this agreement now, when could you really?

You reach for his thighs, your eyes never leaving his. Yoongi's gaze is intense as he looks down at you, your fingers gripping his thighs tightly.

"You’re really about to do this…right here?" he asks, his voice low and rough. "Are you sure about that?"

You nod, feeling a wave of desire wash over you. "I've never been more sure of anything," you reply, your fingers moving to the button of his jeans.

Yoongi lets out a low growl as you begin to unzip his pants, his eyes dark with desire. You take him in your hand, feeling him harden under your touch.

"Fuck," he mutters under his breath as you begin to stroke him slowly. "You really drive me crazy. You know that, Sunshine?"

You smirk up at him for using your everyday nickname in this context, feeling a sense of power as you pleasure him with your hands. He's never been more vulnerable than he is right now, sitting in his Professor's semi public office trying to control his heavy breathing with your hand wrapped around his cock slowly stroking.

"Well this is my favorite way to drive someone crazy," you say as you lean forward and wrap your lips around the tip of his cock, his taste and smell is more intoxicating than expected. His hands immediately fall to your curls, gripping them tightly as you take him deeper into your mouth.

You begin to move your head up and down, your hand still stroking him in rhythm with the movement of your mouth. You feel him harden further, his cock twitching in your hands and his moans filling the air.

You pull your head back, your lips wet from his glistening precum. "But I can think of a couple of other ways as well."

Yoongi's eyes are dark with lust, his breathing ragged. You move your hands to the waistband of his jeans and underwear, pulling them down his hips and freeing him from any constraint. He kicks off his shoes and lifts his feet so you can pull his pants all the way off, your eyes never leaving his.

You take him in your mouth again and begin to suck him in earnest, feeling your own desire growing between your legs. You're not sure how much longer you can last before you need him inside of you. You can't do that here though, no matter how much your inner whore wants you to risk it all. Your tongue continues to dance around him, exploring every inch of his cock with new enthusiasm. Yoongi's fingers dig into your scalp again as he struggles to control his low moans, his legs shaking every time you flick your tongue against the head of his cock.

This is definitely the most interesting place you’ve ever given a blowjob.

Yoongi's hand leaves your scalp and moves down to your shoulder, gripping it tightly as he moves himself deeper into your mouth. His cock throbs in your mouth as the first wave of his orgasm overtakes him, strings of his glistening cum shooting into your throat and coating your tongue. The flavor of Yoongi’s cum on your tongue is salty and tangy, like a citrus cocktail with a kick. The taste and sensation of it is addicting. Being in the public place you are in, you decide to swallow his load down your throat and you continue to suck him until he is finished. Leaving no evidence of the events taking place.

Yoongi pulls you off of him gently, his lips curled up in a smirk. "I think you really need to stop now, or else I'm going to lose control," he says, his voice hoarse.

"Don’t worry! That's it from me," you reply, your words muffled slightly by the fact that Yoongi's cock is still partially in your mouth. "I just wanted to give you a taste of what's to come with this agreement."

You stand up and help him straighten his shirt, then you help him put his pants back on and button them up. He stands as well, his hands still shaking as he tucks himself back into his boxers.

Yoongi begins chuckling suddenly, "Yeah, we definitely can’t tell anyone about this too," he regards, his voice strained. He looks just as desperate as you feel.

You nod, still feeling lost in lust. “Absolutely not.”

"We're still friends at the end of the day and I don't want this to ruin that.” Yoongi nods, his expression serious. “We can't let this affect our group dynamic or make things awkward when we're all together."

You nod again, taking in his words. "Of course, taking this secret to the grave with you, bestie Yoongs.”

You grab some of the hand sanitizer on Professor Kang's desk and apply it to your hands covered in spit residue. You are going to wash your hands once you step out of this room and reflect on this insane action you just did here, you think to yourself.

In the moment you're about to ask Yoongi about something related to your arrangement, you hear a knock at the door, startling you. Yoongi looks over at you with panic, his eyes wide. He signals you to sit in a nearby chair and walks toward the door. He opens it to find Hoseok holding a stapled paper stack.

"Hey Hyung!" Hoseok says with his characteristic low yet excited voice. "Just wanted to come by to drop off one of my assignments for Professor Kang. I wanted to come earlier, but I got sidetracked by the dance team..." Hoseok's words drift away as he look behind Yoongi and sees you sitting down.

"Oh, Honey?" Hoseok calls out using your household nickname. “You're here too?"

"Yeah…Just came by to drop off an iced americano for Yoongi to motivate him to finish his TA duties." You brush off the obvious lust on your face and try to look like you're not involved in anything. You sit there upright, hoping Hoseok would go with the flow. But he continues to be lost in thought. “I gotta go meet up with Jungkook, so I’ll excuse myself!”

You get up from your seat and scurry out of the office without Yoongi getting the chance to say ‘see you at home!’

After a bit of silence, Hoseok's attention whips to Yoongi, a stern expression on his face. "So what's going on here, Yoongi?"

“Nothing related to whatever you’re thinking.”

Hoseok's eyebrows raise, his expression becoming more serious. "Really? Because from where I'm standing, it looks like something's been going on. You've been acting different, and her being in Kang’s office all alone with you and then she runs off?” He laughs, “Hyung! I've known you for years. You can't hide much from me."

Yoongi lets out a deep sigh, realizing that Hoseok won't be easily brushed off. He leans against his desk, arms crossed. “Hope, It's not like that.."

Hoseok nods knowingly. "Complicated, huh? Does it have anything to do with why you've been looking so love-struck lately?"

Yoongi's cheeks flush with embarrassment, however the setting sun radiating shades of red and orange into the office manage to camouflage the blush. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Hoseok chuckles, clearly enjoying teasing his friend. "Come on, Yoongi. You’ve been acting a little too excited since your Saturday morning breakfast feast? That was definitely meant for us."

Yoongi rubs his temples, a sign that he's growing frustrated. "Hoseok, can we not do this right now?”

Hoseok sighs, his playful demeanor softening into genuine concern. "Alright, Hyung! I won't push you further. Just remember, I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about it. And, you know, I can keep a secret."

Yoongi manages a small, appreciative smile. "Sure, Hope. I appreciate that."

Hoseok claps him on the back and back out the door way. "No problem, hyung. Just take your time, but don't take too long. Life's too short to be indecisive. He might decide to actually take her if you don’t."

Confusion clouds Yoongi's expression. "What? Who are you talking about?"

Hoseok grins mischievously as he opens the office door. "Oh, you'll figure it out, Hyung. Just remember what I said." With that, he exits the room, leaving Yoongi to ponder his cryptic words.

As the door closes behind Hoseok, Yoongi can't help but replay the events of the past few days in his mind. Hoseok's words about his own behavior and the warning about someone elses’ interest in you adds another layer of complexity to an already tangled situation.

Is it about Namjoon? He thinks back to Saturday morning when Hoseok brought back Namjoon from wherever he was last Friday night. Namjoon ate some of the breakfast he made and didn’t come out of his room the whole weekend. Jimin doesn’t seem to be much of a concern right now despite him being suspicious of him too. Yoongi doubts anyone in the house would be trying to make a move on you. Well, there is Jungkook who is clingy to you on a normal basis but that doesn’t seem likely. While Yoongi has been wanting this for a long time, was this agreement a bad idea after all? With a sigh, Yoongi returns to his desk, knowing that he has a lot to think about.

#yoonminjoon #yoonminjoon x reader #namgimin x reader #namjoon x reader #yoongi x reader #jimin x reader #bts smut #bts imagines #bts fic #jimin smut #namjoon smut #yoongi smut #love u lately #lul2 #college au #minimonimoni #frat au

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theharrowing · 1 year

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Collateral 🗡️ 17 - Making someone cry is a side-effect of being in love, I'm afraid

Your ex-boyfriend gets in over his head working for the local mafia, and Boss Min has come to collect his payment: You.

But was it simply a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or has he always had his sights on you?

PREVIOUS | INDEX | NEXT

🗡️ Yoongi x Female Reader x Namjoon, Jungkook x Female Reader 🗡️ word count: 15.6k 🗡️ mafia au, strangers to lovers, graphic violence, major character injury, poly, smut, angst, fluff, nsfw, explicit 21+

🗡️ chapter warnings: excessive drinking to numb/forget; so much fucking tension lolol; Hwasa (yes, that is the warning); new nickname for the bingo card (doll/dollface); Jeongguk is a flirty little shit & he got his eyebrow and lip pierced; mc learns to dance; use of "whore" (not derogatory but also kind of derogatory); smoking weed; mc confessing to "going all ways" (sorry straight readers, but i don't know how to not write a queer mc); mc has some complicated feelings and is doing her best; Jeongguk sometimes says the wrong thing but he is also doing his best; a healthy amount of crying; mention of dead moms; discussion of drug use & addiction; inexplicit discussion of sex (sorry lads, the smut is in the second half. it's worth the wait!!!)

🗡️ note: this chapter spans about three weeks, and there is no clear definition of time in between some scenes because mc is just kind of...dealing with the passage of time in her own way. so if it seems kind of disjointed, that is because it is meant to. also, as you may have seen, this chapter wound up being 30k words, so i have broken it in two parts and beefed up some of the scenes. i intend to post chapter 18 very, very soon. ok i love you, enjoy!

🗡️ beta read by @neoneunnajimin!

🗡️ posted on june 2023 | read on ao3

You love Yoongi; there is no question about it.

Despite the hurt and confusion and pain, one thing that you are certain about, above all else, is that you love him.

And that is why you drink.

You drink to numb the myriad feelings. You drink to pass the time. You drink to forget. With a twinkling haze of intoxication, loud club beats, and bright lights, you drink, and drink, and drink.

Jimin caves instantly on his insistence to not teach you how to dance, and you realize that he is not only a brilliant dancer, but that he seems to really enjoy having someone around to join him. Behind Paradise is a ballet studio that he owns and rents out to instructors. When he has free time, he goes there to practice in front of the wall of mirrors while some sultry melody plays on an old-fashioned boombox in the corner.

Sometimes he throws on a hip-hop beat and does experimental moves with his body, contorting his limbs in square, jarring movements. Other times he drifts gracefully through the space to ballet pieces, muttering about Tchaikovski, Prokofiev, and other names of long-dead men that you struggle to pronounce. He is always magnificent—a true artist of his craft.

It takes no time at all to become a friendly face at Paradise. Within just a few nights, the cocktail waitresses, dancers, bartenders, and regulars all seem happy to greet you. Jimin has introduced you to everyone as dove, a nickname you quickly warm up to, which is what everyone there calls you.

Everyone, that is, except the new bar manager, Jeon Jeongguk.

At Paradise, under the flashy red, purple, and fuchsia lights, he calls you dollface, or doll for short. And at first, you fucking hate it; the words stick like bile to your tongue, heavy and tacky.

But the more he struts over with his black satin shirt unbuttoned just a little too low, hair slicked back, standing too close with his sticky-sweet whiskey breath and muttering shit like, "Looking gorgeous tonight, doll," you begin to warm up to it a little.

"What happened to buttercup?" you teased the first time he tried the new nickname, and he rolled his eyes, chewing on a piece of pink bubblegum wide-mouthed like an adorable a fucking cow as he said, "That was the old me, dollface; I'm not the same person I was yesterday."

It should come as no surprise that Jeongguk is really beginning to grow on you. Now that he works the bar and you see him a lot more often, his attitude is much softer. He still teases you, and at times, it makes your fucking blood boil, but there is a softness to his gaze, especially when his smile stretches wide, that makes your tummy do a backflip whenever his presence lingers.

All of this is extra dangerous in your current situation because the last thing you need while on sabbatical from both of the men who you continue to be in some unnamed but deeply romantic relationship with, is Jeon Jeongguk making you feel giddy. Try as you might to convince yourself that your feelings are purely a product of your loneliness, you know that is untrue; your feelings for Jeongguk had already begun to sprout, and, as time goes on, they continue to grow.

You are also finding yourself charmed by Jeongguk's second-in-command, a wisp of a woman with a wide smile and even wider hips named Ahn Hyejin—stage name Hwasa. Hyejin is tiny, barely standing taller than Jeongguk's shoulder with her sharp stiletto heels on. But she commands a room, voice booming and deep when she needs it to be, making all the dancers do exactly as she says.

Although you are surrounded by beauty in a place like Paradise, nobody steals your attention like Hyejin. Her beautiful diamond-shaped face is always made up with sharp black eyeliner and bright red lipstick. With wide, dark brown eyes that pierce into your soul, all it takes is one pointed smirk, and you are practically melting to her feet. She is always dressed a little revealing, showing enough skin that your eyes continuously trail back to her, just to get another glance.

You understand why men wage wars over love and lust. Hyejin is living proof of why so many sonnets and classic literature pieces are steeped in maniacal desperation over a woman some lonely man saw at a passing glance one time.

Hyejin was once a dancer, too, but she worked her way into a management position, and all the family men who come to the bar treat her like a sister, including Jeongguk, who only reluctantly calls her Hyejin-noona because she is two years older than him and likes to insist on the nickname.

She teases Jimin at times, too, being several months older than he is, and she uses it to her advantage when she wants him to do something for her. Jimin always grumbles, rolling his eyes while fulfilling her requests to make the stages and dress rooms better for the dancers, but he does everything out of love for her, and for his dancers, and he is grateful to have her on his management team, giving him advice on how to improve.

Hyejin is, in a word, amazing.

"I see the way you look at her," Jimin teases you tonight the moment she walks in sporting a red one-piece latex bodysuit with long sleeves and a deep v-collar, putting her thighs on glorious display. She wears matching red thigh-high boots, and her long, dark brown hair falls past her shoulders in waves.

Although you turn your head in the direction of Jimin's voice, your eyes stay on Hyejin as she struts over to the bar where Jeongguk is leaning forward on his elbows, getting his attention by draping herself over him and slamming her hip against his side.

"Hmm?" you finally ask when seeing the two of them standing side-by-side has your cheeks feeling entirely too warm, though it still takes a few stray seconds to pull your gaze to Jimin.

He has one perfectly manicured eyebrow raised, and he tongues the inside of his cheek, making you feel even more embarrassed. You are only human…what does he expect from you?

Tonight, Jimin wears silver shimmer on his eyes, with his brown hair styled off his forehead. His black satin button-up is undone to the center of his chest, and it is tucked into very tight, fitted black slacks, styled with black boots.

Everyone at Paradise is honestly so breathtaking; it is no wonder the place brings in so many high-rollers willing to spend top dollar. Although you are determined to keep Jimin as a friend only—not that he has ever shown signs of wanting more from you—you still find yourself stunned by his beauty.

"Gonna start calling you fawn instead of dove," Jimin teases, and you snicker at the wordplay, unwilling or able to deny you have been fawning over Hyejin since the moment you met her.

"I need a pet name bingo card," you tease, scrunching your nose to feign annoyance, despite finding it cute.

You smell a familiar perfume—bright floral and lightly fruity—dance softly in the air before you feel an arm sling around your waist, and you take a fortifying breath before turning to find Hyejin's beaming red smile inches from your face.

"Hey, dove," she greets in a deep, sultry tone that makes every little hair on your body stand up.

"Hey, Hyejin," you respond as your cheeks become hot.

"What are you up to tonight?" she asks, giving your waist a squeeze before sliding her arm away but staying just as close. "Practicing any more of your dance moves?"

You giggle and shake your head, feeling nervous about talking to her, of all people, about dancing. Once Jimin let it slip that he was showing you floor moves, both Hyejin and Jeongguk began hounding you for a demonstration.

"Ahhhh, probably not," you respond, sounding just as awkward as you feel. "I was planning on sitting here tonight and drinking all of Jimin's expensive whiskey for free."

Hyejin pouts and it sends your heart haywire, making you nearly cave. "I want to see your moves," she says in a sweet, baby voice that has you floundering for words—deciding that you would probably do anything to satisfy her.

"Maybe once I feel more confident," you respond demurely, nibbling on your bottom lip.

This seems to satisfy her, and she winks as she says, "Looking forward to it," before walking off to the dressing rooms to check on her dancers.

"Holy shit," you mutter under your breath once she is gone, catching your breath as if you had just run a marathon.

Jimin scoffs, teasing you as he says, "You are such a whore," and you laugh with him, rubbing your palms over your face. The effect that she has on you must be as obvious to her as it is to everyone else, and the prospect of that makes you nervous.

You have begun to dress a little nicer when you visit Paradise, starting from the first night Hyejn was introduced to you—wearing the more casual designer dresses that Jimin graciously brought from your room at the mansion, and letting him do your hair and makeup. She always gets a little too close when you have your cleavage showing, so you have been displaying it more and more lately.

"She's just so pretty," you complain as if it is an inconvenience, making Jimin laugh anymore.

"Careful, doll," Jeongguk's voice speaks way too close to your right ear, causing you to gasp and flinch, turning in the direction of the sound. "Keep flirting with her and it might make me jealous."

You scoff and lean away from Jeongguk, who only crowds closer, teasing you with a grin. Recently, Jeongguk has gotten his eyebrow and lip pierced, both on the right side—your left—and he keeps his hair cut short with a sharp, dark undercut. Today, his hair is styled in a swoop over his forehead, and his delicate, floral musky scent is dizzying the closer he gets.

Since working at Paradise, Jeongguk has begun to dress a little differently, and you find yourself unable to keep from sneaking glances at the slivers of skin he kept hidden behind buttons and t-shirts before. He continues to don his standard all-black attire, but he has also switched to satin, much like Jimin. His shirts are always unbuttoned to the center of his toned chest with no undershirt, and tonight he has several silver chains of various lengths and widths cascading from his neck.

"I wouldn't dream of it," you tease as you take a step away from Jeongguk and spin on your toes, toward the bar. A sexy R&B song plays loudly, and you swish your hips to the rhythm, knowing without having to glance back that he is watching you.

And although you tell yourself that you should not enjoy his attention so much—or anyone's attention, for that matter—you revel in the thrill it gives you. Yoongi and Namjoon have both encouraged you to pursue him, anyway…surely they wouldn't mind if you have a little innocent fun. After all, you have no idea when you may see the two of them again.

Nights at Jimin's house are lonely. His mansion is huge and empty, and you prefer not to spend much time there by yourself, which means you tend to be at Paradise from late evening to mid-morning most nights. At first, you thought your sleep schedule would adjust and you would become a night owl just like Jimin and Jeongguk, but as the days wear on, you find yourself exhausted, floating through a realm of half-wakefulness. The drinking likely does not help.

But what other choice do you have? Despite the deep ache behind your ribs, it feels too soon to return to Namjoon. During a brief phone call shortly after returning from Paris, he mentioned Yoongi was in the countryside at a facility to help him get past the first three weeks of withdrawal.

From time to time, you find yourself wondering how long it has been since you returned from Paris. It could have been weeks, but it could have been days; you have been disinterested in keeping track, finding the tangible passage of time too painful to confront. You figure the time will come when they are both ready to return to you and not a moment sooner; no use dwelling on it.

On the nights when all you wish to do is let go and forget, you either sit at the center stage and watch the strip shows with a drink in hand, or you head to the upper-level VIP section of the club and dance by the railings. When you are feeling outgoing, you find a group of drunk, friendly women by the back bar to become single-use friends with for the night and dance until bar close.

Back when you first moved into the mansion, Paradise was apparently a dance club with a brothel beneath, just like Serendipity. But during the weeks leading up to your Paris trip, Jimin had been working on getting the space remodeled—hence why you had not seen him around much, for a while. There still is a dancefloor, but it is rather compact near the back bar; not too many people come to Paradise just to dance.

The main room now consists of three stages—two smaller ones on either side of the room, and one large stage in the center, all equipped with a spinning poll. Everything is made up of dark wood, black leather, and chrome.

Beneath Paradise, there are still brothel rooms, but it is a very hush-hush affair that not too many patrons seem aware of. A patron can book any of the dancers for a private strip show and lap dance in a back room, but anything explicitly sexual is kept strictly to the lower level, and unless someone knows how to ask for it, they will get removed from the premises in a heartbeat.

Jimin oversees all Paradise operations, but his main focus is on the activities that take place underground. Jeongguk and Hyejin oversee everything on the main floors, including the strip stages, the back bar and dancefloor, and the VIP bar upstairs, which is more or less just a mezzanine with a bar and booths that cost a pretty penny to use.

Paradise is your oyster, and you more or less have free reign to do anything you would like.

During the nights when you do not feel like drinking, you go to the dance studio. Sometimes, Jimin goes along to let off some steam, either before he needs to run things at Paradise, or when he has a break in his duties. Other times, you go alone.

You have been getting a hang of moving your body in ways Jimin has shown you, and in new ways that you are discovering on your own. And although you are nowhere near as flexible or fluid as he is, you are surprised by how your body can bend and move and stretch when you allow it patience and grace to learn how. You get why he, and the other dancers at Paradise, take so much pride in their craft. To the patron, it may just seem like stripping and ass-shaking for some loose notes, but to them, and to you, it truly is an art form.

On nights when you dance, the loneliness is not at all quelled, and you find yourself spacing out often and getting lost in your thoughts. But the more you move and let out all of your pent-up energy, the lighter the loneliness seems to feel. Some nights you are able to relax and feel at peace, rolling and stretching your body without a care in the world. It gives you hope that there truly may be a light at the end of this tunnel, no matter how long it takes for you to reach it.

"Hey, pretty," a familiar sultry voice purrs, giving you goosebumps.

It is some unknown night in the middle of the week, and you left a group of bachelorettes by the back bar to step outside and smoke a joint. It is rare that anyone is out here, and you are surprised to find Hyejin, of all people, leaning against the brick wall in this quiet, employees-only escape tucked away in a dark alley. This spot is nestled behind a tall fence, past which is a set of dumpsters and a narrow path out to the main roads.

Hyejin is beautiful as always, wearing a black long-sleeve crop top shirt and high-waisted short shorts, under which black garters stick out and are clipped to black thigh-high socks. Her hair is pulled back into a bun, slicked on the sides, and as she approaches, her mary jane heels clack against the pavement.

"Hyejin," you mutter, swallowing thickly and abandoning the joint you had forgotten to light, cradling it in your fist. "Didn't realize you would be out here."

Tonight, she wears a nude lipstick rather than the red you have grown accustomed to, and her smile is not quite as warm. As she approaches, you are greeted by her lightly fruity, floral perfume.

"Stepped out for a breather," she sighs, eyes falling to your hand before they meet your gaze. With a raise of her eyebrows, she adds, "Mind if I help you smoke that?"

Your brain has to reboot before you lift your hand to inspect its contents, and you remember what you came outside for, chuckling as you hold out the joint and lighter to her and say, "Of course. You can hit greens."

Every once in a while, Hyejin will smile shyly. She has a practiced shy smile that she uses on Jimin, Jeongguk, and plenty of her customers—honed to perfection to get just what she wants. But this one is soft and delicate, filling her beautifully golden-tawny-toned cheeks with a deep red blush.

As she unfurls the soft smile that opens into a toothy grin, she reaches out both slender manicured hands and takes your offering, gently scratching her long, painted-black fingernails against your palms. The sensation sends a shiver through you, and you giggle, squeezing your hands shut before opening them again.

"That tickles," you admit when she looks curiously, laughing softly at you.

"You're easily ticklish, hmm?" she mutters with the joint cradled between her lips, then flicks on the lighter, giving her face a beautiful golden glow while igniting the tip and sucking in.

Hyejin takes a slow inhale followed by a sharp one, then holds her breath and passes the joint to you. When she lets out an exhale, smoke plumes in front of her, and you take a nice, big hit and hold it in, just the same.

The smoke is warm in your lungs and licks at your senses. As you breathe it out, you feel a small sense of release, letting your shoulders drop and your body relax.

When you turn to hand the joint back to Hyejin, she is standing much closer, leaning on the sliver of brick wall between you and the closed back door. You instinctively take a step back but rotate so that you are facing her, with barely any space between you. This time, when she smiles, her eyes have the sparkle that you are used to, but there is still an unmissable hint of sadness swirling in their deep umber depths.

"You know, you can always talk to me if you need someone," she offers unprompted as she takes a hit and hands the joint back.

You nod and mull it over, unsure where you would even begin. You have no idea what Hyejin knows about your situation, and although you think you can trust her, there is a part of you that is unsure whether you really want to talk about it, especially right now.

"Thank you," you say before taking a hit and holding it in. Hyejin turns her head to blow the smoke away from your face, then she reaches out one hand and gently rubs her fingertips over your wrist, snaking them into the sleeve of your black denim jacket and sending a tingling warmth into your bloodstream.

You turn your head to exhale, then hold up the joint, asking, "More?"

"I'm good right now," she responds softly, and you move your hand away from her inviting touch to pinch the lit end off onto the ground. In your pocket is a small plastic tube into which you slide the joint, placing a little plastic cap over the end so that its smell does not stick to your clothing, and then you return your arm to its spot and allow her fingers to resume exploring your wrist and hand.

"I appreciate the offer," you try, hearing the way your voice trembles as the weed settles over you and fills you with a heavy-weightless warmth, buzzing in a deep thrum that tenses and relaxes and relaxes and relaxes. Sheepishly, with a giggle, you add, "I don't…really know where to begin."

Hyejin's hand sides into yours, palm against palm, fingers wrapping and holding on tight.

"That's okay," she responds with a disarming smile. "I just wanted to offer, just in case. I know you have Jimin and Jeongguk, too."

At this, you laugh and sink further against the brick wall, tilting your head to rest against the scratchy, unwelcoming surface. "I do have them…for better or worse."

Hyejin laughs in understanding, then she rolls her eyes and says, "Jeongguk is so possessive; I thought the two of you were dating when you first started coming around."

"Oh?" you respond, a bit surprised by this news. Admittedly, when you first began coming to Paradise, you thought there was something going on between the two of them. It took a couple nights to realize that the way Hyejin hangs off of and pouts at her manager is all an act. "We're…not…" you begin, trailing off, unsure what to say.

"He clearly has feelings for you, regardless," she adds, and you search her face and fidget in place. Hyejin seems genuine and sweet, but you are so used to women in this line of work having ulterior motives and using kindness as a tool to gain information and an upper hand. But that does not seem to be what she is doing, and you let out the breath that had gotten trapped in your lungs and nod, chuckling lightly.

"Yeah," you admit, feeling your cheeks warm. "He…certainly does."

"Oh my god," Hyejin teases, squeezing your hand until you look at her wide, beaming smile. "You like him too, don't you?"

Try as you might to shake your head and mutter, "No," she mirrors the movement, laughing and practically shouting, "Yes, you definitely do! You are a terrible liar, dove!"

"It's…complicated," you mutter, squeezing your eyes shut with embarrassment.

A sweet giggle flits through the air like a flutter of butterflies, and you open your eyes to find Hyejin regarding you with the sweetest smile.

"I won't judge you," she assures, giving your hand another squeeze. "I don't know a lot about your relationship, but Jimin has mentioned you are dating two men, which…honestly, sounds like a dream come true."

Your heart seizes a bit around the word dating, and you swallow thickly and nod, unwilling to go down that path. Nothing has ever been established, despite your confessions of love and the huge, expensive fake-engagement ring that sits in your dark, empty bedroom. Sometimes, if you allow yourself to dwell on it, both the distance and time spent away from them make you worry that things may have an end date that is sooner than you expect.

But none of this is pertinent enough information to share at a time like this, so you smile as convincingly as you can while saying, "It has its perks."

Hyejin returns your smile and closes the already meager space between the two of you to press a kiss against your cheek. Her mouth is soft and warm, and you let your eyes flutter closed, smiling from the smell of bluebells and apple that fills your senses. As she pulls her lips back, she stays close, cradling your chin with her hand while opening her mouth to continue speaking. However, the back door flies open, cutting off what she was going to say.

The sight of Jeongguk looking around the corner makes you gasp and back up, kicking up a flurry of feelings in your chest. Despite nothing happening between you and Hyejn, this feels like too precarious of a position to be caught in suddenly. Daresay, it may appear somewhat intimate.

Jeongguk's expression is wide and shocked, but it quickly melts to intrigue. He steps outside and approaches, slinging an arm over both your shoulder and Hyejin's.

"Well, what have we here?" he asks with a tone that is far too gleeful for anyone's good.

"I was just telling our dove that I am here if she needs anything, and then I gave her a kiss on the cheek," Hyejin says, turning to Jeongguk and standing on her toes to plant her lips against his jaw.

Jeongguk looks affronted and gasps as she says, "There, now nobody is left out."

"Listen, I'm not here to break up whatever is going on between my favorite girls." Jeongguk says, gaze on you as he raises an eyebrow and adds, "I just didn't know our doll swings both ways."

Feeling indignant and a little claustrophobic, you shrug away from Jeongguk's arm and give his shoulder a shove.

"For your information, I go…all ways…" you mutter with a grimace, trailing off because you do not owe him an explanation. Labels for sexual orientation may work for some, but they have never been your thing; you like people for people, and it is as simple as that. Defensive, you add, "But she was just giving me a friendly little kiss on the cheek, so it doesn't matter."

Jeongguk grunts unconvincingly, then leans in close to say, "But a kiss between friends can easily spiral into something more, can it not?"

With that, Jeongguk takes a step back, leaving you standing shell-shocked and ready to smack him. Jeongguk winks and says, "Hyejin-noona, when you're ready, I have some things I wanna go over with for tonight," then he walks inside.

Hyejin holds out her elbow, asking, "Shall we?" and you lift a hand to slide against her soft skin, allowing her to lead the way.

Once you are back inside, the bachelorette group is still at the back bar, drunker and louder than when you left them, and you wave Hyejin and Jeongguk off as you walk over and allow the women to pull you into their chaotic little group for shots.

You wake up late in the evening with a hangover after hanging with the bachelorette group the night and morning before, taking shot after shot of overly sweet liquor that was far too strong for its own good. It feels like it has been ages since you have felt so awful, and the thought of having even a drop more of alcohol makes your stomach churn.

So, tonight, rather than go to Paradise, you decide to visit the dance studio to practice the floor moves Jimin has been teaching you. Although you are still certain you have no desire to dance at the club, practicing the moves has been cathartic. And it helps you slow down on drinking. Being a lush for a while has definitely been one way to handle your myriad tumultuous emotions, but the hangovers are too frequent, and after what you felt earlier today, you are eager to change your ways.

Dancing also makes you feel sexy. You enjoy watching the way your body can curve and flex, bending and swaying in ways you had never really attempted before. Tonight you alternate between taking moves slowly on the floor, facing away from the mirrors, before attempting to add speed and flow to them while watching your reflection.

With the cassette mixtape that Jimin has scribbled Whore Mix onto playing through the boombox, you stretch on a dark purple yoga mat that sits in the center of the floor while a sultry voice sings and raps over a beat that begs your hips to move, with the mirrors to your left and the studio door behind you.

The approaching click-clack of boots against the wooden floor that greets you does not strike you as odd at first; you have grown accustomed to Jimin and his affinity for boots. So you continue practicing without turning to greet him.

Anchored back on your elbows, sitting on the mat on your left hip, with both legs bent, you stretch your right leg straight and fan it out at an angle lifted in front of you. In the same fluid motion, you lift your left leg, creating a v-shape in the air. Then you curl your legs in, trying to perfect the graceful movement that Jimin is so good at, twisting until you are on your right hip.

Only when clapping echoes through the room do you realize that the boots had stopped moving and that the tell-tale frenetic energy Jimin always brings to the studio is missing. You turn with a gasp and find Jeongguk standing in the center of the room, wearing his standard all-black. His button-up is undone enough to show a dip of his chest, as always, with no shirt underneath, and it is tucked into black slacks that are so fitted, the material strains against his thighs when he shifts from one foot to the other.

"My, my," Jeongguk teases, approaching before squatting beside you. "What have I walked in on?"

Instinctively, you lean away, feeling warmth flood your cheeks. You sit wearing a tight purple sports bra and very tight, very short black athletic shorts, making you self-conscious to be met with such a hungry stare, especially knowing that he had been watching you, just now.

"Jeongguk," you mutter, having to clear your throat to get more sound out. "What are you doing here?"

"I was coming to see if Jimin was here. Wanted to run a few things by him."

You nod, feeling like a fish out of water with how your mouth hangs open. Jeongguk's cologne is stronger than usual and a little different tonight—musky and floral with hints of spice—and you find it incredibly intoxicating.

"But what I found is far more enticing," Jeongguk continues with a smirk.

Silence falls between you, and you feel your hands prickle with sweat. All you can think about is that kiss in Hong Kong and the chemistry you found in his lips—how delicately he asserted control but never pushed or pulled too much, causing you to unravel in moments. You want to feel that again—want to feel him again—so much that it seems like a bad idea for you to be left alone with him, like this. Flirting in the club, with people around, is one thing, but here, alone, seems dangerous.

Jeongguk stands, and you let out a heavy breath, then swallow a lump, feeling relief wash over you at the thought of him leaving. But then he walks over to the corner, to where some black chairs are shoved together, and he grabs one. Anxiety washes over you when he begins to bring the chair over, boot heels echoing loudly against the floor as he places it beside you and has a seat. He spreads his legs and leans forward, resting his wrists against his knees, tattooed hands so close you could reach out to him.

With his lips tugged into a sharp grin, he says, "Let me see that move again."

You must look as stunned as you feel, blinking up at him, because he chuckles and raises his pierced eyebrow, clearly amused by your lack of response.

"Come on, dollface," Jeongguk teases, leaning even closer and dropping his voice far too low for comfort. "Don't be shy."

Even as nervous as you are under his piercing stare, you like the attention he gives you. But continuing what was started between you without Yoongi or Namjoon present feels wrong, and it stirs up guilt and shame, starting in your tummy and working its way to your throat. You want to show Jeongguk your moves and crawl to him, grind your hips over his lap until he calls you noona and begs you for more. But not here. Not like this.

Luckily, the click-clack that actually belongs to Jimin's boots storms down the hallway and into the room, giving you an out.

"I told you to meet me in my office," Jimin complains, approaching with his hands on his hips, one balled into a fist that holds onto a manilla envelope. "Why did you come here? To bother her?"

"I must have misread the text," Jeongguk responds, eyes still on you while they glimmer mischievously before turning his attention to Jimin. "Office…dance studio…same thing."

Jimin lunges forward and slaps the envelope against the back of Jeongguk's head, saying, "Not the same thing, and you know it!" before shoving the document into his hands.

You watch somewhat stunned as Jeongguk's mouth falls agape, and he chuckles. Then, as he begins to open and read through the contents of the folder, you take your leave, rolling the yoga mat in your hands as you walk away. Draped over one of the black chairs in the corner is a black hoodie and sweatpants, and you pad over, set the mat onto a chair, and slink into the garments, keeping your hair tucked into the shirt and the hood pulled low over your face.

"Gonna head back to work," Jimin says in a flurry, exiting just as fast as he arrived with the folder in his hand. "Come to the club if you want. Or call me if you need anything."

With a nod, you turn on your toes and begin for the door.

"And just where are you going?" Jeongguk asks, stopping you in your tracks and pushing a sigh from your lungs.

"Home," you say before your lips flounder, and you correct yourself, heavy-blinking. "Jimin's place."

With a hum, Jeongguk stands and says, "I'll drive you," picking up his chair to bring it back to where he got it from.

Although you have made no plans for a ride, you know that Hoseok was at the club earlier, and you had planned to call and see if he was around. Jeongguk giving you a ride would definitely be convenient, but is that something you want right now?

"You have work to do," you insist, shaking your head and feeling nervous at the thought of being in a vehicle alone with him.

But Jeongguk sets the chair down, takes you by the back of the arm, and begins to usher you rather forcefully out the door. As your sneaker heels dig into the wooden floor, rubber squeaking with each step he makes you take, you feel petulant, and you are dragged to the dark hallway before you manage to yank yourself out of his grasp and take an uneasy step back.

"What the fuck are you doing?" you ask, feeling anger rise and fighting the urge to slap him.

"What?" Jeongguk says through a chuckle, looming over you while he steps forward, closing the distance with each step you take backward until you hit the wall. "You're dancing like a whore now, so I figured you wanted to be treated like one, too."

Although you feel anger buzzing through you like a livewire, sending every nerve on high alert, more than anything, you feel deflated. Despite Jimin jokingly using that word to tease you, there is something about the way Jeongguk says it—something almost sardonic and mocking in his tone, met with how forcefully he dragged you out of the room. It settles like bile in your guts and makes you feel extremely uncomfortable.

But, rather than put up a fight and challenge him, you storm away, shoving past his weak attempt to hold you back as you stomp toward the door.

"Hey," Jeongguk calls, heavy footsteps trailing behind you. "What's the matter with you?"

Unable to hold in your rage, you spin on your toes, shoving your palms against Jeongguk's chest as you say, "What's the matter with you?"

Jeongguk hardly flinches, and when you step forward to push him again, he grips onto your wrists and holds you still, tugging you close to him but not in a way that is meant to be rough or suggestive. He almost looks worried, brows knit as he studies your face.

"Hey, hey," he mutters, holding onto you just tight enough that you have no choice but to stop lashing out.

Somehow it works. Maybe because you are exhausted, or maybe it is the floral, musky scent of his cologne—or a combination of things wrecking your tiny sense of sanity—but you hold still and let Jeongguk softly shush you while rubbing his thumbs over the knobby joints in your wrists.

"I don't like it when you talk about women that way," you say, feeling a swell of sadness fill your chest. You are aware that this is likely a trauma response to the way men have treated you in the past, but you need to at least attempt to establish a boundary. "I know we joke about it at the club, but the way you said it, I—" You close your eyes and shake your head.

"When have I ever talked about women that way?" Jeongguk asks, voice sounding more defensive than apologetic. "Look, I was joking. I'm sorry."

"Just don't do it, okay?" you insist, yanking your hands away until Jeongguk relents and folding your arms over your chest. "I was a whore before, Jeongguk. Is it so terrible? Do you really need to make it sound so demeaning? Yoongi's mother was a whore, too, you know."

Jeongguk's face pales, and he appears angry for a split moment, but you do not attempt to argue. Perhaps it is out of pocket to bring up Yoongi's dead mother, but you were a part of the honey bees who came after her; you belonged to the same organization, come hell and high water.

"You're right," he says, taking a step back and sliding his hands into his pockets. "I don't look down on sex workers, and I shouldn't talk as if I do. I'm sorry I offended you. I know that we make jokes, and I guess I got carried away. I didn't consider how even playful actions might bring up bad memories for you, and I get what that's like."

Surprised and unsure what to say, you rock on your feet a little before settling on, "Okay."

"My mother was a whore too," Jeongguk adds, stepping forward slowly. "I never held it against her. Even when it got her killed, I never thought badly about her."

There it is, once more—the taste of guilt.

"Jeongguk," you say, taking a step forward, but he holds up his hand and shakes his head.

"I offended you. I'm the one apologizing. Let me make it up to you by driving you home?"

You nod, conceding. "Alright."

The walk to Jeongguk's black sports car is quiet in a way that feels charged and awkward, but as you settle in, you begin to relax. Silence continues to hang during most of the drive, and all the while, you think of Yoongi. As you stare out at the city lights that fade the further you get from the city, you wonder how he must be doing and whether he will return home soon.

"Did you supply the heroin?" you ask without thinking, staring out at the dark roads past the city line.

As silence stretches, part of you worries that Jeongguk might be offended by your question, and you keep your eyes on the shadowed hints of trees, refusing to acknowledge the expression on his face.

Finally, Jeongguk mutters a simple, "No," and you allow yourself to regard him.

Jeongguk's jaw is tense, and he stares ahead at the road, tonguing on the inside of his mouth while both hands tightly grip the steering wheel.

"I didn't think you did," you respond softly, watching as his pierced eyebrow raises. "I don't know why I felt compelled to ask."

Jeongguk's gaze flicks to you, then back on the road. "Because you overheard my conversation with Namjoon that morning outside your bedroom. And because I was the one in charge of the drug operations."

"Yeah," you respond with a shrug. "But I don't think you would be that careless."

With a hum from Jeongguk, silence settles once more. You relax back in your seat, watching the road curve and become a little hilly before evening out. By now, you are familiar with this stretch, anticipating the sight of the property to come into view very soon.

Whenever you pass the mansion these days, it is dark and quiet. If not for the outdoor security lights, it would be nothing more than a looming shadow—a silhouetted remnant of lives at a standstill. Namjoon must sleep in his own home, and from time to time, you consider walking down the dirt and gravel path to his property to see him.

But everything feels off balance in a way that you struggle to reconcile, and you feel like you need a little more time. You fish your phone from your hoodie pocket and check his Instagram feed, sad to see he has not posted anything to his story.

Namjoon likes to post his workout routines, what he is listening to, and shots from trips to museums. Lately, though, he barely shares anything, making the lack of his presence feel heavier. You nearly ask Jeongguk to drop you off at his place, but you cannot seem to open your mouth to get the words out.

Instead, you text him.

You: It's hard to keep tabs on you when you don't post story updates.

The message feels stupid, and you chew on the inside of your mouth once you hit send, staring at the screen and hoping that when he sees it, he does not find it annoying. Is there a chance of him being offended?

Three dots appear and disappear, over and over, making the anxiety in your tummy frantically build and crash like a wave pool that has just been switched on. But then he sends a simple little sentence that stirs both immense joy and deep, profound sadness—

Namjoon: I miss you too, sweetheart.

—and you stare down at it until your vision blurs with tears.

As you open your mouth to ask to be taken to Namjoon's house, the dots appear and disappear again, and rather than speak, you clear your throat and wait for him to say more.

"What is it?" Jeongguk asks, and you turn your head to him, confused at first, then realize he may have taken the sound as a feeble attempt at starting a conversation.

"Oh," you respond, "Uh, nothing."

"Alright," Jeongguk says simply as he begins to turn into Jimin's driveway, waiting as the metal gate opens and allows you entrance.

As you pull into the drive, listening to the gate close behind you, the urge to cry becomes more difficult to tamp down. You swallow thickly, blinking away tears as Jeongguk stalls in front of the door.

"You good?" Jeongguk asks, and you turn to regard him, but as soon as you open your mouth to tell him you are fine, the sounds die in your throat, and you have to swallow everything back down again.

"Th-thanks for the ride," you manage to mutter as you get out of the vehicle and run to Jimin's door, punching in an eight-digit code and holding your eyes open as wide as you can manage for the retina scan.

Once inside the dark, empty mansion, you sink against the cold, wooden door, feeling your chest heave with emotion so deep, you become nauseated. Gripped in your fist, your cell phone vibrates, and you lift the device in a shaking hand, checking the notification—

Namjoon: I miss your voice. And your smile. I hope you're taking care of yourself.

—which sends you crashing over the edge as tears pour and your voice comes out in a loud, terrible sob.

Your heart pounds as you cry, feeling the crushing weight of how deeply you miss Namjoon. Although each breath that enters and exits your lungs is a storm, rattling and shaking you to the core, you sniffle and hold your phone tightly in both hands as you place a call. It is late, but Namjoon is responding to texts, so perhaps he is free to talk.

Namjoon picks up on the first ring, and when his deep, surprised voice says, "Hey, sweetheart," you sob even harder. How is it that something so tiny could make his absence feel so much heavier?

"Hey," Namjoon says, sweet and alert, "are you alright? Where are you?"

"I'm okay," you cry, punctuated by a sniffle. "I'm at Jimin's. Everything is fine."

"Everything does not sound fine," Namjoon insists, and you smile softly at his concern, taking in a deep breath. "Do you need something? Can I…can I do anything?"

Namjoon still owes you an explanation, and it is not something you will easily let slip. But you are certain that you cannot continue to keep him at a distance, even if it means putting the much-needed conversation on the back burner. Although life with Jimin has been fun and a little exciting, the loneliness you feel from being away from Namjoon and Yoongi has a tendency to become excruciating.

"Can I see you?" you ask weakly, like a child who is afraid of being scolded.

The soft chuckle that proceeds, "Of course, you can," warms your heart, and you close your eyes and smile wide, clutching your phone tightly to your ear. "Give me ten minutes? I'll be right there."

With a wet, disgusting sniffle, you say, "Okay," and rub the back of your hand against your nose.

"I'll be there soon," Namjoon says as he ends the call, and you nod to nobody as you drop your phone down and clench it to your heart.

It takes effort, but you peel yourself from the floor and kick off your shoes before heading up the stairs to your borrowed bedroom, squinting as you switch on the light. The room is similar to your room in Yoongi's mansion, but the bedding and curtains are pinks and oranges—a permanent sunrise.

As you cross the room to the walk-in closet, you pull off the joggers and athleticwear from earlier and find a cute, soft pair of pink sleep shorts and a matching, loose pink tee. Then you run into the bathroom to brush your teeth. Even though you did not drink anything tonight, you want to kiss Namjoon until your lips bruise, and you need to be minty fresh.

By the time you are rinsing your mouth and wiping your chin off, you hear a loud knocking on the front door, surprised that ten minutes could have passed so quickly. You run out of the ensuite and find your phone on the bed to shoot off a message before heading down to let Namjoon in.

You: One minute!

Although the rest of the mansion is dark, Jimin also has security lights on outside, and they shine through the windows enough to cast a silver glow over the small mezzanine and down the steps. You scurry down quickly, feet carrying you light and fast, and when you get to the front door and fling it open, you hardly have a chance to take in the sight of Namjoon before he is crossing the threshold and lifting you into his arms.

A sob quakes through you as you wrap your arms and legs around him, burying your face into his neck. He smells musky—a bit sweaty—but the bright cologne with gentle floral hints you are used to are present. Namjoon closes the front door, haphazardly steps from his shoes, and makes his way to the stairs, stepping slowly as he holds you tight. If you are not mistaken, it feels like his breathing shutters through him, and you wonder if he may also be crying.

"I'm sorry," you find yourself muttering when the silence stretches on long and oppressive.

Namjoon squeezes you harder.

"No," he says softly, voice trembling, "sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"I made you cry," you sob, feeling guilt and sadness fill your lungs until it hurts to breathe.

Namjoon chuckles and sniffles, reaching the top landing of the stairs and turning to the right, toward the only light in the home that is on. He says, "Making someone cry is a side-effect of being in love, I'm afraid," and your heart goes wild behind your ribs, bursting with affection.

"I've missed you so much," you whimper against Namjoon's skin, and when he leans forward and attempts to put you down onto the bed, you tighten your limbs, clinging to him like a koala.

"Let me set you down so we can get comfortable," Namjoon suggests, and you shake your head, groaning as you hold on tighter. He sighs, and tries, "Come on, I want to see you. I want to kiss you."

Once his attempts are futile, Namjoon gets onto his knees on the bed and bends until you are lying on your back with him towering over you. You finally move your head away from his neck and heavy-blink as you meet his eyes—which are bloodshot and blinking back tears.

"I've missed you too," Namjoon says as he kisses you, soft and sweet and warm. "I'm so sorry for everything that happened. I should have told you about everything, but I was scared to."

Namjoon's kisses are salty and wet, and he trembles above you, gripping the blanket tightly in his fists on either side of your head. Finally, you concede to his need to get comfortable, and you press against his chest, rubbing your fingers over soft black cotton.

"Hey, lay down," you say softly, pushing a little harder. "You were right, let's get comfortable."

Namjoon sighs through his tears and gets up onto his knees, then crawls over to the pillows and makes a feeble attempt at moving the bright pink and orange floral comforter away. You sit up and help him, then run to the door to close it before adjusting the dimmer switch, lowering the lights just enough so that you can still see him.

When you turn back to the bed, Namjoon has figured out the comforter, which is bunched up at the end of the against his feet, and he is sitting against the wooden headboard with his hands in his lap, watching you with a soft expression while tear tracks shimmer against his cheeks. He wears a black tee and black joggers, with his legs extended out but one leg bent slightly at the knee, and he is breathtaking—just as you remembered him. Maybe even more so.

He has gotten a haircut recently, just above his ears, making him look younger. And it is darker; a more natural color. Some time ago—maybe a few days, or maybe a week—Namjoon posted a mirror selfie of the cut, obstructed mostly by his phone, and you are happy to finally see it in person.

As you get onto the bed, on your knees, Namjoon reaches for you, pulling against the backs of your thighs until you have no choice but to straddle his lap, giggling at his insistence. You settle and drape your wrists over his shoulders to rub your fingertips over the short hairs on his nape while Namjoon's smile oscillates between joy and sadness.

"I want to tell you I'm sorry," you begin, without giving him a chance to speak. You have been thinking about this every sober waking moment of however much time has passed—and some intoxicated moments, as well—and you feel it is necessary to get it off your chest. Emotions rise as you gather your thoughts, and your next exhale comes out shaky. "I was angry in Paris, but the things I said to you and Yoongi did not come from the heart. I was hurt, and I still am, but…I don't understand addiction. I have no idea what Yoongi must be going through, and I—"

You choke on a sob suddenly as a flash of Yoongi's face comes into view. The hurt way in which he stared ahead, straight through you, while you screamed and cried and demanded to be taken home.

Gently, Namjoon rubs his hands up and down your back, covering you in comforting warmth. His smile is sad, but he does his best to show that he is listening and that he is receptive to what you need to say.

"I just feel so awful," you continue as tears fall. You are so tired of crying and hurting, but it is a necessary step in healing, and you do your best to let it quake through you and settle into your bones. "I love Yoongi. I don't want him to be in pain."

"He knows," Namjoon finally says, but you screw your eyes closed and shake your head. He may have an idea of what you are going through, but he needs to hear from you that you are sorry. You need to tell him, yourself. "Yoongi using again was a bit of a surprise to all of us. Although it is something I always fear may happen again, I really had no idea it would happen like that, especially on vacation."

"When is he coming home?" you ask, feeling hopeful.

"Less than a week," Namjoon responds, smiling sweetly as he lifts his hands to thumb away the tears on your cheeks. "I have cleaned out the mansion, and Jeongguk has made sure the team taking over his responsibilities knows that heroin and other opioids are off limits. Jeongguk was already avoiding selling either in the first place, but he has reiterated that fact, to be on the safe side."

"That day, outside my room, you said there was a package with what looked like heroin," you say, watching as Namjoon's face screws up with worry. You grimace, adding, "I'm sorry I was eavesdropping."

"That…I still don't have all the details ironed out," Namjoon responds sullenly, "but I am certain that Jeongguk had nothing to do with it. Yoongi admitted that he had sent for the package on his own, and it arrived from overseas with a bunch of tailored suits. I don't know how he got a connect in Italy, but I really shouldn't be surprised; Yoongi knows people everywhere."

You nod somewhat listlessly, waiting for the crucial detail where Namjoon tells you he threatened the Italian guy, or found some way to rough him up—whatever the case—in order to keep him from sending Yoongi junk again. But when he does not continue, worry and sadness sink into your tummy like a brick.

"So…" you begin, heavy-blinking and feeling at a loss for words before settling on, "...how do we make sure he doesn't use again?"

Although Namjoon continues to smile, his eyebrows pinch sympathetically, and he returns to rubbing your back.

"We just love and support him," he offers, which feels both gigantic and minuscule, all things considered. "We continue to be there for him and…hope that it is enough."

"That's it, huh," you sigh, defeated.

"Yeah."

Silence hangs, and you let your vision blur, attempting to sort out what you could possibly do. What if loving Yoongi is not enough? What if the pressures of his lifestyle only continue to press and press on him until he sinks another needle into his vein, desperate for relief?

"I wish he could just…not do this anymore," you mutter, blinking Namjoon back into focus. "Maybe having all this power and responsibility is too much."

With a sad chuckle, Namjoon nods. "Yeah, well…the only way out of a life like his is death."

Although that is not the response you want, it is the one you expect, and you lean heavily into Namjoon, accepting it for now. There is not much more to say until Yoongi is back.

"Can we sleep?" you ask, feeling your body become weighted down with exhaustion and warm with a comfort you have not felt in what has seemed like eons.

"I would love to sleep," Namjoon responds sweetly, releasing you from his hold as you slide down to the bed and begin to reach for the comforter.

Namjoon gets out of bed to turn off the light, and for a split moment, in the cold, crushing dark, you begin to feel anxiety rush over you. In the cold, crushing dark, you are alone, alone, alone, isolated and heavy and so terribly scared. But then the bed dips, and warmth slides into place beside you. Limbs settle with a familiar weight, and suddenly, the darkness feels and smells like home.

"I love you," you tell the darkness, gasping when lips graze your cheek, your nose, and finally, your mouth.

"I love you, too," the darkness tells you sweetly as you begin to drift to sleep.

Tonight, you did not get to kiss Namjoon until your lips bruised, but you feel satisfied with the fact that you were able to lighten the burden of heavy sadness just a little. And, in a matter of days, when you have the same conversation with Yoongi, it may not go the same way, but at least the three of you can continue to take steps in the right direction, and that allows you to sink into sleep with a smile on your face.

When you wake up alone, your first instinct is to panic. You sit up with a start and check for any sign of Namjoon, but the ensuite door is wide open, and there is no sound coming from inside. The spot where he had slept is cold, and you begin to worry that it was all a dream and that he was never here at all.

Frantically, you begin to search for your phone, which is not on your bedside table where you usually keep it, feeling the overwhelming urge to cry take over. What happened last night, and why is there no trace of him to be found?

With a deep breath, you close your eyes and run over the events of the night. You came in and changed, then you messaged Namjoon to let him know you were going down to let him in. Vaguely, you remember tossing your phone to the bed, and you begin yanking at your comforter, desperate to find it.

Your phone must have been wrapped up in the bedding, because after only a moment of tussling and searching, you hear a nice loud thunk against the floor, at the foot of the bed. You let out an exasperated sigh and crawl to the edge, draping your body over the end as you reach and search for the device that has managed to find its way just under the bed frame.

As soon as it is in your hand, you turn on the screen, eager to find evidence of Namjoon's existence, with your torso suspended in air. As soon as you see a notification from two hours ago, you smile and wiggle backward into a seated position to properly read it.

Namjoon: Hey, sweetheart, I'm so sorry I left while you were still asleep. I tried to wake you, but you were out cold. I'll be visiting Yoongi this afternoon. If you want to come along and you see this before 2 PM, let me know. Otherwise, I hope to talk to you soon. Thank you for letting me in this morning; I slept better than I have in weeks. I love you.

Although affection blooms brightly in your chest, you feel sadness squeeze you tight, like an old friend. You do want to see Yoongi. You want to see him so badly, it hurts. But you are not sure you want to see him before he comes home. Wherever he is staying, and whatever state he may be in…you are not sure that you are prepared for that.

It is only 1:45 PM, so you decide to call Namjoon. Not only are you eager to hear his voice once more, but you are not eager to voice what is in your heart over text.

He picks up on the second ring, sounding a bit winded when he says, "Hey, sweetheart."

"Namjoon," you respond brightly, smiling widely. "Hey, I just woke up and saw your message."

"Ah," he responds, breathing heavily, "what time is it?" After a pause, he shouts, "Oh, shit, Gguk, I gotta go!"

You laugh as you hear them chatter lowly, then say their goodbyes, imagining how adorable Namjoon becomes when he is frantic—eyes wide and worried while he flails his muscular limbs around somewhat aimlessly.

"Gguek and I were working out," Namjoon says as you hear the sound of a door open and shut. "Lost track of time."

You smile, nibbling your lip. "Good thing I called."

"Good thing, indeed. So, did you—"

You don't mean to cut Namjoon off, but there is enough of a break between his statements, that you say, "Listen, Namjoon, I'm—" then halt, realizing you had spoken over him.

"Go on," Namjoon urges, and you close your eyes, listening to the sounds of his breathing, of birds singing around him, and of feet walking somewhat frantically down the dirt and gravel path between mansions.

"I don't think I can go," you finally say, feeling meek and embarrassed as your voice drops and comes out with a tremble. "It's just…I don't know what to expect, and it…it scares me."

Namjoon says nothing for a few moments, and it makes you worry. But then you hear him keying in the passcode to his home and let yourself breathe. He is probably too stressed to be multitasking while in a rush.

"Can I call you back? Or maybe we can talk about this later?" Namjoon finally asks, and you let out an even deeper sigh in relief. "I don't blame you at all for not wanting to come, but it feels like there is more you need to get off your chest. I have to take the fastest shower of my life, though, so that I can leave soon."

"Yeah, no…yeah. That's…" you stammer, squeezing your eyes closed and allowing yourself to smile while hot tears run from your eyes. Namjoon is so kind and understanding—so caring and giving. Affection burns for him, and you want to hug him so tight and never let him go. "If you want to tell Yoongi that we talked, I think it might make things easier for me later, but do whatever feels right…I don't know."

"I'll tell him what we discussed," Namjoon responds breathily as feet storm up a flight of stairs. "I know it'll make him happy to hear how you are doing, and how you have been handling things. I'm bringing him home in four days, so we can all sit down whenever you feel ready."

Four days is not soon enough, yet it feels like no time at all. Looming and terrifying, yet promising.

"Okay, sounds good. Thank you, Namjoon."

When Namjoon says, "I love you so much, sweetheart. Thank you for calling," your heart squeezes, and more tears fall, cascading like tiny waterfalls.

"I love you, Namjoon. Drive safe."

"Will do. Bye."

You mutter, "Bye," but your finger is already pressing the end call button, giving Namjoon all the time and space he needs to get ready. And then you hug your phone tight to your chest and continue to cry.

Somehow, the happy tears feel thicker and hotter than sad tears—more present and urgent. If Yoongi comes back in four days, that means it has been just over two weeks in Jimin's home. You heavy-blink in an attempt to conceptualize the time, feeling ashamed by how little of it you remember. Briefly, you worry that you may have imposed, but Jimin has never so much as hinted at that fact, so you allow yourself to let the idea go.

It is difficult, at times, to accept the many ways in which you are loved. It feels strange to look back on how you ended up tangled in this web, with these men. Part of you wishes you and Yoongi could start over—meet organically and fall together not because of proximity and a need to cure a deep, aching loneliness that had built over years, but because you simply want to.

But could you simply want to fall in love with the head of a crime syndicate? No, you think. Probably not.

Still, how do you explain that to someone who asks? I was kidnapped as collateral, but we fell in love feels like a story not too many people would understand. Probably, the average person would ask if you were alright and attempt to help you find refuge. Probably, they would be in their right mind to do so.

The next three days drag. Knowing that you will see Yoongi and Namjoon again soon has you a little on edge, but not necessarily in a bad way. Your dancing suffers for it, and you find your movements too stiff, too off-beat; your head and your heart are clouded, and you cannot seem to get your body to do anything. Still, you try. Wasting away drinking at Paradise does not feel like the best way to spend your lonely nights, but you want to wait for Yoongi's return before spending too much time with Namjoon.

Although the three of you have different bonds and dynamics, you almost feel guilty at the thought of hogging Namjoon to yourself while Yoongi is out healing in the countryside. Despite knowing he would tell you not to worry—to be with Namjoon and keep him company.

And, part of you thinks of this time as getting your last moments in with Jimin before moving out of his space. You have not voiced it, but you have been going out of your way to spend just a little more time with him after work, before the two of you crash for the morning and sleep, curled up on the couch with whichever anime he feels like playing in the background—currently, Chainsaw Man.

Jimin is phenomenal company, and you have really enjoyed following him around the house while he cooks, practices impromptu dance moves around furniture, and talks about nothing and everything. Even in quiet, still moments eating ice cream in the glow of the television, you feel the bond that has formed quickly and effortlessly, thankful to have a friend and ally on your side.

Despite the budding friendship, Jimin remains a somewhat secretive person. You have learned that his upbringing was privileged and full of wealth, but his parents were not kind about his desire to chase his own dreams instead of taking over the family business, and they quickly cut him off when he went to school for contemporary dance. It took no time at all for Jimin to wind up houseless, using his beauty to sleep with wealthy men and women for a meal and a warm bed.

When Yoongi's mother found Jimin on the streets, she took him in with the promise of a better life, but how he came to replace her is unknown. How long Jimin spent on the streets, the kinds of things he saw in that time…all of those details, he hides behind a bright, practiced smile, only given away by the sadness that pours from his beautiful, round eyes.

"I see myself in you, dove," Jimin says often, usually accompanied by a side hug or a kiss on the cheek.

And at first, it made you feel strange. Jimin has come so far that maybe, you had originally thought, he sees you as a pet project; someone who needs to be fixed and turned into something beautiful. But now, you know that is not true. You know that Jimin sees persistence and survival; he sees someone imperfect but caring who just needs a little push to understand and figure things out, at times.

Everything he has, he gained with persistence and survival; nothing was handed to him. Yoongi and his men, and possibly Yoongi's mother, taught Jimin the skills he knows today, that make him who he is. None of them became this successful alone; all seven of them play a crucial role. Eight, now, with you.

You feel sentimental tonight when you lean against the bar cradling a glass of whiskey that you have been nursing for the last hour. Tomorrow, Yoongi returns home, and although it has not been voiced aloud, you can tell that the prospect has Jimin and Jeongguk in a better mood. You even spot Seokjin, Hoseok, and Taehyung coming in and out of Paradise, and they all seem chipper.

Jimin is done up with pink and silver stage makeup, with his eyes and lips bright and shining. He wears his standard black satin top tucked into tight, leather black jeans, and tonight, he has a thick black rhinestone choker around his neck.

Jeongguk, on the other hand, is pattern-clashing in a way that is both alluring and confusing. As standalone items, his silk, long-sleeve, plunging neckline leopard print shirt, and tight silver and blue floral lurex pants are solid choices. The shirt's neck falls nearly to his navel, showing beautiful topography of his chest—dips and hills of muscle and golden-tanned skin, accentuated by several mismatched gold necklaces; and the pants shine brightly in every light that dares grace his figure, drawing the eye to his muscular thighs and perky, round ass. But they look so strange and mismatched together, you cannot help but question what on earth he was thinking.

"You sure have a staring problem, tonight," Jeongguk chides as he walks by, sending an inviting wink that makes you laugh far too boisterously.

"Just trying to figure out what you have going on, here," you respond with an incredulous smirk. "Did you get dressed in the dark, Gguk?"

With a roll of his eyes, Jeongguk responds, "Both items are Dolce and Gabbana, but okay."

And, without missing a beat, you say, "Pretty sure Dolce and Gabbana also produce plain clothes that would match better than this. Your black satin shirts would look really good with those pants, and…well, anything else would look good with that shirt."

"I don't expect you to understand fashion," Jeongguk teases, raking his eyes over your form as he takes a step closer.

"Black, Jeongguk," you say, chin tilted high. "You have a closet full of black that would look phenomenal with both pieces."

With Jeongguk stepping into your personal space, that damned cologne hits you, and you begin to lose your composure. He really is suitable for smelling like a bouquet of wildflowers, especially with the spicy musk underneath; it is perfectly him.

"I don't expect someone in boring Vuitton rags to appreciate the nuance," Jeongguk teases, voice dropping lower as he towers before you.

"This dress costs as much as both that shirt and those pants combined," you bicker more quietly than before. The dress you wear tonight is certainly less flattering or flashy than what he wears—a Louis Vuitton brown and black knit mini dress with glitter thread mottling throughout. It has a square, rolled neckline and thin straps, but it hugs your curves nicely, falling mid-thigh. You raise your eyebrow to add, "Boss Min happens to like the way I look in Vuitton rags."

At the mention of Yoongi, Jeongguk softens, and you know you have won this round. Jeongguk scoffs, then slams back the rest of his drink, spinning on his shiny black leather boots before stomping off to where Hyejin and the dancers are congregated behind the main stage, going over something pertaining to the newly installed dance cages on either side of the bar, judging by how she points to them.

You watch as Jeongguk walks away, allowing your gaze to linger on how those gaudy, silver-blue pants shimmer when they hug his ass, thanking your lucky stars that his silly fashion sense has, at the very least, provided you with a good show.

When you turn back to the bar, you drink the rest of your whiskey and ask for another. The night is still young; the club has barely just opened and only a few patrons linger during the hours before the dancers take to the stages, but you have a feeling you are going to need to at least have a steady buzz to handle whatever bullshit Jeongguk is on.

Two hours into your night, you are proven correct during a very flirty conversation with Hyejin about the dance cages—about how she thinks you should make your Paradise debut in one, asking if you would ever let her handcuff you to the bars—when the bartender informs you that the boss would like to see you in his office.

Jimin seldom calls you to his office, but he is the only one who properly has one, so you head toward the back of the main room, past a security guard, and into a hallway that leads to Jimin's office, the dressing rooms for the dancers, and a meeting room that Hyejin and Jeongguk use when they need to.

As you make your way to the door, you can hear the sounds of dancers chattering and laughing coming down the hall, and you assume that Jeongguk must be giving them their nightly pep talk in one of the dressing rooms. You knock twice on the office door, then try the handle. To your surprise, when you enter, the room is empty.

Jimin has allowed you in his space alone plenty of times, so you make your way to have a seat in the leather armchair just in front of his desk. You decide to check your notifications while you wait and pull your phone from a small black purse that is slung over your shoulder.

The door opens and closes behind you, so you put the phone away before you have a chance to turn the screen on. And, instinctively, you stand to greet Jimin, surprised when you turn to find Jeongguk closing in, fast.

Before you have a chance to speak, Jeongguk has the armchair shoved away, caging you against Jimin's desk, leaning close and low with both of his hands gripping the wooden surface. You practically sit against the edge, doing your best to lean back and away from Jeongguk, but he is a persistent, towering presence, and he wastes no time dragging his lips over your neck, just below your ear, sending a rush of arousal tingling through you at the touch. The scent of his cologne has your senses simultaneously dulled and on high alert.

"Jeongguk," you gasp, attempting to twist away but finding you do not want him to stop. "We can't—"

"I know," Jeongguk responds, voice deep and silky, lips dipping lower, dragging across your throat and leaving only the faintest hint of a spit trail. "Just want to tease you a little; make you squirm."

"Why?" you breathe, leaning back to create more space.

When Jeongguk does not move, you lift your hands and press against his chest, attempting to push him back, but your palms slide on the silk shirt, and you wind up rubbing over his nipples, feeling metal under the drag of skin, causing Jeongguk to hiss as you gasp. Arousal builds and builds, and you squeeze your tights together, desperate to stave off the effect he has on you; you are, admittedly, touch-starved and somewhat feral.

"I know you feel it, too," Jeongguk practically groans, still leaning way too close, voice spoken beside your ear. "We have undeniable chemistry."

"Of course I feel it," you respond, closing your eyes in an attempt to get your bearings while your heart pounds dizzyingly fast.

Jeongguk asks, "Do you know how fucking hard it is to keep my hands off you?" in a tone that almost seems steeped in pain.

"Yes," you mutter softly, nodding shallowly. "I think I do."

With a sigh, Jeongguk finally takes a step back, but he stays close enough that you have to crane your neck; there is no room for you to stand away from the desk. The two of you stare at one another, and then Jeongguk scoffs and shakes his head.

"Seeing you around so much has been…god, you drive me insane."

You chuckle, though you feel somewhat awkward being faced with his admission. Although, truth be told, being in Jeongguk's proximity so much during the last few weeks has also made you want to see him more and more; you know that, once you return to your normal life, you will come to miss him a lot. Or, perhaps, you can continue spending time at Paradise; there is nothing saying you cannot.

"Last night, when I dropped you off," Jeongguk says, reaching up to gently cradle your chin in his hand, surprising you with his shift in demeanor, "were you crying?"

Although you glance away to respond, shyness rises, you nod slightly and say, "Yeah."

"Was it something I said?"

Quickly, you nod and return your gaze to Jeongguk, who looks genuinely concerned. "No. I was crying because I was missing Yoongi and Namjoon."

Jeongguk hums, drops his hand away, and takes a step back.

Suddenly, the silence feels heavy, and you struggle to identify his reaction. He very clearly knows your involvement with both men, so why tense up at the mention of them?

"What's the matter?" you ask, unwilling to let anything weird hang between you.

Jeongguk shrugs, but his eyes are on the floor, and it is clear that something is bothering him.

"Jeongguk," you insist.

He sighs, and, without looking at you, says, "It just sucks that when things become normal again with you guys…I just…it's been nice to see you here."

"Ah," you respond. And you get it; it has been great to be around here and see him, Jimin, and Hyejin regularly.

"But Yoongi will return and demand all your attention—" Jeongguk practically snarls, and you tut your tongue at him, staring incredulously as he balks at the interruption.

"Yoongi does not demand anything from me," you say, standing up straight now that there is some space between the two of you. You feel defensive, but you can understand where Jeongguk is coming from; you really have not had any independence since moving into the mansion, but part of that is not having any direction or much desire to venture out, finding comfort and safety behind the familiarity of those walls. "Honestly, I have been loving it here. It's nice to leave the house for no occasion and see other people. I consider Hyejin and Jimin friends, and it has been so great having friends again. I don't want to suddenly stop seeing them. Or you."

"Won't you have your hands full with both of your boyfriends?" Jeongguk teases, and you are glad to see his mood has at least somewhat lightened; his smile has returned, even if his gaze remains sad.

"Oh they definitely know how to keep my hands full," you respond with a wink, watching as Jeongguk's eyes and mouth widen comically. "But it is also nice having some space. Although I hate how all of this came about, I think taking a step back and allowing myself to really miss them and think about the many facets of our relationship has been important. I needed it."

"So I might actually see you from time to time?" Jeongguk asks, stepping close once more, seeming hopeful. It still amuses you when Jeongguk is all soft edges after so much time spent bickering with one another.

This time, you step in close and rub your palms over his chest, making sure to drag your hands over his pierced nipples, smiling when he shivers beneath your touch.

"We still have to finish what we started in Hong Kong," you say, voice dropped low and intentionally sultry. "I just haven't wanted to do anything without the others present…we haven't really discussed that, and I would feel too guilty leaving them out."

"I understand," Jeongguk responds, leaning into your touch and surprising you with a very soft, very chaste kiss on the lips before he mutters, "Taehyung will fucking kill me if we do anything without him."

Warmth floods your cheeks, and you drop your hands while taking a step back. Even after such a tiny taste, the urge to kiss Jeongguk is too great to stay in such close proximity.

"We're going to have an entire audience, huh?" you ask, feeling more turned on by the prospect than shy.

Jeongguk chuckles and says, "Sounds like we will."

It almost feels surreal to discuss the topic of you and Jeongguk having sex so openly. Although you have had enough whiskey to give you a steady buzz, you are still clear-headed enough to spiral just a little over the thought of his body, and having it all to yourself. That is, unless the others want to play, as well; you really have no idea what to expect, and you are not certain you would deny them if they wanted to.

As you search for a way to end this conversation and return to the main bar before someone begins to notice the two of you are missing, Jimin comes barging in with his brows knit. Although you have done nothing wrong, there is a split moment of panic over how this may look, with the two of you in Jimin's office alone.

But he simply glances between you and Jeongguk, huffs out a sigh, and says, "Oh, thank god. I was hoping to find you two in here."

"What's up?" Jeongguk asks, and you straighten out, worried that something may be wrong.

"One of the regulars came in piss drunk and started harassing Hyejin. He groped her ass and when she slapped him, he got in her face. Security was able to intervene, but I need you to take him out back and fuck him up. Let him know shit like that doesn't fly at Boss Min's lovely establishment."

Anger spikes heavily in your chest, and when Jimin turns to you and adds, "Dove, if you don't mind, I think she could use a friend," you nod, determined to do whatever it takes to make Hyejin feel safe.

"On it," you say, walking past the men, down the short hallway, and out into the bar.

Loud R&B music with a quick, enticing trap beat plays, and you stomp in your overpriced patent leather chelsea boots to the beat, storming into the main bar room like you own the joint and scanning the room for your girl.

Standing at the main bar with her arms pulled tightly over her chest, is Hyejin surrounded by dancers. As soon as you approach, a girl who goes by Lily backs up and opens her arm wide to welcome you into the space. Hyejin is shaking when you drape your arm around her, hugging it loosely across her chest.

"Hey, beautiful," you say, and she turns and melts into you, throwing her arms over your shoulders and letting out a deep sigh. "Want to go out back and have a smoke?"

Hyejin hugs you tight and shakes her head, and you rub your hands over her back, waiting for her response. The dancers begin trickling out, having to get ready to perform, leaving pats on your and Hyejin's backs and soft words of support and encouragement. Once there is more space for her to breathe, Hyejin stands up straight and lets out another deep breath.

She is not crying, though her eyes are red, and when she looks at you with a frown, you gently place your hands at her temples and thumb at the smudged mascara under her eyes before muttering, "Perfect," with a grin.

"I hate men," Hyejin says with a fake snarl, and you roll your eyes and nod dramatically, making her giggle.

"Wanna talk about it?" you ask, and Hyejin shakes her head and says, "No. I want to dance."

Sitting on the bar is a half-empty pint of something bright blue, and Hyejin chugs it back, then leaves the empty glass behind and takes your hand, dragging you to one of the dance cages. The floor of the cage is raised about three feet from the ground and is a glowing octagon of rainbow color. Hyejin, wearing only a black satin bodysuit with lace trim and black stiletto heels, walks around to the back of the cage, closest to the nearby wall, and opens a door that blends in with the bars, then she takes a step up and hoists herself onto the platform.

You follow behind and step up and into the cage, moving to the other side of the space to allow Hyejin to close the door. Although you are no stranger to dancing in sight of others, being in an elevated cage has your nerves spiked, and you wish you had taken a shot or three at the bar before agreeing to follow her.

Hyejin wastes no time closing in on you with her fists around bars on either side of your head, and she holds on as she drops her hips low and swishes back up, all the while keeping her eyes on you. You sway to the beat with slower movements than the ones you watch Hyejin make, feeling entranced by her beauty and struggling to actually move the way she does.

"Are you shy?" she asks with a raise of her eyebrow, and you chuckle, letting go of some of your anxiety while you nod and mutter, "A little."

Hyejin spins with her arms still lifted, and wraps them over your shoulders, then dips down again, rubbing her ass against your thighs before standing up straight. You realize too late that you are frozen in place with your arms somewhat bent, like a Barbie doll, and Hyejin turns and immediately starts to laugh, bending and flinging her hair in front of her face.

"I'm not apologizing for who I am," you whine as you join her in laughing, feeling embarrassed by your inability to act like a normal person around her.

"I would never dream of asking you to," Hyejin says as she leans back against the bars across from you, swaying her hips with an amused grin. "But it is very cute how flustered you get."

You roll your eyes and smile, glad to at least be considered cute. Flirting and being flirted with is hardly an issue, and you would probably relax more around her if things were not so uncertain at the moment, in your love life. You are sure Yoongi and Namjoon would not mind, but it is a conversation you would like to have before you allow yourself to get carried away.

Or, perhaps, there is nothing to allow. Probably, there is no way in which things could get carried away, but you are once again spiraling because Jeongguk has gotten under your skin. With a deep inhale, you remind yourself that Hyejin is likely just being friendly and that you are allowed to relax and have fun with her.

So have fun, you do. The song changes to something with more of a club beat, and Hyejin begins to pump her hands in front of her chest while shaking her ass in overexaggerated movements, gyrating in a chaotic circle. With your hands pulled over your head, you begin doing some wiggle-shake move creating waves all the way down to your legs, laughing as Hyejin throws her hands over her head in an attempt to do the same.

"What do you call this one?" She shouts over the music, and you shake your head and say, "I don't know! The overcooked noodle?"

Hyejin practically throws her body against yours with laughter, and you trip backward, catching yourself with a hand on one of the bars to lessen your collision. There are definitely patrons behind you who have a view of whatever it is the two of you are doing, and you try not to feel too embarrassed.

"Yah," Jeongguk calls, making you attempt to turn around, trapped in place by a hysterical Hyejin. He rounds the platform enough to come into view and grabs onto two of the bars as he teasingly says, "You girls are gonna scare away the customers."

You raise one hand toward him as if threatening to strike him, shouting, "Oh, shut u—" but the word dies as soon as your eyes fall to Jeongguk's knuckles, which are scraped and bloodied.

"Jeongguk, what the fuck?" you ask, reaching for the nearest hand, which he slides away.

Hyejin stands alert, then squats to be at eye-level with Jeongguk, and you fully turn, checking to make sure he has no other cuts or bruises, glad that he seems otherwise perfectly fine.

"Relax," Jeongguk grumbles, tonguing the inside of his mouth while he cracks the knuckles of one fist against his palm, then switches to the other side. "This is nothing; scuff marks. That guy didn't land a single punch before he was lights out."

You sigh but accept that there is nothing you would be able to do to convince Jeongguk not to fuck someone up. It is, after all, something he has likely been trained to do and is celebrated for within the ranks of the family. Still, you hate to see his pretty hands bloodied.

"Well, you know I don't condone violence," Hyejin says, reaching her hands between two bars, smiling when Jeongguk steps closer and allows her to grab onto his wrists. "But I really appreciate you sticking up for me."

"Of course," Jeongguk grumbles, smiling the soft smile that he does when he is attempting to hide the sweetness that festers inside him, threatening to burst. Cute.

With a sigh, Hyejin lifts the wrist that Jeongguk wears his watch on, yanking it close while tilting her head to get a look. "I should go tend to the girls," she grumbles, releasing Jeongguk and standing to give you a kiss on the cheek.

You follow Hyejin's movements, watching which bars are part of the door, nervous that they blend in well enough and that you could be trapped in this cage for the rest of eternity, then you turn back to Jeongguk, who has two hands on two bars, and is staring up at you.

"So," he says, stretching himself tall to speak to you, arching his back and tipping his chin upward. "I was wondering…"

Since you are already in the cage, and Jeongguk had already been a menace to your health and well-being earlier, you decide to take a page out of Hyejin's book and swish your body in an inviting wave as you squat, dragging your hands down the bars but keeping them lifted above your head.

Jeongguk visibly swallows, losing what he was just in the process of saying, and you watch as his eyes trail to where your short skirt hugs your thighs, undoubtedly giving him a view of the black panties you wear underneath. And although you do not mind letting Jeongguk sneak a peek, you are glad that the lights are fairly dim in the club.

"What was that?" you ask, tilting your head to the side and giving a look that feigns innocence.

The expression on Jeongguk's face flashes comically from needy to pained to frustrated, and he huffs out a sigh, shaking his head as if trying to rattle his thoughts free.

"What I was going to say before you so rudely interrupted me, is that we should have dinner soon."

Jeongguk's offer takes a moment to compute, and you stare at him, heavy-blinking, trying to determine whether he is asking you on a date, or if we means more than just the two of you.

"We, as in…"

"You, me, and our men."

"Ah," you respond; that makes sense. "Yeah, we should. That would be fun."

Jeongguk nods, letting his gaze fall once more to your legs before drifting slowly back to your face. "I'll talk to Taehyungah. Perhaps he can host, and I'll cook."

With an incredulous raise of your brow you ask, "Oh, you cook?" in a mocking tone of sheer disbelief.

Jeongguk reaches up and holds his hands over yours, gripping firmly while he leans in, head between the bars and close. From here, you smell his cologne; from here you resist the urge to lean in close and kiss him.

"I happen to be an excellent cook, dollface."

"Is that so?" you ask, voice much less confident than a moment ago.

"That is so," Jeongguk says, then he leans in somehow even closer, making your head spin. "So, it's a date?"

"Yeah," you respond, feeling your heart go wild behind your ribs. "It's a date."

What you did to me made me see the world differently Mis lágrimas se secan solos, solos Pues mírame a los ojos Dime si ves el vacío que deja amor perdido Yo no duermo hasta que mis sueño' están cumplidos Sé que estoy perdiendo, pero el juеgo no ha concluido

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ahhhh!!! how are we feeling??? i presonally really love this chapter. the next one containing the promised smut™ is coming very, very soon!!!! i promise. i was sad to leave Yoongi out of this chapter, and it was not my intention to have a full chapter without him, but it made sense to split the mega chapter this way, and it felt wrong to rush him back without mc taking time to sort her thoughts out and attempt to gain some independence.

thank you for reading!!! 💜💜💜 reblogs and comments make the world go 'round, and likes are nice too!!!

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dwaekkistar · 6 months

Text

Chapter I

I abruptly woke up from my sleep, as I was currently lying in my bed at my family home. I carefully lifted my arm to look at my Apple watch to see that it was 5 a.m. Surely that would give me enough time to get ready before heading off to the JYP headquarters, both of which were in the Gangdong district of Seoul. I was fortunate and happy to live close to the company HQ simply because my commute would be easier than most other trainees. I quietly went to the bathroom connected to my bedroom, I was an only child but the only bathroom in the house shared 3 doors which were the hallway door, the door to my parents' office, and my room. I carefully turned on the shower and took a warm shower all while washing my hair thoroughly. After my shower I excitedly made my way over to my closet, picking out my outfit for practice today, unlike most of the other trainees in the company, I was the oldest having been born earlier half of my generation, which meant I had long since graduated from school and could dedicate most of my time to training and brushing up on new skills. I quickly slipped into my bra and panties, before sliding a short-sleeved black crop top over my head and onto my body. I put on light orange cream-colored sweatpants and my vans with some white ankle socks.

After putting the outfit on I sat at my desk, which was like one of my safe spaces as I spent most of my time there doing my make-up and hair, South Korea was one of those places strict on grooming and the health of your appearance so I gladly took advantage of that. I pulled out my light caramel/almond-colored foundation and applied it, my skin was a Light caramel color as I was biracial coming from a Black American mother and Korean Father, simply put I was blasian. I put on a light but dark nude eye shadow near the edge of my eyes trying to keep it as natural looking as possible and put some pink-tinted lip balm on. I then took out my blow dryer and diffuser connection, as I was gonna wear my long curls out today. After drying my hair all the way, I carefully styled my hair with a side part and headed downstairs to the rest of my house. I practically skipped to the kitchen fridge pulled out some leftover Dakjuk and heated it, swiftly eating the bowl of food as I didn't want to be late. I finished the food grabbed a water bottle and a light soft coat and headed out, locking the door behind me.

When I finally got to the HQ I swiped my Trainee ID at the entrance and went upstairs to the practice room. A few other girls around my age were in the practice room already going at it practicing whatever choreography came to their mind. I set my bag down, as it contained my water bottle, a small cute blue agenda with butterflies on it, and some other necessities I packed for the session today. A girl from the group walked up to me, and I quickly recognized that it was Nata, who was the only Korean trainee besides me who was bilingual.

"Hey Jade," she said softly, "wanna practice Mamamoo's HIP with us ?" I softly nodded as I walked over trying to figure out their formation and placements.

"How do you feel about doing Hwasa's part?" one of the other girls I wasn't all too familiar with asked. I put my thumbs up and smiled, "I'll take it." Nata then put the song on, and we all four got into our positions and began dancing full out while singing. By the time we were done with the song, one of the girls was coated in a light layer of sweat, indicating that this was probably the highest intensity in choreography she'd done.

"Can we do Dalla Dalla next?" I said excitedly, as the previous song had gotten me a bit hyped. "It's been a while since we've seen the girls since their debut, and we're not gonna see the others until they leave school."

"But Dalla Dalla is even more intense!" the same girl who was sweating blurted out.

" You can sit this one out if you want, " Nata said trailing off a bit in response, "the rest of us want to do this one." The girl then sat off to the side pulling out her phone. I quietly thought to myself that the girl wouldn't debut any time soon if she kept that mentality up. Yeah, it's good to know your limits, but you would never be able to know what performance intensity you're able to reach if you don't even bother trying. I thought to myself some more, realizing I wanted to practice My facial expressions, as duality was becoming a big thing in the industry at the moment, I noticed stans from some of the groups I followed liked when their idol was able to switch their demeanor in the blink of an eye, and deemed that a quality and effect I wanted to have on any of my future fans. Nata then quickly started playing the song, me and her and the last girl who I vaguely remember as Seumin getting into position, they allowed me to take the role of Yeji, who I dearly missed training with, if only I was as good enough to debut with her and the others. We started dancing full-out and singing, eventually reaching the part of the song where Yeji says My Life where she does her iconic dance move while also giving my best facial expressions when Bang Chan silently entered the practice room witnessing us.

"Oh!" he said taken back a bit with his hands raised. " I didn't know all of you girls were capable of this intensity"

"This was expected from you though Jade," he said beginning to point at me. "Speaking of, JYP sent me to come and get you— we were discussing some things and he wanted you in his office." Confused I got up and picked my bag up following quietly behind Chan. He was one of my seniors who was pretty comfortable with me as were both around each other occasionally whenever he interacted with Ryujin and Yeji. He viewed the members of Itzy like they were his little sisters. But he also liked being around me when he had the chance because I was one of the few female trainees who spoke English, so it gave us something in common when we first met. He swiftly turned towards me as we walked to Jyp's office and shot me his usual soft smile.

"I hope you know you have nothing to worry or be nervous about," he said gently patting my shoulder. His words seemed to calm my nerves down a lot as I was worried that maybe I was being kicked out of the company. It made me think about how Chan's group had recently just lost a member, as Woojin decided to leave the group and company for some odd reason. The other girls tried to find out for weeks what his reasoning was, but the gossip dropped dead when they couldn't get any leads on info. We finally got to JYP's office and Chan carefully opened the door letting me go through first.

"Hello Jade," he said quickly, " I have some good news for you Today you're debuting in a group." "What do you mean?" I said confused, as Chan took a seat in one of the chairs in front of us. Following suit, I sat in the chair anxiously tapping my foot. How could I be debuting if he just debuted a girl group and told the rest of us that he didn't think we were ready to be seen by the public yet? At that same moment, Chan looked over at me with a big grin. "I think I'll let Chan tell you!" Jyp said eagerly. "You're debuting into Stray kids Jade, " Chan said softly with a chuckle. I stared wide-eyed at Chan for some time, trying to fully process the info I had just been told. "No way this has got to be a prank?!" I said still in shock, Chan shook his head signifying that he was very serious. "What did I even do to deserve such a thing ?" I said trying to regain my composure while also figuring out how they came to such a decision.

"You're like the only current female trainee close to our age besides the members of Itzy who can match up with our stamina and intensity in performance Jade," he said nonchalantly with a smirk, "that and you have the vocal range to complete us."

"He was telling me that the next girl group he was planning to debut was going to be a cutesy spin on girl crush," he continued, "and I didn't want him to waste your visuals and vocals on a group concept I don't think you fit." I softly mouthed Oh, finally catching on to why this took place. "So what do I or what do we do now?" I said unsure of what the procedure was after being debuted.

"You sign your contract, and begin to move into the group dorm," JYP said butting back into the conversation as he placed the contract on the table in front of me with a pen next to it. I quickly but thoroughly read the contract, not wanting to sign myself into a deal that fucked me over. When I determined that I liked what was on the paper I swiftly Signed it eager to go back home and pack my things.

"Do you want me to help you get your stuff or would you prefer staff do it?" Chan said shyly with a soft smile on his face.

"I think I'll let the staff help me," I said softly with a light blush at his offer, " I don't want to burden you with helping me settle in."

" I don't mind helping you Jade," he said softly, " Especially since you're now my group member and my full responsibility."

I carefully got up from my seat, thanking Chan on my way out. I quickly headed home, excited to tell my parents the news. I got to the door of my home, pulled my keys out, and unlocked the door. I quickly slipped inside, calling out for my parents as I closed the door behind me.

"Eomma! Appa! I have some good news for you!" I yelled, not sure of their location within the house. I was starting to get slightly giddy at the thought of being with stray kids, not that I knew them that well.. but just the thought of having a group of people I would spend the next few years with, that would potentially become like a second family gave me a warm soft feeling in my tummy that I couldn't explain.

" Yes sweetie," my mom said coming out of the kitchen. She smelled a little of soul food, which let me know she was most likely making macaroni and such and those happened to be my favorite foods. My dad came down the stairs a few minutes later with a huge heart-warming smile.

"How's my cute little daughter?" he said as he engulfed me in a soft hug.

"Well," I said not able to contain my smile anymore, " I'm debuting!" I softly jumped up not able to contain my excitement.

"You Are?!" Both my parents said in shock as they almost broke their necks to look at me.

"Yes, I am!" I said with the biggest grin on my face, "I just have to start packing to move into the dorm soon."

" Well that's great!" my dad said enthusiastically, "What's the name of the group? I didn't think your company would debut a girl group so quickly after Itzy."

"Uhm..." I started nervously, "About that, it's not a new girl group."

"Why'd you start speaking Korean sweetie?" my dad gave me a confused look. " What do you mean it's not a new group unless he debuted you as a new member in itzy or something?"

" He didn't, He debuted me in Stray Kids." I blurted out quickly. My parents looked at me shocked my mom's mouth wide open and dad's eyes wide.

"He debuted you in a group with 9 boys ?!?" Both my parents yelled in unison.

"8 boys. Woojin left the company a week or two ago. " I said sheepishly

"Are you sure you're gonna be able to handle that? " My mom asked slightly concerned. "Wouldn't their choreography be a bit more stamina-draining since they're boys? "

"I think that's why they chose me to debut with them." I said confidently, " I'm like one of the three Female trainees in the company that can keep up with the boys stamina-wise. Even Bang Chan thinks my stamina and performance is intense."

"Okay if you say you can handle it then we will leave it to you." my dad said with a proud smile before hugging me one more time. "Just come eat dinner before you start."

After eating my dinner I quickly went upstairs and started packing my things. I didn't have much like most people would, I had like 6-9 pairs of jeans and 6 pairs of skirts all of which I packed in my suitcase. I packed my sweatpants as I was definitely gonna need those, and all of my sweaters, hoodies, and tops. I then packed all of my shoes, from my Converse and vans to my high-top retro 1's and my Demonia Camel 305 boots which practically took up all the leftover clothing space in my suitcase. On the lid area of the suitcase I packed all my undergarments such as my bras and panties and 2 boxers I acquired sometime during high school when I wanted to be more comfortable. I then removed my smaller travel bag from my empty closet and packed all my makeup, my flat iron, phone accessories, chargers, jewelry collection, and laptop into it. As I was placing my bags by my bedroom door, assuming I would move in first thing tomorrow I got a message. It was from one of the managers of my trainee teams.

Chat: Sua.mgt

Sua.mgt: Hey Jade, the company and stray kids wanted you to move in by tonight, It seems they have a lot of work to do for their postponed album comeback and they wanted everyone to be able to get right into their schedule first thing in the morning. I also got promoted as I'm now your individual manager so I'll be walking around with the other managers and staff stray kids have in public.

Crystal_Jade:

Oh okay that's cool, I thought I was gonna be able to rest in my bed at home one more time but that's fine.

I smiled as I sent the last message a bit excited about what was to come soon, immediately heading to my parents to tell them the update. Upon hearing it they hugged me tightly and wished me good luck before helping me bring my stuff downstairs to wait for the staff to come get me. I looked down at my phone and it was about 9 pm which was kind of late but not really late, I assume they all must have eaten dinner before deciding to come get me.

Sooner or later I heard a soft knock at the door. I got up excitedly opening the door to Sua at my doorstep and a black van with tinted windows parked in front of my house. As I did so she pointed. "Welp, here's your ride and your help," She said with a giggle. As she finished her sentence about 2 people came out of the van followed by Chan who seemed to be wearing a mask and cap. Probably a safety measure to not be recognized in public by saesangs.

"Hey Jade," he said quietly as he walked towards me and Sua, " that's the other manager and our bodyguard, I really wanted to help you move into the dorm." I couldn't see his mouth but I'm sure if I could he would have had the biggest and cutest smile on his face. I then carefully pulled out my luggage and travel bag and tried to walk to the van before Chan stopped just a few steps out the door.

"Hey I told you I wanted to help you," he said excitedly as he went to grab my suitcase accidentally coming into contact with my hand, and then carried it into the van. I quietly followed him as I tried to hide the blush on my face. When I got into the van the managers all sat in the back next to my belongings leaving the only available spots next to Chan. I looked back at Sua to see if she wanted to sit between me and Chan but she instead ushered me into the car and told me to prepare my to put my mask on for when we got to the dorm in case of any saesangs being around. I carefully sat next to Chan as my anxiety was at 100. ' Why am I even feeling like this next to him, I'm usually never this nervous around Chan, I mean before this I was only really seeing him here and there but still.' I thought to myself. To calm my nerves I pulled my phone out and started scrolling through my social media. Sometime during the ride, I could feel someone's eyes on me so I looked up to see Chan carefully glancing at me. It's like he was trying to make sure I was okay or something. We eventually got to the dorm after two hours it was about 11 p.m. so I put my mask on.

Everyone got out of the van and before I could pick up any of my things myself Chan was already picking them up and bringing them inside for me. I followed behind everyone shyly to the elevator to get to the dorm not knowing what to expect when I got there. We eventually got to the dorm and Sua gave me a little pep talk before the other manager and bodyguard told us they had to part ways until tomorrow. Sua and Chan walked into the dorm after he unlocked the door so I followed them until they both stopped. It seemed like we were in a common room, which was probably the living room of the place.

"Hey guys," he said sheepishly with his hands softly rubbing the back of his neck," this is one of the new managers, Sua, and behind her and I is our new member Jade." As he finished saying his statement Sua waved and then moved to the side so I could greet everyone. I shyly waved, cowarding a bit kind of afraid to look up and not really knowing what to expect. Bang Chan then took off his mask and inched closer to me softly resting his hands on my shoulder.

"I Know you're nervous but you should still look up and at least greet your members," he whispered a bit worried, " I don't want the guys to get the impression of you y'know?"

In response to what he whispered I carefully looked up at the rest of the group and greeted them properly introducing myself.

"Woah she's pretty!" they all said in Unison, their voices dripping in shock.

"Oh by the way Felix," Chan said stepping forward a bit, getting closer to the group, "She speaks English."

"Oh? Really?" the lavender-haired one said looking a bit more shocked than he was a minute ago.

"Yeah, I speak English, " I said with a giggle, " I was born in America and moved here when I was like twelve." "Oh shit you guys weren't bluffing," he said wide-eyed. One of the boys with dark-colored hair snapped his head in Felix's direction upon hearing the curse word and it made me immediately giggle. " Well, I should probably carry Jade's things to her room," he said gently, " let her get settled in." All the boys nodded in response, and Chan began to walk off to my room gesturing for me to follow him. We eventually stopped in front of a black door and he opened it. The room was very plain like they left it that way so that it could be decorated the way the occupant wanted it to be. Chan carefully set my travel bag on my bed and my suitcase at the foot of the bed. "Uhm would you like me to help you unpack so you can go to bed quicker, It is getting pretty late," He said timidly, his face slightly flushed. " You don't have to, I'll probably unpack when I get the chance," I replied softly, a yawn following immediately right after as I covered my mouth. "Thank you though." "My pleasure," he said with a cheerful smile as I could now hear the Australian accent of his clear as day, "I'm gonna let you get ready for bed now then." And with that Chan left the room. I carefully unpacked my travel bag as it was much easier since everything was already separated, deciding the suitcase would be dealt with whenever I had a break in my soon-to-be chaotic schedule. Opening up my suitcase I pulled out my pajamas, soft silk shorts, and a tank top along with some underwear. My phone then buzzed in my pocket, so I set my clothing down and checked it.

Unknown number: Hey this is Chan, I just realized I forgot to tell you where the bathroom is. Uhm it's the White door in the middle of all the black doors. The towels and stuff should be in the toiletries cabinet. With that, I immediately saved his number picked my clothes up, and headed to the bathroom. I pulled out a towel and washcloth and took a thorough shower, feeling refreshed, and put on my clothes turning the bathroom light off as I walked out. It was pretty somewhat dark in the hall but I remembered where my room was. On my way there I slightly bumped into someone and despite being confused about who it was since the person was a lot taller than me than Chan was I immediately apologized not wanting to offend them. It was then that they used a phone to create a source of light and I could see it was Hyunjin, the idol that I usually avoid in the company because his visuals made me way too giddy to think straight. I could never have a normal conversation with him when I first met him because it's like my brain would just temporarily shut down. I one time forgot how to chew food and choked in the company cafeteria when he sat about a foot away from me and said hi. He softly smirked when he saw that it was me.

"Oh it's you," he said smugly, " I should have realized it was since you have such a petite-sized body compared to me." "Oh" was all I could make out, and it was at that moment I was so glad that the hallways were dark and that I was more tan than the typical Korean as I was blushing madly. "Did you just come from the bathroom?" he said curiously. I couldn't quite tell his intentions with that specific question so I answered anyway not wanting to assume he had any ill intent. "Yeah, I did. Why?" I said sheepishly.

"Oh, nothing, I should probably let you head off to bed then it's pretty late and we have a lot of music recording to do tomorrow," he said smirking once again as he walked off. All I could do was stare at him wide-eyed. I wasn't really prepared to be recording music so soon. I walked back to my bedroom and quickly headed to bed setting my alarm on my phone for 5 am.

#skz #stray kids #stray kids fic #straykids fanfic #9th member of skz #kpop fanfic #kpop #fanfic #female original character #skz x 9th member #skz x female reader #skz x female original character #straykids x original female chracter #fanfiction #cross posted on ao3 #cross posted on wattpad

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